Coming Forward

Indigenous-related articles and podcasts mentioned: Missing-and-Murdered-Indigenous-Women-and-Girls-Report Wósdéé Podcast, Navajo Nation All My Relations Podcast Returning to the Rez on Apple Podcasts Trauma and suicide in Indigenous people, Centre for Suicide Prevention -- Themes/Mentioned Terminology: Complex Trauma Complex PTSD Trauma within an Indigenous Community Disrupting Racist Comments and Stereotypes Colonization and Decolonization Native Therapist Dissociation Triggers Denial Language As always, additional resources regarding abuse (local, hotlines, national): https://www.ascanyc.org/resources - Donations (thank you!): http://paypal.me/comingforward

Topics and themes discussed: having the strength to seek help, taking responsibility, self pity, negative thinking, low self esteem, unable to love self, the importance of support groups, learning to cope, goal setting. -- Thank you to this courageous presenter. Commending you for creating your own topics outside of ASCA and my suggestions. Thank you for making this episode truly your own. Thank you sharing your process. Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability in speaking about bullying, addiction and suicide. In awe of your courage - you are an inspiration. Thank you for pointing out the importance of self-love, presence and support. I hope you are proud. -- Resources: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: Call 1-800-273-8255 (Available 24 hours everyday) Online chat: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/ -- Affordable, sliding-scale therapy options in Brooklyn and Manhattan: Brooklyn: Brooklyn Center for Psychotherapy & New Directions, The Jewish Board, Kings County Hospital Center (and public hospitals in general) Manhattan: Institute of Contemporary Psychotherapy (ICP), National Institute for the Psychotherapies Know of any other sliding scales and/or free resources to share? Please write in and we'll post (comingforwardnyc@gmail.com) Support groups: Adult Survivors of Child Abuse (ASCA): https://www.ascanyc.org/ Crystal Meth Anonymous (CMA): https://crystalmeth.org/index.php Alcoholics Anonymous (AA): https://www.aa.org/ Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA): https://saa-recovery.org/ Also Mentioned in this Episode: NYC LGBT Center: https://gaycenter.org Other: StopBullying.gov provides information from various government agencies on bullying, cyberbullying, prevention and response.

I hope this opens the door for many more LGBTQ episodes to come for the month of June and beyond. Thank you to this guest for bring your family photo, for sharing poetry, for sharing your story and for simply being you. Honoring this guest and making this experience their own. You shine so bright. -- High level mentions: Workplace discrimination Destigmatizing therapy Importance of LGBTQ inclusive therapists Poem shared: Blank Page, within Limitless book of poems by Danna Faulds New York Insight OUT Refuge: LGBTQI Sangha (4th Wednesday of each month | 6:30-8:30pm) -- **Support and resources from NAMI (more within articles): The American Psychological Association (APA) provides countless educational and support resources on a range of LGBTQ topics The Association for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender Issues in Counseling delivers educational and support resources for LGBTQ individuals, as well as promoting competency on LGBTQ issues for counseling professionals The Association of Gay and Lesbian Psychiatrists offers numerous resources for LGBT individuals experiencing mental health conditions and psychiatric professionals with LGBT clients The National Center for Transgender Equality offers resources for transgender individuals, including information on the right to access health care The Trevor Project is a support network for LGBTQ youth providing crisis intervention and suicide prevention, including a 24-hour text line (Text “START” to 678678) - The LGBT National Help Center offers confidential peer support connections for LGBT youth, adults and seniors including phone, text and online chat The Gay and Lesbian Medical Association's Provider Directory is a search tool that can locate a LGBTQ-inclusive health care provider ALL mentioned above here: https://www.nami.org/Find-Support/LGBTQ -- Articles mentioned and more: Trauma-Informed Care: Addressing Mental Health Risk Factors (National LGBT Health Education Center) http://www.lgbthealtheducation.org/wp-content/uploads/Trauma-Informed-Care.pdf Trauma and PTSD in LGBTQ Individuals (Trauma Psychology - American Psychological Association) https://www.apatraumadivision.org/files/56.pdf National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) https://www.nami.org/Find-Support/LGBTQ Sexual Assault and the LGBTQ Community (Human Rights Campaign) https://www.hrc.org/resources/sexual-assault-and-the-lgbt-community LGBTQ Youth (National Child Traumatic Stress Network) https://www.nctsn.org/what-is-child-trauma/populations-at-risk/lgbtq-youth Survivors of the Sexual Revolution the Media Will Ignore During Gay Pride Month https://www.dailysignal.com/2019/06/02/survivors-of-the-sexual-revolution-the-news-media-will-ignore-during-gay-pride-month/ Does Maltreatment in Childhood Affect Sexual Orientation in Adulthood? https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3535560/ When Religion Leads to Trauma (The New York Times) https://www.nytimes.com/2019/02/05/well/mind/religion-trauma-lgbt-gay-depression-anxiety.html Sen. Kaine introduces bill to protect LGBT kids from child abuse https://www.washingtonblade.com/2019/04/09/sen-kaine-introduces-bill-to-protect-lgbt-kids-from-child-abuse/ -- Note to self- slow down when reading (: Any other notes, feedback, suggestions, interests, etc. please send.

