Podcasts about Patrick Carnes

Timestamps (8:53) - Adan Manzano Update (15:10) - Truck Drivers According to the FBI's former assistant director Frank Figliuzzi, long-haul truckers may be responsible for over 850 murders in the United States  In this episode of the True Crime Society Podcast, we discuss: The case of long-haul trucker Robert Ben Rhoades, the Truck Stop Serial Killer.   Rhoades has been convicted of four murders and is thought to have killed at least 50 people during his crime spree.   He made a ‘torture dungeon' in the cab of his truck so that he could restrain his victims. The cases of missing people Judith Casida and Patrick Carnes.   Judith and Patrick have no known connection, but they both disappeared from the exact same desolate exit ramp in Nevada.  Judith disappeared in 2006 and Patrick disappeared in 2011.   Both of their vehicles were left behind and no trace of them has ever been found.  Could they have been victims of a serial killer? Read our blog for these cases Be sure to join us on Patreon for exclusive, ad-free content Follow us on Instagram for the latest crime news This episode is sponsored by: Graza - Head to Graza.co and use TCS to get 10% off of TRIO which includes Sizzle, Frizzle and Drizzle, and get to cookin' your next chef-quality meal!

In this episode of Recovery for the Narcissist, Dr. Eric Perry explores the complex world of trauma bonds within relationships. Often mistaken for deep connections, trauma bonds can form some of the most challenging emotional patterns to identify and break. Dr. Perry guides listeners through the psychology of trauma bonding, introduced by Dr. Patrick Carnes, which illuminates the dynamic interplay of fear, excitement, and emotional manipulation in maintaining these bonds. Listeners will learn about the stages of trauma bonding, from idealization and love bombing to conflict and reconciliation, and how these cycles forge deep, yet unhealthy, emotional attachments. The episode will also examine subtle manifestations of trauma bonding, such as the interplay between criticism and validation and the role of isolation in reinforcing emotional dependencies. Dr. Perry provides actionable strategies to recognize and disrupt these patterns, paving the way for healthier, more authentic relationships. Key takeaways include: Recognizing the subtle signs of trauma bonding in everyday interactions. Strategies for setting healthy boundaries and improving communication. Practical tips for self-care and prioritizing emotional safety in relationships. In this episode, Dr. Perry will also address the emotional toll these bonds can take on individual well-being and self-perception. He aims to equip listeners with the tools to reclaim agency and build truly supportive and fulfilling connections by highlighting real-world examples and offering guidance on navigating these complex emotional landscapes. Tune in to gain valuable insights into breaking free from trauma bonds and building relationships based on mutual trust and respect. Dr. Perry's guidance offers a pathway to emotional healing and personal growth, empowering listeners to transform their lives by changing their relational dynamics. Connect with Dr. Perry: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://drericperry.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Own Your Stuff Online Coaching Group: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://drericperry.com/ownyourstuff⁠⁠⁠⁠ Empathy Awakening Workshop: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://drericperry.com/empathyawakening⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Disclaimer: The content contained in this podcast is for general information only and is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, assessment, diagnosis, or treatment. Listeners should not rely on the information provided for their own health needs. All specific questions should be presented to your own healthcare provider. Listening to this podcast in no way creates a professional/working relationship between the listener and the host. If at any time you have an emergency while listening, please contact your local emergency center immediately.

Is there a difference between sobriety and recovery? Is recovery just a longer version of sobriety?   In this episode of RecoverU Kylene and Patrick share their perspective on the differences between sobriety and recovery and the type of actions and behaviors it takes to move into a life of recovery, and ultimately freedom, after a life of sex or porn addiction!     Please fill out this (short!) feedback survey helping us to know what YOU would like to be in future episode of RecoverU! https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSflRXKKwyjB_6OkURh-O9cuPll1owZxmAbnsWUMj_3g9g3uxw/viewform?usp=sharing     RecoverU Podcast Episode summary - need to find an episode based on a specific topic? We've got you covered! Click here: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSflRXKKwyjB_6OkURh-O9cuPll1owZxmAbnsWUMj_3g9g3uxw/viewform?usp=sharing       Galatians 5:22-23 says, "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control."    3 Circles Recovery Exercise: https://puredesire.org/blog/tools-for-healing-three-circles/   Patrick Carnes 30 steps to Recovery: https://www.kavodrecovery.com/the-30-tasks.html   If you are a betrayed partner and would like to connect with Kylene for 1:1 coaching support, please click this link and book a free connection call: https://p.bttr.to/3ttk0Ql   Join the free RecoverU Facebook page for betrayed partners: www.facebook.com/groups/recoverU   For addicted spouses check our puredesire.org and soulrefiner.org Follow Kylene: On TikTok: @KyleneTerhune  On IG: @KyleneTerhune  

A core premise is that many individuals struggle with “Post-Traumatic Successful Relationship Syndrome” (PTSRS) or “Successful Relationship Anxiety” (SRA)—terms that reflect an underlying fear of relationship success, stability, and depth. These concepts align with insights from Patrick Carnes on trauma bonding, where past experiences of dysfunction become familiar and even preferable to the discomfort of unknown, healthier patterns. Trauma bonding, as Carnes explains, forms when attachment is intertwined with psychological pain, making certain people feel more comfortable in unstable relationships than in stable ones. Individuals with PTSRS may unconsciously sabotage healthy relationships, as familiar patterns of emotional turmoil validate a deep-seated sense of self they unknowingly maintain.

Dr. Carnes, who first identified sex addiction, shares... Throughout this engaging discussion, Dr. Carnes shares his journey of pioneering sex addiction treatment and delves into the scientific understanding of addiction as it relates to both adults and children. He reflects on decades of doing therapy and conducting research on sex addiction but all addictions and his view of the future Tune in to hear insights on how addiction impacts younger generations, the role of technology, and why understanding sex addiction is more relevant than ever. #Sexaddiction #Addiction #Podcast #SexualAddiction #BetrayalTrauma #PatrickCarnes #IITAP

Whether it's scrolling through our phones or getting lost in a digital world, fubbing can distance us from real connections with family and friends. This experience is common across families today, where parents and children alike may find themselves disconnected due to screen time. As we look deeper, the shift in our culture from in-person to online interactions has impacted social development and even academic achievement. This shift is clear when comparing how kids and families used to connect through shared activities versus today's digital distractions. By understanding fubbing, we can start to reshape these connections and make intentional choices in our relationships.

When we think of childhood illnesses, we often think of physical issues like heart disease or cancer. But addiction is affecting children in significant ways, and the evidence is growing. Around the world, researchers are finding that young people are being exposed to multiple addictive influences—gaming, the internet, and explicit content—at an alarming rate. Every hour, hundreds of children are exposed to explicit content online, with about a third of them potentially facing lifelong struggles. In this video, we'll explore these findings, real-world implications, and the challenges schools are facing in managing digital devices and content post-pandemic.

In the complex landscape of modern relationships, the politics of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) serves as a potent symbol for the deep-rooted issues that lie beneath the surface of intimacy, trust, and societal constructs around monogamy. The stigma surrounding STDs often evokes shame, fear, and misunderstanding—particularly when explored through the lens of attachment theory and trauma bonding. This essay seeks to unravel the intricacies of STD politics, challenging both socially imposed norms around monogamy and the ethical considerations surrounding honesty and responsibility in intimate relationships. Integrating the insights of Krishnamurti, Dr. David R. Hawkins, Patrick Carnes, and others, we will critically examine the moral, ethical, and psychological dimensions of STD dynamics, alongside the attachment wounds that can exacerbate these relational challenges.

In the intricate tapestry of human relationships, the concept of "relational impoverishment" emerges as a profound inquiry into the emotional, psychological, and spiritual currency we possess—or lack. Much like financial insolvency, emotional poverty manifests as an inability to engage in healthy relationships due to a lack of resources, such as self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and personal integrity. This essay will explore the depths of this concept, drawing on the wisdom of thinkers like Krishnamurti, Pema Chödrön, and Patrick Carnes, as we unravel the complexities of relational dynamics and the costs associated with emotional and spiritual maturity.

