Podcasts about gottman institute

Feeling safe in a relationship isn't just about talking things through—it's about what happens deep within our bodies. When emotional wounds strike or betrayals occur, the impact is felt not only in the heart but in the nervous system, shifting how we experience and respond to our partners. Real healing goes beyond surface-level dialogue and requires us to understand how our physiological state shapes our sense of security, trust, and connection. In this episode, listeners are guided to rethink emotional safety as a whole-body experience. By unpacking the link between the nervous system and relationship repair, the discussion provides science-backed insights and actionable strategies to rebuild trust and connection after relational harm. Whether you're seeking healing after a rupture or tools for ongoing growth, this episode offers a fresh, embodied perspective on what it takes to create lasting emotional safety. Dr. Monique Thompson is a trauma-informed therapist, life coach, and best-selling author with over two decades of clinical experience. Her work integrates Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Brainspotting, Internal Family Systems (IFS), Polyvagal-informed care, and principles of epigenetics to help individuals and couples heal trauma, rebuild trust, and create lasting emotional regulation and resilience.   Episode Highlights 03:56 Reflecting on healing through a car wreck metaphor. 09:09 Exploring Jill Bo Taylor's groundbreaking insights. 15:37 Exploring modern infidelity in relationships. 17:57 Exploring complex relationship dynamics and boundaries. 20:25 Addressing hidden relationship issues. 24:38 Exploring the hidden mental health benefits of walking. 28:35 Exploring color connections to mood during walks. 31:51 Reflecting on and expressing gratitude with loved ones. 36:12 Decoding therapy lingo and referral insights. 39:36 Navigating decisions with trauma awareness. 43:34 Navigating healing after childhood trauma. 48:58 Exploring stress and its hidden effects. 50:29 Exploring the concept of emotional hygiene. 53:32 Discovering unexpected insights from partners who cheated. 57:04 Exploring relationship growth resources.   Your Checklist of Actions to Take Pause and Breathe: Take a moment of pause with deep breaths to settle yourself and become present before addressing relationship issues. Self-Inquiry: Regularly check in with your deeper feelings and truths, beyond your immediate surface reactions, to get clarity on your emotional state. Take Ownership: If you've contributed to a rupture, take personal responsibility and reflect on the most obvious way you can begin repair, such as ending harmful behaviors. Prioritize Emotional Check-ins: After a rupture or betrayal, consistently check in emotionally with both yourself and your partner to stay aware of what you both need. Spend Time in Nature: Set aside at least 11 minutes outside, either walking or sitting, to help lower stress levels and support nervous system regulation. Engage in Movement: Use mindful walks of 30-45 minutes to process emotions and shift your physiological state toward calm and self-connection. Invite Supportive Companions: Bring to mind or reach out to someone who has supported you in the past, letting their positive influence help regulate your emotions. Seek Professional Guidance: If trauma or recurring ruptures persist, consult a trauma-informed therapist or coach, asking for specific referrals rather than relying on generic online searches.   Mentioned Infidelity Recovery Workbook for Couples (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book) My stroke of insight (TED) (video) Helen Fisher (website) Polyvagal Theory (website) Gottman Institute (website) Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Depression 12 Relationship Principles to Strengthen Your Love (free guide)   Connect with Dr. Monique Thompson Website: doctormoniquethompson.com Facebook: facebook.com/MoniqueThompsonLPC YouTube: youtube.com/@mthompsonlpc Instagram: instagram.com/drmoniquethompson LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/dr-monique-thompson-dha-lpc-lpc-s-a3066041  

Send us Fan MailYour home doesn't need a “perfect dad” to feel steady, but it does need a present one. Casey sits down again with Colin Henderson for 2nd time as a guest on the podcast.  Today, they have a very candid conversation that moves from co-parenting realities to the daily relationship habits that most of us ignore until things start to break. Colin shares what changed after a major life transition, what he learned while mending a broken heart, and what it takes to keep showing up for your kids with consistency and care. We dig into the real mechanics of healthy relationships: why unmet needs turn into resentment, how poor communication creates distance, and how childhood conditioning and attachment styles quietly steer adult conflict. Colin pulls from the Gottman Institute research and lays out the “Four Horsemen” that poison connection, then replaces them with a better system built on empathy, curiosity, and honest check-ins. We also talk about masculinity in 2026, emotional intelligence for dads, and why “strength under control” might be the leadership upgrade families are craving. You'll also hear practical, no-nonsense advice on invisible labor and the mental load at home, plus book recommendations like Black Belt Husband. Colin closes by sharing The Oz Method, his new book on the psychology of influence and behavior change, and why dads and leaders should care about what actually moves people to change. If you got value from this, subscribe, share this with a dad who needs it, and leave a quick review so more families can find the show.Support the showPlease don't forget to leave us a review wherever you consume your podcasts!  Please help us get more dads to listen weekly and become the ultimate leader of their homes! 

Welcome to the podcast! In this episode, Sara and Anna are back after a little recording pause, with Sara bringing her post-yoga-retreat glow from sunny Spain and a few reflections on what happens when we step away from everyday noise, screens and routines. There's sunshine, yoga under a Bedouin tent, cello music, middle-aged women drinking wine before morning yoga, and the reminder that real-life connection still matters more than anything we can find on a screen. Love Desk This week's Love Desk brings a wedding story none of us would want to live through. Sara shares the recent story of a bride in Kent who was reportedly covered in black paint by her sister-in-law moments before walking down the aisle. Despite the shock, the bride changed dresses and still went ahead with the ceremony. Sara and Anna discuss: • family feuds and the damage they can cause • what it means to start married life with unresolved family tension • the resilience it must have taken to carry on • why sometimes the “high road” is the only road left And yes, as two engaged women, they are both horrified. Hot Topic: The 35-Minute Marriage Problem The main discussion explores research suggesting that many couples spend hours in each other's company each week, but only around 35 minutes in meaningful conversation. Sara and Anna chat about how this happens so quietly. Not through one big dramatic moment, but through the slow creep of everyday life. Work. Children. Screens. Tiredness. Logistics. Dinner in front of the TV. Messages about who is picking up what, rather than real chats about how you both are. They explore: • the difference between being together and truly connecting • why scrolling can become a way of numbing out • how holidays often show us what we are missing • why transactional conversations can quietly take over • the difference between comfortable silence and heavy silence • how to start rebuilding connection with small, low-pressure steps Sara shares that connection often starts with awareness. You cannot change a pattern you have not noticed yet. Anna reflects on how difficult it can feel when a couple has fallen out of the habit of chatting properly. Sometimes there are too many emotional landmines, and even simple topics feel risky. Their advice is to start small. Create screen-free time. Choose safe topics. Talk about something low-stakes. Share something from your day, even if your partner does not share the same interest. The point is not always the topic. The point is the reaching out. Listener Question How do you know the difference between a rough patch in a relationship and a sign that you're genuinely growing apart? Sara and Anna explore the difference between a difficult season and a deeper relationship shift. A rough patch may still have love, willingness and a desire to find your way back. Growing apart can feel more like emotional distance, loss of intimacy, or the sense that you no longer know how to reach each other. They also discuss the Gottman Institute's Four Horsemen: • criticism • contempt • defensiveness • stonewalling Contempt gets particular attention, because it can be one of the clearest warning signs that respect has been badly damaged. Eye rolling, humiliation, disgust, public put-downs and silent resentment can all point to something deeper than everyday frustration. But they also reflect on the importance of getting support before making big decisions from inside the fog of hurt, resentment or disconnection. Sometimes the relationship is over. Sometimes there is still love there, but it has been buried under tiredness, disappointment and old patterns. The key is to get honest, get curious, and look at what is really happening beneath the surface. Final Thought Connection is not built in grand gestures. It is built in small, steady moments. The little chats. The safe topics. The willingness to try again. The choice to look up from the phone. The decision to turn towards each other, even when it feels a bit awkward at first. As Sara says, in the tougher times, it helps to remember how much you still love each other, and how good it can be. Get in touch Sara Liddle info@inflori.co.uk www.inflori.co.uk Anna Stratis coachdocanna@gmail.com www.coachdocanna.com

Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 3036: Dr. Kathy McMahon explores how emotional invalidation quietly damages trust, intimacy, and self-esteem in relationships. Drawing on the Gottmans' stress-reducing conversation technique, she explains how small daily conversations can help couples feel emotionally safe, heard, and supported while revealing deeper unhealthy communication patterns that may need professional attention. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://www.couplestherapyinc.com/invalidating-feelings-try-a-stress-reducing-conversation/ Quotes to ponder: "The listener doesn't have to solve the problem. They simply need to be present, pay attention, and try to understand and empathize." "Feelings are invalidated when they are deemed worthless, or unimportant." "The goal is to provide an opportunity to practice supportive and encouraging talks." Episode references: The Gottman Institute: https://www.gottman.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Por estos días el Gottman Institute difundió el concepto de “Embargo sexual” acuñado por la terapeuta Jordan Rullo y no tardó en empezar a viralizarse porque suena un tanto a castigo, a retiro, a falta. En una cultura que insiste en que el sexo es un indicador de salud vincular, con toda esta difusión negativa de la recesión sexual, proponer dejar de tenerlo parece ir en contra de todo lo que aprendimos. ¿Cómo podría un vínculo mejorar su intimidad suspendiendo aquello que, en teoría, la sostiene? Un estudio del American Journal of Family Therapy del 2025 identificó las 7 amenazas a la longevidad matrimonial y ninguna de ellas fue la falta de sexo compartido. 

What do you do when you're willing to work on the relationship, but your spouse won't attend therapy?This is one of the most painful dynamics I see in clinical work—because healing often feels stalled when one person is carrying the emotional labor alone. But while you cannot control someone else's willingness, you can begin shifting the relational system through boundaries, emotional regulation, clearer communication, and self-awareness.One research-backed framework I often reference is Dr. John Gottman's “Four Horsemen” of destructive communication: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling—patterns that can quietly erode connection over time. Learning to spot them is a powerful first step toward healthier dialogue.Read more here: The Gottman Institute's Four Horsemen articleIf this conversation resonates with your story, I'd love to support your healing journey.✨ Counseling + resources: Moved by Grace Counseling

What happens when the stress of parenting slowly replaces the friendship, intimacy, and teamwork that once held a marriage together? For many couples, the transition into parenthood introduces emotional exhaustion, communication breakdowns, and daily tension that quietly reshapes the atmosphere of the home. Research consistently shows that marital satisfaction often declines after children enter the picture, leaving many families struggling to maintain emotional connection while navigating the demands of everyday life. According to research from the Gottman Institute, approximately 66% to 70% of married couples experience a significant decline in marital satisfaction within the first three years after having children. Additional findings suggest that nearly 47% of parents admit they remain together primarily for the sake of their children despite feeling emotionally disconnected from one another. These realities highlight how unresolved conflict, chronic stress, and ineffective communication can quietly transform the emotional climate of a household. At the same time, families overwhelmingly recognize the importance of emotional connection and partnership inside the home. Research from the Pew Research Center found that nearly 70% of American parents consider open communication and emotional connection “very important” to a successful marriage. Additionally, 62% of married adults identified sharing household responsibilities as a major contributor to marital satisfaction and long-term relationship stability. In this insightful and deeply practical episode, relational counselor and licensed marriage and family therapist Jan Talen shares how families can move from emotional chaos to emotional calm through intentional communication, relational awareness, and practical behavioral tools. Drawing from more than 35 years of counseling experience, Jan introduces listeners to the “DNA Way to Communicate,” a framework designed to help couples rebuild unity, reduce conflict, and create a calmer emotional environment for both marriage and parenting. Through her “Family Crazy to Family Calm” approach, Jan explains how couples can begin by clearly defining the desires and dreams they have for their marriage and family, learning the necessary relational skills required to strengthen connection, and intentionally applying those skills in everyday life. Her work focuses on helping couples become a steady, united parenting team while creating space for wisdom, emotional safety, and long-term relational health inside the home. This conversation explores the realities many couples quietly face after children enter the picture, the emotional cost of unresolved tension within a household, and why calm communication is often one of the greatest gifts parents can offer both their marriage and their children. Jan also discusses the importance of practical emotional skills, integrating spiritual principles when desired, and helping families create sustainable habits that foster emotional resilience and lasting connection. Whether your household feels overwhelmed by stress, strained by communication challenges, or simply disconnected from the peace you once envisioned for your family, this episode offers practical guidance, hope, and actionable tools for creating healthier relationships and a calmer home environment.     For more information: https://www.usandkids.com/ Take the Quiz: https://info.focusonthefamily.ca/marriage-assessment Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If your fear of rejection has ever stopped you from reaching out, starting a conversation, or putting yourself out there… this episode is going to challenge everything you think you know.In this episode, I break down the science behind rejection and why you're actually not getting rejected nearly as much as you think. Using research from Stanford, insights from the Gottman Institute, and the work of friendship expert Marisa Franco, you'll see how your brain is exaggerating the risk of rejection—and how that fear is quietly holding you back from the friendships you actually want.Get your "12 Questions to Ask Before You End the Friendship" Guide for FREE here!Support the showWant to work with Zoe 1-on-1 for personalized friendship coaching for that extra push and source of accountability? Zoe has limited slots available on a rolling basis, so please email contact@accidentallyintentional.com (subject line: COACH ME) and the team will be in touch with next steps!Subscribe to the Leveled Up Friendships YouTube channel!

When a White House shooting is met with memes and NBA highlights, it signals a historic collapse of the social contract. As trust in government hits a record low in 2025, we analyze Pew Research data and apply Gottman Institute relationship repair techniques to understand the rise of American apathy.Someone shot at the White House. The public reaction? Jokes. Memes. A quick scroll, then back to the NBA playoffs. Nobody believes anything anymore. We're not shocked. And that might be the most dangerous thing happening in America right now.In this Episode, Dr. Marjorie and Michael (educators, co-parents navigate parenting after divorce) dig into what it means to raise kids in a broken system during a full democracy crisis. From Jane Mayer's Dark Money to what we teach kids about trust when leadership fails, this co-parenting podcast moves from the national to the intimate.If you're tired of politics, overwhelmed by politics, or have simply stopped caring — political burnout is real. But so is the cost of checking out when you're raising kids in uncertain times with co-parenting different values.Can broken trust be repaired? Dr. Marjorie and Michael use their own co-parenting relationship as the template. The answer is more complicated than you think.

he promise of the Mishkan end with: “I will not be disgusted by you”?Why introduce rejection in the middle of love?Most human dysfunction begins with one fear:“If you really knew me, you would leave.”In this shiur, delivered in Tomer Devorah, Rav Burg explores: • the psychology of shame • why human beings hide • the fear beneath perfectionism, defensiveness, people-pleasing, anger, addiction, and withdrawal • the Gottman Institute's concept of contempt as the destroyer of attachment • Adam HaRishon's first reaction to sin: hiding • and the radically different relationship Hashem offers humanity:“I already see everything and I am still here.”The Mishkan is not merely a place where Hashem dwells. It is the destruction of shame itself.

