Swords & Satire

Well folx, this is it, our final episode of Swords & Satire. We have tried so hard, and come so far, but in the end, it doesn't even matter… No, wait, sorry, don't know where that Lincoln Park song came from, but have created one more episode to honor how far we have come as a show, and the classic fantasy film that started it all, Conan the Barbarian. This is also in thanks to all of our listeners and patrons, who have supported our show and stuck with us through all of the ups and downs. We hope you enjoy this final episode, and until we meet again, Hail Crom!P.S. Hang in there at the end of the episode to catch our very last skit, a little treat for you as a parting gift from us, the Satirists!

So … after watching The Babadook and considering how it ended we were wondering, what would it be like to live with a Babadook in your basement? We figured there would be growing pains, just like with any relationship, and they may need to have a family meeting eventually, right? Well, here we go playing out this confrontation for you, so you no longer need to wonder!

You may have some perfectly reasonable, perfectly understandable questions about our movie choice for this week. We can hear the masses clamoring to ask us now, with questions like: What does the Babadook have to do with Pride Month? Is demonic possession a regular part of the grieving process? And, why does he wear such a snazzy tophat, and where can I get one? Well, if you are Baba-shook by this film, worry not for we are here to answer all of these questions and more. We also have an important announcement for our listeners, so please make sure to listen to this episode!

So we are now all familiar with the soul trajectory of the important people in Cloud Atlas, but what about the common souls, what happens to them? Well, you can stop your wonderin', because we have created this skit to fill you in on those excitin' details that got missed in the original film. So quit your yammerin' and gibberin' and start listenin'.

Happy Pride Month everyone! Yay! Time to break out those rainbow bricks you picked up at your local Target and smash bigotry and hate. And it's also time to celebrate queer joy and happiness! So to celebrate we are covering Cloud Atlas, a film about the complexity of the human condition, how we are all more alike than we are different, and how love is the strongest force in the universe. It's also created by trans artists, so that's a win! We hope you enjoy it.

We decided to recreate Jack's favorite scene from Eragon, the butcher's shop scene in Eragon's hometown, but we put our own little zany twist on it. So buckle up and listen in for some slice of life action that is so mundane that it's funny!

This week we are talking about Eragon, a coming-of-age fantasy movie about finding yourself and your draconic BFF, written for teenagers, and quite obviously by a teenager. Even though this film has a few key storytelling mistakes, and one glaring oversight regarding problematic dynamics, it is a fun fantasy adventure, based on a young adult novel series. But let's all be real, everyone secretly wishes for a dragon BFF, right? We're all familiar with this power fantasy, and sometimes we get exactly what we ask for.

One of the best scenes from Reign of Fire isn't when Matthew McConaughey jumps into a dragon's mouth wielding nothing but an ax, nor is it when Christian Bale attempts to run down a dragon on horseback. No, the best scene is when Bale and Butler recreate Star Wars as a play for the wee ones of their camp, and we have reimagined how that might have gone down a little differently if they had chosen to play out the prequel movies instead of the original trilogy. Enjoy!

This week we cover a post-apocalyptic fantasy epic about a pandemic of dragons that nearly wipes out humanity by the year 2020, and the last of the human survivors decide to stop merely surviving so they can start thriving… as soon as they take down the dragon patriarch that is. So it's not quite as bad as the pandemic we all lived through, but that's why it's fantasy!

Turns out not everything is so peachy in the Mushroom kingdom, and Mario is dragged into couples counseling by his better half. Turns out that even those couples that have a magical bond go through rough patches like the rest of us. Listen in to hear how their first session goes.

The heartwarming movie, based on an iconic and much beloved video game franchise, about a strong brotherly bond and how friends and family can help you conquer your fears, has finally been released and we're here to talk about it for your listening pleasure! * * Disclaimer: Interactions between brothers are limited, family bonding may vary, any similarity to the film US by Jordan Peele is by coincidence and not by design, source games are cited for reference only.

We've gone back to the production office for a good old movie pitch for our skit this week. Listen in to hear us convince our “boss” of our unusual ideas to make a D&D movie with a higher budget, and fewer cheesy anachronisms. But no one is messing with the magical oatmeal floor, that feature is a must for any D&D movie worth its salt!

We are very excited to share our episode on our Satirist outing to go see the new Dungeons and Dragons movie! This silly, serious film is a true fit for our show and made us feel like we were watching the emotional, yet ridiculous journey of a D&D adventuring party, and how we who have played know that it can go. We get into the weeds on what type of class each character is most likely to be, what it means that they gave away all of the loot, and why we think they saved one character and not another in the end.

