When Marriage Is Hard

When you have a loved one who is struggling with their mental health, the holiday season can be a mine field! With more stress (even good stress!) comes more flair ups, meaning all your best laid plans could fall apart in a second. Your spouse might have an anxiety attack just as you are heading out the door to go to the church Christmas party, or they might disappear into the bedroom for days at a time, leaving you to manage all the gift buying, wrapping and planning all on your own.  In this episode, I am showing you the two things to focus on that will help you feel more calm, help you tackle any scenario that comes your way, and help you let go of resentment and start feeling more love and connection this holiday season. 

Do you ever find yourself having a good day where you are feeling calm and your spouse is doing well and then you immediately get hit with a wave of anxiety? Yup. You're not alone! We are generally not very good at tolerating our positive emotions like joy, happiness, contentedness, peace and love. So today we are talking all about how to lean into it and start expanding our capacity for real joy!

The way you see yourself can drastically impact the helath of your marriage. In this episode, we discuss what your self identity is, where it comes from, how it impacts your marriage relationship and how to change your self identity and by extention, your marriage. Check it out! 

Every couple has those issues that are just difficult to solve. You start fighting and feel like it is getting you nowhere. It might be: - Money - Sex - In-law relationships - Division of Household duties - Electronic use (phones or videogames) Whatever the issue is for you and your spouse, there is good news. These issues are totally solvable. In this episode, I'm giving you the do's and don'ts for how to solve all these problems.  We have just a few 1 on 1 coaching spots available right now! Make sure to grab yours! Click Here to apply

Everyone fights. Even healthy couples. In fact, conflict can be a great catalyst for change, improvement and learning for you and your spouse.  In this episode we discuss what you can do after the fight to help propel you into success in the future. It's magical! Click Here to apply for 1 on 1 Coaching with Jessica Farmer for couples or individuals  

We've all expereinced thos days (and sometimes months) where you just can't shake that feeling of exhaustion. It doesn't matter how much sleep you get, it doesn't seem to touch it.  In this episode we are going to talk about how to combat that exhaustion and how to start moving forward again. I'm telling you all about my personal expereince with exhaustion over the last year and the things that have helped me the most.  We are opening up 1 on 1 coaching spots for the last time in 2022! Click Here to apply and sign up for a free consult call with Jessica and start finding solutions to your uniques problems right away!

Is it possible to have a real partnership marriage, even when your spouse is struggling with their mental health?  YES!  We are talking to relationship expert, Aimée Gianni MS about how to avoid getting stuck in and overfunctioning role in your relationship, cultivate friendship and avoid resentment. It is powerful stuff! Resources mentioned by Aimée: Passionate Marriage by Dr. David Schnarch Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown Everything Isn't Terrible by Dr. Kathleen Smith   Aimée Gianni, MS, is a Marriage & Family Therapist and a Master Coach Instructor specializing in Love Relationships. She teaches her clients The Art of Intimate Connection and helps them create strong, loving, joyful relationships and meaningful lives that they love, full of authenticity, connection, passion, fulfillment, and physical well-being.  It's her favorite thing to do!  As a Master Coach Instructor she trains relationship coaches how to do this important work with their clients.  You can learn more about her work at AimeeGianni.com and follow her on Instagram @aimeegiannims  

We all need an escape sometimes, but usually we feel really guilty about it or we don't even know that we are doing it (hello...Netflix).  In this episode, I'm telling you all my guilty pleasure and how having those little escape valves set up in your life can actually be really great for your life and relationship.  My Current Favorite Romance Authors- The All Souls Trilogy by Debroah Harkness A Throne Of Glass Series by Sarah J. Maas The Bridgerton books by Julia Quinn A Court Of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas

Every Marriage, even the best ones, have unsolvable problems. Often times these are one of the Big 3 - Money, Sex or Family.  But just becasue the issue is unsolvable doesn't mean that we need to resign ourselves to fighting constantly about the same issues for the rest of our lives.  In this episode we are discussing strategies for how to turn these unsolvable problems into opportunites for growth and resilience in your marriage relationship.  Have any questions? I'd love to hear them! email me at jess@jessicafarmercoaching.com or schedule a free conversation with me where we can discuss it face to face! Click Here to schedule 

When your spouse has mental health struggles, it can affect every aspect of your family life, especially how you and your spouse parent together.  This week we are diving into how you can make the most of your parenting relationship, help support your spouse's positive relationship with your children, and how it can actually be the best thing for your child. 

