Adoption, Fostering & Tea: The New Family Social Podcast

Brian and Kevin knew they wanted to adopt.  They imagined themselves with one new born baby, but as their assessment progressed, they realised they wanted siblings.  With a few months, they had a two-year-old and a one-year-old.  

Lee and John adopted their son three years ago when he was two.  They talk about preparing for transracial adoption; the things they got right and the mistakes they made.  They also talk about how the first six weeks were difficult but overall their journey has been joyful.   Why I'm No Longer Talking To White People About Race (Book) by Reni Eddo-Lodge Buy from Waterstones White Fragility (Book)  by Robin DiAngelo Buy from Waterstones Colin in Black and White (Netflix) Watch on Netflix (account required) The Cultural Iceberg - https://www.researchgate.net/figure/Edward-T-Halls-Cultural-Iceberg_fig2_361162662

Karl and his husband went through the adoption assessment process together but, within six months of their three children arriving and before the adoption order had been made, Karl's husband left and moved abroad.  Karl had to decide whether to continue as a lone parent or end the placement.  He talks about how he coped in the early days and how his ADHD gave him the strength and skills to carry on.

Geoff and his husband had a long journey to adoption but their young children have now been with them for three months.  Geoff talks about changing agency, a last-minute court appeal by the birth family, and what it's like in the very early days of parenting.

Today is the last day before Bradley and Stuart welcome their baby into their family.  They've already had playdates with the child but formal transitions start tomorrow and last a fortnight.  We talk about how they've prepared for parenthood (including the obligatory Ikea shopping spree!), what they think it'll be like to have a baby and how they'll handle personal questions.

Graham and John have been fostering their child, who initially came to them for a weekend, for almost decade.  They talk about how they supported their child through the uncertainty about his future and how they're delighted he's with them permanently.

Lee is a solo transracial adopter of a child with additional needs.  He talks about navigating the complexities of "the system" when seeking support for her and about how excited he is about her future.

Molly and Zoe found their first adoption agency agency hard to work with and made the difficult decision to start again with a new agency.  The new agency was great and they're family finding now.  They gained childcare experience by volunteering at New Family Social's summer camp and they talk about what they learnt and how it helped them to realise they'd be able to parent children with more complex needs.

Chris and his husband adopted their young son when he was 17 months old.  On the first night at home, he had serious breathing difficulties and was taken to hospital in an ambulance.  Chris talks about the doctors trying to figure out what was wrong while Chris tried to comfort his new child, who had only been with him for a few hours

Yannick and his partner had a fast and smooth journey adopting their five-year-old child, who's been with them for a month.  He talks about activity days and why it's important to be assertive in the process.

Adam and Brian adopted a pair of siblings seven years ago and another pair this week. Their children are now 13, 10, 6 and 3. Just days into their life as a family of six, they talk about their hopes and fears and how they're drawing on their experience as parents to support their new children.

Eddie and his husband had a child place through early permanence who was returned to their birth family.  They went on to adopt two neurodivergent children and Eddie came to realise he also has ADHD.

Fiona and Margaret's sons are married to each other and have adopted three children. They talk about their delight at becoming grandparents by adoption, about supporting children with additional needs and about how much they love their grandchildren.

Tom and Arjay return to the podcast, just a year after adopting twin girls, to tell us they have a new baby.  Their previous podcast was "Tenacious little monsters!" https://newfamilysocial.podbean.com/e/tenacious-little-monsters/ . Just two weeks after their baby arrived, they're tired but delighted.

Leanne talks about building attachment with her two young children who were adopted together when they were one and two.

