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Introduction: 2 Kings 18:4 – He removed the high places and broke the pillars and cut down the Asherah. And he broke in pieces the bronze serpent that Moses had made, for until those days the people of Israel had made offerings to it (it was called Nehushtan). Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery (Matthew 5:27-30): Adultery Is a DEVASTATING SIN. (Matt 5:27–28) Matthew 15:19 – For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander. Titus 1:15 – To the pure, all things are pure, but to the defiled and unbelieving, nothing is pure; but both their minds and their consciences are defiled. Adultery has DIRE CONSEQUNECES. (Matt 5:29–30) 1 Corinthians 6:9–10 – Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. Adultery requires DRASTIC MEASURES. (Matt 5:29–30) Romans 13:14 - But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires. 1 Corinthians 6:9–11 – And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. Sermon Notes (PDF): BLANKHint: Highlight blanks above for answers! Small Group DiscussionRead Matthew 5:27-30What was your big take-away from this passage / message?Explain Matthew 5:28 in your own words.What did Jesus mean by gouging out your right eye and cutting off your right hand (Matt 5:29-30)? What are some practical ways to apply this teaching?Is Jesus saying a believer who commits adultery will go to hell? Who exactly is “thrown into hell”?What would you say to a professing believer who confesses that they can't break free from lusting? BreakoutPray for one another. AUDIO TRANSCRIPT Open up those Bibles to Matthew chapter 5.If you're visiting with us today, we are going through the Sermon on the Mount verseby verse.And Happy Mother's Day, the title of today's sermon is "Thou Shall Not Commit Adultery."I, I, um, we go where the text goes, okay?That's what we do.We go where the text goes.So let's do that.I'd like you to bow your heads please and just pray for me to be faithful to communicateGod's Word.And I will pray for you to have a heart open to receive what is an extremely challengingpassage.Let's pray.Father in heaven, we thank You for Your Word.We're not going to shy away from it.We just heard two testimonies of the way that Your Word has transformed lives.We're going to hear at least four more in the next service.That's why we, um, we just want to go after Your Word, God, because we believe that YourWord does Your work because that's what You said.And that is certainly what we've seen.So Father, I pray for all of us here today, all those who are going to be listening, watchingthis stream or downloading the podcast.Father I pray that You would bring revival in each and every heart in a way that greatlyglorifies Your name.We pray in Jesus' name.And all of God's people said, "Amen."Amen.Matthew chapter 5, are you there?In Numbers chapter 21, you have Moses leading the Israelites out of Egypt to the promisedland and Israel complained and grumbled against God, against Moses.And the Lord sent these fiery serpents who, and these serpents bit some of the Israelitesand many of them died.Well they repented.And God told Moses to put a bronze serpent on a pole.And if the Israelites, when they were bitten by one of the snakes, if they looked at thisbronze serpent, they would live.Well then fast forward, Israel in the land established and they had kings.Some kings were very bad and some kings were just not as bad.Right?Can you relate to that at all?And Hezekiah was a king who was not as bad and he brought a lot of reforms to Israel.Here's one.We put this verse up from 2 Kings chapter 18.Hezekiah says, "He removed the high places and broke the pillars and cut down the ashram.He broke in pieces the bronze serpent that Moses had made for until those days the peopleof Israel had made offerings to it."It was called Nahushdin.See what happened?You see what happened?People took a blessing that God gave them for their benefit and they turned it into anidol.That's exactly how it is with physical intimacy.It is a gift that God gave those in the covenant of marriage, but we have turned it into anidol.So on your outline today, this is it."Thou shall not commit adultery."I want you to write some things down.Number one, write this down.Adultery is a devastating sin.Adultery is a devastating sin.Now just that statement alone, it's a hard sell because we are a sex-obsessed culture.You've taken this gift from God and we've perverted it and we worship it.Do I have to point that out at all?Look at all the homosexuality madness, all the transgender stuff.And you're like, "Yeah, you know what, Pastor Jeff, you're right.You're right.It's bad out there."And I would say, "Church, it's bad in here."I was reading some polls for what they're worth.But according to one poll, one half of self-identifying Christians believe that casual sex is okay.Consenting but not in a relationship.They believe that's okay.Half.Think that's alright.What?I read a poll about pornography use among non-Christian men.Non-Christian men, 65%.Like, yeah, that's pretty bad.Christian men, 64%.The same poll, lest you think, "Yeah, creepy men, right?Creepy men, same poll, 51% of women."And you know at this point, you could be like, "Well, look, Jeff, we're only human.Everyone does it.It's not hurting anyone."Well according to Jesus, it's a devastating sin.Look at verse 27, Matthew chapter 5.Jesus said, "You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery.'"Stop there.Adultery.What is adultery?Well the technical term is defined as intercourse with another person's spouse.But it's become a catch-all term for relations with anyone who is not your spouse.And you're going to see in this passage, it's very clear that that's how Jesus was usingthe term in the most general sense possible.You go to Exodus chapter 20 and verse 14, you see that it's the seventh commandment.You go to Deuteronomy chapter 22 and verse 22, you'll see that under the law in Israel,adultery was punishable by death.And I don't have time to get into it this morning.We've done whole sermon series on this, by the way.But I just encourage you, if you're ready to just brush it off as, "Oh, church people,just making a big deal out of nothing," read Proverbs 5, 6, and 7 sometime.And you will see that adultery is a devastating sin.I heard one pastor this past week call it a sin for fools.And I think that's a very good description.adultery is devastating.I mean, it wrecks you, destroys your reputation, affects your relationship with your spouse,relationship with your kids.Oh, and the other person, what about them?It affects, now if they're married, it affects their relationship with their spouse.If they have kids, it affects their kids.And what has done to their reputation.But the devastation of adultery is way deeper than that.Look at verse 28.Jesus says, "But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent hasalready committed adultery with her in his heart."Do you notice verse 27, verse 28?Jesus said, "You have heard, but I say to you," what was Jesus doing?Pastor Taylor talked about this last week.Same thing with murder.Same thing.Jesus was contrasting their definition of sin with God's definition of sin.Because their definition of sin in Jesus' day was all about externals.So when they hear adultery, they're thinking only in terms of the physical act with anotherperson.But that, not alone, is adultery.And Jesus says, "No, you're not taking it far enough.And you're understanding.It's a hard issue.Like murder.You don't have to actually kill someone to be considered a murderer in the eyes of God."Jesus is saying the same thing about adultery.You don't have to physically be with another person to be an adulterer.Look at verse 28 again.He says, "I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has alreadycommitted adultery with her in his heart."Now you have to understand this looking with lustful intent, it's not an accidental glance.This is literally in the process of continuing to look.It's looking in such a way that you are fueling your sexual imagination.When that happens, the deed's already done.Adultery has happened.Now listen, I don't want you to misunderstand because it's even worse than you think itis.Listen, Jesus did not say that looking at a woman with lustful intent causes you to commitadultery in your hearts.Jesus said looking at a woman with lustful intent means you already committed adulteryin your heart.Jesus is saying that you looked with lustful intent because it was already in your heartto commit adultery.I think this is where a lot of people get this mixed up.It's not, "Oh, I was going about my business and I just stumbled across this woman andI looked at her and that is what caused me to lust."That's not the extent of it.It's this, I have an adulterous heart that's looking for a woman with lustful intent.See the difference?The look did not cause the lust.It is the lust that caused the look.You see the difference?Look, look, I can't, there's no way I can overstate this.This is a real problem.And this is a real problem that people sitting here have right now and are not dealing withit.You're not an adulterer because of something you do, it's who you are.It's a heart thing.You see with adultery like murder, as Pastor Taylor talked about last week, before it'san act, even if it doesn't become an act.That is what is in your heart.This is the heart of the law.Jesus said in Matthew 15, 19, "For out of the hearts, out of the heart come evil thoughts,murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander."You see that?The sinful acts are symptoms of a sinful condition.Committing the act of adultery, those are the leaves on the tree that has the root ofan adulterous heart.And if you're sitting here still somehow magnanimously saying in your head, "I would never committhe act."I did not and I would never commit the act of adultery.But if that sin is in your mind, if that sin is constantly in your imagination, you havea real problem.That's why pornography is such a big business.Why?Because sinful hearts are literally searching for it.And you have to understand that if that's your issue, the sin started even before yougot online because it's in here.It's a devastating condition to live in.You're unable to live a holy and upright life because when your heart is full of adultery,it perverts everything.And consider Titus 1.15.Look at this verse.Paul says to the pure, "All things are pure."But to the defiled and unbelieving, meaning your heart is full of perversion and sin,to the defiled and unbelieving, nothing is pure.But both their minds and their consciences are defiled.Do you know what that means?That means that when you're in that latter condition, you cannot look at another womanpurely.You cannot see another woman as a sister, as a mom, as even just another human being.When this is where your heart is, every woman that you encounter, you're evaluating.And many become objects in your minds and hearts of fantasies.Lust just becomes all-consuming.And the people that live in this defiled state don't even see a problem.God's gift of marital intimacy has become an idol that you use to gratify your flesh.So see, Jesus is telling us out the gate, this is a devastating condition.And secondly, I shall not commit adultery.Not only is adultery a devastating sin, but adultery has dire consequences.Adultery has dire consequences.Look at verses 29 and 30.These two verses kind of saying the same thing, but this is some of the most startling stuffJesus ever said, in my opinion.He says, "If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away, for itis better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell.And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away, for it is betterthat you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell."And you're like, "Man, gouge out your eye?Like cut off your hand?"Like, "Man, that seems awfully extreme."If that's the part you're focusing on, then you have completely missed the point.Because neither of those things are extreme.They're not extreme at all compared to hell.Notice twice Jesus says, "Thrown into hell."Thrown into hell.What's the obvious implication, right?We get it.We get what He's saying.Jesus is saying here that people with adulterous hearts go to hell.If you're still not convinced, Paul backs this up, verse Corinthians 6, verses 9 through10.He says, "Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God?"Meaning go to heaven.Meaning go to hell.He says, "Do not be deceived, neither the sexually immoral nor adulterers nor men whopractice homosexuality nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor revilers nor swindlerswill inherit the kingdom of God."Your priority in this life, more than anything, should be preparing yourself for eternity.Are you doing that?Because the Bible says your decisions in this life matter.And someday you're going to stand before God.So if lust is a problem for you, if lust characterizes you, and look, I can't answerthat.I can't answer that for you.But you know if this sin consumes who you are.And if it characterizes you, there are consequences.As we talked about before, here and now, apparently, obviously, easily seen, there are consequencesfor adultery.But Jesus says there's also consequences when you take your last breath.Adultery has dire consequences.So let's talk about the other big thing in these verses.Number three, adultery requires drastic measures.Look at them again.He says, "If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away, for itis better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell.And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away, for it is betterthat you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell."Weren't you just blessed by the obedience of those who were baptized today?Didn't you say obedience is a wonderful thing?Awesome.Who's first?I mean, didn't Jesus just say if your hand causes you to sin, to cut it off?Who's first?We're not going to do it over the tub because we get more baptisms in the next service.And you're like, "Yeah, what about the other verse?"Well, don't worry.We can take care of the eye, too.We'll get Pastor Taylor up here.We'll do them both at the same time.You won't know.You won't even know what's going on when both of them are happening at the same time.And you're like, "Man, gouging out your eye and cutting off your hand.Man, that sounds drastic."Oh, it absolutely is.Maybe even more than you think.Because you see, Jesus was speaking to Jews.And the Jews viewed the right greater than the left.Just as a general thing.If you're left-handed, I don't need any hate emails.Okay?That's just the way it was, right?Sitting at the right hand.My right hand, man.The idea was right is better than left.So your right eye and your right hand and the Jewish mindset, those were the two most importantthings that you own.What Jesus is saying is this, there is nothing that is too important to eliminate from yourlife if it is causing you to sin.Adultery is destructive, it's enslaving, it's condemning.We got to deal with that.We have to deal with it.Do you believe that?Whatever.Listen.Whatever it is that feeds the lust in your heart, no matter how important that thingis, it has got to go.It's got to go.If you're feeding your lust through your phone or maybe a tablet, smash them up.And you're like, "Pastor Jeff, I have the newest iPhone.I spent a lot of money for that."It's not worth hell.Is it your laptop?Smash it up.Or you know, take your laptop to the kitchen and only use it around your family.You're like, "Oh, Pastor Jeff, my family is really nebby."Good.So glad to hear that.It's not worth hell.Maybe for some of you it's your social media accounts where you're having inappropriaterelationships, conversations with people online or looking at things through those that youshouldn't be looking at.Delete them.Delete those social media accounts.You're like, "But Pastor Jeff, that's how I stay connected.Join a small group."You're like, "Put Pastor Jeff, the social media, that's just my leisure time.Take up pickleball.It's not worth hell."You know what?Maybe we'll just take care of all this.Call and cancel your internet if it's a problem.If it's leading you to feed this lust, Jesus says, "It has to go."And you're like, "Well, Pastor Jeff, I need the internet for my job.Get a new job.I will find you a job where you don't need the internet because it's not worth hell."Maybe for some of you as we are approaching summer, maybe it's a membership in a publicpool.Like, you know what?I go there, Pastor Jeff, and I look at the women there, and I get to tell you what didJesus say.You've got to get extreme here, people.But Pastor Jeff, my pool membership, that's just kind of our thing like we do in the summer.Swim at home.And I don't have a pool at my house.Do you have a bathtub?It's not worth hell.And I know people are like, "Okay, Pastor Jeff, I hear what you're saying, but I'm goingto be honest with you."It's going to be kind of embarrassing to have to explain to people why I smashed my phoneand canceled my internet.It's going to, I'm going to have to explain to people why I did that.That's kind of embarrassing.I'll tell you what's going to be more embarrassing than that is you not cutting off your sin,and someday you're going to stand before God.And God's going to say, "Do you remember the strangest Mother's Day sermon you've everheard?"Why didn't you listen?Why did you despise my word?Why did you think following me was not worth cutting off the stuff that keeps you from followingme with your whole heart?Why did you find me not worthy?Notice Jesus says it's better.It is better to lose your eye, lose your hand.It's better.What's better than going to hell?Literally anything.Anything you have to lose for the sake of your soul is going to be worth it.Romans 13, 14, same thing.Paul's saying the same thing.Maybe not in as graphic terms as Jesus, but it's the same thing.He says, "But put on the Lord Jesus Christ and make no provision for the flesh to gratifyits desires.Make no provision.Take drastic measures to cut off anything that feeds the flesh."It's like that old story I heard, an old metaphor.Maybe you've heard about the guy.He had a white dog and a gray dog.And every time he put food out for them, the gray dog would whoop up the white dog, takeall the food.The white dog would get none.After a while, the white dog, not eating, got weaker and weaker and weaker and the graydog getting all the food, got stronger and stronger and stronger.The guy said, "I've got to do something about this."So he put both the dogs on a leash.And for a month, he only fed the white dog.This isn't a real story, by the way.Don't call it PETA.But he only fed the white dog.The gray dog barely surviving.But after that time of only feeding the white dog and not the gray dog when he let themoff the leash, now the white dog was strong because it was the one that got fed.The gray dog was weak because it was the one that got starved.And I think you see the obvious application.The dog you feed is going to be the dominant dog.And the dog you starved was going to be the weak dog.See in this analogy, the white dog represents walking by the Spirit.The gray dog represents walking in the flesh.I think some of you are so weak because you're not feeding the Spirit, so to speak.You're not into Word.You're not worshiping.You're not praying.You're not in fellowship.You're not listening to good biblical podcasts.You're starving that.When instead you need to be starving the flesh.Make no provision for the flesh.Starve the adulterous heart by making no provision for whichever dog you feed is going to bethe dog that is strong.And the dog that you don't feed is the dog that gets weak.And you're like, "Man, Pastor Jeff, this sounds impossible."Oh, it is.Absolutely.That's why we put Romans 13 back up there, please.It is impossible.Hence the first phrase in this verse, "Put on the Lord Jesus Christ."Reformation is not going to work.If your goal here is to just try to clean up your act, you're not going to get very far.You need transformation.You need the life of Christ in us to be able to make these choices.Oh, and by the way, earlier we read, well, 1 Corinthians 6, we read verses 9 and 10.I'd like to go back and I'd like to look at the very next verse.Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God?Do you not be deceived, neither the sexually immoral, nor adulterers, nor adulterers, normen who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers,nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God?Look at verse 11.And such were some of you that you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified, youwere justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ by the Spirit of our God.I just want to ask you today, are you an R?Or are you a Wurr?Because today, today could be the most important day of your life because today you can becomea Wurr.Like it about your heads as the worship team makes their way back up.Just like it about your heads.Close your eyes.Look, this is a between you and God thing here, alright?There's some of you that have been trapped because you don't know Jesus Christ as yourLord and Savior.You don't have the power or resources to overcome this sin because you're living in the flesh,not by the power of His Holy Spirit because you don't know.Today can be the day that you receive Him.And you know what?We're baptizing in the next service.Pastor Taylor would be thrilled to be able to baptize you because you've repented fromyour sin and turned to Jesus Christ.But if you, heads bowed, eyes closed, if you're sitting here and you're like, you know whatpastors, I am a believer in Jesus Christ, but I'm honestly, I'm stuck in this sin.I just want to ask you, Christian, stuck in this sin.Why in the world would you indulge in a sin that Jesus died for?Today Christian, you need to repent.Today Christian, you need to do some cutting.Father in heaven, I just simply ask today that you open up the eyes of our hearts that wedon't look at this sin from a worldly perspective because the world celebrates it.Father, let us see this sin from your perspective.It's a horrible sin.Father, let us see the consequences that Jesus laid out for us.There is eternal separation from you for the heart that chooses to live in lust insteadof walking by the Spirit.Father, I pray that you would give us the wisdom, you would give us the strength, andyou would give us the faith to be able to cut some things today.It's ultimately going to bless us to be free from this bondage, but the end goal of allthings, Father, is for the glory of your name.Father, I pray that you would glorify your name through a work of your Holy Spirit, bringingpeople to you in repentance and bringing your people back from a willing bondage tosin.Please, Father, let our life, let our very life be an act of worship in the way we repent.We pray in Jesus' name, amen.

