Don’t Laugh But...

Good to be back from gardening leave, touching on all the hard-hitting subjects, from 4ft phalluces to twizzling knobs and bringing back all the old favourites from Rebecca's crevice with cows on flumes to flying fish cakes and deers in thruples. Enjoy.

Coming back, guns fully, (or at least semi) cocked with Poland being terrified by the most mysterious of creatures, the croissant. Also featuring a smattering of the Gates splitting up, dishwashers playing hide and seek, tired thieves in the night and strangers waking you up to tell you they're hungry. Enjoy. x

This week we are delving in to deep dark galaxies, but it’s not all about Rebecca’s smear test, no we are visiting the Milky Way, stopping by the Diet of Worms, all set to a beautiful soundtrack of sloths screaming for their carnal pleasure whilst Kirsty sings Agadoo. Come and join us, and we can all be dangling horny bags of digesting leaves, together.

This week we’re weather beaten, yet still manage to stay full of drivel, from relations with Italian delivery men on the pool table to Bury St Edmund’s beloved Ouida and her purple pen of passion. From chalky atmospheres to talky twatmospheres to a cacophony of disastrous cake messages. Come join us in the bewildering world of Don’t laugh But, where failing is fabulous and mediocre a must. x

From the birds and the bees to the centipedes… We’re coming at you this week with another (and we use the word loosely)  *fun* packed episode. We bring you Wisdom the 70 year old who’s just given birth again and whose mooing skills on the dance floor put the rest of us to shame. Cats that can type, a fight to the death in Argos ooh and of course it’s DLB book review week where we give our thoughts (because we don’t do that enough) on this month’s literary offering ‘The Making of Us’ by Lisa Jewell.  Enjoy and as always, wrap up warm. x

It's that time again... your weekend dose of DLB, brightening your day, giving you the odd chuckle but mostly delivering the bliss and pleasure of being so grateful that you are not us.  This week we outdo ourselves.  Seriously...what other podcast is discussing the fearful nature of goats eyes, with a touch of superman’s sore knees? It’s pure and utter nonsense at its very best. We even spoil you with a smattering of Sir Roger Moore. Enjoy. x

Ooh yes we are back in the podcasting saddle again. Trotting your way with this week’s bewildering beauty of an episode, for your listening pleasure. We really hit the hard stuff this week, from a lovely hole full of bird love (or is it bird betrayal?) to who knew that Pete the Plumber would be such a great fake dad? 

Our words are once again winging their way in to your ear area.  In this week’s exciting instalment we bewilder ourselves by delving into the ‘Bavaria Area’, ruminating on the benefits of ‘The DLB Hair Diet’ (patent pending) and Kirsty solves Rebecca’s pooping plinth problems.  

We are back...back again... ohh yes! We are back by unpopular demand, creeping into your lobule area. We are mixing it up, shaking it about and returning to your old favourites like Rebecca’s deep crevice, where we rummage and find things that we really did not need to know about whilst also offering exciting newness like ‘Today but earlier’ and something that is really going to tickle your fancy... ‘Don’t laugh Book’. We are shivering in more ways than one over this and can’t wait.... all is revealed today. Much love and wrap up warm. X

And the clanging chimes of doom... is not what’s happening here...it’s only the annual DLB Christmas party! We certainly know it’s Christmas and we‘ve squeezed all our festive knowledge into a teeny tiny stocking for you to hang over your ears...Merry Christmas everyone, we hope it’s whatever you want it to be. See you in 2021. X

For our podcasty offering this week we bring you life hacks. Short on money and have a small child? Just don’t tell them it’s their birthday. Worried about your relationship not lasting? You made the error of not going out with with Kurt Russell. The only life hack that will help Kirsty and Rebecca is to become other people. Enjoy. X

Join us! This week we are cautiously tiptoeing around the world of Cults.  As always we are dealing with issues that are way out of our depth but in our defensive we are out of depth in the sea of life at the best of times. If only we had some charismatic leader with all the answers to guide us. Instead we have Rebecca whose mouth lets her down again in more ways than one, and Kirsty whose toileting skills leave something to be desired. Come enjoy the cult of DLB. x

