Tough Love

Fifteen years ago Stephen was drugged and raped by a stranger. Six months later he was diagnosed with HIV. It took him two years to start wanting to live again but today Stephen is a YouTuber and actor with a successful one-man off-Broadway show on his resume, called Shadowed Dreamer. In this interview Stephen and I discuss where to find the strength to keep going when the cards are stacked against you, the misinformation surrounding HIV, its treatment and life expectancy, and why HIV has gone out of fashion with the media.  Follow Stephen on Instagram @harttalks2016 and check out his Youtube channel Hart Talks The book: Timothy Conigrave's Holding the Man If you or someone you know is struggling to cope with a positive diagnosis or a potential positive diagnosis, you can find more information on the Terrence Higgins Trust website: www.tht.org.uk If you enjoy the podcast, don't forget to subscribe, share and review. Follow us on Twitter @toughlovepc or on Instagram @missleonardis This episode was edited by Bartosz “Waskii” Tylczynski

After giving birth to my second baby in October 2020 I expected to experience post-baby blues. What I didn't expect was to slide dangerously close to post-natal depression.  In this episode Jemima Forrester of episode 2 fame interviews me, Federica Leonardis, aka your host, about a frightening brush with post-natal depression. I'm aware that compared to some of the stories my guests have shared on the podcast mine will seem way less traumatic but I wanted to share it to help mums out there who might be struggling right now, to feel less alone. We talk about being pregnant during the pandemic, the importance of taking care of yourself as if you mattered, and why when the going gets tough the love of friends and family is what will see you through.  The book: Jordan B. Peterson's 12 Rules for Life: an Antidote to Chaos If you enjoy the podcast, don't forget to subscribe, share and review. Follow us on Twitter @toughlovepc or on Instagram @missleonardis This episode was edited by Bartosz “Waskii” Tylczynski

Megan's third child died suddenly and unexpectedly when she was only fifteen months old. How can a parent recover from that?  In this episode Megan and I talk about grief in its purest form, the importance of putting yourself back together even when you don't want to, and why self-care is actually a survival tool.  Megan Hillukka is a grief coach and the host of the podcast Grieving Moms. Find out more about Megan and her podcast here or on Facebook @CultivatedFamily The book: Brené Brown's The Gift of Imperfection If you enjoy the podcast, don't forget to subscribe, share and review. Follow us on Twitter @toughlovepc or on Instagram @missleonardis This episode was edited by Bartosz “Waskii” Tylczynski

In this episode author Rosie Price shares her story of the violent sexual assault she suffered when she was a teenager, at the hand of someone she knew.  We talk about coping mechanisms, how it affected her identity and sense of self, and how the culture surrounding the notion of rape has changed in the last ten years. Rosie Price is a yoga teacher, a tutor and the author of What Red Was, a novel revolving around the main character's experience of rape, which in turn is based on Rosie's experience.  Follow Rosie on Instagram and check out her first novel, What Red Was. The book: Bessel van der Kolk's The Body Keeps the Score If you've been a victim of sexual assault, you can find help and support at Rape Crisis, Solace Women's Aid and Mind.org.uk If you enjoy the podcast, don't forget to subscribe, share and review. Follow us on Twitter @toughlovepc or on Instagram @missleonardis This episode was edited by Bartosz “Waskii” Tylczynski

While in China on tour with the musical Evita, Danielle was diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer.  After a test revealed she also had the BRCA2 gene, she decided to undergo a double mastectomy and reconstructive surgery, in addition to chemotherapy. In this episode we discuss her cancer diagnosis during the pandemic, a balcony concert and the choices we have even in the darkest times.  Danielle is a South African singer, actress, DJ and breast cancer awareness warrior. You can find her on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, YouTube and Vimeo  Check her website daniellebitton.com or get in touch with her info(at)daniellebitton(dot)com The book: Edith Eger's The Choice If you enjoy the podcast, don't forget to subscribe, share and review. Follow us on Twitter @toughlovepc or on Instagram @missleonardis This episode was edited by Bartosz “Waskii” Tylczynski

