Undercooked Analysis

Part 3 of Poe Standards has an upset: some things in the tier list got moved around, and now there's an additional story for Allen and David to read! Poe tries his hand at writing a more esoteric fable, and our hosts try to discern what in the world is going on in this narrative of demon headpats, a man on a rock and hippopotami.Story by Edgar Allen Poe, first published in 1838. Read along here.

Part 2 sees a strangely philosophical side of Paul's storytelling as Ascott Keane pursues his nemesis into the land of the dead, meets his deceased father, and battles Doctor Satan in a sphere of damned souls. But has the continuity been restored? Does Girse show up? And who exactly is the “dictator of Texas?” David, Allen and Abysmii aim to find out!Story by Paul Ernst, first published in Weird Tales, March 1936.

David, Allen and Abysmii hesitantly return to the tales of Paul Ernst after being left chilled by the previous entry. Thankfully, it seems Doctor Satan is up to his old tricks of weird crime, with a plan involving speaking to the dead via a peculiar “antidote.” Will Ascott Keane have to follow suit? Why is he keeping a tiny corpse in his pocket? And is the new best character one that the hosts create almost by accident?Story by Paul Ernst, first published in Weird Tales, March 1936.

The gang try their hands at another weird little TTRPG, this time about a wayward cab ride through the cosmos. Join driver Albert the Grey (Papreeka) and passengers Gretchicus Secundus (Abysmii), Lars (Kaela) and T3K3 (David) as they attempt to achieve their own conflicting goals while navigating through shifting interstellar hazards (and learning the rules), from gooey egg clouds to space cats.Game by gothHoblin. Get it for yourself here.

Part 2 of Poe Standards - the newest UCA segment that might only last 4 episodes - sees Allen and David reading what begins as an essay but continues into a cautionary tale about intrusive thoughts, self-destructive tendencies, and murdering people with candles.Story by Edgar Allen Poe, first published in 1845. Read along here.

Horror as a whole owes a lot to Poe, but as proven time and again, even masters of the craft have their apparent duds. Allen submits to David the first of four F-Tier Poe narratives (based on some rando's opinion), which apparently contains an allegory as two drunken sailors have a completely bewildering encounter in a plague-quarantined part of London.Story by Edgar Allen Poe, first published in 1835. Read along here.

David, Allen and Abysmii invite special guest Brad to an initiation: a fresh pair of eyes on the some of shortstory1's most recent work. Will a new perspective bring new insights into these unusual stories?Read along with us:1. “I clean up crime scenes while naked”2. “The special toilet paper”3. “My intelligence and emotional intelligence will now be off balanced”4. “All men must wear a burqa”5. “To move to the next day we must all do something disgusting”

Just when David, Allen and Abysmii were getting comfortable with this series, Paul throws a curve ball of seeming incompetence when the story forgets a certain character died in a prior chapter; meanwhile Ascott and Beatrice play dress-up to survive, and the main showdown turns into a anti-climactic Pokemon battle.Story by Paul Ernst, first published in Weird Tales, January 1936.

With a new year of mounting dread upon most everyone's heads, David, Allen and Abysmii decide to ease into it with the ever-comforting Luciferian antics of Doctor Satan. This time, he's getting into the insurance business is a fittingly weird way, and is once again using fire as the catalyst for his plot. How many fat businessmen will Ascott Keane sacrifice in the pursuit of his greatest foe? How many people will be added to the Faint Counter? And how in the world is Doctor Satan still unknown to the elite class that he's targeting?Story by Paul Ernst, first published in Weird Tales, January 1936.

Content Warning: reference to suicideUCA is officially 10 years old, and to belatedly acknowledge this, Kaela has a special Christmas gift for David: Holiday-adjacent pulp from Weird Tales, written by the author of The Phantom of the Opera. The duo that started it will have contend with sailors, street fairs and the notion that Baby Jesus might actually be the one delivering gifts on Christmas Eve.Story by Gaston Leroux, first published in Weird Tales, December 1930.

That absolute madman Allen Chaney has David and Kaela with him to be witness to a daring stunt that is sure to freak minds. Will he survive?“this story could kill allen” (aka, “The leak from the upstairs flat”) was submitted by Julia Grane.

