Finding Me podcast

Lisa's journey to midlife is not uncommon. She checked all the life boxes - education, marriage, kids, career - only to find she still felt lost. Somewhere along the way she'd lost that curious, confident and excited-about-life young girl.   Lisa's dark night of the soul happens when her mom dies very quickly and unexpectedly and her job as a teacher becomes unbearable. Change feels like her only option. She shares all the trials and tribulations of navigating this new phase of midlife, starting a career over again, dealing with menopause, becoming an empty nester (or bird launcher as I like to call it) and allowing herself to dream of bigger and better things. Lisa is such a beautiful example of bringing energy and inspiration to midlife.  Lisa is the host of Transforming 45 where we recorded another conversation with her as the host interviewing me. Listen here on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.  You can also find Lisa on Instagram here. 

This conversation is personal. I invited Shirlee to have a conversation about Covid because I feel deeply that healing is needed from this period when our lives were turned upside down and fear became the foundation for a lot of decision making. And I can't think of a better way to facilitate this healing than through conversation.   Covid has changed me. It changed how I see the world and how I show up everyday. That time was particularly challenging for me because my perspective and choices clashed with what was considered “right”. For the first time in my life I did not follow the “rules”.  This experience has deepened my commitment to leading conversations from a place of love and curiosity with other open-hearted women like Shirlee. I want to humanize our individual experiences—including those that are different from my own —and encourage deeper reflection of that period.  If you're a curious and heart-centered individual and want to share your experience from Covid, I'd love to hear from you. DM me on Instagram at FindingMEpodcast.  

Melanie's journey from childhood abuse to becoming a psychic medium and embracing her gifts is an incredible rollercoaster ride.  For many years Melanie was driven by a desire to control her experiences for a sense of security but she's learned to surrender to a deep knowing that life is happening FOR her, rather than to her. This perspective grounded in curiosity and compassion permeates our entire conversation.  Melanie shares so many insights from her own healing journey. We discuss: processing emotions trauma trust death grief marriage parenting FOPO (Fear of Other Peoples Opinions) This conversation has challenged my thinking and I absolutely loved every minute of it.  

How do you trust your body when it's massively let you down?  At the age of 25, Kelli is diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, an autoimmune disease of the Central Nervous System. Having never heard of the disease, she follows the medical protocol she's given and tries to carry on with life and her love of dancing. What I find so fascinating about Kelli's journey with MS is how she learns to listen to and trust her body. She quits the traditional medical route and puts her trust in a Homeopathic doctor and his alternative approach to treating the body as a whole. She becomes aware of her emotions and their impact on her symptoms, she learns to work her life around her MS - carving out several careers from home, raising her kids, finding creative outlets and navigating a pandemic. Her most recent accomplishment is writing a book, Fabulous in Flats, that documents her journey with MS, how she's managed her symptoms and the lifestyle and habits that have allowed her to thrive.  

Caitlin shares her journey with Young Onset Parkinson's Disease. She spends the first six years of her diagnosis in denial, intent on proving her doctors wrong even as her symptoms progressed. Once she accepts her neurological disorder she takes on a million projects so she doesn't have to face her greatest fear: there is no cure. It's only once all her projects start to fall apart and she hits a very low point does a door in Caitlin's mental armour crack open to new possibilities. She shares her experience at a recent Joe Dispenza retreat and her new perspective on living and hope for the future. What I find so inspiring about her journey is how she's found a sense of curiosity - curiosity around her body, her mind and her disorder. We cover the importance of processing our emotions, how energy is stored in the body, getting in touch with what our bodies are telling us, how our menstrual cycle can affect medication and believing her health is worth advocating for.   

Nona shares her life and her 'crying on the bathroom floor moments' as she calls them. She struggled with a congenital disease, chronic pain, compulsivity and addiction. She was also in debt and depressed and hiding it from the world.  And then she has an out-of-body experience that changes her life. Her mind is opened to a new way of being, a new consciousness that she puts words to as best she can and shares how she moves through the world today, without pain and without addiction. Essentially away from fear and into love. This conversation opened my mind to new possibilties; to questioning the stories I'm telling myself and essentially opening myself up to new ways of living. I honestly feel like a different person since this conversation. 

Sandra and I cover everything from giving away our authority, to death, to life's biggest lessons, to hypnosis and unlearning all the things that we find no longer useful in life.  What has stayed with me the most is her love for simply being human. Early in our conversations Sandra says “Everytime i feel my heart break…there is part of me that feels joyful that I can even feel that.”  How beautiful is that?  She is intelligent, funny, reflective, an amazing storyteller and I just took it all in. This conversation has been such a gift. A gift to have gotten to know Sandra better. A gift for including other women in the experience. A gift for the unknown possibilities that all this knowledge, perspective and community will bring in the future. 

