Podcasts about Betrayal trauma

This episode (336) explores the painful and complicated reality of a young betrayed partner who is trying to recover from betrayal trauma while also carrying childhood trauma and her own history with porn/sex addiction. We begin by validating the sheer complexity of her situation and making clear that she is not crazy, cursed, or hopelessly broken. When betrayal trauma, early trauma, and addiction collide, each one can intensify the others, making the internal experience feel overwhelming and chaotic. At the same time, we explain that these are not necessarily three unrelated problems requiring three separate full-time recoveries. Instead, they are often connected parts of one larger system that needs an integrated healing plan.A central message of the article is that trauma and addiction cannot be treated only at the level of symptoms. Betrayal trauma responses are often attempts to find safety, truth, and protection from further harm. Childhood trauma responses may be old survival strategies that once helped a person endure neglect, abuse, or instability. Addiction often develops as a way to numb, escape, regulate, or cope with overwhelming emotional pain. Using the lens of Internal Family Systems, we describe how wounded parts and protective parts can drive behaviors that may look irrational, destructive, or confusing on the surface, but actually have a deeper protective logic underneath. Reasons are never excuses, but understanding those reasons gives individuals and couples a better map for healing.The article also emphasizes that this partner's own addiction does not cancel out her betrayal pain, and her betrayal trauma does not excuse her own addictive behaviors. Both realities must be held together with honesty, compassion, accountability, and boundaries. We encourage her to begin not by trying to fix everything at once, but by stabilizing her nervous system, building support outside the relationship, stopping ongoing harm, and creating a paced recovery plan. If the relationship itself is constantly destabilizing, a structured break or carefully defined boundaries may be helpful, but only with clear purpose, goals, support, and re-evaluation. Ultimately, the message is one of hope: this situation is complex, but not hopeless; layered, but not impossible; and genuine healing can begin one courageous, supported step at a time.For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to:   Betrayal Trauma, Childhood Trauma & My Own Addiction—Where Do I Even Start?Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Send us Fan MailI wish someone had warned me about this after betrayal.Not about cheaters. Not about red flags. Not about whether to stay or leave. But about what betrayal was going to reveal about me.In this episode of The Dimple Bindra Show, we go beyond the surface of betrayal and into something much deeper:The moment you realize you may have been betraying yourself long before anyone else did.This is not about blame. This is about power.Because the most painful part of betrayal is not just what someone else did — it's recognizing how often you ignored your own voice, your intuition, your needs… just to keep things stable.In this episode, Dimple explores: • How self-betrayal begins long before external betrayal • The subtle ways women override their intuition and truth • Why ignoring discomfort disconnects you from yourself • The difference between awareness and self-blame • How to rebuild self-trust after betrayalAnd most importantly, the shift that changes everything:This moment is not asking you to focus on them. It's asking you to come back to yourself.You'll walk away with three powerful internal declarations: • I will no longer ignore my body • I will trust discomfort as information • I will not silence my truth to keep the peaceThis episode is for you if: • You've ever doubted your intuition after betrayal • You ignored red flags and are now questioning yourself • You're ready to rebuild self-trust without self-blameHere's the truth: Your betrayal didn't happen because you weren't enough. It happened because you were disconnected from yourself.And this is where everything changes.Follow Dimple Bindra here!✨ Not sure why you keep choosing pain over peace? Take the free WHY YOU GOT BETRAYED QUIZ and uncover the pattern you didn't even know was holding you back.If you can't eat, can't sleep, and keep replaying the betrayal in your head, this book was written for this exact moment. Pre-order Betrayal ER™ on Amazon.

In this episode, Marnie speaks with Candice Christiansen about navigating betrayal trauma through the lens of neuro-difference, an incredibly important topic we have not focused on before on the Helping Couples Heal Podcast. Together, they explore why traditional recovery models may not always meet the needs of individuals and couples navigating autism, ADHD, trauma, and betrayal.Candice shares both her personal story and more than two decades of clinical experience supporting neuro-different adults and couples. Together, she and Marnie explore how betrayal trauma can impact neuro-different nervous systems, why a neuro-affirming approach can be an important part of recovery, and how couples can begin understanding each other's communication styles, sensory experiences, and expressions of empathy with clarity and compassion.Their conversation also touches on the added complexity of betrayal trauma when autism or ADHD may be present, common misunderstandings around empathy and emotional processing, and how healing often requires individualized support rather than a one-size-fits-all approach. Throughout the episode, Candice offers compassion, clarity, and hope for individuals and couples navigating betrayal trauma alongside neuro-difference, and reinforces that healing looks different for every person. Meaningful support and connection are possible.Resources Mentioned in This EpisodeLearn more about Candice and her work here: CandiceChristiansen.comVisit the Namaste Center for Healing here: Namasté Center for HealingInterested in Candice's book Love, Sex & Autism? Learn more and purchase here: Love, Sex & AutismCandice mentions Embrace Autism as a helpful resource for autism education and self-screening tools: Embrace Autism WebsiteInterested in Candice's Autism Self-Screening Tool? Reach out to her at candice@namasteadvice.comWant to connect with us? Click here to schedule your free 15-minute call.

What really happens to your mind, body and sense of reality when the person you trusted most betrays you? Why is it so hard to get over?Jill is joined by her co-host for this episode — model, actress, author and activist Carre Otis and together they deep dive into Betrayal Trauma to understand why it hurts so differently than any other pain.Whether betrayed through infidelity, deception, addiction or abuse — you are not alone. Up to 70-80% of all women experience betrayal trauma at some point in their lives.Our guest is Jennifer Acker — a Certified Partner-Trauma Therapist and Certified Sex Addiction Therapist specializing in attachment, trauma and relational healing. Jennifer's work centers on one powerful idea — that healing begins when we repair our relationship with ourselves.In this episode we talk about:What really is Betrayal TraumaThe physical and emotional shock of discoveryHypervigilance and the FBI mindsetThe role of shame on both partnersThe gateway nature of pornographyHealing timelineReclaiming the relationship with yourselfShare this with any friend who might need this conversation.For more information on this episode go to our website ⁠The New Feminist.⁠Connect with us:⁠Follow the New Feminist on Instagram.⁠⁠Follow Jill Sorensen on Instagram.

What happens when ADHD and betrayal trauma collide in the same family? This episode is one of the most important conversations we've had on the podcast — and it's one that doesn't get talked about enough in the recovery space.Hali Roderick, CPC, ACC, sits down with two incredible therapists to unpack how ADHD shows up across every part of the betrayal trauma family system — from the person with problematic sexual behaviors, to the betrayed partner, to the children caught in the middle.Monifa Ellis-Addie, LMFT, CSAT, CCSP Monifa is a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in anxiety and intimacy issues that spawn from incongruences in sexuality. Her work supports individuals navigating the complex process of healing after sexual betrayal. Website: Banyon Therapy Group Instagram:  @intimateanswers Podcast: Hope & Healing ChatsMorgan Ellsworth, LAMFT, CCSP Morgan is a therapist who specializes in supporting individuals navigating the impact of betrayal trauma within family systems. She is especially passionate about helping teen and adult children process the complexities of betrayal in the family system, while also supporting parents as they learn how to best care for and support their children through the healing process.  Website:  Ellsworth Family Therapy  Instagram: @healing.betrayed.families Podcast: Healing Betrayed FamiliesEnjoyed This Episode?If this conversation resonated with you, here are three ways you can support the show:⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Leave a Review

Have you ever experienced a betrayal that completely shook your sense of self? In this powerful conversation, we sit down with betrayal recovery expert Dr. Debi Silber to unpack why betrayal cuts so deeply, how it impacts our mental, emotional, and physical health, and what it really takes to heal. If you've ever felt stuck replaying the past, struggling to trust again, or wondering why certain wounds seem impossible to move beyond, this episode is for you.Together, we explore Dr. Debi's groundbreaking research on post-betrayal transformation, the surprising symptoms of post-betrayal syndrome, and the five predictable stages of healing. Most importantly, we talk about what's possible on the other side of heartbreak, loss, and disappointment—and why your greatest growth may still be ahead of you. Episode Highlights[0:03] - We introduce Dr. Debi Silber and the life-changing topic of post-betrayal transformation.[2:44] - Dr. Debi shares her personal story of family and marital betrayal that led her to study betrayal recovery.[4:07] - The first major discovery from her research: why betrayal is different from other forms of trauma.[6:01] - How betrayal destroys trust in others—and in ourselves—and why trust must be rebuilt, not repaired.[10:45] - Signs of unhealed betrayal, including repeated relationship patterns, poor boundaries, and emotional self-protection.[16:38] - The surprising symptoms of post-betrayal syndrome and how betrayal impacts physical, mental, and emotional health.[19:28] - Dr. Debi reveals the five stages of healing from betrayal and why so many people get stuck in survival mode.[24:31] - We discuss numbing, emotional eating, overworking, and other coping strategies that keep people trapped in stage three.[29:03] - Four powerful questions to help identify where you're stuck and begin moving toward healing.[32:24] - Why awareness, honesty, and self-reflection are essential for creating lasting transformation.[35:40] - “Hard now, easy later. Easy now, hard later.” Dr. Debi shares a simple mantra for healing and growth.[37:27] - The three groups of people who did not heal in Dr. Debi's research—and the lessons we can learn from them.[39:40] - What life looks like in stage five: healing, confidence, self-trust, and post-betrayal transformation.[40:57] - How to connect with Dr. Debi and learn more about her work.Links & ResourcesThe Post Betrayal Transformation Institute: https://thepostbetrayalinstitute.com/If today's discussion resonated with you or sparked curiosity, please rate, follow, and share "Insights from the Couch" with others. Your support helps us reach more people and continue providing valuable insights. Here's to finding our purposes and living a life full of meaning and joy. Stay tuned for more!Ever stayed quiet to keep the peace and felt yourself disappear? The Cost of Quiet is for anyone who avoids conflict and pays the price. Reclaim your voice, strengthen your relationships, and experience real peace. Order your copy and join the movement: https://www.colettejanefehr.com/new-book

Send us Fan MailI waited one full year to release this episode.In this deeply personal and unscripted conversation, I share the full story of how I discovered my husband was living a double life while secretly married in India. What started as love bombing, spiritual connection, and future plans slowly turned into projection, gaslighting, cheating, violence, manipulation, immigration fraud, and ultimately a shocking annulment case.This is not just a story about betrayal.It's a story about intuition.The red flags we ignore.The psychological patterns that keep women trapped.And the emotional devastation that happens when your reality collapses overnight.In this episode, I open up about:• The early red flags I ignored• Love bombing, projection, and emotional manipulation• Domestic violence and psychological abuse• Discovering hidden phones, cheating, and secret identities• Fighting my own annulment case in California• How betrayal impacts the nervous system, body, and identity• Why women must emotionally stabilize before making major decisionsIf you are currently going through betrayal, infidelity, divorce, emotional abuse, or the collapse of a relationship you thought was real, this episode is for you.You are not crazy.You are not overreacting.And you are not alone.Please share this episode with someone who may need it right now, and don't forget to leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify if this conversation resonated with you.✨ Not sure why you keep choosing pain over peace? Take the free WHY YOU GOT BETRAYED QUIZ and uncover the pattern you didn't even know was holding you back.If you can't eat, can't sleep, and keep replaying the betrayal in your head, this book was written for this exact moment. Get Betrayal ER™ on Amazon.

