Podcasts about Love addiction

Send us Fan MailOn-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreLet's check that we are on the same page as we have a discussion about 'Values'. I am speaking about such things as being able to be Creative, have Integrity, Fitness, Security, Faith, Self Confidence, Wealth, Winning, Honesty and many more.In the cool light of day, we would never purposely/consciously/intentionally trash our Values. They are a part of us and how we do life, want to do life and choose to do life on planet earth.Our Values define us; define who we are; represent who we are; shape who we are. How dare you invite me to just flippantly get rid of one of my Values; destruct, destroy - trash my Values. Why on earth would anyone do that?So, my question is - when Sex/Porn addiction triggers arise and you 'Act out', is the fact of Acting out, an indication that you have just Trashed all of you Values?Can you see patterns of activities and behaviours which show you undermining those dearly held Values, which in other situations, you would and could never undermine or trash your Values. Look how you undermine and trash your Values when emotions - such as conflict with a partner - gets the better of you; also when 'Acting out' beckons. Neural Pathway repetitive hamster wheel patterns of behaviours (from past learned and even inherited scripts from family) may be at work repeatedly, but you did not notice, analyse or give credence to what you were doing? You were actually trashing and undermining your strongly held Values.Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Bringing colour back to life - without Shame.Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior,Support the show

Send us Fan MailOn-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreIt is worth listening again to the first part of this topic (in a recent past episode) - entitled: Sex Addict - "I am not a Passive-Aggressive by my behaviours!" - This is a continuation of that topic talking about Core Emotional Needs. This is part 2 of how Passive-Aggressive behaviours can show up - as a way of trying to get Core Emotional Needs met.Do you know what are your top 3 most important Core Emotional Needs? Do you FIGHT like this? Do you FLIGHT like this? Do you Freeze like this? - but it is all about repeatedly practised behaviours as a attempt to get depleted Core Emotional Needs met. Some of them are: Approval, Acceptance, Support, Security, Comfort, Respect - amongst others.When Core motional Needs are depleted and at reserve levels, as human beings, we will do one of three things to try to get them met, since they are not negotiable. Critical levels will see us doing Fight, Flight and/or Freeze. Which one of those three do you think that you predominantly use? It may not actually be the obvious one that you first think you do. Listen to the two parts of this podcast and the examples of fight, flight , freeze which I demonstrate.Over 90% of the couples in conflict that we see in The Kairos Centre, have, at the root of their conflict - fight, flight, freeze - as they try to get their Core Emotional Needs met. Often, it will take the form of Passive-Aggressive behaviours. (This is a big deal which needs to be understood well).Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Bringing colour back to life - without Shame.Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior,Support the show

Send us Fan MailOn-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreGrab your popcorn, peanuts and a drink, this is a long episode. It is a bonus episode, bringing it all together in one episode.I was interviewed by Seen&heard (an organisation supporting those traumatised by boarding school attendance) - for whom I am one of their Directory of experienced Therapists working with those different Traumas.In this very personal and up close interview of me and my journey through childhood, adulthood and life, I look at various issues, including Insecure Attachment and its significant impact on me; transitioning from being the Solicitor, career changing to become the Therapist; title 't' Traumas & big 'T' Traumas.Intergenerational scripts from past family which adversely impacts us and sets up subsequent family members towards a trajectory; training to counsel Singles, Couples, Partners, Marrieds; me becoming a Psychosexual/Sex Therapist; then a specialist trained Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Therapist - where each of those Addictions are quite distinct from each other; specialist support for impacted partners - separate from the Addict - (particularly female partners traumatised by learning about the Sex/Porn/Love Addiction); Co-addictions and what is waiting in the wings when you try to get rid of Porn or Sex Addiction.Eye Movement Desensitisation Repossessing (EMDR); SHAME+ NARCISSISM = SEX/PORN ADDICTION; need for a 12 Steps Support Group; need to Diagnose the childhood development issues first - before a Recovery Programme; my Diagnostic sessions & the world's first Video-on-Demand (pre-recorded videos with workbooks) Recovery Programme; what is 'Love Addiction'.It is not weakness to need help from others at some point in our lives; it may be counselling for mental health issues. Compulsions get passed on to the next generation - the children; becoming sensitised to partner's body; Therapy with The Kairos Centre is about moving as much insights from the Unconscious into the Conscious.Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Bringing colour back to life - without Shame.Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior,Support the show

Send us Fan MailOn-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreWhat is passive-aggressive behaviour? Do you fight like this? Passive-aggressive behaviour is when you express negative feelings indirectly instead of openly talking about them. It is a defence used to protect self. It might stem from early experiences and has become a way to protect self. It might also include feelings of rejection, fear, mistrust, insecurity and/or low self-esteem. It is often vindictive and a way of doing "fight' with someone.It is a way of expressing negative feelings, rather than talking openly about the issue which as caused upset. It is a way to communicate anger and other forms of distress, without openly acknowledging the emotions. It might take the form of action or inaction. An example might be, the person who attends an event (unwillingly), then is rude or hostile. Alternatively, it might be that they avoid the event and give a partner the “silent treatment.” That is overt aggression, adopted as a communication style, as revenge for an upset caused to them.Someone who uses passive aggression may feel angry, resentful, or frustrated, but they act neutral, pleasant, or even cheerful. They then find indirect ways to show how they really feel. They might say one thing, but do something quite contrary. They may do the thing they do not want to do and brood and complain whilst doing it.They might do something that seems kind (on the surface), but is opposite to the other person's expectation and preference. For example, someone who knows you are trying to lose weight, purposely buys a large sugary birthday cake for you.Passive aggression is a common coping mechanism that many people use from time to time, especially when they want to avoid direct conflict. People who engage in passive aggression may feel just as aggressive or hostile as those who adopt more overt forms of aggression.Anger, frustration, and displeasure are normal emotions. People who rely on passive aggression rather than direct communication to show these emotions often grew up in a family where that behaviour was common. It might not have felt safe for them to directly express their feelings as a child.Passive aggressive behaviour takes many forms but can generally be described as a non-verbal aggression that manifests in negative behavior - like these other examples:Limit/curtail communication: when clearly there is a problematic issue presentAvoiding/Ignoring/evading: because anger won't allow you to address the issue calmly Procrastinating: intentionally putting off something and knowing it will adversely affect the other person(s)Obstructing/deliberately stalling/preventing somethingAvoiding situations: where competition might show you in an unfavourable lightAmbiguity/cryptic/unclear: not fully engagingSulking/silent treatment/sullen/dogmatic: in order to get attention or sympathy.Purposely late: knowing that will offendThwarting/frustrating someone expectation: to be 'bloodyminded'Purposely forgetting key matters: to show a blatant disregard and disrespect Limiting/withholding/avoiding Intimacy: known to be liked by the other personMaking Excuses/coming up with reasons: for not doing thingsVictim role: so as to avoid taking responsibility for own roleGet some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Bringing colour back to life - without Shame.Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior,Support the show

Dr. Rob and Tami answer participant questions about boundaries, chronic betrayal, and recovery timelines. They address the pregnant partner, the betrayed spouse with an STD, and the mother of teens who wants to keep her children from following down the path of addiction and betrayal.    TAKEAWAYS: [1:30] Can ketamine EMDR help my betrayed wife?  [7:10] I'm pregnant. Should I stop checking in on his recovery?  [14:35] Boundaries are set to keep you safe.  [16:58] Why should he stop acting out when it has increased the intensity of our sex life?  [24:09] Can an addict like me actually come out of this on the other side?  [34:10] Am I really the victim?  [36:52] How can I build trust after chronic betrayal?  [40:26] He acted out in my one deal-breaker way. Now what?  [47:30] How do couples recovery from sexual betrayal and compromised health?  [50:48] How can I talk to my boys so they don't go down the same path as their father?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES "He should be showing you with his actions when his recovery is solid."  "He's going to do what he's going to do whether you ask or you don't."  "You have to do what you need to do to take care of you regardless of what he does."  "Addicts are always either moving forward in recovery or sliding back."   

Send us Fan MailOn-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreLet's talk about how well you really know yourself. Remember that the addiction behaviours are all about self-soothing to manage emotions; a time of escape from life's issues for a while. It means that many other life skills for managing emotions such as stress, pressure, anxiety, upset and other normal emotions, may never have been learned in childhood, because the addiction behaviours became the 'go-to' drug of choice.Core Emotional NeedsWhich are your top 3 Core Emotional Needs? Is it Acceptance, Affection, Appreciation, Approval, Attention, Comfort, Encouragement, Respect, Security or Support? Be aware of your top 10 Core Emotional Needs, but even more importantly, be very sure that you know your top 3 core emotional needs. The very fact that we are human, means that we have these 10 core emotional needs, which have to be met. When life and circumstances do not keep these needs topped up and some dwindle beyond our critical level, then we will react, often unconsciously. Fight or flight will soon demand attention when our core emotional needs are not being met. Fight can take the form of creating conflicts, but not being aware that we are being more contentious than usual! Flight means that we move away from a situation, into a place where we think our needs will be better met. That can take the form of longer hours at work because work or the people in the work place bring a form of comfort. They are danger zones unless we begin to read the signs. Our partner plays a part in meeting our Core Emotional Needs, but they are not responsible. They cannot meet all of those needs. All of the systems within which we interact (such as work, home life, social, sports etc) play a part in meeting those needs, not one person only. In the survey to determine the top 10 Core Emotional Needs, most women can identify with the need for Security within their top 3. Most men chose Respect. Couples do an Exercise with me to identify their top 3 most important Core Emotional Needs.When you have ranked your top 3, try ranking your partner's top 3. Then have a discussion. What you do not know, then you cannot affect or do much about. What you know about and can see, then you can affect for good – or chose not to – but you now have choice! Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Bringing colour back to life - without Shame.Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, Support the show

