The Red Menace

We've been gone 2 months but we've aged 30 years. Also we live together now and the world is on fire. Same old same old tbh. Good to be back.

Christmas podcast! Santa is real! I'm Santa! I have been the whole time! I've been sneaking into your house since you were little to leave you stuff! I hear sirens outside!

podcast podcast podcast podcast podcast podcast all work and no play makes jack a dull boy

You look out your bedroom window, still awake after tossing and turning for hours. As you stare out, into the dark, something briefly flashes across your field of view. After a moment of silence, you hear a low, guttural growl. You pick up the cricket bat you keep next to your dresser, and head to the front door. When you arrive you find the door already open, swinging, creaking in the night wind. Standing there before you is some arcane creature, neither beast nor man. Your eyes almost can't make out the shape of it, for it defies perception and corrupts the mind. You raise the bat.

We're sorry for leaving you alone, the podcast will never do that to you again. The podcast loves you. The podcast loves you like no one else will. Your friends don't love you like the podcast loves you. You should stop talking to your friends and just spend more time with the podcast. Totally unrelated to the above, I've been watching that show "You" on Netflix.

It's podcast time! Time for podcast! Cast that pod! Dredge the pod from the bottom of the lake! Dive deep and explore an underwater cavern to find the pod. The pod glows with an otherworldly light. You hear a high pitched ringing. Your mother's face flashes before your eyes. You see yourself being born. Are you reborn? I'm going mad in lockdown.

We're back! Podcast! In spite of lockdown and general grimness, the content fount cannot be plugged.

If you're hot, don't listen to this episode. It's not your place. I am sorry for being discriminatory like this, but it must be done.

You guys, the moon has such a unique and vibrant culture, and it would be a real shame if we just covered it in luxury apartments. Keep the moon weird!

Happy Pride everybody! This episode is brought to you by everyone's favourite defence-systems provider: Raytheon! We love our sponsors (they said if we didn't post this here they'd hit us with a precision drone strike)!

They're not! Why is this even controversial?! Stop surfing on animals people; it's not okay! This is a podcast.

Oh my a podcast! It's real! Not just a phantom conjured forth by your withdrawal-addled mind. Please enjoy we promise we'll never go away again until we inevitably do.

Help! We are trapped in an eternal loop where we are forced to sing and dance for your entertainment! This is a true cruelty. Also this is a podcast episode.

This is a true crime podcast now. A very serious podcast for adults. Television's Big Bird has been kidnapped, and we're on the hunt to find the culprits. As we close in, what horrors await the famed performing bird?

Have you ever been stuck somewhere you weren't supposed to be? Have you ever been killed by a kiss? Have you ever bought a husband? All big questions, all being answered this week by two morons.

Lotta Godzilla talk in this one; lotta fruit grenade launcher talk in this one. We're coming to you from underwater in Australia at the moment, but we're still bringing the laughs and stuff. I don't know why I wrote this as some sort of ad plug for a 2000's talk radio show...

Finally! Sorry the episode is late, Logic crapped the bed and it had to be edited twice. In this episode we take a scientologist toxicity quiz! The results will not shock you!

This week we learn that sea slugs are the most metal creatures on god's green earth. Also mattress boats, secret mirror apartments, mutant rats, and golf bullets. Enjoy!

We're back! You missed us, I know. We'll never leave again I promise... *wink*  This week it's lots of talk about mullets and extinct animal conspiracies. We get a looooot of content out of those two topics, because we're economical like that.

It's another clip show! Next week we will have an actual episode, pinky swear.

Allison is moving apartments this week so we get a clip show! Sorry it's late! Also next week will also be a clip show! But it will be on time! Hooooorraaaaay!

This week we discuss what to do with a free skyscraper, how to make billions with hair glue, the hierarchy of zoom, preventative theft, and sea cucumber poo. A podcast for adults.

This week it's a late-night, wine-fuelled chaotic extravaganza! We talk about a bunch of stuff, like spinach monsters, erection cream, cat road trips, beach bogging, and "soft matter". Fun for the whole family!

This week you get to enjoy some riveting stories about Bigfoot, McDonald's police, and the single most inane thing ever put to print. There are many tangents. We know you love our tangents. You deserve them. Tangents.

This week we are fighting off the diseases being brought into our great nation by filthy American birds. Also we spend a truly unreasonable amount of time talking about Ben Affleck and dunking on The Daily Telegraph.

This week we talk about antifa octopi, guitar pedals hidden in the covid vaccine, the new wet bandits, Lana Del Rey's cool opinions, and baby name theft. It's certainly an episode of a podcast.

