Showing Up Messy

Join me and my boyfriend, Joshua Pánczér, on our living room floor as we dive into the nuances of expanding our capacity to hold the intensity of our experience. We explore the relationship between the inner masculine and inner feminine, the inner child and inner parent, and we also talk about farting a lot. For a deeper dive into my journey of discovering casual ecstasy through eating disorder recovery, you can order my book “Fed Up: An Illustrated Guide to Food Freedom” at www.thefedupbook.com and follow me on Instagram at @TheFedUpBook.

Let's dive into the deep end of human consciousness with Aisha Pema Salem. This conversation took place in March of 2021 at Nari Sanctuary on the Danish island of Møn. Pema talks about sinking deep into the feminine to truly be with the joy of grief and anger, and being courageous enough to become deeply honest. Pema invites us to remember the knowledge that has always been within us, and to stabilize in this remembrance. You can find out more about Aisha Pema and how to work with her at www.AishaSalem.com.

In this episode, Katie dives into her journey through disordered eating and addiction and explores how they were a portal to discovering the deeper truths of life she had been avoiding. For a deeper dive into Katie's recovery journey, you can pre-order her book “Fed Up: An Illustrated Guide to Food Freedom” at www.thefedupbook.com and follow her on Instagram at @TheFedUpBook.

Katie turned 31 today and as a present to herself and to you she is joined by good friend Philip Wells (whom she met on the dating app "Hinge" a couple of years ago and didn't properly introduce in this episode, but did extensively talk about him in the previous episode "Squirting out Tears and Babies on Thanksgiving Eve") to discuss some of the biggest lessons that have come from the past year of her life. Nobody cries! But we try! And we laugh a lot! Recording this felt like the best birthday gift and I'm happy to share it with you. Thank you for being part of my life in whatever way you are.

Welcome to this slice of Katie's life as she emerges from a spell of sad and lonley holiday feelings, which don't often get shared, but are so important to share! Katie shares them with you AND tells the story of her day crying to a UNICEF canvaser. (Spoiler alert: There are no actual tears in this episode...there is laughter though! And a baby is born!) We discuss Buddhist life hacks for how to turn whatever you're feeling into a source of connection to all beings and I also tell you the story of my good friend and Thanksgiving host Philip who I met on a dating app. He made me cry on our first date with a poem (definitely a keeper!) and we ultimately decided we aren't meant to be romantically involved, but "it'd be great if we were in an arranged marriage!" Happy Thanksgiving and thanks for being here!

Join Katie in a post-coaching call high as she discusses moving towards desires, stumbling around her relationship with God resulting in an unintentional Pinocchio metaphor, and how to talk to kids like they're grown-ups and talk to yourself like you're a kid. Content warning: Includes hot off the press parenting secrets from a non-parent!

How many times can you restart a podcast?? As many times as you want! Join me as I reflect on all of the moves (including the literal geographic moves of intentional homelessness) I've made through the messy parts of my life to become more fully myself and driven to help other people do the same thing! We (the royal we) talk about love, attraction, travel, throat chakras, and more! You are cordially invited to join us on our journey.

It wouldn't be Showing Up Messy without a messy blooper reel! This was my first flustered attempt to record the episode, with plenty of stopping and restarting and a window into my internal monologue. We could call this "Listen to Katie Overthink for 15 Minutes (so you don't feel so bad for overthinking yourself." Enjoy!

Kai Mata is an Indonesian-American singer songwriter living in Bali who uses music as a way of connecting with others and sharing the most vulnerable parts of herself. On this episode, Kai shares a sneak peak of her new single "So Hard" and the story behind this catchy, lighthearted tune that dives into the serious topics of LGBTQ rights and social equality. Kai shares her experience growing up between America and Indonesia and how she has formed her own sense of belonging and identity. She works So Hard and listening to her music and insights is So Easy--enjoy this delightful, insightful episode!

Victoria Bradley (@victoriabradleystudio) is the Editor in Chief of TABLE magazine, an artist specializing in fine art nudes (check them out at www.victoriabradleystudio.com), and a die-hard Hanson fan who shares her secrets to living her values and creating a life full of collaboration, abundance, and joy. She also talks about the ways painting nudes has unlocked her daily meditation practice and transformed her relationship with her own body. This episode is Victoria Bradley's practical field guide to manifesting the gifts the universe has to offer (spoiler alert: a lot of it has to do with gratitude). Enjoy!

