Podcasts about Betrayal trauma

Send us Fan MailWhat if the person who betrayed you was not the beginning of the pattern, but the person who finally made it impossible for you to ignore?What if, long before someone lied or cheated, you had already learned to silence your intuition, sacrifice your needs, and stay loyal to people who were not loyal to you?In this episode of The Dimple Bindra Show, I sit down with award-winning spiritual psychology coach, bestselling author, and lineage healer Lainne Love for an honest conversation about betrayal trauma, self-betrayal, inherited relationship patterns, and breaking generational cycles.Lainne shares how her experiences with abuse, trauma, and a violent mugging forced her to examine the subconscious patterns she had carried for years. She explains why healing rarely happens through one dramatic breakthrough. More often, it develops through small, intentional choices that slowly rebuild safety, confidence, and self-trust.Together, we talk about:• Why betrayal can expose patterns that began much earlier• How ignoring your intuition can weaken your self-trust• The inherited belief that a good woman must stay, forgive, and hold everyone together• How childhood conditioning shapes what you tolerate in adult relationships• Why recognizing a pattern is different from changing it• How betrayal affects your sense of safety and nervous system• Why leaving can feel impossible when you are emotionally depleted• The importance of asking for practical, tangible support• How to break painful cycles and create a healthier legacyThis episode is for any woman who has ever asked herself:“Why do I keep repeating the same painful relationship patterns?”Or:“How can I trust myself again after betrayal?”If you are healing after infidelity, struggling with self-abandonment, or afraid of repeating the relationship patterns you witnessed growing up, this conversation will help you understand what may be keeping the cycle alive.Taking responsibility for your healing does not mean taking responsibility for another person's harmful choices. It means learning to hear your own voice again, honor what you know, and choose differently one step at a time.If you have recently been cheated on or are struggling after betrayal, you do not have to face it alone. Book a Betrayal Session with me through the link in the show notes.Connect with Lainne Love:Instagram: @lainneloveWebsite: http://www.lainne.com/✨ Not sure why you keep choosing pain over peace? Take the free WHY YOU GOT BETRAYED QUIZ and uncover the pattern you didn't even know was holding you back.If you can't eat, can't sleep, and keep replaying the betrayal in your head, this book was written for this exact moment. Pre-order Betrayal ER™ on Amazon.

In this episode, Marnie explores the importance of carefully choosing who you trust with your healing. When you have already experienced betrayal, deception, and a loss of trust, finding the right person to support you through recovery can feel scary and confusing. Marnie discusses the difference between clinical expertise, personal experience, and anecdotal advice, and why it is important to understand where the guidance you receive is coming from.Marnie also addresses healing timelines and why there is no universal timeline for recovery. She explores how comparing your healing to someone else's can create shame and make you feel like you are falling behind when, in reality, healing is a deeply personal and non-linear experience.Throughout the episode, Marnie offers practical questions to help you vet therapists, coaches, and other professionals, including specific questions about their training, experience, ongoing education, supervision, and approach to care. She also emphasizes the importance of humility, collaboration, and knowing the difference between evidence, clinical experience, and opinion.Most importantly, Marnie reminds listeners that the helping relationship should never become another betrayal. You deserve to know who you are trusting with your healing, and you deserve support that honors the complexity of what you have been through.Want to connect with us? Click here to schedule your free 15-minute consultation.

Our special guest today is primarily focused on women whose marriages have been impacted by sexual betrayal and addiction. Life, Culture and Current Events from a Biblical Perspective with Neil Johnson.Your support sends the gospel to every corner of Australia through broadcast, online and print media: https://vision.org.au/donateSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Betrayal Trauma Is Not Codependency Episode Summary For years, partners who have experienced sexual betrayal have sometimes been labeled as codependent or “co-addicted.” But is that an accurate way to understand what happens after betrayal? In this episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore the important difference between betrayal trauma and codependency. They discuss research showing that the trauma symptoms experienced by betrayed partners are distinct from codependency and explain why labeling a betrayed partner as codependent can unintentionally shift responsibility away from the person who engaged in deception or betrayal. At the same time, codependent patterns can exist in any relationship. Kevin and MaryAnn explore what happens when we become afraid to speak honestly, avoid conflict, enable unhealthy behaviors, lose our sense of identity, or depend on another person to determine our worth. The conversation also explores the importance of differentiation—learning to remain connected to others without losing yourself. Healing means recognizing what belongs to you, taking responsibility for your own growth, setting healthy boundaries, developing your voice, and refusing to take responsibility for another person's choices. Ultimately, healthy relationships are not built by losing ourselves in another person. They are strengthened when two people develop a clear sense of who they are while learning how to love, support, and connect with each other. Resources Facing Codependence — Pia Mellody A foundational resource for understanding codependency, its origins, and developing a healthier sense of self. Codependent No More — Melody Beattie A classic resource for recognizing codependent patterns, developing boundaries, and learning healthier forms of self-care. The Other Side of Infidelity — Dr. Kevin Skinner | TEDxRiverton A presentation exploring the often-overlooked experience of betrayed partners and the traumatic impact of sexual betrayal. Learn More About Healing as a Couple If sexual betrayal has affected your relationship and you are trying to understand how to move forward together, learn more about the Intimacy Repair Method™. The Intimacy Repair Method provides couples with a structured approach for rebuilding emotional safety, restoring trust, understanding each partner's experience, and creating greater connection after betrayal. Visit IntimacyRepairMethod.com to learn more about resources, courses, and opportunities for couples.

In episode 345, a couple is facing the enormous aftermath of pornography addiction, sexual betrayal, deception, failed disclosure, and trickle truth. The husband reports that he is now 18 months sober, has become rigorously honest and transparent, participates in therapy and 12-step recovery, and is working to sit with his wife's pain without defensiveness. Yet his wife's trauma remains intense. She has maintained a boundary of no physical contact for approximately 18 months, frequently expresses disgust and anger toward him, and periodically insists that she wants a divorce while demanding that he be the one to file. The critical reality is that his recovery does not erase the impact of his past choices. Sobriety, honesty, and improved behavior matter tremendously, but they cannot dictate the pace of her healing or guarantee that she will ultimately want reconciliation.At the same time, understanding the source of a betrayed partner's anger does not mean that every form of communication should continue indefinitely. If the marriage is going to have a genuine chance, patterns of contempt, humiliation, name-calling, aggression, defensiveness, and retaliation must progressively give way to healthier communication and individual accountability. The husband must continue owning the tremendous harm he caused while recognizing that his job is to create the best possible environment for his wife's healing—not to control or perform that healing for her. Likewise, although she did not cause the betrayal or deserve its consequences, she is ultimately the only person who can pursue her own healing, recover her voice and agency, and determine what she authentically wants. Both partners need to move away from “I did this because you did that” and toward taking responsibility for how each chooses to show up now.The deeper question is therefore not simply whether he should file for divorce because she tells him to. He can authentically say that he does not want a divorce, respects her right to choose one, and still wants to give the marriage an opportunity to heal. But neither partner should remain indefinitely trapped in a painful holding pattern. With professional support, they need to identify what reconciliation would actually require, what each person's deepest wants and needs are, whether those needs are compatible, and whether both genuinely want to undertake the work necessary to build a fundamentally different relationship. If both choose reconciliation, the long-term goal must be a return to true partnership rather than a permanent dynamic of offender and victim, guilty spouse and judge. If one or both ultimately determine that reconciliation is no longer possible, healing must continue individually so that both can move toward lives of greater honesty, wholeness, safety, and peace.For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to:   My Addiction Shattered My Wife; She Wants a Divorce, but I Don't. Now What?!Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Betrayal during a marriage can make you question your own mind, your memories, and your ability to trust what's right in front of you. If infidelity, lying, hiding, or a double life showed up in your marriage this episode can be your next step in your divorce healing journey.This is the second episode in the Ex-Files where I'm talking about why betrayal pain feels so different from “normal” breakup grief, and why your brain may keep reaching into the past to re-check old moments for clues. I share the validation so many women need to hear: being deceived is not evidence you're naive, broken, or unlovable. I explain concepts like betrayal trauma and betrayal blindness, and how intrusive thoughts, hypervigilance, and sleepless nights can be a documented nervous system response, not a personal failure.From there, I get practical. I walk you through how to rebuild self-trust after betrayal by separating facts from the story your brain layers on top, grieving the reality you thought you were living in, and setting boundaries with rumination so you're not trapped in the 2 a.m. timeline replay. You'll also learn grounding tools you can use immediately and a simple approach to rebuilding confidence through small daily decisions that honor your intuition.If you're ready to stop outsourcing closure and start coming home to yourself, press play. Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs it, and leave a quick rating or review so more women can find support when betrayal turns their world upside down.To download your FREE "Becoming You Again Podcast Map" click here. To schedule your complimentary consult with Karin click here.Struggling after divorce to get to know yourself? Click here to grab my $7 guide to get started!If this podcast resonated with you in any way, please take a minute to follow and give me a rating wherever you listen to podcasts.======================================DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR EDUCATIONAL, INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND ARE NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING PSYCHOLOGICAL, COUNSELING OR PROFESSIONAL HEALTHCARE ADVICE. =======================================

Do you feel anxious, obsessive, forgetful, emotionally overwhelmed, or completely unlike yourself after discovering an affair, pornography use, or sexual betrayal? You are not crazy—your brain and nervous system are responding to a devastating loss of safety. In this episode of Marriage Redesigned with Lisa, she explains how betrayal trauma affects the brain through fight, flight, freeze, amygdala activation, hypervigilance, and fragmented memories. You'll learn why you keep replaying what happened, asking the same questions, searching for answers, and reacting intensely to seemingly small triggers. Drawing from Scripture, neuroscience, and current trauma research, Lisa shares three practical steps to help you regulate your nervous system, understand your reactions, and begin rebuilding safety through truth, consistency, and evidence. In this episode, you'll learn: Why betrayal can produce trauma-like symptoms How the brain's threat-detection system responds after discovery What fight, flight, freeze, and fawn may look like in betrayal recovery Why memories and thoughts can feel scattered or intrusive Why repeated questioning is often an attempt to rebuild reality Three steps to begin feeling safer and more grounded Download Lisa's free couple's resource, We Are Not Crazy, using the link in the show notes. You are not losing your mind. You are responding to a profound relational injury—and with biblical truth, appropriate support, and genuine safety, healing is possible. :: NEXT STEPS 7 PILLARS OF HEALING FROM BETRAYAL TRAUMA Join our Beauty Beyond Betrayal Sisterhood:   Healing from an affair: Heartbreak Recovery for Christian Women Email:   info@marriageredesigned.com WEBSITE:  www.marriageredesigned.com Got a question you want answered?  ASK HERE

Full-length discussion with betrayal trauma expert, Mr. Jay. Contact links below for both when you are ready to know more or schedule an appointment.NARC Troopers w P PESQUEDA contact email" narc2thrive@gmail.comwww.narctroopers.coMR JAY contacts: Mr. Jay is a family man and enjoys showing his children the beauty of life.  With all of his collective life experiences, Mr. Jay lives by the motto, “We are all beautifully broken, but even broken crayons can create amazing masterpieces.”https://linktr.ee/traumapractitionerjayhttps://mrjayrelationshipcoach.com/ https://www.youtube.com/@BetrayalTraumaPractitioner https://x.com/JayRelationshiphttps://www.instagram.com/mrjayrelationshipcoach/https://www.linkedin.com/in/mrjayrelationshipcoach/https://www.facebook.com/MrJayRelationshipCoachhttps://vm.tiktok.com/TTPdMfnhJW/                                     

