Podcasts about abused

In this episode, the focus is on clergy abuse—a topic made even more pressing by recent headlines. The featured guest, Sandy Phillips Kirkham, shares her harrowing ordeal of being abused by a charismatic youth pastor starting at the age of 16. Sandy discusses the grooming process, the five years of abuse, and how she was ultimately expelled from her church while her abuser was merely relocated. She delves into the long-lasting impact of the abuse on her life and her spiritual journey, how she concealed her trauma for 27 years, and how she ultimately confronted her abuser. Sandy also provides valuable insights and actionable advice for preventing abuse and supporting victims within church communities. Her story is also detailed in her book, ‘Let Me Prey on You,' which offers a detailed account of her journey from victim to advocate. 00:00 Introduction and Sponsor Message 00:47 Welcome to the Podcast 01:32 Introducing Today's Topic: Clergy Abuse 02:17 Sandy Phillips Kirkham's Early Life and Church Involvement 06:22 Meeting the Abuser: The Charismatic Youth Pastor 08:43 Red Flags and Grooming Tactics 13:51 The First Inappropriate Act 16:37 The Abuse Escalates 21:06 The Aftermath and Church's Response 28:15 Life After Abuse: Marriage and Keeping Secrets 32:09 Protecting Future Generations 35:17 The Importance of Sex Education in the Church 36:32 Techniques for Discussing Sex with Children 37:22 Personal Experiences with Sex Education 38:20 Triggering Memories and Emotional Breakdown 40:13 The Journey of Healing Begins 41:31 Understanding Clergy Abuse and Self-Forgiveness 43:52 Confronting the Abuser 47:07 Challenges in Seeking Justice 54:47 Preventing Abuse in the Church 01:00:31 Supporting Victims of Clergy Abuse 01:05:07 Final Thoughts and Resources Sandy Kirkham and her husband Bill enjoy life with their two grown children, two beautiful granddaughters, and two fairly well-behaved dogs. Sandy continues to use her voice to help victims of clergy abuse. She currently serves on the board of Council Against Child Abuse. Sandy has spoken before the Ohio Senate, a Maryland court, and appeared on a local television show in Boston. Her story, “Stolen Innocence,” was told in a documentary produced by The Hope of Survivors. Sandy works with survivors conducting victim support conferences. She has participated in The Voice of the Faithful (VOTF) panels moderated by SNAP (Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests), sharing her perspective from the non-Catholic point of view. Sandy has been a presenter/speaker at major events on clergy abuse including the Hope & Healing Conference. Sandy has earned a certificate of completion from the Faith Trust Institute entitled, “A Sacred Trust: Boundary Issues for Clergy and Spiritual Teachers.” https://sandyphillipskirkham.com/ https://www.facebook.com/KirkhamAuthor/  sandykirkhamauthor@gmail.com  Purchase her book “Let Me Prey Upon You” on amazon: https://sandyphillipskirkham.com/shop/let-me-prey-upon-you/   Link Tree   Website: https://dswministries.org Subscribe to the podcast: https://dswministries.org/subscribe-to-podcast/ Social media links: Join our Private Wounds of the Faithful FB Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1603903730020136 Twitter: https://twitter.com/DswMinistries YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxgIpWVQCmjqog0PMK4khDw/playlists Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dswministries/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DSW-Ministries-230135337033879 Keep in touch with me! Email subscribe to get my handpicked list of the best resources for abuse survivors! https://thoughtful-composer-4268.ck.page #abuse #trauma Affiliate links: Our Sponsor: 753 Academy: https://www.753academy.com/ Can't travel to The Holy Land right now? The next best thing is Walking The Bible Lands! Get a free video sample of the Bible lands here! https://www.walkingthebiblelands.com/a/18410/hN8u6LQP An easy way to help my ministry: https://dswministries.org/product/buy-me-a-cup-of-tea/ A donation link: https://dswministries.org/donate/   Sandy Phillips Kirkham [00:00:00] Special thanks to 7 5 3 Academy for sponsoring this episode. No matter where you are in your fitness and health journey, they've got you covered. They specialize in helping you exceed your health and fitness goals, whether that is losing body fat, gaining muscle, or nutritional coaching to match your fitness levels. They do it all with a written guarantee for results so you don't waste time and money on a program that doesn't exceed your goals. There are martial arts programs. Specialize in anti-bullying programs for kids to combat proven Filipino martial arts. They take a holistic, fun, and innovative approach that simply works. Sign up for your free class now. It's 7 5 3 academy.com. Find the link in the show notes. Welcome to the Wounds of the Faithful Podcast, brought to you by DSW Ministries. Your host is singer songwriter, speaker and domestic violence advocate, [00:01:00] Diana Winkler. She is passionate about helping survivors in the church heal from domestic violence and abuse and trauma. This podcast is not a substitute for professional counseling or qualified medical help. Now here is Diana. Hello. Welcome everyone. Welcome to my regular listeners, as well as some new listeners that have joined us today. I have a great guest for you today. We're going to be talking about clergy abuse today. Religious leader, abuse. Pastor, youth leader. You've seen this in the news recently with all these preachers being arrested or charged with sexual misconduct or rape or [00:02:00] pedophilia. I'm sure you've seen the news. Well, today we're going to hear a story about a woman who's been victimized in that way and she's fighting back. So let me read her bio for you. A church is where an insecure 16-year-old girl should feel welcome, happy, and most importantly, safe tragically. For some, the church can become a place of great harm. Sandy Phillips Kirkham details her account of how charismatic youth minister preyed upon her, a betrayal which left her broken with a shattered faith and the ultimate shame of being blamed enforced from the church she loved. Despite a successful and happy life, is a wife, mother, and friend. Sandy successfully concealed her abuse for [00:03:00] 27 years until a trigger forced her to face the truth. Sandy's story will take you on her journey of healing. Her strength and courage will inspire you. Let me pray upon you her book details. Sandy's journey from innocent 16-year-old, a victim to a survivor, and advocate. We please welcome Sandy Phillips. Kirk, welcome Sandy to the show. Thanks so much for coming on. Well, thank you for having me. I'm glad to be here. Wow. So I've been listening to you on the Preacher Boys podcast and thought you had a really great story, and so I wanted to come and bring you on so my listeners can hear your story as well. Mm-hmm. So tell us a little bit about your home and your church environment growing up. Let's [00:04:00] start from the beginning here. Okay. I'm the oldest of five. My parents were divorced when I was about seven, which that was really the impact of my life, of just how it altered everything about that time in my life. Then my mother remarried and we moved in with my stepfather shortly after my father remarried, and so I was dealing with these blended families and it was just very confusing for me at the time, my parents and stepfather did not attend church. So I, I wasn't a part of a church until I was about eight, and that's when my best friend who lived up the street invited me to go with their family, and I went with them and I went every Sunday after that, I absolutely fell in love with church. It was a place that I felt safe. I think it provided for me a place away from home that I felt comfortable and I got attention there. I was very active even as a small child. I went to vacation Bible school, church camp, love Sunday School. I sang in a junior choir. Really, it was a just a great place for me to [00:05:00] be. When I was 13, I was baptized and then my faith really deepened and my involvement in the church became even more so, started teaching Sunday school and teaching vacation Bible school. I started serving on committees with adults and doing more of the activities that would, , just be more in depth than just typical youth group activities. So, it's just no exaggeration to say that if the doors of the church were open, I was there and I loved it. I loved serving God. I felt that was the place for me, and everything about it was brought me joy and peace in the church. Wow. You really, were very sincere in your faith. It was not a fake one. I hear a lot of stories of. Being brought up in the church and being made to go to church and, you just go through the motions kind of thing. But it sounds like it was the opposite for you. It was that you really believed this with all your heart. Was that a fundamental Baptist church you were going [00:06:00] to or what? It was a church, Christ Christian Church, which is similar to the Baptist. It's an independent church. Yeah, that's the church. That was so something happened while you were serving the Lord and loving God. You met your abuser? Yes. Shortly after I turned 16, our church hired a new youth pastor, and from the moment he arrived, he was totally different than anyone we'd ever seen before. He was very charismatic, very dynamic. His sermons were really like nothing we'd ever heard before, and people were just drawn to him. He had a personality that people found themselves wanting to be around him. They wanted to please him. So he was very good at asking people to do things and they didn't hesitate. It, it was just a different kind of atmosphere. When he came to the church, the youth group exploded in numbers. We went from like 25 to almost 200 in a very short time. Even the [00:07:00] adult church was growing because people just came to hear him preach because he was so good at what he did. He was 30, married with two children, but he really acted more like our age group. He dressed like we did. He. Went to our football games at school, he knew our music. So he just, he really, he was tuned into us and in return we found ourselves, all of us being willing to please him and wanna do anything we could to make the youth group and the church better. So when people think of a profile of a child abuser, they usually think, oh, some dirty old man, that his roaming fingers or what have you, but this youth pastor sounded like, okay, he was really good looking and hip and really loved the young people. Mm-hmm. Is that typical of. Well, it's, it's typical in the sense that it's not the, dirty old man hiding in the bushes. Most abusers [00:08:00] are people we know. They're people that we like. They're usually people that, connect with people very well, and that's what makes them so dangerous because they're not obvious with what they do, and they're very good at that. They pretend to be one of us. They pretend to care, but in reality, their goal is to find a way to take advantage of the most vulnerable in, in the group. And so, predators are usually drawn to places where they will find vulnerable people. The gymnastics team is an example of that. The Boy Scouts, anywhere where you can, and certainly the church because we are welcoming into people who are in need. Oftentimes. Then there are many people in the church who are vulnerable to these types of men, and sometimes women. Were there any red flags? That you should have seen or noticed when you were around this youth pastor? Well, he came with so many different ideas and different ways of doing things. And one of the things that he was doing now, this was in the [00:09:00] seventies, so cultures were changing and it was free love and kind of thing. But he came into our church and he expected everyone to hug each other. So we were always hugging each other. And he also expected us to say how much we loved each other and that we love you and not just that I love you in Christ. He would simply walk up, give you a hug and say, I love you. Now you know, that may seem innocent, but that's a little odd for that pastor to be saying those kinds of things. And it also blurs the lines because when you say to someone, I love you, that can be confusing to. Young teenagers and even to vulnerable adults. So, but he did that with everybody. It wasn't like he picked someone else special, but, so the hugging in the contact was kind of a red flag in the beginning. But for me personally, I babysat for his family. His wife worked evenings. Mm-hmm. So one night after he came home, he asked me to go to his basement and listen to a song by Neil Diamond. [00:10:00] Well, it felt a little weird 'cause I'd never. I've been around a pastor that wanted to talk to me about anything but church in the Bible. But I went to the basement. Yeah. I mean a Neil Diamond song. So I went to the basement. I know, but that's a trigger factor for me sometimes. So anyway, I went to the basement and he put this record on and I sat down on the couch and instead of sitting in a chair or another place, he came on the couch and sat very close to me. And I remember feeling uncomfortable, but I didn't say anything. 'cause I thought, well, he is just sitting next to me. It's no big deal. But that's a red flag that I felt because it felt uncomfortable to me. And then the other times that I would babysit for him. His wife wouldn't come home till late in the evening, so he would come home around seven or eight and after the kids were in bed, instead of taking me home, he wanted me to sit and talk with him all evening. So we'd talk about the Bible or we'd talk about church, and sometimes he'd ask me what I thought of his [00:11:00] sermon, which at age 16, I'm flattered that this man has any idea that I would have some opinion about this great sermon that he just gave. So I didn't see anything wrong with that because he's my pastor. But had that occurred with my 30-year-old neighbor down the street, every time I went to babysit, I know I would've come home to my mother and said, okay, this is weird. Mm-hmm. Every time I babysit, this man wants to sit and talk to me all evening. I mean, what interest would I have as a teenager wanting to talk to this 30-year-old married man? But because my pastor was who he was and he tapped into our common connection of the church and God, and again, many times he would give me books to read 'cause he wanted me to get better in my deep, in my spirituality. So I didn't see anything wrong with it because of who he was. And so I just accepted that behavior, which is another tool and technique. They look for ways to get into you. Mm-hmm. [00:12:00] That don't seem obvious. And that was, so those were two red flags for me. Now as far as the congregation goes, I was in his office a lot by myself, but so were other kids, because he would actually call us into his office and say, I want you to come in and tell me what's going on in your life. Talk to me about your problems. Instead of us going to him, he would encourage us to come into his office. So while that probably wasn't a good thing, no one saw it as a bad thing. It seemed normal, but he called me into his office a lot more than the other kids. And later on there were people who did say to me, there were times when I wondered why he said something to you like that, or I noticed something one time. And so I think people notice some things, but no one thought enough of it to say, okay, there's something going on that doesn't seem right. So those were the red flags that I think in the beginning were very subtle. But they were hard to see, [00:13:00] and this is really important to distinguish these things because I was groomed by a guidance counselor in seventh grade. Mm-hmm. But he was one of those dirty old men that, he was doing creepy stuff. Yeah. But I never would have seen myself. A pastor and he's talking about spiritual things and he's talking about God and mm-hmm. He's not talking about sex. He's not watching, you're not watching dirty movies together. No, he's not, buying you sexy lingerie. It's, Hey, he's doing spiritual things. Mm-hmm. It's a setup. It's that grooming process you're talking about. It's pulling someone in to gain their trust, in a very di diabolical way, because he's using the church to do that. That's really scary. That scares mm-hmm. Scares me to death. What were the first times that he did something really inappropriate that you were just like, whoa? Well, the very [00:14:00] first time, was after a youth group meeting that was held in my home. I was the song leader. He put me in a leadership position, and it was very important to him that the evening always go well and that we were to make people feel welcome. And so at the end of the evening, I was nervous because I wanted to make sure that he thought everything went well. And he came up to me in my hallway and began telling me how great the evening was and how proud he was of me. And I was on Cloud nine. I was flattered that he felt that way. I felt good that the evening went so well. And then he just slowly bent down and he kissed me. And it wasn't, it was a kiss, but it seemed somewhat innocent to some extent. And I, I remember thinking, I think he just kissed me. Then my next thought was, well, he's my pastor and I don't think he would be doing anything he shouldn't be doing. And it was just a quick kiss. And he's always hugging people. And so maybe this is just his way of showing his appreciation for the evening. It was really [00:15:00] the only way in my 16-year-old mind that I could justify it because I couldn't think about this man doing anything he shouldn't be doing. And this was a person that everyone loved and thought so highly of, so how could I think he was doing something he shouldn't be doing? So I just let it go. I didn't think anything more about it. I mean, did you have any sex ed or anything? Did you know the birds and bees? Nine. Well, yeah, I'm 16. I did. Yeah, I did. But I wasn't, I hadn't dated much. I wasn't allowed to date till I was 16, so I hadn't had any dating experience. I had one kiss before this with a boy at camp. So I wasn't. Worldly or knowledgeable about all those things. But, and again, it was such a quick innocent type kiss. He didn't grab me, he didn't push me against the wall. I just, and again, I think for me it was okay if he's, if this is more than just a kiss, then what do I do with it? So therefore I'm just gonna say it's [00:16:00] nothing because I don't know what else to do. Um, wow. I let it go. I let it go. But as I babysat for him, he, sometimes when I would leave, he would kiss me and sometimes he wouldn't. So, I didn't see it as a con, kind of a continual thing that he was always wanting to kiss me. He always hugged me. But the kissing became more intense as it went along. So it, it would be another year, before he would have sex with me. And so that grooming process and kind of pushing the boundaries each time he was with me, finally ended with him having sex with me. Oh, wow. Now, some of us listening are like an adult having sex with a child or 16-year-old. Can you unpack that a little bit more, the process of how he got to that point? I mean, that the first time you had intercourse, I mean, did he, you know, go to a hotel with you and you had a candlelight dinner, or was it in the backseat of the car?[00:17:00] Was it an accident? It wasn't an accident. He was very deliberate and I had every intentions of having sex with me that night. I babysat, I was babysitting, I put the kids to bed, I walked down the steps. I assumed that we would go into the living room. Or the family room, sit on the couch and talk about the things we always talked about. But instead, he stopped me at the bottom of the stairs and he took me into the living room, and immediately put me on the floor and began undressing me. Um, and wow, I froze. I, I literally froze and I kept thinking to myself, he's going to stop. He's going to stop. And that the entire time he's whispering into my ear how much he loves me, that he would never hurt me, and that he can, I can trust him. And then he kept asking me, do you love me? Do you love me? And I, of course, I'm answering yes, because well, yes I do, because that's what I've told him for the past year. I, I, I just, I was so confused and what my real reaction was, I froze. Mm-hmm. Um, he, he sort of pushed my head under the [00:18:00] stereo. And so when he is starting to get farther than I thought he would ever go. I blocked, I just blocked it out and I started reading the serial numbers underneath the stereo. Oh my goodness. Just to be thinking of anything else. Um, at one point he then just picked me up and took me upstairs. He literally put me on the bed, penetrated me, and that was it. And I was horrified. I was absolutely horrified. I, I wanted to cry. