The Fatherhood Experience

Just reflecting on the kids' personalities and my own and how important it is to guiding them to future careers

At the end of and early morning drive, breakfast and seaside hike Zachary gives us some fun facts.

We all have a personal mission that we need to discover and pursue. Some things we need to do that are: freedom from emotional noise, a clear conscience, and a progress vs perfection view of failure.

Today's episode is about my ponderings on life death and eternity. And her programming your soul with the things that you do.

We can't give what we don't have. We have to change ourselves first. Because our actions and interactions that our children experience and observe are the seeds that are sown in them.

What is the meaning of life? From the atomic level, to cellular, organism, community and business level living beings are desperately working to bring order out of chaos.

There is a film crew inside my head that I can blame things on. Ha! The writer is the one that has the ideal plan for my life. He creates goals and new years resolutions and ambitions for me. The director calls the shots of what I actually try to do, she dictates how I should do things. The combination of the direction and the cast's interpretation is what actually gets out into the real world. There are different cast members that have a potential for tension in their relationships. You can never make all of them happy and sometimes one of them upstages the others. Another important crew member is the PA who is the hinge between having the people, props and etc that you need and not having what you need to make the shot. Finally we have the editor who frames your perception of what actually happened or is happening. The editor provides the scenes that your director has to work with when making future decisions to make sure you have a full and happy life. Book Recommendation: Positive Intelligence by Shirzad Chamine Equipment Used to record this podcast: Device: iPhone 8 Microphone: Rode VideoMicro Me-L

Two key factors to my happiness are appreciation and rhythm. No matter what we have, what kind of lifestyle we're living and how much money we make there is one constant that affects our happiness; that is our appreciation of what we have. This is really the core of the “it could be worse” mentality. Acknowledging how things could be worse makes you look at your situation and say “phew, thank God!” The second key is creating a rhythm to your day. Not just any rhythm, but a routine that starts your week or day off on the best note possible. This ensures that even if your week or day gradually gets worse, because you started it off strong, you still end it better than if you started your day with a negative mindset. The daily/weekly routine also gives us something to fall back to when the stress, fatigue or excitement is overpowering and it is difficult to get into the normal groove. Equipment Used to record this podcast: Device: iPhone 8 Microphone: Rode VideoMicro Me-L

As parents we tell our children to chase after their dreams. Let's go a step beyond and show them how it's done by chasing after our dreams. We tell them to go after what they think is impossible, let's do what we think is impossible and push beyond the boundaries of the present into infinity. Equipment Used to record this podcast: Device: iPhone 8 Microphone: Rode VideoMicro Me-L

Just because everyone around you is getting promoted and changing jobs doesn't mean you're not where you should be. People who are moving around in their career path are searching for their “sweet spot”. If you're happy where you are, you may already be in the company of people you fit in with, doing work that reciprocates your love for it. Equipment Used to record this podcast: Device: iPhone 8 Microphone: Rode VideoMicro Me-L

If you don't ask, you don't get. The skill of knowing what you need and want and the ability to communicate it is the foundation for negotiation. Disciplined and respectful negotiation in which we are cognizant of the others' needs nurtures our ability to engage. We can stay engaged in environments that may not be ideal for us. But this allows us to nurture our internal passion even though we are in a job that we don't love. We do this by focusing our passion on the people around us and making the most of our professional relationships by the fulfillment of needs. Equipment Used to record this podcast: Device: iPhone 8 Microphone: Rode VideoMicro Me-L

The Gospel is the way we document and relive our human experience of God as a man. From when Jesus was conceived at the Angel Gabriel's annunciation to Mary to His death on the cross we ponder the first hand experiences of people who experienced His time on Earth. There is a gap in that memory from when Mary and Joseph found him at the temple to the beginning of His ministry, the Gospel is silent. In that gap, Jesus was home with his parents, was obedient to them and grew in grace and wisdom in the eyes of God and man. As a parent, I ponder what kind of environment, example and guidance Jesus was obedient to in order to grow into the savior of the world. This is our mission as Christian parents, each child is unique and must be led and nurtured differently. We need to create an environment where in obedience to us, our children may grow to the images of Christ that they were meant to become. Equipment Used to record this podcast: Device: iPhone 8 Microphone: Rode VideoMicro Me-L