This is a rebroadcast from Decebmer 24, 2021Is it fair to women when they have to compete against transgender athletes? Have we improved our institutional rules to be fair to all homosexuals? Do we really have to agree with the new realities, or can we simply be satisfied with allowing consenting adults' behavior?Follow Us:YouTubeTwitterFacebookBlueskyAll audio & videos edited by: Jay Prescott Videography

PsydeShow is taking the lead this week as we cover Ariane Louis-Seize's coming of (r)age dark comedy Humanist Vampire Seeking Consenting Suicidal Person. Despite the title, this is the most lighthearted film we've covered on this show in a while! Grab your baggie of choice, pull up a chair, let's get silly. TW: suicide, suicidal ideation, a tragic haircutBe sure to sub to our Youtube channel for video episodes!UCnXSoHnxeAGhyoM7pIQQCWAWatch PsydeShow on Twitch: twitch.tv/psydeshowJoin the discussion on Facebook (The Devil's Work Podcast) and Instagram/TikTok @thedevilsworkpod Email us your own reviews about the films or your thoughts on episodes at: thedevilsworkpodcast@gmail.com

It's Jason's moving day! Pink eye pandemonium, non-consenting airplane hair braiding (then the conversation gets REALLY random), and a small legal "win" for Diddy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoicesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

It's Jason's moving day! Pink eye pandemonium, non-consenting airplane hair braiding (then the conversation gets REALLY random), and a small legal "win" for Diddy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week we have a pair of thrillers about guys who meet a “New Friend from Hell” and pay the consequences.  Explore the dark side with BAD INFLUENCE (1990) from writer David Koepp and director Curtis Hanson, starring James Spader and Rob Lowe.  Then it's time to get way to close to the creepy new neighbors in CONSENTING ADULTS (1992) starring Kevin Kline, Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio, Kevin Space, and Rebecca Miller.

Video available — www.fed965.comCollaborations, Meetings, Sessions — babyblueviperbusiness@gmail.com .LinkedIn — Federico Blanco Sánchez-Llanos This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.fed965.com/subscribe

In Twelve Step programs, the first step, as I understand it, is recognizing that we are powerless to heal alone.We cannot overcome addiction, trauma, or systemic oppression through sheer willpower or individual effort. Healing, recovery, and meaningful change require connection, support, and systems that foster growth.All true! But we should not make a virtue out of being powerless.Recognizing what is beyond your ability isn't the same as accepting that you are powerless to change. Powerlessness is, in fact, a protective response that disconnects us from our personal power.When we conflate protection with powerlessness, we risk internalizing the very dynamics that keep us trapped in authoritarian systems—whether in families, partnerships, workplaces, faith communities, or governments.Power-over systems create environments where speaking up feels dangerous, where challenging authority risks humiliation or exile. But no matter the system or oppression, we always retain what Right Use of Power methodology calls our personal power. And that's precisely why authoritarian structures work so hard to make us feel otherwise.Owning your personal power in an authoritarian system requires deep, intentional work. And we cannot do it alone.My guest today will introduce you to the types of power in the Right Use of Power framework and help you reconnect with your personal power so that you can stand firm and do hard, scary, necessary things.Dr. Amanda Aguilera currently serves as the Executive Director of the Right Use of Power Institute and a Trusted Advisor at The Ally Co. She has dedicated most of her career to helping people and organizations understand systems, conflict, and social power dynamics to create right relationship and a sense of belonging. She has a knack for making difficult conversations easier, complex ideas more accessible, and resistance more workable. Integrating power, contemplative practices, neurobiology, and restorative practices, she works by finding a balance of head and heart and facilitating the co-creation of strategic maps that lead us forward in a more equitable way.Listen to the full episode to hear:How the Right Use of Power framework gave Amanda language to understand and articulate powerWhy power itself is fundamentally neutralHow Right Use of Power reframes power as a dynamic and not a possessionBreaking down the six types of power from personal to universalWhy direct challenges to status power are so often destabilizing How undeveloped personal power leads people to do harm with their role and status powerWhy we have to become aware of how power exists in our relationshipsHow developing our personal power helps us to participate in the collective power that can actually challenge systemsHow leaders can foster healthy power differential relationshipsLearn more about Dr. Amanda Aguilera:Right Use of Power InstituteInstagram: @rightuseofpowerinstituteLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaThe Unburdened Leader on SubstackSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:EP 88: Right-Use-of-Power: Navigating Leadership Dynamics with Dr. Cedar BarstowEP 14: Consenting to Grief as a Leadership Practice with Dean Nelson, PhDBreathing Under Water: Spirituality and the Twelve Steps, Richard RohrAll About Love, bell hooksMarie BeechamAlt National Park ServiceFalling Back in Love with Being Human: Letters to Lost Souls, Kai Cheng ThomIndigo Girls - Closer to FinePoseThe Karate Kid Star Wars

B Movies are the Best Movies   This week we get together to talk about Tony's pick, 2023's horror comedy Humanist Vampire Seeking Consenting Suicidal Person   A young woman vampire is unable to kill to meet her need for blood, but may have found a solution in a young man with suicidal tendencies.

"Be sure that wherever our lot is cast we may and must aim at the perfect life." Written over 400 years ago, Introduction to the Devout Life is still one of the most popular books for those pursuing holiness. St. Francis de Sales explains how to turn that desire for sanctity into resolutions that yield grace-filled results. Themes include: Pursuing a devout life whole-heartedly Incorporating prayer and sacraments into a busy schedule Growing in virtue Battling wisely against temptation Making spiritual progress through daily, monthly, and yearly exercises Whether you are just beginning your spiritual journey or are more advanced in the spiritual life, you'll be able to apply this timeless wisdom immediately. Let St. Francis de Sales illumine the path to holiness and strengthen your desire to walk that road with the Lord. St. Francis de Sales (1567–1622) was the Bishop of Geneva and a renowned spiritual director. Preaching during the Counter-Reformation, he is estimated to have converted 70,000 Calvinists in his lifetime. He was a fervent proponent of the universal call to holiness and spent much of his time guiding lay people on the road to sanctity. Declared a Doctor of the Church by Pope Pius IX in 1877, St. Francis is still helping to form saints through his many writings, of which Introduction to the Devout Life is the most famous. —description from the publisher Introduction to the Devout Life full text: https://watch.formed.org/introduction-to-the-devout-life-by-st-francis-de-sales SUBSCRIBE to Catholic Culture Audiobooks https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/catholic-culture-audiobooks/id1482214268 SIGN UP for Catholic Culture's newsletter http://www.catholicculture.org/newsletter DONATE at http://www.catholicculture.org/donate/audio  Theme music: "2 Part Invention", composed by Mark Christopher Brandt, performed by Thomas Mirus. ©️2019 Heart of the Lion Publishing Co./BMI. All rights reserved. Timestamps 00:38 Preface 12:26 Part 1 – Counsels and Exercises for the Guidance of the Soul from Its First Desire After a Devout Life unto a Full Resolution of Pursuing the Same 12:38 True Devotion Explained 18:19 The Nature and Excellence of Devotion 23:17 Devotion is Suitable to Every Vocation and Profession 27:26 The Need of a Guide for those who would Enter Upon and Advance in the Devout Life 33:35 The First Step: Purifying the Soul 38:22 The First Purification: From Mortal Sin 40:56 The Second Purification: From All Sinful Affections 44:17 How to Affect This Second Purification 46:56 First Meditation, On Creation 53:26 Second Meditation, On the End for Which We Were Created 59:26 Third Meditation, On the Gifts of God 1:05:20 Fourth Meditation, On Sin 1:11:39 Fifth Meditation, On Death 1:19:00 Sixth Meditation, On Judgment 1:24:59 Seventh Meditation, On Hell 1:29:02 Eighth Meditation, On Paradise 1:34:05 Ninth Meditation, On the Choice Open to You Between Heaven and Hell 1:39:26 Tenth Meditation, On How the Soul Chooses the Devout Life 1:46:40How to Make a General Confession 1:49:23 A Sincere Protest Made with the Object of Confirming the Soul's Resolution to Serve God as a Cojnclusion to its Acts of Penitence 1:53:58 Conclusion of This First Purification 1:55:53 The Necessity of Purging Away All Tendency to Venial Sins 2:00:35 It Is Necessary to Put Away All Inclination for Useless and Dangerous Things 2:03:14 All Evil Inclinations Must Be Purged Away 02:05:29 Part 2 – Counsels as to Uplifting the Soul to God in Prayer and the Use of the Sacraments 2:05:38 The Necessity of Prayer 2:11:30 A Short Method of Meditation in the Presence of God: The First Point of Preparation 2:17:05 Invocation: The Second Point of Preparation 2:18:38 Representing the Mystery to Be Meditated to Your Imagination: The Third Point of Preparation 2:20:49 Considerations: The Second Part of Meditation 2:22:16 Affections and Resolutions: The Third Part of Meditation 2:24:01 The Conclusion and Spiritual Bouquet 2:25:44 Some Useful Hints on Meditation 2:30:40 Concerning Dryness in Meditation 2:33:15 Morning Prayer 2:36:05 Evening Prayer and Examination of Conscience 2:38:03 Spiritual Refreshment 2:42:42 Aspirations, Brief Prayer, and Holy Thoughts 2:53:34 Holy Communion, and How to Receive It 2:58:17 The Other Public Offices of the Church 3:00:13 How the Saints Are United to Us 3:02:58 How to Hear and Read God's Word 3:05:05 How to Receive Inspirations 3:10:31 Confession 3:17:35 Frequent Communion 3:23:09 How to Communicate 03:28:01 Part 3 – Counsels Concerning the Practice of Virtue 03:28:08 How to Select That Which We Should Chiefly Practice 03:36:56 The Same Subject Continued 03:43:55 Patience 03:53:08 Greater Humility 03:59:02 Interior Humility 04:08:28 Humility Makes Us Rejoice in Our Own Abjection 04:15:11 How to Combine Due Care for a Good Reputation with Humility 04:22:40 Gentleness Towards Others and Remedies Against Anger 04:31:05 Gentleness Towards Ourselves 04:35:35 We Must Attend to the Business of Life Carefully, but Without Eagerness or Over-Anxiety 04:40:18 Obedience 04:45:43 Purity 04:49:05 How to Maintain Purity 04:52:48 Poverty of Spirit amid Riches 04:58:28 How to Exercise Real Poverty although Actually Rich 05:06:08 How to Possess a Rich Spirit amid Real Poverty 05:09:50 Friendship: Evil and Frivolous Friendship 05:13:31 Frivolous Attachments 05:18:48 Real Friendship 05:24:40 The Difference between True and False Friendship 05:28:57 Remedies against Evil Friendships 05:35:47 Further Advice concerning Intimacies 05:40:22 The Practice of Bodily Mortification 05:50:59 Society and Solitude 05:56:24 Modesty in Dress 06:00:20 Conversation: First, How to Speak of God 06:02:52 Unseemly Words and the Respect Due to Others 06:07:18 Hasty Judgments 06:17:28 Slander 06:28:27 Further Counsels as to Conversation 06:32:24 Amusements and Recreations: What Are Allowable 06:34:56 Forbidden Amusements 06:36:53 Balls and Other Lawful but Dangerous Amusements 06:41:59 When to Use Such Amusements Rightly 06:43:49 We Must Be Faithful in Things Great and Small 06:49:23 - A Well-Balanced, Reasonable Mind 06:53:33 - Wishes 06:58:15 - Counsels to Married People 07:11:47 - The Sanctity of the Marriage Bed 07:13:15 - Counsels to Widows 07:22:31 - One Word to Maidens 07:23:51 Part 4 – Counsels Concerning Some Ordinary Temptations 07:23:58 - We Must Not Trifle with the Words of Worldly Wisdom 07:29:29 - The Need of Good Courage 07:32:09 - Temptations and the Difference Between Experiencing Them and Consenting to Them 07:37:19 - Two Striking Illustrations of the Same 07:40:56 - Encouragement for the Tempted Soul 07:43:26 - When Temptation and Pleasure are Sin 07:47:23 - Remedies for Great Occasions 07:50:15 - How to Resist Minor Temptations 07:52:26 - How to Remedy Minor Temptations 07:55:02 - How to Strengthen the Heart Against Temptation 07:57:40 - Anxiety of Mind 08:03:27 - Sadness and Sorrow 08:08:40 - Spiritual and Sensible Consolations and How to Receive Them 08:23:23 - Dryness and Spiritual Barrenness 08:33:49 - An Illustration 08:41:07 Part 5 - Counsels and Practices for Renewing and Confirming the Soul in Devotion 08:41:15 - It Is Well Yearly to Renew Good Resolutions by Means of the Following Exercises 08:43:58 - Meditation on the Benefit Conferred on Us by God in Calling Us to His Service 08:48:55 - Examination of the Soul as to Its Progress in the Devout Life 08:52 :13 - Examination of the Soul's Condition as Regards God 08:56:52 - Examination of Your Condition as Regards Yourself 08:59:16 - Examination of the Soul's Condition as Regards Our Neighbor 09:00:43 - Examination as to the Affectations of the Soul 09:03:10 - The Affections to Be Excited After Such Examination 09:04:36 - Reflections Suitable to the Renewal of Good Resolutions 09:05:23 - First Consideration, On the Worth of Souls 09:08:13 - Second Consideration, On the Excellence of Virtue 09:10:01 - The Example of the Saints 09:11:48 - The Love That Jesus Christ Bears to Us 09:15:05 - The Eternal Love of God for Us 09:16:36 - General Affections That Should Result from These Considerations and Conclusion of the Exercise 09:19:16 - The Impressions That Should Remain After This Exercise 09:20:53 - An Answer to Two Objections That May Be Made to This Book 09:23:45 - Three Important and Final Counsels

Send us a question/idea/opinion direct via text message!Today, Nick and Kelvin discuss the latest lending data from the Reserve Bank, highlighting a significant trend towards floating mortgage rates.They explore the implications of this trend, the state of building consents, and the potential recovery of the construction sector. The conversation also touches on upcoming inflation data and its impact on monetary policy.Sign up for news and insights or contact on LinkedIn, Twitter @NickGoodall_CL or @KDavidson_CL and email nick.goodall@corelogic.co.nz or kelvin.davidson@corelogic.co.nz

Politumai, polis; Kingdom of God/Heaven; Nimrod; Free bread; Greatest destroyers of liberty; Golden calf; Mobilizing resources; Waiting on tables?; Following the money; Gathering/networking in "Tens"; Firefighting; Being prepared; Credit unions; Liberty; Freewill; Character of God/Christ; Insurance?; What to do to prepare for calamity; Forgotten things?; Sitting in darkness; Apathy; Socialism; Self-sacrifice; Rich and poor relationship; "Emma"; Knowing your public servants; Selfishness; Degeneration of society; Legal charity; Perfect savages; Welfare snares; Christian activities; Helping your neighbors; Living in fear?; Justin's apology; Charity vs forced offerings; Prime directive of Christians; Turning the world upside-down; Treasuries?; Repentance; Love; Doctrine?; Matt 20:25; Mark 10:42; King of Judea; Capitalism; Lk 22:25; Benefactors?; Not to be that way with Christians; Covetous practices; One purse; Valueless money; Other people's money; Waiving your rights; Sodom story; Hearing the cries of your neighbor; Pagan temples of public religion; Kingship (government) of The Church; Free assemblies; War casualties; Military Industrial Complex; Prophets of the Beast; Fathers of the Earth; "Son of God"; Who is your king?; To whom do you pray?; Wanting to know the whole truth; Barabbas; Social safety net?; Fervent charity; Consequences of choice; liturgios = public minister/servant; Unrighteous mammon; Consenting to membership; Being Doers of The Word; Seeking His kingdom and righteousness; Government of, for and by the people; John 12:26; "Worship"; "Honor"; John 18:36; not of this "world"; Sin?; Trial before Pilate; Nicolaitans and Balaam; Conquered people; Recognizing your bondage; What can you do?; Financing your own destruction; Cities of blood; Christ's Sanhedrin; Prodigal sons; Coming together in sacrifice; Cloward and Piven; Fear not!