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do. Um, he left the room, told me to get dressed, and he would take me home. And I remember sitting on the bed and I put the bedspread around me because I was so embarrassed that I didn't have my clothes on. Mm-hmm. Oh, wow. Um, and then I just remember thinking I just had sex. I'm no longer a virgin. I just had sex with this man and. He took me home. Now, in the [00:19:00] book, of course, I go into a little bit more detail, but Right, he took me home and just before I got outta the car, he said to me, now, you know, this is something between the two of us, you can't tell anyone. And of course I'm thinking, who would I tell? I, I don't want anybody to know. I just did this. So, that was the first time. And then I think I, at that point I kept thinking, you know, I've had sex with him. So now I'm committed to him again. I'm at this point, I'm 17 years old. I'm still like, what do I do with this? I don't, I don't know what to do with this. Um, and he was convincing me that he loved me. He was convincing me that he needed me in his ministry and that God, this was God's will in our lives. He threw that at me. Eventually he would say to me that we were married in God's eyes. I mean, twisting the scripture and using God as a reason that we should be together. And so. I started to accept that. There were a couple times I went to him and told him that I couldn't do this anymore. I felt [00:20:00] guilty. He would respond in one of two ways. One, he would say to me how much he needed me, how much he loved me, and that he couldn't live without me. So that was the guilt part of it. Or he would respond and by saying to me, you know, you're no longer a virgin. No one else is gonna want you. I'm the only one that knows how to love you, and you are committed to me, and this is gonna be the way it is. And I saw no way out. I didn't see a way out. And so the relationship continued for five years. Wow. Five years. It went on for five years. That is a long time. And it, during that time, he became more aggressive physically. Uh, he hit me. He became sexually more deviant. It just progressed. It got worse and worse. And to a point that I finally, I was, my self-esteem was so low. I hated myself for what I'd been doing. So I finally just accepted that this was my life. I knew [00:21:00] I'd never get married. I knew I'd never have children, and this wouldn't be over until he said it was over. This went on for five years and nobody in the church noticed it. Your parents didn't notice it. You know, people say, well, where were your parents? Well, first of all, my parents were thrilled. I was in church. I mean, this was a time in the seventies when drugs were. Prevalent girls were, having free sex. So for them, what safer place could there be than to be in church? So, and they saw his intention toward me and his involvement with me as a good thing. I mean, he would take me on hospital visits with him. I mean, they saw this as being positive. And they knew how much I loved being there and that it was a place that I liked to go. So they didn't see it. And many in the church didn't see it began because who suspects the pastor of such behavior. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And especially in the seventies when this wasn't an open topic like it is now, you wouldn't have dared thought anything like that. And so [00:22:00] it's not uncommon for people in the church, to miss the signs and to ignore what they really do see, because they just can't believe that it would be something that would be happening in their church because then they'd have to do something about it. Yes, exactly. When did it all come crumbling down? It does crumble. Eventually it does. Two elders became suspicious and followed him one night and found us together in a hotel room. And then from then on, the next month and a half was an absolute nightmare for me. Hmm. It was initially hoped that they could keep what he had done, quiet and keep it from the congregation. Now, I have to say one thing before I forget. This wasn't his first incident of sexual misconduct. Oh. Prior to and just after he was awri, he arrived at our church. A young woman from his first church came forward and accused him of sexual misconduct. When he was [00:23:00] confronted by my elders, he didn't deny it. He said it was true. He asked for forgiveness, that it would never happen again. It was a mistake. So within six months. That's when he was kissing me in my hallway. So this, so these elders were aware that this was the second time that there had been an incident with this man of sexual abuse and misconduct. But in spite of that, they tried to keep it quiet in hopes of moving him to another church. And so I was told during that time where I was to sit, how I was to respond to questions. I wasn't to talk to anyone. I wasn't to tell anyone about what had happened, including my parents. And this was all in an effort to keep it quiet. Well, that effort failed. And so it was determined that he should address the congregation. He did it in a very vague way, just simply said that he'd sinned. He'd sinned against God, and he'd sinned against his wife. And that was his confession. That was it. Two days later, he had me meet [00:24:00] him in a hotel room after that confession in front of the congregation. Now. He was moved to the next church. He was given a going away party. There was actually a vote to maybe keep him, but the vote failed and they decided to move him to the next church. About, two weeks, three weeks later, I was called in by the elders, and this is probably the hardest part of my story for me. Mm-hmm. I was called in by the elders and I was told that because of my behavior I was to leave the church. I was devastated. I loved that church. It was the only church I knew, and here I was being told by these two elders that I wasn't fit to worship there any longer. Mm-hmm. He could be forgiven and given a second, third chance. I couldn't be, I was told that to leave the church. I wasn't given any counseling. I wasn't helped in any way. I was simply told to leave and I did. I left. [00:25:00] And that I told people many times, as horrific as the abuse was, having been told to leave, that church had a greater impact on me spiritually than the actual abuse did. I don't think I ever recovered from that. It still haunts me to this day to some extent. That response of the church really devastated me. So that was the crumbling, as you called it? It came crashing down and I would, I left the church. So did that change your perception of God? What was your relationship with God this time? Yes. You were kicked outta the church, but. Well, I felt a disconnect from God. I never blamed God. I never felt like God caused this to happen. I, in fact, I carry the blame and the shame. I felt guilty for what I had done. And so I never blamed God, but because of the relationship being tied in with God and the [00:26:00] prayers that this man would give, and then, you know, he'd give these wonderful sermons about marriage and sanctity of marriage on a Sunday morning after having sex with me the night before. I had difficulty separating all of that, and there were so many trigger factors associated with the church and prayer that God really did. It was hard for me to have any kind of relationship with God. I did. I didn't become an atheist like a lot of victims do, and who become angry at God. I simply just. I just put him on the back burner. I knew he existed, but I didn't have a connection with him any longer. So for 27 years, I, I never prayed. I never opened my Bible. I went to church because when I met my husband, he was a Methodist. And I thought, well, I'll go to the Methodist Church. It's a different denomination. Mm-hmm. I'll just go on. It should be fine. It didn't work that way. I had anxiety attacks in church. I, his [00:27:00] reminders of him were constant, but I forced myself to go. I made sure that I went because I knew when we had children, I wanted them to have that church experience. But every time I walked past the minister's office, I got a knot in my stomach. Oh yeah. It had nothing to do with that minister. But you understand that. I mean, it, but I did that for 27 years. It became my norm. I just knew that when I walked past that office, I was gonna get a knock my stomach, certain hymns. I can tell you what his favorite hymn was, and every time that was played, that's who I thought of. I couldn't pray. It was so, I did have a deep, deep disconnect for 27 years, and I have to tell you, I missed it. I actually mourn that loss of my spiritual life, but I didn't know how to get it back. Because I'm keeping this secret. I'm still carrying guilt and shame. I couldn't forgive myself. I didn't feel worthy to be in church. So with all of that mixed in, I just put myself on autopilot and said, [00:28:00] well, this is the way my life will be and I'll just have to accept it. It just sounds so unfair. Somebody that loves the Lord so much and served in the church and so innocent and being kicked out. Oh, but it sounded like maybe meeting your husband would've been a positive thing for you. How did you guys meet? I actually worked at his office, so I met him there. We dated for about two years, and I just found him to be a kind, loving soul. He was very unassuming. He wasn't arrogant. He didn't, he wasn't a boastful type of person. He didn't like taking credit for things, even though he deserved it sometimes. He was just a good hearted person, and I just, I fell in love with him immediately. I really did. I thought this was a great, great guy. I mean, I will tell you, I have said many times because before I met him, I was on a destructive path. I did not have any self-esteem. [00:29:00] I saw myself just simply as some sex object that, I was only good for that. And so when I met him, he saved my life because he loved me for who I was and showed me that I was worthy. So I've often said to him, you saved my life, and he will respond back with you made mine, and you can't get any better than that. So meeting him was a turning point for me, but I kept a secret from him for 27 years, and I lived in fear that he'd always find out that I'd had this affair with a married man. And I know in my heart that it wouldn't have made a difference to him. But people who've been abused never forget the words, don't ever tell. And I never forgot those words. And I never forgot what the consequences could be if I were to tell someone. Because when my elders found out, they blamed me. And I, I couldn't bear the thought that if I were to tell him. [00:30:00] Somehow he would find fault with me, or I wondered, would he wonder why I didn't feel confident enough to tell him? Would he feel betrayed that I kept a secret? Would he see me differently sexually? All those fears that I had while unfounded were still present in my mind. And so I never could tell him. And I had to do a lot of play acting and pretending, through our married life in the sense that the times I was having trigger factors, I had to hide them. And I know he would've been supportive, but I couldn't see that. Because while trauma affects you at the time of the abuse, it's lifelong. It doesn't leave you. And so I lived with that for 27 years. So did you have. Intimacy issues when you were together? Was that what you're talking about? The triggering? No, I, know a lot of victims do, and that's understandable. I really didn't, because he was so different from my abuser [00:31:00] and I recognized that my abuser was emotionally violent mm-hmm. And physically, he just wasn't loving in any sense of the word. I was simply used for sex. Mm-hmm. And I didn't have that with my husband. And so I could separate that a little bit. But I think the guilt of hiding the secret had an impact on our marriage as far as my able to be intimate with him in an emotional way. I'm really glad to hear that. I, you are not the first person that I've heard that. The victim has hidden a secret from her husband. I passed her and a pastor's wife and her husband did not know. Mm-hmm. Children didn't know, and it was a family member that was the abuser. And I kept telling her, you've got to tell him. Mm-hmm. You know why? It's because, and I was thinking this when I was listening to your, the other shows that you were on. I'm thinking about your children and your grandchildren. If I was abused, [00:32:00] I would be like. How do I keep my children and grandchildren from going through what I just went through, you know? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Well, that's an interesting thing because most people would assume that my daughter, I would've been all over it and worried sick every time she left the house. Yeah. But I actually had the opposite, reaction because keep in mind, I didn't see myself as an abuse victim. I saw myself as someone who participated, who willingly went into this relationship and stayed in it willingly, which is not the case when you're abused. There's the control, the manipulation, all of those things that play into keeping a victim in a relationship and they see no way out. So for me, I just assumed I got one bad apple in the whole barrel, that this didn't happen to other people and that I had an affair. But my daughter, who I knew, she would never have an affair with a married man, I just knew that. So I. Sent her on [00:33:00] retreats. I sent her to church camp without fear because again, I'm thinking, okay, this just doesn't happen to other people and this is not something I need to be concerned about with her. However, with my granddaughters, it's totally different because now I understand what really occurred and the damage that can occur when you've been abused. And so with my granddaughters, her mom and dad have talked to them, about good touch, bad touch. And I too have talked about to her, but I've been a little bit more probably detailed about it. Mm-hmm. And as she gets older, these men, the techniques change as you get older and they, after they go after teenage girls, so mm-hmm. Hopefully I'll be able to help her understand, what happens when someone's grooming. I want her to understand her personal space, that if you're not comfortable when someone hugs you, it's okay. That's right. Say I, I don't want you to touch me that way. Mm-hmm. Or say if they don't feel comfortable and we put a lot on kids to do that. 'cause here [00:34:00] we're asking a child to say to an adult, no. Mm-hmm. So it's okay to go to your mother or your mom and say, can you tell so and so Uncle Jimmy or whoever it is, I don't wanna be hugged. So we need to make sure our kids understand that their personal space is their space. And if they don't want someone in that space, it's okay to say no. I also think it's important to tell kids that good people can do bad things. Yeah. Because, as we talked about earlier, our abusers are not strangers. They're not mean people. Mm-hmm. They're usually good people. They're usually people who've given us gifts. They're people who help us. They're people who tell us how wonderful we are. So it's hard for children, even adults, to see this individual who. Who on one side is a good individual who does a lot in the church, who's done all these wonderful things. And so we, we have to tell these kids, just because they're a good person doesn't mean they can't do bad things. And so that's kind of the message I hope to get to my granddaughters that I didn't give to my [00:35:00] daughter. And fortunately she didn't have any issues with church or any, anybody abusing her. But I certainly did not, guide her in the right way in that sense because I just, like I said, I just assumed that I was the only one that this would ever have happened to. Well, I think, I hear a lot in the church that they don't teach sex ed because they don't want the kids to go out and have sex. Mm-hmm. And so a lot of these kids are like ignorant as to, what is healthy and what is not proper, yeah. We need to teach 'em that our bodies or are going to respond. They were built that way. God intended us to have feelings. You know, when we are around the opposite sex, that's normal. Mm-hmm. So we need to make sure kids understand. But there are barriers and there are boundaries that need to be taken. But you're absolutely right when we don't talk at it, then we figure it out on their own. And we could, we can all imagine when you're leaving teenagers to [00:36:00] their own devices to figure out things. That's probably not gonna lead in a good spot. No, we have the internet now, which when we, right. When you and I were younger, we didn't have the internet. We didn't have cell phones. No. If you wanted a Playboy magazine, you had to go to that kind of a neighborhood to get something. Yes. You know? Yes. It was a lot more difficult. Yes, absolutely. But too many parents are embarrassed to talk to their children about sex and, you know, everybody listening needs to listen. You need to find a way to talk to them about these things. And one of the techniques that I use with my daughter, just in talking about sex in general, kids don't want to hear their mom and dad talk to 'em about this. So what I did would say, I read a magazine article about this girl who did such and such so that I put it off on something else that's, a non-entity of a person. And I'll say, or Have you ever heard of this? And of course I know she's got a little embarrassed, but I, it opened the dialogue without me coming [00:37:00] out and saying, have you heard of oral sex? Instead, I would talk to her and say, I heard this about this. This is what kids are doing, blah, blah, blah. So you kind of have to find techniques and ways to sneak around it sometimes, but you absolutely need to talk to, because they know it's out there and they're going to experiment. That's just part of being a teenager. Yeah, my parents chickened out. They just gave me a book to read. Same, probably the same book. I got, I forget what it was called. Where did I come from? Or something. It was a cartoon book. Mm-hmm. And I'm grateful for that. And, they just, after I finished the book, do you have any questions? Yeah, yeah. I had a lot of, older people that were friends and I would actually go to my older. Senior citizen friends and ask them questions rather than ask my parents. Right? Yeah, yeah. It's more comfortable that way for sure. Like I said, it's not the topic that we like to talk to with our kids and our kids don't wanna hear it, but being uncomfortable is not an excuse not to do that. And in school you get [00:38:00] the basics of the mechanics of it, but then that ends, that's all you get there as well. And that's not as helpful either. Yeah. The sixth grade menstrual cycle, health class. Yeah, exactly. That's it. They separate the girls and the boys. Yeah. We were all really embarrassed and Yes, yes. Yeah, exactly. Great information. So let's, circle around back to, okay, you've been hiding this secret forever. Mm-hmm. And nobody knows about your past. And then one day you got triggered. So what happened that day? Well, that's the first chapter of my book, and that is one day I was driving to a golf tournament in Tennessee. We live in Cincinnati. I was driving, my daughter was in college. She was playing in a golf tournament. I was driving down there and I was about halfway when I saw an exit sign for the town of Kingsport, Tennessee. And that is the. Town to which my [00:39:00] abuser was sent after he left our church, and it just sent me over the edge. Mm-hmm. All of a sudden I'm thinking, I'm in the town where he lives. Am I close to his house? Am I close to the church where he's now a minister? I mean, even though it'd been 27 years, I thought he was probably still there. I didn't know, but that's what my mind was telling me. I, all of a sudden I felt his presence in the car. I, I could smell him. I could hear him. Oh. I was, it was unbelievable to me what was happening to me. I didn't even know what was happening. I pulled to the side of the road Oh, good. And I sobbed. Yeah. I sobbed for about 20 minutes and I was just trying to figure out what was happening because anytime I had trigger factors before I could manage them, I could control them. I kind of let them happen and then I push 'em back down. Mm-hmm. This one wasn't going back down and I was a mess. I was just an absolute mess. I was able to get through the weekend. I drove back home and all I could think about was, what am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? [00:40:00] I wanted to stop thinking about him and I couldn't. I spent the next two weeks, really in anxiety. I, my husband would leave for work and I would just walk around the house, wring my hands, trying to figure out why I was feeling the way I was feeling. What was I gonna do with these feelings till at one point I finally decided I was gonna tell my best friend, and I was absolutely petrified to tell her because for the first time in 27 years, I was going to utter the words. I was sexually abused by my youth pastor. And I remember thinking, he's gonna find out and I'm gonna get in trouble. I just, I was 49 years old and I'm still afraid of this man. But I did tell her, it was, it took me a long time to, to get the words out, but I did, she was very supportive. She was very kind. She was patient as she waited for me to tell her. And so that started my journey of healing just by telling that first person. I then told two or three other of my close friends, so the four of us spent [00:41:00] many days and many hours on the screened in porch of one of my friends just letting me talk. Mm-hmm. And being able to express what had happened to me. I wasn't ready to tell all of the story. I mean, there's parts in the book that I won't go into here because they're pretty mm-hmm. Embarrassing and some things that I did. So I wasn't ready to tell them everything, but I told them enough that it helped me start to release what had been done to me. And so that was the first thing that I did, I think. And then the next thing I did, which was so valuable, and I encouraged victims to do it as well, I just read everything I could on clergy abuse or sexual abuse in itself. So I began to learn the terms of grooming, manipulation, gaslighting, and then I could see how he methodically used each one of those things on me to get me to do the things he got me to do, and to stay in that relationship for those five years. And that was huge for me. So [00:42:00] it was, for the first time as I began reading, I understood that I had been abused. Now, it still took me a while to admit that I really was sexually abused because I didn't want that label. I didn't wanna be an abuse victim. And there was a part of me. We all wanna be loved. And so there was still a part of me that I wanted to think that there was some part of him that cared about me, that this wasn't just purely about sex and that he wasn't just using me for his own gratification. And I had to get past that. I had to finally come to terms with, no, this man didn't do the no one who loves you, would do the things he did and ask the things he did of me. So that took me a while, to finally admit, okay, this was an abusive relationship. So I told someone, educating myself, and then I had to learn to forgive myself. I had to let, I had to let go of the guilt [00:43:00] and shame because any guilt and shame belongs squarely on him. This was a man that I should have been able to trust. It was in a place that should have been the safest place on earth for me. And he took advantage of a vulnerable teenager who had, I didn't have a major crisis in my life, but he knew my home life was an upheaval at times. He knew that I didn't see my dad very much. So he used that to against me. And I had to forgive myself for being who I was at the time and being able to respond the way I did for the coping skills I had at the time. Sure. You can look back. I, and I think, why didn't I say this? Why didn't I do that? But I couldn't because of, of the re of the relationship he had created between us. Mm-hmm. I had lost all power. He was in complete control of this relationship, so I had to forgive myself and that wasn't easy either. Then, and I don't know that this is something all victims should do, but I just felt this need [00:44:00] that I needed to confront him. I just felt like I couldn't move past this unless I was able to face him. Now, I had no contact with him for 27 years. I didn't even know if he was still alive, but I hired a private investigator and he found him ministering in a church in Alabama. And so I had my investigator contact him and we set up a time and a meeting that we would meet. And I took my husband, I took my friend who was a counselor and another friend who was at the church at the time. Um, I wanted her at this point. You told your husband at this point, I'm sorry. Yes, that's correct. I, it was probably three months after I told my friends, that I said to him I would like to meet him in his office and talked to him about something and. I was terrified. I don't know how else to say it. I just was so afraid. Not that I needed to be, but I was. And I probably sat there for almost, [00:45:00] I would say, 40 minutes and just cried. I was able to finally get out. I'm okay, the kids are okay, and then I started crying again. He couldn't have been any more supportive, more loving. I remember looking at his face and I said I was sexually abused by my youth pastor, and he didn't. His expression didn't change, and then I said. I was their babysitter and his face just dropped. And for the first time, I could see the pain I was feeling was reflected in his face. It was, I almost wanted to hug him to say, I'm sorry. 