A short reflection of the past five years of interviewing women who have found themselves stuck, struggling or depleted.  What each woman learned for herself and taught me. What necessary life skills we're never taught in school.  How to live life in a new way: with energy, fulfilled, and with internal peace.  Welcome to Season 5!  

Marlene's story is a beautiful reminder that anything is possible. You can recreate yourself and start over. Again. And again. And again.  At 14, Marlene leaves home, drops out of school and gets a job waitressing. Her early story is one of survival: eating in soup kitchens, foraging for mushrooms and accepting welfare. It's also one of emotional trauma that left her feeling unwanted and unloved.  Marlene's story has some dark moments but she always finds the courage to keep going, to listen to her intuition, to dream of a family of her own and to find love for herself. And this makes it such a beautiful and inspiring journey.   

I used to think taking responsibility for where I was in my life meant shaming myself for not being where I had expected to be. I always felt like I was swimming upstream when it came to my career: every job, role, and industry I tried depleted my energy. I was consumed with self-judgement, feeling like I *should* be ahead of where I was.  In this snip-it of my conversation with Sarah, she talks about taking responsibility for where she's at but not in a self-judgement-way but rather in a surrender-way. This opens her up to new ideas and possibilities and I find it so inspiring how she takes action to bring them to life.   

Laura lost her corporate job in 2020 which has set her on a journey of “who am I?” When she started out she had no idea what she wanted but she knew she needed a major change. She's worked on a horse farm, and a beekeeping farm, she's made financial sacrifices, she's ignored a lot of judgement from others, and learned she's capable of much more than she realized.  She's more energized and joyful than ever before and has found a deep belief that a lot of small learning moments are going to add up to bigger things and ultimately to her dream of helping others.   

One of the biggest learnings I've had in the past 8+ years of my journey of self discovery is that I was living my life based on a subconscious belief system.  I was so miserable in my career because, without being aware of it, I was telling myself that success had to look a certain way (for me, that involved climbing a corporate ladder of titles and money).  Once I was able to consciously understand this formed my career compass, it gave me ownership over whether I wanted to continue like that.  I really relate to Traci's journey of discovering she was telling herself a story, in her case a story about her childhood - her father was a junkie and she came from a drug-filled neighbourhood - and this had formed her compass as an adult. She talks about learning to understand that that isn't her whole story, she's more than that, she's the author of her own story.  

This is my second conversation with Lindsey, this time following her 10-day Vipassana meditation retreat which she did to process the intense rage that was bubbling up within her.   In our last conversation, Lindsey opens up about the emotional abuse and exposure to prostitution she experienced as a child and how that experience has played out in her adult life.  Today we talk about how the meditation retreat is helping her find forgiveness with family and live as her best self.   

Kena was widowed at 38, felt very alone and like life was happening to her.  I could relate to that feeling of not having any control; of wanting something different but lost as to how to go about it.  I love how Kena talks about giving herself permission to want something more, more than being a widow. This is where change can start; a simple acknowledgement that we can have visions and dreams of our own AND we're allowed to explore them. Kena takes us back to this very difficult time in her life and how she took baby steps to move forward and create a beautiful life on her own terms.   

Lindsey opens up about the emotional abuse and exposure to prostitution she experienced as a child and how that experience has played out in her adult life.  We discuss storing emotions in our body, using movement to release emotions, meditation, psychedelics, yoga and most importantly love.  I feel so honoured to witness and listen to Lindsey share her journey to unlearn the coping mechanisms from her childhood and experiment with new ways of understanding her past, processing it and trying to let it go.    

I think my biggest learning in the last 5 years has been the importance of getting out of my head and into my heart. I used to discount my own intuition; I didn't trust it. As a result, I over-thought every decision. I've come to understand that I have all the answers within me, I just need to tap into that heart / intuition / gut feeling. Nikki has had her own experience learning to tap into her heart and we discuss it in this snippet of our conversation. She'd been feeling agitated and bothered in recent weeks and she can't put a finger on the reason. She shares the steps she took to listen to her intuition and move out of that place of feeling stuck. Her experience has stayed with me.  

I am amazed by Judy's journey because of the stark difference between where she came from and her perspective on life today. She grew up in a very strict and insular religion that believed the world was going to end. Her life was based on fear and she was discouraged from thinking for herself. I find it so fascinating how she gave herself permission to create a new perspective on life and, essentially, a new life for herself. We talk about: leaving the religion, depression, infertility, spirituality, building a business, plant medicines and the wisdom of ceremony. And how she now approaches life with an open heart, from a place of love rather than fear. To learn more about Judy's business visit her website or her Instagram page. 