Live your best life with Don’t Laugh But... it’s where the magic happens  (the kind of magic where your dodgy uncle finds 20p behind your ear).  Getting all quotable this week...asking questions we have no chance of answering like ‘do quotes change your life’? Rebecca’s walking her own path and creating her own quotes.  They will inspire you deeply ...to perhaps never listen to Rebecca Elliott again.  Kirsty is a an every day living breathing quote, always sharing the deep and meaningfuls and yet can barely keep her bladder under control. Enjoy. x

This week we bring you our specialist subject... stupidity and boy do we put the stupe in idity...We savour out stupid moments from being able to turn a phrase but having no clue where Denmark is (does anyone?) to questioning whether wind turbines run on electricity.Kirsty does not so much push the envelope this week as lick it. Rebecca ponders on escalators to the moon. If you listen to this your IQ will go up just by the sheer comparison to these two and their meteoric rise to dimwittedness... 

The glitter balls are spinning through a glitterati of cha cha chatting around that juxtaposition that is feeling like the goddess you are whilst simultaneously falling backwards onto the dance floor and showing your knickers to your grandma. How has dance helped us move forward in our life stories ... from Kirsty wanting to break dance to Rebecca being all coy and pretending that she hates dancing until she’s asked and then you can’t drag her off... it comes to no surprise that Kirsty and Rebecca were never asked to dance at the school disco. We end like all good conversations should, with x-rated parrots.

Morality - is it still relevant? Is there any other point to it but to confuse Rebecca and Kirsty ... we knew we were out of depth but dove in anyway. The conversation is the verbal equivalent of the PG version of ET where guns were replaced by walkie talkies - unnecessary and leaves you feeling 'what the hell is going on?' The saving grace as always is our beautiful butters with some funny yet dark stories where morality left them equally as baffled. It’s our moral duty to make you feel better about yourselves and with this week's mutterings of utter nonsense you certainly will... much love people ...

Come chill in the coffee shop with Don’t Laugh But, except we are not actually in a coffee shop and we're not even sure if we even like coffee or just all the fixings that make it play on palate and give us the kick that only caffeine can. Flirting with all the big topics like is there a right way to order coffee? Is there such things as a fresh toilet in a coffee shop? Is the reason there are so many coffee shops all down to Bobby Starbucks? Turns out we owe a debt of gratitude for that legal jittery lovey buzz to a bunch of frisky goats. Enjoy.

Blame! I’m going to live forever ...and it’s all your fault... right? That is an 80s reference from the show called FAME That Kirsty lives her life by...apart from the leotards. Yes this week we are blithering on about Blame. Come on kids, everyone is doing it....from politicians to Rebecca Elliott cutting up somebody’s clothing  because she has a personal problem with cardigans. Blame permeates our lives eroding our societies and relationships. At least we think it might ...  if you don’t... we can’t  blame you. Huge apologies this recording does end with unexpected flatulence.... Kirsty blames peppermint oil and not a weak sphincter. Much love friends. x

We’re  back baby!  This week we are inspired by the Netflix special ‘The Social Dilemma’.  We are slithering back into social media exploring our relationship with our own socials. We are so ridiculously excited to be back, so excited it  made Kirsty moo like an elephant. Not much has changed, still making at best mediocre points with half-baked ideas and thrilling breaking stories like should Rebecca Elliott wear chinos? Only if they're men’s says Fb . We will be ambling around awkward corner, orally outlining our overheards and delving into our delightful new feature where we creep into Rebecca Elliott's 'Crevice of Curiosity'. Enjoy.

Yes, the rumours are true, we can now be found LIVE on YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwV8z4inHe1ep1_2HBNkt7g Come sit with us a while. xx

This week we amble through ambition, from those that come to fruition like Rebecca’s novel, to those that seem unlikely to, like Kirsty becoming David Bellamy.   Also features an alarming Vera Lynn impression, suggestions for loo roll alternatives including rabbits and kiwis and nostalgia for the days when the weather was the most interesting part of the news.