The line between Rorshack Rorsharn and Julia Grane blurs further as David lets Abysmii pick the two stories they will read, one from each pseudonym. And, like in the past, their horizons are broadened as they read way too much into the jank narratives, bringing the episode to a surprisingly poignant conclusion.“the skibidi man” was submitted by Rorshack Rorshan; “lift your problems” was submitted by Julia Grane.

After paying their respects to our runners-up with some brief thoughts and analysis, David, Allen and Abysmii reveal the campy, colorful and comical 1st-place winner of our New Pulp Writing Challenge. A sincere parody of the genre's most over-the-top material, we (re)join Cannon Washington as he stoically challenges the Uber-Kremlin's dastardly schemes in: Justice for All! Part 17: Man Waits for No Time.Story submitted by Daniel Scamell.

The 2nd-place winner of the New Pulp Writing Challenge is another cosmic nightmare, but this time witnessed through the disjointed epistolary of a mad(?) professor. David, Allen and Abysmii try to put the pieces together and revel in the elegent use of ambiguity in the unknown.Story submitted by ClericofMadness.Check out The Fog Report of Queen Mary's Dark Harbor here.

After some careful consideration, David, Allen and Abysmii begin the process of revealing and discussing the winners of our New Pulp Writing Challenge. And this 3rd-place entry is an eldritch nightmare that evokes an alien city and an exacerbated game of cat-and-mouse with the story's namesake fiendish entity. But what does this creature want with our protagonist? And why does this story bring up a tangent about Animorphs? (Spoilers: because the hosts are dumb)Story submitted by A. S. Evans.

Atomic scrambling has left Abysmii a living skeleton, so David, Kaela and Allen will have to finish their analysis of Doctor Satan's current cruel scheme. With Ascott Keane closing in, will the diabolical villain be able to follow through with his plan? Or will the power of his mysterious ray see both of them cut down to size (pun intended)?Story by Paul Ernst, first published in Weird Tales, October 1935.

Have David and Allen been hoodwinked? Is this a sign of a narrative trend? A mysterious writer submits five very short stories that bear the uncanny hallmarks of shortstory1 and Rorshack Rorshan, and leaves them scratching their heads as they try to figure out what is going on.All stories submitted by Julia Grane.

Doctor Satan brings his weird crimes to Tinseltown, much to David, Allen and Abysmii's mirth. Can it be that, despite the horror it evokes, this latest scheme to pry cash from wealthy studio moguls doesn't involve direct murder? And how much good has the birdlike Ascott Keane actually done when he has consistently failed to stop his nemesis? No bones about it, this might be the goofiest entry in the series so far! Story by Paul Ernst, first published in Weird Tales, October 1935.

Phantom furniture poses a problem in this odd account from the 1920s. David, Kaela and Abysmii present another weird pulp tale of unintended comedy and unintended(?) sexual tension, all wrapped around one man's attempt to get an anniversary gift for his wife and how it goes wrong (and on a rampage).Story by Elliot O'Donnell, published in Weird Tales, February 1928.Be sure to check out our New Pulp Revival Writing Challenge here!

David and Matt are in for a shock as they join Kaela, Allen and Abysmii for the explosive finale of the second Doctor Satan tale. As Ascott Keane learns the truth of his adversary's latest scheme, prepare to be jolted by the reveal of Bostiff's backstory, a staggering amount of innuendo, and the electric clock's purpose becoming the dumbest plot point Paul Ernst has conceived so far.Story by Paul Ernst, first published in Weird Tales, September 1935.Be sure to check out our New Pulp Revival Writing Challenge here!

Attempting something new for this show, David, Kaela and special guest Nick Jewell gather in-person to play a storytelling game, powered by the English Eerie RPG system. Working in tandem, they craft the tale of Prof. Roderick Skeffington as he attempts to learn the haunting truth behind rumors of a beast on the moor.System by Scott Malthouse and Trollish Delver Games. Get the game here.Be sure to check out our New Pulp Revival Writing Challenge here!

The actual second story in the Doctor Satan series is unveiled as Kaela, Allen and Abysmii clue in to the newest scheme of the world's weirdest criminal. Ascott Keane disguises himself as a tree to film people, a man's last words have something to do with shaving, and an electric clock (or lack thereof) is somehow a giveaway for Doctor Satan's dastardly plot. Will Keane ever get over himself enough to have another round with his equally-extra rival?Story by Paul Ernst, first published in Weird Tales, September 1935.