To Learn More About The Mindful Habit and Craig: www.mindfulhabithelp.comIn this video, Craig Perra discusses CSATs (Certified Sex Addiction Therapists) and the treatment of sex addiction. He explores the role of CSATs, founded by Dr. Patrick Carnes, who use a trauma-informed, 12-step model focusing on lifelong sobriety.Despite the benefits some find in CSATs, Craig highlights the significant debate surrounding the model, noting that the American Psychiatric Association does not recognize sex addiction as a formal diagnosis.He emphasizes finding a therapy approach and therapist with whom you connect deeply.Additionally, Craig presents his approach, The Mindful Habit, which combines healthy sexuality aspects with the addiction model to achieve a fulfilling life beyond sobriety.Find a CSAT Therapist: https://iitap.com/page/TherapistDirectoryFind an ASSECT Therapist: https://www.aasect.org/referral-directory

Navigating the Early Stages of Sexual Betrayal Trauma: Understanding, Healing, and Support In this episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and his colleague MaryAnn Michaelis delve into the emotional and psychological impacts that arise immediately after discovering a partner's sexual betrayal. The conversation centers on the shock and disorientation many betrayed partners experience, and the varied ways they respond—either by isolating themselves or sharing their pain publicly. Dr. Skinner and MaryAnn emphasize the importance of recognizing and addressing betrayal trauma, providing validation for those suffering from overwhelming emotions such as confusion, anxiety, and shame. They share insights from personal experiences, research, and clinical practices, highlighting the significance of qualified therapeutic support and proper disclosure processes. Key strategies for coping include gathering information, orienting oneself to the new reality, setting boundaries, and seeking trauma-informed therapy and support groups. Dr. Skinner also introduces the 100 Days to Healing course, designed to provide education, validation, and practical steps toward recovery from betrayal trauma. Resources Mentioned: Books: Opening Up by Dr. James Pennebaker (on the effects of keeping trauma and stories hidden) What Can I Do About Me? by Rhyll Croshaw (on navigating the shame and isolation caused by sexual addiction and betrayal) The Betrayal Bond by Patrick Carnes (on understanding and healing from betrayal trauma) Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal by Dr. Kevin Skinner (on healing from the trauma caused by sexual betrayal) 2. Therapeutic Tools: EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) ART (Accelerated Resolution Therapy)** (trauma-focused treatments for PTSD symptoms) Disclosure Process: Properly addressing the details of the betrayal with professional guidance to avoid staggered disclosures and foster healing. Certified Sex Addiction Therapists (CSAT) and Certified Partner Trauma Therapists (CPTT): Recommended professionals for working through sexual betrayal trauma. 3. Courses and Support: 100 Days to Healing Course (available at humanintimacy.com): A video-based course offering education and strategies to cope with betrayal trauma. Support Groups: Highlighted as critical for connecting with others who have experienced betrayal, offering validation, resources, and a sense of community. 4. Podcast Contact:   Email: Questions@humanintimacy.com (for listener advice and sharing experiences).

Send us a Text Message.Could you be trauma-bonded to a narcissist? Are you battling a strange mix of love and fear? Lisa Sonni joins me this week to discuss trauma bonds--an intense connection to another person that is very difficult to break. We think we feel love when it's based on fear. Learn more about how to recognize if you're trauma-bonded and why it's so difficult to leave. Become a subscriber and get the Podcast Extra exclusive conversation about WHY identifying and breaking a trauma bond is so difficult. substack.com/@breakingfreenarcabuse or https://ko-fi.com/kerrymcavoyphd- Two places, the same cost, and the same great content!Books Mentioned: The Betrayal Bond by Patrick Carnes, PhDThe Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch, PhDAdult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson, PhDRecovering From Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson, PhD (Appendix contains the 10 Emotional Bill of Rights)Resources Mentioned: Strong & Unstoppable Retreat for Women Oct 3-6Healing Strong 12-Week Group Coaching with Lisa and KerryDr. McAvoy's Toxic-Free Relationship Club1:1 Coaching with Lisa SonniFollow Dr. McAvoy!YouTube: @kerrymcavoyphdInstagram: @kerrymcavoyphdFacebook: @kerrymcavoyphdE-mail: hello@kerrymcavoyphd.comNewsletter: https://breakingfreenarcabuse.substack.com/ or https://ko-fi.com/kerrymcavoyphdWebsite: https://www.breakingfreenarcissisticabuse.com/Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., a mental health specialist and author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships, deconstructing narcissism, and understanding various other mental health-related issues. Her memoir, Love You More: The Harrowing Tale of Lies, Sex Addiction, & Double Cross, gives an uncensored glimpse into the dynamics of narcissistic abuse.As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases at no cost to you as the customer.Start your healing after narcissistic abuse by joining Lisa Sonni and me for the Healing Strong Group Coaching, beginning August 22. Discover insights on gaslighting in relationships with Dr. Robin Stern on The Gaslight Effect podcast. Tune in for expert interviews and advice.Support the Show.

Are you or someone you love struggling with substance abuse, sex addiction, or betrayal trauma? If so, this episode is an essential listen. We're honored to have Bailey Heuser, a licensed professional counselor with over a decade of experience in the mental health and addiction fields, join us for an eye-opening conversation. Bailey's extensive work with military populations and her expertise in dealing with chemical dependencies, intimacy disorders, and PTSD trauma provide invaluable insights into these complex issues that can deeply impact relationships. Addictions can silently erode the foundations of relationships, often leaving partners and families in turmoil. In this powerful episode, Bailey shares her profound knowledge and experience, offering hope and guidance for those affected by these struggles. Her compassionate approach to understanding and treating addiction will not only shed light on these often misunderstood issues but also provide a roadmap to healing and recovery. In this episode, we discuss: ✅ Bailey's background and career trajectory ✅ A clear understanding of what constitutes an addiction ✅ The professional assessment process to determine the severity of addiction ✅ Understanding sex addiction ✅ Identifying the signs that indicate when someone needs help with an addiction ✅ The connection between sex addiction and past trauma or abuse ✅ Why addiction is referred to as a family disease ✅ The impact of addiction on family dynamics and relationships ✅ Pornography addiction and its effects on the brain and body ✅ When and where to find professional help ✅ How to support children of addicts ✅ A message of hope from Bailey To contact Bailey, email her at wildcidepodcast@gmail.com Check out Bailey's true crime podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/wildcide/id1721815484 Take the Sexual Addiction Screening Test (SAST) by Dr. Patrick Carnes here: https://www.drpatrickcarnes.com/am-i-a-sex-addict Find a professional who can help you at the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals: https://iitap.com/ Stay tuned for more empowering conversations!

On April 13, 2011, Pat Carnes and his dog Lucky were almost back home to Reno, Nevada. They had spent some time in Toledo, Ohio looking at retirement homes and visiting family. Pat was pulled over near Wells, Nevada at 9:00 p.m., for not moving over for a truck on the side of the road. He was given a warning and sent on his way- but not after the Troopers dash and audio cams caught something interesting. Of course, the trooper didn't know this was interesting at the time. The next monring Pat's car was found abandoned a short ways up the road, with no signs of Pat- or Lucky- anywhere. What happened to Pat Carnes & Lucky? ***************** Follow us on: Facebook: www.facebook.com/wherearetheypodcast Instagram: @thewherearetheypodcast Email me: Canwefindthem@gmail.com Join our online detective group at Patreon: ⁠⁠www.patreon.com/wherearetheypodcast⁠⁠ Support our mission: ⁠⁠https://www.buymeacoffee.com/wherearethey⁠ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/wherearetheypodcast/message

Today Carol the Coach will be talking to Josh and Charlene Lewis who are co-founders of programing for both the partner and the addict that have foundations in the works of Patrick Carnes.They have an intensive that is remote and they believe in making it easy for their clients. On this podcast they will be sharing their own hope, strength and wisdom that built their programing to get you the right tools to manage recovery and betrayal.

In episode #2 of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Skinner interviews Dr. Stefanie Carnes the President of the International Institute of Trauma and Addiction Professionals. In this session, these two professionals with almost 60 years of experience discuss the following: Whether couples should discuss the details of an affair or other sexual betrayal. How to discuss unwanted sexual behaviors with children (what to say and what not to say) Insights into Patrick Carnes from Stefanie's perspective If recovery is possible for couples dealing with sexual betrayal Resources mentioned: https://sexhelp.com (Find a Counselor) The Essentials to Healing from Sexual Betrayal (Online course) Treating Sexual Addiction: A 100 Day Course for Recovery (Online course) A Special Thanks to McKay Hatch for the music. You can follow McKay's music at these links: https://youtu.be/qHhQoebmizE?si=oaL2QG_E3wCL2I7t https://youtu.be/BPmF47qHYbg?si=yWRL3H47q2f6HHZt

Tricia Youngs is a therapist & life coach. Tricia has trained with the world's experts in trauma and addiction such as Pia Mellody, Bessel Van Der Kolk, MD., Francine Shapiro, PhD., Deborah Korn, PhD., Patrick Carnes, PhD. Gabor Mate, MD and Richard Schwartz, PhD. In her private practice, The Path to Healing, she treats individuals, groups, couples, and families as well as facilitating The Path to Healing Trauma RecoveryWorkshop. Through her company, InStill Hope, she delivers training and coaching services. She is a highly sought-after public speaker and expert on the subjects of trauma recovery, interpersonal dynamics, and substance abuse.  The Good Counsel Podcast is an exploration into the world of helping professionals from various disciplines and walks of life. The goal of the podcast is to discover the motivations and methodologies of these unique individuals in order to satisfy and arouse curiosity among members of the public who have an interest in this area of discussion. The intention of the Podcast is to incorporate a definition of ‘helping professional' that is diverse. Good Counsel Podcast interviewees will include Psychotherapists, Medical Professionals, Life Coaches, Interventionists, Spiritual Healers, Substance Use Disorder Treatment Professionals and Educators amongst others, in order to capture a broad range of disciplines.  My hope is to increase awareness and reduce stigma among the general public around mental health issues, substance use disorders and related problems while exposing people to the abundance and variety of help that is available to them. © Copyright 2023, Produced by Eric Bricker; Theme music composed and performed by Eric Bricker.  

