Podcasts about Love addiction

In love addiction, we may find ourselves feeling betrayed by a partner-- even if we don't know for sure that something is going on--while doubting our instincts, believing we're too sensitive, and giving an emotionally unavailable partner the benefit of the doubt. This feeling adds to our anxiety, and whatever information a partner is withholding adds to the dysfunction of the relationship...and we stay in the cycle of love addiction hoping things will change. In this episode Jodi talks with betrayal trauma therapist, Lindsay Haverslew, about the reality of betrayal trauma. Jodi and Lindsay share personal experiences with betrayal, and discuss signs that a partner is emotionally unavailable, tips for identifying a trustworthy person, and much more.  Show notes and resources: Music by JD Pendley Link to Jodi's website and additional resources Lindsay's website and instagram Lindsay mentioned the work of Jennifer Freyd and Dr. Kevin Skinner and the book Unleashing Your Power  Disclaimer: This podcast is shared for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for mental health treatment with a licensed mental health professional or to be used in place of the advice of a physician. If you are struggling please don't delay in seeking the assistance of a licensed mental health practitioner or healthcare professional. If you're in crisis please visit NAMI.org or call 1-800-273-TALK for 24-hour assistance.

This is a special tribute episode to the work of Pia Mellody who passed away May 7th at the age of 82. Pia was a pioneer in the field of trauma and addiction recovery; she developed a groundbreaking model of treatment, and authored several books including Facing Love Addiction and Facing Codependence.  Show notes and resources: Music by JD Pendley Link to Jodi's website and additional resources Links to Facing Codependence, Facing Love Addiction and The Intimacy Factor by Pia Mellody Disclaimer: This podcast is shared for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for mental health treatment with a licensed mental health professional or to be used in place of the advice of a physician. If you are struggling please don't delay in seeking the assistance of a licensed mental health practitioner or healthcare professional. If you're in crisis please visit NAMI.org or call 1-800-273-TALK for 24-hour assistance.

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreHave you heard the Joke about the bride who learned her script for what she had to remember on the wedding day - as: 1) Aisle   2) Altar   3) HymnWhat has shaped you to be doing life how you are doing life? So often, it is about those childhood development years and what got set up as templates, to create those hamster wheel patters of repeat behaviour; those habits - otherwise called Neural Pathway.They where carved out by the brain (which does not like upset and so, to get us back into homeostasis); but they are not always the best choices of activities; yet seem to 'work' back there in childhood and in the families that we are a part of - to mange our interaction. So, since they 'worked ' and are on repeat, we take the repeat practiced behaviours - now well entrenched - with us into adulthood and are a grown up version of childhood practices. In adulthood and the new couple relationship (different to the growing up family environment), the brain experiences something that looks or feels similar to a past negatively experienced childhood pattern and so is triggered to respond in the same way. "...but brain, this is a different person. This isn't those people back in childhood who destabilised me. The situation is different" - makes no difference to the brain. It goes into autonomic response.You may not see or realise the similar repeat behaviours being done in adulthood - as being similar to how you did them in childhood - because they are unconscious.Couples counselling with The Kairos Centre is not about saving marriages or relationships. It is about helping you to better understand you. To move issues from the unseen, the invisible, the unconscious, into the seen, the visible, the conscious.When you can better see and understand stuff (because you have moved them into focus and put a highlighter pen through them) now you are in a position to effect change. You have stepped onto the change continuum.Know, however, that you cannot effect immediate (end-point) change. After-all, they were hamster wheel repetitive habit behaviours for decades. It is a journey. No quick fixes.Change has, however, began, because you had no hope of changing what you could not see or understand, until you can see and understand them! They were just you, being you, doing life how you do life - 'what's the problem. The other person is the problem'.If you change, then the other person has to change. They cannot keep doing what they have repeatedly done, because you have changed and are no longer in the same place to be the recipient of their behaviours and at some point they have to change in response to your change; but their change may not be the required positive change, without some help. Get it!Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Porn Causes | Recover from Addiction | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Childhood Trauma | Inner Child work | Childhood Development and Addiction bullying | Porn Addiction Recovery | Abuse | Sexual Abuse | Sex Addiction Recovery | Domestic Violence | Family Conflict | Overcoming Porn addiction | Porn Addiction Side effects | Porn Addiction Symptoms | Emotional Neglect | Quit Porn Addiction | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Mental Health and Addiction | Dissociation | Anger | Husband has porn | Recovery Program | 12 Steps Program | EMDR | Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing | Compulsive Behavior | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | The Kairos Centre | Neuroscience of Addiction | Porn Addiction Help | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Authent

In this weekly Sex and Intimacy Q&A, Tami and Erin Snow answer participant questions about sex, intimacy, addiction, betrayal, and more. They consider timelines in recovery, what full disclosure entails, and how to know if your partner is an addict or just a full-blown jerk, or both.    TAKEAWAYS: [:30] Is this seminar only for partners experiencing betrayal?  [3:55] How do I know if my partner is an addict or just an a**hole?  [7:25] How should I define my inner circle behaviors after chem sex recovery?  [12:09] My wife can't get over my affair, it's already been 10 months.  [19:50] Can I trust that my husband suddenly has no urges to act out?  [27:10] My husband says he'll tell me anything that I ask him about. Was his disclosure incomplete?  [31:52] Do you suggest a 12-Step program for the betrayed partner? It's not my fault!  [35:55] Can you clarify between a porn addict and a sex/love addict?  [44:10 How long does recovery take on average?  [49:19] Can recovery happen without a formal 12-Step program?   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES “She's not going to believe that you're not sexually attracted to them when she doesn't believe anything you say right now.”  “The action that it takes to rebuild trust takes time.”  “You may not be enmeshed in your partner's behavior, but you are deeply involved.”  “What matters most is the quality of the time that you are spending on your own individual work to heal and to rebuild trust.” 

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreOver 90% of couples that The Kairos Centre counsel, are in conflict because Core Emotional Needs are not being met. Some of those Core Emotional Needs are such things as lack of Security, Respect, Comfort, Affection, Respect.They are not negotiable human needs. They want to be met and we will fight/flight/freeze to get them met. We do an interesting exercise with Couples and Singles to identify their Core Emotional Needs.Commit to a Couples Recovery Programme like The Kairos Centre Video-On-Demand Relationship Program which you can cover at your leisure from the comfort of your own home, at your pace. You receive a workbook and can book Homework Review sessions as and when you desire, so that you have a sense of someone being alongside you on your journey.Let's move as much of the stuff from the unconscious; from the unseen; from the invisible; from the unknown; into the conscious; the seen; the visible; the known.Now that you can better see and understand the issues, you now get a chance to begin working through the issues - with some help. Get off the hamster wheel of habits, template behaviours, entrenched neutral pathways.Change your trajectory. Change begins because you can now see the problem. It can never be the same again. You are now on the change continuum, even if only at step one = Insight; step two = understanding.Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Here is my fund raising page. Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe world's first Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme. email info@kairos-centre.comNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Porn Causes | Recover from Addiction | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Childhood Trauma | Inner Child work | Childhood Development and Addiction bullying | Porn Addiction Recovery | Abuse | Sexual Abuse | Sex Addiction Recovery | Domestic Violence | Family Conflict | Overcoming Porn addiction | Porn Addiction Side effects | Porn Addiction Symptoms | Emotional Neglect | Quit Porn Addiction | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Mental Health and Addiction | Dissociation | Anger | Husband has porn | Recovery Program | 12 Steps Program | EMDR | Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing | Compulsive Behavior | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | The Kairos Centre | Neuroscience of Addiction | Porn Addiction Help | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Authentic Self Discovery | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Fantasy Escape | Codependency | Shame in Addiction | Guilt in Addiction | Addiction in Relationship | Infidelity | Therapy for Addiction | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Self-Discovery | Healing Journeys | Personal Growth | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationships | Empowerment | obsessive Thoug

In this weekly Sex and Intimacy Q&A, Dr. Rob Weiss and Tami answer participant questions about sex, intimacy, addiction, betrayal, and more. They offer resources for therapeutic separation, communication at every stage of recovery and reconciliation, and tools for practicing empathy with betrayed partners.    TAKEAWAYS: [:24] Does my partner need to see a psychoanalyst first to get honest about his past?  [4:28] What resources are available for communication building in the later stages of recovery and reconciliation?  [9:17] How can I work to regain trust after recent relapses?  [13:35] How do I start the amends process with my betrayed spouse?  [17:43] Why do betrayers have to go to Porn Addiction 101 through Seeking Integrity?  [22:10] How can I handle my ex's new girlfriend joining the family?  [24:30] What does loving detachment really look like?  [30:51] Can addicts and their partners heal outside the therapeutic setting?  [34:20] What is the correlation between sex addiction and OCD?  [36:41] How can I feel safe even though I have forgiven my partner?  [41:05] What tools can an addict use to practice empathy with their partner?  [42:25] What resources are available to get CSAT couples on the same page regarding key terms?  [47:00] My partner's blameshifting and defensiveness is escalating in therapeutic separation, what should I do next?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES “Stop the problematic behavior first, then address the underlying issues.”  “I'm never in the later stages of recovery. Recovery is something I will do for my whole life.”  “Your living amends happens when you act differently.”  “If the worst thing happens, what are you going to do to take care of you?” 

