Bad Princess Movies

The podcast has finally awakened from our long summer slumber and we're doing a bit of catch up by taking a look at the movie Kristi selected to celebrate her birthday... which is not a Princess movie by any stretch of the imagination, but were it not for this movie teaching Kristi that bad movies can be incredibly fascinating, there probably wouldn't be a Bad Princess Movie podcast at all! So come and join us as we... well, as we mostly rant about the wild production stories surrounding Foodfight!, but we also talk about tiny plastic surgeons, no name products, and how Wayne Brady deserved so much better than this movie. 

Get ready to sing and stomp some Goblin feet, this week we're taking a look at The Princess and the Goblin. This film is yet another childhood favourite film for me, but Bri's never seen it before so she's on board to keep my nostalgia in check. Come and join us as we discuss among other things goblins Queens and their stone shoes, magical old ladies and the threads they spin, and whether or not Prince Froglip should be put in the running for Tumblr Sexyman. 

I thought we were done with the Swan Princess series for a bit, but it turns out the siren song of the first movie was too hard to resist. So we're journeying back 30 years in the past to watch the very first Swan Princess series. How does this film hold up? And more importantly, what juicy Swan Princess lore will we re-discover? Join us as we discuss among other things our childhood nostalgia for this movie, Rothbart being the best villain the series had to offer, and the unexpected surprise of Lorenzo Trudgealong. 

We're celebrating Mer-May the only way we know how, by taking a look at a goofy movie about Mermaid Princesses: Scales: Mermaids are Real. This movie sure the heck tries to make Mermaid puberty seems like a magical thing, while also portraying it as an absolute nightmare (So hey, not too much different than human puberty I suppose?). Come and join us as we discuss among other things mermaid body horror, unnecessary ableist subplots, and how Disney did it better with their Mermaid puberty story, The Thirteenth Year.

We're finishing off our yearly look at movies featuring Prince characters with The Prince and the Surfer, a movie that dares to ask the question "What if Mark Twain was writing for a 90s audience?". This is yet another movie where there was potential to make a decent little family flick, but for whatever reason the story is unfocused, underdeveloped, and worst of all... the titular character doesn't surf! Come and join us as we discuss among other things single Dad's and the subplots that go nowhere, royals that act more like alien visitors than human beings, and whether or not the hoity-toity do indeed like Mini Golf. 

It's April once again and you know what that means... all through the month of April the Bad Princess Movies podcast will be taking a look at movies focused on Prince characters. Our first Prince movie for 2024 is Mio in the Land of Faraway, a film based off a novel by the illustrious Astrid Lindgren (Best known for the Pippi Longstocking series). Kristi has a lot of fondness for this movie, but how does Bri enjoy the tale of little Mio in his adventures in the Land of Faraway? Come and join us as we discuss among other things Aunt Edna being the absolute worst, stone-cold villains and their frog-petting ways, and whether or not this film is best viewed at 1.5 times speed. 

It's that special time of year where we celebrate Bri's birthday by taking a look at a movie of her choice, and this year she's picked the slightly infamous Quest for Camelot. This film was meant to be the crown jewel in Warner Bros. Animation's filmography, but a troubled production and a clear desire to be Disney (Without knowing why the Disney formula actually worked) turned this film into a box office bomb. Come and join us as we discuss among other things transparently evil villain's who somehow end up on the good guys payroll, axe-headed chickens who gotta go fast, and catchy songs that deserved to be in a better film. 

Today's we're taking a look at "The Fairy Princess and the Unicorn", also known as "Bayala: A Magical Adventure", which is the much better title given that the titular unicorn only appears on screen for a collective 10 seconds of film time. This movie is based off of the Schleich toy line, and the toys are pretty cool so this movie must be as well, right? Well, sadly this film has a lot of potential but it just doesn't hold our attention (As evidenced by our many tangents in this episode). But there's still some interesting things to mention, so come and join us as we discuss among other things pastel axolotls, beloved crime scene tampering crows, and our potential career as Bayala lore theorizers on Youtube.

