Stretchy Pants and Straight Talk

Join the gals in the last episode of season 2 as they talk about guests they have known and (not always) loved! And, as a special bonus for listeners - sing along with the Sultans of Spandex and non-alcoholic drinks that Sparkle to a few of their favorite refrains from Hamilton!

We know there are tricksters among us (you may even be married to one of them) but few can compete with Mike when it comes to a good old fashioned prank (or, in some instances, a death-defying dare)! Join the Ladies of Lycra and Fizzy Libations as they talk about the times they’ve been clowned, punk’d, tricked, hoodwinked and dared by the people closest to them.

In this weeks’ episode listen in as the girls talk about a whole lotta nothin’. If you’ve ever said to yourself, “I wish I could be a fly on the wall when Lora and Mae go broad instead of deep and cover topics such as Tim’s cookies, baby massage and bath products, and silly Mike’s phone shenanigans, this ‘cast is for you! Come on ladies, you know what time it is: stretchy pants. Check. Favorite fizzy drink. Check. Tim’s Cookies: https://www.cookiemadness.net/2017/10/05/giant-crinkled-chocolate-chip-cookies/ Lottie’s bath products: https://tubbytodd.com/

In this weeks’ episode, recorded from Lora’s lovely treehouse room, the gals discuss a range of scintillating topics from bathing and baby gear to bacon grease burns and road rash. Grab yourself a cold pop, pull on those crusty quarantine stretchy pants and sit yourself down in front of a house plant (so you can pretend you’re in the treehouse room with the ladies)  - it’s time for some straight talk.

In this weeks’ episode the ladies of leisure serve the tea on the hidden gem of a show - Escape to the Chateau! Listen in as they share their observations and love for charming hosts, Dick and Angel and their beguiling and endearing ways. Looking for your next binge?  The sisters of stretch and soda have got you covered.

In this weeks’ episode the gals dive in to a few of the listener questions they’ve received. You won’t want to miss out on Lora’s response to a listener’s Soft Mama question and a question to Mae on a few of her favorite skincare products!  Links to the items mentioned in the podcast can be found below.  Put on your stretchy pants, pour that fizzy drink and open up the new bag of Trader Joe’s milk chocolate covered pretzels you’ve been hiding from your kids - it’s time for some straight talk! Jordan Peterson – 12 Rules for Life EltaMD UV Clear Facial Sunscreen HoliFrog Tashmoo Waterlily Nourishing Milky Wash Heimisch All Clean Balm

They’re back!  After a short hiatus the stretchy pant wearin’ gals are back with some straight talk on life during a global pandemic and the kindnesses they’ve witnessed or experienced. Take off that mask, and pour yourself a fizzy drink.  You deserve it sister!

What makes a grandmother grand?  What kind of grandmother are you (or what kind will you be)? What lessons can we learn from our grandmothers?  Find the answers to these questions and an exciting, long-awaited grandmotherly reveal in this week’s episode! Put on those stretchy pants (we’ve never taken ours off TBH), pour yourself a fizzy drink and join us on Stretchy Pants & Straight Talk!

Do you need to be liked?  Not unlike George Costanza, most of us do want to feel that others like us (whether or not we like them is another story…).  Normally this is the part where we say, “Put on your stretchy pants” but we know that you’ve never taken them off (thanks COVID-19)! Links to the referenced resources: https://lifehacker.com/how-not-to-care-when-people-dont-like-you-1823964733 https://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/us_5923886 https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/wander-woman/201209/what-do-when-someone-doesn-t-you  

We may not be advice columnists but we have a LOT of (unsolicited) advice to give. This may be why we’re so compelled to read advice columns on the regular. In this weeks’ podcast the gals dissect a question posed to Slate Magazine’s resident advice columnist, Prudie. Put on those stretchy pants and grab your favorite special beverage of choice – it’s time for Stretchy Pants and Straight Talk.

