My dog will eat my face

My struggle with my various terminal illnesses has been rather laborious and exhausting lately - removing most of the day through just pure exhaustion. All of these symptoms have worsened as of late, and strange events have seemingly interjected clear warnings of what's to come. However, as I explore these changes and events, I surprisingly find myself in a quite different outcome than what I expected...

I came to a horrific realization lately. I'm dealing with depression (can't imagine why). But what is depression exactly? Is it a hopeless, relentless abyss? Is it a means to improve oneself? Is it useful in any way whatsoever? And most of all, how can it be overcome? I look at all of these questions, among others, in this podcast, and strangely find a source of joy embedded within depression itself, if its managed the appropriate way.

I had a recent discussion with my hospice social worker, wherein the discussion provided a catalyst to me framing my views on the banal of popular culture and general decline of cognition and language skills in society. These incredibly simple (tongue in cheek) topics are pieced together within this podcast, which, incidentally, seems to be the only thing I can do in response to this blight on society.

Don't we all love unsolicited advice? No?! Obviously, I jest. Of course we don't, especially when fighting for your life. In this relatively brief podcast I discuss my interaction with such unsolicited benevolence (as the giver surely must feel that's what it is). In short, Sweet Brown said it best: Ain't nobody got time for that!

This Roman proverb haunted me a but, since it felt like I was physically yielding as my body became more and more weakened by my disease. Does this then make me not brave, but a coward? I broached this subject with my social worker in hospice, and our discussion was surprising, and gave me a different perspective on this subject.

I recently asked myself a very discomforting question within my internal dialogue. But no matter how unpleasant it is, it must be answered - at some point. Here I try to identify the catalyst of when this decision must be made, yet sadly I have no clear concrete options or their associative outcomes. Harumph!

Ever ask yourself, why do we have to get old and die anyway? Why can't we just live forever? Some species on Earth do! So why not humans?Well, in this special armchair science episode, I explore exactly why we MUST get old and die. And the answer sure rubbed my individualistic idealism the wrong way!

I approached the topic of what it is like to be dying in the very first days of my podcast. Years have passed since then, thanks to my particular prognosis, age, and fitness, and now I want to revisit this very early topic again, since I have had much more silvering experience with this topic, sadly.

We always assume a great mind, intelligence or talent is something to celebrate. But, in my personal experience, and according to great minds of the past, isolation is guaranteed trip to isolation. But this, according to those same great minds of the past, is a gift and not a handicap. In this podcast I shall discuss this topic from my personal experience and perspective.

While today's podcast begins with a general health update, share my pity onto those who cannot learn from the wisdom from the past, as if they have had to learn to endure hardship for the first time ever. What a terrible form of self-sacrifice. While no two events can be exactly alike, it saddens me that soo many today take from such lessons so as to improve their own or another's lot.

While I have been away since my last podcast, it was not for anything pleasurable. Rather, it's been quite difficult. But alas, I'm still here, and in the course of this episode, I come to a clear epiphany that both explains my drive, and crystalizes a reason for me to hang on, if I can.

My Friday, the 10th, did not go as I expected. The sudden loss of a normal biological function has indicated severe worsening of my symptoms. The end may be neigh.

New indicia of my heart failing to provide appropriate psychological support. And I'm sorta ok with that.

An analysis of the Saturnalia and the subsequent Sol Invictus pagan holiday (the origin of Christmas), and its relation to my life and terminal, but still alive, status. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/yumyumfaceface/support

I'm facing duel existential threats right now. One physical in nature, the other in financial solvency. This has led me to significant vexation and worry. Yes, worry: one of the most silly emotions of the human spirit. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/yumyumfaceface/support

Health update. And a random rant regarding today's all-present spell casting in our societies! --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/yumyumfaceface/support

