At the Root

Greg reviews how two types of cognitive bias impact our listening abilities in relationships with others and shares that being present doesn't mean literally; it means being present in intent and emotional engagement. He reminds listeners that “fixers” often unintentionally hijack engagements because they were likely not permitted to be right or were often corrected resulting in low self-esteem and coping mechanisms. Regardless of origin, “fixers” don't develop a sufficient emotional vocabulary and emotions provide the needed input for managing ourselves and responding effectively to others. He shares other “fixer” traits and offers hope that the autopilot can be rerouted in a positive direction. To learn more about Greg and his practice, go to www.kipercounseling.com

Greg continues to talk about how our frame of reference when listening is through the lens of Cognitive Bias which results in our brains filtering the information we process. This can lead to short-cuts that leave out significant information and sensitivities. Greg goes on to explain the two types of cognitive bias he sees most often and how they impact our ability to listen. Often one partner hijacks an interaction because of their need for validation and respect; essentially ignoring the other's need for same. Stacy continues to pepper Greg with questions as she searches for answers for her and other “Fixers” out there. To learn more about Greg and his practice, go to www.kipercounseling.com

Greg continues to talk about the topic of listening and how when we listen it's usually with cognitive bias or as a “Fixer.” He spends a lot of time talking about “The Fixer” and their origin story; where their need for answers, control and fear of emotion began. He also explains why they need to be met with compassion versus frustration. Stacy asks lots of questions on the topic since she relates to The Fixer. To learn more about Greg and his practice, go to www.kipercounseling.com

Greg picks up where he left off on the topic of listening and how we should listen with context, intent and awareness of our own interpretation; something he refers to as “the fluffy stuff.” He comments that today's norm is forcing a point of view rather than listening to, understanding or respecting other's points of view. We have Fixer Bias, we can be attributed to an inability on the Fixer's part to feel, share and express emotions. That makes it increasingly difficult to bridge the gap and find common ground. To learn more about Greg and his practice, go to www.kipercounseling.com

Greg and Stacy review what they discussed last week about listening for intent AND content, and they talk a bit more about the power of our two “brains;” the brain and the heart. Greg picks up where he left off to discuss more about how our past experiences influence what we hear and how we hear it. He explains that listening with our hearts creates empathy which bridges the gap between our own past, and what is being shared presently. Greg shares some heavy truths which are lightened with ideas for how to approach communicating with curiosity, lack of judgement, and a heavy dose of self-awareness and humor. To learn more about Greg and his practice, go to www.kipercounseling.com

Greg is back live from an extended break; he shares what he was doing and what he noticed while away. His biggest takeaway was our innate need for social connection with others and how that connection ideally goes beyond just words. To truly connect we need to listen for total meaning, not default to trying to solve for what we perceive to be the problem, make it about ourselves, or dismiss what we're hearing all together. Greg also shares interesting information about the power of the heart as a second “energetic” brain which leads to a bigger conversation. To learn more about Greg and his practice, go to www.kipercounseling.com

Greg and Stacy start with a brief recap from the last show when a call comes in from Maureen in Everett. Maureen shares she has an adult daughter with MS who's experienced multiple traumas and likely experiences PTSD; she confesses she struggles to listen to her daughter because she goes on and on and has refused counseling. Greg offers some suggestions and support for Maureen and her daughter before turning to today's topic of thinking with people. Greg gives a simple solution to practice for staying present and in the moment so the other person can feel heard. To learn more about Greg and his practice, go to www.kipercounseling.com

Greg decides to zig from his most recent line of discussion partly inspired by some new clients seeking relationship counseling. He shares that we don't just learn how to cope and react based on past experiences, we learn how to listen and react as well which places us squarely back in autopilot and avoidance mode. Greg talks about active listening, being vulnerable, and how important it is that our partners FEEL heard. Next week Greg will talk about the steps to be a better active listener. To learn more about Greg, go to www.kipercounseling.com

Without awareness, we've allowed our lives to be run from our past experiences and the emotional charge accompanying those experiences. Greg looks at how our choices can change this dynamic and the control returned to the present moment in our awareness.