When a parent cheats, it doesn't just wound the marriage. It can wound the children too.For many young people from broken families, infidelity creates a terrifying fear: What if I get cheated on too? Or worse, what if I become the one who cheats?In this episode, Joey talks with marriage and family therapist Doug Hinderer about how affairs happen, why betrayal damages a child's ability to trust, and how young people from broken families can avoid repeating their parents' mistakes.They discuss:Why affairs often begin long before anything physical happensHow infidelity affects children, even years laterWhy love feels unsafe after betrayalThe role of forgiveness in healing from a parent's affairHow to talk about the fear of infidelity in dating or marriageThe three habits that help build a faithful, lasting marriageWhy you are not doomed to repeat your parents' storyIf you're afraid of being cheated on, afraid of becoming your parents, or unsure if lasting love is even possible after what you witnessed growing up, this episode is for you.Restored ResourcesIt's Not Your Fault | Restored BookHappy Marriage for Life | Doug HindererMarriage Unhindered | Relevant RadioHow to Forgive | International Forgiveness Institute“Impossible” Marriages Redeemed: They Didn't End the Story in the Middle | Leila Miller“Impossible” Marriages Redeemed | AmazonDoug Hinderer's emaildoug@relevantradio.comShownotes

In this episode (335), we respond to a courageous submission from a betrayed partner who is navigating early recovery with her partner after multiple discovery days. Both partners have trauma histories, both are in individual therapy, and both are trying to understand what healthy sexual intimacy can look like after porn addiction, betrayal trauma, and past sexual coping patterns. Her questions center on lingerie, fantasies, kinks, dressing up, and whether these elements can ever be part of authentic intimacy—or whether they inevitably feed the pornified parts of the brain. We honor the depth and maturity of her questions because this is one of the most complex areas couples face in recovery.We emphasize that healthy sexuality cannot be reduced to a simple list of approved or forbidden behaviors. Lingerie, fantasy, experimentation, or sexual play may feel empowering and connecting for one couple, while feeling objectifying, unsafe, or triggering for another. The real questions are about intention, impact, consent, safety, presence, and whether each partner feels seen as a whole person. For the addict in recovery, this means asking whether he is truly present with his partner or superimposing old fantasy templates onto her. For the betrayed partner, it means asking whether she is freely choosing sexual expression or performing out of fear, people-pleasing, comparison, or the need to feel desirable and enough.We also discuss the role of a sex fast as a potentially powerful tool in recovery when it is done with transparency, structure, purpose, and ideally professional guidance. Taking sex off the table for a season can help reduce compulsive dependence on sex, create safety for the betrayed partner, and allow the couple to build other areas of intimacy that may have been neglected. But we caution that a sex fast should not become avoidance, silence, or emotional distancing. In the end, the goal is not to create a fear-based sexual relationship or to let pornography continue defining the bedroom. The goal is for the couple to consciously create a sexual relationship based on being rather than performing—where both partners are safe, present, authentic, fully seen, and deeply connected.For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to:  Healthy Sexuality or Pornified Performance? Navigating Lingerie, Fantasies, Kinks, etc., and Authentic Intimacy in RecoveryLearn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

What happens when one research study challenges an entire field?In this episode of Betrayal Recovery Radio, Dr. Jake Porter sits down with Barb Steffens, founding president of APSATS, to discuss the origins of betrayal trauma treatment and the research that helped transform how betrayed partners are understood and supported.Barb shares the story behind her groundbreaking doctoral research, which found that a significant majority of partners discovering hidden sexual betrayal exhibited symptoms consistent with PTSD. At a time when betrayed partners were often viewed through a codependency lens, her work helped establish a trauma-informed framework that would eventually reshape treatment, training, and advocacy efforts across the field.Together, Jake and Barb explore the development of the Multidimensional Partner Trauma Model, the founding of APSATS, the challenges of introducing a new paradigm, and the remarkable growth of a movement that continues to impact betrayed partners and professionals around the world.Whether you're a betrayed partner, a helping professional, or simply interested in the history of betrayal trauma recovery, this conversation offers an inspiring look at how courage, research, and advocacy helped change the conversation for countless individuals and couples.Links:https://apsats.orghttps://daringventures.com

How does betrayal shape our health, relationships, and ability to move forward in life? This week on Health Coach Talk, Dr. Sandi welcomes researcher, author, and Post Betrayal Transformation Institute founder Dr. Debi Silber for a conversation about the hidden effects of betrayal trauma and why it may be the missing piece behind so many persistent emotional and physical health struggles. Drawing from her groundbreaking research on Post Betrayal Syndrome, Dr. Debi explains how betrayal differs from other forms of trauma and why healing requires more than simply “moving on.”Full show notes: https://functionalmedicinecoaching.org/podcast/debi-silber-182/

Have you been cheated on, experienced broken trust? Or are you struggling with sex addiction? Join our (Brannon + Tyler

In this episode of Healing with Worth, Marquelle and Lauren explore the concept of “weather checking” in relationships—learning how to recognize emotional patterns, assess safety, and respond with wisdom instead of fear or reactivity. Using the metaphor of weather versus climate, they discuss how to tell the difference between temporary emotional storms and long-term unhealthy relationship dynamics, especially in marriages impacted by betrayal trauma, emotional disconnection, or chronic conflict. Together, they share practical tools for setting boundaries, retreating to safety during contention, regulating emotions, discerning when to have hard conversations, and staying anchored in God rather than relying on another person for stability. This honest and compassionate conversation offers hope, validation, and encouragement for women seeking peace, clarity, and healthier connection in their relationships.

DOPEY FILM FESTIVAL TICKETS: https://buytickets.at/thedopeyfoundation/2216905 JOIN PATREON: www.patreon.com/dopeypodcast NOTES:  This week on Dopey! We have it all! Emails! Blood Shot Voice mails! Comments! Mysogny and Sisterhood! Then we bring dopey with Natanya Ross — the iconic 90s child star from The Secret Life of Alex Mack. I sat down with her in LA and she absolutely opened up her soul. We covered everything from her crazy early fame (she was doing Gerber commercials at six months old), discovering she was adopted at 19, her adoptive mother's horrific betrayal and financial abuse, to descending into heavy opioid and heroin addiction. Natanya got real about living in a car and at the notorious American Hotel on Skid Row with other child stars, her relationship with Brad Renfro (who tragically overdosed and died right next to her), the later death of her fiancé Blake, and how she fought her way into long-term recovery. She's now deep in the treatment world — Executive Director of Business Development at Valiant Behavioral Health, President of the Women's Association of Addiction Treatment, and founder of San Fernando Valley Feed the Homeless.  This one is serious Dopey business — raw child star trauma, Hollywood darkness, and triumphant recovery all in one.  ALL THAT AND WAY MORE on this weeks new episode of that good old Dopey Show! Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In this episode, Kristen is joined by Matthew and Joanna Raabsmith, trained relationship specialists, speakers, and authors, to discuss betrayal trauma, sexual addiction, and the healing journey of rebuilding trust, emotional safety, and true intimacy after betrayal. You will learn: How betrayal trauma affects the brain, body, and sense of safety Why secrecy and dishonesty often create deeper wounds than the betrayal itself The steps couples can take to rebuild honesty, trust, and intimacy How addiction, shame, and unresolved childhood wounds impact relationships Why healing requires consistency, vulnerability, accountability, and long-term emotional growth Connect with Matthew and Joanna Raabsmith HERE:  When you purchase these books through these Amazon affiliate links, you're helping support the podcast at no extra cost:   Matthew and Joanna Raabsmith's book and book recommendations:   1. Building True Intimacy: Creating a Connection That Stands the Test of Time   2. Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal   3. Finding the Way Through: A Workbook for Sex and Pornography Addiction - Sobriety, Recovery, & Partner Betrayal Sensitivity   Subscribe HERE and get a free 5-day journal to begin closing the chapter on what doesn't serve you and open the door to the real you. Connect with Kristen: Get Kristen's newsletter, packed with tangible tools, resources, and inspiration Watch the episodes on YouTube Follow Kristen on Instagram   Kristen's TikTok   Have Kristen Speak at Your Event  Disclaimer   This information is being provided to you for educational and informational purposes only. It is being provided to you to educate you about ideas on stress management and as a self-help tool for your own use. It is not psychotherapy/counseling in any form. This information is to be used at your own risk based on your own judgment. For counseling services near Indianapolis, IN, visit www.pathwaystohealingcounseling.com. Pathways to Healing Counseling's vision is to provide warm, caring, compassionate and life-changing counseling services and educational programs to individuals, couples and families in order to create learning, healing and growth.  

Emotional Safety After Betrayal: Understanding Emotions, Trauma, and Relationship Healing Podcast Summary In this episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore the connection between emotional safety, betrayal trauma, emotional regulation, and relationship healing after infidelity or sexual betrayal. Many individuals struggling with betrayal trauma, anxiety, emotional disconnection, or relationship conflict often suppress their true emotions by saying “I'm fine” while internally feeling overwhelmed, hurt, angry, anxious, or emotionally exhausted. In this conversation, Dr. Skinner and MaryAnn discuss why emotional honesty and emotional congruency are essential for rebuilding trust, emotional intimacy, and healthy communication in relationships. The episode examines how shame, emotional shutdown, avoidance, and trauma responses interfere with connection and healing. Listeners will also learn about emotional contagion, nervous system regulation, co-regulation, and the importance of creating emotionally safe relationships where both partners can openly express their feelings without fear of judgment, defensiveness, or rejection. Topics discussed include: Betrayal trauma recovery Healing after infidelity Emotional regulation in relationships Relationship communication skills Emotional safety and trust rebuilding PTSD symptoms after betrayal Emotional disconnection in marriage Co-regulation and nervous system healing Shame and emotional shutdown Understanding contradictory emotions after betrayal Emotional intelligence and self-awareness How unresolved emotions impact intimacy and connection Whether you are recovering from betrayal trauma, struggling with emotional intimacy, or trying to strengthen communication in your relationship, this episode provides practical insights into understanding emotions, rebuilding trust, and creating deeper human connection. Resources Mentioned in This Episode Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman A foundational book on emotional awareness, emotional regulation, empathy, and developing healthier relationship skills. The Choice by Edith Eger Discusses emotional healing, resilience, trauma recovery, and understanding core emotional experiences. The work of Brené Brown Especially her research on vulnerability, shame, emotional connection, and authentic relationships. Stephen Porges and Polyvagal Theory Understanding nervous system regulation, emotional safety, co-regulation, and trauma responses in relationships. Thich Nhat Hanh Referenced for his teachings on deep listening, mindfulness, emotional presence, and compassionate communication. Al Siebert Concepts on resiliency, emotional flexibility, and the “both/and” approach to emotional experiences. The Intimacy Repair Method (IRM) Course A structured framework designed to help couples heal from betrayal trauma, rebuild emotional safety, improve communication, and strengthen intimacy. Human Intimacy Resources and Courses Human Intimacy Additional Resources for Betrayal Trauma & Relationship Healing Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller Understanding attachment styles, emotional needs, and relationship dynamics. The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk A leading resource on trauma, nervous system responses, emotional regulation, and healing. Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson A guide to emotional bonding, attachment, and strengthening relationships after emotional injuries. Addo Therapy & Recovery Resources Therapy, betrayal trauma recovery support, couples counseling, anxiety treatment, mindfulness resources, and emotional healing support.

In this episode (#333), we address a question from a betrayed partner who is about three years into sex addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing with her partner. Although he has been sober, involved in 12-step recovery, working with a sponsor, and the couple has gone through formal therapeutic disclosure, she still experiences intrusive mental images connected to his past acting out. We explain that these images are not evidence that she is failing in her healing. They are trauma responses. The early season of discovery, trickle-truth, searching for evidence, finding secret accounts and online ads, and trying to piece together reality created a chain of traumatic events that the nervous system may continue to store as danger.We discuss how intrusive thoughts can feel “random,” even when they are not. A betrayed partner may be triggered not only by obvious reminders of the betrayal, but also by subtle cues such as a tone of voice, silence, emotional distance, stress, fatigue, or even positive closeness. The body can remember danger before the conscious mind understands why. Because of this, healing includes learning to distinguish the past from the present through grounding tools, breath work, somatic calming, the 5-4-3-2-1 technique, journaling, orienting to current safety, and sometimes trauma-focused professional help such as EMDR, brainspotting, somatic therapy, or work with a CSAT or partner trauma specialist. The goal is not to erase memory, but to reduce the intensity, frequency, and dominance of the trauma response.We also emphasize that the addict in recovery can play a powerful role in helping rebuild present-day safety. When his partner is triggered, his job is not to collapse into shame, become defensive, or demand that she “move on.” Instead, he can stand shoulder to shoulder with her against the trauma, respond with genuine curiosity, validate the pain his actions caused, and use the language of safety: “I can see something is coming up for you. What do you need from me right now?” Proactive transparency, consistent check-ins, emotional vulnerability, and accountability help reduce the partner's need for hypervigilance. Ultimately, the measure of healing is not whether intrusive images never appear again, but whether they become less intense, less frequent, easier to recover from, and less able to rob the partner of peace in the present.For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to:  Why Do Intrusive Mental Images Still Hit Me—Even Years Into His Recovery?Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

In this episode of the Healing with Worth Podcast, Marquelle Brown and coach Heidi Davies explore how somatic exercises and polyvagal theory can help women heal from betrayal trauma, regulate their nervous systems, and reconnect with themselves. Through honest conversation and personal experiences, they talk about fight, flight, freeze, fawn responses, grounding tools, triggers versus true danger, and the impact of gaslighting and emotional abuse on the body and mind. They share practical techniques to help listeners create a felt sense of safety, process difficult emotions, and rebuild trust in themselves. This episode offers compassionate insight, validation, and real-life tools for anyone navigating trauma recovery, emotional overwhelm, or the long journey of healing after betrayal.Audio Note: You may notice background noise or brief feedback due to minor connection issues during recording.

