Motherhood Unmasked

Motherhood Unmasked is back for season 7 and in this episode Vanessa's uncovering the reason so many moms feel forced to fake it and how to show up authentically as you.

Forgive has seven letters, but depending on your level of pain, it sounds like a four letter word! Forgiving the person or people who abandoned, abused, or violated when you were most vulnerable sounds like asking the impossible. And I get it. I lived it. You feel like forgiveness validates what they did. But in this episode, I present a different angle on forgiveness. One that moves you from victim to victor. Are you in? Let's talk about it.

Women talk about glass ceilings in the corporate space, but for those who experienced childhood trauma, there's another kind. The ceiling that says what your mother was like is all you'll ever be as a mom. If your mom was awesome, you may be happy to be half the mother she was. But if your experience with your mom growing up was far from pleasant, are you satisfied with hitting your head against the ceiling of her limits? Or are you up for breaking through? Let's talk about it.

  If the thought of writing your thoughts and feelings in a journal sounds boring or worse frightening, in this episode, I talk about the benefits of journaling and the role it plays in maximizing your therapy sessions.   We're talking journaling from A to Z.  

Trauma is traumatic. “Someone having it worse than you” doesn't make your trauma less significant. And the fact that it happened as a child doesn't mean it shouldn't affect you now. So how do you respond to the pressure to “get over it?” Listen in.

When they say you can't pick your family, it's often about that embarrassing aunt or uncle or the cousin who asks to borrow money.  But the truth is you can't pick your children either and that's the tricky part of parenting.   It's a stretch to find the beauty in the uniqueness of each child, especially if you were tolerated more than celebrated growing up.   In today's episode, we slay the cycle of rejection to embrace the truth that you were chosen just as you are. And yes, your kids too.

When you're assaulted as a child and no one notices, much comes to your rescue, you learn to fend for yourself. Later in life, you may even doubt the sincerity of those who offer to help because well—once burned twice shy.   But if you've noticed, life is getting stranger and harder. And the reality that no one should do life alone is clearer than ever. And while it seems like the scariest time to let your guard down, it's the only way to get the help you need to manage feelings about old trauma rising with feelings about today's trauma. Solo feels safe, but doesn't always leave you sane. It's okay to ask for help.

Perfectionism and people pleasing are not the same. They show up differently and in this episode, we're talking about what psychologists refer to as the fourth kind of trauma response.   Which one are you: perfectionist or people pleaser? Cheers to getting free from all of it! Listen in

Did you ever pinky swear when you were a little girl? That promise was binding like a mortgage. The only way out was death! You pinky swore to hold someone accountable because you don't have to be alive long to figure out people make promises they don't keep—even to protect children. So when you were mishandled and left to fend for yourself, you pinky swore you wouldn't let that happen again. But that's a promise to the little girl in you you'll have to break—so you can live and love those God gives you. Grab a journal and something warm to drink and join me for Episode 53: Let Your Guard Down.

As I often say, “Misplaced expectation is the mother of all disappointment.” And when you're the mother with the misguided expectation, your children pay the price. As a survivor of childhood trauma you likely paid it too.   I know what it's like to be conditioned to believe I had to meet “the standard” in order to feel love and accepted. I've also seen the look in my kids' eyes when I've given them the same impression.   It's gut wrenching and it doesn't have to be your normal. In this episode we'll talk about how to handle motherhood when the message in childhood was the adults in charge are hard to please.

Shame will tell you your existence is wrong because of however you believe you caused the abuse, the abandonment or the neglect.   And it will tell you you're a horrible mother because you don't show compassion and empathy as easily with your children as you do friends or strangers because you didn't receive it in your home, growing up.   But you can tell shame to shut up. Let's get into how in Episode 51 Shame Off You!   See motherhoodunmasked.com for show notes and this episode's Food for Thought. 

While grateful for the five seasons of speaking with compassion, candor, and clarity, encouraging moms to own their pivotal role in the lives of their children and the generations that follow, this season kicks off a new focus. Vanessa's zeroing in on moms often overlooked. Moms struggling to survive their own childhood trauma in addition to the typical demands of motherhood. Vanessa knows what that's like. So, if you're raising children while carrying unresolved childhood wounds from traumatic experiences including abuse, abandonment, and neglect and you struggle with expressing compassion, showing up with confidence and connecting with your child, this podcast will inspire your own healing journey and empower you to break the negative cycles threatening your family. So glad you're here!

