Four Guys on a Train

The boys go insane with the world's most famous clown posse in an all new Modern Day Poets!

The boys are a bit late for the holidays, but that won't stop them from relying on artificial intelligence to bail them out and write some stories and quizzes for them!

The boys take part in a sexy quiz with sexy results, though perhaps they learn a little too much about some of the depravity out there, like holy crap you guys some of y'all's kinks are just CRAZY.

The boys are back in town! Literally the same town! That's right, it's the first in-person recording of 4GOAT, which means the only thing you should expect is the unexpected. And also a sci-fi swinging Earotica, but you might have expected that.

The boys give in to Barbie fever with a riveting tale of being yourself.

The boys choose an adventure of their very own… this time with zombies!

The boys break down a classic daddy-daughter dance ditty in an all-new Modern Day Poets.

The gentlemen discuss the ever-changing social media landscape to determine the best way to record their vital thoughts for the benefit of humankind, followed by a magical (and very orange) Earotica, and a choose your own adventure where the choosing… will be deadly. But in a fun way.

The gentlemen relive some of their most memorable summer vacations, discussing all those hotels, motels, inns, and suites that shaped their youth. Then it's time to resurrect a greatly missed segment as The Pitchmen uncover some scandalously sexy undergarments; and it all wraps up with a much-appreciated quiz to reveal just how bitchy these boys can be.

The gentlemen discuss the ins and outs of not going in and out for medical reasons, and are promptly joined by the Dark Lord himself, Lucifer, to solve relationship questions thrown into the ether by Redditors. Branden invents a new game, Lost in Translation, and it's a hit with the other two dorks.

The gentlemen welcome another gentleman aboard the train – the fifth guy himself, Jake! Together they wax poetic about proper water intake, then put on their finest performances in a video game-inspired Earotica, and end the night with another riveting round of Boff, Marry, Kill, where some VERY dark urges come to light…

The gentlemen spend a lot of time giving Brisk Iced Tea free advertising, which is ill-advised considering they already make $0 from this podcast; this leads naturally into cursed nutcrackers, as you would expect. An all-new weeb-tastic Earotica about nothing and a psychological profile round out this Brisk-y romp.

The gentlemen once again surrender their show to the wit and whims of the Writer of Ghosts, finding themselves acting out a potential future for the podcast itself! And then they play Smash or Pass with a bunch of historical figures, you know, it's the third act, whatever.

Who's having technical difficulties? Not THESE four guys! (Three.) An all-new Earotica kicks off a deeply meaningful episode full of forbidden love, leading to a custom quiz to find out who we REALLY are.

Love is in the air! Also, Mustard Cat shows up? The gentlemen ring in St. Patrick's Day with an Aladdin fanfic, them bully each other for fun and profit.

The gentlemen engage in a highly exciting bit of fiendish fun with Ol' Scratch, answering some of YOUR* burning relationship questions, then spend some time sifting through Craig's Best to extract all the comedy nuggets they can find. *Not really your

At long last, a sequel to one of the most heartwarming films ever is announced. The gentlemen gush over this new revelation, then acquaint themselves with their old friend Ghostrighter, and wrap up the night with a Buzzfeed quiz that reveals… something about themselves? We'll go with that.

The gentlemen ring in the new year by tearing apart a classic auld song, in this fresh-faced baby edition of Modern Day Poets.

The gentlemen intend to record a minisode, but too much tomfoolery ensues and they call an audible and just make it a full'un. The holidays are celebrated in the fullness of their glory, with an extra earotic Earotica just for you!

It's a 4GOAT celebration! 50 episodes, can you believe it? We can't. The gentlemen send a strongly worded tweet to Sir Elon of Musk, then choose their own misadventure with a story that rewards bad behavior, and finally partake in a Quizmas – a Christmas quiz, for those of you just joining us – to determine the truth or falsity of various Christmas movie films.

MAGA claims yet another star of Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 - what are we going to do??? The gentlemen don't have a good answer to that question, but they do invite Satan, Prince of Darkness and All That Is Evil, onto the show to answer some questions, and end the night with a rousing game of copulate, wed, or murder! 

It's Halloween! Or shortly thereafter, we guess! Still, it's scary. The gentlemen can't quite put their finger on why James Corden is a thing, a spooky Happy Days Earotica shows that these days truly ARE ours (though their legal ownership is still subject for debate), and a horror movie guessing game goes horrifically… well? For PETE?

The gentlemen ponder a face reveal stream, a la Dream, in the hopes of becoming world famous, and later, they dive azz first into a hip-hopping new installment of Modern Day Poets, in which curse words, McCormick spices, and Amazon Fresh all play an important role.

The gentlemen explore the origins of Big Chungus in a new What Does It All Meme.

The Prince of Darkness does Google's job for it while the gentlemen look on in wonder. 

The gentlemen engage in some earotic behavior with a Stranger Things installment of Earotica.

The gentlemen discuss the trials and tribulations of sharing your High Art with loved ones, then explore the darker side of a public domain favorite with Earotica, and decide, with the help of everyone's friends at Buzzfeed, which foods get the AX.

The gentlemen are back in the saddle with another wild opening of topical imprecision, then decide whether or not to do some purchasing with the Men of Pitch, and finally plan the bougiest of all weddings in order to learn just a little bit more about themselves.