For the first eighteen years of her life, Lilia Tarawa lived in Gloriavale, a Christian religious cult founded in New Zealand by her grandfather.  In this episode we discuss what happened after she left Gloriavale, along with her parents and siblings.  How do you rebuild your life after having no life? How do you learn to make decisions for yourself after spending years with others dictating every aspect of your life, from what to wear to what to think and believe? Lilia is a New Zealand Maori #1 Bestselling author and transformational speaker. Her book is Daughter of Gloriavale: My life in a Religious Cult You can get in touch with Lilia or find more about her story on her website https://www.liliatarawa.com/ or you can follow her on Instagram LiliaTarawa Check out her TedTalk here. If you enjoy the podcast, don't forget to subscribe, share and review. Follow us on Twitter @toughlovepc or on Instagram @missleonardis

Nina Renata Aron is the author of the excellent memoir, Good Morning, Destroyer of Men's Souls, centred around a long and painful co-dependent relationship with an addict.  The book ends not long after Nina finally finds the strength to walk away, and I wanted to talk to Nina about the aftermath but also about co-dependent relationships in general, something that doesn't get discussed enough.  What exactly is a co-dependent relationship? And when is it right to leave? If addiction is indeed an illness, is it wrong to leave an addict? And what responsibility, if any, does the co-dependent partner have? The book: Deborah Levy's The Cost of Living You can find out more about Nina and her writing on her website; you can follow her on Twitter @black_metallic and Instagram ninarenataaron. If you're affected by someone else's addiction, you can find information and support at Alanon & Alateen UK or Al-Anon US   If you're wondering if you're co-dependent check out Coda patterns of recovery.   If you're looking for information on or support with addiction go to: www.ukna.org www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/aa-meetings/find-a-meeting Alcoholics Anonymous UK and Alcoholics Anonymous US Narcotics Anonymous UK and Narcotics Anonymous US If you enjoy the podcast, don't forget to subscribe, share and review. Follow us on Twitter @toughlovepc or on Instagram @missleonardis

When she was a teenager, Rose got pregnant. Her mother talked her out of getting an abortion so she decided to carry the pregnancy to term. However, her baby didn't survive and died four days after an extremely traumatic birth.  Today, Rose has a successful career, a devoted daughter and just got married to a wonderful man but she's always regretted not getting an abortion and save everyone including herself a lot of pain. Where would she be today had her daughter survived? Would she be the woman she is today? Would she have been able to give her a good life or would she have been the teenage screwup everyone believed she was?  We all have to live with the consequences of our actions but can we live with the consequences of our inaction? And who gets to define who we are? The book: Tara Westover's Educated If you enjoy the podcast, don't forget to subscribe, share and review. Follow us on Twitter @toughlovepc or on Instagram @missleonardis

In her early twenties, Michelle got involved with a charming guy who grew progressively controlling, abusive and physically violent. When she finally freed herself eight years later, her ordeal still wasn't over: another abusive relationship, sex trafficking and substance addiction lay ahead.  Today Michelle has a loving family and a thriving writing career. In this episode we talk about different types of safety, why leaving an abusive relationship is often a process of trial and error and about the importance of responsibilities in recovery. The book: Judith Herman's Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence - From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror We also mentioned Besser van der Kolk's The Body Keeps the Score: Mind, Brain and Body in the Transformation of Trauma and The Freedom Programme by Pat Craven Follow Michelle on Twitter @MKellyx81 If you enjoy the podcast, don't forget to subscribe, share and review. Follow us on Twitter @toughlovepc or on Instagram @missleonardis  

In her early twenties, Rachel started hormonal therapy to transition to become a man. Pretty much straightaway she started having misgivings about what she was doing to her body.  However, surrendering to the pressure from the transgender community, and the medical professionals who had her in care, she decided to continue the treatment. Five years later, when her organs started shutting down, she finally made the decision to come off the testosterone altogether and detransition.  In this episode Rachel and I discuss the devastating effects peer pressure can have, the importance of listening to and trusting your inner voice and why it's ok to have sexual preferences.  Here's Rachel's Twitter thread we mentioned in the episode and here's her interview with Benjamin Boyce on The Boyce of Reason. Follow Rachel on Twitter @habituallyfemme or get in touch with her habituallyfemme@gmail.com  The book: Janja Lalich and Madeleine Tobias' Take Back Your Life: Recovering from Cults and Abusive Relationships If you enjoy the podcast, don't forget to subscribe, share and review. Follow us on Twitter @toughlovepc or on Instagram @missleonardis

