Monster Squad Minute

Midnight! End of the world, remember? No? Oh, well never mind then. But it's definitely the end of the credits, which means we are on the final minute of Monster Squad! The only appropriate way to close out such an epochal enterprise than by having the slayer of monsters and hero of the movie Phoebe Crenshaw on the show! Actress Ashley Bank takes us through being a six-year-old girl in a tux at a movie premier, the final fate of Scraps, and how legitimately terrifying Duncan Regehr's Dracula was from a couple inches away.   “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

One of our most requested guests,Patrick's Sister herself Lisa Fuller joins us to reminisce about filming the movie, what the experience of its resurgence in popularity has been like, why Patrick's Sister has no first name, and what was on the mix tape Ryan Lambert made her that one time. Plus what Lisa's favorite monster is, and whether or not he, or Steve, counts. “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

Crystal Beth returns, armed with forbidden knowledge of what's actually happening in the movie! Does she like it? Does she still think Dracula's costume looks cheap? Plus, Andrew gets to talk abut Star Trek again, and we ponder how long Rudy is going to spend in jail for killing a lot of people for, as far as the evidence is concerned, no real reason.   “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

Makeup Artist Zoltan sends Justin and Andrew off into a tangent on creepy 80s kids movies with creepy adult themes, and also Dracula's Dog. We also talk about the best props from the movie, Justin goes straight for the pie, and we both mix up which Del Toro we're talking about.   “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

Justin returns, and weighs in on Star Trek/Monster Squad, argues in favour of a continuing Crenshaw family unit, and ponder if the Archies or the cast of Saved by the Bell would've done as well vs Drac and the gang. “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

Anthony returns once more to teach us the difference between rap and new jack swing, talk about other movies lucky enough to end with a rap that recounts the movie you just saw, and try to make heads ot tails of MC Hammer's Addams Family Groove. “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

Anthony Murphy is pitch-hitting for Justin once more as we talk about these army guys are Eugene wrote to, and figure out why the heck they showed up anyway. Also in this episode, bullies DJ and Derek try to worm their way into the Squad, and Scary German Guy and Eugene do heartbreaking violence to a beautiful antiquarian book.   “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

Justin has been sucked into limbo, so Anthony Murphy from No Time for Heroics returns to help us in the aftermath of the battle between good and evil. We ponder the merits or lack thereof of Gilmore Girls, what the Monster Squad might be up to a hundred years from now in the next time holes to limbo need a-blowin', and what would happen in the potential Star Trek/Monster Squad crossover. Note that we had some kind of limbo-induced tech crash half way through this ep and switched to the backup. Pardon our echos!   “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

Ainsley's back one more time as we call wrap on the Frankenstein Monster. Justin wonders what happened to the amulet after the whole limbo thing. Andrew wonders if Event Horizon is worth re-watching. We ask the tough questions about limbo, where dwell the damned.   “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

Justin, Andrew and special guest Ainsley all get devoured by the vortex to limbo, along with most of the set and cast.  We see Dracula die for the maybe third and fourth time in the last half of the movie, Van Helsing back from blowing it, and Patrick actually does something! Plus, we break down the history of throwing a thumbs up at someone  “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

This episode Phoebe blew a hole in limbo and sucked away our audio with it! So after a catastrophic equipment failure, Andrew has pieced back together the episode into a shambling patchwork mockery of a man that shows up just in time to grab Dracula by the neck and impale him on a cross!  Ainsley Hawthorn returns to help us figure out this magic spell thing.   “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

Dracula uses the force on Scary German Guy, and then calls Phoebe a bad word. Ainsley helps us figure out what the heck age group this movie is for.   “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

Ainsley Hawthorn joins us once again for what may be, if not the best single minute in any movie ever done in the movies by minutes format, certainly the best of this particular film. Justin settles the eternal question of Horace vs Chunk, Horace settles the eternal question of Fishman vs shotgun, Ainsley gives Andrew the eternal gift of an opening to talk about Horatio Nelson.   “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

We take a deep dive into the movie and get a sneak peak at the Squad Doc Wolfman's got Nards as André Gower joins us one last time to wax philosophical on the significance of the entire film. Plus Justin cheers for the apotheosis of Horace, Andrew gives his own pitch for Monster Squad Part II, and André might just check a couple new recruits officially into the Squad. Also, somehow if breaks down that minute 69 is all about virgins. Whoops! “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

