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Can conflict actually bring you and your partner closer? It depends on how you fight, say Julie and John Gottman, the world's leading relationship scientists. They share why the way couples fight can predict the future of their relationships — and show how anybody can transform conflict into an opportunity for deeper connection and understanding.This episode originally aired in 2024. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
What is the secret to deep relationships?In this teaching on Psalm 133, John Ortberg explores intimacy, connection, loneliness, and the small daily habits that strengthen relationships.Drawing from the work of relationship researcher John Gottman, John explains the powerful idea of "bids for connection"—the small invitations people make every day to share life together.This episode explores:- Psalm 133 and unity- What intimacy really means- The epidemic of loneliness- John Gottman's relationship research- Turning toward connection- Jesus as the master of connection- God's invitation to relationship throughout ScriptureFeaturing reflections on:- John Gottman- Dallas Willard- Robert PutnamScriptures:- Psalm 133- Genesis 2- Genesis 3- Genesis 4#Psalm133 #JohnOrtberg #Relationships #Connection #Intimacy #SpiritualFormation #ChristianFaith #JohnGottman #BibleStudy #Psalms
About the Guest Colleen Hirst is an accomplished psychologist and family therapist affiliated with Merrylands Counselling. With a rich professional history in psychology and therapy, Colleen specialises in helping individuals understand and break negative relationship patterns. She is proficient in applying various therapeutic models and theories, such as attachment theory and John Gottman's methods, to enhance relationship dynamics and promote personal growth. Her insights are particularly valuable for developing secure attachments and improving interpersonal connections. Key Takeaways: Understanding Patterns: Each individual has emotional blueprints shaped by upbringing and life experiences that govern relationship behaviors and attachment styles. Importance of Self-awareness: Identifying negative patterns is crucial; individuals must recognise their contributions to relationship dynamics to effect change. John Gottman's Principles: The Four Horsemen model provides insights into destructive relationship behaviors, underscoring the need to replace criticism with soft startups and stonewalling with self-soothing techniques. Connection Over Communication: True relationship resilience is built on connection and shared meaning, not just communication skills or conflict resolution. Therapeutic Interventions: Even entrenched patterns can be altered with intentional actions, as therapy can provide a framework for developing more positive interaction cycles. Notable Quotes: "We are all patterns, all of us. We've all got these internal working models for how we emotionally connect." — Colleen Hirst "Good communication is a fantastic and vital skill, but when we lose connection, that's when the conflict comes." — Colleen Hirst "Every time we say no to our automatic pilot, we're starting to change the internal script." — Colleen Hirst "My top tip is connection… How can we build this relationship because I want a future with you?" — Colleen Hirst "The main thing is not about active listening; it's about being there for your partner." — Colleen Hirst Resources: Maryland's Counselling: Merrylands Counselling Psychology Practice (Gaining additional insights and support) John Gottman: Various models discussed, including the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse and the Sound Relationship House Model. Attachment Theory: Explored in relation to early life experiences affecting adult relationships. Support the show, a product of Hope Media: https://hope1032.com.au/donate/2211A-pod/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
In this podcast episode, we discuss stonewalling in relationships, a concept identified by renowned relationship researcher John Gottman. Stonewalling occurs when one partner withdraws, shuts down, or avoids communication during conflict. We examine the impact of emotional flooding, the role of the "Four Horsemen," and evidence-based techniques for healthier conflict resolution and stronger relationships.Topics covered:What stonewalling isSigns of emotional withdrawalWhy people shut down during conflictEmotional flooding and stress responsesGottman's Four HorsemenHealthy alternatives to stonewallingTips for improving communication in relationships#Relationships #Communication #JohnGottman #Stonewalling #ConflictResolution #Marriage #MentalHealth #CouplesTherapy #Podcast #relationshipadvice#podcast #couples #marriageadvice #marriageadviceformen #marriageadviceformen#ytviral #ytshorts #ytviral#viral #viralvideos #hottopic Subscribe for biblical marriage advice, relationship coaching, and real conversations that help couples stay and grow together.Looking for pre-marital or post-marital counseling? We're SYMBIS-trained and Prepare/Enrich certified, here to support and strengthen your relationship.Schedule your **FREE 30-minute consultation** today:https://calendly.com/bettertwo2getherSUBSCRIBE & LEAVE A REVIEWYoutube Channel: / @better2getherwithdennisandloni
Most of us walk into hard conversations with the wrong goal. We're chasing agreement when we should be building connection. We're choosing accuracy when we should be choosing tone. And then we wonder why the conversation went sideways.In this episode, Ryan talks about the hard conversations almost everybody is sitting on right now. The one with your spouse. With your kid. With your boss. With the coworker who keeps dropping the ball. He walks through the internal shift that has to happen before the external one, why connection is the credit score of communication, and why John Gottman's research on the first three minutes of a conversation might change how you start the next one.You'll learn the difference between an accusatory tone and an inviting tone, why same content can land in two completely different rooms, and the one question to ask yourself before you say the hard thing.If you've been carrying a conversation around for weeks, this episode will give you the language to finally have it well.