Healing Betrayal Trauma: EMDR, IFS & the Real Reasons People Cheat Infidelity doesn't happen in a vacuum. And healing after betrayal isn't just about “getting over it” or learning to trust again. In this deeply compassionate and eye-opening conversation, Lora sits down with marriage and sex therapist Todd Creager to explore the real roots of infidelity, betrayal trauma, emotional safety, and lasting healing. Together, they unpack how childhood wounds, attachment injuries, shame, hypervigilance, and nervous system survival patterns shape both betrayal and recovery. You'll also learn how EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) and Internal Family Systems (IFS) can help both betrayed partners and betrayers process trauma safely, understand their protective patterns, and move toward genuine healing and connection. This episode is not about excusing betrayal. It's about understanding it deeply enough to heal. Whether you stay or leave, this conversation will help you stop personalizing the betrayal, understand your own patterns more compassionately, and move toward clarity, safety, and self-trust. Top 3 Takeaways Infidelity is often connected to unresolved trauma, attachment wounds, and protective survival patterns that began long before the relationship. EMDR and Internal Family Systems (IFS) can help both partners process betrayal trauma, regulate the nervous system, and heal emotional wounds safely. Healing after infidelity isn't about rushing back into trust — it's about rebuilding emotional safety, understanding protective patterns, and creating real change over time. Favorite Quotes “You don't just cheat. It doesn't happen in a vacuum.” “Life is generous. It helps us wake up to the parts of ourselves we didn't know how to love before.” “Healing is not about forcing trust. It's about becoming safe again.” What You'll Learn: Why people cheat • Betrayal trauma and nervous system healing • How EMDR works after infidelity • What Internal Family Systems (IFS) actually means • Why hypervigilance after betrayal is normal • Childhood trauma and adult relationships • Why betrayed partners stay • Rebuilding trust safely • Emotional safety after infidelity • Processing trauma without retraumatizing yourself • The difference between understanding behavior and excusing it • Why healing takes time — even in healthy reconciliation About Todd Todd Creager is an experienced relationship therapist and sex expert specializing in couples counseling, marriage and intimacy.  From healing from trauma through EMDR therapy, to overcoming infidelity Todd has helped countless couples overcome the issues that they face – increasing their connection and communication.  Todd provides a variety of services and methods – from routine relationship therapy sessions to couples retreats and counseling relating to sex addiction and toxic relationships.  It's important to find working solutions for each individual couple. Located in Huntington Beach, Todd provides therapy to the Orange County areas of Newport Coast, Irvine, Corona del Mar, Seal Beach, Long Beach and beyond! Todd is also an expert keynote speaker for topics including team-building, relationships, sex and more. If you're looking to book a speaking appearance in Orange County, the Los Angeles area or beyond, contact Todd today! https://toddcreager.com/ Check out Todd's podcast, Let's Talk About Love, Sex, & Infidelity, where Lora was a recent guest: https://open.spotify.com/episode/20TivMIVQD698pp18eiyHr?si=ZtQ_u1kUT8-nuUmMu4CVNg LOVE THE SHOW? TAKE THE NEXT STEP Don't just listen—start healing. Get your free downloadable guide on the “The Top Three Ways You Betray Yourself Every Day, and How to Stop” at www.burnoutorbetrayal.com. https://workplace-burnout.com/the-top-3-ways-you-betray-yourself-every-day-and-how-to-stop/ If you're ready to Rise Up & Reign as the creator and queen of your life, let's talk. I will walk by your side and give you the perspective, permission, and wisdom needed to turn your betrayal experience into something constructive, empowering, and transformative in all the right ways.  Learn more at www.loracheadle.com and follow me across all social! Download your Sparkle After Betrayal Recovery Guide at www.BetrayalRecoveryGuide.com, a guide designed to help you take the first steps in feeling better, so you can reclaim your power, own your worth, and start putting yourself, and your life, back together again. About Lora: Lora Cheadle, JD, CHt is a betrayal recovery coach, attorney, TEDx speaker, and author of FLAUNT! and It's Not Burnout, It's Betrayal. After uncovering her husband's 15-year affair, she turned her own pain into purpose—helping high-achieving women reclaim their identity, power, and joy. A trauma-aware coach, somatic therapist, and former attorney, Lora blends legal insight with emotional and spiritual healing for full-spectrum recovery. She is the author of FLAUNT! Drop Your Cover and Reveal Your Smart, Sexy, & Spiritual Self (an International Book Awards Finalist and Tattered Cover Bestseller) and It's Not Burnout, It's Betrayal: 5 Tools to FUEL UP & Thrive. She also hosts the podcast FLAUNT! Create a Life You Love After Infidelity and Betrayal. Learn more at www.loracheadle.com and follow me across all social! Get the support you need to find your footing, begin making sense of it all, and feel better fast. As an attorney, betrayal recovery expert, and survivor of infidelity I can help you find the clarity and confidence to create a life that you love on the other side of betrayal. Book Your Session Here: https://calendly.com/loras-schedule/coaching-session Thank you to BetterHelp for sponsoring this podcast! Take charge of your mental health and get 10% off your first month of therapy at https://BetterHelp.com/FLAUNT  READY TO START A BETTER CHAPTER? Step into the future you've always dreamed of with the power of transformative rituals with the Mindful Subscription Box. Get a monthly box full of crystals, aromatherapy, and other spiritual tools worth $120. You deserve high-quality gems, crystals, oils, and mindfulness tools for self-care that truly work. It's a monthly dose of self-love delivered right to your door! Go to www.Mindfulsouls.com  and use Discount Code LORA25 for 25% off your order!

When betrayal trauma enters a family, children feel it—even when no one says a word.In this episode, Amie and Alana answer a powerful listener question: What would you do differently with your kids if you could go back?This honest conversation explores the parenting mistakes, emotional repair, boundaries, and healing work that matter most after betrayal trauma.They talk honestly about:validating your child's experience without correcting itavoiding emotional over-sharingprotecting children without secrecyhelping kids process tension they can already feelboundaries with extended familyemotional repair after mistakeswhy your children need their story, not yoursChapters00:50 Listener Question4:44 Kids Own Their Story06:12 Validate; Don't Correct10:04 Secrecy vs Oversharing14:31 Isolation and Support15:22 Boundaries18:04 Kids Feel Everything20:00 Repair22:35 Self-Compassion and Growth24:31 Common Mistakes and WinsRegister Now!***Use promo code PODCAST150 to get $150 off when you register for any Choose intensive or retreat in 2026!***

Infidelity doesn't happen in a vacuum. And healing after betrayal isn't just about “getting over it” or learning to trust again. In this deeply compassionate and eye-opening conversation, Lora sits down with marriage and sex therapist Todd Creager to explore the real roots of infidelity, betrayal trauma, emotional safety, and lasting healing. Together, they unpack how childhood wounds, attachment injuries, shame, hypervigilance, and nervous system survival patterns shape both betrayal and recovery. You'll also learn how EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) and Internal Family Systems (IFS) can help both betrayed partners and betrayers process trauma safely, understand their protective patterns, and move toward genuine healing and connection. This episode is not about excusing betrayal. It's about understanding it deeply enough to heal. Whether you stay or leave, this conversation will help you stop personalizing the betrayal, understand your own patterns more compassionately, and move toward clarity, safety, and self-trust. Top 3 Takeaways Infidelity is often connected to unresolved trauma, attachment wounds, and protective survival patterns that began long before the relationship. EMDR and Internal Family Systems (IFS) can help both partners process betrayal trauma, regulate the nervous system, and heal emotional wounds safely. Healing after infidelity isn't about rushing back into trust — it's about rebuilding emotional safety, understanding protective patterns, and creating real change over time. Favorite Quotes “You don't just cheat. It doesn't happen in a vacuum.” “Life is generous. It helps us wake up to the parts of ourselves we didn't know how to love before.” “Healing is not about forcing trust. It's about becoming safe again.”   What You'll Learn: Why people cheat • Betrayal trauma and nervous system healing • How EMDR works after infidelity • What Internal Family Systems (IFS) actually means • Why hypervigilance after betrayal is normal • Childhood trauma and adult relationships • Why betrayed partners stay • Rebuilding trust safely • Emotional safety after infidelity • Processing trauma without retraumatizing yourself • The difference between understanding behavior and excusing it • Why healing takes time — even in healthy reconciliation   About Todd Todd Creager is an experienced relationship therapist and sex expert specializing in couples counseling, marriage and intimacy.  From healing from trauma through EMDR therapy, to overcoming infidelity Todd has helped countless couples overcome the issues that they face – increasing their connection and communication.  Todd provides a variety of services and methods – from routine relationship therapy sessions to couples retreats and counseling relating to sex addiction and toxic relationships.  It's important to find working solutions for each individual couple. Located in Huntington Beach, Todd provides therapy to the Orange County areas of Newport Coast, Irvine, Corona del Mar, Seal Beach, Long Beach and beyond! Todd is also an expert keynote speaker for topics including team-building, relationships, sex and more. If you're looking to book a speaking appearance in Orange County, the Los Angeles area or beyond, contact Todd today! https://toddcreager.com/ Check out Todd's podcast, Let's Talk About Love, Sex, & Infidelity, where Lora was a recent guest: https://open.spotify.com/episode/20TivMIVQD698pp18eiyHr?si=ZtQ_u1kUT8-nuUmMu4CVNg   About Lora Lora Cheadle, JD, CHt is a former attorney turned betrayal recovery coach, hypnotherapist, and author who helps women rebuild their identity and reclaim their power after infidelity and profound emotional betrayal. Using her signature Life Choreography® approach, she integrates legal insight, nervous system regulation, somatic practices, and deep spiritual support to help clients move from shattered to sovereign.     Resources & Links Download the free Betrayal Recovery Guide: https://betrayalrecoveryguide.com Book your $97 Introductory Session: https://introductorysession.com Learn more about Rise & Reign: https://loracheadle.com/rise-and-reign Follow on YouTube, Instagram, and Facebook @loracheadle   This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp. Healing after betrayal often requires more than insight alone. Therapy can provide additional support, stabilization, and guidance as you navigate the emotional impact of infidelity and betrayal trauma.

In this PBSE episode (#332), we explore what it means when an addict says he is changing but continues to keep the “addiction door” cracked open. A betrayed partner may see signs that look like recovery—porn blockers, monitoring software, more honesty, fewer obvious acting-out behaviors—but still discover that her partner is seeking sexualized content through social media thirst traps, scanning, fantasy, or other loopholes. We make clear that this is not simply a “lesser version” of the original problem. If the addict is still using sexualized material for arousal, escape, objectification, secrecy, dopamine, or emotional regulation, then he is still engaging the addiction system.The article distinguishes between technical sobriety and real recovery. Technical sobriety asks, “Did this technically count as porn?” Real recovery asks, “Why am I still seeking sexualized escape outside my relationship?” Half-in, half-out recovery often happens when an addict wants the benefits of recovery—less shame, fewer consequences, a calmer partner, restored trust—without fully surrendering the addiction itself. He may comply with outward recovery tasks while still protecting hidden outlets, loopholes, or emotional escape routes. We challenge addicts to ask hard questions: What am I still protecting? What do I get from these behaviors? What emotions am I trying not to feel? Am I more committed to technical innocence or true relational safety?For betrayed partners, the article offers strong validation: you are not overreacting when these “edging” behaviors still feel like betrayal. Continued sexualized attention outside the relationship can communicate comparison, rejection, humiliation, and abandonment, even when the addict insists it is “not as bad” as before. Partners cannot force addicts into integrity, but they can find their voice, define what safety requires, and refuse to call half-surrender full recovery. Ultimately, the article teaches that there is no “door number three” where an addict can keep the perks of addiction while enjoying the trust and intimacy of a healed relationship. Real hope begins when the addict closes the door fully and chooses transformation over loopholes.For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to:  Half-In, Half-Out Recovery: He Says He's Changing but Keeps the “Addiction Door” Cracked OpenLearn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Why is it so hard to move on after covert narcissistic abuse? Why can betrayal trauma continue affecting you years—or even decades—later? In this powerful conversation, Renee Swanson sits down with betrayal trauma expert Dr. Debi Silber to explore the deep emotional, physical, and psychological impact of betrayal in covert narcissistic relationships. Dr. Debi explains why betrayal is a unique form of trauma, how Post Betrayal Syndrome affects survivors, and why healing from covert narcissistic abuse requires more than simply “moving on.” Together, Renee and Dr. Debi discuss the loss of trust, the breakdown of self, nervous system dysregulation, chronic symptoms, emotional triggers, and the patterns that keep survivors stuck for years. They also dive into the five stages of betrayal recovery and what true transformation looks like after emotional abuse. If you've struggled with self-doubt, rumination, hypervigilance, inability to trust, emotional exhaustion, or feeling like you lost yourself in a covert narcissistic relationship, this episode will help you understand why—and what healing can actually look like. In this episode: Betrayal trauma and covert narcissistic abuse Why you can't “just move on” Post Betrayal Syndrome symptoms The connection between betrayal trauma and the nervous system Rebuilding trust after emotional abuse The five stages of betrayal recovery Healing after covert narcissistic relationships Why survivors stay stuck Transformation after betrayal Learn more about Dr. Debi Silber and The PBT Institute at https://thepbtinstitute.com/ Visit www.covertnarcissism.com for additional resources. DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Send us Fan MailPART TWO OF INTERVIEW In this episode of the Men's Divorce Recovery Podcast, Dale sits down with Ralph Brewer to unpack the deep connection between childhood trauma, adult relationships, and the path to becoming a stronger man. Ralph shares how unresolved wounds can shape our wants, needs, and behaviors—often without us realizing it—until they surface through conflict or betrayal. The conversation dives into the emotional impact of divorce and infidelity, and what it really takes to move forward instead of staying stuck. Together, they break down the process of rebuilding identity, reclaiming control, and developing discipline and self-respect. This episode is a powerful guide for any man ready to confront his past, heal with intention, and step into the man he's meant to be. Bible Verse Inspiration: Joel 2:25 — “I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten.”Resources: https://helpformen.comEmail the Show: Hello@MensDivorceRecovery.org 