This week we're taking a look at Happily N'Ever After 2: Another Bite @ The Apple, a sequel to a film that we didn't cover because apparently I found the original film so uninteresting that I forgot I had even seen it. Thankfully(?) for us, the sequel film gives us a lot more to chew on, so come and join us as we discuss among other things sequels that didn't need to be sequels, terrible father's being surprised that they have to raise their kids, and my life-long longing to go to the Medieval Times dinner show. 

We're back, and we're kicking off our fifth season with a film we really enjoyed watching: Princess Lost in Time. This film caught my eye with its really interesting premise, and luckily for me it delivers on that premise with a really well plotted, well paced film that's become one of my recent favourite watches. If time travelling Princesses' intrigues you, come and join us as we discuss among other things how time will (eventually) solve everything, giant stone ears who love to gossip, and Bri and I's mutual love for Tytonidae owls. 

To prevent Kristi from having another Christmas movie spiral we're wrapping up 2023 with a relaxing bonus episode where we look back at all the movies we watched in the past year. Instead of celebrating the holidays with your family how about you join us for what is basically the clip show equivalent of a podcast. Look forward to our new season of Bad Princess Movies, starting in early 2024!

We're celebrating the Holiday season by returning to the Kingdom of Aldovia with the Christmas Prince 2: The Royal Wedding. What better way to get into the holiday spirit than watching a woman be talked over by anyone and everyone in her life... yeah this movie was a bit of a slog to watch. But we're committed to go through the entire Christmas Prince series, so watch it we shall! So come and join us as we discuss among other things the scary amount of power royalty in Aldovia appear to have, New York Dad's and their hot-dog loving ways, and how the human-weasel Simon still continues to be the best character this series has to offer. 

I never thought we'd see this day, but in this episode we're taking a look at the grand finale to the Swan Princess series! Luckily for us, this finale is crammed full of everything we love about the series: baffling story choices, weird tonal shifts, and those little glimmers of "That was actually pretty good!" that always kept us coming back for more. I wish this series never had to end, but I'm at least glad it's ending on more of the same nonsense I've come to love from the Swan Princess universe. So come and join us as we discuss among other things highly-conspicuous magician disguises, flying puffin dogs and the old men they frighten, and most important of all... the final status of the Rogers/Uberta ship. 

We're celebrating a very short Nutcracker November by taking a look at a recent adaptation of E.T.A. Hoffmann's holiday classic: Nutcracker and the Magic Flute. This adaptation doesn't have a lot to do with the classic plot of the Nutcracker, but if you've seen a half dozen Nutcracker films before like we have, that ends up being one of the movie's greatest strengths. As for the movie's other strengths?... well, you'll have to tune in to find out. So join us as we discuss among other things scheming ostrich's with no qualms about moving dead bodies, Rat Queen's and their seemingly endless supply of sleeping potions, and how you can use the Phantom of the Opera as a way to judge whether or not you want to accept a job offer. 

Boo! We're wrapping up the Halloween season with a spooky double feature! We're taking a look at two episodes from the Grimm's Fairy Tale Classics series that felt like a good fit for Halloween: Bluebeard and The Worn Out Dancing Shoes. So come and join us as we discuss among other things murderous bearded husbands who feel morally superior, magic shoes that exist only to fill in an adaptation created plot hole, and the scariest thing of all: Our aging millenial bodies. 

It's the spooky season so we're doing our best to find movies with even a hint of the Halloween spirit in them, which brings us to the not-really-spooky-but-it's-better-than-nothing Blood of Beasts. Blood of Beasts is the third film we're taking a look at from Director David Lister, and it turns out third times the charm as this was the film we enjoyed the most from him. Does that mean it's an incredible film? Well no, but there are some cool bits that we'll be discussing in this episode. So come and join us as we discuss among other things odd beast design choices, Gaston-wannabes and their weird braided bangs, and what it takes to become Odin's special little guy. 

