Letters to My Daughter

What makes you happy? Undoubtedly, there would be numerous and varied answers to this question. Aristotle said, “One swallow does not make a summer, neither does one fine day; similarly, one day or brief time of happiness does not make a person entirely happy.” Let’s talk about what it means to be happy.   What you’ll hear in this episode:   After big weekend celebrations for my daughter’s graduation and birthday, I am exhausted! Rest and balance are essential, which is one of the themes of Aristotle’s work, the Nicomachean Ethics, from which the above quote is taken Everyone wants to be happy, but the extremes of life bring much unhappiness Being kind to your body with rest brings happiness Times of insane busy-ness have to be balanced with times of rest It’s OK to plan in times for rest and relaxation Aristotle advocated principles of moderation and balance, not pushing too far in either direction What are the things and who are the people who take your energy from you? (these might be “EGR” people---”extra grace required”) Identify the activities that cost you the most energy each day: “What you give your energy to, you’re giving your life to.” Are you pursuing happiness? (which is not necessarily the same as FUN) This summer, can you allow the time to slow down?  “Live life. Don’t just push through it like a machine.” Resources: Visit my YouTube Channel  

“Everything you need, you already have. You are complete right now. You are a whole, total person, not an apprentice person on the way to someplace else. Your completeness must be understood by you and experienced in your thoughts as your own personal reality.” -Beverly Sills, American soprano   My thoughts today are inspired by the graduation this weekend of my youngest daughter from high school and with her Associate Degree from our local community college. Coincidentally, she also turns 18 this weekend, so there are many milestones to celebrate.    What you’ll hear in this episode:   A story from many years ago about my acting career and Let’s Pretend Circus: we were offered a chance to buy the company for a mere $5000, which we didn’t have. I had forgotten that circumstances had already fallen into place to provide us the money for the down payment. After prayer with my friends at Bible Study, I realized that God had already given us what we needed. I burst through our front door upon arriving home and shouted to my husband, “God wants us to buy a circus!” I had already been given what I needed, because God knew what was coming for me Graduation brings much apprehension, anxiety, and the fear of the unknown of what the future holds Most often, we are afraid of the future because WE want to control the outcome To graduates of high school or college: “You’ve already been given everything you need in advance, because God knows what is coming. Believe in yourself and trust in God. You’ve already been given what you need.”  

Do you have a fear of public speaking? It’s a common fear for many people, even though many others--like me--use a speaking platform constantly in their chosen professions. So why does speaking in front of an audience prompt such immobilizing fear? How can it be overcome? Join me as we approach this topic today.   “It took me quite a long time to develop a voice, and now that I have it, I’m not going to be silent.”--Madeleine Albright   What you’ll hear in this episode:   THE #1 FEAR for most people is the fear of public speaking (even ahead of dying!) The problem with not using your voice is that when you don’t speak up, your opinions, expertise, knowledge, wisdom, compassion, kindness, and curiosity don’t get shared Simply recognizing that using your voice is important doesn’t change the terror that comes with it What can we do? Some people say, “Imagine your audience in their underwear,” or “Look over the tops of their heads.” Some advise to carefully script yourself, to use notes, or memorize your words My advice is to speak from your heart, because your words are intrinsically entwined with your heart. “The exact reason that people are afraid of public speaking is because their heart becomes vulnerable.” This is a risk you have to be willing to take! Look at people and see them as humans who hear and understand what you have to say “Stage fright” comes from a focus on self and a fear that your heart will be wounded The best way to practice public speaking is to practice being vulnerable with your heart You have to have complete confidence that they need to hear what you have to say Value your voice and be vulnerable with your heart, then people will feel your genuine care for them “You have so much to share with the world that people need to hear you.”     Resources: www.elisahayes.com  Check out my “Freebies” tab for great resources!