'cause I could see how much it hurt him to know that this had been done to me, especially as a baby. I mean, the picture became complete for him once I said that. And so he was very supportive. I think he was worried about me confronting this man, for a couple reasons. But one, I think he was worried that I would be disappointed in his reaction, and that I would be expecting too much of this [00:46:00] person to understand what he did to me and show any kind of remorse, and that I, it would hurt me even more. And one of my fears was that, I was afraid he wouldn't meet me. I was afraid that he was gonna say, no, I'm not gonna meet with you. And my husband said, oh, he's gonna meet with you all right? Because if he doesn't meet with you, you just tell him. Call the church secretary. We'll call every elder. We're gonna, he, somebody's gonna hear your story if he doesn't want to hear it. So he did agree to meet with me. I went down to Alabama and the meeting took place and I said the things that I wanted to say to him. I wanted him to get what he did to me. But he didn't, he never could understand the damage. It was almost as if, okay, I shouldn't have done it and I'm sorry I did it. Okay, now what do you want? It was, get away. You bother me? Yes. And his greatest fear as most narcissist, and I believe he was, narcissistic, but his greatest fear was that I was going to demand that he be removed from the ministry. I mean, that's what he [00:47:00] was most concerned about, how this was going to impact him. And he should have been out of the ministry. So I went to his. Boss. I was told this, and something happened 27 years ago. He, we think he's safe. We're not worried, in spite of the fact that during the meeting he had admitted that there had been multiple occurrences of sexual misconduct throughout his ministry. Not all teenagers, some were most were probably women. And then he said he had gone to therapy because he had been identified as a sexual addict. And I kept thinking, who, what? What world, what world? Does this make sense that a man who has been identified by a psychologist as a sex addict belongs in the ministry? Nope. But here was this church. So I sent a letter to his 11 elders thinking, okay, somebody in this eldership is gonna see this. Is I something's wrong here. Not one responded totally [00:48:00] ignored me. 11 elders totally ignored me. Wow. No worries. So then, I decided to go to his denominational leaders, which were in Indianapolis. And there again, while they were sympathetic to my story and apologize that it happened, they said, we're an independent church. Our churches hire and fire their own ministers. We have no control and if they choose to keep this man, we can do nothing about it. And so what, I was shut down and basically I had no place else to go. I had pretty much. Done everything I could do. And it wasn't my place in the man that he be removed. I expected the church to be, the church was to do the right thing. Exactly. I assumed so naively that once they heard my story and once they understood the background of this man, surely someone would say, this isn't right. But again, keep in mind he's very charismatic. He brings in [00:49:00] people, he brings in money. And to be fair, and probably I'm being a little too gracious, these men are very good at manipulating not only the victim but the congregation as well. They're very good at getting control of the congregation so that they find themselves following this man no matter what he would do. Yeah. And that's basically what happened. There was going to be, I got a four page letter from his boss telling me that, know, I'm going to. Ruin this church if I continue on this path and that I'm going to feel all this guilt because I'm gonna be responsible for the damage that I will do to pe people's spiritual lives. I mean that, it was an incredible, I put the letter in the book, I, because it is so incredibly, hard to believe that someone write that to a victim of abuse. Just So that was What year did that happen? 2004. Okay. So we did have. We did have the internet. Oh, yes. And this was after the Catholic, [00:50:00] church had their, exposure of sexual abuse within their church. So yes, this was, it was out there for sure. This wasn't something that you would think, oh, I can't believe this happened. And again, he had admitted to these past instances. I mean, this wasn't someone who was saying, oh, I don't know what she's talking about. Or, oh, this is the only time it ever happened. He had been in therapy because he was a sexual addict, So he wasn't registered as a sex offender? I guess not. And in my case, at the time of the abuse, the age of consent was 16. So I had no legal recourse because of I was either legally age of consent. Now that has been changed in Ohio. It's now 18. It's now 18, but many states it's still 16. There are several states where the age of consent is 16. Now, the interesting about that is. His contact sexual contact with me was not considered a crime. However, if he had been my high school teacher, it would've been a crime. What, so pastors I know [00:51:00] does not make sense. It does not make a leg of sense. No, it does not. So it, they don't consider him a teacher. They don't cons, they don't, they considered an affair. A mutual. Relationship if he'd been my teacher, that's a different story. So yeah, I had no legal recourse. And that was frustrating. But I couldn't change that. So it was what it was. I just had to accept that he, yes, he belonged in jail. Yes, there's no doubt and should be registered as a sex offender, but I'm not so sure that even if he's registered as a sex offender, these people in Alabama and wherever he is now, would. Even take that as a concern. Well, you know, the millennials now, they'll just, they just post stuff on Facebook and Twitter and call the evening news and they have, yes. News people at their doorstep, right. Ready to mm-hmm. Track this guy's name through the mud. Mm-hmm. But you didn't choose to do that, I guess. No, you know, I'm very careful about naming him in the sense that, part of my story is that I [00:52:00] reconnected with his wife. She actually divorced him after they moved, because again, he committed sexual misconduct. She was 20, I think, at the time, so it wasn't a minor, but that's beside the point. This is a man in a position that, a professional who does not cross boundaries like that. So, to no one surprise, he committed sexual misconduct the third time, so she divorced him. And part of, I guess letting go of some of the guilt that I felt, I wanted to. Connect with her to at least tell her, not that I was responsible for what happened, but how very sorry I was for her pain and suffering as well because she was part of the youth group. I mean, she was there at the church all the time. We sang in the choir together. So it was like I had a relationship with her. Oh wow. To some extent. And of course when, we were found, when he was found out by the elders, she was upset and she of course, didn't wanna have anything to do with me, which is understandable. So I actually think I [00:53:00] also wanted to give her the opportunity to say whatever she felt she needed to say to me if she wanted to. I mean, I didn't know what she was gonna say or react. I thought maybe she'd hang up on me. I didn't know. So I called her one day. My investigator found her phone number and gave it to me, and she couldn't have been any more gracious. I, she never blamed me. She understood as she, as the years went on, what this really was just like I did. She's remarried. She's has a wonderful husband now. And so I visited her several times. We keep in contact. And so part of my not wanting to expose him too much is that it would be hurtful to her. And he does have children. Now. I know that, well, whatever consequences are as a result of this are all on him, but I don't feel the need to add to that. That's not my purpose in speaking out. And so, mm-hmm. I've gone to his church leaders, I've done everything I can to get him removed from the ministry. And nothing, it's just [00:54:00] he's still, I don't know that he's still a pastor, but he still remains in good standing within that denomination to this day. Yeah. I mean, sometimes we have to just let God. Right. Dish out the justice. It may not be in our timeline, it may not be the way that we think it should happen, but Right. He's not gonna get away with this. No. And again, I did my part. Yes. So my conscience is clear and I am able to say I did what I could do and whether or not they removed him, I certainly hope that I maybe put some doubt in some of their minds and maybe questioned their motives in keeping this man. I don't know. But, I feel I did what I could do and I feel good about that. I feel good about that. Absolutely, you should. And what I'm really interested in is, you're trying to keep this stuff from happening to other people, so, I mean, what can we do to prevent some of this stuff? Well, it's [00:55:00] difficult again, because these men are among us as wolves in sheep's clothing, and so they're difficult to spot. But a couple things. I think the first thing I would tell people is if something doesn't seem right. Keep your antenna up. Don't just ignore it or just don't think, oh, well that can't be true because he's the pastor. Mm-hmm. If it's behavior that you wouldn't accept in someone else, or it's something that you would question in someone else, then question it in the pastor or the choir director, whoever it is. Don't be blinded by the person. The persona that they're presenting to you. So that's the first thing I would say is keep your antenna up. The other thing is we, and we're churches, I think are doing better about this, but you've got to have policies in place that say, no, you're not taking a 16-year-old girl on your hospital visit with you. Yes. That's, that's not normal. That's not right. What is she doing going on a hospital visit with you in a car? And of course now we have the texting [00:56:00] and there should be absolutely no texting between a pastor, a youth minister, and anyone in the congregation. And that includes, no, don't forget the meeting for the church luncheon. No, there should be no texting because you, it's too hidden and it's too easily moved to the next step. And that's how it starts. You know, all of the abuse when it's someone you know, it always starts with small things and subtle things. It doesn't, innocent things. Innocent things that, yeah, that, that are innocent. But so that's why, so no texting. Yeah. So put in the policy, those places of, when you take a 10-year-old child to the bathroom, you make sure there's another adult with you. Absolutely. That's for your safety as well as for the child's safety. Mm-hmm. So I, I think we need to be aware. And then I would also say watch for the vulnerable in your, among your church or your group. Watch for the kid that's got issues at home and is looking for a father figure. Be aware that they're going to be more susceptible to someone who's a predator and pay [00:57:00] attention to their cues and kind of keep in touch with them as well in a sense of asking questions and how they're doing and be the kind of a person that they might feel comfortable coming to if something were to happen to them because they're the ones that are gonna be most vulnerable, to a predator. So that's kind of, an overview of what. Maybe a help to try and stop and prevent some of this. Yes, I like lots of video cameras. They're cheap now. You can put a camera, you can hide cameras all over the church facility and Yes. And I think too, talking to this about this issue to the congregation before anything happens, maybe having a person in your congregation who is the go-to person on this topic, who, who's researched what all these grooming and manipulation is so that they are even more equipped to, to notice the signs. So you have a person who's kind of in charge of that topic and then address it to the congregation once a year and say, here's our policy and here's what we expect of our pastors and here's what we would hope you would [00:58:00] do if you notice something. So it just brings it out so that people feel like if there is something that they know is going on or something's wrong, they feel comfortable going to someone about it. Those are all really great tips for leaders and, church members. So what, what if I am listening and I am being subjected to some of this stuff, what should I do? Well, what you need to do and what is the hardest thing to do is to tell someone. Yeah. And it's hard to do because when you're in an abusive relationship, you are being controlled by your abuser. And the narrative is what he is directing. And so he's going to tell you, look, you can tell anybody you want. They're not gonna believe you. And he tells you that over and over again. He's also going to tell you that you are going to be in trouble if you tell anyone. And then there's that problem of you sort [00:59:00] of care about this person. Here's someone that has been helping you, who's been your mentor, and you don't wanna get him in trouble. So with all those dynamics involved, it's very difficult for victims to come forward. But I am telling you, you don't wanna wait the 27 years that I did no. And live with this guilt and the shame and the angst and the anxiety. First of all, it's not worth it. You're not doing anyone any favors, especially yourself, because there is help out there. But they can only help you if you're able to be able to tell someone. And believe me, I understand how difficult that is. It's not easy. Mm-hmm. But I would hope that I hearing my story and others that you will understand that there is help out there and you need to tell someone. 'cause it won't end until you tell someone. And if you need to, you go to someone that you trust. And if you need to, you go outside the church. Yes. You tell someone you know is going to listen to you. [01:00:00] Hey, I tell my listeners, you can call me anytime mm-hmm. And email me and I'm sure you'd say the same thing. Exactly. Reach out to Sandy if mm-hmm. You need somebody to talk to. Mm-hmm. Or you don't know what is the next step I need to take here? Right. It is scary to make First step. It's very scary. Very scary. Absolutely. So then there's the rest of us, those that have not experienced clergy abuse, maybe we're members in the church, maybe we're friends or family. What are some helpful things for us to do to support a victim? Helpful things to say, maybe there's things we shouldn't say, well, that's a yes. First, I would say anytime you're aware of a victim of clergy abuse or anybody who's been abused, whether it's clergy or not, reiterate to that victim that it was not their fault and that there was nothing they could have done, should have done that would've prevented this. And by doing that, you are [01:01:00] telling that person they're free to speak to you. And victims need to hear it over and over again because we do blame ourselves. Children as young as five will blame themselves because they allowed someone to touch them 'cause mommy said not to. And the that guilt in that shame that victims carry, it's difficult to let go of it. So to hear someone say to us, it's not your fault is so freeing. So that's the first thing. The second thing I would say is. Let them know that you will listen to them without judging them, and you will hear their story without being shocked that you are able to say, tell me everything you need to tell me, or Tell me as little as you wanna tell me. Give them a comfort place to go to talk. And then I would say, and this is difficult for people who have spiritual lives or who are part of the church, be very much aware that things such as prayer and Bible reading and [01:02:00] scripture can be very triggering for those who've been abused in the church. Mm-hmm. So things that you would find comforting like prayer. Can be a very major trigger factor for victims. And so instead of saying to a victim, I'll pray for you, or Can I pray with you? The best thing you could say would be to phrase it in such a way as to say, I understand because of what you've been through, prayer can be difficult. And so I would like to pray for you, but I would completely understand if you don't want to pray or you won't, don't even want me to pray for you. And so you've opened up the door to say to this person, wow, I don't have to feel guilty because I can't pray. You know, when we've grown up in the church and we've been told how wonderful church and prayer and all those things are, we still carry that guilt too because we're no longer connected to God. So to have a person on the outside. Recognize that these can be trigger factors is again, a gift. It's a [01:03:00] gift. So those things I think would be the most helpful when dealing with a person of clergy abuse. And give them time. Don't push forgiveness. Don't push trying to get them back into church. 'cause some victims will never be able to go back to church if you let them find their own pace of time and you do it without judging them. And I know that's kind of hard sometimes for Christians and people in the church because we love the church and we find it to be such a wonderful place and we want this person back in the church. Yes. But it, it may not be the best place at that point for that victim. Such valuable advice. I That is awesome. And again, back to like, when you're talking about the sex education, open up the dialogue, you know? Yeah. Bring it up. Bring it up before they bring it up. Again, I read in the newspaper that this girl was molested by, a gym teacher. You know that, that ha I know that happens. And then let 'em know that if. It is, like you said, allowing that comfort to be able to [01:04:00] talk to someone. I think for me it was important to give my side of the story. No one had a clue that he was emotionally and verbally and physically abusive to me. They saw this as a little love affair and that we had this, magic little love affair. Evil temptress. Yes, exactly. And so I wanted them to know the full story. That was important for my healing too. And they did that. And, they welcomed me back to the church. I went back, I've been back a couple times for, a youth group reunion that we had. So, and that was difficult. But again, I thought that was necessary for me to move forward. I had to let go of my past. I had to figure out, not to forget it, but how was I going to incorpo