Today we discuss betrayal trauma.Contact Mr Jay Mr. Jay is a family man and enjoys showing his children the beauty of life.  With all of his collective life experiences, Mr. Jay lives by the motto, “We are all beautifully broken, but even broken crayons can create amazing masterpieces.”https://linktr.ee/traumapractitionerjayhttps://mrjayrelationshipcoach.com/ https://www.youtube.com/@BetrayalTraumaPractitioner https://x.com/JayRelationshiphttps://www.instagram.com/mrjayrelationshipcoach/https://www.linkedin.com/in/mrjayrelationshipcoach/https://www.facebook.com/MrJayRelationshipCoachhttps://vm.tiktok.com/TTPdMfnhJW/Contact P Pesqueda NARC2thrive@gmail.comnarctroopers.com

Episode 344—Long-term betrayal and integrity abuse can severely disrupt a betrayed partner's ability to trust her own perceptions. After repeatedly sensing that something was wrong, being told she was mistaken, and later discovering that her intuition had been accurate, she may become intensely hypervigilant. When a new concern arises—such as inappropriate boundaries with a coworker—she may feel certain that more occurred while simultaneously questioning whether her nervous system is simply expecting the worst. This confusion does not mean she is irrational or broken; it means her natural intuition has become entangled with fear, traumatic memory, grief, and protective vigilance.Polygraphs, formal disclosures, accountability systems, and additional facts may be valuable parts of the recovery process, but they cannot become the sole source of safety. No test is perfectly accurate, and even a favorable result may not quiet a traumatized brain that has learned to distrust reassurance. The betrayed partner's Information-Gathering or Investigator Part may believe that enough details will finally guarantee she is never blindsided again, but complete certainty is impossible in any relationship. Healing does not mean returning to a pre-betrayal state or forgetting what happened. It means carrying the past differently, allowing its meaning to change as both partners develop new skills, boundaries, support systems, and patterns of behavior.The partner can begin rebuilding intuition by observing progressive evidence rather than depending on promises or perfection. She can watch whether her spouse is proactive in recovery, transparent, accountable, emotionally grounded, open to feedback, connected to support, and willing to maintain appropriate boundaries without being managed by her. At the same time, she can strengthen her own identity, self-worth, emotional grounding, support network, and confidence in her ability to respond if betrayal happens again. Her job is not to police his recovery but to become increasingly capable of seeing the relationship clearly and freely choosing whether to remain in it. Her intuition has not disappeared; with time, support, verification, and self-trust, it can be retuned into a wiser and more resilient source of discernment.For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to:   After his Gaslighting, Betrayal and Integrity Abuse, My Intuition is Broken!Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

The partner in this situation (Episode 343) recognizes that her husband's honesty about two recent relapses represents meaningful progress after years of pornography use, self-gratification, betrayal, and deception. However, the aftermath of those relapses remains deeply damaging. He spirals into shame, discouragement, and self-condemnation, creating a heavy emotional atmosphere in the home and leaving her feeling responsible for stabilizing him while she is also trying to process her own grief and betrayal trauma. His requests that she pursue him, cuddle him, initiate affection, or make him feel wanted become especially painful when he later rejects her or questions whether her efforts are genuine.Although unresolved grief, childhood wounds, and protective parts may help explain why addiction and shame become activated, they do not excuse the behavior or make his partner responsible for healing him. His shame functions like a bucket full of holes: no amount of external reassurance can fill what he has not learned to repair internally. When he seeks sexual or emotional validation from the person he has just harmed, he risks using her as a confessor, rescuer, and sexual absolver. Real accountability goes far beyond admitting the relapse. It requires him to tolerate difficult emotions, contact his sponsor, therapist, group, or recovery support, examine what led to the relapse, identify the deeper needs he was attempting to meet, and develop a specific plan for changing his recovery practices.For the betrayed partner, healthy boundaries include taking physical or emotional space, declining to become his primary emotional regulator, and participating in affection or sexual intimacy only when it feels authentic and safe for her. She can acknowledge his honesty without taking responsibility for his shame, and she can refuse to remain in a cycle where she is asked to pursue him only to be rejected or interrogated. He does not need to be perfect, but he does need to stand up, lead his recovery, respect her healing process, and protect her from additional harm. Genuine connection becomes possible when he owns his recovery and she remains loyal to her safety, truth, boundaries, and healing.For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to:   He's Honest About Relapses, But His Spiraling Shame and Neediness Cycle is Exhausting!Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

What if the exhaustion you're carrying isn't about your schedule at all — but a betrayal you haven't even named yet?In this episode of Break Free from the Burnout, Dr. Anastasia Chopelas sits down with attorney-turned-somatic-healing practitioner Lora Cheadle to unpack the real difference between burnout from overwork and burnout rooted in betrayal trauma. Lora explains how betrayal — the breaking of an expectation you relied on — shows up in the body, why high-achieving women are especially prone to internalizing it, and how her concept of "flaunt" (full expression instead of collapse) helps release what's been held in the gut, shoulders, and mind. The conversation moves through unconscious agreements, questioning inherited beliefs, and why grieving before healing matters more than rushing to fix it. Lora also shares her betrayal recovery guide, built around small, sequential steps rather than an all-at-once overhaul.Ready to reconnect with yourself before chasing the next goal? For Lora's Free Betrayal Recovery Guide, which includes a downloadable guide, somatic tools, and a healing visualization, go to www.BetrayalRecoveryGuide.com and visit https://scientifichealer.com/relationship for Dr. Chopelas's five-step relationship healing protocol.Show notes at https://www.breakfreefromtheburnout.comDiscover your energy leaks.  Presentation on the Hidden Science of Energy Blocks: https://healersu.com/registerLiked this episode? Pay it forward and share it with a friend.Love the show? Write a 5-star review — even one sentence helps us keep bringing you the content you want to hear.More from Dr. Anastasia:Websites: https://www.healersu.com and https://www.scientifichealer.comLinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/drachopelasFacebook: https://facebook.com/dranastasiachopelasYouTube: https://youtube.com/c/dranastasiachopelasSome product links on this site are affiliate links, which means we'll earn a small commission for any affiliate purchases you make (at no additional cost to you). We only recommend products that we use and/or personally trust, so you can browse with confidence.

In this episode, I sit down with Adam and Judith Nisenson to discuss the often overlooked experiences of women who betray and men who are betrayed.Cheating doesn't just happen to women, men get betrayed too.Links:Apsats.orghttps://www.betrayalshrink.com/https://open.spotify.com/show/1MQanETH3GogBFRhyx4lE9https://www.womenswrk.com/https://www.betrayalshrink.com/blog-resources/categories/men-get-cheated-on-too-podcast

Everyone acts like being a lovergirl is a flaw: too soft, too much, too easy to hurt... I disagree. In this episode I'm getting real about my own love story (the highs, the heartbreak, the lessons), what betrayal trauma actually did to me and how I'm healing from it, and why loving hard is a superpower, not a weakness. If you've ever been told you love "too much," this one's for you.Follow the podcast on all platforms

PBSE, Episode 342—Lying in addiction can take many forms, including outright denial, omission, minimization, exaggeration, deflection, gaslighting, and carefully constructed half-truths. Even when the subject of the lie appears trivial, the impact on a betrayed partner can be enormous because each new deception reinforces the message that reality is still being hidden and that she must remain vigilant to discover the truth. Repeated dishonesty is not merely a bad habit; it can become a form of integrity abuse that undermines a partner's safety, informed choices, and ability to trust her own perceptions.For many people, lying developed early as a protective response to punishment, instability, humiliation, rejection, or abandonment. Understanding these origins can help us approach the wounded and frightened parts of ourselves with compassion, but it cannot become an excuse for continuing to harm others. Habitual lying also reflects emotional immaturity because it attempts to avoid the normal discomfort of adulthood—disappointment, accountability, difficult conversations, consequences, and being seen accurately. Recovery begins when we honestly acknowledge that protecting our comfort, reputation, or immediate gratification has often taken priority over the safety of the person we say we love.Real integrity is built through repeated action rather than promises. We must practice moving toward discomfort, tell the truth before being discovered, and immediately correct any lie, omission, or distortion once we recognize it. This may require therapy, trauma work, accountability, recovery support, and clear relational boundaries, but no one else can make the central choice for us. Lasting change occurs when honesty becomes part of who we are—not simply a strategy to preserve the relationship—and when our partner can increasingly see that our words, actions, values, and priorities finally match.For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to:   Why Do I Keep Lying to My Partner About the Stupidest Little Things?!Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Send us Fan MailIn this episode of The Dimple Bindra Show, Dimple speaks with Hong Kong-based dispute resolution strategist Lisa Tipton about what really happens to women after betrayal, cheating, emotional shock, and separation.This conversation explores the emotional, psychological, financial, and practical realities many women silently face after discovering infidelity.In This Episode We Talk About: Why betrayal creates emotional confusion and shock  Why women blame themselves after cheating  The hidden pressure women carry after betrayal  Why many women stay silent and isolate themselves  The emotional impact of betrayal on confidence and identity  How Asian women navigate shame, family pressure, and secrecy  What a healthy support system should actually look like  Why women should stabilize emotionally before making major decisions  How to prepare for difficult conversations around separation, finances, children, or property  Boundaries, gaslighting, manipulation, and protecting your peace  Common mistakes women make when trying to “keep the peace”  Why practical preparation matters after betrayal  The importance of emotional stabilization in the first 72 hours  How women can begin rebuilding clarity, self-trust, and emotional strength If you are navigating betrayal, emotional confusion, infidelity, or relationship conflict, this episode will help you feel less alone and more emotionally grounded.Follow Lisa Tipton Here! ✨ Not sure why you keep choosing pain over peace? Take the free WHY YOU GOT BETRAYED QUIZ and uncover the pattern you didn't even know was holding you back.If you can't eat, can't sleep, and keep replaying the betrayal in your head, this book was written for this exact moment. Get Betrayal ER™ on Amazon.

Most secrets don't stay secret because they're powerful. They stay secret because we're terrified of what would happen if they were exposed. Justin and Trisha Davis share the aftermath of a marriage crisis and the hidden weight of betrayal trauma. Sometimes healing begins when hiding becomes more painful than telling the truth. To support this ministry financially, visit: https://www.oneplace.com/donate/84/29?v=20251111

It's one of the most common—and heartbreaking—questions after betrayal trauma.This week Amie and Alana discuss what healing actually looks like after betrayal trauma, why recovery often feels painfully slow, and the practices that truly help. They explore support groups, self-compassion, psychoeducation, nervous system healing, somatic work, family-of-origin healing, and the obstacles that can quietly keep us stuck.Most importantly, this episode offers hope. Even if you can't see it today, healing is possible. If you're in the middle of the darkness, keep listening.Chapters01:14 Will I Ever Heal?2:00 Personal Story05:01 Darkness to Sunrise Metaphor07:47 Early Stage Healing Tools11:03 Real Self-Care Explained16:51 Psychoeducation and Roadmap21:24 What Hinders Healing25:14 Advanced Somatic Work32:15 There is HopeRegister Now!***Use code PODCAST150 to get $150 off any Choose intensive or retreat in 2026!***Courage to Thrive - Join us for this healing retreat for women who have experienced betrayal trauma. It offers a safe, supportive space to process pain, reconnect with yourself, and begin moving forward with strength and hope. Through guided workshops, therapeutic support, and restorative experiences, women leave feeling seen, empowered, and less alone. August 25-28, 2026 in Spanish Fork, Utah. Reclaimed: A Men's Parts-Work Intensive - A transformative 4-day intensive for men in recovery from problematic sexual behaviors, using the Internal Family Systems model to help participants deepen emotional healing, reduce shame, understand their inner world, and live with greater authenticity and wholeness. August 18-21 in Spanish Fork, UT.

