True Tea w/ Kat Blaque

A few days ago, I found an acquaintance of mine trying to sell AI portraits of popular characters in baby form. His only challenge was plugging in specific descriptions of the images he wanted and  a computer generated images for him to sell and increase his reach. Since seeing that one post, he's made several more and produced more "art" in a shorter period of time than most artists are able to do by hand. The worst part? His images would exist without stealing from living artists. Artists whose signatures are clearly visible through the program shoddily trying to reference the image. Stable Diffusion is amazing technology with a lot of benefits, but it's connected to much darker, more upsetting realities and it's my belief that the debate we have around it is a precursor to slowly but surely removing the human artist as a worker. Automation is helpful in many ways, but what happens to art when it has no soul?Support the show

This month, we're having a conversation about how young is too young to be transgender. It's a rather rhetorical question because obviously anyone at any age can identify or understand themselves as transgender, but when it comes to trans care, there are some rather complicated realities that are often brushed under the rug in this conversation in order to placate to the false concerns of transphobes. In this episode, I speak to several people who transitioned young or debated transitioning young who ultimately realized that transgender care is complicated and made even more so with harsh laws that shallowly push transgender kids in one direction or another. Support the show

With increased antagonism towards transgender children receiving care, I thought it would be a good idea to have an open conversation about the benefits of transitioning young; with a few caveats based on my own experiencing transitioning young. Support the show

In this month's podcast episode, I asked the question: Am I demisexual or do I just have standards? In this call-in show, people who identify as demi and ace speak to me about the difference between these two and the complexities of not exactly experiencing sexual attraction the way many of us do.Support the show

Despite being overtly sex positive, I'm not really a person who jumps into the bed with people and for that reason, some people have suggested that I may be demisexual. For me, this is strange because I think most people tend not to rush into sex, but maybe hook up culture has made that feeling rare enough that it deserves its own sexual designation? In this episode, I speak about demisexuality as a term and how I feel it does and doesn't apply to me. Support the show

We continue our conversation about "pretty privilege", wether it exists and if the concept can be differentiated from other isms. We hear from a white transgender man who experienced "pretty privilege", a South Asian woman who grew up with a thinner, lighter skin sibling who was always treated better than her and a man from Brazil who speaks about Brazil's unique and not so unique view on who exactly gets to be seen as pretty in a predominately mixed country. Support the show

The concept of "pretty privilege" is an interesting one for me. On one hand, I don't doubt it's existence and frankly, I've benefited from it. However, quite frequently. when I unpack what's considered attractive in the United States, it seems hard to differentiate it from other isms like racism, fatphobia and ableism. So I question if it is truly a "privilege" at all, but an embodiment of other isms.Support the show

I hosted a call-in show to discuss the complexities around the Don't Say The Gay bill in Florida and the concept of "grooming".Support the show

With growing antagonism towards queer kids and educators, there's a risk of alienation and, the subsequent grooming that typically happens when queer kids seek out support and find predators instead. 

It seems like we can never discuss transgender people's existence without discussing who they're sexually available to. One of the most popular bits of discourse around this issue is whether or not someone is transphobic for not being sexually or romantically interested in a transgender person. For me, the question is an interesting one as a person who's had several relationships with men I'd describe as deeply transphobic. So in this episode, I discuss the deep nuances of my feeling on the issue and next week we'll open up the floor to people who want to discuss the topic with me. Support the show

As we've been discussing, hypersexuality is a pretty common reaction to sexual violence and it's also pretty commonly misunderstood. In this episode, I ask my audience the question whether or not they would have been receptive to someone trying to call them out for their hypersexuality at the height of it. In this episode, we speak to people of various genders about their experience with hypersexuality and the different ways people in their life tried to address it and some of the responses and commonalities between our stories surprised me. Support the show

In the continued discussions we've been having around hypersexuality, one of the things I mentioned was that I would have appreciated someone stopping me or calling me out for what I was doing. However, the reality is I would have been incredibly defensive to the point where I wouldn't at all respond positively to someone who wasn't a parent trying to stop me when I was in a hypersexual phase. So what exactly can someone do when they see their friend engaging in hypersexual self harm. 