Do you play? Like a child, do you engage in an activity for enjoyment rather than for productivity or an end goal? Have you considered how play might get you unstuck?  Amelie, who earns a living as an artist, got caught in a capitalist mindset: if it's not working then double down and work harder and longer. This had her perpetually stuck. She lost all creative inspiration when she needed it most, to put food on her table. So, she tried the opposite. She let go of the struggle, she stopped forcing her creativity and started to experiment without an end goal. Play allowed Amelie to go from zero artistic inspiration to creating a whole new line of art. 

Edie shares how she felt broken, that something was wrong with her. She began to take notice when her body betrayed her: bad acne, digestive issues and sleep problems. Her attempts to control them with prescription drugs and diets just masked the deeper issues of anxiety and stress that led her down a path of emotional destruction. She's hit some low points but her healing journey to better understand herself and to believe in herself is truly remarkable.

Kena and I continue our discussion around loss and grief - Kena grieves the loss of her husband and also the story in her head of how life is *supposed* to go. Does she want to be a widow or a vibrant 38-year old woman? This sparks our discussion around death and how Kena's first hand experience with it motivates her choices for living. We also get into how we're born with a magic or spirit that is always within us but we agree that our culture stifles it and we both share a strong desire to protect this magic in our kids. Kena and I are both on a mission to empower women to give themselves permission to follow their magic. Transcribed conversation here. Connect with Kena: - website - Instagram - Facebook Connect with Leith: - Website - Instagram - Facebook This show is produced by The Tomato Farm from Mountain View, California.

Kena shares her journey of having lost two special people in her life - her Dad and her first husband. She talks about how she spent her 30's caring for her husband who was in and out of hospital. All her dreams of flourishing in her fashion career and starting a family had to be re-examined. I love how she talks about surrendering to the choices in front of her: What are my options? How am I going to look at this? Because ultimately she recognizes her only options are: fall apart or figure it out.   Transcribed conversation here. Connect with Kena: - website - Instagram - Facebook Connect with Leith: - Website - Instagram - Facebook This show is produced by The Tomato Farm from Mountain View, California.  

Welcome to the second half of my conversation with Amelie. We continue our discussion around deep seeded fears that hold us back, particularly the image in our heads of where we *should* be compared to where we *are*.  Amelie falls into the trap of comparing herself to the likes of Picasso which only makes her question her own abilities. But with some self awareness she knows creating art is what she is meant to do and I'm in awe of her commitment to it. She also shares how she's managed in Covid, which has been a very isolating time for her, but how she's used the silence to make changes and bolster her creativity. Transcribed conversation here. Connect with Amelie: - website - Etsy shop - Instagram - Facebook - The Artists Way by Julia Cameron Connect with Leith: - Website - Instagram - Facebook This show is produced by The Tomato Farm from Mountain View, California.  

Amelie is an artist and I can't think of another profession that comes with so many deep seeded stereotypes and beliefs. Amelie opens up about these cultural beliefs that have had her feeling stuck. Stuck and fearful of becoming that starving artist and how she's had to question those beliefs to move forward and continue to create. We also have a great discussion around experimentation and the guilt that comes with doing an activity for joy rather than for productivity or a desired end goal. Amelie's path has been anything but conventional and she's overcome so much to remain true to her artist drive with great lessons along the way. Transcribed conversation here. Connect with Amelie: - website - Etsy shop - Instagram - Facebook - The Artists Way by Julia Cameron Connect with Leith: - Website - Instagram - Facebook This show is produced by The Tomato Farm from Mountain View, California.  

Sara's journey to acknowledge "I don't know what I am doing" has been quite the meandering one. She questions herself and her knowledge. She questions her life plan. She loses her job in Covid. She shares how stepping away from her career has given her a new perspective of herself and her expertise. With this has come new found confidence to follow her curiosity. She is now embarking on a new adventure into academia.  Transcribed conversation here. Connect with Leith: - Website - Instagram - Facebook This show is produced by The Tomato Farm, Mountain View, California.

We spoke while she was in Kenya completing a chapter of her career in agriculture development before returning to the US. She shares how Covid has disintegrated her life plan and the planner in her has had to mourn the loss of her job and who she thought she was. I love how Sara shares openly about being dependent on manager approval to feel like she was doing a good job and the impact of not getting that approval on her confidence and self worth. Boy can I relate to that. Transcribed conversation here. Connect with Leith: - Website - Instagram - Facebook This show is produced by The Tomato Farm.