When we are working on makeing changes in our relationships, and aren't seeing the results yet, it can be super frustrating and we can get caught in thinking that it's not working. The things we are trying is just not enough.  So this week we are talking about why our brains believe that a big grand solution is necessary for real change to happen, how we can lean into practicing small and simple things to improve our relationships, and the key to finding hope that things will get better. 

I hear this from my clients all the time.  "I am too busy to deal with all this crap!" I get it. It can feel really overwhelming and discouraging to do the work that it takes to change your marriage to a more resilient and connected relationship.  So today we are talking about how to go through the process as painless as possible and staying the way you are is actually using MORE time and energy than it would take to change. Schedule your free Small Group Program Discovery Call SmarterEveryDay - The Backwards Brain Bycycle

Marriage Advice Myth Debunked: You should never talk about your marriage outside of your marriage.  I think I know where this one is coming from but honestly, it is so problematic. So in this episode, we are talking about how to find a safe person to talk to about the dificulties you are having in your marriage, and how to do it in a way that will actually strengthen your relationship.  Small Group Coaching Progam start July 14th! If you want in, lets chat. Email me at jess@jessicafarmercoaching.com

Do you ever feel defeated becasue no matter what you do, you feel like you just can't trust your spouse?  You are not alone. In this episode we are talking about how to break down the concept of trusting your spouse into bite sized chunks and how to develop a more trusting and loving relationship.  Attachment Styles Quiz 

We've all been in that place where we want our spouse to be different than they are. In big and small ways.  But trying to get them to change is the hardest way to do this whole marriage thing. Instead, we are talking about how to find peace and happiness in your relationship without your spouse changing thier behavior. It's Possible! Get Your Free Training! How To Stop Walking On Eggshells In Your Marriage Sign Up Here

We all wish our spouse would just be able to read our mind right? Well, it's possible.  Ok, they can't REALLY read your mind, but you can get to the place in your marriage where you and your spouse know how to help each other fill your needs in the way that is most meaningful to you.  This episode is all about teaching your spouse how to help you meet your needs in the way that is most meaningful to you.  Free 3 Day Training! How To Stop Walking On Eggshells In Your Marriage Click Here To Get Yours Today

We all have those moments when we feel like we are a failure. We feel like we are overwhelmed with our absolute human-ness and it can be so discouraging. It can keep us stuck exactly where we don't want to be. So today on the podcast, we are talking all about the one practice you need to move from feeling like a failure to having a growth mindset.  FREE TRAINING- How To Stop Walking On Eggshells In Your Marriage Click HERE to Sign Up!

"I just don't want people to think less of him, or me" When Your spouse is struggling with their mental health it is natural to want to shield them from other people's judgements. But, as we talk about in the episode this week, it can lead to some patterns that aren't healpful for eaith one of you. So in this episode, we are learning how to respond when someone in judging you, and how to feel peace, no matter what is happening.  Free Training! How To Stop Walking On Eggshells In Your Marriage Click Here to Access

If you are married to someone who has a mental illness or who has struggled with theri mental health, you probably have trauma. The good news is that we know how to notice it, work through it and learn from it. That's what we are taling all about this week so check it out! There is 1 1:1 coaching spot left for the month of May! After this one is filled, to work with me, you will be added to a wait list for the next available spot. If you want in right now, Click Here

Resentment is one of the most common emotions I see with my clients, it's destructive in a relationship AND it's totally within your control to work past it.  This week we are diving into how you may be feeling resentment without even knowing it, how to recognize it and how to move past it.  Feeling Wheel  Brene Brown's Atlas of The Heart Ready to start making lasting changes in your relationship? Click Here to set up a call with Jessica and create a plan to make it happen for you and your spouse!

Letting go of old patterns in our reltaionships, even when they are patterns that we don't like, can be hard and even feel dangerous.  So in this episode, we are talkingall about how to recognize if you are holding onto things in your relationship that you need to let go of, and how to start embracing the wonderful changtes that are happening for you, your spouse, and your marriage. I have 2 1:1 coaching spots opening up in May! The price: $850 per month. The result you can expect: finally feeling at peace in your relationship! To be considered, please email jess@jessicafarmercoaching.com

I love my spouse but I sometimes don't like being around them I want to stay in my marriage, but sometimes I daydream about what it would be like to not deal with it anymore I am so grateful for my spouse, but it also feels like they aren't doing enough These conflicting emotions can be so frustrating and overwhelming. On the podcast this week we are diving into how we can move past them and start feeling more peace.  There are 2 spots opening up in May for 1:1 coaching with Jessica! If you want to grab your spot, click below to sign up for a free consult call were we will figure out together the next step for you to start feeling more at peace in your marriage. Click Here For Consult Call Scheduling

We know that we are supposed to avoid contention in our relationships but did you know healthy conflict is NECESSARY in order to have an intimate and resilient marriage relationship? It is! So in this episode we are exploring what the difference is between conflict and contention, the ways that we approach conflict and why it creates lots of problems in our marriages, and some things you can do to use conflict in a healthy way to build closeness and connection in your marriage while avoiding contention.  Click Here to schedule a free consult call with Jessica if you want some individualized help in applying thes concept to your marriage. 