Technology's purpose is to improve the quality of life for humanity. But unfortunately, in many ways it has provided unintended consequences, for example, serving as stimuli for sex addiction. Dr. Patrick Carnes says that as technologies evolve, we must remain vigilant about this issue, especially when it comes to adolescents. But can vigilance and treatment practices evolve just as rapidly as technology?

Genie shares her unique story of falling in love with a level one sex offender.TRIGGER WARNING - This episode contains topics that may be triggering. Listener discretion is advised.In an inspiring and heart-felt discussion, she dives into the complexities of such a relationship, focusing on themes of communication, cycles of abuse, mental health, and remaining hopeful. Genie's story is a powerful reminder to keep an open mind and to be understanding of the struggles faced by those who have made mistakes and are on a journey of redemption. With the help of Brianne Davis, author of a book about her experiences, Genie encourages all listeners to look beyond the label of 'sex offender' and to find empathy for those in her situation. Tune in to gain insight into the struggles of remaining in a love relationship with a sex offender and the importance of paying attention to online dangers._____If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com.______To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com_____SECRET LIFE'S TOPICS INCLUDE:addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting,  molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness._____Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle_____Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon______HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?Tell Your Friends & Share Online!Follow, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts | SpotifyFollow & Listen iHeart | Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Amazon | PandoraSpread the word via social mediaInstagramTwitterFacebook#SecretLifePodcastDonate - You can also support the show with a one-time or monthly donation via PayPal (make payment to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com) or at our WEBSITE.Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis)Official WebsiteInstagramFacebookTwitterConnect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)Main WebsiteDirecting WebsiteInstagramFacebookTwitterTranscript[0:00:00] Genie: My fiance was set up in a sting and did not know it, but he was communicating with a said minor, but wasn't a minor.[0:00:15] Brianne Davis: Welcome to the Secret Life Podcast. Tell me your secret, I'll tell you mine. Sometimes you have to go through the darkness to reach the light. That's what I did. After twelve years of recovery in sex and love addiction, I finally found my soulmate myself. Please join me in my novel, Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex and Love Addict, a four time bestseller on Amazon. It's a brutal, honest, raw, gnarly ride, but hilarious at the same time. Check it out now on Amazon.Welcome to Secret Life Podcast. I'm Brianne Davis-Gantt. Today, I'm pulling back the curtains of all kinds of human secrets. We'll hear about what people are hiding from themselves or others. You know, those deep, dark secrets you probably want to take to your grave. Or those lighter, funny secrets that are just plain embarrassing. Really?[0:01:13] Brianne Davis: The how, what, when, where, and live at all. Today. My guest is Genie. Now, Genie, I have a question for you. Dun dun dun. What is your secret?[0:01:23] Genie: My secret is I am engaged to a level one sex offender.[0:01:27] Brianne Davis: Oh, okay. What is a level one sex offender?[0:01:31] Genie: Level one is usually not one that you would be able to look up on any regular data site, only because their offenses are so minimal. It could be, you know, public urination, it could be light and decent indecent exposure. And in my case, my fiance was set up in a sting and did not know it, but he was communicating with a said minor, but wasn't a minor.[0:01:57] Brianne Davis: Okay, take us back. First of all, how long have you been with him?[0:02:01] Genie: Well, we started dating in early 2021. That's when we met.[0:02:06] Brianne Davis: And how did you meet?[0:02:08] Genie: We met on an online dating site. The most popular one that's out there, tinder. But he had already been. And prior to that and what had got him to that point of communicating with that said person? He was already down a rabbit hole of addiction and being meeting people for just sex. And he was on Adult Friend finder a couple of other I call him sleazy dating sites. And he was down a dark path.[0:02:34] Brianne Davis: So he was addicted to the fantasy of the other person online?[0:02:41] Genie: Well, I think when the person is not naturally attracted to younger people, he was just the act of being sexually engaged with anyone who was easy and readily available. That was his target. If you were ready to go, do.[0:02:57] Brianne Davis: You think if it's even that, is it? What did he ever say to you? And I know we're jumping already into it, and I want to backtrack a little, but did he ever say to you because it was, like, a little wrong, he was communicating with her? Because as we get more in our addiction, it gets darker. And cedar and the things you thought you wouldn't do, you find yourself doing self doing. Yes.[0:03:23] Genie: I don't think he ever entertained that thought enough to think that he would go that direction. It was just all about real meet, have sex, be done, never talk to that person again, or if they called him back, maybe. And when I met him, his intent for me was to be a friends with Benefit. And I was like, well, okay, I see that's the route you want to go. I had been in the dating scene, too, and I didn't quite understand what the friends with benefit was completely defined as. I knew it, but I didn't know it. And when I asked him, so what is your definition of friends with Benefit? He goes, oh, two or three people. I go, don't you think that's a little unhealthy? It gets sloppy. It gets kind of you don't know. Communication can get lost, and you risk the chance of STDs and STIs. And I didn't know about this secret until three months after we started seeing each other and hanging out a lot. And because of my job, too, I worked then with the state, and he knew I was a mandated reporter.[0:04:26] Brianne Davis: Really? Wait, so he picked a mandated reporter and didn't tell you for three months?[0:04:32] Genie: Right. But after this, he had already been in the trial part of his case.[0:04:36] Brianne Davis: Okay.[0:04:37] Genie: His incident happened three months prior to me.[0:04:40] Brianne Davis: Can you take us through what actually happened with him so people listening. I want them to hear what actually happened. So he was talking to some multiple.[0:04:49] Genie: People he was talking to, and one of them, somebody would grab on and kind of communicate a little bit more, and they started talking about meeting up, and she mentioned something. I've read the reports. I've read the psychosexual evaluation. I've read the police reports. I've even seen a cell phone while other details on it. The said young lady said that she was scared to do it at first because she hadn't actually had sex with somebody of his stature statue and was hesitant about it. And he goes, oh, well, we can take it slow, and we can do it oral. And I said, So you did want to do this? He goes, yeah, but I kind of entertained it to the fact that I knew it was going and meeting her in a public place and meeting her to say, are you sure you really want everyone your life like this? That's what he discussed with me afterwards. And I said, So you wouldn't have met her in a private place knowing that how old she said was? And he goes, no, I don't think I could have actually went through with the act.[0:05:39] Brianne Davis: And how old did she say she was?[0:05:41] Genie: 1515.[0:05:43] Brianne Davis: And how old is he?[0:05:44] Genie: He was in his early 40s.[0:05:47] Brianne Davis: Okay, so did he end up meeting her, or he went to the place.[0:05:52] Genie: And then went to the public place. And as soon as he pulled up, they knew exactly what car he was, who would he look like. They immediately arrested him, didn't tell him what it was about. They took him from one place, and they grilled him, saying, how would you like this if this was your daughter? Blah, blah, blah. And he knew what was up. He knew what had happened. At that point, he did spend two nights in jail, and when he went, yes, he does. He has two, and they're adults.[0:06:19] Brianne Davis: Boys or girls?[0:06:20] Genie: One boy, one girl.[0:06:21] Brianne Davis: I got you.[0:06:22] Genie: Okay. And I have three myself, so I have two girls and a boy.[0:06:26] Brianne Davis: Okay. How old are your kids?[0:06:28] Genie: Well, one's 24, 21, and 19.[0:06:32] Brianne Davis: Got it.[0:06:33] Genie: Well, one was not an adult when I had met him, but after he had told me, I was very careful of watching him and seeing how his responses were and how he was with my kids. Because if I would have gotten any kind of feeling that there was something off, I would have immediately said, yeah, we can't do this. He disclosed it to a couple of people. After he was done, he went through treatment and did the legal treatment that was required. In addition to helping himself, he also had the opportunity of having a counselor free of charge to him. This isn't for everybody. It's only because of his service background. He has access to having extra counseling. So that benefited him, I think, in the most in his healing process and understanding and getting through those ropes of learning. What he did was wrong with the communication of an inappropriate context with a minor. It was a heavy load. When he hit me with this.[0:07:25] Brianne Davis: I want to talk about that, actually. And then I have more questions about his healing, because I actually want to hear a little more about it. But how was that let's call it D Day when he told you, how did that go? Where were you? How did you feel?[0:07:37] Genie: We went on a day trip that day. We were doing some cool photography of some vintage cars, and then we stopped at a restaurant, play pool, came back, and then I always drove. It just was a thing I did. And he said, I have something I really need to tell you. It's kind of my own secret. And I was like, okay. And he told me. He disclosed me because I got in trouble with the sting, and this is what happened. And I said, wow, that's a big thing that happened, and I'm really glad you told me. And I handled it very calmly. I didn't freak out on him. And of course, it took me probably about I still communicated with him, and I asked him what his intent was. As we got farther, he opened up more and more and more with me. I did go to counseling myself at that time, and I wanted to understand to me, I think I wanted to know, how can I help this person, even if it's not for me. Maybe it's the next woman that he ends up dating, that he gets the treatment, he gets he gets all the things.[0:08:36] Genie: His kids appreciate the fact that Dad's done the things for himself, because I think that's the meaningful part. And I told him, I said, don't make this about me ever. I want this to be about what you want to do. I want it to be for your family, for your job, so you don't ever lose it, for your community involvement. Me last, and it took a while. I mean, I had a long discussion, a lot of journaling. I wrote down a lot of stuff. Oh, man, I burned that book. Actually, I called it the Burn Book. Afterwards, I wrote down all the stuff, and then I burned it. But, yes, it was it was pretty impactful, and I did end up disclosing it to my supervisor at work because I knew that I was in that position where if it were ever to be brought up legally and if it were found, I didn't want it to be contingent on me or my job.[0:09:22] Brianne Davis: And what did they say?