The Kluck Index

Your Mom was right about standing up straight, 1 in 3 of us are into the stars, ChatGPT is spitting facts about your looks, bring the roids to Vegas and today we celebrate the brisket!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Cereals are getting worse, we're not paying for the food we financed (lol, wut?), pennies are out, hurricanes are in!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It's Memorial Day weekend and I just got paid. Every second I spend writing a description here is one more second I'm not enjoying a cold beer so here is your description, have a safe weekend!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Using coupons is sexy now, Sprite has a new Summer drink that sounds awful, toss your cukes and you better bring something to the cookout!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Sleeping 8 hours may kill you, Miller Lite is running back a classic from last Summer, Sonic hates making out, and we will go anywhere for some good eatsSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

We have a new ranch flavor headed our way, 9 hours of sleep is too bad, it's summer of scaling back and Wendy's is coming with the heat....See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Dark chocolate could replace your meds, we're self-reporting an F in a couple of areas, Naples it tops and today the Summer Bucket List is due!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Our water is about to get worse, the streets are gonna be packed for Memorial Day, overdoses are down, fighting with kids is up!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Eggs are coming back down...sorta, pizza is still the king, chimps wipe, Kellogg's is killing your chances at custody and NASA wants us on Mars soon!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Porn may be outlawed entirely, Wingstop has a new jam, golf life could end your life early, some people love to be thrash talked and West Virginia.....is fat. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Sweden's National Security adviser only lasted a day, Texas Roadhouse is rolling into Walmart, bagged salad could kill you and Olivia and Liam are tops!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

South Carolina screwed up an execution, Moms eat a load of lefties, Florida Man is out there having a wild weekend at the National Park and Cracker Barrel is bringing back a classic!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Weight watchers is going belly up, tip some Moscato today, Billy Gates is blowing his load and for the love of all that is Holy please don't forget Mother's Day is this Sunday!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Utah sounds like it's tops, 1 in 5 of us don't call Mom enough, Chips Ahoy! wants your foot and your dog has a mealtime ritual!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Today we celebrate the trades, sea lions could be drummers, Copenhagen is tops and we're getting a new Pope!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Doritos is bringing back a fan favorite, hiking pays some dividends, BK wants your teeth and Charles Dickens is running wild in Florida!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

One fifth of Americans can't read what I've typed here, Hardees has a new jam, Warren Buffet is retiring and May the Fifth Be With You! *light saber noiseSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jell-O has a new Mom-pleasing flavor, Starbucks needs more peeps, diabetes is killing fewer of us, Meta has a new terrible idea and White Castle gets dirty!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

To quote Justin Timberlake "It's gonna be May."See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Some in the Navy messed up at work, your next lawyer could be ChatGPT, White Castle rolls out a new treat and you can't afford a starter home in 233 cities now. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Bomb Pop is finally doing something new, Insomnia Cookies wants you fattened up this Summer, we don't even believe half of what we see on the internet and some realtor made big BIG bank in Florida this week!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Shadeur Sanders had a tough weekend, baby making is up, 5 Hour Energy wants you running to the potty and California is running out of license plates!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

House sales are down, scamming is up, chicken strips are back at McDonalds and today is National DNA day! Happy weekend!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Parenthood could be a helmet for your brain, today we celebrate the humble pig in a blanket, Progresso is zipping up it's soup game and talkin' to kids about puberty is rough!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Dow is down, Virginia's flag sounds hot, we have a new color, the government wants ladies knocked up and college isn't worth it for the fellas anymore. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Wingstop has a new banger, China is making a helluva bridge, not a ton of us are secure in our finances and it's Earth Day!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Farming robots are almost a thing, your natural scent could be the reason you have friends or no friends and Mt. Dew has a new Summer flavor only available at one place on earth!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Scientists see a first in the ocean, Subway is doubling your meat, making bank off your home sale could be over! No idea why this didn't upload last Friday lolSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Drugs are about to be in short supply, Starbucks is all about those aprons, the new iPhone sounds out of my price range and tons of us are in a relationship rut!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Scientists have figured out the perfect day, eggs benny are having a big day, walking may be good for your back pain and Red Robin is throwing down for National Burger Month!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

"Happy" Tax Day America!!!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Taco Bell is bringing back a banger, Publisher's Clearing House is, or at least was a thing, Kraft gets bold and our fannies had a terrible weekend. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It's booze screening day, Clearwater Applebee's sounds like heaven on Earth, the economy is getting worse, Hidden Valley has some new flavors and we lose some wild stuff in Ubers!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Krispy Kreme is going hard for Easter, loads of us are asking family for money these days, Virginia is for lovers and people avoiding aliens and the Direwolf is back!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

PBR is getting into the diet game, pollen is up, Clif Bars are getting hyped and March Madness is over!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Subway has another hit on it's hands, FOMO is not what you thought it was, tariff's are coming for noodles and Duke ruined my weekend. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Krispy Kreme cannot be stopped, none of us can afford to see a doctor or retire as of this morning and we spent more on music last year. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Oranges are going up, Cheez-It is getting into he pizza game, Hooters has no money, learning a language can help you down the line and Popeyes is insane. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

YouTube is NOT Mr. Beast's biggest moneymaker, salt may be making you depressed, Sonic is slinging deals and apparently we need to "micro-retire."See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Happy April Fool's Day!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The economy may be slowing down for the next 3 decades or so, we all check out before a vacation, Taco Bell is loading you up and Little Debbie has a new jam!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Family Dollar got sold, Chomps is recalling beef sticks, boobs are shrinking and non-monogamy sounds great!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

New Mexico sucks, saying no is big business these days, Coke wants their Coke back and it's Opening Day for baseball baby!!!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jolly Rancher is coming back for the teeth it forgot, cursing can help with pain, we're group chatting out war plans and it's National Manatee Day!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Wendy's is going Lenten, DoorDash is doing payment plans (wut?) brass knuckles still not cool in Michigan and Segway is having a bad week....See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Madness has officially started, men are trimming their eye lashes now, Captain Morgan wants to filthy up your bathing suit and I have hit a depressing new screen time high. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Trader Joe's is gonna get you drunk, social media is ruining teens' lives, Wendy's and Cheez-It are collaborating and a 77 year old Florida man um, eats something he shouldn't. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Red Robin is getting hot, more of us than ever are working two jobs, not all of us are following March Madness, and it's the first day of Spring!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Harvard is letting the poors in, Forever 21 is going belly up, BuzzBallz is getting into the holiday spirit, we feel financially "stuck" and let's laugh today!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Crumbl is celebrating St. Pats all week long, tornadoes are ripping up the Midwest, Florida man is stealing lap dances and our workday is a tad bit shorter than it used to be!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Happy St. Patrick's Day to those bold enough to celebrate on a Monday!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.