I know I'm not alone in feeling like 2024 was a year. So many of us are still working through everything that happened as we wonder exactly what lies ahead.As part of that reflection on the year past and preparing for the year ahead, long-time listeners may know that I am a big believer in debriefing. I debrief weekly, monthly, quarterly, and annually, and each year, I share my annual debrief with you.This debrief includes personal reflections about events in my life, how my words of the year brought some interesting data to light and guided my actions, and themes about what's working and what's not working as we begin the new year. Content note: Discussion of death by suicideListen to the full episode to hear:How my words of the year–rhythm and reps–challenged some of my deeply engrained habits and unrealistic expectationsHow a series of events in my personal life led to shifts in my rhythms and reps and deeper healingWhat 35 tomato plants taught me about priorities and planningWisdom that stuck with me from live talks by Elizabeth Gilbert and Anne LamottExperiences that brought me joy last year and why joy is essential to doing the hard work aheadManaging anger and outrage in our political climate through curiosity and healing, unburdened leadershipLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Writer's Symposium by the SeaEP 14: Consenting to Grief as a Leadership Practice with Dean Nelson, PhDElizabeth GilbertRedwoodAnne LamottConclaveRenttick, tick…BOOM!The Artist's Way, Julia CameronReal Fun, Wow!Brené BrownVirgin RiverThe OfficeParks and RecBrooklyn Nine-NineCommunityThe DiplomatLionessTimothy SnyderEP 70: Getting out of Shame and Into Power with Kelly DielsKelly DielsFinding Mercy in Impossible Times (Father Gregory Boyle) | Pulling the Thread with Elise LoehnenFather Gregory BoyleEP 117: Rethinking Resilience: Moving from Bouncing Back to Relational Resilience with Soraya ChemalyEP 96: Rage to Action: The Leading Power of Women's Anger with Soraya ChemalyRage Becomes Her: The Power of Women's Anger, Soraya ChemalyThe Resilience Myth: New Thinking on Grit, Strength, and Growth After Trauma, Soraya ChemalyEP 113:  Curiosity as a Bridge: Uncovering Fears and Building Connections with Scott ShigeokaEP 90: Engaged and Consistent Leadership: with Moms Demand Action Founder, Shannon WattsMoms Demand ActionHow Leadership Styles Will Change in 2025

On this week's episode we talk about trolls vs. gnomes before Brandy Joe heads to space with Planet of the Vampires and Jeremy bares his fangs with Humanist Vampire Seeking Consenting Suicidal Person. Time Stamps: Planet of the Vampires - 19:25 // Humanist Vampire - 31:05 We'd love to hear from you! Send your terrorgrams to scaringissharing@gmail.com. Also, check out all the other awesome shows coming at you from the Planet Ant/Planet Ant Podcast multiverse! For merch & more: https://linktr.ee/scaringissharing

New year, new films, new episodes! We hope you enjoy listening to us talk about Humanist Vampire Seeking Consenting Suicidal Person today. Rendy Jones' review: https://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/humanist-vampire-seeking-consenting-suicidal-person-movie-review-2024 Follow us on social media! https://bsky.app/profile/casualhorrorpod.com https://twitter.com/CasualHorrorPod https://www.tumblr.com/casualhorrorpod https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/casual-obsession Our website! https://www.casualhorrorpod.com Follow the hosts on their individual accounts Emma (They/Them) https://bsky.app/profile/jellyfwitch.bsky.social https://letterboxd.com/emmapanada Nina (She/They) https://twitter.com/ninawolverina https://www.tumblr.com/ninawolv3rina https://twitter.com/HouseUsherRises https://bsky.app/profile/ninawolverina.bsky.social Noah (He/They) https://letterboxd.com/Bubbadabad https://bsky.app/profile/bubbadabad.bsky.social https://www.tumblr.com/bubbadabad Jade (They/Them) https://www.tumblr.com/whatisityouprayfor https://letterboxd.com/thefakestfan

The Inside Europe Secret Santa Speed Date Extravaganza! Consenting correspondents have their names drawn out of a hat in pairs. They then have four minutes before the buzzer goes to find out as much as possible about each other as they can. What could possibly go wrong?!

The Department for Energy Security and Net Zero (DESNZ) has launched a consultation on reforming the electricity generation and network consenting processes in Scotland. The proposed amendments to the existing regime under sections 36, 36C and 37 of the Electricity Act 1989 include significant changes to the procedure and requirements for electricity generation and transmission developers seeking consent from Scottish Ministers.  Listen to our podcast to hear more about the proposed changes and, discuss the commercial implications.

Matt and Camille discusses the upcoming Netflix adaptation of Oscar Wilde's "The Picture of Dorian Gray", and some of the concerns they have about it.Send us your hate mail! Or your fan mail, if you really insist...Support the showCheck out our Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, and Patreon.Intro and outro music by Julius H.

Industry professionals feel it will take more than a tipline to uncover where the problems lie in infrastructure. The Ministry of Regulation has created a red tape tipline, where people can report their 'regulation horror stories'. Infrastructure New Zealand Chief Executive Nick Leggett says it's a good way to get the public involved. He told Mike Hosking regulation is adding massive cost to projects. Leggett says in projects under $200 thousand, almost a fifth of the cost is in consenting. LISTEN ABOVE See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Crucifixion?; The "Word" = right reason of Christ; Law of Nature; Benefits at our neighbors' expense; Corban making God's word to none effect; Augustus Caesar; Roman republic?; "Emperator"; Caesar story; "Son of God"; Submitting to slavery; "God"; Making covenants; Societal shifts in thinking; Unrecognized captivity; Assurance of freedom; Covetousness not allowed; Manufactured conflict; Conflict in Christ's time; Sanhedrin; Appointment of 70; "Stones" for the Temple; No exercising authority; Sacred rights; Whole Gospel; Assembling the puzzle; Statues; Government welfare; Christ's ministers duty; Corruption; Accountability in kingdom of God; Taking back responsibilities; Early Church functions; One purse; Weakening the people; Inflation; Thriving Christians; Non-participators; Temple tribute; Building the Roman colosseum; Biting your neighbor; Wanting to believe we are free; Pilate's "Superscription"; Matt 27:27; Lk 23:11; Mark 15:24; Herod's recognition of Christ; "Parens Patria"; The Veil; Hebrew (poreketh) "pai-resh-kuf-tav"; from "perek" (cruelty); Weakened, degenerate people; Soup kitchens; Al Capone?; Income tax; FDR's bondage; Old Testament "Vail"; Tabernacle; Jubilee; Church in the Wilderness; Slavery = force; Substitute "choice" for people; Every day election day; Saul syndrome; Scattering the flock; Saved by a new Caesar?; Logos of Moses; Rebuilding stone Temple; Red Heifer?; Misunderstanding symbology; Ripping of the veil; Temple full of blood; Electing Rulers?; Repentance; Consenting to covetousness; Torment?; Holy Spirit; Immigrants; Veil within us; Pai = oral torah; Resh = process; Living the law - sacrifice; Gathering together; Kuf = crown - actualized potential; Power to heal; Tav = faith; Living by faith to receive actualized potential from God; Altars of faith, hope and charity; Tabernacle covered with skins; Offices of Caesar; Who will repent?; Healing demoniac; Caring for neighbor; "Worship"?; Bondage of Egypt; Owning your labor; Deciding good and evil; Getting you to bite one another; "love"; Hearing the Word; Tearing of the veil; Binding by love; Archeological evidence; Sacrifice of family; Ear ticklers; Receiving life more abundantly; Col 3:5; Idolatry; Wrath of God; Eph 5:5; Constantinian church; Good news knowing what to repent from; 1 Cor 5:10; Fornicators with the world; Unrighteous mammon; Creating the alternative; Setting your neighbor free first; Legal charity; Lady Godiva?; Blessing others; God of salvation; Individual salvation; Previewing Mark 16; Gathering together; May your eyes be opened.

Bryan and Anderson review Heretic, Anora, Juror #2 and Humanist Vampire Seeking Consenting Suicidal Person (from assigner Nick Eats Cake). Then, once again inspired by the election, the boys countdown Top 5 Characters You Wouldn't Vote For! Loaded for Bear New Promo Video! The Film Vault on Youtube TFV Patreon is Here for Even More Film Vault Anderson's new doc: Loaded for Bear Atty's Antiques COMEDY CONFESSIONAL  Listener Art: Matt Berkenbile Featured Artist: See-You-Home-Wolf The Film Vault on Twitch Buy Bryan's Book Shrinkage Here The Film Vaulters “Kubrick is Everywhere” Shirt CONNECT WITH US: Instagram: @AndersonAndBryan Facebook.com/TheFilmVault Twitter: @TheFilmVault HAVE A CHAT WITH ANDY HERE ATTY & ANDY: DIRECTED BY A FOUR-YEAR-OLD Subscribe Atty and Andy's Youtube Channel Here THE COLD COCKLE SHORTS RULES OF REDUCTION MORMOAN THE CULT OF CARANO Please Give Groupers a Rotten Tomatoes Audience Score Here Please Rate It on IMDB Here The Blu-ray, US The Blu-ray, International Groupers is now available on these platforms. On Amazon On Google Play  On iTunes On Youtube On Tubi On Vudu Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On today's episode, a couple of new films that question the very nature of our existence: 'Humanist Vampire Seeks Consenting Suicidal Person,' and 'It's What's Inside.' We also continue on with our look at the films of Kelly Reichardt with 'Meek's Cutoff...' an adaptation of the video game 'The Oregon Trail'? Maybe?     Keep in touch and read more at whydoesthewilhelmscream.com on instagram and threads @whydoesthewilhelmpod  Find out more about upcoming Fort Worth Film Club screenings and events at fortworthfilmclub.com and @fortworthfilm Support the next generation of film lovers at reelhousefoundation.org and on facebook reelhousefoundation Artwork by @_mosla_

The Construction Minister says he is confident consenting reforms won't lead to a repeat of New Zealand's 'leaky homes' crisis. The Government is planning to give tradespeople working on basic housing projects the power to consent their own work. Businesses with a track record of mass house-building projects will be able to access a streamlined consent process. Minister Chris Penk says this avoids the false sense of security in the system. "We think, actually, it makes more sense to put the incentive with the building professional - or the whole company - to do the work and to be responsible for it, and their destiny's in their own hands. Ultimately, that'll be better for the consumer, of course." LISTEN ABOVESee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A dark-sh comedy presenting teenage angst in the most creative and amusing way.

We've got another vampire movie for y'all this week! TW for mentions of suicide. If you are having thoughts of harming yourself, call or text the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988. Instagram: @manilovefilmpod TikTok: @manilovefilmpod Letterboxd: @chelcoyazo // @izzytheratqueen

On this episode of More Deadly, Ariel and Rachel get swoony in our review of the oh-so-sweet Humanist Vampire Seeking Consenting Suicidal Person, directed by Ariane Louis-Seize. So, did this movie mesmerize? Or did it just suck? Listen to The More Deadly Podcast Episode 95 to find out! What to watch before the next episode: V/H/S: Beyond, directed by Kate Seigel, Jay Cheel, Jordan Downey, Christian Long, Justin Long, Justin Martinez, and Virat Pal. In the extended version of this episode for our Patrons, Rachel and Ariel discuss Variety's buzzy and controversial list of 100 Best Horror Movies of All Time. We have A LOT of thoughts and feelings. Support our Patreon to access longer episodes, live shows, and much more! Want to be a part of the show? We'd love to hear from you! Send feedback and questions to rachel@zombiegrrlz.com, or on our Facebook page! Follow us on Twitter and Instagram @zgpodcasts Subscribe to our podcast on Apple Podcasts, Google Music, and Stitcher. If you're listening on Spotify, please consider taking a moment to rate our pod. Check out our sweet merch at Teepublic. The More Deadly theme music is “More Deadly” by Elizabeth Kyle & Eric Newell

On this episode of More Deadly, Ariel and Rachel get swoony in our review of the oh-so-sweet Humanist Vampire Seeking Consenting Suicidal Person, directed by Ariane Louis-Seize. So, did this movie mesmerize? Or did it just suck? Listen to The More Deadly Podcast Episode 95 to find out! What to watch before the next episode: V/H/S:... Read More The post The More Deadly Podcast Episode 95: Humanist Vampire seeking Consenting Suicidal Person appeared first on The Zombie Grrlz Horror Podcast.

In this episode a quote from Nisargadatta Maharaj is contemplated. "The innermost light, shining peacefully and timelessly in the heart, is the real Guru." 

Is it possible that my family, my mother, could ever accept me?Today we meet Eric Marcus and we're talking about the book that saved his life: Consenting Adult by Laura Z. Hobson.Eric Marcus is the author of a dozen books, including two editions of Making Gay History (the original 1992 edition is entitled Making History), Why Suicide?, and Breaking the Surface, the #1 New York Times bestselling autobiography of Olympic diving champion Greg Louganis. Eric is also the co-producer of Those Who Were There, a podcast drawn from the Fortunoff Video Archive for Holocaust Testimonies. He is the founder and chair emeritus of the Stonewall 50 Consortium and is a founding board member of the American LGBTQ+ Museum.In Consenting Adult, Tessa Lynn considers herself independent and progressive, a liberated woman of the 1960s. And yet, when she receives a letter from her youngest son, Jeff, informing her that he is gay, Tessa is distraught. At a time when homosexuality is regarded as a mental illness, she struggles with how best to be a parent to a gay son—and how to protect her family from the prejudices of the era. Elegant and subtly drawn, Consenting Adult is a stunning tribute to familial bonds, and a sympathetic portrait of a mother whose best intentions are often clouded by the stereotypes of her time.Connect with EricMaking Gay History website: makinggayhistory.org/aboutinstagram: @makinggayhistorypodcastfacebook: facebook.com/makinggayhistoryFortunoff Video Archive podcast: fortunoff.library.yale.edu/education/podcastsListen to full episode with Damien Martin: makinggayhistory.org/podcast/damien-martinOur BookshopVisit our Bookshop for  new releases, current bestsellers, banned books, critically acclaimed LGBTQ books, or peruse the books featured on our podcasts: bookshop.org/shop/thisqueerbookBecome an Associate Producer!Become an Associate Producer of our podcast through a $20/month sponsorship on Patreon! A professionally recognized credit, you can gain access to Associate Producer meetings to help guide our podcast into the future! Get started today: patreon.com/thisqueerbookCreditsPermission to use the theme to Making Gay History provided by Eric Marcus. The theme was composed by Fritz Meyers.Host/Founder: J.P. Der BoghossianExecutive Producer: Jim PoundsAssociate Producers: Archie Arnold, K Jason Bryan and David Rephan, Bob Bush, Natalie Cruz, Jonathan Fried, Paul Kaefer, Joe Perazzo, Bill Shay, and Sean SmithPatreon Subscribers: Stephen D., Terry D., Stephen Flamm, Ida Göteburg, Thomas Michna, and Gary Nygaard.Creative and Accounting support provided by: Gordy EricksonQuatrefoil LibraryQuatrefoil has created a curated lending library made up of the books featured on our podcast! If you can't buy these books, then borrow them! Link: https://libbyapp.com/library/quatrefoil/curated-1404336/page-1Support the show

CHILD VAMPIRES RETURN—this time, en français! This week, to pre-game for Halloween season, Cozi tells Bri about 2023's Humanist Vampire Seeking Consenting Suicidal Person! Will Bri be charmed by the dark lures of this gothy French coming-of-age dark comedy that, in Cozi's opinion, gives much cleaner gothy-coming-of-age-feels than the Beetlejuice sequel? Listen and find out! Recommendations: ⁠Bri⁠ – Always wear a helmet! Cozi – When making psychological changes isn't working, try making concrete ones instead

A young vampire! A lonely teenager! A friendly agreement! This week the boys get caught up in nocturnal quest between a sensitive vampire and a suicidal teen as we check out  HUMANIST VAMPIRE SEEKING CONSENTING SUICIDAL PERSON!! Plus, we go back to TV Corner and check out CHUCKY Season 3 episode 2!! And so much more!!! You can always email us: skeletonboyspod@gmail.com Instagram and Threads: https://www.instagram.com/skeletonboyspod/  

In which Devin Diazoni and Chris Zappettini talk about Bad Monkey, Jimmy Carter, Challengers, Consenting Adults, Gena Rowlands, Ridley Scott, upcoming episodes, and more!Support the show on Patreon!Guest: Chris Zappettini (Instagram)

What's on my Mind: The Magic of Getting Off your Ass and Doing Something: News: Oxymoron: https://www.msnbc.com/opinion/msnbc-opinion/democratic-republican-conventions-differences-rcna167651The Definition of Asinine: https://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/in-kandiss-taylors-christian-nation-i-dont-have-to-give-you-your-freedom-of-religion/·   Assholes be Ass-holing: https://apnews.com/article/rfk-jr-trump-speech-arizona-a2638f89ddcb5de03edbe4574ca17d45Conversations with an Atheist: What is God: https://theatheistconservative.com/review-atheism-the-case-against-god/Closing: Beyond Books: https://www.blackenterprise.com/grambling-state-university-opens-first-hbcu-digital-library/Power Concedes Nothing without a Demand...