This week we're taking a look at SpacePOP, a strange movie from an even stranger product line that we're assuming was created to try and get a piece of the Monster High demographic-pie. Just swap out the monsters for alien Princesses and you've got a hit on your hands, right? Well, not quite, but SpacePOP sure gave it the old college try, with a line of books, clothes, toys, make-up, and of course, a movie. So come and join us as we discuss among other things the "mystery" of how SpacePOP came to be, green skinned alien dudes and their anti-climactic makeovers, and our sympathy for overworked and under appreciated animators everywhere. 

Dust off your magic wands and hang onto your nearest sentient cloud person, this week we're diving into "Ella and the Little Sorcerer". This film is a direct sequel to a previous film we covered, "Cinderella and the Secret Prince". Does it manage to keep the madcap energy of the original film?... Well, no sadly it doesn't. But we're gonna watch it and talk about it anyway! So come and join us as we discuss among other things abrupt endings, plot threads that are left to dangle in the breeze, the myriad of ways we could rewrite this movie if given the chance.

What do you get when you mix half of Klasky Csupo, a children's fantasy novel from the 1940s, and a dash of Tim Curry all together? You get the subject of this week's episode: The Secret of Moonacre. This film is one of those movies that kinda tows the line between "Good" and "Just kind of average", but it does have a special something to it that I think certain audiences would latch onto. Just maybe don't use Sir Benjamin as an example of what a healthy relationship looks like. Join us as we discuss among other things prideful prophecies, terrible uncles and the women who (Somehow) love them, and a completely unrelated tangent about a Christian puppet series that Kristi got weirdly fixated on.

This week we're taking yet another look at a Frog Prince adaptation, this time from the infamous Cannon Films. Primarily known for their low-budget action films, in the 1980s Cannon decided to branch out into the fairytale market with their "Cannon Movie Tales" series, of which The Frog Prince was their first entrant. Come and join us as we discuss among other things horrible older sisters and their mirror smashing ways, making your uncle king cry tears of joy, and whether or not Little Orphan Annie has anything to do with this film not getting a region 1 DVD release. 

We're following up our look at the 1989 Little Mermaid by diving into its direct-to-VHS sequel, The Little Mermaid 2: Return to the Sea. This film is often criticized as just being a retread of the original, but how does it really stack up? And was it worth Kristi taking 15 years to finish watching it? You'll have to listen along to find out! So come and join us as we discuss among other things the brilliance (or laziness?) of reusing villains, giving up too easily when magic can solve all your troubles, and why stacking VCR's on top of big screen TV's leads to long lines at the gas station. 

It's July, and that means we're celebrating my birthday by taking a look at yet another good Princess movie: Disney's 1989 classic The Little Mermaid! What else can be said about this film that hasn't been already?... Well I'm not sure exactly, but that's not gonna stop us from revelling in our childhood nostalgia and talking about it anyways! So come and join us as we discuss among other things troublesome teenagers, villains who unashamedly love being evil, and the overall warm fuzzies that this film gives us. 

We felt like we could use a palette cleanser after nearly losing our minds in the last episode so we decided to take a quick sojourn into the much calmer Barbie film series with this week's movie: Barbie and the Diamond Castle. This one sits at the crossroads between the very much beloved early Barbie films of the early 2000s and the seldom discussed Barbie movies of the 2010s, so we're taking a look to see which side of the fence this film falls on for us. So join us as we discuss among other things stalkerish suitors, sparkly dogs that have no business dancing like that, and the distressing lack of a full villain song for our beloved Kathleen Barr.

Hot off the DVD presses, we're taking a look at the brand spanking new addition to the Swan Princess series: Swan Princess 11, A Fairy Tale is Born. This film takes us back 30 years in time to answer the burning question, "How did Uberta become Queen?". Well, surely it was someone's burning question anyways? Come and join us as we discuss among other things the blistering pace of this film, Uberta prioritizing dog shows over the well-being of her citizens, ghost mom's and the daughters who love them, and what's to come for the Swan Princess series. 