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Sometimes things don't appear the way they seem. And the Charity Beallis case — from day one — hasn't felt right. When the story first broke, it looked like a clear-cut domestic violence tragedy. Abused mother loses custody to her convicted abuser. Found dead with her twin children the next day. But the more we dug into the court records, police reports, and documented history, the more complicated this picture became. Charity Beallis may have been a victim. Court records support that — her estranged husband Randy Beallis pled guilty to domestic battery after allegedly choking her in front of their six-year-old twins. She told a state senator she feared for her life. But there's another side to this story that nobody's talking about. Charity had her own arrests. Her own documented history of violence. She lost custody of her first son to her own father after a court found he would be "in grave danger" in her care. And in 2021, according to a police report, her father told officers that Charity admitted to shooting Randy's previous wife Shawna — who died from a gunshot wound in 2012 in a death ruled suicide. Now her father is contradicting that statement. The evidence from 2012 was destroyed years ago. And Charity can't answer any questions because she's dead. In this video, we go through the full documented record — the marriages, the arrests, the custody battles, the 2021 police report, and what it might mean for this case. We're not drawing conclusions. We're laying out the facts and asking the questions that need to be asked. Two women connected to Dr. Randall Beallis are now dead under strikingly similar circumstances. The truth is more complicated than any headline. #CharityBeallis #RandallBeallis #ShawnaBeallis #BonanzaArkansas #TrueCrime #ArkansasCrime #ColdCase #DomesticViolence #SebastianCounty #JusticeForTheChildren Want to comment and watch this podcast as a video? Check out our YouTube Channel. https://www.youtube.com/@hiddenkillerspod Instagram https://www.instagram.com/hiddenkillerspod/ Facebook https://www.facebook.com/hiddenkillerspod/ Tik-Tok https://www.tiktok.com/@hiddenkillerspod X Twitter https://x.com/tonybpod Listen Ad-Free On Apple Podcasts Here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/true-crime-today-premium-plus-ad-free-advance-episode/id1705422872