This week you get to unwrap and pretend to be grateful as we give you the gift of our words - though you may want to return a few. Gifts, they come in many forms. Kirsty’s lack of privacy in a unisex changing room was not her best gift. Rebecca's best gift would be to remember that she got one. And both agree that a 'No-Bra Day' is what every woman truly desires.

Ths week we holler about heroes. Why do we have them? What character makes you a hero? We discuss dangerously heroic acts like not flushing sanitary products, to the real heroes of the LGBTQ community. Does heroism have to involve dragging puppies from burning buildings or can it just be  being kind and daring to stand out? Also includes gusset talk, cheeky steam room noises and 'flesh pockets'. ... enjoy

Not sure if our podcast is for you? Here's a little taster for you - 15 minutes taken from previous episodes covering a random collection of chats from smear tests to CSI, death to a dodgy Morgan Freeman impression. Come join us. You’re very welcome.Rebecca and Kirsty xReal women. Real stuff. Real stoopid.

This week we meander and muse along memory lane, stopping to consider what memories shape us and which memories we would damn well rather forget. Kirsty shudders at the recollection of her swimming costume being flown as a flag on her estate and Rebecca at her skin-coloured knickers being revealed to an onlooking pub. As usual we are educatied by our Butters' contributions - Forget the hospital when you're in need of an enema, aparently just go down a waterslide in spain. Enjoy.

This week we chow down on the challenging subject that is cheese. We question whether a fondue should ever be shared - naked? And address the shocking revelations that Kirsty *doesn't* like pizza and Rebecca *does* like the dirty plastic-wrapped burger cheese.  The salty cheese with a squeeky intensity - Haloumi - gets a mention - like it does at every sodding bbq. Our Butters rock up with with a smörgåsbord of cheese-related tales. As one of our Butters posted CHEESE IS LIFE.... we will let you decide.

This week we're discussing the horrible habits that hold us back and hinder us...from hitting snooze to holding your phone in higher esteem than your family. Will Rebecca recover from essentially being a dog fluffer on one very bizarre day... will morning Rebecca ever be friends with evening Rebecca? Kirsty’s bad habits turn out to be many and varied...one is talking too much... I know we’re as shocked as you are. Then there's finding her own socks by the side of the road, being overly protective of potatoes and, a-hem, chewing her toenails. We are sorry ....enjoy.

Join us on our journey this week as we become trepidatious travellers. Trains, planes ... what could go wrong...? All kinds of crazy apparently.. from Kirsty’s light battering (which wasn't nearly as tasty as it sounds), to Rebecca's fear that the train toilet door will once again betray her. As always DLB asks the important questions such as does Finland exist? Is the problem with travel the other travellers? And is Rebecca merely a figment of Kirsty's imagination? Enjoy.

This week we celebrate a new Don’t Laugh But decade by rambling our way through resolutions. Should we bother making them? Should Rebecca's be to dive into the dragons den with shoebuddies .com? Should Kirsty's be to stop obeying machines? Should Don’t Laugh But be your resolution? We'll leave all these life affirming questions with you. In the mean time let’s throw all the boring resolutions out the window, grab the left over Christmas cheese and chocolate, pour a Gin and enjoy...

We pull that cracker that is Christmas and enjoy the exploding drama,  hugs,  love,  nostalgia; the damn essence of life that it is. The Quality Street is judged, the condiments listed, the music incessantly sung, the importance of being free to do what you want whilst rubbing along with everyone, wearing paper hats and eating everything in sight is muled over along with the wine. Our butters join us at the Christmas table and as always they are a very welcome guest, though, if anyone, it is the red plastic fortune telling fish that steals the show.

We fall into fate this week. Is it fate, destiny, serendipity or all three? Are you meant to be doing something in the world? Or is it all random and haphazard (a bit like every week here at DLB)? Was it fate that Kirsty’s angry corner involved her seeing red only to find out that it’s actually her own brain that needs to be in her angry corner? Is it Rebecca’s puppy’s fate to always love to eat an entire sock? We’ll leave you, our lovely Butters, to decide. ‘Cos we haven’t got a clue.