[0:09:24] Genie: She understood it, and because my job the way it was at that point, she was very understanding and keeping it as confidential as possible. And I told her, I promise that he's not going to be in any settings around here, no family events until we know when the legal trial is done. And that's when he was when the legal trial was done. That's when he was labeled as one, and he was on restriction. He had to get travel things to go see me because we were in different counties.[0:09:53] Brianne Davis: Okay?[0:09:53] Genie: So he had to get a travel voucher from his probation officer, and he would come down once a week, and I would come up to his place every other week or so like that, and that's how we would see each other. We would go back and forth. Also, when he went to this legal thing, he had asked the judge, asked his attorney that he had hired to say, well, my girlfriend that I'm seeing does have one son that's 17 and a half. Can I put his name on the, you know, being supervised by her? And he they asked the judge that, and he granted it. Okay, so but ever since then, we I after 2021, and then we we dated for probably about a good six or seven months, and then I ended up moving into his place with his kids because then my kids all got their own places and my youngest went to their dads. And none of this was to my understanding in relation to my relationship, except for the fact that Mom's moving on.[0:10:43] Brianne Davis: Does any of your kids know about it or is this, like, a secret a lot of people don't know?[0:10:48] Genie: No. I had actually to talk to them a little bit about it. And then I talked to my fiance about it, and I said, this is mostly your story to tell, so if you ever want to sit down and openly talk to them about it and I asked them, I go, do you guys ever want to hear it? And they're like, no, we know what we know, and that's all we need to know. And you know what? They all have a wonder, since it's been about two and a half, almost two years, that we all have a great relationship, and it's worked out. They see him for who he is genuinely as a person now because he's overcome a lot of hurdles. And the reason why he went down that dark path and and became an addicted person because at a young age, he was pushed into being an instant father and married very quickly to a very older woman who already had kids.[0:11:31] Brianne Davis: So he was he was sexualized very young then.[0:11:35] Genie: Yes.[0:11:36] Brianne Davis: If he was with an older woman, whether he was of age or not, that can be a permanent damage to you.[0:11:42] Genie: Right. And then, of course, that marriage being as long as it was, there was a lot of online 18 years.[0:11:49] Brianne Davis: Wow.[0:11:49] Genie: Yeah, there was a lot of what he told me he felt like a doormat in a paycheck, probably about the same time he told me about this legal problem. He felt like a doormat and a paycheck and his wife and his wife's life.[0:12:00] Brianne Davis: Do you think then he started acting out online to escape that relationship?[0:12:05] Genie: Oh, he had numerous affairs while he was married.[0:12:08] Brianne Davis: Right.[0:12:08] Genie: He was trying to get away from that whole he wanted that connection with somebody who saw something in him, and the only thing he saw that he was useful for was for sex.[0:12:16] Brianne Davis: Right. Yeah. I mean, listen, I am a sex addict. I'm a sex and love addict, and I totally get when we use our sexuality or try to connect with other people through that, but it's like he went to the extreme because he was so disconnected from himself and his sexuality was taken away.[0:12:34] Genie: Exactly. Yeah.[0:12:37] Brianne Davis: So how far did it go down? Did he ever meet any minors or was that the first and only one, or have you asked him?[0:12:44] Genie: That was the first and only one, and I did ask him that. I asked him if he was ever attracted to him. I even went back and reading your book, too, and I asked him I go, did you ever have any incidences in your younger life where you may have been exposed to these kind of things? Because that's what I've seen a lot when I work with my former job, is seeing a pattern of exposure, and it just kind of continues. And it's one of those things that either people either can identify it, learn to get the treatment and stop it, or they can continue to choose doing that same thing over and over again until they don't see a problem with it.[0:13:15] Brianne Davis: And what did he say when you asked him that?[0:13:17] Genie: He never had that kind of exposure. He lost his virginity at an older age.[0:13:22] Brianne Davis: I know, but even with porn and stuff, did he look at porn at a young age? Because that's a big factor.[0:13:29] Genie: He may have had touch and go with that, but he never told me that he was ever addicted to the porn or anything. To me from what my background of going through the schooling that I went through and also understanding background for casework. There's nothing that significance a red flag to me that says, oh, he had this kind of exposure as a youngster, and this is why. It's just a lot of I think a lot of it mostly had to do with his parents being divorced, his dad not coming around, not having that love and connection attention, and being married to an older woman and still then falling in that whole trap of not feeling the love and connection. And it just seems like it's playing.[0:14:07] Brianne Davis: Online and those connections that feel real but they're actually false connections and then the stakes keep getting higher to get the hit and high you want.[0:14:16] Genie: Absolutely.[0:14:20] Brianne Davis: Does he get online anymore now or is that a no go?[0:14:24] Genie: Very little no. He's only on a couple of very social medias and he allows me to look at what he has.[0:14:30] Brianne Davis: Good.[0:14:30] Genie: He has no problem with me looking at what he has. There used to be a time in the beginning of our relationship his phone was always faced down, he'd always have notifications off. And I knew for the probably about the first six months he was still coming off of that high of being connected to those people.[0:14:45] Brianne Davis: Yeah, it takes a while. It's very hard to go cold turkey off of online anything, even online gaming, it's hard to go cold turkey. It's very difficult.[0:14:58] Genie: Even in the beginning of our relationship, I had caught him. He was going to hook up with some gal after we had had a huge weekend, a holiday weekend together. And then he was trying to persuade the neighbor that lived over at another place that we lived at together and I caught it and he tried to lie about it at first, but then he felt really bad and he backed down and it was just like it was wrong. I should have never flirted with her, I should have never kissed her on even though we were seeing each other, I was just thinking, I can get away with it.[0:15:30] Brianne Davis: And that was do you know why he did that? Why you guys were getting closer, why he did that?[0:15:36] Genie: I do, but I don't. It's like I can't go in his brain and actually pinpoint what it is, but he can only go by what he tells me.[0:15:43] Brianne Davis: Well, it's a definite fear of intimacy. So if you're getting closer to him in real life, he does anything he can to make that disconnection and go somewhere else. It's him chasing still that fantasy at that time because it was getting too real, probably, for you guys.[0:16:01] Genie: That is probably exactly it, because it was right before I had moved in with him.[0:16:05] Brianne Davis: That's what always happens. I was talking with somebody and they were like, every time we go, my boyfriend and I go on a family vacation, he picks a fight with me afterwards. And I'm like, yeah, because he's terrified of real intimacy. So he picks a fight with you because it was too real, and he didn't come from that background, so he doesn't know how to process it.[0:16:27] Genie: That's right. That's a very good analogy. One of the books that I did read with him, and I'm probably sure you're familiar with it, it's called out of the Shadows by Patrick Carnes.[0:16:36] Brianne Davis: Yes, I love that book.[0:16:38] Genie: Oh, my gosh. If anybody's ever going through this kind of process. And one thing I do want to disclose about him being a sex offender and I don't want people to turn away from these people. Yes, there's people that have got extreme patterns of child molestation, rape and things like that, but with his being a level one, the way it was and going through the treatment is not an easy process because these people have to pay for this. It's no different from drug rehab. You have to pay for it. And if you can't get a job anywhere because of those legal things that you have pressed against you, then how are you able to afford the treatment to go forward?[0:17:14] Brianne Davis: Yeah, it's a lot of money. People with this addiction, this tendency, it's really hard to get recovery.[0:17:21] Genie: Yeah, I think it was about $400 every month for him. And he would have meetings once a week, and he would tell me all about the meetings. I've never told him to tell me anything. I let him do I said, if you want to share, that's great. I'm here to be here to listen to you and help you through anything. And that's why when I read that book, I literally went through and I understood every piece of it, so I knew how to support him, and that was a big thing. And then I read well, I listened to yours on audiobook, but all those resources I got all my resources together. It's like, if I'm going to be anything, this man, I'm going to be a resource and help for him and get him through this. Like I said, I didn't want him to make it about me. I wanted it to be for himself and his family first. Yeah.[0:18:03] Brianne Davis: And I think it's really beautiful as a partner, the non judgmental and not taking it on. It's about you. I even work with a lot of partners and help them see like, this addiction has nothing to do with you. If he's going to go do that, it has no reflection of you. It's his own. But then I always have what in you, though, are not showing up. What in you depicts somebody unavailable, but it seems like he's doing the work. So you're showing up completely available and saying, here, you have to do your work and it's all on you. But I will show up for you to see how it's different, how you're handling it. And majority of the people, because they make it about them and it's not about them. He has a disease. He has a sickness. He's trying to escape himself in some way.[0:18:46] Genie: Exactly. Yeah. And I really dug deep into that because I wanted him to know that I want to understand every element of this. So I know everything that even when you talk about the whacka Mole addiction, like, he used to also be a smoker, and he just recently quit smoking. And so I said, so have you found yourself finding addiction to anything else? And then lately it's been I call it the TikTok rabbit hole.[0:19:12] Brianne Davis: TikTok is a huge one. That is a huge addiction, actually. It's bad. So what is he doing now? So he's going down that rabbit hole of watching videos.[0:19:23] Genie: Yeah, and I want to back it up just a little bit. But before then, when he was going to counseling and I was going to counseling and because we had had those hurdles of him still trying to interact with people and trying to get better and then going into counseling, I actually sat down and said, let's come up with healthy things that we can do. So we started doing more stuff in the kitchen. We started making cakes together, we started making other recipes together. We've gone camping. Another thing we did is, I don't know if you've seen those glass cubes that people put like fairy lights in, but instead of putting fairy lights in every time we went out somewhere, like even a coaster or a menu or something small that we could put in their little shrinkage, and we started collecting memory jars. We're on our fifth one right now. And they're positive things. I always told him, let's think of positive things that we can change, those negative things that you are so easily fallen into. And I think that was the biggest thing, is another part of me working with him to better himself.