Christian marriage is not primarily about finding the right person. It is about becoming the right person. In a culture that often treats relationships as a means of personal fulfillment, Scripture calls us to something deeper: a life of self-giving love modeled after Christ Himself. Philippians 2 reminds us that Jesus did not grasp for His own advantage but humbled Himself for the sake of others. That same posture becomes the foundation of every healthy marriage. This message explores the four relationship killers identified by Dr. John Gottman: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Each one erodes trust, intimacy, and connection when left unchecked. But God's design offers a better way. Instead of criticism, we speak with grace. Instead of contempt, we honor one another. Instead of defensiveness, we listen with humility. Instead of stonewalling, we remain present and engaged, even in difficult conversations. Healthy marriages are not built by perfect people. They are built by imperfect people who continually surrender to the transforming love of Christ. Because the strongest relationships are not formed when two people demand to be loved well, but when two people learn to love like Jesus.
Has someone ever pulled away from you and you genuinely didn't know why? A friendship that got quiet. A family member who keeps their distance. A relationship that used to be easy and now feels like work - and you can't put your finger on what changed. Here's the uncomfortable truth: most of us are doing things right now, in the relationships that matter most to us, that are slowly costing us those very relationships. And we don't even know we're doing it.This Sunday we're going to get specific - not just about what's going wrong, but about the exact moments where connection is either built or quietly destroyed. There's a researcher name John Gottman who figured out how to predict, with 94% accuracy, which relationships are heading toward collapse, and which ones will thrive. Turns out it comes down to something that happens dozens of times a day in every relationship you have.Come find out what it is — and whether you're doing it.Donate to Friends ChurchTo donate to this podcast and support the making of more of these please visit https://friendschurch.ca/podcast
Every conflict in your marriage gives you a choice: will you use it to deepen your connection and grow closer, or will you let it drive you further into resentment and disconnection? In this episode, we explore why genuine apologies are one of the most important repair tools in marriage. You'll learn the science behind why apologies work, what happens when we refuse them or give fake ones, the negative feedback loop that can trap couples in disconnection, and a practical four-step apology process you can start using immediately.We discuss John Gottman's research on repair, the difference between Masters and Disasters of relationships, Terry Real's losing strategies, and how small, sincere repairs can build a rich “culture of repair” in your marriage.Key Resources & Studies Mentioned:Apologies in Close Relationships: A Review of Theory and Research (2015) by Jarrett T. Lewis, Gilbert R. Parra, and Robert Cohen Journal of Family Theory & Review APA PsycNet LinkRefusing to Apologize Can Have Psychological Benefits (2013) by Tyler G. Okimoto and colleagues European Journal of Social PsychologyWhy Won't You Apologize? Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts by Harriet Lerner AmazonThe Gottman Institute – Research on repair attempts, culture of repair, Negative Sentiment Override, and emotional availability Gottman.comTerry Real's work on Relational Life Therapy and losing strategies (highly recommended: The New Rules of Marriage)Action Step:Try the four-step apology process the next time conflict arises. Notice how it feels and what it does for your connection.If this episode resonated with you, share it with your partner and leave a review. Let us know in the comments: What's one apology you're committed to making this week?Tags: Marriage Advice, Healthy Relationships, Apologies, Conflict Resolution, Gottman Method, Terry Real, Relationship Repair, Emotional IntelligenceGet in TouchWebsite: MasterYourMarriage.usInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriageFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/MasterYourMarriage/
What do you do when you're willing to work on the relationship, but your spouse won't attend therapy?This is one of the most painful dynamics I see in clinical work—because healing often feels stalled when one person is carrying the emotional labor alone. But while you cannot control someone else's willingness, you can begin shifting the relational system through boundaries, emotional regulation, clearer communication, and self-awareness.One research-backed framework I often reference is Dr. John Gottman's “Four Horsemen” of destructive communication: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling—patterns that can quietly erode connection over time. Learning to spot them is a powerful first step toward healthier dialogue.Read more here: The Gottman Institute's Four Horsemen articleIf this conversation resonates with your story, I'd love to support your healing journey.✨ Counseling + resources: Moved by Grace Counseling