In this episode, we're breaking down the subtle but dangerous ways narcissists use coercive control in conversations to manipulate, destabilize, and maintain dominance over others. If you've ever walked away from a conversation feeling mentally foggy, emotionally drained, or questioning your own thoughts, you may have been subjected to narcissistic coercion without even realizing it. Coercive control is a form of psychological abuse that narcissists use to undermine your confidence, distort your reality, and keep you second-guessing yourself. Unlike overt aggression, these tactics often fly under the radar, making them difficult to recognize until the damage is already done. What You'll Learn in This Episode: How narcissists use rapid-fire questioning to overwhelm you, keep you off balance, and push you into emotional dysregulation. Why gaslighting is a core tool in coercive conversations and how it causes you to doubt your memory, perception, and even your sanity. The subtle way narcissists withhold information, distort facts, or contradict themselves to create confusion and maintain power over the narrative. How guilt, shame, and fear are weaponized in conversation to manipulate you into compliance and emotional submission. Why they interrupt, talk over you, or shift blame to prevent you from asserting yourself and setting boundaries. The Psychological Impact of Coercive Control Research shows that victims of coercive control often experience chronic stress, anxiety, low self-esteem, and cognitive dissonance—the mental discomfort caused by holding contradictory beliefs. Over time, these conversations can leave you feeling powerless, disconnected from your own thoughts, and emotionally dependent on the narcissist for validation and approval. But knowledge is power. Once you learn to recognize these tactics, you can stop engaging in their games and take back control of your own mind. Breaking Free from the Cycle Healing from narcissistic coercion requires self-awareness, emotional detachment, and boundary-setting. In this episode, we'll discuss practical strategies to help you: Stay grounded and recognize when a conversation is designed to manipulate you. Trust your own perception rather than seeking validation from the narcissist. Respond with clarity and confidence instead of falling into the trap of emotional reactivity. Use gray rock and other disengagement techniques to limit their control over your thoughts and emotions. If you've ever struggled to hold your own in conversations with a narcissist, this episode is for you. Understanding their tactics is the first step to reclaiming your voice, your confidence, and your emotional independence. Tune in now, and let's expose the mind games so you can break free from the cycle of coercive control once and for all! Become immune to narcissists by healing the unhealed wounds that make so many of us more vulnerable to their abuse. The 12 Week Breakthrough Coaching Program is the healing method and modality that has helped thousands stop falling for narcissists. https://www.lisaaromano.com/12-wbcp To learn more, contact Lisa and her team members here; Contact Website Spotify Award Winning Books  Facebook Support Group        

Music has the power to shape moods and moments; but do you ever wonder what shaped the music? Or what someone had to experience in order to bring one of your favorite songs or albums into the world? In this episode, Jodi talks with singer-songwriter, Kelly Willis. Jodi shares the personal significance of Kelly's album, 'What I Deserve' and how it provided hope during a particularly painful time in her life; and Kelly discusses how her childhood as an army brat, growing up without her mother, and early disappointments in the music industry shaped that album. Show notes and resources: Music by JD Pendley Link to Jodi's website and additional resources Read Army Brat by Kelly Willis (and subscribe to her Substack) Link to Kelly's website Listen to What I Deserve by Kelly Willis  Disclaimer: This podcast is shared for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for mental health treatment with a licensed mental health professional or to be used in place of the advice of a physician. If you are struggling please don't delay in seeking the assistance of a licensed mental health practitioner or healthcare professional. If you're in crisis please visit NAMI.org or call 1-800-273-TALK for 24-hour assistance.

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreTestosterone in males is at its height in their late teens to early 20's. Women's sex drive does not reach its peak until their late 20's to early 30's. Therefore, a mismatch is going on between the sexes.Aged 15 to 25 years old males have a 4 times higher likelihood of death from various events. Their brains are not yet fully mature and therefore they make bad choices and poor decisions.They are 4 times more likely (than females of the same age) to die from such events as suicide, being killed, drug overdose and car accidents. Much of that is due to the high Testosterone in their body, which enhances their decision to 'Act out' in various risk taking ways.In the 1960s, young men were marrying younger - in their 20s. They were in a committed relationship and such events as having children and even holding the child and getting skin contact, lowered the male Testosterone levels. (More stats in the audio).Men are twice as likely to experience substance abuse, than women. Women are twice as likely to experience STI. Men are 6 times more likely to be addicted to porn.Consistent porn use changes the brain at a cellular level. The brain is actually changed. Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Here is my fund raising page. Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreGet the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe world's first Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme. Discover the real, authentic you. email info@kairos-centre.comNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Porn Causes | Recover from Addiction | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Childhood Trauma | Inner Child work | Childhood Development and Addiction bullying | Porn Addiction Recovery | Abuse | Sexual Abuse | Sex Addiction Recovery | Domestic Violence | Family Conflict | Overcoming Porn addiction | Porn Addiction Side effects | Porn Addiction Symptoms | Emotional Neglect | Quit Porn Addiction | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Mental Health and Addiction | Dissociation | Anger | Husband has porn | Recovery Program | 12 Steps Program | EMDR | Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing | Compulsive Behavior | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | The Kairos Centre | Neuroscience of Addiction | Porn Addiction Help | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Authentic Self Discovery | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Fantasy Escape | Codependency | Shame in Addiction | Guilt in Addiction | Addiction in Relationship | Infidelity | Therapy for Addiction | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Self-Discovery | Healing Journeys | Personal Growth | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationships | Empowerment | obsessive Thoughts | Minfulness | Self compassion | Psychoeducation | Intimacy building

Troy Love and Tami answer participant questions about attachment wounds, shame, healthy boundaries, and the reality that an addict is always going to be an addict. It's only how they chose to move forward in recovery that will change their life for better.    TAKEAWAYS: [:30] My partner betrayed me and now we live like roommates. How can I refine myself whether I stay or go?  [6:27] How can I stop judging myself for staying?  [10:01] My wife doesn't think I'm working hard enough in recovery. Is there a timeline we should know about?  [17:09] Will I ever be able to live my life without triggers?  [21:55] Are men and women meant to be in marital couples? It appears to be societal not biological.  [24:40] How can I engage in healthy sexual activity, without blurring the lines between the patterns of my unhealthy sexual behavior?  [30:16] I'm not sure my spouse is even sober, which treatment group is right for him?  [34:03] How can I address the pain of recovery preemptively before I move to soothe by acting out?  [38:42] My partner is still acting out and even harming others. How can I move forward?  [41:19] My avoidant attachment style is making connection feel non-exisistent.  [45:54] Has Seeking Integrity considered having a moderator who is a betrayed partner?  [47:51] If relationships are so painful, why don't we tell people that relationships aren't for everyone?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES “Wounds need to be healed regardless of what choice you make about staying in a relationship.”  “Every partner wants it to be all better right now, and that's just not reality. You will always be an addict.”  “Shame is going to unravel connection faster than anything else.”  “We all have attachment wounds, and they are going to get bumped.” 

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreMen's brains are configured very differently when it comes to a response to sex. There are 3 areas to know about - which are over twice the capacity of the female:The Medial Pre-optic Area (MPOA): Is an area of the Hypothalamus that regulates various physiological and behavioural processes. The MPOA is packed with twice as many neurones and density. Since it has a larger capacity in males, this is why males tend to be more visually stimulated and do more 'objectification'.The Third Interstitial nucleus of the Anterior Hypothalamus (INAH 3) - the seat of human sexuality - also contains twice as many neurones in males and occupies a greater volume than females, regardless of age.The Amygdala is also twice as big in males. It is the brain's command and control area. (I call it the 'Smoke alarm in the kitchen which goes off when you burn toast'); the Amygdala detects loss of homeostasis and triggers a 'Fight/Fight/Freeze' protective response in the Limbic brain.All of these processes are reactive to testosterone. Remember that Testosterone is (on average) 20 times more in males than in females. Sex Hormone Binding Globulin (SHBG) binds and carries/transports sex hormones like Oestrogen, Testosterone and Androgens to the organs where they are needed. Therefore regulating the proportion of sex hormones that are available to the body. Different events (like a disease process) can cause SHBG levels to rise and become too high or too low. Women have 13 times more SHBG than men.Essentially, a mismatch between males and females (in the working of the brain) during sex. Listen to the rest of the audio to piece together how this all impacts the personality of the sexes during hook ups and arousal.Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Here is my fund raising page. Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreGet the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpWorld's first Online Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme. Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Porn Causes | Recover from Addiction | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Childhood Trauma | Inner Child work | Childhood Development and Addiction bullying | Porn Addiction Recovery | Abuse | Sexual Abuse | Sex Addiction Recovery | Domestic Violence | Family Conflict | Overcoming Porn addiction | Porn Addiction Side effects | Porn Addiction Symptoms | Emotional Neglect | Quit Porn Addiction | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Mental Health and Addiction | Dissociation | Anger | Husband has porn | Recovery Program | 12 Steps Program | EMDR | Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing | Compulsive Behavior | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | The Kairos Centre | Neuroscience of Addiction | Porn Addiction Help | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Authentic Self Discovery | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Fantasy Escape | Codependency | Shame in Addiction | Guilt in Addiction | Addiction in Relationship | Infidelity | Therapy for Addiction | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Self-Discovery | Healing Journeys | Personal Growth | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationsh

Dr. Rob and Tami answer participant questions about rebuilding trust through intimate conversations, ideas for setting healthy boundaries after betrayal, and the danger of an addict swearing that they're done acting out for the rest of their life.    TAKEAWAYS: [1:15] Current and upcoming resources at Seeking Integrity.  [3:20] Do sponsees pay upfront or make monthly payments?  [4:45] Are there agnostic 12 Step programs?  [8:22] Ideas for connection activities that rebuild trust?  [16:01] My husband is attending groups to placate me but is not participating. Is this normal?  [20:04] Setting healthy boundaries after betrayal.  [21:35] What are the statistics surrounding porn sobriety?  [24:15] The danger of swearing that you'll never act out ever again.  [31:39] You are the only person that can take care of you. [33:30] Don't believe an addict when they are love-bombing you. [36:41] Are 30% of men on dating sites really already married?  [40:32] Recommended sources for healing the shame of my partner's betrayal?  [49:52] Is there a way to engage in self sexuality that would not be considered acting out?  [53:40] What is the recommended protocol for moving through fallout from a therapeutic disclosure?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES “When people come together and try to support each other and find a way to heal as a group, to me, that is a spiritual experience.”  “To understand what I'm going through and really listen to me, that is intimacy.”  “The only thing I can guarantee is that I'm consistently working on this and I'm committed to it.”  “You are the only person that can take care of you.”   

What does it mean to be "good"? Unfortunately, for women, being seen as "good" often requires conforming and playing along vs standing up for one's values or against wrongdoing--if you've seen the movie Wicked, you know how this story goes. In this episode, Jodi begins the process of imperfectly unpacking what she's learned throughout nearly a decade of recovery (and 55 years of life): the insidious power of cultural messages; why being seen as a "good girl" can feel so important, but keeps us stuck; and how all of this prevents us from speaking up, being real, and getting to know our true strength.  Show notes and resources: Music by JD Pendley Link to Jodi's website and additional resources Read Jodi's blog  Jodi mentioned the book Ready to Heal by Kelly McDaniel Disclaimer: This podcast is shared for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for mental health treatment with a licensed mental health professional or to be used in place of the advice of a physician. If you are struggling please don't delay in seeking the assistance of a licensed mental health practitioner or healthcare professional. If you're in crisis please visit NAMI.org or call 1-800-273-TALK for 24-hour assistance.                  

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreAlcohol consumption raises women's testosterone levels. Same for men, but with excess, men's levels start to decrease. Not so for women.Women are not use to the effects of such higher levels of testosterone and so a young woman can become a very different sexual being, because of the effects on her sex drive. That is enhanced if she is near her ovulatory window.During their ovulatory window, women are more likely to dress more provocatively and flirtatious. They may not be self aware, as it is an unconscious process.Female anatomy makes them more vulnerable to STIs. The vagina lends itself to bacterial growth and on average, women have a risk increase of 8 times more likelihood of contracting HIV. The risk is 17 times higher during anal sex.Younger and early years sexual behaviours affect women's future health. The risk of uterine, vaginal and cervical cancer is increased. Minimal or no breast feeding raises the likelihood of longer term ovarian cancer.(Interestly data. Don't shoot the messenger will you)?Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Give a little to my fund raising page. Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreGet help: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe world's first Online Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme. Email info@kairos-centre.comGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Porn Causes | Recover from Addiction | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Childhood Trauma | Inner Child work | Childhood Development and Addiction bullying | Porn Addiction Recovery | Abuse | Sexual Abuse | Sex Addiction Recovery | Domestic Violence | Family Conflict | Overcoming Porn addiction | Porn Addiction Side effects | Porn Addiction Symptoms | Emotional Neglect | Quit Porn Addiction | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Mental Health and Addiction | Dissociation | Anger | Husband has porn | Recovery Program | 12 Steps Program | EMDR | Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing | Compulsive Behavior | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | The Kairos Centre | Neuroscience of Addiction | Porn Addiction Help | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Authentic Self Discovery | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Fantasy Escape | Codependency | Shame in Addiction | Guilt in Addiction | Addiction in Relationship | Infidelity | Therapy for Addiction | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Self-Discovery | Healing Journeys | Personal Growth | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationships | Empowerment | obsessive Thoughts | Minfulness | Self compassion | Psychoeducation | Intimacy building

Debbie McRae and Tami tackle ‘betrayal brain', the intrusive thoughts, and emotional flooding that often accompany betrayal. When the brain is in survival mode, neurological and psychological effects are out of the betrayed partner's control. They discuss tactics to regain control when the brain is hijacked.    TAKEAWAYS: [1:26] When betrayal occurs, the architecture of the brain is reshaped.  [4:50] Warning signs of betrayal brain.  [5:46] Four areas of the brain are affected by betrayal.  [10:45] Triggers can occur even when the relationship feels safe.  [12:07] Regaining control when the brain is hijacked.  [25:37] Self-compassion practices and therapy after betrayal.  [27:30] The betrayed partner has no control over how the brain is going to react. [31:41] Keeping regulation expectations simple. [33:54] Does my PTSD and anxiety make it harder to overcome betrayal brain?  [40:12] What boundaries can I enact with a sex addict who is breaking the law? [46:17] Handling abandonment to create safety.  [49:10] How can I increase my functionality to what it was before PTSD?   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES “When betrayal occurs, it shatters trust in an instant.” “Even neutral interactions that the betrayed partner is experiencing can be triggering.”  “The betrayed partner has no control over how the brain is going to react when it senses threat.”  “Self care is brain care.”   

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreIn all your getting, get understanding: Men see female promiscuity as a deal breaker. If a man finds that a woman is not sexually active, he will intuitively feel that she is more likely to be faithful. Sexual integrity and sexual loyalty, is the most valued traits in a women, when a man is considering asking her to marry him."Female Choice" and " Paternity Certainty" are significant issues. "Female Choice" is something about the qualities a female is looking for in a long term male partner. Such things like - is he likely to be around, when she is pregnant; carrying the baby and able to hunt and look after them and ensure survival."Paternity Certainty" is about men needing to know that the female is trustworthy. She is the only one that will truly know whether the baby she is carrying, is actually his baby. Therefore, he needs to choose someone who is trustworthy and not promiscuous.So, men categorise females: Are they 'easy' sexually? or are they 'for a good time' only. If they are not 'easy', then they may be categorised in the 'potential marriage partner' category. Most females don't know this dynamic is happening.After sexual intercourse, a woman's evaluation of a man may go up. That is because of the effects of Dopamine and Oxytocin in her metabolism. She gets lots of those bonding hormones during sex.So females are more likely bonding, but males are less likely to be bonding in situations where the Sex is 'easy' and/or 'promiscuous'.Males evaluation of her is likely to be going down within 10 seconds of his ejaculation. The converse may be happening for the female. Her evaluation of him may be going up, due to the effects of the hormones in her body.Folks, the 'Madonna-Whore Complex' is alive and well.Give a little to my fund raising page. Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreGet help: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe world's first Online Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme. Email info@kairos-centre.comGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Porn Causes | Recover from Addiction | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Childhood Trauma | Inner Child work | Childhood Development and Addiction bullying | Porn Addiction Recovery | Abuse | Sexual Abuse | Sex Addiction Recovery | Domestic Violence | Family Conflict | Overcoming Porn addiction | Porn Addiction Side effects | Porn Addiction Symptoms | Emotional Neglect | Quit Porn Addiction | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Mental Health and Addiction | Dissociation | Anger | Husband has porn | Recovery Program | 12 Steps Program | EMDR | Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing | Compulsive Behavior | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | The Kairos Centre | Neuroscience of Addiction | Porn Addiction Help | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Authentic Self Discovery | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Fantasy Escape | Codependency | Shame in Addiction | Guilt in Addiction | Addiction in Relationship | Infidelity | Therapy for Addiction | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Self-Discovery | Healing Journeys | Personal Growth | Intimacy Building | Healthy Re

Dr. Rob and Tami tackle hard questions about sex and intimacy in the wake of betrayal. They cover the role of a spouse in supporting their partner ‘for better and for worse”, how to set boundaries that take care of you first, and addressing the trauma and intrusive thoughts that often come after disclosure.    TAKEAWAYS: [:20] Where do personal responsibility and societal norms come into play?  [7:27] A spouse's job is to take care of themselves. [12:30] How can I deal with my trauma and intrusive thoughts about my partner's acting out?  [18:56] Acknowledging the level of troubled your partner really is.  [23:07] How can we connect through non-sexual intimacy? [30:02] Is it common for people with addictions to seek out others with similar problems?  [38:42] Does our marriage counselor also need to be a CSAT?  [41:42] My spouse is refusing a polygraph test. How can I ever trust him?  [46:50] Should I address porn viewing or obsessive masturbation first?  [49:47] My partner has been with underage girls. How do I handle this?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES “As an addict, I need people to support me and relate to me, but as a spouse, that's not your job.”  “Addicts are not bad people. They're broken people.”  “If I fight my addict, I'm going to lose every time.”  “The more questions you ask, the more questions it will bring up.”  ‘Express what you need but don't blame if you're not getting it.”   

