Hello Stupid

What they say is true, the difference between the men and the boys is the amount of their toys. The only question left is does the size of the toy matter? Get in touch and let us know your favorite toy, manual or battery operated! hellostupidshow@gmail.com Hello Stupid Website Hello Stupid on Tik Tok Mike's … Continue reading Boys and Their Toys – HS38 →

If you like your teeth in your mouth, you don't want to hire a professional food taster, you don't want to have to hide all of the knives, and you never want to wake up with your wife standing over you with a pillow in one hand and a chloroform soaked rag in the other, … Continue reading Things you should never say to your wife – HS37 →

On this episode of Hello Stupid, Mark & Mike talk about bugs. Not the ones Mark got at sleep-away camp from Susie Mae rubbing up on him in his sleeping bag, or the ones that Mike found on the mattress at that very special hotel in Time Square, but real bugs, like you might encounter … Continue reading Ick Bugs! Stories from the rainforest and beyond – HS36 →

We all do it, there's no way around it, it's going to happen eventually, and there is nothing you can say or do to avoid it. No, we're not talking about anal, we're talking about death. Mark & Mike run you through some of the worst and dumbest ways to shed these mortal coils, and … Continue reading Worst Ways To Die – HS35 →

Auto analingus, Chinese movie funding, therapeutic dry humping, and Rim Job Elmo, is there anything we left out of this episode? How about some great music by Kool and the Gang and Alan Doyle? Just to be clear about the Elmo thing, we also discuss Vibro Elmo, 3rd Reich Elmo, Taint Licking Elmo, and a … Continue reading Dry Humping for Profit – HS34 →

How are Mark & Mike going to spend their Tik Tok earnings? Is Autotune a sign of the apocalypse, and proof the Devil is real? Is it wrong to miss the good old days of nocturnal emissions?  Anyone else remember waking up all sticky, boxers stuck to your thighs, sheets stiff as a board…giving God … Continue reading I Miss Nocturnal Emissions – HS33 →

Guess who is about to break Tik Tok? (and no it's not a 15 year old girl from Bayonne with big hair, an overbite, and daddy issues) Did Billie Joe Armstrong just prove that the possibility of a worse President than Trump exists? Why does Mark hate Twitter? Is it because nobody swiped right on … Continue reading How To Get 10K Followers on Tik Tok – HS32 →

If you've ever abused an Elmo doll, Michigan is the place for you? And why is poor Elmo so often defiled? Is it his voice, his furry body, his lack of self worth, or is Elmo just too sexy for his own good? Do you enjoy dark jokes and sarcasm? Mark & Mike do, and … Continue reading Don't Touch Me There Elmo – HS31 →

Should the guys bring back Spratz cat food? Mark had a thought, are dress sizes actually backwards, and should butter-faces be forced to wear high collars,? Would that help their Tinder ratings? The Hello Stupid Million dollar idea of the week: “Do it Yourself Tiger Pits for Kids Kits, the best way to keep those … Continue reading Tiger Pits for Kids – HS30 →

Are baby carrots a sexual gateway vegetable to pickles? Does the term “unencumbered by pants” make anyone else queasy? If Cardi B made a video about sex with a cucumber, would she call it “Twerkin with the Gerkin”? Why do Girl Scout cookies taste better when they're delivered to your door with no interaction with … Continue reading Every Pickle is Suspect – HS29 →

Have Mike & Mark found the next big Olympic event, and is PETA going to have a fit? Is it possible that Mr. Potato Head will make a comeback as the next new sex toy? Are sexy fruits and veggies Mark & Mike's next Billion Dollar idea? Should Pussy the Musical be nominated for a … Continue reading The Next Great Olympic Event – HS28 →

Is it really wrong to touch yourself in an elevator, or should you stick to just touching others? What about just rubbing up on a book, rock, tree, stump (leg or tree), does that count? Is yelling “C'est Fini!” wrong in any sexual situation when you're done and heading for the door? Am I asking … Continue reading Good Touching, Bad Undressing – HS27 →

How much would you pay for a pair of used underpants? Why would you pay for a pair of used underpants? Would you buy a pair of Doofy's used underpants? Do Millennials think that whining about not making enough money will make them more money? Could they really be that dumb? (we say yes they … Continue reading The Market for Used Underpants – HS26 →

