SA speakeasy

This 6 minute meditation is for Christians in recovery for sexual addiction. It is for those who find business trips and hotels to be particularly dangerous for relapse. This meditation is to help you focus as soon as you enter your hotel room. If you think this is helpful and would like more meditations, please let me know and I will do my best to create them. For example, are there any situations or moods where you need a specific meditation to stay focused in your sex addiction recovery? You may email me at roykimcoaching@gmail.com Please subscribe and tell a friend to support more meditations To listen to this meditation in video form, check out: https://youtu.be/AbOWLhBe6dU ---------------------------------------­­­­­­--------------------- DISCLAIMER: By using our content, you understand and agree that neither Roy Kim nor any persons associated with him have any liability to you for any injury or loss you may suffer in connection with any content we may post.

This 6 minute meditation is for Christians in recovery for sexual addiction. It can be used as an everyday guide for practicing the presence of God, holding every thought captive, and supplementing your recovery work. If you think this is helpful and would like more meditations, please let me know and I will do my best to create them. For example, are there any situations or moods where you need a specific meditation to stay focused in your sex addiction recovery? You may email me at roykimcoaching@gmail.com Please subscribe and tell a friend to support more meditations To listen to these meditations in video form, check out: https://youtu.be/BDC4AlwDT9E ---------------------------------------­­­­­­--------------------- DISCLAIMER: By using our content, you understand and agree that neither Roy Kim nor any persons associated with him have any liability to you for any injury or loss you may suffer in connection with any content we may post.

Navigating regular life in a White world as a Black female is a lot in itself. Add sex addiction on top of that, and you have to answer major questions, such as Where do I belong? Is there something even more broken about me than the next person? In this episode, I have the privilege to speak with Kathy Garland, author of In Search of a Salve: Memoir of a Sex Addict. Some of our talking points: The problem of sex addiction as largely viewed as a male issue. Men get away with a lot of things. Women not so much. The importance of identifying your emotions and sitting through it. Black men and women are taught to be strong, which then leads to emotional deafness Unhealthy relationship patterns.  Christians and their difficulty setting boundaries Is God ashamed of those of us with sex addictions? What is it like to keep secrets and live a double life? Our bodies react to our traumas and our secrets. Being 40 but functioning like a hurt little 16 year old. Kathy's advice to women with sex addiction Kathy's book is a must read! Her memoir will make many of you feel you're not alone. She puts words to many thoughts that we hesitate to utter, but in so doing, releasing the shame word by word. Her contribution as a Black female is essential, and I hope you will support her! https://www.newreadspub.com/in-search-of-a-salve kegarland.com kwoted.wordpress.com navigatingthechange.com writingendeavors.org   Music credit: George Street Shuffle by Kevin Macleod

"I have no desire for sex. I can't even hold hands or sit close to that person." "Is there something wrong with me if I can't feel sexual anymore?" "I keep comparing myself to the other people my partner cheated with"   It is common and normal for someone to be adversely affected in their sexuality after being betrayed. It's also quite terrible. But there is hope. Christene Lozano (Certified Sex Addiction Therapist and Certified Sex Therapist) joins me to talk about how a partner's sexual betrayal can affect someone's own sexuality. She also provides some tips on how to start healing.   Some of our talking points: How can the betrayer respond in a healthy way? Can ethnicity matter when it comes to trauma response? Why do some betrayed partners become hyper-sexual after betrayal? Many partners feel they've been robbed of their sexual self Is there such a thing as healthy masturbation? How does a partner begin to reclaim their sexuality?   Learn more about Christene: www.merakicounselingservices.com Learn more about Roy: www.newlegacycounseling.com  

Sex and Love Addiction afflicts men and women alike. Unfortunately society places the bulk of the attention on the men who struggle, leaving women with the question: What about us?  Kim Hudson is my guest today, helping me discuss the topic of female sex and love addiction. She is a Certified Sex Addiction therapist practicing in the Baltimore area.  Here are some of the topics we discuss: The "Otherness" that female SLAs experience Male privilege The symptoms that female SLAs experience Women are hunters, too The horrible feeling of being a bad mom The unfair higher moral standard for women Perfectionism and shame Email Kim: kimh@roguerivercounseling.com Email Roy: roy@newlegacycounseling.com      

6 Asian Americans murdered. Doesn't that make this a hate crime against Asians? The victims were women. Doesn't this make this misogyny? This massacre happened in a year of rising hate crimes against Asians. Doesn't this crime fit the mold? Is the sex addiction statement just another example of White murderers getting off the hook? Huge questions. Huge topics. Joining me in discussing this horrible event are Edwina Reyes and Christene Lozano. They are Certified Sex Addiction therapists, as well as Asian American women. We offer our contributions to the discussion from a lens under-represented in media and social media.  www.edwinareyes.com www.merakicounselingservices.com www.newlegacycounseling.com  