A refreshing reminder that we meet ourselves exactly where we are right now in our process with self-compassion, love and kindness. Thank you to this courageous presenter for not only telling, but showing your process. In awe of your strength and courage. -- Topic readings: Telling our story and maintaining a relationship with a past perpetrator Link to topics: https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5bb621ac34c4e254dd6315e9/t/5bd78e08f4e1fc0b2cbf8ab8/1540853257345/ReaderCmeeting.pdf Resources: https://www.ascanyc.org/resources -- Mentioned works: - The Incest Diary By Anonymous - https://www.nytimes.com/2017/07/18/books/review-anonymous-incest-diary.html - Autobiography of Carlos Santana - Roxane Gay - http://www.roxanegay.com/

Next topic and/or episode thoughts? I want to hear from you! Thinking about the topic, Money and Finances. Open to other suggestions though! Email is comingforwardnyc@gmail.com -- ASCA materials: https://www.ascanyc.org/partners Resources: https://www.ascanyc.org/resources Book referenced by presenter: Outgrowing the pain together by Eliana Gil EMDR Leading Expert reference: #641 – Reflections on The Cutting Edge of Trauma Therapy with Ricky Greenwald PsyD - https://shrinkrapradio.com/641-reflections-on-the-cutting-edge-of-trauma-therapy-with-ricky-greenwald-psyd/ -- Additional announcements- (will be also stated at the end of the next episode): 1) Thank you to our first $50 donation on meetup! (haven't even asked yet!) Really appreciating this support. Donations will be going to the website development costs, meetup subscription and radio free brooklyn community dues at the moment. 2) Please subscribe, rate, review, share! Also email- reach out- say hello. There are many of you listening, some outside of asca. I would love to get to know the listeners and learn what is working for you all, what isn't working and what you would like to hear more of. -- Topic readings from this episode: 1) The Holidays: A Stress-Filled Time of the Year and 2) Holidays: Lost & Found https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5bb621ac34c4e254dd6315e9/t/5bd78e08f4e1fc0b2cbf8ab8/1540853257345/ReaderCmeeting.pdf