Sometimes things don't appear the way they seem. And the Charity Beallis case — from day one — hasn't felt right. When the story first broke, it looked like a clear-cut domestic violence tragedy. Abused mother loses custody to her convicted abuser. Found dead with her twin children the next day. But the more we dug into the court records, police reports, and documented history, the more complicated this picture became. Charity Beallis may have been a victim. Court records support that — her estranged husband Randy Beallis pled guilty to domestic battery after allegedly choking her in front of their six-year-old twins. She told a state senator she feared for her life. But there's another side to this story that nobody's talking about. Charity had her own arrests. Her own documented history of violence. She lost custody of her first son to her own father after a court found he would be "in grave danger" in her care. And in 2021, according to a police report, her father told officers that Charity admitted to shooting Randy's previous wife Shawna — who died from a gunshot wound in 2012 in a death ruled suicide. Now her father is contradicting that statement. The evidence from 2012 was destroyed years ago. And Charity can't answer any questions because she's dead. In this video, we go through the full documented record — the marriages, the arrests, the custody battles, the 2021 police report, and what it might mean for this case. We're not drawing conclusions. We're laying out the facts and asking the questions that need to be asked. Two women connected to Dr. Randall Beallis are now dead under strikingly similar circumstances. The truth is more complicated than any headline. #CharityBeallis #RandallBeallis #ShawnaBeallis #BonanzaArkansas #TrueCrime #ArkansasCrime #ColdCase #DomesticViolence #SebastianCounty #JusticeForTheChildren Want to comment and watch this podcast as a video? Check out our YouTube Channel. https://www.youtube.com/@hiddenkillerspod Instagram https://www.instagram.com/hiddenkillerspod/ Facebook https://www.facebook.com/hiddenkillerspod/ Tik-Tok https://www.tiktok.com/@hiddenkillerspod X Twitter https://x.com/tonybpod Listen Ad-Free On Apple Podcasts Here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/true-crime-today-premium-plus-ad-free-advance-episode/id1705422872

What do you do when the person you love becomes the person you fear most? In today's episode, I sit down with Lyndsey Hackford, a woman whose story left me shaken, heartbroken, and in absolute awe of her strength.For 18 years, Lyndsey lived inside an abusive marriage that slowly stole her voice, her identity, and nearly her life. What started as subtle manipulation spiraled into control, isolation, physical violence, and moments where she genuinely didn't know if she would survive the night. Her children witnessed things no child ever should. And yet, Lyndsey found a way out.In this conversation, Lyndsey walks us through the moments that changed everything: the fear, the near-death experiences, the police intervention, the escape, the trial, and the long, painful road to rebuilding her life. If you've lived through trauma, domestic abuse, emotional manipulation, or you're trying to support someone who has, her story will stay with you.Watch this episode to hear Lyndsey's message of hope, courage, and reclaiming your life, no matter how dark things have been.Key Moments:0:00 “I Hit the Wall So I Wouldn't Hit Mom”3:00 The “Support” That Was Actually Control6:02 How Her Religion Was Used Against Her9:19 The Moment She Realised Her Worth Was Gone12:00 The Day He Admitted He Wanted to Hit Her14:44 The Shame and Threats That Kept Her Silent17:39 A Year of Sleep Deprivation and Surveillance20:10 “Just Let Me Leave”… and the Violent Response23:06 “Look at That Face, How Could I Love That?”26:00 The Escape Attempt That Finally Worked29:31 The Jury Trial And Her Kids Taking the Stand32:53 Why Abusers All Share the Same Patterns33:23 Her Message to Women Still Living in FearGuest Info:IG: @lyndseyh6723 Facebook: @lyndsey.jackson.125

Childhood sex abuse is more common than any childhood illness or injury that parents are routinely educated about. One in ten children experience it before the age of 18 and many families are not equipped to talk about it. Dr. Bronwen Carroll, a pediatric emergency medicine physician at Boston Medical Center who has been treating victims of sexual abuse in the pediatric ER for decades, joined Dan to discuss.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The average person can keep a secret for forty-seven hours. Babs Walters held the worst kind of secret for nearly seventy years. Beginning at the age of eleven, Walters suffered childhood sexual abuse at the hands of her father. His edict, "Children should be seen and not heard," defined her childhood and groomed her to silence.  But despite the cycle of generational trauma and abuse that haunted her childhood, Walters eventually had a life-changing realization: We are not what happens to us. We are the meaning and purpose we give to what happens to us. As a domestic violence and sexual abuse survivor, Babs has devoted much of her adult life to raising understanding and awareness of the long-term effects of generational trauma, breaking the chain.     She holds a master's degree in counselling human relations and has spent thirteen years on a Harassment Investigation Committee. She was recently interviewed for Brave Voices® on the U.S. Library of Congress.    It took being a self-help junkie, 45 years of therapy, three marriages, and many mistakes to reach this point in her life. Babs' story will bring awareness and hope to many who are struggling with abuse and hopelessness.   XXXXX "Healing is not a destination - it's a journey  and it does not matter how long it takes" For fans of The Glass Castle and Educated, a child sex abuse survivor-turned-domestic violence advocate examines the full circle of generational trauma, resilience, and healing.   Babs Walters found that there are dark places that civilized people do not want to acknowledge. They would rather pretend it is a rare occurrence or that it does not happen in their family. Or they believe it is just too messy to get involved in. The child sexual assault statistics are high, although the majority of cases are not being reported.    Babs' father grew up doing what was done to him. We need to break the chain!   Connect with Babs Here Website Facebook

One Percenter Who Beat Black Dragon's Daughter Kills His Own BrotherToday on Black Dragon Biker TV, we are covering a story that is deeply personal, painfully real, and impossible to ignore.Police are investigating a fatal shooting in southwest Oklahoma City, where a man was allegedly shot and killed by his own brother.But this is not just another crime story.This case hits close to home.For Black Dragon, this nightmare began years ago — with a late-night phone call no parent should ever receive.His daughter had been strangled, beaten, and nearly drowned in a six-inch puddle of water by this same man — a self-proclaimed 1%er — who had been abusing her for years behind closed doors.She survived.She escaped.She fled for her life.That man's pattern of violence did not stop.According to investigators, he has now allegedly taken the life of his own blood brother — a man he had previously shot decades earlier when they were teenagers.You truly can't make this up.This is a story about unchecked violence, cycles of abuse, and the devastating consequences when it goes ignored.

