Wikishuffle

It has taken us three years but we're back with a final whimper. Do follow @jookstew on instagram and @chriswallace123 and @pesharman on Twitter to keep up to date with us. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

We were away for a bit. Soz. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

What do you think of when you think of Canada? Maple Syrup? Poutine? Hit TV show Due South starring Paul Haggis, who looks like what happens if you cross Brendan Fraser and the guy that played Hercules in the one that was like Xena, but not Xena. How about terrible driving? Turns out Canada has been spending a lot of time looking for its worst driver, 7 whole times in fact. Joining us once again in our third chair, is resident cool kid Ruth Bradley. Who skateboarded her way from her loft apartment where all the other cool dudes are. She helps us understand what is going on in the World Wide Web when there are viruses kicking about. We end this week talking about the origin story of Christian pirate Ron ‘Patch’ Hamilton and how he swashbuckled his way into the hearts of children everywhere with tunes about Jesus. Before stepping off the plank into their nightmares with his eye hole. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

With Jack gone forever so begins our Saved by the Bell: The New Class years, or that bit in Buffy when she wasn’t at school anymore and had to deal with a whole host of new problems. We expect to gather up some new hip cool listeners, yet retain our original core of Wikishufflers, casting aside any die hard Jack fans, who I’m sure will go on to watch his spin off. Like Joey. In our substitute teacher chair and making her spectacular return is friend of the show Ruth Bradley, testing her Potato snack knowledge against our very own resident Potato Man. Thanks to Mark Winter for contributing, what appears to be a life long ambition of his. We have found the YouTube video, Mark. After a quick trip to Baker Street for a catch up with that Cumberbatchian autistic dope fiend violinist and his best friend / closetted love interest, we go on to look at some unsettling holes. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

After a long delay, the Wikishuffle crew is back to normally scheduled broadcasting. Expect us every second week with our spin off show Goodnight Sweetcast filling in the gaps. This week we examine the correlation between the attractiveness of shoppers and their supermarket of choice, in a completely fair and not at all unreasonable segment we call 'Peeking in a Farmfoods'. We also learn that Phil holds himself in the top tier of Supermarket Naturists, let us know if you would feel comfortable with a nude Wizard in your local Tesco Express. Answers on a postcard. In the Shuffles we uncover the GREATEST DECEPTION since Dan Brown found out about the Da Vinci Code and Tom Hanks had to stop Gandalf from finding the old cup. Jesus was a right old sneaky sneak. Apparently, there is also a big vault where they keep all the nuts in case everything turns rubbish, which is becoming ever more likely. Don't worry though, we know roughly where they keep them. Finally, we bid a tearful farewell to Jack as he goes... See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Wasn't it lovely of the Queen to send us a telegram for our 100th episode, which is definitely something that happened and we certainly didn't just doctor an old lady's 100th birthday telegram, because that would probably be treason. And this bumper 100th episode special has been a long time in the making. Not just in the fact that we had to release a prior 99 podcasts to make this happen, but because this episode has - for indeterminate reasons - taken us well over two months to edit and release. Was it worth the wait? Well we'll let you be the judge of that, but you do get a whole six Wikipedia articles for your money, covering the entire gamut of Wikishuffle nonsense. There's some tragedy, some wrestling, some classic pop big hitters and a modicum of BDSM to keep you interested. We even went to the trouble of hiring a local brass band to play us out. Here's to the next 100 episodes. Sincerest thanks if you've joined us on the journey so far. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

The British monarchy pushes Chris's buttons, a coquettish woodpigeon pushes Jack's buttons and Philip is too busy pushing listener's buttons to have time for any of his own. It's the last ever double-digit episode of Wikishuffle, and we're spending the whole episode talking about young girls. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

We recorded this episode bloody ages ago, so our cutting edge references to the deaths of King Bhumibol Adulyadej of Thailand and Jean 'Hilda Ogden' Alexander have probably already been forgotten. Especially since this is 2016, or the Year of 1,000 Corpses as I prefer to call it. In this week's episode Chris offers up some expert sex education guidance for parents, Jack watches the football (because he is Alpha af), we play the penultimate round of our special run-up-to-episode-100 quiz, and we talk toys. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