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs walks through seven simple habits, drawn from the research of relationship psychologist Dr. John Gottman, that can fundamentally change how connected, loved and secure you and your partner feel. Whether your relationship has drifted into silence, feels more like a housemate arrangement or simply lacks the warmth it once had, these habits show exactly where to start.Rather than offering grand romantic gestures or an overhaul of your entire week, Alastair explains how just six intentional hours, built from small, consistent moments, can rebuild a relationship from the inside out. And the good news is, most of what he shares takes minutes, not hours.Key Takeaways:Most couples don't fall apart because of one big thing. They drift apart because of 100 small things, and the same is true in reverse. Small habits can erode a relationship, and small habits can rebuild it.The way you say goodbye in the morning sets the emotional tone for both of you for hours afterwards. A moment of real contact before you part, a hug, a kind word, genuine eye contact, is worth far more than most people realise.Reunions matter just as much as goodbyes. A genuine reconnection when you walk back through the door signals safety and warmth. It tells your partner they matter more than the chaos of the day.We are wired to notice what is wrong. If you are not intentional about appreciation, the frustrations get all the attention and the good stuff goes unspoken. A daily habit of expressing genuine admiration changes the whole atmosphere of a relationship, often faster than people expect.Physical affection throughout the day, a hand on the shoulder, sitting close, a proper hug, builds what researchers call emotional bonding. Words alone cannot create it.A daily stress-reducing conversation is not about logistics. It is about each other's inner world. And crucially, the role of the listener is just to listen, not to fix, not to advise. Just to be present. This is a skill, and it gets easier with practice.A weekly relationship check-in stops small problems from becoming big ones. Nothing festers, nothing builds into the kind of resentment that takes months to untangle. It can feel awkward at first. But it works.Resources & Next Steps: If you'd like support putting these habits into practice, or if anger or arguments have been getting in the way of the relationship you want:Visit: angersecrets.comLearn more about The Complete Anger Management SystemAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"
✨ Free workshop for parents → drlindsayemmerson.com/workshop | Learn the research-backed approach that gives you warmth and structure together — not as a trade-off. Gentle parenting gets a lot right. But as most parents practice it, something is missing — and that gap is exactly why so many parents who are genuinely trying to implement it still feel like something isn't working. This video names the gap directly, explains what sixty years of research actually says about what produces the best outcomes for children, and offers a clear, evidence-based alternative that doesn't ask you to choose between warmth and structure. If you've been implementing gentle parenting and your child is still testing constantly, the connection feels fragile, or you feel like you're managing emotions without ever actually influencing long-term behavior — this video explains why. The issue isn't that you're applying it wrong. It's that gentle parenting, as most people practice it, is a reactive framework without a proactive foundation. Understanding what's underneath the behavior — what your child's brain is actually capable of at their developmental stage — is the layer that makes everything else work. Diana Baumrind's six decades of research, replicated across thousands of families and multiple cultures, consistently identifies authoritative parenting — high warmth combined with consistent structure — as the approach with the best outcomes across every measure of child wellbeing (Baumrind, 1991). John Gottman's research on relationship dynamics adds a second dimension: connection without consistent structure creates instability rather than felt security, and children respond to that instability by testing harder, not less. In this episode: → What gentle parenting gets right — and the one critical piece most parents are missing → Why warmth without structure creates anxiety, not security (Baumrind's research explained) → Why connection without consistency doesn't hold — and what children do when it doesn't → What authoritative parenting actually looks like in daily life → The specific results that shift when warmth and structure are working together
Why do we become defensive when we feel criticized, misunderstood, or hurt? In this episode, we explore Dr. John Gottman's research on defensiveness and how it impacts communication in marriage, family, and everyday relationships. Through a Christian perspective, we discuss how fear, pride, and insecurity can keep us from truly hearing one another and how God calls us to respond with humility, patience, and grace.Together, we'll talk about practical ways to lower defensiveness, improve communication, and create healthier conversations rooted in love and respect. We'll also reflect on biblical principles such as being “quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry,” while learning how confession, forgiveness, and empathy can strengthen relationships.Whether you are married, dating, leading a family, or simply trying to grow emotionally and spiritually, this episode offers encouragement and practical tools to help you communicate with wisdom, peace, and Christ-centered love.If you're struggling in your marriage or want to strengthen your relationship before problems grow, this episode is for you.