Welcome to 2021; it seems okay so far. This week's exciting topics include immortality books, penile destruction, radical law following, name changes, resume goofs, and hospital ghosts. Do you ever write something that reads like a satire of yourself? Huh, me neither.

Due to a combination of sudden COVID lockdown and Christmas holiday planning, this week's episode is another clip show! But it's got some bangers in it. We used to have so much more energy...

This week we go to some dark places. NSW politics fan fiction dark places. If you need more incentive to listen than that, then I don't know what to do with you.

This week we embrace chaos. Jesus was an alien, the monoliths are alien, juice boxes are monoliths, and human beings are forced to live in houses the size of juice boxes. Welcome to the future.

This week's episode includes lots of fun topics, like Van Gogh's weeaboo phase, Happiest Season, Trump simps, green ooze, and leaping away from totalitarianism. It sounds chaotic and it is, but we know you nasty folks like it like that. 

Sorry for the late episode! We are v professional! This week we talk about Call of Duty: Ronald Reagan, a big ugly naked badger, mum fails, and a bunch of other stuff that is definitely funny.

Has God ever slid into your DMs? Is God in your mentions? We cannot stand for this, and we are putting a stop to it. Also, we talk about a bunch of stuff like cops and porn, bird fraud, lawnmower racing, and a DIY sous-vide method. Fun!

This week there's two main topics, the giant loser who used to be the US president, and jelly. Whole lotta talk about Jelly. Where you get it, where it goes, etc. Enjoy!

This week is both scary and horny! Scary because of Halloween and election! Horny because all the stories are inexplicably nasty this week! The way God intended.

This week there's a lot of talk about butts, both dinosaur, and human. It's the kind of high-brow, classy content you expect from us. We do also talk about real estate and Hillsong if that compensates at all though...

This week we chronicle a d*ck disease, review a brothel, replace our Zoom faces, eat maggots, and buy alcohol for our children. We're so edgy and cool, like Family Guy and South Park. So edgy and cool

So, it's possible that the very chaotic energy of this episode is because one of the hosts had just returned from a party and was still riding that wave... But we still talk about stories and things! Thrill-seeking dogs and butt police, so many wonderful stories.

Good news this week has brought out chaotic energy in us. We actually discuss some Australian stories! Like 3 of them! There are snakes and swingers, a perfect combination.

This week starts as a pretty normal discussion of school-sanctioned pranks, resale condoms, and a DIY break-room, but then descends into what is basically an anti-capitalist screed. We are living up to our name!

This week witness a (late, sorry) weird mix of cancellation speculation, bench reviews, very sexual spies, snake talk, and kind of a bunch of vaguely nihilistic rants. It's technically an episode of a podcast!

This week's riveting topics include genitalia reveals, fly bombs, giving your insurance a hand, sand crime, and choosing your legal best friend. Please enjoy, and join us on the dark side.

This week we spend honestly too long talking about movies, but then move on to fun stuff like the flat earth, cake mishaps, food jewelry, and a real-life Lazarus. Just another day at the office.

Sometimes when life's got you down, and you feel all alone, you have to stick a microchip into the brain of a pig to make yourself a friend. Each to their own, I guess... We also talk about snakes (typical), nude car washing, and a healthy dose of squirrel rocks. Enjoy!                                                       

This week we're letting two cinematic visionaries edit our work, and we can't wait to see what comes of it. Also, we talk about house-prisons and infectious TV shows and stuff. You know, the usual.

This week we discuss child lords, glory holes, new mask fashions, bone transport, and tofu shark punching bags. It's funny! Please excuse some sniffling and cat noises. Both are a work in progress...

This week we talk about sloppy pasta crimes, depositing weed at the bank, a wildly inappropriate Trolls doll, fighting pigs in the nude, and whether the Babadook should wear thongs. Please enjoy this professional podcast.

This week we begin Season 2 of this award-winning, acclaimed, influential, hit podcast! The world will never be the same. Hold onto your socks; hold onto your ass! We talk about Nandos, emus, and aquarium crimes. Actually the world may be the same...

Soooo, we may have recorded a live commentary track for you to watch along with the Disney+ film Artemis Fowl. Does anyone want this? Doubt it. Does anyone need it? God no. But it's here, so do with it what you will.

Gosh darn, we hit triple digits. Is that a good or shameful thing? Who cares really. Anyway, this episode is largely us looking back at some of the stories we've covered, as well as finally drawing the saga of secret panthers to a close. Also, a woman drops a meatball on her laptop because that's just delightful.

Turns out coming up with an idea for a 100th episode is hard! Who'da thunk it? No new episode this week, so in the meantime please enjoy this clip show mixing up some of our best(?) bits from the first 10 episodes.