We're in virgin territory with Monster Squad star André Gower asks why having sex disqualifies you from being able to save the world, how incredible the death of the Wolfman is, and the possible origins of Wolfcop. Plus, André names his top 80s movies, throws some serious Goonies shade and could that be a Monster Squad sequel? HMMMMMMM!? ALSO! Andrew drops a bomb about André's filmography that's going to blow your dang mind. “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

We sing the praises of Ryan Lambert's vulnerable portrayal of the unstoppable killing machine Rudy Halloran and also talk about what songs were on the mixtape he made Lisa Fuller. André Gower confirms that the treehouse was full of pornography.   “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

Squadmaster André Gower is back to talk about how hard it is to hit an actor in a Wolfman outfit with a bat, how great Ryan Lambert i as spit taking, and the direct line between Monster Squad's Gillman, Predator, and Shape of Water. All that and Wolfman's incredible abs! What more could you want from a podcast? “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

The leader of the Squad, Sean Crenshaw himself, André Gower joins us just in time for him to do a sick karate roll as Del shoots a Dracula out of the air while driving a station wagon.  At least we hope that was Dracula, maybe it was just any old bat in the wrong place at the wrong time... Get ready for some behind the scenes dish all this week, plus info on André's new doc Wolfman's Got Nards! “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

One last time, Shawn Robare of Branded in the 80s returns to help us figure out who exactly the virgin in this situation is, and also whatever the heck happened with that third Bride of Dracula. “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

Shawn Robare is back to help us figure out if Del and Emily can really make this marriage thing work after this (they can't) what makes a successful marriage (defeating Dracula) and what to see when you visit the Gilmore Girls in Stars Hollow.   “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission. 

Shawn Robare is with us as the the black guy is the first to die. Del weighs the paperwork of killing a guy in a Dracula costume in cold blood. Andrew drops some bombs from the script, but not like... not like literal bombs like Drac just did, y'know? “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission. 

Shawn Robare of Branded in the 80s is back to witness Dracula take apart the American Dream. Big cars? Destroy 'em. White picket fence? Drive over it. Family unit? Divorce!  Plus: Duncan Regehr starts the twenty minutes that made him one of the best and most chilling Draculas on the big screen!   “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission. 

Monster master Shawn Robare of Branded in the 80's joins us to present more evidence that Phoebe is the most useful member of the Squad,  wonder what Dracula's credit rating is like vis a vis automotive purchases, and hits at a door left open for Monster Squad Part II. “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

NEW MINUTES NEXT WEEK! But first, tired of hosting a Halloween party with only Thriller and Monster Mash on repeat as music? We talk about how to create the best Halloween mixtape to seasonally gloom up even the most ebullient party! THEN! Maybe who cares about going to parties? Let's stay home and watch movies instead! Justin and Andrew break down the best Halloween movies while they're at it. Did we miss any movies or songs? Tell us about it on Twitter!

Dan McCoy of the Flop House is here once more to reveal which is his favorite monster, and also talk about Shawn's excitable bowels. Rudy attempts to SWAT the monsters, and the mummified remains of Kantanka-Ra are surprisingly agile. Plus, some protips on Duck Tales for NES, and a sneak preview of the upcoming Flop House live show! “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

The Squad decides it's going to visit Gilmore Girls, while Dan McCoy from the Flop House returns to the show.  We discuss a really sweet Christian joke, Phoebe once again saving the world, and what's up with Scary German Guy anyway. “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

Dan's back to help us navigate the perils of nostalgia, and try and figure out if things wouldn't have gone better if Shawn had just left the amulet where found it surrounded by crosses and garlic. We swap some weaponized pizza recipes. Andrew says the word plinth.   “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

We welcome back Dan McCoy from the Flop House as the movie fails the monster test. We ponder the proliferation of secret passages, the cycle of nostalgia, and the film career of Fred Dekker.   “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

Dan McCoy joins us from the Flop House podcast to talk about the line you know even if you've never seen this movie. We hypothesize about the wolfman reproductive system. We also take a deep dive into some deleted scenes starring Liam Neeson! “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

Once more onto the treehouse, Anthony from No Time for Heroics joins us to point out how woefully underprepared to fight Dracula these guys are. Shawn inadvertently agrees with the Horace-Patrick plan of leaving this to the police.  We discuss how to kill a Frankenstein monster, and the problem of monster cultural appropriation.    “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

Anthony reveals his one childhood wish was just for a single crate of dynamite. Justin and Andrew back away slowly. Dracula takes revenge on Van Helsing's wall for blowing up his walls in the prologue. Everyone else wants pizza.   “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