[0:20:18] Brianne Davis: But I also love that, yes, I'm all about positivity, but there's a time and a place for it. So he still had to go through the negative stuff with his therapy, his groups, whatever he's doing, and then you be there next to him and then trying to expand his life instead of making it smaller.[0:20:38] Genie: Right.[0:20:38] Brianne Davis: I don't look at it as positivity. I just look at it as you expanding you guys'life together.[0:20:44] Genie: That's a good way to put it. Definitely. It's like I try not to monitor him, but I do monitor him. I think that's just my fear of him going down that addiction hole. But I think we're kind of far enough away from it now. But I always do check in.[0:20:59] Brianne Davis: I think it's important. The first five to ten years, you kind of have to do check ins. I don't ever suggest to make sure you're checking it 24/7. But when you're getting out of this specific addiction, it is the hardest one to get out of it, and you have to be diligent and little things can trigger you just even seeing something on a website. So it is always important for them to have accountability. Like for me, I had accountability with my partner. It just is it's? You showing up authentically, but there has to be no judgment on the other side. And I think that's where you have a good balance with it.[0:21:39] Genie: Yes. And that is one of our strong suits from coming from both of our rocky marriages that we've had. And the lack of communication was the hardest part that we didn't understand a lot from our marriage. It just wasn't there. And I think that's what has helped us in our relationships, like communication, communication, communication. We have to talk about it. Even if it's the nitty gritty and it hurts and it feels like it's just ugly, we have to talk about it.[0:22:08] Brianne Davis: You do. Communication is the most important. But I am going to ask you a question, and it's going to be might be difficult to answer, because if someone has a young child that this has happened to them, what would you say to them? How would you explain his side to them to make them feel understanding? Or maybe there's nothing you can say, so I don't know. So I was wondering if you've ever thought about that.[0:22:36] Genie: I have thought about that. I was with him when he was really restricted as far as the restriction goes, too. They even monitor his phone. Yeah, he monitors electronic devices on any communication. Anything he searched. If you searched anything about anatomy, they would have dinged him and he would have been in trouble by his PO and heartbeat. I think when I was out in public with him, there was a lot of questions asked, even from his treatment counselor, saying, did you have a kid come up and touch you or bump into you? If something like that happens, you need to say something and express it and tell people and people in your group how you feel. I think if there was anything that I could tell that there was something discomforting, like if a kid was being too close to him and he was just like, I need to get this makes me uncomfortable. I don't want to get in trouble again. I don't want to feel like I'm going to get prosecuted for this kid coming at me. So I think it's just about us learning boundaries, and because we're much older and our kids are much older, and of course there's going to be kids coming into our life that are younger from them having their children. It's his story to tell. Again, I've always said it's his story to tell. And if he feels that it's something that's going to make him uncomfortable in a setting, in a place with lots of children around, then I've always told him, we can go.[0:23:54] Genie: We can leave. We don't have to stay here.[0:23:56] Brianne Davis: Okay. And if any parents that have dealt with that they're younger kids talking to older people online, what would be your advice for them just because you've dealt with it on the other side?[0:24:09] Genie: As a parent myself, I monitored my kids devices. I paid for it, I monitor it, amen. And I hate it when people sit there. Well, my kid won't take their device away. They don't need it. You tell them you'll pick them up and drop them off, you'll be there. Do it like you did in the 80s.[0:24:27] Brianne Davis: You didn't even have a cell phone or a phone.[0:24:31] Genie: I'm picking you up at so and so's house, and if you're not there, I know you were lying. But also working part of my line of work that I worked with, reading cases, there were young girls who had been sexualized younger.[0:24:44] Brianne Davis: Well, then, mostly likely, there's a brokenness about them. I work with a lot of young girls, especially 15 and 16 year olds. And anybody that's online looking for that connection is lacking a connection in their real life that's just exactly some damage was done, some abandonment, some low self esteem, fear of intimacy, fear of being loved. But I believe that this social media world we live in is making it a thousand times worse.[0:25:15] Genie: Definitely. And it's tough. And even in the field where I'm at now, I won't disclose because I don't want too much to get out there, but I see people, even the kids that are on these cases, on Zoom, and I see their Zoom profile picture, and then they come on, and I'm like, Whoa. I would have instantly thought that person that was in that picture was over 20 years old. And I thought, how dangerous? When I know that that person that's really on that Zoom is under 18.[0:25:42] Brianne Davis: Yeah. So scary. And wanting to grow up so quickly as well. There's always that need. As a young child, I mean, I even wanted to grow up quickly. We all do. But we have to protect the innocent, even from themselves, right? I do have one more question I'm dying to ask. I do have a son. We were just talking about the same thing. But how do I protect my son? He's four and. A half. But how do I protect him from online creditors, however they are, innocent or not, how do I protect him?[0:26:17] Genie: Again, monitoring him? What is he going on and educating him? That's not a safe place. There's probably people in there that are not okay to talk to you. And if somebody asks you questions that you don't feel comfortable, you tell me right away. Even some of the stuff that my kids used to play, like called penguin back in the day, there was always somebody on there, and they would start cursing them. Oh, my God, mom, this person's cursing at me. And I might report them, report them right away because I don't know who they are. I don't know. There could be some 30 something year old playing around on the kids game and trying to get kids. And like I said, I monitored a lot of stuff. I monitor even snapchat. I monitored my kids on that. They told me some kid was getting ready to want to fight another kid. I said shut it down.[0:27:04] Genie: Don't get in the middle of it, and we're going to take it to school.[0:27:07] Brianne Davis: Yes, I love that. That's great too. I love having you on. Is there anything else you want to share that you feel like you need to come on and talk about so people understand the other side of this behavior?[0:27:20] Genie: I don't like it when people sit there and generalize that all sex offenders are bad. They should be shot or killed or hurt or something in that way. I think as a society that's already lacking a lot of strength in the mental health field, that we really need to take a step back and saying, you know what? They're still in our community. They're still around. We don't know what it is.[0:27:39] Brianne Davis: They're still human. They're still breathing.[0:27:40] Genie: They're still human. And it's easy for a sex and love addict to fall in that trap because it's that fine line, and all of a sudden you could just go right over there and be like, oh, I really didn't want to go that far. And I just really wish the world or the United States in general would really focus on mental health a lot more. And I wish it wasn't so expensive so these people can get the treatment they need, so they can stop the cycle. Because when they don't get the treatment they need, they're right back on the street doing what they've been normally doing to survive.[0:28:15] Brianne Davis: It's a survival tactic to numb out and not be in reality. That's all it is. It really is. It's living in fantasy so you don't have to live in reality with how you're feeling.[0:28:25] Genie: Right? And there are some that are against the grain with the whole thing. Like I said, I've read cases where people are non registered sex offenders target younger young women or women in general with young kids, and they just perpetrate on them and drug habits. And it's just like, again, if we had the money going the right direction for those things, we would have a lot of healthier people.[0:28:48] Brianne Davis: I did the extreme cases, for sure. The ones that have raped or hurt children in that way, there is a perversion that they want to take the innocence because they never had that innocence. So I was talking one time to a professional about it. She specializes in it. That is a mental health issue that you actually have to go and work on because they're stuck in this adolescent style of sexuality and wanting to connect to when they were that young.[0:29:23] Genie: Right.[0:29:23] Brianne Davis: She had a whole different idea around it, which I found fascinating because, you know, a lot of sexual predators are in essay and slaa and I see them all the time and I'm friends with them that have had issues in the past and they're good people. They were just struggling themselves with mental health, addiction and all of that.[0:29:46] Genie: Yeah. One thing I explained when my fiance first got into his group setting, I said, I just want you to keep in mind, and this is something that I had to keep in mind when I've read cases a lot was these people didn't just wake up one day and decide, I'm just going to go molest people. No, it was something that the pattern behavior that had happened, something had happened to them. And I could read every psychological background that I've ever read and be like, boom, there it is.[0:30:11] Brianne Davis: It's generational. Usually it's passed down if it happened in the family, it's usually passed down in generations. If people don't actually do the work, they need to see why that happened to them or heal from.[0:30:24] Genie: Exactly.[0:30:25] Brianne Davis: Just like rage, just like violence that happens. It's passed down everything. Yeah.[0:30:30] Genie: And like I said, it's stopping it with the mental health and wanting it to stop.[0:30:35] Brianne Davis: Well, I'm so grateful to have you on. Thank you so much for sharing your story. Thank you for coming on. Thank you for reaching out to me. I'm honored and I really appreciate it.[0:30:45] Genie: I appreciate you too. I appreciate your book and everything about it. You helped me a great deal. I had him listen to it. He loved it too. I would have really loved for him to be here, but I thought, I'm going to tell it from my story this time. I'm going to tell it from my point of view.[0:30:59] Brianne Davis: No, I love it. Thank you. Thank you for doing that.[0:31:02] Genie: All right, thank you.[0:31:04] Brianne Davis: And if you want to be on the show, please email me at secretlifepodcast@icloud.com. Until next time.[0:31:14] Genie: Bye.[0:31:16] Brianne Davis: Thanks again for listening to the show. Please subscribe rate share or send me a note at secretlifepodcast.com. And if you'd like to check out my book, head over to secretlifenovel.com or Amazon to pick up a copy for yourself or someone you love. Thanks again. See you soon.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