How is your communication? Do you regularly use the language of inclusion or do you use your words to marginalize certain people? These are important questions to consider, and they can make a huge difference in your relationships and in your business.   Rollo May, an influential 20th century psychologist, said simply and accurately: “Communication leads to community, that is, to understanding, intimacy, and mutual valuing.”   What you’ll hear in this episode:   When you feel marginalized, sidelined, or just not quite included The example of my youngest daughter in dealing with her high school as she finishes up her high school degree AND a two-year college program Her journey has required grit, self-determination, and self-motivation The problem: when she needs to communicate with the high school, she and the other “Running Start” students are not the norm and don’t need the hand-holding that the other students do---so they are marginalized She and the others are spoken to with non-inclusive, condescending language How do we wade through this non-inclusive language that marginalizes women? For example, why use the word “mankind” when we refer to humanity (Doesn’t that marginalize women?) Often, we communicate with a lack of empathy If we take the time to listen and focus on the feelings of the one who is listening, our language will change Why I believe it is the responsibility of the communicator to communicate with the language that you intend and in a way that it can be received correctly How the same thing happens in business and the customer WILL go somewhere that they are seen, heard, and NOT marginalized “If I feel marginalized by someone’s language, then I’m not likely to want to hear more of what they have to say.” What are YOU saying? Is our communication open, welcoming, and inclusive? Can we continue in a dialogue of family and friendship, or is it just the language of commerce and cold, hard cash? Be sure your language is such that includes ALL people! 

How big is your imagination? Do you dare to dream big---or does fear hold you back? Today’s show explores the idea of dreaming big and stepping out to do hard things. Before you go out to change the world, maybe you need to change things in yourself. Let’s talk about it! “Hope lies in dreams, in imagination, and in the courage of those who dare to make dreams into reality.” This quote comes from American medical researcher Jonas Salk, and is the perfect lead-in to this episode.   What you’ll hear in this episode:   For 14 years, my company, Let’s Pretend Entertainment, has had one message: “The power of imagination is the power to change the world.” You can’t change the world until you change yourself Imagine your highest imagination--your biggest dream--Can you picture it? Clarity of vision is important: “We can’t move forward without it, but we can move mountains with it.” Why you must have faith--in yourself, in others, and in something much bigger than you It’s when you have faith that miracles happen When you have faith, the universe conspires on your behalf for extraordinary change and magnificent impact As Chief Daydreamer at my company, it’s my job to lead the charge in dreaming big and making things happen Why are people afraid to dream big? They have no faith Steps up to dreaming big: Believe in yourself and your ability to get sh*t done Go out and do something really hard that pushes you beyond your boundaries After my accident, I had to do the hard things required in my recovery. “I dreamed of a life that wasn’t crippled, even though my body was.” What legacy can you leave in this world that makes it a better place for you and others? John F. Kennedy spoke at Rice University on September 12, 1962 and said: “We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard. That goal will serve to organize and measure the best of our energies and skills, because that challenge is one that we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone, and one in which we intend to win, and the others, too.”   Resources:   www.elisahayes.com  Check out the Freebies section of my website for great resources!

Do you ever feel sorry for yourself? Most of us do at one time or another. We may call it “having a pity party” or self-pity, but it’s something that prompts very different opinions. In today’s show, I’m giving you a little advice about why it’s OK to indulge in self-pity at times.   “Self-pity in its early stage is as snug as a feather mattress; only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable.” --Maya Angelou   What you’ll hear in this episode:   When was the last time you felt sorry for yourself? After all, it’s a natural human response! Sometimes we think that self-pity is bad and wrong in every way Why self-pity is perfectly fine at times If you say you never have self-pity, then you probably aren’t honest or even human “The more you avoid something, the more energy you actually give to it.” Why would you want to give an enormous amount of energy to something you don’t want? Why it’s OK to admit that sometimes things just suck and you just feel sucky Go to the pity party! Show up for the appetizers and then leave Own your self-pity and give yourself a time limit My recent cancer scare and my anger that prompted a “pity party” “Have I not been through enough?” Why it’s OK to enjoy the “featherbed” for a little while and then go back home Feeling guilty about feeling sorry for yourself just makes it worse How to cope: Have a glass of wine---just one! Talk to a trusted friend Howard Schultz said, “In life, you can blame a lot of people and you can wallow in self-pity, or you can pick yourself up and say, ‘Listen, I have to be responsible for myself’.”  