"I spent five years hurting a good woman by staying with her but never fully choosing her." That one sentence, written by Bryan Reeves, has been read by tens of millions of people. On this episode of Men Talking Mindfulness, hosts Jon Macaskill and Will Schneider sit down with Bryan... former U.S. Air Force captain, relationship coach, and author of the book Choose Her Every Day or Leave Her... to talk about what men actually get wrong in their relationships and what it takes to fix it.Bryan gets into the paradox at the center of every committed relationship... the need to care deeply about your partner while also holding onto yourself. He talks about why so many men bounce between total sacrifice and total detachment, why "what would serve we?" is the most powerful question a couple can ask, and why connection time is not productive time, even though every mission-oriented bone in your body says otherwise.Jon and Bryan go deep on the two fears that show up in men over and over again... "I'm not worthy of love" and "I'm going to mess this up." They get into how those fears drive the shame cycle in relationships and how mindfulness is the practice that interrupts it. Bryan shares a story about studying the Tao Te Ching while being completely unable to apply any of it in his own relationship. Twenty-five years later, he can. The difference is reps.They also talk about when leaving is the most loving choice, why men need men's work that isn't just beer and football, and why learning to play again matters more than most men realize.What you'll hear in this episode:Why "checking the box" on your relationship is slowly killing itThe paradox of caring and not caring at the same timeThe two core fears men bring to relationships and how they feed the shame cycleHow mindfulness gives you access to repair after a fightWhy the Gottman Institute says arguing past ten minutes is pointlessWhen leaving in love is the right choiceWhy men's work and play are connected to being a better partner and parentBryan's book: Choose Her Every Day or Leave Her Bryan's website: bryanreeves.com (Bryan with a Y) Bryan's programs: Elevate Your Relationship, Elevate 2026 (annual men's group)Jon and Will's new course is coming out soon... sign up here to stay in the loop https://focusnowtraining.com/a2a-course-interestSign up for our newsletter... text MTM to 33777.Jon's new book, DIAL in Your Leadership: 4 Non-negotiables for Leading with Clarity, Trust, and Purpose, is available now on Amazon. https://a.co/d/0hYwI2SzFollow Men Talking Mindfulness, Jon Macaskill, and Will Schneider for more.Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy for more information.

You know the moment. She comes at you with heat — frustrated, hurt, disappointed, or just a lot — and something inside you freezes.Maybe you start minimizing her experience ("It's not that bad"; "You're exaggerating"). Or you lawyer up ("Well but you also said ____" or "That's not what I meant; if you'd just listen while I explained..."). Or you look present, but you're not.It's one of the most common patterns we see in hetero relationships. And the story we've been told about why it happens is mostly wrong.Here, Jason and I dig into what's actually going on when her intensity floods you — and surprising research on this. For example, we still, as a culture, have a story that boys are "strong" and girls are "sensitive," but the Still Face Experiment found that baby boys are actually more emotionally reactive than baby girls, and more dependent on maternal attunement to come back to regulation.Add in the fact that boys receive less comforting touch than girls — more functional, directive touch, less "I've got you" — and by the time you're a grown man, you often don't quite know what it feels like to be truly held. Which means you don't quite know how to hold her. Plus, the Gottman Institute has found that it actually takes a flooded man 20 minutes to come back into presence.Then we get into what actually works. Spoiler: it's not white-knuckling your way through.We also name something critical: none of this is about tolerating emotional abuse. If your partner's intensity is off the charts and the pattern never shifts no matter how present you get — it's time to listen to our episodes on Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).If you've ever looked at your partner mid-conflict and thought I don't know what to do right now or This isn't working; it's just escalating— this one's for you.---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I will help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Mentioned on this episode:Our Generating Polarity in Dating! masterclass coming up on May 29th. Register at: www.melaniecurtin.com/masterclassOur Borderline Personality Disorder episodes: 128 (start here), 313, 345, 354 & 373 (a 2-part series)Memorable quotes from this episode:"Receiving comfort is actually often a struggle for me.""Sometimes the body is activated while the mind suppresses awareness of it.""What are you grounding into?""It's better to tell her you can't be present right now than pretend like you can.""'I'm flooded. I can't receive you the way I want to right now. I need a 20-minute timeout. And then I want to come back.'""It's not about becoming an invulnerable robot that can handle intensity forever.""The more held you are, the more you can hold her.""Investing in other men is the single best investment you can make in your life.""It's like plugging into a source of clean energy you didn't even know was available.""'I had never experienced safe love in that way before.'"

Whether you're married, dating, or flying solo, Dr. Nicole McNichols has some sex advice for you. And you may want to pay attention because McNichols is not only the professor of University of Washington's most sought-after class in its history, she's one of social media's most popular educators on the topic of sex. Pulling from her book, You Could Be Having Better Sex, McNichols shares the latest data that shows good sex is one of the most powerful and effective sources of joy. Good sex, McNichols argues, is a gateway to better health, stronger relationships, and the diverse forms of self-actualization we all crave. And yet, the data suggests that good sex is not happening as often as it could. So how do we start having better sex? As a renowned human sexuality expert, McNichols explains through data how to elevate our sex life through practical tools and relatable case studies. She offers all of it with a gender and orientation inclusive, pleasure-forward perspective. Covering everything from sexual anatomy to orgasm and response, hook-up culture, long-term relationships, ethical non-monogamy, kink, pornography, and consent, McNichols emphasizes a holistic philosophy that eliminates shame and stigma. She aims to normalize open and frank conversations and illustrate how connected sex is a pathway to self-awareness, self-expression, true thriving, and happiness. McNichols wants you to know just how important good sex is, and that she has the advice on how to get it. Dr. Nicole McNichols is an internationally renowned human sexuality professor, author, and speaker whose groundbreaking course, The Diversity of Human Sexuality, is the most popular in the history of the University of Washington, enrolling over 4,000 students annually. Dr. Nicole McNichols received her undergraduate degree from Cornell University and completed her master's in psychology at NYU and PhD in social psychology at the University of Washington. She currently lives in the Seattle area with her husband and three children. Dr. Julie Gottman is a highly respected licensed clinical psychologist and educator and the co-founder of the Gottman Institute. She is sought internationally as an expert advisor on marriage, the treatment of trauma and affairs, sexual harassment and rape, domestic violence, same-sex marriage, and gay and lesbian parenting. She is author or co-author of many books, including best-sellers like Fight Right, The Love Prescription, and Eight Dates, as well as The New Marriage Clinic, and The Marriage Clinic Casebook, Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage, The Man's Guide To Women, and And Baby Makes Three. Buy the Book You Could Be Having Better Sex: The Definitive Guide to a Happier, Healthier, and Hotter Sex Life Third Place Books

Thanks to our Partners, NAPA Auto Care and NAPA TRACS Watch Full Video Episode Recorded live at VISION 2026, host Carm Capriotto and Matt Fanslow explore how lessons from marriage counseling can improve communication in auto repair shops. The core discussion centers on Matt's article for NAPA Auto Care's Insight Magazine, “Your Shop Might Need Marriage Counseling,” and the industry's gap in soft skills. His central argument is simple: most automotive professionals were never taught effective communication or soft skills. In the past, shop culture often relied on public criticism or shame to correct mistakes. Today, that approach backfires, especially for younger technicians, who are more likely to disengage or “quietly quit” in that kind of environment. Matt proposes a different approach: applying communication techniques commonly used in therapy to everyday shop interactions. Drawing from the Gottman Institute, Matt outlines common communication pitfalls: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling, and how they show up daily in shop environments. Key solutions include: Validating feelings, especially with anxious customersCoaching without shame, addressing mistakes privately with supportSeeking outside perspective, using coaches or therapists to uncover blind spots Finally, both Carm and Matt challenge the stigma around seeking outside help. They encourage shop leaders to work with coaches, counselors, or therapists to uncover blind spots and improve their leadership approach. Far from being a weakness, asking for help is framed as a sign of strength and self-awareness. The goal isn't to turn shops into therapy sessions; it's to make small, intentional changes in how people communicate every day. The payoff? Fewer emotional blowups, stronger team culture, and customers who feel safe, heard, and respected. Download Matt Fanslow's Full Article: https://remarkableresults.biz/download/45724/?tmstv=1775829579 VISION Hi-Tech Training and Expo: https://visionkc.com/ Matt Fanslow, Riverside Automotive, Red Wing, MN, Diagnosing the Aftermarket A to Z Podcast: https://mattfanslow.captivate.fm/ Thanks to our Partners, NAPA Auto Care and NAPA TRACS Learn more about NAPA Auto Care and the benefits of being part of the NAPA family by visiting https://www.napaonline.com/en/auto-care NAPA TRACS will move your shop into the SMS fast lane with onsite training and six days a week of support and local representation. Find NAPA TRACS on the Web at http://napatracs.com/ Connect with the Podcast: - Follow on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RemarkableResultsRadioPodcast/ - Join Our Virtual Toastmasters Club: https://remarkableresults.biz/toastmasters - Join Our Private Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1734687266778976 - Subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/carmcapriotto - Follow on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/carmcapriotto/ - Follow on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/remarkableresultsradiopodcast/ - Visit the Website: https://remarkableresults.biz/ - Join our Insider List: https://remarkableresults.biz/insider - All books mentioned on our podcasts: https://remarkableresults.biz/books - Our Classroom page for personal or team learning: https://remarkableresults.biz/classroom - Buy Me a Coffee: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/carm - Special episode collections: https://remarkableresults.biz/collections - The Automotive Repair Podcast Network: https://automotiverepairpodcastnetwork.com/ - Remarkable Results Radio Podcast with Carm Capriotto: Advancing the Aftermarket by Facilitating Wisdom Through Story Telling and Open Discussion. https://remarkableresults.biz/ - Diagnosing the Aftermarket A to Z with Matt Fanslow: From Diagnostics to Metallica and Mental Health, Matt Fanslow is Lifting the Hood on Life. https://mattfanslow.captivate.fm/ - Business by the Numbers with Hunt Demarest: Understand the Numbers of Your Business with CPA Hunt Demarest. https://huntdemarest.captivate.fm/ - The Auto Repair Marketing Podcast with Kim and Brian Walker: Marketing Experts Brian & Kim Walker Work with Shop Owners to Take it to the Next Level. https://autorepairmarketing.captivate.fm/ - The Weekly Blitz with Chris Cotton: Weekly Inspiration with Business Coach Chris Cotton from AutoFix - Auto Shop Coaching. https://chriscotton.captivate.fm/ - Speak Up! Effective Communication with Craig O'Neill:...

Thanks to our Partners, NAPA Auto Care and NAPA TRACS Watch Full Video EpisodeRecorded live at VISION 2026, host Carm Capriotto and Matt Fanslow explore how lessons from marriage counseling can improve communication in auto repair shops.The core discussion centers on Matt's article for NAPA Auto Care's Insight Magazine, “Your Shop Might Need Marriage Counseling,” and the industry's gap in soft skills. His central argument is simple: most automotive professionals were never taught effective communication or soft skills. In the past, shop culture often relied on public criticism or shame to correct mistakes. Today, that approach backfires, especially for younger technicians, who are more likely to disengage or “quietly quit” in that kind of environment.Matt proposes a different approach: applying communication techniques commonly used in therapy to everyday shop interactions.Drawing from the Gottman Institute, Matt outlines common communication pitfalls: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling, and how they show up daily in shop environments.Key solutions include:Validating feelings, especially with anxious customersCoaching without shame, addressing mistakes privately with supportSeeking outside perspective, using coaches or therapists to uncover blind spotsFinally, both Carm and Matt challenge the stigma around seeking outside help. They encourage shop leaders to work with coaches, counselors, or therapists to uncover blind spots and improve their leadership approach. Far from being a weakness, asking for help is framed as a sign of strength and self-awareness.The goal isn't to turn shops into therapy sessions; it's to make small, intentional changes in how people communicate every day. The payoff? Fewer emotional blowups, stronger team culture, and customers who feel safe, heard, and respected.Download Matt Fanslow's Full Article: https://remarkableresults.biz/download/45724/?tmstv=1775829579VISION Hi-Tech Training and Expo: https://visionkc.com/Matt Fanslow, Riverside Automotive, Red Wing, MN, Diagnosing the Aftermarket A to Z Podcast: https://mattfanslow.captivate.fm/Thanks to our Partners, NAPA Auto Care and NAPA TRACS Learn more about NAPA Auto Care and the benefits of being part of the NAPA family by visiting https://www.napaonline.com/en/auto-care NAPA TRACS will move your shop into the SMS fast lane with onsite training and six days a week of support and local representation. Find NAPA TRACS on the Web at http://napatracs.com/ Connect with the Podcast: - Follow on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RemarkableResultsRadioPodcast/ - Join Our Virtual Toastmasters Club: https://remarkableresults.biz/toastmasters - Join Our Private Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1734687266778976 - Subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/carmcapriotto - Follow on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/carmcapriotto/ - Follow on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/remarkableresultsradiopodcast/ - Visit the Website: https://remarkableresults.biz/ - Join our Insider List: https://remarkableresults.biz/insider - All books mentioned on our podcasts: https://remarkableresults.biz/books - Our Classroom page for personal or team learning: https://remarkableresults.biz/classroom - Buy Me a Coffee: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/carm - Special episode collections: https://remarkableresults.biz/collections - The Automotive Repair Podcast Network: https://automotiverepairpodcastnetwork.com/ - Remarkable Results Radio Podcast with Carm Capriotto: Advancing the Aftermarket by Facilitating Wisdom Through Story Telling and Open Discussion. https://remarkableresults.biz/ - Diagnosing the Aftermarket A to Z with Matt Fanslow: From Diagnostics to Metallica and Mental Health, Matt Fanslow is Lifting the Hood on Life. https://mattfanslow.captivate.fm/ - Business by the Numbers with Hunt Demarest: Understand the Numbers of Your Business with CPA Hunt Demarest. https://huntdemarest.captivate.fm/ - The Auto Repair Marketing Podcast with Kim and Brian Walker: Marketing Experts Brian & Kim Walker Work with Shop Owners to Take it to the Next Level. https://autorepairmarketing.captivate.fm/ - The Weekly Blitz with Chris Cotton: Weekly Inspiration with Business Coach Chris Cotton from AutoFix - Auto Shop Coaching. https://chriscotton.captivate.fm/ - Speak Up! Effective Communication with Craig O'Neill: Develop Interpersonal and Professional Communication Skills when Speaking to Audiences of Any Size. https://craigoneill.captivate.fm

Have you heard of the Gottman Institute? The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is a wildly popular relationship book and it has plenty of fantastic insights. However, some of the research and case studies could use some updating. In this episode, we take a close look at conflict while keeping in mind the weight of emotional labor and the impacts of patriarchy.Mentioned:The Seven Principls for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman PhDThe Autism Partner Handbook: How to Love an Autistic Person by Joe Biel, Dr. Faith G. Harper and Elly BlueThe Autism Relationships Handbook: How to Thrive in Friendships, Dating, and Love by Joe Biel and Dr. Faith G. HarperIn this episode:Relationship conflict patterns and Gottman's researchGendered communication and systemic issuesNeurodivergence and emotional regulation in relationshipsGet resources, ad-free episodes, and more at timetoleanpod.substack.comOrder No More Mediocre: A Call To Reimagine Our Relationships And Demand MoreFollow Laura: @thatdarnchat | thatdarnchat.substack.comFollow Crystal: @itscrystalbritt | itscrystalbritt.substack.comSubscribe, rate, and share to help others find the showIf you or someone you know needs support: The National Domestic Violence Hotline | 800-799-7233Themes: relationship dynamics, conflict resolution, Gottman Institute, gender theory, neurodivergence, communication, mental load, emotional labor, systemic gender issues, relationship advice Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Venting used to just be what friends did. Now it feels like a social minefield; and we can't seem to agree on whether it's a sign of closeness or a boundary violation. You've probably caught yourself mid-vent wondering, am I being too much right now? Or maybe you're on the other side, nodding along while silently drowning in your friend's update about her boss for the fourth time this month.Danielle sits down with licensed therapist Amanda White, the voice behind @therapyforwomen and co-host of the Nuance Needed podcast, to break down what's actually happening when we vent, when it tips into co-rumination or trauma dumping, and why we've gotten so weird about a friendship behavior that used to be second nature. If you've ever wondered whether you're allowed to bring your hard stuff to your friends anymore, this one's for you.