In this excerpt from the revised edition of his classic book A Gentle Path through the Twelve Steps, Dr. Patrick Carnes offers practical advice for revitalizing a recovery that may feel stalled or stuck and reminds us that the gifts of recovery are always meant to be shared.

Brandi struggled in co-dependent relationships most of her adult lives, until she recognized the patterns she was re-creating from childhood. This episode is from her lived experience.Suggested Reads:The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness & Healing by Gabor MateThe Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitative Relationships by Patrick Carnes

This week, we travel to the desert! First up, Kenzie brings us back to Old Vegas with the “unsolved” murder of Marvin Shumate. Then, Lauren takes us down Interstate 80 and brings us the many unsolved murders and disappearances that have happened along this route. Tweet at us if you've ever seen a wild animal poop (horses don't count).If you have any information about the disappearances and deaths connected to Interstate 80, you are encouraged to contact Jim Lopey at (775) 687-0450 or email ntac@dps.state.nv.us. Or Humboldt County Sheriff's Office at 775–623–6419.--Follow us on Social Media and find out how to support A Scary State by clicking on our Link Tree: https://instabio.cc/4050223uxWQAl--Have a scary tale or listener story of your own? Send us an email to ascarystatepodcast@gmail.com! We can't wait to read it!--Thinking of starting a podcast? Thinking about using Buzzsprout for that? Well use our link to let Buzzsprout know we sent you and get a $20 Amazon gift card if you sign up for a paid plan!https://www.buzzsprout.com/?referrer_id=1722892--Works cited!https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gSXDohZ7l06jo0pzNn6viWqkkBeZscN89QCd7LBip3o/edit?usp=sharing--Intro and outro music thanks to Kevin MacLeod. You can visit his site here: http://incompetech.com/. Which is where we found our music!

When addressing unwanted sexual behavior or any level of sexual brokenness, the language of "addiction" is difficult to accept. What is it that makes something an addiction? What makes it a sexual addiction? To help us understand sexual addiction and its impact,  we talk to Dr. Adrian Hickmon, a therapist and the founder of Capstone Treatment Center. We discuss the criteria of an "addiction," why sexual addiction is so damaging, how trauma factors in, how it damages relationships, and what recovery from this addiction looks like. We also get to hear stories from Adrian's clinical work at Capstone. RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube) Capstone Treatment Center (Adrian's organization) The Urge (Carl Erik Fisher's book) Don't Call It Love (Dr. Patrick Carnes' book) IITAP Certifications (PSAP & CSAT)

Join us in this episode as we conclude the Step 4 segment from AA-speakers "Joe & Charlie: The Big Book Comes Alive".  This recording covers pages 67-70 in the AA Big Book covering the Fears Inventory, Sexual Harms and Other Harms Inventories.   Patrick Carnes books mentioned in this episode (email response): Don't Call it Love: Recovery from Sexual Addiction Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction Facing the Shadow: Starting Sexual and Relationship Recovery : a Gentle Path to Beginning Recovery from Sex Addiction A Gentle Path through the Twelve Steps: The Classic Guide for All People in the Process of Recovery   Joe & Charlie Big Book Comes Alive (section relevant to this episode): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-5PvGL60Cc https://www.wpaarea60.org/audio/big-book-studies/joe-and-charlie-the-big-book-comes-alive/   Be sure to reach us via email: feedback@sexaddictsrecoverypod.com If you are comfortable and interested in being a guest or panelist, please feel free to contact me. jason@sexaddictsrecoverypod.com Launching soon: https://sexaddictsrecoverypod.com/ SARPodcast YouTube Playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLn0dcZg-Ou7giI4YkXGXsBWDHJgtymw9q   To find meetings in the San Francisco Bay Area, be sure to visit: https://www.bayareasaa.org/ To find meetings in the your local area or online, be sure to visit the main SAA website: https://saa-recovery.org/meetings/   The content of this podcast has not been approved by and may not reflect the opinions or policies of the ISO of SAA, Inc.

WIT & REASON WITH DR. ALEXIS MORENOOur Wit & Reason therapist, Rueben Steele and Dr. Alexis dive into drive and answer, What is a Healthy Sex Drive? We're not here to characterize levels or brands of sexuality as pathological or "bad" instead we would like for you to use this show as a guide to help you increase your ability to figure out what's healthy, sexy, and compatible for you.Resources from the ShowSERVICESBook a Therapy Session with Reuben SteeleGet More Healthy Dating Tips from Dr. Alexis on Aura Health AppWhitman Walker ClinicTrevor Project Sex Addicts Anonymous ProgramVIDEOSMia Khalifa: "Porn is not reality" BBC HARDtalk (24 mins) BOOKSOut of the ShadowIn the Shadows of the Net: Breaking Free of Compulsive Online Sexual Behavior by Patrick J. Carnes, David Delmonico & Elizabeth GriffenBreaking Free of Compulsive Online Sexual Behavior by Patrick Carnes, David Delmonico & Elizabeth GriffenYour Brain on Porn: Internet Pornography and the Emerging Science of Addiction by Gary WilsonARTICLESCompulsive Sexual Behavior Inventory – 13 (CSBI-13) Dr. Eli Coleman and Dr. Michael Miner Institute for Sexual and Gender Health at the University of MinnesotaIs Your Sex Drive Normal? Probably.The CERTS Model of Healthy Sex: Consent, Equality, Respect, Trust, and SafetySexual Health Research LabCLINICAL CONSIDERATIONSA comparison of DSM and ICD classifications of mental disorderICD-11 for Mortality and Morbidity Statistics: 6C72 Compulsive sexual behaviour disorderCompulsive sexual behaviour disorder in the ICD-11MayoClinic: Compulsive sexual behavior Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How do you cope with trauma?On this legacy edition of the Faithful & True Podcast, listen as Dr. Mark Laaser and Randy Evert unpack the eight ways we cope with trauma, identified by Dr. Patrick Carnes' in his book, The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships.Listen as Mark also shares a path toward healing and resolution of trauma.Subscribe to our YouTube channel:   - https://bit.ly/FaithfulandTrueAttend a Workshop Experience   - For Men - https://bit.ly/MensJourneyWorkshop   - For Women - http://bit.ly/WomensJourneyWorkshop   - For Couples - http://bit.ly/CouplesIntensiveWorkshopContact us:   - https://faithfulandtrue.com/   - info@faithfulandtrue.com   - 952-746-3880Dr. Mark Laaser, M.Div., Ph.D., was considered one of the Christian leaders in the field of sex addiction before his death in September 2019. Mark, together with his wife, Debbie Laaser, MA, LMFT, have shared their 32 years of personal experience in sexual addiction recovery with thousands of individuals and couples through their work and resources at Faithful & True.The Faithful & True 3-Day Intensive Workshops continue to transform lives, rebuild trust, and help heal marriages.