Do you YouTube? In this episode the gals talk about the mind blowing (and expanding) world of YouTube videos (said the mom who is about years late to the party). You’ll also hear about the BEST biscuits ever (made by Nick from a YouTube recipe - see link below) and some of the impressive things others have been able to do just from watching videos YouTube videos. https://youtu.be/wy_dqphsakU

In this episode the gals introduce you to their best ASMR sounds (hint: Lora’s involves her favorite guilty pleasure beverage) and they finish up their two part episode on Free-Range Parenting  by interviewing Mae’s beloved mama, Jacky about her views on parenting. Get comfy friends, this octogenarian’s voice is going to lull you to sleep like a newborn!

In this two part episode of SP&ST the gals dish up some straight talk on the phenomenon known as Free Range Parenting.

What’s in your pill organizer? What is the difference between Vitamins and Supplements? Do you take supplements? Do you know that “Proprietary Blend” basically means “secret ingredients we don’t have to tell you about?” The Vitamin & Supplement industry is more lucrative (and, it turns out,  unregulated) than ever! In this episode you’ll learn which of the straight talkin’ sistas bought in to the hype and dropped some serious coin on “healthy” potions, herbs  and tinctures and which one never took the bait. Any guesses?! And, in a podcast first, the gals conduct their own research by interviewing a molecular biologist who works in the nutritional supplement industry. You won’t believe the scandalous revelations and “dirty” little secrets these purveyors of magic, health-promoting elixirs don’t want you to know. Sit back, put on your stretchy pants and pour yourself a good, ol’ fashioned, chemically-infused Diet Coke. It’s as good for you as that vitamin infused crap you just paid too much for! Sources for this SPST Podcast: - The Dream Podcast “Magic Little Pills” - Vitamania, Christine Price - Dietary Supplements: A review of United States regulation with emphasis on the dietary supplement health and educational act of 1994 and subsequent activity, Brian Scarbrough, Class of 2004, Harvard Law School - Los Angeles Times Column: Orrin Hatch is leaving the Senate, but his deadliest law will live on - Visit consumerlabs.com to learn more about the work they do - Sound editing for  this podcast done by Joel at East Coast Studios  

In this microcast the gals talk about Harry and Meghan’s decision to step away from their royal duties. Put on your stretchy pants and fantasize with L & M about living that Royal Life and the things we’d like to “step away” from.

Winter break is over and we are back for Season 2 in 2020! we’ve missed hearing from you (and we are almost positive you’ve missed hearing from us.) We plan on sharing our crazy spin on advice, strategies and yep, more stories! We hope you even get laughing enough to pee a little. First up this season are some tales of customer service gone wrong and a couple of ideas on how you can get better results than we did (spoiler: faking a panic attack and using the word “escalate” helps). Get on your stretchy pants, and let’s roll!

Join the gals in the last episode of their first season as they discuss aging parents, missions and arranged marriages. Make sure you join us in the near future for season two of Stretchy Pants and Straight Talk! 

The Clarks are moving! In this weeks’ episode the gals discuss Lora’s impending move back to the beautiful Pacific Northwest and ponder a life without Sole Foot Spa and Torchy’s Tacos (unimaginable!). They’ll also share tips on storing memorabilia and find out which of them actually creates time capsules for each of her children.

Have you ever styled yourself a tres chic outfit only to later discover (through photographic evidence) that you looked like Wendy Wood-Troll? If you have you’re not alone! Maelyn and Lora are here for you as the president and co-president of this unfortunate club!  Come along and commiserate with us as we talk about the times when we thought we were cute. 

“Is this the little boy i carried? Is this the little boy at play? I don't remember growing older, What the...hay?” Well that’s not exactly true, because we are feeling every bit our age. Listen in as the gals interview Lora’s millennial son, Zac. Her firstborn, and the baby that was rolled from one side of the crib to the other because Maelyn was nervous about picking him up as a newborn. We hear about His new professional life on Queen Anne in Seattle, his personal pronouns of choice, and how every day moments become celebrations with Meg, his wife. Is he truly in an arranged marriage? Do millennials shop at IKEA? And what really happened that fateful night in a canoe on Bainbridge Island? Listen and find out!  