When your brain fixates on needing your spouse to change, we block ourselves off from seeing the wonderful parts of them! So this week we are diving into how to move out of wanting them to change and strat getting to a plalce of acceptance, so you can start feeling better and moving forward in your relationship. If have any questions, email at jess@jessicafarmercoaching.com To schedule a free consult session https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=18238476&appointmentType=11265358    

In this episode I'm talking with Heather Frazier, a parenting coach for teens and thier parents. We are talking all about the challanges of having mental health struggles in the family weather you are the parent or spouse.  Heather helps parents like their teens, without their teens needing to change at all! As a mother of four, ranging from young adult to tween, she understands the emotional stamina necessary to successfully navigate the teen years. She hosts the podcast, Pivot Parenting, where she teaches you how to overcome the obstacles of parenting a teen, launch your young adult, and be proud of how you do it.  To learn more about Heather Frazier go to: Instagram - @heatherfraziercoaching Website - www.heatherfrazier.com

Sometimes we find ourselves in circumstances that feel heavy and neverending. We may feel angry, overwhelmed and fearful. This is especially true when you have a loved one that is struggling with thier mental health.  If you are feeling this way today, this episode is for you.  If you need someone to talk to and feel like you are ready to get some help in dealing with the really hard days click here to schedule and appointment and we can work together to find solutions. 

Marriage Roadmap Session Link Link To Schedule Couples Coaching Consult Call In this episode we are talking about -What happends in your brain when you're feeling triggered -A personal story where I was feeling triggered and how I pulled myself out _How to talk to your spouse about it without making it worse

This episode is a continutation of my conversation with Lindsay Poelman about - How to foster intimate connection in your relationships -What self care actually looks like as the spouse of someone with a mental illness -How to support you with your spouse is working through trauma Lindsay Poelman is a certified coach that specializes in Relationship Trauma. She went through her own Betrayal Trauma 5 years ago and became so passionate about the resources available to her that she left her career in public and derivative accounting to create programs that blend the best parts of what helped her to use with clients. After seeking additional training and working with women in trauma for over 4 years, she now trains coaches to do the same—so that they too can provide the deep and safe healing possible for clients across the board who have experienced trauma. She now runs a Relationship Trauma Certification program for coaches. She also has an online group program for women whose husbands look at pornography and want to find peace and safety whether he has stopped, is stopping, or not stopping looking. Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lindsaypoelmancoaching/?hl=en Website: https://www.lindsaypoelmancoaching.com/  

Lindsay Poelman is a certified coach that specializes in Relationship Trauma. She went through her own Betrayal Trauma 5 years ago and became so passionate about the resources available to her that she left her career in public and derivative accounting to create programs that blend the best parts of what helped her to use with clients. After seeking additional training and working with women in trauma for over 4 years, she now trains coaches to do the same—so that they too can provide the deep and safe healing possible for clients across the board who have experienced trauma. She now runs a Relationship Trauma Certification program for coaches. She also has an online group program for women whose husbands look at pornography and want to find peace and safety whether he has stopped, is stopping, or not stopping looking. In this episode Lindsey and I discuss: -What healing your marriage actually looks like -How to honor your needs, and your spouse's, even when they diverge -What Betrayal Trauma is and how to work towards healing You can find Lindsey by following the links below: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lindsaypoelmancoaching/?hl=en   Website: https://www.lindsaypoelmancoaching.com/  

Schedule your Marriage Roadmap Session HERE We know that we should be dependant on our spouse, but we are also supposed to independant and in charge of our own thoughts and feelings. So how do we find that balance in a resilient marriage? On the podcast this week, we are talking all about how to find Healthy Interdependence in your relationship and also, how it's totally OK if you aren't there yet. We've got you covered, no matter what!