This week we take you for dinner, lunch and a whole brunch of chat as we discuss restaurants...what’s not to love... getting fed and cleaned up by other people.. it’s one of life utter pleasures but how close should we get to the gems of humans that are waiting staff? .. Kirsty believes very close indeed. Meanwhile Rebecca gets excited about mermaids... surely they should be on every restaurant menu? Our butters join us at the table with their amusing amuse-bouche of restaurant faux pas ..

This week we grimace in the face of guilt. Who’s feeling guilty? NOT us... Okay, now we're feeling guilty for lying.Is guilt just a useless self-destructive angry inner voice that our other seldom-heard compassionate inner voice should politely tell to buggar off?As always our Butters save the day with their beautiful, hilarious and often disturbing Guilty Pleasures including running with jazz hands, using butter as a dip and bra-warmed chocolate. (Also includes Kirsty’s tales of a joyous recent smear test. You have been warned.)

This week we lay in the lap of laughter delving into how giggling, gaffawing and ‘PMSL’/‘ROFL’-ing (whichever makes you least nauseous) makes us more human and allows us to deal with the gravitas of horrendous situations with a bit of space and grace. Our Butters - our wind beneath - lift us up with some of the most hilarious heartwarming stories of inappropriate laughter.

We try not to be blinded by the bright lights of celebrity as we question whether fame really should be desired, and famous people valued above others. We also throw a little glitter over the mundane with the excitement that comes from a random viewing of the great and good as our Butters share stories of sharing a toilet seat with Thora Hird, accidentally hitting Mel Gibson when dismounting a cow and sharing a hot tub with Robert Redford. Also includes indepth discussions on the dumbing down of the whoopee cushion and how to cope with poop shaming.

This week we don’t sit by the rivers of Babylon but instead dive right in to the tempestuous sea of stress that is first world 21st century living. Is life really so overwhelming or do we bring it on ourselves? Is stress sometimes a good thing? Would it help if we collectively admitted that we’re all just shutting our eyes, putting our foot down and hoping for the best?   Whether it's the small things (Kirsty by her own admission could ‘catastrophize a bag of crisps’) or the bigger things like winging it at parenting and suffering eco-guilt  that make you want to scream into the night we’re here to help. Or at least distract you for a bit with our own ineptness.

We try not to faint, fall down or poop ourselves as we stumble down the aisle of expectation towards our wonderful Don't Laugh Butters and their hilarious tales of eventful and often downright disasterous weddings. Also covers zip-up underwear, Rebecca's disturbingly alluring french accent and Kirsty's award-winning John Wayne impression . So put on your hat, fight your way to the canapés, and join us as we 'spoon the vicar'.

This week here comes the bride and all things wedding related...we get lost in the no mans land that is the the wedding ceremony - should oversized Jenga ever be involved? Wedding rules; are they necessary or should we all be radical and do exactly what we want? Why are men getting to do all the speeches? Should the bride be made up to the extent that no one, including the groom, recognises her?   The bigger questions are not left untouched like will Kirsty learn to suck apples or get the chance to slide across the dance floor and will our invention of the bumbrella ever take off?    Also includes two new and exciting sections alongside the our much beloved 'Overheard Corner' - 'Awkward Moments' and the, a-hem, 'Lovely Hole - it's a whole lot of lovely'.

This week we’re walking those stinky school corridors again, re-visiting the highs and lows and the down-right butt-clenchingly (or otherwise) embarrassing moments we all experienced... We ponder over whether Kirsty should have been able to keep her shaved initials in her hair or Rebecca was actually well within her rights to be smoking in the school toilets. Our Butters share their most hilariously embarrassing school moments. Why is school a dystopian nightmare for some...a festival of delights for others?... we don’t know but we spend a lot of time talking about it.

This week we ravishingly eat up all things diet related ... why do we so want to believe in them.. even the ones that make us smell like cabbage and eat deadly worms, when they seem to have the power to make us all unhappy? In our desperate attempts, filled with shame and judgement, to eat less and punish our bodies do we perhaps forget that food is life and life is fun, and that perhaps inside every thin girl there's a fat girl trying to eat her way out? Also features the joyful mental image of Rebecca and Kirsty romping around in full-body jegging suits.Enjoy.