The gentlemen welcome a new special guest (and brother) to the show, in which they break down a classic inspirational 90s jam and create their own 90s sitcom in the hopes of the Buzzfeed gods conferring upon them the most perfect Snackle from QuikTrip®!

The gentlemen learn (with no small amount of shock) that Hootie and the Blowfish had more than one hit, then don their half-shells for a hard-hitting, heroic Earotica featuring everyone's third- and fourth-favorite ninja turtles, and try to decide if it is, in fact, a nice day for a white wedding with their friends from Buzzfeed.

The gentlemen forget they're recording, which creates a cold open of epic proportions, then put on their rose-colored glasses to look back on some beloved fictional properties, mash together some classic segments into a Frankenstein monster of Twitter poetic meme nonsense, and finish the meal off with a thin minty Earotica mini.

Love is in the air! The gentlemen talk about their ideal Valentine's Day, then invite their Beelzebuddy on for some hot & spicy Q&A, Dear Abby-style, and finally, make time for an appointment with Dr. Love to discover how (un)likely their relationships are to last.

Come on baby, tell me what's the word, ah-Wordle! The gentlemen become engrossed in a new online game that makes dumb-dumbs like them feel smart, then resurrect a beloved franchise from our collective childhoods with a brand new Ghostrighter, and finally, don their detective caps to discern the nom de plumes of a range of talented artists too ashamed of the names their mommas gave them.

The gentlemen resolve to better themselves – or something! – in this optimistic minisode.

The gentlemen engage in a candy cane-flavored Earotica in this holiday-tinged minisode.

Questionable purchases and heartfelt Christmas wishes are discussed, Own holiday Adventures are Chosen, and the thin red line between praise and porno is examined in significant and disturbing detail.

The gentlemen discuss the RAMifications of an ASSortment of consensual angelic topics, then steal online intellectual property in a potty-themed Pitchmen, and finally, get in touch with their inner Florida Man.

Your favorite childhood characters' extreme political orientations and bedroom positions are discussed, after which the gentlemen mourn a tragic loss in a WWE-tinged installment of Modern Day Poets, and then end the evening deciphering some terrible movie summaries, for fun and profit.

It may be a couple days late, but get ready for a spooktacular spooktacle of epic spookportions, with special guest host Jake! A discussion of favorite horror movies leads into a terrifying tale of bear terror on Earotica, and then the gentlemen wash all that Halloween candy down with some stupid Buzzfeed.

After a brief vaccine-focused aside (get your vaccinations, people!), the gentlemen dive into the sweet underworld with some Watermelon Sugar, take a spooky ride through a Teen-Rex house of horrors, and end the night with a chat about people far more noteworthy than themselves.

The gentlemen discuss the coolest, hottest, three-year-oldest new slogan making waves in the fashion community, do a little Carpool session of Q&A with the big D, and guess which C-list celebrities think they're worth the most scratch on Cameo.

Is your movie franchise not working properly? You could call IT, but they're only going to tell you to reboot it. The Matrix comes back for more, and the gentlemen delve into the geriatric ranting of a famous rocker who might be off his (rocker, I mean).

Edginess is discussed (or is it “edgingness?”), and the gentlemen show their true Chicago colors with a Twitter Bandits that's just chock full of cholesterol, and finally, at long last, we learn just who among our illustrious hosts ranks the highest on the psycho scale.

Grievances are aired in this episode, with a close-to-home-hitting meme getting a thorough analyzation, followed up with an Earotica crossover fic to satiate the appetites of the most ravenous Steve Carrell fans, and topped off with the generation of, and subsequent telling of, various hard-hitting truths.

The gentlemen return from their summer hiatus with another full episode, wherein milestones are celebrated, hasty Pitchmen purchasing decisions are made and instantly regretted, and Swedish curse words are pitted against trendy furniture in a quiz for the ages.

The boys revisit the vape-infused world of Teen-Rex, with a little help from their friend Ghostrighter. Audio sample “Desperados” by Audiobinger used under the Creative Commons license. (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/4.0/legalcode)

The boys bring another lil nugget of joy in the form of Craig's Best, in which five young men long for a life- (and mind-) altering experience, and a cat person looks to recruit more cat people for a cat thing.

The boys introduce a new segment, What Does It All Meme?, in which a unicycle-riding frog brings joy to a pre-Space Jam: A New Legacy world.

Is plastering the face of Phil Collins all over an office considered vandalism? More like fan-dalism! The gentlemen proffer advice for online daters, turn a toddler's tune into a tale of terror in a new Modern Day Poets, and engage once more with the bowels of BuzzFeed to determine just how awkward they are (turns out, a lot).

Do you want to slam? If so, then welcome to the jam. The gentlemen welcome a new legacy of basketball-themed entertainment, mash together the denizens of a duo of disparate animated properties in Earotica, and spend a little time thinking about what they would rather.

Is something about to bust? Praise God, you bet it is! The gentlemen propose an end to children having Christmas birthdays with a simple suggestion for parents-to-be, bring the Prince of Darkness a quintet of queries from the mouths of babes, and take a sexy quiz to learn whether they are lovers… or fighters (or another thing).