Start Right Here: Conversations About What Matters Most

The first thing we’ll say to anyone who has listened to any of our episodes to date is a BIG THANK YOU. We are not going anywhere but we are transitioning to a new focus and format for our weekly podcast. All that comes with our new title: "Emotional Sobriety." Next week’s episode will be a fresh start. Today, Allen, Thom, and Patrick discuss what it means to say goodbye due to change in circumstance, relationship ending, or death. The most essential point we can make is that any attempts to avoid or even deny loss when it is happening in our lives will only serve to slow our progress and often leads to our becoming completely stuck. Though consciously and honestly processing all thoughts and feelings related to loss takes a lot of work, it is only through that processing that we grow. In our final installment of Start Right Here, we observe how moving through loss with honesty and vulnerability can result in significant and often life-enhancing gains. Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below) https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986 We appreciate feedback! Contact us at pndirective4@gmail.com for any questions and comments.

Conversation about how we are challenged in the present to attend to unfinished emotional business continues, with both Allen and Thom giving specific examples (personal and professional) of how this work plays out. Producer, Patrick Newman, asks about actually finishing what is unfinished and if there is a time when it is completed, which takes the conversation in the very important direction of understanding that the goal is not to "finish" but to continue to attend to what we become aware of. The shift in attention is more a matter of process than it is content. The emotionally sober person accepts responsibility for facing and addressing what comes up, but need not feel compelled to search every corner of the psyche what might be unresolved. Once more, a common theme for this podcast emerges: life is to be lived only from the present moment. We are not required to understand everything that has gone on before, nor required to predict the future. Opie disobeys his Pa in order to look good in his friends' eyes and learns a valuable lesson. Pre-Order Allen Berger's new book, "12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety" here: https://4dphd.com/product/12-essential-insights-for-emotional-sobriety/ Listeners could also benefit from this free download from Thom, describing INTRApersonal Change Process: https://3f48999b-b083-4400-97b5-96c49b21a0e7.filesusr.com/ugd/e71801_bcea88c1cdd6458caa10058d8b169463.pdf Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below) https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986 We appreciate feedback! Contact us at podstarthere@gmail.com for any questions or comments.

Allen, Thom and Patrick all share their personal experiences to shed light on the therapeutic work of investigating our past as a way of helping to resolve issues in the present. Emphasis is placed on the importance of understanding that all changes we make happen in the present tense, that we always have choices available to us. Dealing with past in therapy and through support groups is not something we do to completion but instead is the beginning of an expanded redefining of ourselves. Next episode will be a continuation of this discussion with an emphasis on what we can do to bring about practical changes in the present. Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below) https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986 We appreciate feedback! Contact us at podstarthere@gmail.com for any questions or comments.

Allen, Thom and Patrick all share their personal experiences to shed light on the therapeutic work of investigating our past as a way of helping to resolve issues in the present. Emphasis is placed on the importance of understanding that all changes we make happen in the present tense, that we always have choices available to us. Dealing with past in therapy and through support groups is not something we do to completion but instead is the beginning of an expanded redefining of ourselves. Next episode will be a continuation of this discussion with an emphasis on what we can do to bring about practical changes in the present. Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below) https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986 We appreciate feedback! Contact us at podstarthere@gmail.com for any questions or comments.

Allen, Thom & Patrick are joined by two of the participants in the Thursday evening Emotional Sobriety Support Group -- Carol and Craig -- to discuss the importance and the "how-to's" of making good use of a solid support system in recovery. Some of the discussion goes to trusting one's own judgment when there is discomfort in a relationship with a therapist and there is even a short therapy-session that arises in the session that is illuminating. Primarily the emphasis is on each of us accepting full responsibility to create, maintain and make good use of support of other people as we continue to progress in recovery. Andy and Helen go on a date and try to keep Barney from finding out. Any questions, comments or suggestions? Email us at podstarthere@gmail.com Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below) https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986

Allen & Thom do a deep dive this week into their raw formative periods, underlining how the pain and complications of their pasts contributed to the men they are today. They offer insight into their recoveries, as well as intense and humorous anecdotes about their early careers working in mental wards with violent and disturbed patients. We’re off next week for Easter, but we’ll be back on 4/11 with two new guests. Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below) https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986