Greg reviews the last episode and reminds listeners how our wounds are inflicted; slowly, over time, layer by layer, sometimes by others and often, by ourselves. From there he talks about how to address our wounds, with intention, grace, and compassion versus judgement and shame. Ultimately, while we shouldn't forget about our wounds, we should forgive ourselves and others so we can fully heal. To learn more about Greg, go to www.kipercounseling.com

Per usual Greg reviews last week's episode, reminding listeners about the power of intention and how every action is created by us, as is the resulting effect. Because we typically choose actions that result in a negative experience because we follow the path forged by our autopilot. Greg also reviews how we develop emotionally from birth on and why compassion training is vital when it comes to regarding others and ourselves. Lastly, Greg shares a letter from a listener in response to the April 25th episode and expands on his thoughts around the posed question. To learn more about Greg, go to www.kipercounseling.com

After a brief review of the last episode, Greg picks up where he left off reminding listening that as we begin to explore awareness, we start to realize that the illusions we've created aren't offering safety, they're keeping us stagnate. The negative experiences we have tell us our lives are not working. We need to vibrate our energy on a level that welcomes growth of any kind and to get there we need to remove the bandages, thus the start of a healing journey where intention determines where our attention goes. To learn more about Greg, go to www.kipercounseling.com

At the Root debuts the new hourlong format. Greg introduces new listeners to the show, giving them background on the show, its' purpose and how to connect to him live or otherwise. After a short break, Greg explains that wounds left untended may fester leading to feelings of anger or resentment. He poses the question, “If our “True Self” was the part wounded, who applied the bandages?” He also shares a mantra to use as a reminder that we are a masterpiece in the making. Lastly, newly engaged Jason calls into the program asking about staying connected for the long-haul. To learn more about Greg, go to www.kipercounseling.com

Greg shares a big announcement - At the Root will now air live on Mondays from 3-4pm PST on Alternative Talk 1150 AM radio! The additional time will allow Greg to expand on content and explain it in more depth with examples. He'll also welcome guests such as other practitioners and encourage people to call or message him with specific questions. With this episode, Greg encourages listeners to start on their Healing Journey, open to infinite possibilities. To learn more about Greg, go to www.kipercounseling.com

Greg picks up where he left off talking about the illusions we create because of emotional wounds. To deal with these illusions, we create coping mechanisms like anger, denial, addiction, avoidance, etc. that Greg refers to as bandages. These bandages don't address the wounds, they merely dress them, or cover them up. Surprisingly, Greg explains that before we can remove the bandages, it is important to access the wounds, not the other way round. To learn more about Greg, go to www.kipercounseling.com

Reviewing the concept of illusions and how they function as part of our autopilot, Greg reiterates how without awareness, our illusions are in control. As our sphere of influence grows, so do our reactions to perceived threats. Illusions enable us to cope until truth threatens our protective bubble forcing us to look at the emotional wounds that are the basis of these illusions. Greg shares that most people choose denial over feelings of shame; however, he warns that simply allows our illusions to fester. To learn more about Greg, go to www.kipercounseling.com

Greg takes a step back to explore our illusions in more depth. He addresses basics like, when do they develop and what purpose do they serve? Why do we develop them when we can't recall any “trauma?” and why don't we shed them over time? Greg walks listeners through the origin story timeline of our illusions and starts to explore the long-lasting impact of not addressing them, on ourselves and our relationships. To learn more about Greg, go to www.kipercounseling.com

Greg talks about how to repair relationships when our behavior triggers our partner, creating disconnect. Preparing for the repair gives each person time reflect and recover and move to a WE position that lacks blame, and then what? Greg breaks down the next steps and shares how to KEEP IT WE, by making I statements. Using Steve and Charlotte as an example, Greg highlights the importance of exploring what is behind triggers as a team for greater connection. To learn more about Greg, go to www.kipercounseling.com

After talking about “preparing for the repair” last time, Greg shifts the focus to the power of thinking in terms of WE. He explains that when things get tough in our relationships, by thinking as WE, it's possible to turn what's happened into a learning experience. Referencing his work with Steve and Charlotte, Greg “shows” listeners what he means using them as an example. To learn more about Greg, go to www.kipercounseling.com

While preparing to do his taxes, Greg made a connection between an expense file and what he's been talking about recently - awareness of what our triggers and illusions are and how we sometimes goof. When mistakes are made, repairs are necessary to move forward; what is the expense to repair; how much was damage was done? Greg encourages allowing for time and space to understand and accept accountability for unconscious behavior. The individual awareness helps to "prepare to repair" when a mistake is made and, the preparation can keep the cost of the repair down.