If you're typing “Celebrate Recovery near me” into Google because you’re desperate for help after discovering that your husband has been lying to you about his infidelity or his use of inappropriate material, you're not alone. BEFORE GOING TO CELEBRATE RECOVERY NEAR ME, CONSIDER THIS: 1. Recovery Programs Only work If He's Honest A recovery environment only works if your husband is completely honest about his behavior. Even in cases where he’s willing to attend a program, some women discover their husband takes “chips,” confesses slips, or shares breakthroughs in group without ever telling her. Not because he's changing, but because he's using the system to make it look like he's changing. 2. celebrate recovery near me Can't Fix Emotional Abuse When women search “Celebrate Recovery near me,” they often think the program will help heal their marriage by helping their husbands understand the root causes of their addiction and behaviors, especially if he seems willing to go meetings. But the root issue isn't addiction, it's entitlement, control, and dishonesty. Most recovery programs aren't designed to assess or confront coercive control. So instead of getting safer, some women end up feeling more confused. Before you invest your hope in any program, you deserve to understand the full picture. To discover if your husband is emotionally abusive, take this free emotional abuse quiz. 3. Some Men Use Recovery or Language as a Shield Many women report that once their husband joined a recovery group like Celebrate Recovery near me, he just learned to speak the language of recovery without actually changing. Instead of becoming more honest, some men become more skilled at hiding, using the right words, sharing at the right times, and appearing accountable…while the underlying patterns stay the same. This isn't necessarily the program's fault. Recovery culture tends to take disclosures at face value. But for some men, it becomes a stage rather than a mirror. 4. If He Gets Praise in Group but You Get Hurt at Home, Pay Attention The applause of a group like Celebrate Recovery near me can unintentionally reward performance. Your lived experience matters more than his report. If his recovery looks great publicly, but privately you feel scared, confused, dismissed, or blamed, that's a sign to step back and observe what’s happening. You don’t have to announce this to anyone 5. RECOVERY Programs Don't Replace Betrayal Trauma Support A program like Celebrate Recovery near me often uses a model that focuses on his trauma from childhood or his triggers. They may encourage couples to build routines that reduce his stress or triggers, sometimes placing more responsibility on her to monitor or support his progress. These might be good tools for people who genuinely want to heal. But they don't address lying, manipulation and entitlement. A woman in an emotionally abusive marriage needs support that centers her emotional safety, not his recovery timeline. 6. If You Feel Worse After the Program Starts, That Matters Many women assume feeling worse is a sign that they're a part of “the problem,” or they need to be “more supportive.” When his patterns of behavior become a shared problem…something you're both expected to manage…it often creates more emotional chaos for her. Her emotional safety needs to be addressed separately, not tied to how well he's doing or how much effort he appears to be making. Feeling confused, blamed, responsible for his recovery, or pressured to forgive and move forward…is a sign something else is happening. 7. Your EMOTIONAL SAFETY COMES BEFORE HIS RECOVERY STORY If you’re searching “Celebrate Recovery near me” to save your marriage, here's the most important thing: his recovery is not the foundation of your emotional safety. Your clarity is. It’s important to have your own support community in place that is educated in the dynamics of emotional and psychological abuse and can help you decide what you need for emotional safety. If you need support in addressing what's really happening, and whether a recovery program can help, you can start with the Living Free Workshop or BTR Group Sessions. They're designed to give you immediate clarity. Transcript: What Happened When I Googled “Celebrate Recovery Near Me” Anne: I’ve talked to hundreds of women who have typed things like “Celebrate Recovery near me”, or “addiction recovery program” into Google. Especially when their husband said he was an addict and he is willing to go to a program. So if he’s willing and goes to this program, it’s totally normal for a woman to think that things are gonna get better. But over the years, I’ve interviewed countless women who tell me things actually got worse. And I’m interviewing one of those women today. We’re gonna call her. Nancy. Here’s part of her story. Nancy: His coworker called me. She told me she was out with some friends. And he flirted with her and tried to pick her up. We were Going to Celebrate Recovery. He supposedly had been sober for months. Anne: We’re gonna get to her whole story, but before we do, I wanna stress that it’s important to understand that a manipulative man can use anything, a recovery program, therapy, even meeting with clergy to manipulate a woman further, and that causes a lot more harm and trauma. So before you start searching for a recovery program for your husband, it is important to consider what his recovery would be for and how abusers manipulate their victims. Most of the time, the therapist will say something like childhood wounds or addiction recovery. When really what you’re actually experiencing is emotional and psychological abuse. And I’ve even interviewed women who have tried to find an abuse program for their husband, and they still tell me the same things. So as you listen to Nancy’s story, I think it will help put into perspective what’s really going on and what steps you wanna take next. When I met him I thought he was a good guy Anne: That’s why I created the Living Free Workshop. It helps women know what’s going on, if he’s really abusive or not. Some women find out he’s not. And then what steps to take to create emotional safety in your life. It’s much faster to figure that out first, before spending tons of time and money in therapy or a recovery or Celebrate Recovery near me program. Living Free total run time is about two hours and 50 minutes, which is much shorter than three or four years to find out it’s not working. So Nancy, thank you so much for sharing your story today. Welcome, can you tell us how you met? Nancy: When I met him, he went to church. He served on the worship team, and he could talk like a preacher. So I thought he was a good guy. It was confusing, because we were play wrestling, and I wouldn’t have remembered this except I had written in a journal and I read it after everything fell apart. He held me down and said some things like, did you think you were stronger than me? Did you think I would let you go? It really scared me. I was very close to breaking up with him, but he actually cried and apologized. So I thought, he’s sorry. It’s not gonna happen again, and that sort of thing never happened again. He realized he had to be more subtle. He did tell me about his past sexual history. Mirroring my desire to serve missions Nancy: He was in the Navy and with several prostitutes. And he was honest, it felt like to me at the time. That he struggled with porn. I thought after we married, that wouldn’t be an issue. And honestly, I don’t know that anyone would’ve told me anything different. I wanted to serve in medical missions. He didn’t seem interested in this, so I prayed and left the relationship in God’s hands. I told him about how I prayed. And the next time we got together, he said, “He had been thinking and praying, and he really felt God moving his heart to missions. That everyone always thought he should be a missionary. It really blew me away, because I thought God had answered my prayer really fast. He knew that he was not only lying to me, he was also lying about God, and he chose it. Which makes him a really evil person. In pre-marital counseling, I was clear that I didn’t see myself as a housewife. I wanted things to be equal, and I didn’t plan to stop working. He acted like he was on the same page and that he was fine with this. So we married. Things were not good. In less than a year, he turned me down for sexual intimacy. Which was surprising and incredibly hurtful. Especially when I realized he was looking at porn. We went to see the movie Fireproof, and afterwards he admitted he was taking off his ring to flirt with people. I was trying to be very understanding, but I did feel hurt, and he got angry at me. He said this was the thanks he gets for staying away from porn for a couple weeks, which is not funny, but I’m laughing at the audacity. He Pushed Me to Quit Working While Avoiding Any Real Recovery or Celebrate Recovery Near Me Programs Nancy: I think I blocked a lot of it out, because somehow things were good enough back and forth between nice, the Christian thing, and when he would be not so nice. I didn’t recognize abuse. The only thing I could put my finger on was the sexual things. We never could solve how things were to be run. And now that we had children, he could step away and I would be forced to do more house duties, cooking, cleaning, et cetera. Because someone had to do all the things for the children. I would tell him what we had agreed before marriage, and he said, “Yeah, but I thought you would change after we had kids.” Anne: I said the same thing. I said, I’m not gonna cook. And he was like, no problem. Then later told me, I thought you would change. And I’m like, I was so clear. Nancy: Exactly, we’re both honest and open. It’s like, that doesn’t mean I have to change, just ’cause you thought I would change. Well, it did because we had children now that needed to be taken care of. Anne: Right. Nancy: The same thing I said, I didn’t wanna stop working.” And he would constantly try to get me to stop working. I was only working part-time. He wanted me to not have an escape route. We separated, but I was so exhausted and overwhelmed with a baby, 2-year-old, and a 5-year-old. We got back together pretty quickly. Discovering he was flirting with coworker Nancy: A year later, we separated again and went to couples counseling, ’cause I still had not seen how that was harmful. I was really hopeful, which seems funny after just like a week or two of separation. But his coworker called me and told me she had been out with some friends, and he was flirting with her and trying to pick her up. I thought this would be his rock bottom, because he’s almost lost his family. Anyway, we got back together and things were up and down. I was dealing with a lot of anger and depression, social anxiety. At the time, I thought I needed counseling to deal with my issues. We were going to Celebrate Recovery near me. His stated problems in Celebrate Recovery were sex addiction and anger. It’s so crazy knowing that, how could everybody there not believe anything I was saying? He supposedly had been sober for months because of all the addiction model stuff. We agreed that he would tell me if he ever had a slip within a certain amount of time. So at Celebrate Recovery, he went forward for a one-day chip, and that really shocked me because he wasn’t ever gonna tell me. When we agreed that he would. After that we had sex that was definitely, obviously coercive. I don’t think I had the words at the time, but I definitely felt that way because we had an agreement and he didn’t follow it. That was the last time we ever were together. He said he would throw me a 30th birthday party Nancy: I took a step back, and I was observing him because I felt like we were at the best place, and I’m actually an okay person. That means there’s nothing I’ve done wrong, literally. And there’s nothing I can do to change this. It just became increasingly clear to me. So I started looking for more information and came across BTR, but I didn’t listen to the episodes because I saw the word abuse. And thought that doesn’t apply to me. And I found a couple other podcasts. They didn’t fully explain everything, and then a really bad incident happened when I turned 30, a big birthday. Anne: They always do it on birthdays and holidays. Nancy: I know, I had always thrown him birthday parties. He’s an extrovert and that was something that he enjoyed and I didn’t mind, he didn’t throw me anything because I’m more of an introvert. So when I was going to turn 30, I told him that I’d like a birthday party and would like him to throw it for me. I said if he didn’t want to, let me know. ‘Cause it was important enough to me that I would throw it for myself. He said he would throw me the birthday party. But when I wasn’t seeing any preparations, I checked in with him. And the motions he made came across like he was planning a surprise birthday party. Anne: Like, let’s not talk about it. Or you might ruin your surprise. Nancy: Exactly, I had said, “I will throw it for myself.” I repeated that again, that time. He knew. He Claimed He ‘Forgot' My Birthday While Pretending Recovery Through SAA and Celebrate Recovery Near Me Groups Nancy: So my birthday comes up. I expect a surprise party around any corner. I come to the end of the day and nothing happened, nothing. And his excuse was forgetfulness. Anne: I never gave you the impression I was gonna throw you a party. Nancy: Yeah, It was always that gaslighting and blame shifting. I feel like I dissociated a little bit around that time. ‘Cause it was really hurtful, because I would have thrown it for myself. Anne: And he knew that and he gave you the impression that he was throwing you a party on purpose to ensure that you didn’t have a party. Nancy: Exactly, I actually believed him that it was on accident, but that was just as hurtful. Now, I believe it was fully on purpose. At the time I was going to COSA and he was going to an SAA group. Anne: When she says COSA or SAA, she’s talking about 12-Step recovery for pornography addicts or sexual addicts. There are other programs like Celebrate Recovery near me. And the COSA is a co sex addict’s 12-Step for a wife of an addict, where she basically does the same program he does and tries to fix her character defects. Nancy: Yeah, I’d been talking about giving him another chance to throw me a party, and they said if he already didn’t do it, you should not do that. So I ended up throwing myself a party. After that 30th birthday, I would get down around my birthday every year. I ended up telling him that, not in a way to blame him, because like I said, I didn’t think he had done it on purpose. I just thought I should let him know I wasn’t myself. Recognizing Gaslighting in real time Nancy: And it was the first time I recognized what he was doing in the moment, he started to say. “That had not happened. That didn’t sound like something he would’ve done, that my memory must be a little off.” So many different ways he was trying to convince me that it hadn’t happened, and he couldn’t convince me because I knew it had happened. So he switched tactics and said that maybe he should get counseling for being abused. Anne: He’s claiming that you’re abusing him. Nancy: Exactly, I was so confused. I asked him, “Abuse, what are you talking about? Am I being abusive right now?” And he goes, “No, the abuse I’ve had to endure for the last how many years.” And then I realized oh, that was gaslighting. That’s blame shifting, and I ended up leaving the room and cried on my own. It shook me up that he could take something very vulnerable and turn it on me like that. I was talking about that incident and how he was saying I was abusive and I heard myself saying, “It was surprising he would call me abusive when he’s been so much worse.” And that was the first time I thought maybe he is abusive, and that reminded me about BTR. I thought, let me listen to that, ’cause maybe I can get some insight. That brought me back to listening to the BTR podcast. And I vividly remember I was binging all these episodes, hearing women’s stories. It felt like my life. And it just blew my mind to realize I’ve been abused this whole time. Anne: I’m so sorry. You were experiencing Betrayal Trauma and were not aware that recovery or Celebrate Recovery near me programs wouldn’t help you. Addict model says he’s struggling, he’s not in control Nancy: It made sense. It felt like everything clicked into place. Everything else I was told didn’t make sense. I always talked about stuff. I was always looking for answers. And I never felt like I was codependent or that I needed codependents anonymous. None of that stuff seemed to fit. In fact, the advice I was given, “Don’t pay attention to what he’s doing. Only work on yourself.” While they’re also saying, “Don’t be codependent, ignore what he’s doing,” which just doesn’t work. The addict model, like he’s struggling, he’s trying, he’s not in control. I mean, that’s like step one. You’re powerless to control your behavior. He accepted the addiction model early on, and we were in and out of groups the whole time. But I don’t believe now that he’s an addict, and I don’t think he even thinks he’s an addict. It’s a great excuse to keep doing what you’re doing. Because there’s no accountability, and everyone applauds your efforts. Even if you’re not reaching the goal, you actually have a choice. He would say to me that he could not promise that he would never do any of the sexual stuff again. So it was like basically just saying, I’m gonna be doing this my whole life. Anne: My ex wouldn’t promise either. He said if I promised, “I wouldn’t be on my toes. Like I don’t want to think I couldn’t do that, because then maybe I would be in danger of doing it.” Which doesn’t even make sense. Like I can legit say, I will never have an affair. finding BTR helped me wrap my head around the abuse, Celebrate Recovery near me didn’t Nancy: Right, yeah. I found BTR. And the abuse model is they have a choice, and they’re choosing to be harmful and abusive. All these years he had been a liar. I stepped back and observed behavior for me to fully wrap my head around it. I believe he feels entitled to do what he wants. He doesn’t see people as people. Or maybe it’s just women as women. Objectification is a huge thing. I don’t think he ever saw me as an equal partner or a person. And I don’t believe he ever loved me. I was a desirable object he acquired, and that was it. When I started listening to BTR, it helped me understand abuse and the subtleties of it. Because before, I had only been thinking physical abuse or yelling insults, which my ex did not do. Listening to the stories helped me see how this plays out in marriage, even in a Christian marriage. It was helpful to see the ways men could twist faith things, because many of these men and my ex are very manipulative. Like it has to slowly play out over time to see what they’re doing. And a lot of it goes back to intent, and it’s hard to see intent. It was hard for me to imagine my husband is lying to me. So that was a shift too, to start looking at actions instead of words. BTR gave me a lot of insight into what I was living through and what was helpful, especially getting into the BTR groups. Celebrate Recovery near me didn’t do that. It helps build you up so that you can go through the hard stuff. We were going to counseling around the time I started going to BTR group. Going to couple counseling Nancy: Because of BTR, I had the words for it. I was able to express better what was happening. The counselor didn’t help my situation, of course. Individual counseling and couple counseling are unhelpful, because an abuser’s goal, my ex’s goal, was not to get better. His goal is to get whatever he wants. He’ll say whatever he needs to say to get what he needs from the counselor. We’ve gone to quite a few couple counselors. We would go into a new counselor, and he would bring up a new issue. He had never told me about me. Anne: Suddenly you’re a kleptomaniac or something. Nancy: Yeah, things that he thought I did that were hurtful to him, that I had never heard of before. But I felt so bad that I was hurting him without knowing it. What a callous person I am. Anne: Not knowing he was bearing false witness and that he literally made it up. Nancy: Yeah, completely distracted from why we went to counseling in the first place is sexual issues. Like I would have to be a safe person so he could be honest with me. Because I’m an actual caring person, I would feel like this was an actual issue that I needed to fix. And that is the part about the psychological abuse that is hard to describe. Because a lot of it could sound valid, and I thought these things were valid. But later realizing they were lies. They were lies, because he would’ve said them before. Anne: Exactly. creepy experience with new counselor Nancy: We did an in-home separation, At first. His abuse escalated the freer that I was getting. I never completely stopped working. I got a job and started after the in-home separation. He actually shut off the internet. Luckily, I prepared ahead of time. I had my own phone plan with the hotspot, So I could just switch over and just didn’t even engage with him. It has been a process of combing through my life, and I have wondered that how many lies I won’t even know about or remember. Because, I believed him and he was so good at lying. One of the new things he said was I wasn’t being vocal enough in bed. It felt so humiliating for him to say that to the new counselor. When he had never said that before. This male counselor wanted us to do an exercise right then on the sofa in front of him. He wanted my ex to touch like my foot or my leg, and then slowly move closer to my private areas. And as he moved closer. I was supposed to make more and more noise. Anne: No. Nancy: Isn’t that crazy? Anne: That’s so creepy. Nancy: I did feel incredibly creeped out, and I refused to do it. Anne: Good for you. He said there would be no equality in our marriage – Celebrate Recovery near me didn’t help with that Nancy: I wish I had just walked out, But after we left, I said, “I will never go back to that counselor again.” And we never did. I said, “What I would need to continue in the marriage was for him to be seeing his own personal counselor, to have a full disclosure with a lie detector test.” Which he said no to. And I know now it wouldn’t have been helpful. Just like Celebrate Recovery near me wasn’t helpful. Anne: I know, thank goodness. Nancy: Right. Anne: Mine never did that either. And I think I would’ve just been in the abuse for so much longer had he said yes. Nancy: Right, and then the second thing I said is that, “I wanted equality in our marriage.” And he said no. Anne: He said no, he didn’t want equality? Nancy: Correct. Anne: Wow. Nancy: So I was like, then literally that’s the end of it. And I was going to BTR group. I remember one of the coaches said to me, “It was a blessing that he actually had been honest.” At the time, I didn’t understand, now I do. And I’m so glad I asked those questions. I don’t know why he was honest. There are two possibilities. He didn’t think I would leave, because I hadn’t yet. We’d been married for almost 14 years, and he was only saying what was already true. You don’t need to be perfect to be loved Nancy: I just didn’t realize it was true. Or maybe he did want me to leave. I had some conversations with his mom. Because I found BTR, and surprisingly, she said it made her realize she was in an abusive relationship with my ex’s dad. However, she still felt like I should stay. Because she felt like the Lord had taught her so much and she had grown through all these trials. I have sympathy for her, but it’s so wrong. All of a sudden it just became very clear to me that if I stayed for the kids, it was actually putting them more at risk. And honestly, that conversation solidified that I had to leave for the kids. If you’re not sure yet if your partner is abusive, Just listen to some BTR stories and see what jumps out at you. You are a worthy human being that does not have to be perfect to be loved and treated with respect. Reconciliation is not necessary for forgiveness, and you don’t have to forgive anyone. It’s more of a process that can happen on its own time, and no one should force it. Pay much closer attention to someone’s actions over time than the words they say. And it’s never too late to make different choices when you learn or understand new information. I feel like having to make a choice that is wildly unpopular with people around you. Church, that I had to learn in a new way. Maybe for the first time, to not let what people thought about me affect the decisions that I make that part has been really hard because a church we were going to was not supportive at first. Call from somebody in Celebrate Recovery near me group Nancy: Some of them seemed supportive, and even the ones I thought were supportive, in the end weren’t. I actually got a phone call from somebody in my Celebrate Recovery near me group. She called me up to ask me if I was seeing a counselor. Because I still seemed angry. I was speechless, of course I’m angry. Anne: Yeah Nancy: I didn’t even know how to respond to her. I just told her yes, I’m in BTR group and got off the phone. There’s nothing wrong with being angry about the situation. I feel like church tells women they shouldn’t be angry. But Jesus was angry. There’s nothing wrong with being angry. Anne: Yeah, I feel like if you’re not angry, something’s wrong. Nancy: Right. Anne: I mean, nothing is wrong with you. You might be numb, you might be sad. I went through periods where I wasn’t super angry. I was just really depressed, but on the whole oppressed, abused, exploited people, their anger is from God to help liberate themselves from the oppression. But of course, the abuser does not want you to liberate yourself. He said flat out he didn’t want you to be equal. That is infuriating. Nancy: And now he wanted 50/50 custody. It was very upsetting, because my ex had been very non-helpful around the house and with the kids. It was hard to think that he would want 50/50. Anne: But of course he did. Nancy: I didn’t see that coming, and I wish I had been more prepared and could have been more strategic. Listening to him lie in the courtroom Nancy: I could not wrap my mind around that at the time. I had seen more and more abuse as my eyes were open. So I couldn’t wrap my mind around 50/50 custody. I was under the delusion that justice was in the court system. I found out, even though I know he lies, it was a big shock to listen to him lying in the Courtroom. It’s hard to witness. It’s something I wish I had processed before, because I’m sure that was pointed out to me. But I couldn’t process that as a reality back then. The Living Free Workshop was so helpful. And going to group and getting help constantly. The Living Free Workshop is so different than anything you’ve ever been taught. I don’t know how I would’ve made it through this, honestly. That was another thing that was really helpful. There were some scripts in Living Free to get him on Our Family Wizard, and he actually got on it easily. I was surprised. I didn’t think he would get on as easily as he did, and just not responding in any other way. Anne: That’s the thing, they’re desperate to talk to you. With the workshop, everybody says, how am I gonna make him go on OFW? And if you do the script and stick to it and do not deviate. Legit, don’t deviate. Once you’re on Our Family Wizard, literally block him on your phone, so he has no other way of contacting you. He is desperate to get your attention and your belief, like Living Free says, yeah, they’re so transactional. And if you respond through Our Family Wizard, he will find a way to do it. he performs for others in groups like Celebrate Recovery near me and in court Anne: They’re like, well, this is what I gotta do to talk to her, because I’m blocked otherwise. They will move. It might take a month. I’ve had it take the longest six weeks with one woman that I was working with. Every single time he texted, she said, “Hey, I’ve responded on Our Family Wizard.” Nancy: Right. It felt overwhelming, because he kept sending me long, manipulative messages, but I responded on Our Family Wizard. It only took me once for him to switch. Being on OFW was better. Oh, one of the books BTR recommends, The Woman They Could Not Silence. I read it and that was awesome. It helped open up my mind to spiritual abuse. It’s been inspiring to me this whole time. What she went through being separated from her children. That book has been really inspiring. The thought of leaving them with him, terrifying to me. We went through two rounds of court. He would make it sound like I was controlling and not letting him do things. Like why wouldn’t I let him take the kids to half of the doctor’s appointments when he never came to a pregnancy appointment? And same with field trips. He’ll go on field trips now, and I feel like it’s just to keep me from going. It. He never wanted to before. Anne: If he was actually a good dad, he would’ve been doing it before, but since he’s only doing it now, he is just performing. Nancy: Yes, it’s a performance because he’s getting something out of it from other people, like in in celebrate recovery near me, and it’s punishment for me because he knows how much I like being there for the kids. Reluctance to support anything he can’t control Nancy: When we married, he didn’t want us to do extracurricular activities. He didn’t even want free after school activities, much less anything you would have to pay for. He was only okay with youth group attached to his job, not the free after school activities. But since we’ve been divorced, he has them interested in hockey, which is one of the most expensive and time consuming sports there is. It’s very strange from my entire experience with him. He never talked about hockey, and he never wanted them involved. At the same time, he is not wanting to pay half of necessary expenses, like medical or orchestra uniforms. For a long time, I was not asking for half of necessary expenses. Because I didn’t wanna have to deal with him because he makes it such a struggle. Anne: My ex is exactly like that, exactly. When my book comes out, I’m anxious for you to read it, because it was all about control. Like, if I’m paying you anything or if I’m involved in any way, I have to control it. Nancy: Yeah, like my youngest wanted to do karate. His dad would not participate even when I offered to pay the whole thing. Other son was invited to concert band, and his dad said no. Anne: Think about the power trip that gives him that he’s able to manipulate them away from their natural interests. And maybe hockey is something that he wants to do. Like he thinks karate’s dumb, but he thinks hockey’s interesting. Draining my bank account and controlling my time Nancy: It is a huge expense that is very draining. When he won’t even pay half of an AP test. Anne: And that might be part of it. He’s, let’s pick the most expensive thing to drain her bank account. Nancy: Yeah, it was a double bind to drain my bank account and control my time. And at the same time, if I have to back out of it. He’ll say, sorry, kids, Mom won’t let us go to hockey. Anne: He’s calculating ways to set you up to be the bad guy. Nancy: Yes, he is an expert at setting up situations, so my bank account is being drained, and I cover a hundred percent of their insurance. Anne: With a lot of these post-separation abuse situations. They get the benefits, but they don’t have any of the responsibilities, and they can use it against you, but it never works for you. They can bend the rules in order to benefit them, but you can’t bend the rules. Nancy: In the Living Free Workshop. It was helpful to see how to deal with narcissistic abuse in marriage and how it plays out in separation, to find a way out of it. There was one thing you said, and this is when you’re moving away from his harm. You said, “If he escalates, remember that protecting yourself from the harm is not the cause of the harm. Just like evacuating a building was not the cause of the exploding gas lines.” He still wants to get together Nancy: That really hit me. One of the things that keeps haunting me is did I do the right thing? He still tries to get together personally with me. It constantly comes up that he wants to get together for coffee, or would I go to counseling with him, co-parenting counseling. I mostly ignore it at this point because he’s asked so many times. I don’t even answer him. Then if something goes wrong with the money situations or if there’s a point of disagreement, he will say, if you would’ve only met with me like I’ve asked, then this would’ve already been stopped. Anne: Yeah, we could’ve worked it out somehow, no. He would still lie. Nancy: It’s a trap. There’s that little 2% of me left that feels like, well, maybe I should meet with him, but no, it’s a trap. Anne: Yeah, no. Nancy: Because he never intends to do a nice thing. He just wants to get me in front of him again. I don’t think any good would come of it. Anne: A hundred percent, no. It might seem good, ’cause once you get there, it might seem good. He might like to turn on the manipulative lies to make you feel like he cares. I think one of the most abusive things people can say is, I love you or that I care. So manipulating you in that way is actually dangerous, and that’s probably what would happen. Nancy: I don’t think I could keep a straight face. It would skive me out so bad to be around him and hear stuff like that. Everything he says is the opposite of the truth Anne: Well, it’s just further evidence of his controlling nature, because he desperately wants to hang on to control. And so he’s increasing his lies because it’s getting away from him. That’s definitely a sign that he’s been lying the whole time. Nancy: I completely agree. I know that this is better for them in the long run, but in the short run, that sentence helps me right now. That was probably one of the hardest things for me to come to terms with, is that he never loved me. He doesn’t love the children. None of it’s real. It’s all lies, and he still does it. It’s mind-boggling. Everything he says is the opposite of what the truth is. He continues lying as he did in programs like Celebrate Recovery near me. As we were moving through the separation process, the boys did not want to leave and crying and like holding onto the car seats. It was horrible. I knew if I said anything to him, he wouldn’t care. Any altercation would be scary for the kids. So I started getting third party exchange people through a new church. I actually found a church with a woman pastor, which is quite lovely. The new church was helpful and supportive, and there were several people that would help me with exchanges. And things changed, like taking the Living Free Workshop, and suddenly I felt a lot stronger. I had a new understanding and confidence, so I stopped doing the third party exchanges. He actually met with the principal to try to get the principal to agree with him that I’m not allowed to go into the school on his parenting weeks. like in celebrate recovery near me, A clear example of him lying, controlling and abusing Nancy: Which isn’t true. You’re allowed to visit your kid in the school. Anne: Absolutely. Nancy: Unless there’s a restraining order, which there’s not. We have shared custody, but he made it sound like the principal agreed with him. I didn’t think it was the truth, but it scared me at the time. And we were about to have a party, and I signed up to bring food, so I worried I would be kicked out. But the principal didn’t say anything. Isn’t that a clear example of parental alienation? Anne: It’s a clear way of him undermining your relationship with your kids, lying, controlling, and abusing you. This is how he’s literally abusing you and your children. Nancy: Everybody heard about this incident, and it didn’t matter. He made it sound like he had just been concerned for the children’s wellbeing. Anne: Yeah, no. Nancy: My being around them upset them. Anne: Lies. That’s the issue they lie in programs like Celebrate Recovery near me and fool the leaders. Nancy: It’s lies at times it is possible that they might be upset, but it’s not because they’re scared of me. It’s more that they’re sad about the situation. My one son, he told me, it makes him sad to see me when he knows he has to go back to his dad’s. My daughter had a phone before we separated, but he wouldn’t allow communication between the boys and me ever. Once, my son called me using his sister’s phone. He was crying. I was only on the phone for about two or three minutes, and then the phone cut off. And they told me when they came back that he had been mad at them for calling me. Even if there is a court order they will find away around it Nancy: He wouldn’t allow them to have a watch phones either. That’s one of the reasons we went back to court. Anne: That’s the problem with court. You think if we get it in writing, then he’ll do it, but it doesn’t matter. He is not gonna do it no matter what. Nancy: This is what I have learned. I don’t ever wanna go back to court again, because it doesn’t help. No matter what you do, they’ll find a new way to cause harm. So there’s no point in any kind of new order. ‘Cause then they’ll find a new way around it. Anne: Exactly. Nancy: I’m still glad I went, because before I had been worried I had to do everything exactly perfectly or something would go wrong. And then I realized he’s doing wrong things on purpose. He just says stuff to get what he wants and nobody cares. So that has relieved a lot of fear. Anne: What would you share with listeners about what you’ve learned so far about finding help, maybe from Celebrate Recovery near me or elsewhere? Nancy: You know, hearing other people’s stories have meant so much to me, Living Free and the BTR coaches set me up for success. They told me to transfer half of our money to a separate bank account before I even told him that I might be leaving. That was incredibly helpful because I’m not sure if it would’ve been easy for me to get the money. I never used the word abuse or narcissism to him. That played out well, because he would’ve twisted it against me. Anne: A hundred percent. Kids need to know what a safe place feels like Nancy: Getting on the parenting app, super helpful, third parties for switches. Finding people to help with the things you need is just a lifesaver. I do feel like it will be better for the kids in the future, because they can be in a peaceful setting that’s not manipulative. So when they’re making decisions. About how they want to live and their future partners, that they know what it feels like to be in a safe place and being able to have discussions with them about men’s and women’s roles. Anne: Nancy, thank you so much for sharing your story today. And helping others who are searching, to find something truly helpful. Nancy: Thank you.

