Konvos with Kiya

2 years! wow! Can you believe it?It's taken me 2 years to step back into my gift. I can admit that it has been way too long. So much has changed in my life since I embarked on this journey to live transparently through Konvoswithkiya in hopes to help women, children and families connect closely through open dialogue surrounding taboo topics. Then boom the anxiety kicked in and I disappeared. Every single time I announced a comeback on the horizon I never followed through. In the midst of the release of my first Children's book, Why Are You Afraid of Me? I find out I am pregnant. Then I become progressively ill throughout my pregnancy. After giving birth my son and I are diagnosed with Covid. I'm hospitalized and my newborn is taken away for 14 days while I'm in quarantine. Complete devastation.Then I hear God say, COMPLETE THE ASSIGNMENT. At first I'm disobedient, I ignore his voice for about a week. I formulate a million reasons why I can't do it right now. A million excuses, A million doubtful thoughts enter my mind. But, the conviction of the Lord is truly daunting. Then one morning, I randomly open my devotional to the topic, BOLDNESS. And here I am open, transparent and reclaiming my BOLDNESS. Welcome to the Rebirth of Konvoswithkiya!Here are a few points from tonight's Konvo with Kiya:embrace the blessings you receive from God. You are deserving of everything he wants to give you.be bold in whatever you have been called to complete on this earth.Remember you are capable!

“Let’s step out and do the things and go the places our dreams take us.”- Zakiya“We are all capable of doing great things.”- Zakiya“God gives us all very special gifts; it’s time for us to tap into our full potential.”- ZakiyaHere I am and I’m back at it! This episode is very personal to me. Season 1 of Konvos with Kiya was embraced by so many people. The love was overwhelming. So much so that I quickly began questioning my capability. Questioning my purpose and wondering what I was truly doing? Me? Zakiya? A podcast? What are you thinking? I began wondering if I could keep the momentum going. Could I continue to keep listeners engaged? I began the cycle of negative self-talk, self-doubt, and sabotaging thoughts. This lasted for months.Sabotage is defined as deliberately destroying. When I read that definition, I realized that was exactly what I was doing to myself. I was intentionally talking myself out of every dream I envisioned for my brand. I began to talk myself out of opportunities and discourage myself out of the many possibilities. I began to demean my ideas, belittle my thoughts and my personal journey. In this episode, Kiya speaks about her fear of thriving. The fear of potentially being great and how the pressure of committing to something new began to weigh heavily on her. As she embarks on Season 2, she keeps her boldness and relatable content that captured the attention of her audience. Welcome to Season 2!Here are a few points from tonight’s Konvo with Kiya:Let’s spend time focusing on our dreams and less time talking ourselves out of opportunities.God has given us all very special gifts! What are we choosing to focus our attention on? Shift our thoughts, our speech, and our attitudes towards the positive.

“Everything is not for everybody and that’s fine.” -Zakiya“There will be someone that will embrace you for what you do.”- ZakiyaWe’ve all heard the saying, “ You are your worst enemy.” I know in many situations I have been my biggest critic. We often hold back or play small due to our self-doubts. Maybe you struggle with toxic thoughts about your capabilities. You feel as though you are incapable of making your dreams a reality. So often we have amazing ideas and a great desire to accomplish big things. Yet, we hesitate to take that leap of faith and make it happen.On this episode, Kiya speaks openly about how self-doubt often rears its ugly head during pivotal points in your life. Often when you’re on the brink of greatness you may hear a voice that tries to distract you from your purpose. Don’t allow self-doubt to deter you from greatness. Push through despite what you might think in that moment. There will always be someone rooting for you!Here are a few points from tonight’s Konvo with Kiya:Self-Doubt will trick you into thinking you’re in this all alone. YOU ARE NOT there are people waiting for you to release your greatness.Everything you do won’t be embraced by everyone and that is okay. KEEP DOING YOU!Focus on the LOVE not the HATE.Don’t be discouraged by other’s opinions. Keep your head high and your eyes fixed on the prize.