Resources mentioned within this episode: - Talking to Your Kids About Sexual Assault: https://www.rainn.org/articles/talking-your-kids-about-sexual-assault - Viktor E Frankl's book- Man's Search for Meaning -The Body Keeps the Score referenced pages- (If you do not have the book, please email and I can send you the text) Pages 26-27 under the section, Making Sense of the Suffering and Pages 76-78 under the section, Ivan Pavlov and the Instinct of Purpose. -ASCA https://www.ascanyc.org/ (If you are interested in starting an ASCA support group in your area, please email comingforwardnyc@gmail.com) -Fact check on Blackbird play, yes our presenter was correct- it is Jeff Daniels and Michelle Williams -Tiger, Tiger: A Memoir Book by Margaux Fragoso -Dr. Joe Dispenza- https://drjoedispenza.com/pages/about -You Can Heal Your Life- Book by Louise Hay -Additional resources here with hotlines and organizations: https://www.ascanyc.org/resources -- Topic reading: In Viktor E Frankl's classic book Man's Search for Meaning, he describes and reflects on some of his experiences as a prisoner in several Nazi concentration camps during World War II. One of the themes developed throughout his book is the importance of making sense out of senseless suffering and brutality. Frankl reflects that prisoners who were able to introduce meaning into their daily lives, to give meaning to their endless pain and torment fostered an increased capacity to grow as human beings even though they were in a devastating situation of dehumanization. They not only survived within the concentration camps, but also following their liberation they went on to live fulfilling lives free of bitterness and hate. When we were children it was difficult if not impossible to create meaning out of the suffering we endured due to the child abuse inflicted on us. But as adults it is essential for our inner growth and our ability to move-on with our lives to reflect, to give meaning, and to make sense out of the senseless suffering we encountered. This is important since as adults we have choice. We have the freedom to give and to define the meaning of our senseless suffering. The meaning we choose to give to our past child abuse suffering helps to focus and direct our daily lives. The meaning is like one of the pair of eyeglasses we wear to see and interpret our life and the reality around us. Questions 1. What are your thoughts about the meaning of your child abuse, about the meaning of your suffering? 2. How do you make sense out of the senseless suffering and abuse you experienced as a child? Link to all ASCA topics: https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5bb621ac34c4e254dd6315e9/t/5bd78e08f4e1fc0b2cbf8ab8/1540853257345/ReaderCmeeting.pdf

Resources: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255) Available 24 hours everyday Additional mental health resources: https://www.ascanyc.org/resources -- Referenced in this episode: - Writer, professor, editor, and commentator, Roxane Gay - specifically her book, Hunger (http://www.roxanegay.com/hunger/) - Research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work, Brené Brown (https://brenebrown.com/) Brené Brown Ted talks here: https://www.ted.com/speakers/brene_brown -- Self-Sabotage Topic reading- please find here with other topics and it is also pasted below: https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5bb621ac34c4e254dd6315e9/t/5bd78e08f4e1fc0b2cbf8ab8/1540853257345/ReaderCmeeting.pdf Where low self-esteem is the primary feeling of most adult survivors, self-sabotage is the corresponding behavior pattern. Self-sabotage is any kind of conscious or unconscious behavior that undermines our successful functioning in the world. Self-sabotage may range from buying a "lemon" of a used car, to losing one's checkbook, to becoming involved with an alcoholic partner, to engaging in life-threatening activities. We may allow ourselves to be exploited by a boss or engage in physically harmful or potentially dangerous activities such as cutting or unsafe sex. Typically, one's pattern of self-sabotage is closely related to one's personal issues and family history. If we grew up in an addictive family, our self-sabotage may be driving under the influence. If we grew up in a violent family we may tend to get ourselves beaten or injured, physically or emotionally. We might find ourselves losing money, getting swindled or having poor money management skills. Self-sabotage is often linked to our instinct to become re-victimized in a way that continues or replicates the past abuse. Sometimes the self-sabotage is not directed against ourselves, but rather against someone we love. Reversing self-sabotage begins with building awareness of everything we do in our daily existence that sacrifices our happiness, satisfaction and productivity

"As we begin to re-experience a visceral reconnection with the needs of our bodies, there is a brand new capacity to warmly love the self. We experience a new quality of authenticity in our caring, which redirects our attention to our health, our diets, our energy, our time management. This enhanced care for the self arises spontaneously and naturally, not as a response to a "should." We are able to experience an immediate and intrinsic pleasure in self-care." -Stephen Cope, Yoga and the Quest for the True Self ^Opening chapter of the referenced book, The Body Keeps the Score (Chapter 16. Learning to Inhabit Your Body: Yoga) -- Tara Brach, Ph.D, psychologist, author and teacher of meditation, emotional healing and spiritual awakening. (Her podcasts are an excellent resource for mindfulness) https://www.tarabrach.com/ -- Self-Soothing Topic Reading: One of the more important skills for us to learn is how to emotionally soothe ourselves. Most of us never learned to self-soothe in childhood because parents who abuse are also often poor at soothing themselves and, consequently, at teaching their children to selfsoothe. However, it is essential to our transformative process that we develop some capacity for self-soothing. We will need these skills as we proceed through the various stages of our recovery. Soothing is what good parents do when their children are upset. It often involves soothing touch that is warm and comforting. It can involve words that are reassuring, empathic and hopeful. It may involve activities that are physically, intellectually or sensorially nourishing, such as taking a walk, reading a favorite book or sharing a special meal. It can also involve daily practices that are spiritually uplifting and inspiring, such as meditation.