Paul Bulos is a publishing professional, an Executive, Leadership & Wellbeing Coach, a husband, and a father of two children. He has lived with anxiety since he was a young man. Following the sudden loss of his father at a time when he'd just become a father himself, he developed a desperate need to keep his family safe that manifested itself through unhelpful behaviours. Today Paul has learned to manage his anxiety but it's very much an ongoing process full of pitfalls.  In this episode, we discuss a specific type of anxiety a growing number of men in their thirties and forties seem to experience about the roles and responsibilities they have in their families, their communities and in society in general. Follow Paul on Twitter @BooBooBulos and check out his articles here and here. You can also contact him through his website: the Complete Coach The book: Don Miguel Ruiz's The Four Agreements In the episode we also mention Jo Simpson, coach and author of the book, The Restless Executive.  If you enjoy the podcast, don't forget to subscribe, share and review. Follow us on Twitter @toughlovepc or on Instagram @missleonardis  

Buck Angel is a transexual activist, entrepreneur, motivational speaker, YouTuber and many more other things.  Born female, Buck was diagnosed with gender dysphoria in his twenties after a tumultuous adolescence. Now in his late fifties, he speaks candidly about his transition to become a man and how that cured his dysphoria.  In this episode we talk about being a guinea pig, almost becoming a supermodel and the importance of taking ownership of your own life.  Follow Buck on Twitter @BuckAngel or subscribe to his YouTube channel  Check out Rachel Mason's documentary: Circus of Books The book: Leslie Feinberg's Stone Butch Blues If you enjoy the podcast, don't forget to subscribe, share and review. Follow us on Twitter @toughlovepc or on Instagram @missleonardis

In her early twenties, homeless and addicted to drugs, Robin sought treatment for an STD. Scared and confused, and completely unaware of being pregnant, what Robin didn't realise was that she'd been given drugs to terminate the pregnancy. After years she's finally made peace with what she's done and what she's lost. In this episode Robin and I talk about the role of faith in her healing, the importance of having a pro-choice/pro-life debate and the reaction to that Tweet. Follow Robin on Twitter: @truthagape The book: Karen A. Allison's Healing the Hurt that Won't Heal The resources:  Abortion Testimonials Deeper Still Retreats Rachel's Vineyard Retreats If you enjoy the podcast, don't forget to subscribe, share and review. Follow us on Twitter @toughlovepc or on Instagram @missleonardis

As a teenager, Eliza had big dreams. However, within 48 hours of arriving in LA, the man who had promised to make her a star had sold her to another man in Hollywood for $500. This was only the beginning of an ordeal that was to last for over 15 years. Today Eliza is an advocate for survivors of human trafficking, sex trafficking and child trafficking. In this episode, Eliza and I discuss why she's the queen of bouncebacks, the importance of taking personal responsibility and how being difficult saved her life. The book: Jordan B. Peterson's 12 Rules For Life: An Antidote to Chaos Follow Eliza on Twitter @elizableu. If you want to find out more about human trafficking and how you can help or receive support, below is a list of resources mostly for the US which is where Eliza is based: Global Modern Slavery Directory RAINN National Domestic Hotline National Human Trafficking Hotline If you enjoy the podcast, don't forget to subscribe, share and review. Follow us on Twitter @toughlovepc or on Instagram @missleonardis

At the age of seven, Somali-born nurse Hoda Ali was subjected to type 3 female genital mutilation (FGM), alongside her six-years-old sister. At the age of eleven, with Somalia on the bring of civil war, Hoda started experiencing severe medical complications as a consequence of the cutting. She was in and out of hospital for the following six years and eventually ended in the UK as a refugee. The numerous complications still affect her today, over thirty years later. In this episode Hoda and I talk about how we all bleed the same colour, the importance of calling things by their name, and why she thinks she's the luckiest girl alive. Here's the article Hoda wrote about Keur Simbara, a village in Senegal that has successfully put a stop to female genital mutilation. This is the book that in 1999 planted the seed that I could survive whatever fate put on my path: Waris Dirie's Desert Flower The book: Laura Dodsworth's Womanhood: the bare reality and the documentary: 100 Vaginas If you want to find out more about FGM and how you can help or receive support, below is a list of resources mentioned in the episode: The Vavengers: a UK-based charity led by FGM survivors, that bring communities together using the arts to speak what is often unspeakable and transform singular experiences into shared action. John Lyon's Charity: this is the charity Hoda works with. The Orchid Project: an NGO catalysing the global movement to end female genital cutting. The Dahlia Project: a clinic that provides psychological support to women affected by FGM founded by Dr Leyla Hussein OBE. The Magool Foundation: a charity founded by Dr Leyla Hussein OBE to promote the rights and well being of girls and women especially those who have experienced or are at risk from female genital mutilation (FGM) Aissa Edon's TED talk Hoda's interview for Ealing Council 28TooMany: a registered charity established in 2010 by Dr. Ann-Marie Wilson to undertake research and provide knowledge and tools to those working to end FGM. If you enjoy the podcast, don't forget to subscribe, share and review. Follow us on Twitter @toughlovepc or on Instagram @missleonardis  