If you've ever felt completely out of control in a relationship — knowing it's wrong, unable to leave, ashamed of yourself for staying — this conversation is going to make you feel far less alone. Marina sits down with Andrea Ashley, host of Adult Child and The Shitshow podcast, who grew up in an alcoholic home, spent her teens in and out of rehabs, got sober at 19, and still found herself at rock bottom at 28 — trapped in trauma bonds she didn't yet have words for. Andrea shares the story she's never fully told before: the relationship that pulled her back in at her most under-resourced, the friendship betrayal that happened at the worst possible moment, and what it actually took to finally get out. This one is raw, real, and deeply human. Connect with Andrea:https://www.instagram.com/adultchildpod/https://www.adultchildpodcast.com/WORK WITH ME 1:1:❥Softening into self- 3 month 1:1 with Whats App Support:https://marina-yt.mykajabi.com/offers/PAWQhZHu❥❥1:1 Coaching with me: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfWcZM5s9c2OjOLwoGMI5jE6rh_JAzjN2d_vCtuVe7e3pVGxw/viewformDOWNLOAD FOR FREE:Stay or Go: 5 Clarity Questions to Reconnect with Your Inner Knowing: https://marinayt.com/stay-or-go-guideAttatchment Practice: Discover the actual blocks beneath the surface so you can actually have the deep intimacy you crave: https://marinayt.com/attachment-practice Connect & Ground: 10 Incredible Somatic Practices for Nervous System Regulation: https://marinayt.com/connect-and-groundAlive & Aligned: 7 Embodiment Practices For Self Connection: https://marinayt.com/alive-and-alignedTrigger to Rooted: A step by step process of working with your triggers: https://marinayt.com/trigger-2-rooted VIEW MY COURSES & RESOURCES:https://marinayt.com/resources CONNECT WITH  ME:Follow me on Instagram:⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/marina.y.t⁠⁠ Subscribe to YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/@marinatriner Top Episode Quotes:"As soon as my fear of abandonment got triggered, I was done. That's how quickly and easily a trauma bond can form." — Andrea Ashley"The fear of abandonment can make someone ten million times more attractive. It's not real feeling — you're just deepening your attachment." — Andrea Ashley"I was so sane and yet so insane at the same time. I could witness exactly what was happening and I still could not stop." — Andrea Ashley"Tending to an alcoholic is the oldest role I know. My nervous system was just reaching for what it knows, what was comfortable." — Andrea Ashley"I have abandonment trauma. I might freak out the first time you take too long to text me back. And I'm not embarrassed about that anymore. If it's the right person, that's not going to push them away." — Andrea Ashleytrauma bond, love addiction, abandonment wound, complex PTSD, adult child of alcoholics, nervous system healing, somatic healing, anxious attachment, fear of abandonment, intermittent reinforcement, codependency healing, childhood trauma, trauma recovery, emotional flashbacks, attachment healing, inner child healing, deep within podcast, Andrea Ashley, Marina Triner, trauma informed healing 

Send us Fan MailOn-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre“I'm the author of my own life story.Unfortunately, I'm writing in pen and I can't erase my mistakes but my future will be better than my past.”  - Mr MeetTherapy with The Kairos Centre is all about helping you to better understand you. Helping to move as much of life's issues from the unconscious, from the unseen, from the invisible, into the conscious, into the seen, into the visible. That which you cannot seen, you have no hope of changing. Change begins when you can see some things. Therefore, it is useful to understand that Therapy with The Kairos Centre involves working with the unconscious, the unseen, the invisible.Here are the 3 Stages that is involved in every 50 minutes Therapy session - called The Egan 3 Stages:STAGE 1: EXPLORING - which is what takes place during each Therapy session, as we jump into the sand pit together in a curiosity way (not criticism), in order to see what we can find and move it into the consciousness, into the seen, into the visible. STAGE 2: REFLECTING (in order to gain INSIGHT & UNDERSTANDING) - This stage belongs entirely to you. It is all about what you do with the matters which we explored together in the session, so that you chew on them, you think about them, you reflect on them outside of the session. Since, as you do so, you gain insight and greater understanding. You use a highlighter pen to make issues visible. They can never be invisible again, even if you do not move to stage 3. You can now see some things that belong to you - based upon what we explored in stage 1.STAGE 3: ACTION/CHANGE - based upon the new insights & understanding gained, the question in front of you is - 'What ACTION/CHANGE do you what to set about implementing (or not)'. The choice belongs entirely to you and once made, The Kairos Centre continues to be alongside you to help you with the change process which you have decided upon. (You are not alone).Another useful tool to help you recognise blind spots, is 'Johari's window'. Here is a Youtube link with an explanation about it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c7rlCgy6i88Knowledge is power and so in all your getting, get understanding. That is the beginning of wisdom. Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Bringing colour back to life - without Shame.Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, Support the show

Dr. Rob and Tami answer participant questions about how to reintegrate sex, self-pleasure for partners, the pain of a sexless relationship and the role of "hopium". They offer perspective on demanding repair, seeking connection and the power of taking care of yourself no matter what your partner is or isn't doing.    TAKEAWAYS: [:30] What can I do to reclaim my sexuality?  [11:02] Should I insist on my partner moving out or do an in-house separation?  [16:42] When sex addiction isn't the only problem.  [19:32] How can I get my intimate needs met?  [29:05] Questions you really don't want the answers to. [34:02] How can I build shame resiliency?  [39:56] Where do we start with sexual reconnection?  [42:51] Moving beyond objectification.  [48:03] I feel he broke it, and he needs to fix it.  [54:41] The power of community and connection.  [58:20] Is masturbation sexual betrayal?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES "Your courage and willingness to talk about these issues will get you halfway there."  "Do not threaten something that you're not willing to follow through on."  "You have zero control over him. The only thing you can take care of is you."   

Send us Fan MailOn-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreThe Law of Sustainment refers to the principle that your ability to maintain progress towards your goals is closely tied to your self-image and identity. If your inner beliefs do not align with your aspirations, it can lead to inconsistency and failure to achieve lasting change.Put slightly differently: It says 'If you see yourself in a certain way, you'll find it hard to sustain lasting change'.Can you identify with anything in this poem?The world's finest Apple  A poem by Julian R. Smith"You must learn that you cannot be loved by all people You can be the finest apple in the world - ripe, juicy, sweet, succulent - and offer yourself to all. But you must remember that there will be people who do not like apples.  You must understand that if you are the world's finest apple, and someone you love does not like apples, you have the choice of becoming a banana. But you must be warned that if you choose to become a banana you will be a second-rate banana. But you can always be the finest apple.  You must also realise that if you choose to be a second-rate banana. There will be people who do not like bananas. Furthermore, You can spend your life trying to become the best banana - which is impossible if you are an apple - or you can seek again to be the finest apple".What is clear is that somewhere in the past, something happened - usually in the childhood development period. You now find yourself trying to please people - to fit in and be accepted. You try to present a version of you to the people in the 'system' you are currently interacting in, in order to be accepted.If that means changing from being an Apple, to a Banana, then so be it. Being accepted in that grouping is the most important factor. Therefore you constantly metamorphorise in order to please and be accepted.The problem: You never identified and evolved into being the real authentic you or you lost the real authentic you.So - 'standup the real authentic you' - becomes futile because the real authentic you is not known. 'Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all' - will get the response - 'Well it's all those others, isn't it!'The Russian doll image best illustrates the protected Inner child deep inside the layers - being protected from the hostile world.Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Help is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, what neuroscience says, neuroscience, sex, sex addict, porn, recovery, porn addiction issue, porn addiction in teens, sex addiction in teensSupport the show

Send us Fan MailOn-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreIn this episode, let's say it all in poetry.My Brain And Heart Divorced – John RoedelMy brain and heart divorced a decade ago over who was to blame about how big of a mess I have become eventually, they couldn't be in the same room with each othernow my head and heart share custody of meI stay with my brain during the weekand my heart gets me on weekendsthey never speak to one another– instead, they give me the same note to pass to each other every weekand their notes they send to one another always says the same thing:“This is all your fault”on Sundays my heart complains about how my head has let me downin the pastand on Wednesday my head lists all of the times my heart has screwed things up for me in the futurethey blame each other for the state of my lifethere's been a lot of yelling – and crying so,lately, I've been spending a lot of time with my gutwho serves as my unofficial therapistmost nights, I sneak out of the window in my ribcageand slide down my spine and collapse on my gut's plush leather chairthat's always open for me~ and I just sit sit sit sit until the sun comes uplast evening, my gut asked me if I was having a hard time being caught between my heart and my headI noddedI said I didn't know if I could live with either of them anymore“my heart is always sad about something that happened yesterdaywhile my head is always worried about something that may happen tomorrow,”I lamentedmy gut squeezed my hand“I just can't live with my mistakes of the past or my anxiety about the future,”I sighedmy gut smiled and said:“in that case, you should go stay with your lungs for a while,”I was confused– the look on my face gave it away“if you are exhausted about your heart's obsession with the fixed past and your mind's focus on the uncertain futureyour lungs are the perfect place for youthere is no yesterday in your lungs there is no tomorrow there eitherthere is only nowthere is only inhalethere is only exhalethere is only this momentthere is only breathand in that breath you can rest while your heart and head worktheir relationship out.”this morning, while my brain was busy reading tea leavesand while my heart was staringat old photographs I packed a little bag and walked to the door ofmy lungsbefore I could even knock she opened the door with a smile and asa gust of air embraced me she said“what took you so long?”~ John Roedel -----"It isn't that they can't see the solution. It is that they can't see the problem." — G.K. Chesterton.-----"To have a right to do a thing is not at all the same as to be right in doing it." — G.K. Chesterton-----"It isn't that they can't see the solution. It is that they can't see the problem." — G.K. Chesterton-----"Action springs not from thought, but from a readiness for responsibility" — Dietrich Bonhoeffer-----“It sounded an excellent plan, no doubt, and very neatly and simply arrangedThe only difficulty was, that she had not the smallest idea how to set about it....” (Alice in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll)Get some help from The Kairos Centre. Support the show