Don't get me wrong: I love my counselor and plan to continue to see them. But in a recent discussion with my counselor, I realized there is a part of my world view that sets uneasy with me. I further don't see if there's anything I can do to get past un an unsettling fact. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/yumyumfaceface/support

Here I give a brief health update, no huge surprises. Then, I reflect on what I see as a growing problem in the United States. Many others have spoke of the polarization of this country being so severe, a second civil war may be oncoming. I add, though, what I think the cause is: the inability to see the world through the lenses of others. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/yumyumfaceface/support

This phrase of yesteryear is apparently truer than I could ever imagine. And, for someone with Congestive Heart Failure (CHF), the consequences can be rather unpleasant. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/yumyumfaceface/support

A great man once said, "Some people say that death is like saying 'the party is over.' But that's not quite right; the reality is much worse than that: The party is still going on, but YOU have to leave! It's difficult to deal with day-to-day problems while dealing with physical problems. But, you must do it. Not handling these annoying issues will be done so at your peril. Or your family's or loved one's peril. You'll have to do some "adulting. "Adulting is hard," but you have to do it. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/yumyumfaceface/support

In this podcast I explore my isolation, similar to what I have before. But, the isolation is made worse, more recently, due to several recent factors and epiphanies. I'm not sure if I have a solution, only time will tell... --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/yumyumfaceface/support

Battling my impulsive, reptilian brain is a huge struggle. But if I don't at least mitigate it, I'll spend my last days angry. And who wants that?! --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/yumyumfaceface/support

The Greek myth of Narcissus still remains a warning cry to the modern world, not in just how to not behave, but how to handle those around you who fail to adhere to its warning. How can an ancient story about a quite handsome youth who, when returning from a hunting trip, become so enamored with his own reflection in a lake, reach in to embrace and love himself to only drown, warn to us today? Let's find out how this condition harms not only the practitioner, but those around it. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/yumyumfaceface/support

Here I summarize the reason WHY I publish the podcast, and provide a rather succinct index of my health history. I know I've provided quite a lot before, but wanted to start on the content provider with a solid format that old listeners may learn something new (or better understand) and also provide a background to newbies. This is also a quick statement of how things are today, before I discuss some deeper philosophical ideas and quandaries that have vexed me. First step is to know the condition of reality now, before moving forward, I would think. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/yumyumfaceface/support

Whew.... 30+ days of trying to get the new platform to work. And return to my podcast and gross health news. Yay! --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/yumyumfaceface/support

In this final season episode I will provide a more lighthearted question and answer session as I read various questions I've received from fans. Maybe you?? Either way, all of it is ad libbed, so should be a good celebration of chaos, if nothing else. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/yumyumfaceface/support

My quality of life has taken a severe beating the last few weeks, and has certainly taxed me. While I summarize one most the recent changes here, I don't change my views on my life and mortality. Also, some housekeeping due to technical changes are shared. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/yumyumfaceface/support

The trumpets have sounded, and the horsemen have been set free on the land. Except, I have an extra 5th one for some reason. In this brief podcast, I provide a medical update, and some unnerving symptoms that may be signs that the end is nigh (for me, not you, or maybe you too? I have no idea, I'm just a podcaster). --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/yumyumfaceface/support

Some of my friends and family have challenged my atheism in the last few weeks, when referring to being able to turn around a dreadful crisis that I was in. However, I think another aspect is what truly helped me to see things through, as I attempt to explain here, and conclude it is a far more attainable and liberating strength that any one of us may share... --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/yumyumfaceface/support

As I fight to regain my hospice coverage, while an emotional shooting range, I tried to use a strategy I outlined in Episode 30 on "game theory" in real life, and come to interesting results. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/yumyumfaceface/support

Be forewarned, this podcast will truly test your patience and ability to listen to my incessant rants. But, as Virgil once said, "All things can be mastered through endurance." So it is true here as well! Although I discuss "game theory," I can demonstrate that it applies also to real life, and it leaves me with a very dark, but perhaps unmoving, conclusion. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/yumyumfaceface/support

