Musclebound Mama: Eat The F*cking Cake

Self-sabotage is a phrase that we're all pretty familiar with and one that I hear daily from potential clients. During our intake process, one of the questions I ask is, “What are the behaviors that you engage in right before you abandon your goals?” and the behaviours at the core of this question are the self-sabotaging activities. The reason I don't ask “How do you sabotage yourself” is because not all of the behaviors are conscious.In this episode, I will identify the five most common self-sabotage behaviours and offer tips to build strategies to end the self-sabotage cycle. 

Vulnerability is messy. It has poor timing. It doesn't come with filters. There are no re-takes. Vulnerability is the willingness to show emotion or allow one's weaknesses to be seen or known, the willingness to risk being emotionally hurt.Think about that for a moment. Do you allow yourself to be vulnerable? Do you let others in and see you - the real you? Most of us struggle with this. With this episode, I don't just want to share that you're not alone in this struggle - because you are definitely not. I want to help give you some tools to begin allowing yourself to be vulnerable so we can all normalize our struggles collectively. Tune in and find out what they are!

The reality is no one's success is solo. Our family should not be our obstacle. We do not need to choose to be a mother OR be successful, and doing both shouldn't mean we shut off who we are to do the impossible. If your husband wanted to make a big decision to benefit him, he would say to you, “this is what I'm doing”, and YOU would make it work. HE is capable of helping you make your needs work, too, but you have to give him that opportunity. Perhaps he will be resistant, and his face will malfunction, but WILL HE DIE? I am guessing not. Here are the facts. You have wants, needs, and goals, and they are NOT unreasonable. If you have been trying to meet those wants, goals, and needs but keep tripping over the same obstacle (which for women is usually dropping our needs for our family's needs), you need to do something different. No matter how many times you walk into that wall, it will not move. YOU have to move around it. It's time to stop asking for permission. “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” (fun fact that is not an einstein quote).Okay, Sophie, but how? Tune in and find out!

Our behaviour is a byproduct of our neural networking, and our neural networks are built by our experiences. Some of our most fundamental beliefs and behaviours are those we were not actively involved in but rather witness as children. This goes for our beliefs about our bodies and food, too. How we utilize language can make or break our relationship with those things. I don't want you to damage that relationship anymore. Listen in and find out how you can use words to change how you see your body and food in a way that empowers you.

When working from home, I'm distracted constantly. My husband also works from home, and while he tries only to interrupt me for essential things - lots of important things come up when you have as much on the go as we do. When my kids are home, the interruptions are even more frequent. But then, there are fun interruptions like Amazon deliveries, happy texts from friends, or an assignment grade update. It's endless.When I get distracted, jumping right back into work is hard, so I find myself moving toward the kitchen. Am I hungry? Maybe? Does this sound familiar to you? I mean, food is a fun distraction. But, it was so different when I was at the camper. I never snacked there, and I was only rarely hungry. Why is it so different? Hit "listen now" to find out!

I don't have to tell you that lockdown knocked us all back a few years in progress with not just our relationship food but our coping strategies in general. It was trash and the world was on fire and we were supposed to be able to talk about it and lean on one another for support. But, very few felt safe enough to do that and so there we all were reaching for food, wine, and online shopping. So, we're starting over and that is HARD. I've got you, mama. 

My job is to help women change their relationship with food. Even though food is an important part of my work with clients, there is a theme that comes up more than food and that is that we - women - are set up to fail. I speak about socialization a lot on this podcast and on any platform I'm given,to be fair, because it needs to be spoken to be understood and it needs to beunderstood to be changed - and I want it changed. Welcome to my feminist rant.Comparison, competition, the patriarchy - we're covering it all.

I remember returning from my coaching session (remember, a million years ago when we used to meet with people in person and not on zoom?!). I stopped at the grocery store on the way home and was ready to prep and rock my first week. I did the prep, portioned out my meals and put sticky notes on my meals matching my meal schedule on the fridge. I felt like I was rocking life for about three days. On day four - I felt hunger for the first time in probably years, and I did not love it.  Hunger triggered outrightpanic in me. In hindsight, I can recognize that what I was experiencing was acombination of physical discomfort and distrust of my ability to cope. I had alimiting belief and it was this: I can't control myself. Sound familiar? 