Podcast 295 This week, we've got four new films, “Maxxxine,” “Tarot,” and “Cursed Waters: Creature of Lake Okanagan,” and the very weird “Humanist Vampire Seeking Consenting Suicidal Person,” all just recently released. We'll go back a few years and watch “Insidious 2: Chapter 2” from 2013 as we work toward completing that series. We've also got four fun shorts this week as well.  Since our little restructuring last month, we've decided to bump up the benefits for paying subscribers. Later this week, we will also send out our first subscriber-only newsletter. In this first one, we'll examine all the movies in “The Prophecy” series, mostly starring Christopher Walker. We're not cutting back on the free newsletters, but we're offering more than we did to the paid people. Subscribers also get full access to the archive of more than three years of back issues, which is easily searchable.  Paid subscription info can be found at https://www.horrorweekly.com/ Then, instead of a single short film, we'll watch FOUR of them!   Get all our reviews once a week: https://www.horrorweekly.com/ Check out all our books with one easy link: https://horrormonthly.com/   Contact Info: Email: mailto:email@horrorguys.com Book Store: https://horrormonthly.com/ Website: https://www.horrorguys.com and https://www.horrorweekly.com/ Subscribe by email: https://www.horrorweekly.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/horrormovieguys Mastodon: https://mastodon.social/@BrianSchell Threads: https://threads.net/brian_schell Twitter: http://twitter.com/HorrorMovieGuys Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/horrorguys.bsky.social   "Galactic Rap " Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/  

Today on "Words On Film", Dan Burke reviews: "Deadpool & Wolverine" "Kneecap" "Humanist Vampire Seeking Consenting Suicidal Person" Mr. Burke also gives a spoken word preview of movies subject to being released into theaters and/or on streaming for the week of August 5th - 9th, 2024.

On today's podcast episode, Luis discusses consent, his relationship with it, and how his relationship with nature informs his experience. He explores disconnecting from a viewpoint of human-supremacy to honor an ecocentric, nature-based perspective, as well as honoring the balance between our own personal agency and helplessness.You can register for the free email series here: https://www.holisticlifenavigation.com/the-somatics-of-freeze You can register for the webinar here: https://www.holisticlifenavigation.com/moving-through-freeze-webinar