We realized that the world of Tron has some horrible implications about the programs people create in a general sense. If programs were really alive like they are in the Tron movie, then what happens when people rewrite or delete code, or erase entire programs? The implications are haunting, but perhaps it's best if we don't think about that too much. Onward to adventure!

We Satirists love us some science fantasy, and we delve into a classic this week with the movie Tron. Is this just a fun adventure movie that answers the question, what if you could go into a computer and talk to the programs, or is there something deeper going on? Well, we are masters at thinking way too much about the movies we watch so you know we have more to say about this movie, and we think you might be surprised about where we go with our conversation. But you'll have to listen in to find out more!

This time we were called to focus on the military briefing scene from Stargate, just before they go into the portal, for our skit this week. We highlight the ridiculous nature of the mission, and the U.S. military in general. We also included some toilet humor because we just can't seem to help ourselves. We hope you enjoy it!

We begin our science fantasy month with a classic movie about a trek through the stars that leads to liberating humans on a distant planet (it's a long story), with the added spice of the unexamined elements of American exceptionalism and the military science complex. It turns out this beloved fantasy adventure movie from our youths has problematic elements in it, who'd have thought? I guess we should have known though because this seems to keep happening to us, but we are happy to deconstruct this film as high art! Even if it may not necessarily deserve it.

We take to you back to a magical time in the merry old land of England. The year was 1816 and Jane Austen was pitching her new book to her publishers, but it would prove hard to convince them to keep the supernatural undead element in her story. Her work as intended has been restored as of 2016 when there was also a movie made to honor her work, titled Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. This short is our take on the fateful meeting when the publishers decided against the zombie element.

You, dear listeners, may be wondering why we covered a movie about love and marriage, even though it does fit in with our other movies this month. While the supernatural veneer of zombies, loosely placed over a story about the social customs of the aristocracy, could be enough to make this movie a fantasy film, the designation is shaky at best. But then you take into account that the zombies are mainly people who were of the lower classes and the aristocracy are the only humans left, then this cleverly twists the story to be about class struggle, and we all know by now that any fantasy movie worth its salt is about political tension. Plus zombies eating the rich is the ultimate power fantasy, so there's that.

Hello all! Here we have our first stand alone skit, based on the movie we covered last week, Only Lovers Left Alive. We couldn't help but zero in on that pit that poor Ian was tossed into unceremoniously in the movie, so we built the skit around that scene. We also threw in an obscure reference to our Waterworld skit near the end just for funsies. Enjoy!

Hi everyone! We are making some changes to the show and we recorded an announcement for you all, so you can stay informed about what we are going to be doing going forward. Thank you for listening and supporting the show!

We satirists can't resist a good quirky romance story, so we decided to cover the film Only Lovers Left Alive this week, a movie about bohemian vegan vampires in love. And since they're vampires they've been in love for hundreds of years. How do they keep the spark alive you ask? Why by living apart for a lifetime or two until they get bored of being alone and begrudgingly getting back together in Detroit. We told you they were madly in love right? Also things in the world around them are falling apart and microplastics are destroying their food supply. How romantic!

We have a discussion about a classic love story for you this week to start off the month all about love, and in the case of our show it's all about supernatural love beyond the grave. This is just your classic rom-com about a girl and her zombie, and how they defy the odds about who's living and who's dead, and how they get their haters to leave them alone. So cuddle up to your headphones with your favorite brain food and listen in to hear us banter about undead puppy love.

We have finally taken the plunge and decided to start covering this franchise, because even though everyone and their siblings have analyzed this series, we haven't done it yet, so here it goes. If you want to hear us talk about a movie in which Hitler battles against baby Jesus, the gross negligence of people in the wizarding world, and how J. K. is most probably trans like us, then strap on your headphones and settle in for this auditory treat!

Listen in this week to hear us try to coherently discuss a movie about your wacky, perhaps irredeemable grandpa, who won't shut up about his past adventures that seem really cringe from a modern lens. He also keeps threatening to die if no one will pay attention to him, but you unfortunately really need his help to distract your problematic uncle that tries to take over every family gathering. That's the general vibe of this incoherent and problematic film, but one that is whimsical and hopeful at the same time. We end up with feelings that are just as ambivalent as the messaging of this film is inconsistent! So please do join us for this listening journey!