The police union says frontline officers are being verbally abused and spat at in the wake of the Jevon McSkimming scandal. Police Association president Steve Watt spoke to Ingrid Hipkiss.

As the festive season gets underway, Faustina Gardner, Managing Director of the Domestic Animal Rescue Group (DARG), speaks to Lester Kiewit about the increased pressure animal welfare organisations face at this time of year. She explains how abuse and neglect rise in the communities DARG serves, while adoptions slow as people travel and delay decisions until January. Faustina outlines the scale of DARG’s work in Imizamo Yethu, Hangberg and the greater Hout Bay area, the financial realities of running shelters and veterinary care, and why public support is critical to keeping the organisation going into 2026. She also shares how listeners can help, whether through donations, visiting DARG’s shops, or getting involved beyond adoption. Good Morning Cape Town with Lester Kiewit is a podcast of the CapeTalk breakfast show. This programme is your authentic Cape Town wake-up call. Good Morning Cape Town with Lester Kiewit is informative, enlightening and accessible. The team’s ability to spot & share relevant and unusual stories make the programme inclusive and thought-provoking. Don’t miss the popular World View feature at 7:45am daily. Listen out for #LesterInYourLounge which is an outside broadcast – from the home of a listener in a different part of Cape Town - on the first Wednesday of every month. This show introduces you to interesting Capetonians as well as their favourite communities, habits, local personalities and neighbourhood news. Thank you for listening to a podcast from Good Morning Cape Town with Lester Kiewit. Listen live on Primedia+ weekdays between 06:00 and 09:00 (SA Time) to Good Morning CapeTalk with Lester Kiewit broadcast on CapeTalk https://buff.ly/NnFM3Nk For more from the show go to https://buff.ly/xGkqLbT or find all the catch-up podcasts here https://buff.ly/f9Eeb7i Subscribe to the CapeTalk Daily and Weekly Newsletters https://buff.ly/sbvVZD5 Follow us on social media CapeTalk on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CapeTalk CapeTalk on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@capetalk CapeTalk on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ CapeTalk on X: https://x.com/CapeTalk CapeTalk on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@CapeTalk567See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It's time for another Mind Gap Podcast! This week, Doug and Justin share how they spent their Thanksgivings. The dorks then discuss the uncomfortable, and oftentimes unnecessary, icebreakers that precede team meetings. Doug shares a specific instance that happened recently and how he may have misread the room. The dorks then spend a bit of time just talking about mac & cheese…deal with it. Our hosts finally make their way to the main topic, fictional tools that would instantly be abused IRL. They cover things such as the time-turner and invisibility cloak from Harry Potter, replicator from Star Trek, and the Neuralyzer from Men in Black among other things.   Things are wrapped up with a new game called Patch Notes: Real Life Edition, where Justin reads out patch notes for real life and Doug has to decide if they're good or if they should be scrapped as garbage.   Check out our YouTube channel where we livestream our new podcast episodes every Tuesday at 8pmCT and our video game stream every Saturday at 8pmCT. Be sure to like and subscribe for this content as well as episode highlights, Doug Watches Awkward Videos, Justin Plays Video games, and more!   We have MERCH now!   Follow us on all of our social medias and other platforms!  

Send us a textDr Martina Zangger's story is one of extraordinary resilience and recovery after childhood sexual abuse, and her message, that shame must be taken from the victim and placed on the perpetrator.Abused at just four years old in Switzerland by her grandfather, a respected judge, and her uncle, a well-known politician, Martina grew up shrouded in silence.Moving to Australia at 12 years old, In her search for healing, Martina fell in love with an Indian guru at 18 years old, and was invited as a mail order disciple to live in his cult in the U.S, provided she paid $8000 for the privilege. So desperate to get to her guru, and with few skills she was talked into becoming a sex worker in Darlinghurst, Sydney at just 19. She eventually made enough money to go to the Ashram but unfortunately all was not what it seemed in 'the brochure!' She was subjected to exploitation and hard labour. Her journey from trauma to survival is confronting but deeply inspiring.Today, Martina holds a PhD, is an Honorary Lecturer at the University of Newcastle, and has spent over 20 years working on the frontline with women and children impacted by sexual assault and domestic violence. This is an AMAZING episode!Support the show

Hello and welcome to the grand finale of The Menendez Brothers! Today Sean McCann joins us to wrap up the Menendez trilogy with some closing thoughts and final missing pieces to the story!Hate the Ads? Join Patreon! PATREON (ROOM 237)! ⁠https://www.patreon.com/Cosmicpeachpodcast⁠

Join us today for the start of an epic two-part episode with Heidi Bruno, who is here to share her story of abuse within the church and her experience of losing a child as a Mormon mother.In Part 1, Heidi details her history of sexual abuse as a teenager by the Elders Quorum President in her ward—while her father was serving as bishop. We discuss how her abuser groomed her using highly manipulative tactics and by abusing his authority in the ward. For years afterward, Heidi carried the shame of this abusive relationship, not understanding until much later that she had been a victim. She also shares what ultimately led her to speak up about the abuse once she gained the awareness that she had been victimized.Then, join us later this week for Part 2 of Heidi's story, where she discusses the loss of her eight-year-old daughter to cancer and the effect this devastating loss had on her LDS faith. You will not want to miss this powerful and important Mormon Story.___________________YouTubeAt Mormon Stories we explore, celebrate, and challenge Mormon culture through in-depth stories told by members and former members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as well as scholars, authors, LDS apologists, and other professionals.  Our overall mission is to: 1. Facilitate informed consent amongst LDS Church members, investigators, and non-members regarding Mormon history, doctrine, and theology2. Support Mormons (and members of other high-demand religions) who are experiencing a religious faith crisis3. Promote healing, growth and community for those who choose to leave the LDS Church or other high demand religions

In this eye-opening episode of the I Am Dad Podcast, host Kenneth Braswell welcomes Tom Garber, the Berlin-based founder of Hope for Men—a global platform dedicated to male mental health and the host of the groundbreaking podcast What Happened to Me. Through his own experience as a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and his journey toward healing, Tom has become a powerful advocate for men navigating trauma, shame, and emotional suppression. Together, Kenneth and Tom examine the reasons why men—even those surrounded by family and friends—often feel invisible, unsupported, and alone. From the structural failure of therapy models to society's reluctance to acknowledge male vulnerability, they dissect the barriers to healing and explore why storytelling, safe spaces, and community matter. Tom also discusses why his platform was forced to shift away from its original vision and how resistance to male-focused wellness underscores a larger cultural denial. Whether you're a father, a mentor, a survivor, or simply someone who believes in the importance of men's well-being, this conversation is a call to action. When men are well, families heal. Communities thrive. And silence finally breaks.

Andrea Leeb is the author of Such a Pretty Picture, a debut memoir about childhood trauma, dissociation, and the long road to healing. Abused before the age of five and raised in a home of denial and silence, Andrea grew up to look “fine”—a successful attorney, wife, and high-functioning perfectionist. But when she was assaulted in her 30s, the façade cracked, and repressed memories, panic, and PTSD surfaced, forcing her into a profound journey of recovery.Through inpatient trauma therapy, EMDR, yoga, journaling, and boundary work, Andrea experienced what she calls a psychological rebirth. She now speaks with raw honesty about the hidden impact of childhood abuse, the myth of “I'm fine,” and why healing, though nonlinear, is always possible.Andrea brings a gentle yet unflinching presence, offering audiences validation, hope, and the reminder that it's never too late to tell the truth—or to reclaim who you were meant to be before the pain.In This EpisodeAndrea's websiteSuch a Pretty PictureRAINAndrea on IGBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-trauma-therapist--5739761/support.You can learn more about what I do here:The Trauma Therapist Newsletter: celebrates the people and voices in the mental health profession. And it's free! Check it out here: https://bit.ly/4jGBeSa———If you'd like to support The Trauma Therapist Podcast and the work I do you can do that here with a monthly donation of $5, $7, or $10: Donate to The Trauma Therapist Podcast.Click here to join my email list and receive podcast updates and other news.Thank you to our Sponsors:Incogni - Use code [traumatherapist] and get 60% off annual plans: https://incogni.com/traumatherapistJane App - use code GUY1MO at https://jane.app/book_a_demoJourney Clinical - visit https://join.journeyclinical/trauma for 1 month off your membershipTherapy Wisdom - https://therapywisdom.com/jan/

12-03-25 - Listeners Chime In w/Their Being Roofied Or Blacked Out Stories - Shaq Said On Podcast He Was Once In A Relationship w/A Woman Who Abused Him And We Find It Hard To BelieveSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

12-03-25 - Listeners Chime In w/Their Being Roofied Or Blacked Out Stories - Shaq Said On Podcast He Was Once In A Relationship w/A Woman Who Abused Him And We Find It Hard To BelieveSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Former law enforcement officer Adam Davis survived childhood s*xua abuse at 5 and 15, battled suicidal ideation with a g*n to his head in a patrol car, and encountered the love of God that saved his life and marriage. Now a bestselling author and speaker, he reveals how to break generational curses, fight real spiritual warfare, forgive the unforgivable, and step into Kingdom authority as a man, husband, and father.Join Dustin Diefenderfer, Founder of MTNTOUGH Fitness Lab and creator of the MTNTOUGH+ Fitness App in the top podcast for Mental Toughness and Mindset. (P.S.

MK-Ultra was confirmed when a CIA mind control victim sued the hospital that experimented on her, and it was exposed that she was abused as a child. Visit https://rise.tv/video for free exclusive content! Visit https://metaphysicalcoffee.com for coffee that's out of this world! In 1958, a 16-year-old girl was admitted to the Allan Memorial Institute, a psychiatric hospital in Montreal, Canada—now infamous as the epicenter of the CIA's top-secret MK-Ultra mind control program. Nearly 70 years later, that same woman is suing the hospital and the organizations behind it for decades of psychiatric and physical trauma. What happened when, without her consent, doctors subjected her to LSD and other psychedelic drugs, repeated electroshock therapy, and brutal brainwashing techniques? To this day, she wakes up screaming from nightmares of the torment she endured. Join Ben Chasteen and Rob Counts on this Edge of Wonder Live as they dive deep into MK-Ultra, plus NASA's bizarre new image of comet 3I/ATLAS. The show kicks off with the Bendela Effect and the Metaphysical Minute segments. Then on Rise.TV during the “Dig Deep” Live Q&A, ask Ben and Rob your questions directly! Stick around for the fan-favorite Top 10 Weirder News of the Week—featuring hilarious and bizarre stories like garlic mouthwash, twin monkeys, skydiving through the sun, and more. And as always, see you out… on the edge! Telegram – https://t.me/risetvofficial Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/risetvofficial Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/risetvofficial X – https://twitter.com/risetvofficial #MKultra #psychedelics #brainwashing

National gymnastics champ Jen Sey reveals the abuse and anguish she underwent to become a top-tier gymnast, and what parents of athletes--and other driven kids--can do to make sure their kids stay healthy. Additional resources:Chalked Up: My Life in Elite Gymnastics by Jennifer Seyhttps://www.xx-xyathletics.com

Velocity = The Most Abused Agile Metric EverWelcome to the dark side of velocity — the number that started as a planning aid and ended up as a weaponized performance metric, often wielded by people who've never touched a user story in their lives.In this episode, we'll break down:What velocity is supposed to doHow it gets misunderstood and misusedWhy chasing it kills team healthAnd how to bring it back from the deadLet's sprint into it. (Pun 100% intended.)How to connect with AgileDad:- [website] ⁠https://www.agiledad.com/⁠- [instagram] ⁠https://www.instagram.com/agile_coach/⁠- [facebook] ⁠https://www.facebook.com/RealAgileDad/⁠- [Linkedin] ⁠https://www.linkedin.com/in/leehenson/