Being creative requires intentionality. As far as this podcast goes, I'm intentional with hitting record and publishing, the other things I'm intentional about are being true to my inner self by not censoring my thoughts and being intentional in the editing. The most difficult part about being creative is overcoming your inner critic who stops ideas from coming out. One tool that keeps this critic at bay are the Morning Pages from “The Artist's Way” by Julia Cameron. This podcast is a form of the artist's way for me, and I'm still learning how to be myself. Equipment Used to record this podcast: Device: iPhone 8 Microphone: Rode VideoMicro Me-L

Today's episode is an interview of none other than Trystan, my ten year old son. He wanted to go on a morning drive and talk about advice for saving for a house, buying a house and much more. Equipment Used to record this podcast: Device: iPhone 8 Microphone: Rode VideoMicro Me-L

As I turn 45 years old I ponder Christian virtue and how I ought to live the second half of my life. Equipment Used to record this podcast: Device: iPhone 8 Microphone: Rode VideoMicro Me-L

My personality wants to be accepted and acclaimed for my accomplishments. I fear rejection and failure. So until I had someone to hold me accountable, I was only writing down and communicating goals that I had almost completed already. My status didn't actually include all the effort I was putting into a week's work. It is so valuable to have mentors, coaches and close friends who can tell you when you're not doing what you think you're doing. Equipment Used to record this podcast: Device: iPhone 8 Microphone: Rode VideoMicro Me-L

It is never about us. Last night I gave a presentation that I had not adequately prepared for. And I fell across the stumbling blocks of the unprepared. Ultimately, it has become about me and my fears of messing up. I had forgotten the fundamental purpose of presentation which is creating an experience of your subject for your audience. As a father, I tried to apply the same concept to raising my children. It's about creating an experience of life with my audience who is my kids.It's never about me it's about them and the experience. Equipment Used to record this podcast: Device: iPhone 8 Microphone: Rode VideoMicro Me-L

Have you ever thought of your home as a school for your children's professional careers? Through our example, tasks and chores we can create a positive experience of potential jobs for our kids. It's impossible to know whether you are passionate about something without experiencing it first. Which may explain the lack in passion in our young people today who experience the world through electronic screens. Equipment Used to record this podcast: Device: iPhone 8 Microphone: Rode VideoMicro Me-L

Hope is a virtue that needs to be nurtured. The way we do this is by keeping our promises and being consistent as parents. Calibrating expectations in the immediate and short term helps strengthen their hope of what is to come in the very long term. Equipment Used to record this podcast: Device: iPhone 8 Microphone: Rode VideoMicro Me-L

This episode is about allowing your children to make mistakes to create a learning experience in a controlled environment. You get to see how they respond to failure and stress and you can teach them how to respond in a calm and controlled manner. Equipment Used to record this podcast: Device: iPhone 8 Microphone: Rode VideoMicro Me-L

In this episode I explore my role and responsibility of enriching the relationships between my wife and children, and between my children. My first gift to them is the gift of their mother. My final gift to them is the gift of each other. Equipment Used to record this podcast: Device: iPhone 8 Microphone: Rode VideoMicro Me-L

Today, I deleted all the video games on my phone. I am giving up video games for Lent and producing more content for LinkedIn. Just like eating organic, non-GMO foods, or going vegan; I am trading artificial sources of dopamine for natural sources of dopamine.

Boundaries are important to being a creative person. Everyday we operate within verbal and behavioral boundaries which serve as a check and balance for each other. Verbal boundaries are the rules and agreements that we make which help us predict future behavior. These rules are meant to do just that, be boundaries within which we can operate freely. They are not hard lines that we are bound to follow every inch and every second.

Bedtime stories has been a huge part of my life. In childhood my mother would tell me classic fables and fairy tales, saint stories and stories about my ancestors and grandparents. These stories have formed my world view and also has honed my moral compass. These stories have formed my parenting style. Bedtime stories continue to play a huge role in my life as I use stories to put myself and the kids to sleep. So I end this podcast with tips on how to tell bedtime stories that engage the imaginations and then hand it off to the subconscious.

This episode contains insights that I got after interviewing Trystan and Zoey this weekend. On Saturday Zoey talked about what makes a good Daddy, and on Sunday Trystan talked about the differences between Positive and Negative parenting. It really made me think about the importance of seeing things from your children's perspective to make sure that they are picking up what we think we're teaching them. It also helps to know how they communicate and how their personalities affect that. Some tools we talked about are The 5 Love Languages, DISC Personality, Meyers Briggs and the Enneagram types. These are useful to know so we can understand our children. Our objective after all is to teach them all we know and then get out of the way.