“It was just such a redemptive, wonderful experience. I am so grateful to The VBAC Link for seeing me through it, for giving me the information, and just the inspiration to even take this on because if I had never found you, I don't know for sure if I ever would have gone through with it. So, thank you so much for that.”Amanda's episode will warm your heart, give you chills, and bring tears to your eyes. Her birth stories include a rough induction at 36 weeks due to preeclampsia with an 11-day NICU stay and not getting to hold her baby for 32 hours. When she found The VBAC Link, Amanda was given hope that she could have another baby and that her experience could be very different. Equipped with information and drive, she was able to do just that. Amanda's VBAC birth was spiritual and powerful!Needed WebsiteHow to VBAC: The Ultimate Prep Course for ParentsFull Transcript under Episode Details Episode Topics:Review of the WeekAmanda's storiesMonitoring for preeclampsiaCervadil, Magnesium, and CytotecConsenting to a CesareanThrowing up during the C-sectionWaiting 32 hours to hold her babyFinding The VBAC LinkPraying for a babyScared or scarredSigns of wavering provider supportPhysical and mental preparationContractions beginAdvocating during laborThe night nurse“It is done.” Importance of lactation supportMeagan: Hello, everybody. How are you doing? I hope you are doing great. Right now, I can just tell you that my face is already hurting from smiling just from talking to our guest for 5 seconds. We have our friend, Amanda. Hello, Amanda. Amanda: Hello. Meagan: Oh my goodness. She has just been the sweetest thing just pouring on the sugar and sweetening me up. I mean really, she is saying just the nicest things about The VBAC Link and it has just been so fun to hear how The VBAC Link was part of her life. You guys, I love this so much. Thank you for supporting this podcast. Thank you for supporting us on Instagram and Facebook and all of the places. I truly from the bottom of my heart love you. I know I haven't always met you but I love you and I love this community and I love what we are doing here. I am so grateful for the opportunity. I just wanted to say that it really wouldn't happen without all of you so really from the bottom of my heart, thank you. Review of the WeekMeagan: We do have a Review of the Week so I want to jump into that and then we are going to get into Amanda's stories and maybe even some other things. We will see what this episode transpires to. Okay, so this is from Liz Judd and it doesn't say where it was from, but it says, “Empowering”. It says, “I found this podcast around week 30 of my second pregnancy by searching for ‘VBAC'. I had a traumatic C-section in 2019 and I knew I did not want to go through that again. It was helpful for me to learn the evidence on VBAC, how to advocate for myself, and healing to listen to other's stories. I just had my second child by VBAC and I thank you for the role you played in that.” Seriously, it warms my heart and you just said the same thing. You carried me through my whole pregnancy, and then this was back when Julie and I took a big 10-month break and you were like, “Oh no, they're gone!” But here we are. We are back and I hope that we are carrying someone else or many other people through their pregnancy journeys as well. Amanda: I'm sure that you are and that review could not have related more to my story so I can't wait to get started for you. Amanda's storiesMeagan: Okay, well without further ado, let's do it. Let's get started.Amanda: Here we go. My husband I met in 2004 which yes, was 20 years ago. We got married in 2009 and we were just living our best lives. We were traveling, doing all of the things. I had lost 129 pounds and I said, “I want to run a marathon and have a baby.” Meagan: Dang, yeah. Amanda: I was even a group exercise instructor at the time. Life was good. I ran the Marine Corps Marathon in 2015 in October and in 2015 December, I got pregnant. What was really special about that was we got engaged on Christmas Eve so on the 10th anniversary of our engagement, I got to share the news with my husband that we were expecting. Meagan: Yay! That's so awesome. Amanda: It was really special but other than that, I really had no knowledge at all about pregnancy and birth. I just knew that I wanted an unmedicated birth. Where I came up with that, I'm not sure, but I just was going to trust my doctor. That's where my brain was at. I went to my normal OB who I had always gone to and it was a very small practice. There were three doctors and a nurse practitioner and up until this point, I had always seen the nurse practitioner. She confirmed my pregnancy and she advised that I limit my exercise from what I was currently doing and to only maybe just walk and do some light cycling. Meagan: Oh my gosh. My OB said the same thing. I was wanting to run a half marathon and he was like, “Oh no, you're having too much round ligament pain. Just go for a walk.” I was like, “What? Okay,” so I stopped working out. Amanda: Right. That's exactly what happened to me. Now I know that was the first red flag of this practice, but I didn't know at the time. I was just like, Okay. Listen to what the doctor says. So I just kept going to my appointments and I generally felt okay but at my appointment check-ins, my blood pressure started to be high. They would put me into the room and I would lay down on my left side and they would have me do the whole appointment that way and then they would check my blood pressure at the end and it would be okay so they would have me come back in a couple of days for a re-check and it would be okay. We just continued on that way until I circled through all of the doctors and back to the nurse practitioner. She was really the only one who seemed a little more concerned than everybody else about what was going on. Monitoring for preeclampsiaAmanda: I got back to her and she sent me to the hospital for a blood pressure monitor. It wasn't super high so they sent me home, but they told me to do a 24-hour urine collection. I did that and my protein in that came back at 299 and she said, “Well, 300 is preeclampsia so we are just going to keep monitoring it.” Meagan: Mhmm, okay. Amanda: Okay. That's exactly what I said. Meanwhile, I'm not exercising. I'm just taking my prenatal and going to these appointments. I didn't have any preeclampsia symptoms either. I had no headaches, no spots, no swelling. I just felt yucky. I just chalked it up to pregnancy. I thought, Okay, I'm pregnant. This is what I should feel like. Meanwhile, people around me are pregnant and they are like, “I feel fabulous. I love this.” I was like, I don't love this. This is not great. I'm excited to have a baby but I don't love it. I also got carpal tunnel. Meagan: That is a thing by the way during pregnancy that people don't talk about. Amanda: They don't and I didn't know about it. My doctors were just like, “It'll go away when the baby is born. It will go away when the baby is born.” I'm like, “But I'm really in pain. My poor husband has to cut my food. I can't function here.” Finally, one of the doctors said, “Well, if it hurts that badly then you can go to a hand and wrist doctor.” Okay, so I did and I ended up getting a cortisone shot because it was unmanageable. I had the braces. I was doing night braces and day braces so that did help a lot. A high blood pressure and getting admitted to the hospitalAmanda: In the meantime though, we moved from an apartment to a house. I was the matron of honor in a wedding and then we moved into our house on July 17th. I had a surprise baby shower on August 6th and August 8th which was my 36th week, I had a non-stress test at the hospital. I went into the hospital for the non-stress test. They took my blood pressure. The nurse didn't say anything. She was like, “I'm just going to take it when it's over,” which is something I had heard the entire time. I do the non-stress test. She takes my blood pressure again. She says, “You know, the doctor wants to talk to you.” I was like, “Okay. That's fine.” I go into this little room and the doctor starts saying things like, “Not going home” and “Going into triage” and “Keep you pregnant as long as possible”, so I was like, What? I just couldn't even process those things. Meagan: And there wasn't any extra talk of, this is why. Amanda: No. Meagan: Yeah, okay. Amanda: No. I called my husband. I was like, “Listen, you might want to come be with me because I'm not sure what's going on.” So I go over to triage which was right around the corner and I'm waiting in that waiting room for over an hour. I'm still not thinking there is any type of emergency. They take me into triage and they take my blood pressure which was 214/111. Meagan: Okay. Amanda: Yeah. Meagan: Okay, well that's high. Amanda: Yeah, so then everyone starts going a little bit crazy. They start giving me medicine. They have me only lay down. I'm not allowed to get out of the bed and they start talking. I start hearing words like, “Possible seizure” and I'm like, “What is happening here?” A nurse finally comes over and says, “We are going to admit you. We just don't know yet if it's to labor and delivery or high-risk OB.” I looked at my husband. I was like, “Are we having a baby right now? Are we having a baby?” Then at that point though, that's when all of the things started happening to me and I was not a part of any of these decisions. Cervadil, Magnesium, and CytotecAmanda: I realize that that was a very high blood pressure and I didn't really check it after that, but they do take me up to labor and delivery where the doctor starts with Cervadil. This is on a Monday night. She inserts the Cervadil but I had zero dilation. They also put me on magnesium and when they did the magnesium, they also wanted to give me a catheter because they didn't want me to move. I said, “I don't really want that.” At this point, I still felt fine and nobody was really explaining to me–Meagan: The severity of things and what was really happening, yeah. Amanda: Right, right, right. So then they were giving me the saline. It was just so much fluid so I had to use the bathroom a lot. They were just letting me use the bedpan and teh nurses were so irritated by me. They would just stand there and watch me. I just felt horrible. It just was a very uncomfortable experience. Then there was the magnesium which–Meagan: Bleh. Thumbs down. Amanda: Yes. It was awful. I just felt terrible. They also gave me a shot for lung development because I was only 36 weeks. Yeah. My water broke on its own but that is the only part of labor that I experienced at all with him. After my water broke, they gave me a dose of Cytotec, and literally nothing happened. Not one thing. My blood pressure was still unstable. The magnesium made me feel awful and then I felt decreased movements. I just kept telling the nurses, “I can't feel the baby moving. I can't feel the baby moving.” I was scared. At one point, we knew nothing was happening. My husband and I actually called the doctor and said, “Should we have a C-section? Is this what is going to be happening?” They said, “No. Let's just see how this plays out.”Looking back, I'm shocked that that was the answer they gave me because of everything else that was going on. They just kept doing cervical checks and they were very uncomfortable because I had zero dilation and I didn't know I could say no. In fact, one doctor came in. This was actually the doctor who ended up delivering him. She said, “Do you want an epidural?” I said, “No. I don't even have any pain.” She said, “Well then, you need to let me check you.” Meagan: Wait, because you didn't want an epidural then you had to let her– what? Amanda: Right. I think she was saying this because I was acting like it was uncomfortable. I mean, it was uncomfortable. I wasn't acting. Then they gave me another dose of Cytotec. Nothing is happening. Now this is late Tuesday night. My blood pressure is all over the place. They keep giving me different doses of medication. I was on fire from the magnesium. I just kept saying, “This room is so hot.” They said, “But it's the coldest room in the wing.” “I don't care. I'm burning up.” Meagan: You're like, “My skin feels like it's on fire.” Amanda: So they gave me a fan. That was their accommodation for that. Consenting to a CesareanAmanda: It was around 12:45 so now this is Wednesday morning at 12:45 AM. The doctor comes in and she is just sitting on the end of my bed. I was in and out of awareness. I remember having her be there, but the magnesium is terrible. They just kept taking my blood pressure and she just kept giving me medication. All of a sudden, she stands up and she says, “We need to do a C-section right now.” I still don't know to this day if it was a decel. I don't know if it was his heart. I don't know if it was my blood pressure. I don't know what happened that made her stand up, but I just remember watching that happen and the look on her face. They were laying me down. They were giving my husband scrubs. I'm signing all kinds of consent forms laying down and then they gave me this awful drink for nausea and wheeled me into the OR. Because I had the magnesium, they were lifting me. I wasn't allowed to do anything by myself and I forgot to mention that since I wasn't exercising or doing anything, I gained 90 pounds during this pregnancy which was terrible but I didn't know. I wasn't small and they were moving me around. I get a spinal. As soon as I got the spinal, I said, “Oh my goodness. I'm going to be sick.” I just felt so nauseous and I remember the anesthesiologist behind me saying, “It's okay. We're ready,” and other people saying, “Lay her down. Lay her down.” They immediately lay me down and then I vomit into the bucket. Meagan: Oh yeah, that's the most miserable feeling. Amanda: It was terrible. He was ready. He did have a bucket. He wasn't lying, but then they squirted something on my stomach and I just remember saying, “I can feel that. I can feel that.” The doctor says, “Yeah, but is it cold?” I said, “No.” She says, “Starting incision.” She just is going. Throwing up during the C-sectionAmanda: Literally every time they pushed on my stomach, I was throwing up. Every single push and shove they did, it was awful. It was awful. But at 1:38 AM, our first son was born and there was one squeaky little cry and then he stopped and the NICU team got to work on him. They were about to take him up to the NICU and God bless my husband. He stops in front of the door and says, “Can she at least give him a kiss first?” They brought him over really quickly. I got a kiss and then they took him away. All was quiet. I was still nauseous and I just remember the anesthesiologist saying, “They're just putting you back together. Why don't you try to take a nap?” I was like, “Um–”Meagan: Okay. Amanda: Right. Needless to say, the bedside manner all the way through was not great. Meagan: Not great, no.Amanda: But once I got into recovery, I was just holding onto the fact that they said I could see my baby in 24 hours. I was like, Okay. I just have to make it 24 hours and they will take me to see him. I set an alarm on my phone. I am pumping. They gave me the pump. I am pumping. Any colostrum I am getting, I am sending up to the NICU. My blood pressure is still not settling down. Waiting 32 hours to hold her babyAmanda: 24 hours goes by. I call the nurse. I'm like, “It's 24 hours. Take me up to see my baby. Please take me up to see my baby.” She's like, “Well first, we have to take your blood pressure.” It was not good. She was like, “Wait 2 more hours and then we will check.” I was like, “I just waited 24 hours and now I have to wait 2 more.” They take my blood pressure again and it was fine. I was like, “Yes. I'm going to go see my baby.” They were like, “Well actually, you have to walk and go sit in this chair first and then we can take you up. We have to take your blood pressure from this chair.” I sit in the chair. My blood pressure is not good. “Oh, you have to get back in bed. We can't take you up.” At that point, I just lost it. I was like, “I can't.” I told my husband, I was like, “You have to tell people to stop texting and stop calling. I cannot do this. I just don't understand what's going on here.” I did not know it at the time, but after they got me back in bed, my husband went back into the hallway. He told the nurses. He was like, “You have to take her up there. You have to take her up. She has to see that baby.” Sorry. Finally, the nurse came in and she checked my blood pressure and it wasn't great but she thankfully had I guess fewer patients so she came up to the NICU with me. She did take me up there and after 32 hours, I finally got to meet him and hold him but as soon as we were together, both of our health's dramatically improved. My husband knew that that's what we needed. I'm so grateful that he did that. Meagan: Absolutely. Amanda: I ended up staying admitted for 5 days because they just couldn't get my blood pressure situated and then our son Jeffery David came home after 11 days. Physically, my healing was okay because I had 11 days of sitting. Meagan: Hanging out in the hospital not doing much. Amanda: Yeah, and you know, God bless my family and friends who drove me to the hospital every day to go see him. Some of them sat with me for hours and hours and hours just because I was by myself but my mental healing was not great. Because of everything that happened, I had just closed the chapter on kids. We were apparently one and done. I told my husband, “I am not doing that again.” I mean, I was on blood pressure medicine for 2 years after that. Meagan: Wow. Amanda: Yeah. It was bad. I just said that I always wanted more kids, but I'm not going to do that again. That was terrible. Finding The VBAC LinkAmanda: So my son was about 2 and I was listening to a different podcast. They were interviewing these two doulas who had VBACs and I was like, Who are these women? Then obviously, it was you guys. Meagan: That's awesome. Amanda: I went over and I found The VBAC Link. I was like, Oh my gosh. I didn't even know a VBAC existed up until this point. I was listening to your podcast and I listened to all of the episodes and then I finally said to my husband, “Listen, I found this information. It's really inspiring and really informative and if we ever had another baby, this is what I want to do.” He is the most supportive person that exists. He is my biggest fan and biggest cheerleader. He was like, “Okay. That's fine.” With a list of questions from your website, I went and found a new OB who I interviewed and I decided that they were supportive because aside from answering all of those things positively, she could also tell me the nearest provider who delivered VBAC twins and the nearest provider who did VBAC breech births. Meagan: Wow, that's awesome. Amanda: She said, “It's not here, but these are the two places that you could go.” I was like, Okay, I feel like this practice will work. It was also much, much bigger. They had two midwives on staff which I was very interested in because I'm definitely more of a midwifery mindset. In the meantime, I also went to pelvic floor therapy and while she fixed a lot of internal things, she also did a scar release which was very intense but very, very needed. I didn't know that until I had it and then I was like, Oh my gosh. I didn't realize how uncomfortable I was just living my life all of the time. It was amazing. Meagan: How game-changing it really is. Yeah. Not even just for birth, but for life like you said. Amanda: Yes. I couldn't even sit criss-cross applesauce just because I had so much tension in my hips and everything. It fixed so much. Praying for a babyAmanda: Then my son is approaching 4 years old and then one night we were saying our prayers just he and I at night and he says, “I pray for a baby in mommy's belly.” Meagan: Aww. Amanda: I was like, “What?” Meagan: “What did you just say?”Amanda: Yeah. There was no one pregnant around us at the time. I didn't even know at that time that he knew that babies in bellies were a thing. That continued for weeks. I never once reminded him. Every single night, he would pray for a baby in Mama's belly. I talked to my husband. I was like, “We need to address this one way or another. We either need to tell him that that is not happening or we need to have a serious discussion.” So since I'm here, you know what we decided on. Meagan: Spoiler alert. Amanda: We were blessed with a second pregnancy. Now, the day I took that pregnancy test, I went on The VBAC Link website. I looked up your doulas and I found doulas in my area. I just kept scrolling back to this one profile that just kept speaking to me. Her name was Mallory. I sent an email to her which was “Seeking doula, have questions”. She wrote back to me and that is actually who I ended up having as my doula. She was literally with me from day one. But I started this pregnancy at advanced maternal age because I was 35 at the time. I was plus-sized so while I wasn't 90 pounds heavier, I had lost some weight, but I still had a higher BMI. I also consistently worked out 4-5 times a week and I was loaded with information. I had a new OB and I instantly became their worst nightmare. I know it because–Meagan: Because you had all of the information. Let me just tell you. Providers, I think it catches them off guard when people come in and have information and they are like, “Oh, wow. This lady knows what she is talking about.” That's how it should be. We should know what we are talking about. Amanda: I agree. I always say that I wish there was a second-time mom the first time because I just went in armed with so much information that I never would have gotten if I didn't have such an awful experience the first time. I started taking a baby aspirin every day just because of the blood pressure issues before. Scared or scarredAmanda: This is a much larger practice. Like I said, they had two midwives and as I rotated through those doctors, I realized that some were supportive, some were tolerant, and some were scared. Meagan: Oh yeah. I like that you say that. Scared. Because I think that's the case with a lot of the “unsupportive providers”. I think they are scared or scarred. Amanda: That's a good point. Yeah. That's a good point. Meagan: They just haven't had a great experience. Amanda: Right. So along with all of this medical information, I also am very strong in my faith and I was having a hard time. I was having an internal struggle because I had all of this information and I wanted this so badly but I was struggling with the fact of what if this wasn't God's plan? I was fighting for all of this stuff and what if it wasn't His plan? I shared that with my doula, Mallory, and she actually said to pray then if this is not Your wish, then take the desire away. Meagan: That just gave me the chills. Amanda: Yeah. I wanted to share that because it changed me so much. I prayed it every single day of my pregnancy and the desire never went away. I felt like it was okay. Because I was able to pray that and the desire was never going okay, I just felt so strongly and continued going along in this happy, healthy fast pregnancy. There were no physical issues. I had no carpal tunnel. I gained a total of 16 pounds. Total. I mean, I worked out up until 39 weeks. At my 39-weeks, I was doing body pump. I lifted the weights over my head. The instructor was like, “How long are you going to do this for?” I was like, “Actually, I'm all done today.” Meagan: Today is the last day. Amanda: If I knew though that I was going to go to 41 weeks, I probably would have kept going but I just wanted to some time to be done with the gym and just get in the right mental space. Signs of wavering provider supportAmanda: At 30 weeks though is when the support started to waver a little bit. There were more questions about heart decels and reminding me of the continuous monitoring. At 32 weeks, I was having a scan to make sure baby was head down and I had been going to the chiropractor this whole time. This baby liked to hang out transverse. Before my 32-week appointment, the night before, I went to the chiropractor and I was like, “Listen. I know you have been doing Webster the whole time. I have an appointment tomorrow. They are checking to see if he's head down. What can you do?” He's like, “I got you.” So I don't know what he did, but I was driving home from the chiropractor and it felt like I was on a rollercoaster. You know how your belly does that flip? It was so intense at one point that I actually pulled over and chilled for a minute. It was just so much movement happening. The next morning, I went to my 32-week appointment and he was head down. Meagan: Awesome. Amanda: That was pretty cool. Then at 36 weeks, they started to pull the big baby card. Meagan: Oh yeah. Amanda: They gave me an ultrasound and they said that the baby was measuring 11 pounds. Meagan: Whoa. Amanda: I said, “That is impossible.” First of all, I gained 16. There's no way 11 of that is him. Then they were like, “Well, you do have a high BMI.” I was like, “That does not mean that he is going to be a big baby.” I had the article that I brought with me about all of the evidence and I declined a re-scan. That blew the receptionist's mind. I said, “No. I'm not.” She said, “Well, the doctor said you have to.” I said, “I don't have to though so I'll make my next appointment, but it's not going to be for an ultrasound.” That night, I actually got a phone call from a doctor who was like, “Why did you decline the scan?” I said, “My baby is not 11 pounds. He's not.” We had a big conversation and we agreed on a different type of scan. Now, I can't actually remember. I apologize. I can't remember what kind it was. They took different measurements but at that one, he measured 6 pounds. Meagan: What? That's a dramatic difference. Amanda: I know. Where I thought, that's where I thought he was going to be in my head so then I was given the green light to proceed with the way I wanted to. This whole time, I just had such amazing support from my husband but also from my doula. She would check in before every appointment. She just was amazing. I would be in the parking lot and the text would appear, “How are you feeling about this?” Then when I would come out, she would check in with me. In fact, even before recording this podcast, I got a text from her, “How are you feeling about this?” I was like, She is a gem. But I got the green light. Meagan: We should have had her on. Amanda: I know. I did think about that. I feel so bad. Meagan: That's okay. That's okay. Amanda: She's got a new newborn of her own. I know, it's wonderful. At 36 weeks, I also started to get the on-call schedule of all the doctors. I would say, “Who is working this week?” I would keep it in my phone so I knew who would be working because there was one doctor who at an appointment told me directly that she is terrified of VBACs. I knew that I should avoid her at all costs because I just knew that if I had her, she would find some reason to deem it C-section worthy. Physical and mental preparationAmanda: Throughout this pregnancy, I'm doing chiropractic care. I'm drinking raspberry leaf tea. I'm eating the dates when I was supposed to eat the dates. I also went back to pelvic floor therapy and told them that I want to have a VBAC. Help me prepare for that. That was wonderful. I became so passionate about this whole thing. Everybody knew. My poor coworkers had to listen but if there was anybody around me who was getting a C-section, I had to tell myself, “They didn't ask you. They didn't ask you. They don't want a VBAC.” Meagan: I know. Amanda: I also got acupuncture because I was just trying all of the things. Also, in The VBAC Link Facebook group. I found someone was Catholic affirmations that they had made. She shared that file with me so I had them all printed out. I was ready to go and then my due date comes and my due date goes. Meagan: Hello, goodbye. Amanda: Yes. I had never been pregnant past 36 weeks before so I was like, Well, this is pretty awesome, but I felt incredible. I still was coming to work. I came to work on my due date and my principal was like, “I did not expect you to be here today.” I thought, Don't underestimate me just like those doctors. I'm here. Contractions beginSo on a Monday, I was 40+3 and I had an appointment. I saw a midwife at the practice who was actually a VBAC mama herself. She and I just had this vibe and I was like, Yes. I love her. I knew at that appointment at 40+3 that I was going to ask for a membrane sweep. So I did and she tried but I wasn't dilated at all. She was really giving it her best shot, but she couldn't do it. I felt fine. I was fine with it, but I was also a little disheartened because I knew that pressure was going to start coming from the providers. This is where my BMI came in handy because I could qualify for an early induction because of that because like I said, I had the work schedule and that doctor who was terrified of VBACs was working on Friday. Meagan: So just a couple of days later. Amanda: Yes. Yeah. This was Monday at this point, so I scheduled an induction for Wednesday. I was like, Okay. Let me give myself a couple of days to see what I can do, but I also knew I didn't really want to go too far past 41 weeks because I know at 42, the risks go up and I knew time was of the essence. After that appointment, I go back to school and I'm standing on the playground with my partner. There are all kindergarteners running around and running around. I felt this intense squeeze in my belly. I looked at my partner who has had three babies and I was like, “Oh my god, what does a contraction feel like?” I was like, “I think I just had my first contraction.” We were just cheering out there and they continued every 10-12 minutes all the way through Tuesday. I come to work on Tuesday. I was still having contractions but they weren't increasing in intensity so it was okay. Meagan: Yeah, just happening. Amanda: Yeah, but Tuesday, I did decide to leave work early. I just checked in with my principal and I said, “I think I'm going to go home. I think being in a better headspace knowing I'm home and relaxed might help.” As I was leaving, one of my coworkers who had a C-section several years ago came up to me and she said, “There are a lot of women who would love to be in your shoes so good luck.” I thought that was really special. Meagan: Mhmm. Amanda: I appreciated that. I knew. I was like, Yes, I'm doing this for me and for a lot of people. So anyway, sorry. I was in constant contact with my doula. I go home. My contractions are increasing to 7-10 minutes apart. They are more intense at night. Now they are 5-10 minutes apart but I still decided to go to the hospital on Wednesday morning for the induction because I know my body. With my first baby needing the NICU, I knew that as much as I would dream of a home birth, I know that I was afraid in case intervention was needed and I knew that my body would just relax when I knew I was in the place where the interventions could be if I needed them. Advocating during laborAmanda: I send my son to preschool and I go into the hospital with my birth plan and all of the things. I tell the doctor I want Foley but no Pitocin. He was like, “Uh,” and then he watched me have a contraction and then he said, “Are you having contractions?” I said, “I am.” He said, “Okay, we can do it then.”I got the Foley and he also when I was talking with him about my birth plan said, “Listen. We all read it and we want this for you.” I just thought that was a cool thing for him to say. Meagan: Validating. Amanda: Yes. So I'm in New Jersey and here, VBAC after two C-sections is not a thing. I knew that this was really my chance and I also knew that really, two was enough for me. I knew I wanted two children to make our family complete and that was it. One of the things for a VBAC here in the hospital and with the practice is continuous monitoring. Trust me, I tried to not have them do that. Meagan: It's a real fight if you decide to try to fight it and that's really common everywhere. Continuous fetal monitoring is usually pushed really hard and it's one of those things where it's like, is it worth fighting for to you? You have to weigh it out because you really do have to put up a fight. Amanda: I tried, but like you said, I wanted the VBAC more so I was like, Okay, fine. We can do this. They did thankfully have a portable monitor because I really wanted to labor in the shower. They had a portable monitor. It could go in there. I was like, “Good. We're golden.” But then my baby did not want to be on the monitor so he kept falling off but there was no decel. There was never a concern. Meagan: Just loss of heart rate because baby moved away. Amanda: Because the monitors fell off. Yeah, so at one point, one of the midwives– not the VBAC midwife, the other midwife– comes in and says, “We're just going to put an internal monitor in.” I remember my doula looked at me and she said, “Do you know how they do that?” I said, “No,” so then she explained that to me and I declined. Meagan: Yeah because they do have to break your water to do that. Amanda: Oh, I'm sorry. My water did break. Meagan: Oh, your water did break. Amanda: I apologize. I missed that. Gosh darn it. Meagan: I might have missed that. Amanda: No, I missed it. I missed it. But I didn't want the internal monitor. I just didn't feel like that was right for me. I was like, “I'll just keep struggling with this. He is safe and happy and comfortable. I'll be fine.” The night nurseAmanda: Everything was going fine. My body was doing it. I didn't need Pitocin and I was loving labor. Everything that I had practiced and done and just my head space was good and I had listened to some fear-release meditation prior to this and it was just wonderful. I was living in labor land. It was wonderful. Then shift change happened and the night nurse came. The night nurse was very, very intense. My day nurse would let that monitor ride a little bit without being on. This night nurse was not having it. Continuous monitoring meant continuous monitoring and she felt that she needed to do that 3 inches from my face with her hands just pressing and touching me and I really was feeling very overwhelmed by her. Meagan: Yeah. Amanda: I was trying to ignore her and they brought in the bar and I was laboring on the bar. It was wonderful but I still remember that I could smell her breath through her mask. It was too much. She was too much. I said, “Please can I labor in the shower and then we can get together?” She was like, “Okay, as long as baby stays on the monitor." I was like, Please baby, stay on the monitor. So I get in the shower and I was like, Okay. We're fine. Life is good. This is wonderful. I feel great. I'm rocking. It's great. Then I hear the bathroom open and I turn around and she is standing there in a full raincoat. She's got a head cover. Meagan: A raincoat? Amanda: She's got a plastic gown on, plastic shoes, and she comes in the shower with me and is trying to adjust this monitor. Meagan: Oh dear. Amanda: I lost my mind. I don't remember what I said but all I remember is screaming at her and her leaving but telling me I had to come out of the shower. So she leaves and I walk out and my husband and my doula are just snickering because I just kicked her out. But I was like, “Why is she in the shower with me?” I get dried. I get redressed. I'm back in the bed and she's back. Then my blood pressure starts spiking and I start hearing, “High blood pressure, high blood pressure.” I'm like, Oh my god, it's happening. Meagan: It's her. It's her. Amanda: Right, but I got scared because of what happened before. Meagan: Of course. Amanda: I was like, “I can't have this.” I remember Mallory looked at me and she said, “Do you want an epidural?” I didn't initially want one because I wanted to feel this. I wanted to feel all of this. She said, “It would just be a tool to reach your ultimate goal.” Now, I knew two things at that time. It was one, an epidural would help keep me still which was going to help keep this monitor one and two, it's known for bringing blood pressure down. So I agreed. I was kind of sad about it, but I knew ultimately that I was going for the VBAC. That's what I wanted so I had to keep that in my sights. In my head, I didn't say this out loud, but I said, “Okay. If I am a 6 or less, I will get an epidural.” I had a doctor come in and check and I was a 6. I get the epidural and obviously, it doesn't work so I get a second epidural. Meagan: Oh my gosh. Amanda: It was lovely, but that one did work. That brought my blood pressure back to normal and I was still, but then man. Between my husband was helping my doula and she had the peanut ball and she was still moving me. She was holding that monitor on. She was watching that monitor for me. It was just amazing but the problem was that the epidural stopped my contractions. Meagan: That is a downfall that can happen.Amanda: Yeah, so then I did consent to Pitocin at that point because everything stopped. “It is done.” Amanda: I had the epidural. I had the Pitocin. Things were progressing. I was dilating. We were moving me as much as you can with the epidural and then around 4:00 PM, my epidural wore off and I felt it wear off. I was like, Oh my gosh. At 4:45, the midwife came in and she checked me. She said, “Oh, you are 9 centimeters. This is wonderful. I'll be back in a few hours.” I'm thinking, A few hours, I don't feel like I have a few hours here. I felt my body start pushing all by itself. I was like, Oh my gosh. This is amazing, but I was like, “You have to get her back here. I know she said I was just 9, but you have to get her back here.” She came back and she said, “Oh, you're 10 already. Let's do a practice push.” I was like, “Wait. I need the mirror. Where's the mirror? I want to get the mirror.” There was a full-length mirror that they brought in and I thought there was going to be a little hand mirror situation so I was really happy with the full-length mirror that came in. She said, “Let's do a practice push,” and she was like, “Oh, you are an excellent pusher. You've got this.” I'm watching in the mirror and I hear from the hallway, “Don't let her push until I get in here!” And it was the doctor that I originally interviewed. She came in. She said, “I want to see this through.”Now, meanwhile, I had not seen her throughout my entire pregnancy as one of my providers but I thought that was so cool that she remembered that and came in for this. It was the midwife, not the VBAC midwife but another midwife and her were there with me and as I started to push him and his head came out, the midwife said, “Oh, do you want to feel his head?” Before I could even answer yes, the doctor said, “Oh, she does,” and takes my hand and I feel him. I'm pushing. I'm watching. My doula is taking pictures and all of a sudden, the midwife is blocking the mirror. I'm like, looking at her and I'm like, “I can't see.” I'm hearing her say, “Amanda, Amanda, Amanda.” Finally, I look over and she's blocking the mirror because she is holding my baby in front of me. Meagan: Oh my gosh! No way. Amanda: I was like, “Oh my gosh!” Then I'm looking at him and then there is a bright light behind him and I feel this moment of peace and I feel in my heart and I hear, “It is done.” I just know that God was there with me the entire time and I'm so grateful for that. My husband got to cut the cord and I got to hold him immediately– well, we didn't cut the cord until it stopped pulsing. he was so cute. He was like, “She told me to wait until it's white. Is it white? Is it white? Is it white?” It was just wonderful and he cut the cord. I got immediate skin to skin and I got to do his first latch right then and there which was so different. It was so different than my son. It was just such a redemptive, wonderful experience. I just am so grateful to The VBAC Link for seeing me through it and for giving me the information and just the inspiration to even take this on because if I had never found you, I don't know for sure if I ever would have gone through with it. So, thank you so much for that. Meagan: Oh my gosh. You are so welcome and thank you for sharing this beautiful story. I'm looking at your photo right now and oh my heck. I don't know who took it–Amanda: My doula, she took it. Meagan: Mallory?Amanda: Mallory. Meagan: Mallory killed it with this photo. I mean, seriously it is beautiful. Amanda: Thank you. Thank you. Meagan: I highly suggest if you are listening right now, head over to Instagram or Facebook and check out this absolutely empowering photo. The emotion, oh. Congratulations. I'm so stinking happy for you. Amanda: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. It was quite a journey. Importance of lactation supportAmanda: I just wanted to add one more thing if I could. Meagan: Yes. Amanda: I got to nurse Jeffrey David eventually, my first baby once he left the NICU but it was a rough time and then with Charlie, my second, I got to latch him right away and I am still nursing him now. He'll be 3 in June. I just want to say just like you get doula support for your birth, get yourself some lactation support if breastfeeding is the way you want to feed your baby. Meagan: 100%. 100%. Amanda: Yeah, so I used my friend, Lauren. She is from Cozy Latch Counseling and she has seen me through this entire process. I went back to work. I was able to pump and provide milk and now like I said, he's almost 3 and I'm still able to do that. If I hadn't had that lactation support from the very beginning, I don't know if that journey would have been as successful as it was. Meagan: Yeah. I mean, I full-on believe having lactation support even before the baby is here to talk about it. Talk about your plan. Discuss what you are wanting, your desires, your needs, and then getting that help right away even if it's your second, third, fourth, or fifth baby. Everyone is so different and I love that you brought that up because definitely, we are passionate about that for sure as you know or if you have been listening. We love The Lactation Network. We absolutely 100% would agree with you on that. Oh my gosh, well my face is just so happy. Can you just see my face right now? Amanda: I can. Meagan: I'm just smiling so big. My cheeks are throbbing a little bit, but that's a good thing. I'm just so grateful for you. This is such an amazing episode and congratulations again.  ClosingWould you like to be a guest on the podcast? Tell us about your experience at thevbaclink.com/share. For more information on all things VBAC including online and in-person VBAC classes, The VBAC Link blog, and Meagan's bio, head over to thevbaclink.com. Congratulations on starting your journey of learning and discovery with The VBAC Link.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/the-vbac-link/donationsAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