Allen and Thom deepen their conversation from the previous episode about the actions we can all take to improve our self-esteem, emphasizing that concepts alone change nothing. It is all about putting what we are learning into practice. In the case of self-esteem, we are often limited by the repetition of early familial programming that has become "normal." Once problems are identified, the first step to changing things ironically is to accept what we are discovering. Reference to Thom's first book, Simple Truth, specifically his therapeutic nutshell, "Each day practice accepting exactly who you are and you will never stop changing." Beyond that daily acceptance, introducing some doubt is step 2 -- meaning, becoming able to question/doubt the accuracy and/or completeness of how we have come to define ourselves. Step 3 is introducing imagination with hypothetical question such as songwriter Jana Stanfield does in her song, “If I Were Brave.” The question posed is, "What would I do today if I were brave?" More to follow in this ongoing conversation, but Allen and Thom point out that change always requires our personal involvement and a willingness to take action. To order Thom's book, Simple Truth: https://3f48999b-b083-4400-97b5-96c49b21a0e7.filesusr.com/ugd/e71801_760c2012ceb944ed9a1fe008833deb1b.pdf Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below) https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986

This week we dig into questions of self-esteem, self-respect and self-worth. Unpacking why these are so hard to come by for some people, and discussing the ways that we can cultivate these qualities in ourselves. Next week we continue by considering the practical ways we can GROW our self-esteem. Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below!) https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986

Dr. Nadine Macaluso, psychologist & ex-wife of The infamous Wolf of Wall Street, joins the conversation. She shares some of her personal story - from experiencing trauma to specializing in treating trauma but the focus remains on the importance of reaching out to find the right kind of help whenever help is needed. Don’t wait for the shame to subside or for a glimpse beyond feelings of discouragement or even hopelessness. These professional people-helpers talk about the importance of pushing past perfectionism & self-condemnation to get the help we all need. To learn more about Dr. Macaluso, visit- https://www.nadinemacaluso.com/ https://www.instagram.com/drnadinemacaluso And to contact Allen & Thom, email us at podstarthere@gmail.com with any questions or comments. NEXT WEEK: The conversation moves to understanding more about what it means to have and hold onto self-esteem.

Allen, Thom and Patrick continue their conversation from last episode, making the point that “anybody can have a good day on a good day,” but it really is how we respond and handle ourselves when things don’t go our way that reveals character. Discussion leads to the idea that integrity, not personal satisfaction or happiness is the emphasis in the pursuit of emotional sobriety. Allen announces that he and Thom, along with co-author, Vince Hyman, are currently writing a book called Emotional Sobriety: One Day at a Time and Allen reads one of Thom’s recent contributions (about integrity) to the book. Andy and Barney take the girls out on the town. Next week, we are joined by Dr. Nadine Macaluso to discuss dealing with trauma and PTSD. Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below) https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986

Allen, Thom and Patrick share some of their responses to the recent Senate impeachment trial of the former president, including a celebration of the excellent job done by the House Impeachment Managers and disappointment in 43 Republicans senators voting to acquit in spite of the evidence. Realizing that they had accidentally stumbled into their topic for the episode, they continue with examples of how we can respond to disappointments and even devastation by experiencing the loss but not letting that loss stop us from taking appropriate and positive action to keep moving forward. One lens they look through is that of writers dealing with anxiety and rejection on the way towards publication. NEXT WEEK: We’ll continue exploring constructive ways to respond when life gives us lemons. Gomer changes a light bulb (; Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below) https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986

Allen, Thom and Patrick share some of their responses to the recent Senate impeachment trial of the former president, including a celebration of the excellent job done by the House Impeachment Managers and disappointment in 43 Republicans senators voting to acquit in spite of the evidence. Realizing that they had accidentally stumbled into their topic for the episode, they continue with examples of how we can respond to disappointments and even devastation by experiencing the loss but not letting that loss stop us from taking appropriate and positive action to keep moving forward. One lens they look through is that of writers dealing with anxiety and rejection on the way towards publication. NEXT WEEK: We’ll continue exploring constructive ways to respond when life gives us lemons. Gomer changes a light bulb (; Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below) https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986

Dr. Michael McGee returns this week for an episode more focused on our fractured politics - how they’re expressed in our warring political parties, and how they affect our personal relationships. We try to recognize the ways in which our current political moment is damaged and dysfunctional. We acknowledge that finding common ground or “points of agreement” is necessary for conversations across the spectrum to be productive. Before we begin to mend the individual, communal, national and global fractures, we must first begin the discourse in good faith. Learn more about Thom Rutledge by reading his e-book, available at the following link: https://3f48999b-b083-4400-97b5-96c49b21a0e7.filesusr.com/ugd/e71801_3441394cc7a6472ca88c8e2e46a157d8.pdf Learn more about Dr. McGee at his website: https://drmichaelmcgee.com/ And join Allen and Thom at our Thursday night Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below) https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986 We encourage feedback so please email us anytime at podstarthere@gmail.com for any questions or comments!