Betrayal trauma lives in your muscles, breathing, and nervous system, not just your emotions. Discover the three body states after betrayal, why you freeze during intimacy, and the sixty-second practice that helps you read what your body is trying to tell you. Rebuilding Sacred Intimacy City: Westminster Address: 1075 Long Valley Road Website: https://rebuildingsacredintimacy.com Phone: +1 443 340 9329 Email: support@rebuildingsacredintimacy.com

Let's Think About "Betrayal Trauma" With Special Guest Mr. Jay What happens when the people we trust the most become the ones who hurt us the deepest? In this emotional and deeply vulnerable episode of Mitzi, Let's Think About It, Mitzi sits down with special guest Mr. Jay to unpack the painful reality of betrayal trauma — the kind of pain that changes how we see relationships, trust, love, and even ourselves. Together, they explore the emotional scars left behind by betrayal, the silent grief people carry, and the difficult journey of healing after trust has been broken. This conversation goes beyond heartbreak. It dives into the emotional confusion, anxiety, overthinking, abandonment wounds, and inner battles that betrayal can leave behind. If you've ever questioned your worth after being hurt… If you've struggled to trust again… If you've carried pain that nobody else could fully see… This episode will speak directly to your heart. In this episode, Mitzi and Mr. Jay discuss: • The emotional effects of betrayal trauma • Healing after broken trust • Mental and emotional recovery • Self-worth after betrayal • Why betrayal changes people emotionally • Learning to trust yourself again • Vulnerability, pain, and emotional growth And maybe the hardest question of all: How do we heal from pain caused by someone we once felt safe with? This episode is raw, reflective, emotional, and deeply human.

Want help uncovering the real reasons behind your urges and build a plan to overcome your pornography use? Click here to book a free call with Sam to get help to overcome pornography – https://stopporn.info/    Have questions you want me to address on future podcast episodes? Email me here:  sam@healingcouples.org   Episode show notes: When a man struggles with a pornography addiction or habit, it shatters trust and security in his relationship. Most men desperately seek to repair and restore the relationship, but sadly find themselves struggling to help her feel better despite making positive changes individually. This episode of share with you, three specific ways, couples can approach the healing process together to help her pain heal and ultimately find closure. After 15,000 hours of doing therapy with clients, these are the top tools that I've had the most difference in the lives of my clients.

Send us Fan MailWhat if the betrayal didn't start the day you found out… but the day you stopped trusting yourself?In this episode, I talk about the psychology of self betrayal and why so many women ignore red flags, suppress their intuition, and rationalize unhealthy behavior before the truth finally comes out.I break down concepts like cognitive dissonance, trauma bonding, emotional paralysis, and why your body often knows something is wrong before your mind accepts it.If you've ever told yourself:“Maybe I'm overthinking.”“Maybe he's just stressed.”“I don't want to ruin this.”Please share this episode with someone who may need it.✨ Not sure why you keep choosing pain over peace? Take the free WHY YOU GOT BETRAYED QUIZ and uncover the pattern you didn't even know was holding you back.If you can't eat, can't sleep, and keep replaying the betrayal in your head, this book was written for this exact moment. Get Betrayal ER™ on Amazon.

In this episode (340), we respond to a deeply painful submission from a betrayed partner who is trying to determine whether she can stay in a marriage where her husband's recovery journey seems to be destroying her own healing journey. She discovered in 2024 that her husband had a long history of pornography addiction, alcoholism, escapism, attempted infidelity, trickle truths, and repeated broken promises. At the same time, she has been carrying an overwhelming personal load: mothering three children, navigating a long custody dispute, starting a new job after finishing college, managing the household, dealing with childhood sexual trauma and PTSD, and eventually experiencing a nervous breakdown and hospitalization.We emphasize that the first issue is not whether the marriage can be saved, but whether there is safety and stabilization. Her husband's alcohol-fueled rage, property damage, suicidal crisis, hospitalization, shame spirals, emotional attacks, and mental health diagnoses all point to the need for professional intervention, psychiatric care, risk assessment, and a clear safety plan. We also make clear that while diagnoses such as PTSD, borderline personality disorder, depression, anxiety, ADHD, alcoholism, and sex addiction can help explain behavior, they do not excuse harmful impact. His pain is real, but it cannot make her responsible for managing his emotions, preventing his collapse, or absorbing his volatility.The episode's core message is that his recovery must become his responsibility, not hers. A betrayed partner's overfunctioning can easily look like loving support, but if she is managing his emotions, protecting him from consequences, organizing his recovery, and sacrificing her own stability, the system becomes unsustainable and potentially dangerous. Any decision about staying cannot be based on his potential, temporary remorse, or the “flicker of a good man” she still sees in him; it must be based on sustained, observable, accountable change over time. Before true coupleship work can happen, there must be parallel healing: he must build and lead his own recovery system, and she must prioritize her safety, capacity, trauma healing, boundaries, and support network.For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to:  When His Recovery Journey Is Destroying Her Healing JourneyLearn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Why does betrayal feel like it shatters your entire world? #BetrayalTrauma practitioner and #RelationshipCoach Mr. Jay explains why broken trust affects us so deeply, how childhood wounds amplify #emotionalpain, and the practical steps toward #healingafterinfidelity, abandonment, or emotional betrayal. Mr. Jay shares the surprising statistics behind healing after betrayal, why many couples actually grow stronger, and the mindset shifts necessary to #rebuildtrust, restore intimacy, and move forward together after emotional devastation.This episode offers hope for anyone #rebuildingtrust after trauma.Learn more and connect with Mr. Jay at: www.MrJayRelationshipCoach.com https://linktr.ee/traumapractitionerjay#betrayaltrauma #betrayaltraumahealing #relationshiphealing #rebuildingtrust #trustafterbetrayal #infidelityrecovery #emotionalhealing #traumahealing #attachmenttrauma #childhoodtrauma #innerchildhealing #selftrust #healthyrelationships #relationshipadvice #mentalhealth #anxietyrecovery #depressionhealing #forgivenessjourney #boundaries #selfworth #resilience #personalgrowth #spiritualhealing #healthyrelationships #healthyrelationshiptips _____________________________________ABOUT SAMIA:Samia Bano is the #HappinessExpert, author, speaker, podcaster & coach for coaches and healers. Samia is most known for her book, 'Make Change Fun and Easy' and her #podcast of the same name. With the help of her signature Follow Your Heart Process™, a unique combination of #PositivePsychology and the #spiritual wisdom of our most effective #ChangeMakers, Samia helps you overcome #LimitingBeliefs, your chains of fear, to develop a #PositiveMindset and create the impact and income you desire with fun and ease…Samia's advanced signature programs include the Happiness 101 Class and the Transformative Action Training.Samia is also a Certified #ReikiHealer and Crisis Counselor working to promote #MentalHealthAwareness.  Samia models #HeartCenteredLeadership and business that is both #SociallyResponsible and #EnvironmentallyFriendly.Samia is a practicing #Muslim with an inter-spiritual approach. As someone who has a love and appreciation for diversity, she is a #BridgeBuilder between people of different faiths and cultures. Although Samia currently lives in California, USA, she has lived in 3 other countries and speaks Hindi, Urdu, and English fluently.  Want to learn even more about Samia? Visit www.academyofthriving.com :)To Book your Free HAPPINESS 101 EXPLORATION CALL with Samia, click: https://my.timetrade.com/book/JX9XJ

Why does betrayal feel like it shatters your entire world? #BetrayalTrauma practitioner and #RelationshipCoach Mr. Jay explains why broken trust affects us so deeply, how childhood wounds amplify #emotionalpain, and the practical steps toward #healingafterinfidelity, abandonment, or emotional betrayal. Mr. Jay shares the surprising statistics behind healing after betrayal, why many couples actually grow stronger, and the mindset shifts necessary to #rebuildtrust, restore intimacy, and move forward together after emotional devastation.This episode offers hope for anyone #rebuildingtrust after trauma.Learn more and connect with Mr. Jay at: www.MrJayRelationshipCoach.com https://linktr.ee/traumapractitionerjay#betrayaltrauma #betrayaltraumahealing #relationshiphealing #rebuildingtrust #trustafterbetrayal #infidelityrecovery #emotionalhealing #traumahealing #attachmenttrauma #childhoodtrauma #innerchildhealing #selftrust #healthyrelationships #relationshipadvice #mentalhealth #anxietyrecovery #depressionhealing #forgivenessjourney #boundaries #selfworth #resilience #personalgrowth #spiritualhealing #healthyrelationships #healthyrelationshiptips _____________________________________ABOUT SAMIA:Samia Bano is the #HappinessExpert, author, speaker, podcaster & coach for coaches and healers. Samia is most known for her book, 'Make Change Fun and Easy' and her #podcast of the same name. With the help of her signature Follow Your Heart Process™, a unique combination of #PositivePsychology and the #spiritual wisdom of our most effective #ChangeMakers, Samia helps you overcome #LimitingBeliefs, your chains of fear, to develop a #PositiveMindset and create the impact and income you desire with fun and ease…Samia's advanced signature programs include the Happiness 101 Class and the Transformative Action Training.Samia is also a Certified #ReikiHealer and Crisis Counselor working to promote #MentalHealthAwareness.  Samia models #HeartCenteredLeadership and business that is both #SociallyResponsible and #EnvironmentallyFriendly.Samia is a practicing #Muslim with an inter-spiritual approach. As someone who has a love and appreciation for diversity, she is a #BridgeBuilder between people of different faiths and cultures. Although Samia currently lives in California, USA, she has lived in 3 other countries and speaks Hindi, Urdu, and English fluently.  Want to learn even more about Samia? Visit www.academyofthriving.com :)To Book your Free HAPPINESS 101 EXPLORATION CALL with Samia, click: https://my.timetrade.com/book/JX9XJ

Seven months after discovering Brian's affair, Anne wrote a letter that changed the direction of their marriage forever.In this deeply personal episode, Brian and Anne step away from their roles as coaches and counselors to revisit one of the most vulnerable moments of their own affair recovery. Anne reads the actual letter she wrote during their healing journey, and together they unpack why it became a turning point in restoring trust, rebuilding connection, and creating hope for their future.Brian also shares what it felt like to receive the letter, why he never viewed Anne's actions as equal to his affair, and how genuine compassion became one of the keys that transformed their marriage.If you're walking through infidelity recovery, this episode offers something many couples desperately need: hope. Healing doesn't happen overnight, and compassion isn't expected in the early days after discovery. But when both spouses are willing to do the work, healing can become possible.Yes, you can move beyond the pain and get the life you want.www.beyondaffairs.com  360.306.3367

Send us Fan MailIf you stayed after betrayal… not because you didn't know better, but because you were worried about him, this episode is for you.In this episode of The Dimple Bindra Show, we uncover a deeply hidden pattern many women don't even realize they're living:You didn't stay out of love. You stayed out of responsibility.After betrayal, some women don't leave,  not because they are weak, but because they feel responsible for the person who hurt them.You start thinking: • Where will he go? • How will he survive? • What will happen to him without me?And without realizing it, you step into a role you were never meant to play:The caretaker. The fixer. The parent.In this episode, Dimple breaks down: • Why women become caretakers after betrayal • The connection between childhood conditioning and staying • How responsibility turns into self-betrayal • Why you cannot heal while parenting the person who hurt you • The moment empathy starts costing you your safety and voiceThis episode is for you if: • You stayed because leaving felt “cruel” • You feel responsible for someone who betrayed you • You've always been the strong one, the fixer, the emotional supportHere's the truth: You are not heartless for choosing yourself. You are not abandoning anyone.You are stepping out of a role you were never meant to carry.✨ Not sure why you keep choosing pain over peace? Take the free WHY YOU GOT BETRAYED QUIZ and uncover the pattern you didn't even know was holding you back.