The Short Circuit and Inhumanoids references from earlier in the week just weren't enough 80s, so we're gonna have an in depth discussion about Square One with Anthony Murphy. Also Patrick's Sister turns the tables on the dastardly Squaddies, at least in the script.   “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

Anthony's back as Patrick' sister gets a skeevy proposition. We discuss what we think her name might be, and actress Lisa Fuller herself provides the best answer. “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

Anthony Murphy of No Time for Heroics rejoins us to talk 80s Steves and their 80s Steve cars, Justin does a deep dive into obscure 80s toys, Andrew does a deep dive into Short Circuit references. “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

Once more Crystal Beth is helping us out by explaining squatty werewolves. We talk practical effects, transformation scenes, and Andrew's favorite minute of the movie (maybe).   “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

Del and Sapir rap about creepy cars. Crystal Beth and Andrew both confess that they always wanted a hearse. We all begin to suspect that Del isn't a very good cop.    “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

Crystal Beth is introduced to who she describes as a "dime-store, Woolworth's Dracula". We discuss the logistics of the Mummy going to the drug store.   “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

Crystal Beth returns (as does Justin) to enjoy more Rock Until You Drop montage, and witness Rudy supplying the Frankenstein Monster with pornography.   “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

MxM Maven and host of The Fifth Eleminute Crystal Beth is on the show, and she's never seen nor really heard of Monster Squad! So like most people really.  Crystal tells us what she thinks is going on as the music montage continues, having never seen the rest of the movie. Andrew wants monster-themed episodes of RuPaul's Drag Race Rudy sharpens pre-sharpened stakes. Justin is MIA.   “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

For one final time, Ralph Attanasia is up in the treehouse for Dracula being a little too sure of himself, Shawn's weird decorating style, and the all-important beginning of the awesome 80s music montage!     “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

Ralph from Cake Boss returns to help us figure out if these kids are monster racist, how useful a good Igor would be right now, and how much Justin just can't stand those pesky millenials on his lawn. PLUS: A movie-breaking deleted scene, and a movie-awesoming included scene that both the actor and director hated anyway.   “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

We're mid-week with Ralph Attanasia is back to figure out why no one is telling an adult now that the real monsters have appeared, and the joy of terrible Ben Cooper-style Halloween costumes. “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

Ralph from Cake Boss puts out an argument that we should be calling this monster Frankenstein anyway as Shawn goes walking with the dead man over his shoulder. Andrew wonders what you would ask a dead guy if you had one question. Justin makes a sweet Dolly Parton joke.   “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

Ralph Attanasia from Cake Boss arrives at the same time as the Frankenstein Monster. Plus, Phoebe has a potty mouth, Horace goes dumpster diving, Rudy is so over it, and Justin and Andrew are painfully, painfully Canadian.   “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

Kevin Woolridge is back one more time to see Shawn trying to wrangle this bunch of jokers with a deadline looming. Rudy takes a sip of delicious Pepsi.   “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

Kevin Woolridge returns to help us try to plumb the depths of Scary German Guy's motivations and tackle the most(?) controversial scene in the movie as we discover that he is a holocaust survivor.   “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

Kevin Woolridge helps us figure out the theology of limbo and why we're sending all these monsters and Van Helsings over there. Plus, Andrew's pet peeves about Superman being vulnerable to magic, and Justin is holding for the fart joke.   “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

Kevin's back to help us try and parse out all this amulet mythology in Van Helsing's diary, taking us back to original sin, the nature of Good and Evil, and the forces of both darkness and Dracness.     “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

Cartoonist and thespian Kevin Woolridge joins us to try and translate this Van Halen diary, parse out Scary German Guy's decor choices, and Andrew goes deeper down the Faust theory of Draculas.    “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

It's been so long... so very long... and now Andrew and Justin are back in the treehouse getting ready for more Monster Squad Minutes next week! But before we get there, we're talking about other possible Monster Squad-esque monster mashes using a gamut of 80s practical effectsy beasties! From a Robot Squad with Terminator, Johnny Five and the Flight of the Navigator ship, to a fight between the Poltergeist House and the Amityville Horror house, we're taking a deep dive into classic 80s sci fi and horror. Also, we tried out a different recording format and... it wasn't great! Back to the classics next week. “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

Andrew and Justin go solo to talk about the relative scariness and Germanic aspects of this guy we meet, and also the unstoppable monster-slaying machine that is Phoebe Crenshaw. “Monster Mash” ©Reservoir 416 (BMI) Published By Reservoir Media Management, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.