Most recently Greg has focused on finding awareness to break out of the critical loop and setting intentions so there are less emotional and cognitive reactions and usual neural pathways can be rerouted toward a healthier destination. In this episode he comes back to discussing his work with couples in relationships needing to rebuild emotional connection. Citing a new couple as an example, Greg stresses the importance of bids for connection throughout the day to erase narratives and minimize trigger points.

Greg continues his conversation about mindful awareness and the importance of incorporating intention. He stresses that the specifics around an intention should unfold versus getting too detailed; you should focus on what you want to experience and share, and remember, language is key. Greg cites a personal example of how energy is shared and built upon when we connect with others even if only for a moment. Ultimately, he explains that awareness is not always the resolution to what troubles us, however, it helps keep us in the moment.

Greg has been spending a lot of time talking about awareness; the practice of checking in and paying attention to what's going on with our minds and bodies. By defaulting to autopilot, we unconsciously create pathways and patterns that no longer serve us. Greg shares the importance of changing our thoughts and emotions to provide different experiences for our brains to pattern and map, he also explains why adding intention to our daily awareness practice is so vital for it to be effective.

Greg continues to explain the benefits of mindful breathing and shares that he's created a YouTube channel called, “Connection Through Awareness with Greg Kiper.” On it, is posted a guided version of the exercise he calls, “Finding Awareness” so anyone can try on their own time, in their own space. In today's program he breaks the exercise down explaining the purpose behind each part of the process. To try it at home, go to https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYMK1j57uxuu7EN2r5v0pSQ

Greg continues to explore and explain the healing powers of fostering daily awareness. Using breathing exercises, body scans and self-awareness, the goal is to be still and vulnerable allowing for self-compassion and ultimately self-love. Why? 1. To lift us out of the immediacy of an experience so we can respond to it effectively. 2. To heal and maintain physical health. 3.To find a spiritual connection with ourselves.

Greg shares the response to the homework he gave to pause several times a day and practice the 478-breathing technique. Greg asserts that if we can assess what we're feeling physically and by extension, emotionally we will be able to connect more easily with ourselves and others. By identifying what we're experiencing and directing our responses to the pre-frontal cortex which is responsible for executive function, we can handle situations in a balanced manner and allow for a healthy response instead of regret, recovery, and repair after the fact.

Greg explains in further depth his homework assignment from last show and elaborates on why it's so vital to becoming more aware. He also leads listeners in the 478 breathing exercise; a practice meant to raise awareness of, and center, our physical body so we can turn our focus inward and note any feelings we have. He points out that identifying feelings in our body first, and attaching emotions to them, help minimize the negative impact it could have if left unchecked.

Greg begins the episode clarifying that difficulty with emotions doesn't necessarily mean we are avoidantly attached; however, it is a symptom of that attachment style. He then goes on to talk about resilience and the development of self-regulation and co-regulation. He explains that learning co-regulation leads to the ability to self-regulate, which is, essentially, learning how to take a pause between a feeling and an action. He ends the episode with some homework to help create space for that pause.

After last week's lively roundtable discussion with JD Wyneken about awareness, connection, and the language of emotion, Greg spends time exploring the avoidant attachment-type. He explains what it may look like, why it happens, and how the discomfort with emotions; identifying and expressing them, can impede personal growth and maintaining healthy relationships. The episode ends with a discussion around the pressing need for emotional language and literacy.

Greg welcomes JD Wyneken from, “This Show is All About You” and Stacy, his producer and host of, “Don't Ask Me to Talk” to turn on the mic and join him for a roundtable discussion about awareness and connection. Touching on topics from the past several months of shows, Greg, JD, and Stacy talk about awareness; why we need it, how to find it, connection; why it's important, where disconnection starts and the importance of emotional language. It's a different approach to better understanding connection.

