Screen Actors Guilt

Henry took a break from raising a human person to visit with our old friend and friend of the pod, Alex Gellner!  Two thirds of us actually watched the movie, and the other third gets to try to figure out what it's about.  Maybe they shouldn't cast elderly men as teen boys from now on.

Reunited and it feels so gooooood! For the first time since starting the 'cast, we are in the same room! And what better way to celebrate than with year 2 of our Jolly Old Saint Nick tradition. We highly recommend you join us in watching the 1988 cult classic Vampire's Kiss. Our holiday gift to you.

Distinguished actor Christopher Plummer costars with John Travolta's Very Interesting Hair™ in this dumb movie.

Well I'll tell you one thing right now, this one *definitely* usurps Cool World for the horniest movie prize. Also apparently pudding is something that can be broken, like glass?!

This absolutely baffling movie does everything wrong, but we'll give it this: it NEVER takes its foot off the gas. It's bad and gross and we laughed so hard talking about it.

5% on Rotten Tomatoes? Had to. Not a full-blown atrocity, but it IS the lowest-rated film on Netflix!

88 minutes, 6 red herrings, and a partridge in a pear tree. This was a fun one. My apologies to Francis Ford Coppola.

Want to learn about horse breeding in an extremely roundabout way? Hush has you covered. Lange serves up endless deranged giggles in this thriller flop.

Dungeons, dragons, and a deeply troubling quote from actor Jeremy Irons.

This one is our favorite! It's so bad, we had so much fun. We ran long because there's a lotta meat on them bones.

This one's a little late, but maybe the fact that Michelle inexplicably watched the movie *twice* in 24 hours will make up for that?

The tone of this movie is the color beige come to life. How did they stack the cast like this?

This movie? The grossest. The behind-the-scenes trivia, though? Unbelievable.

This movie might be v. dumb (and also somehow sticky?) BUT it's a pleasant palate cleanser after Shadowboxer. This is our second Steven Dorff flick in two weeks and MAN did that guy need to fire his agent.

We did it, we found the worst movie! The first half is laughably batshit. The second half contains the most shocking scene in any movie either of us can recall.

Is this the most pretentious movie ever or the dumbest? Well folks, it's both. If there is such thing as a "depressing romp" this movie is exactly that.

It's our one year pod-iversary! We cannot for the life of us figure out how Anthony Hopkins agreed to be in this baffling low budget movie. If you can explain the plot of this movie to us you win $10.

It's Michelle's birthday, so as a special gift to herself she picked this $35 mil straight-to-video monstrosity. Enjoy the podcast but for God's sake, don't watch the movie.

Hollywood didn't like this movie but we sure as hell did! Two thumbs way up for this adventurous romp that we would describe as both FUN and CUTE.

This week we are joined by special guest and old friend Alex Gellner to talk lights, glamour, and the shifting time-space continuum that is Burlesque. This movie was real bad, but we think we figured out how to save it.

When you've won two Oscars and your career is soaring, there's only one thing to do: make a high-budget flop about the 10 Biblical plagues. Spoiler: this movie was the 11th, just below head lice.

Three, count 'em, THREE Oscar-winning actors in this movie. So obviously just an all-out quality movie film.

Henry's on day two of a punishing liquid diet and feeling a little loopy, but not loopy enough for this to pass for a good movie. Warm up a cup of broth and join us for a little discussion about P-Cruz and how good muffins smell.

George Lucas's '86 box office bomb really pushes the limits of a PG rating, and the limits of interspecies intimacy.

While this was a very bad watch, you know what WASN'T boring? The IMDB keywords for this movie. 100% worth the price of admission.

What better way to end the year than with the MOST unhinged Cage performance either of us has ever seen. Guys, that's saying something.

You can't talk about Ol' Saint Nick without covering at least one of his bangers. Face/Off is the best type of insanity and we had a peach of a time discussing this week's watch.

As a special holiday treat, for the whole month of December we will be honoring the work of the man, the myth, the legend: Nicolas Cage. Kicking off with a 2019 thriller that’s hot out of the oven, but still half-baked. Stay tuned for part 2 of our 3 part series on Dec 15.

This one's got it all: talking babies, Nazis, an old man in the body of a seven-year-old, and holograms that can pick up and hold a human child!

So two important things...first, Henry discovered the hilarious "parents guide" feature on IMDB. Second...a cat sound effect made its way into the podcast somehow, and it’s way too funny to remove. That’s your Easter egg, enjoy!

Meee-OW, what a watch! This nightmarish CGI frenzy disrespects not one, but two knights of Her Majesty's court. What is a Jellicle cat? Why do these cats have human hands and lips? Join us won't you, for one cat-astrophic episode.

Not only does this movie not feature a single Beatle, it also made us have a meltdown.

An unacceptably horny film.

It's 'SPLOSION TIME! If you're watching along at home, try to count the explosions and the number of times Jamie Foxx wears wraparound sunglasses indoors. This movie is about an evil robot airplane. Please enjoy, we definitely did.

The vote was split on this one. Henry has a real rough watch and Michelle enjoys herself way too much despite the fact that this movie is a chemical fire of crazy decisions. This particular strain of film definitely isn't high enough in THC...Thomas Hayden Church that is.

Bees, bees, millions of BEES! If you love helicopter crashes and watching people get murdered by bees, have we got a movie for you. Henry and Michelle are introduced to a new horror movie convention: the scream-moan. Scroan? Please enjoy.

Diane Keaton delivers an Oscar-worthy performance as a french poodle in the third installment of the Look Who's Talking franchise. Actually, she's barely in the movie...woops? Still, we had a pretty decent time unpacking this 90s dud and discovering toddler Euro-pop sensation JORDY!

Jared Leto, Jake Gyllenhaal, and Selma Blair star in this 90s road trip flick.  All that A-list eye candy can't save it from being the grimiest movie either of us have watched, possibly ever.  

Well, one thing is for sure, they definitely didn't skimp on the "cat" element of Catwoman. Come for the catnip and tuna, stay for the inexplicable one-on-one basketball scene. Hold on to your hats, folks.

Guys, we gotta come clean. Neither of us has seen Highlander. But you can be DAMN sure we've seen Highlander 2, and spoiler: it's pure glory. This ep is long because wonderful things are worthy of our time.

Rosemary's ET Baby, anyone?  If you're watching along at home, see if you can spot the differences between Charlize and Johnny's hair!  (Spoiler:  there aren't any)  The wave frequencies from this podcast aren't deadly...wish we could say the same for all the goddamn old-timey radios in this movie.  

Ever seen a movie with 0% on Rotten Tomatoes? Neither had we. Sink your toes into the sand and join us for one gnarly watch.