Today is the second half of my conversation with Brooke. This week we discuss Brooke's beliefs around asking for help and money that she's been forced to revisit to financially survive the pandemic and how it's frigging hard to recognize these beliefs are no longer useful and make changes. We also get into how fear of death drives a lot of her choices in this pandemic and how she's managing.

When the pandemic hit Brooke was a thriving stage actress, theatre producer and soon-to-be new mom. She shares so openly and vulnerably how her world has been turned upside down. She's had to reinvent herself online to earn a living and navigate pregnancy, delivery and motherhood from a very isolated space. We discuss the value in connection to our communities and to our friends and family. And we touch on how fear can interfere with that connection and impact our emotional wellbeing.

Today is the second half of my conversation with the unstoppable Sarah. What I love about this conversation is how we keep coming back to our intuition. Intuition is necessary to give us clarity on the choices right in front of us. And in order to tap into that intuition we have to get out of our heads and reconnect with our bodies; be able to sit with a choice and see how it feels. Sarah's comfort in doing this allows her to follow her intuition, be curious and explore a wide assortment of things.  

I love how Sarah talks about being multifaceted. Not only is she an elementary school teacher, a mom and a wife but she's also a creator. She's created one online business after the next. She's managed to thrive in Covid because of a morning routine she created for herself from a time when she was stuck and depressed and knew she wasn't where she was supposed to be. She shares her journey of getting back into the drivers seat of life, taking back control and getting unstuck.

Today is the second half of my conversation with Traci. She opens up about the story that has defined much of her adult life: her father was a junkie and she came from a drug-filled neighbourhood. She talks about learning to understand that isn't her whole story, she's more than that. She's the AUTHOR of her own story. We discuss giving ourselves permission to heal from the tough stories we tell ourselves in order to let go of them, reframe them and move forward.

Traci's story is unbelievable because of the adversity COVID brought to her life. She'd dedicated the previous 3 years to developing a very personal photo exhibit to be launched in 2020. What is truly amazing about Traci is, despite this, she receives COVID as an opportunity; an opportunity to reconnect with herself after feeling depleted. It's almost as if COVID was here for her, here to shake things up, to get her to reevaluate things. 

In this half of our conversation, Nikki and I both admit to getting stuck in our heads (and being really hard on ourselves). And Nikki talks about how she's learning to get out of her head and into her heart and listen to her gut instincts. This is helping her learn what she needs for herself and she's getting better at advocating for those needs. We talk about how the pandemic has changed her life and forced her to see she was prioritizing other people's ambitions and needs over her own.

Nikki talks about unraveling old beliefs that had her stuck, feeling not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough and never enough. And how she's turned her life into an experiment; she's trying new things to explore what lights her up and what drains her of energy. She's on a mission to better understand who she is at her core; because that Nikki is worthy of love, worthy of dreaming and worthy of following that dream.

​It has been an emotional rollercoaster for me this year. Covid has had me moving from one stuck space to the next. I've felt like I've had lead feet and a foggy brain.  But Covid has taught me: when everything feels hopeless we are challenged to change ourselves. It's an internal journey, not an external one.  This comes across in each conversation I have this season. Covid is making us take an audit of our lives and really evaluate what gives us energy and what lights our fire.   

In this half of our conversation, Kristen and I get into some juicy discussions on equality, politics and self love. I ask the questions I REALLY want to ask; I push aside the feelings of fear and come from a place of genuine curiosity. I think this pays off :) I love how Kristen sums up her journey: it’s been about self love, self acceptance and putting her own needs first. This mirrors my journey too. And that feels like the perfect ending to season 2 of FindingME. 

It was a severely broken ankle and a self-help book that launched Kristen on a path of self discovery and changed her life. I love how she learned to seek help. She’s used books, self-help courses and therapists to carve out time and space to think more deeply about parts of her life. Could her relationship with her parents be something other than a lot of guilt and an assumption “that’s just the way it is?”

I love Jennifer's honesty about impostor syndrome and fear of failure, even as an outwardly confident Lawyer. And the story she shares about the mentor who championed her out of her comfort zone and into a new role at work really stands out for me.  Jennifer’s mentor didn’t assume Jennifer was exactly where she needed to be in her career or assume she wouldn’t be interested in a role outside of her training in the Law. She asked from a place of curiosity. Listened. And then advocated for her. 

I love Zoe’s journey of learning to slow down, to give herself time and space to stop moving and to be with her own thoughts. And that has actually given her more energy, more confidence and more purpose. She’s brought back art into her life and she’s doing it for the sake of enjoyment instead of worrying about where it might take her. She's embarking on a new chapter: listening to her own needs, finding joy in the small things and re-learning that life is a journey, not an end destination.