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Send us Fan MailOn-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreMany people think that pornography consumption is harmless. Studies, however, have proven that regular consumption can have a negative impact on the brain. Prolonged exposure can alter brain structures, brain functioning and therefore, behaviour patterns. (A Recovery Programme is all about rewiring the brain).Frequency of use, existing or prior mental health conditions, age of exposure and the type of pornographic content, are important factors. Porn impacts a developing brain differently than a mature brain. Such matters as violent porn are factors that does a different type of impact. Changes in the reward centre, cognitive functioning and emotional regulation are key areas of interest in neuropsychology.The Pleasure and Reward Centre: The brain's primary reward neurotransmitter is Dopamine and it is released during pleasure activities whenever you experience pleasure. Repeated release of dopamine over time, alters the reward centre of the brain. You will find that over time, you desire more stimulus to achieve the same result. Regular use of porn causes highs and lows and the brain starts to create new patterns that drive a person to continue watching porn. It remembers the reward.Cognitive Function: Individuals who suffer from compulsive use of porn, often struggle with cognitive functioning. There may be impaired decision-making, but they do not know it. For example, going after the immediate short-term gain, despite the much bigger potential consequences which is all so apparent and a seemingly illogical decision to take such risks. There may be cognitive blind spots where you cannot so readily disurn the negative consequences of the behaviour; instead, going for immediate gratification - rather than delayed gratification; even trashing own personal values, moral codes and ethics.Emotional Regulation: The difficulty regulating emotions will show up in constantly reaching out for the quick fix of porn viewing, Sex or Love Addiction behaviours, to regular emotions; thereby, reinforcing the well grooved out neural pathway pairing which has taken place. Remember that the Frontal/Pre-cortex/logical reasoning decision-making part of the brain has gone offline during the 'Acting out'. Major bridge-burning decisions are being taken in the Limbic area of the brain. 'I feel, so I do'. When the behaviours are brought to an end and the Pre-Cortex comes back online - hearing you ask it the question - "What a waste of time. Why did I just do that?". It's reply will be - "Why are you asking us. We were offline at the time!"Neurological Impact of Porn Addiction: Neuropsychology and neuroscience are the fields which feed us the explanations about these dynamics, which explores how the brain and nervous system shape behaviour and cognition. MRI Scans have demonstrated the potency of the generated Dopamine, Serotonin and Oxytocin mix effect on the brain - as a similar impact to illegal drugs. I might be somewhat provocative with my clients (forewarning them beforehand!) - that they are in fact 'drug addicts'. They are not addicted to illegal street drugs, but have become addicted to the potent neurochemical (self-manufactured chemicals) in the body, generated from the sex and porn behaviours.Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Help is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpKey words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sexSupport the show

Send us Fan MailOn-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreThe antidote to Narcissism is Empathy. (Sympathy and Empathy are very different). Narcissism and Empathy cannot co-exist at high levels together in the same person. (Both cannot be seen being used at high levels in the same person). There will always be a high level of one and a low level of the other. Make sure Empathy is the one that is practised at a high level, in how you do life. (You will need some help to do change to achieve it!)This second definition of NARCISSISM which I use is rather academic and wordy, but it works for some clients:"Narcissism is a psychological disorder associated with grandiosity, a need for admiration and a lack of empathy. Narcissistic traits tend to run on a continuum. A higher psychologically functioning narcissist is often successful and charming but may have intimacy problems in relationships. A person who has a more severe form of narcissism may appear nearly delusional with their grandiosity and may act out destructively when they feel criticized. Narcissistic behavior involves much idealization and devaluation. Characteristics involve grandiosity, entitlement, lack of empathy, idealization of self and devaluation of others.Narcissistic damage occurs when a child's vulnerable and developing core sense of self is not seen and reflected back by the adults around him/her. Each child is born a unique individual with special gifts and personal challenges, multi-layered and both simple and complex. For any one layer to develop, that part of the child needs to be seen, heard, understood and valued. Parents have to be present to be mirrors—to bear witness and reflect back. Healthy, grounded parents help young people build a frame of reference for living. When a parent's own woundedness and unmet needs override their ability to be present to a child or a parent's undeveloped parts of self render them unable to respond to a child's vulnerable and authentic needs, the child's core sense of self can be lost, fragmented or undeveloped. The loss, fragmentation and lack of development of the core sense of self is the root of the narcissistic wound. Raw, broken, undeveloped and lost, we enter a cold cruel world ill-equipped to relate, define fulfilment from the inside out and connect with the spirit of life. When our primal wiring meets the world we live in today characterized by disconnection at personal, family and social levels, we experience a helplessness and aloneness that is beyond what we are biologically prepared to embrace. Narcissistic wounding is sometimes referred to as the emptiness wound".Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Help is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, what neuroscience says, neuroscience, Support the show

Send us Fan MailOn-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreHere is my mathematical formula - as we look at Narcissism:SHAME + NARCISSISM = SEX, PORN, LOVE ADDICTIONI am not saying that those with Sex, Porn, Love Addiction are Narcissists. (Some may have NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder)). What I am saying is that all of my clients with Sex, Porn, Love Addiction, have traits which come out of NPD.Most of my clients will initially reject the suggestion that they have such traits - (me, myself & I focus) - until I explain the definition. Here is one of the definitions of Narcissism which I use. (In a past episode, I gave you the shorter simplified definition). This one is the longer, much more academic version:"Narcissism is a psychological disorder associated with grandiosity, a need for admiration and a lack of empathy. Narcissistic traits tend to run on a continuum. A higher psychologically functioning narcissist is often successful and charming but may have intimacy problems in relationships. A person who has a more severe form of narcissism may appear nearly delusional with their grandiosity and may act out destructively when they feel criticized. Narcissistic behavior involves much idealization and devaluation. Characteristics involve grandiosity, entitlement, lack of empathy, idealization of self and devaluation of others.Narcissistic damage occurs when a child's vulnerable and developing core sense of self is not seen and reflected back by the adults around him/her. Each child is born a unique individual with special gifts and personal challenges, multi-layered and both simple and complex. For any one layer to develop, that part of the child needs to be seen, heard, understood and valued. Parents have to be present to be mirrors—to bear witness and reflect back. Healthy, grounded parents help young people build a frame of reference for living. When a parent's own woundedness and unmet needs override their ability to be present to a child or a parent's undeveloped parts of self render them unable to respond to a child's vulnerable and authentic needs, the child's core sense of self can be lost, fragmented or undeveloped. The loss, fragmentation and lack of development of the core sense of self is the root of the narcissistic wound. Raw, broken, undeveloped and lost, we enter a cold cruel world ill-equipped to relate, define fulfilment from the inside out and connect with the spirit of life. When our primal wiring meets the world we live in today characterized by disconnection at personal, family and social levels, we experience a helplessness and aloneness that is beyond what we are biologically prepared to embrace. Narcissistic wounding is sometimes referred to as the emptiness wound".Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Help is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, what Support the show

Send us Fan MailOn-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreSex - Addict, maybe you really are not yet at the 'ACTION' stage, as you think you are! 'Tools for 'ACTION' won't work if that is not the STAGE you are at. Let's look at where you might be at, despite turning up at the Therapists office because you have been caught and you have the Damocles sword over your head from the threats to leave and take the children - from your partner; or you have had the early morning knock at the door from the police and you are in the Criminal legal proccess and need to show to the system that you are taking steps to quit.Presenting for therapy does not mean you are ready for change and or to give up the behaviours. You see the 'need to give it up', but the 'desire to give it up' is lagging behind.I am multi-talented and do brain surgery on all of my Sex Porn Love Addiction clients. I explain that I am going to cut round your skull; lift off the top; remove your brain and put your brain on the chair next to you. (Don't forget to take it when you leave!)Why do I do something so bizzare? Because I want you to know that your brain (we also call them “Parts”), is not your best friend all of the time. It is well intended. It is seeking to look after and protect you; but it does not always make right or best decisions for you in the moment.There are times when it will work against you. It will sabotage. That is why I encourage all of my clients to build in “Treats & Rewards” into their programme of change. Over time, of the brain experiencing treats & rewards for small incremental good outcomes, I hope (eventually) to entice the parts of the brain to Start to work with you. It likes treats & rewards for good outcomes. Make sense?There is another reason for doing brain surgery. I want to have a conversation with my clients, but I don't want their brain to hear. I need to tell them something, but if their brain hears it, the brain may receive it as permission to Relapse. I don't want to unwittingly give them that message.But I do want them to hear that all the stats will tell us that most individuals do not achieve sobriety at their first attempt to change any behaviour in their life. Usually there are a number of repeated attempts. Learn to get up, dust off and get back in. Remember 'The Potholes Poem'? Request a copy from me, if you need it.What are those 'STAGES OF CHANGE ' you are talking about Gary? The Stages of Change in behaviour occurs gradually. A person moves from being uninterested, unaware or unwilling to make a change (Pre-contemplation), to considering change (Contemplation), to deciding and Preparing to make a change. Genuine determined Action then follows. Endeavours to Maintain the new behaviour occur, as well as the potential for Relapse snapping at its heel, to upset the journey towards life-long change.  Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.,Help is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, relationships, relationship counseling, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, sex addict, porn, recovery, porn addiction issue, relationship issues, sexual, trauma, ptsd, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Support the show

Dr. Rob and Tami answer questions about co-regulating, couples healing, betraying partners who continue to minimize and resources to help betrayed partners move forward. They also address maladaptive behaviors and coping mechanisms, the power of curiosity in diffusing defensiveness, and the importance of honoring the grief and anger that comes with betrayal.    TAKEAWAYS: [:50] How can I tell if my partner is becoming regulated again?  [6:27] Physical signs that your partner is getting upset.  [9:20] What is defined as a crisis, and when do you talk about it?  [18:20] What is the practical difference between addiction and problematic porn?  [21:45] Why is your spouse not your priority?  [27:43] The power of curiosity in diffusing defensiveness.  [31:30] Three follow-up questions about recovery resources.  [33:10] Is there any hope for a future that is not dominated by betrayal?  [38:10] Honoring the grief and anger that comes with betrayal.  [45:46] How can I get past the egregious images of his betrayal?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES "It is the addict's responsibility to set aside their own crisis until the partner feels heard and supported."  "The more you grow in your recovery, the more capacity you will have."  "How are you supporting yourself?" And if he's not listening to you, do you have people in your life who are?"  "Your relationship may never improve, but you don't have to feel damaged."  "Even if your partner chooses not to do the work, that does not have to define who you are."   