In this episode (#331), we respond to a betrayed partner who discovered her husband's ongoing porn use while she was pregnant and has since caught him multiple times in the same painful cycle: he apologizes, promises to stop, briefly improves, becomes defensive, grows distant, and eventually lies again. The most recent betrayal was especially devastating because he told her he no longer watched porn only hours before she discovered the truth. Now postpartum, exhausted, and emotionally wounded, she still loves him deeply and sees him as her best friend, but she does not know how to help him understand that this is no longer “just porn.” We emphasize that regardless of whether he accepts the label of addiction, the deception, defensiveness, minimization, and repeated betrayal are already causing serious damage.We describe the common cycle that many betrayed partners experience: the addict engages in questionable or compulsive behavior, secrecy and emotional volatility increase, the partner senses something is wrong, and then her love, patience, and hope are often used—consciously or not—to keep the pattern going. Over time, the partner may become inconsistent, fearful, self-doubting, or silent in an attempt to preserve the relationship, while the addict becomes more defensive and the coupleship erodes. Trust drops, intimacy becomes unsafe, and both people become better at surviving the relationship than thriving in it. If this continues too long, the relationship can reach a tragic place where love still exists, but the partner can no longer stay.The core invitation to the betrayed partner is to stop putting down the mirror and stop silencing her voice. She cannot force him into recovery, but she can clearly and consistently reflect the impact of his choices: how the porn, lying, gaslighting, defensiveness, and inaction affect her, their trust, and their marriage. She can set boundaries, lower vulnerability and intimacy when trust is low, and build an outside support system that does not depend on him. The message is urgent: do not wait until the relationship has bled out emotionally. If he will not face his porn addiction or compulsive behavior, she must find her own voice now and move forward in truth, safety, support, and self-respect.For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to:   If He will NOT face His Porn Addiction—You as a Partner MUST find Your Voice NOW!Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