Faith. The substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. - Hebrews 11:1 How do you remain faithful when everything is falling apart? What happens when you are trusting God for specific things and you don’t see it happening for you? Humans have a way of looking at other people’s lives and wanting what they have. We often wonder why God hasn’t fully blessed us with our heart’s desires. But, are we truly ready for new blessings? Have we prepared ourselves for what we are asking God for? While waiting on God are you doing your own thing? Are you holding onto past habits or toxic relationships hoping that God will still bless you in your mess? Faith requires you to let go of the cushion and comfort of your past. Trusting when you don’t see an end requires you to let go of familiar places, people, and things. Revisiting the past only hinders you from accessing your future. “If it didn’t fulfill you the first time -chances are it’s not going to fulfill you the second time.”-Zakiya Here are a few points from tonight’s Konvo with Kiya: 1. Trust that there is better in your future than whatever you left in your past. 2.You can’t trust God with one foot in the door and one foot out. 3.We can’t stop trusting God just because we don’t see an end to our situation. 4.Remember God doesn’t give you any more than you can handle!

“Some people were not raised on love; they were raised on survival.” -Zakiya“You cannot force someone to love you the way you want to be loved.” -Zakiya“Love looks different for everyone.”- Zakiya“Love evolves as you grow together in a relationship.” -ZakiyaWhat is love and can it be defined? Is it an action? Is it a feeling? Is it all of the above? Do you know love when you see love? Do you know love when you feel it? Can you receive love? Can you give love?I have heard so many ideas of what people think love is. How it should feel? How someone should express their love. To be quite honest, I don’t think love can be defined. I do not think love looks the same for everyone and in every situation. I think the word love is often misused and abused. People use the word without understanding it’s depth. I am guilty of using the word and truly not experiencing the feeling. How does love play a part in our everyday lives? Our interactions? Our relationships? Our friendships? Do you lead with love or do you lead based on your need to survive? How does your childhood impact your ability to give and receive love? Are you transferring your inability to love correctly to others, your children, or your spouse?Why is love so difficult to define? Yet, most of us desire to be loved at the highest level. That would mean being loved in a healthy way. Here are a few points from tonight’s Konvos with Kiya:Love is open communication. How can you love someone that you cannot talk to?As human beings we cannot task ourselves with the responsibility of fixing another person’s brokenness.You cannot force someone to love you in a way that they’re not capable of loving you.It is o.k. to love a person from afar.

“You never know how important something is to you until it’s placed in jeopardy.”- Zakiya“I have attempted to place people in boxes that they did not belong- then feel betrayed when they misuse my trust in them.” -ZakiyaTrust is defined as “the firm belief in the ability or strength of someone or something. Some people believe trust has to be earned. Others believe give their trust freely believing that once that trust is broken it cannot be restored. When trust is betrayed in any relationship, it leaves a feeling of emptiness. A hollowness in the space where you once held that level of trust in a person. What do you do when someone you admire, love, and have built a relationship with betrays your trust? Can you move forward? Is the damage repairable? Can the trust be rebuilt?In this episode of Konvos with Kiya, join me as I talk through real life situations where my trust was betrayed. Through this conversation, I find myself navigating through very real emotions and finding myself in a space of not really knowing how to overcome my feelings of distrust. One thing that we must always do is remain true to ourselves. If trust is a necessity for you in all relationships then you must stick to your core principles.Here are a few points from tonight’s Konvo with Kiya:Do not compromise your core values to remain in a situation out of love.If you decide to move forward and forgive you cannot constantly revisit the past betrayal. Everyone serves a purpose. Be mindful of the role you allow people to play in your life! Not everyone can handle every part of you.It is okay to forgive; and move-on!

“Establish things calmer without yelling.” - Kameron “I don’t feel good when I yell, it makes me feel sad.”- Zakiya “No one is 100% percent right every time, adult or not.”-Zakiya The way we communicate with our children is so important! I struggle with remaining calm in stressful situations. Honestly, I can admit that I yell. In this episode, Kam and I speak about the negative effects of yelling and how it can impact the relationships we have with our children. As a single mom there are many interchangeable factors and daily dynamics that play a major part in our lives. Kam and I are often on the run between work, school, homework, dinner, basketball practice and just the hustle of life! It can be very overwhelming! How many moms can relate to a never- ending schedule? So how do we keep our cool, parents? How do we minimize our feelings of frustration when our children aren’t doing what we’ve asked them to do? How can we “establish things calmer” (in my Kam voice) ? Identifying when we are wrong in any relationship is important. Admitting you are wrong is key to establishing respect and appreciation. I have learned that being open and transparent with Kam in moments where I have overreacted has allowed us to problem solve and remain close. Accepting that as parents, we still don’t have all the answers can be a life-changing revelation. Let us make a conscious effort to change the dynamic in our homes. Here’s a few points from tonight’s Konvo with Kiya and Kam: Come up with a list of ways to communicate your frustrations with your children. Don’t approach any situation when you are already upset. COOL OFF first! Establish a clear system of communication with everyone in your home. Identify things that trigger you and express those things to your loved ones. (Ex. Leaving dirty dishes in the sink.) Apologizing is IMPORTANT. Don’t brush things off!