Jim is joined by David Fortin to discuss the ways in which pornography usage correlates to an increased risk of suicidal tendencies especially in youth and young adults. Takeaways: 1. Isolation and depression are common symptoms of a porn addiction and strong indicators of suicidal ideation. 2. One in six students think about suicide. 3. According to Dr. Patrick Carnes, 17% of porn addicts attempt suicide, 72% have considered it.

In A Gentle Path Through the Twelve Steps, Dr. Patrick Carnes offers the Steps as a pattern of practices and habits that make lasting recovery possible. We can use these principles as a guide to a new way of living--letting go of our old ways of thinking and acting and accepting that change in our lives is both ongoing and inevitable.

In this episode, Jackie, circles back to episode 228 and talks about the courtship dimensions seven through twelve.  These dimensions were identified by Dr. Patrick Carnes and are part of developing and maintaining healthy and meaningful relationships.    Click on the link below to listen to Episode 228. https://thanksforsharing.podbean.com/e/episode-228-courtship-dimensions

In this episode we talk about Patrick Carnes idea on the Ultimate To Do List and how this can be a great tool to use in your recovery.

This week, Dr. Jason Powers and Julie DeNofa are joined by Ava Profota, CSW-S, CSAT-S, CMAT-S. Ms. Profota is a licensed clinical social worker (LCSW), certified sex addiction therapist (CSAT), certified multiple addictions therapist (CMAT), and supervisor for all three credentials. She practiced and supervised clinical services in a residential SUDs center for six years & treated multi-addictions and co-occurring diagnoses, and launched a clinical track for sex and love addiction & family of origin trauma.    In addition to CSAT training with Patrick Carnes, she has trained with Pia Mellody in childhood developmental trauma resolution & studied the work of Bruce Perry, M.D., who recently wrote a book with Oprah on childhood developmental trauma. Ava founded Inner Loop Counseling in 2010 to treat trauma & addictions in an IOP. Ms. Profota was voted Counselor of the Year by the Houston regional Texas Association of Addiction Professionals.   Topics Discussed: How early pain, trauma, & our environment can affect our developmental brains  The effectiveness of brain-based trauma interventions Understanding somatic experiencing, EMDR, and brainspotting Where trauma lives in our brains and bodies Advanced resourcing in brain spotting (Positive energy, feelings, & thoughts)   Connect with Ava Profota, LCSW-S, CSAT-S, CMAT-S:   Website: https://innerloopcounseling.com    Connect with Positive Recovery Centers:   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/positiverecoverycenters/  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/PositiveRecoveryCenters/  Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/577870242872032  LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/positiverecoverycenters/ Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/positiverecoverycenters/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4JcDF1gjlYch4V4iBbCgZg    Contact Positive Recovery Centers:   If you or someone you know needs help, visit the website, or call the number below to schedule an assessment. We are here to help.    Call: 877-476-2743 Address: 902 West Alabama Street Houston, Texas 77006 Website: https://positiverecovery.com  Services: https://positiverecovery.com/services/  FAQ: https://positiverecovery.com/faq/  ---  About Positive Recovery MD Podcast:   The Positive Recovery MD podcast is hosted by Dr. Jason Powers, Addiction Medicine Specialist and creator of Positive Recovery.    This podcast will not only inspire and motivate its listeners, but it will also provide the tools and foundation needed to thrive and flourish on their addiction recovery journey. Each week the Positive Recovery MD podcast community will come together to have authentic conversations around addiction, Recovery, and what matters – growth & progress, not perfection, all while developing positive habits for your life.    To join the community, visit https://lp.constantcontactpages.com/su/OtK48nO/dailypositiverecovery to sign up to receive the daily Positive Intervention that we'll review and gain access to EXCLUSIVE Positive Recovery content available only to Positive Recovery MD listeners.   About Positive Recovery Centers:   Positive Recovery Centers is a strengths-based addiction treatment program with locations across Texas. We offer a full continuum of care, from medical detox to sober living, all supported by an ever-growing alumni community network.    Our evidence-based curriculum blends the best of the old with the new, supporting our mission: that Recovery is best pursued when meaningful, intentional positive habits are formed through empowerment and resilience instead of negativity and shame.

What does true intimacy look like? When we think of intimacy we often go straight to the thought of romantic relationships. In reality, it is outside of romantic relationships that we first lean how relationships work. Healthy relationships have 6 hallmarks distinguishing them as open to true intimacy.   If we break intimacy down into component parts, we can then compare what is healthy and what is dysfunctional and can better understand how being a part of a healing community can contribute to overall relational health.   The Six Hallmarks: Initiative, Presence, Completion, Vulnerability, Nurturing, and Honesty come directly from Dr. Patrick Carnes work in his book Don't Call it Love.

In this episode, Jackie talks about the first six of twelve of the dimensions of courtship as outlined by Dr. Patrick Carnes.  We do not spend enough time talking about how healthy relationships come about.  Is it by chance? Is it luck? Do some people know a secret that so many others do not know? Healthy relationships don't happen by chance or by luck.  And if your history of relationships doesn't trend in the right direction, there are things we can change and practice in order to be a part of healthy relationships that grow and evolve over time.    

In this episode, Jackie talks about the first six of twelve of the dimensions of courtship as outlined by Dr. Patrick Carnes.  We do not spend enough time talking about how healthy relationships come about.  Is it by chance? Is it luck? Do some people know a secret that so many others do not know? Healthy relationships don't happen by chance or by luck.  And if your history of relationships doesn't trend in the right direction, there are things we can change and practice in order to be a part of healthy relationships that grow and evolve over time.    

Technology's purpose is to improve the quality of life for humanity. But unfortunately, in many ways, it has provided unintended consequences, for example, serving as stimuli for sex addiction. Dr. Patrick Carnes says that as technologies evolve, we must remain vigilant about this issue, especially when it comes to adolescents. But can vigilance and treatment practices evolve just as rapidly as technology? Dr. Patrick Carnes is a Senior Fellow at Meadows Behavioral Healthcare. He has over 30 years of experience in the addiction field and is a leading voice in sex addiction. He is also the primary architect of the Gentle Path treatment program, which addresses sexual issues and contributing addictive disorders. Find out more about his work at meadowsbh.com/senior-fellows.

In this second part, we continue our discussion about the 12 dimensions of courtship including intimacy, touching, foreplay, intercourse, commitment, and renewal.  These later stages of courtship are some of the hardest things we do in relationships.   These dimensions come from "Facing the Shadow" a workbook on sex addiction from Dr. Patrick Carnes.  

The goal of sex addiction recovery isn't sobriety.  Sobriety is a tool we use.  But the actual goal of sex addiction recovery is that you have amazing relationships! Relationships that bring renewal and energy to your life!  Relationships that fill you and become an asset to you.  These types of relationships require an understanding of what Courtship is and the different dimensions that courtship can follow.  Thankfully, Dr. Patrick Carnes has outlined these dimensions and given us a pattern we could follow to help us learn new skills.  Using these dimensions I discuss where we can sometimes get stuck and what skills we need to get ourselves unstuck as we work to improve our relationships.

Patrick Carnes, PhD, and Stefanie Carnes, PhD, LMFT are the founder and president, respectively, of the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals. In this episode, they discuss the unique nature of being a father and daughter team in the field, their treatment approach to compulsive sexual behaviors, and the impact of these behaviors on couple and individual functioning in order to achieve a sex life that is fun, erotic, intimate, and healthy.

It's tempting to think that the Twelve Steps are the on-ramp to a life of recovery - the things we have to do to get onto the easy road of contented sobriety. In this excerpt from the revised edition of his classic book A Gentle Path through the Twelve Steps, Dr. Patrick Carnes explains the significance of Step Ten - that the Steps are actually a pattern for life. They offer an ongoing set of practices and habits of heart and mind that we return to daily.