Here is some parenting advice from Trystan as he explains how kids react to positive and negative incentives, specifically threats and deals.

Zoey talks about what makes a good daddy. It's about protecting you, making you a better person and preparing you to be a good parent.

Clean your car with early morning dew, don't forget to reset your oil maintenance light if you change your own oil, and try new things. Those are the things we talked about today. Try new things involves an element of risk. When we take risks we teach our children not to be afraid of failure, we learn how to empathize when they need to take a risk or do something new, and we make exploration and discovery a normal part of our life.

Questions are a great way to connect with our children. It is also our way of teaching them to think critically or to “walk” intellectually. One the first level of questioning we provide them with options. The question is which one? This or that? The second level question is what or how? Where they have to provide the answers. Our objective is to get them to own their decisions. To convert words into actions, for ideas to manifest as reality.

Why do parents have a gut instinct to sacrifice for their children? Why do parents want their kids to listen and obey? I believe it is because we share the same mission and it is imperative that we pass it on. We want them to listen and obey so that we know that they will continue the mission of our lineage and we sacrifice ourselves so they may succeed so they can continue it long after we're gone.

When spending time with our kids, I try to do what they want to do. I am conscious of setting aside what I want to do (I force myself) to play the video games that they want to play or board games they want to play or even play their miniature make believe world with them. As our children grow older our we will need to listen and get to know who they are growing up to be. Especially with advances in technology and current ways of thinking, our role starts to shift from output to input, from teacher to observer.

As a father one of the things I try to be conscious of is presenting my children with the ideal experiences. If fatherhood is a business then one of my products is the ideal life experience. Ideal experiences calibrate their intuition for life as it should be. So when something is out of place, it is much easier to identify and then deal with.

The first, last and best gift you can give your children is the gift of a mother. Our relationship with the mother of our children is the foundation of their perspective of interpersonal relationships and their relationship with God. Ramblings of how I've started and maintained that gift for my children.

The family is a supportive team that is a safe place for criticism so that we can make each other better.

I left home this morning with my son cooking pancakes for his brother and sister and his mom. This episode let's talk about the school of kitchen and how activities done with your kids in the kitchen, can teach them lessons in critical thinking, problem-solving, science, micro motor skills, and macro motor skills.

What is the value of your word? Do your children trust that when you make a promise, you'll deliver on it? Are they enthusiastic when you say you'll do something? Let's ponder that...

Tomorrow is always there to bail us out of doing something we want to do. Let's talk about why today is the best time to prepare yourself for who you want to be in the future. Take just one step closer to awesome.

More children means more sacrifice, more love and more leveling up.

The way we approach our relationships play a huge role in forming who we are as people. As parents we form little people who will do the same for us and for the world.

We spend so much time trying to do things that we forget to prepare. My ramblings on preparation.

An insight about forgiveness inspired by poopy diapers.

The universe is an infinite place, and there's no way we will be able to wrap our brains around it. No less, be able to see everything there is to see. The best that we can do is to get as many perspectives from different people around the universe to get the biggest and most accurate picture that we can get. And we do this through open and honest conversations. This episode is an exploration in perspective with conversations with the kids and my experience of my grandfather.

Our minds are constantly creating stories in our heads trying to put meaning to the things that are happening around us. Let's talk about some meaning that I found while driving in rush-hour traffic.

I'm a world where we're focused on efficiency and schedules, we inadvertently teach our kids that what we do is driven by what we need. Let's chat about teaching our kids how to appreciate the small things in life.

Our children have four fundamental needs that as parents we need to satisfy. Nourishment, cleanliness, comfort and sleep. As they grow older these needs develop and grow into newer more complex needs. But the emergence of maturity doesn't mean that the fundamental needs disappear.

It's much easier to describe the difficulties and hardships that we go through when we do something truly amazing. Parenting is no different. Parents partake in a process of being an agent of order. We propagate the conversion of chaos into order, and it's a beautiful thing.

This episode is about my ideas on fatherhood. Our understanding of a loving God, a “God the Father” is going to be based on our experiences of our own fathers. So this episode is me talking about why I think it's important to be a good dad.

this is just the beginning