In 2026 the divorce rate is still hovering around 60% — but it's not because of one big blow-up. It's because of six common marriage myths that sound logical but quietly destroy connection. In this deep-dive episode of Married and Connected, marriage coach Kameran dismantles each myth with the truth in the same breath, pulling from The Gottman Institute, Brené Brown, Dr. Andrea Vitz, Vanessa Marin, and Julie Menanno of The Secure Relationship.You'll hear:• Why “kids come first” is quietly sabotaging marriages (and what actually helps kids most)• The real problem with treating love languages like a magic fix• Why individual self-help isn't enough — you need couple practice• Why active listening during conflict often fails — and what builds real communication• The danger of expecting your partner to “complete” you• Why staying and doing the work is often better for kids than divorceRooted in real-life parenting, eight years coaching hundreds of couples (93% success rate), and faith-based wisdom, this episode gives you immediate, practical ways to drop the myths and build the marriage you actually want.If you're tired of roommate syndrome and ready for real connection again, this is your turning point.Book your FREE 30-minute consultation today — no pressure, just honest guidance on 1:1 coaching, couples coaching, or my Skool community.In the Skool community, men learn healthy, strong masculinity at home and women learn soft, feminine strength as a Proverbs 31 wife.

The #1 thing missing in most marriages isn't sex or romance — it's friendship. Learn research-backed tools from The Gottman Institute, Brené Brown, Dr. Andrea Vitz, Vanessa Marin, and Julie Menanno to rebuild friendship and bring desire back — from everyday connection all the way to the bedroom.Description:Most couples don't drift apart because of big fights — they drift because friendship quietly disappears under kids, jobs, chores, and endless demands. In this deep-dive episode of Married and Connected, marriage coach Kameran Alareqi reveals why friendship is the hidden foundation of lasting connection, passion, and even great sex.Backed by The Gottman Institute (friendship predicts sexual satisfaction), Brené Brown (vulnerability builds trust), Dr. Andrea Vitz (emotional sobriety), Vanessa Marin (responsive desire starts with friendship), and Julie Menanno of The Secure Relationship (secure attachment tools), you'll get four brand-new, practical tools you can start tonight:Rebuild your Love Maps so you truly know each other againThe Vulnerability Share that creates secure emotional safetyThe Emotional Sobriety Pause that protects friendship in hard momentsFriendship to Flame — turning everyday connection into bedroom sparkRooted in real-life parenting and marriage, eight years coaching hundreds of couples (93% success rate), and faith-based wisdom, this episode gives immediate steps for “rebuild friendship in marriage,” “how to feel like best friends again with kids,” “emotional connection to physical intimacy,” and more.If you're tired of feeling like roommates and ready to feel like friends and lovers again, this is your turning point.Book your FREE 30-minute consultation today — no pressure, just honest guidance on 1:1 coaching, couples coaching, or my Skool community.In the Skool community, men learn healthy, strong masculinity at home and women learn soft, feminine strength as a Proverbs 31 wife.

Is your marriage stuck where everything else — kids' schedules, work, chores, the dog, bills — always takes precedence? You crawl into bed feeling more like exhausted teammates than passionate partners, wondering, “How do I bring the spark back when life is this busy?” or “Why does marriage feel like we're just roommates?”You're not alone — and the desire you crave isn't gone forever. In this deep-dive episode of Married and Connected, marriage coach Kameran reveals the real reason desire fades for 30- to 45-year-old parents: a weak friendship when everything else takes precedence.The Gottman Institute's 40+ years of research proves it — the quality of your friendship is the #1 predictor of sexual satisfaction and lasting desire. Strong friendship means turning toward each other's tiny “bids for connection”; weak friendship means those bids get ignored, resentment builds, and passion dies — leaving you feeling invisible and more like co-parents than lovers.But friendship can be rebuilt on purpose, even in the busiest season. And when you strengthen it, desire reignites — often faster than you expect.In this episode you'll learn:• Why a weak marriage friendship is the #1 hidden killer of desire when life is nonstop (backed by Gottman research)• Daily practices that rebuild emotional safety and turn roommates back into lovers• Vanessa Marin's sex-therapist secrets for responsive desire — including “chore play,” non-sexual touch, and kissing every night with zero pressure• Dr. Andrea Vitz's emotional sobriety tools to stay present instead of reactive• A simple 7-Day Desire Reset Challenge made for exhausted, over-scheduled parentsRooted in real-life parenting, eight years coaching hundreds of couples (93% success rate), and faith-based wisdom, this episode delivers immediate steps for “how to bring the spark back when everything else takes precedence,” “reignite intimacy with kids and busy life,” “stop feeling like roommates,” and more.Tired of surviving side-by-side? Ready to thrive together again?Book your FREE 30-minute consultation today — no pressure, just an honest conversation to see if 1:1 coaching, couples coaching, or my Skool community is the right next step.In the Skool community, men learn healthy, strong masculinity at home and women learn soft, feminine strength as a Proverbs 31 wife.

Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 2947: Jaime Spielmann explores how truly strong relationships aren't defined by the absence of conflict but by how couples respond to challenges together. By shifting expectations and embracing small daily acts of connection, partners can build resilience, deepen understanding, and strengthen love over time. Her perspective reveals that lasting happiness in marriage grows from consistent, intentional habits rather than grand romantic gestures. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-perfect-relationship/ Quotes to ponder: "Conflict is normal." "True “perfect” love isn't without flaws, just as life isn't without constant mistakes and learning." "Never underestimate the power of making a few small, simple changes within your relationship to develop the skills needed to make your love flourish for many years to come." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 2947: Jaime Spielmann explores how truly strong relationships aren't defined by the absence of conflict but by how couples respond to challenges together. By shifting expectations and embracing small daily acts of connection, partners can build resilience, deepen understanding, and strengthen love over time. Her perspective reveals that lasting happiness in marriage grows from consistent, intentional habits rather than grand romantic gestures. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-perfect-relationship/ Quotes to ponder: "Conflict is normal." "True "perfect" love isn't without flaws, just as life isn't without constant mistakes and learning." "Never underestimate the power of making a few small, simple changes within your relationship to develop the skills needed to make your love flourish for many years to come."