Listen, clothing is really just a decoration when you think about it but I realize how much power we give it. We don't put curtains on our walls and think about how fat they make the window look. Why do YOU have to be judged on your shape but we can learn to love a window or piece of furniture in any condition?Who makes these rules?Your Negative Automatic Thoughts are an important window into your own insecurities. In this episode, we'll dissect some that might be familiar to you!

Today, I'm going to ask you to look at something that causes us a lot of pain - in an objective way.I'm not sharing anything earth-shattering here when I tell you that most women are uncomfortable in their skin. The diet industry is a multi-billion dollar one and the reason for that is we continuously, as a society, shame people for a very basic biological process - fat storage.So, first I want to talk about fat storage. Then, I'm going to help you stop identifying AS your fat storage.

Belief is not “I think I might be able to” - it is acceptance that a statement is true. Acceptance!I was never willing to set goals for myself because I never believed that I was entitled to accomplishing it or capable of achieving it. So, if I didn't set goals I would not fail myself, right? Wrong.Because, whether we are willing to label it or not - we do hope for things. We do “wish” for things. I hoped for things and my husband did things. The difference was that he believed he would and I only hoped. Here's the thing: Belief is crucial to achieving a goal. When we believe our goals are possible FIVE things happen. Find out in this episode.

At yoga recently, the instructor asked a question that rocked me. She said: “I love you, and I am listening; when was the last time you said that to yourself?”. I was floored. I think you will be, too.

Have you ever said this: "The scale won't move no matter what I do!"? When this happens, we're so quick to shift the blame to our body and decide that it's not doing what it's supposed to. But, the truth is, there are a number of reasons this could be happening and it's probably not what you think. Tune in and find out what it is and how to move that needle.

I know you expect this episode to be light and easy and tell you not to accept your future in adult diapers and that's all still true. But, this appointment I'm going to tell you about changed my life. I've worked with thousands of women and without exaggeration, at LEAST 75% of them experienced trauma or chronic stress or anxiety. The physiological response I have been experiencing is not unique to me and the solution was NOT on my radar. I hope it's now on yours. 

We know that success at *anything* comes from planning, prepping and executing - right?Your body composition goals are not different. Not one single person reached their goals accidentally. That means meal planning and prepping so you can just follow the path you carefully laid out - to success. But, how?I'll tell you!

Do you have a goal weight? Have you ever had one? Most of us have or even still have one now. Many have been inactively chasing that goal weight for decades. One of the first questions I ask during the intake process with new clients is “what is your goal during your time here?” The answer I get to this question tells me a lot. Some people tell me they had poor results from recent lab work at their physical and need to make their diet a priority. Some want to create a better relationship with food so their kids don't develop the same habits they've struggled with. Some tell me they need to get their carb cravings under control. But the most telling of all is when a new client says “I want to hit 140lbs by my birthday (or, enter any special occasion in here, really). It seems innocent enough, right? I  mean, it's a concise goal so this person must know what they want and are going to be hyper-focused on achieving that goal - and that might be true. But, then I follow up by asking if they've been that weight before and usually, they have, and that's why they want to be there. So, it goes without saying that they've been there and were happy there - so, that's the place where happiness happens, right?Wrong.I'll tell you why.

I've compiled a list of 12 things I have learned to-date. I know this list will expand as I grow but here's what I have so far. I hope you'll learn some new strategies to help you become the strong, take-no-bullshit person you've always wanted to be and to remove those limiting beliefs - and kick ASS at life!

I met some Millenials and I have some thoughts. If you feel like ranting about systemic racism, internalized misogyny, social conditioning and how the Millenials have been sent in for the clean up on aisle on 2020 - this one's for you.

Have you said any (or all) of these things lately?Why can't I open my laptopWhy can't I get out of bedWhy can't I exerciseWhy can't I be emotionally available to my familyWhy can't I feed myself properlyMe too. It's because you're done. You've expended more emotional energy than you had and you have nothing left.In this episode, we dive into what happens in our bodies to cause this emotional paralysis and find a way out.