This Bonus Episode is an origin story of sorts. In it I reflect on my personal trauma, why I started the podcast and why it's called Tough Love (Spoiler Alert: it's because of my favourite teacher). Tough Love is taking a short break and will be back on the 3rd September with more inspiring stories.   Follow us on Twitter @toughlovepc or on Instagram @missleonardis

After a normal pregnancy but a difficult birth, Susannah's baby, Arthur, passed away just three days after being born. For a pregnant woman, this is the worst case scenario.   So, what does it take to move beyond the engulfing grief? Is it even possible to do?   In this episode we talk about the importance of having a community, why after something like this happens you'll never look at statistics quite in the same way, and about the big difference made by telling people exactly what you need.   The book: L.M. Montgomery's Anne's House of Dreams and Andrew Solomon's Far from the Tree   Follow Susannah on Twitter @serhamilton.   If you're going or you've gone through a similar experience to Susannah's and you're looking for support and information on what to do, here are some organisations that can help: Leo's Neonatal Sands Tommy's Mind Thrive: Gardening for Mental Health   If you enjoy the podcast, don't forget to subscribe, share and review.   Follow us on Twitter @toughlovepc or on Instagram @missleonardis

How do you recover physically from a stroke that left you unable to blink or swallow, let alone speak or walk? How do you move past the anger, the resentment, and the fear you've become a burden to the people you love?   At the age of twenty-four, occupational therapist Emma was a keen traveller and an avid runner. When surgery to remove a malformation in her brain went wrong, the subsequent stroke robbed Emma of life as she knew it.   Fifteen years later, Emma has come a long way in her physical and emotional rehabilitation. She now lives with her dog, Gilbert, and in addition to her job as an occupational therapist she gives inspirational talks about her experience.   The book: Emma Gee's Reinventing Emma   Find more about Emma on her website and follow her on Twitter @egee1 and on Facebook EmmaGeecom   If you enjoy the podcast, don't forget to subscribe, share and review.   Follow us on Twitter @toughlovepc or on Instagram @missleonardis

How do you begin to recover from an addiction that has plagued you for over twenty years? Lisa started drinking at the age of seven, developed a dependency at eleven and got herself on the way to recovery at thirty-four. Fifteen years later Lisa is now a yoga therapist helping other people in recovery. In this episode, we talk about growing up in East London in the 70s, about arrested development and about how helping others gives her the strength to stay clean and sober.   Follow Lisa on Instagram @horwelllisa or on Facebook thegratefulretreat   The book(s): James Frey's A Million Little Pieces, Anthony Kiedis's Scar Tissue, Johann Hari's Chasing the Scream and Lost Connections.   Check out her retreats in Brittany - France on her website or email her on gratefulyogi@me.com   If you're looking for looking for information on or support with addiction go to: www.ukna.org www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/aa-meetings/find-a-meeting   Don't forget to subscribe, share and review.   Follow us on Twitter @missleonardis

How do you learn to trust yourself again as a mother after the lines between reality and allucination become blurred? And where does one learn how to be a mother? When her son was three months old, Catherine Cho, author of the memoir 'Inferno', experienced a psychotic episode while travelling to visit family. The journey to recovery meant time in hospital and several months on medication.   In this episode we talk about mental health and motherhood, about the mothers that came before us, and about what it took to build a bond with her son.   Buy Catherine's book Inferno and follow Catherine on Twitter @catkcho   The book: Laura Ingalls Wilder's Little House in the Big Woods (Little House on the Prairie book 1)   If you're looking for information or support for Postpartum Psychosis go to https://www.app-network.org/   Don't forget to subscribe, share and review.   Follow us on Twitter @toughlovepc or on Instagram @missleonardis

