Welcome to M.A.R.S.

Hey, Johnson! Don't mind us. We're just out here, improving ourselves and getting that college degree. Mostly because there's nothing else to do here.

Hey, Johnson! I know we're a little late with the update. But it's just because we were busy watching Obi-Wan on Disney Plus, new episodes streaming every Wednesday.

Hey, Johnson! I know you may think we have a bunch of free time up here on Mars, and we do. So our opinion is even more validated because we have so much time and still don't have time for some of these long ass movies.

Hey, Johnson! No, we haven't seen the movie, but just because we're uneducated, doesn't mean we can't talk about it like we know things. This is America. That's what we do.

Hey, Johnson! We took a little hiatus because we do what we want. Actually, it's more to see if you care or not. It's fine though. 

Hey, Johnson! Michael here. Might have broken a microphone and caused our recording to be a little messed up, but you get what you get. If you wanted professionals, you shouldn't have sent us.

Hey, Johnson! Like every other time, we got a little busy and distracted up here. So since everybody is talking about The Batman, we are too! 

Hey, Johnson! You'll never guess, but some shit has gone down in the wrestling world. So let's talk about it!

Hey, Johnson! Everybody is out here buying everybody else. But please don't sell us to some conglomerate. That would be rude.

Hey, Johnson! We appreciate you  finally sending out our first care package. It was nice to feel like you cared for once.

Hey, Johnson! We got bored of all of the new stuff we've been watching, so we went back and watched some classics and oh, goodness...

Hey, Johnson! It's our annual Thanksgiving update! We just so happened to miss Thanksgiving though... So enjoy our newly-titled Cyber Monday update!

Hey, Johnson! Delayed a little cause I was having problems with the space Wi-Fi. It was a very boring 2 hours. 

Hey, Johnson! We got a little lazy with everything. Figured since you don't care, we shouldn't either. But we do because we're not a bunch of space jerks.

Hey, Johnson! It's been a while. We just wanted to see how much you would miss us. Glad the answer is "not at all."

Hey, Johnson! We figured out the secrets behind creating the next New York Times Bestseller. I guess you could say we have the "Green Light" now. That's a Matthew McConaughey thing if you didn't get it. 

Hey, Johnson! I mean, we told you last week that if everything sucks, we're only gonna talk about wrestling. To be fair though, lots of cool shit happened.

Hey, Johnson! It's been a while. And a lot of stuff has happened in our two weeks of being absent. Mostly CM Punk returning. So obviously we need to talk about that.

Hey, Johnson! Feeling a little lonely up here so we decided to reminisce about the stuff we miss from back home. Don't you take that stuff for granted, you jerks.

Hey, Johnson! All that talk about reboots last week, got us thinking about what else we would wanna see! And other stuff that we wouldn't!

Hey, Johnson! Chicago is a mess, but everything else is pretty okay because Brendan Fraser is making a comeback.

Hey, Johnson! It's that time of year! Well, every four years. But two years technically, because of the whole "Summer" and "Winter" olympics thing. Anyway, we want to be a part of it, so how do we do it?

Hey, Johnson! Billionaires are blasting off into space and that got us both thinking... Anyways, we can breathe now and eat dirt for fun. So that's where we're at.

Hey, Johnson! In terms of the marmite, we touched The Rock and got knocked out Stone Cold. Get it? Anyways, that's why this took a while. Hope you're jealous! Seriously. I hope someone is jealous. Anybody.

Hey, Johnson! Today we bring you our first update from the road! That's right! We're currently on tour! And by tour, I mean we're on a journey to possibly die. Or become immortal?  So much fun!

Hey, Johnson! It took a while, but we think we may have found something on Mars! We just have to find it...

Hey, Johnson! Lots of fun stuff this week! We go over everything from worm excrement, to new space suits, to Big Bang Theory sucking. 

Hey, Johnson! We figured out how to save the movie theaters. You're welcome.

Hey, Johnson! In a market where relevancy is pretty much the name of the game, how the hell do two idiots who don't even live on the same planet stay relevant? Tik Tok is not the answer.

Hey, Johnson! This week, we ask the important questions. Where do we get tattoos? How can we give ourselves them? Would you rather fight one horse-sized duck, or a hundred duck-sized horses? You know, just the usual stuff really.

Hey, Johnson! Hope you enjoy listening to the best duo on Mars talk about the best duo on Disney+. Yes, we're talking about Anthony Mackie and Sebastian Stan. And that's not the only thing that America did right this week!

Hey, Johnson! Lots of pointless things happened this week in sports and television and wrestling and whatever, and we figured we'd talk about all of them!

Hey, Johnson! We didn't accomplish much this week, but we did figure out how to make golf better!

Hey, Johnson! We know you guys saw that music video, cause even we did and we're way up here. We got a little dark there for a minute, but it's all good now! Enjoy our "Michael Jordan" episode where we talk about him for like 2 minutes.

Hey, Johnson! Hope you guys enjoyed Spring Break, if you're into that sort of thing. Let me know when Disneyland opens so we can send one of you to get us lightsabers. We'll pay for them, but you guys have to take care of shipping.

Hey, Johnson! Hope you guys got drunk and turned into the Hulk last week! In honor of the holiday, not some raging alcoholic type of stuff. I think we're getting the hang of this remote learning stuff though!

Hey, Johnson! This is our first update from two different countries! Well, two different countries' stations. Being Russia and America. We're still on Mars. In case you forgot or something.

Hey, Johnson! This is our last time being in the same space, pun intended. Kinda rude that we can't just stay in the same station this whole time, but whatever. You make the rules. We just break them. Or in this case, follow them and end up on separate sides of the planet.

Hey, Johnson! Appreciate the replacement. It's fine. You can have the new rover do our jobs. We'll just do our own thing.

Hey, Johnson! So we were totally wrong with our predictions for the Super Bowl. What can we say? We're not perfect. Close, but not quite. Anyways, we're gonna take a week off this week to reflect on ourselves this Valentine's Day. Talk to you next, next week!

Hey, Johnson! We think the storm caused a bit of a gas leak somewhere. That's probably why we seem so crazy in the beginning. But also probably not.

Hey, Johnson! Did you know you can't spell "dreams" without M.A.R.S.! ... and E and D. But they don't matter.

Hey, Johnson! Can you get us guests for these updates? Since they're basically podcasts, we feel like it would be fun to talk to other people. I'm sure you folks can get anybody to come on here. You're frickin' NASA.

Hey, Johnson! What's the highest we can build a rollercoaster without it tipping over? Asking for a friend. Thanks!

Hey, Johnson! What are some of the books you didn't get to read as a kid because the adults running your education system thought they were too spicy? We need ideas! Thanks! Oh, and happy holidays and new year and stuff!

Hey, Johnson! Is Daniel Day Lewis talented enough to play both of us? He probably could do it. Who's to say he's not already doing it?

Hey, Johnson! Do you guys want to be part of Mars Day? You can send rockets into space that explode like fireworks. If not, that's fine. We just won't invite you to be a part of anything else ever again.

Happy Thanksgiving, Johnson! In honor of the holiday, we will be giving you next week off. We know it would make sense to do this week instead of next week, but we figured we'd give you guys this update and you can just listen to it when you guys get back.

Johnson, you gotta put in a good word to Biden for us. Don't leave us hanging! Mike is getting scared he won't be able to start his Center for Guitars Who Can't Play Good.

Hey, Johnson! We'd like to know your thoughts on A Christmas Story and why it sucks.

Hey, Johnson! Not much to add about this week. We remembered the guy with the sexy voice though; it's Barry White.