In this episode (338), we explore a new but increasingly common form of betrayal: porn addiction escalating into AI-generated sexual fantasy, including the use of a partner's image or likeness as the “character” in altered images, videos, or written sexual scenarios. The betrayed partner who wrote in described a long marriage marked by hidden pornography, years of sexual disconnection, fantasy-based online behavior, and now AI-created sexual content involving her own image. We make it clear that this does not become intimacy simply because the partner's image is involved. If the behavior is rooted in secrecy, objectification, fantasy, comparison, escape, and compulsive sexual gratification, then it remains part of the addiction cycle.We explain that AI has become a powerful new playground for the addict brain because it offers endless novelty, personalization, and control. The limbic system, which seeks pleasure and avoids pain, can rationalize almost anything when addiction is active. An addict may tell himself, “It's my wife, so it's okay,” or “This is better than traditional porn,” but those rationalizations miss the deeper reality. Using a partner's likeness in AI fantasy without true relational connection and consent is not healing; it can actually amplify betrayal trauma by turning the partner into an object inside the addiction system. We also challenge the idea that “AI therapy,” cold turkey, or private willpower can resolve a decades-long compulsive sexual pattern.The path forward requires both clarity and courage. The betrayed partner cannot choose recovery for the addict, but she can choose strong boundaries, outside support, betrayal-trauma healing, and a life that is not dependent on whether he finally “gets it.” The addict, meanwhile, must stop trying to do recovery on his own terms and seek real help—professional intervention, group support, daily accountability, transparency, sobriety boundaries, and long-term lifestyle change. AI may be the newest form of synthetic sexual escape, but the solution remains the same: real recovery, real accountability, real repair, and a return to authentic human connection.For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to:  When Porn Addiction Evolves into AI Fantasy Using the Partner as the “Character”Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Send us Fan MailYou're not just losing a person, you're losing the reality you thought you were living in. One day everything feels stable, and the next, you're questioning what was real, what wasn't, and how you didn't see it. In this episode of The Dimple Bindra Show, we dive deep into the psychology of betrayal and breakups with Hong Kong-based psychologist Peter Chan from Treehole HK.Check out Peter Chan's YoutTube Channel Here! Together, we unpack: Why betrayal feels more devastating than a normal breakup  The role of shock, anger, and emotional collapse Why your mind keeps replaying everything (rumination loops)  Why you still miss someone who hurt you  How betrayal impacts your ability to trust again  The concept of “secure attachment” breaking overnight Practical tools like “worry time” to regain control We also explore how to begin rebuilding your sense of self, even when everything feels broken.If you're in the first days or even months after betrayal, this conversation will help you understand what's happening inside your mind and how to move forward with clarity.Follow:✨ Not sure why you keep choosing pain over peace? Take the free WHY YOU GOT BETRAYED QUIZ and uncover the pattern you didn't even know was holding you back.If you can't eat, can't sleep, and keep replaying the betrayal in your head, this book was written for this exact moment. Get Betrayal ER™ on Amazon.

Summer can be both a blessing and a challenge—especially for women navigating betrayal trauma. In this episode of the Healing With Worth podcast, Marquelle and Lauren explore the unique pressures that summer brings, from disrupted routines and increased responsibilities to feelings of exhaustion, isolation, and comparison. They discuss practical ways to simplify expectations, create meaningful moments with your children, and care for your emotional well-being while healing. The conversation also addresses common summer triggers, family vacations, nervous system regulation, and the importance of setting boundaries that protect your peace. Whether you're feeling overwhelmed by the demands of the season or simply trying to make it through one day at a time, this episode offers compassionate encouragement, practical ideas, and reminders that healing doesn't require perfection—it starts with honoring where you are and taking the next step forward.

PSR Podcast is a listener supported outreach of Be Broken Ministries. DEEP & WIDE: Please help us reach our mid-year fundraising goal of $77K by July 31st. No gift is too small!Partner with us at BeBroken.org/donate. Thank you for your support!----------In this episode, I talk with Lyschel Burket about something every betrayed spouse needs to think about: what happens if there's a relapse? We get honest about how deeply destabilizing that can be, especially for wives who have already been through the pain of betrayal and are trying to rebuild a sense of safety.Lyschel helps us understand why a relapse can feel like another trauma. It can knock a wife's body and mind right back into survival mode, making it hard to think clearly, make decisions, or even know what to do next. That's why we spend time talking about the value of a relapse safety plan, which is really a practical way to prepare before a crisis hits.We walk through the important pieces of that plan, including how to define the difference between a slip and a relapse, why it matters to think ahead about your physical, emotional, spiritual, financial, and relational needs, and how a plan can actually reduce panic when life feels chaotic. We also talk about the unfairness many wives feel in having to create this kind of plan, and why it still can be an act of wisdom and self-care.At the heart of it all, Lyschel reminds us that a woman's safety is not ultimately dependent on her husband's choices. God is the true source of her provision, protection, and hope.To learn more about Lyschel and the resources she offers to wives, visit HopeRedefined.org.Topics Covered in this Episode: Relapse and betrayal trauma.How relapse destabilizes a spouse.Slip vs. relapse.Why a relapse safety plan matters.Preparing before crisis hits.Fire escape plan analogy.Key safety plan categories.Hope and stability in God.More Resources:Relapse Safety Plan WorkshopRedeemed Hope intensiveOnline Wives Care GroupsRelated Podcasts:Helping Wives Restore Hope After Betrayal Trauma in MarriageIdentifying and Meeting Needs in a Betrayed WifeThe Need for Boundaries After Betrayal----------Please rate and review our podcast: Apple and SpotifyFollow us on our Vimeo Channel.

How long does betrayal trauma last after infidelity? If you're still struggling with triggers, anxiety, obsessive thoughts, or overwhelming pain months—or even years—after discovering the betrayal, you're not alone. In this episode of Beauty Beyond Betrayal, Lisa Limehouse explores what scripture, neuroscience, and the latest betrayal trauma research reveal about the healing process. You'll learn why healing isn't linear, what factors accelerate recovery, what keeps many betrayed spouses stuck, and the first three steps you can take to begin finding safety and stability again. Whether you're recovering from an affair, pornography betrayal, sexual addiction, or years of deception, this episode will help you understand what's happening inside your brain, your body, and your heart—and why your healing journey may be taking longer than you expected. In This Episode: ✔ Why betrayal trauma affects the brain like a traumatic injury ✔ What current neuroscience says about healing after infidelity ✔ Why there is no universal recovery timeline ✔ What scripture teaches about restoration and emotional healing ✔ The first 3 steps every betrayed spouse should take after discovery ✔ How to stop feeling overwhelmed by the future and focus on healing today

Send us Fan MailThere's one behavior after cheating that tells you everything.And most women misunderstand it.In this episode of The Dimple Bindra Show, we break down a confusing pattern that looks like change… but often isn't:When he suddenly becomes “better” after getting caught.He's calmer. Kinder. More careful. More attentive.And it makes you think:“Maybe he's really changing.”But here's the truth: Niceness is not accountability.In this episode, Dimple unpacks: • Why sudden “good behavior” after cheating can be misleading • The difference between real change vs strategic adjustment • Why men often change when something is at risk, not when they gain awareness • How women start gaslighting themselves when things “look better” • What true accountability actually looks like over timeThis episode is for you if: • He seems better… but you still feel unsure • You're questioning your instincts because “he's trying” • You feel confused between what you see vs what you feelHere's the truth: Just because he's quieter… doesn't mean he's different.Just because he's nicer… doesn't mean he's accountable.Real change is not about tone. It's about responsibility,  consistently, over time.If his behavior only changed after consequences showed up… that's not transformation. That's strategy.Follow Dimple Bindra here!✨ Not sure why you keep choosing pain over peace? Take the free WHY YOU GOT BETRAYED QUIZ and uncover the pattern you didn't even know was holding you back.If you can't eat, can't sleep, and keep replaying the betrayal in your head, this book was written for this exact moment. Pre-order Betrayal ER™ on Amazon.

This episode (#337) addresses the painful experience of a betrayed partner whose husband claims he is “in recovery” after a relapse, but continues to severely lack empathy, respond defensively, withdraw emotionally, and use recovery language as an excuse to avoid caring about her pain. We make it clear that asking about his recovery, needing reassurance, and wanting emotional support are not “games” or unreasonable demands; they are baseline needs in a coupleship damaged by betrayal. When an addict listens to podcasts, finds a therapist, or checks recovery boxes but still refuses to become emotionally present and accountable, he may be doing recovery activities without actually becoming a recovering man.We also explore how recovery principles can be weaponized when an addict hides behind phrases like “everyone has their own healing journey” or “my recovery is my side of the street.” While it is true that each person must own their own healing, that truth cannot become an excuse for emotional abandonment. Healthy boundaries should serve authentic growth and relational safety, not comfort, secrecy, avoidance, or shame-based self-protection. For addicts, genuine recovery means learning to sit with their partner's pain without defending, blaming, minimizing, withdrawing, or making their own shame the center of the room.For betrayed partners, the hard reality is that they cannot make the addict change, drink from the “water trough” of empathy, or become the man he needs to become. What they can do is find and use their voice, clearly communicate the impact of his choices, define their safety needs and limits, build an outside support system, and honestly evaluate whether his pace and depth of change are compatible with their own healing. The partner's life cannot remain parked at the station indefinitely while she waits for him to decide whether he will become safe. She can love him, invite him into real recovery, and keep him informed about where the relationship stands, but she must also keep moving toward her own peace, dignity, healing, and wholeness.For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to:   What to Do When an Addict Uses Recovery to Avoid Caring About His Partner?Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

This episode (336) explores the painful and complicated reality of a young betrayed partner who is trying to recover from betrayal trauma while also carrying childhood trauma and her own history with porn/sex addiction. We begin by validating the sheer complexity of her situation and making clear that she is not crazy, cursed, or hopelessly broken. When betrayal trauma, early trauma, and addiction collide, each one can intensify the others, making the internal experience feel overwhelming and chaotic. At the same time, we explain that these are not necessarily three unrelated problems requiring three separate full-time recoveries. Instead, they are often connected parts of one larger system that needs an integrated healing plan.A central message of the article is that trauma and addiction cannot be treated only at the level of symptoms. Betrayal trauma responses are often attempts to find safety, truth, and protection from further harm. Childhood trauma responses may be old survival strategies that once helped a person endure neglect, abuse, or instability. Addiction often develops as a way to numb, escape, regulate, or cope with overwhelming emotional pain. Using the lens of Internal Family Systems, we describe how wounded parts and protective parts can drive behaviors that may look irrational, destructive, or confusing on the surface, but actually have a deeper protective logic underneath. Reasons are never excuses, but understanding those reasons gives individuals and couples a better map for healing.The article also emphasizes that this partner's own addiction does not cancel out her betrayal pain, and her betrayal trauma does not excuse her own addictive behaviors. Both realities must be held together with honesty, compassion, accountability, and boundaries. We encourage her to begin not by trying to fix everything at once, but by stabilizing her nervous system, building support outside the relationship, stopping ongoing harm, and creating a paced recovery plan. If the relationship itself is constantly destabilizing, a structured break or carefully defined boundaries may be helpful, but only with clear purpose, goals, support, and re-evaluation. Ultimately, the message is one of hope: this situation is complex, but not hopeless; layered, but not impossible; and genuine healing can begin one courageous, supported step at a time.For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to:   Betrayal Trauma, Childhood Trauma & My Own Addiction—Where Do I Even Start?Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Send us Fan MailI wish someone had warned me about this after betrayal.Not about cheaters. Not about red flags. Not about whether to stay or leave. But about what betrayal was going to reveal about me.In this episode of The Dimple Bindra Show, we go beyond the surface of betrayal and into something much deeper:The moment you realize you may have been betraying yourself long before anyone else did.This is not about blame. This is about power.Because the most painful part of betrayal is not just what someone else did — it's recognizing how often you ignored your own voice, your intuition, your needs… just to keep things stable.In this episode, Dimple explores: • How self-betrayal begins long before external betrayal • The subtle ways women override their intuition and truth • Why ignoring discomfort disconnects you from yourself • The difference between awareness and self-blame • How to rebuild self-trust after betrayalAnd most importantly, the shift that changes everything:This moment is not asking you to focus on them. It's asking you to come back to yourself.You'll walk away with three powerful internal declarations: • I will no longer ignore my body • I will trust discomfort as information • I will not silence my truth to keep the peaceThis episode is for you if: • You've ever doubted your intuition after betrayal • You ignored red flags and are now questioning yourself • You're ready to rebuild self-trust without self-blameHere's the truth: Your betrayal didn't happen because you weren't enough. It happened because you were disconnected from yourself.And this is where everything changes.Follow Dimple Bindra here!✨ Not sure why you keep choosing pain over peace? Take the free WHY YOU GOT BETRAYED QUIZ and uncover the pattern you didn't even know was holding you back.If you can't eat, can't sleep, and keep replaying the betrayal in your head, this book was written for this exact moment. Pre-order Betrayal ER™ on Amazon.