In a conversation that Kirsty rates 5 stars (but then she’s easily pleased), we swallow back the fear of offending and frankly getting things all kinds of wrong and delve in to the issues surrounding disabilities. Why when 1 in 5 people in the UK are disabled aren’t they similarly represented on our TV screens? Are disabled people fed up with being either pitied or held up as heroes? Why isn't everyone valued and deemed to be exactly enough just as they are?    And why isn’t Kirsty suitably impressed by Rebecca’s Stephen Hawking story?

This week, now with the help of our lovely listeners - the ‘Butters’, we line up the shots and vol-au-vents and discuss the very best and worst of soirees and shindigs. Should other people clear up at your party? Is there too much pressure on NYE to ever enjoy it? Will Kirsty ever leave the buffet table? And what should one do if a guest gets her breasts stuck in her zip whilst another is eating a frozen snake? Whatever the answers may be there's no doubt this is THE place to be, and you’re all invited. Bring a bottle. Or two.

What does it mean to be a woman? Is it ok to draw any distinctions between the genders? Are women supportive of each other? Is it insulting for a woman to be referred to as a ‘girl’? Does Kirsty’s new ‘serious’ voice mask our inabilities to grapple with such a weighty subject? And when oh when will we hear a woman fart in a movie?

Who are you? A question of course initially posed by renowed philosopher Roger Daltrey. This week we also ponder the issues of identity;  How much of ourselves die when our loved ones die? How much of our identity is lactated away when we become a mother? What should you do when you wave at someone then realise it's your own reflection in a mirror? And will Kirsty ever be able to say 'unfathomable'? Whatever you do, the conclusion is clear - just be yourself. Unles you're a twat. Then try being someone else.

Rebecca and Kirsty merely scratch the surface of their known unknowns; the stuff they simply do not understand, from gravity to the hangy bits in t-shirts, from LinkedIn to the evolution of monkeys who decided they couldn’t be bothered to turn in to humans... If you’ve ever felt ignorant, give this a listen. It will give your comparative intelligence one hell of a boost.

Six weeks of being grounded with the whole family, or maybe you’re lucky enough to brave the airless hell-hole of anxiety that is the airport so you call yell at your kids to ‘stop wielding stuff’ in a whole different continent.  Whatever your summer holds, we’re here for you, discussing the hidden perils of mashed potato on a long boat, finding out you were matched to your painfully dull exchange student Helga because of your similar personalities, and testing your marriage to breaking point on a kayak in alligator-infested waters.   Let us audibly spread sun cream on those hard to reach parts.

Join on us on the beautiful journey that is friendship as we plait each other’s hair and have feathery pillow fights yet still make time to take a detour into the similarities between parents and bras. We rip in to what bonds and ask, is it the friends who smell together stay together? If you’re a friend in need, we are your friends indeed...

The excitement continues in this much anticipated part two of Kirsty and Rebecca tackling life’s most fundamental ‘What If’ Questions. This week we battle to keep things clean as the discussion varies from the giant sweaty ‘spoon beast’ that emerges  when canoodling in the heat, Rebecca’s distracting cleavage, and an honest answer to, ‘what if you woke up as a man, what would you do?’

This week Rebecca and Kirsty discuss vital 'what if...' questions. Delving into the fear of pooping in Space and tackling the merits of a good wine like Shnuffly Du Blanc. We don’t even shy away from exploring the gravitas of whether Edam deserves to be considered a cheese and the mind blowing fact that out bodies will never actually turn into a cup of tea...enjoy.

This week Rebeca and Kirsty embrace that taboo that none of us like talking about - MONEY. That elusive stuff that buys you more stuff so you have to keep buying bigger stuff to keep your stuff in. They say it can’t buy you happiness and in this case they’re absolutely right because this 50 minutes of joy comes at you for free. So sit back and let us make a sizeable deposit into your hole in the wall. Enjoy.

Emotions run high as Rebecca and Kirsty discuss their deepest feelings on ridiculously happy people, crying in public, over-sharing, over-analysing, anxiety about yoghurt purchases and the distress caused by leaving bite-marks in the cheddar.