Chelsey Brooke Cole and Tami discuss narcissistic personality structure and how to identify if someone is a narcissist. They consider myths of narcissism, the narcissistic cycle and how hoovering shows up, and the look and feel of various narcissistic types. They then answer participant questions about narcissist behavior, options for healing, and a realistic look at a future in a partnership with a narcissist.    TAKEAWAYS: [1:20] Hoovering and other narcissistic buzzwords.  [3:58] Chelsey's personal experience with narcissism.  [5:01] Debunking common myths about narcissism.  [9:20] Typical behavoirs of a narcissist.  [13:20] The defense mechanisms for the insecure, fragile ego of a narcissist.  [19:53] Characteristics of the six types of narcissists.  [25:05] Sex addiction and the narcissist.  [31:57] The narcissistic cycle of abuse, including hoovering.  [37:49] What triggers the Hoover phase?  [48:37] What happens if you decide to stay?  [49:45] Are there drawbacks to seeking a narcissist diagnosis?  [51:27] How can you gray rock a narcissist so they don't get escalation tactics?  [53:02] Is it a bad idea to point out narcissistic tendencies in your partner?  [54:09] Is narcissism treatable?  [56:17] Does my partner's behavior indicate narcissism?  [58:10] Do narcissists know what they are doing?  [1:00:21] What is the best approach to address the abuse of narcissistic traits used to self-protect and control?  [1:02:03] Can a narcissist develop empathy for their partner, and what does treatment involve?  [1:04:31] Is narcissism a mental health condition?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES "Narcissism is not a diagnosis, it's a personality style and trait."  "All narcissists, even the ones who will self-report having high self esteem, are subconsciously insecure pathologically."  "Narcissistic abuse is like being in the middle of a tornado but not knowing it's a tornado."  "Feeling desperate is not the same as being accountable."  "Real accountability ends with you, Hoover statements always end with them." 

In this episode of the podcast, Dr. Ryan Moyer speaks with clinical psychologist and author Dr. Cortney Warren about her new book, Letting Go of Your Ex: CBT Skills to Heal the Pain of a Breakup and Overcome Love Addiction. They discuss why breakups can feel so destabilizing, how longing for an ex can begin to resemble an addiction, the past experiences and thinking patterns that increase vulnerability to love addiction, and practical strategies for healing after the end of a serious relationship. Why Do We Do That? is a psychology podcast that deconstructs the human experience from the perspectives of social scientists, psychologists, and others that use applied psychology in their work. Web | Patreon | YouTube | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter 

Send us Fan Mail- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreLove me in five ways: (See my Book - The Art of Loving)Most of us operate out of emotional love. Our love is conditional. Loving self comes first. If you do not love yourself, it is not possible to love someone with the high level of love you think you have for them. It is deception to think that we do love our partner, whilst not really able to say that we love our self. Learn to love yourself first. Individual counselling may be necessary to help you on the journey.Learn to love and then learn the art of practising love. Learn it well and then spend a lifetime discipline, maintaining and perfecting it as your love affair. We know that the English word love is much over used. We use it for loving a meal as we do for loving our partner, the pet or ice cream. Using one word in that manner is a recipe for misunderstanding and certainly lacks precision in what we are trying to express.We can compare that to the way the word love is broken down and used in the Greek language. Historically the Greek language used at least five words precisely and quite distinctly to describe the various facets of love.By looking at each of those different word descriptions we can build up the identifying features of all the components that the word love should contain and demonstrate in all healthy, progressive and fulfilling relationships. Those five words for love are Epithumia, Eros, Phileo, Storge and Agape.Every couple's love life should have all five facets of these aspects of love. Each is distinct, but inter-related and overlap. Each reinforces the other. EPITHUMIA: (The sexual love): Epithumia is a strong desire - of any kind. It is a longing for something or someone. It is to set one's heart or desire upon. It has components of coveting and to lust after. It can be a strong, lustful and physical sexual desire. EROS: (Romance): Eros has been corrupted by the English word “erotic”. Eros is the driver for the romance in the relationship. Sometimes sensual, it is the desire and feeling of wanting to be together and yearning to unite.Eros is romantic, passionate and sentimental. It is the driver which causes lovers to write love poetry, love notes and give pet names to each other. It only keeps working as long as there is reciprocation and we can see benefits.STORGE: (Security): Storge is a most valuable and expensive gift. It is a relationship which will always be there for you, despite being rejected by others; a safe place/haven. It is the need (which we all have) to belong or to be a part of a close knit system with people who care, are loyal and sincere. It is a relationship which provides emotional refuge from a world which can be cold, harsh and hard.PHILEO: (Fellowship/Friendship): Phileo is the love one feels for a cherished friend of either sex. This love is conditional and is reactive to what it sees in the other. It is a love which cherishes and has tender affection for the beloved, but always expects a response. AGAPE: (Unconditional): Agape is the fifth of our five loves. At some point in a relationship, we may be tested harshly indeed by a crisis. Perhaps for a longer period than we could have imagined or expected we have tried to love the unlovable. We are starkly face to face with a situation of “for better or for worse”. Unlovable traits show up in the partner. The toll on you has already been great. Agape is the totally unselfish love that has the capacity to give and keep on giving without a reciprSupport the show

Send us Fan Mail- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreTools for repairing The Sex Addiction impacted couples relationshipCouples get into a conflict dance of words and emotions, mostly because of their Attachment Fears - fears of being Abandoned. The conflict of words is rarely about the actual subject matter in dispute.  There is an under current of despair. It is rarely about the top left off the tooth paste or leaving the toilet seat up. Have a read of the Book “Hold me Tight” by Dr Sue Johnson.What goes wrong when love goes wrong. The clue is often in the childhood development years. Insecure Attachment is often at the root of the issues. Depleted Core Emotional Needs is a common feature. What are those 'Loves' which go wrong? Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service & Physical Touch.What is 'the childhood Development years: From birth to just after puberty. Templates get set up, which we practice and then take with us into adulthood, to form our pattern of responses; but they may have worked in childhood, in family, up were not exportable into the new couples relationship.What are those Insecure Attachments? Anxious Attachment, Avoidant Attachment & Dismissive/Fearful Attachment. The ideal outcome from childhood Development should have been 'Secure Attachment'.What are those Core Emotional Needs? The top 10 of them are Acceptance, Affection, Appreciation, Approval, Attention, Comfort, Encouragement, Respect, Security & Support.Everyone of these issues have been looked at by me in past episodes. Go search them out.Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Help someone: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, what neuroscience says, neuroscience, young adults, sex, sex addict, porn, recovery, porn addiction issue, porn addiction in teens, sex addiction in teens, sex hormonesSupport the show

Joining me on the podcast this week is leading Latina psychotherapist, Christine Gutierrez, LHMC. Christine is the founder of Christineg.tv, an online hub that features psychologically-savvy and soulful advice. Christine also specializes in love addiction which happens to be the topic of today's episode. In this episode, we talked about healing from love addiction, Christine's own experience with it and how she now helps clients move through the healing process. We also touched on codependency and love addiction red flags. It's clear through my conversation with Christine that she has worked hard and tirelessly on learning how to trust in herself and lean into her biggest self. I'm happy to share our conversation with you.  In this episode you'll hear: What love addiction is, how Christine's early childhood experiences ultimately led to love addiction, and how she got on the path to healing The distinction between healthy, falling in love and love addiction Some tips and tools for women struggling with love addiction Christine's journey to helping other women heal, the merging of the mundane and divine and what the word Diosa means to her How to experience more fierce love in your life (and what fierce love is, exactly) Resources from this podcast:Christine's websiteJoin my email list for info on upcoming writer's program Christine Gutierrez, MA, LMHC, is a Latina licensed psychotherapist, self-worth expert, and thought leader. Gutierrez is also the author of the book I Am Worthy,  I Am Diosa: A Journey to Healing Deep, Loving Yourself, and Coming Back Home to Soul and the affirmation deck Wisdom Del Alma. Christine has a Bachelor's degree from Fordham University in human behavior and development and a Master's degree from City College of New York in mental health counseling with a focus on prevention and community. Through her work, Christine offers group coaching, corporate wellness, transformational retreats such as her annual Diosa Retreat in Puerto Rico, and soul-based business mentorship in her annual Madre Diosa Legacy Council. In addition, Christine is the founder of the forthcoming app DIOSA a global community where like-hearted women gather to meet soul sisters, gather in circle, and rise together. She has been featured on the Kelly Clarkson Show, Latina Magazine, Yahoo Health, Ebony, Cosmopolitan for Latinas, Oprah Magazine, Entertainment Online, Telemundo, and others. Christine currently resides in Puerto Rico.  Book recommendations:I love a good personal development book, and you do too, right? I've compiled a list of book recommendations, as mentioned in past episodes. Check out these amazing book recommendations here. Happy reading! MSN is supported by:We love the sponsors that make our show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: andreaowen.com/sponsors/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Send a textOn-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreIn the 1950's Eric Berne began to develop his theories of Transactional Analysis (TA). He said that verbal communication is at the centre of human social relationships and is a transaction. He called it Transactional Analysis. This is our ingrained voice of authority, absorbed conditioning, learning and attitudes from when we were young. We were conditioned by our real parents, teachers, older people, next door neighbours, aunts and uncles and those in authority.It is a model about people and relationships - based on two notions. The first -  that we have three parts or 'ego-states' to our 'personality; secondly, that these converse with one another in 'transactions'. We each have internal models of Parents, Children and Adults within us. Those roles are played out with one another in our relationships. Many of our problems come from transactions which are unsuccessful.When you are trying to identify ego states, words are only part of the story. To analyse a transaction you need to see and feel what is being said as well, since only 7% of meaning is in the words spoken. 38% of meaning is from the way that the words are spoken and 55% is from facial expression. Beware of cultural differences in body-language or emphases that appear 'Parental'.Parent: There are two forms of Parent we can play. The Nurturing Parent is caring and concerned; often appearing as a mother-figure (men also play out that role). They seek to keep the Child contented, offering a safe haven and unconditional love to calm the Child's troubles.The Controlling (or Critical) Parent, tries to make the Child do as the parent wants them to do. They may also have negative intent,Adult: The Adult in us is the 'grown up' rational person who talks reasonably and assertively, neither trying to control nor reacting aggressively towards others. The Adult is comfortable with themself.Child: There are three types of Child we can play. The Natural Child is mostly not self-aware and is characterized by the non-speech noises they make (yahoo, whee). They like playing and are open and vulnerable. They are the curious and exploring; always trying out new stuff (often much to their Controlling Parent's annoyance). Along with the Natural Child they make up the Free Child. The Adaptive Child reacts to the world around them, either changing themselves to fit in or rebelling against the forces they feel.Conflict: Problems usually occur in crossed transactions, where each is talking to a different level of ego state. Watch out for crossed wires, as this is where conflict arises. When it happens, try to go to the state that the other person is in, to talk at the same level. For rational conversation, move yourself and the other person to the Adult level. The parent is either nurturing or controlling. Often speaks to the child in their adaptive or ‘natural' response. When both people talk as a Parent to the other's Child, their wires get crossed and conflict results. The ideal line of communication is the mature and rational Adult-Adult relationship. At the core of Berne's theory is the rule that effective transactions (ie successful communications) must be complementary. The problem: Being a Controlling Parent invites the other person into a Child state where they may conform with demands. There is also a risk that they will be an Adaptive 'naughty child' and rebel. They may also take opposing Parent or Adult states. Be a Nurturing Parent, talking at thSupport the show