Friedrich Nietzsche argued that marriage is fundamentally a long conversation, and the key question before committing is whether you can enjoy talking with this person into old age. In this episode, we explore the psychological science behind why conversational compatibility predicts relationship longevity far better than initial passion or shared hobbies. Drawing on research from John Gottman and modern attachment theory, we unpack practical ways to build deeper dialogue, repair communication breakdowns, and create the kind of intellectual intimacy that sustains love for decades.1
Warum bleiben manche Paare jahrzehntelang glücklich zusammen – während andere trotz echter Liebe auseinanderdriften? Und warum behandeln wir ausgerechnet den Menschen, der uns am meisten bedeutet, manchmal schlechter als Kolleginnen auf der Arbeit?In dieser Folge spreche ich mit Dr. Judith Gastner – Diplom-Psychologin, Paartherapeutin und Psychotherapeutin mit eigener Praxis in München. Sie hat das erste wissenschaftlich überprüfte Online-Beziehungsprogramm Paar Balance entwickelt und teilt heute ihr Wissen aus über 20 Jahren therapeutischer Praxis.Was Glückszutaten und Beziehungskiller wirklich sind — und warum wir sie oft verwechselnWarum sich nach etwa zwei Jahren in einer Beziehung entscheidet, ob sie langfristig trägtDie vier apokalyptischen Reiter nach John Gottman — und warum wir sie kennen, aber trotzdem anwendenWeshalb wir mit unserem Partner schlechter umgehen als mit Fremden — und was dahinterstecktDer 5:1-Quotient für glückliche BeziehungenWarum Liebessprachen nicht abstrakt sind — und wie du herausfindest, was dein Partner wirklich brauchtWas Singles tun können, um sich jetzt schon beziehungsfit zu machenDie zwei simplen Fragen, die Judits Paare täglich stellen — und die alles verändernNiemand hat uns beigebracht, wie Beziehungen funktionieren.Es ist kein persönliches Versagen, wenn Beziehungen scheitern — wir lernen in der Schule Mathe und Chemie, aber nicht wie man Konflikte löst, Bedürfnisse kommuniziert oder eine Verbindung über Jahre lebendig hält. Erst wenn wir das verstehen, hören wir auf, uns zu schämen — und fangen an, aktiv etwas zu verändern.Die vier Beziehungskiller (nach John Gottman):Kritik — nicht das Verhalten kritisieren, sondern die Person angreifenAbwehr — sofort rechtfertigen statt zuhörenVerachtung — Augenrollen, abwertende Kommentare, ÜberheblichkeitMauern — sich emotional komplett zurückziehenJeder kennt sie. Und jeder wendet sie an. Der erste Schritt ist, sie zu erkennen — bevor sie sich zur Gewohnheit verfestigen.Der 5:1-Quotient:Für jede negative Interaktion braucht es mindestens fünf positive, damit eine Beziehung stabil bleibt. Viele Paare in der Krise sind weit davon entfernt — und merken es erst, wenn man sie direkt fragt.Die zwei Fragen, die alles verändern:„Wie geht es dir gerade?" — und wirklich nur zuhören, ohne zu kommentieren„Gibt es etwas, was ich dir Gutes tun kann?" — eine Einladung statt einer ForderungLiebessprachen neu denken:Nicht jeder fühlt sich durch dasselbe geliebt. Wer dem anderen wirklich Gutes tun will, muss herausfinden, was beim anderen ankommt — nicht was bei einem selbst funktioniert. Eine hilfreiche Frage: Was war als Kind ein Moment, wo dir das Herz aufgegangen ist?Paar Balance ist das erste wissenschaftlich überprüfte Online-Beziehungsprogramm — entwickelt von Dr. Judith Gastner. Es richtet sich an:Singles, die sich auf eine gesunde Beziehung vorbereiten möchtenPaare, die frisch starten und es diesmal anders machen wollenPaare in der Krise, die einen strukturierten Weg zurück suchenDas Programm besteht aus Videos, Übungen und Hausaufgaben — und kann auch alleine gestartet werden, ohne dass der Partner es weiß. Die wissenschaftliche Studie zeigt: Schon nach drei bis vier Monaten sind Paare deutlich zufriedener.