In this episode, Marnie speaks with Candice Christiansen about navigating betrayal trauma through the lens of neuro-difference, an incredibly important topic we have not focused on before on the Helping Couples Heal Podcast. Together, they explore why traditional recovery models may not always meet the needs of individuals and couples navigating autism, ADHD, trauma, and betrayal.Candice shares both her personal story and more than two decades of clinical experience supporting neuro-different adults and couples. Together, she and Marnie explore how betrayal trauma can impact neuro-different nervous systems, why a neuro-affirming approach can be an important part of recovery, and how couples can begin understanding each other's communication styles, sensory experiences, and expressions of empathy with clarity and compassion.Their conversation also touches on the added complexity of betrayal trauma when autism or ADHD may be present, common misunderstandings around empathy and emotional processing, and how healing often requires individualized support rather than a one-size-fits-all approach. Throughout the episode, Candice offers compassion, clarity, and hope for individuals and couples navigating betrayal trauma alongside neuro-difference, and reinforces that healing looks different for every person. Meaningful support and connection are possible.Resources Mentioned in This EpisodeLearn more about Candice and her work here: CandiceChristiansen.comVisit the Namaste Center for Healing here: Namasté Center for HealingInterested in Candice's book Love, Sex & Autism? Learn more and purchase here: Love, Sex & AutismCandice mentions Embrace Autism as a helpful resource for autism education and self-screening tools: Embrace Autism WebsiteInterested in Candice's Autism Self-Screening Tool? Reach out to her at candice@namasteadvice.comWant to connect with us? Click here to schedule your free 15-minute call.

What happens when ADHD and betrayal trauma collide in the same family? This episode is one of the most important conversations we've had on the podcast — and it's one that doesn't get talked about enough in the recovery space.Hali Roderick, CPC, ACC, sits down with two incredible therapists to unpack how ADHD shows up across every part of the betrayal trauma family system — from the person with problematic sexual behaviors, to the betrayed partner, to the children caught in the middle.Monifa Ellis-Addie, LMFT, CSAT, CCSP Monifa is a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in anxiety and intimacy issues that spawn from incongruences in sexuality. Her work supports individuals navigating the complex process of healing after sexual betrayal. Website: Banyon Therapy Group Instagram:  @intimateanswers Podcast: Hope & Healing ChatsMorgan Ellsworth, LAMFT, CCSP Morgan is a therapist who specializes in supporting individuals navigating the impact of betrayal trauma within family systems. She is especially passionate about helping teen and adult children process the complexities of betrayal in the family system, while also supporting parents as they learn how to best care for and support their children through the healing process.  Website:  Ellsworth Family Therapy  Instagram: @healing.betrayed.families Podcast: Healing Betrayed FamiliesEnjoyed This Episode?If this conversation resonated with you, here are three ways you can support the show:⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Leave a Review

Have you ever experienced a betrayal that completely shook your sense of self? In this powerful conversation, we sit down with betrayal recovery expert Dr. Debi Silber to unpack why betrayal cuts so deeply, how it impacts our mental, emotional, and physical health, and what it really takes to heal. If you've ever felt stuck replaying the past, struggling to trust again, or wondering why certain wounds seem impossible to move beyond, this episode is for you.Together, we explore Dr. Debi's groundbreaking research on post-betrayal transformation, the surprising symptoms of post-betrayal syndrome, and the five predictable stages of healing. Most importantly, we talk about what's possible on the other side of heartbreak, loss, and disappointment—and why your greatest growth may still be ahead of you. Episode Highlights[0:03] - We introduce Dr. Debi Silber and the life-changing topic of post-betrayal transformation.[2:44] - Dr. Debi shares her personal story of family and marital betrayal that led her to study betrayal recovery.[4:07] - The first major discovery from her research: why betrayal is different from other forms of trauma.[6:01] - How betrayal destroys trust in others—and in ourselves—and why trust must be rebuilt, not repaired.[10:45] - Signs of unhealed betrayal, including repeated relationship patterns, poor boundaries, and emotional self-protection.[16:38] - The surprising symptoms of post-betrayal syndrome and how betrayal impacts physical, mental, and emotional health.[19:28] - Dr. Debi reveals the five stages of healing from betrayal and why so many people get stuck in survival mode.[24:31] - We discuss numbing, emotional eating, overworking, and other coping strategies that keep people trapped in stage three.[29:03] - Four powerful questions to help identify where you're stuck and begin moving toward healing.[32:24] - Why awareness, honesty, and self-reflection are essential for creating lasting transformation.[35:40] - “Hard now, easy later. Easy now, hard later.” Dr. Debi shares a simple mantra for healing and growth.[37:27] - The three groups of people who did not heal in Dr. Debi's research—and the lessons we can learn from them.[39:40] - What life looks like in stage five: healing, confidence, self-trust, and post-betrayal transformation.[40:57] - How to connect with Dr. Debi and learn more about her work.Links & ResourcesThe Post Betrayal Transformation Institute: https://thepostbetrayalinstitute.com/If today's discussion resonated with you or sparked curiosity, please rate, follow, and share "Insights from the Couch" with others. Your support helps us reach more people and continue providing valuable insights. Here's to finding our purposes and living a life full of meaning and joy. Stay tuned for more!Ever stayed quiet to keep the peace and felt yourself disappear? The Cost of Quiet is for anyone who avoids conflict and pays the price. Reclaim your voice, strengthen your relationships, and experience real peace. Order your copy and join the movement: https://www.colettejanefehr.com/new-book

Send us Fan MailI waited one full year to release this episode.In this deeply personal and unscripted conversation, I share the full story of how I discovered my husband was living a double life while secretly married in India. What started as love bombing, spiritual connection, and future plans slowly turned into projection, gaslighting, cheating, violence, manipulation, immigration fraud, and ultimately a shocking annulment case.This is not just a story about betrayal.It's a story about intuition.The red flags we ignore.The psychological patterns that keep women trapped.And the emotional devastation that happens when your reality collapses overnight.In this episode, I open up about:• The early red flags I ignored• Love bombing, projection, and emotional manipulation• Domestic violence and psychological abuse• Discovering hidden phones, cheating, and secret identities• Fighting my own annulment case in California• How betrayal impacts the nervous system, body, and identity• Why women must emotionally stabilize before making major decisionsIf you are currently going through betrayal, infidelity, divorce, emotional abuse, or the collapse of a relationship you thought was real, this episode is for you.You are not crazy.You are not overreacting.And you are not alone.Please share this episode with someone who may need it right now, and don't forget to leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify if this conversation resonated with you.✨ Not sure why you keep choosing pain over peace? Take the free WHY YOU GOT BETRAYED QUIZ and uncover the pattern you didn't even know was holding you back.If you can't eat, can't sleep, and keep replaying the betrayal in your head, this book was written for this exact moment. Get Betrayal ER™ on Amazon.

When a parent cheats, it doesn't just wound the marriage. It can wound the children too.For many young people from broken families, infidelity creates a terrifying fear: What if I get cheated on too? Or worse, what if I become the one who cheats?In this episode, Joey talks with marriage and family therapist Doug Hinderer about how affairs happen, why betrayal damages a child's ability to trust, and how young people from broken families can avoid repeating their parents' mistakes.They discuss:Why affairs often begin long before anything physical happensHow infidelity affects children, even years laterWhy love feels unsafe after betrayalThe role of forgiveness in healing from a parent's affairHow to talk about the fear of infidelity in dating or marriageThe three habits that help build a faithful, lasting marriageWhy you are not doomed to repeat your parents' storyIf you're afraid of being cheated on, afraid of becoming your parents, or unsure if lasting love is even possible after what you witnessed growing up, this episode is for you.Restored ResourcesIt's Not Your Fault | Restored BookHappy Marriage for Life | Doug HindererMarriage Unhindered | Relevant RadioHow to Forgive | International Forgiveness Institute“Impossible” Marriages Redeemed: They Didn't End the Story in the Middle | Leila Miller“Impossible” Marriages Redeemed | AmazonDoug Hinderer's emaildoug@relevantradio.comShownotes

In this episode (335), we respond to a courageous submission from a betrayed partner who is navigating early recovery with her partner after multiple discovery days. Both partners have trauma histories, both are in individual therapy, and both are trying to understand what healthy sexual intimacy can look like after porn addiction, betrayal trauma, and past sexual coping patterns. Her questions center on lingerie, fantasies, kinks, dressing up, and whether these elements can ever be part of authentic intimacy—or whether they inevitably feed the pornified parts of the brain. We honor the depth and maturity of her questions because this is one of the most complex areas couples face in recovery.We emphasize that healthy sexuality cannot be reduced to a simple list of approved or forbidden behaviors. Lingerie, fantasy, experimentation, or sexual play may feel empowering and connecting for one couple, while feeling objectifying, unsafe, or triggering for another. The real questions are about intention, impact, consent, safety, presence, and whether each partner feels seen as a whole person. For the addict in recovery, this means asking whether he is truly present with his partner or superimposing old fantasy templates onto her. For the betrayed partner, it means asking whether she is freely choosing sexual expression or performing out of fear, people-pleasing, comparison, or the need to feel desirable and enough.We also discuss the role of a sex fast as a potentially powerful tool in recovery when it is done with transparency, structure, purpose, and ideally professional guidance. Taking sex off the table for a season can help reduce compulsive dependence on sex, create safety for the betrayed partner, and allow the couple to build other areas of intimacy that may have been neglected. But we caution that a sex fast should not become avoidance, silence, or emotional distancing. In the end, the goal is not to create a fear-based sexual relationship or to let pornography continue defining the bedroom. The goal is for the couple to consciously create a sexual relationship based on being rather than performing—where both partners are safe, present, authentic, fully seen, and deeply connected.For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to:  Healthy Sexuality or Pornified Performance? Navigating Lingerie, Fantasies, Kinks, etc., and Authentic Intimacy in RecoveryLearn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

What happens when one research study challenges an entire field?In this episode of Betrayal Recovery Radio, Dr. Jake Porter sits down with Barb Steffens, founding president of APSATS, to discuss the origins of betrayal trauma treatment and the research that helped transform how betrayed partners are understood and supported.Barb shares the story behind her groundbreaking doctoral research, which found that a significant majority of partners discovering hidden sexual betrayal exhibited symptoms consistent with PTSD. At a time when betrayed partners were often viewed through a codependency lens, her work helped establish a trauma-informed framework that would eventually reshape treatment, training, and advocacy efforts across the field.Together, Jake and Barb explore the development of the Multidimensional Partner Trauma Model, the founding of APSATS, the challenges of introducing a new paradigm, and the remarkable growth of a movement that continues to impact betrayed partners and professionals around the world.Whether you're a betrayed partner, a helping professional, or simply interested in the history of betrayal trauma recovery, this conversation offers an inspiring look at how courage, research, and advocacy helped change the conversation for countless individuals and couples.Links:https://apsats.orghttps://daringventures.com

Have you been cheated on, experienced broken trust? Or are you struggling with sex addiction? Join our (Brannon + Tyler

