Living a Life That Matters

Time can take its toll on relationships and the longer you've been together, the more that toll can be. Unless.....you get deliberate about some fundamental things again. In this week's episode of Living a Life That Matters, host Rob Bialostocki provides a gentle challenge that can breathe a freshness back into your love relationships.------------------------------Link to the Gottman Institute (great stuff here!): https://www.gottman.com Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/robbial)

A darling of the self-help movement (especially the gurus and 'Bosses'), the idea that you should find and follow your passion is not very helpful. It seems Ok on the outside but it's almost a never-ending search for most people who've tried.If you've ever tried to find your passion you'll know how frustrating it is.In this episode, Rob explores this notion and unpacks why it doesn't offer the guidance and motivation promised by many. Grab a cuppa and spent 15-odd minutes exploring why, and looking at what is a far more helpful approach to living a life that matters to you.Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/robbial)

Long-term relationships seem to have a hard time when you get to your middle years. At best, the relationship has changed significantly since your earlier years, and at worst, it's over. Most midlife life couples have settled for mediocrity. And why is that?In this episode, Rob discuss the factors that make a long-term relationship continue to grow and be loving for all concerned. And talks about the research of John Gottman who is an American family psychologist. He reckons he can tell within 5 minutes of observing a couple, whether they will divorce or not. And he is 94% right!Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/robbial)

When did you last have creative fun? Act like a child again, or join in with the kids at the park or on the floor? Has life got so serious that it all feels so very adult? Sure, we shouldn’t be childish because that’s just weird. But there’s good research to suggest that re-igniting a sense of childlike play is very good for us. Rob looks at some ways we can do that without looking like dork.Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/robbial)

Most news, magazines and conversations are filled with opinions. It’s part of what makes us human, even when we don’t think we’re offering an opinion! But we don’t really have the time or energy to listen to, and consider, every opinion we come across. Nor should we be so reactive when other’s give us their opinion either. In this episode, Rob discusses:What opinions actually areWhy we all have them (it helps us understand where others are coming from)Three reasons we may have an agenda (and probably do)Three common areas people will give you their opinionHow to differentiate the kind of information to pay attention toThree ways to know what’s best for your time and energy.Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/robbial)

"On 10 February 1940, at 7.15 in the morning, we were taken from home, (Hela, Rysio and me) and deported to Siberia in Russia." This is taken from my Grandfather's memoirs and records the moment his and his family's lives changed forever.Given what happened, you would expect him to be full of hate, anger and despair. But the man I knew wasn't like that. He had accepted the thing that we talk about today: That we are not in control of our external world, and should never expect to be.But we are in control of something far more important.Hear a bit of the Bialostocki family story, and what that one thing is, in today's podcast.Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/robbial)

I wish that we would all listen to each other much more. In fact, I think it's the main cause of disconnection and discontent in relationships. It's a key reason why there are misunderstandings, misalignments, and missing teenagers. You know, they're there but they're not really with you?How can you improve your listening skills? In this episode I share an approach I've used for over 20 years in my coaching. And no, it's not reflecting back what you think they said.If you want to have people be more open to you, be more responsive, and share their true thoughts and feelings more, then you need to be a better listener. Try these ideas out, and see what happens.Show NotesThe goal of communication is not for you to speakIt’s for both parties to understand each otherWhile someone is speaking, you should stop talkingYou can’t listen while trying to speakNotice what’s going through your mind - are you concentrating on them?Don’t trump someone else’s story with yours - that's lameListen for keywords and phrases - I explain howAsk three questions before you respond“What do you mean?” or “When you say X, what do you mean?”or “What’s an example?” or “Why are you worried about that in particular?”Move from guessing what they mean, to knowing for sureThen respond and it’ll be a better conversation for both partiesAnd you'll develop better relationships with more trust.Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/robbial)

Us mid-lifers laugh with each other about being at the stage in life where 'everything's heading South.' You know, your tummy isn't as tight as it used to be, your butt is starting to sag, and you can't run as fast as you did when you were younger.In this episode, Rob looks at the limitations we face in midlife and shows how that's actually great news! Using personal examples from do-it-yourself-jobs, trying to learn new skills, and not being able to stay up late anymore, Rob encourages us to look instead at the things we now have, that we couldn't have when we were younger.Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/robbial)

Quite a few people begin to reconsider their work when they get into their middle years. It's only natural, you're looking at options and wondering whether things could be better.One of those options is working for yourself in your own business. That can often mean taking your key skills and turning them into a consulting practise or something like that.But, is it for you? And what are the benefits anyway?In this episode, Rob (who has been solo consulting since 2008) offers four things that working for yourself gives you that you probably don't get in your current job.TWO RESOURCES1. The Free Checklist - a one-page PDF with key areas to look at to test your suitability to working for yourself.2. A short video-course where Rob leads you through a series of brief worksheets covering readiness, clients, finance and market. It's called Yay, Nay or Not Yet and you can get it for 25% off the normal price of $27 USD. Pay just $19. Check it out first before you decide.Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/robbial)