EPISODE #1- In this first episode EVER you can listen to my sexy seductive voice as I tell you all about what you can expect to hear on the podcast, & then the story of how I've been a nympho since I was basically alive, how I love the taste of a female, how I went from sleeping with women during my marriage to how we got into hotwifing and me sleeping with other men with my husband's consent! There's so much to listen to just in episode one & I can't wait for you to listen! Podcast episodes will ALWAYS be posted to my paid pages like this & others before anywhere else! 45 minutes- all me! Send your thoughts!!! IM STOKED!! Also mentioned on this podcast is Doc Chocolate - the owner of bulls & queens podcast & the first podcast interview I EVER DID!! Also featured on Consenting adults & strictly anonymous, and the Adventures of a Hotwife.

Hey there, you Mostly Horror lover/supporter! This week Chelsea goes crazy with the first line of the description and Steve and Sean chat with director Ariane Louis-Seize about her new feature film Humanist Vampire Seeking Consenting Suicidal Person. You won't want to miss this vamp-tastic episode!Episode Highlights:Discussion of this week's horror news, including the Mostly Horror guest crossover in Heart Eyes, David Howard Thornton as Steamboat Willie, the Practical Magic sequel, and Henry Selick's stop motion adaptation of The Ocean at the End of the LaneThe advantages and challenges of such an intriguing film titleAriane's take on why Edward Scissorhands is actually kinda scaryConversation about the coming of age themes in the film and how they relate to Ariane's personal experiencesDiscussion about casting the leads, Sara Montpetit and Félix-Antoine Bénard, and their chemistry on screen.Follow Us on Social Media:Instagram & Threads: @mostlyhorrorpodTikTok & Twitter/X: @mostlyhorrorSteve: @stevenisaverage on all socialsSean: @hypocrite.ink on IG/TikTok, @hypocriteink on Twitter/XEnjoyed the episode? Don't forget to subscribe, rate, and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform! For early access and ad-free episodes, subscribe on Wondery+.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

HUMANIST VAMPIRE SEEKING CONSENTING SUICIDAL PERSON MOVIE REVIEW What do you do when you're a vampire, and the thought of biting someone's neck puts you in a moral quandary? This is the dilemma of Sasha, a young teenager of the vampyric persuasion who, despite her family's pressure, is unable to bring herself to hunt down… Read More »Screener Squad: Humanist Vampire Seeking Consenting Suicidal Person

Send us a Text Message.2:51 The Bikeriders15:39 Kinds of Kindness27:15 Thelma36:11 Green Border50:31 The Exorcism01:01:54 The Devil's Bath01:12:26 Humanist Vampire Seeking Consenting Suicidal PersonOn this week's  'Roger (Ebert) & Me,'  an imitation 'Siskel & Ebert' movie review show,  film critics Brett Arnold of The New Flesh & Mark Dujsik of markreviewsmovies.comtake on seven (7) new release movies out in theaters and streaming the week of Friday June 21st 2024 (06/21/2024).Check out markreviewsmovies.com  for several more movies reviewed by Mark. Brett's a slacker!For more on horror titles check out The New Flesh,  Brett's other show, out on Monday. Thank you to Banshee Beat for the incredible original theme song.  Alien Ant Farm's music video for 'Movies' closes the show.  And thanks to Mary Houlihan for the killer hand-drawn artwork."Roger (Ebert) & Me" is a celebration of the late, great Roger Ebert, aiming to keep his unique spirit of film criticism alive by reviewing new movies in the easily digestible format that he pioneered. In other words, it's a movie review podcast. A podcast for regular moviegoers and people who like to keep up with new release movies.Every Friday, join Brett and veteran film critic Mark Dujsik as they review all the movies set for theatrical or streaming release that day and let you know if they're worth your time and money. 

HUMANIST VAMPIRE SEEKING CONSENTING SUICIDAL PERSON MOVIE REVIEW What do you do when you're a vampire, and the thought of biting someone's neck puts you in a moral quandary? This is the dilemma of Sasha, a young teenager of the vampyric persuasion who, despite her family's pressure, is unable to bring herself to hunt down… Read More »Screener Squad: Humanist Vampire Seeking Consenting Suicidal Person

Tons of movies to review this week. Check out the movies we discuss below!Timestamps14:11 - Humanist Vampire Seeking Consenting Suicidal Person (Photos/poster courtesy of Drafthouse Films)23:19 - The Devil's Bath30:59 - Agent Recon - (Photos/poster courtesy of Quiver Distribution)37:15 - Blackwater Lane (Photos/poster courtesy of Lionsgate)44:07 - The Exorcism (Photos courtesy of Vertical)48:22 - Inside Out 250:03 - Green Border57:30 - Margin Call**We spotlight the year 2011 for June's CinemAddicts Patreon bonus episode. Movies we spotlight are The Kill List and I Saw The Devil.1. Help us get to 1,000 Subscribers by joining our CinemAddicts YouTube Channel.2. Like Our CinemAddicts Facebook Page3. Join our CinemAddicts Facebook Group for daily movie recommendations!4. Questions/comments on CinemAddicts email Greg Srisavasdi at info@findyourfilms.com.5. Our website is Find Your Film.6. Shop our CinemAddicts Merch store: cinemaddictspodcast.com (shirts, hoodies, mugs).7. We do a bonus episode each month and early access spoilers for our CinemAddicts Patreon Members.8. Check out Anderson Cowan's new documentary project Loaded For Bear.CinemAddicts hosts: Bruce Purkey, Eric Holmes, Greg SrisavasdiLegacy member and co-creator: Anderson Cowan Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Without Your Head Podcast with Independent horror filmmakers Mike Lombardo of "Dead Format" & Ariane Louis-Seize of "Humanist Vampire Seeking Consenting Suicidal Person"! Help Dead Format https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/dead-format Please subscribe for more interviews! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOmwH7xVAhD-OOAqFWyTYTA?sub_confirmation=1 Help Support Without Your Head! https://account.venmo.com/u/headyverse Hosted by Nasty Neal, Annabelle Lecter and Terrible Troy! Join us weekly in the interactive chat to send in questions and comments! Music of the Month Brix'N Mortar supplying the tunes! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/withoutyourhead/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/withoutyourhead/support

As always, we appreciate you listening to Fitzlife Unfiltered, it's not lost on us how valuable your time is, and the fact you take moments out of your day to spend it with us, we are so grateful for that.And in saying that, we hope the value you receive from this somehow positively impacts how you live and show up in your life.  We are not designated experts on specific topics even though we have a lot of experience, this I know, but in some way we are ALL EXPERTS in our own life because we are the ONLY ones living OUR life, just like you.It's how you take the lessons and experience that made you an expert in your life and utilize them to CHANGE what you are doing that will ultimately move the needle.And on that note, we discuss much of this in this episode, and how making specific decisions, paradigms shifts, and TRULY CONSENTING to these changes allows you to take these steps.Paradigms, your subconscious, how deeply rooted you are in how you were raised are discussed between Kim and I and how it impacted our relationship, how we communicate, and how being conscious and understanding this allowed us to make changes in ourselves to have a better relationship and understand each other."WHAT DO YOU WANT? HOW DO YOU WANT TO LIVE THIS LIFE?"These questions are essential to ask yourself to grow and truly realize where you want to go and HOW will you do that?  Because hope isn't a plan, but action steps are, and definitive action aligned with the answer to how you want to live your life can be really impactful.Kim also discusses energy, serenity, and how being calm in nature and the energy that comes from that can help you in life and business.We tackle a lot and get deep and we hope this was valuable for your life.  As always, we just share our experiences in our life and hope it causes you to evaluate and think about yours.Please tag us on IG and leave a review if you loved this.Thanks so muc!K&JResource: Bob Proctor - Change Your Paradigm, Change Your LifeSIGN UP FOR WORKSHOPS, RETREATS, AND APPLY TO WORK WITH KIM & JAMIE: bit.ly/WorkWithKimFitzpatrickCONTACT INFO:Private Coaching:jamie@fitzlifeconsulting.comkim@fitzlifeconsulting.com Kim:www.jamieandkimfitzpatrick.comIG: @kim_m_fitzpatrickTikTok: @kimmfitzpatrickFB: https://www.facebook.com/kim.p.fitzpatrickE: kim@jamieandkimfitzpatrick.comJamie: www.jamieandkimfitzpatrick.com IG: @jamiefitzpatrickentrepreneur FB: https://www.facebook.com/CoachJamieFitzpatrick/ E: jamie@jamieandkimfitzpatrick.com

The docs are back this week to discuss two films, Consenting Adults and Lakeview Terrace, that explore the domestic thriller genre!  You can subscribe, rate, and leave feedback on the show through Apple, Google, Podbean, or wherever you get your podcasts.  Check out our discord and get in on the chat: //discord.gg/QdAhVhDPVN Questions for us, or about the show? E-mail us lonelyphds@gmail.com

Social media is going to war over their consumers' data, but no one is completely sure how to regulate private companies like TikTok yet. When you click 'agree' at the bottom of terms and conditions, do you know what you are signing up for? Most people don't. So how can they really agree? Peter Coy from The New York Times joins the show.