DOPEY FILM FESTIVAL TICKETS: https://buytickets.at/thedopeyfoundation/2216905 JOIN PATREON: www.patreon.com/dopeypodcast NOTES:  This week on Dopey! We have it all! Emails! Blood Shot Voice mails! Comments! Mysogny and Sisterhood! Then we bring dopey with Natanya Ross — the iconic 90s child star from The Secret Life of Alex Mack. I sat down with her in LA and she absolutely opened up her soul. We covered everything from her crazy early fame (she was doing Gerber commercials at six months old), discovering she was adopted at 19, her adoptive mother's horrific betrayal and financial abuse, to descending into heavy opioid and heroin addiction. Natanya got real about living in a car and at the notorious American Hotel on Skid Row with other child stars, her relationship with Brad Renfro (who tragically overdosed and died right next to her), the later death of her fiancé Blake, and how she fought her way into long-term recovery. She's now deep in the treatment world — Executive Director of Business Development at Valiant Behavioral Health, President of the Women's Association of Addiction Treatment, and founder of San Fernando Valley Feed the Homeless.  This one is serious Dopey business — raw child star trauma, Hollywood darkness, and triumphant recovery all in one.  ALL THAT AND WAY MORE on this weeks new episode of that good old Dopey Show! Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In this episode, Kristen is joined by Matthew and Joanna Raabsmith, trained relationship specialists, speakers, and authors, to discuss betrayal trauma, sexual addiction, and the healing journey of rebuilding trust, emotional safety, and true intimacy after betrayal. You will learn: How betrayal trauma affects the brain, body, and sense of safety Why secrecy and dishonesty often create deeper wounds than the betrayal itself The steps couples can take to rebuild honesty, trust, and intimacy How addiction, shame, and unresolved childhood wounds impact relationships Why healing requires consistency, vulnerability, accountability, and long-term emotional growth Connect with Matthew and Joanna Raabsmith HERE:  When you purchase these books through these Amazon affiliate links, you're helping support the podcast at no extra cost:   Matthew and Joanna Raabsmith's book and book recommendations:   1. Building True Intimacy: Creating a Connection That Stands the Test of Time   2. Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal   3. Finding the Way Through: A Workbook for Sex and Pornography Addiction - Sobriety, Recovery, & Partner Betrayal Sensitivity   Subscribe HERE and get a free 5-day journal to begin closing the chapter on what doesn't serve you and open the door to the real you. Connect with Kristen: Get Kristen's newsletter, packed with tangible tools, resources, and inspiration Watch the episodes on YouTube Follow Kristen on Instagram   Kristen's TikTok   Have Kristen Speak at Your Event  Disclaimer   This information is being provided to you for educational and informational purposes only. It is being provided to you to educate you about ideas on stress management and as a self-help tool for your own use. It is not psychotherapy/counseling in any form. This information is to be used at your own risk based on your own judgment. For counseling services near Indianapolis, IN, visit www.pathwaystohealingcounseling.com. Pathways to Healing Counseling's vision is to provide warm, caring, compassionate and life-changing counseling services and educational programs to individuals, couples and families in order to create learning, healing and growth.  

Why is it so hard to move on after covert narcissistic abuse? Why can betrayal trauma continue affecting you years—or even decades—later? In this powerful conversation, Renee Swanson sits down with betrayal trauma expert Dr. Debi Silber to explore the deep emotional, physical, and psychological impact of betrayal in covert narcissistic relationships. Dr. Debi explains why betrayal is a unique form of trauma, how Post Betrayal Syndrome affects survivors, and why healing from covert narcissistic abuse requires more than simply “moving on.” Together, Renee and Dr. Debi discuss the loss of trust, the breakdown of self, nervous system dysregulation, chronic symptoms, emotional triggers, and the patterns that keep survivors stuck for years. They also dive into the five stages of betrayal recovery and what true transformation looks like after emotional abuse. If you've struggled with self-doubt, rumination, hypervigilance, inability to trust, emotional exhaustion, or feeling like you lost yourself in a covert narcissistic relationship, this episode will help you understand why—and what healing can actually look like. In this episode: Betrayal trauma and covert narcissistic abuse Why you can't “just move on” Post Betrayal Syndrome symptoms The connection between betrayal trauma and the nervous system Rebuilding trust after emotional abuse The five stages of betrayal recovery Healing after covert narcissistic relationships Why survivors stay stuck Transformation after betrayal Learn more about Dr. Debi Silber and The PBT Institute at https://thepbtinstitute.com/ Visit www.covertnarcissism.com for additional resources. DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