TRANSCRIPT Gissele: [00:00:00] Hello and welcome to the Love and Compassion Podcast with Gissele. We believe that love and compassion have the power to heal our lives and our world. Don’t forget to like and subscribe for more amazing content. And if you’d like to support this podcast, don’t forget to buy us a coffee at, buymeacoffee.com/loveandcompassion Gissele: Today we’re talking about relationships and my guests today are Gissele: Zeke and Terry Mead, who are empty nesters, midlife adventure travelers from the San Francisco Bay Area in 2021. After 25 years of marriage and nearly getting divorced, they accidentally rebooted their relationship and embarked on a new set of adventures. Gissele: Embracing their differences in challenging themselves to grow individually and as a couple on a daily basis. They couldn’t be more different, but they have a long history, a solid foundation, and a steadfast commitment to making it work as they travel and explore the world mostly together. Please join me in [00:01:00] welcoming Zeke and Terry Mead. Gissele: Hi. Terry: Hi. Gissele: Hello. Welcome to the show. I was wondering if you wanted to tell the listeners a little bit about how you actually met. Zeke: Terry is the one who usually does it so . Go ahead. Terry: Yeah, usually I do. we’ve known each other for 45 years. We, yeah, we both grew up in the San Francisco Bay area and when we were in elementary school, there was the gifted and talented education program gate. Terry: And all of the kids who are part of gate converged at the same school once a month, twice a month for enrichment activities. And I have an identical twin sister. And one month we showed up at a school. Zeke remembers meeting us. I don’t really remember meeting him. But a couple years later, we all went to the same junior high school. Terry: And so we were in the same classes. And in the eighth grade we went together. For about six weeks. I dumped him. That makes for a better [00:02:00] story if I say that. And then we were friends through high school and if you want the full origin story, we went to different colleges. We dated when we were 21. Terry: I dumped him again. We dated again when we were 24. I dumped him again and then we were 25. I made a list of everything that I wanted in a man for the rest of my life. And Zeke met all the criteria, except he was essentially the boy next door that I dumped three times. So then we were skiing when we were about 25 and had a little bit too much wine that night. Terry: And I just said this needs to be the last time and either we’re going to get married or friendship has to be over ’cause we just can’t keep doing this. And 14 months later, we were married. Gissele: what kept you holding on there? Zeke? Terry: Insanity. Zeke: Yeah. When you are 10, 12, 13 years old and you start to develop these relationships with people, you are [00:03:00] your conscious, gloms onto just interesting, specific, different characteristics. Zeke: And Terry was always someone that was just this person that I was always drawn to. And so whenever our planets would circle back around and come in alignment, it would all be like, okay, so I’m attracted to this person, and let’s see what this is all about this time. Zeke: And then the counter to that, the joke is Terry’s ability to evaluate things at 25 obviously wasn’t very good. Terry: I was playing the long game. Really? I was playing Gissele: the long game. so fast forward you, do you have children? Terry: We do. Our son is 24. He is doing a master’s degree at San Francisco State. Terry: He’s back living with us and our youngest is they them and they’re 21 wrapping up their college, their undergrad at University of Vermont in Burlington. Gissele: Beautiful. Beautiful. Okay. So you are married, are having relationships. Fast forward to the, when you start to have problems again. [00:04:00] Terry: I think, Terry: We’ve done a lot of work on ourselves and especially in the last four years, I guess it’s 20, 26, 5 years when we thought we were gonna get divorced. We came into the marriage at 26. We look at back at it just so young and so naive and with really the wrong expectations and assumptions about what a relationship is and what a marriage is. Terry: And Zeke was in a software sales or banking when we got married and later decided to become a police officer. And that ended up putting a significant amount of pressure on our relationship with the shift work. four days on, four days off, five days on, three days off, back to back fives called in for overtime, called in for court times. Terry: And, after the kids were born, I was essentially a single parent working full time. And I launched a consulting company, and so then I was managing a company as well, and that really, we did not know how to navigate that. what we later learned is I have [00:05:00] an anxious attachment style and he has an avoidant attachment style, so naturally going in different directions. Terry: He’s an only child. I’m an identical twin, so I used to doing everything together. I shared a womb with someone and Zeke: I didn’t share a room with anyone. Terry: exactly. So what we had was a solid foundation in that we grew up in the same place, knew a lot of the same people. But we did not know how to do the work. And so our relationship I think in our early forties was when it really started to, it really started to get, I wanna say bad logistically we’re really great with each other. Terry: But I think emotionally lovewise there was a lot of resentment there and there was like a huge chasm. And over the course of about 10 years, we would each show up. One of us would show up and say, okay, I think we’re done. And the other one would say, I’m not ready. And so we battled that for. seven to 10 years. Terry: Early in, like when I was about 43, I started [00:06:00] perimenopause and I didn’t really know it. So of course that also introduced a new set of challenges that I neither of us knew was really going on. Andour forties, it was it was very difficult, but then the pandemic hit when we were 50, and of course we came together in order to support the kids in order to be better citizens of the world. Terry: And logistically, I think we did really well. But, in January of 2021 both of us, it was like the first time we’d had like a text fight and I was in the bathtub and he came in and one of us was like, I think we’re done. And the other one was like, yeah, I think we’re done. it was a long time coming. Gissele: Yeah. Thank you for sharing that. It must have been really challenging. I just wanna go back just for a moment. When you talked about the avoidance style in the anxious style, can you tell the audience a little bit about what that looks like? Because some of them might not know they are an anxious style or avoidance style. Gissele: So what does an anxious style look like, and what does an [00:07:00] avoidance style look like? Terry: So for me, the anxious is I’m constantly looking for validation. am I loved, am I worthy? yeah. Does he love me? Does he not? And so when there’s any sort of friction or conflict, I’m like wanting closeness and validation. Terry: And for him, when there’s conflict and whatnot, then he pulls away. So then there’s this whole chasing kind of thing. So I want more. He runs away. That makes me feel more insecure. I go chasing after it. That makes him insecure and he wants to go into his cave. it’s this chasing kind of thing. Terry: And Zeke: it doesn’t work out well, Terry: not when you don’t have an awareness of it. I I’m trying to get better about it. He’s getting better about it. And I think also growing up so there were three of us kids in the family and there was a lot of dialogue and there was a lot of fighting. Terry: And I wouldn’t say it was good communication, I learned how to fight, not necessarily dirty, but I learned how to fight. Whereas he didn’t [00:08:00] practice that with with siblings. And so then also with that also complicates it in that he would need extra time to think about whatever was going on. Terry: And I’m like, engage, engage, engaged. And he’s like, whoa, I need some space. And I’m like, engage, engage, engaged. And that would just make me more anxious to not have the engagement. It would make him more uncomfortable when I’m coming at him. And so you, you have that complicating the anxious avoidance clash as it were. Gissele: Yeah. if you’re anxious which I used to be. Whenever you have the withdrawal the avoidance, it’s interpreted as there’s a withdrawal of love. I’m not lovable. Mm-hmm. I’m not worthy. but really it has nothing to do with that. Gissele: It has to do how the other person’s ability to cope and need to regroup. Right. And so for me having to shift that I had to really be aware of how little I was there for myself and how little I love for myself that I could, [00:09:00] I had to realize that I could tap in instead of going outward. I could tap inward and be able to give that to myself. Gissele: And sometimes it’s so funny, is a weird dance because I’ve seen situations where I would have the opposite effect. I would be more avoidant if the person was different. if their energy was more anxious, I would be more avoidant and then they would gravitate. Terry: Yeah, it’s an interesting dance and one of the things that I’ve tried to be better about is to express my insecurity to Zeke and just say, look, right now I need a little bit more, I need some validation right now. ’cause I’m, I also have ADHD. So then you’ve also got that tied into it. Terry: And so if I communicate to him, look, I need a little bit more. I need some I need to know that I’m loved right now, I’m feeling in a sensitive and vulnerable space. And then having that specific request, then, if he’s able to at that moment and we’re not talking like in a fight, we’re just talking in life in general, then he’s able to step in I think a little bit more easily to respond [00:10:00] to that request. Terry: And then I’ve asked him, it’s okay. If you’re gonna go avoid me, can you just say, look, I just need some time. I wanna deal with this. I need some time. And that’s also super hard for him to do because in those moments when he pulls away, he shuts down. And so to have the wherewithal to go, look, I need a minute. Terry: I’ll come back, I will come back. Gissele: it’s the understanding that it’s not about you like that, it’s not about either of you. It’s that it’s about the person’s ability to cope in that moment and how they cope or how they’ve learned to cope based on their own childhood environments. Gissele: And so really when you have an understanding of each other’s childhoods and when you have an understanding of what each of the you need in the moment I think it’s really helpful for relationships. Yeah. Terry: We’re still practicing that by the way. We do not have Gissele: that dial. Gissele: Yeah, of course. And you know what? Relationships are an ongoing, there’s peaks and valleys, there’s highs and lows, and I love that you said that, at one moment you both had to be [00:11:00] wanting out. ’cause as long as one of you wanted to stay in, that’s usually how people stay in a relationship. Gissele: Right. But when you get to the point where you both want out, I think that’s where you, start to decide we have to really look at this and either decide to go in and out. So what happened after you both decided that it was like, that it wasn’t working and that you needed to maybe move forward differently? Terry: So it happened on a Sunday morning and the both of the kids were home. Our youngest was still in high school and our oldest was home for winter break. And we both decided, okay, we’re gonna communicate to the kids that this is what’s going on. So at dinner that night, we told the kids, and the kids were like, it’s about time. Terry: kids totally know when there’s friction. They know and they’re just like, yeah, it’s about time. And we did not model, I think healthy partner relationship for our kids. We’re still trying to fix that. We still apologize for that too. Our kids. And the timeline on this is going to seem really fast, but I process things really fast [00:12:00] and I’m a silver lining kind of gal and I can usually get over things within 24, 48 hours because it was the middle of the pandemic we’re in the San Francisco Bay area. Terry: We were still in lockdown. And, our son was going back to school, we had an extra bedroom. So Zeke moved into our son’s bedroom. But, oh, we decided we were gonna work through this together. we are friends first. We have known each other for so long, and we’re also very committed to our kids and providing a solid foundation for our kids. Terry: So he moved into the bedroom, and so the next day, he was in the bedroom doing his work. I was in the office doing my work and and our youngest was doing remote school. And I would come out and I would just start sobbing. and we would be talking through what is this gonna look like? Terry: He did look at apartments. But we also decided every night we would cook together, we would have dinner together. And while we hadn’t really watched TV together before each night, we were trying to do that to demonstrate to our youngest that we were still a united front for them. [00:13:00] And so Monday rolls around. Terry: I was devastated. I really thought my whole world had fallen apart because what I thought my future was going to be had collapsed. I thought we were going to be partners forever, the kids were getting older and it was supposed to be just us again. And so Tuesday rolls around and I am still devastated. Terry: Wednesday rolls around, I am still devastated. And I remember asking Zeke, I’m like, how can you not be devastated by this? And he said, you always move through things much more quickly than I do. This is gonna hit me later. We researched over the course of that week, we researched buying a house in the same street so we could still be near each other, still support each other. Terry: We we talked about what it was gonna look like and Thursday, Friday rolls around and I just looked at him. I’m like, I periodically I’d go in, I’d sob, he told me. And I would just say it was like, who’s gonna be my emergency contact? And he said, I will always be your emergency contact. Terry: And it was at that moment that I think [00:14:00] that was the, I know that seems silly, but that was like the last thing that I needed to go. It’s gonna be okay. So I did some research on dating and how to move forward, past divorce, we were never actually gonna get fully divorced because our financial situation is so complicated. Terry: So we would leave very separate lives, but the legal part of it would, we weren’t gonna make happen, and neither of us ever wanted to get married again. So it was like, okay, we’re not gonna deal with the legal side of it, but what logistically does this look like? And then Saturday morning I went to go play tennis. Terry: the weather was absolutely fantastic. I had some great tunes in the car and I just felt myself opening up. It was like I was blooming. It was like the color was coming back as if I’d been living in gray for a decade. And I thought, if I’m gonna get out there and dates, I need to get back into shape and I want to become again, the sexual being that I used to be. Terry: And like, how am I gonna do that? I’m like, I wanna play, I wanna experiment. I wanna come get back in touch with [00:15:00] myself. So I did a little research about that and realized that it’s not uncommon for couples going through separation to continue to have sex. And I’m like, during a pandemic, okay, fine. So after dinner, we’re sitting on the couch and I just said, Hey, what would you think about having sex? Terry: He’s is that the right thing to do? And I said, well, why not? I said, I trust you. I wanna experiment and explore with stuff. Why don’t we give it a try after this? I’m gonna go take a bath. I’m gonna crawl into bed naked, join me. So he is like, he’s not sure about that. Anyway, he comes in and I’m in bed and he goes, you sure? Terry: And I said, absolutely. And what that. Opened up is we had closed the door in our relationship. We had closed the door on who we were as a couple, and we got to embark on who we were individually doing the work that we had not done at the age of 25 and 26 and throughout our lives. And so like every night for a couple of months, we explored, I call it sex [00:16:00] exploration. Terry: We played, we were vulnerable with each other. We laughed. it was a lot of fun. We both went to therapy and over a period of time we decided to start dating and we accidentally rebooted our relationship, Zeke: kind of because we actually developed a new relationship. Yeah. We didn’t reboot the old one. Zeke: We’re still the same people in the relationship, but we developed and. Created a whole new relationship. Mm-hmm. Because all of that explorations, exploration stuff that she’s talking about didn’t happen in the last 25 years. So that was new and allowed us to, allowed her to try things and allowed me to I don’t know if I would’ve been hesitant to trying things, but that wasn’t part of the relationship previous. Zeke: So with all of that new, in this new entity, if you will then that sort of started off and created a whole different vibe for the relationship. Terry: Mm-hmm. With [00:17:00] vulnerability communication, trust that we hadn’t had before. Lack of resentment you going to therapy and committing to yourself to doing the therapy. Terry: It was a amazing signal. ’cause we’d done therapy before and individual therapy and. Just hadn’t seen the level of commitment that I saw after after we decided to separate. Gissele: So, Zeke, at any point, ’cause I have to ask, at any point when Terry suggested about you being intimate, did you go, wait a minute, Gissele: is this the path to us getting back together? Zeke: That’s a great question. I, I, initially, I was like, I don’t think this is a good idea. What, where is this coming from? And so she talked about it a little bit. And again, it was January of 2021. Terry: Mm-hmm. Zeke: I was not gonna go jump on an app and go try, that Terry: you didn’t download, you didn’t download Tinder? Zeke: No. That was not in the middle of a pandemic, a good idea in my [00:18:00] book. And I was like okay. So. Going back a step or two being her emergency contact, we’re still parents to two kids. We have to support them in, especially in this world and their world at this point in time. It was not 1992 when I got out of college and I could survive on a $10 an hour job in Sacramento and tell my parents I, they had no financial responsibilities anymore. Zeke: So I knew that we were going to be working together to support the kids as well as everything else for quite some time. So the relationship, it’s not like I was gonna pack a bag and walk out the door, and that was gonna be the end of that. the sex part of it was in the cocktail of what it was like to live in 2021. Gissele: Yeah. Zeke: And there was a freedom to it as well of, no, as much as, as it could be for that element of it, no strings attached. And that wasn’t there for the last 25, 30 years. And so it [00:19:00] seemed like there was a question mark to it, but not a lot of particular downside. Zeke: I’ve talked about this before. I do equate it to the one time someone approached me for a job and I went into the job and I said, well, this is how I’m gonna do the job. And if you don’t want me to do the job this way, and you’re not open to me trying some new things, then I’m gonna leave because you asked me to do the job. Zeke: I’m not looking for the job. I don’t need the job. Right. So not that having sex with you was a job. Gissele: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Gissele: just being, you’re putting some boundaries right? Zeke: is, yeah. Was just like, okay, so we’re gonna do this and you need to be open and I’m gonna be open to doing it differently. Zeke: And I’m not gonna go do it anywhere else because it’s in the middle of a pandemic. Yeah. Gissele: Yeah. Terry: Yeah. So when I made the suggestion, never did I even consider that it was going to be a path to reconciliation. I really both of us had just had completely shut the door and was like, okay, we’re setting ourselves up for what we want, who we wanna be for the next half of our lives. Terry: Because at that point, he had turned for 51, I was about to turn 51. And if we [00:20:00] assume we’re gonna live to be a hundred, it’s like, okay, we wanna be happy, we wanna be content, we wanna be satisfied, and we wanna operate in the world in a way that is healthier than what we’ve done up until this point. Gissele: So I wanna go back to what you said. Gissele: ’cause you said that your children said, well, it’s about time. So you basically had their support. What was their reaction to you rebooting your relationship? Terry: Well, as long as we don’t talk about how we rebooted our relationship through sex, they’re totally fine. I don’t really remember what they’re, Terry: Adam was so caught up in his college life that he was checked out, he’s like, whatever. He had issues of his own to deal with and our youngest was just trying to get through day to day of virtual school during the pandemic. So Terry: They were 16 going on 17, but they’re wrapped up in their own lives. So I don’t recall them having any sort of either kid having any sort of thoughts or comments [00:21:00] about it. It would be really interesting right now to have a conversation with ’em and just say, Hey, let’s reflect on that and tell us what we were, you were feeling, thinking or paying attention to. Terry: And I’m sure Adam would say, I had no idea. I was too busy with my own stuff. And our youngest I’m sure they’ve talked about it, therapy with their therapist. Zeke: thinking back that it was such a slow kind of turn of the Titanic at that point in time, that there wasn’t a day in which it was like, ta-da, right? Zeke: As well as we are investing in this new relationship in a different way. we were concerned about the kids, but at finally, I think they weren’t the center of our universe at that point in time. The center of the universe for us had changed, and so we were less concerned about them. Zeke: And for all those reasons Terry just talked about. And so. They might have been going, wait, why is everything not pointing at me? Terry: Well, no, but our youngest was actually afraid when our oldest went off to college that everything was gonna point at them. [00:22:00] So I am pretty sure that, ’cause we would have dinner together every night, and Zeke and I would be on two ends. Terry: They would be across, the two kids would be across from each other. And I remember our youngest expressing concern about when Adam was gone be like, oh my gosh, now all of the attention’s gonna be directed on me. So I’m sure that they were probably relieved that we had a different focus and it wasn’t all on them so that they could do their own thing. Terry: that would be my guess. But we’ll have to text them later and see if they respond. Gissele: Yeah. So thank you for that. Do you think that your relationship blossom or changed because you each were willing to change Terry: Oh yeah, Gissele: yeah, Terry: yeah. I mean, there’s no way this would’ve worked if we showed up exactly the same way. Gissele: Well, I think often people, want their partner to change. They’re like, I’m gonna be happy if so and so changes. But I think what you’re saying, or at least what I’m hearing from you is that each of you committed to changing and to doing something different and to showing up more vulnerability, more authentically.[00:23:00] Gissele: Whether that meant, that it wasn’t gonna work together, but the surprising thing was that it actually brought you back together. is that accurate? Terry: Oh yeah, I mean it would not have worked if we hadn’t done the work, but the fact that we were committed to doing the work for ourselves, I think was really important. Terry: we had all sorts of fights and discussions over the years where I’m like, you need to do this. You need to do, this is what I need from you. And then of course, the disappointment and the resentment when I didn’t feel like there was a commitment to me and what I didn’t feel heard. Terry: I didn’t feel seen in terms of what I said I needed in the relationship. And I have worked with an executive coach, I’ve worked with therapist. I’m constantly, every day trying to work on something as we Gen X women in a patriarchal society have been conditioned to do that. There’s always something wrong with us. Terry: And, we’re always trying to find the constant improvement. And so yeah, there was no expectation I no longer had any sort of demands on him changing because it was like, you do, you, as long as we can show up for the [00:24:00] kids the right way, as long as we can show up as friends the right way, build healthier communication paths, then you know, that middle piece, that Centrif Venn diagram, our lives were our own except for those central pieces where we needed the touch points. Gissele: What about Zeke? Zeke: Yeah, it, again, because it became this different entity and I had a different way to approach it and I don’t know if the word reinvention allowed me to sort of take on this different, approach to it and let go of what had happened and have a different approach going forward. Zeke: So that was, that’s the gist of my navigations through that. Terry: Well, let me ask you this question through our entire relationship, I was, would be like, I need you to do this. I, this is what I need. I don’t think, I don’t remember you placing similar demands or asking me similar things. Zeke: No, no. Gissele: So, you found your way back [00:25:00] to each other. So what’s currently working for your relationship? How have you changed and grown and expanded that enables you to continue to have a committed, loving relationship? Terry: As we said, we’re continuing to work on this on a regular basis. Gissele: Yeah, of course. That’s just, that’s life. Terry: Yeah. So what, works? We have instituted a number of things that I think are. Are helpful. We’re not always great with ’em, but as you know, every morning we decide to commit to the relationship. Terry: And one way that Zeke shows me is he gives me a kiss in the morning and says, I love you, and then I’m just there. No, I’m just kidding. I’d read this book called The New I Do. While we were trying to, before we decided to, to call off our original relationship and learned about, there are seven or eight different types of marriages that you can go into and you can get into it for, the kids for money, for companionship, for sex. Terry: there are these [00:26:00] various different things and there can be time limits on these things, first of all you establish what you both expect out of the relationship or the marriage. And then you kind of put a plan together and then you have periodic check-ins. Terry: And so it could be annual check-ins to make sure, are we still on the same page? Are we moving in the right direction? But I like the idea of. The daily commitment to the relationship that at any point we can choose to get out, that one of us could say, you know what, this really isn’t working for me and I don’t wanna be here anymore. Terry: So there’s a lot of freedom in that. And you’d think that for somebody with an anxious attachment style, that there would be a lot of uncertainty in that, but there really isn’t. So the daily commitment, we also implemented and we were really good about it for the first couple of years and now we do it every three or four weeks. Terry: It was a weekly check-in and there are like five or six questions that we do in order to make sure that chasm that developed during our pre previous relationship didn’t develop into the future. [00:27:00] And we always started by being super close together and saying. Is there anything I can do to make you feel more loved and more comfortable right now? Terry: And I think this is stuff I found. It’s probably Gottman Institute stuff. I mean, there’s nothing magical here. it’s not innovative on my part other than we decided to implement this. And then it was like, is there anything that I’ve done to inadvertently hurt you over the last week? and then so if there is something that we have not addressed over the previous week, that is the opportunity to talk about it in a very close, loving, intimate setting. Terry: in a safe space. It doesn’t end up being like a big argument. I think we’ve only ended up in an argument after that, like twice out in the last five years. And then it was like, how’s our sex life been? And that’s usually an easy one to answer which is usually really great. And then we ask, Terry: what’s coming up next week? Is there anything stressful? And is there anything that I can do to make it a little bit easier for you? And that gives us an opportunity to talk about what’s coming up so we can talk about what’s happened. We [00:28:00] can talk about what’s coming up that keeps us connected through the communication. Terry: And then like two years ago I added is there anything I did to make you feel loved this week? And so then we can tap into it. we either end on the sex question or we end on the, is there anything that makes you feel loved? ’cause I like us ending on a high. so that’s been a really helpful tool to help us stay connected. Terry: So I hope that answered your question in terms of some of the things that we’ve done. We try not to let things fester the way that we used to. But we launched a new business, Zeke andTerry Adventures two years ago. And I’m super, as you can tell, I’m super outgoing. Terry: I’m super chatty. He’s more of an introvert. And more I would like to say thoughtful about the things. And that has been really great for our relationship because we are doing all sorts of new things together and at the same time. It’s also really challenging because we have not had the results that we wanted, and [00:29:00] we both have our insecurities about what it is that we’re doing in the business. Terry: And so that is creating actually the biggest conflict for us, and it’s also creating the biggest opportunity for us to have good communication and work together through the various different challenges I get to show up and be very compassionate to him about his insecurities around it, which I think really makes this beautiful broth of a relationship, Gissele: There’s a few things I wanted to pick up on and then I’d love to talk about the travel. the first thing I wanted to mention is that I wholeheartedly agree with you is that I think we have this expectation or this belief that, ideal relationships don’t have conflict, but it is how you manage the conflict that helps you actually come closer together, that helps you overcome things together. Gissele: The second thing really is about the fact that, I find it interesting that you talked about this is an ongoing commitment, but we also [00:30:00] know that at any point we could just say, I can’t make this commitment. Gissele: And that is so refreshing. And the reason why I say that is because, The institution of marriage is one where we have been taught that a decision you made when you were younger, let’s say you were in your twenties when you get married, You are always gonna feel the exact same way from here into infinity, and that’s doesn’t make any sense because we grow, we change. Gissele: Sometimes we grow at the same rate. Sometimes we don’t grow at the same rate. And so how do we think about relationships in a way that no matter how long they last, it’s not a failure, right? Mm-hmm. everything that you go through, is still a learning opportunity, still an opportunity to love. Gissele: It’s still an opportunity to learn about ourselves without having that extra judgment of, well, if this isn’t forever, then It didn’t work, and then I’m a failure, or that you have to push yourself to stay in something that maybe you’ve outgrown. Gissele: And so I think those are two very important points that you are making. and I think because the institution of marriage is different, right? [00:31:00] before it was really, for women it was a security, right? Because when you had the children, the men could go and sow their seeds anywhere and then, like you had the kid. Gissele: And so the institution of marriage became one where there was so security, right? But I think, relationships are morphing and changing and women have the ability to make their own money, their own businesses. And so the need for that kind of like security and stability, maybe not necessarily be there. Terry: Oh yeah, absolutely. And we’re seeing it in these next generations. Who are these these women in their twenties and their thirties who are like, I’m not settling. I can have my own money. I can have my own house. I have my friends. Terry: I can make my own choices. I can choose to have kids if I want to or choose not to have kids. And so this whole, you’re gonna die an old cat lady. I’m like, how many cats do I get to have, in my own space? so we’re seeing in society a time when the men are actually having to step up from an emotional perspective and doing the work, whereas before they’re like, I’m bringing on the paycheck. Terry: [00:32:00] You can’t get a credit card. You can’t get a loan to buy a house. You get pregnant, you get kicked outta secretarial school. So you know, you’re stuck with me. And now women just have so many more options available to them, and I think it really is. a huge opportunity for a society in general for heterosexual men especially, to have to step up in a way that women have had to step up and endure for centuries. Zeke: Well, at the same time, it opens another set of doors for men because Gissele: Yeah, Zeke: we were on the early side of this and we didn’t do it exactly right. I didn’t do it exactly right, but when the kids were three and six years old, I stopped being a police officer and became a stay at home dad. because Terry was making way more money than I was making, even as an overtime police officer, which was a very generous pay package, mm-hmm. Zeke: And so we flipped roles and I think the upside of that is that we showed our kids that that could happen. Didn’t exactly show them [00:33:00] the best way for it to happen, but that it was a possibility because up until then. I’d worked since I was like 17 years old. up until 38 years old. Zeke: And then it was like, wait, this doesn’t make sense. Financially, I’m spending half of my paycheck on childcare. Gissele: Yeah. Zeke: And I’m still getting in the way of Terry making more money. This doesn’t make any Terry: sense. Oh. When our relationship was terrible and our kids, we were eating out way too many days a week. Terry: Yeah. It was not the lifestyle that we were looking for because when we decided to get married, the agreement was he was gonna stay home with the kids. We knew from the get go that going into it was gonna be flipped, but then he became a police officer really liked the work, and then it was like, wait, this is not working. Zeke: I liked, I liked the work. I didn’t like the schedule Gissele: Yeah. Fair enough. I wanna talk about, just since you’ve mentioned it a couple of times, like self-forgiveness. And the reason why I bring that up is like there has to be an element of self-forgiveness because we make mistakes as parents in our relationship, in the modeling things that we do to our kids. Gissele: And I [00:34:00] remember talking to my kids when they were very young and telling them, I’m gonna make mistakes. Mommy doesn’t always know what she’s doing. there’s no kid manual and I’m gonna be apologetic and I’m gonna be honest and sometimes I’m gonna make mistakes. Gissele: we don’t always get it right. We’re human beings here. Right? And so there’s gotta be a level of self-forgiveness because of the mistakes you made. Terry: Yeah. So we would joke when the kids were younger that we were putting money away for their therapy, that we knew that we were going to be contributing to some sort of their, negative side of their emotional and psychological well-being. Terry: I’m not sure that was the right way to handle it. I wish that we’d had the wherewithal to say, look, we’re human. We’re gonna do the best that we can with what we have at the time. And I hope that if we make mistakes that there will be some forgiveness there. We just did not have that level of awareness going in. Terry: What we’ve done over the last, five years with the kids is just apologize for not modeling the right relationship. And, both the kids are in therapy. There our youngest has [00:35:00] been in, since high school and then our oldest did in high school and then has been for the last year. Terry: we believe in getting professional help. And there are times . We’re like, oh my gosh, I’m so sorry. We didn’t model this better for you. And they’ll say, yeah, why are you doing it now? You’re doing great. Now. You could have done this. And I’m like, we were just not in a place to do this. Terry: Mm-hmm. So at least now we’re able to model, and I was called out on this whole self forgiveness thing a couple weeks ago. you’re owning too much of this and you need to forgive yourself for it. I was like, I think I’m, I think I’m exaggerating a little bit just for the joke, for the bit. Terry: And I’m super proud of ourselves for modeling better stuff and being able to say, look, we know we didn’t do that right, but here’s what we’re doing now and we hope that you can learn from what we’re doing now that it is not too late. What was also helpful is sometime in the last five years, we saw the statistic that parents are only like 20 to 30% responsible for how [00:36:00] the kids turn out in their emotional wellbeing and et cetera. Terry: And I have to. Remind Myself of that regularly to say you’re not a hundred percent responsible for how screwed up your kids are. You’re only 25% responsible. And it’s like, oh, it takes the pressure off to say for me, once again, having in a patriarchal society as a Gen X woman, I was supposed to have it all be it all be perfect in every aspect of my life. Terry: And this is one place where I feel like I failed. And being able to go, I did the best that I could with what I had. It’s not an excuse, but it’s an opportunity to recognize, forgive, and go I want to do better. And look for ways for better communication, for better modeling. I started back up with my therapist on Monday, ’cause I don’t think right now I’m managing my kid, my relationship with my kids. Terry: As best I can right now in setting boundaries and communication, et cetera. So I think modeling that now, I’m hoping that they will pick up on [00:37:00] that. Because We talk about all this kind of stuff. What is really interesting is what we expect from our parents. A month ago I had a partial knee replacement and our son, who’s living at home could not see me in pain, could not see me out for the count. Terry: And I was in a lot of pain ’cause I can’t take narcotics ’cause I, my body just can’t handle him. And I was in a lot of pain. I’m also a very active person. And last night he said his friends were over and they’d had a few too many beers. And he goes, yeah, it’s really hard. He’s like, you’re the soccer player, you’re the tennis player, you’re the runner, you’re the one with the business. Terry: You fly helicopters, you do all this stuff and you’re not doing that right now. And I was like, it’s just a pause honey. It’s just a pause. I am still that person. But it’s interesting how our kids see us, whether it’s us individually or as a couple And now I know exactly what his issue is, and now I can be there to help him, work through that in order to set him better for the [00:38:00] future. Terry: But it’s, it’s absolutely fascinating. Gissele: Hmm. Yeah. I love that you said that because it is so true we’re human beings. We evolve, we change. I was not aware of how much anxiety I had when my kids were very little. Oh. And how much I modeled that for them, and as I grew and expanded and, found my way through mindfulness and compassion and all of these things, how much I had to forgive myself. Gissele: And also how sometimes the people in our lives wanna hold onto those old identities because that gives them a sense of consistency and safety. But as you evolve. They have to evolve too. And their vision of you has to evolve. And so sometimes that can be a little bit challenging for them. Gissele: But kudos to you for helping them navigate through that journey. ’cause it’s, life is all about growth. Yeah. We probably screw Terry: up on that too, but that’s okay. Gissele: Yeah. You know what the truth of the matter is? I feel like everything is a gift and a journey and it’s an experience. Gissele: And, I feel like the kids are gonna be all right. And [00:39:00] that’s one thing I hold onto, no matter what’s happening, and sometimes, things happen, right? my kids are always all right. they’re more resilient than I believe. Gissele: they’re good. They’re great. I wanted to go back to a comment you had made about the financial, because financial issues tend to be the things that probably places a wedge the most on relationships. And you seem to have navigated that before with the policing, right? what’s helping you navigate some of those waters currently as you’re growing your business? Terry: Well, we are very privileged in that. we’re financially comfortable. I we’re not off the chart rich or whatever, especially living here in the San Francisco Bay area. But we are comfortable. my consulting was lucrative. my parents did well on, an investment, so they have provided us with some extra cushion as well. Terry: I would never say that I am, super comfortable to the point where I would never worry about it. I think there’s gonna be a certain [00:40:00] amount of concern, especially with the instability of what’s going on in the world right now. It’s like, how comfortable can you actually be? Terry: So just when I think is, I look at the numbers and I do our monthly financial former accountants, so I do our monthly financials and We should be okay, but if we live another 50 years, are we going to have enough? And are we going to have enough to continue to provide some level of financial support for the kids? Terry: Because our oldest has expressed an interest in getting a PhD in philosophy and teaching at the collegiate level where we know he is not going to make a lot of money. We are willing to provide him with some level of financial support. Knowing that education is a very important issue for us and our society in, the United States doesn’t value education, doesn’t really pay teachers very well. Terry: And so we see that as part of our financial contribution in providing him with some support so that he can be the best possible teacher he can. Our youngest is still trying to figure out what they’re going to do next, but we imagine it is going to be in service to something and will probably [00:41:00] not make a lot of money and will probably be in an area that is also in alignment with our values. Terry: We need to provide them with some sort of financial support not live high on the hog, but to do Okay. we are in a decent position to do that. When we did launch the business last year. I did some projections to make, to see how long we could do it for comfortably before I would have to go back into consulting. Terry: horrors of horrors. But always thinking about what the back plan is gonna be. So we’ve made it so that I understand what our runway is on that, so we’re gonna give it one more year. And if we’re not seeing what we want from it, then may have to return to something that is actually generating revenue Right now. Terry: it’s just output. But, our company is a startup and I have been an angel investor for the last 10 years. I understand what it’s like to be a startup. Having my own consulting company, I know what it means to run. Business. I know what this all looks like. And I am not a huge risk taker, but I am a calculated risk [00:42:00] taker. Terry: Zeke he doesn’t pay as much attention to the financial stuff. We should get back to reviewing it on a monthly basis so that it’s a shared responsibility. ’cause right now it’s all on me. And he’ll say, Hey, can we pay that off? What can we do to streamline this to make it easier so that you’re doing less and we can worry about these other things more? Terry: And so he helps with that. But we are incredibly fortunate that we have a bit of time to be experimenting with what it is that we’re experimenting with. Zeke: And what got me convinced on this venture was I enjoy getting out and it. Zeke and Terry Adventures is the name of the YouTube channel. Zeke: And the word adventure in there plays a key role in my mental approach to it. Because adventure is whatever you can make it. and we’ve heard of people and know people who have never left California, they’ve never left the Bay Area, they’ve never seen snow, Whereas I’m like, I’ve never been to South Korea, so that’s on my list of things. So adventure is whatever [00:43:00] you can make it. So if we can inspire people to do that, and at the same time, I can go do things that I might not be able to do when I’m 65, when I traditionally retire from whatever day job. Zeke: And so if we can make a go at this point in time then I get to do some things that I won’t be able to do later on. And that’s what we’re also trying to communicate to folks through the channel. Is to live life while you can. I’ve been very fortunate in the last five or six years to do about 10 or so two week bike tours with some friends. Zeke: And so we’ve ridden bikes from a lot of different places to other places and had a great time. And we come back from these things and we meet places and talked to people about our trips and we can guarantee somebody’s gonna say oh, I wanna do that someday. And we always tell them, there is no someday. Zeke: There’s only today. You’ve gotta do it. Now if you say I’m gonna do it someday, you just keep pushing it off. You’ve gotta do it now. So that’s why Part of my mind is like, this is crazy. What are you doing financially? [00:44:00] This is a startup and I’m not a startup guy. Terry’s the startup person. Yeah. Zeke: And but the other half of my brain is do it while you can, because at some point in time you’re not gonna have a choice. You’re not gonna have an option. Terry: Yeah. And I just wanna expand on something about the adventure because not everybody has the financial means to do it. And not everybody’s as comfortable with adventure, like his cycling trips, I have zero interest in his cycling trips. Terry: But so what is adventurous for me and pulls me outside of my comfort zone, and that’s the thing, our tagline is we wanna inspire Midlifers, mostly Gen Xers, but people over the age of 50 to get out, get uncomfortable and go adventure It could be taking a bus to go do a hike someplace, so maybe the bus is a couple bucks. Terry: You can go do a hike, which should be free. hopefully you have some comfortable shoes. You can bring a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and you just add some water, don’t forget the water. And you go and you see something from a different angle. You push yourself beyond your normal [00:45:00] comfort zone. Terry: When I worked for my dad’s accounting firm back when I was younger we would always have this conversation ’cause I was very black and white. we would look at the tax law and it would be like, it would be this or it’d be this. And my dad’s no, there’s black and there’s white, and there’s the gray area in between. Terry: And that gray area is our play area. I’m not saying it was, bad or fraudulent, but he always wanted to stretch me like a rubber band. And I always, every time you do something that’s outside your comfort zone, you stretch that rubber band, you stretch that rubber band and that rubber band, once stretched, never goes back to the same place. Terry: And so for on this last trip, we both flew into Munich, and then I took a train to Strausberg because I am absolutely determined to see all the France, and I’m determined to speak French fluently one day in my life. And so he cycled with his friends from Munich to Venice, and they did it. They do it on the cheap. Terry: I they camp, they do warm shower places. They share, four stinky men in a room kind of situation. And I had [00:46:00] this little air and B right on the river Ill in Strasburg, and I spent two weeks by myself in Strasburg, working on my French, working on some other content. And, but that being solo and doing that, oh, and I got to go to all the museums I wanted and the cathedral and I got to do all the cultural stuff that I love to do while he was outside doing his outdoorsy stuff. Terry: I play tennis, I don’t cycle. And me being alone as an identical twin, as somebody who likes to have somebody around that is uncomfortable for me. and Zeke was like, ah, that would be super uncomfortable for me and I would absolutely hate it. And, but with that. it expanded who I was. Terry: And granted, that is a more expensive option. But we live in the Bay Area and there are all sorts of places to go hike. I don’t love to hike, but sometimes our youngest will drag me out and is oh wow, maybe this isn’t so bad. Look at how beautiful this is. I’m bitching and complaining all the way up, all the way up the hill. Terry: or when we go and we [00:47:00] do saunas and places, and they go, ’cause there’s a new one up in San Francisco. this isn’t necessarily uncomfortable, but really what a great experience. Gissele: Hmm, I love it. First of all, I think your dad was a great teacher in terms of the willingness to see, okay, there’s black and white, but there’s always a middle way to do things. Gissele: There’s always possibilities. I think when you’re inviting the listeners to consider is different ways of aging, because I think the more you get active and get adventure or get beyond your limitations, the more likely that you’re going to be aging. Very well at the end, for this podcast, I interviewed a 75-year-old lady who is, she started when she was 65, I believe. Gissele: She’s like the 15th time world champion pole dancing. She still does it like she’s, she’s 75. She’s still like the world leader and so can we reimagine how we age? because what I noticed in aging is there’s a constriction more and more, and more and more people are less likely to go out. Gissele: They’re less likely to [00:48:00] socialize, and so there’s an outward constriction, whereas your business is enabling people to go, okay, can we go outward instead, can we. Reimagine aging. Can we reimagine mobility? Can we reimagine adventure? Adventure doesn’t mean I have to go to the south of France Gissele: Can I even just say, that I’m willing to try that makes me out of my comfort zone? It doesn’t necessarily mean having to go outside. It could be just, public speaking. it could be anything that helps me shift and open up to life. And there might be a lot of opportunity around with organizations that are helping people become more mobile. Gissele: Because I think your organization it’s not just the traveling, it’s really is opening up people beyond their limitations and especially around aging. Can we really reimagine ourselves? Yeah, go ahead. Terry: Yeah. So in 2019 I wrote a book called Piloting Your Life to Inspire Women over the Age of 40 to design and live lives of our own Creation. Terry: And and the reason why it’s piloting your life is [00:49:00] as a woman in male dominated spaces, especially in, like investing in stuff. I am a commercially rated helicopter pilot, so I have my brand around, yeah, I fly helicopters for fun, really. I have my branding around aviation and so I had a podcast for a couple years called Piloting Your Life that ultimately focused on women. Terry: And then I wrote this book because I realized there wasn’t the what to expect when you turned 40. Book for women. We’re seeing more conversations about perimenopause and menopause and what happens to our brains and our bodies. It’s more than just hot flashes. And it was like I wanted to better understand that. Terry: So I love that you tapped into the redefining what aging means, and I think Gen X especially has an opportunity to really model moving forward. what aging means. And we do not have available to us, at least in the United States the same, you work at the same place for your entire life. Terry: You have a [00:50:00] pension and then you’re set up for the future. A lot of us are not going to be retiring at 65. A lot of us are not going to have grandkids. we’re not necessarily gonna have the retirement and aging lives that have been modeled before us. Terry: And so I do see that as a huge opportunity for us to redefine what aging means, focusing on what good health means. And good health is focused on not just, your fitness or your weight, but it’s brain health, it’s mobility, it’s flexibility, and it’s friendships. Terry: I interviewed 36 diverse women from around the world, from my book. So I can share their stories. ’cause a lot of us need to see it to be it. And it’s maybe they didn’t like my story, but they might like my friend Carle’s story or, somebody else’s story. And in the research, in order to really set ourselves up well for the next phase of our lives is we need a little bit of activity, exercise. Terry: We need deep and meaningful relationships or friendships and we need meaning or [00:51:00] purpose. And in doing further research on purpose, not having a big p purpose, but a little p purpose is important. ’cause all of those things build up. So I’m doing this drawing challenge right now so that I can start Painting Again, which I haven’t done since high school. And so every day for 10 minutes I’m drawing. And it’s so fun to do something new and know that I can completely fail at it. No one’s gonna judge me. I am pushing it out on Instagram so that I can inspire other people to be silly and whimsical as well. Terry: But I think, my focus is on women. if we decide to be selfish for once, put ourselves first focus on how we want to be in the world, do the work make the decisions on what we want, we can model it better, not only for the women coming up behind us, but also for the men in the world. Terry: And then our society in general becomes a better thing. and so like Zeke going out and doing his cycling stuff, he’s the young one in the group. Just by a a year or [00:52:00] two. But getting out there and doing. a 400 or a 700 mile cycling. And we’re talking pedaling just like, doing it on the cheap, Terry: that is just so funny. it’s not always just the physical, it’s the mental. And that’s the other thing with it, with this new business, every single day we are learning something new. We are throwing so much pasta on the wall and so much of it is not sticking in terms of what we’re trying and experimenting with. Terry: It’s it is very frustrating sometimes, but it’s also so good for our brains. Terry: it’s so exciting to be 55 almost 56. And every day it’s like, What are we choosing today? Terry: So I paid $10 for the drawing thing for the month, so it wasn’t an expensive thing. But one of the coolest things was we’ve been to so many museums and one of my new favorite artists is Egon Shield. And yesterday the thing had to do with negative spaces I think it’s called Draw Together, and Wendy Mack is the gal leading it. Terry: And she showed Igon Shield’s work and I’m like, oh my God, I love Egon Shield. And [00:53:00] like a couple days before it was some sort of line drawing thing and it was s Tumbly. And I’m like, I saw Slys stuff in Munich. I got to see Egon Shields stuff in Vienna. And I know my privilege is showing right now. but I love seeing these things connect together. Terry: That something I learned in one place, I now seeing it in play in another, and then I get to do something with it. It is so fun. Gissele: Yeah, Zeke: at same time, just a quick reference of that although we are in the San Francisco Bay area, which is of course a world class leading art center, education center. Zeke: But we’ve been in enough places around the world where we’ll walk into some little museum or art installation or a church or whatever is in some little town. ’cause Terry wants to go to every single one of ’em. And we’ll find something there. It’s like, wait, we’ve seen that other places. So wherever you are at out there in the world you look around and you’ll find some things somewhere that can be just as interesting and or inspired by some of these things that you [00:54:00] find here. Zeke: And the nice thing about the little towns that have these is there’s, it’s probably free. And two they’re, you’re not gonna spend six hours stumbling around in the Louvre looking for something and with a crowd of millions. Zeke: which is my trigger point because I don’t have the patience to, to deal with crowds. Zeke: Yeah, Gissele: That’s fair. I think what you’re modeling for us is the potentials, right? we have so many limiting beliefs in our society, you’re too old to start, a business in the fifties or tool to go cycling a little cheap. like all of those things are just limiting beliefs in what you’re showing us as a world of potentials. Gissele: A couple more questions. what’s your definition of self-love? Terry: You go first Zeke: definition of self-love. Yeah. I’m Gissele: asking everyone to season that question. Zeke: Sure. That’s a good question. Good Terry: answer ’cause I’ve got one now. Zeke: Go ahead. Terry: Okay. I think self-love right now as a 55-year-old woman, gen X conditioned in a patriarch [00:55:00] society is putting myself first without apology, showing up, being unapologetically me. Terry: I think that is the definition of self-love for me right now. Gissele: Beautiful. Zeke, I Zeke: would say, I’m not gonna articulate it. Don’t think. As well. it’s probably giving myself permission to either admit that I was wrong or admit that I hadn’t understood something. and maybe in this patriarchal society, part of that is that the man is always right and he’s always figured everything out and I haven’t and so trying to deprogram that and enter a new space of saying, yeah, I don’t, I didn’t do that right. Zeke: I don’t know what the answer to that is. And I’m sorry to anyone I’ve impacted with those previous decisions, and I’m sorry to myself and I’ve given myself permission to forgive myself for myself, either acting that way and having to change and needing to change and I should change, and I don’t [00:56:00] even exactly know what to change too. Speaker 3: Terry: So I love your question about self-love because it really got me thinking aboutwhat that means and showing up unapologetically me. ’cause I feel like I’ve been apologizing for who I am my entire life. And then also choosing myself first, which is such a struggle as a Gen X woman who’s been conditioned to put everybody else first. Terry: And there’s a line in my book. Which is be the first in the buffet line and take the last fucking cupcake because so many of us women. at least in the United States, my friends in France, they were not raised similarly, but we are told, let everybody else go first. And if there’s one last thing, don’t take it. Terry: And so I love this concept but I have to be very intentional and think about it. I love this concept of choose you first. Men have no problems choosing themselves first. And the thing that I have modeled so poorly for my kids is that. selflessness is important and always being in [00:57:00] service to somebody else is important and you put yourself last. Terry: And if I could turn back time and change one thing, I would change and show that I put myself first. More because I think it was so important for both boys and girls, men and women, to see that it is okay for women to show up unapologetically, put themselves first, being aware of the impact, but putting themselves first. Terry: So I loved that you forced me to think through, and I’m actually gonna put a reminder on my desk. It’s like practice acts of self-love every day so that it can become less. Of a practice and it can be part of who I am, so thank you for that. Gissele: Ah, thank you for that. ’cause I can totally appreciate that. Gissele: I grew up here in Canada, so not the states, but I felt the same way. There’s this messaging that a good mother puts themselves last. A good mother puts their kids first, eats last, like all of those things. And that’s not true because what it does is it leads to burnout. In fact, the less that I [00:58:00] loved myself and filled my cup, the more I gave from my reserves and the more I resented it, sometimes I was snappy my case. Terry: Yeah, and we go through perimenopause and that’s what we’re seeing is women just completely burned out going through perimenopause and the menopause transition, especially if you have a DHD and you’re just like, what the hell happened? And that’s why I see the, our forties is such an incredible opportunity to shift out of being in service to others because our bodies and our minds are saying. Terry: you’ve gotta focus inward. You’ve gotta focus less outward. And that’s what’s fun about the four. The forties suck, but the fifties, once you’ve done that work, the fifties are amazing. Speaker 3: great answers. Thank you to both of you. Last one is, where can people find you? Where can they work with you? Where can you find your book? Share anything you wanna share? Terry: So my book, piloting Your Life is. Available on Amazon. I’m sorry if you’re not, we don’t shop on Amazon, but it’s in audiobook. Terry: I narrated it. Ebook and paperback. You can [00:59:00] also order it through like bookshop.org. Request it through Libby, your library, so it’s pretty much everywhere. Or go to my website http://www.piloting your life.com. Zeke and Terry Adventures is available at http://www.zekeandterryadventures.com. You can find us as Zeke a