Conflict isn't the problem in relationships — it's the hurt we cause and the lack of repair that slowly breaks them. In this first episode of our 3-part Repair Mini-Series, we're breaking down why repair is the most important skill every couple needs.You'll learn:Why avoiding conflict actually makes relationships more fragileHow healthy couples actually have more conflict (and why that's a good thing)The natural rhythm of all relationships: harmony, disharmony, and repairThe powerful lesson from Ed Tronick's Still Face ExperimentFour game-changing beliefs that will shift how you see conflict foreverWhy repair starts with YOU (even when your partner is dysregulated)Featuring insights from Dr. John Gottman and Ed Tronick, this episode will completely reframe the way you think about arguments in your relationship.If you've ever wondered why some couples bounce back from conflict stronger while others slowly drift apart, this episode is for you.
Part two of this juicy convo is here, and Monica's diving straight in. ⇢ WATCH ON YOUTUBE: https://youtu.be/19sNR5gwNVUIf you haven't listened to Part One yet, go back and do that first. These two episodes together are basically a whole masterclass on healthy vs. unhealthy relationships, and that foundation will help this land so much better.In Part Two, Monica is cutting through the fear-mongering, black-and-white relationship content flooding your feed and getting into what a healthy relationship actually looks and feels like.She gets into:
The quickest way to kill a dream is to achieve it. That's how Mark Manson opened our conversation, and it hit me harder than I expected. We get into altitude sickness, the arrival fallacy, and why the one variable that predicts how long you live is the one I almost never hear talked about in the wellness world. CLICK HERE TO BECOME GARY'S VIP!: https://bit.ly/4ai0Xwg Get all Mark Manson's books here: https://bit.ly/42sbr9q Listen to Mark Manson on all your favorite platforms! YouTube: https://bit.ly/4dBTDin Spotify: https://bit.ly/4tuGdJN Apple Podcasts: https://bit.ly/3PxcJgs Connect with Mark Manson Website: https://bit.ly/48ThxTZ YouTube: https://bit.ly/4dBTDin Instagram: https://bit.ly/4dkm5UK Facebook: https://bit.ly/4eFY8to TikTok: https://bit.ly/4ttiE46 X: https://bit.ly/4dkmmHg LinkedIn: https://bit.ly/48TdZkw Thank you to our partners A-GAME: “ULTIMATE15” FOR 15% OFF: http://bit.ly/4kek1ij AION: “ULTIMATE10” FOR 10% OFF: https://bit.ly/4h6KHAD AIRES: "ULTIMATE20 " FOR 20% OFF: https://bit.ly/4a3Duze BAJA GOLD: "ULTIMATE10" FOR 10% OFF: https://bit.ly/3WSBqUa BODYHEALTH: “ULTIMATE20” FOR 20% OFF: http://bit.ly/4e5IjsV COLD LIFE: THE ULTIMATE HUMAN PLUNGE: https://bit.ly/4eULUKp CYMBIOTIKA: "ULTIMATE10" FOR 10% OFF: https://bit.ly/4tjyluP GENETIC METHYLATION TEST (UK ONLY): https://bit.ly/48QJJrk GENETIC TEST (USA ONLY): https://bit.ly/3Yg1Uk9 GOPUFF: GET YOUR FAVORITE SNACK!: https://bit.ly/4obIFDC H2TAB: “ULTIMATE10” FOR 10% OFF: https://bit.ly/4hMNdgg HEALF: 10% OFF YOUR ORDER: https://bit.ly/41HJg6S PEPTUAL: “TUH10” FOR 10% OFF: https://bit.ly/4mKxgcn SNOOZE: LET'S GET TO SLEEP!: https://bit.ly/4pt1T6V WHOOP: JOIN & GET 1 FREE MONTH!: https://bit.ly/3VQ0nzW Watch the “Ultimate Human Podcast” every Tuesday & Thursday at 9AM EST: YouTube: https://bit.ly/3RPQYX8 Podcasts: https://bit.ly/3RQftU0 Connect with Gary Brecka Instagram: https://bit.ly/3RPpnFs TikTok: https://bit.ly/4coJ8fo X: https://bit.ly/3Opc8tf Facebook: https://bit.ly/464VA1H LinkedIn: https://bit.ly/4hH7Ri2 Website: https://bit.ly/4eLDbdU Merch: https://bit.ly/4aBpOM1 Newsletter: https://bit.ly/47ejrws Ask Gary: https://bit.ly/3PEAJuG Timestamps 00:00 - Introduction 01:03 - Mark Manson on the show 02:25 - Outsider years and meeting his wife in Sao Paulo 04:35 - The arrival fallacy and altitude sickness 07:40 - Why nobody wants to hear a successful person complain 09:38 - Gary's bankruptcy, divorce, and the day he took radical responsibility 13:18 - Fault versus responsibility (the part most people get wrong) 15:41 - Cymbiotika NAD ad read 16:45 - Tony Robbins, the five-second pause, and self-awareness 18:40 - What ego actually is (Freud's framework) 21:53 - Accurate ego versus delusional ego 22:33 - Marriage, ecosystems, and signing up for everything 24:25 - How to start the journey of introspection 26:51 - Try on beliefs like jeans 29:01 - The dad-bod study and the 80/90% gender split 31:20 - Why people refuse to accept other perspectives 34:05 - Harvard longevity, blue zones, and the relationship variable 38:31 - Why biohackers skip the relationship hack 39:52 - Relationship quality as a set of teachable skills 47:50 - Anxiety as a crisis of hope 54:16 - Cold Life filtered showerhead ad read 55:01 - Young entrepreneurs and the belief problem 58:39 - Why Gary built the Ultimate Human platform with no expectations 01:01:37 - Caregiver syndrome and autoimmune disease in women 01:07:18 - Finding versus cultivating purpose 01:14:18 - The genetic baseline of happiness 01:19:02 - John Gottman on recurring fights and what every happy couple has 01:21:53 - Where to find Mark 01:22:20 - What does it mean to you to be an Ultimate Human? Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and does not provide medical advice. It is not intended for diagnosing or treating any health condition. Always consult a licensed healthcare professional before making health or wellness decisions. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
“Don't make me pull this podcast over!” Do you have sibling rivalry in your family? Have you often wondered why? Today on the One Life Radio Podcast Dr. DeWone Bennett and Bernadette Fiaschetti share some of their past battles with siblings and tackle the complex, and sensitive subject of understanding the roots of sibling rivalry and how to fix it!Dr. Bennett has over eighteen years of extensive training and experience working with children, adolescents, and adults. He holds two master's degrees and a Doctorate in Clinical Psychology. Dr. DeWone is a Licensed Professional Counselor and author of the book series “The Playbook Series.” He also lights up the stage as a keynote speaker and corporate mental health and wellness trainer.Dr. Bennett has a diverse range of training and certifications as a Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapist (TF-CBT) EMDR and Gottman method as a couple's therapist. As well as a National Certified Counselor and Counseling Supervisor and a corporate EAP counselor and trainer. Over the past 15 years he has focused his interest in personal development, on those struggling with emotional trauma, relationship issues, resiliency, and work-life balance. As the owner of a group private practice in the North Dallas area, Dr. Bennett continues to provide life-altering behavioral health services and consultations. You can find and learn more about Dr. DeWone Bennett on drbennettcounseling.com.Here are more episodes with DeWone Bennett:“Things I'm Seeing In My Practice” ‘Work Anxiety' - Ep. 3111Can Valentine's Day Expectations Harm Your Relationship? ep. 3081The Best and Worst Ways to Break Up #2093The Psychology of Tattoos #2073Managing Stress #2049What are we Swiping For? #3070The Bird Test Theory, You Tube, Dr. John Gottman
Send us Fan MailIt was Dr. John Gottman that said that one of the first things to go in marriage is politeness. Increasing comfort is natural in relationships but often leads to partners taking each other for granted. FOLLOW US ON LINKS BELOW:NEW Links:https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpl_PlNkmUgUIp_DRlcXssAhttps://www.jdwilliamscoachingandconsulting.comVISIT OUR WEBSITE AND GET YOUR FREE PHONE OR VIDEO CONSULTATION TODAY!!Support the showhttps://addingperspectivewithjosh.buzzsprout.com
⇢ WATCH ON YOUTUBE: https://youtu.be/Z5UaiSM1nYESocial media is flooding women's feeds with content telling them their man is dangerous, their relationship is toxic, and every uncomfortable moment is a red flag. And it's doing real damage. In this episode, Monica breaks down the actual difference between an unhealthy relationship and a real, human one. This is the nuanced, no-BS conversation your algorithm doesn't want you to have. What's inside:
In the final episode of our 8-week series on Losing Relationship Strategies, we explore withdrawal — one of the most subtle, sneaky, and destructive patterns couples fall into. Robert and Sharla unpack how disengaging from the relationship (emotionally, physically, sexually, digitally, or even at the level of choice) slowly erodes connection and can eventually lead to living parallel lives.You'll learn:How withdrawal shows up in both extreme and everyday forms — from stonewalling and “fine” syndrome to digital escape, martyr mode, over-investment in kids/career/hobbies, and the especially sneaky pattern of withdrawing from choosing the marriage while still physically staying in it.The dangerous “Distance and Isolation Cascade” identified by John Gottman that often leads to divorce.Why the opposite of love isn't hate — it's apathy.The critical difference between unhealthy withdrawal and healthy mature acceptance (including Dr. Terry Real's powerful