In this episode, we sit down with trauma psychotherapist Dr. Janie Lacy to talk about a topic many women quietly struggle with—toxic relationships and love addiction. As therapists and women who've navigated our own relationship journeys, this conversation hits close to home as we unpack what truly defines a toxic relationship and why these dynamics can be so hard to recognize or leave.We also explore the roots of love addiction, trauma bonds, and attachment wounds—and why even strong, successful women can get stuck in painful relationship cycles. Dr. Lacy shares insights into the healing process and how women can rebuild self-worth, break unhealthy patterns, and move toward healthier relationships.Episode Highlights[0:00] – We welcome Dr. Janie Lacy and introduce today's conversation on toxic relationships, love addiction, and healing.[2:28] – Dr. Lacy explains what defines a toxic relationship—and why unhealthy behaviors often become normalized.[8:30] – We explore where the line is between normal relationship struggles and toxic patterns.[11:50] – A discussion on power imbalance and how attachment styles shape relationship dynamics.[15:04] – We discuss financial dependence, traditional roles, and whether economic imbalance creates unhealthy relationships.[21:21] – What love addiction is, why it's not in the DSM, and how obsessive thinking and fear of abandonment appear in relationships.[26:59] – Why we mistake intensity for intimacy—and how it keeps people stuck in painful cycles.[31:22] – The impact of gaslighting and how it makes people question their reality.[36:40] – Trauma bonds and why toxic relationships can feel chemically addictive.[37:22] – Dr. Lacy explains the difference between self-worth and self-esteem.[39:20] – Inside the Women Redeemed program and how group work and deep healing support recovery.Links & ResourcesDr. Janie Lacy WebsiteDr. Janie Lacy InstagramIf today's discussion resonated with you or sparked curiosity, please rate, follow, and share "Insights from the Couch" with others. Your support helps us reach more people and continue providing valuable insights. Here's to finding our purposes and living a life full of meaning and joy. Stay tuned for more!   Ever stayed quiet to keep the peace and felt yourself disappear? The Cost of Quiet is for anyone who avoids conflict and pays the price. Reclaim your voice, strengthen your relationships, and experience real peace. Order your copy and join the movement: https://www.colettejanefehr.com/new-book

Send a textMore on unconscious Couples collusive fit dynamics of attractionBy ROSIE IFOULD, 1 August 2011http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2020944/Do-fight-like-cats-dogs-Or-half-pedestal-How-identifying-couple-type-transform-love-life.html#ixzz36JbJ34V9Most of us take on set roles in our relationships whether we realise it or not. We like to think that every relationship is unique. Experts have identified six different ‘couple types' that we all fall into.Psychologists say, identifying the type of couple type we are — or would like to be — holds the key to a happy relationship and being able to understand our own needs and those of our partner.The kind of couple we find ourselves in is largely influenced by what we've experienced growing up. We can't help but take on board how our parents behaved.Often, we recreate the roles of our mothers and fathers. If you grew up seeing your father worship your mother, you might expect the same from your relationships. CAT AND DOGThis couple fight constantly. They can be screaming at each other in front of you and you say: “Why don't you split up?” And they turn in unison and ask you: “Are you mad?”They enjoy the cycle of fight and make up (often accompanied by passionate sex). If one partner has an affair or does something to disrupt the trust, this becomes the relationship from hell.THRILL OF THE CHASEThe pursuer/distancer couple, in which one partner is in pursuit of the other, trying to secure their attention and affection. One pretends they don't want to know and the other enjoys the thrill of the chase. They take it in turns to play the pursuer or distancer. Whenever one senses the other is losing interest, they will switch. What drives this couple is a fear of being seen as needy. They can develop a dependency on one another.PARENT AND CHILD"I've three children … including the one I'm married to!" They feel responsible for nurturing their partner, who they regard as less capable. It may occur when one partner becomes vulnerable — for instance, after they are ill or lose their job.The parent partner is attracted because they feel that in caring for this person, they have found a purpose in life. Parenting isn't just about nurturing, it's also about control.IDOL AND FANEverything is black and white for this couple. One person is all good. Everything about them is wonderful and the other person worships them. One adopts the role of worshipper to boost the other's self-esteem. The idol may collude in telling the fan they are inferior and will never find anyone else to love them. This kind of relationship can be short-lived because there's no room for either to develop.BABES IN THE WOODThese are two individuals who recognise great similarities in each other. It's a pattern typically found in new relationships or where the partners may feel insecure. Perhaps they've been hurt in the past, so security appeals. Often described as the best of friends, with a strong, united front. They can be so focused on each other that it's difficult for anyone else to penetrate their world, including friends. THE GROWN-UPSThis is a functional relationship between two mature people at ease with their differences and with little interest in conflict. They are sensible and accommodating. These two will never have to face Support the show

Send a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreUnconscious Couples Collusive fit - of attraction to each other. Identify with any of these dynamics in your partnered relationship - now or in the past?Henry Dicks suggested that there are three areas involved in a couple fit: A public fit of social class, ethnicity and education between couples.Each partner will have had different experiences from childhood. Both of the partners may have had attachment issues from childhood and have separation anxiety, but they may have different coping styles. One might be compulsive anxious attachment, one might have compulsive fearful avoidant attachment and both may struggle trusting an attachment figure.Babes in the Wood: Cling together in the face of impossible odds. Unconscious rejection - repressed anger within relationship - expressed anger at people outside the relationship by partner one. Unconscious rejection - repressed against anger within relationship - expressed anger at people outside the relationship by partner two.They often look the same and will behave in a likeable, affable manner. A couple such as this see all the bad things in the world as belonging in the outside world and not part of themselves. They keep anything bad out of their relationship. The world literally is a “big bad wolf” to them.Net and Sword: The ‘net' shows all the love & tries to encompass, control or placate the sword. Conscious rejection - deny need or yearning for other by partner one. Conscious yearning by partner two. The relationship works well until one partner owns up to their denied feelings & decides they will not be responsible for the others unexpressed feelings. There is Conscious rejection deny need or yearning for other the by partner two.One partner shows all the love in the relationship and the other all the rejection. One partner expresses all the denied emotions that the other cannot or will not express. This relationship works well until one partner owns up to their denied feelings and decides they will not be responsible for the others unexpressed feelings, often plunging the other into confusion or profound feelings of loss. (One of them has moved the goalposts).Cat and Dog: Characterised by anger, rejection & other destructive emotions. Both are only conscious of the bad in each other. Conscious rejection - deny need or yearning for other by partner one. Conscious rejection deny need or yearning for other by partner two. They often will not separate because they fear they cannot or will not be able to find a relationship with anybody better.Yet they fight. (Like Tom & Jerry cartoon). It is portrayed in Edward Albee's play "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf", and is characterised by anger, rejection and a host of other destructive emotions. Both are only conscious of the bad in each other and their lives seem like a war zone. (Very similar to the relationship which Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor lived out). Intimacy is regulated by conflict and they often will not part because they fear they cannot or will not be able to find a relationship with anybody better.In these relationship 'fits', the couple relationship is marked by parts of themselves that they are denying; counselling can help the couple “re-fit” their relationship.Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Help is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpKey words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, Support the show