We block our own blessings by living our everyday lives in fear.” -Zakiya“You can’t expect another person to see your vision like you see your vision. It’s YOUR vision for a reason.” -Zakiya“God has not given any two people the same vision.” -Zakiya How many of us can honestly say we are content living in our comfort zone? How many times have we found ourselves comparing our path to the paths of others? I am guilty of it too! But. let me tell you, “Comparison will be the death of you.” We have been conditioned to believe that fear is something to be ashamed of. If we are fearful of a person we are viewed as weak, If we are fearful of change we are lazy or complacent. Living in fear keeps us bound to our present circumstances and doesn’t allow our minds to be open to the countless possibilities of life. Join me tonight as speak openly about my personal battle with fear and why living in our comfort zone is dangerous to our growth and development. So many of us have heard, “I just want to be comfortable.” But, staying in our comfort zone will cripple only cripple us and push us further away from our destiny.Here are few points discussed on tonight’s Konvo with Kiya that may help you identify your comfort zone and push you into GREATNESS:Keep a record of your thoughts and ideas! (Write it down.)Create a Vision board and actually keep it VISIBLE DAILY.Short Reminders of your goals posted around your home.Monitor the conversations you engage in! (Words are powerful!)DON’T Check on what others are doing! (Focus on You)

“We are so forgiving of others but do not offer that same grace to ourselves when fall short.”- Zakiya “It’s not what happens-it is how you choose to react to what happens.” -ZakiyaAs we all transition into various stages of life we often face opposition. These trials and tests present us with an option to revert back to unhealthy ways of confronting uncomfortable situations. Let’s face it just because you’re growing doesn’t mean that the old you isn’t lurking within. It is important to be intentional about your growth and the delicate phase of life that you’re in. Recognizing your triggers and simply saying to yourself, “Let me think of strategies that will help me avoid situations, people, places and things that will offset me and disrupt my path.” However, what do you do when you lose your cool? When you let go of what you’ve been working so hard to grasp a hold of? How do you push forward and encourage yourself through your mistakes? Because WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES!It’s important that you forgive yourself! The same forgiveness we offer to others so freely we often do not give ourselves. How many times have you spoke negatively to yourself about the things you have done? Or the way you handled a situation. It’s time we turn those negative thought patterns and words to words of encouragement and self-healing.Here are a few points from tonight’s Konvo with Kiya:FORGIVE you.Know that during your growth process you may FALL, STUMBLE, or REVERT to old ways. DON’T GIVE UP!Grace is simply forgiving yourself and offering yourself another chance to do it right the next time!Write one positive thing about yourself every morning and every night!

“Don’t choose to focus on the 10 billion things that went wrong today, focus on the 10,000 things that went right.” -ZakiyaAs mother’s we often struggle to carve out the necessary time we need to function as human beings. Many of us work full-time jobs; while running an entire household! Not to mention the outside commitments that we have. In a recent article, I read, ‘Black single mothers are dominating Corporate America.’ Can I get a “OH YEA!” for all the hard-working Single-moms out there getting to the bag! This black girl magic is real HUNNAY!However, when we get home and we kick off our shoes the one question that remains unanswered is how in the world are we getting all of this done? Are we truly maintaining a healthy balance? Are we carving time out to cater to our mental stability? Are we intentionally seeking ways to create BALANCE in our everyday life?Lack of balance leaves us feeling burnt out and exhausted. Drained mentally, physically, and spiritually. When you struggle to ease your mind, when your mind is running a mile a minute you need to take the time to reset, reshuffle and make you a PRIORITY! We all need to take the time to invest in mental vacations every now and then.Here are a few points from tonight’s Konvo with Kiya:Carve out a specific time of day to unwind alone.Taking a break is NOT A CRIME.Creating a schedule and sticking to it!RESPECT yourself enough to DEMAND the time YOU need to take care of YOU from your loved ones.