Psychiatrist Dr. Michael McGee joins the conversation, talking first about his approach to prescribing medication to his patients. Dr. McGee says that his true passion is for doing psychotherapy but he is clearly extremely knowledgeable about psychotropic medications as well. He calls himself a “reluctant prescriber,” saying that he only prescribes medication when it is truly needed and that often the disturbances brought to therapy can be resolved without medication. Dr. McGee takes us through what he calls his “3 A’s of Awakening to Love”: Attending, Appreciating, and Acting. Allen, Thom and Dr. McGee share with each other experiences from their practices, emphasizing that so much of the work of therapy is not about attending to pathology or even bringing about change, as it is guiding clients to discover more about themselves. Dr. McGee discusses the importance of his work with people leading to the “falling away of judgment” so that we can look directly, closely and deeply into what he calls our “love-wound,” where healing occurs when we are able to approach ourselves with loving kindness. Learn more about Dr. McGee at his website: https://drmichaelmcgee.com/ And join Allen, Thom, and Michael at our Thursday night Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below) https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986 NEXT WEEK: Dr. McGee will join the podcast again next episode to talk with Allen, Thom & Patrick in our continuing efforts to understand how we might contribute to healing our severely divided nation.

Allen, Thom and Patrick continue the conversation about how we can contribute to the national healing while a global pandemic still rages, in the aftermath of political corruption and insurrection, at the outset of a new administration with an uncertain future. Characterizing our political culture as based not on wisdom but competition, the discussion is about how we might educate the public that the same tenets of communication frequently addressed in therapy can be beneficial to improving our political discourse. Specifically, the importance of learning to “convey rather than to convince,” and communicating through “dialogue, not debate." Allen calls for conjoining the conversations surrounding politics and psychology to better serve both. We also observe the value of the recently-held memorial service in Washington DC for the thousands of Americans whose lives were tragically lost to COVID-19.

Therapist and author Dr. John Amodeo joins us in conversation about the attack on the Capitol and how we might be able to contribute to healing. Much of the episode is framed by an excerpt from John’s new article in Psychology Today: “Psychological Causes of the Attack on Our Capitol.” Highlights include how communication can become less contentious if we can work toward a paradigm shift, away from all/none and either/or thinking toward communication that is characterized by “conversations to convey rather than conversations to convince.” The American Psychological Association has published "Beyond Your Bubble", to provide guidance for us to improve how we communicate politically. We will continue exploring these themes in future episodes. Read John’s article “Psychological Causes of the Attack on Our Capitol” here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/intimacy-path-toward-spirituality/202101/psychological-causes-the-attack-our-capitol Visit John’s website http://johnamodeo.com/ for more information on John.

The conversation begins this week with Thom discussing his experience with the publication of his book, Embracing Fear - shortly after the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001 - and drawing comparisons to the feelings surrounding this week's attack on the Capitol in Washington, DC. Allen, Thom and Patrick (Podcast Producer) have a multi-faceted and admittedly chaotic conversation congruent with the emotional aftermath of the very frightening events we have all just witnessed. Included in this conversation are elements of how our understanding of human psychology and mental health can help us make some sense of things, how there is an important difference between healthy and neurotic fear and that when we tune into healthy fear, we can find direction for how best to respond, individually, as a community and hopefully as a nation. There is an emphasis throughout the sometimes pin-ball conversation on focusing on how we, as individuals, can work to remain grounded in times of crisis. As with previous podcasts, we’ve decided to continue exploring this topic next week.