THANK YOU!!! 50 episodes of a solo podcast started during a world crisis is no small feat. I thank the Lord and I thank you for listening, subscribing and sharing this podcast with your mom friends. You are living proof that friends don't let mom friends mom alone! Today's episode is the season 5 closer so that means I'll be taking my customary extended break. Thanks again and enjoy today's episode... For some moms, motherhood feels like a constant treading water, leaving you with a lot of tired and no self-esteem. If you're thinking of throwing in the towel, cutting your losses and pretending this motherhood thing never happened—you're probably suffering silence to avoid judgement. But you're not the only one. Put your earbuds in and let's talk about it.

There's nothing like a woman! A beautiful combination of strength, savvy, and sensitivity, until we get so far into our feelings, all the rest goes out the window. What does it take to raise women who will mother a generation of women more emotionally triggered than today's? And how does getting a grip on your emotions play into that? Let's dive in and find out.

What if instead of sentencing your future daughter in law and granddaughter to struggling with a verbally frustrated husband and father, you raised your son to be more verbally expressive. Talk about impacting generations! In this episode, Vanessa shares practical ways to raise confident men who can enter a woman's world even of he doesn't want to stay there.

Mama, you're doing the best you can. The real, rational you knows that. But there's another version of you that won't get off your back. In today's episode, I talk about what to say to that nag of yours, so you can live out the reality that your best is enough.

Ever notice how our modern conveniences mess with your parenting game? Smart phones, two-day package delivery and dinner delivered in 30 minutes works great for us hard working mama juggling all the things. But if your child is enjoying all the perks too, how do you raise grateful children? Children who appreciate benefits come at a cost and there's a blessing in the struggle.

Empathy is a life skill. It makes for the most sought after doctors and the most celebrated societies. Empathy is a whole vibe that's gotten harder to find in our modern thoughtless, touchless and tense culture. But it is the way of the civilized and you and I have the influence to bring empathy back on the scene. I'm excited to get into this one today and grateful you're joining me!

Keep it kind has gone out the window. I don't know if you noticed, but you're hard pressed to find a kind word, much less a kind deed these days. And it got me wondering where did common courtesy go and how in the world to we bring it back? And guess what? You're part of the solution that could change the world. Let me tell you how.

"Mom, what's for dinner?" If that question gives you more "nails on a chalkboard" vibe than "music to your ears" then this episode will flip the narrative and have you anticipating your family around the table. Yes, even the teens!

Back in Episode 25, I led the charge to slay those destructive family cycles. Thanks to Sarah Jakes Roberts, today, I'm circling back around the other side of the coin, so you leave a legacy richer than the one you inherited.

To paraphrase my friend, Charlie, “Who keeps cuttin' these onions every time I think about my Senior in high school heading off to college?” It hasn't gotten there for me, but with a senior and a junior in high school, the writing is on the wall. But you and I don't have time for pity parties. We can get together when the nest is empty, but right now we have children to launch. So, grab a Kleenex if you must, and let's get into it!

There's a pace to your purpose. Read that again. And when you get too far ahead of yourself—your body, soul, and spirit will let you know.   And in the Season 4 finale, we're talking about the importance of taking a beat to reset your pace for your current season.

One of these kids is doing their own thing. One of these kids is not like the others and worse still, not like you. What do you do when one of your children is so different than you, you struggle to like them? You cozy up on the sofa with your favorite beverage and hang out with your girl. Because I get it, and in this episode I'm sharing what I've learned that helps.

Emotionally neglected by your mother. Abused. Abandoned. You experienced some or all of it as a child. And now you're a mother.  More than anything, you want to be the mother you never had. But how do you freely give your children the empathy, support, and acceptance you never received from your mom? My answer may surprise you.

The world is so noisy these days it's easy to question what you offer to the mix that's useful and to choose silence. But where does that leave your soul, your children? You're here to be you, not just exist. And your children need what's on the inside of you—despite their opinions to the contrary.  So today we're wrapping up the nurture series by encouraging you to express yourself!

It’s said we teach people how to treat us by how we treat ourselves. What does where you rank yourself on your priority list communicate to others about your self-worth? And what standard does that set for your children-especially your daughter? In this episode we’re talking about living a life that reflects you matter too.

What do you think of you? I ask because if you're not intentional about your self-perception, you'll passively take your cues from others' opinions. And your place in this world and your child's life is too important to live out bound by people's limited perspective of you. This episode starts a series empowering a woman known for nurturing others—to nurture herself.

What do you say to the annoying part of you—that internal critic always questioning if you're a good mom? In this episode, we'll uncover what "Am I doing enough" is code for and how to shift the focus to what matters. Ready to show your internal critic who's boss?

Maybe your journey was surviving the past year. Maybe your journey was the stretch beyond surviving to starting a new thing—amid the chaos. Whatever your journey looks like, any amount of progress is worth celebrating because there's joy in every step—but you may have to look for it. In this Season 4 kickoff, we're having a celebration. So cue the confetti, you're the special guest!