Emotional dysregulation, compulsive behavior and obsessive thoughts: if you've struggled with love addiction, all of this might sound very familiar...but these are also symptoms of ADHD. Is there a connection? In this episode, Jodi talks with Aly Dearborn, a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist with specialized training in recognizing female presentations of ADHD and Austism. Aly and Jodi discuss the shared symptoms of love addiction, ADHD and Autism; the estrogen connection and why girls and women are often misdiagnosed; and Aly shares her personal experience with love addiction and being an adult diagnosed ADHD/Autistic. Show notes and resources: Music by JD Pendley Link to Jodi's website and additional resources More resources and information about Aly Dearborn can be found here Aly mentioned the work of Bo Forbes Disclaimer: This podcast is shared for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for mental health treatment with a licensed mental health professional or to be used in place of the advice of a physician. If you are struggling please don't delay in seeking the assistance of a licensed mental health practitioner or healthcare professional. If you're in crisis please visit NAMI.org or call 1-800-273-TALK for 24-hour assistance.    

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreThe younger the age that a female experiences sexual arousal, the higher the socio-sexual index she is going to have. (Socio-sexual index is the amount of casual/'promiscuity' sex that a person has).The higher the promiscuity at a younger age, the more open the female will be to all sexual things. In the USA the average age of young females exposure to sexual arousal is aged 10 to 13.Therefore, the arousal template is being set up during that same puberty timeframe. That is a bad time to have that combination. The arousal template is going to potentially seek outlets.More young females are therefore becoming enmeshed in porn, than in previous generations. Very much because of the early female age exposure to sexual arousal. That means we are likely to have many more female porn & sex addicts, than in the past.Combine that with the desire by males for casual sex and multiple partners, that sets up an issue for the future. Two practices collide.Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Give a little to my fund raising page. Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe world's first Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme. Discover the real, authentic you. email info@kairos-centre.comNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building |

Therapist Erin Snow shares insights into addiction, betrayal, boundaries and healing. She underscores the impact of addiction in the workplace, the importance of setting boundaries after betrayal, the realities of weaponizing sex in a partnership, and why betrayed partners often pursue safety seeking behaviors during healing.    TAKEAWAYS: [2:05] How addiction manifests in the workplace.  [5:17] My husband is SA genetic – is nature or nurture going to win out?  [9:45] The intimacy disorder underneath compulsive sexual behavior.  [11:32] Healthy goals for a successful separation from an addicted partner.  [17:18] The benefits of a period of separation in the healing journey.  [19:00] Can married sex addicts use their spouses to act out even if they don't have extramarital affairs?  [24:45] My partner threatens to leave me if I don't give her what she wants. What should I do?  [25:30] My partner doesn't like to talk about consequences if he acts out. What can I do?  [29:45] How can I turn away from shame and toward growth and healing?  [33:14] Should I report my ex to help keep women safe? [39:17] Is lying an inner circle behavior? [45:20] Should I hire a polygraph test to help me heal from my partner's lying behavior?  [50:49] My partner is not being fully honest in therapy. What should I tell her CSAT to help us both?  [52:34] Should I stop snooping even though I continually uncover my partner's lies?   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES “Our willingness to change dramatically shifts when the consequences are more painful than continuing is.”  “The person who is willing to stop and turn around and stare that generational pattern in the face and is willing to do the work can break the cycle for generations to come.”  “Let each other go, or get a really solid plan together for the time that you're separated.”  “Your boundaries are about what you are going to do, and they require your partner to do nothing.”  “I don't have to have some kind of proof that something is dramatically off to set a boundary so that I feel safer.”   

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreGen A and their siblings, listen up. Hear this bit of neurobiology. At puberty, males Androgen levels explode at puberty and between aged 13 to 15. It is 10 to 30 times higher at puberty, than pre-puberty.In females, Androgen levels (such as Testosterone - and yep males, females also have levels of Testosterone!) - their's only double and so remain much lower than in females. So, a post-puberty male, is a whole different person to who he was pre-puberty, relative to a post-puberty female.Hence, trying to reason with such males, is now a whole different ball game. (Parents, maybe that explains why you have been pulling your hair out in frustration at this alien stranger living in your house!)Testosterone is a sex seeking hormone. Estrogen is a sex receptive hormone. Therefore, a big sex difference between the two sexes post-puberty is that, reasoning with a post-puberty female, is probably more likely to succeed, than trying to reason with a post-puberty male.This is a big deal re Sex Addiction development.Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Give a little to my fund raising page. Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe world's first Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme. Discover the real, authentic you. email info@kairos-centre.comNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building |

Therapist Debbie McRae discusses options for the betrayed partner when the betraying partner is stalling or not fully in recovery. She offers tactics for partners who are stuck in the cycle of fear and uncertainty and are ready to regain control in healthy ways while seeking safety after betrayal.    TAKEAWAYS: [1:05] Common recovery limbo scenarios and what each one means.  [4:33] Recovery limbo happens when the betraying partner won't take responsibility for their behavior.  [7:25] Seven signs that your addict partner is struggling with recovery.  [9:23] Six strategies for regaining healthy control after betrayal. [13:14] Setting boundaries for effectively reestablishing safety.  [21:06] The importance of a healthy support group and self-care in recovery.  [25:26] Betrayed partners need therapy too.  [29:21] What to do after you've tried unhealthy safety seeking.  [31:42] The thought of physical intimacy gives me the ick feeling. How can I begin to heal?  [37:13] Connecting with your spouse about physical intimacy outside the bedroom.  [39:04] At what in point in recovery is couples counseling recommended?  [45:05] The value of releasing information in couples therapy.  [46:11] My CSAT wants to bring my betraying partner into our session. Is that odd?  [50:45] My partner is an avoidant porn addict, is psychoanalysis recommended?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES “True recovery requires that the addict partner have that intrinsic motivation to heal their addiction.”  “You have to be, as a betrayed partner, really open and honest and authentic about your boundaries.”  “The goal of a boundary consequence is not punishment, it's creating safety.”  “Don't just identify as a betrayed partner. You have to hold onto you as well.”   

În acest episod am adus în discuție un subiect destul de rar abordat și nu foarte clar definit din perspectiva psihologică. „Love addiction”, sau dependența de îndrăgostire, nu apare în manualele de psihologie, dar e înțeleasă ca nevoia compulsivă de a simți atracția și dorința de la începutul unei relații, insă fără a lăsa relația să evolueze și atașamentul să se formeze. Iulia Hau ne spune cum se simte nevoia de a găsi următoarea doză de îndrăgostire, ce impact are această adicție și ce putem învăța cu toții din ea. Iulia e jurnalistă, interesată de antropologie, și îi puteți citi articolele în Scena 9, platforma Iscoada (unde recent a publicat un text chiar despre Love Addiction) , sau Hotnews. De asemenea, Iulia a moderat recent o discuție despre monogamie și non-monogamie desfășurată la Influx. Ai sub 18 ani, îți recomandăm ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.sexulvsbarza.ro⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Toate locurile unde ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠o găsiți pe Kitty⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Tema muzicală: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Dorroo⁠

We live in a time of constant communication and short-form media, with unlimted data at our fingertips and an abundance of "experts" at the ready. While this access to information and opinions is functional at times, it can also feel overwhelming and lead to dysregulation, regression and dysfunctional behavior. So how do we handle this? In this episode, Jodi discusses the the importance of discernment and the power of pausing; why the symptoms of codependence and love addiction lead to undervaluing our instincts while overvaluing the opinions of others; and how pausing can reveal the most useful information of all. Show notes and resources: Music by JD Pendley Link to Jodi's website and additional resources Facing Codependence by Pia Mellody Here's a very handy feelings wheel @ feelingswheel.com Disclaimer: This podcast is shared for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for mental health treatment with a licensed mental health professional or to be used in place of the advice of a physician. If you are struggling please don't delay in seeking the assistance of a licensed mental health practitioner or healthcare professional. If you're in crisis please visit NAMI.org or call 1-800-273-TALK for 24-hour assistance.