Join us this week as we discuss this fun, fantastical romp about a family feud that feeds on the needs of marginalized Narnians, exploiting their desire for sovereignty and autonomy to fuel the neverending battle for control of Narnia. Also, there's a magical cat that is the local god, but also maybe the god of Earth, but is almost certainly not a Jellicle cat, maybe.

This week we continue our new year tradition of covering a film of the Tolkein universe, and as it turns out, this movie also fits with our meta theme for the year (that we started with the Cats film) of films that have ruined lives. Long-time listeners will know that every good fantasy film is about class struggle, at least in part, and this one is no exception to the rule, except this time the class struggle was covered in real life! You'll just have to tune in to hear us dish about the controversy surrounding this film, and the fashion trends of dwarven culture!

For our new year special this time around we decided to cover a film that has broken every human law and has us seeking the sweet, sweet release of the Heaviside Layer. That's right, it's Cats (2019). If you ever wondered what Jellicle cat means, or why one of them must be Chosen each year, then you've come to the wrong place, because we are just as clueless as you. But, if you do want to hear us break down the entire fabric of this narrative with our signature silly, serious style, then you're in for a treat!(music obtained from freemusicarchive.com, and cat sounds from Zapsplat.com)

While this is something of a funny, anti-holiday-cheer choice for our show this season, it is oddly more representative than other comedies of its era, even while the humor is painfully outdated (we seriously took psychic damage from some scenes). The Santa lore is also incredibly unique, completely unlike anything else you have ever heard about, which we can pretty much guarantee. We were so inspired by this in fact, that we came up with a silly, serious mash-up between Santa and Elden Ring lore for our intro skit. Enjoy!(intro skit music by Dark Fantasy Studio)

We are covering a holiday classic this week, and after watching it this time around we realized this movie connects almost everything we watched into one universe through the Kingdom Hearts games! You have to be a gaming and Disney nerd to get it so hopefully we still have some of you along for the ride with us! We also realized that this movie is more about class struggle and a scathing indictment of billionaire CEO's than we ever could see before.

To start off our holiday movie coverage we thought we would talk about a classic holiday movie about the horror of the suburbs. Turns out there were a lot of details we forgot about or overlooked before that jumped out at us this time and made us realize this movie is all about class struggle. There are both overt and subtle ways that this film shows the social struggles between cultures in small town America, all while a boy and his demon pal are just trying to get by. But there's snow on the ground and explosions in the air to help us set the holiday mood off right.(music obtained from freemusicarchive.com)

We were so excited to share our thoughts about this film with you all, since we covered the first movie, Enchanted, on our show and we wrote a sequel for one of our Rewriting History movie pitch episodes (which you can find on our Patreon page). This seemingly heartfelt, whimsical family film has a lot about it that we found offensive or reprehensible, much of which would fly under the radar for many viewers. So we thought we would take this opportunity to share why this movie shouldn't really make you laugh or cry, but should actually make you mad and want to scream at the screen. Enjoy!

We have a rare gem for you, our faithful listeners, in our discussion this week of the whimsical fantasy film about death, torture, and constant threat of bodily harm, The Secret of Nimh! And you may be surprised that a film from 1982 features a female protagonist, who is a single mother of four, and who shows her mettle not through violence, but through strength of will and courage of heart. But it probably passed because most of the characters are talking animals. Well, that's why we love fantasy, and horror, because these are genres that allow creators to explore characters and themes outside of the norm, and get us to think a little harder about the way we construct our shared reality. Happy listening!(intro skit sounds and music from Zapsplat.com)

This week we cover a whimsical tale of a young girl, named Arrietty, going on her first “borrowing” mission with her father, and the sickly boy, named Shawn, who just will not leave her alone. Both Shawn and Arrietty struggle to find out how they belong in a will they won't they scenario that may leave you feeling queasy, since she's a tiny 6 inch tall teenage Borrower (basically like a mythological brownie) and he's a twelve year old human boy who is about to undergo heart surgery. Why does he see a creature akin to a fairy without wings as a potential love interest you might ask? Well, you'll just have to tune in to find out, dear listener! (And to hear what this movie has done to our brains.)(intro skit sounds and music from Zapsplat.com)

Your life so far has been mostly uneventful and you're wondering if you will die with any sense of real accomplishment when you think back on what you have done with your life. Your husband wants to leave you and your daughter wants nothing to do with you, and all you do is laundry and taxes. But then, a more confident and charismatic version of your husband from another universe tells you that you are the chosen one, and you are the only one who can stand against the ultimate evil intent on destroying the fabric of the multiverse. You figure out how to fight it, but everything starts to crumble when you realize another version of you created this monster. You know you're in trouble when nothing has meaning for you anymore and all Joy is gone from your life, sucked into an Everything Bagel. Except, then you decide to just say “fuck it” and live in an okay universe and call it a win when you and your daughter can finally talk to each other without yelling for once. And then you record a podcast episode about your adventure…(intro skit sounds and music from Zapsplat.com)