One of the reasons many are struggling with their eating habits right now is this huge loss of control we're all experiencing. I can tell you without a doubt that even those with only a moderately challenging relationship with food, are struggling right now, too.In this episode, we'll talk about coping strategies, cookies, and emotional eating. 

Episode 20: Take that Photo, Mama!In my intake process, I ask potential clients what it is that brought them to coaching. Knowing and understanding your “why” is very important to the process because in order to succeed you have to revisit it, often. Something that comes up more often than it should is this: “I saw myself in a family photo and I was disgusted with myself”.Heartbreaking, right? Look, I've been there. I get it. But, I'd like to spend this episode discussing it.Let's do this.

Episode 19: The Forever Changed BodyThe list of visible and invisible changes in a woman's body are endless: stretch marks, loose skin, diastasis recti, shifted pelvis, lumbar impairment, saggy breasts, pelvic floor weakness, VAGINAL SCAR TISSUE. If that isn't enough, there are the potential hormonal shifts of pregnancy that don't always adjust after the baby is in your arms like hyper and hypothyroidism – conditions that some women have for the rest of their lives that they didn't have before they got pregnant. Ladies, you are fucking warriors.Now, given that childbirth isn't new, I shouldn't be telling you anything you don't already know. However, I happen to know that the majority of you don't know this - Maybe you did know for a moment, but along the way you shifted your focus from “holy shit, look what I made in my body and pushed out of my vagina (or had violently carved from my abdomen)” to “what the hell happened to my body, I can't even look at myself”.Yes, I'm talking to you. I see you. I hear you. I feel these very words in my heart on a daily basis, too – because I am also a woman.

Episode 18: The View From Rock BottomI have a heavy topic to cover today. I want to share that this could be triggering for anyone struggling with an eating disorder or in recovery. So, no matter how interested you might be in my story, I hope you'll put your wellness ahead of your curiosity.

This year I decided to do a little experimenting with meal subscription boxes. I'm always on the lookout for things that will make my clients' lives easier and help them to avoid feeling deprivation in their diet. As you've heard me say many times before, deprivation is unsustainable. No one wants to live on chicken, rice & broccoli for life - nor is it necessary to. Part of sustainable fat loss is incorporating foods you already love into your plan - whatever that plan might be. And you may have heard, we loooooove carbs.Tune in and see which one I liked best!

Here are some things I hear on a daily basis:I have no self-controlI have no will powerI can't have any sugar or I won't be able to stopI can't keep ice cream in my houseHave you thought these things? Honestly, this is so many people but very few say it out loud.Something you might not know is that these things actually have very little to do with food. These things are not facts - they are beliefs. And I'll tell you a secret about beliefs: they are optional.Freedom is learning to be with whatever is. Controlling our environment is not freedom, yet this is our default mode when things aren't going well. “That's it, no more of X”, “starting tomorrow I am done with X”. Sound familiar? It really does sound logical to rally by regaining control and in truth, the issue isn't really in the regrouping but rather in the way we do that and the reason we feel it's uncomfortable in the first place. I mean, we have these expectations of our environment, don't we? We expect that if I do this, this, and that, I can predict that my day will unfold in this way. Most days, that is how things unfold and there really isn't anything eventful that takes place. We feel accomplished, in control, and like we have our shit together.The problem lies in situations where things don't go according to plan. We feel like we're holding up our end of the bargain by doing this, this, and that, and we expect the day will just go the way we imagined it. But, then it doesn't.Tune in for some strategies to free yourself from food.

The next few episode topics are straight from YOU - the listener. I put out a call a few weeks ago to find out what you really wanted to know and so today's episode is thanks to a new listener, Bert. He wanted to know about metabolism and the fact vs fiction of metabolic speed.One of the things I hear most often is: “I have a slow metabolism” or “I have metabolic damage”. Today's episode will dive into the 10 most important factors in metabolic speed.