We have all heard the infamous riddle, ‘Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.’ That has got to be the furthest thing from the truth. LET’S be REAL words hurt. Words are powerful and words can have a lasting effect on how we view ourselves. As children, we may have been unaware of how damaging the words of our peers could really be. As an adult, I am still plagued by some of the words spoken to me as an adolescent.It is easy to brush off the comments made by our colleagues, family members, spouses, and friends. Whether intentional or not, words have a funny way of sticking to us. Feelings are real and emotions run deep. In the African American community, we are taught that as long as a person doesn’t physically harm us, it’s all GOOD! We are taught that words shouldn’t hurt as much as a punch to the face. We are told to ignore, to push past emotional pain and carry on as if nothing has happened. To display any type of emotion is a sign of weakness. As we embrace the need to become more empathetic towards Mental Health awareness, let us not forget that our children struggle with pushing pass unkind words spoken to them by their peers, their teachers and at times even us, their parents.In this episode of Konvos with Kiya, Kameron and I engage in a very candid discussion on Mental feelings vs. Physical Feelings. We explore how the words of his peers affect him in school, the role teachers play, and how goal setting can or cannot be effective when in placed in a compromising position away from home.Konvos with Kiya Conversation Starters from tonight’s episode:How important is it for your peers to say kind things to you_________________I say ___________________ to lift myself up when I’m feeling down.Do you struggle with thinking positive things about/to yourself ______________Konvos with Kiya To Do List with your children:Create a list of qualities you love about your child. Share it with them!Set goals together. (Ex., I will take time each day to say one kind thing to myself.)Review your goals nightly as a family. (Goals should be reasonable, maybe 1-3 goals each week.)TALK, TALK, TALK! Talk to your kids about their day! Ask questions, inquire about the types of conversations they are having at school.

“ Why is it that we don’t feel guilty when we deprive ourselves of the time we need to grow?” -ZakiyaWe have all heard that infamous saying, “What you allow will continue.” I’m not sure about you but that reigns true in my life. As I began to purposefully, reflect on areas in my life that I felt were out of control. I deemed it necessary to start drawing the line and placing boundaries on what I allowed, what I invited, and what I tolerated in my daily life.When you think of the word “boundary”, what comes to mind? For me, the image of line comes to mind. That line represents a clear division or a space that I use to protect ME. YES, for me boundaries mean protection. Protecting me is a major priority in my life. I believe if I am not protecting my space and my energy and I am not taking care of ME.Setting boundaries should be your top priority when you are taking a close look at your self-care practices. When you are clear on what you will ALLOW, what you will INVITE, and what you will TOLERATE in your life you can truly begin to focus on self-growth and maintaining a healthy balance within your everyday life.Here are a few points from tonight’s Konvo with Kiya:Your BOUNDARIES must be made clear, spoken and backed up with ACTION!Setting boundaries are essential in order to maintain your mental health.As a mom, you must carve out specific time for YOU to take care of YOU!It is OK to choose YOU!

Here are a few points from tonight’s Konvo with Kiya:1. When you pray and receive your blessings from God, you should never be ashamed to share his goodness with others.2. It’s important to be intentional when sharing your personal space with others.3. We can continue to walk in our purpose and never downplay accomplishments to appease others.

“When I have to switch sides it’s not comfortable. It’s sad when I leave Mommy and then it’s sad when I leave Daddy.” -Kameron, 8 Growing up in a single parent household, My dream was always to have children and raise them with a mother and father in the home. That was the most important thing to me. When I became pregnant and that fantasy did not transfer into my reality, I had no choice but to redefine what family means to me. However, in this episode, Kameron will be explaining how it feels being a child in a split family dynamic.In this episode we explore, his feelings of awkwardness among his peers. He shares how difficult it is to transition from one home to the next. Konvos with Kiya Conversation Starters from tonight’s episode:What bothers you most about living separately?My biggest challenge going from my mom’s house to my dad’s house is ___________.If I could tell my mom and dad one thing I would like to do with them both it would be ___________.“As a parent you have to do things that are going to help your child grow in a healthy manner.”-Zakiya“We have to learn that it is o.k. to talk about things that are uncomfortable with our children.” -Zakiya“It is important to talk to your kids about this, It is important to model what a healthy relationship looks like between two parents. “-Zakiya“Putting your kids first doesn’t mean putting yourself last either. “- Zakiya

Here are a few key points from tonight’s Konvo with Kiya:Anything that God takes away from you believe that HE WILL replace it with something 10 times better!Never forget what it feels like to be without what he’s finally blessed you with! Remain HUMBLE before HIM.If you’re praying for something better make sure you are taking care of what you already have!“Your mistakes are not a blueprint for your life. -Zakiya“Be humble, respect and appreciate your blessings.”-Zakiya