Mary Gordon MA, LAADC, ICAADC shares her experiences as Director of The Betty Ford Center family program (among other things) in this discussion with Allen and Thom in the first week of 2021. Mary shares her thoughts on the importance of communication across America’s political divide to heal some of the damage caused by our extreme polarization. Mary describes some of the group experiences with retreats for women she and her colleague, Peggy McGillicuddy (also Mary’s daughter) facilitate as examples of discovering the power of self-respect and how some of these very same experiences might hold keys for a broader, national healing. As 2021 begins, we join with our listeners in grieving what has been lost in 2020 while also expressing gratitude for what has been created. Learn more about Mary Gordon at InnerDirectionRecovery.com Be sure and join us on Zoom, Thursdays at 7:00pm PST for Dr. Berger's workshops on Emotional Sobriety and the 12 Steps. Login information copied below... https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986

In the spirit of Allen’s 12-counts (12 Stupid Things That Mess Up Recovery, 12 Smart Things To Do When the Booze & Drugs are Gone, 12 Hidden Rewards to Making Amends, etc.) and in the spirit of this pandemic-fraught holiday season, Allen presents his list of 12 stupid things to mess up the holidays along with helpful comments from Thom. As with most of their collaborations, even in the fun, there are some more enlightened moments. Thom wraps the episode with his Help for the Holidays, (Don’t Run from Positive Guilt and The Rules of Self-Care Apply to the Holidays Too). NEXT WEEK: Allen & Thom are joined by their friend and colleague, Mary Gordon, to offer their version of 2020: Year In Review. You can download Thom’s "Help for the Holidays" here: https://3f48999b-b083-4400-97b5-96c49b21a0e7.filesusr.com/ugd/e71801_c8f8b44df1814cddbbe64767c7fe296e.pdf?fbclid=IwAR1L3O41V5dnd75c_X0MohLOg5tY4vovikI14IkEosZ4JbBipsAieElsFfo Allen’s 12 Stupid Things that Mess Up the Holidays (and the Corresponding “Cures”) 1) Take this holiday as an opportunity to point out the character defects of your family members, since they will give you ample opportunities to do so. Cure: Keep quiet about their shortcomings, especially when you know you are right. 2) Expecting this year to be different than any other. Cure: Accept that nothing will be different, if you haven’t surrendered your unenforceable rules. 3) Lose yourself in making everyone else happy. Cure: Make yourself as important as others, not more and not less. 4) Swallow whole and uncritically someone else’s notion of what this time of year is supposed to mean. Cure: Personalize your concept of the holidays. 5) Expect others to take better care of you than you do yourself. Cure: Accept personal responsibility for your happiness, comfort, security, safety and serenity. 6) Accept gifts or help that are not given with an open hand. Cure: Only accept those gifts that are offered freely - with an open hand. Ask to be seen and recognized if your partner doesn’t know you. Take responsibility to create the kind of relationship you want. 7) Deny or resist feelings from your past or current situations that surface such as resentments, grief or disappointments. Cure: Embrace whatever emotions or memories surface. View this as an opportunity to complete unfinished business. 8) Keep yourself in a state of perpetual motion. Cure: Hold still and experience your feelings. 9) Expect your family to be different than they are, hoping that things will be different because of this magical time of year. Cure: This is a false hope. Your response needs to be “of course” this is the way they are, and things are - I can learn from all of these experiences. 10) Believing that family problems indicate that something is wrong. Cure: Problems are a natural occurrence in families and indicate that something is right, not wrong. 11) Give “Thank you for nothing darling gifts” and expect gratitude or graciously accept “Thank you for nothing darling gifts.” Cure: See the peop

Robyn Goldberg, CEDRD-S has been working as a nutritionist in a variety of settings for 23 years. She specializes in medical conditions, disordered eating, eating disorders, people in recovery, pre-pregnancy nutrition and Health at Every Size. This episode is clearly an introduction of Robyn to Start Right HERE, as it becomes apparent that Allen, Thom and Robyn have much to talk about. In this episode, you will learn some about her basic philosophy of practice, about her new book, The Eating Disorder Trap and about her thoughts on building the best treatment team for each individual’s care. Look for Robyn to return in future episodes. Learn more about Robyn at her website: https://askaboutfood.com/ And find her on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/robyngoldbergrdn Also check out Austin Baechle, the illustrator for her book “The Eating Disorder Trap” on IG: https://www.instagram.com/agrumpyguy/ Be sure and join us on Zoom, Thursdays at 7:00pm PST for Dr. Berger's workshops on Emotional Sobriety and the 12 Steps. Login information copied below... https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986