Comedian Myq Kaplan (@myqkaplan) shares his musings on meditation, magic mushrooms, and mandatory music-making. We talk about other things too, but with less alliteration. To be delighted by Myq even more, follow him on social media and check out his special "Small Dork and Handsome" on Amazon.

Alvin Stampley III (@fleurdelis_stampley) is a jewelry entrepreneur and a neighbor I didn't know I had until my very last day in my (our) NYC apartment. We met on our stoop as I was giving away the last of my earthy possessions and soon after recorded this episode where Alvin shares about embracing his "Alvin"-ness, his spiritual connection with jewelry, and his newly discovered keys to finding balance.

Kimberly Stewart is an NYC-based improviser, actor, writer and director who produces a comedy show called We Remember the 80s for improvisers over the age of 35, which takes place the third Monday of every month at Otto's Shrunken Head in the East Village. In 2012, she wrote and performed in an improvised one woman show, Lora, about coming to terms with sexual abuse. She is currently writing that screenplay. We discuss processing trauma through creative outlets, transitioning from working in theater to film, and raising disability awareness about the accessibility of performance spaces (and beyond!).

Greetings from Hvolsvöllur, Iceland! Today's episode was recorded a month ago in Pittsburgh, PA and features Sammi Travis, a travel blogger, stripper, and one of my best friends and biggest inspirations. She shares about showing up for all the messy parts of her life, like coming out as a stripper to her friends and family, nurturing relationships with honesty and intention, and following her playful curiosity wherever it takes her (including to a Furry Convention 9 years in a row!). This episode is packed full of fun and insight, just like Sammi herself! Follow her blog to get updates about her adventures at SammiTravis.com.

Welcome to Season 2 of Showing Up Messy! It's just like Season 1 except it will be released from all over the world, starting with this episode in a little town called Flateyri in the Westfjords of Icelend. I got stuck in a snowstorm there for a bonus day and had the pleasure of meeting my first international guest, Agnar Jón Egilsson, an improvisor, actor, and director from Reyjkavik. Agnar was teaching a 2-week improv class to a group of Icelandic students aged 17-62 doing an imersion-style "communal college" program, and he generously invited me to co-teach one of his classes with him. Afterwards we had this talk, where he shared about his experience of waking up to his life when he quit drinking, how he practices mindfulness and trust through improv, and about how the "doing" culture of Icelanders. I said, "that's so beautiful" about 50 times during our conversation because everything Agnar says is full of refreshing honesty, insight, and humility. Enjoy!!

Lisa Raduszynski is a Parisian comedian and actor who joins us to discuss the messy parts of her ever-evolving creative process. She talks about how there's no good word for "pussy" in French and how she lives each moment on stage like it's the last moment of her life. Follow Lisa on Facebook and/or Instagram (@lisaraduszynski) for hilarious, delightful content and upcoming show dates.

When Eddie Shiomi showed up at my apartment to purchase a desk fan, one thing led to another and we ended up recording this episode full of his insights about traveling, creativity, and human connection. Eddie works as a director of Apex for Youth, dedicated to creating opportunities for underserved Asian and immigrant youth from low-­income families in NYC (ApexforYouth.org).

Former lawyer and professor, current comedian, actor, and writer Liz Glazer (@lizglazer) lives her life like it's a 9-season television show. She is currently living season 7, writing season 1, and is generous enough to let us dive into the ever-evolving process that goes into both living and writing her life. She is a ray of authentic, genuine, truth-seeking/telling sunshine!

Jordyn Rebecca Smith (@jordyn.rebecca) is an NYC-based actor, singer, writer and editor who open-heartedly shares about the personal, professional, and creative shifts taking place in her life. We discuss the magic of meeting soulmates, how to know if you're following the "right" path, and the power of creative collaboration. You can find out more about Jordyn's acting and editorial work at www.jordyn-smith.com and www.smitheditorial.com, respectively.

Allen Childs (@nowbandnyc) is a guitarist, singer, songwriter, and founder of the NYC-based rock band Now. Allen shares about his experience activating his music career through recovery from alcohol and drug addiction and we talk about how the discomfort of showing up as our true selves is nowhere near the pain of hiding who we really are. Now just released Now or Never, a six-song debut EP available on iTunes and Spotify. Find out more at NowBandNYC.com.