In the podcast last week, I spoke about a comment I got from a New Yorker who said that lesbian bars in NY were so full of trans women that cis women who didn't want to date them were forced to go underground in order to meet with each other. As a straight person, this sounded strange, but anything is possible. So I opened up my lines to Lesbians around the world to discuss this topic of the shutting down of Lesbian bars, but ultimately, New York's lesbian scene came through with full force to discuss whether or not there truly is an epidemic of trans women overrunning and ultimately shutting down lesbian bars. Support the show

Transphobia and dating are subjects that come up pretty frequently and one of the most intense debates is about whether or not lesbians are transphobic for not wanting to sleep with trans women. I dont personally think so, but im fairly used to women pursuing me romantically. If we listened to this discourse, we'd believe that never happened but I often find myself rejecting cis women despite how these conversations tend to suggest that women who are attracted to women arent attracted to trans women. So i figured we would have a conversation about this. 

In this episode of the call-in, we speak to a few people of various genders and they give their perspective on gendered pricing structures at events. We speak to a trans man who once enjoyed getting freebees for being seen as a woman, a post op trans woman about her own experiences and two cis women about their own experiences in these practices in both vanilla and kink settings. Support the show

From clubs to kink parties, I discuss the concept of "women get in free" in the midst of a reckoning in the LA area where some of these places are being shut down because of sexual assault allegations. They often say when you get in for free, you're the product.Support the show

Hypersexuality is a common response to sexual violence, but many folks would assume the opposite. In this call in show I open the floor up to a wider range of people to discuss their own experiences with hypersexuality after sexual violence. Support the show

When you've been assaulted, the assumption is frequently that you would become more modest, less sexual and very protective of who you allow into your physical space. This idea is often predicated on the idea that sexual violence only occurs when someone seems receptive to it. This is an obvious fallacy, but the hypersexual response to assault is still very confusing to many. For me, I wouldn't realize how much my assault changed me until years and years later; after finally meeting safer, healthier partners who were able to help me understand that not only was I worth more than sex, but that sex wasn't actually supposed to be a violence done to me. But, unfortunately, I would have to engage in a lot of hypersexuality as self harm before realizing that. 

When you're black, you're often raised with this idea of black love. My parents directly told me not to date outside of my race. However, as a trans woman, I've found this to be pretty complex and I discussed that in the last episode. Now I open the floor to folks who  have had similar, but also different experiences pursuing black love when you're black, trans and/or queer. Support the show

As someone with several long term relationships with white men, I'm often criticized for not having relationships with black men. This has often put me into a position where I'm having to measure if I'm willing to stick to my general standard of a man who wants to claim me, or shift my standards "for the cause". It seems as though some people would rather me be in a secretive relationship with a black man than a public one with a white man and I wanted to unpack that as I embark on this path in life where I'm trying to date more men of color. Support the show

This week, our call in show is all across the board. We speak to bisexual black men who've slept with Crossdressers, Dfab NB folks who've dealt with it head on and a transgender man who points out the fact that part of the problem is that submission is very rarely framed as masculine. So let's dive in with an open mind!Support the show

As a transgender woman, I'm frequently put in positions where I've been approached by sissies or crossdressers. While these two fetishes aren't exactly the same, I do find that they tend to relate in terms of how many men practice these fetishes. When femininity is framed as a shameful, negative, disgusting thing and men fetishize that, its hard for me to decouple that from standard misogyny. And frequently I've found that when men with this fetish approach me, their standard reaction to my rejection of them is not "oh sorry", but an argument about how it's closed minded for me as a transgender woman, to have a boundary for fetishes that I see as misogynistic. in this episode, I express my rather controversial opinions about this particular fetish because I woke up to yet another BBC fetishizing sissy attempting to interact with me. Support the show

In my original podcast, I said that black men quite frequently don't seem bothered by Race Play and I was lucky enough to have several black men call in and give me their perspectives. Some who boldly embrace race play, others who roundly reject it. Both straight and gay men tell me why they've entertained Race Play and why some of them never will again. Support the show

Black Women call in and tell me about their experiences with Race Play! From a woman who almost joined a Plantation manned by a white master, to a sex worker who charges extra for race play, these perspectives are fascinating and shed light on how race play impact black women, especially sex positive ones. Support the show

(Re-run) Race Play is a type of BDSM play that dips into racial fetishism and objectification in the way other types of play often dip into other problematic things that are very much a real part of our daily lives. I try not to kink shame, but race play is rarely consensually presented to me as a black trans woman so naturally, I've got opinions about it. Support the show

Last week I discussed my complex experiences with men who read me as a DFAB NB person who were really disappointed when they discovered that I didn't have the "right parts". The collateral damage of a man with fairly heteronormative sexual interests rebranding themselves as some shade of queer lead me to have a deeper conversation about DFAB NB folks who are often being dismissed by men as "woman-lite". This week I speak to DFAB NB folks about this and a few transgender men as well. This is the edited version of a 5 hour call in show that can be found on my Patreon. Support the show

