Autistic at 40

In this episode, I explain why I'm saying goodbye to the Autistic at 40 podcast, what I've learned in the past 3 years, and what will come next.

In this episode, I share what I have learned about the links between AuDHD and Personality Disorder and ask questions based on experiences from my own life.

In this episode I share some sense I am making about the nature of emotional dysfunction in my family, and particularly how this impacted my relationships with my parents.

In this episode, I talk about the pitfalls and benefits of being an autistic leader, based on my own experiences.See more content and message Toni on Instagram - the account name is @autistic_at_40_podcast. You can support this podcast and Toni's free online community, Autistihood at buymeacoffee.com/autisticat40

In this episode I talk about my body as a source of expression, awe, distress and pleasure. Toni's email is autisticat40@outlook.com. Instagram is @autistic_at_40_podcast.You can support this podcast and the free online community, Autistihood, here: buymeacoffee.com/autisticat40

Today I share a lot more about how I experience PDA as an adult, what triggers it and how I am learning to manage it day to day.Toni's email is autisticat40@outlook.com. Instagram is @autistic_at_40_podcast.You can support this podcast and the free online community, Autistihood, here: buymeacoffee.com/autisticat40

I share the story of why I didn't have children, even though I always thought I would.Toni's email is autisticat40@outlook.com. Instagram is @autistic_at_40_podcast.You can support this podcast and the free online community, Autistihood, here: buymeacoffee.com/autisticat40

I share key aspects of different types of policy roles and organisations, and some potential pros and cons of this type of work, from an autistic perspective.To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

In this episode I talk about the concept of the mother wound, and share some realisations about what is needed for healing.To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

In this episode I share why I believe my most confusing and destructive experiences and behaviours as an undiagnosed autistic child and adult can be explained by internalised PDA (pathological demand avoidance / pervasive drive for autonomy).To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

This week I talk about how complicated it was seeking an assessment for autism as an adult, why I did it and why it took so long to find what I was looking for.To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

In this episode I talk about the aspects of life which continue to overwhelm me, even though I am no longer burned out, as well as how I navigate them.To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

In this episode I talk about my search for truth, learning to stay grounded in my purpose and how I've learned how to maintain my mental health in my search for divinity.To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

In this episode I talk about a few different autistic experiences that were difficult to make sense of at the time, from taking things literally and without context, to feeling homesick all the time.To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

In this episode, I describe some of the signs I have noticed that I am healing from my trauma, in case this is helpful for anyone else on a similar journey.To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

An update on recent developments in my own autistic trauma recovery. Plus a call to autistic adults to come together for our collective trauma prevention and recovery.  To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

Sharing some thoughts about inter-generational autistic trauma and internalised ableism (and abuse) within families and systems. I make non-specific reference to behavioural interventions and human rights abuses in the mental health system.To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

I share the steps I took to 'remember' who I am, what I'm about, what I love and my purpose.To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

Content warning: reference to self harm and unhealthy eating behaviours.I talk about my own adolescence, the specific challenges I experienced, and my harmful and health coping mechanisms. To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

I talk about my challenges and experiences throughout my education from primary school to university.To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

I share some of my main experiences of working life, before and after discovering I am autistic. This includes what having a 'spiky profile' means for me in practice.To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

I share what I have observed as some of my early signs of burnout, from my new perspective of knowing what it's like not to be burned out.To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

In the last episode of season one, I talk about the importance of connection for autistic people, and my hopes and next steps for bringing us together.To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

This week I share what I now understand about how trauma has presented during my life.  I set out what I have figured out about what is and is not a direct result of being autistic (and not knowing it) and how this has impacted on me.To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

This week I talk about what I have learned to cut out of my life, or to actively seek to work into my life, to build and sustain wellbeing.To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

This week, I describe how I accessed an assessment, what the actual assessment involved and how I prepared. I describe the examples I gave for the sections of the assessment, and discuss why I believe self identification is completely valid.To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

This episode is about my experiences of living with shame, and the impact it has on my decisions, behaviour and relationships. I share what I know about healing from shame and the resources and ideas I have found most useful.To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

This week I talk about the fight or flight trigger of anything new or unfamiliar (anything I don't have a 'schema' for), and how this has affected my friendships and relationships.To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

I talk in this episode about my experience of what triggers an autistic meltdown, what it's like having them and why our needs being met on an ongoing basis is the only way to prevent them.To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

In this episode, I talk about my late autistic father's older age and end of life health experiences. This includes the impact of the lack of autism knowledge in health services and practitioners on his access to care and treatment. Extra end of year episode.To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

To mark the 12 days of Christmas (or Yule), I am talking about 12 of the many signs of my autism. These were not obvious to me at the time I became aware of them, but they are now I know I'm autistic. To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

This week I explain why autism is not a superpower - as well as the pros and cons of being an autistic person with specific strengths and skills.To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

This week I share what I have learned about navigating Christmas or other festive occasions, including respecting my own boundaries and preventing burnout.To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

I talk about developing the understanding that loss and grief have long been a part of my life, including the loss and grief of what might have been. To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

I share my current thoughts on the relationship between autism and disability, as well as type of risks we are vulnerable to. Trigger warning: brief reference to abuse and assault.To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

This week I share how I have made sense so far of being Autistic and also having ADHD (AuDHD), and how I made use of the 'window of tolerance' to manage my executive functioning and wellbeing.To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

In this episode, I talk about my life with my autistic father. I explore ask what might have been different between us if we'd both known that we were both autistic.To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

This week, I describe a range of experiences throughout my life around sleep, insomnia, obsessions and imagined realities, that I am now making sense of through an autistic lens.To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

In this episode, I share my experiences and views of getting an autism diagnosis, and in seeking expert support and information as a late identified autistic person. I also talk about why neurotype should be a protected characteristic.To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

I share ideas about autistic non-verbal expression and experiences with spoken language.To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

In this episode I talk about the experience of unmasking and discovering autistic joy.To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

On World Mental Health Day, I am talking about what it's like to have autistic burnout, and the impact it has on mental health. To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

Welcome to Autistic at 40! Introducing myself and the idea behind this podcast. I'd love to hear from you about your own ideas and questions. You can reach me at autisticat40@outlook.com or find the Autistic at 40 Instagram account.To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

I share with you my view and understanding of what autism actually is.To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

I describe my motivation for and experience of coming out at autistic.To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

I describe discovering I am autistic at the age of 40, and why it took so long to figure it out. To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).