In this half of the conversation, Melina talks about how she went back into the corporate world, in a new career after time off with her daughter. I admire Melina’s courage to be open and honest with friends and former colleagues about not knowing her next step. But she didn’t stop there, she asked for help in coming up with new career ideas. And from there she tapped into her genuine curiosity and explored the possibilities. Her vulnerability combined with her innate trust in herself, listening to her instincts, allowed her to move forward. 

Melina shares her journey to become a trial lawyer and how she tries to maintain her career when she becomes a new mom. It felt to me like she pulled out ALL the stops to make it work, her daughter even had elite status on United Airlines! But the logistics and the guilt become all consuming and a series of events lead to a breaking point. “Leaning in” took its toll. This is Melina’s journey of falling down, feeling like she was giving up and the courage she summoned to pick herself up again.

I really relate to Wendy's journey of following the motions of what everyone else was doing when she was looking at careers. And for 18 years she fell into a pattern of thinking that she should want what everyone else wanted: to move up the ladder within her industry. The rat race simply felt like “life”. It took a cancer diagnosis for Wendy to look beyond what she had been conditioned to want and ask herself “how much of this was my idea?” and “what do I really want?”

I love Felicia’s journey of learning to question her Ego and the stories she was telling herself, particularly around her marriage. And how she learns to separate her Ego and her fears from who she is intrinsically. As soon as she had the self awareness to recognize her emotions were being driven by her Ego - which was essentially her mind’s way of dealing with the fear and vulnerability she was feeling - she was able to let go and to move forward. And THAT space was where the real clarity and inspiration began to grow. 

Felicia's journey is a reminder to me that change is a process and takes time. For Felicia it started with 7 years of therapy, where she invested a lot of time working on herself, gaining an awareness around her own needs and what was driving her decisions. And only once she was able to change her relationship with herself did she have the clarity to change her dysfunctional marriage and move forward. 

Sabrina’s journey from a very dark place of feeling useless, not worthy of being on this planet, to making decisions that bring her joy like having a dog and owning an Airstream, is nothing short of amazing in my mind. It makes me feel like anything is possible, that feeling stuck is a temporary place. I love how she talks about being open to learning about yourself; about reflecting on what is working in your life and using that as a stepping stone to what lies next.

Sabrina’s journey from believing she was useless and contemplating suicide to writing a book and being in a healthy relationship is so inspiring to me. I love how she talks about having to cultivate a different relationship with her self, to really care about what she wanted and needed without overriding her own instincts. And only once she listened, truly listened to her self, was she able to make healthier choices and change her dysfunctional relationships with her family.

It’s been my struggles during this quarantine that has made me feel now, more than ever, the importance of sharing the journeys of these women,and women in general. We’ve been forced into this experience of physical separation and along with the fear a pandemic naturally brings, it feels to me, that our ability to emotionally connect with one another has almost been severed.  But it's our stories, our journeys, that have the ability to connect us. And this feels so much more necessary and urgent right now.  

My thoughts around the "success" of my first season, the challenges of creating this second season and what is really motivating me to carry on.  This journey of reconnecting with my inner self/my authentic self/my true nature/my true self, whatever you want to call it continues. I’m still FINDING ME. 

Elizabeth blew me away because of how in tune she is with her inner self. She trusts her intuition 110%. Despite having an incredible self awareness of who she is she has struggled to find a partner and create intimacy and connection in her life. It made me realize that it’s one thing to know who you are and another thing entirely to bare that person to the world. Elizabeth is so inspiring because she lays it all out in this conversation. She shares a dark time in her life when she had a mental breakdown and she admits many of her fears that have influenced who she is today. She is vulnerable. She is honest. She is real.

Thao’s journey to liberate herself from the need to conform is incredible. After a panic attack that keeps her in bed for two days she makes dramatic changes to her life. She’s a testament to the fact that no matter how strongly we feel external pressures to conform there’s the real us inside who needs to feel seen and heard. It’s why we’re here.

Brooke’s journey to understand she was enough, that she could show up as she is and there would be a place for her in the performing arts is nothing short of inspiring. She overcomes anorexia, feelings of depression and guilt to ultimately get to a place where she allows herself to open up to new ways of learning, new ways of viewing her body, new ways of viewing herself on stage and new ways of viewing her religious beliefs.

Carolina’s journey is so inspiring to me because it takes a severe health issue for her to realize she wasn’t listening to all parts of her self. Rather than fighting the different sides she opens herself up to the possibility of bringing them together and, as a result, her health problems have disappeared and she’s feeling energized and excited to be following both her head and her heart and helping others in ways she never would have imagined.