Oscar Wilde said, “Always be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.” That goes along perfectly with our topic for today--authenticity. What does it mean? How do we lead authentic lives? What does it look like when we aren’t authentic? Let’s discuss the idea of authenticity together.   If you heard the show’s intro, then you heard me say that this is a weekly podcast--but that isn’t entirely true. It’s been almost two weeks since the last one, so what’s up? Why have I not been authentic? The answer is that I’ve gotten caught in the trap of wanting everything to be perfect. Have you been there? If you have, then you know that trying to be perfect for everyone else is very time-consuming and energy-consuming. In short, it’s just plain exhausting, so isn’t it better to just be your authentic self?   What you’ll hear in this episode:   The weirdness of talking to a microphone in my office when I’m much more used to a real audience with real faces The point of the podcast is to be real and honest in mentoring women Making yourself fit into what everyone else thinks you should be does NOT make you authentic; it just makes you a good actor “Be true to who you are and know that who you are is enough.” Why I teach mindfulness: because it teaches you to notice the story line going through your head Speaking about leadership challenges me to lead by example, and--after all--isn’t that what mentoring really is? How I imagine the many faces listening to me (and I want to hear back from YOU!) How do we be the best that we can be? We share aspirations and always leave room for growth and own when we fall down One of my favorite memories from my college days What it means to be willing to “take the hit” My challenge to you this week: Be honest, be real, and be willing to take the hit     Resources:   www.elisahays.com   www.youtube.com/elisahays   Find me on Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest

What does it take to be a winner? Do winners ever fail? Failure and struggle are important processes to go through to fully enjoy the beauty of winning. Failure is painful and hurts in many ways; no one likes that feeling of failure, but it’s an important part of life. There is no better example of all that comes with winning and losing than the subject of our show today. “Winning is great, sure, but if you’re really going to do something in life, the secret is learning how to lose. Nobody goes undefeated ALL the time. If you can pick up after a crushing defeat and go on to win again, you are going to be a champion someday.” –Wilma Rudolph Show Highlights: Wilma Rudolph was born in 1940 in Tennessee into a poor black family, the 20th of her father’s 22 children A premature birthweight of only 4.5 lbs. and a childhood filled with illness preceded a bout with polio that took the use of Wilma’s left leg Leg braces, treatments, massages, and help from her large family were Wilma’s life until she pulled the braces off at age 9 and started walking Soon she was playing basketball, running, jumping, and challenging her brothers in sports At age 14, she was noticed by a college track coach, so she started running, soon qualifying for the Olympics in Melbourne in 1956 at age 16 After winning a bronze medal, she went back to college in TN, but fought repeated illnesses because of her drive to always win In 1960, she was the first American woman to win 3 gold medals in a single Olympics in Rome, as she tied and set new world and Olympic records She was an instant celebrity in Europe and America but was intent on making change  She refused to attend a ticker-tape parade in her honor in TN because it was to be segregated, as everything was in the South in the 1960’s She overcame incredible odds and personal failures, and soon retired from amateur athletics and became a teacher, coach, and mother of four She wrote an autobiography and allowed a movie to be made of her life Her greatest accomplishment was the Wilma Rudolph Foundation, a non-profit sports organization Wilma died of brain cancer at age 54 in Nashville in 1994 Resources: Amazing Women in History - http://www.amazingwomeninhistory.com/wilma-rudolph-olympic-gold-medalist-civil-right-pioneer/ Notable Biographies - http://www.notablebiographies.com/Ro-Sc/Rudolph-Wilma.html#ixzz5CEx7iLPu ESPN - https://www.espn.com/sportscentury/features/00016444.html