We're fast becoming the Wikishuffle Mental Health Hour. Please bear in mind that we're not psychologists and our prognosis of everything being fine and normal and generally attributable to the mugging ennui of twenty-first century existence is not backed up by any medical qualification. Elsewhere, Philip confesses to a new hobby while Jack confesses to the (only slightly worse) crime of infanticide. Happy shuffling! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

You'd be forgiven for thinking that we're a bit bum-obsessed at Wikishuffle HQ, but that simply isn't true. We just go wherever the random article button takes us. And it just so happens to pique our interest whenever anything derriere-ery comes our way. Or maybe it's just fate. Apparently fate also really likes having us talk about large scale disasters and the consequential loss of life - as is befitting for a comedy podcast. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Most podcasts don't transition from whimsy to cheese to chess to frank discussions about mental health. But then Wikishuffle isn't most podcasts. In fact, statistics will tell you that Wikishuffle is actually less than 10% of podcasts. Look it up if you don't believe me. And, what's more, you can hear the story of how Chris got his legs waxed (he claims for charity, but I suspect a fair amount of sexual gratification amongst his motives). See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Remember Chrisville from Episode 66? Sure you do - it's the island Chris is planning to build and govern. Since undoubtedly all Wikishuffle listeners will absolutely definitely be emigrating there as soon as humanly possible, you'd better listen to this week's episode to bone up on a few more of the rules of the land. And then there's a bona fide actual warning that if you're a sensitive sort, you might want to give this week's second article a miss. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Things aren't nearly as jovial as this week's cover photo might suggest, as we take a look at the political abyss that the western world appears to be getting sucked into in 2016. If only Thomas the Tank Engine were here to make everything feel better. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

"It's a hypothetical situation about spider being on your penis. Just go with it." Can you believe we've made it all the way to episode 92 before bringing up the hypothetical situation about a spider being on your penis and just going with it? Me neither. In the intro to this week's episode we out another British celebrity for being a creepy old sex pest man, and in the outro - despite our intervention two weeks ago - Jack is back to doing a load of gross foot stuff. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

It's an episode where we read out lists of what things are called in different countries. That sounds like fun, right? Specifically, a beloved character and a niche sport. Want to know what beloved character and which niche sport? Well then you'll have to listen. Or look at the show notes at wikishuffle.co.uk if the suspense is too much for you. We're also plugging our new spin-off podcast Goodnight Sweetcast, that you should definitely listen to, irrespective of your interest in 1990's time-travel-and-bigamy sitcom Goodnight Sweetheart. On top of that, we make another appeal for you to send us a postcard from your shitty town: Wikishuffle HQ, 1B Headlands, Kettering NN15 7ER. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

We've had just about all we can stand from Jack, so we're holding an intervention. It's for his own benefit, you understand. So that we're not forced to murder him during a recording session when things get out of hand. Prior to that it's an educational episode: Film studies, Home Economics and PE are the lessons of the day. Oh, and we lather up a hypothetical Tina from S Club 7, but not in a creepy way. Okay, in a bit of a creepy way. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Given that episode 19, way back in July 2015 was called Got Blood, it seems inevitable that episode 159 will be called iot blood. And taken to its natural conclusion, you can expect to be listening to our final installment - Zot Blood - some time in the summer of 2036*. This week we have plagues, nuclear war, Skrillex and Paw Patrol. I like it when I get to type sentences that have, with near-absolute certainty, never been typed before. *I worked this out with a spreadsheet. My figures are sound. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Sticking closely to our remit, there's barely any Wikipedia and absolutely zero shuffling in this week's episode. Most of our time instead is spent admiring Jack's newly acquired status of Fruit Ninja. There's a Papa John's update to, so do feel free to tweet @papajohnsuk, and be sure to use #dustpizza. Ah, the power of Social Media. It's like our very own little Tahrir Square moment, seizing back the power from our doughy overlords. Thanks to listener Gabriella from Jerusalem for suggesting this week's article. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Evolution gets a helping hand from the deranged mind of Christopher Wallace this week - a man whose idea of self-improvement skews somewhat unconventional. When not accusing a deceased Guinness World Record holder of being a liar, or critiquing the physiological nuances of rodents, Phil finds time to offer a damning review of a piss-poor pizza papa. #pizzagate #dustpizza See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Wikipedia barely gets a look in this week, as we dedicate episode 86 to Corby hero Malcolm 'the Fish Man' Viales, try to decide whether Jack is smarter than a pig and stick it hard to the fascists of Kettering Borough Council. Why not tell us about the local celebrities from your shitty town? You can email podcast@wikishuffle.co.uk, get in touch via Twitter @wikishufflepod, or look us up on Facebook. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Our founding father and resident Snorlax has returned after a six week hiatus trekking wild Pokemon in the depths of Northamptonshire. To celebrate Jack's renewal of hosting duties and hopefully cash in on the maelstrom of Pokemongo that's ravaging the known universe, we let him chat about his new-found hobby. Other than that, we very nearly make it to the end of an article in New Zealand without making a Peter Jackson reference, Phil recounts toiletry abuse and we correct an assertion from last week's podcast, trashing the good name of a BBC broadcaster in the process. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