What's the best name for a porn production company based in Idaho? Is there really a difference between the midwestern male and female body other than genitalia? Is the AVN Squirrel Award (getting the most nuts in your mouth at once) the greatest award ever? Do blind people need a guaranteed safe, secure room to … Continue reading Rhymes with “Hater Hwots” – HS25 →

Are Mike & Mark the only ones that thinks that Chris Martin uses one of Paltrow's exploding gack candles when he's crying in the bathtub rubbing one out? What's with Millennials killing plants? Does that have anything to do with them not being able to make friends? Better band name: The Salty Sacks or The … Continue reading Gwyneth Paltrow's Exploding Gack Candle – HS24 →

Is pity sex better than revenge sex? Do rejected girls really try harder? Should Hello Stupid be selling “Beauty is only a light switch away” t shirts? What's the bigger loss: Phil Spector or Adobe Flash, I mean they both sucked for the last decade? Is there a Taint Blasters club, and if so, how … Continue reading Beauty Is Only A Light Switch Away – HS23 →

Does Mike need a new sex hat? Why does Mark know about the “Special” markings on exit signs in malls? Is Alabama a foreign country? How cool is The Darkness? (Mike & Mark think very) Does Mark really think anyone understands all of his techno speak about harmonics and amps? (hint: yes he does, and … Continue reading Russian Roulette with a Tiny Baby – HS22 →

Do you pan fry or bake Penis Fish, and do you have to milk them before eating? Seeing as how Jesus died, was he technically a “Cross” dresser? Shittens, are you kidding me? Why do Mike & Mark keep doing those terrible Chinese accents? Did Mark & Mike really get emails this week? Can the … Continue reading Who Wants Penis Fish? – HS21 →

Mini-Millennials, Midgi-Millennials, Demi-Millennials, what DO you call Millennials that are vertically challenged? If this is a Christmas show, where the hell is Santa, and why don't Mike & Mark say anything in the show about Christmas? How in the world is UC Radio still banned in China, and is it okay for Mark to make … Continue reading Demi-Millennials – HS20 →

Would it be wrong to train dingos to eat Millennials? Should PW Fenton supplement his Social Security by becoming a Zoom Santa, and should Mike & Mark by his “Special” Elves Strap On and Dingleberry? Is Wyatt Funderburk one of the coolest names ever? (to find out who that is, check out Mike & Mark's … Continue reading The Dingo Episode – HS19 →

Has a man ever been too full to f**k? Are women who claim they are just looking for another way to say “no”? Why is all of our email coming from Europe and Rapid Eye? Is Canadia finally superior to the U.S.? What the hell is wrong with Mark and his whole, “I don't like … Continue reading Too Full To F**k – HS18 →

Would a hi-tech sex robot be better than free porn on the web and a box of extra strength tissues?? Will Mike's amazement over the amount of available sex robots ever subside? Is Mark getting Mike a sex robot for Christmas, and if so, will anyone ever see Mike again? Does anyone want to guess … Continue reading Fake Rubber Booty – HS17 →

Did Mark lose his virginity watching Star Wars? Is sex with a tree satisfying, and how do you handle the splinter explanation in the ER? In the 70's/80's, was the Move movement more entertaining than the Eagles? Why is Mark researching weird sex philia names, and should Mike be scared? Any guesses on who Mike's … Continue reading The Secret Eroticism of Trees and Star Wars is About Losing Your Virginity – HS16 →

Is Mike moving to Florida to open a zoo? How, at 75, does Debbie Harry still give Mark wood? Is it a mistake to meet your hero? Why doesn't Chris Barron love us? Why is Rapid Eye the only one writing to us? Is he more lonely than we are? How come Mark never calls … Continue reading Getting Mauled in Florida, and Debbie Harry Gives Mark Wood – HS15 →

Are Mike & Mark still professional podcasters? Is sex better with someone that you love, or someone that doesn't care and will let you treat them like a Madison Ivy sex doll? How long will we miss Eddie, and is Rock as dead as he is now? Can Mark & Mike save your musical world … Continue reading The Best Rock Songs You May Not Know About and Sex with Fragile Egos. – HS14 →