reckoning question and the beautiful Phyllis & Doug story).How to practice responsible distance-taking instead of stonewalling or silent check-out.The #1 rule that reveals whether you're truly accepting something or quietly withdrawing.This episode is filled with honest self-reflection, practical tools, and hope. If you've ever felt like you and your partner are just coexisting instead of truly connecting, this one is for you.Key TakeawaysWithdrawal is disinvesting from the relationship — usually when we're not getting what we want.You can't get your needs met by pulling away.The presence of resentment is the clearest sign you're in withdrawal, not acceptance.Responsible space-taking always includes an understanding + a promise of return.Awareness of your patterns is the first step to interrupting them.Journaling QuestionsWhich losing strategies do you favor? Where might you be withdrawing from fully choosing the relationship?Where did you learn these strategies? Who modeled them growing up?In your opinion — which losing strategies does your spouse tend to use?How might your strategies feed into your partner's (and vice versa)?Share your observations about yourself with your partner (not about them).Resources MentionedThe New Rules of Marriage by Dr. Terry RealThe work of Drs. John & Julie GottmanThe work of Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-FifeIf this episode resonated with you, please take a moment to leave a rating and review — it helps us reach more couples who need this message. And if you know someone who might benefit, please share this episode with them.Thank you for joining us through this entire Losing Strategies series. Be kind and take care of each other this week. It really is the small things done often that make the biggest difference.Get in TouchWebsite: MasterYourMarriage.usInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriageFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/MasterYourMarriage/
In today's episode of The Worth Loving Podcast, Keana explores one of the most confusing and emotionally loaded questions people face after heartbreak or betrayal: How do you know if you're truly ready to date again?Using insights from leading psychologists like Dr. John Gottman, Dr. Sue Johnson, Dr. Judith Herman, Dr. Gary Lewandowski, Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, and Dr. Peter Levine, Keana breaks down what emotional readiness really looks like — and what it doesn't.This episode helps listeners understand the difference between wanting connection and wanting distraction, how the body signals readiness, and why healing must come before new relationships. Keana also shares practical questions to help listeners evaluate their emotional capacity and readiness with honesty and compassion.This Episode Covers:✨ Recap of Last Week's EpisodeA brief review of last week's conversation on How to Heal From an Affair, including the emotional stages of healing, rebuilding trust within yourself, and reclaiming your identity after betrayal.✨ What “Readiness” Actually MeansKeana explains emotional readiness through the lens of relationship psychology and trauma research — including emotional regulation, secure attachment behaviors, and reclaiming personal agency.✨ Signs You Are Ready to Date AgainLearn the key indicators of readiness, such as emotional stability, clarity about your needs, groundedness, and the ability to communicate boundaries.✨ Signs You're Not Ready YetKeana outlines the red flags that signal you need more healing time — including emotional entanglement with an ex, avoidance behaviors, numbness, survival mode, and lack of clarity.✨ How Long Should You Wait? (Research‑Backed)A breakdown of what relationship science says about timelines for healing after breakups, betrayal, and emotional trauma.✨ How Your Body Tells You the TruthSomatic cues from Dr. Peter Levine's work that reveal whether your nervous system feels safe enough for dating — or not.✨ The Healing Work That Must Come FirstEmotional clarity, nervous system regulation, identity rebuilding, boundary strengthening, and relearning trust.✨ Practical Self‑Reflection QuestionsA set of grounding questions to help listeners assess their emotional readiness with honesty and compassion.Key TakeawaysReadiness is not about time — it's about emotional capacity.Your body often knows the truth before your mind does.Healing is not linear, and there's no shame in needing more time.You deserve to date from a place of clarity, not loneliness.Trusting yourself is the foundation of choosing healthy relationships.