We're closing out Season 3 with a side hug from me to you and some encouragement on how to embrace the things about your loved ones that often frustrate you. Can you use some harmony at home?

We just talked about adaptability in the last episode, then here comes the life lesson—a winter storm Texas was in no way prepared for. And this mama pulled on every skill I ever knew to make it through with my family.  My take away from the whole ordeal? The importance of embracing you!

You're a mom, but are you effective? I took the bait and completed Focus on the Family's assessment of 7 Traits of Effective Parenting. And in this episode, I'm dropping the mask to conclude a two-part analysis of my strengths and weaknesses according to the quiz.  Today we're discussing my weaknesses. My transparency for your benefit—it's the Motherhood Unmasked way.

I love it when moms help moms, sharing resources and tools to help you reach your mom goals. A listener shared a quiz about parenting traits we're diving into this episode. Reviewing my quiz results is not about you grading yourself as a mom, but us growing together as we discuss these traits as tools to add to your mommy toolkit.

None of us moms "knows" what we're doing. Motherhood doesn't come with a map, but we can influence who our children become and their impact in the world. If you're just surviving your child's journey from embryo to eighteen, this episode helps you pause from the overwhelm and think about your #momgoals. Because, if you aim at nothing, you'll hit it every time. And the truth is, you have generations to impact. Did that last part catch you off guard. Then lean in, click play, and let's talk about it.  

2020 wasn't the kind of year you say—well, that happened—and move on. She's more like the teacher in school you hated, but when you look back you realize you learned so much in her class. So, in this episode we'll review the lessons you learned in case there's a re-test! 

So you slayed some cycles. You noticed patterns of behavior you inherited but don't want to repeat. But now what? How do you chart a different course for your life and your family's legacy? And what could happen if you don't? 

Did you know when it comes to what gets passed down your family line, you have the power to say, "Not on my watch!" That's where Mama BARE and Mama BEAR become one in the same. Come on in and find out how to slay the family cycles! 

I know. If EVER there was a loaded question, that is it—since it depends on when I ask you. And that's real talk. So in this episode we take a step back to discuss how to acknowledge your feelings while holding on to truth.

There's an art to blending a family. You can't just stir everyone together, cross your fingers and hope it works out. So, if you already have a blended family and figured that out the hard way or your contemplating blending a family, let's talk about what it truly takes to have a family that's blended, not stirred. 

Who's ready for more compassion, clarity, and candor? Join me here at Motherhood Unmasked!

In this real talk "corner woman" edition, I'm talking to you: the weary mom slumped in the ring's corner between rounds in a fighting match with a pandemic that's gone on way too long.  Need a strategy for coming out of this fight on top?

It's the grand finale of the Mom Myths Unmasked series, and we're wrapping up with a touchy topic for some. Nurturing doesn't come naturally to all of us moms, but that doesn't make you a bad person. I understand where you are and how you got there. And I'm proof your situation isn't hopeless—because you have a choice. You can become a nurturer despite your past. What does that look like? Listen in.

In this 2nd installment of the Mom Myths Unmasked miniseries, we're looking at whether the support you give your kids has to come with no strings attached. Grab your pom-poms and tune in.  

We're shaking things up as we wind down season 2 here on the Motherhood Unmasked podcast with a 3 part series challenging "good mom" myths. Because who has time to live hostage to opinion? First up, we're addressing the notion "good mom" equals great cook. Anyone else feeling hungry all of a sudden?

That's the question you continue to ask yourself as you run ragged in a million directions. And these days, support is scarce. Can working from home bring you closer to having it all, despite your family's needs and your ambitions? 

How often have you thought, I've given you everything I've got people—only to get asked to give even more?  Yeah, that's what I thought. So today we're allowing ourselves some space to vent about the constant sacrifice that is motherhood and then put it all in perspective so we're better—not bitter.

Mama Bare, Marissa D, drops her mask to offer a topic for consideration. Disciplining your child while communicating love. How do you make it work? So, in this episode we touch on why disciplining your children is necessary and how to do it in love.

With dramatic flair I get the conversation started concerning our fears around starting another school year with a pandemic as the backdrop.  And we get practical, too.

You know how your flaws have a way of exposing you at the most inopportune times? Well, in this episode, I'll share a bit of fellow listener, Lori Sanders' story, and you'll discover how to find the message in the messy moments of motherhood.

Girlfriend, I see you hiding behind that mask. If we learned nothing else in 2020, it's life is too short to play pretend when you're grown—especially since we see you struggling to keep up appearances. So, how about dropping the mask and getting real with me?