Elinor grew up in a home filled with pain, betrayal, and silence. Abused by those she trusted most, she carried deep wounds and shame for years—until Jesus met her and turned her pain into purpose. Today, she boldly shares her story of healing, forgiveness, and redemption.Support our channel & Become a Partner ⇨  https://www.missiondelafe.org/   Listen on Podcast Spotify Podcast ⇨ https://spoti.fi/3RBKdq3Apple Podcast ⇨ https://apple.co/3evzCuuConnect with ushttps://www.facebook.com/delafetestimonieshttps://www.instagram.com/delafetestimonies/Connect with ElinorEmail ⇨ Elinor.ray504@gmail.comInstagram ⇨ https://www.instagram.com/rayodeluz504/Credits:Testimony by Elinor RayDirected by Darvin RamirezInterviewed by Jenifer LopezEdited By Joshua GayleAudio Mixed by Paul Nicholas Testimony Recorded in New Orleans, LouisianaDelafé Testimonies is a global evangelistic project with the mission of creating the world's largest archive of Jesus testimonies until His return. Our vision is to save souls, build community, and set people free through the testimony of Jesus.Chapters00:00 Introduction00:21 Warning 00:26 Why Share My Testimony01:07 Being Sexually Abused as a Child03:55 Telling My Parents About the Abuse06:27 Groomed by My Grandmother, Abused By My Uncle13:52 Questioned by Authorities About My Uncle20:17 Realizing I Had Been Sexually Abused22:51 Going to Church with My Neighbor 25:03 Running Away as a Teenager28:53 Giving My Life to Jesus35:03 What's Kept Me Saved36:57 No Longer Seeing Myself as a Victim40:19 Growing in My Relationship with God43:53 My Dad Gives His Life to Jesus46:27 Being Filled with the Holy Spirit in My Car49:45 Realizing God's Calling on My Life 52:08 Going to Bible College in New Orleans54:05 The Lord Leads Us into Foster Care1:01:10 Parenting Over 95 Foster Kids in 5 Years1:04:51 Realizing the Blood of Jesus is For Everyone 1:08:11 Forgiving My Grandmother1:16:31 Telling My Father About the Abuse 1:21:35 Who is Jesus to You?1:23:30 Prayer1:35:52 Final WordsJESUS Healed Me from Sexual Abuse (Testimony #312)Elinor Ray Testimony

Send us a textWelcome back to The Beyond Condition Podcast.All I have is my pride, but what happens when that is stripped away and you have nothing.I spent the majority of my life as a victim.Sexually abused as a teenager and into my adult life.Homeless at the age of 14, with nothing apart from the clothes on my back. As I walked the streets, with no shoes, shelter or food, I was a victim.I faced violence, gun crime and my own struggles with drugs and alcohol.Abuse continued in a different form as I spent 11 years in a relationship that looked like the perfect life from the outside.I've never spoken about one of the most humbling experiences of my life, when I tried to take my own life. As I bled, the pain of life seemed to fade. That day an angel must have been looking over me because now I am ready to tell my whole story.Today, I am grateful to be alive and to have the opportunity to share more about my journey with you.Thank you for tuning in.S xWatch it here: https://youtu.be/oj-9Qb7DQ6ETHE ULTIMATE SHOW DAY GUIDE E-BOOK: Purchase here Beyond Condition Coaching Application: Click here Find Sarah on Instagram: @sarahparker_bb

Join this channel to get access to exclusive members only videos:https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCQTAVxA4dNBCoPdHhX9nnoQ/joinJoin Members Only On My Website. 7 day free trial. Save 25% when you choose an annual Membership plan. Cancel anytime:https://understandingrelationships.com/plansJoin Members Only on Spotify:https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/coachcoreywayne/subscribeWhy women sleep with jerks while nice guys get used & abused & no romance.In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who's finally reading 3% Man, after getting used and abused by a female coworker he had a crush on. He jumped through his butt to please and get her attention while she kept sleeping with their boss who constantly cheated on her while he's stuck in friend zone.If you have not read my book, “How To Be A 3% Man” yet, that would be a good starting place for you. It is available in Kindle, iBook, Paperback, Hardcover or Audio Book format. If you don't have a Kindle device, you can download a free eReader app from Amazon so you can read my book on any laptop, desktop, smartphone or tablet device. Kindle $9.99, iBook $9.99, Paperback $29.99 or Hardcover 49.99. Audio Book is Free $0.00 with an Audible membership trial or buy it for $19.95. Here is the link to Audible to get the audiobook version:https://www.audible.com/pd/B01EIA86VC/?source_code=AUDFPWS0223189MWT-BK-ACX0-057626&ref=acx_bty_BK_ACX0_057626_rh_usHere is the link to Amazon to purchase Kindle, Paperback or Hardcover version:http://amzn.to/1XKRtxdHere is the link to the iBookstore to purchase iBook version:https://geo.itunes.apple.com/us/book/how-to-be-3-man-winning-heart/id948035350?mt=11&uo=6&at=1l3vuUoHere is the link to the iTunes store to purchase the iTunes audio book version:https://geo.itunes.apple.com/us/audiobook/how-to-be-a-3-man-unabridged/id1106013146?at=1l3vuUo&mt=3You can get my second book, “Mastering Yourself, How To Align Your Life With Your True Calling & Reach Your Full Potential” which is also available in Kindle $9,99, iBook $9.99, Paperback $49.99, Hardcover $99.99 and Audio Book format $24.95. Audio Book is Free $0.00 with an Audible membership trial. Here is the link to Audible to get the audiobook version:https://www.audible.com/pd/B07B3LCDKK/?source_code=AUDFPWS0223189MWT-BK-ACX0-109399&ref=acx_bty_BK_ACX0_109399_rh_usHere is the link to Amazon to purchase Kindle, Paperback or Hardcover version:https://amzn.to/2TQV2XoHere is the link to the iBookstore to purchase iBook version:https://geo.itunes.apple.com/us/book/mastering-yourself-how-to-align-your-life-your-true/id1353139487?mt=11&at=1l3vuUoHere is the link to the iTunes store to purchase the iTunes audio book version:https://geo.itunes.apple.com/us/audiobook/mastering-yourself-how-to-align-your-life-your-true/id1353594955?mt=3&at=1l3vuUoYou can get my third book, “Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations” which is also available in Kindle $9,99, iBook $9.99, Paperback $49.99, Hardcover $99.99 and Audio Book format $24.95. Audio Book is Free $0.00 with an Audible membership trial. Here is the link to Audible to get the audiobook version:https://www.audible.com/pd/B0941XDDCJ/?source_code=AUDFPWS0223189MWT-BK-ACX0-256995&ref=acx_bty_BK_ACX0_256995_rh_usHere is the link to Amazon to purchase Kindle, Paperback or Hardcover version:https://amzn.to/33K8VwFHere is the link to the iBookstore to purchase iBook version:https://books.apple.com/us/book/quotes-ruminations-contemplations/id1563102111?itsct=books_box_link&itscg=30200&ct=books_quotes%2C_ruminations_%26_contemplatio&ls=1

A newly identified Android spyware targeted Galaxy devices for close to a year, including users in the Middle East, researchers exclusively tell TechCrunch. In addition, the congressional research office confirmed a breach, but did not comment on the cause. A security researcher suggested the hack may have originated because CBO failed to patch a firewall for more than a year. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This show is part 2 of our most popular Self Talk episode. In this show, Dr. Self continues to interview Apostle Norma Hawkins, who shares an incredible story of overcoming abuse, rejection, and abandonment. She talks about being cursed and rejected by her family and finding redemption, deliverance, and blessings. This show will touch your heart and inspire you with hope in the real power of deliverance through faith.   Isaiah 61:1  The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me, Because the LORD has anointed me To bring good news to the afflicted; He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to captives And freedom to prisoners;   Contact Apostle Norma at dallasfreedomoutpost@gmail.com  Help Dr. Self continue this show - partner at www.icmcollege.org/donate  Answer your call by enrolling with the International College of Ministry at www.icmcollege.org/enroll  Purchase Dr. Ray's latest book, "The Call." God called you, and you answered: this is what you need to know! Click Here  Follow and subscribe to Self Talk with Dr. Ray Self on our podcast website: https://www.icmcollege.org/selftalk.   Click here to purchase Dr. Self's book – Hear His Voice, Be His Voice, or visit Amazon.com. Click here to purchase Dr. Self's book – Redeem Your Past and Find Your Promised Land, or visit Amazon.com. Or our new podcast website at https://www.buzzsprout.com/2249804   For show topic suggestions, email Dr. Ray Self at drrayself@gmail.com Enjoy free courses offered by the International College of Ministry Free Courses Show host bio - Dr. Ray Self founded Spirit Wind Ministries Inc. and the International College of Ministry. He holds a Doctorate in Christian Psychology and a Doctorate in Theology. He currently resides in Winter Park, Florida. He is married to Dr. Christie Self and has three sons and a daughter. 

A mother, father, and grandmother are facing murder charges in the death of an 8-year-old boy named Isiah. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I was abused growing up, and it led me to drinking too much. Will that keep me from Heaven? How can I deal with the guilt and shame that has come from the abuse? How can I share my faith with my young adult children without seeming too pushy? *previously aired

I was abused growing up, and it led me to drinking too much. Will that keep me from Heaven? How can I deal with the guilt and shame that has come from the abuse? How can I share my faith with my young adult children without seeming too pushy?

Byron Russell didn't run from hard things—he ran toward them. Abused childhood. Infantry to Special Forces CIF in 5th Group. Afghanistan's invasion, Iraq's hardest nights, and the moral calculus of war. Then the toughest chapter: coming home, grieving, and unlearning the habits of combat to become a better dad, husband, and builder. Today he leads Black Armor Guns and Greybeard Syndicate, teaches drone defense and land navigation, and shares the lessons that kept him alive—and honest.We talk selection mindset and why Green Berets are teachers first, hearts and minds versus ideology, contractor friction, regret and family, starting a sub-MOA rifle company, and why staying busy is survival.Watch, share, and drop your takeaway in the comments. Your story might help someone else write their second chapter.Find ByronBlack Armor Guns site: blackarmorguns.usInstagram: black_armor_Greybeard Syndicate YouTube Find DTD PodcastYouTube: Dynamic Tales DeliveredSite: DTDpodcast.netInstagram: dtd_podcastPartner shoutNomadicResearch.com — travel tough, live ready00:00 Intro03:44 Why he joined and escaping abuse07:17 Finding the first real male role models14:01 80s and 90s Army vs GWOT pivot21:46 Green Berets are teachers first26:09 The image from Afghanistan he can't forget33:59 Taliban control and ideology44:34 Iraq reality and DA tempo51:55 Coming home and choosing family55:10 Civilian work and transition pain1:30:11 Building Black Armor Guns and standards1:42:41 Greybeard Syndicate and community1:50:33 Stay busy or die inside1:52:01 Advice to his 18-year-old self1:55:24 Proudest moment and legacy1:57:29 Where to find Byron#Veterans #GreenBeret #SpecialForces #GWOT #Afghanistan #IraqWar #DirectAction #Leadership #Transition #Entrepreneurship #Firearms #PrecisionRifle #SubMOA #DroneDefense #LandNav #GreybeardSyndicate #BlackArmorGuns #Resilience #MentalHealth #Family #Podcast #DTDpodcast #NomadicResearch #soft

Shaykh Dr Umar Al-Qadri explains how he was verbally abused on a recent flight and calls for new hate speech laws

The Children's Minister has acknowledged her initial celebration of fewer children being abused or neglected in state care did not give the full picture. Political reporter Russell Palmer reports.

When journalist Georgie Styles is sent unpublished videos of farm workers in Britain being ‘treated like animals', she begins to investigate the dark side of our food system.She uncovers numerous referrals of labour exploitation, and hears allegations of workers living in moldy caravans, being trafficked, verbally abused and forced to urinate in bottles.Her year-long investigation goes from farm workers to our favourite supermarkets.With gripping first-person testimony, unheard recordings and new documents, this File on Four documentary makes you think about the food in front of you in a new way.Presenter: Georgie Styles Producers: Georgie Styles and Dan Ashby Sound Design: Jarek Zaba Executive Producer: Philip Abrams Commissioning Editor: Hugh LevinsonAbused For Our Food is a Smoke Trail production for BBC Radio 4 and was produced as part of the Bertha Challenge Fellowship.