Guy adopted siblings aged four and six.  They're now almost adults and he talks about their journey through education and what steps are available to them next.  Guy runs an event called Step Up Expo which showcases the choices available to young people over 16. link to step up expo

Aubrey and his husband adopted siblings, aged nine and two, at the same time after meeting them at an activity day.  One year on, Aubrey talks about parenting with an age gap, helping an older child settle into a new family and new school, and how activities for the younger child benefit the older one. PACE - https://ddpnetwork.org/about-ddp/meant-pace/ The Invisible String - https://uk.bookshop.org/p/books/the-invisible-string-patrice-karst/2685375?ean=9780316486231

Henry and Duncan had their twins placed with they just weeks before the first lockdown. They experienced isolation and child-to-parent violence from their frightened and confused children.  They fought for support and found it really useful.  They now live abroad and are successfully raising their much-loved sons in a bilingual household.   As mentioned in the podcast: The BUSS Model

Adam and Aaron have been on the podcast twice before.  Since their last visit, they have been turned down as adopters for specific children several times and the rejection is taking its toll.  They talk frankly about losing confidence and the frustration of being turned down even when they thought they were a really good match.   Previous episodes https://newfamilysocial.podbean.com/e/aaron-and-adam-return-with-good-news/ https://newfamilysocial.podbean.com/e/59-insert-title/    

Joseph is a dual heritage gay man who was adopted as a baby by white parents.  As an adult, with his white partner, he fostered and then adopted a dual heritage child.  Joseph talks about his experiences as an adoptee and a foster carer and adopter. A link to Red Dust Road can be found here  

Alex and his husband moved to the UK from Eastern Europe, built their support network through New Family Social and then adopted two boys.  The last 18 months have had highs and lows.  Alex talks about their journey, how they're dealing with a problem at school and how they keep in touch with their children's four siblings.

John is the sole parent of two children ages 5 and 8.  For the last couple of years he's done filial therapy with them which is a type of play therapy delivered by parents/carers.  He talks about how it helps his children to communicate feelings they don't have words for.

Chris and his husband are fostering-to-adopt a baby despite not having intended to take that route.  Chris talks about why they were initially put off by the uncertainty foster-to-adopt brings.  He also talks about their plan to have ongoing direct contact with the child's birth family.

Dave is a single carer and has been fostering teenagers since he started fostering during Covid.  He talks about creating a low-conflict home in which they can thrive.  He also talks about how he manages behaviour which some people find challenging.

Arjay and Tom adopted two year old twin girls 12 weeks ago. The had previously volunteered at New Family Social's summer camp to get childcare experience. This year they'll return with their children who they met at an exchange day. The girls had been born prematurely and that means there's some uncertainly about their health and development. The new dads are thrilled with their family life.

It took two years for Neil and Stuart to go through the adoption assessment process, in part due concerns about their weight. They're now delighted to have their baby but the birth parents are contesting the adoption.

Our guests from episode 59 - "Counting down to panel" link below.  Return to tell us about their successful approval panel and what day to day life it like while they're family finding.   https://newfamilysocial.podbean.com/e/59-insert-title/

Walter has had episodes of depression since his late teens and thought it might be a barrier to adopting. He talks about how he was treated during assessment and how he copes with his mental health issues as a parent. He has been open with his adopted son about his depression and talks about how that openness has been positive for both of them.

Cameron and his husband have been doing lot or research about adoption. They're wondering whether they know enough, whether the should move house first and when is the right time to start the process. Luckily, they're volunteering at summer camp so they can find out more.

Robert is a lone parent of siblings, aged five and seven, who he adopted 18 months ago. He talks about the enormous benefits of adopting his children at the same time as well as the practicalities of working full time when you have two kids. He also talks about raising children from a different ethnic background to him own.   "Why I'm No Longer Talking to White People About Race" by Reni Eddo-Lodge   "White Fragility: Why It's So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism" by Robin DiAngelo  

Stuart and Simon adopted siblings in lockdown. They featured in an earlier episode of this podcast called "We've just adopted siblings" and now they're back to tell us about support services, school and how they celebrated the adoption with a sand ceremony.

Alex and Terry specialise in fostering babies and two of those babies joined us for the podcast! The couple discussed their journey to fostering, their first placement and the first baby who moved on from them to a permanent home. There's a desperate need for more foster carers and this episode might help you decide whether you could consider fostering.