Perhaps you have decided to disclose to your partner (or your partner has given you an ultimatum) the whole truth about your secret behaviors, so that your partner knows everything and does not need to keep searching for answers. How do you go about doing it in the most healthy and helpful way possible? Thankfully, assistance is at hand. Dan Drake joins me to share about the enormously helpful resource that he and Janice Caudill created. It is a set of workbooks that guide a therapist and couple step by step through the Full Disclosure process. There is no one right way to do it, so the steps include options to consider so that every unique situation has a chance to adjust accordingly.  The primary book we discuss today is called Full Disclosure: How to Share the Truth After Sexual Betrayal. It is a tremendous contribution to the sex addiction field.  Contact Dan: dan@banyantherapy.com or visit his website www.banyantherapy.com Contact Roy: roy@newlegacycounseling.com  or visit his website www.newlegacycounseling.com  

Dan Drake, the founder and director of Banyan Therapy Group, joins me to talk about COVID19 and its impact on the recovery path of sexual addicts and their traumatized partners.  Contact Dan at dan@banyantherapy.com, and visit his website: www.banyantherapy.com Contact Roy at roy@newlegacycounseling.com and visit his website: www.newlegacycounseling.com  

Chris Williams and I discuss the essential yet often frightening topic of intimacy. Some of the questions we cover: What are the pros and cons of allowing someone to know all of me? Would you rather be admired, or loved? What effect does social media have on intimacy? What is a surefire way to increase intimacy? How well does the church handle true intimacy? Do pastors struggle with sex addiction? What does Andy Crouch mean when he defines vulnerability as meaningful risk? Learn more about Chris' counseling services at www.renovaricounseling.com  Learn more about Roy at www.newlegacycounseling.com 

Whether they realize it or not, at the core of nearly every sex addict are 4 fundamental beliefs: I am a bad person, unworthy of love No one will accept me if they really knew me I cannot count on others to meet my needs My most important need is sex Keaton Kleiner and I discuss these 4 beliefs and how these beliefs shape the course of a sex addict's life.  http://www.citycarecounseling.org/our-counselors https://www.newlegacycounseling.com  

Do you know the difference between a sex addict and a sex offender? Sometimes they are one and the same. Other times they are not. My guest on this episode is Charla Thorstad, a sex offender specialist, and she will help shed light on the very important topic of sex offense. *Note: The website www.saspeakeasy.com will phase out and its contents will be subsumed under www.newlegacycounseling.com.

Some people have full blown porn and sex addictions. Without proper treatment, they will likely live a life laden with shame and destruction. But what about the other people who don't quite qualify for an addiction? What if their behaviors are "merely problematic?" I discuss this issue with Heather Seguin of Clear Choice Counseling, who specializes in sex addiction treatment, as well as helping the partners of sex addicts.  Key talking points: Do people need treatment if they "only" have problematic behavior? If so, what does that treatment look like? The difficulty of getting out of isolation if we never learned social skills The importance of finding a specialist in therapy is similar to finding a specialist in the medical field. www.newlegacycounseling.com www.clearchoicecounseling.com  [Editor's note: Heather's office is now in Upland, CA]

What happens when we combine sex with substance use? Many report that the sexual experience is exponentially better than "normal" sex. It makes sense that once experiencing this combination, one would keep wanting to go back to it. Andy Park (LMFT and Certified Multiple Addiction Therapist) and I discuss the appeal and tragedy of combining sex and drugs. Some of the topics and questions we cover: Why do substance addicts tend to also have a sex addiction? How do drugs spoil sexual experiences in the future? How much do substance addicts connect with their partners while high? Mistaking intensity for intimacy The haunting question for addicts: Why do I do what I do? How to provide treatment for someone who is addicted to both What sobriety feels like for someone committed to treatment  

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Tony Ramynke rejoins me to discuss the cost of sex addiction treatment. More importantly, we discuss the potential cost of NOT getting treatment. We also talk about the common occurrence of multiple factors underlying a sex addiction that need to be assessed and treated. Some of the questions we address in this episode: Why isn't sobriety the ultimate goal of sex addiction therapy? Can we be depressed and/or anxious and not know it? What's the connection between sexually acting out and depression/anxiety? What is the monetary value of living shame-free and lie-free? Of being able to see your kids everyday? Find Tony at www.yourtherapistanthony.com Find Roy at www.newlegacycounseling.com 

Chris Williams (Licensed Marriage/Family Therapist & Co-Host of New Life Live) rejoins me to discuss how sex addiction is emotional deafness.    Some of the topics we cover: Why ignoring our feelings is a mistake. How to experience love at a deeper level. Why many men struggle with anger management and empathy. What happens when we squash our children's emotions. Porn during bad times, porn during good times. Why it's hard to delight in simple pleasures and blessings.   Contact Chris at www.renovaricounseling.com Contact Roy at www.newlegacycounseling.com

Keaton Kleiner (an LMHP in Omaha, Nebraska) and I discuss the difference between coping with life's struggles in what he coins a "lazy versus intentional" way. We find that it's important to know the difference because sex addicts can help themselves recover by learning intentional ways to cope with hardship.  Some of the topics we discuss: Why alcohol and pornography are some of the lazy skills Why even certain ways of "using God" can be lazy! Why masturbating leads to feelings of despair Why we end up substituting one addiction for another addiction How do we intentionally cope with life? One interesting intervention: Go ahead and view porn, but on one condition... How do people even get started being intentional when they have never learned how? The importance, and even the necessity, of group therapy. You can find Keaton at www.citycarecounseling.org/keaton-kleiner See you in the forum at www.saspeakeasy.com! 