This week we're taking a look at a seldom-discussed retelling of the Thumbelina story... seldom discussed because this film unfortunately just doesn't have a ton going on to put it on people's radars, outside of the star studded voice acting cast. Like so many of the films we profile The Adventures of Tom Thumb and Thumbelina has a lot of potential but unfortunately the final film falls a bit flat. Come and join us as we discuss among other things mole kings and their lacklustre villain songs, the time old tradition of slapping boobs onto non-boobed creatures, and whether or not Elijah Wood even remembers voicing this film. 

Bri's back from vacation and feeling refreshed, so what better time than now to dive back into the Disney Descendants universe by taking a look at the trilogy's grand finale! Disney Descendants 3 is, in my opinion anyways, the obvious high point of the series... though it still has a few missteps here and there. So join us as we discuss among other things good girls gone bad, Disney's odd precedent for pairing up Maleficent with Hades, and Kristi being the only person on earth who remembers One Saturday Morning's "Stuart Day". 

We're wrapping up the April Prince movie month with a glorious return to our old friend, Golden Films. Camelot is Golden Films' rendition of the King Arthur mythology, and is probably their best written film. Seriously, there's some potential in this movie! It's just a shame that the budget (And run time) wasn't there to turn it into a classic. So come and join us as we discuss among other things the connection between this film and The Last Unicorn, Lancelot killing 12 dudes and getting away with it, and jerk wizards thrusting unwanted destiny's onto sad men who just want to be loved. This episode also culminates in us getting extremely sidetracked looking up movies based on A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court (A classic book we forget existed for a good 5 minutes or so).

Sing out for the bog and sing out for the ooze, the life of a frog is the life you should choose! We're kicking off our now-yearly Prince month by taking a look at the beloved Tales from Muppetland: The Frog Prince. This is yet another nostalgic favourite brought to us by the talented Jim Henson Company, and I'm delighted to be able to talk about this one. So please come and join us as we discuss among other things Robin the Frog's debut appearance, the greatness of Taminella Grindlefall, Muppety-thrift store finds, and Kermit getting drunk at 12:00 in the afternoon. 

It is once again that magical time of year where we celebrate Bri's birthday by discussing a film of her choosing. This year Bri has chosen the 1982 classic: The Last Unicorn, a lovely little film that's only getting better with age (And as we age too). Come and join us as we discuss the idea of being remembered, unicorns and the fair maidens that wait for them, and Steve's strange fascination with what he calls “The Elton John Butterfly”.

I do believe in Faeries, I do, I do! This week we're taking a look at Faeries, a 1999 film from Britain that tries very hard to tell an enjoyable story inspired by Faerie folklore... but it unfortunately misses the mark quite a bit. There is some potential in this story, and it did manage to give me a hankering for more fun stories about the fae folk. So join us as we discuss among other things 5-minute engagements, conflicting but charming visuals, and some recent developments in the Swan Princess universe.   

Well folks we've done it, we're finally taking a look at what is currently the final installment in the Swan Princess series: Swan Princess 10! That means we're officially kicking off our season 4 with a return to the usual craziness that the Swan Princess series can provide. So join us as we discuss among other things unsatisfying villains, the Rogers/Uberta ship, and the most important topic of all... we introduce you to our friend Steve and his penchant for cursing you with way too much food. 

Before we jump into our fourth season we need to make sure the previous one is wrapped up! As is tradition, join us for a very chill bonus episode where we go through the movies we profiled last season, mixed in with a good number of our usual tangents (Such as, "How to not blow up your house when trying to kill a spider" and "Is Shrek a Princess movie?).  Look forward to our new season of Bad Princess Movies, starting in two weeks time!

New podcast episode! We're wrapping up the 3rd season of this podcast by taking a look at the Netflix Original "A Christmas Prince", which seems to be Netflix' answer to Hallmark's Christmas movie offerings (To the point that Hallmark eventually came out with a potential mockbuster of the film a year after this film released). This film has also launched a series, with two sequels that we are now doomed to watch in subsequent Christmas seasons. But that's getting ahead of ourselves, today we need to discuss A Christmas Prince. So join us as we discuss among other things escaping the consequences of your own actions through blogging, how body pillows aren't just for anime, and my mother's memorable Flintstones pants. Yeah, we went on a lot of tangents with this one folks!   (This'll be the last podcast of the season, we'll be back sometime in the new year to kick off season 4!).