Schedule your Marriage Roadmap Session HERE Have you ever thought Boundaries were confusing? You are not the only one! We are clearing it all up on the podcast today.  You will learn how to: -Know when you need to set a boundary in your relationship -Pitfalls to avoid when setting boundaries -How to talk to your spouse about the boundaries you want to set -How to feel LOVE when you set your boundaries  

Schedule your Marriage Roadmap Session HERE We all know that honesty is important in any relationship, but in our marriage, lying can creep in without you even really noticing. We think that we are being kind or helpful but not telling the whole truth but it is actually doing damage to your marriage.  Radical Honesty will help you feel more connected, more intimate and more known in your marriage. In today's episode, I'm showing you how. 

LeAnn Austin is a Self Love Coach, helping us transform our lives and marriage through self love. We are talking with her today about: -How our desire to serve can sometimes get in the way of genuine self love -How to make time in your schedule to show love for yourself, and why that is actually the best thing for your marriage - Practical tips for how to start your self love transformation You can contact LeAnn Austin here: https://leannaustin.com   https://instagram.com/LeAnnAustinCoaching   https://www.facebook.com/LeAnnAustinCoaching/

Link to Schedule Marriage Roadmap Session Do you want to change your relationship, create a stronger marriage, but your spouse is just not interested in doing coaching or counseling and maybe doesn't even want to change things? I have great news for you! You CAN work on your relationship and change the patterns you are stuck in, even when your spouse isn't interested in engaging in the process. 

My clients often talk about how unfair it is for them and their spouse that they are struggling with their mental health. In the podcast today we are talking about the two step process that will help you work together to find solutions and learn from your experience how to be more compassionate and closer with your spouse. 

In this episode we are bringing clarity to the sometimes nebulous topic of loving yourself more deeply.  I'm giving you: - The 3 steps to truly loving yourself - Practical things you can do right now to start loving yourself - How to find the balance between compassion for yourself where you are at and a desire for growth and progression How To Work With Jessica Farmer 1:1 in 2022 VIA Institute Character Survey The Enneagram Institute 16 Personalities (MBTI free version)

Link to apply for 1:1 Coaching In this episode, we are shifting our goal in marriage! We are finally letting go of the old belief that marriage is THE thing that will make us happy. Because we all know it doesn't work anyway. We're tackling: -How to start moving forward if you feel stuck -Why opposites attract -What to do if you think your marriage is unhealthy

Link to apply for 1:1 coaching In this episode we are talking about how we all get tangled up in our spouses emotions. This can look different for everyone, like people pleasing, hyper vigilante, policing, getting angry and yelling. We're talking about my favorite tool to help you identify where you are getting entangled and how to pull it back and take control. 

When your Spouse has a mental illness, bad days become a regular part of life. They can derail the best laid plans, which can leave you feeling angry, frustrated and hurt, which can lead you to act in ways that you don't like.   Good News! Your brain is doing exactly what it is supposed to be doing! Learn all about it in this episode where we talk about: -The Stress Cycle -What your spouse has to do with a bear in the woods -How to brain hack your way into feeling safe, not matter what kind of day your spouse is having.

“The more emotionally intelligent a couple- the better able they are to understand, honor, and respect each other and their marriage - the more likely they will indeed live happily ever after.” - Dr. John Gottman In this episode we are diving into all the practical things you can do starting today to build lasting closeness in your relationship. We are discussing: - The 3 parts of your marriage that all need care - How to communicate more effectively - How to keep going, even when things go different that what you want.  Step 3 of the Resilient Marriage Framework

Most of us have a hard time really knowing and accepting our spouse. We know what we want them to be, but sometimes struggle to let go of who we want them to be so that we can see and value them for who they are.  In this episode, we are talking about: -The 5 levels of intimacy -How to make higher intimacy moves -How to bring a Christ-like perspective into your marriage

In this episode we discuss how knowing and accepting yourself deeply is the key to a really strong and resilient marriage. ALong with: -The number one rule you need to follow to know yourself deeply -Why you feel so resistant to really devoting time and energy to you -And how to can start valuing yourself today in some easy actionable steps.  This is the first step in the Resilient Marriage Framework that I use with my clients to help them feel more connected and confident in their marriages, especially when things get hard. 

Have you ever felt like you have no one to talk to about all the really hard things going on in your marriage? Yeah, me too. It can feel really hard and isolating, especially when your spouse is struggling with their mental health and it seems like no one understands your experience.  In this episode, I'm going to show you why you never have to feel that frustration again. I'm sharing some of my story, why I became an LDS marriage coach, and the framework that I use with my clients to help them change their relationships too.