Who gets to give names to specific celebratory months? Have you ever wondered? For example, April is National Humor Month, National Internship Awareness Month, Inventors’ Month, Jazz Appreciation Month, Cannabis Month, National Alcohol Month, and the list goes on and on. I would like to focus on April as National Financial Literacy Month. Why? Because Tax Day is just around the corner! It’s important to talk to young people about financial literacy. The most valuable thing that young people have on their side is TIME. Just putting away small amounts of money—and starting while you’re still young—will yield amazing results! Show Highlights: Money invested over the long-term will DOUBLE on average every 7 years Diversified mutual funds are best, and it’s essential to get a good financial advisor It doesn’t take a LOT of money—the important thing is to just GET STARTED Delaying by just a few years can make a difference of MILLIONS  Why? Because of the power of compound interest As an illustration, would you rather have $1 million right now OR a penny now that doubles every day for 30 days? At Day 20, you would have $5,242.88 At Day 24, you would have $83,886.08 At Day 26, you would have $335,554.32 At Day 27, you would have $671,088.64 At Day 28, you would have $1,342,177.28 At Day 30, you would have $5,368,709.12 If you invest $100/month from age 20 to age 34, and then no more, you would have invested $16,800, which would grow to $731,822.31 at age 65 If you invest $100/month from age 34 to age 65, you would have only $241,365.32 It’s essential to understand the numbers for financial literacy and get serious about saving money ASAP Find a good financial advisor who helps you invest in a solid portfolio of diversified funds and DON’T watch the market daily. Keep adding to it and watch it over time Albert Einstein said: “Compound interest is the eighth wonder of the world. He who understands it, earns it, and he who doesn’t, pays it. Compound interest is the most powerful force in the universe.” Resources mentioned in the episode: Resources mentioned in the episode: "I'm Gonna Need Ice, with Matt" - https://youtu.be/Mnt-Oah8W6k  https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/221320/old-fashioned-cocktail/ Starting Young – The Miracle of Compound Interest https://www.earlytorise.com/starting-young-the-miracle-of-compound-interest/ If You Still Don’t Believe In The Power Of Compound Interest, You Have To See This https://www.moneyunder30.com/power-of-compound-interest Compound Interest Calculator https://www.investor.gov/additional-resources/free-financial-planning-tools/compound-interest-calculator

Fortitude---do you have it? It’s also known as grit. Why do some people possess this quality and for others it seems so far removed? This is the topic of discussion on today’s show. Let’s find out more!   Antonia Novello, the 14th Surgeon General of the US, said it this way: “I believe that fortitude is key. More than anything, be consistent. Go at it. Go at it. GO AT IT. When you succeed, don’t forget the responsibility of making someone else succeed with you.” She says it well, don’t you think? Let’s explore this topic and what it means for women who mentor and those who need mentoring. It’s safe to say that we all could use a good boost of fortitude in our lives. Join us!    Show Highlights:   What is fortitude? Many have their own opinions of what it is and is not, and we often look at upcoming generations and wonder if they even have fortitude Angela Duckworth’s book, Grit What the Grit Assessment said about me Duckworth defines grit as “passion and perseverance for long-term goals.” Do you agree? The story of my daughter working with me at age 11 at a full adult job for full adult pay---showing her grit What it means to “Do the hard thing” and how that brings maturity Why some people have fortitude and some people don’t Why some people will NEVER have fortitude—because they always play the victim Doing the right thing even when it’s not the thing we want to do Why it’s not popular to take responsibility for yourself and your life How we lead so others can lead too---it’s our responsibility   CITED RESOURCES: Urban Dictionary definition of fortitude - https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Fortitude   Grit by Angela Duckworth   Angela Lee Duckworth’s TED Talk on Grit: http://www.ted.com/talks/angela_lee_duckworth_the_key_to_success_grit#t-3346   The Grit Scale: https://sasupenn.qualtrics.com/SE/?SID=SV_06f6QSOS2pZW9qR   Big Fresno Fair: https://www.fresnofair.com/   FOR FURTHER READING Dr. Duckworth’s research has its detractors: http://www.npr.org/sections/ed/2016/05/25/479172868/angela-duckworth-responds-to-a-new-critique-of-grit   Find me on most social media sites!