To kick off the holiday season we have a movie about friendship and finding yourself that we have talked about and recorded for your listening pleasure, and to get you through all those cold days (...and even colder nights - ba-da-ba-dum!). And what better way to record a movie about friendship than with our good friend and patron Alisha! This movie had us all thinking who are the true monsters here? And we do our darndest to answer. We also delve into an interesting discussion about gender identity and expression, defunct toy corporations and toys that were revoked due to poor design choices, and What does all of this have to do with the movie Luca you ask? Well, listen in to find out!(intro skit sounds from Zapsplat.com)

So for our final dark fantasy film this Halloween season we thought we would take a break from all the scares and watch a nice, calming movie about a group of friends that decide to go on a safe, rejuvenating hiking trip in Sweden. Except it doesn't quite work out like that for them does it? First of all, they are sans Robert because Luke just doesn't know when to quit partying, and then Dom goes and lets his knee explode while they're setting off on the trail from Robert's memorial site. Then Phil starts worshiping a cryptid, and Hutch lets his guard down for one minute and gets himself turned into a tree decoration. Seems like this group just doesn't know how to just vibe and have a good time. But maybe it just couldn't be helped because they didn't know to look out for the big chungus in the woods. Have you ever found yourself wondering what it would be like to get turned into beef jerky? Or if you are curious at all about what is tormenting each of the friends, then saddle up and listen in to get our take on this night out with da bois that goes horribly wrong (or incredibly right). (intro skit sounds from Zapsplat.com)

This dark fantasy was an instant classic for us, and we wanted to share our take with all of you, our listeners. Are there really witches out in the woods, or is the family losing their grip on reality due to some moldy corn? Was the plantation community a bunch of prejudiced assholes, or is the father, William, a cringe extremist? We ponder these questions and more here, on this episode, for your listening pleasure. Would you like to sign your name in the book, dear listener? Don't you want to live deliciously? (intro skit sounds from Zapsplat.com)

Before you embark upon the task of solving the lament configuration you must search your soul and ask yourself, are you truly committed to the exploration of sensation in all its forms, or do you merely seek pleasure? Because when the Cenobites come a-calling you don't want to be left with your pants down, so to speak. But you gotta give it to them, the Cenobites love their job, because for them it's really a calling, you know? It seems like a pretty sweet gig too, because they ensure that they never lose. But Cassidy asks the really big question in this episode: Why doesn't anyone want to join the Cenobites, and just like, vibe with them?(intro skit sounds from Zapsplat.com)

This week for Scares and Satire we cover an epic dark fantasy animated movie about otherworldly power, class struggle, and interesting fantasy cultures, like swamp cults, bird clans, incel librarians, and ghoulishly underfed peasants ruled by whining despots. Which type of power comes out looking bast in this film: the patriarchal figures that hoard wealth and power for their own gains, or the matriarchal ones that have the people's best interests at heart and share their knowledge for everyone's benefit? Listen in and decide for yourself!(intro skit sounds from Zapsplat.com)

We kick off the much beloved creepy season with The Last Witch Hunter, which is one of our favorite spooky fantasy movies, so we are happy to finally cover this witchy modern classic! Not only is it a great murder mystery with witches and their hunters (like people who hunt them, not people who hunt for them), but it also features a great, cheesy apocalypse averting ending, which is way overblown, but we are here for all of it! So is the last witch hunter, Kaulder, a fascist cop, a righteous savior, or a suave detective? Well, we figure it all depends on the way you design your D&D character, right? (Because Vin Diesel is a D&D nerd, like us.)(intro skit sounds from Zapsplat.com, and music from audiohero.com)

Our patrons chose a fantasy classic from the 80's, by the name of “She,” for our anniversary month that was as confusing to follow as a Werner Herzog cinematic tangent. This film is chock full of supernatural beings, who all band together in different clicks that the main characters have to fight through. Alas, there are still Nazis in the apocalypse too, those darned things are just so hard to get rid of. But maybe this movie is more prescient than we gave it credit for since the primary antagonists are Nazis of the American variety, so go figure. Apparently this movie has more going on than we initially gave it credit for too, since we stumbled our way into an interpretation that made us realize this movie is accidentally brilliant. Listen in to figure out how!(intro skit sounds obtained from Zapsplat.com)

Our discussion on the second half of Castlevania season two is here! Jamie shares his expert knowledge about the Castlevania game series much to Cassidy's chagrin, but he is indefatigable in his resolve to educate the masses about his favorite games of all time. But then Cassidy asks the important question on everyone's minds, why do we feel sorry for Dracula in the end?