In this episode of the Crack House Chronicles Donnie and Dale tell the story of Colleen Slemmer and her murder by Christa Pike.  Christa Pike was 18-years-old when she thought her 19-year-old job corps classmate, Colleen Slemmer, was trying to steal her boyfriend, Tadaryl Shipp. Pike spent over 30-minutes beating Colleen with her hands and feet, as well as a box cutter and a meat cleaver. Colleen tried to escape. Shipp caught her so Pike could continue the beating. Pike carved a pentagram into her chest, used the box cutter to slice her throat. When she didn't die, Pike picked up a chunk of asphalt and slammed it onto her head. The next day Pike brought a piece of Colleen's skull to breakfast and told classmates what she had done. https://www.crackhousechronicles.com/ https://linktr.ee/crackhousechronicles https://www.tiktok.com/@crackhousechronicles https://www.facebook.com/crackhousechronicles Check out our MERCH! https://www.teepublic.com/user/crackhousechronicles SOURCES: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christa_Pike https://deathpenaltyinfo.org/tennessees-execution-of-christa-pike-would-make-her-the-first-woman-to-be-executed-in-the-state-in-over-200-years https://creators.spotify.com/pod/profile/unforbiddentruth/episodes/Interview-with-Christa-Pike-Part-II-ekpc39 https://creators.spotify.com/pod/profile/unforbiddentruth/episodes/Interview-with-Christa-Pike-Part-I-ekm9b5  

A new report paints a sobering picture for road workers - with drivers regularly refusing to stop and verbally abusing traffic controllers. 

ACA premiums skyrocket after GOP subsidy cuts, Trump curses Venezuela's Maduro, and ICE agents abuse U.S. citizens—this episode exposes America's growing crisis of cruelty.Subscribe to our Newsletter:https://politicsdoneright.com/newsletterPurchase our Books: As I See It: https://amzn.to/3XpvW5o How To Make AmericaUtopia: https://amzn.to/3VKVFnG It's Worth It: https://amzn.to/3VFByXP Lose Weight And BeFit Now: https://amzn.to/3xiQK3K Tribulations of anAfro-Latino Caribbean man: https://amzn.to/4c09rbE

Thank you Sandra D, Cynthia Verdell, Marg KJ, Bean Pan, Greg Owens, and many others for tuning into my live video! Join me for my next live video in the app.* ACA Marketplace Previews Show Staggering Premium Spikes Due to GOP Subsidy Cuts: “I might die if I stop going to the doctor,” said one Tennessee resident whose premiums jumped from $10 to $1,140 a month. [More]* A profane Tr… To hear more, visit egberto.substack.com

Over 2 Million Butts Love TUSHY. Get 10% off TUSHY with the code ITDAILY at https://hellotushy.com/ITDAILY Go to http://Dupe.com today and find similar products for less. It's 100% free to use. Stop wasting money on brand names and start saving with http://Dupe.com today. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Join the Theology in the Raw Patreon community to watch our "Extra Innings" conversation where Kaitlyn shares some horror stories about the Christian dating scene and gives some much-needed advice for anyone trying to set up their friends. Kaitlyn Schiess is a doctoral student in Christian ethics at Duke Divinity School. She has a ThM in systematic theology from Dallas Theological Seminary and is the author of The Ballot and the Bible: How Scripture has been Used and Abused in American Politics and Where We Go from Here (Brazos, 2023) and The Liturgy of Politics: Spiritual Formation for the Sake of Our Neighbor (IVP, 2020). Her writing has appeared at Christianity Today, The New York Times, RELEVANT, and Sojourners. Her work focuses on political theology, theological interpretation of the Old Testament prophets, and American religious history. Find more of her work at https://kaitlynschiess.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this episode of 'One in Ten,' host Teresa Huizar engages in a thought-provoking conversation with Dr. Rosaleen McElvaney, a clinical psychologist and lecturer in psychology at Dublin City University. They delve into the often-overlooked impact of child sexual abuse on non-abused siblings. The discussion covers topics such as the changes in sibling relationships post-disclosure, the psychological and emotional toll on non-abused siblings, and the challenges in providing adequate support. Dr. McElvaney shares insights from her research, which includes both a small qualitative study and a larger survey, emphasizing the need for more attention and resources dedicated to understanding and supporting the entire family affected by abuse.  Time Stamps: Time. Topic 00:00 Introduction and Guest Introduction 00:24 The Importance of Sibling Relationships in Abuse Cases 02:01 Research Origins and Initial Findings 11:56 Challenges and Surprises in Research 16:54 Exploring Closeness and Emotional Support 26:02 The Power of Belief in Family Relationships 26:38 Survey Insights on Sibling Belief 27:23 Ambivalence and Misunderstandings 29:16 The Complexity of Disclosure 31:04 Delayed Disclosure and Its Impact 33:34 The Burden of Keeping Secrets 34:33 Intra-Familial Abuse and Its Consequences 39:06 Advice for Professionals 43:23 Encouragement for Future Research Resources“I Feel Closer to Her Now That I Know What She Went Through”: Findings from a Survey on Siblings' Relationships Following Childhood Sexual Abuse - Rosaleen McElvaney, Simon Dunne, Laura Cahill, Rachael McDonnell Murray, 2025Support the showDid you like this episode? Please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts.

Glenn breaks down the early stages of the Israel/Hamas negotiations for a potential ceasefire. Then: Israel's horrific treatment of the flotilla activists reveals the extreme measures taken by Israel to silence and intimidate its critics. Finally: Glenn reacts to Van Jones's disgusting joke about dead Gazan babies.  --------------------------- Watch full episodes on Rumble, streamed LIVE 7pm ET. Become part of our Locals community Follow System Update:  Twitter Instagram TikTok Facebook  

Nick Pitts of The Briefing looks at the legal battle over the President deploying National Guard troops in various cities, and compares it to the Whiskey Rebellion that President Washington faced.  He also offers insights around the Church of England naming the first woman as Archbishop of Canterbury.  Luke Moon of The Philos Project and Generation Zion reflects back on the past 2 years since Hamas attacked Israel and the state of negotiations to bring the war to an end.  Faith Radio podcasts are made possible by your support. Give now: Click here  

Who would have imagined five years ago when we were seeing Greta Thunberg amplified by every mainstream western liberal institution that we would one day hear reports that she has been captured and tormented by the Israeli military for trying to bring formula to starving babies? Reading by Tim Foley.

Ashley Parham's lawsuit against Sean "Diddy" Combs contains shocking accusations of sexual assault and physical violence. Parham claims that in 2018, after making a comment accusing Diddy of being involved in Tupac Shakur's murder, she became a target of his retaliation. According to the lawsuit, Diddy threatened her and eventually lured her to a private residence, where he allegedly assaulted her physically and sexually. Parham states that he held a knife to her face, threatened her with a "Glasgow smile," and humiliated her in front of others.Further details in the lawsuit describe how Diddy, along with his associates, sexually assaulted Parham using various objects, all while threatening her life. She recounts waking up from the ordeal, grabbing a knife, and confronting Diddy in a desperate attempt to escape. Parham alleges that Diddy begged for his life during the confrontation and that she narrowly escaped after grazing him with the knife. Despite reporting the assault to local police, Parham claims that no investigation was opened, intensifying her allegations against Diddy and his associates.(commercial at 8:39)to contact me:bobbycapucci@protonmail.comsource:Diddy is accused of raping woman as 'payback' for claiming he ordered Tupac's murder | Daily Mail Online

Content Warning: pedophilia, religious abuse, physical abuse, rape, childhood sexual abuse, childhood sexual assault, child abuse, substance use disorder, professional abuse, self-harm, suicidal ideation, and suicide. JJ Comerford is an author, professional, former servicemember, and survivor from Australia. In these two episodes, J.J. rawly shares about the physical and sexual abuse he experienced as a student in the private Catholic school system in the 1970's. After decades of suffering in silence, J.J. was eventually encouraged to share about his abuse at-large. Since he began his mission of awareness, his media efforts and book have offered much solace to his supporters. The Broken Cycle Media team is deeply honored that J.J. was willing to so rawly share his story, strength, and resilience with our audience.  Sources:  “Abused schoolboy John Comerford took gun to school to kill his rapist teacher.” The Daily Telegraph, 16 July 2017, www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/nsw/john-comerford-was-raped-at-11-he-returned-to-the-school-at-18-with-a-loaded-shotgun-to-kill-his-rapist-but-he-was-told-he-was-already-dead/news-story/5d61f68d4bbc7d4c17d25c7d118be1cb Resources: Survivors & Mates Support Network: https://www.samsn.org.au/ JJ's Website: https://jjcomerford.com/ JJ's Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/john.comerford.779/ JJ's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/_jjcomerford_/ JJ's Books: https://jjcomerford.com/books For a list of additional resources and related non-profit organizations, please visit http://www.somethingwaswrong.com/resources

In a world where anxiety, depression, loneliness and teen suicide are on the rise, there is a distinct struggle taking place as people fight to feel seen, heard and valued. But the truth is, your life has purpose—right now, as you are. Jenny's guest is international Speaker & Author Dean Sikes who shares a message of hope and purpose. He hosts "YOU MATTER" Television, a national broadcast, and engages with tens of millions on social media annually.  In his book, “You Matter” he shares his powerful testimony of how trauma, abuse, bullying and carrying secrets affected him. And now he gives insights to help you break free from hopelessness and find meaning in your everyday life. He shares how God got his attention when his mother attempted suicide.Through it all Dean found God's purpose and how to forgive. Since January 1993, Dean has dedicated himself to spreading messages of hope, traveling extensively to high schools, Teen Challenge Centers, and prisons across the US and internationally. He has stories of how God is changing young lives from hopelessness and near suicides to them finding The Lord, forgiveness and purpose! To date, he has participated in over 4,200 events, delivering the empowering “You Matter” message to millions of teenagers. You can get connected with Dean at his website youmatter.us. Find more about his book, videos, and speaking there.

I know God allows painful things to happen to us, but what is He thinking and feeling about us in those moments? God has given me so many opportunities to express love and grace to others and to pray for them. I'm so thankful! I'm a survivor of sexual abuse, and I wonder about forgiving those who were involved. How can I? Were there people created before Adam and Eve? People tell me I'm not a real Christian, because I have separated myself from family members that were abusive. Are they right about me?

Other People's Lives is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://betterhelp.com/opl and get on your way to being your best self. Check out https://www.squarespace.com/opl to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code OPL. Go to everyplate.com/podcast and use code OPL199 to get a special offer of only $1.99 a meal. This week Joe Santagato and Greg Dybec speak with a guest who talks about being groomed and assaulted by her church pastor, how he got away with it, and the moment she faced him years later. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Almost exactly a year before John O'Keefe is found in the snow outside of Boston detective Brian Albert's home,  Sandra Birchmore is found dead in her apartment in the middle of a blizzard. In her phone are thousands of messages between her and a police detective that indicate he is the father of her unborn child. But of course, it's never that simple. For one, he's married and his wife is about to give birth to their third child.And two, he legally, shouldn't be in a relationship with Sandra. Nobody was supposed to find out that he had been grooming and assaulting her since she was 15 years old, a grade school cadet apart of his police explorer's program. Now that she's dead - everything's about to come out into the open right? Not exactly.  When Canton PD and Massachusetts State Police investigate Sandra's suspicious death, they rule her manner of death as a self exit. It would take the FBI 4 years to get involved and make an arrest.  From first glance, it appeared Sandra Birchmore's connection to Karen Read ended with the fact that both crimes took place in the same town. But  when Karen Read's defense team requests unredacted files from Sandra Birchmore's investigation…netizens begin digging.  Many of the same exact officers that are going after Karen Read are the same ones saying Sandra Birchmore did this to herself. What are they all hiding?    Full show notes at rottenmangopodcast.com