Ericha Scott, Ph.D. is Allen’s and Thom’s guest for this episode. Dr. Scott is a Fellow for the International Society of Study of Trauma & Dissociation, a board certified registered art therapist, a registered expressive arts therapy, internationally certified as an advance alcohol and drug counselor and licensed in three states as a psychotherapist. All that and she is a wonderful addition to the Start Right HERE conversation. Dr. Scott offers a fascinating description of Sand Tray Therapy plus many others varieties of expressive arts therapies, along with some very powerful case examples from her own practice. She is a proponent, as are Allen and Thom, of practitioners in the people-helping professions being responsible to do their own person work in order to be authentically present with clients. The hosts and Dr. Scott discover other practice philosophies and methodologies that they have in common. If you have even a passing interest in the use of creative arts in therapy, you will find many good leads in this episode. Dr. Scott can be contacted via phone at (310) 880-9761. Her website and social media links are as follows: www.artspeaksoutloud.org www.linkedin.com/in/ehitchcockscottwww.facebook.com/ErichaScottPhDwww.facebook.com/erichascottwww.twitter.com/ErichaScott www.google.com/+ErichaScottPhDwww.youtube.com/c/ErichaScottPhD Be sure and join us on Zoom, Thursdays at 7:00pm PST for Dr. Berger's workshops on Emotional Sobriety and the 12 Steps. Login information copied below... https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986 Coming Soon: Robyn Goldberg, RDN, CEDRD-S to talk about her new book, The Eati

Allen and Thom welcome Sherry Gaba, LCSW and Author of Love Smacked: How to Stop the Cycle of Relationship Addiction and Codependency to find Everlasting Love and Wake Up Recovery for Codependents to the conversation. Sherry gives a brief and useful history lesson on what codependency is and how our thinking about it has evolved over the years. The three explore the common ground with codependency recovery and emotional sobriety. Sherry emphasizes that codependency is sometimes used in a negative way, but that the essence of her work is helping people to understand how to free themselves from toxic relationships. A lively conversation between 3 veteran mental health professionals who love what they do. We highly recommend Sherry’s new book, Love Smacked! You can learn more about her body of work at the links included below. Love Smacked (Amazon) - https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1628657405/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1628657405&linkCode=as2&tag=sherrygaba-20&linkId=9e8bef1288d85955eaa07076fe0dfb64 Wake Up Recovery for Codependents and Toxic Relationships ($1 trial) - https://wakeuprecovery.com/become-a-member-co1/ Free ebook: The Truth about Codependency - https://wakeuprecovery.com/codependency-quiz/ Emotional Sobriety and the 12 Steps Meeting Join us every Thursday at 7:00pm PST on Zoom. https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986

Allen and Thom pick the conversation up where they left off last week, by clarifying that taking something personally does not mean that we don’t care what another person is saying to us. When learning not to automatically buy into those unenforceable, unconscious, and often erroneous self-imposed rules, we need to distinguish between the rules that help us develop empathy and willingness to change, and those that only add toxicity. Ultimately, learning to not take things personally is about being true to ourselves. We need to be open to influence from others but not let other people’s opinions count more than our own. Both hosts acknowledge that this information must be individualized for it to be most effective. As much as we have in common, we are each still individuals. Be sure and join us on Zoom, Thursdays at 7:00pm PST for Dr. Berger's workshops on Emotional Sobriety and the 12 Steps. Login information copied below... https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986 Next week: Allen and Thom will be joined by Sherry Gaba, LCSW - renowned psychotherapist, life coach, and certified recovery coach.

Dr. Berger opens this week's episode by discussing how he and his family tested positive for COVID-19 despite practicing safety protocols. They are on the mend, but feeling far from well. Both hosts emphasize the importance of listening to what medical experts are telling us all about the holidays: take no unnecessary chances with exposure to the virus. Returning to the topic of not taking things personally, Allen and Thom recognize their usual common ground but also discover some possible differences in how they view and approach this essential topic. One take away from the episode is that even when we have differences, we don’t have to approach those conversations as debate but can be more what Thom calls “conversations to convey rather than to convince.” Next week: More on achieving personal freedom by letting go of expectations and unenforceable rules.