When women want to get ahead in the professional world, many will turn to their looks. They have been taught since they were little girls that a tilt of the head and a coy smile will get them what they want. The sad truth is that looks will fade, and many middle aged women will try to play the pretty card unsuccessfully.   We need to be teaching young women the leadership and interpersonal skills that will get them ahead in their careers and then stay there. After all, true beauty comes from self-assurance and presence. Let’s cultivate inner beauty to produce professional women who are both pretty and smart.   More moments in this episode: The tool we should use to get ahead professionally. It’s not looks! Being smart and being pretty are not mutually exclusive. What low self-esteem does to women’s behavior. Women do not have equal representation in the workplace. Practice the leadership skills that will get you ahead professionally in the long term.   Resources https://elisahays.com/freebies/

When I think of the women who taught me the lessons for success, the first one at the top of the list is my own Mom. Mom wouldn’t consider herself a “wild feminist,” but she did do amazing things within male-dominated industries that paved the way for many women to come. Instead of seeing setbacks because of her gender as unfair obstacles, Mom simply worked harder to reach her dreams. In a time when it was weird to educate women just as we do men, Mom pushed to have every opportunity.    Mom’s biggest advice to my daughter, and to daughters everywhere, is to keep challenging yourself. Do the hard thing. There are still industries out there where women are the exception to the rule. We have a place and we have a voice in those industries! Push yourself towards your passion, and life will always be satisfying. I cannot wait for you to hear the story of my incredible mother’s life. She is an inspiration to me and will be an inspiration to daughters everywhere. Thanks for joining us today!    More moments in this episode:  My mom’s love of education was fostered by her own father.  Most women went to college to get a “MRS Degree,” but mom got her degree in Chemistry and Math, and a Masters in Cardiovascular Pharmacology.  Getting and MD was a way for my mother to help people.  Mom didn’t have traditional female role models.  Mom definitely had setbacks due to her gender when applying for medical school.  Keep working and challenging yourself.  The message my mom would send to my daughter.  How to fight back against the 10 year rut.  Advice for young women who are facing setbacks because they are a woman.      Resources For your freebies!  https://elisahays.com/freebies/  

In a show about women mentoring women, it is important to pay tribute to the women who came before us and paved the way to equality. The fight for equal representation in our workplaces and in our society still continues, but I am inspired by the words of Florence Nightingale, “I attribute my success to this - I never gave or took any excuse.” Today, let’s take a leaf out of Florence’s book and stop making excuses and start being the leaders we want to see change the world.    March 8th is International Women’s Day, and the theme for 2018 is “Press for Progress.” I want to take a look together about how you can I can embody the press for progress together. What will it take to see women in corporate leadership roles? What about diversity within those women in leadership? Changes are happening, but they will only stick if we show up! I am excited to continue the conversation with you today in this episode!    More in this episode: Let’s learn some life lessons from Florence Nightingale.  How International Women’s Day came to be.  You run your life!  How progress happens.  The surprise waiting for you in the next episode!    Resources Internationalwomensday.com   Connect with me!  Elisahays.com   

As the great Ruth Bader Ginsberg once said, “My mother told me to be a lady. And for her, that meant to be your own person, be independent.” It’s tough to learn how to be independent and self-assured without some guidance. The role of a mother or a mentor is absolutely important for young women on the rise, so I wanted to create a place for women to teach one another how to be a lady. My name is Elisa Hays, and this podcast is something like a letter to my daughters, and any daughters anywhere.    Today, you will hear not just why I think mentorship is so important, but also why it became very important very quickly. You will get the chance to hear my story about a tragic accident that left me on the doors of death. Even though I had less than 5% of a chance to survive, here I stand today, and I am not going to let that life go to waste! My daughter almost lost her mother and her mentor, so here are the things I would have wanted my daughter to know in my absence. I want to collect all the best wisdom, stories, and tools that women young and old can use on their journey to becoming the lady they were destined to be.    So share this with a sister, a friend, or a young woman in your life who might be in need of some guidance. These are open letters, after all. You might hear just the wisdom you need!    More in this episode:  Why do young women even need a mentor?  My story of the accident that left me an unusual amputee.  How my daughter and I drew closer together after the accident.  My sources of inspiration and insight.  What to expect next!    Connect With Me Online  https://elisahays.com/