If you're typing “Celebrate Recovery near me” into Google because you’re desperate for help after discovering that your husband has been lying to you about his infidelity or his use of inappropriate material, you're not alone. BEFORE GOING TO CELEBRATE RECOVERY NEAR ME, CONSIDER THIS: 1. Recovery Programs Only work If He's Honest A recovery environment only works if your husband is completely honest about his behavior. Even in cases where he’s willing to attend a program, some women discover their husband takes “chips,” confesses slips, or shares breakthroughs in group without ever telling her. Not because he's changing, but because he's using the system to make it look like he's changing. 2. celebrate recovery near me Can't Fix Emotional Abuse When women search “Celebrate Recovery near me,” they often think the program will help heal their marriage by helping their husbands understand the root causes of their addiction and behaviors, especially if he seems willing to go meetings. But the root issue isn't addiction, it's entitlement, control, and dishonesty. Most recovery programs aren't designed to assess or confront coercive control. So instead of getting safer, some women end up feeling more confused. Before you invest your hope in any program, you deserve to understand the full picture. To discover if your husband is emotionally abusive, take this free emotional abuse quiz. 3. Some Men Use Recovery or Language as a Shield Many women report that once their husband joined a recovery group like Celebrate Recovery near me, he just learned to speak the language of recovery without actually changing. Instead of becoming more honest, some men become more skilled at hiding, using the right words, sharing at the right times, and appearing accountable…while the underlying patterns stay the same. This isn't necessarily the program's fault. Recovery culture tends to take disclosures at face value. But for some men, it becomes a stage rather than a mirror. 4. If He Gets Praise in Group but You Get Hurt at Home, Pay Attention The applause of a group like Celebrate Recovery near me can unintentionally reward performance. Your lived experience matters more than his report. If his recovery looks great publicly, but privately you feel scared, confused, dismissed, or blamed, that's a sign to step back and observe what’s happening. You don’t have to announce this to anyone 5. RECOVERY Programs Don't Replace Betrayal Trauma Support A program like Celebrate Recovery near me often uses a model that focuses on his trauma from childhood or his triggers. They may encourage couples to build routines that reduce his stress or triggers, sometimes placing more responsibility on her to monitor or support his progress. These might be good tools for people who genuinely want to heal. But they don't address lying, manipulation and entitlement. A woman in an emotionally abusive marriage needs support that centers her emotional safety, not his recovery timeline. 6. If You Feel Worse After the Program Starts, That Matters Many women assume feeling worse is a sign that they're a part of “the problem,” or they need to be “more supportive.” When his patterns of behavior become a shared problem…something you're both expected to manage…it often creates more emotional chaos for her. Her emotional safety needs to be addressed separately, not tied to how well he's doing or how much effort he appears to be making. Feeling confused, blamed, responsible for his recovery, or pressured to forgive and move forward…is a sign something else is happening. 7. Your EMOTIONAL SAFETY COMES BEFORE HIS RECOVERY STORY If you’re searching “Celebrate Recovery near me” to save your marriage, here's the most important thing: his recovery is not the foundation of your emotional safety. Your clarity is. It’s important to have your own support community in place that is educated in the dynamics of emotional and psychological abuse and can help you decide what you need for emotional safety. If you need support in addressing what's really happening, and whether a recovery program can help, you can start with the Living Free Workshop or BTR Group Sessions. They're designed to give you immediate clarity. Transcript: What Happened When I Googled “Celebrate Recovery Near Me” Anne: I’ve talked to hundreds of women who have typed things like “Celebrate Recovery near me”, or “addiction recovery program” into Google. Especially when their husband said he was an addict and he is willing to go to a program. So if he’s willing and goes to this program, it’s totally normal for a woman to think that things are gonna get better. But over the years, I’ve interviewed countless women who tell me things actually got worse. And I’m interviewing one of those women today. We’re gonna call her. Nancy. Here’s part of her story. Nancy: His coworker called me. She told me she was out with some friends. And he flirted with her and tried to pick her up. We were Going to Celebrate Recovery. He supposedly had been sober for months. Anne: We’re gonna get to her whole story, but before we do, I wanna stress that it’s important to understand that a manipulative man can use anything, a recovery program, therapy, even meeting with clergy to manipulate a woman further, and that causes a lot more harm and trauma. So before you start searching for a recovery program for your husband, it is important to consider what his recovery would be for and how abusers manipulate their victims. Most of the time, the therapist will say something like childhood wounds or addiction recovery. When really what you’re actually experiencing is emotional and psychological abuse. And I’ve even interviewed women who have tried to find an abuse program for their husband, and they still tell me the same things. So as you listen to Nancy’s story, I think it will help put into perspective what’s really going on and what steps you wanna take next. When I met him I thought he was a good guy Anne: That’s why I created the Living Free Workshop. It helps women know what’s going on, if he’s really abusive or not. Some women find out he’s not. And then what steps to take to create emotional safety in your life. It’s much faster to figure that out first, before spending tons of time and money in therapy or a recovery or Celebrate Recovery near me program. Living Free total run time is about two hours and 50 minutes, which is much shorter than three or four years to find out it’s not working. So Nancy, thank you so much for sharing your story today. Welcome, can you tell us how you met? Nancy: When I met him, he went to church. He served on the worship team, and he could talk like a preacher. So I thought he was a good guy. It was confusing, because we were play wrestling, and I wouldn’t have remembered this except I had written in a journal and I read it after everything fell apart. He held me down and said some things like, did you think you were stronger than me? Did you think I would let you go? It really scared me. I was very close to breaking up with him, but he actually cried and apologized. So I thought, he’s sorry. It’s not gonna happen again, and that sort of thing never happened again. He realized he had to be more subtle. He did tell me about his past sexual history. Mirroring my desire to serve missions Nancy: He was in the Navy and with several prostitutes. And he was honest, it felt like to me at the time. That he struggled with porn. I thought after we married, that wouldn’t be an issue. And honestly, I don’t know that anyone would’ve told me anything different. I wanted to serve in medical missions. He didn’t seem interested in this, so I prayed and left the relationship in God’s hands. I told him about how I prayed. And the next time we got together, he said, “He had been thinking and praying, and he really felt God moving his heart to missions. That everyone always thought he should be a missionary. It really blew me away, because I thought God had answered my prayer really fast. He knew that he was not only lying to me, he was also lying about God, and he chose it. Which makes him a really evil person. In pre-marital counseling, I was clear that I didn’t see myself as a housewife. I wanted things to be equal, and I didn’t plan to stop working. He acted like he was on the same page and that he was fine with this. So we married. Things were not good. In less than a year, he turned me down for sexual intimacy. Which was surprising and incredibly hurtful. Especially when I realized he was looking at porn. We went to see the movie Fireproof, and afterwards he admitted he was taking off his ring to flirt with people. I was trying to be very understanding, but I did feel hurt, and he got angry at me. He said this was the thanks he gets for staying away from porn for a couple weeks, which is not funny, but I’m laughing at the audacity. He Pushed Me to Quit Working While Avoiding Any Real Recovery or Celebrate Recovery Near Me Programs Nancy: I think I blocked a lot of it out, because somehow things were good enough back and forth between nice, the Christian thing, and when he would be not so nice. I didn’t recognize abuse. The only thing I could put my finger on was the sexual things. We never could solve how things were to be run. And now that we had children, he could step away and I would be forced to do more house duties, cooking, cleaning, et cetera. Because someone had to do all the things for the children. I would tell him what we had agreed before marriage, and he said, “Yeah, but I thought you would change after we had kids.” Anne: I said the same thing. I said, I’m not gonna cook. And he was like, no problem. Then later told me, I thought you would change. And I’m like, I was so clear. Nancy: Exactly, we’re both honest and open. It’s like, that doesn’t mean I have to change, just ’cause you thought I would change. Well, it did because we had children now that needed to be taken care of. Anne: Right. Nancy: The same thing I said, I didn’t wanna stop working.” And he would constantly try to get me to stop working. I was only working part-time. He wanted me to not have an escape route. We separated, but I was so exhausted and overwhelmed with a baby, 2-year-old, and a 5-year-old. We got back together pretty quickly. Discovering he was flirting with coworker Nancy: A year later, we separated again and went to couples counseling, ’cause I still had not seen how that was harmful. I was really hopeful, which seems funny after just like a week or two of separation. But his coworker called me and told me she had been out with some friends, and he was flirting with her and trying to pick her up. I thought this would be his rock bottom, because he’s almost lost his family. Anyway, we got back together and things were up and down. I was dealing with a lot of anger and depression, social anxiety. At the time, I thought I needed counseling to deal with my issues. We were going to Celebrate Recovery near me. His stated problems in Celebrate Recovery were sex addiction and anger. It’s so crazy knowing that, how could everybody there not believe anything I was saying? He supposedly had been sober for months because of all the addiction model stuff. We agreed that he would tell me if he ever had a slip within a certain amount of time. So at Celebrate Recovery, he went forward for a one-day chip, and that really shocked me because he wasn’t ever gonna tell me. When we agreed that he would. After that we had sex that was definitely, obviously coercive. I don’t think I had the words at the time, but I definitely felt that way because we had an agreement and he didn’t follow it. That was the last time we ever were together. He said he would throw me a 30th birthday party Nancy: I took a step back, and I was observing him because I felt like we were at the best place, and I’m actually an okay person. That means there’s nothing I’ve done wrong, literally. And there’s nothing I can do to change this. It just became increasingly clear to me. So I started looking for more information and came across BTR, but I didn’t listen to the episodes because I saw the word abuse. And thought that doesn’t apply to me. And I found a couple other podcasts. They didn’t fully explain everything, and then a really bad incident happened when I turned 30, a big birthday. Anne: They always do it on birthdays and holidays. Nancy: I know, I had always thrown him birthday parties. He’s an extrovert and that was something that he enjoyed and I didn’t mind, he didn’t throw me anything because I’m more of an introvert. So when I was going to turn 30, I told him that I’d like a birthday party and would like him to throw it for me. I said if he didn’t want to, let me know. ‘Cause it was important enough to me that I would throw it for myself. He said he would throw me the birthday party. But when I wasn’t seeing any preparations, I checked in with him. And the motions he made came across like he was planning a surprise birthday party. Anne: Like, let’s not talk about it. Or you might ruin your surprise. Nancy: Exactly, I had said, “I will throw it for myself.” I repeated that again, that time. He knew. He Claimed He ‘Forgot' My Birthday While Pretending Recovery Through SAA and Celebrate Recovery Near Me Groups Nancy: So my birthday comes up. I expect a surprise party around any corner. I come to the end of the day and nothing happened, nothing. And his excuse was forgetfulness. Anne: I never gave you the impression I was gonna throw you a party. Nancy: Yeah, It was always that gaslighting and blame shifting. I feel like I dissociated a little bit around that time. ‘Cause it was really hurtful, because I would have thrown it for myself. Anne: And he knew that and he gave you the impression that he was throwing you a party on purpose to ensure that you didn’t have a party. Nancy: Exactly, I actually believed him that it was on accident, but that was just as hurtful. Now, I believe it was fully on purpose. At the time I was going to COSA and he was going to an SAA group. Anne: When she says COSA or SAA, she’s talking about 12-Step recovery for pornography addicts or sexual addicts. There are other programs like Celebrate Recovery near me. And the COSA is a co sex addict’s 12-Step for a wife of an addict, where she basically does the same program he does and tries to fix her character defects. Nancy: Yeah, I’d been talking about giving him another chance to throw me a party, and they said if he already didn’t do it, you should not do that. So I ended up throwing myself a party. After that 30th birthday, I would get down around my birthday every year. I ended up telling him that, not in a way to blame him, because like I said, I didn’t think he had done it on purpose. I just thought I should let him know I wasn’t myself. Recognizing Gaslighting in real time Nancy: And it was the first time I recognized what he was doing in the moment, he started to say. “That had not happened. That didn’t sound like something he would’ve done, that my memory must be a little off.” So many different ways he was trying to convince me that it hadn’t happened, and he couldn’t convince me because I knew it had happened. So he switched tactics and said that maybe he should get counseling for being abused. Anne: He’s claiming that you’re abusing him. Nancy: Exactly, I was so confused. I asked him, “Abuse, what are you talking about? Am I being abusive right now?” And he goes, “No, the abuse I’ve had to endure for the last how many years.” And then I realized oh, that was gaslighting. That’s blame shifting, and I ended up leaving the room and cried on my own. It shook me up that he could take something very vulnerable and turn it on me like that. I was talking about that incident and how he was saying I was abusive and I heard myself saying, “It was surprising he would call me abusive when he’s been so much worse.” And that was the first time I thought maybe he is abusive, and that reminded me about BTR. I thought, let me listen to that, ’cause maybe I can get some insight. That brought me back to listening to the BTR podcast. And I vividly remember I was binging all these episodes, hearing women’s stories. It felt like my life. And it just blew my mind to realize I’ve been abused this whole time. Anne: I’m so sorry. You were experiencing Betrayal Trauma and were not aware that recovery or Celebrate Recovery near me programs wouldn’t help you. Addict model says he’s struggling, he’s not in control Nancy: It made sense. It felt like everything clicked into place. Everything else I was told didn’t make sense. I always talked about stuff. I was always looking for answers. And I never felt like I was codependent or that I needed codependents anonymous. None of that stuff seemed to fit. In fact, the advice I was given, “Don’t pay attention to what he’s doing. Only work on yourself.” While they’re also saying, “Don’t be codependent, ignore what he’s doing,” which just doesn’t work. The addict model, like he’s struggling, he’s trying, he’s not in control. I mean, that’s like step one. You’re powerless to control your behavior. He accepted the addiction model early on, and we were in and out of groups the whole time. But I don’t believe now that he’s an addict, and I don’t think he even thinks he’s an addict. It’s a great excuse to keep doing what you’re doing. Because there’s no accountability, and everyone applauds your efforts. Even if you’re not reaching the goal, you actually have a choice. He would say to me that he could not promise that he would never do any of the sexual stuff again. So it was like basically just saying, I’m gonna be doing this my whole life. Anne: My ex wouldn’t promise either. He said if I promised, “I wouldn’t be on my toes. Like I don’t want to think I couldn’t do that, because then maybe I would be in danger of doing it.” Which doesn’t even make sense. Like I can legit say, I will never have an affair. finding BTR helped me wrap my head around the abuse, Celebrate Recovery near me didn’t Nancy: Right, yeah. I found BTR. And the abuse model is they have a choice, and they’re choosing to be harmful and abusive. All these years he had been a liar. I stepped back and observed behavior for me to fully wrap my head around it. I believe he feels entitled to do what he wants. He doesn’t see people as people. Or maybe it’s just women as women. Objectification is a huge thing. I don’t think he ever saw me as an equal partner or a person. And I don’t believe he ever loved me. I was a desirable object he acquired, and that was it. When I started listening to BTR, it helped me understand abuse and the subtleties of it. Because before, I had only been thinking physical abuse or yelling insults, which my ex did not do. Listening to the stories helped me see how this plays out in marriage, even in a Christian marriage. It was helpful to see the ways men could twist faith things, because many of these men and my ex are very manipulative. Like it has to slowly play out over time to see what they’re doing. And a lot of it goes back to intent, and it’s hard to see intent. It was hard for me to imagine my husband is lying to me. So that was a shift too, to start looking at actions instead of words. BTR gave me a lot of insight into what I was living through and what was helpful, especially getting into the BTR groups. Celebrate Recovery near me didn’t do that. It helps build you up so that you can go through the hard stuff. We were going to counseling around the time I started going to BTR group. Going to couple counseling Nancy: Because of BTR, I had the words for it. I was able