Send a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreMate/Partner selection, Collusive/Couple fit and all that: Why did I choose you and not someone else on planet earth?"I have never met you before or hardly know you, yet in a room of 100 people, I gravitate to you". How does that happen?My reply as a Therapist: "Because you 'promise' (or hold the potential) to fix and supplement an aspect of me which needs what you have - but I am not going to tell you that and make myself vulnerable."Say what? Yep."So you are saying that we gravitate to sameness (to compliment each other), as well as differenceness (to supplement my perceived deficits) - which I don't want you to know about and even I don't necessarily and consciously want to own that fact?"All very odd. Yep - because most of that dynamic lives in the unconscious, which is what Therapy with The Kairos Centre helps you with - to move as much from the unconscious into the conscious; so that when it is now in the conscious, you get the opportunity to try to do something about it; but just because it is now in the conscious does not mean you will be able to change what is now visible - quickly. It takes take to effect change.Why? Because you are going after patterns of behaviours set up in the childhood development period, where blueprints and templates were established and set in place and practised into adulthood. "So my thoughts and behaviours are going down a predictable course because of repeatedly practiced patterns of behaviours which have become neural pathways and it takes time to change well entrenched and well established patterns of behaviours which have become neural pathways?". Yep. You got it."Little wonder then that I set about trying to avoid getting it wrong again (by choosing that wrong type of partner) and to avoid that, I go to extreme opposite ends of the spectrum of attributes and blow me, I end up with someone where the same negative behaviours eventually show up again. Oh - yuk"!Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Help is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, what neuroscience says, neuroscience, young adults, sex, sex addict, porn, recovery, porn addiction issue, porn addiction in teens, sex addiction in teens, sex hormones, Support the show

Dr. Eddie Capparucci and Tami explore the uncomfortable truths of emotional regulation, the importance of sitting with emotional discomfort, and realistic expectations for betrayal addicts and their partners to see improvements in their relationship. They then answer listener questions about  emotional regulation techniques, timeframes, and the motivation behind seeking to be an emotionally regulated partner in a relationship.    TAKEAWAYS: [1:33] The hard truth of staying emotionally present.  [4:34] Roadblocks to developing emotional leadership.  [7:08] What emotional leadership isn't.  [10:29] What emotional leadership is.  [18:30] Your partner is seeking safety, not explanations. [20:33] Dialogue for emotionally stable conversations.  [22:35] The role of healthy conflict in healing.  [28:19] "You are asking a lot of the betrayed partner."  [33:32] The person in pain and grief never gets to take a timeout from the nightmare. Why should their partner?  [35:17] Is this a slip or relapse?  [38:36] How can I better manage my emotions in the moment?  [40:20] How long should recovery work take?  [43:02] How can I correct after I become disregulated?  [45:43] How long will it take to feel confident and see results in my relationship?  [47:40] My partner ran away, how long should I give him to process?  [49:58] Body language recommendations.  [53:47] How do I know if emotional regulation techniques are working for me?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES "You cannot establish emotional leadership if you can't emotionally regulate yourself."  "Emotional leadership is not about winning. It's about the way you handle emotional distress when things become uncomfortable."  "Safety, not explanations, is what your partner's nervous system is seeking in order to regulate."  "You can be factually correct and absent at the same time."  "Demonstrating emotional leadership is not a one-time performance."  

Send a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreFrom where did you get your Sex Ed knowledge back there during the developing childhood years, which you have been following through and repeatedly practising in adulthood? Was it 'Peers, banter and porn' which set up your sexual template, long before school Sex Ed - which got there way too late; the deed was already done. You give a wry smile when asked about Sex Ed at home from parents! For most - there was none at home; for others, if there was, it came way too late.Once the five senses of sight, smell, taste, touch & sound brings images and experiences onto the brain - those 'firsts' have already set up the templates - which will then be repeatedly played out in adulthood sexuality, as being 'right' and 'works'. Not necessarily true. They are templates, but they may not be accurate of 'right'. They are just what your brain experienced as 'first time' and the template is set up (whether wanted or not) and will reproduce and reproduce; churning out the same old, same old - 'seems to work'; (but you know it isn't working as you want it to work!The setting up of those templates during the childhood development period are called sexual myths. Sexual myths need to be unlearned. Then replaced with accurate knowledge about human sexually and physiological responses. That is what The Kairos Centre provide, when its Therapists are wearing a different hat and skill set called Psychosexual Therapy. (I use the shorted term of 'Sex Therapy').It can be transformation, when (for the first time) you experience Sensuality, Intimacy, Romance, Deep Love & Affection - at a must higher level (after cleansing out the dross); which is so fulfilling on its own; and you haven't even had sex yet!Come and see and experience it for yourself. Then you will have eyes to see and body to feel the difference of 'sex gone wrong' all those years that you have been doing it!Help is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, what neuroscience says, neuroscience, young adults, sex, sex addict, porn, recovery, porn addiction issue, porn addiction in teens, sex addiction in teens, sex hormones,Support the show

Send a textValentine's Day expectations in marriage often go unspoken — and that's where disappointment begins.In this episode, Christine explores how waiting for your spouse to meet expectations without clear communication can create quiet resentment. You'll learn how to examine what you truly want, share your desires with clarity, and use Valentine's Day as an invitation for deeper connection rather than pressure.Christine also discusses how to express love without conditions, take care of your own heart when expectations aren't met, and start honest conversations that build intimacy over time.Resources mentioned:– Gentle Start Guide to Better Communication– Courageous Love Conversation

**This Episode is for entertainment purposes only, and is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified healthcare provider with any questions regarding a medical condition. **

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centrePart 5 of 5 of an interview with Caroline Brown of -  This Crazy over 40s Life - a Black & ethnicity perspectiveHere is a portion of an article by Lauren Dubinsky - Founder of Good Women Project: What I Wish I'd Known Before Watching Porn, 2012 "Pornography is a charged subject, and it's a word that rarely crosses the lips of most women. Yes, there are now breeds of the modern woman who watch, talk and joke about it regularly, but most of us still stay farther away from speaking the word than we actually stay away from it...... but statistics show that, at least in Australia, more than one-third of pornography viewers are women. Just last week, I received an email from a girl who leads a small women's group; they'd just discovered that every single one of them were watching porn.When I was in high school, pornography was on the long list of "bad things" that I didn't know much about -- and unfortunately also on the list of things I had participated in. Never mind why I was watching it, the how is the same for nearly all of us: We stumbled upon it because of someone else. And none of us knew what to expect, or how to handle it.I wish someone had talked about how women watch it too, so I wouldn't have had to spend years living under the shame that comes with being "the only one" and thinking there was something wrong with me....."What are the psychosexual issues that we work with as Sex Therapists, which young people are storing up and manifests in their twenties.Erectile Dysfunction: Inability to get or keep an erectionDelayed/Retarded ejaculation: Inability or 'long' delay in being able to ejaculatePremature Ejaculation: Coming too quicklyVaginismus: Inability for penis to enter the vagina due to vaginal musclesDyspareunia: Female pain during vaginal penetrationSexual Desire Disorder: Little or no desire for sexLack of Orgasm: Inability to reach an OrgasmSpectatoring during sex: Coaching self during sex and so not fully presentGenital/body dysmorphia: Belief that genitals are not 'normal'Spermaphobia: Fear of ejaculation and specifically spermEurotophobia: Aversion to/fear of female genitaliaSickle cell Priapism: Ejection failure to reduce and is longlastingVulvar painGet some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Help is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, what neuroscience says, neuroscience, young adults, sex, sex addict, porn, recovery, porn addiction issue, porn addiction in teens, sex addiction in teens, sex hormones,Support the show

Dr. Rob and Tami talk about compulsive liars in this week's episode and the reasoning behind someone who can't seem to tell the truth. If you are a betrayed spouse to someone who regularly lies and deceives, it can be hard to understand why lying can be the go-to safety mechanism for protection. Dr. Rob explains further in this episode why some addicts just can't stop lying.   TAKEAWAYS: [:30] Why is sex addiction not about sex? [3:35] I had a relapse and my partner is fed up. I want to build trust again, but she just doesn't believe me. What can I do? [9:20] You have to want recovery because you'll be doing it for a long time. [12:10] Does it make sense to have a marital absence if my partner has a porn addiction? [15:30] If you don't feel safe with someone and if you don't trust them, don't have sex with them! [17:10] My husband lies about his recovery. He's not doing the work! [22:45] Is your partner a lost cause? Dr. Rob can help. [23:00] I think he's a compulsive liar. Is this connected to his addiction?   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss  

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centrePart 4 of 5 of an interview with Caroline Brown of -  This Crazy over 40s Life - a Black & ethnicity perspectiveCovid-19 contributed to a significant increase in the compulsive use of porn in 10 to 75 years old. Women gravitated to webcam usage during lockdown – maybe coerced by partners making it seem like a necessary substitute. Many such females do not yet know they might be addicted until they try to stop.What is this thing called “Love Addiction”? Well, I believe it is all about trying to fill an Insecure Attachment need. What's that? Set up in childhood development where the bonding with key parental figures was not 'good enough'. “Say what!'. There may be a high level of sincere motivation to stop, but the physiology demand for its chemical fix, situational triggers and disturbing/upsetting feelings, causes a PART of the personality to sabotage. Logic goes offline. There is little care about the demands of the other PARTS of the personality. "I see, I desire, I want, so I take" kicks in. Immediate gratification rules.So, a lot of women worldwide, have become addicted or have a compulsion towards porn, but do not realise it. Arguably, there is greater 'Shame' for women, who then need to go deeper under ground and sty 'hidden. Stay means hide/hidden - don't tell or be found out. Remember SHAME + NARICISSISM = SEX ADDICTION.Some interesting stats from BACP Mindometer 2025 News from BACP: This annual survey into the state of the nation's mental health identified that almost two thirds (64%) of therapists say the public's mental health has deteriorated over the past year. Nearly all therapists identified financial pressures and the rising cost of living as major contributing factors, while 83% reported that war and global conflict have also negatively affected people's wellbeing.The survey gathered insights from almost 3,000 members, highlights several emerging trends:62% of therapists who work with men with addiction said they noticed a rise in alcohol addiction over the past yearOver half (53%) of therapists who work with men with addiction said they noticed a rise in porn addiction over the past yearWhat a shame the questions were focussed primarily on men. Interesting isn't it!In August 2024, BACP published its Addictions Competence Framework, identifying specialist knowledge, skills and abilities that counsellors require to effectively support adults living with addictions.  Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Help someone: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, what neuroscience says, neuroscience, young adults, sex, sex addict, porn, recovery, porn addiction issue, Support the show