Love alone isn't always enough to keep everyone under one roof feeling connected and secure. Despite the dream of harmony and the promise of new beginnings, many families find themselves struggling with uncertainty, misaligned expectations, and recurring conflicts that love simply can't resolve. Is it possible to create a sense of "home" where everyone feels seen, heard, and supported—without sacrificing your relationship or your own well-being? In this episode, listeners will discover why building a thriving blended family isn't just about love—it's about creating alignment through clear roles, structure, and intentional communication. The conversation explores the real-life challenges that stepfamilies and modern families face, including competing parenting philosophies, the presence of ex-partners, and loyalty struggles with children. Listeners will learn actionable strategies such as the Pause, Align, and Present method for unified parenting, tips for connecting before correcting, and ways to foster trust and emotional safety while honoring everyone's unique needs. Get ready to transform overwhelm into clarity, and confusion into a cooperative partnership—one step at a time. April is a licensed marriage and family therapist, stepfamily expert, and founder of Couples Thrive. She specializes in helping modern couples, especially those in blended families, create emotional safety, reduce conflict, and parent as a united team. She is trained in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), one of the most research-backed approaches for couples, and her work has been featured in national outlets like Psychology Today and the Gottman Institute.   Episode Highlights 06:09 Unique challenges blended families face as they merge different histories and systems. 09:56 Building alignment through clear structure and defined expectations. 12:24 Navigating family differences with the 60-30-10 rule. 14:19 Smoothing family life with weekly check-ins and defined roles. 19:09 Setting realistic expectations and practicing patience in blended families. 23:22 Overcoming common challenges through preparation and planning. 25:22 Unifying parenting decisions with the Pause, Align, and Present method. 28:13 Modeling teamwork and authentic connection during disagreements. 31:34 Building mutual respect through the power of pausing. 35:58 Balancing parental authority while empowering children's voices. 39:36 Building trust as a stepparent by navigating loyalty binds. 43:19 Fostering respectful communication with clear boundaries and rules. 46:40 Helping blended families thrive with expert tools and support.   Your Check List of Actions to Take Start a shared journal or Notes app with your partner to track moments of alignment and areas of struggle throughout the week. Set aside time for a weekly alignment conversation where you review your journal and discuss patterns and sticky points together. Establish clear roles and expectations in your family system, considering each person's strengths and the needs of the children. Practice the "Pause, Align, and Present" method in moments of disagreement: pause the discussion, align privately, and then present a unified decision to the family. Use a 60-30-10 rule—aim for 60% compromise, navigate 30% gray areas, and allow 10% flexibility for the sake of peace. Involve children appropriately by hearing their voices and feelings, but maintain parental authority when making decisions. For stepparents, focus on connection before correction—build rapport and trust first before stepping into disciplinary roles. Regularly review your family values, using "we language" and modeling respectful communication, especially during challenging transitions or conflicts.   Mentioned Stepfamilies: Love, Marriage, and Parenting in the First Decade (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book) ERP 313: How To Become A Successful Blended Family — An Interview With Ron Deal ERP 256: The Mistakes People Make When Blending Families And What To Do Instead – An Interview With Tracy Poizner Shifting Criticism For Connected Communication (free guide)   Connect with April Eldemire Website: couples-thrive.com Facebook: facebook.com/AprilEldemire YouTube: youtube.com/@couplesthrive Instagram: instagram.com/couplesthrive LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/april-eldemire-lmft-8a8b3059 TikTok: tiktok.com/@couples_thrive  

Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 3934: Kristen Manieri reimagines gratitude as a shared, tangible act by committing to write 365 handwritten thank you notes in one year. Through this simple but powerful practice, she discovers deeper connection, heightened awareness, and a more meaningful way to acknowledge the people who shape her daily life. Her experience invites us to move gratitude off the page of a private journal and into the hands of others, where its impact multiplies. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://www.gottman.com/blog/stop-creating-gratitude-lists-and-do-this-instead/ Quotes to ponder: "The act of writing a thank you note is so different from typing an email or tapping in a text. It's slower, more thoughtful, and more heartfelt." "No act is ever too small to deserve acknowledgment." "This project taught me to notice that every single day we are touched by the people we interact with if we allow ourselves to be." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 3934: Kristen Manieri reimagines gratitude as a shared, tangible act by committing to write 365 handwritten thank you notes in one year. Through this simple but powerful practice, she discovers deeper connection, heightened awareness, and a more meaningful way to acknowledge the people who shape her daily life. Her experience invites us to move gratitude off the page of a private journal and into the hands of others, where its impact multiplies. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://www.gottman.com/blog/stop-creating-gratitude-lists-and-do-this-instead/ Quotes to ponder: "The act of writing a thank you note is so different from typing an email or tapping in a text. It's slower, more thoughtful, and more heartfelt." "No act is ever too small to deserve acknowledgment." "This project taught me to notice that every single day we are touched by the people we interact with if we allow ourselves to be." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 3934: Kristen Manieri reimagines gratitude as a shared, tangible act by committing to write 365 handwritten thank you notes in one year. Through this simple but powerful practice, she discovers deeper connection, heightened awareness, and a more meaningful way to acknowledge the people who shape her daily life. Her experience invites us to move gratitude off the page of a private journal and into the hands of others, where its impact multiplies. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://www.gottman.com/blog/stop-creating-gratitude-lists-and-do-this-instead/ Quotes to ponder: "The act of writing a thank you note is so different from typing an email or tapping in a text. It's slower, more thoughtful, and more heartfelt." "No act is ever too small to deserve acknowledgment." "This project taught me to notice that every single day we are touched by the people we interact with if we allow ourselves to be." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 3310: Kyle Benson explores how anger often acts as a protective surface emotion, masking deeper feelings like shame, fear, or exhaustion. Drawing on insights from leading psychologists, he explains how understanding the “anger iceberg” can help us respond with curiosity instead of defensiveness. By learning to sit with anger rather than suppress it, we can build healthier boundaries, stronger empathy, and more connected relationships. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-anger-iceberg/ Quotes to ponder: “Emotions are, in essence, impulses to act, the instant plans for handling life that evolution has instilled in us.” “Our raw feelings can be the messengers we need to teach us things about ourselves and can prompt insights into important life directions.” “The bottom line is that beneath everyone's anger lies a reason.” Episode references: Emotional Agility by Susan David: https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Agility-Unhook-Embrace-Change/dp/1592409490 Atlas of Emotions: https://atlasofemotions.org/ Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman: https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Intelligence-10th-Anniversary/dp/055338371X Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 3310: Kyle Benson explores how anger often acts as a protective surface emotion, masking deeper feelings like shame, fear, or exhaustion. Drawing on insights from leading psychologists, he explains how understanding the “anger iceberg” can help us respond with curiosity instead of defensiveness. By learning to sit with anger rather than suppress it, we can build healthier boundaries, stronger empathy, and more connected relationships. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-anger-iceberg/ Quotes to ponder: “Emotions are, in essence, impulses to act, the instant plans for handling life that evolution has instilled in us.” “Our raw feelings can be the messengers we need to teach us things about ourselves and can prompt insights into important life directions.” “The bottom line is that beneath everyone's anger lies a reason.” Episode references: Emotional Agility by Susan David: https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Agility-Unhook-Embrace-Change/dp/1592409490 Atlas of Emotions: https://atlasofemotions.org/ Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman: https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Intelligence-10th-Anniversary/dp/055338371X Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, I sit down to review a couple clips by the Gottman Institute on how to handle “car fights” and “turn toward” one another in moments of conflict. To access the sources for this episode, visit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v0W0mWEPTjwhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYILLCN-K9YTo become a subscriber of this podcast, visit:⁠⁠https://anchor.fm/seth-hensley/subscribe⁠