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreIn this episode, the audio takes you through matters which could be contained in a Relapse prevention card which you keep with you at all times. This narrative will focus upon what might be included in a Personal Relapse Prevention Plan (PRPP):Your identified professional support network - contact email and phone numbersPersonal/private support network - contact detailsIdentified and known list of Triggers and Risky behaviours (both Environmental & Emotional) and plan of action to deal with them at the timeIdentified warning signs which you know to be your typical traits for concealing the warning signs of 'Danger: A trigger'Positive, self-endorsing behaviours and activities, in terms of people, places, spaces, routines, events and emotionsA specific plan to help you do more partner endorsing behavioursWhat does a good life look like for you?How can you help others live a 'good life' by demonstrating more Empathy and less Narcissistic behavioursGoals for the next 6 monthsA list of 12 Steps support Group times and days, with contact numbersGet some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Give a little to my fund raising page. Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe world's first Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme. Discover the real, authentic you. email info@kairos-centre.comNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building |

Dr. Rob Weiss and Tami answer participant questions about the importance of combining sex and drug addictions in treatment and recovery, the danger of staying stuck in the rage phase, and who you have control over in healing and recovery (it's you and only you!).    TAKEAWAYS: [:55] Does ‘vanilla' porn really affect our relationship? I don't believe it's hurting my partner. [5:53] What are the major differences between sex addiction treatment/recovery and drug addiction treatment/recovery?  [12:25] The importance of tackling both sex and drugs in addiction treatment and recovery.  [15:40] I'm stuck in the rage phase - how can I decide to heal or leave?  [23:05] You cannot drag someone else into healing, but you can heal YOU.  [27:18] My partner is so ill that I can't help him anymore. What do I do now?  [35:24] Why do so many CSATs coddle their patients?  [41:11] My partner recently uncovered childhood sexual trauma. What should come first - couples therapy or CSAT work?  [46:48] Can my partner pray his way out of addiction? [49:35] Write this down - there is nothing I have ever done or am currently doing or will ever do to make my partner act out.    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES “If you have a sex addiction, I don't want you to stop having sex. I want you to do it in a way that's healthy and honest.” “Addiction is not about the behavior, it's about the function it serves.”  “You have the opportunity to choose. You don't have to stay stuck in this.”  “Give yourself the gift of getting the help you need.”   

Nobigdyl Shares Powerful Testimony: Overcoming Sex & Love Addiction by Ebenezer Endiryas

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreDon't approach your one year (from last 'Acting out) sobriety, as an end to the work. Don't do 'out of sight out of mind'; 'I never want to see that Recovery Programme material again'. Don't do it like that - at the end.'I can stop reciting my 'Pillars' now. I can stop....I can stop.... I can stop....yipppppeeeeee'Well - Yes and No - you can stop certain things; but not others.It is important to keep doing your Rewards & Treats.It is important to mark anniversary sobriety dates (every year)It is important to keep your Relapse Prevention Plan reviewed and updatedIt is important that you still practice R.U.NIt is important to use your 'Pillars'It is important to keep a Relapse Prevention card on your phone/wallet/purse with essential contact phone numbers updatedIt is important to still subscribe to a Porn BlockerIt is important to 6 monthly review 'Triggers' and how they may have changedIt is important to have a further block of EMDR sessions to address current issues arisingIt is important to review your 'Love Language' and how it may have changedIt is important to review your 'Core Emotional Needs' ExerciseIt is important to review the 'Couples Recovery Plan' - that you signed and datedIt is important to review your 'Values' and the 'Values Exercise' and any ongoing compromisesIt is important to review 'Pinches & Crunches' with your partner..........to achieve a lifetime of Sobriety.Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Give a little to my fund raising page. Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe world's first Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme. Discover the real, authentic you. email info@kairos-centre.comNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building |

Dr. Rob Weiss and Tami answer participant questions about the challenges of rebuilding trust in a betrayed relationship and the importance of focusing on what you can do as a betrayed partner instead of focusing on what your addict partner can't or shouldn't do.    TAKEAWAYS: [1:40] My reluctant, betrayed spouse has been gone for a year. How can I approach them about my behavior?  [6:43] I feel like I'm seeing the world through a different lens in recovery. Is this typical?  [10:33] How can I better understand my partner's damage and betrayal trauma?  [14:04] I think my spouse is lying about his recovery and he failed his porn addiction test. Now what?  [22:45] What resources are available to learn more about addiction so I can better understand my loved one?  [27:02] I don't trust my partner's CSAT because of my history with unhelpful counselors. What can I do to improve our dynamic all around?  [33:25] What are some actionable ways I can rebuild trust with my betrayed partner?  [39:25] What is the best 12-Step recovery program for me?  [44:05] I can't stop lying to my betrayed spouse. Is this a slippery slope back into addiction?  [51:16] My partner has multiple addictions and is compartmentalizing recovery. Is this the best approach?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES “If you choose to leave your partner, you don't do it to make them do something differently.”  “While in recovery, we have to look at the world through a different lens.”  “Getting sober is not about not doing things.”  “If we're not in recovery, we are not living in integrity. But if we're willing to change, we can have an amazing life.”  “You cannot fix a problem with intimacy and connection and loneliness while the person is still acting out.”  “A spouses job is to take care of themselves, their self-care and their boundaries, not to focus on you.”  “Being honest takes practice if you've been lying forever.”  

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreYou need to applaud yourself on a job well done - to have got this far - at least one year from last Acting out. Now work towards achieving contentment.Life is a balancing act. On the one hand, you need to keep old habits at bay. Yet, on the other hand, you need to build new meaningful activities, to make life a pleasure. Yes, a pleasure!You can't jeopardise quality of life because you are watching for Relapse in the rear view mirror. Relapse is real. Maintaining the gain (of sobriety) is necessary work. Relapse is snapping at the eels of sobriety.Consider creating a Plan of Action to maintain the gain and limit the risk of Relapse. One action plan is to identify 10 High Risk factors. Write them down. Then write down your plan for dealing with each and everyone, when it manifests.That becomes your Safety Plan for long term sobriety. If you can see the triggers; anticipate them; plan for them; practice the plan - then you are part way there to overcoming them. 'Practice makes perfect!'Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Give a little to my fund raising page. Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe world's first Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme. Discover the real, authentic you. email info@kairos-centre.comNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building |

This week's conversation features The Shoeless Therapist Matt Wheeler. He answers questions about needs and wants, the role of sex in meeting relationship needs, and what partners can do to feel more securely attached to each other.    TAKEAWAYS: [1:24] Is disclosure always necessary?  [3:43] People in recovery often aren't aware of what their needs truly are.  [6:42] What happens when we neglect our own needs in favor of others?  [9:36] Babies understand that making demands develops love. [11:05] The danger of ignoring your needs during recovery.  [13:55] Is sex a need or is it a tool?  [17:40] Slow down and figure out how to communicate your needs to your partner. [22:53] Only one of the four categories of needs can be met in a partnership.  [27:10] The importance of relational agreements.  [30:08] Who holds all the cards in our relationship?  [35:57] I'm doing all the heavy lifting in our relationship, why should I meet his needs?  [42:10] The underlying needs behind sexual advancements.  [45:55] What do we need to explore that will feel fulfilling for both of us?  [49:50] How can I better receive my partner's bids for attachment?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES “Wants and needs are ultimately synonymous.”  “Both partners deserve to express and meet needs within the relationship.”  “Boundaries give the other person an opportunity to treat me to my needs.”  “Slow down and figure out how to communicate your needs to your partner better.”  “The only category of needs that you can meet as a couple is relational.”  “Without trust in a relationship, you're going to have a hard time with attachment.”   

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreRelapse Prevention tools are for life. Why?Because the neural Pathway that was opened, created and practised for many years, is dominant, but has the potential to be reactivated in an instant. It is easier to reactivate it and it becoming larger than life, for those with a past addiction, than for those without a past addiction.The way that I view it is like this: For those who never had a sex addiction, it will take a little while to establish the neural pathway, drawing them back into repeated practice. For those, however, who previously had the addiction, but closed it down and it lay dormant (not necessary entirely extinct), relapse is as fast as a Tornado jet. Reactivation can go from 0 to 500 knots in seconds. Therefore, you will be on permanent 'watching brief' for triggers that could catapult you back into re-opening the dominant neutral pathway at lightning speed.The Kairos Centre does not consider sobriety has been achieved until a minimum of 1 year from the last 'Acting out'. It will take that sort of time to beginning to cause the neutral pathway to be gathering cobwebs; at the same time, the new replacement positive neutral pathways being developed (from the Recovery Programme tools being practised) - to become the new default. Boundaries, reminders, anniversary celebration of milestones, continued Rewards & Treats, as well as a tried and tested - repeatedly practised - Relapse Prevention plan, are just some of the tools in the 'Avoiding Relapse' and 'Maintenance' armoury - that will be needed.Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Give a little to my fund raising page. Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe world's first Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme. Discover the real, authentic you. email info@kairos-centre.comNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building |

Don't miss the Make Money Easy Book Tour! https://lewishowes.com/moneyyouCheck out the full episode: greatness.lnk.to/1736"The greatest harm that I've ever done to other people was through me not knowing how to take care of myself. Nobody is safe from me when I need them that much." - Elizabeth GilbertElizabeth Gilbert unveils her decades-long struggle with sex and love addiction with disarming candor, revealing how her pattern of seeking validation and fulfillment through relationships created a destructive cycle. Despite years of therapy and thousands of dollars spent trying to change, it wasn't until age 50 that she discovered the 12-step program that finally addressed her core issues. Gilbert shares how she brought three different partners to the same therapist—outside her marriages—in a desperate search for the perfect relationship formula to fill what she describes as "this great echoing God-sized hole within me."Behind her public success, Gilbert confronted the painful reality that her unmet needs transformed her into someone "super needy, super clingy and super manipulative," using others as "parental replacements" or "unpaid therapists." Her profound realization that proper self-care isn't merely personal wellness but a "deeply humanitarian public service" offers powerful wisdom for anyone caught in destructive relationship patterns. Through her vulnerability, Gilbert illuminates how genuine healing begins when we stop expecting others to solve our inner emptiness and instead take responsibility for our own emotional well-being.Sign up for the Greatness newsletter: http://www.greatness.com/newsletter