Extending a warm and kind thank you to this very special guest. Thank you for making ASCA possible, this podcast possible and so much more. Thank you for being support for so many. Thank you for all that you do behind the scenes. We all deeply appreciate you. -- Please feel free to write in and share feedback. It can be general or related to a specific episode. Please note, if you have something you want discussed related to the next topic (self soothing), we are recording on Tuesday (4/2) evening so please send before then so we can include within the conversation component after the presenters share. -- Reading material below: Perhaps the single most powerful aspect concerning our recovery process, especially during Stage One recovery, is the telling of our story. Our "story" usually includes 1) the circumstances surrounding our abuse, 2) the factual details of the various incidents of abuse, (physical, sexual and/or emotional), 3) the experiences of family and elders responding and/or not responding to the abuse, 4) the effects of the abuse throughout the years, and 5) our struggles and successes with recovery. The importance and the potential positive impact of telling and retelling our story in its many manifestations can never be underestimated. The storytelling process improves our memory of the past and decreases its negative emotional impact on our present lives. It curtails our tendency to minimize and deny what actually happened. Clarifying the abuse effects on our lives, it provides perspective to that which we need to focus in order to continue to move-on with our lives. It diminishes the scariness of the abuse and lessens the fear we have of the people who abused us. Telling our story to whomever has the capacity and willingness to listen, removes the burden of singularly carrying the horrendously heavy load of memories. Telling and retelling our story is a process giving way to freedom from the desolation of the past, to liberation from the chains that hold us back from being the people we desire to be. There are many ways and tools to tell, to express our story. Some include talking to and with others individually and within groups, writing the story as historical fact, composing poetry, drafting a play, choreographing a dance, painting and drawing, creating a video, dictating a series of audio tapes. Some of these avenues of relating our story of abuse include other people and some can be done successfully alone and privately. A combination of expression is probably more helpful than a single expression of telling and retelling our story of abuse and recovery. -- Questions: 1. What has been my experience thus far of telling my story? 2. What have been the benefits to my life and recovery process by telling and retelling my story? 3. Are there other avenues that I might pursue that I have not yet used concerning telling my story to enhance my recovery process?

A courageous long share on the topic of Confronting and Resolving followed up by an informal conversation. Reading material on the topic can be found here: https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5bb621ac34c4e254dd6315e9/t/5bd78e08f4e1fc0b2cbf8ab8/1540853257345/ReaderCmeeting.pdf -- The book referenced in regards to writing a letter is here: Mothers Who Can't Love: A Healing Guide for Daughters Book by Donna Frazier Glynn and Susan Forward -- The Child Welfare referenced website for definitions and other information can be found here: https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/can/ -- And to fact check the origin of gaslighting, our presenter was correct- "The term originates in the systematic psychological manipulation of a victim by her husband in the 1938 stage play Gaslight, known as Angel Street in the United States, and the film adaptations released in 1940 and 1944." (Wikipedia)

You may be feeling very tender and vulnerable after listening, so please be very gentle in all your interactions, especially with yourself. Resources: https://www.ascanyc.org/resources Information on EMDR: https://www.emdr.com/what-is-emdr/ -- Apologies for any outside noise and new york city honking toward the end. We will be moving to a recording studio in the coming weeks. -- After thoughtful review and feedback from episode one, the following disclaimer will be stated moving forward either before or during recordings -- As participants in the room for the recording of the podcast: 1) We will only speak in "I statements" and not "you statements". 2) We are speaking only about our experiences and not about any other asca member or survivor community. 3) We are sharing our own experiences and are not experts on any given topic. 4) We will refrain from any specific names or specifics of other individuals stories. We can say sister, mom, etc. but no names. We are not telling anyone's story but our own. Thank you for your understanding as we work through these initial guidelines in order to keep both asca and the podcast safe for everyone. Separately, the format moving forward will most likely always include the dialogue and informal conversation after a long share as this has received a lot of positive feedback. We will also most likely always have a topic to keep the conversation focused and accessible. Open to any additional feedback and comments- please message or email. Thank you everyone for your support.