One of the most fascinating issues I've had with dating in this new consciousness around gender is that some heterosexual men have stopped understanding that "transgender woman" doesn't mean "non binary person who was designated female at birth". In this podcast, I tell two stories that reach the same conclusion: that some heterosexual men have started to simply shift their language, but not their preference. I tell a story of a man who I went on a great date with that promptly ended once he understood what I meant by "trans woman" and a situation at a lifestyle party where I connected with a guy who spent most of the evening ranting about how open minded to and experienced with transgender people he was, who would later reveal to me that he wasn't attracted to trans women at all, even after we were intimate. Support the show

in this call in show, several different people tell me their stories of the negative experiences they've had with Dominants. A Domme also decides to call in and share her experience being a less than stellar dominant. Support the show

This week's theme is shitty Dom stories and boy do I have one for ya! Support the show

In this episode, Black Women call in and give me their perspective on the palpable whiteness of the BDSM community. Using my story of the white rope artist who tokenized a woman of color in a photoshoot, we discuss the many nuances of being one of the few black women in a BDSM space. From race play fetishism to the obvious preference of many dominants, we discuss how the whiteness of these spaces can be painfully alienating to black women attempting to participate in BDSM.Support the show

A few weeks ago, a popular rope artist who predominately does rope on white women, posted a picture of a WOC who bottomed for them and in the process tokenized them in a way that made them feel uncomfortable. They didn't consent to being the token in their feed and in the process of trying to show off for doing rope (finally) on a WOC, they managed to get their race wrong. This lead to a huge debate on their page and a larger conversation about POC in BDSM media. What I didn't know at the time was that some WOC pay rope artists to do the rope they do on white women for free. There's a lot of conversations to be had about accessibility, race and kink, but I also think it's worth considering if you're creating BSDM media as representation or if you're simply showing off your art. Being a black bottom can be...interesting. Support the show

As discussed last week, being tokenized sucks pretty hard, but it's something a lot of us have done and had done to us many times throughout life. In this episode, we have a gay man call in about being the gay bestie to a woman dating a homophobe, a lesbian who was tokenized by her not quite out ex gf, a black woman who let white cosmetologists do her hair (and by do, I mean ruin) for clout and a Mexican Christian whose Church has some very questionable principles when it comes to standing with immigrants. Support the show

I used to tell people that if they're curious about an experience outside of their own, they should befriend people of said experience. I regret that advice as I start to reintegrate into society, I'm having experiences with being tokenized. One stood out to me as quite painful as their desire for social media performance was starkly contradicted by their avoidance of me in meat space. Support the show

"Unicorn Hunting" is a term reserved for predatory couples who seek out, often, but not always, bisexual women who are interested in participating in a threesome with a man and a woman in a relationship. There's nothing wrong with wanting a threesome, but more often than not, unicorn hunters manipulate women into sexual situations they wouldn't consent to if they understood what was going on. In this call in show, we hear from several people, mostly cis women, about their heartbreaking experiences with these couples. From a woman who was groomed in her local dancing community, to a man who didn't know his date had a wife, and a friend and another friend until the moment he arrived at the party, this episode showcases an array of experiences. Required listening for the Unicorn Hunting couple who might not know their impact on their unicorns. 

A "unicorn" is (generally) a bisexual woman, open to having a sexual relationship with, (generally) a heterosexual couple with a bisexual or bi curious woman. A woman who will magically be attracted to both parties and is open to exploring sexually with both. This is an incredibly popular fantasy, but, as you can imagine, often doesn't reflect reality. As we've established several times on this show, I am very much not bisexual, but that hasn't stopped unicorn hunters from pursuing me. In this episode, I discuss my experiences with unicorn hunters and my general issue with couples who look for this sort of dynamic. Spoiler: it has nothing to do with what they're doing, but how they do it. 

Some folks are polyamorous, some folks are monogamous and some people are somewhere on the spectrum. As a polyamorous person, I identify myself as polyamorous because of my aversion to monogamy, but everyone has their own perspective and that's what this discussion is about. From a gay pup player discussing his own self discovery of polyamory to a woman in the middle of a lesbian throuple, who identifies as monogamous, we discuss various shades of non monogamy and the various ways folks feel about polyamory and non monogamy. 