In this week's Sex and Intimacy Q&A, Dr. Rob Weiss answers participant questions about spectrum disorders, personality disorders, honest therapeutic disclosure, and the importance of involving qualified professionals in diagnosis and recovery.    TAKEAWAYS: [1:08] What are the key differences between the compulsion of a sex addict and OCD?  [6:08] The danger of self-diagnosing personality and mood disorders.  [11:51] Is the treatment the same for hypersexuality and sex addiction?  [16:50] How can my partner have an honest therapeutic disclosure if he doesn't remember what he did?  [20:23] The importance of involving qualified professionals in recovery.  [24:46] Am I dealing with a sex addiction or chronic cheating?  [31:36] How does an addict come to recognize lying and omission of details?  [37:46] Is it dangerous for my addicted partner to only communicate with their support group via text?  [39:42] Key differences between addiction and co-occurring mental health issues.  [42:00] Are all CSATs trained in therapeutic disclosure? [44:56] How can I support my friend on the spectrum with their addiction?  [50:06] Is my partner ready for disclosure if he still has active accounts on sex and dating websites?  [53:23] How can I set healthy boundaries against my partner's rage?  [54:42] Can my addict partner stay separated from other addicts so they can't act out together?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES “At the end of the day, even people with obsessive compulsive disorders can get help.”  “Often the behavior looks manic, but it's really addiction.”  “Having one positive experience isn't going to drive long-term change.”  “There is zero downside to doing recovery work.”  “Stopping problematic behavior is just abstinence, it doesn't change your life.” “Recovery isn't about stopping behavior. It's about integrity and doing the right thing.”   

Are you trapped in a cycle of love addiction caused by trauma? Do you constantly seek validation and attachment from others to fill a void within yourself? This video explores the complex and often painful world of love addiction and how it can stem from unresolved trauma. Learn how to recognize the signs of love addiction, understand the underlying causes, and discover practical strategies to break free from the toxic patterns that are holding you back. Take the first step towards healing and reclaiming your power.

In this webinar, CSAT therapist Jon Taylor offers a high-level overview of Attachment Theory, how it manifests as maturity in a relationship, and how it impacts sex addiction and betrayal trauma recovery. Jon and Tami then answer questions about attachment theory's role in creating strong relationships.   TAKEAWAYS: [:55] The role of attachment theory in addiction recovery.  [1:58] The history and research of attachment theory.  [7:02] Emotions and comfort are not a luxury, they are a necessity. [8:20] Maturity in a relationship is not making one another responsible for your attachment deficits. [9:35] Patterns in baseline attachment styles. [13:20] Recent findings in attachment theory.  [15:50] What does attachment theory teach about maturity in relationships?  [19:20] How does attachment style apply to couples in recovery?  [23:18] Contemplating real loss and forgiveness in recovery.  [27:40] How can I navigate trauma in a way that doesn't traumatize my children?  [29:55] Attachment and personality grow out of temperament, but presentation can change over time.  [35:04] Attachment explains everything, but it's not the answer to everything. [36:10] As a partner, how can I preserve our progress and disengage early in the negative cycle?  [39:22] How can I overcome my attachment style to create a stronger marriage?  [43:51] How long should an SA be in treatment before making a long term relationship decision?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES “It's one of the most annoying parts of therapy, but it really does all come back to mom and dad.”  “Part of attachment theory is understanding that emotions and comfort are not a luxury, they are a necessity.”  “Maturity in a relationship is not making one another responsible for your attachment deficits.” “Attachment theory is important but it does not totally dictate how we can and must show up in our relationships.”  “For maturity to take place, we have to learn how to control our impulses.”  “Attachment explains everything, but it's not the answer to everything.”   

In this episode, Scott Brassart discusses the addictive nature of sex and pornography, and how these addictions create dysregulation in the dopamine rewards system. Scott and Tami also answer participant questions about the difference between habits and addictions and timelines in recovery.    TAKEAWAYS: [1:10] The dopamine system craves rewards and pleasure.  [3:41] The danger of manipulating the dopamine system with addictions. [6:13] Sexual fantasy delivers a high that is much cheaper than drugs, but just as dangerous. [6:47] As a self-adjusting and self-healing organ, the brain senses when things are going wrong, but addicts respond by consuming even more. [10:15] The downregulated brain will always win when chasing a higher high.  [15:26] How long does it take to reset a dysregulated dopamine system?  [16:12] Rerouting the pathways that addiction creates in our brains. [19:05] Addicts are so focused on acting out that they aren't paying attention to what they're missing out on. [21:51] People who pass the one year mark are much likelier to stay sober for the rest of their lives. [23:18] Does the brain magically reset?  [24:01] Can sex addicts actually change?  [27:01] My addict husband doesn't have any problem performing multiple times a day, how is that even possible?  [27:53] Why do I continue to lie to my partner when I know it's causing her pain? [32:35] My addictions and ADHD medication have dysregulated my system. What are my options?  [34:11] How can my partner keep relapsing when he promises me he won't?  [39:36] How can I help my partner who is on the spectrum?  [40:25] How long does someone need sobriety before they can work on trauma?  [44:26] Can we incorporate specific sex acts into our relationship during recovery?   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES “There's a reason we have a dopamine system. It's part of our survival.”  “The problem with addictions is that we can manipulate the dopamine system.”  “For addicts, it's much more about the hunt than the actual sex act.” “We have created a chemical imbalance in our brain through our addictions.”  “Addicts are so focused on acting out that we're not paying attention to what we're missing out on.”  “Once my brain reset I had no interest in going back to the misery.” “Addicts chase pleasure as a way of really avoiding pain.”   

Love Addiction, do you feel constant stress about what your partner is up to, if they're thinking about you, why they're not checking in with you, if their feelings have changed? You might have a love addiction. Do you feel like you are not whole without a partner? Are you constantly seeking your other half? Do you feel like you must become exactly what others are looking for to be loved and accepted? You might have love addiction. Tune in to Doug and Dr. Talia as they do a quick deep dive!Keywordslove addiction, attachment theory, relationships, communication, self-love, emotional dependency, anxiety, conflict resolution, personal growth, mental healthWe're Not Finehttps://werenotfine.comShop the Pod: https://werenotfine.com/shopInstagram: @werenotfinepod Doug JensenProfile: https://werenotfine.com/our-team/Email: contact@werenotfine.comIG: douglasljensenTwitter: dougjensen4CsDr. Talia JacksonProfile: https://werenotfine.com/our-team/Email: contact@werenotfine.comIG: @drtaliajacksonTwitter: @Talia.Jackson77

Mark Anthony Lord joins Tami to discuss the value of building a better Higher Power relationship, and why that can be a key to lasting recovery.  He shares his personal addiction recovery experience, the joy he feels from being alive today, and how he was led to create the 12-Step Church.    TAKEAWAYS: [1:32] Sex and drugs recovery was the impetus for Mark's spiritual path.  [4:47] Learning how to forgive is a critical component of effective healing.  [6:45] Church can be a place of gathering, healing and community. [12:55] 12-Step Church offers connection and celebration in recovery.  [16:45] Recovering addicts deserve more than just being sober, we deserve to be happy and alive on purpose. [22:48] Details for joining a weekly meeting with 12-Step Church.  [27:01] Addictions of all kinds are addressed at 12-Step Church.  [31:03] How am I still alive? The miracle of life after addiction.    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES “My entire life took a completely different path because of one little moment.”  “There's always a number of people in recovery in the room at church, but the room wasn't always designed for them.”  “Wherever you are on this journey, that's exactly where you're supposed to be.”  “We all deserve not only to be sober but to be happy.”   