In Episode #45, I am sharing my conversation with Dr. Nadine Macaluso, a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice. We talk about Identifying, Understanding, and Healing Abuse and Dysfunction in Relationship. Trained in NARM and Somatic psychotherapy, Nadine emphasizes the mind-body connection when working with couples and individuals. Her personal and clinical expertise is in complex trauma, attachment, trauma bonds and narcissism. Dr. Nadine is also the ex-wife to the infamous Wolf of Wall Street, Jordan Belfort. And. She uses her personal experience and her professional expertise to help others end or heal abusive relationships and find the strength to create something better and healthier. We discuss- Trauma bonding Attachment styles Signs of abusive/unhealthy relationships Why we fall victim to and stay in abusive relationships If it's possible to take apart the dysfunction and build something better and healthier Setting strong boundaries as a defence against abuse and to nurture our relationships. What does a healthy relationship look like How to recognise and differentiate between genuine remorse and empty apologies offered to keep you in an abusive relationship How do you continue to nurture your individuality without taking away from your relationship and so much more So, let's dive in! Dr. Nadine's website- https://www.nadinemacaluso.com/ Follow Dr. Nadine on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/drnadinemacaluso/ An Introduction to the Dark Tetrad - https://www.nadinemacaluso.com/introduction-to-the-dark-tetrad/ The betrayal bond by Patrick Carnes - https://www.amazon.com/Betrayal-Bond-Breaking-Exploitive-Relationships/dp/1558745262 Adult Attachment -https://dianepooleheller.com/   Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch - https://www.amazon.com/Passionate-Marriage-Intimacy-Committed-Relationships/dp/0393334279 Women who love psychopaths by M a Sandra L Brown- https://www.amazon.in/Women-Who-Love-Psychopaths-Relationships/dp/0984172807  Art of loving by Erich Fromm - https://www.amazon.in/Art-Loving-P-S-Erich-Fromm/dp/0061129739 Emotionally Focused Therapy, Dr. Sue Johnson - https://drsuejohnson.com/ For more information, visit - https://www.kratimehra.com Follow me on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/mehra_krati/  

Chapter One

Counselor, certified sex and certified sex addiction therapist, Liberty University alumnus, and Liberty residential professor of counseling Dr. John C. Thomas joins Robert and Jeff to talk about sex addiction, or what he defines as a pathological relationship with sex similar to a thirsty man craving salt water.  He explains how sex can become one's attempt to satisfy unmet needs, issues, or struggles not only rooted from whatever bad things may have happened to us developmentally, but also from a deficiency of the good things we need for a healthy and whole sexuality.  Dr. Thomas also discusses how sex addiction can be very present in the lives of Christians, and how dealing with it is much more than just questions about sin, Bible verses, and ascetical practices.  Robert and Jeff explore with Dr. Thomas diagnostics, accountability, community, and our sexual anthropology rooted in the garden and culminating with the cross and Christ's second coming. For Dr. Patrick Carnes and The International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals, click here. Check out some of Dr. Thomas' books: Enduring Your Season of Suffering What's Good about Feeling Bad? Finding a Purpose and a Path through Your Pain Recommended APA citation example: Switala, R. P., & Mazzone, J. (Producers). (2021, June 21). Ep. 18: The sex addiction talk - Dr. John C. Thomas [Audio podcast episode]. In RENAR Voice. Rho Eta Nu Alpha Rho of Chi Sigma Iota, Liberty University.

When considering how to make long-term recovery sustainable, there are both internal and external influences that play a crucial role in successful sobriety. Recovery is far more than the abstinence and this belief is a major contributor to the chances of a relapse. For people in recovery from addiction, it is often our lifestyle that hinders meaningful recovery. Join us as we sit down with our special guest therapist Shane Harmon to talk about what makes for long term success as noted in the book “Facing the Shadows”, by Patrick Carnes. Due to the length of this topic, we have broken this discussion into three parts. So, join us for part 3 of 3.

When considering how to make long-term recovery sustainable, there are both internal and external influences that play a crucial role in successful sobriety. Recovery is far more than the abstinence and this belief is a major contributor to the chances of a relapse. For people in recovery from addiction, it is often our lifestyle that hinders meaningful recovery. Join us as we sit down with our special guest therapist Shane Harmon to talk about what makes for long term success as noted in the book “Facing the Shadows”, by Patrick Carnes. Due to the length of this topic, we have broken this discussion into three parts. So, join us for part 2 of 3.

When considering how to make long-term recovery sustainable, there are both internal and external influences that play a crucial role in successful sobriety. Recovery is far more than the abstinence and this belief is a major contributor to the chances of a relapse. For people in recovery from addiction, it is often our lifestyle that hinders meaningful recovery. Join us as we sit down with our special guest therapist Shane Harmon to talk about what makes for long term success as noted in the book “Facing the Shadows”, by Patrick Carnes. Due to the length of this topic, we have broken this discussion into three parts. So, join us for part 1 of 3.

Welcome to the Authentic Dad Podcast!  I'm David Waranch and I coach dads on having a greater impact in the world, living on their own terms, flourishing in their relationships. Today,  I'm joined by Dr. Ira Abrams.   Dr. Abrams is a Certified Sexual Addiction Therapist (C-SAT). He studied under Dr. Patrick Carnes the founder and director of the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals (IITAP) and one of the leading theorist, researchers, and writers in the field. This was an important and powerful conversation. Dr. Abrams and I talk about sex addiction, pornography, and how to speak to your kids about these issues. If you're a dad who needs support in your relationships and are looking to make a greater impact in the world, I would love to hear from you. My theme music is by Isaac Lourie.  Check him out on Instagram @isaac_lourie_official. Please visit www.furthur.coach to say hi or schedule a free 30 minute coaching call. Instragram:  @furthur_coaching TikTok:          @furthurcoaching   Please consider subscribing and giving us a 5 star review.  Thanks for listening.

A Date With Darkness Podcast is hosted by Dr. Natalie Jones, Psyd., LPCC, a licensed psychotherapist in Oakland and Sacramento CA. Join Dr. Jones for an intimate discussion about the effects of abuse dynamics and healing from relationship trauma. Shena Tubbs, LPC, CSAT-C, trauma recovery coach, host of the Love Junkie podcast, and owner of Black Girls Heal in Houston, TX joins us today to discuss love addiction, problems with intimacy, and sexual anorexia. Shena Tubbs specializes in working with African American women and helping them understand how their early childhood experiences have shaped their ideas about love, intimacy, and sex.  Resources Mentioned: Books: Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find and Keep Love by Amir Levine, MD and Rachel Heller, MA Sexual Anorexia: Overcoming Sexual Self-Hatred by Patrick Carnes, PhD. Facing Love Addiction: Giving Yourself Power to Change the Way You Love by Pia Melody Avoidant: How to Love or Leave a Dismissive Partner, by Jeb Kennison Support: Sex Addicts Anonymous Love Addicts Anonymous Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous Contact Shena Tubbs, LPC at:  www.blackgirlsheal.org  http://www.shenatubbs.com  http://www.shenathetherapist.com Email questions/comments to adatewithdarkness@gmail.com Visit the website for more information: https://www.adatewithdarkness.com Let's keep the conversation going via social media: Instagram: A Date With Darkness Twitter: @Adatewdarkness Facebook: A Date With Darkness To connect with others who are seeking support from hurtful and abusive relationships please join the Facebook group: A Date With Darkness group

Mari Lee, LMFT, CSAT-S, owner of Growth Counseling Services joins us for an enlightening chat on narcissism and sex addictions. Mari educates us on what a sex addiction is, and why it is vital to our health to get support when battling these issues. To get in touch with Mari Lee, LMFT, CSAT-S please check out: Growth Counseling Services Resources mentioned: https://www.IITAP.com https://www.sexhealth.com https://www.sanon.org https://www.sexhelp.com https://www.sexaa.org Facing The Shadows, by Patrick Carnes, Phd. If you have questions for Dr. Jones, or if you are interested in sponsoring the podcast please email: adatewithdarkness@gmail.com. Be sure to stay connected with Dr. Jones and A Date With Darkness Podcast. Visit the website: A Date With Darkness. Let's keep in touch via social media! Facebook: @adatewithdarkness Instagram: @adatewithdarkness Twitter: @adatewdarkness To connect with likeminded individuals seeking support from hurtful and abusive relationships in a safe space, please join the private FB group: A Date With Darkness Group.    

Is there a book in you as you yearn to tell others about your sexual addiction? Listen as Carol the Coach interviews Mari A. Lee as she describes hher book  Beyond the Therapy Couch: The step-by-step process that Mari A. Lee, LMFT, CSAT-S Used to Successfully launch Her e-book as passive income! Learn how Mari's e-book idea started and became a reality. We will discuss the nitty gritty of how much time and money it took Mari to launch The Creative Clinician; a breakdown of Mari's marketing plan - the where, when and how of marketing an e-book; and how to know if you are ready to launch your own e-book or product. Mari A. Lee, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist. Mari is also an expert in Sex Addiction, a popular national speaker and teacher, and is the co-author of, “Facing Heartbreak: Steps to Recovery for Partners of Sex Addicts” which is available on Amazon. She is recognized for her ground breaking clinical work with spouses/partners, as well as her work with sex addicts.  Sexual Addiction is a disorder that requires strategies to assist you in maintaining recovery. This show is to help you access the books, the experts and the people who are managing recovery with The 12 Step Program and Patrick Carnes Recovery Task Model that reinforces the steps you need to take to manage your recovery and take your life through the journey so that you not only conquer the "Addict" but develop into the person you were meant to be! Carol the Coach is a Certified Sexual Addictions Therapist who is ready to take you on the journey and expose you to the experts who will guide you through the steps.

c Sexual Addiction is a disorder that requires strategies to assist you in maintaining recovery. This show is to help you access the books, the experts and the people who are managing recovery with The 12 Step Program and Patrick Carnes Recovery Task Model that reinforces the steps you need to take to manage your recovery and take your life through the journey so that you not only conquer the "Addict" but develop into the person you were meant to be! Carol the Coach is a Certified Sexual Addictions Therapist who is ready to take you on the journey and expose you to the experts who will guide you through the steps.