to express better what was happening. The counselor didn’t help my situation, of course. Individual counseling and couple counseling are unhelpful, because an abuser’s goal, my ex’s goal, was not to get better. His goal is to get whatever he wants. He’ll say whatever he needs to say to get what he needs from the counselor. We’ve gone to quite a few couple counselors. We would go into a new counselor, and he would bring up a new issue. He had never told me about me. Anne: Suddenly you’re a kleptomaniac or something. Nancy: Yeah, things that he thought I did that were hurtful to him, that I had never heard of before. But I felt so bad that I was hurting him without knowing it. What a callous person I am. Anne: Not knowing he was bearing false witness and that he literally made it up. Nancy: Yeah, completely distracted from why we went to counseling in the first place is sexual issues. Like I would have to be a safe person so he could be honest with me. Because I’m an actual caring person, I would feel like this was an actual issue that I needed to fix. And that is the part about the psychological abuse that is hard to describe. Because a lot of it could sound valid, and I thought these things were valid. But later realizing they were lies. They were lies, because he would’ve said them before. Anne: Exactly. creepy experience with new counselor Nancy: We did an in-home separation, At first. His abuse escalated the freer that I was getting. I never completely stopped working. I got a job and started after the in-home separation. He actually shut off the internet. Luckily, I prepared ahead of time. I had my own phone plan with the hotspot, So I could just switch over and just didn’t even engage with him. It has been a process of combing through my life, and I have wondered that how many lies I won’t even know about or remember. Because, I believed him and he was so good at lying. One of the new things he said was I wasn’t being vocal enough in bed. It felt so humiliating for him to say that to the new counselor. When he had never said that before. This male counselor wanted us to do an exercise right then on the sofa in front of him. He wanted my ex to touch like my foot or my leg, and then slowly move closer to my private areas. And as he moved closer. I was supposed to make more and more noise. Anne: No. Nancy: Isn’t that crazy? Anne: That’s so creepy. Nancy: I did feel incredibly creeped out, and I refused to do it. Anne: Good for you. He said there would be no equality in our marriage – Celebrate Recovery near me didn’t help with that Nancy: I wish I had just walked out, But after we left, I said, “I will never go back to that counselor again.” And we never did. I said, “What I would need to continue in the marriage was for him to be seeing his own personal counselor, to have a full disclosure with a lie detector test.” Which he said no to. And I know now it wouldn’t have been helpful. Just like Celebrate Recovery near me wasn’t helpful. Anne: I know, thank goodness. Nancy: Right. Anne: Mine never did that either. And I think I would’ve just been in the abuse for so much longer had he said yes. Nancy: Right, and then the second thing I said is that, “I wanted equality in our marriage.” And he said no. Anne: He said no, he didn’t want equality? Nancy: Correct. Anne: Wow. Nancy: So I was like, then literally that’s the end of it. And I was going to BTR group. I remember one of the coaches said to me, “It was a blessing that he actually had been honest.” At the time, I didn’t understand, now I do. And I’m so glad I asked those questions. I don’t know why he was honest. There are two possibilities. He didn’t think I would leave, because I hadn’t yet. We’d been married for almost 14 years, and he was only saying what was already true. You don’t need to be perfect to be loved Nancy: I just didn’t realize it was true. Or maybe he did want me to leave. I had some conversations with his mom. Because I found BTR, and surprisingly, she said it made her realize she was in an abusive relationship with my ex’s dad. However, she still felt like I should stay. Because she felt like the Lord had taught her so much and she had grown through all these trials. I have sympathy for her, but it’s so wrong. All of a sudden it just became very clear to me that if I stayed for the kids, it was actually putting them more at risk. And honestly, that conversation solidified that I had to leave for the kids. If you’re not sure yet if your partner is abusive, Just listen to some BTR stories and see what jumps out at you. You are a worthy human being that does not have to be perfect to be loved and treated with respect. Reconciliation is not necessary for forgiveness, and you don’t have to forgive anyone. It’s more of a process that can happen on its own time, and no one should force it. Pay much closer attention to someone’s actions over time than the words they say. And it’s never too late to make different choices when you learn or understand new information. I feel like having to make a choice that is wildly unpopular with people around you. Church, that I had to learn in a new way. Maybe for the first time, to not let what people thought about me affect the decisions that I make that part has been really hard because a church we were going to was not supportive at first. Call from somebody in Celebrate Recovery near me group Nancy: Some of them seemed supportive, and even the ones I thought were supportive, in the end weren’t. I actually got a phone call from somebody in my Celebrate Recovery near me group. She called me up to ask me if I was seeing a counselor. Because I still seemed angry. I was speechless, of course I’m angry. Anne: Yeah Nancy: I didn’t even know how to respond to her. I just told her yes, I’m in BTR group and got off the phone. There’s nothing wrong with being angry about the situation. I feel like church tells women they shouldn’t be angry. But Jesus was angry. There’s nothing wrong with being angry. Anne: Yeah, I feel like if you’re not angry, something’s wrong. Nancy: Right. Anne: I mean, nothing is wrong with you. You might be numb, you might be sad. I went through periods where I wasn’t super angry. I was just really depressed, but on the whole oppressed, abused, exploited people, their anger is from God to help liberate themselves from the oppression. But of course, the abuser does not want you to liberate yourself. He said flat out he didn’t want you to be equal. That is infuriating. Nancy: And now he wanted 50/50 custody. It was very upsetting, because my ex had been very non-helpful around the house and with the kids. It was hard to think that he would want 50/50. Anne: But of course he did. Nancy: I didn’t see that coming, and I wish I had been more prepared and could have been more strategic. Listening to him lie in the courtroom Nancy: I could not wrap my mind around that at the time. I had seen more and more abuse as my eyes were open. So I couldn’t wrap my mind around 50/50 custody. I was under the delusion that justice was in the court system. I found out, even though I know he lies, it was a big shock to listen to him lying in the Courtroom. It’s hard to witness. It’s something I wish I had processed before, because I’m sure that was pointed out to me. But I couldn’t process that as a reality back then. The Living Free Workshop was so helpful. And going to group and getting help constantly. The Living Free Workshop is so different than anything you’ve ever been taught. I don’t know how I would’ve made it through this, honestly. That was another thing that was really helpful. There were some scripts in Living Free to get him on Our Family Wizard, and he actually got on it easily. I was surprised. I didn’t think he would get on as easily as he did, and just not responding in any other way. Anne: That’s the thing, they’re desperate to talk to you. With the workshop, everybody says, how am I gonna make him go on OFW? And if you do the script and stick to it and do not deviate. Legit, don’t deviate. Once you’re on Our Family Wizard, literally block him on your phone, so he has no other way of contacting you. He is desperate to get your attention and your belief, like Living Free says, yeah, they’re so transactional. And if you respond through Our Family Wizard, he will find a way to do it. he performs for others in groups like Celebrate Recovery near me and in court Anne: They’re like, well, this is what I gotta do to talk to her, because I’m blocked otherwise. They will move. It might take a month. I’ve had it take the longest six weeks with one woman that I was working with. Every single time he texted, she said, “Hey, I’ve responded on Our Family Wizard.” Nancy: Right. It felt overwhelming, because he kept sending me long, manipulative messages, but I responded on Our Family Wizard. It only took me once for him to switch. Being on OFW was better. Oh, one of the books BTR recommends, The Woman They Could Not Silence. I read it and that was awesome. It helped open up my mind to spiritual abuse. It’s been inspiring to me this whole time. What she went through being separated from her children. That book has been really inspiring. The thought of leaving them with him, terrifying to me. We went through two rounds of court. He would make it sound like I was controlling and not letting him do things. Like why wouldn’t I let him take the kids to half of the doctor’s appointments when he never came to a pregnancy appointment? And same with field trips. He’ll go on field trips now, and I feel like it’s just to keep me from going. It. He never wanted to before. Anne: If he was actually a good dad, he would’ve been doing it before, but since he’s only doing it now, he is just performing. Nancy: Yes, it’s a performance because he’s getting something out of it from other people, like in in celebrate recovery near me, and it’s punishment for me because he knows how much I like being there for the kids. Reluctance to support anything he can’t control Nancy: When we married, he didn’t want us to do extracurricular activities. He didn’t even want free after school activities, much less anything you would have to pay for. He was only okay with youth group attached to his job, not the free after school activities. But since we’ve been divorced, he has them interested in hockey, which is one of the most expensive and time consuming sports there is. It’s very strange from my entire experience with him. He never talked about hockey, and he never wanted them involved. At the same time, he is not wanting to pay half of necessary expenses, like medical or orchestra uniforms. For a long time, I was not asking for half of necessary expenses. Because I didn’t wanna have to deal with him because he makes it such a struggle. Anne: My ex is exactly like that, exactly. When my book comes out, I’m anxious for you to read it, because it was all about control. Like, if I’m paying you anything or if I’m involved in any way, I have to control it. Nancy: Yeah, like my youngest wanted to do karate. His dad would not participate even when I offered to pay the whole thing. Other son was invited to concert band, and his dad said no. Anne: Think about the power trip that gives him that he’s able to manipulate them away from their natural interests. And maybe hockey is something that he wants to do. Like he thinks karate’s dumb, but he thinks hockey’s interesting. Draining my bank account and controlling my time Nancy: It is a huge expense that is very draining. When he won’t even pay half of an AP test. Anne: And that might be part of it. He’s, let’s pick the most expensive thing to drain her bank account. Nancy: Yeah, it was a double bind to drain my bank account and control my time. And at the same time, if I have to back out of it. He’ll say, sorry, kids, Mom won’t let us go to hockey. Anne: He’s calculating ways to set you up to be the bad guy. Nancy: Yes, he is an expert at setting up situations, so my bank account is being drained, and I cover a hundred percent of their insurance. Anne: With a lot of these post-separation abuse situations. They get the benefits, but they don’t have any of the responsibilities, and they can use it against you, but it never works for you. They can bend the rules in order to benefit them, but you can’t bend the rules. Nancy: In the Living Free Workshop. It was helpful to see how to deal with narcissistic abuse in marriage and how it plays out in separation, to find a way out of it. There was one thing you said, and this is when you’re moving away from his harm. You said, “If he escalates, remember that protecting yourself from the harm is not the cause of the harm. Just like evacuating a building was not the cause of the exploding gas lines.” He still wants to get together Nancy: That really hit me. One of the things that keeps haunting me is did I do the right thing? He still tries to get together personally with me. It constantly comes up that he wants to get together for coffee, or would I go to counseling with him, co-parenting counseling. I mostly ignore it at this point because he’s asked so many times. I don’t even answer him. Then if something goes wrong with the money situations or if there’s a point of disagreement, he will say, if you would’ve only met with me like I’ve asked, then this would’ve already been stopped. Anne: Yeah, we could’ve worked it out somehow, no. He would still lie. Nancy: It’s a trap. There’s that little 2% of me left that feels like, well, maybe I should meet with him, but no, it’s a trap. Anne: Yeah, no. Nancy: Because he never intends to do a nice thing. He just wants to get me in front of him again. I don’t think any good would come of it. Anne: A hundred percent, no. It might seem good, ’cause once you get there, it might seem good. He might like to turn on the manipulative lies to make you feel like he cares. I think one of the most abusive things people can say is, I love you or that I care. So manipulating you in that way is actually dangerous, and that’s probably what would happen. Nancy: I don’t think I could keep a straight face. It would skive me out so bad to be around him and hear stuff like that. Everything he says is the opposite of the truth Anne: Well, it’s just further evidence of his controlling nature, because he desperately wants to hang on to control. And so he’s increasing his lies because it’s getting away from him. That’s definitely a sign that he’s been lying the whole time. Nancy: I completely agree. I know that this is better for them in the long run, but in the short run, that sentence helps me right now. That was probably one of the hardest things for me to come to terms with, is that he never loved me. He doesn’t love the children. None of it’s real. It’s all lies, and he still does it. It’s mind-boggling. Everything he says is the opposite of what the truth is. He continues lying as he did in programs like Celebrate Recovery near me. As we were moving through the separation process, the boys did not want to leave and crying and like holding onto the car seats. It was horrible. I knew if I said anything to him, he wouldn’t care. Any altercation would be scary for the kids. So I started getting third party exchange people through a new church. I actually found a church with a woman pastor, which is quite lovely. The new church was helpful and supportive, and there were several people that would help me with exchanges. And things changed, like taking the Living Free Workshop, and suddenly I felt a lot stronger. I had a new understanding and confidence, so I stopped doing the third party exchanges. He actually met with the principal to try to get the principal to agree with him that I’m not allowed to go into the school on his parenting weeks. like in celebrate recovery near me, A clear example of him lying, controlling and abusing Nancy: Which isn’t true. You’re allowed to visit your kid in the school. Anne: Absolutely. Nancy: Unless there’s a restraining order, which there’s not. We have shared custody, but he made it sound like the principal agreed with him. I didn’t think it was the truth, but it scared me at the time. And we were about to have a party, and I signed up to bring food, so I worried I would be kicked out. But the principal didn’t say anything. Isn’t that a clear example of parental alienation? Anne: It’s a clear way of him undermining your relationship with your kids, lying, controlling, and abusing you. This is how he’s literally abusing you and your children. Nancy: Everybody heard about this incident, and it didn’t matter. He made it sound like he had just been concerned for the children’s wellbeing. Anne: Yeah, no. Nancy: My being around them upset them. Anne: Lies. That’s the issue they lie in programs like Celebrate Recovery near me and fool the leaders. Nancy: It’s lies at times it is possible that they might be upset, but it’s not because they’re scared of me. It’s more that they’re sad about the situation. My one son, he told me, it makes him sad to see me when he knows he has to go back to his dad’s. My daughter had a phone before we separated, but he wouldn’t allow communication between the boys and me ever. Once, my son called me using his sister’s phone. He was crying. I was only on the phone for about two or three minutes, and then the phone cut off. And they told me when they came back that he had been mad at them for calling me. Even if there is a court order they will find away around it Nancy: He wouldn’t allow them to have a watch phones either. That’s one of the reasons we went back to court. Anne: That’s the problem with court. You think if we get it in writing, then he’ll do it, but it doesn’t matter. He is not gonna do it no matter what. Nancy: This is what I have learned. I don’t ever wanna go back to court again, because it doesn’t help. No matter what you do, they’ll find a new way to cause harm. So there’s no point in any kind of new order. ‘Cause then they’ll find a new way around it. Anne: Exactly. Nancy: I’m still glad I went, because before I had been worried I had to do everything exactly perfectly or something would go wrong. And then I realized he’s doing wrong things on purpose. He just says stuff to get what he wants and nobody cares. So that has relieved a lot of fear. Anne: What would you share with listeners about what you’ve learned so far about finding help, maybe from Celebrate Recovery near me or elsewhere? Nancy: You know, hearing other people’s stories have meant so much to me, Living Free and the BTR coaches set me up for success. They told me to transfer half of our money to a separate bank account before I even told him that I might be leaving. That was incredibly helpful because I’m not sure if it would’ve been easy for me to get the money. I never used the word abuse or narcissism to him. That played out well, because he would’ve twisted it against me. Anne: A hundred percent. Kids need to know what a safe place feels like Nancy: Getting on the parenting app, super helpful, third parties for switches. Finding people to help with the things you need is just a lifesaver. I do feel like it will be better for the kids in the future, because they can be in a peaceful setting that’s not manipulative. So when they’re making decisions. About how they want to live and their future partners, that they know what it feels like to be in a safe place and being able to have discussions with them about men’s and women’s roles. Anne: Nancy, thank you so much for sharing your story today. And helping others who are searching, to find something truly helpful. Nancy: Thank you.