In her sixth and final outing on Wikishuffle (for now, at least), Ruth Bradley spends most of the episode making crude hand signals, willfully unaware of the limitations of audio podcasting. Phil regails us with some actual first hand (and not very flattering) experience of our first random article subject, before we all set about hitting you with our laser beams, much to the chagrin of 80's BBC Radio One presenter Mike Read. Jack will return next week. Do try and contain your excitement. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Second outing for Amy Walker to pick some more Wikipedia articles for us to take a look at. Two articles of European history this week. We examine some evidence that suggests 93% of all Russian men are called Yuri, and ponder the question of what to do when you've got more Parisian nannas than you have loft space. Ruth sits in for Jack once again, and devises the new crime-fighting duo Ballyhoo & Cockwobbler™. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

There's about three minutes in the middle of this week's episode where we're not speaking about bums, but even then we make the phrase 'visa bungle' sound vaguely bummish. So we're talking cod science, Olympians and IOOPP (incidental out-of-place poops). A special big thank you to Chris (and his thigh gap) for posing for this week's cover photo. I see a bright future ahead for him. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Thanks to Amy Walker for being our special guest article selector this week. You can find her writing at http://trans--scribe.blogspot.co.uk/. The first article she brings along is intended specifically as an insult to Phil (so kind), but backfires on poor Ruth and Chris. And then, as we've come to expect with guest selections, we aim for the soft target of conspiracy theory crackpots. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

In which we attempt to dupe the gold diggers and hamburgers of the internet into a yachting adventure with Paul Hollywood, explain how you can buy a camel and let Chris record the outro. No Jack again this week, so Ruth Bradley's sitting in again, helping us to give the hacking victims of Ashley Madison precisely the level of sympathy that they deserve. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

No Jack this week, but don't let that worry you (I know, you weren't), as we've got Ruth Bradley instead. Having Ruth visit at Wikishuffle HQ certainly hasn't made us raise the tone any. In fact, it's just a matter of time before the conversation inevitably descends to looking up pictures of poop on the internet. And our first article is surprisingly handy for helping you survive the neofascist landscape of post-brexit Britain (sorry, European listeners - we still love you, even if our countrymen can't be trusted to act in their continent's best interest). See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Other potential titles for this episode included, but were not limited to: - The Emotionless Tattoo - Swiping Right on a Klansman - LARPing in a Pret - Marvin Lee Aday Keeps the Doctor Away That last one was obviously the best, but it was too long to fit in the show graphic. Them's the breaks. It's another emergency episode this week, but fear not, none of us are dead or trapped in a sink hole, we've just been too busy attending podcast awards and watching the football to record this week. Normal service will resume in seven days. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Sure, you might be semi-interested in some ancient Indian religious relics, or the fact that this is our most Jeff Goldblum-centric episode to date, but what you really want to hear is the announcement of our new spin-off podcast. You, and everyone you know. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Just a few days left to vote for Wikishuffle for the 2016 New Media Europe Best Podcast 2016 award. We'd be proper grateful for your support. Head over to wikishuffle.co.uk to find out how to vote. This week (after Chris finally turns up), we analyse some disco lyrics, mourn the death of some Victorian Miners (with or without a memorial) and find little to no sympathy in our hearts for Johnny Depp. Plus! Hear about how Jack once sexually assaulted a nun. High jinx all round. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Have you ever posed yourself the question "I wonder what fictitious couple Jack would choose for a hypothetical threesome"? Well, ponder no more. Plus, have a listen to our hot take on the backlash for the new Ghostbusters film (spoiler - all men are terrible). As we press the random article button on Wikipedia and do some chat on whatsoever there so ensues. Thanks to everyone who voted for us in the 2016 UK Podcasters awards - we're very pleased to announce that we've made the shortlist for Best UK Podcast. Thanks to everyone who took the time to vote for us. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