Full disclosure, this episode isn't going to be about weight loss myths or the fat loss industry at all. I thought I'd spend the next few episodes doing something more fun. Storytelling. I LOVE listening to people's stories because it gives you the ability to step into a different time and space - and outside of your own experiences. I mean, we see everything from our perspective because well, we can't live in the heads of others. But, don't you think we would be a lot more connected in general if we knew more about one another's experiences? I feel like we spend more time being social on social media but we aren't really learning anything about one another. We're experiencing their current moments - sometimes heavily curated moments - but not their background and who they really are. Which is really a shame because with us all being more accessible to one another than ever, don't you think it would be more important to connect more deeply and less superficially? I mean, really, Facebook exchanges don't have more social depth than even the chat you have with your neighbour while walking the dog. It could be so much more.

Have you ever put on an item of clothing and felt like you're the most beautiful person in the world? That's how I feel in this top. But, I was conflicted because you could see my areola and of course my nipples because well, they just do what they want on every body. So, here I was firm in my love of this piece but feeling like I “shouldn't” wear it because you can see a very basic part of my body that literally everyone has. I was kind of taken back by my feelings about this. I'm not exactly insecure. This is not something I normally struggle with. So, I asked my husband what he thought and the first thing he said was “I can see your nipples”. So, now I feel I can't wear this top for sure. But, I asked him what that meant. Why did it matter if he could see my nipples? He responded, “well, if you want to be gawked at go for it”. Then I asked if he felt the same way about men's nipples? Are they judged and sexualized for their nipples - because men don't wear bras and wear arguably lighter fabric than women? He said that it wasn't the same - and when I asked why he said: “I don't know, ask society!”So, I did.

Episode 12: Special Occasion EatingLiving for the weekends is a pretty constant mindset and becomes a real sticking point for those who wish to change their body composition. Weekends aren't the only challenge, though. We also struggle with special occasion eating in general. When I say “Special occasion eating”, what do you think about? What comes to mind for me is Christmas, Thanksgiving, and probably Halloween because we're big candy fans and Halloween is kind of a big deal around here. Sounds innocuous, right? Well, this is just the tip of the iceberg.

Today, we're going to talk about PERFECTIONISM. I think it's fair to say that at the best of times we fall into the trap of perfectionism. I know I do! I see a lot of this in my line of work as well. Women striving for flawlessness and setting high (and damn near impossible) performance standards, but the worst part is the critical self-evaluations and concerns regarding how others perceive them. Is that you, too? In this episode, we discuss the "why" and how not to.

Remember I told you in a previous episode that I have been lurking FB weight loss groups? I'm looking for the most common claims and the most dangerous common beliefs of the fat loss industry. This is not a small task - there are SO many. But, the one I'm going to talk about today is Waist Trainers.Like, where do I even begin with this one?

As many of you know, I'm no stranger to mental health struggles. The first episode of this podcast is an introduction to me, of sorts, where I walk through the timeline of my life to where I am currently as a 43-year-old woman trying to live her best life. In context, of course, to why I'm here and why I created MBM in the first place. Now, I've resisted talking about Lockdown2020 or anything related to Covid-19 because frankly, we all need something uplifting to balance the minute-by-minute updates of our current global reality. But, I really feel like I'm doing you a disservice by not being real with you. I've always been real with you and now, more than ever, we need to know we're not struggling alone - right?

Before I launched this podcast I put out a call to clients and followers for topics. What did they want to hear more about?One of the topics was macros - what are they, why do they matter, and how do you know what your ideal ratio is. So, here we are!

I've noticed a trend in the ads I see posted to my social timeline that surprised me. I normally disregard these without much attention but the ads I've seen have celebrity endorsements by people I actually respect - like Ellen Degeneres. I know celebrity endorsements of supplements isn't a new concept but it has always been celebrities whose opinions I don't respect anyway

In the mood for a rant? I've got you.I joined a few communities on FB so I can understand the fatloss consumer better. I couldn't have been prepared for what I learned.The first group I joined was a group on weight loss tips. Over 100k members from all over the continent who were seeking guidance on their journey. Most of the members were genuinely trying to lose weight but many were also professionals in the industry who were looking for clients. Entrepreneurship is a tough gig so I get that. What I was NOT prepared for was the rampant misinformation being spewed, not only from well-intentioned members on their own weight loss journey but fitness professionals.Want to know how to avoid to bottom feeders? Listen up!