In this episode, we explore the critical differences between healthy love and love addiction. We discuss the emotional dependencies that characterize love addiction, the signs to recognize it, and the traits of healthy love. The conversation delves into the root causes of love addiction, including unresolved childhood wounds and attachment styles, and offers practical steps for healing and cultivating healthy relationships. The episode emphasizes the importance of self-awareness, emotional independence, and the need for mutual respect and growth in relationships. Key Takeaways: Healthy love is about mutual respect and emotional security. Love addiction often involves prioritizing the relationship over self-respect. Signs of love addiction include intense anxiety and worthlessness when alone. Healthy love allows for individuality and personal boundaries. Unresolved childhood wounds can lead to love addiction. Awareness and acceptance are the first steps to healing. Cultivating a fulfilling life outside of relationships is essential. Setting boundaries is crucial for healthy relationships. Love addiction is rooted in fear and compulsion. You deserve love that feels steady and secure. More from me: Apply to join the "Get Your Life Back After Infidelity" group program here: https://portal.andreagiles.com/get-your-life-back-application Follow on Instagram at: https://www.instagram.com/theinfidelitycoach/ Please click the button to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes and leave a review if your favorite podcast app has that ability. Thank you! For transcripts and other available downloads, please visit Andrea's website at https://andreagiles.com/podcast/ © 2020 - 2025 Andrea Giles

In this weekly Sex and Intimacy Q&A, Erin Snow answers participant questions about fetishes and triggers – what they are, where they come from, and what they really mean about a person's sexuality and the likelihood of successful recovery. She also offers resources and actions betrayed partners can employ to empower themselves while they offer support to their addicted partner.    TAKEAWAYS: [:56] My husband's fantasy about my sister underlines his addiction to non-consenting victims. [4:00] All humans fantasize. That doesn't make all behaviors acceptable.  [8:00] Do fetishes get more intense from watching porn?  [10:01] Can we incorporate healthy fetishes into our sex life?  [12:47] Is my fetish a sex addiction?  [15:13] What happened in my childhood that led to my fetish?  [20:20] My husband is defensive about watching teen porn. How can I keep myself and our children safe? [26:29] I think my partner is protecting his addiction, he says I'm crazy. How can I protect myself?  [32:10] I'm going crazy waiting for my partner's disclosure. What can I do to empower myself in this process? [38:25] My partner is watching barely-legal porn. What does his fantasy say about our reality?  [45:13] What actions reduce intimacy? My partner doesn't recognize all of the ways that I'm trying to connect with her. [50:13] My partner has been lying about his recovery group. How can I reset clear boundaries?  [52:02] My partner never follows through with his safety plan and is relapsing again. I think I'm done, but where do I go from here?  [57:10] My partner's CSAT causally diagnosed me in their session. Now what?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES “Fetishes are not going anywhere. It's part of your arousal template.”  “Fetishes are neither good nor bad. It's just a question of whether you can incorporate it into your sex life.”  “Knowing the fantasty and the why behind it is not going to solve the problem.”  “For most of us, recovery is literally learning a new language.”  “Fantasy life and reality are two very different things that shouldn't be compared at all.”  “We are not going to judge you for staying or for going. But that decision has to be yours.”  

In this episode, Scott Brassart discusses the addictive nature of pornography, and why it's such a hard "drug" to quit. Scott and Tami then answer participant questions about porn addiction and recovery support for both the addict and the partner.    TAKEAWAYS: [:30] Porn, written porn, and ‘not porn' – all from a porn addict's perspective.  [2:47] What makes so appealing porn to addicts?  [4:20] The two elements of pornography that make it highly addictive.  [12:45] What is happening inside your brain while watching porn?  [13:51] Porn, cocaine, and orgasm payoffs, ranked by pleasure levels.  [16:20] Why do some addicts have a physical library collection of porn?  [19:38] By escaping, porn addicts miss out on the good as well as the bad.  [24:48] Should I start using video editing apps to take away erotic content?  [27:20] What is the difference between porn addiction and compulsive porn usage? [28:23] Is there anything healthy about sexualizing myself in a performative way?  [31:07] Is any element of porn usage healthy? [34:12] As a sex and porn addict, is there any scenario where I could view porn in a healthy manner?  [38:30] Is sex itself ever going to be satisfying enough for my porn addict partner?  [42:13] How do I protect myself from rewiring my brain into an addict's brain?  [45:30] Is my addict partner trying to escape our marriage?  [48:58] If we have sex every night will my partner stop cheating?  [50:47] How can I be the best cheerleader to my partner through recovery?  [52:01] Is watching porn considered cheating?  [55:10] Resources that focus on grief and loss of porn addiction.    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES “If I'm looking at an image to get a physical arousal, it's porn, whether somebody else would classify it as porn or not.”  “Porn addict brains and cocaine addict brains are indistinguishable.  The parts that are over and under developed look exactly the same.”  “Addictions are not about pleasure.  They're about escape.”  “There is nothing in a TV show that is worth me losing my recovery.”  “There is no ‘just one' for addicts.”  “There is not a partner on the planet that can make their addict not act out if they're ultimately going to.”   

In this episode we invited Reno Gold to join us while we dive into what it really means to be a sex worker. We find answers to how relationships look inside this career and how to manage to ins and outs of this lifestyle. We hope you enjoy baddies! XOXO

*PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS EPISODE CONTAINS REFERENCES TO SUICIDE. PLEASE SKIP THIS EPISODE IF YOU FIND THIS TOPIC TRIGGERING OR UPSETTING*Mel Watkins, a psychotherapist and founder of Mel Watkins Therapy, shares her deeply personal journey to sobriety, elucidating the powerful links between alcohol, love addiction, and emotional health. Through candid reflections, Mel provides valuable insights on how overcoming dependency reveals deeper issues pertinent to relationships and self-worth. This episode offers an intimate glimpse into her world, from the chaos of her late twenties to the pandemic that eventually became a catalyst for transformative change. Mel's story is not just about overcoming addiction, but about finding clarity and relief from anxiety, depression and insecure relationships in the sober moments. Her reflections reveal the societal pressures in her hometown of Hobart, Australia, where alcohol often played a central role in seeking acceptance and belonging.Mel and Bella take a closer look at the relationship between love, addiction, and sobriety. We engage in a heartfelt discussion about the profound effects of alcohol on personal relationships and self-awareness. By addressing personal challenges and fostering authentic connections, we celebrate the life-changing impact of sobriety.LEARM MORE ABOUT MELInsta: https://www.instagram.com/melwatkinstherapy/Web: https://www.melwatkinstherapy.com/ MEGMegan Webb: https://glassfulfilled.com.auInstagram: @glassfulfilledUnwined Bookclub: https://www.alcoholfreedom.com.au/unwinedbookclubFacebook UpsideAF: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1168716054214678 Small group coaching: https://www.elizaparkinson.com/groupcoaching BELLAWeb: https://isabellaferguson.com.auInsta: @alcoholcounsellorisabellaBi-Yearly 6-Week Small Group Challenges: Learn more: https://www.isabellaferguson.com.au/feb-2025-challengeFree Do I Have A Drinking Problem 3 x Video Series: https://resources.isabellaferguson.com.au/offers/JTFFgjJL/checkoutFree HOW DO I STOP DRINKING SO MUCH Masterclass: https://resources.isabellaferguson.com.au/offers/7fvkb3FF/checkoutOnline Alcohol Self-Paced Course: ...

Dr. Eddie Capparucci and Tami discuss and answer questions about building confidence in recovery. They describe the coping strategies and layers of hurt that can be found on the pain field, and the four things that have to happen in order for a partner to successfully stay on the pain field in order to work toward recovery and healing. This session was live via SexandRelationshipHealing.com on February 21, 2024.   TAKEAWAYS: [:30] The pain field is a place where both partners are speaking a different language.  [5:03] Emotional dysregulation happens when either partner leaves the pain field.  [7:25] Where does a partner go when they leave the pain field?  [9:10] Why should a partner want to stay on the pain field?  [11:30] Slowing everything down is the starting point for staying on the field.  [13:52] Quiet down the inner child to engage as an adult.  [15:32] Stay present and engaged, then identify the pain point.  [20:32] If you see your spouse moving off the pain field, tell them.  [24:00] The ultimate goal is reconciliation. Getting there will be a process. [27:36] If a man is getting flooded, he needs to take a break.  [32:41] My spouse has a pattern of accidentally physically hurting me or my possessions, is this unconscious resentment?  [37:04] If my spouse needs to take a break, why doesn't he just say so?  [38:12] We just got back together and now I'm experiencing abandonment trauma.  What should I be focusing on to feel healthy?  [41:43] How can I be more attune to my wife's wishes?  [45:20] How important is it that the betrayer be on the pain field? [48:00] What does Dr. Eddie which he had known early in his recovery?  [49:34] My wife gets triggered when I don't check in with her.  Is this normal in recovery?  [51:45] How can I quiet my inner child if I don't believe it's real?  [53:45] My husband doesn't think he's dealing with addiction. How can we navigate recovery?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES “We're not going to do anything perfectly, but if we're willing, we stand a chance.”  “You have to quiet the inner child before the emotions begin to ramp up.”  “If you're not engaged you may as well be on another field.”  “Your infidelity is the cause, but not the core of your spouse's pain.”  “If your partner is totally deflated and depleted, you're not going to get what you're looking for.  You're going to get just the opposite.”  