There's been an emergency! Not quite the Wikishuffle crew-member death that we were preparing for when we recorded this emergency episode back in February, but an emergency nonetheless. They (Northamptonshire County Council) are resurfacing the road outside Wikishuffle HQ, and it turns out that's quite a noisy activity. Too noisy for recording podcasts over, anyway. So we've had to resort to our backup plan and dust off our emergency episode. Which is about exploration and the inevitable cannibalism that ensues. Normal service will resume next week. At least I hope so, because we haven't got any more emergency episodes in the bank. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Stacey from her eponymous pop culture parlour podcast is back for our second special guest episode for May. We've dialled down the smut this time around, and we're talking things nautical and anime. Don't forget that Stacey will be holding her 24-hour podcast marathon later in the summer and you can pledge your support at justgiving.com/spcplive2 in aid of the Alzheimer's Society. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

We're not bitter. Honest, we're not. The Guardian explicitly told us they were going to feature Wikishuffle in their podcast feature and they didn't. That's fine. We understand. And we definitely didn't take it personally. In other news, please acknowledge us where the Guardian so ardently refused by voting for Wikishuffle in the New Media Europe podcast awards: https://www.facebook.com/events/438299223042307/permalink/474661112739451/ See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

While we may have used the odd sweary word in the past, this is the first Wikishuffle episode where I feel the need to issue a specific warning for adult content. You see, this is what happens when we allow a West Midlander to breach the sacred divide that is the M6. She brings with her a whole host of smut, that we innocent and virginal East Midlanders are contractually obliged to then talk about. Stacey Taylor (from out of off of Stacey's Pop Culture Parlour podcast) has an endurance event she'd like to bring our attention to. And to welcome her to the studio, Chris has been getting creative. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Leicester City have won the Premier League - hear it here last. Despite Jack's obvious giddiness we try and knuckle down to some Wikishuffling and let the random article button plot our path for us. Sumatra and Texas are this week's destinations. Why not join us? See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

It's episode 69. Please try not to snigger, that would be infantile. We've accidentally Wikishuffled our way into a racism special, which is nice. Some from the 30's (when nobody knew any better), some from the 21st century (when people definitely should know better - we're looking at you, Urban Outfitters). Stick around til the end of the episode for a little bit of improvised radio theatre. Like what Mike Leigh might make. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Two episodes in two days? It's a Wikishuffle personal best (or worst, depending on your point of view). In this week's episode, we're calling out Scientologists, and are definitely the only media outlet ever to have done so [citation needed]. Other than that, you can hear our take on pooltime fun, and stick around to the end for Chris and Phil's review of Stewart Lee's ATP festival. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Time for the second half of this month's guest episodes, and we're swingin' on the flippity flop with Keith Clark once again. It's quite clear to everyone who his favourite member of the Wikishuffle team is. Chris is lavished with gifts, and his opinions on animals with jobs are given altogether too much of a platform. Clever animals to one side, 90's America provides the inspiration for the other articles Keith has selected. Don't be a lamestain - get yourself bound and hagged ready for this week's bonus Wikishuffle. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

We side with Bill Gates over Steve Jobs, ponder what the Sweaty Girl Look of the nineteen sixties might have involved and clarify for the record that Jack is NOT the alter-ego of rambunctious superhero Fashion Man. Then we're heading towards international waters, and there's some planning afoot. Well, it's coming from Chris, so I use the word planning in the loosest possible sense. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

The first of our April special guest episodes, and joining us at Wikishuffle HQ is Scroobius Pip super-fan, cross stitcher extraordinaire, canaleer and all-round good egg Keith Clark. It takes us a while to get onto any actual Wikipedia articles because Keith is too busy embarrassing Jack and showering Chris with gifts. But we've got a real humdinger for you. Eventually. (Phil has a cold, so apologies for the Lemsip smell and tissues everywhere). See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