In this episode, we discuss our love/hate relationship with exercise. I know not everybody loves it and not everybody wants to do it - and that's really okay. But let's talk about why it is that some of us have an aversion to exercise and about some of the things that are responsible for that. What's behind it? Is it insecurity? Is it lack of knowledge?Can we change it?Let's dive in!Don't forget to follow us on social:MBM FB: https://www.facebook.com/muscleboundmamaMBM IG: https://www.instagram.com/themuscleboundmamaMBM Twitter: https://twitter.com/muscleboundmamaMBM Show Notes: https://muscleboundmama.com/blog/

In this episode, we discuss Social Conditioning and its impact on weight loss. The fact is that this social conditioning dictates how we function in every aspect of our lives. The number one reason women who come to Musclebound Mama to change their body composition is they (in their words) let themselves go while taking care of their family. Most of their kids are in their teens and they are still giving and giving and giving at the expense of their own wellbeing. Ready for a rant? Let's do this.Don't forget to follow us on social:MBM FB: https://www.facebook.com/muscleboundmamaMBM IG: https://www.instagram.com/themuscleboundmamaMBM Twitter: https://twitter.com/muscleboundmamaMBM Show Notes: https://muscleboundmama.com/blog/

My social feeds are full of people claiming that there are good and bad foods. You've heard them, too, I'm sure. One of the reasons behind food demonization is outdated metabolic science. You won't have to look far to find people who believe that our bodies examine a calorie introduced to our body and go “now, hold on… this is from a candy bar - since it isn't whole food it's going straight to your hips!” - that just isn't how any of this works. What we're creating with restriction of foods is deprivation. We feel trapped and defeated because we're stuck in this place of chicken, rice, and broccoli while everyone else is eating cake. This reduces our autonomy and autonomy is one of our basic psychological needs. Without a sense of autonomy, it's very difficult to make decisions that align with our goals and values - and that means we will struggle to stick to the diet. And one thing I can tell you about those who fall off their diet due to deprivation - they do so in an epic way. They dive headfirst into that shame spiral of “why can't I ever do this, I'm going to be fat forever, I'm weak, I have no willpower….” Maybe you recognize yourself in that statement. I certainly spent many many years there in the past.Imagine working a mini candy bar into your meal plan every single day and still losing weight? Imagine having a romantic anniversary dinner with your spouse with wine and dessert and still losing weight? But most importantly - imagine not feeling any guilt or shame over having those things?! -- I feel like I can sense your collective “YES! THAT WOULD BE AMAZING!” Well, it can happen. I see it happen every single day.Don't forget to follow us on social.MBM FB: https://www.facebook.com/muscleboundmamaMBM IG: https://www.instagram.com/themuscleboundmamaMBM Twitter: https://twitter.com/muscleboundmamaMBM Show Notes: https://muscleboundmama.com/food-demonization/

Episode 1: Eat The F*cking CakeHey, I'm new here! My name is Sophie Smith-Doré and I am the founder & head coach of Musclebound Mama. Musclebound Mama is a body-positive, shame-free community of women seeking to change their relationship with food and selves through flexible dieting and cognitive skill training. No gimmicks - No shame. Just metabolic science & love.In this episode, I will tell you all about the journey that led to the creation of this community. It's not easy to listen to - fair warning - but, I want you to know who I am and why I'm here for you, mama.Some weeks I'll rant and rave, some weeks I will strive to educate or empower you. But, I will always be real with you - and I will always encourage you to eat the fucking cake!Don't forget to follow us on social:MBM FB: https://www.facebook.com/muscleboundmamaMBM IG: https://www.instagram.com/themuscleboundmamaMBM Twitter: https://twitter.com/muscleboundmamaMBM Show Notes: https://muscleboundmama.com/blog/