I fight for my rights to receive treatment needed to stay alive for as long as I can, despite a terrible event exercised by what can only be described as a sociopathic entity. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/yumyumfaceface/support

Further updates to my long battle for my hospice rights and care. If you, or someone you know is in hospice, pondering hospice, or similar situation, this podcast may be quite useful. Or not. You get what pay for, after-all. Your current balance due is zero. Although, I would accept a real large goose egg. That'd make my day. Dunno why. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/yumyumfaceface/support

The day I utmost feared has now come and passed. With it, some fears, but new challenges present themselves. Gee.... just like every other day in life! --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/yumyumfaceface/support

Many things have changed in recent weeks, very suddenly, and not giving much hope. The quote used in the title here, I use with hope that I too am as mistaken as Frederick. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/yumyumfaceface/support

Numerous medical and financial calamities have collapsed upon my life. This episode is merely a "proof of life," so to speak, since so many things are in flux now, I cannot deeply go into it today. To support the podcast please visit www.patreon.com/mydogwilleatmyface or go to the podcast home page on Spotify and select Support This Podcast. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/yumyumfaceface/support

While I provide weekly updates as best I can, I think it's prudent to take a step back, and observe how my condition has changed over the past months or even years. Some observations may be surprising. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/yumyumfaceface/support

After planning a podcast topic this week, I was thwarted at the last moment by an unfortunate event. It's high time I provide the necessary disclaimer: I'm a freak of nature. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/yumyumfaceface/support

Well, I finally got what I've been asking my hospice team for, for many years. Blood work. I didn't get all of the results that I wanted, but what I did get is not unlike being pardoned for your planned execution by quartering, but rather being told you merely only have to endure abacination. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/yumyumfaceface/support

In this podcast I find myself struggling with anger, which has been tearing me down for years. I need to thwart this anger, and not turn to savagery. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/yumyumfaceface/support

I've learned one important thing in my life, and that is to say what you need to say to others when you can. It's not only good best practice, but an obligation we all have. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/yumyumfaceface/support

I dared to have a short conversation with someone who seems to cherish and love their drama and victimhood. How they responded surprised me. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/yumyumfaceface/support

I explore recent issues where I find myself lamenting the loss of my own identity. I question if I need to redefine myself, or has that not really changed? --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/yumyumfaceface/support

I originally planned to not record any podcasts during the holidays, but had to squeeze one in after hearing perhaps the most naive and asinine theistic phrase for the entire previous year. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/yumyumfaceface/support

I'm normally quite "the Grinch" or "Scrooge" this time of year. But, even with physical problems, I seemed to find heaps of laughter and joy. It's not too hard to find. My secret; I'm too lazy to be sad or angry for more than a couple days. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/yumyumfaceface/support

I had a conversation with a hospice nurse I never met before, and she asked how could I be at peace with death. I couldn't give any abbreviated answer, but here is my subsequent attempt to do so. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/yumyumfaceface/support

I share three impactful moments in my life that are prime examples of ableism, a concept I long shunned because it sounded silly to me. But moreover, I resisted any labeling that may cast me as a "victim." Well, I was wrong. Very wrong. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/yumyumfaceface/support

In the episode published close to Thanksgiving, I share a different perspective that I have formulated over the years where having gratitude does not stop at the end of positive experiences. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/yumyumfaceface/support

A continuation of my last podcast, where I try to address the emotional issues that I experience in my long decline with Congestive Heart Failure. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/yumyumfaceface/support

When I begun this podcast some time ago, I composed an episode of what it's like to die of congestive heart failure (CHF). Having now been several years into this long transition, I think this topics could be more accurately addressed today. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/yumyumfaceface/support

Despite worsening health issues, which I will discuss with some brevity, I wanted to share the details of those who I adore with all my heart and who, even now, is the best part of my life. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/yumyumfaceface/support