Or...how can we get Uncle Sam into therapy? The topic we had originally planne for today was how to not take things personally, but Allen and Thom put that aside in light of President-Elect Joe Biden’s and VP-Elect Kamala Harris’s speeches the night before this podcast was recorded. In the spirit of “Conversations about What Matters Most,” the conversation in this podcast is about what this nation’s 46th President and his historic Vice President had to say to us and the world about their plan for leadership. Their emphasis is multifaceted as it must be if they are going to address the many top priorities that have been moved out of the current president’s way as he remains singularly focused on holding onto power, in spite of having lost the election. But among those multiple top priorities for Biden and Harris is specifically working to heal the partisan divide that has become so debilitating to our government and to the social and cultural fabric of our nation. Allen and Thom acknowledge that feeling good about a message of healing and putting that message into practice are two different things and that both hosts see a role for mental health professionals if we are to move toward healing. The challenges are enormous, they acknowledge, but the principles of healing are the same as they are in their therapy rooms. The work of patching up a nation that has been split right down the middle is, after all, the work of helping human beings come to terms with emotions, expectations, differing beliefs and values, by way of healthy communication. Aka: THERAPY. Allen and Thom are calling on their colleagues in the field of mental health services to think creatively about how we can all contribute to healing --- starting right here. Next: How can you still care about what other people think but not take their opinions personally?

Allen and Thom welcome their colleague and friend, Dr. John Amodeo, to discuss the problems that arise when we become stuck in blame of others or self and the importance of distinguishing that blame from genuine responsibility. Dr. Amodeo draws on his decades-long experience in clinical practice and from the wisdom of his books (Love & Betrayal, Being Intimate, and Dancing with Fire) to convey practical guidance for his client, readers – and Start Right Here listeners. All three share experiences from clinical practice and their personal lives. Next: Allen and Thom discuss how a natural progression of this conversation is to talk more about relationship conflict resolution, from the most personal to national and even global perspectives.

Allen and Thom focus on resistance to acceptance and quickly discover that resistance may not be the best way to understand our difficulty with accepting uncomfortable and painful things. Re-imagining what we consider resistance as a natural part of the process of getting to acceptance is more useful. And in that way of framing it, there is not an implication that we are doing something wrong. Next week, Allen and Thom will be joined by their first guest: psychotherapist and author, John Amodeo, Ph.D. The three of them explore the essential differences between responsibility and blame. Join us at our weekly Emotional Sobriety Zoom meeting: https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986

Acceptance and agreement are two very different things. Allen and Thom clarify that we are faced with the challenge of acceptance when the only other choice is to remain stuck in distress and a delusional belief that we can control (or should be able to control) far more than we actually do. Both hosts offer examples from their own lives of arriving at impasses that led to acceptance and profound change when they remembered to focus their problem-solving efforts on themselves (taking care of their side of the street) in the here and now. The topic of acceptance will continue in next week's episode!

Allen & Thom have decided to confess. Each host tells stories of mistakes and bloopers from their 40+ year careers. Some heavy, some silly, some just embarrassing. (Thom’s client interrupting him to ask, “Can we talk about me for a minute?”) What comes through once again is how both value being authentic and transparent in their work. The good news, they decide, is that they both seemed to learn some valuable lessons from the missteps of the past. Inexperience preceded experience. Next week: How can we live every day of our lives with acceptance?

The conversation is moving from what we need/want to recover from (INTRApersonal culprits such as self-condemnation, persistent anxiety, perfectionism, addictions, eating disorders, etc) toward how we go about the next phase of this process which involves the recovery of our authentic selves. Allen & Thom discuss personal experiences and share experiences with clients (confidentiality intact) that are instructive in teaching some of the practical basics of maintaining connection to the authentic self in our daily lives. The hosts explore the multiple aspects of the authentic self, emphasizing the importance of discovering and developing parts of ourselves that may be underdeveloped because of family of origin learning. Listeners are encouraged to do some exploring of their own, even suggesting that we might identify or even name the multiple aspects of our authentic selves. Next week: Confessions from 2 radically honest therapists.

The conversation about how to have a healthy relationship with our authentic self continues. Allen and Thom share some personal experiences with trying to change some things about themselves that have not been possible to change and how coming to terms with certain characteristics just being part of who we are is an important part of having a healthy relationship with self. The hosts emphasize that integrity and self-respect are better points of focus than any list of characteristics we might want to change about ourselves. Also, that it is important to remember that personal growth work is always about expansion, not substitution, and that we are actually not expanding ourselves but expanding our self-awareness so that we can become fully responsible for all of who we are, including both what we consider positive and negative aspects of ourselves. Ultimately, it always comes back to each of us being IN CHARGE (as distinguished from “in control”) of how we show up for each day of our lives, in relationship with ourselves and with others.