Today, John does a deep dive with Sean Cardinalli about sex, love, and porn addiction. They discuss the signs of what this looks like, how to address addiction, how to heal from it, and much more. Sean Cardinalli is a coach, writer, and activist who returned to coaching on sex & love addiction. Sean earned his local certificate through Linda Bark's holistic coaching methodology and is pursuing his ICF certification and a degree in social work. Beyond sex & love addiction, Sean's practice focuses on intimacy, relationships, divorce, dating, and the creative process. Connect with Sean HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose HERE Jump into John's new Single. On Purpose app and attend Sean's live classes HERE Follow John on Instagram HERE Find out more about John HERE Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Debbie McRae takes on a word that she hears daily in her practice – gaslighting.  Why do sex and porn addicts gaslight, and what can their partners do about it? This webinar covers what exactly gaslighting is, what purpose it serves, what it might sound like, and what you can do about it.    TAKEAWAYS: [:30] Gaslighting is a term that Debbie McRae hears every single day in her practice.  [1:21] Simple and clinical definitions of gaslighting and common dialogue used in gaslighting.  [5:13] Acknowledgement of the seriousness of an addiction means the addict would have to do something about it.  [6:19] Gaslighting partners are trying to avoid facing reality and avoid confrontation.  [8:01] Increased defensiveness and denial are common signs of gaslighting.  [9:10] Addicts often believe they are the exception to the rules. [10:09] Shame and extended periods of getting away with gaslighting are common reasons addicts continue to gaslight.  [11:25] Gaslighters have a style – the intimidator, the good guy, and the glamor gaslighter. [15:24] DARVO – deny, attack, reverse the victim and offender – aims to shift the blame off the addict.  [16:35] The danger of minimizing rather than validating, withholding, countering, diverting and discrediting, deflection and distraction, and stereotypical labeling. [22:49] Using loving words and rewriting history are confusing ways to manipulate a hurt partner. [24:30] How can you stop the gaslighting as an addict?  [28:18] What can the betrayed partner do about gaslighting?  [34:50] The importance of focusing on your own recovery.  [38:01] Is it normal that my spouse won't even talk to me about his porn addiction?  [44:21] How much responsibility do I need to take for my addict partner's behavior?  [48:35] Why does my partner blame me when I am blindsided by his behavior?  [52:44] How can I identify real abuse versus the mental illness that is adding to the issues?  [55:00] How can I handle my partner's passive aggressive behavior?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES “Gaslighting is a power trip. People gaslight because it gives them power.”  “Gaslighting keeps the betrayed partner constantly on their toes and on high alert.”  “Gaslighting can be really hard for the betrayed partner to identify.”  “Betrayed partners have superior memories because they are connected to the prefrontal cortex.” “If you are a liar, know that you are a gaslighter and you have to be honest with yourself.” 

Breakups—few life events are as universally painful and disorienting. They can make even the strongest among us feel powerless, consumed by obsessive thoughts and emotions. When relationships feel addictive, their end can trigger a withdrawal-like experience, leaving us caught in a whirlwind of grief and longing. But how do we distinguish between healthy attachments and these addictive patterns? How can we navigate the heartache while reclaiming our sense of self and stability? In this episode, we delve deep into the intricacies of love addiction and breakups, offering listeners tangible strategies to handle these challenges. Through enlightening conversations, we discuss how to recognize and manage obsessive post-breakup thoughts, differentiate between healthy and addictive relationship tendencies, and understand the underlying psychological mechanisms at play. By equipping listeners with cognitive and behavioral tools, the episode aims to provide a roadmap for moving forward, emphasizing personal growth and self-awareness as key components of healing. Cortney is a Board-Certified Clinical Psychologist. She received her Ph.D. in Psychology from Texas A&M University in 2006 after completing her internship at McLean Hospital/Harvard Medical School. Cortney is an expert in eating pathology, addictions, self-deception, and cultural diversity in Psychology. Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode 07:52 Identifying love addiction symptoms and who it affects. 10:50 The process of breaking free from addictive relationships. 14:40 Differentiating between healthy attachment and love addiction. 17:21 The reality of relationship phases and their emotional impact. 20:28 How breakups can trigger obsessive focus on ex-partners. 24:52 Recognizing love addiction in high-functioning individuals. 28:37 How early childhood influences love addiction patterns. 33:07 Dr. Warren's personal journey toward relationship health. 35:26 How therapy and self-awareness help overcome relationship dysfunctions. 40:45 The concept of love as a necessary human experience. 43:57 Strategies for managing emotional distress post-breakup. 47:09 The role of cognitive-behavioral interventions in handling breakup symptoms. Mentioned Letting Go of Your Ex (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book) TEDx Talk Honest Liars: The Psychology of Self-Deception (*Youtube) (video) Evolve in Love (*Dr. Jessica Higgins program) (link) Connect with Dr. Cortney Warren Websites: drcortney.com/dr-cortney-warren Facebook: facebook.com/CortneySWarren X: x.com/DrCortneyWarren YouTube: youtube.com/playlist?list=PLQGXD7Ms5oR3GzsPZl3Tjl_9qj71MezHj Instagram: instagram.com/drcortneywarren/?hl=en LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drcortney TikTok: tiktok.com/@drcortneywarren?lang=en Google Scholar: scholar.google.com/citations?user=Ka7bam4AAAAJ&hl=en Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship  Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins  Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation  LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins  Twitter: @DrJessHiggins  Website: drjessicahiggins.com   Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.  Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.  Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.  Thank you!   *With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

Renowned author Elizabeth Gilbert, famously known for "Eat, Pray, Love," graces our live studio audience with her vibrant presence. The episode kicks off with a mocktail inspired by her iconic book, setting the stage for a heartfelt conversation about courage and personal growth. Elizabeth's stories from transformative wellness retreats in dreamy locales and her own journey to discovering more about herself from how she loves, to how her behavior in love lead to her realization of her addiction. Her story inspires us to embrace new experiences with open arms and hearts.We journey through the tangled web of relationships, exploring everything from soul ties and love addiction to the trials of gift-giving and unexpected life changes. Our discussion uncovers the joys and pains of seeking validation, the societal imbalances in relationships, and the profound impact of spirituality and recovery in overcoming addiction. Personal anecdotes and insightful reflections reveal the complex dance between love, addiction, and personal transformation, highlighting the importance of inner strength and self-respect.The episode concludes with a focus on healing practices, both spiritual and practical. Elizabeth shares her ongoing passion for travel and introduces her "Letters from Love" series, encouraging us to engage with ourselves through self-written love letters. A heartfelt farewell to our audience, sprinkled with gratitude and warmth, wraps up this enlightening episode. Join us for a ride through laughter, introspection, and a myriad of heartfelt moments that promise to leave you inspired and empowered.Follow Us @cocktalespodcast@kikisaidso@coffeebeandeanFollow Our Guest@elizabeth_gilbert_writerVisit soakingwet.com and use code "COCKTALES” for 10% off  Try VIIA! https://bit.ly/viiacocktales and use code COCKTALES!Join Kiki In Curacao- https://www.seekdharma.com/trips/kikis-travel-tribe/Join Medinah in ICosta Rica- www.paradiseandvibe.comFor all promo codes and links for promotions in the episode, follow this link: https://linktr.ee/cocktalesadsContact Us! Advice: advice@cocktalespod.comCocktales: cocktales@cocktalespod.comWeird Sex: weirdsex@cocktalespod.comLive Show Sponsorship: sales@cocktalespod.comGuest Request/ General Inquiries info@cocktalespod.comGet your Vesper and other Jewelry From Cravehttps://lovecrave.com/cocktalesGet Your Merch & Pre-Order Your Card Game Purchase Merch (Next Drop Arrives December 2024) www.imcurioustoknow.comGet Klassy Baste! Learn to Cook with Kiki www.klassybaste.comJoin Kiki's  Book Club- October's Book- The Stillwater Girls https://www.patreon.com/kikisaidsoTravel with Kiki! We're going to Curacao! Reserve Your Spot Here!Travel With Medinah! Visit ParadiseandVibe.comInterested in sponsoring? Contact sales@cocktalespod.com today!Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/cocktales-dirty-discussions--2818687/support.

Delanie Fischer is joined by Dr. Samantha Harte, author of Breaking The Circuit: How to Rewire Your Mind for Hope, Resilience and Joy in the Face of Trauma, to discuss perfectionism, addiction, and recovery. Dr. Harte shares how her accomplishments masked her struggle with addiction (like getting accepted into a postdoctoral program the very same day she overdosed on cocaine), why her rock bottom actually happened 5 years into sobriety vs. at the height of her addiction, and why she had to reimagine and modernize the 12 steps in order to successfully apply them to her life.Plus:+ The Most Important Amends That Addicts Might Ignore+ Building A New Relationship With The Same Partner+ Healing From Betrayal (And An Analogy You Won't Forget)More episodes related to this topic:7 Shocking Truths About Codependency And Addiction with Heidi Rain: https://www.selfhelplesspodcast.com/episodes/episode/24c74079/7-shocking-truths-about-codependency-and-addiction-with-heidi-rainSex and Love Addiction with Sex Addiction Therapist, Alex Katehakis: https://www.selfhelplesspodcast.com/episodes/episode/316e9795/sex-and-love-addiction-with-sex-addiction-therapist-alex-katehakisExploring Perfectionism with Taylor Tomlinson, Kelsey Cook, and Delanie Fischer: https://www.selfhelplesspodcast.com/episodes/episode/d69d8eee/exploring-perfectionism-with-taylor-tomlinson-kelsey-cook-and-delanie-fischerWorking The 12 Steps with Amanda Hill: https://www.selfhelplesspodcast.com/episodes/episode/237b7862/working-the-12-steps-with-amanda-hillYou can submit and vote on episode topics here: https://www.patreon.com/selfhelplessYour Host, Delanie Fischer: https://www.delaniefischer.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.