Years ago, I ended a monogamous relationship with a person I loved more than anything so that I could live more happily and honestly. Because of that, I have a hard time understanding people who claim to be "ambiamorous" or "polyflexible". People use these terms to express that they are open to monogamy AND polyamory, but for me it's very hard for me to not see that as an attitude that is inherently toxic to my own as I can't help but notice that monogamy seems to be what they give to the people they value the most and as a black trans woman, that isn't often me. 

The "kink at pride" discourse happens every single year often between people who don't actively go to Gay Pride.  So I thought I'd open up to lines to actual Pride Attendees to discuss their feelings. We speak to sex workers, asexual folks, trans men and gay men who've been goin to pride for decades. We speak to people who agree and disagree and the conversation is quite fruitful. 

THIS BREW IS GOOD. A super diverse array of perspectives on this topic. We hear from a trans woman currently stuck in a relationship with a DL man, we hear from a non binary person who once struggled to date trans women because of their own internalized transphobia, we hear from a woman who recently discovered her partner is trans attracted and on the DL and we hear from several men currently on the DL, one from a conservative Muslim background (voice changed for his own safety).Support the show

Every time around this year, we have this debate about Kink at Pride. When I say "we", I guess I mean the acronym. Even though I don't entirely feel I'm part of the acronym, even if I am on paper, I felt I'd share my perspective as an active BDSMer who has fairly strong opinions about when BDSM is appropriate and inappropriate. To me, consent is at the forefront of BDSM and public BDSM negates that in most situations, but to ignore how important the Leather community has been to gay folks survival is a bit much... What's your True Tea? Call in Next Tuesday to give me your brew. 

During a previous stream, a commenter posed a very interesting question: Why are "Down-Low" men cowards for not claiming Trans Women, but Trans Women aren't cowards for not always revealing that they are transgender. Bot scenarios are about survival and the ability for a person to be taken with dignity and respect. However, in this episode, I push back on that question because while it's true that men who openly date trans women face bias, I can't say that bias is comparable to the violence trans women directly face in a society that rejects them. 

After recognizing that this conversation is felt very differently bi bisexual folks of different genders, I decided to split my call-in show up and specifically have conversations with folks who were designated female at birth, who react quite differently to this conversation. In this call-in show, we have some really amazing conversations about how bi women are fetishized by men and often erased by other women and the alienation many bisexual women face when they feel that there isn't a place for them in either the straight or the queer community. These callers really widened my own understanding and I am so thankful to them. 

So, I decided to open up the lines to bisexual men, who were the target of some of my frustrations, to discuss the topic of whether or not bisexual folks have so-called "straight passing privilege". We had a fascination conversation about privilege, social ineptitude and the biphobia bi men experience when they share their sexuality with their partners

This is part 1 of the 3 part True Tea Call-In show for the episode, "Do Bisexual People Have Straight Passing Privilege", a conversation that started when Lindsay Ellis' old blogs about her own feelings about her bisexuality resurfaced. In this segment, I quickly go over my own feelings on the matter and then Lindsay Ellis herself calls in to discuss and clarify her statements. We both discuss the odd feeling you have when you're technically part of the acronym, yet still feel like you can essentially choose when to engage in discourse around it. 

My Amazing followers call in and discuss the previous episode of True Tea where we discuss whether or not Trans Women have "male privilege". Specifically in the context of women like Caitlyn Jenner, who managed to amass wealth using her image as a quintessential, White, American cis man. I don't think "privilege" is the right word, but there's a lot to discuss about passing as a man in a patriarchal society. 

Lindsay Ellis was recently in some heat for some comments she made about Disney's new movie, Raya; but part of that so-called "cancellation" brought to light some previous comment she made about bisexual people having "straight passing privilege"- This idea that bisexuals are able to essentially protect themselves from homophobia because they are in relationships that seem heterosexual to others. As a transgender woman who identifies as heterosexual, but prefers dating bisexual men, I have a lot of thoughts about this because I often have felt as though the bisexual cis men I prefer will always ultimately prefer the most socially acceptable option that prevents them from being in a situation where they'd have to defend their relationship with me. 

Caitlin Jenner recently commented that transgender girls should not compete with cisgender girls in sports. I don't have a full opinion on that specific question, but it struck me that Caitlin Jenner has never been a teenage transgender person wanting to participate in sport. Instead, she lead a life where her athletic achievements and fame were built during a time in her life where she was known as a cis man. Even if that wasn't exactly the case, in this podcast, I talk about whether or not "male privilege" is an apt way to describe Caitlin's experience.