How many times can you pick yourself up after life strikes you down? Where do you find the strength to escape religious fundamentalism? In this episode I talk to Canadian human rights activist Yasmine Mohammed about being married off to a member of Al Qaeda, re-learning to be free and surviving the betrayal of those who are supposed to protect you. Yasmine Mohammed is the author of Unveiled: How Western Liberals Empower Radical Islam and founder of Free Hearts Free Minds  an organization that provides psychological support for freethinkers living within Muslim majority countries where the state-sanctioned punishment for leaving Islam is death. ​ Find more about Yasmine on her website and follow her on Twitter @yasmohammedxx   The book: Sam Harris' The End of Faith   Here's the clip of Sam Harris, Bill Maher and Ben Affleck: https://youtu.be/vln9D81eO60   If you're curious about Ayaan Hirsi Ali, read her book Infidel: My Life or watch her interview at Pepperdine University

How does it feel to see the country you love devastated by a socialist regime? And what does it take to take the painful decision to leave friends and family behind to make your fortune elsewhere? In this unusual episode, I put the world to rights with Venezuelan musician Baldo Verdú who left Caracas for London in 2013 to escape the violence, the poverty and the criminality fueled by Chavez's and Maduro's government.   If you want to find out more about the situation in Venezuela, check out https://www.caracaschronicles.com/   The books: The Latin Americans: Their Love-hate Relationship with the United States by Carlos J. Rangel and Chinese Stories by Andres Oppenheimer    Follow Baldo on Instagram @BaldoVerdu and if you're interested in finding out more about his music search for Baldo Verdú on all music platforms.

The relationship with our body is a fraught one for men and women the world over. But anorexia goes beyond that. So how do you fight an illness that infiltrates your brain to override your most basic survival instinct? In this episode I talk to Yara Zgheib, author of The Girls at 17 Swann Street and we discuss anorexia, the obsession with perfection and how it was the love she felt for her family that finally pulled her through. Connect with Yara' on her blog, Aristotle at Afternoon Tea The book: Rainer Maria Rilke's Letter to a Young Poet https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/

In 2013 Zephyr's first husband, a touring musician and relapsed addict, died leaving her with two young daughters.   In this episode we talk about illness, addiction, and how she manages her grief and anger without allowing them to overwhelm her and define her.   Zephyr is a yoga teacher, a doula, a podcast and she also works with recovering addicts. Find more about Zephyr at zephyryoga.com where you can also find her podcast 'Zephyr Yoga Inspiration', and follow her on Twitter @zephyrpranayoga and on Instagram @zephyrwildman   The book: It's Ok That You're Not Ok by Megan Devine   Other resources: Alanon & Alateen UK  Alcoholics Anonymous  Narcotics Anonymous 

Despite its high incidence, divorce is still considered one of the most stressful experiences the average person can go through. London-based literary agent, Jemima Forrester talks about the breakdown of her marriage and how when the worst happens family and friends are what will pull you through. Follow Jemima on Twitter @JemimaForrester or on Instagram @JemimaForrester The book: Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed

For a woman or a couple trying to conceive, medical infertility is the worst case scenario. How do you come to terms with the loss of something you never had? In this episode, I'll talk to Katy Lindemann about the tyranny of hope, the healing power of dark humour and why sometimes hell really is other, well-meaning, people.   Katy Lindemann is a writer and patient advocate, in addition to her day job as a digital strategist.  Following multiple rounds of IVF and two miscarriages, in 2017 she was told her body would never be able to sustain a pregnancy. She now writes about infertility and pregnancy loss and advocates for better understanding of the patient perspective of fertility issues.  You can find Katy at uberbarrens.clubtwit and follow her on Twitter @uberbarrensclub and @katylindemann and on Instagram @uberbarrensclub The book she mentioned is It's Ok that You're Not Ok by Megan Devine

Welcome to the Tough Love Podcast. Have you ever wondered how, after tragedy hits, some people are able to move forward and thrive? In each episode of Tough Love, I'll interview a guest who has been through a traumatic experience such as medical infertility, divorce, abuse, the loss of a spouse, addiction, anorexia, a cancer diagnosis, a prison sentence. I will listen to their story and ask questions. I'll concentrate on the strategies and the daily habits they implemented that helped them rebuild their life and move beyond trauma. Tough Love celebrates human resilience, the amazing strength people display every day to live through what life has put in their path and move forward with courage and integrity.