The Year of Pulp continues as David, Kaela and Abysmii take a crack at a story in the public domain from a young Ray Bradbury. We get a vision of a optimistic future that never happened, and discuss the sad lack of hopeful sci-fi these days and the fears of the time possibly channeled through the story's lens.First published in Planet Stories, Fall 1947. Read it on Project Gutenberg here.Creative Horror asks our listeners to check out Operation Olive Branch to see how to aid in humanitarian efforts in Palestine.New Pulp Writing Challenge

David and Kaela touch base with Kylie Keen of Animal Fact Files and spring a Rorshack Rorshan trap on their unsuspecting guest! But surprises await, even for those well-versed in the unique and head-scratching style of these stories, and by reading this one the hosts might have just doomed the planet Earth!Be sure to check out our New Pulp Revival Writing Challenge here!

Doctor Satan presents the Creative Horror Network's New Pulp Writing Contest! Indulge in the tales of yesteryear with our newest creative writing challenge and try your hand at the new pulp fiction renaissance.For official contest rules, click here.

We're dragging out the Dregs 53 years before the Great War to discuss Fallout's transition to television (though it seems radiation has caused some glitches near the end). David, Kaela, Allen and Abysmii have a lot on their minds as they delve deep into the lore and, as longtime series fans, talk about the show's connections to it and debate where it might go in the 2nd season. Spoilers abound, so brace yourselves!

Bite-sized unease from a suburban setting. David, Kaela and Abysmii hop over the white picket fence and into ClericofMadness' garage sale, managing to scrounge up the funds for a pair of stories. Also, Craig rebels.“Cherry Red: Liberation” and Suburban Terrors” were both written by ClericofMadness.

The rip-roaring conclusion to this recent adventure sees Doctor Satan delving into the art of necromancy on top of his static electricity research, Ascott Keane stoically neglect to name his scientist friend, and David, Allen and Abysmii keep at the nonsense jokes that basically write themselves.Story by Paul Ernst, first published in Weird Tales, November 1935.

Though we accidentally begin the fourth Doctor Satan story instead of the second, it does little to throw David, Allen and Abysmii off of the tropes that have already been established. The (good) doctor seems to be targeting fancy car manufacturers, but what does this next diabolical scheme entail? Is Doctor Satan actually the real inventor of the flux capacitor? And will Ascott Keane drag his long self out to confront his nemesis once again?Story by Paul Ernst, first published in Weird Tales, November 1935.

An interlude before we likely advance to more pulp wackiness, David, Kaela and Abysmii look at a sobering story inspired by a prompt - a story about loss, memory, and the dead rising from the sea.Story submitted by Unft4HumnConsumption.

The thrilling conclusion of the first Doctor Satan story finds our erstwhile hero, Ascott Keane, meeting his arch-nemesis face-to-mask. David, Kaela, Allen and Abysmii are joined by Mastt Holley this time as they explore such uncanny powers as magical trash cans, blind noclipping through the city, and T-posing to call on the power of God and anime.Story by Paul Ernst, first published in Weird Tales, August 1935.

A pulp-infused saga unfolds as Abysmii shares a public domain discovery with David, Kaela and Allen. Straight form the pages of Weird Tales, the gang are introduced to the baffling crimes of the eponymous Devil-themed ne'er-do-well, and meet his arch-nemesis, the logical longboy Ascott Keane. Who will win? Who will lose? How many women will faint over the course of these stories? UCA is on the case!Story by Paul Ernst, first published in Weird Tales, August 1935.

Nearly two weeks after Christmas and, timely as ever, David, Allen and Abysmii are opening their last gift from the Holiday season. If you've ever been unnerved by a certain plastic elf that is supposedly always watching for the big man up north, this one's for you.Story submitted by Jay Connett.

David and Kaela finally bring things full-circle (if a bit late) to talk about the Five Nights at Freddy's movie, while special guest Ash is there to enlighten them to the weird and extensive lore of the greater franchise. How does the film hold up for the layperson compared to the fans of the series? And how in the world has this dangerous pizza chain managed to persist so long?