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreWhat is 'Manly'? A conversation with Damian Andrews of SHAIR.Care Podcast (Australia) in 2023.Therapy is about you not me.What do you want from Therapy? Are Fetishes or Paraphilia activities to be included? Where does your view come from? Is it your view or a 'hand me down?'What is for sure is that Therapy won't work until you are ready. But if you take too long (as the masses do), then the hand grenade may go off in your face and then you are left picking up shrapnel. Picking up shrapnel is to be re-active. What might shrapnel look like? It could be: getting caught by a partner; found out by an employer from office PC activities; the early morning knock by the police for viewing Child Sexual Abuse Material.Better to make conscious choices, even if wrong choices; (at least you know you made those choices and so, can own the fallout). Don't let lack of choice be done to you because you did not chose the activities, but they were done to you. You then own the repercussions. Make sense?CBT= Cognitive Behaviour (Therapy). The Cognitive (your thinking) will always come before Behaviour (the action). Change your thinking before trying to change Behaviour. If you can change your Mind, you can change your life.Whichever addiction you are caught up in (whether Alcohol, smoking, eating, sex, porn, seeking out connection with love, drugs, phone, gambling or gaming), the craving to use are not under direct conscious control. The neuro-chemicals or self induced chemicals take over and demand repeat fix. I see, I desire, I want, so I take, kicks in – where “Immediate gratification rules again.Design your sobriety with help from The Kairos Centre. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Help is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, what neuroscience says, neuroscience, young adults, sex, sex addict, porn, recovery, porn addiction issue, porn addiction in teens, sex addiction in teens, sex hormones, Support the show

Through purpose-driven, self-honoring choices, we can reclaim our autonomy and replace old love addiction patterns with the self-love we truly crave and deserve. Empowering ourselves with the gift of a solid foundation, we build a life that's defined by our own rules, not someone else's. To unsheath the sword that slays people-pleasing and love addiction patterns, Harvesting Happiness Podcast Host Lisa Cypers Kamen speaks with Britt Frank, a clinician, speaker, and trauma specialist, and the author of The Science of Stuck. Britt describes a powerful approach to taming the inner critic and ending the cycle of people-pleasing. She shares strategies from her corporate work to describe the purpose-driven process of gaining authentic leadership over doubt about our self-worth. Like what you're hearing? WANT MORE SOUND IDEAS FOR DEEPER THINKING? Check out More Mental Fitness by Harvesting Happiness bonus content available exclusively on https://harvestinghappiness.substack.com/ and https://medium.com/@HarvestingHappiness.

The Wake Up London Podcast continues with a rich and honest conversation with Ian Sneath — an ordained practitioner in the Plum Village tradition, working at the intersection of Plum Village practice and Insight Leadership.In today's episode, Ian is interviewed by co-hosts Leo and Lucy, and together they explore themes of trauma, self-love, Internal Family Systems (IFS), addiction, and more — with warmth, courage, and real depth.

Debbie McRae and Tami tackle ‘betrayal brain', the intrusive thoughts, and emotional flooding that often accompany betrayal. When the brain is in survival mode, neurological and psychological effects are out of the betrayed partner's control. They discuss tactics to regain control when the brain is hijacked.    TAKEAWAYS: [1:26] When betrayal occurs, the architecture of the brain is reshaped.  [4:50] Warning signs of betrayal brain.  [5:46] Four areas of the brain are affected by betrayal.  [10:45] Triggers can occur even when the relationship feels safe.  [12:07] Regaining control when the brain is hijacked.  [25:37] Self-compassion practices and therapy after betrayal.  [27:30] The betrayed partner has no control over how the brain is going to react. [31:41] Keeping regulation expectations simple. [33:54] Does my PTSD and anxiety make it harder to overcome betrayal brain?  [40:12] What boundaries can I enact with a sex addict who is breaking the law? [46:17] Handling abandonment to create safety.  [49:10] How can I increase my functionality to what it was before PTSD?   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES “When betrayal occurs, it shatters trust in an instant.” “Even neutral interactions that the betrayed partner is experiencing can be triggering.”  “The betrayed partner has no control over how the brain is going to react when it senses threat.”  “Self care is brain care.”   

In this weekly Sex and Intimacy Q&A, Tami and Erin Snow answer participant questions about sex, intimacy, addiction, betrayal, and more. They consider timelines in recovery, what full disclosure entails, and how to know if your partner is an addict or just a full-blown jerk, or both.    TAKEAWAYS: [:30] Is this seminar only for partners experiencing betrayal?  [3:55] How do I know if my partner is an addict or just an a**hole?  [7:25] How should I define my inner circle behaviors after chem sex recovery?  [12:09] My wife can't get over my affair, it's already been 10 months.  [19:50] Can I trust that my husband suddenly has no urges to act out?  [27:10] My husband says he'll tell me anything that I ask him about. Was his disclosure incomplete?  [31:52] Do you suggest a 12-Step program for the betrayed partner? It's not my fault!  [35:55] Can you clarify between a porn addict and a sex/love addict?  [44:10 How long does recovery take on average?  [49:19] Can recovery happen without a formal 12-Step program?   RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES “She's not going to believe that you're not sexually attracted to them when she doesn't believe anything you say right now.”  “The action that it takes to rebuild trust takes time.”  “You may not be enmeshed in your partner's behavior, but you are deeply involved.”  “What matters most is the quality of the time that you are spending on your own individual work to heal and to rebuild trust.” 

In this episode, Kristen is joined by Dr. Etel Leit, a human communication researcher and award-winning entrepreneur, to explore the roots of love addiction, how obsession and self-neglect appear in relationships, and how to reclaim a sense of self.   https://dretelleit.com/   When you purchase Dr. Etel Leit's book through these Amazon affiliate links, you're helping support the podcast at no extra cost to you:    1. UnAddicted to You: Loving Yourself Through the Darkness: https://amzn.to/4oRZr9N   2. The Emotional Code: https://amzn.to/3XWdzEg   3. You are My SignShine!: A Complete Guide to Using Sign Language to Connect and Communicate with Hearing Babies and Children: https://amzn.to/44y9I3U   4. Where is Water?: The Daddy and Papa Family: https://amzn.to/3KW7PHr   5. Where is Water?: The Single Daddy Book: https://amzn.to/499n4WR   6. Where is Water?: The Mommy & Daddy Family: https://amzn.to/4rYPxWP   7. Where is Water?: The Single Mommy Family: https://amzn.to/4aQt4F6   8. Where is Water?: The Mommy & Mama Family:https://amzn.to/3KYkREi     Subscribe and get a free 5-day journal at www.kristendboice.com to begin closing the chapter on what doesn't serve you and open the door to the real you. This information is being provided to you for educational and informational purposes only. It is being provided to you to educate you about ideas on stress management and as a self-help tool for your own use. It is not psychotherapy/counseling in any form. This information is to be used at your own risk based on your own judgment. For my full Disclaimer, please go to www.kristendboice.com. For counseling services near Indianapolis, IN, visit www.pathwaystohealingcounseling.com. Pathways to Healing Counseling's vision is to provide warm, caring, compassionate and life-changing counseling services and educational programs to individuals, couples and families in order to create learning, healing and growth.

Connect with Leanne on Social Media:    Enroll in the Collective: The mentorship space for ambitious career women who are ready to break addictive love patterns for good: leanneoaten.com/membership Watch my free 20-minute mini-class: Break the Emotional Grip of Toxic Love: leanneoaten.com/detox Instagram: www.instagram.com/awakeningwomenofficial/  Facebook: www.facebook.com/awakeningwomenofficial/ Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/theevolvedfeminine and https://www.youtube.com/@awakeningwomenofficial Website: leanneoaten.com    Leanne Oaten is a former Registered Professional Counsellor with a background in Counselling Psychology and has over 13 years of experience counselling and coaching women. This podcast is for high-achieving CEO, entrepreneurial women who refuse to settle in a life that looks successful on the outside but feels empty on the inside. If you're juggling business, career, family, and a relationship that doesn't light you up while secretly craving more freedom, more abundance, and more joy - this is the podcast for you. I help women reclaim their power, build unshakable self-trust, and create the kind of life they no longer want to escape from. We're not here to hustle harder or burn it all down, we're reinventing ourselves and our lives from power. We're no longer focused on changing men, or fixing ourselves for men,  we are building for ourselves so that we never settle again. We're here to make power moves with ease, and feminine energy that attracts everything you want without losing yourself in the process. So if you're ready to stop waiting for him to change, stop negotiating your worth, and start embodying the woman you want to be, welcome home. Let's dive in.  

Dr. Skip Speer and Tami talk about doomscrolling and hopescrolling, the features of each, and how to tailor your algorithm to lift you up at every stage of recovery. They then answer participant questions about sex addiction, including narcissism, gaslighting, and therapist obligations as mandatory reporters.    TAKEAWAYS: [1:49] Doomscrolling versus hopescrolling – how to engage in what serves you.  [7:01] Using your phone to numb out? Try this instead. [8:50] What is the difference between a CSAT and a regular therapist?  [13:25] Do we really need a couples therapist?  [20:24] The importance of accountability in therapy. [26:57] Programs for sex addiction with narcissistic traits. [37:25] The danger of denial in recovery.  [41:03] Dealing with a sex offender changes the recovery game.  [44:49] Key differences between narcissism and sociopathic behaviors.  [46:45] How can I financially separate myself from my betraying partner?  [50:05] My partner is looking at underage porn. Should I report him?  [54:33] Is the term 'gaslighting' used too loosely?  [56:30] What are the obligations of a mandatory reporter?  [58:30] What is the likelihood that underage porn addicts will ever ask for help if they know they will be reported?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES "It feels better to comfort than confront, but at the end of the day, recovering addicts need accountability."  "In real recovery, we're looking for anything that is problematic or helping us escape in unhealthy ways."  "You know what your partner is not willing to do. So what are you willing to do?"   