This week, Thom and Allen discuss the practical ways we can get in touch with the healthier parts of ourselves. Part one of two.

Allen and Thom very specifically define perfectionism, distinguishing it from how it is often misconstrued. An emphasis is placed on how understanding INTRApersonal dynamics is key to making changes that can free us from the curse of perfectionism. NEXT UP: HOW CAN YOU HAVE A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH YOURSELF?

Allen and Thom discuss the origins of perfectionism, from a perspective of our natural need to be loved, to be accepted and to belong, and how, for many of us, it takes on a life of its own as we grow up. Emphasis is on unrealistic expectations that form when normal coping mechanisms are left unchecked and how the curse of perfectionism comes from individual traits as well as cultural and familial background.

We begin this session by fine-tuning the name of our podcast. Start HERE becomes Start Right HERE. We want our listeners to be able to apply what we are discussing to their day-to-day lives. Even the best ideas or the most creative concepts change nothing until they are translated to practice. To “start right here” delivers us to that point of practice, delivers us to “what is next,” specifically, “what do I need to do next?” Starting right here implies movement. It is not STAY right here, after all. Being here, attending to what can be next brings us to choice. Making choices is how we move from here to next, which of course takes us to the next “next.” It is movement, the opposite of being stuck. Developing a practice of moving from one choice to the next choice, remaining focused in the moment leaning toward the next moment, is one very specific way we hold on to our authentic selves. It is a way to remain focused on what we are in charge of, and occupies attention/energy that might otherwise lean too far forward, listening to inner messages of fear or self-criticism. We offer examples of maintaining this focus in relationship communication, emphasizing that without freedom to say no (to reject something presented), we cannot respond with a genuine yes. When each person in a relationship does the work of holding onto their authentic self, the relationship too is authentic. Much more to come about identifying and holding onto our authentic selves. Next week: the dangers of believing that perfection is even an option: How can I avoid the curse of perfectionism?

In this week's episode, Thom and Allen discuss "organismic balance," how we move towards "next," and how we can begin the healing process after enduring hardship.

Multiplicity is the essence of consciousness, not singularity. In parsing our many inner voices, we strive to locate our authentic selves in all the static. In this episode, Allen and Thom frame recovery as a "rescue operation" to retrieve our authentic self from the clutches of our false selves. They describe mental health as a place where our inner disharmony gets worked through to create something new and joyful. They argue that at the end of the day, we don't have to get rid of our dissenting voices to be at peace. We simply need to integrate them more effectively in our daily practices to have a more harmonious experience.

Allen and Thom continue their conversation about mediating our conflicting inner voices. They discuss the practical benefit of assigning names to these voices, developing a process for separating them, and placing some of these strategies in the context of Gestalt therapy.

As we move through life, our minds are host to not just one, but several inner voices - each vying to direct our actions and emotions. We have inner voices that encourage our ambitions, as well as inner voices that aim to sabotage us. In Episode Four, Thom and Allen discuss their personal and professional experiences in navigating these voices. By promoting self awareness and "operationalizing" the internal debate, we can take direction from these competing voices without letting them overwhelm us.

When the inescapable fact that life can be hard challenges our unrealistic expectations or unenforceable rules, we often run into trouble. In the third episode, Thom and Allen explore the fallacy of life being easy, the true meaning of passivity, and the difference between resignation and acceptance.

In the second episode of Start Here, Thom and Allen delve into the unenforceable rules we impose upon ourselves and others, and how taking things personally can often cause things to unravel. They also explore togetherness vs. separateness in relationships, and how separateness being just another dimension of our connection to each other.

Join these two master therapists in the launch of their new podcast Start Here: Conversations About What Matter Most. Thom and Allen have a unique way of looking at life and the problems we all face. They both bring a great sense of humor and a refreshing perspective from their over 4 decades in clinical practice. In their podcasts they will encourage you to discover possibilities and novel solutions to life's many challenges. The subjects they addressed in this inaugural program are the importance of a positive opportunism and spotting personal deception, especially gas lighting.