Ah, the charms and adventure (and also dead animal pits and minor vandalism) of growing up in a small town.  For those of us who have experienced this wonderment those experiences stay with us for the rest of our lives.  In this week's episode the gals will recount their experiences and you'll find out which of the duo exhibited criminal behavior at a very early age.  SCANDALOUS!

Are you an anxious host? (Answer yes if you fear drawer rummaging or repelling pet smells) OR do you love prepping for company? (Answer yes if you love fixing up a spot for your guests) OR maybe you feel both at the same time! Whatever your state of mind, join the gals as they discuss the ins and outs of hosting company. You don’t have to have a lot of money and fancy enamel trays, fresh flowers and fussy linens. All you need to provide is something clean and pleasing to look at; a delicious little treat, and a few other treasures. We got you. Now invite us over!

A vintage Fisher Price collection that consists of the iconic barn and garage, a castle, the hospital (including a gurney and the x-ray machine!), and the cabin (to name just a few) OR some toilet paper rolls, a shoebox and some felt and pipe cleaners. On today’s episode of Stretchy Pants and Straight Talk you’ll learn which of the gals played with the items above in their youth. 

One of Mike and Maelyn’s favorite quotes is from Best in Show when the Jennifer Coolidge character who is married to a toothless nonagenarian describes their relationship by saying “We could talk, or not talk, for hours.” Unlike The Melville’s who enjoy any excuse to talk or not talk to each other, in this episode of SP&ST the gals discuss a TED Talk given by radio host Celeste Headlee titled, 10 Ways to Have a Better Conversation.  In a time when texting trumps the tête-à-tête we could all benefit from a refresher on the art of having good conversations. So, put down your phone, put on your stretchy pants and sit back and enjoy some straight talk on potential pitfalls to having meaningful and gratifying conversations.     

Life. Nature. Communing with God. Napping. These are the sacred things of life (according to Lora and Maelyn). In this episode the gals share their philosophy on napping and the culture of sleep they have imbued in their households by creating sleep routines and  conclaves of comfort to encourage napping; not only for family members but visitors too! They’ll also discuss the importance of routines when raising your babies and what to do when you experience the dreaded “nap strike.” You’ll learn about the tragic “drop nap” (hint: do NOT let this happen!) and all the things that will promote healthy sleep habits For your children. For the love of all that’s sacred (and napping totally is) let the children sleep!

In this episode the gals discuss the phenomenon of the Utah Lifestyle Blogger and the interesting statistics about the Beehive state (plastic surgery, depression, etc.). 

Hey! What’s that down there by your bellybutton? If it’s your boobs you better listen up sister! In this episode of SP&ST the gals talk about their other best friend (and soon-to-be yours too), a GREAT fitting bra. Learn the ins and outs (and ups and downs) of finding the perfect bra. We may be your new best girlfriends but gravity is not.

In this episode rather than hearing about Kiddie Kare Kits (yes, it is an unfortunate acronym) and pre-schoolers packing heat, Maelyn and Lora will discuss their experiences as the employers of babysitters when their kids were young. They’ll share the secrets of grooming the perfect sitter (hint: don’t skimp on their pay you cheapskates!), where to hide the snacks (probably not the best idea if you want to keep them happy) and the things our sitters did that drove us crazy. Allowing your infant to roll off the changing table and bottle propping so you can goof off and ignore your offspring come to mind.  Put on your stretchy pants, pour your fizzy drink of choice and get comfy. It’s time for some straight talk with your new best girlfriends! 

What do you get when you cross an outraged, gun-wielding hell-child with a red solo cup spittoon and a secret sex box? That’s right - you get the babysitting experiences of Lora and Maelyn’s youth! In this week’s episode you’ll hear all about the gals getting hired and fired  and the reason you would not have wanted to babysit for Lora when she was a young mom. 