If you've discovered a partner's affair and wondered why the pain feels like it might actually kill you, you're not overreacting. In this episode, Todd explains exactly why betrayal trauma hits so deep — and what healing actually looks like.When an affair comes to light, the shock is real and the cause is clear. But what makes it feel so all-consuming is that it often wakes up something much older — the wounded parts of you that have been quietly buried since childhood. Feelings of not being good enough. Of being abandoned. Of not being safe. The present pain and the past pain collide, and suddenly you're not just dealing with what your partner did. You're dealing with a lifetime of unresolved wounds all at once.Todd walks through how he uses two therapeutic approaches together — Internal Family Systems (IFS) and EMDR — to help betrayed partners understand and heal what's really happening inside them. IFS helps you identify the different parts of yourself that get activated after betrayal: the protective managers who keep you functional, the firefighters who help you escape the pain, and the exiles — the wounded parts that carry the old memories and beliefs. EMDR then helps your brain actually process those stuck memories so that the past stops flooding into the present.The goal isn't to rush into trusting a partner who hasn't yet earned that trust back. The goal is to help you — the betrayed person — get clear. To get out from under the weight of old wounds so your own intuition, your true self, can tell you what's actually happening in your relationship right now and what you want to do about it.Todd also talks about what a healed relationship can look like when both partners do this work — what he calls a self-led marriage, where each person is guided by their healthiest self rather than their most reactive parts.If you're in the aftermath of infidelity and wondering whether healing is really possible, this episode gives you an honest look at how the work actually happens — and why it works.Todd's Infidelity First Aid Kit Program is a solid place to begin. Find it at toddcreager.com.Making the World Safe for Love. If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who could benefit and leave a review. Your support helps us reach more couples who are ready to transform their lives.Check out my complete program "From Bickering & Escalating to Connecting & Loving" for more in-depth guidance: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/loving-connecting-masterclassTodd Creager, LCSW, LMFTTodd is a sex expert and therapist in Huntington Beach.  He provides relationship coaching to couples throughout the world and in Orange County including Irvine, Newport Beach, Corona del Mar, Laguna Beach, Seal Beach and Long Beach.  (714) 848-2288.You can find more tips and resources from Todd Creager at:  https://toddcreager.com  HELPFUL LINKS:Get your FREE copy of Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/heal-infidelity Secrets to a Sexy Marriage:  https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/sexy-marriage-secrets7 Ways to Divorce Proof Your Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/optin-DPYMBe...

It's time to park it! This week we're tackling betrayal trauma (yet again) and we'll be covering the neuroscience, neurobiology, and psychology as well as some tangentially related research on betrayal, betrayal blindness, and the freeze response. I hope you enjoy this week's communal Schauer, it's a long one - you may leave this episode a bit pruney. We have fun here.