We love hearing stories of how our Women of Strength navigate birth in an empowered way, no matter the outcome. Rebecca's story shows how she carefully selected the most supportive homebirth midwife, created a safe birth space in her home, labored hard and beautifully with her husband, took time to process information, assessed her situation, and consented to her second Cesarean when the time felt right to her. Meagan also talks about the different types of positioning and some signs that your baby might be in a less-than-ideal position. Rebecca and Meagan discuss tips and tricks to help prevent a swollen cervix and what options you have if that happens to you!Additional LinksNeeded WebsiteHow to VBAC: The Ultimate Prep Course for ParentsFull Transcript under Episode Details Timestamp Topics01:54 Review of the Week04:31 Rebecca's first pregnancy07:25 Consenting to an unexpected C-section for breech presentation8:53 Fertility Fridays11:02 Sparked interest in VBAC and getting pregnant again13:53 Planning for a HBAC18:00 Tachycardia and GBS positive21:27 Early labor24:18 Calling the team30:10 Laboring through the night39:02 Making the decision to transfer44:53 Consenting to a C-section46:43 Tips for when things don't go as planned50:43 Signs of wonky positioning53:31 What to do57:00 Why you shouldn't skip the repeat Cesarean storiesMeagan: Hello, hello. It is Meagan with another amazing story on The VBAC Link podcast. Thank you so much for listening to us, you guys. I love this community. I know I talk about it. I know it's weird that I don't even know you, but I love you. I love you so much and I'm so glad that you are here with us today. We have our guest today from, let's see, Virginia. I think it's Virginia. That's what my mind is saying. Rebecca: Yep. Meagan: This is Rebecca, so welcome, Rebecca. Rebecca: Thank you. Thank you for having me. I'm really excited. Meagan: Absolutely. Me too. Her story, you guys, today is a repeat Cesarean story so if you didn't know on The VBAC Link, we do share repeat Cesarean stories because they are important to share as well. I'm excited for you to share more about your story and we're going to talk a little bit about swelling of the cervix at the end of this episode because this is something that we see and is a little bit of a part of your story. 01:54 Review of the WeekBefore we dive into the story and all of the things, we of course want to share a Review of the Week. This review is from shotsie3 and it says, “Amazing is not a strong enough word.” That is really awesome. I love that. It says, “I cannot say enough good things about The VBAC Link. Listening to this podcast not only saved my mental health but gave me the knowledge and confidence to take control of my second pregnancy. After my home birth turned into a hospital transfer and Cesarean with my first child, I felt broken. When I unexpectedly found out I was pregnant just 7 months postpartum, I felt scared and lost. I was afraid of failing again and doubted my body's ability to birth naturally, but I knew I absolutely could not have another Cesarean so I started obsessively researching VBAC. That's when I found The VBAC Link. I've been binging episodes ever since. Listening to these stories has been incredible. Each episode is like giving a shot of confidence into the arm.” Oh, I love that. A shot of confidence into the arm. We're giving you guys a little vaccine of confidence. It says, “Both my midwives and doulas have commented on how far my mental prep has come and I know it's all thanks to The VBAC Link. Julie and Meagan have given me lots of tools and resources to control my birth.” I love that. Control your birth. “I am now looking forward to welcoming my second child via HBAC in just five short weeks. I want to shout it from the rooftop, ‘EVERYONE SHOULD LISTEN TO THE VBAC LINK!'”This review was a little while ago, so shotsie3, if you are still listening with us, which we hope you are, email us. Let us know how your birth went. 04:31 Rebecca's first pregnancyMeagan: Okay, cute Rebecca, thank you so much for being here with us today. Rebecca: Yeah, thanks for having me. I'm really excited to share. Meagan: Absolutely. Well, I'd love to turn the time over to you. Rebecca: All right, well I guess I'll start with just a little recap of my daughter's birth who is my first C-section. My daughter was born in January of 2021. We got pregnant with her during kind of the height of COVID. That pregnancy went really smoothly other than it was COVID times so of course, my husband couldn't come to any of the appointments or anything like that. I didn't really do much prep with her because I wasn't going to go to a birth class. There weren't a lot of resources available. All I really did was watch some YouTube videos. I kind of knew I wanted to try to have a natural birth, but I didn't prepare that much for it really. I read Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth and stuff, but I didn't do too much preparation. She went to 41 weeks with no complications. I didn't want to be induced, so my OB was like, “We'll go to 41 weeks and then we'll bring you in for an NST and an ultrasound.” So we went in on January 10th for her NST. She passed that with flying colors and I had asked them if they would give me a membrane sweep before they would induce me. They said they could try that, so they were going to come in and give me the membrane sweep, but luckily, one of the doctors there was like, “Well, let's do her ultrasound first just to make sure that everything's fine because that just makes sense before going down there and doing the membrane sweeps.” They did the ultrasound and she was like, “Did you know your baby's breech?” I was like, “No, I did not.” Meagan: News to me. Rebecca: Yeah. Every time the OBs would very quickly, I will say, very quickly palpate me, they'd be like, “Yep. Feels like she's head down. Everything's good.” She was like, “Yeah. She's breech so we're going to go ahead and schedule a C-section for today at 4:00.” It was around 11:00 or something when this happened, so I just immediately started crying because I did not want a C-section. That wasn't what I was planning for at all. She was like, “Well, we don't do the (ECV)s here.” Is that what it's called? (ECV)? Am I saying it right?Meagan: Mhmm, yeah. Rebecca: Yeah. She was like, “We don't do that here. Your amniotic fluid is kind of low, so yeah. This is your option.” Meagan: I wonder why they don't do it there. Rebecca: I don't know. She just said that they don't offer that service. I guess I didn't really know to ask for a second opinion or to see what other– I was just like, “Well, she's telling me that this is my only option,” so we consented to the C-section which was really disappointing. 07:25 Consenting to an unexpected C-section for breech presentationRebecca: My husband had to go home and get a hospital bag ready because we didn't bring it with us or anything. We were like, “Oh, we will have time to go back if they are going to induce me.” I don't know. We just weren't prepared. Anyways, around 4:00, she was born via C-section and it was uncomplicated. It was uncomplicated. She did well. She did have some hip dysplasia because she was frank breech and they think she was probably frank breech for a long time, so her hips and the bones weren't in the socket at all. But other than that, she was completely healthy. But yeah, I remember that night kind of laying in bed with her nursing, and my husband was asleep. I just was quietly sobbing because I felt like everything that I was looking forward to kind of got ripped away from me and I didn't really have a choice in the matter. So I never got to experience one single contraction or any of that with her. I didn't even really have Braxton Hicks with her. It almost felt like there was no closure to the pregnancy. It felt like I should still be pregnant. I definitely, yeah. That was a struggle. That was a struggle for a while afterward kind of trying to find closure of that whole experience because it was just like, “Okay, you're pregnant and now you're not pregnant.” There was no transition. That was her story. 8:53 Fertility FridaysActually, to be honest with you, shortly after her birth, I was kind of like, “Well, if we get pregnant again, I think I'm just going to do a C-section again because I know what to expect. My body's already been through it. You know, I think I'm just going to do a C-section again.” That was kind of what I was thinking. But as I went on throughout my postpartum time, when I got my period back, I noticed throughout the year that I had some weird issues. I was spotting a lot all throughout the month and just different things were happening that I was like, “This doesn't seem quite right.” When I went to the OB about it, they were like, “Oh, it's fine. Your body is probably just getting back into the swing of things.”But it would be like, “Okay, well I've been postpartum for a while now.” This was two years down the line. I think that there's probably something going on that needs investigating. They were kind of like, “No, it's fine. It's fine.” I ended up finding a podcast actually called “Fertility Fridays”. I don't know if you've heard of it, but it's really awesome. Meagan: I haven't. Rebecca: It just teaches women about their bodies. How to track your cycle and what your cycle means, and how to know if you're actually fertile at that time because that's another thing. It took us a year to get pregnant with Emma Jean. I was also afraid, “Well, it took us a long time last time. Maybe something was wrong.” I just got really into body awareness and women owning their bodies and the different choices that we make and that our bodies have all of these natural processes that we don't even really know about all of the time because we are not educated about those things. Meagan: Yeah. Rebecca; So as I educated myself on how my body worked and all of its amazing processes, I also became really interested in physiological birth again. It re-sparked my interest in that and my passion for that. I kind of was like, “Well, my body is set up to do all of these amazing things. Why don't I let it do that? If I do get pregnant again, I do think I want to try to have a VBAC and let my body do what it's supposed to do.” 11:02 Sparked interest in VBAC and getting pregnant againRebecca: That kind of sparked my interest back into the VBAC and the physiological birth. I got pregnant again in, I guess it was September of 2023. It's 2023 now, right? Meagan: Mhmm, yeah. Rebecca: It was 2022 that I got pregnant again with the first time trying because I had used these methods that I had learned to actually know, “Hey, I'm fertile on these days.” Unfortunately, that pregnancy did end in a miscarriage so we miscarried that baby in November around this time of year. That was also crushing, but luckily, we started again in January, and again, right away, the first time we tried, we got pregnant again with my son, Arthur who luckily is here with us today. We got pregnant with him in January of 2023 and that was a pretty scary first trimester because I was definitely worried about miscarriage and things of that nature. But as soon as we got pregnant with him, I started listening to The VBAC Link. I also just started to think about, because you guys talk about it all of the time, finding a provider that was friendly to VBAC, truly friendly. Meagan: Yes. Rebecca: Based on my experience with my OB that I was with, I felt like they were tolerant of VBAC but not necessarily supportive. I figured with her, I went to 41 weeks and I hadn't experienced a single contraction. I think they would have been like, “Well, if you don't go into labor by 39 weeks, it's going to be a repeat Cesarean.” I wanted to look for other options and one of my friends had a wonderful home birth for her second child and she recommended Kelly Jenkins who is Blue Ridge Birth. Meagan: What city are you in? Rebecca: I'm in Winchester, Virginia and she works all throughout the surrounding area so the Northern Virginia area. I called her around 7 weeks. I was like, “I know it's kind of early.” She was like, “No. This is perfect timing because I'm already almost full for October,” which was when I was due. She was just really great about going through all of the fears and concerns we have as VBAC parents going into a home birth. She just made me feel so comfortable. She was just really thoughtful with all of our questions, had a lot of stats and evidence, and just really practical which was what I was looking for. Somebody who really was practical and knew their stuff, but also wasn't necessarily a traditional OB. 13:53 Planning for an HBACRebecca: We ended up signing on with her for our care. She would come to our house at the normal time and an OB would come and spend a whole hour with us and just answer all of our questions which was awesome. Meagan: Wow. Rebecca: I never felt like, “Oh, well you're a VBAC so you are a huge risk.” Everything was just supportive and always gave us all of the evidence for all of the choices we had to make all along the way. I also did yoga throughout this pregnancy. I immediately downloaded the Spinning Babies yoga thing. We watched the Spinning Babies parent class because I was trying to do everything not to have a breech baby. Meagan: Yes. Rebecca: I went to the chiropractor a lot and yeah. I just tried to do everything with my posture and all of these things to make sure this baby was not going to be breech. That was my biggest fear. He never was breech, so that wasn't the problem. We also took a Bradley class. I have mixed feelings about Bradley, especially as a repeat Cesarean parent. Meagan: Yep. Rebecca: I think Bradley is really great, but I will stand on a soapbox just for a minute and say I also think Bradley is pretty dated and somewhat unfair to parents because it really does villainize any kind of drug or anything. Sometimes you have to do things for the safety of your child and I feel like it really villianizes using a lot of medical tools that sometimes you truly need. Meagan: That are necessary. Interesting, yeah. Rebecca: Luckily, we had a great doula who taught our Bradley class. It was Bethany Bagnell. She definitely gave it her own spin and kind of, I feel like, was more open-minded whereas if you read the Bradley book, I feel like he's very stringent and I just feel like some of the things he promotes are a little bit outdated in my opinion. But I really liked her so it was a very informative class. We felt really prepared going into the birth. 18:00 Tachycardia and GBS positiveWe really didn't have any complications until week– I guess it was 34 or 35. Kelly came to our house to do our normal check-up and the baby's heartbeat was really fast. She called it tachy. She was really concerned about that and so we actually did go to the hospital to get an NST. They were pretty rude to us at the hospital. They were kind of like, “Why are you guys here? I don't understand why you are here.” We were like, “Our midwife–”Meagan: Just checking up. Rebecca: You know, the heartbeat was really high. I don't know. They just weren't very kind to us while we were there. But anyway, they ended up not giving us the test that she asked them for. She wanted them to do an ultrasound and an NST and they refused to do the ultrasound. We ended up having to drive up to Laden to get the ultrasound. Everything was fine. His heart rate had settled back down and he looked fine. He was head down so we were happy about that. But that was the only little scare that we had. The other thing that was a little bit of a complication but not a complication, just something that happened is we did test positive for GBS. That was not a big deal. We could get the antibiotics at home so it did not preclude us from having a home birth or anything. We did research a lot about that because we kind of wanted to avoid antibiotics so we did a lot of research to decide what the best decision was for us whether we wanted to do those antibiotics. We decided we were just going to play it by ear based on how soon my water broke and different things. Meagan: Signs. Yeah, all of those things are really good things to take into consideration. Rebecca: Yeah, exactly. My urine was clear for GBS. It was just the swab so that was another good indicator that it might be okay. Then yeah, we were just going to kind of wait and see. I also went on a really stringent diet. I cut out white foods and a lot of the things that are shown to feed GBS then I added a lot of fermented foods and probiotics and stuff like that. Meagan: Awesome.Rebecca: So those were really the only two little bumps in the road. The whole pregnancy, every time, she would palpate which would be a full belly map by the way. When the OB would touch my belly, it would be for 10 seconds. Kelly would actually go in and she would completely map out my belly and be like, “I can feel his neck here and his butt.” Every time she did that, she would be like, “He's in a great position. He's in a perfect position.” We were really hopeful going into things. Of course, he did go over the due date but I kind of expected that because Emma Jean did the same thing. The difference with him was I had a lot of Braxton Hicks and I did actually have a few days where I had some prodromal labor or some episodes that I was like, “Maybe this is labor,” and then it kind of just fizzled out. 21:27 Early laborHe went to 41 weeks and I was starting to get a little nervous that we might have to induce. I really didn't want to do that, so the day that he was 41 weeks, I started feeling contractions every 10 minutes throughout the day. I was at work and I was just kind of breathing through them. They weren't painful, but I was definitely like, “Okay. These are kind of timable, every 10 minutes or so.” Right after work, I got together with some of my work friends and we went for a really nice, hilly, 3-mile walk and sure enough, by the time I got home from that, I was feeling contractions become stronger and closer together. They weren't painful yet, but around the time that I was cooking dinner, I went upstairs and I went to the bathroom and I had blood all over my toilet paper. I was like, “Okay. That's a good sign. Maybe I am in labor. Maybe this is finally it,” because we had a few episodes and we had been trying all of the things to get things going. I told my husband, “Maybe things are really happening.” I texted my midwife and she just told me, “Go to bed early tonight. After you put your daughter down, go to bed and see if you can get some rest because it sounds like this might be it so try to get some rest.” I got my daughter down and tried to lay down probably around– she went to be around 8:00 and I tried to lay down around 8:30. As I was laying in bed, I just couldn't get comfortable. What it felt like to me was gas pains. I had always heard period cramps, but I was feeling very strong gas pains. I told my husband, “Maybe I just have gas.” He was like, “Your gas doesn't come in waves like that. I think you're having contractions.” I was like, “I don't know.” Meagan: It doesn't come in waves. Rebecca: He was like, “You're having contractions. I think you're really having contractions.” So he started to time those and they were coming every 5-7 minutes and it was too uncomfortable for me to stay in bed, so I was like, “Well, let's go ahead and go into the basement.” We have a nice finished basement and we were going to birth down there. That's where we were going to set up the pool. I was like, “You can get the tub set up and I can kind of pace around and we will make sure we won't wake up Emma Jean,” who is my daughter. We came into the basement probably around 10:00 and pretty much as soon as we got into the basement, my contractions became strong enough that I wasn't really feeling like I could talk through them anymore. I was leaning over the ball and breathing. My dog, Maggie, was right beside me. Her face is right next to mine the whole time. She was kind of starting to distract me so I was like, “Let's call my dad to come get the dog.” I was like, “I think this is really happening.” 24:18 Calling the teamRebecca: We called everyone. We called Kelly and we called my mom and my sister who were going to help and attend the birth. Everybody just started rolling in. My dad came and got the dog. My mom and sister came and then Kelly was coming around midnight. By the time Kelly got there, I was definitely like, Rick was already helping me out with counterpressure because my contractions were so strong in my back. Everything was in my back, not in my abdomen at all. I remember in the back of my head, I was like, “Man, I remember that means position.” Meagan: Usually. Rebecca: It's probably not what it should be. Kelly, on the phone, had told me to try to do some of the Miles circuit. I had been working through that a little bit when she showed up. When she showed up, I was on the bed in the head down position with the butt up which is part of the Miles circuit and my water broke. My water broke right around midnight when she arrived and that was really cool for me because I had not gotten to experience that with Emma Jean so that feeling is still something that I think of fondly because I never got any of that with my first daughter. Kelly was like, “Just so you know, your contractions might pick up now because your water is broken.” I was like, “Okay,” and they definitely, definitely did pick up. I feel like I almost didn't even go through that early labor stage. I feel like I kind of went straight into that active, you've got to focus. You've got to breathe. My husband had to be right there with me with the counterpressure. Things were pretty strong. They were tolerable and I was excited, so I wasn't like, “Oh, this is really painful.” I was like, “Oh my gosh. It's happening. This is all happening.” That really, I think, helped with the pain tolerance. I was excited for it. But for most of that part of labor, I was leaning over the bed or the couch, and my sister, I would hold her hands and look at her. My husband would be behind me with the counterpressure. They were getting the tub all going and everything. Then Kelly was like, “Do you want me to check you?” I let her check me, but I told her not to tell me how dilated I was. She checked me and she was like, “Well, he's really, really, really low. I can already feel his head. You're almost completely effaced so that's good.” She didn't tell me how dilated I was, but I was like, “Okay. He's low. I'm effaced. Things are sounding good.” Then the nurse got there and we had to decide if we wanted to start the antibiotics for the GBS. My water had broken so I was kind of like, “Um, I don't know. Let's see.” Then I asked Kelly, “Can you just tell me how dilated I was so I can kind of get a sense of how much time we have?” She said I was only at a 1. I was kind of disappointed by that, but I was like, “I haven't been laboring that long. I know that dilation can come really quickly. It's not the only thing. I'm effaced and he's low,” so I didn't let it get me down, but we did decide to go ahead and run the antibiotics. She hooked me up with those and I was able to still be in the tub and everything. She just covered it with a dressing and a plastic so I could be in the tub. I did get in the tub at that point. I got in the tub probably a little after midnight. I don't know the exact timeframe. The tub was nice, but my husband hates baths so at first, he was like, “I'm not going to get in the tub with you.” I was like, “Okay, well I need your counterpressure so buddy, you're going to have to.” Meagan: Get in.Rebecca: Yeah. I went through a few contractions in the tub without him in there with me and to do the counterpressure, I would press my butt as hard as I could against the bottom of the tub. I was like, “This is not cutting it. You're going to swim with me now. Get in.” He did. He got in. He's kind of a germaphobe which is part of him not liking tubs thing. Meagan: Okay, fair. Rebecca: He got in with me and he did what he needed to do. He was awesome. Basically, I would just press against– I was lined up against his pelvis and I would press my butt into him as hard as I could because every contraction felt like my butt would fly apart if I didn't have somebody holding it together. Meagan: I  can totally relate. I was in labor. I was like, “He's going to come out my butt.” Everyone was like, “No, he's not.” I'm like, “Yes, he is.” Those posterior babies. Rebecca: Yep. It just felt like my butt would fly apart if no one held it together. That was how I was getting through each contraction. I labored in the tub for a while then I had to use the bathroom so they were like, “You should labor on the toilet for a while. People love laboring on the toilet.” So I was like, “All right.” I did not like laboring on the toilet. Meagan: Dilation station. Rebecca: I think I just really needed my husband's body. I don't know why. I needed to be pressed against him in some form or another. He was definitely my rock through that whole thing. He was really good. He read The Birth Partner book and everything. He really was with me 100% of the way which is another reason I'm so thankful that I got to labor this time because the bonding between the two of us going through that together was just something that I could never replace. It was just amazing. 