Katrina Pope (@katrinagpope) is an NYC-based standup comedian and self-proclaimed "wife-motivator." In this episode, we discuss how messy relationships create the best material and how vulnerability is the key to life both on and off stage.

Los Angeles-based writer, producer, improvisor Michael Barryte joins Katie to talk about the messy parts of his creative process--how he tricks himself into focusing on tasks, how nature has taught him to be more present, and insights from a recent solo-trip to Iceland. Will either one of them cry?! Listen to find out!

In a conversation taking place immediately after the coaching call in episode 5, Rebekah Nanfria shares about her journey as a professional actor and how she shows up in the messy parts of life as a coach--"If you choose to show up in your messiness, that's where all the magic happens." Rebekah has challenged me to show up in my life in a way I didn't even realize I wasn't showing up and I loved talking with her about her side of our coaching relationship. To learn more about Rebekah and what coaching is, you can visit http://www.rebekahnanfriacoaching.com/

This week's episode is a real life coaching call with Katie's life coach Rebekah Nanfria. Rebekah guides Katie to dive deep into what "Showing Up Messy" really means and take steps towards showing up more honestly in life. If you dream of being a voyeuristic fly on the wall during someone's therapy session, you'll love this episode! We laugh, we cry, we say "um" a lot, come join the messy party. And join us next week for part 2 when we learn about Rebekah's life and creative process. To learn more about Rebekah and/or coaching, visit http://www.rebekahnanfriacoaching.com/

Katie is joined again by Alex Van der Hoek who has just completed week two of the Artist's Way. Katie shares about unexpected realizations that hit her after deciding to quit standup. Alex talks about feeling permission to be a "narcissist" and create freely when it's his birthday. Come get messy with us! PS: Next week's episode will feature a LIVE coaching call with Rebekah Nanfria (Katie's life coach name-dropped in this episode). Get a head start learning all about her here: http://www.rebekahnanfriacoaching.com/

This week's episode features comedian/healer/rapper Kate Wolff (@theKateWolff), who talks about coming out of the rap closet and how art can help us express our intense emotions in a way that helps instead of hurts others. Other lightbulb-y moments involve: reclaiming the childlike part of ourselves that is fully alive in the present moment, accepting (not necessarily loving) all the parts of ourselves, and following the natural flow of our curiosity to create the things that want to come out of us. Kate just released her first comedy album "11:11" (available on iTunes) and debut rap video "Labia Game" (https://youtu.be/C6a9pla7PkU).

Join Katie in her coffin-like closet as she talks about how her relationship with food and recovery from disordered eating relate to "showing up" in her creative life. As promised (by Katie, to herself), this episode has been left messy and unedited (except for one pregnant "trying to remember something" pause in the middle which was literally just minutes of silence). While we're making the description too long, Katie also mentions how she felt "fat" as a Kindergartener (which was true), but she never clarified that the reason she perceived that to be a bad thing was due to a larger systemic problem of fatphobia, to which there could be an entire episode devoted. Fatness is neither good nor bad! The incredible book that inspired this episode (though Katie still has not finished reading it) is called "Women, Food, and God" by Geneen Roth.

Welcome to "The B-sides" (aka the *messy parts*) of Showing Up Messy. In this bonus episode, you can hear the outtakes, the agonizing attempts of recording and re-recording the perfect podcast intro, and the unedited conversation that took place immediately after recording episode. We laugh. We cry. We get messy AF.

Welcome to Showing Up Messy! This inaugural episode was recorded before the title was even finalized--so messy right?! That's what you came for. In this first episode, Katie Barbaro (@katiebarb) talks with Alex van der Hoek (@alexvanderhoek) as he embarks his journey into Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way (which Katie shamelessly proselytized to him and everyone else in her life). Join us and our first-show jitters as we discuss everything from morning page brainstorms to deciding where we want to lean our ladders. Do you like that podcast jingle up top?! That was created by the wonderful and brilliant Alex Aleco! So many Alexes have contributed to the making of this podcast.

Showing Up Messy is a podcast about the messy parts of the creative process and how we often need to show up before we feel "ready." In each episode, Katie Barbaro (NYC-based comedian, writer, and recovering perfectionist) will talk with someone new about what showing up means to them. You are officially invited to join the conversation, launching March 2018. Subscribe now! *Music composed and performed by Alex Aleco.