This week we're taking a look at the very snowy Sailor Moon S! Specifically the original dub of Sailor Moon S that aired on YTV way back in our childhoods. If that wasn't a big enough hint for you, this entire episode is basically us waxing on about our nostalgia for Sailor Moon. So join us as we discuss among other things the pitfalls of television watching during the 90s, the weird plot points of Sailor Moon that we never really questioned as kids, and giving candy to cats. 

To close off this year's Nutcracker November we're taking a look at 1979's Nutcracker Fantasy, one of the few Nutcracker movies I'm aware of that doesn't have anything to do with Christmas! Nutcracker Fantasy is brought to us by Sanrio, taking inspiration from the beloved Rankin/Bass style of stop motion animation. Unfortunately there's also a few particularly large speedbumps to this film that prevent it from being a yearly classic. So join us as we discuss among other things the charm of stop motion animation, dated stereotypes, and the strange baby dolls who leer at you from above. 

This week we're taking a look at Barbie in the Nutcracker, a film that not only kicks off our 2nd annual Nutcracker November, but a film that kicked off the modern day Barbie film series as we know it! As with all Barbie films this one falls under the "actually pretty good" films this podcast likes to take a look at from time to time. I mean it has Tim Curry as the Mouse King, that alone brings it up to a solid B+. So join us as we discuss among other things mocapped ballet, hunky nutcrackers, and how Major Mint is a Major Jerk. 

Boo! As in "Boo, there's not many Halloweeny movies about Princesses" so we're doing the best we can with this week's entrant, the dark fantasy Mirrormask. This film has quite the pedigree, having been produced by the Jim Henson Company, directed by artist Dave McKean, and written by Neil Gaiman. So why isn't this film more well known and celebrated? Maybe it's got something to do with the terrifying sphinx creatures? Join us as we discuss among other things the pitfalls of greenscreens, exposition witches, and tangents about Mac Tonight and Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Kids. 

To kick off October we're taking a look at a very spooky and totally in-season movie... Swan Princess 9: Kingdom of Music. Okay so it's not really a traditional Halloween movie, but what's scarier than the producer's love for Jean-Bob, and the harsh reality that he's going to keep showing up in these movies? Join us as we discuss among other things weird American Idol parodies, how Prince Li is a much better guy than Lucas, and how much we enjoyed this currently penultimate entrant in the Swan Princess series, Jean-Bob be damned. 

This week we're taking a look at The Princess Twins of Legendale, a little known Princess movie brought to us by MGA Entertainment (Better known for their various doll lines like Bratz and LOL Surprise). With that in mind you'd think that this movie was meant to launch a toy line right? Well, maybe that was the plan, but we sure can't find any evidence any dolls were released. Join us as we discuss among other things this missing doll line, macguffin amulets that may or may not be magic, and a brief tangent about who is the reigning Tumblr Sexymen. 

We are on a mission to get caught up with the Swan Princess series by the end of the year, so that means we've got to uncover the secret of the 'Z' in Swan Princess 8: A Royal Myztery (Maybe the true 'myztery' is how this series is still going on strong after 8 sequels). Join us as we discuss among other things unnecessary subplots involving ghosts, gaslighting cats into catching rats for you, and repeated tangents about the movie Quest for Camelot. 

We're back from hiatus to talk about yet another good Princess movie, this time we're checking out Disney's 1991 classic Beauty and the Beast (We'll get back to the bad princess movies in short order, sometimes you just gotta treat yourself by reviewing one of the best Princess movies out there). Join us as we discuss among other things amazing transformations, animating female characters, and the most important conversation of all: Gaston's chest hair. 

Today we're returning to the Asylum's and their attempt to crib off the MC universe, we're taking a look at Avengers Grimm: Time Wars. It's almost a shame that we're unlikely to see another entrant in the Avengers Grimm-verse because Time Wars improves on the first movie by being much more baffling (i.e., entertaining) to watch. So come and join us as we discuss among other things Zapp Brannigan-esque Prince's, terrible old age make-up, and how much fun the actors probably had while filming this terribly silly movie. 