30:10 Laboring through the nightRebecca: We kind of went back and forth between the tub and the bed and doing different things. Everything was going well. I remember asking people what time it was a few times and I was like, “Man, the night's really going by quickly. I feel like I'm laboring really hard, but I'm managing and everything was going well.” We labored all through the night until my daughter woke up at 7:00 in the morning. I wanted to say goodbye to her before she went off to school to daycare. I waited for a contraction to end because I was like, “I don't want her to come down here while I'm acting crazy.” When the contraction ended, I called up to my mom. I was like, “Bring down Emma Jean.” She was so cute. She was like, “You're swimming? You're in the pool? What's happening?” I was like, “Yeah. Your brother is coming. Kelly is here,” and she was really excited that Kelly was here because she got to know her throughout the pregnancy. She was really excited. She gave us a kiss and we told her, “Probably when we pick you up from daycare, your brother will be here,” so it was really cute. Then my mom took her. She took her to breakfast and was going to take her to daycare. Basically, as soon as she left, that was my permission to make as much noise as possible. Meagan: Let it go, yep. Rebecca: Yeah. My contractions were starting to be really, really strong. I was starting to feel pushy and I was having to basically roar through them. I was really fighting it. I was sounding angry. I was kind of roaring through them with sort of gritted teeth which I know is the opposite. You're not supposed to grit your teeth. You're supposed to let your jaw be loose and all of that. I was definitely roaring through those contractions. At that point, Kelly was like, “Look, it seems like you might be getting kind of close. Let's check you again and see what's going on.” The intensity of where I was and what I was doing to get through the contractions, I was really expecting and hoping that she was going to say I was maybe a 9 or a 10. She told me later she was fully expecting to tell me, “You're a 9 or a 10.” But when she checked me, I was only a 4.That was kind of crushing to me, but I was like, “Okay.” Actually, I told her not to tell me at first. I was like, “Don't tell me. Again, don't tell me unless it's time to push.” Meagan: Do not tell me, yeah. Rebecca: She said, “Okay, it's not time to push.” The way she said it, I was like, “Something's weird. Something's wrong.” She was like, “I really need you to relax. We're not going to get back in the tub. I want you to lay in the bed. I want you to be in a side-lying position.” She put me in very specific positions and she was like, “I really need you to rest and relax.” 33:09 First signs of swellingI was kind of like, “Okay, something is weird,” so I just asked her. I was like, “Well, what am I at?” She was like, “You're only at a 4.” I was like, “What? I've been laboring all night intensely.” She was like, “And the baby's head is already trying to come through and his head at the top is starting to swell a little bit,” which they called a caput. She was like, “So you know, he's good. His heart rate's good. Your heart rate's good. I'm not worried, but we do have to keep an eye on that.” So she was like, “I'm going to have you go through some different phases of the Miles circuit to see if we can change his position a little bit, get him off your cervix a little bit,” and things like that. I was not able to get those really strong counterpressure that I needed from Rick in that side-lying position, so I was like, “Let's get some music going. I need some kind of distraction.” I'm a singer. I love to sing and I play music and stuff so we put on our wedding playlist. We were just both lying on the bed. I had him get my comb for me so I could squeeze it and I was just singing through our wedding songs. That was actually a really beautiful part of the labor for me. I was sitting there and singing through our songs. It was kind of a chance to just be quiet and think about things. I just kept saying in my head, “Okay. Dilate. Dilate. You're going to dilate,” and thinking that over and over again. She had me do 30 minutes in each of these different positions. The one with the head down and the butt up was super uncomfortable I think because my neck was hurting. I was so ready for that to be over. After we went through those, she was like, “Okay, let's get you up and get you moving again.” This was probably at least an hour later that she was like, “Let's get you up off the bed and we'll just move around.” Rick and I danced around. Every time a contraction hit, I would just squat down really low and he would squat down and hold me in a chair almost and just hold onto me, then we would sway and dance. Meagan: How cute. Rebecca: Yeah. It was really special. We did that for probably another half hour, then it was time for me to get another round of the IV which I guess I had been getting every 4 hours is what that generally is. Kelly was like, “How about we do another round of the antibiotics and then I'll check you again because it will have been about two hours more or so. We will see if you have progressed and what is going on.” At this point, I was starting to feel a little discouraged. I remember I was sitting on the birth ball and Bethany, the nurse, was giving me the antibiotics. I just remember looking at Rick and I was like, “I'm trying so hard.” I was tearful. I was like, “I am trying so hard. I know that I'm a good mom.” He was like, “You're the best mom.” He was crying and I was crying. He was like, “We're going to get through this and we're going to do what we need to do.” Throughout my whole pregnancy, I had told him, “If I don't get a VBAC, it's going to be so hard for me. It's going to be really crushing for me.” His perspective on it the whole time was always like, “Look. We're going to make the best decisions possible with the information we have.” He was like, “Hopefully, that is you getting your VBAC, but if it's not, it's because we had to move to the next plan because it was the best decision.” He was kind of like, “Look. That's the same thing. We're going to make the best decisions with the information we have. You're a great mom and you're doing a great job. I'm so proud of you.” That was just really special. We were just going through the emotions. After we got the antibiotics, she checked me again. I want to say this was around 10:00 in the morning and she was like, “Becca, you're still a 4.” And she said, “Now, your cervix is swelling.” She said, “Look. You know, you're not in danger at this point. The baby's not in danger. This is not an emergency. But, I can't tell you that if you keep going for a few more hours, you're going to have your baby here. I don't know.” She was like, “Chances are your cervix will continue to swell. You've also been in labor for a long time. You're getting tired.” She just kind of started to talk to us about hospital transfer. She was like, “Maybe if we go to the hospital and you get an epidural and you can relax and maybe we can try some different positions with the epidural and get the baby to come off the cervix some.” We started talking about it and I remember I was going through a contraction on the edge of the bed. I had my arms up on the bed and I was just sobbing. I was like, “I tried so hard. I'm trying so hard.” But I remember as soon as I found out I was still just at a 4 and that my cervix was swelling, it is very mental because my tolerance of the contractions, my pain tolerance, just went down. Meagan: Yeah. Rebecca: All of a sudden, they just felt so much more painful because I was going from being like, “Well, maybe I'll meet my baby any second,” to “Who knows? Who knows what's going to happen?” Meagan: Starting to feel the defeat and doubt. Rebecca: Exactly. We talked about it and we were like, “Well, we could labor here for who knows how long and still need to transfer, or we could go ahead and transfer and try something new.”39:02 Making the decision to transferWe made the decision to transfer. Luckily, I only live 5 minutes away from the hospital, so it wasn't a super long process to do that. We already had our hospital bag packed this time. I was ready with that. I had my hospital bag packed. I had my C-section plan just in case. I had my hospital plan just in case. I at least felt ready to go. Nobody said, “You have to transfer.” It was our decision. We felt like we had the information and we made the decision together. That part of going to the hospital, I remember just wishing I could turn these contractions off now because now, getting in the car, not having the counterpressure, all that, and the funny thing was we walked out onto our patio. I had a contraction on the side of my patio and of course, my neighbors drive by and roll down their windows and are like, “How's it going?” Meagan: “Are you okay? How's it going?” Rebecca: Yeah. I was like, “Oh my gosh.” I love these neighbors. They are amazing, but I was like, “This is not what I want to be doing.” But we made it to the hospital. We got to triage. They strapped me all up. I was lying flat on my back in the most uncomfortable position, but basically, we got through triage and everything. From the time I got to the hospital to the time I got the epidural was probably still another hour and a half of labor at least. That was really tough. We made it there. We got there. We finally got the epidural placed. I would say it was around noon when I finally got the epidural placed. I will tell you. I am all about natural labor and if somebody had told me, “You'll have to labor 10 more hours, but you're going to push your baby out and everything is going to be fine,” I would have found it in myself to do that.Meagan: Yeah? Yeah? Rebecca: I will still say that epidural felt so freaking good. Meagan: I bet. Rebecca: It was just a warm wave of a warm tingling hug. As soon as I got the epidural, all of the pain just kind of melted away. I was like, “This is where we are so I might as well enjoy this for what it is and take this relief.” Yeah. The other thing was that the doctor was, I would say, VBAC tolerant for sure, the doctor on call. He kind of came in and gave us a big spiel about TOLAC and did we know the risks. He was like, “Look, you can try for a VBAC, but if anything goes wrong, we're not going to try to fix it. It's just going to be a C-section because we're going to play it safe.” I was like, “Okay.” I didn't have any problems with him. He was a nice guy and everything, but as soon as he said that, I was like, “I have a feeling this is going to be a C-section. I think it's just going to be a C-section.” The nurse was very great. She put me on the peanut ball. She moved me around some different positions to try to get him to back off my cervix. When they checked me again, I was still a 4 even after that time. I labored with the epidural for about two more hours to the point where I was like, “I'm getting kind of bored and antsy. I sort of want to know what's going to happen. What's the plan at this point?” At about two hours in, the doctor came back in and he checked me again. He said, “I could push you to a 5, but you're still basically a 4.” He said, “Your cervix is very swollen.” He said, “I could give you Benadryl or something like that for the cervix to come down.” He was like, “But I really don't like to do that because at this point, whatever is happening to your cervix is a position thing. It's a mechanical, positional thing.” Also, the epidural slowed my contractions way down. They went from being 3 minutes apart to being 10-12 minutes apart. He was like, “I'd probably have to give you Pitocin to get this going again.” He was like, “I'm not comfortable doing that.” He basically said, “I recommend a C-section and that's basically your option.”Meagan: I was like, “Okay. Can you give us a few minutes to talk it over?” He did. He left the room. My midwife, Kelly, was still there. She stayed on the whole time as my doula. She basically was like, “You know, I do understand what he is saying.” She was like, “I kind of wish he would have told you that earlier and not made you wait for two hours.” She was like, “I agree. It probably is positional and there's probably not a ton we can do.” Oh, another thing he had said was that the baby was having some decels after my contractions. He was like, “You know, that can show us the baby is in a little bit of distress.” She was kind of like, “You know, I understand what he is saying and I'm not sure that I would give you any other advice. I'm not sure I would tell you anything different.” My husband and I talked it over and we were like, “Let's just meet our baby. Let's just meet our baby now.” We had them go over our C-section plan and of course, they weren't willing to do most of the things that we had on that plan. They didn't have the clear drapes. There were just a lot of things that they weren't willing to do, but they did agree that the nurse could take pictures of the surgery for us which was something I didn't have with my daughter.Meagan: Which is nice. Rebecca: Yeah. She took pictures for me and that's pretty much the only thing, I think, that was really different. She took pictures of everything that happened. 44:53 Consenting to a C-sectionRebecca: Around 4:00, we consented to the C-section, and then yeah. They just prepped me. My sister took a picture of me giving a thumbs up getting ready to go. She took a picture of my husband and his whole suit and everything. I was like, “Okay. Let's just do this thing and get our baby now.” I did shed some tears while they were rolling me into the OR and I remember the anesthesiologist well-meaning was kind of like, “What? Are you afraid of a C-section? You've already done this!” I know she was trying to be like, “There's nothing to be scared of,” but I was kind of like, I even said to her, “I'm not scared. That's not why I'm crying.” She was like, “Well, what's wrong?” I was like, “I'm disappointed.”Meagan: This is not what I wanted, yeah. This is not what I planned for. Rebecca: That was a little bit like, “Okay. Come on. Empathize a little bit here. There are lots of reasons why someone could be crying going into this.” Long story short, the C-section all went to plan, but as soon as they did pull him out, they did say he was OP. He was sunny-side up and then they also said, “And he's 9 pounds.” So he was pretty big. I mean, I could have pushed him out for sure but he–Meagan: Yeah, on the bigger side. Rebecca: But he was in sort of a poor position which could be why I had the swelling and everything of the cervix. He came out and he was really, really healthy. Once we got to the recovery room, he nursed right away. He was definitely a hungry little boy right from the beginning so that was awesome. He latched right on and nursed and everything. Yeah, that's pretty much the story. 46:43 Tips for when things don't go as plannedMeagan: You know, it's so interesting how we have these things. We go through all of these things and we end sometimes in the way we didn't want, right? Rebecca: Yeah. Meagan: I've been there too, not nearly as intense as you. You went through a lot. I just had an unsupportive provider from the get-go. I ended up walking down to the OR in general, but we have these experiences, but we still grow from them. Rebecca: Absolutely. Meagan: I mean, I heard little nuggets within your story like bonding with your husband, having faith in your body, working through it, experiencing labor, having support, but are there any other things that you would tell our Women of Strength, our listeners, especially if something doesn't happen exactly as planned? Rebecca: Yeah. There are a couple of different things. The first one was all throughout when I was prepping for labor in particular, especially for dealing with pain, the word that kept coming up and coming up was surrender. I kept thinking, “Surrender to the contraction. Surrender to the sensation.” I always applied that very specifically to labor and labor pains, but I want people to take it a step further and just be like, surrender to your birth however it's going to happen because even if you do everything right and you do all of the steps, there are no guarantees in birth that you are going to have the outcome that you wanted. Even if you have a good outcome, most likely, there's going to be something about it that was unexpected or wasn't perfect so just try to surrender to the whole experience. Yeah, of course, surrender to the contractions. Surrender to the labor, but surrender to the whole experience and the fact that you can't control it. That doesn't mean you are doing anything wrong. Meagan: Yeah. Rebecca: That's the other thing. I hear it a lot in VBAC and I understand why people use this word, but I feel a little bit, I guess I would say use some caution in using it. A lot of people label their VBAC as a redemption or redemptive. You own whatever experience you have. I'm sure it is redemptive, but I guess what I would say is that we don't need to redeem ourselves. There is nothing we did wrong that we have to have redemption for. Can the experience feel redemptive? Absolutely, but I don't want women to then apply that to themselves like, “I need redemption because I failed at something.” You are making the best decision for yourself and your child with the information that you have at that moment. That is what parenting is all about. You can't control anything when you become a parent either. There are always going to be these little decisions you have to make that are unexpected or huge decisions. I think that was the difference between this C-section for me and the last one was the last one, I didn't feel like I had a choice. With this one, every step of the way, I was given choices by my midwife with my husband. We had time to talk through things. We had time to think through things. We made the choices that we felt were the best choices at the moment. So those are the two things I would really say. Surrender to your whole experience because you have no idea what it's going to bring and you don't need redemption because you are already being the best mom that you can possibly be or the best birthing parent that you can possibly be just by being in the moment and making those good decisions with the information that you have. Meagan: I love that so much. I love that so much. Thank you for sharing that. Rebeca: Yeah, absolutely. 50:43 Signs of wonky positioningMeagan: I want to dial into that. The swelling of the cervix, the “stalling” of this labor and I'm putting it in quotes, but it does happen and sometimes despite all of our efforts, it doesn't change and sometimes it does change, but I wanted to talk about the swelling of the cervix and what that really means and what kind of signs we can look out for to know that we've maybe got a baby in a wonky position that could cause a swollen cervix and then what we can do. I mean, just like you were talking about, we were talking about how you just needed your husband to hold your butt together. That is a sign. If we are having all back or butt labor, that could mean a sign that a baby is in an OP or occiput posterior position. That doesn't always cause a swollen cervix or a delay or a stall in labor or anything like that, but it can.Another position is called asynclitic and that's where the head is kind of tipped to the side a little bit and we're not coming down with a nice chin-tucked position into the pelvis. Another one is where the chin is extended or we're in that military position. I've also seen it sometimes in a transverse. It's like a transverse asynclitic. I don't know exactly what that one is where the head is back, the chin is up, and we're in an asynclitic position. We're not looking straight up. Those are positions that may mean our babies are in a less-ideal position. Some of the things are prodromal labor beforehand. You had mentioned that. That means sometimes there is a baby that needs help getting in a different position or a back labor or a butt labor. A coupling pattern where there are two contractions and then there is a big break and then there's a big strong one. Our body is trying to get that baby to rotate. Rebecca: Yep. I did have really long contractions and I did have some double peaks so that makes sense to me.Meagan: Yes. Yes. I call them coupling contractions where that's what they can do. Our body is brilliant. It's trying to rotate these babies and work with us, but sometimes, it's more difficult and sometimes we have to help our body by rotating and moving and working with the pelvis in things like this. 53:31 What to doSome of the things we can do, it sounds really weird and I saw this from a nurse years ago and I was like, “What is she doing?” Then I was like, “Oh my gosh, it worked.” We had an anterior lip where it was swelling on the one side. She said, “I want you to get in the biggest fetal position that you can, the tightest fetal position.” We're holding her even around and imagine a 9-month belly. So it was a little difficult to wrap ourselves around it, but we brought knees all the way to her chest, had her wrap around her knees like this and she laid there. We had to do a lot of counterpressure. Rebecca: Yeah, I can imagine. Meagan: Because that was not a comfortable position. We did five contractions like that and it was hard, but she said, “I want to do it. I want to do it.” We got into it with lots of counterpressure then we did, I don't know what you call it, but we did the throne where you sit up feet to feet, knees out, but after that contraction, she got a check and the lip was gone. That was something that was kind of cool that I had never heard of. I had been a doula for years then I saw this and I was like, “Huh, okay.” I haven't seen anyone do that. Rebecca: Yeah. I read a lot of the books and I didn't see that anywhere. Meagan: Never saw it anywhere, but yeah. This nurse here in Utah was like, “I know just the trick.” She did it and I was like, “Whoa, okay.” Yeah. Some people will say that sometimes ice, there is a circulation issue and sometimes ice can actually stop circulation. Sometimes ice isn't the best and then Arnica or Benadryl. You mentioned Benadryl that they wouldn't give you but they mentioned it. I don't even know how to say the word. It's actually something that I just was talking to a labor and delivery nurse in our community who wants a VBAC. It's Cemicifuga. I don't even know actually, you guys. I don't know how to pronounce it, but those, I've seen arnica, out-of-hospital midwives will use or getting into a tub. Sometimes that can or sometimes an epidural because it can offer relaxation. But then that always and then yeah, just moving, moving, and working with position. But then sometimes, despite all of our efforts, just like cute Rebecca, for whatever reason it doesn't change. That's when we have to surrender on our whole experience and make the choice that is best for us at that point. If that's a repeat Cesarean, that's a repeat Cesarean. Repeat Cesareans can also be healing. Rebecca: Yeah. I would say this was because I definitely felt totally different about the experience afterward. I still mourned it of course and you will, but I felt much more empowered and I got so much out of just going through the labor process that I wouldn't give it up for the world. It still was healing for me for sure. 57:00 Why you shouldn't skip the repeat Cesarean storiesMeagan: I love that. Well, thank you so much for sharing your stories with us, being here with us today, and talking about swollen cervixes. Rebecca: Yeah. I hope people actually click on this. I know when I was preparing for VBAC, I was kind of guilty of, “Oh, a repeat Cesarean, I don't want to listen to this one.” So again, hopefully, people will be open because you never know what your story is, or maybe you'll come back and find it after you've had a repeat Cesarean and feel proud of yourself for everything that you did because I think hearing these stories after you've had a repeat Cesarean could be really helpful. Meagan: Absolutely. Just like they are helpful after having a Cesarean and preparing for a VBAC, after having a repeat Cesarean, these stories can be very healing and validating as well. These stories, I know that there are so many people out there who won't click or will avoid them because they don't want to even think or go there, but a lot of these stories with repeat Cesareans actually offer tools that can help heal if that does happen and ways that you can prepare for if that does happen because it's any birth. I mean obviously, look at all of us. There are hundreds of us and thousands of us who have had an unexpected Cesarean. We weren't planning on that Rebecca: No. Meagan: So preparing before for all outcomes is so powerful. Rebecca: Definitely. Definitely. Have that backup plan because I didn't even have one at all for my first and I was really glad I had it for my second. Meagan: Yes. Oh, well thank you again so much for being here with us today, and congratulations on your baby. Rebecca: Thank you. Thanks for hearing my story. I love what you do and I think it's really, really important, so thank you. Meagan: Thank you. ClosingWould you like to be a guest on the podcast? Tell us about your experience at thevbaclink.com/share. For more information on all things VBAC including online and in-person VBAC classes, The VBAC Link blog, and Meagan's bio, head over to thevbaclink.com. 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Dr. Scott Stiegemeyer of Concordia University, Irvine The post 3473. Answering Arguments Against Christianity: Sex Between Consenting People Hurts No One – Dr. Scott Stiegemeyer, 12/13/23 first appeared on Issues, Etc..