Why did Eddie leave us? Is horse cuckolding the newest reason to stay out of Florida? Why do old bands that were excellent, insist on combing back and just sucking balls? Is there a real conversation about music hidden in this episode of Hello Stupid? Were Mark and Mike able to keep the show under … Continue reading Eddie Van Halen is gone, and horse cuckolding must be a Florida thing – HS13 →

Is this what professional podcasting should sound like? Was it really 15 years ago that Mike launched UC Radio? Is Zaldor the sexiest man in Detroit? Did Mark really try to give us a history lesson about the Cold War? Did Mike's mom find “Pussy the Musical”, and is he still in the will. Are … Continue reading Yogurt Ropes and Ring Tones (Let's try this again…) – HS12 →

Lovely Sara The Virgin…proof that guys aren't the only ones beating off to Mark's voice. I have no idea what else we talked about on this episode of Hello Stupid, absolutely none. Once Mark played Sara rubbing one out, I kind of went into a fog, had trouble keeping my pants on, and was losing … Continue reading Sara The Virgin: The Lost Tapes – HS11 →

Is it wrong to catfish the disabled? Why did Mark let Mike play guitar on the show? Why is Mark so enamored with shadow puppets? Is Mike the worlds foremost authority on Belizean bathrooms? “Shadow Puppets and Somber String”, great band name, or just a really bad idea? This and way too much more on … Continue reading Dirty Shadow Puppets – HS10 →

Why is Mark obsessed with taints? What's a Mother Love Bone? Why do I keep spending money on stupid games? What happened to all of the arcades? How do we get Dolphin shorts back on hot coeds that can pull them off, and KFC says what? hellostupidshow@gmail.com https://www.facebook.com/hellostupidshow @hellostupidshow

Guess what Millennials say isn't just for breakfast anymore? Did Mark and Mike just come up with the new Florida state motto? How does Mike not understand how the Make a Wish foundation works, and what the f*ck is with all of these gender reveal parties? Get all of this and so much more in … Continue reading Millennials have a new favorite breakfast food – HS8 →

Why do millennials pronounce the word “Food” like it's got umlauts? Why doesn't Mike know how to load a musket, and why does Mark? Cousin Kyle almost shoots his nuts off with a potato cannon, and was Bill Haley the first real badass of Rock n Roll? There's just so much more to talk about, … Continue reading Why is Mike choking on nuts? – HS7 →

Could a Kanye & Doofy ticket be any worse than our current national dumpster fire? Should we medicate ourselves for the benefit of others? Do Butter-Face girls have a better chance on Tinder if they wear a mask (even after the pandemic)? Has Mark mastered the art of the “Eat a bag of dicks” face … Continue reading Why Should I Medicate To Make You Happy! – HS6 →

Which classic movie would leave Millennials in the fetal position? Which sports team owner should be punched in the face? Why doesn't Mike understand how news reports work? Oh, and we put the town of Dildo on the map. Thankfully, music by Munk saves the show. Email us: hellostupidshow@gmail.com Visit us: https://www.facebook.com/hellostupidshow

Any mask in a storm, even if it comes with a ball gag. We try to figure out how the hell you get a charging cable into your bladder, discover that people with low IQ's are more apt to believe anything they're told by complete morons, Mike verifies that a camera in your dick hurts, … Continue reading What do you call a panda wrapped in a Confederate flag? – HS4 →

Remember that musical Mark and I wrote a few years back… well here is the full, unedited audiobook version of our groundbreaking, earthshaking, restraining-order-making, Webby Award Nominated one of a kind musical that took the podcast world by storm, and possibly took down The Podshow Network. Oh, and it's actually an allegory.

Nothing says safe sex like a mask with a glory hole, Mark continues to humiliate me, Doofy drops by, and is it really wrong to make love to a pony? Email us at hellostupidshow@gmail.com and let us know what you think, unless you live in the Southeast corner of the US, we already know what … Continue reading Nothing says love like a surgical mask with a glory hole – HS2 →

Mark has found incriminating past recordings of Mike, so Mike is changing his name to Harry Azcrac just to be safe. Pussy the Musical makes a comeback, South Korea figures out how to make soccer worth watching, we go fishing with Luiza, and apparently Mark's dad was a CIA operative, and may have written songs … Continue reading Hello Stupid Episode 1 →