Grace Erickson and I discuss the significance of spirituality when treating sex addiction. Grace is currently one of the few, if not only, Catholic sex addiction therapists in the Seattle area. Some of the issues we talk about in this episode: Can God love me even if I repeat sexual sins? The high number of men who lack meaningful friendships. The deep guilt and shame of sex addicts. The amazing strengths of our clients. The real hope that sex addicts have to become sexually healthy.   Hope to see you in the forum at www.saspeakeasy.com!  

Bill Schuilenberg and I discuss the blueprint of sex addiction recovery. We make no bones about the length of the process and what it requires. We also revel in the true hope it offers for men and women who desperately want to overcome their sex addiction. Some of the questions we discuss are: Is sex addiction common? What happens during the assessment portion of sex addiction therapy? Why is the relationship between the therapist and the client so important? What is one of the most difficult parts of sex addiction treatment? How effective is group therapy? How long does it take to overcome sex addiction? Bill practices in Kelowna, British Columbia and his website is: https://www.wacs.ca See you inside the forum at www.saspeakeasy.com  

This is such an important question, with many significant implications. Sometimes we want to tell our loved one to relieve our conscience. Sometimes we feel forced to tell. Other times we panic and we will say whatever to protect ourselves, or even our partner. Whatever the reason, there are effective ways to tell our partner, and absolutely ineffective ways to tell our partner. It's crucial to know the difference! In this episode, I interview Matt Kreiner from Bull City Psychotherapy in Durham, North Carolina. We discuss the ever important concept of the Formal Disclosure. We cover topics and questions such as: Dangers of staggered disclosure (telling information in separate chunks over time) If I disclose everything, won't my partner leave me? What if I lose custody of the kids? What are the benefits in telling the truth? When should I tell my significant other? What does a formal disclosure meeting look like? It's our hope that this episode will give you valuable things to consider, that will eventually lead to you making the wisest choice possible. You can learn more about Matt's work at www.bullcitypsychotherapy.com, or reach him at matt@bullcitypsychotherapy.com

"I just need to pray more." This is what many Christians struggling with sex addictions think is the key to overcoming their problem. It's also the advice they hear from many well-meaning advisers. The trouble is, praying more almost never makes a sex addiction go away. This leads to greater distress, guilt, shameful thoughts, and twisted feelings about God.  Heather Seguin and Roy discuss this and some of the most common patterns they see in Christians with sex addictions. Looking forward to receiving your comments and questions in the Forum! 

According to Patrick Carnes, there are close to 200 different identified behaviors that are associated with sex addiction, categorized into 10 types. In this episode, I will discuss these 10 types. You will hopefully gain some insight into what you are doing. After all, if we don't know what we are doing, it's that much harder to do something about it! I look forward to answering any questions you may have in the SA speakeasy forum. www.saspeakeasy.com

Sex addiction is often a result of many years of trying to deal with emotional and relational pain. Andy Park and I discuss the effective pain treatment called EMDR when working with sex addicts. Andy is a licensed marriage and family therapist, as well as a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, practicing in Southern California. Andy's website is www.andyparkmft.com

In this 4th podcast episode, Certified Sex Addiction Therapist Tony Ramynke and I discuss the link between sex addiction and loneliness. We feel it has something to do with attachment. Of course, this does not describe every person with a sex addiction, but we find this to be true of the majority of sufferers. What a horrible feeling it is to be lonely. Constantly. Tony and I have found that the addict can find amazing new ways to attach through the therapeutic relationship and through the power of groups. Tony practices in Newport Beach, CA. Here's his website: www.yourtherapistanthony.com Looking forward to hearing your questions and comments in the Forum!

Chris Williams and I discuss how one's past pains and traumas affect our sex addictions, and how sex addiction itself is a traumatic event. Sex addiction is the escape from pain that causes even greater pain. Chris talks about how a line in the movie We Bought a Zoo resonated with him, that it only takes 20 seconds of insane courage to get on the road to recovery. Chris is the founder and Chief Guidance Officer of Renovari Counseling in Brea, California. He is also a frequent co-host on the New Life Live broadcast. If you have any questions or comments, please share them in the Forum!

  Episode 2 of the SA speakeasy podcast. I will go over the different criteria associated with a sex addiction, and how many of these criteria one would have to meet in order to qualify for a sex addiction. Bring all your questions and comments to the Forum!

A look at how my history with sex addiction got started.