Dr. Skip Speer and Tami answer participant questions about missing a partner who has betrayed you, strategies for opening up in honest and helpful ways, timelines for dedicating time to recovery resources, and appropriate dialogue to have with family and friends during recovery.    TAKEAWAYS: [1:04] What is my role in holding the pain of my betraying partner?  [6:50] Seeking Integrity resources that are available to navigate unhealthy relationships.  [7:58] What treatment options are available to a narcissistic sex addict betrayer?  [13:24] How and when should we approach discussing our situation with family and friends?  [17:10] How can I open up as the betrayer and address the tough topics with my partner?  [23:37] Do I need to discuss being a 12-Step sponsor with my spouse?  [27:20] Is it normal to miss my betraying spouse?  [30:51] How can we navigate my partner's addictions with our children?  [36:15] Which support groups offer accountability instead of enablement.  [43:29] Can betrayed partners have traits of love addiction?  [44:31] How can I avoid getting pulled in to my sex addict partner's lies?  [50:02] How do I know when it's time to adjust the amount of time we spend on recovery resources?  [54:14] How can I possibly initiate sex after the years of my partner's betrayal?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES "If a person is willing to engage in therapy and get in and do the work, there is hope."  "The more you focus on healing for you, the faster you will heal."  "Things may be bad, but they will get so much worse if you keep holding onto it."  "No addict changes unless the pain of changing is less than the pain of staying the same."   

In this powerful call-in episode of Dr. Judy WTF, Dr. Judy unpacks the difference between being in love and truly loving someone. She explains why the dopamine-filled highs of infatuation can feel like a drug, why those “butterflies” rarely last, and how real love is built on stability, shared values, and emotional safety. Using her Mind Map® system and attachment theory, Dr. Judy traces how childhood wounds, “holes in the soul,” and inconsistent parenting create anxious and avoidant attachment styles that play out in adult relationships.A courageous caller shares how growing up with emotionally unavailable parents led him to repeatedly fall for partners who don't have time for him. Dr. Judy walks him through her “What the Freud”® repetition principle—why we keep choosing rejecters and secretly hope they will finally heal our original pain. She also explores whether the in-love feeling can come back in long-term relationships, how to rekindle sparks with date nights, play, sex, and shared growth, and why becoming the cause of your healing (instead of at the effect of others) is the real path to healthy, mature love.

Dr. Jessica Lamar, Licensed Mental Health Therapist, explores unseen wounds and understanding disenfranchised grief and betrayal trauma. What is disenfranchised grief, and why does it matter? Dr. Lamar overs betrayal trauma, emotional and psychological impact, healing, and support strategies. She and Tami then answer participant questions about grief and boundaries, conversations and resources that are available to help navigate grief.    TAKEAWAYS: [:30] Intro. [2:58] Defining ambiguous loss – am I even in grief?  [4:40] Disenfranchised grief is a loss that is not openly acknowledged, socially validated or publicly mourned.  [6:02] Examples of disenfranchised grief as it relates to betrayal trauma. [11:30] Ambiguous losses that are associated with betrayal trauma.  [13:56] When betrayal occurs, the resulting grief is often disenfranchised.  [15:47] Statements that are commonly heard in disenfranchised grief.  [18:36] The psychological and emotional impact of disenfranchised grief.  [24:12] Strategies for empowering ourselves after loss.  [27:34] Common ways we invalidate grief after betrayal. [29:45] How can I validate myself in my grief?  [37:04] Interventions to help navigate disenfranchised grief.  [41:35] What resources are available to better understand and process grief.  [44:20] What dialog can we use to better communicate with extended family members who will not allow space for grief?  [47:35] How can I navigate anticipatory grief when I don't know what is actually going to happen?  [48:55] How can I ever start dating again after betrayal?  [50:49] What if the person who feels unsafe to me is a therapist?  [52:28] What is appropriate to say to our adult children?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES "When a loss isn't socially recognized, the grieving process can be isolating and difficult to navigate."  "The lack of validation can make the pain even more isolating."  "When we are alone with our betrayal trauma and our grief, we can start to invalidate our own feelings."  "Navigating disenfranchised grief and betrayal trauma requires real, intentional effort to heal."  "No one has the right to tell people what is or isn't a loss."   

S4 Ep#32Want to be a guest on the podcast? Send Andrew a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/member/anonymousandrewpodcastPlease buy me a cup of coffee!Proud Member of the Podmatch Network!SummaryIn this episode of Digital Dating, host Andrew engages with Sherry Gaba, a licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist, to explore the complexities of love addiction, codependency, and the challenges of modern dating. They discuss the impact of attachment styles on relationships, the signs of toxic relationships, and the importance of self-love and healing from past traumas. The conversation also touches on the role of digital dating apps and the evolving landscape of finding connections in today's world.Sherry Gaba, LCSW and Transformation Coach contact and links:Author of Love Smacked:How to Stop the Cycle of Relationship Addiction and Codependency to Find Everlasting LoveInstagram: @codependencycuriousTo get her free E-book click hereSherrys Website!Anonymous Andrew Podcast StudiosDigital Dating Podcast w/Anonymous AndrewCultimatum Podcast-The Culture of CultsThe Weekend Rant with Anonymous AndrewAnonymous Website:Discord Chat Invite Link: https://discord.gg/mS7RAe4gGDInstagram:TikTok:Threads:Facebook:YouTube:Linkedin:X: @AAndrewpodcastGraphics design & promotions: Melody PostMusic by: freebeats.io

Ever heard of the "bird theory"? Jaime Moyer is joins us and enlightens us on it. Plus, learn that Emily Dorezas' medium is felt! Join us for an in-depth recap of an EPIC episode of The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. Amy, Jamie, and Emily discuss the latest drama, including Heather's bold confrontation with Lisa, Bronwyn's potential fraud storyline, and Mary and Angie's unique friendship. They also speculate about upcoming Bravocon events, share insights on their personal lives, and explore the significance of 'the bird theory' in relationships. Don't miss out on this packed episode filled with laughter, analysis, and some unexpected heartfelt moments!TICKETS to CabarAMY @ The Hard Rock Vegas:https://www.ticketweb.com/search?q=%22CabarAmy%22+Live+Comedy+Show For more Drama, Darling, and exclusive content, subscribe to Patreon:http://Patreon.com/dramadarlingFollow Drama, Darling on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/dramadarlingshow/  Email Drama, Darling with YOUR comments, questions and drama: DramaDarlingz@gmail.com Follow Amy Phillips on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/dramadarlingshow/  Get 15% off OneSkin, go to: https://www.oneskin.co/ Code: DRAMAJones Road Beauty, modern Day clean makeup. JoneRoadBeauty.com Code: DRAMAStart your mental wellness journey today with Rula, visit: https://www.rula.com/drama/

We talk to blockbuster bestselling author Elizabeth Gilbert about her latest book —a compelling memoir that’s impossible to put down. Resources & links related to this episode: All the Way to the River by Elizabeth Gilbert Check out the new Happiness Project tools Liz Gilbert's Substack newsletter: Letters from Love Gretchen's Substack newsletter: Secrets of Adulthood Get in touch: podcast@gretchenrubin.com Visit Gretchen's website to learn more about Gretchen's best-selling books, products from The Happiness Project Collection, and the Happier app. Find the transcript for this episode on the episode details page in the Apple Podcasts app. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Delanie Fischer chats with Brittany Moore, who shares her experience being married to Steve Moore, a past guest on Self-Helpless and someone who has struggled with porn addiction (and now helps others overcome it). She describes how she found out, the impact it's had on her, and where her and Steve are now after 20 years of marriage. Plus: + The Unexpected Way Brittany Found Out  + The Signs She Noticed But Didn't Understand + Potential Isn't Enough, You Need This Too Self-Helpless on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/selfhelpless Your Host, Delanie Fischer: https://www.delaniefischer.com EPISODES RELATED TO THIS TOPIC: Is It Porn Addiction? Inside the Impact, Neuroscience, and Recovery with Steve Moore and Mark Kastleman: https://www.delaniefischer.com/selfhelplesspodcast/episode/2230ec70/is-it-porn-addiction-inside-the-impact-neuroscience-and-recovery-with-steve-moore-and-mark-kastleman 7 Shocking Truths About Codependency And Addiction with Heidi Rain: https://www.delaniefischer.com/selfhelplesspodcast/episode/24c74079/7-shocking-truths-about-codependency-and-addiction-with-heidi-rain Sex and Love Addiction with Sex Addiction Therapist, Alex Katehakis: https://www.delaniefischer.com/selfhelplesspodcast/episode/316e9795/sex-and-love-addiction-with-sex-addiction-therapist-alex-katehakis When You're A High Functioning Addict (And Modernizing The 12 Steps) with Dr. Samantha Harte: https://www.delaniefischer.com/selfhelplesspodcast/episode/233469a8/when-youre-a-high-functioning-addict-and-modernizing-the-12-steps-with-dr-samantha-harte Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, I'm diving into the brain chemical that rules our lives: dopamine. Pulling from Dr. Anna Lembke's Dopamine Nation, Andrew Huberman's research on addiction, and the book The Molecule of More, we'll cover:✨ Why dopamine isn't about happiness—it's about wanting more✨ How love, sex, drugs, and TikTok all hijack the same system✨ Why the honeymoon phase feels like a drug… and why long-term love feels different✨ The dark side of dopamine: addiction, tolerance, anxiety✨ How to reclaim dopamine for creativity, ambition & joyWhether you're addicted to your phone, chasing love like it's cocaine, or just trying to understand why Oreos are impossible to eat “in moderation,” this episode will make you laugh and maybe change how you live.