We are one! 12-months of Wikishuffle firmly under our belts, and nobody can take that away from us. And how better to celebrate this momentous occasion than with a sincere apology for a past digression. We're very sorry for lying to you, it was not our intent to deceive. PLUS! Some in-studio ballet. Some boot-scootin' country music and Jack treats us all to another dramatic reading reading. Dig in and knuckle down - it's time for Wikishuffle episode 64. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Lara Croft: She's just a single busty archaeologist living alone in a musty old mansion with only her crusty old butler for company. So why does her walk-in freezer need to be stocked with THAT MUCH MEAT? PLUS! Find out more about your hosts as we discover Jack's thirst for voyeurism and Chris's staunch belief in the sanctity of the three-act structure. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

What's the difference between a bison and a buffalo? You can't wash your hands in a buffalo. At least that's the way the joke goes, although I do feel like Leonardo Dicaprio wouldn't mind scooping one out and having a shot. There are lots of buffalo in this week's podcast. Lot and lots. When we're done with them, we offer some advice to teenage boys, in honour of Caitlin Moran. Plus, stick around for the outro and find out why Phil is a never-prospering cheat, and that Chris is in love and what he intends to do about it. Clue: It mainly involves Little Mix. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

This episode (spoiler alert) has Zayn Malik over it. Jack and Chris's adoration for One Direction appears to know no bounds, whilst Phil is in need of a little education on the subject. That, and any pop culture events that have taken place in the 21st century. But don't worry, he's on much safer ground as the conversation moves on to crisps*. *Crisps, for our American listeners, are potato chips. While chips are french fries. Any other necessary potato-terms will be explained in due course during the podcast. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Here's our second bonus episode of the month, with Owen Hughes from failedcritics.com returning for some more Wikipedia-based fun. There's a young Jack Nicholson, an old Boris Karloff, some troublesome Georgians and an over-zealous marketing campaign. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

One man's banger is another man's not banger. The gang's intellectual expertise is called into question. But don't worry, we more than make up for it with a combination of turtle facts and turtle ungrounded speculation. You can follow our Instagram or Facebook accounts to check up on our daily shuffles, for more of this sort of nonsense. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Friend of the show Owen Hughes from failedcritics.com has brought along some articles for us to take a look at. We perve over Superman actor Christopher Reeves, get sidetracked by crisps, bang on about the Oxford comma "like a bunch of nerds", get a bit Fritzelly and have Chris explain his plans for fattening up Girls Aloud. A day late because of technical issues; there'll be another part to this bonus out next Friday. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Say hello to Chris's legacy - Jo O'Meara the turtle. Marvel at the lack of administrative duties that appear to be undertaken over at General Hospital, and brace yourself for some rather xenophobic views about the citizens of mother Russia. It's only bloody episode 57 of Wikishuffle. And you're going to want a Spotify playlist link, aren't you? Well here, have four. Jack's Tracks: https://open.spotify.com/user/jackstewart/playlist/0xHVCZyZtHCuz6zWEokLGK Chris's Choices: https://open.spotify.com/user/jackstewart/playlist/2plDAOGTqXvd4RJl9ZmZz2 Phil's Jams: https://open.spotify.com/user/jackstewart/playlist/7ckKwWf5PvTN2BYrTYtA18 Wikishuffle Highlights: https://open.spotify.com/user/jackstewart/playlist/2vLHXIikXQWaau9UECcU1I See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Phil Collins must be very proud to be the first person to get two different Wikishuffle cover photos. It's like being on the front cover of Vogue, only way more prestigious. This week we marvel at Bono as Saviour, TLC as bangersmiths and the people of South Africa who, bless their cotton socks, think they've come up with an original idea. If you're looking for our Spotify playlist here, don't worry, it's imminent. Follow us on Twitter or Facebook for the deets. Feeding BritCaster.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

A sad John Prescott. A naughty Oscar Pistorious. A smug Ian Duncan Smith and a Chocolaty Anthea Turner. Episode 55 is scandalous in more ways than one, and you get to find out a bit about the gang's pre-teen romances. Everything your heart desires. So long as you're willing to pay for it. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.