This episode explores the profound impact of betrayal across different life stages, how it shapes our worldview, and the importance of loyalty and healing. Rose Skeeters shares insights on betrayal trauma, its effects on children and adults, and practical steps for recovery. Shout out to Noah Esreal for his permission to use the song Wasn't Nothoin'. ⁠Registerfor the Summer 2026 Support Group on June 3 Today! ⁠⁠Key TopicsDefinition and examples of betrayal across life stagesHow betrayal in childhood alters worldview and core beliefsThe psychological impact of betrayal traumaThe role of loyalty in healing from betrayalPractical steps to rebuild trust and loyaltyNeed individual support? Schedule a session with Rosehere: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.thriveonlinecounseling.com/product/individual-sessions/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠To schedule with Jay, click here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.thriveonlinecounseling.com/product/22608/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Gift cards now available for purchase here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.thriveonlinecounseling.com/product/gift-card/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠**This episode is colloquial not clinical, using personalanecdotes to support conveying information in an informal, relatable way**Keywordsbetrayal, trauma, trust, loyalty, childhood, relationships, healing, worldview, betrayal trauma, emotional safety

เจ็บปวดจาก ‘คำโกหก' จากคนที่ไว้ใจจนแทบใช้ชีวิตต่อไปไม่ไหว? ถึงแม้จะรู้ความจริง แต่เหตุการณ์สุดช็อกก็ยังตามหลอกหลอนจนเราเริ่มหวาดระแวง ไม่กล้าไว้ใจใคร อีกทั้งยังโทษตัวเองที่ปล่อยให้เขาหลอกอย่างไม่น่าให้อภัย . แต่การตกอยู่ในความรู้สึกเจ็บปวด หรือความรู้สึกเจ็บแค้นจาก Betrayal Trauma นั้นกินพลังชีวิตของเราได้มากกว่าที่คิด ดีไม่ดีอาจทำลายความสัมพันธ์ของเรากับคนอื่นที่เหลืออยู่ได้ด้วย แล้วเราจะรับมือกับสถานการณ์นี้อย่างไร? ติดตามได้ในพอดแคสต์ 5M EP. นี้ . #goodtime #5minutespodcast #missiontothemoonpodcast 

เจ็บปวดจาก ‘คำโกหก' จากคนที่ไว้ใจจนแทบใช้ชีวิตต่อไปไม่ไหว? ถึงแม้จะรู้ความจริง แต่เหตุการณ์สุดช็อกก็ยังตามหลอกหลอนจนเราเริ่มหวาดระแวง ไม่กล้าไว้ใจใคร อีกทั้งยังโทษตัวเองที่ปล่อยให้เขาหลอกอย่างไม่น่าให้อภัย . แต่การตกอยู่ในความรู้สึกเจ็บปวด หรือความรู้สึกเจ็บแค้นจาก Betrayal Trauma นั้นกินพลังชีวิตของเราได้มากกว่าที่คิด ดีไม่ดีอาจทำลายความสัมพันธ์ของเรากับคนอื่นที่เหลืออยู่ได้ด้วย แล้วเราจะรับมือกับสถานการณ์นี้อย่างไร? ติดตามได้ในพอดแคสต์ 5M EP. นี้ . #goodtime #5minutespodcast #missiontothemoonpodcast

In Episode 330, Mark & Steve address a uniquely painful and confusing experience for many betrayed partners: living with a deep sense of betrayal and trauma without ever receiving a full disclosure or definitive proof of wrongdoing. We explain that the absence of a “D-Day” does not mean the absence of harm, and that many partners endure years of emotional instability, manipulation, and invalidation that create real trauma regardless of whether specific behaviors are confirmed. By expanding the definition of betrayal beyond isolated events, we highlight how patterns of defensiveness, objectification, coercion, and emotional withdrawal can erode trust and safety just as profoundly as more visible forms of infidelity.A central focus of the article is the concept of integrity abuse, where one partner not only engages in harmful behaviors but also controls the narrative surrounding those behaviors—often denying, minimizing, or reframing reality in ways that discredit the injured partner. This dynamic becomes even more damaging when combined with strong public image management, particularly in cases where the offending partner is respected in the community. The result is a devastating double bind in which the betrayed partner's reality is invalidated both privately and publicly, leading to confusion, isolation, and self-doubt.Ultimately, we emphasize that healing does not require a confession, proof, or acknowledgment from the partner who caused the harm. Instead, it begins with becoming “reality-anchored”—identifying what is known through lived experience, validating one's own pain, and releasing the need for external validation. By building a trauma-informed support system, establishing boundaries, and allowing space for grief, partners can reclaim their sense of truth, dignity, and stability. Even when the full story remains hidden, healing is still possible, and a grounded, empowered future can still be created.For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to:   No D-Day, No Disclosure—But I KNOW I've Been Betrayed: Healing from Integrity Abuse When the Truth Is Still HiddenLearn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

TIMELINE: 00:00 – Intro: The Mission of Real Recovery   00:56 – Robert Augustus Masters: To Be a Man   02:30 – Jesus as the Ultimate Soul Psychologist   03:59 – The Shame-Aggression Quote: A Deep Dive   06:37 – Churchianity vs. True Christianity   08:36 – Anger as a Defensive Strategy   10:40 – The Narcissism of Childhood vs. Adult Shame   13:09 – Core Shame Messages: "I am insignificant"   15:24 – Emasculation and the Addiction Cycle   18:13 – Righteous Anger vs. Petulant Aggression   22:52 – Emotional Paradigms: Men in the Locker Room   26:30 – Samson Society Ad   27:30 – Corrective Relational Experiences   31:34 – The Ministry of Reconciliation in Brotherhood   46:17 – Performance-Based Acceptance: A Litmus Test   51:30 – Betrayal Trauma & the Shame of "One-Down" To learn more about the Sex, God, & Chaos team, click the link below:www.sexgodchaos.comLooking for help? Book an appointment with LifeWorks Counseling today:www.lifeworks.msYou can purchase your copy of Sex, God, & Chaos here:www.amazon.comLink for our sponsor, Hope Quest:https://hopequestgroup.orgLink for our sponsor, The Samson Society:https://www.samsonsociety.com/

Thank you for y'alls patience, this week we're finally discussing betrayal, betrayal trauma, and betrayal blindness. I sincerely apologize for getting derailed last week, hopefully this week's episode shows you guys that I am course correcting and making up for the delay. Yes, this caption does seem quite serious but I'm just taking the time to display what this episode is all about. Hopefully you all enjoy the research I've collected because I sure as heck did.  Next week we'll be going into the neuroscience of betrayal blindness as well as the “freeze” response - so be prepared for a very cold Schauer.  -Download Hily Dating App from the App Store or Google Play, or visit https://hily.go.link/jRMKW Make sure to ‘like' and ‘subscribe' on Youtube, as well as rate me five stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts or any place you get your podcasts. Introduction Sources: Neuroscientist To Lead Engineering-Driven Brain Health Research https://news.utdallas.edu/faculty-staff/matthew-walker-2026/ Polyvagal Theory Has Not Been “Debunked” https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-hope-circuit/202604/polyvagal-theory-has-not-been-debunked The obstacles to decriminalizing psychedelic drugs are political, not legal, say experts https://hls.harvard.edu/today/the-obstacles-to-decriminalizing-psychedelic-drugs-are-political-not-legal-say-experts/ Book Sources: How To Change Your Mind: What the New Science of Psychedelics Teaches Us About Consciousness, Dying, Addiction, Depression, and Transcendence - Michael Pollan The Botany of Desire - Michael Pollan The Great Nerve: The New Science of the Vagus Nerve and How to Harness Its Healing Reflexes - Kevin J. Tracey, MD Tiny Experiments: How to Live Freely in the Goal-Obsessed World - Anne-Laura Le Cunff Sweet and Deadly: How Coca-Cola Spreads Disinformation and Makes Us Sick - Murray Carpenter  The Bullet Journal Method: Track the Past Order the Present Design the Future - Ryder Carroll  Sorry, Sorry, Sorry: The Case for Good Apologies - Marjorie Ingall and Susan McCarthy  The Science of Revenge: Understanding the World's Deadliest Addiction— and How to Overcome It - James Kimmel, Jr., JD This book is very *ehhhh* to me but I did use it as a source. I'm not sure if I would recommend picking it up.  Reading in the Brain: The New Science of How We Read - Stanislas Dehaene This is the book I strongly recommend for looking into the “phonological” and “lexical” pathways, as well as what information is processed by it. Betrayal Resources: Betrayal Trauma: The Neurobiology of What Happens and How People Heal  https://www.emotionstherapycalgary.ca/blog-therapy-calgary-emotions-clinic/betrayal-trauma#Physical_Signs_and_Brain_Patterns  Rebuilding Trust: The Invisible Thread That Holds Relationships Together https://mindlabneuroscience.com/rebuilding-trust-neuroscience-guide/#:~:text=Betrayal%20reclassifies%20a%20trusted%20person,threat%20surveillance%20in%20its%20place Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Send us Fan MailIn this episode of the Men's Divorce Recovery Podcast, Dale sits down with Ralph Brewer to unpack the deep connection between childhood trauma, adult relationships, and the path to becoming a stronger man. Ralph shares how unresolved wounds can shape our wants, needs, and behaviors—often without us realizing it—until they surface through conflict or betrayal. The conversation dives into the emotional impact of divorce and infidelity, and what it really takes to move forward instead of staying stuck. Together, they break down the process of rebuilding identity, reclaiming control, and developing discipline and self-respect. This episode is a powerful guide for any man ready to confront his past, heal with intention, and step into the man he's meant to be. Bible Verse Inspiration: Joel 2:25 — “I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten.”Resources: https://helpformen.comEmail the Show: Hello@MensDivorceRecovery.org 

In this episode (329), Mark and Steve address a submission from a betrayed wife whose husband has recently disclosed a porn addiction just as they were preparing to start a family. They acknowledge the immense emotional tension she is carrying: she deeply loves her husband, wants to support him, and has always dreamed of becoming a mother, yet now feels shattered by betrayal, comparison, insecurity, and fear about what pregnancy and parenthood would mean in the middle of such instability. They honor her sincerity and loyalty while also making it clear that her pain is real and that she is not overreacting by wanting to slow everything down.A major theme of the episode is that the husband's recovery and the wife's healing are not the same process. The speakers caution against the common mistake of focusing entirely on the addict's struggle while minimizing the partner's trauma. They explain that there is no clean finish line called “fully recovered,” and that healing is not about returning to life as it was before disclosure, but about moving through the grief, loss, and transformation this crisis has brought into the marriage. They stress that she must not abandon her own needs, boundaries, and healing in order to carry him, and that both individuals need qualified support, separate healing work, and a stronger relational framework built on truth.Mark and Steve are especially emphatic that this couple should not rush into having children. They explain that children do not fix instability—they magnify it—and that parenthood should never be treated as the automatic next step in a fragile, newly destabilized marriage. Instead, they recommend a deliberate pause on major life decisions, intensive recovery and betrayal-trauma support, clear stability markers, and a long-term pattern of proactive honesty, accountability, and emotional regulation. Their message is ultimately hopeful: the marriage is not doomed, and a healthy future family may still be possible, but only if it is built on a new foundation of transparency, healing, and integrity rather than on pressure, denial, or haste.For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to:   We Want a Family, But He Just Disclosed His Porn Addiction—Now What?Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/6_CuvZO8qbQ. What is betrayal trauma? What makes it particularly painful? Judy and I talk about betrayal, including some insights we've gained from our own experience. Our newly redesigned website is at https://ctin7.com. Let us know what you think! Information about my video course “Betrayal and Forgiveness” is at https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/. Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. Judy's book is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com.   #couplestherapyinsevenwords #ctin7 #stability #intimacy #ThePassionParadox #BetrayalAndForgiveness #forgiveness #DrBruceChalmer #JudyAlexander

In this episode of Healing with Worth, Marquelle and Lauren talk about the bitterness that can slowly build after betrayal trauma, especially when the hurt, broken trust, and questions don't just go away. They talk about how resentment can show up at different points in the healing process, why it's often connected to feeling unheard or disconnected from yourself, and how shame can keep you stuck and silent. They also share simple, practical ways to notice what you're feeling, start rebuilding trust with yourself, and take small steps forward. This episode is a reminder that healing looks different for everyone, you're not alone in the anger or the grief, and with time, support, and faith, it is possible to move out of bitterness and into a place of peace, growth, and feeling like yourself again.

My friend Josh Otani (Master's Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy from Utah State University and a Bachelor's in Psychology with a minor in Family Life from Brigham Young University; active LDS) joins us to talk about: * How to build a healthier tools and perspectives about the sexual part of ourselves * Untangling shame from our sexual part—not something that needs to be “covered up” * It's beautiful, inherent, and life giving * Thoughts are part of our experience—be curious—not your identity * Agency is after our thoughts—act within our value system * Working through betrayal trauma (ourselves and our role to help others) * Developing “safety and security” in a marriage comes at a price—the price of being vulnerable * Discussion of how to create a culture of vulnerability * Being a peacemaker—fresh perspective This is a super powerful episode to talk sexual shame and how to develop better tools and perspectives to do better. I wish I had listened to a podcast like this a long time ago—before becoming a parent and in my church assignments. I could have done such a better job to help reduce shame and a much more positive perspective on their road to recovery. Thank you Josh for being on the podcast. You are doing much good in our community. You give me hope. Links: For anyone who would like to connect, feel free to reach out or schedule a 20-minute consultation through the following: Website: https://bigvalleytherapy.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bigvalleytherapy/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@big.valley.therapy?lang=en Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61578825803249 Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/porn-addiction-betrayal-trauma-josh-otani-sandy-ut/1252682 If you're a church leader, please don't hesitate to reach out if you'd like me to come speak with you personally or present to a group (youth, Elders Quorum, etc.).