The modern ideal seems to be to rush around being super-busy all the time. It's like a badge of honour. But there is trouble lurking beneath the veil of that ideal. Constant busyness costs you. Big time.Using an example from one of his coaching clients, Rob shows how he helped her reduce her tension, improve her clarity and think more effectively.A technique that you can put to good use too!Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/robbial)

In our workplaces, on our screens, and in our movies we're often told that to be successful you need to have and exhibit power. But the kind of power promoted has its limitations. Big ones, in fact.In this episode, Rob explores what they are and why there are better alternatives that you and I could focus on to be successful in our endeavours and relationships.You might be surprised at what he suggests we make room for in our lives.Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/robbial)

Rob Bialostocki, expert at feeling stuck and flat at times, discusses why that happens (quite often in people's midlife stage) and offers practical suggestions on how you can breathe new life into your experience.And it doesn't involved dangling crystals, eating alfalfa sprouts or ditching your husband (or wife). He suggests two strategies: widening your visual field, and deepening your expertise. Both have the potential to get you unstuck and feeling good again.Find out more in today's podcast.Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/robbial)

Midlife can be confusing and sometimes you find your mind filled with all sorts of thoughts - some helpful, some not. How can you tame the mind? Can you tame the mind?Well, you've no doubt heard of mindfulness. But what exactly is it? And is it something that normal people would want to do?! In this episode, Rob discusses what mindfulness is, why it's beneficial, and guides you through a short exercise.We promise you, that at the end of the short (very normal) exercise, you will feel better!Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/robbial)

Following on from the previous list (we didn't get to 10!) Rob explores five more things that matter in midlife, at least from his perspective. Some of these you'll probably find quite surprising (like the first one - hint, it involves a couch). He covers:1. Snoozing in the afternoon (and the benefits to thinking and creativity)2. Listening to understand (something that is done poorly in the corporate world)3. Asking good question (ones that help you show care and empathy with others)4. Noticing (not just seeing, but actually noticing)5. Saying no (so you exercise choice and control of your time and attention).So, grab a cuppa and enjoy these tips for life and work. Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/robbial)

What happens when things haven't gone to plan in your life? Do you get flattened by them? Have you lost hope? Is there anything good that can come out of divorce, redundnacy or financial failure? In this episode, Rob shares five lessons he's learned from five things that have NOT gone to plan.Rather than wallow in self-pity and "what-ifs," Rob suggests that we should turn failures into insights both for ourselves and so we can help and mentor others in their life's journey. So, here are his insights... Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/robbial)

Clearly, not everything in life that we can pay attention to, give our time and energy to, and commit to is of equal importance. It can't be - we've got along fine as the human race for centuries without much of what we're told is 'important' today. So, not everything matters. And living like it all does is doing us no favours.In this episode, Rob suggests 10 things that do matter, to varying degrees. Of course, these insights come from his life, but no doubt you'll have your own. It's not that there's a definitive master list out there, it's that we should all be very aware of what's important to us, and to others and the world, and live accordingly.If we're to craft a life we want, one that matters, this is vital work.Leave a comment or email me (mailto:rob@robbialostocki.com) your ideas and feedback on this podcast. Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/robbial)

In today's epsiode, we're going to explore how to make changes in your life. Not what those changes should be, but once you've zeroed in on something you want to stop, adapt or start, how can you make progress?Changing some aspect of your life is not necessarily easy, although it CAN be simple. It depends how you see it, and what you think is needed for change to occur. Rob suggests, it may be a lot simpler than you think. Not easy, but simple. Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/robbial)

It happens. Some days you just don't enjoy the work you've been doing. But when that turns into a 'I don't wanna go to work any more!' thing, then you need to pause, reflect and figure out what's going on. Maybe you're bored. Maybe you've grown way past the work you once enjoyed - after all, you've moved on as a person, right?In this episode, Rob shares strategies for when your work doesn't grab you like it once did. Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/robbial)

Our lives should matter to us - to be the kind of life we really want to live. But they should also matter to those less fortunate. Everywhere around us are people who are slower, more frail, lonely, needing help, or just needing a mentor.Today's episode is a chat with an ordinary person who, along with her husband Alistair, is trying to make a difference in the course of her every day with just these kinds of people. Meet Dr Michelle Kelly. Top scientist, oldest sister (hence leading the care of her remaining parent), philanthorper, and genuinely good person.Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/robbial)

I was married for 29 years. Divorce was never going to be an option and for decades, it wasn't. But it did. And then, I was not going to get together with any else because I didn't want to be accused of having an affair. But eventually, I found love again. And today's episode is about how we decided to approach it second time around.Rob also covers doubts people sometimes have like, "Will anyone ever want me now that I'm much older?" and "Will it work second time, it didn't the first time" and so on.Stay tuned for honest talk with Rob. Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/robbial)