Darren and his partner were approved as adopters and linked to a child but the courts ruled that the child should not be adopted. Darren talks about their emotional journeys and their excitement now they're about to go to matching panel with a new child.  He shares some tips for resilience during the process.

James and his husband adopted their son eight years ago but shortly afterwards, James's husband died suddenly. James talks about getting through the early days, with support from friends and family, and about how he helped his young son understand what had happened. He also talks about meeting and falling in love with a new partner and how, together, they keep the memory of his late husband alive for their son.   Here is a link to the book "No Matter What" - https://www.littleparachutes.com/books/no-matter-what/

Josh and his partner did introductions with their boys just six weeks ago. He talks in detail about the introductions process and the very early days of placement, while Tor says it's ten years today since she began intros with her son. They chat about the gradual transition for children from their foster carers' care to their adopters' care and discuss whether life is too short to make fish fingers from scratch!

Brandon and Pier have been stuck at pre-stage-one for two years due to their immigration status, wedding and house move. They're finally ready to start. They've been to all the information sessions, made a spreadsheet and chosen an agency. Brandon talks about their families back in Italy, their support network and how they're building their childcare experience while trying to decide what kind of needs they can cope with in the children they hope to adopt.

Ash and John talk about adoption journey, having both been adopted themselves.  Ash explains how he was adopted and has no details of his birth family.  John tells how he was given up for adoption after his birth mother was sexually assaulted.  John and his older half-brother were adopted together.  John tells how his foster family made introductions difficult, but his mother was determined to adopt him and his brother.  Ash shares how in the culture he was raised, adoption wasn't spoken about, but his extended family all knew that he and his sister were adopted. 

Aaron and Adam are counting down to their panel.  They share how their experience has been smooth, thanks to their social worker.  Aaron explains that big life events, which had happen to both of them, were positives when it came to assessment because they showed their resilience and demonstrated that the couple knew how to deal with traumatic events.  They talk about how the process helped them to better understand each other's approach to the adoption and how it highlighted each other's strengths. 

Myfanwy and Jay return to update us on their journey.  They share how supportive their son's school as been, putting in to place a number of provisions to help him.  One the of the scheme, called "thrive", worked well but has come to an end.  The school is continuing to put other provisions in place to help.  They share how sometimes it's still difficult, but they have more strategies in place to help defuse difficult situations.  Jay explains the importance of picking the “right” school.  Their previous episodes are 44 - The honeymoon period is over and 34 - When introductions go wrong...

Lucy and Marie are in stage two with panel coming up soon.  They share how there have been some delays in stage one.  Marie was sure right from the start that she wanted siblings, being an only child, and because they felt that adopting siblings at the same time would help the children and mean they wouldn't have to go through the assessment process more than once.  They know they would like to adopt at least two but are open to adopting a bigger sibling group.  They have built a network of people that have adopted siblings and that has helped cement their decision. 

Eleanor did Early Permanence twice. Her daughter remained with her and her son returned to his birth family.   A link to the therapist mentioned in the podcast,  https://www.linkedin.com/in/carla-reece-saunders-57528267 

Tim talks about splitting from his partner after adoption and how they manage to parent well despite some ongoing difficulties. He also talks about overcoming mental health issues and arriving at a much happier place.

How do adoptive and foster families do Christmas? Lee, Charlie and Chris tell us how they survive and thrive in the holidays.

Alex and Chris had a potential match fall through but they're staying positive about family finding.

Kate and Charlotte talk about their happy adoption journey and how they dealt with Charlotte's history of depression during assessment.

James is going to adopt as a single gay man. He's currently searching for his child.

Alex and James had had their son for a year when the phone range and they were asked if they could take their son's younger sibling immediately.

Rosie and Emily adopted a young baby through early permanence after IVF failed.

Amber escaped a forced marriage and rebuilt her life.  She decided to adopt when she was 40 and talks about how adopting complements her spiritual beliefs.

Michael and Matthew adopted a son and, four weeks later, found out another baby was on the way.