In Honor of Valentine's Day, we're revisiting what we think is our most comprehensive episode on relationships to date! Relationship Experts Drs. John & Julie Gottman EXPOSE the SHOCKING REASON Why Relationships Fail. 94% Accurate Divorce Predictions: Discover the biggest predictors that guarantee which marriages will crumble and how to get the LOVE you WANT! The Gottman duo are world leading relationship researchers that have been studying couples for over 40 years, publishing over 200 academic journal articles and 46 books. They are the co-founders of The Gottman Institute and Love Lab. Drs Gottman drop the ULTIMATE Relationship Bombshells, including the 4 Horsemen of Relationship Apocalypse (Spot these 4 predictors of relationship demise before they DESTROY your love life!), PLUS....learn the #1 skill for Connection and BETTER SEX! Your relationship is either HELPING or HARMING you HEALTH, and is a big factor in how you fight disease. The Gottmans also break down: - The #1 Cause of CHEATING & how it can lead to PTSD - Childhood Trauma's Hidden Role in Relationships: How a lack of positive relationship role models can WRECK your marriage - Ways to better support your partner's trauma - Why Addiction can spell disaster for even the strongest of relationships - Phases of recovery from affairs & other forms of betrayal - How to argue with your partner in a healthy way - Why today's culture seems to be afraid of long term commitment - Codependency: Is it really as HORRIBLE as it sounds, or could it be the key to your marriage's survival & your own longevity? - Why Women Are UNHAPPY: The unsettling reason behind women's relationship dissatisfaction and the FEARS they face daily - Men's Emotional Needs: How today's involved dads are CHANGING EVERYTHING - Social Media's Role in Cheating: How it's fueling nonmonogamy and screwing up your communication - Effects of porn addiction on the other partner - Key communication factors in healthy partnerships - The Managerial Marriage: Why losing PLAYTIME is the nail in the coffin for happy marriages - The Power of a 6-SECOND KISS: This simple act could SAVE your relationship! TUNE IN to MBB now & learn how to turn around your relationship before it's too late! Follow us on Substack for Exclusive Bonus Content: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bialikbreakdown.substack.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠BialikBreakdown.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠YouTube.com/mayimbialik⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In Honor of Valentine's Day, we're revisiting what we think is our most comprehensive episode on relationships to date! Relationship Experts Drs. John & Julie Gottman EXPOSE the SHOCKING REASON Why Relationships Fail. 94% Accurate Divorce Predictions: Discover the biggest predictors that guarantee which marriages will crumble and how to get the LOVE you WANT! The Gottman duo are world leading relationship researchers that have been studying couples for over 40 years, publishing over 200 academic journal articles and 46 books. They are the co-founders of The Gottman Institute and Love Lab. Drs Gottman drop the ULTIMATE Relationship Bombshells, including the 4 Horsemen of Relationship Apocalypse (Spot these 4 predictors of relationship demise before they DESTROY your love life!), PLUS....learn the #1 skill for Connection and BETTER SEX! Your relationship is either HELPING or HARMING you HEALTH, and is a big factor in how you fight disease. The Gottmans also break down: - The #1 Cause of CHEATING & how it can lead to PTSD - Childhood Trauma's Hidden Role in Relationships: How a lack of positive relationship role models can WRECK your marriage - Ways to better support your partner's trauma - Why Addiction can spell disaster for even the strongest of relationships - Phases of recovery from affairs & other forms of betrayal - How to argue with your partner in a healthy way - Why today's culture seems to be afraid of long term commitment - Codependency: Is it really as HORRIBLE as it sounds, or could it be the key to your marriage's survival & your own longevity? - Why Women Are UNHAPPY: The unsettling reason behind women's relationship dissatisfaction and the FEARS they face daily - Men's Emotional Needs: How today's involved dads are CHANGING EVERYTHING - Social Media's Role in Cheating: How it's fueling nonmonogamy and screwing up your communication - Effects of porn addiction on the other partner - Key communication factors in healthy partnerships - The Managerial Marriage: Why losing PLAYTIME is the nail in the coffin for happy marriages - The Power of a 6-SECOND KISS: This simple act could SAVE your relationship! TUNE IN to MBB now & learn how to turn around your relationship before it's too late! Follow us on Substack for Exclusive Bonus Content: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bialikbreakdown.substack.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠BialikBreakdown.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠YouTube.com/mayimbialik⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If dating has become daunting or draining, this episode can make it feel lighter, clearer, and fun again. This Valentine's Special brings together practical, honest lessons on flirting with confidence, reading and sending the signals better, building chemistry, spotting green and red flags, dealing with rejection, and enjoying the process of finding love while staying true to yourself.Featuring insights from popular past episodes with certified relationship coach Nikki Porter (Nuggets of Nikki), viral “Queen of Landi” Joelle (Paano Kung?), and Coach Vee, a.k.a. Vanessa Antonio, the Philippines' first US-certified matchmaker and Gottman Institute-trained dating coach.For any collaboration, brand partnership, and campaign run inquiries, e-mail us at info@thepodnetwork.com.

Guest host Geena Davis helps us explore how the love we feel —for our partners, friends, family, even our four legged companions—shapes our brains, bodies, and lives.Summary: On this episode of The Science of Love with Geena Davis, we delve into the many forms of love, and experts share research on how small daily actions, physical touch, and emotional attentiveness strengthen relationships, while evolutionary and neuroscience studies reveal why these bonds matter. We also explore practical strategies for cultivating deeper connections and understanding the biological and psychological roots of love.Scroll down for a transcription of this episode.Related The Science of Happiness episodes:  The Science of Love Series: https://bit.ly/TheScienceofLoveThe Science of Love, with Geena Davis (Episode 1): https://tinyurl.com/bfave5wdHow 7 Days Can Transform Your Relationship: https://tinyurl.com/bdh2ezhrToday's Guests:DANIEL LEVITIN is a neuroscientist, musician, and bestselling author of the books, Music as Medicine: How We Can Harness Its Therapeutic Power and I Heard There Was a Secret Chord: Music As Medicine. Follow Daniel Levitin on IG: https://www.instagram.com/daniellevitinofficialJOHN GOTTMAN is a psychologist and the co-founder of The Gottman Institute. JULIE GOTTMAN is a clinical psychologist and co-founder of The Gottman Institute and President of The Gottman Institute and co-founder of Affective Software, Inc. Learn more about John and Julie Gottman here: https://www.gottman.com/JUSTIN GARCIA is an evolutionary biologist and international authority on the science of sex and relationships. Learn more about Justin Garcia here: https://tinyurl.com/2c39cs6rANNA MACHIN is a British evolutionary anthropologist at the Department of Experimental Psychology at Oxford University, England and author of the book Why We Love: The Definitive Guide to Our Most Fundamental Need. Learn more about Anna Machin here: https://annamachin.com/MARISA G. FRANCO is a psychologist and professor at The University of Maryland and author of the book “Platonic: How The Science of Attachment Can Help You Make – and Keep – Friends.”Learn more about Marisa G. Franco here: https://drmarisagfranco.com/Message us or leave a comment on Instagram @scienceofhappinesspod. E-mail us at happinesspod@berkeley.edu or use the hashtag #happinesspod.Help us share The Science of Happiness! Leave us a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts or share this link with someone who might like the show: https://tinyurl.com/2p9h5aapFunding for this special was provided by the John Templeton Foundation, as part of the Greater Good Science Center's Spreading Love Through the Media initiative.Transcription: https://tinyurl.com/4b52azja

In this episode, I sit down to review a couple clips by the Gottman Institute on how to handle “car fights” and “turn toward” one another in moments of conflict. To access the sources for this episode, visit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v0W0mWEPTjwhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYILLCN-K9YTo become a subscriber of this podcast, visit:⁠⁠https://anchor.fm/seth-hensley/subscribe⁠

Finding Flow and Connection with Laura Silverstein Finding Flow with Laura Silverstein Welcome back, fellow Open Nesters! In honor of Love Month, we recently had the absolute pleasure of hosting Laura Silverstein, author of Love is an Action Verb, for a deeply resonant encore discussion about finding more flow and connection in our relationships. As we navigate this “open nest” phase—a term we prefer over “empty nest” to reflect hearts and lives open to endless possibilities—having an expert like Laura, who is both a Gottman-trained therapist and a fellow traveler in this mid-life transition, felt like a true gift. At 53, Laura is right there with us, balancing a twenty-year marriage and the bittersweet transition of her own children heading off to college One of the most profound takeaways from our conversation was Laura's perspective on secure attachment and how we model it for our children, even as they become adults. She described secure attachment as the “net underneath them,” providing a sanctuary of comfort and trust so they know they are never alone in the world. For those of us struggling with the quiet of the house, Laura offered a beautiful reminder: we must provide reassurance of unconditional love, regardless of our children’s successes or failures. It is about “being with the moment” and accepting our role as a steady presence in their lives, even as they build their own worlds. We also dove deep into the mechanics of long-term partnership, particularly the Gottman concept of “bids for attention”. Laura calls these “micro-bursts of connection”—tiny actions like a winky-face text or a hug that lasts longer than twenty seconds to release oxytocin. These small gestures are the currency of love, and they don’t take much time, yet they set a precedent of warmth in a relationship. After the kids leave, it is vital to redirect that energy we once gave to our children back toward each other, actively cherishing the love we have built. The part of the interview that truly stayed with me—and that my co-host Amir and I are still digesting—is the idea that most conflict stems from a dream that is not being actualized. Laura explained that ongoing, distressing conflicts are often about a deep purpose or desire that is being suppressed. She shared a powerful “Dream Catcher” exercise where one partner acts as the dreamer and the other listens with deep curiosity, asking questions about the “why” and the “excitement” behind the dream rather than focusing on the logistics or the “how”. This shift from “stop doing this” to “this is why I need this for my soul” changes the entire landscape of compromise. We also touched on the importance of transparency and honesty regarding our individual core needs versus our areas of flexibility. Laura noted that when we give up a core need, we are essentially giving up our “bones and body,” moving out of integrity with ourselves. However, when we understand our partner's ultimate dreams, we find the motivation to be flexible in other areas—like my recent month-long solo trip to the ocean, a gift of “compersion” from my husband that brought renewed love and patience back into our primary partnership. As we wrapped up, Laura reminded us that the heart is a muscle that requires proactive exercise. Whether it is practicing “extreme gratitude” or engaging in “skydiving listening,” the goal is to expand our capacity for love through consistent, intentional action. I encourage you to check out Laura's website, LauraSilverstein.com, or follow her “Laura's Love Advice” on social media for more pragmatic tips on comforting those in pain and building inclusive, communicative relationships. In the interview, Laura Silverstein describes a Gottman Institute exercise where one partner acts as the “dreamer” and the other as the “dream catcher”. The goal of the dream catcher is to use deep, probing curiosity to understand the meaning behind a partner's desires rather than focusing on the logistics of how to achieve them. The Role of the Dream Catcher The dream catcher's job is to listen intently and ask open-ended, non-leading questions. They must avoid “yes or no” questions or practical concerns, such as “How are we going to afford this?” Core Dream Catcher Questions Laura highlighted several specific questions a partner can ask to uncover the “dream within a conflict” What is frightening for you about this? What is exciting for you about this? Why is this so important to you? What would it look like if this dream were actually actualized? How would you feel if this dream came true? What would you be doing in this best-case scenario? The Purpose of the Questions By asking these questions, the listener helps their partner expand on their vision. This allows the couple to identify core needs—things that are essential to a person’s integrity or “soul”—and separate them from areas of flexibility, where compromise is possible once the underlying dream is understood. About Tessa Tessa Krone is the engine behind and the face of The Open Nesters. Tessa holds an MA in Consciousness Studies and is a speaker, coach, program, and journey facilitator & leader, author, and, of course, Podcaster. Her offerings are based on her mission to help people open to their most self-expressed, loving selves. Tessa's specialties include embodiment from all the senses and elements of our inner and outer lives, ranging from mindfulness, dance, play, and sensory exploration in nature. If she had one superpower, it would be to help people, especially as they age, to live more open-hearted lives. Please email Tessa to make a connection. And visit her page here on the Open Nesters Website. If you like, please answer the question: What do you need to OPEN your NEST? In your LIFE. In your BODY. In your SPIRIT. Do you need MORE… Adventure  Freedom of Expression  Exploration and Fun  Body Movement  New circles of friends  Deep love relationships

In this episode, we break down the Gottman Institute's emotional bank account - sharing simple daily deposits you can make this February to strengthen you connections and keep your relationship balances thriving!Resources:The Happiness Journey by Bob & Virginia PothierThe Gottman InstitutePositive on Purpose Episode #20We are so grateful for your support! Please share this podcast with someone who needs it and leave us review: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/positive-on-purpose/id1531548022

From emotional cheating and red-hot debates on onscreen “love” (looking at you, Margot Robbie and Jacob Elordi), to AI deepfakes, Paris Hilton's epic advocacy, and the TRUTH about why women's stress skyrockets with a messy house…. Nothing is off limits in this live, jam session. Whether you're here for the spicy gossip, the “WTF do I do if my friend is touchy with my partner?” Q&A, or just want to finally hear the science behind why you can't sit down if there's a dirty kitchen, this episode is your safe space, your hype house, and your wake up call all-in-one. SHOWNOTES Margot Robbie, Jacob Elordi & the steamy marketing machine… where's the line between acting and actual attraction? “My (married) friend won't stop touching my husband. Help!” How AI deepfake porn is invading women's (and CHILDREN's) lives - 90% of non-consensual AI porn targets women The resentment trap: How unspoken housework divides lead to relationship apocalypse (literally. The Gottman Institute has the receipts) PROOF it's never too late: One badass woman's viral story to inspire you to take the leap and change your life—no matter your age or circumstances Thank you to our sponsors:  Found: Open a Found account for FREE at http://found.com Shopify: Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial period at https://shopify.com/lisa Daily Look: 50% code WOI https://dailylook.com OneSkin: 15% off with code LISA at https://oneskin.co/lisa FOLLOW ME FOR UPDATES & FUTURE LIVES:  Instagram: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/lisabilyeu/⁠ YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/womenofimpact⁠ TikTok: ⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@lisa_bilyeu?lang=en Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lisabilyeu Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