Can we not go even three episodes before returning to the existential exercise that is reading a Rorshack Rorshan story? Apparently not, because David, Kaela, Abysmii and Papreeka are all together in person to read one featuring the dreaded Reality Man.Story submitted by Rorshack Rorshan.

David and Kaela talk to Kylie and Eli of Animal Fact Files about some of the planet's strangest animals, and what features of those creatures might inspire horror in the right context (though nothing will ever top the deadly Flyon).Pre-order Mind-Blowing Facts About the Planet's Strangest Animals by Kylie Keen here!

Halloween is fast approaching, and David, Kaela and Benjamin have a perfectly seasonal story to share. Get ready to have some tricks treated and some chains rattled with the tale of an All Hallows' ritual with good intentions and horrific consequences.Story submitted by Knadire. Read along here.

David, Kaela, Allen and Seid celebrate Allen's birthday and the beginning of spooky month with a story about a house, a dog, and several books that are not actually there. There's drinking involved (for our readers, not in the story) and dice get rolled. Also, news about Midnight Marinara's future."Story submitted by ClericofMadness. Read along here.

David, Allen and Abysmii will never in their lives be prepared for the twists and turns of these oddball stories. Also in this episode: anecdotes about Japan, Einstein jumpscares and a real reminder of the show's credo.Story submitted by Rorshack Rorshan.

The beloved segment returns! David and Allen receive five stories from the mysterious Rue and proceed to do very little effective proper critique while accidentally creating yet another UCA meme character in the process.All stories submitted by Rue.

One last Liminal Real Estate claim (for the time being) as David, Kaela and Abysmii try in vain to cross a bridge that may or may-not lead to a mystical sandwich kingdom. Also, a revelation about the nature of beer takes place.Story submitted by HyperThermal. Read along here.

The Liminal Real Estate agents of David, Kaela and Abysmii list a nice little number discovered during a livestream by a man who might possibly be a grandpa that played Tomagatchi.Story submitted by ClericofMadness. Read along here.

A short story penned for a Liminal Spaces writing challenge ends up prompting some surprisingly deep and serious discussion from David, Allen and Abysmii.Story submitted by Knadire. Read along here.

David and Kaela read a short and punchy little number conceptually inspired by a They Might Be Giants song.Story submitted by Max.

David and Allen check out the Frozen Goat Cave and things get a more than a tad cryptic.Story submitted by A.C. Silva. Read along here.

A four-podcast mashup! The creators of Darkly Lit, Undercooked Analysis, The Jaymeson Tapes and Coffee & Pie all gather in one place to have some goofy discussions! Follow along as these weirdos tangent back and forth with some quality(?) conversation.

The Darkly Lit Trio make a quick return to the Foundation to fulfill a request for Seid, and end up finding a deep dive into a multiversal conundrum in the process.All entries read can be found on the SCP Foundation website: http://www.scp-wiki.net/SCP-230 - “The Gayest Man Alive” was archived by Sc0tch.SCP-2614 - “Sometimes I Go Out In Pity For Myself” was archived by bbaztek.

Oh good golly gosh, it looks like things are going a little kooky over there with our friends David, Allen and Abysmii, donchaknow. Maybe they got in a little too deep with this haunted doll story, but it probably has more to do with them getting into the mindset of a new character that may just have some meme staying power, oh yes she does!Story submitted by neosaiyanangel. Read along here.

After nearly three years, David, Kaela and Allen grab a few from the Hennessy Vending Machine (SCP-294 that still needs repair) and read an account of an IKEA that goes on forever, the source of inspiration for the last two major episodes of Lord Bung's “Confinement.” Also, David revives and old gag because why not? All entries read can be found on the SCP Foundation website: http://www.scp-wiki.net/SCP-3008 - “A Perfectly Normal, Regular Old IKEA” was archived by Mortos.

In a surprise early episode, your usual hosts do their usual thing.Story by Rorshack Rorshan.

David and long-suffering inter-dimensional traveler Ben Paddon (Jump Leads) will bug bomb their way through this Cleric story that has way too many legs and even more tangents. Arachnophobes beware: this episode contains a lot of daddy longlegs!Story by ClericofMadness. Read along here.