It’s interview time again!  You’ve already met two of the delightful Clark brothers - Cam and Josh (don’t worry Zac, your time will come) and now it’s time to meet the first (in a series of three) of Maelyn’s strappin’ boys! In this week’s episode you’ll meet the smarty pants Will, currently a student at BYU who, it turns out, has some thoughtfully-formed opinions on Colin Kaepernick and the NFL. You’ll learn which of his siblings he’d want with him if he were ever stranded on a deserted island (hint: it isn’t Madison) and the surprising teacher that had the greatest influence on him.   Like they say - where there’s a Will there’s a podcast interview with his mother and her bestie.

In this episode the besties discuss some of the weird and unexplained things they’ve witnessed during their nearly 30 year  friendship. You’ll hear about the clerk at the Kitsap Mall that appeared to have been mauled by a bear and their brush with an escaped convict (or it maybe it was just some dude doing CrossFit) while enjoying a walk in the Sandia foothills. Listen to Lora audibly clutch her breast as Maelyn talks about the Crime Scene Family Home Evening her family enjoyed (only in Albuquerque!). Hold on tight - things are about to get real weird. 

In the second part of this two-part series, learn what is helpful when a friend or family member is pregnant and needs some cheer (paint her nails!), and what is NOT: Unsolicited belly rubs and judgement on her food choices.  Whether by C-section, or vaginal delivery (Bob Goldthwait refers to that birth as coming down “the Playdoh factory of life”), we’ve all entered this world with a pregnancy story - here’s ours. 

In this two-part podcast, Maelyn and Lora swap stories about their unconventional pregnancies.  This first episode is more than the classic pregnancy battle story of sleep-deprivation and brain fog (although we love us some stories of the brain-damaged things said while in that state) but rather a compilation of stories about the power of Women nurturing Women. The gals talk about the amazing church ladies that descended on Maelyn’s house when she delivered the triplets and the countless hours of sweet rendered service and love that literally kept the three boys (and their demanding big sister) alive! There will also be a few suggestions on what not to say to a pregnant woman (the word “chub” comes to mind). 

In this first episode of the New Year the gals update you on listener Soft Mama stories and introduce you to The Topper. You think you’re having a bad day? The Topper’s day is so much worse. You’ve just lost your home and all of your possessions in a flood? The Topper survived Super Storm Sandy and managed to beat Ebola (and still managed to hand sew her children’s themed Halloween costumes). Give it up sister, there’s no topping a Topper. 

Sit back and listen as the gals interview Lora’s sister, Heather, about the legend that has come to be known as the Second Greatest Story Ever Told. In this  special Christmas episode, you’ll meet the culturally anomalous “Benjamin” who has a penchant for small-talk, calling the shots, and evidently, the left-side.    Enjoy! 

Spoiler Alert:  If you haven't read Tara Westover's book, Educated you may want to avoid this episode since it includes many spoilers. We highly recommend you read this fascinating book! In this episode Lora and Maelyn discuss Educated, a fascinating book by new author Tara Westover. Westover, the daughter of whack-a-doodle, survivalist Mormon parents who eschewed public schools and promoted heavy labor sans protective equipment. Trust in God trumped common sense and the welfare of their children. Her story is one that will both haunt and inspire you. The subject matter had great appeal to the gals, both of whom share similar life experiences with the author including attending school at BYU, being raised Mormon by parents who also taught the importance of hard work and grew up with several siblings. The similarities end there, however, as neither Maelyn nor Lora has operated heavy equipment or scaled terrifying heights to install a roof. They were also never beaten by their brothers (although Maelyn’s pretty sure her brother Casey and his friends made her drink urine from a pop bottle so she could join their club).