It's our anniversary episode this week, three years and going strong! We are covering another classic fantasy movie as per our tradition, and in the same universe as Conan, the show mascot. Kull The Conqueror is a fantasy classic that wanted to be modern, at least when it came to class and gender equality, but it never quite stuck the landing on either. Also, by the way, this is a much kinkier movie than we remembered! Listen in on our wacky, yet insightful discussion, if you dare!(intro skit sounds obtained from Zapsplat.com)

We are covering the first half of season two of Castlevania the show this week for your listening pleasure. The trio of heroes gear up at ye olde Belmont estate and maybe even have budding friendships, while Dracula conducts his war effort against the stinky humans, even while his allies question his sanity. Besides figuring out what Alucard would most likely sell on his Etsy site were he to have one, we also talk about Castlevania lore, vampire traits in the show, what strong female characters mean to us, and magical aphrodisiacs. But also, next week is our anniversary episode, celebrating three years of podcasting, so join us for that episode too!

What does it mean to be a man? Who do you see when you look in the mirror? Is it who you expect to see? This week we cover Mulan, the classic fantasy tale that unintentionally supports trans rights as human rights, while breaking down the binary gender roles in a fun and whimsical way. This movie is also ripe for discussion about problematic cultural representation and dehumanizing of the other. It contains multitudes, as do we all. (intro skit sounds obtained from Zapsplat.com)

We thought it was time to cover a show about our dungeon manager's favorite video game series, Castlevania! In season one Draculisa is born, that's the ship name for Dracula and Lisa, but unfortunately Lisa is burned at the stake as a witch and Dracula vows to avenge her death by unleashing the armies of Hell upon the citizens of Wallachia. We also meet the powerful, yet unlikely trio of heroes, who will stand against Dracula and his hordes of demon-kind. Listen in as we wax philosophical and nostalgic about this franchise that has enchanted millions.

This week we cover an epic fantasy action flick about a princess that kicks ass, and takes names. She also gives no fucks, and is ungovernable, just like we appreciate here at Swords and Satire. And in our typical fashion of delving way too deep into fantasy movies, we spin a yarn about this seemingly shallow action movie, showing our listeners just how rich the themes truly are. And if you think a blend of barbarian and martial arts fighting styles sounds pretty cool, then you better listen in to hear all about it!(intro skit sounds obtained from Zapsplat.com)

Here we are talking about the ultimate episode of The Wheel of Time, and did we think maybe this was the final battle? Well sure, but it turns out the war has just begun. But at least this season has a conclusion, unlike Warrior Nun, which will never be able to live down the ludicrous display of its lack of a season conclusion in our eyes. And as ever we remain hilariously confused by the fantasy character names as we discuss the last episode, so listen in to find out which characters were our favorites, and who died in the end.

This week we cover a quaint isekai anime fantasy movie about an enchanted castle, a cursed prince, an old cleaning lady with a secret, and a young shyster in training, who are all looking for love and friendship in a time of war. But we Satirists know what we are looking for…it's the chance to dream about the beautiful, magical boy Howl! And while his castle would be a great place to cuddle in, it's really all just held together with shoestring and whimsy, just like our show.(intro skit sounds obtained from Zapsplat.com)

Okja is a classic tale about a girl and her super pig, just palin' around, sleeping in the sun, eating persimmons, until one day an evil corporation comes in to take her pig, which they consider to be their property, and she goes on an epic quest to save her piggy friend. And what we thought was going to be a nostalgic tale about friendship and a coming of age story, was something very different indeed, even though those elements were technically in there. Instead we got a brutal look at the nature of corporate greed and global influence, and couldn't look away from the mirror that was held up to our own complicity in the cruelty of the animal mega-farming and meat industries. So this is sure to create a fun and light atmosphere in our discussion this week, right? (Yeesh!)(Trigger warning: This is a very heavy film that we are discussing this week, so we wanted to give a trigger warning for folx, including for child endangerment, sexual violence, animal cruelty, and other disturbing content. Please take care for yourself when engaging with this episode, considering the difficult nature of these topics. Thank you.)