Greg continues to start each episode reviewing content from past episodes in order to clarify some of the concepts he discusses regularly so new listeners can understand and regular listeners continue to gain greater awareness. He then circles back to last week's episode and continues from when he shared a pivotal moment from Steve and Charlotte's joint session; a small moment of awareness that leads to discomfort for Steve and validation for Charlotte. A small moment that may represent a big shift for Steve and Charlotte in their healing journey.

Greg recaps the cycle he counsels couples through, personal illusions built on old wounds which create patterns of automatic behavior that are easily triggered resulting in a loop of criticism; all setting the stage for The Grand Illusion – an existence with little to no emotional connection. Greg explains that's where Steve and Char were, now they need to understand that their healing journey requires not two people working on their own stuff, by themselves; but two people working on their own stuff, together.

The episode begins with a quick recap before Greg delves right into his work with Steve and Charlotte. He uses them to illustrate how their individual illusions were triggering and how that impacted their relationship. By having them work separately on their wounds, they're able to come together, be more attuned to each other and participate in the other's healing. Greg gives them homework to explore their desires for the relationship with the focus being on the “we.”

The episode begins with Stacy circling back about naming your inner child; a conversation from last time that required more explanation. Greg continues to talk about how our past traumas lead to layers of bandages covering the wounds that are a key element in what Greg calls, “The Grand Illusion.” He explains how couples initially seeking help from a lack of communication, come to realize it's a lack of connection they're facing. He ends the episode with an update on Charlotte and her own journey to revisiting old wounds.

After a quick review from last time, Greg dives into his session with Steve. Steve, starting to see how his past traumas are impacting his current life and relationships shares a story about his father. Greg introduces him to the concept of connecting with his inner child (or true self) so he can tear down the wall of protection he's built and finally pull off the bandages covering his wounds. Steve is given a choice; let the wounds fester or forgive.

After the usual recap, Greg connects how the past several episodes about our inner or “true-self” connect with the discussion around how we treat ourselves; and ultimately how that shows up in relationship with others. In order to move forward, we need to go back and tear down the wall of protection we've constructed over time and give our inner child a long-overdue hug. Greg also shares an update on Steve and shows using him and Charlotte as an example, how it all connects.

After his usual recap of last time, Greg spends much of the episode talking about the importance of connecting with our true self and how granting that grace to ourselves can help us heal. Sharing a brief meditation, Greg encourages listeners to go within to explore and find their true self and give their inner child a hug and time. He emphasizes that doing this brief practice multiple times a day can lead to calm, connection, and compassion for, first and foremost, ourselves.

After a quick recap from last time, Greg dives right in to talk about when realization hits that our relationship problems typically don't stem from others as much as from ourselves. This happens because of the disconnect between our personality and our “true self.” Our true self is what Greg calls, “The Important Stuff” it's our source of our meaning, purpose, happiness and most of all, self-compassion. This is a deeper episode full of ah-ha moments.

After a week away, Greg and Stacy catch up from last time reminding listeners about their conversation about the bandages and layers of protection we use to cover past wounds. Greg explains that we respond out of efficiency often acting on autopilot and he reminds us that the struggles we face each day in our relationships with ourselves and others are the signals to us that the wounds need attention. Greg shares an update about Steve and Charlotte, using them as an example of how this may show up in relationships and why it's so important to “address” those old wounds.

Greg recaps the last episode before talking about how greater awareness leads to better choices and a desire for change. Greg explains that the hurt we experienced when we were younger was wrapped in layers of protection that we may no longer need; as adults, we may be ready to “air out” our wounds. He mentions the tools that he often shares with clients to help them move beyond the wounds and into choice.

After a recap of the last episode when Greg went into depth about the 4P's (presence, practice, patience and positivity), Greg talks about how even the smallest intentional choices can get us off autopilot and into awareness. He updates listeners on Steve and Charlotte's progress who he had challenged to recognize moments when they're triggered. Steve had a “miss” he noticed, and a “win” Charlotte noticed; a hopeful move in the right direction. To connect with Greg , go to www.kipercounseling.com

After a recap of the last episode, Greg takes a slight detour from the normal cadence of the show to go into more depth about the 4 P's (presence, practice, patience and positivity). Greg reviews the importance of each P both individually and collectively and how they tie back to greater awareness. To learn more about Greg and his practice go to www.kipercounseling