Betrayal trauma doesn't just affect couples—it impacts children in ways many families don't fully understand. This week we welcome Morgan Ellsworth, a fellow Choose Recovery Services coach and expert in helping children, teens, and families find clarity and hope after betrayal.In Part 3 of this series, we explore:The emotional world of teens navigating betrayalWhy kids create their own narratives (and often blame themselves)How to give your children clarity without overwhelming themWhat healthy emotional support actually looks likeIf you're a parent trying to protect your kids while healing yourself, this episode offers clarity, compassion, and practical tools.Listen to Part 1 and Part 2.Connect with Morgan Ellsworth: Healing Betrayed Families podcastChapters1:12 Meet Morgan Ellsworth10:12 Kids Mirror Trauma Responses12:31 Giving Teens Language16:05 Communication26:19 Validating Kids' Emotions31:35 Kids Process Reality DifferentlyRegister Now!***Use promo code PODCAST150 to get $150 off when you register for any Choose intensive or retreat in 2026!***

In this episode (328), we address a powerful and heartbreaking question from a betrayed partner: how can her partner claim to love and choose her while continuing to have sexual thoughts about other women? We acknowledge the profound trauma this creates, especially given the timing during pregnancy and postpartum—a period of heightened vulnerability. The repeated disclosures of these thoughts have created a cycle of ongoing emotional injury, leaving her feeling humiliated, replaceable, and unsafe. We emphasize that her pain is valid and reflects real, cumulative trauma, not oversensitivity.We then explore the nature of these thoughts within addiction, distinguishing between occasional intrusive thoughts and deeply conditioned patterns of scanning and objectification that develop over time. While these patterns may be rooted in addiction wiring, they still cause real harm and must be addressed through meaningful recovery work. A major focus is placed on the “double bind” of honesty—where partners feel trapped between needing transparency and being retraumatized by it. We introduce the concept of therapeutic honesty, explaining that effective disclosure must be contained, structured, and focused on recovery actions rather than detailed recounting of harmful thoughts.Finally, we outline what true healing requires. For partners to heal, there must be stabilization—meaning the reduction of harmful behaviors and the end of ongoing re-injury. We also stress the importance of separating the addict's thoughts from the partner's worth, recognizing that his conditioning is not a reflection of her value. Rebuilding a sense of being “chosen” comes not through words, but through consistent, protective actions over time. We encourage partners to take control of the disclosure process, setting boundaries around what they hear, and remind them that their healing—not managing their partner's recovery—is the priority.For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to:   He Says He Chooses Me... So Why Is He Still Thinking About Other Women?!Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

How Long Do Affairs Last?When a spouse's affair keeps going, it can leave you stuck between hope, fear, and the pressure to make the right move before more damage is done. Common reactions like blaming yourself, avoiding boundaries, or copying what worked for someone else can keep you trapped longer. In this episode, Coach Jack explains how to understand your situation more clearly so you can take the next steps that actually help bring the affair to an end.What You'll Learn: How to identify the four factors that most affect how long an affair lasts  How your own security and boundaries can change what is possible in reconciliation  How to tell whether the affair is supplemental, selfish, or a replacement affair  How to choose a response that fits your marriage instead of relying on one-size-fits-all advice Want to Work With Coach Jack? If you want more clarity on what fits your specific situation, Coach Jack's Coaching Package for Ending a Spouse's Affair can help you understand the patterns in your relationship and take steady, practical steps toward reconciliation. Because every affair dynamic is different, personalized coaching can help you focus on the actions that are most likely to move things forward.Key Takeaways: You are not responsible for your spouse's affair.  Boundaries require security.  Different kinds of affairs end in different ways.  Pre-affair relationship damage affects the timeline.  A workable plan matters more than panic. Additional Resources:One-on-one consultation with Coach JackCoaching Package for Ending a Spouse's AffairA Christian Guide to Preventing and Endign Men's Affairs, by Jack Ito PhDQuiz: How Effective Are Your Boundaries?Work one-on-one with Coach Jack to repair your relationship using small, easy steps that rebuild connection quickly. Visit CoachJackIto.com to learn more about relationship coaching.

In this powerful episode of the Dead America Podcast, host Ed Watters speaks with Mr. Jay, a betrayal trauma practitioner, author, and relationship coach, about the hidden wounds, identity fractures, and deep emotional fallout caused by betrayal trauma. Framed within the idea that “Dead America” is where truth cuts through the haze and hope begins, this conversation explores how betrayal impacts the nervous system, the sense of self, and the ability to trust again. Mr. Jay explains that betrayal trauma requires dependency—which means it can come from a spouse, parent, job, one's own body, or even a creator. Focusing on spousal infidelity, he emphasizes that healing must address childhood wounds, attachment injuries, and fractured identity, not just the betrayer's actions. He defines betrayal blindness as a survival response that causes people to explain away red flags until “discovery day,” when the truth finally breaks through. The discussion explores why betrayal trauma is uniquely devastating: it is secretive, deeply personal, and capable of damaging a person's past, present, and future. Mr. Jay breaks down reconciliation realities, responsibility without self‑blame, and how to build boundaries rooted in personal values rather than fear. Listeners will learn: What betrayal trauma really is How childhood wounds shape adult relationships Why betrayal blindness protects the nervous system How to rebuild trust and identity The truth about love, forgiveness, and repeated release How purpose can emerge from pain Mr. Jay closes with encouragement and resources for healing at mrjrelationshipcoach.com, reminding listeners that breakthrough is possible even after the deepest betrayal. Keywords: Mr. Jay, betrayal trauma, betrayal blindness, infidelity recovery, boundaries, forgiveness, relationship healing, childhood wounds, nervous system trauma, identity repair, reconciliation, emotional recovery, Dead America Podcast, Ed Watters.

Between brutal fights and emotional fallout, we check in on the season so far to unpack the pain, the growth, and what healing really looks like in a world this violent. . NERDSoul.DÉCKOR Geek Wall Art https://www.etsy.com/shop/NERDSoulDeckor . Starring: Matthew Jones: https://www.akachicomics.com Covering: #invincible #InvincibleSeason4 #NERDSoul

With your co-hostesses: Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com   and Special Guest, Amy Matters from MattersWellness Donate Listen now: This is our last episode with Amy Matter. She has been a phenomenal addition to our healing conversations here at Hope For Wives. As a reminder, Amy is a holistic health practitioner, she guides betrayed women toward wholeness from the inside out. We are finishing our discussion around  this important topic, Beyond Coping, The path to THRIVING after betrayal trauma.  We Will be Discussing: What common myths about healing keep women stuck in survival mode? What does it take to move from burnout and overwhelm into energy and thriving? What HOPE can we leave our listeners? Resources mentioned in this show: Connect with Amy Matters here – Matters Wellness Amy Matters' Social Media: Instagram @coachamymarie Facebook @matterswellness Scripture references: Malachi 4:1-3, "For indeed, the day is coming, burning like a furnace, when all the arrogant and everyone who commits wickedness will become stubble. The coming day will consume them," says the Lord of Hosts, "not leaving them root or branches. 2 But for you who fear My name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings, and you will go out and playfully jump like calves from the stall. You will trample the wicked, for they will be ashes under the soles of your feet on the day I am preparing," says the Lord of Hosts."

“I thought it was my fault.”In this powerful episode, Hannah Gordon, Alana's daughter, shares what it's like to grow up in a home impacted by betrayal trauma—and how that experience shaped her identity, relationships, and healing journey.From silent shame to emotional clarity, this conversation highlights:The reality of how kids internalize family painThe importance of giving children space to feelWhy healing doesn't mean “feeling better” right away—but feeling lighterThis is a must-listen for parents, partners, and anyone navigating the long-term impact of relational trauma.Chapters04:22 Hannah Finding Her Voice06:25 Kids Internalize the Pain13:39 Necessary Hard and Growth19:33 Healing Was Not Linear22:32 Building Self Trust23:40 Therapy and Self Awareness28:44 Advice for Betrayed Partners32:07 Message to Hurting DadsRegister Now!***Use promo code PODCAST150 to get $150 off when you register for any Choose intensive or retreat in 2026!***NEW Help Her Heal Support Group for Men starting in April! - Register now to experience the deep healing that can come from learning about empathy, communication, and relational repair.

Text us your questions or topics for the show! We got you!Cass Morrow, Author of Disrupting Divorce: The NEW Man. Saving Struggling, Sexless, and Toxic Marriages.Kathryn Morrow, Author of Behind The White Picket Fence.“Once a cheater, always a cheater.”Society loves that label… because it kills hope and lets people stay stuck.In this Q&A, Cass and Kathryn break down a real situation: a man who crossed a line online (emojis/flirty reactions) and now his wife is wrecked with insecurity. He's drowning in shame, searching the internet, and everything he finds says: you can't change.This episode covers:Why labels like “cheater” can become a life sentence if you accept themThe difference between betrayal and a full physical affair (without minimizing the damage)How to validate her pain without getting defensive or desperate“Show, don't tell” — how trust is rebuilt through consistent behaviorWhy you did it (the validation void) and what you must heal underneath itHow to rebuild safety when she's triggered and insecureYou're not doomed.But you are responsible.So peel the label off… and become a different man.

This episode (327) centers on a betrayed partner who, after uncovering her husband's secret pornography use, finds herself increasingly sexually averse despite his apparent efforts toward recovery. Her experience is compounded by a history of childhood sexual trauma and objectification, making the betrayal not just painful, but deeply retraumatizing. When her husband admitted to mentally replacing her with pornographic images and even attempting to shape her into those fantasies, it reinforced a lifelong narrative of inadequacy and comparison. We make it clear that her reaction is not abnormal—it is a natural and protective trauma response from a nervous system that has learned to associate sexual intimacy with danger.We emphasize that while the addict's recovery is essential, it is not the same as the partner's healing. True healing for the betrayed partner requires consistent, long-term experiences of safety—not just effort or apologies. Any form of sexual pressure must be completely removed, allowing intimacy to be rebuilt from the ground up through non-sexual connection, emotional safety, and mutual respect. We also highlight the importance of the partner reclaiming her sense of self—developing body autonomy and recognizing her inherent worth independent of physical appearance or sexual performance, which are often distorted by both personal trauma and cultural messaging.Finally, we address the central question of whether sexual desire will return. While it often can, we stress that it cannot be forced or expected. Desire is the byproduct of restored safety, trust, and emotional connection, and it emerges gradually when those elements are consistently present. We also encourage both partners to consider broader relational dynamics, including boundaries, empowerment, and collaboration in daily life, not just in the sexual realm. Healing is possible, but it requires patience, intentionality, and a complete shift away from entitlement toward genuine, mutual, and safe connection.For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to:   He Turned Me Into Porn ... Now I Don't Want Sex at All—Is This Normal?!Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Are you healing from betrayal… or just suppressing the pain? If you're still triggered, anxious, or emotionally shut down after infidelity, this episode will show you why. Betrayal trauma doesn't disappear just because life moves on. In this episode, we break down the critical difference between true healing and emotional suppression after infidelity—and why so many women (and couples) stay stuck without realizing it. You'll learn: ✔ The hidden signs you're suppressing instead of healing ✔ Why avoidance actually strengthens trauma pathways in the brain ✔ How your nervous system keeps you stuck in survival mode ✔ The biblical truth about bringing pain into the light for real healing ✔ What it actually takes to move from coping… to transformation If you've been telling yourself “I should be over this by now” but still feel triggered, anxious, or disconnected—this episode will give you clarity and direction. Because healing isn't pretending you're okay. It's becoming whole again. Ready to stop coping and start truly healing? Marriage Redesigned™ is our proven, step-by-step process that helps couples move from chaos to clarity, rebuild trust, and restore connection—God's way.

Send us Fan MailIf you've been told you're “doing better”… but something still feels off, this episode is for you. In this episode of The Dimple Bindra Show, we unpack a truth most women are never taught after betrayal:Behaving better is not the same as healing.Many women appear calm, composed, and “moved on” after being cheated on or betrayed but underneath, they feel flat. Disconnected. Numb. And that numbness is often mistaken for peace.In this conversation, Dimple breaks down: • Why emotional numbness is not healing • The difference between being “manageable” vs being real • How women unintentionally disconnect from themselves after betrayal • The hidden pattern of shutting down instead of processing • And how to start reclaiming your full emotional rangeThis episode is a wake-up call for women who: • Feel functional but not fully alive • Have stopped reacting but also stopped feeling • Have been praised for being “strong” while silently disconnectingHealing doesn't make you quieter. It makes you more truthful.Follow Dimple Bindra here!✨ Not sure why you keep choosing pain over peace?If you can't eat, can't sleep, and keep replaying the betrayal in your head, this book was written for this exact moment. Pre-order Betrayal ER™ on Amazon.