From emotional cheating and red-hot debates on onscreen “love” (looking at you, Margot Robbie and Jacob Elordi), to AI deepfakes, Paris Hilton's epic advocacy, and the TRUTH about why women's stress skyrockets with a messy house…. Nothing is off limits in this live, jam session. Whether you're here for the spicy gossip, the “WTF do I do if my friend is touchy with my partner?” Q&A, or just want to finally hear the science behind why you can't sit down if there's a dirty kitchen, this episode is your safe space, your hype house, and your wake up call all-in-one. SHOWNOTES Margot Robbie, Jacob Elordi & the steamy marketing machine… where's the line between acting and actual attraction? “My (married) friend won't stop touching my husband. Help!” How AI deepfake porn is invading women's (and CHILDREN's) lives - 90% of non-consensual AI porn targets women The resentment trap: How unspoken housework divides lead to relationship apocalypse (literally. The Gottman Institute has the receipts) PROOF it's never too late: One badass woman's viral story to inspire you to take the leap and change your life—no matter your age or circumstances Thank you to our sponsors:  Found: Open a Found account for FREE at http://found.com Shopify: Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial period at https://shopify.com/lisa Daily Look: 50% code WOI https://dailylook.com OneSkin: 15% off with code LISA at https://oneskin.co/lisa FOLLOW ME FOR UPDATES & FUTURE LIVES:  Instagram: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/lisabilyeu/⁠ YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/womenofimpact⁠ TikTok: ⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@lisa_bilyeu?lang=en Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lisabilyeu Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Ever felt like no matter how much you prepare for an important conversation with your partner, you still end up missing each other entirely? In the heat of tough conversations, even the best intentions can get lost as tension rises and defenses go up. It's all too easy for moments of misunderstanding to snowball, leaving both people feeling disconnected and unsure how to find their way back to each other. In this episode, you'll discover a radically simple approach to transforming those tense moments into opportunities for true connection. Looking through the lens of openness, which the conversation calls the "aperture effect," you'll learn why slowing down, becoming mindful, and attuning to each other's emotional states can help you break free from unhelpful patterns. Explore practical techniques to foster emotional safety, collaboration, and presence so you can turn even challenging interactions into pathways for deeper understanding and closeness. Kathryn Ford, M.D., is a psychiatrist, couples therapist, and author. Her work is a unique integration of mindfulness, psychotherapy, and neuroscience. After receiving her M.D. degree from Brown School of Medicine, Dr. Ford completed a residency in psychiatry at Stanford University School of Medicine. Her meditation practice and studies developed her understanding of the power of mindfulness for building deeper, more resilient relationships. She has taught at Stanford Continuing Studies, Stanford Medical School, and  Santa Clara University, and publishes regularly online in Psychology Today.   Episode Highlights 04:02 The Aperture Effect—an exploration at the intersection of psychiatry, mindfulness, and neuroscience. 09:40 What happens when openness shuts down in conversation? 11:26 The brain's role in relationship dynamics and mindful self-awareness. 15:23 Recognizing and responding to real-time emotional signals. 17:14 How our openness fluctuates moment to moment: Practical awareness skills. 21:08 Why slowing down changes everything: Strategies for connection over resolution. 26:06 Openness on a continuum: Tracking your state in challenging conversations. 29:16 Regrouping when things get rocky: Navigating pauses and timeouts. 33:53 Moving between vulnerability and defensiveness. 38:13 Vulnerability as the pathway to connection. 42:18 The power of naming your emotional state. 43:30 Learning and practicing aperture awareness and mindfulness.   Your Checklist of Actions to Take Practice mindful pausing: When you notice tension or confusion in conversations with your partner, pause for a deep breath to ground yourself and slow the interaction. Regularly check in with yourself during discussions. Ask, "Am I open or closed right now?" and observe your body for cues like warmth (open) or tension (closed). Use the "Two Sentences" exercise by limiting your speaking turns to one or two sentences and then pausing, giving both you and your partner time to process before responding. Be explicit about your emotional state, for example, saying, "I'm feeling a bit vulnerable discussing this," to invite empathy and understanding. When things get heated, intentionally slow down the dialogue. Avoid rapid-fire responses and give space for reflection. Call a timeout if needed: If either partner rates their openness as a 4 or lower (on a 1-10 scale), suggest a short break to allow both people to regroup and prevent escalation. Reassure and regroup: Offer reassurance like, "I didn't mean to sound harsh," and check if both partners feel ready to continue before moving forward. Acknowledge the need for ongoing conversations: Accept that not every topic needs a final resolution. Focus on maintaining connection, trust, and openness even when issues remain unresolved.   Mentioned The Aperture Effect (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book) Polyvagal Theory (website) Gottman Institute (website) Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) (*Psychology Today) (link) ERP 340: The Essential Skill Of Tracking Openness in Relationship — An Interview With Dr. Kathryn Ford 12 Relationship Principles to Strengthen Your Love (free guide)   Connect with Kathryn Ford M.D. Websites: kathrynfordmd.com Facebook: facebook.com/KathrynFordMD Instagram: instagram.com/KathrynFordMD LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kathryn-ford-m-d-1a675b2b Substack: substack.com/@kathrynfordmd   Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship  Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins  Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation  LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins  Twitter: @DrJessHiggins  Website: drjessicahiggins.com   Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com  

Episode Description: Kick off 2026 by decluttering your mind and marriage! In this episode, we explore how cluttered beliefs create misery in relationships and share 14 destructive marriage myths backed by research from experts like John Gottman, Murray Bowen, David Schnarch, and Carol Dweck. Learn healthier alternatives to foster deeper connection, reduce resentment, and build a fulfilling partnership. Perfect for couples seeking healthy relationship tips, toxic belief deconstruction, and marriage advice grounded in science.Keywords: toxic marriage beliefs, declutter your marriage, healthy relationship tips 2026, Gottman marriage research, Bowen family systems theory, Schnarch intimacy advice, Harvard happiness study relationships.The 14 Destructive Beliefs & Healthier Alternatives"My spouse should make me happy / complete me." Faulty due to external locus of control leading to lower satisfaction (Australian Study). Alternative: "My spouse is a companion in my happiness—I am responsible for my own emotional well-being.""If they really loved me, they'd know what I need without me saying it." Mind-reading expectations cause conflict (Mind-Reading Study; ResearchGate PDF). Alternative: "Love includes clear, kind communication about my needs and feelings.""A happy marriage means we never fight or have conflict." Gottman's research shows 69% of issues are perpetual (Gottman Institute). Alternative: "Conflict is an opportunity to understand each other better and grow closer through repair.""My partner should change to fix our problems." Satisfaction driven by perceptions, not partner change (PNAS Study). Alternative: "I can only change myself. Leading by example often invites positive shifts in my partner.""Disparate sexual desires mean we're incompatible." Normal in all relationships per Schnarch's "sexual crucible" (Crucible Institute; Psychology Today). Alternative: "Differences in desire are normal and offer growth opportunities.""Keeping score of who does more is fair and necessary." Breeds resentment; generosity boosts satisfaction (

In this special end-of-year episode of Married and Connected, Kameran guides you through a "Holiday Reset Ritual."In This Episode, We Cover:The 2025 State of Marriage: A look at the top Google searches for couples this year (hint: it wasn't about money, it was about emotional safety).The "Three-Layer Gratitude" Practice: Why saying "thanks for doing the dishes" isn't enough, and how to use gratitude to reset your nervous system.Lessons from the Experts: The top relationship insights from 2025 featuring wisdom from The Gottman Institute, Esther Perel, Matthew Hussey, Marriage 365 and more.Wounds vs. Patterns: How to recognize if you are acting out of an anxious or avoidant attachment style, and how to heal it next year.The "Name It to Tame It" Ritual: A step-by-step guided conversation to have with your partner tonight to close the chapter on the hard stuff and seal your intentions for 2026.Key Quotes:"Every couple wants to feel like they are on the same team. Not roommates. Not co-parents. But a safe place to land.""Gratitude isn't just manners; it is a biological reset button for your relationship.""You don't drift into a great marriage. You decide your way there."Resources Mentioned:The Gottman Institute (Micro-moments of connection)Esther Perel (Erotic Intelligence and Attention)Topics: Attachment Styles, The Mother/Father Wound, Mental LoadWork With KameranOption 1: For Couples (1:1 Coaching) Are you tired of having the same fight over and over again? Do you want 2026 to be the year you finally break the generational patterns holding your marriage back? Listening to a podcast gives you the what, but coaching gives you the how.I currently have 2 spots open for couples to work with me 1:1 starting in January. This is intimate, deep-dive work where we look at your specific attachment styles, your communication loops, and build a custom roadmap for your connection.Link: Book your Consultation for 1:1 Couples Coaching HereOption 2: For Wives (Edifying Eden Group) Starts January 5th | Limited to 10 WomenIf you are walking into the new year feeling the heavy weight of resentment, or if you are tired of the cycle of yelling to be heard only to feel guilty five minutes later—this is your invitation.Edifying Eden is my exclusive small group for the wife who is ready to turn her home back into a sanctuary. Together, we will:Ditch the Resentment: Clear out the bitterness that keeps you disconnected.Stop the Yelling: Learn to regulate your emotions so you can respond, not react.Be Heard: Learn to speak so your family listens the first time.Biblical Womanhood: Step fully into the grace and wisdom of the Proverbs 31 wife.We begin January 5th. Because this is a high-touch sisterhood, I am only accepting 10 women. Email Kameran at coaching@recognizingpotential.com for more info.Connect with Kameran:Instagram: @married.and.connectedWebsite: www.recognizingpotential.comSubscribe & Review: If this episode helped you reset, please leave a review! It helps other couples find the tools they need to stay married and connected. Happy New Year, friends!Support the show

Trevor is an internationally recognized coach and therapist dedicated to helping individuals transform anxious attachment into secure, fulfilling relationships. After overcoming his own anxious attachment, breaking his jaw, ending a toxic relationship, and leaving a corporate career at Tesla, he found his passion for helping others build lasting growth, experience transformation, and step into secure relationships.With a master's degree in Marriage and Family Therapy and advanced training from some of the world's top attachment experts, Trevor has helped thousands of clients around the globe. He's been featured by the Gottman Institute and has spoken to audiences of over 10,000. As the founder of The Art of Healing, he teaches his unique method "The Secure-Self Journey" to overcome attachment issues to people all over the globe, creating lasting change and healthier relationships worldwide. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

“All couples fight. In fact, how they fight in the first three minutes predicts with 96% accuracy not only how the rest of the conversation will go, but how the rest of the relationship will go six years down the road,” says relationship expert Dr. Julie Gottman. Dr. Julie and John Gottman are founders of the Gottman Institute and the Love Lab where they study how to sustain love and health in relationships. They join Chris to discuss why more people now than ever are deciding to go solo, what a healthy end to a conflict looks like, and the 52 questions you should ask your partner before getting married.This episode is part of a series of bonus videos from "How to Be a Better Human." You can watch the extended video companion on the TED YouTube Channel and the extended interview on the TED Audio Collective YouTube Channel.WatchJulie and John answer listeners' questions: https://youtu.be/nJ4RtT0T_BAExtended interview with Chris: https://youtu.be/CxW0JRAw8bkFollowHost: Chris Duffy (Instagram: @chrisiduffy | https://chrisduffycomedy.com/)Guest: Dr. Julie and John GottmanLinksHumor Me by Chris Duffy (https://t.ted.com/ZGuYfcL)https://www.gottman.com/Instagram: @thegottmaninstituteYouTube: @TheGottmanInstituteLinkedin: @the-gottman-instituteTikTok: @thegottmaninstituteFollow TED! X: https://www.twitter.com/TEDTalksInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/tedFacebook: https://facebook.com/TEDLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/ted-conferencesTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@tedtoks Podcasts: https://www.ted.com/podcastsFor the full text transcript, visit go.ted.com/BHTranscriptsInterested in learning more about upcoming TED events? Follow these links:TEDNext: ted.com/futureyou Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The idea of love maps comes from the Gottman Institute in their studies on relationships, specifically marriage. We wondered if it could be applied to power exchange, too. In this episode: Join us through... The post Love Maps and Power Exchange appeared first on Loving BDSM.

Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 2779: Terry Gaspard explores how a thoughtfully structured trial separation, anchored in clear boundaries, mutual respect, and professional guidance, can become a path toward healing rather than disconnection. Through proven therapeutic strategies and practical steps, she shows how couples can use space not as an escape, but as a deliberate pause to rebuild trust, clarity, and emotional attunement. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://www.gottman.com/blog/do-trial-separations-work/ Quotes to ponder: "If you and your partner are not willing to compromise, then the relationship isn't likely to improve." "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." "Recharge your battery and take time to learn more about yourself so you can view your relationship with a fresh perspective."

Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at:⁠ OLDPodcast.com⁠. Episode 2779: Terry Gaspard explores how a thoughtfully structured trial separation, anchored in clear boundaries, mutual respect, and professional guidance, can become a path toward healing rather than disconnection. Through proven therapeutic strategies and practical steps, she shows how couples can use space not as an escape, but as a deliberate pause to rebuild trust, clarity, and emotional attunement. Read along with the original article(s) here:⁠ https://www.gottman.com/blog/do-trial-separations-work/⁠ Quotes to ponder: "If you and your partner are not willing to compromise, then the relationship isn't likely to improve." "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." "Recharge your battery and take time to learn more about yourself so you can view your relationship with a fresh perspective."

Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 2778: Terry Gaspard explains how trial separations can serve as a constructive pause for couples overwhelmed by conflict, offering time to reflect, heal, and rediscover shared values. Through tools like the Gottman-Rapoport Intervention and the Two-Oval Compromise, partners can practice empathy, clarify core needs, and strengthen communication, whether to reunite or move forward separately with understanding and respect. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://www.gottman.com/blog/do-trial-separations-work/ Quotes to ponder: “When both partners feel understood, they will be better prepared to work out the terms for their trial separation.” “Most of the couples who consider a trial separation have grown weary of ongoing struggles and they feel too overwhelmed to make a decision about staying together or splitting up.” “The goal of the method is to help couples to honestly discuss their feelings and beliefs about an issue without blaming or criticizing each other.”

Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at:⁠ OLDPodcast.com⁠. Episode 2778: Terry Gaspard explains how trial separations can serve as a constructive pause for couples overwhelmed by conflict, offering time to reflect, heal, and rediscover shared values. Through tools like the Gottman-Rapoport Intervention and the Two-Oval Compromise, partners can practice empathy, clarify core needs, and strengthen communication, whether to reunite or move forward separately with understanding and respect. Read along with the original article(s) here:⁠ https://www.gottman.com/blog/do-trial-separations-work/⁠ Quotes to ponder: “When both partners feel understood, they will be better prepared to work out the terms for their trial separation.” “Most of the couples who consider a trial separation have grown weary of ongoing struggles and they feel too overwhelmed to make a decision about staying together or splitting up.” “The goal of the method is to help couples to honestly discuss their feelings and beliefs about an issue without blaming or criticizing each other.”

Did you know the average person says around 16,000 words a day, but only one in five are actually positive? That stat from the University of Arizona blew my mind — and honestly, it made me stop and ask, am I speaking more complimentary or more critical?In this solo episode of The Happy Hustle Podcast, I dive deep into one of the most powerful mindset shifts that has changed the way I communicate, in my marriage, my business, and my own self-talk. It's all about replacing criticism with genuine compliments and learning how to speak life into the people (and moments) around you.Here are a few key takeaways from this episode:Your words are building or breaking connection — Every sentence is either bringing you closer or pushing you apart from your partner, your kids, your team, even yourself.The “5:1 ratio” is real — According to the Gottman Institute, successful relationships have five positive interactions for every one negative one. When that ratio flips, so does the harmony.What you reinforce gets repeated — Whether it's your spouse, your kids, or your employees, people thrive when they're recognized and appreciated. Highlight what's working — it multiplies.Curiosity beats criticism — Instead of asking “Why did you do that?” (which usually triggers defensiveness), try “Help me understand what you were thinking.” It opens the door for empathy and connection.The Flip-the-Script Challenge — For the next 7 days, catch yourself when you're about to criticize and replace it with a compliment or a question. You'll be amazed at how quickly your energy — and relationships — shift.This episode is a powerful reminder that our words are spells. They can heal or hurt, connect or divide, uplift or drain. So, speak life. Be the person who compliments more, criticizes less, and spreads positivity everywhere you go.Connect with Cary!https://www.instagram.com/caryjack/https://www.facebook.com/SirCaryJackhttps://www.linkedin.com/in/cary-jack-kendzior/https://twitter.com/thehappyhustlehttps://www.youtube.com/channel/UCFDNsD59tLxv2JfEuSsNMOQ/featured Get a free copy of his new book, The Happy Hustle, 10 Alignments to Avoid Burnout & Achieve Blissful Balance https://www.thehappyhustle.com/bookSign up for The Journey: 10 Days To Become a Happy Hustler Online Coursehttps://thehappyhustle.com/thejourney/Apply to the Montana Mastermind Epic Camping Adventurehttps://thehappyhustle.com/mastermind/“It's time to Happy Hustle, a blissfully balanced life you love, full of passion, purpose, and positive impact!”Episode Sponsors:If you're feeling stressed, not sleeping great, or your energy's been kinda meh lately—let me put you on to something that's been a total game-changer for me: Magnesium Breakthrough by BiOptimizers. This ain't your average magnesium—it's got all 7 essential forms that your body actually needs to chill out, sleep deeper, and feel more balanced. I take it every night and legit notice the difference the next day. No more waking up groggy or tossing and turning all nightIf you're ready to sleep like a baby, calm your nervous system, and optimize your recovery, go grab yours now at bioptimizers.com/happy and use code HAPPY10 for 10% OFF.99 Designs- Need a killer logo, stunning website, or next-level brand design?Stop DIY-ing and start delegating like a boss with 99designs by Vista! Neurable- If you're looking to level up your focus, productivity, and mental well-being all at once, do yourself a favor and check out Neurable. You get a special hookup—just use the code HAPPY at checkout and get $100 off.