Josh Clark (Lora's youngest) is home on medical leave from his religious mission in Brazil.  He joins us for a very informative lesson in ASMR (Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response) and Urban Slang.  One of his pet peeves?  When mamas use slang at inappropriate times and sans strong delivery.  "Ya gotta own it!"  Listen in and learn some "bomb" phrases you can use when others are "throwing hands!"  You'll hear Lora and Maelyn dove-clucking and oohing/awhing in the background as Josh tries on his many accents: British, New Zealand and Australian.  

Is there anything more heart-warming than the annual American tradition of gathering kith and kin to feast upon delectable family recipes, treasured and handed down from generation to generation? Or what about the precious opportunity to express gratitude for one’s family and blessings? How about Thanksgiving in a freezing cold camp trailer sans running water while battling a nasty case of “stomach flu” aka food poisoning, the shocking words from the mouth of a babe, lost and unclaimed children at small-town festivals and light-hearted discussions on death and burial (great suggestion Lora!)? Welcome to Thanksgiving with the Melville’s in a small, Utah town. You’ll never look at Thanksgiving the same way. 

In this bonus Thanksgiving episode Maelyn meets Lora’s unsupervised neighbor Buffy - the product of a soft mama with a penchant for naps, laissez-faire parenting, and a steady diet of Chik-fil-A and the Home Shopping Network. 

Ever wonder what happens when two small-town girls from Utah and Idaho, plucked from their rural, folksy ways (shooting beer bottles at the dump? Blowing up beaver dams with dynamite?), transplanted to the hustle and bustle of the east coast manage to not only survive but also prosper? Wonder no more! In this episode Lora and Maelyn discuss their early married lives in New Jersey and the occasional cultural water-boarding they experience (and let’s be honest, inflict, on their Garden State co-workers and neighbors) as they learn to fit-in with the fast-talking, bagel-loving, down-the-shore going residents of what is now one of their favorite places on the planet – Joisey.

In this weeks’ episode these straight talkin’ Anglophiles celebrate Lora’s 50th birthday in London. You’ll hear all about their high tea experience at the incomparable Sketch, muse over some over the cultural differences (could somebody please turn on the a/c?!) and share a few bonus travel tips. Cheerio! 

Warning: Clown Trigger Ahead In this episode we interview Cam “The Red Wizard” Clark - thus named for his animal magnetism and his ability, though the proverbial middle-child, to wrap us around his little finger. He tells us what it’s like to have “two Moms,” then takes us through the Blood (Eagle Scout blood-drive); Sweat (Texas Boy Scout Camp) and Tears (Shotgun Kickback at Camp) of his Scouting years. He also confronts Lora about her taking “Class Clown” to a whole new (literal) level. He even attempts to psychoanalyze her odd childhood behavior. Put on your stretchy pants. It’s time for some straight talk with Lora, Maelyn (and Cam).

In this episode Maelyn and Lora initiate listeners into the world of Soft Mama. Not to be confused with a “Good-Sized Gal,” Soft Mamas frequently find themselves in situations where they’re victim to their own juvenile offspring. “He’s hitting me!” “She refused to nap after she turned one!” “Go ahead and pee in your pull-up” Soft Mama wearily says to the wee one whilst out running errands. Errands that are so important that mama can’t be bothered to build in “structure.” A note: yes, we are aware of innumerable situations wherein some might be offended by this term and the manifestations of the syndrome. Your child and situation are special. We promise. These rules don’t apply to you and your sweet angel. Editing by www.eastcoaststudio.ca

In this episode Maelyn does a hair-vention on Lora and they discuss several of their favorite self-nurture topics including: the care and maintenance of their coiffures, their favorite massage in Austin, Texas and the secret sacred menu at Torchy's Tacos. 

Maelyn and Lora talk about the serendipitous meeting that brought them together nearly thirty years ago!  You'll meet the infamous pizza-snarfing Mona, learn about Tim and "the letter" and find out what, exactly, Maelyn did to make Mike want to put her on an airplane back to Utah. Welcome to the podcast. You just found your new best girlfriends. Stretchy Pants and Straight Talk.