A few months ago Pauly Shore took the bad movie side of the internet by storm with his memorable voice acting performance in "Pinocchio: A True Story". Thankfully for bad princess movie fans Pauly Shore also lent his vocal talents to this film, "My Sweet Monster". Come and join us as we discuss among other things Mr. Shore's singing voice, fake Prince's and the women who love them, the few highlights in an otherwise terrible movie, and the most important lesson of all: how you gotta have blue hair. 

What do you get when you take the tried-and-true Cinderella story and mix in just a dash of that girl-boss energy? You get 2021's Cinderella, a jukebox musical that for a while was best known for its traffic-stopping flash mob featuring James Corden in a mouse costume gyrating at cars. This movie got pretty well lambasted on social media, but how do the (self-appointed) experts on Bad Princess movies feel about it? Join us as we discuss among other things unfunny mice friends, lacklustre dress design, and whether or not this film delivered on the "Girl Boss Cinderella" hype. 

We're wrapping up our April Prince month with a real banger! This week we're taking a look at Freddie as F.R.0.7, a movie that is best summed up with the following Youtube comment: "This movie made a lot more sense to me when I was five". Join us as we discuss among other things uncomfortable flirting between woman and frog, which Canadian monuments an evil genius would want to steal, and why the stories you tell your son at bedtime maybe don't make for the best movie. 

Wake up sleepyheads! We're kicking off our April Prince month by taking a look at Little Nemo: Adventures in Slumberland. This movie was stuck in development hell for almost a decade, so you'd think it would be a bit of a disaster right? Well in our humble opinions Little Nemo is a really enjoyable film, one of those films that is good with or without the sheen of nostalgia. Join us as we discuss among other things punchable clowns, catchy songs, and spooky doors and the nightmare-inducing contents within them. 

Happy Birthday to Bri! In honour of Bri's birthday we're taking a look at a film she specifically requested: Rainbow Brite and the Star Stealer. This is a film that carries a lot of nostalgia for Bri, but does it hold up decades later? Well, not entirely, but we still found ourselves enjoying this very cheerful, colourful film. Join us as we discuss among other things the talking white horses of the 1980s, minor villains that I loathe entirely, and the inanimate carbon lump that captured our hearts. 

This week we're taking a look at Thumbelina: A Magical Story, an 80-minute movie that was originally a 26 episode anime series that ran from 1992 to 1993. If you've ever thought the original Thumbelina fairytale needed triple the amount of witches, a transforming sugar fairy, and a villain that would feel at home in an episode of Sailor Moon, then we've got the movie for you! Join us as we discuss among other things unrealistic standards for the behaviour of small children, frog marriage habits, and our intense nostalgia for bad 90s anime dubs. 

This week we're taking a look at yet another nostalgic favourite of Kristi's, Jim Henson's Hey Cinderella. Coming to us from way back in 1969 this special definitely shows it's age but we think that's where a big part of the charm comes from. So join us as we discuss the Kingdom's irrational hatred of frogs, our favourite Muppet bloopers, and the general magic that surrounds Kermit and the other Muppets. 

It's about time we journey back to Auradon to check out what Mal and the other villain kids are up to in Disney Descendants 2. Surprisingly we found this one a bit more enjoyable than the first film, but maybe that's just us getting used to the bizarre concept of the Beast's prison island for villains. Join us as we discuss among other things the surprisingly relatable characters, the villain kids left behind, and a brief tangent into Kristi's seldom talked about love of Sherlock Holmes. 

We're kicking off a new season with a return to the ever popular Swan Princess series. This week we're taking a look at Swan Princess 7: Royally Undercover, the series' first foray into the spy movie genre (Don't worry folks, they make sure to squeeze a play on the "Bond... James, Bond" bit in there). Join us as we discuss Lord Roger's using small children to do his dirty work, the ever growing importance of Swan Princess continuity, and how goddamn annoying ropes (and removable hats) are to animate.