Contempt in Marriage: The Point of No Return | Gottman's Four Horsemen Explained #relationshipgoals #marriage #gottman #podcast #contempt What is contempt in a relationship, and how does it destroy marriages? In this episode, we break down how contempt—identified by Dr. John Gottman as the most dangerous of the Four Horsemen—can become the true point of no return.Contempt in marriage goes beyond frustration or anger. It shows up as sarcasm, disrespect, eye-rolling, and emotional disconnect. Over time, these behaviors erode trust, kill intimacy, and create deep resentment that can be hard—if not impossible—to repair.We also explore the full framework of the Four Horsemen: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling—and why contempt is considered the biggest predictor of divorce.In this episode, you'll learn:What contempt in a relationship really looks likeThe early signs of contempt in marriageWhy contempt is the most toxic communication patternHow emotional disconnection develops over timeCan a relationship recover from contempt?If you're dealing with marriage problems, communication breakdown, or emotional distance, this conversation offers real insight into what's happening—and what it means for your relationship.
The dishwasher fight you've had a thousand times? Or is it about the laundry, where you're going to eat, making the bed, and cleaning the kitchen? The truth is, it's never really been about the dishwasher (or laundry, eating, making the bed, etc). Couples therapist Tony Overbay walks through Jack and Jill, a 25-year marriage stuck in a low-grade war over how to load the dishes, and reveals what those endless arguments are actually carrying: a need to be seen, an effort that's gone unregistered, and two adaptive children from two completely different childhood homes still running the show. If you've ever been mid-fight and thought, "How are we doing this again?"—this episode finally names the pattern. In this episode you'll: Recognize the Trojan horse argument—how a fight about tongs, rinse agents, and which rack secretly carries the vulnerable conversation you haven't been able to say out loud Spot the four signs you're stuck in one: repetition without resolution, the running tab of unacknowledged effort, kitchen sinking (John Gottman's term), and the hollow win that doesn't feel like a win See how your adaptive child (Terry Real) brought the rules of your childhood home into your marriage—and why your nervous system can't tell the difference between a predator and your spouse walking in with "that look" Leave the waiting room—where both partners want connection but each waits for the other to move first—through differentiation (David Schnarch), not conditional effort Try three guided exercises—open the horse, flip the ledger, and one unilateral move—designed for one person, no partner participation required Drawing on nearly 20 years of couples therapy, his training in Emotionally Focused Therapy, and his four pillars of a connected conversation, Tony reframes the most exhausting argument in your marriage as a map—not a verdict. You're not broken. You're human. And the argument you keep having is pointing somewhere useful. The Magnetic Marriage course is getting a complete overhaul that builds in everything covered here. Get on the waitlist at tonyoverbay.com/magnetic. Please follow Tony on Instagram @virtual.couch on Tiktok @virtualcouch on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/tonyoverbaylmft and on Substack https://thevirtualcouch.substack.com/ You can reach out to Tony through his website tonyoverbay.com or by emailing contact @ tonyoverbay.com 00:00 Welcome and Setup 01:03 Dishwasher War Story 01:57 How Dishes Become Proxy 04:17 Inside the Dishwasher Debate 07:45 Jack Stops Helping 10:08 Childhood Dish Rules 13:38 Seen and Validated 15:16 Trojan Horse Concept 18:53 Four Trojan Horse Signs 23:26 Not a Relationship Crisis 25:05 Why Vulnerability Feels Dangerous 26:17 Adaptive Child Patterns 30:52 Nervous System Triggers 32:18 Amygdala Hijack Mode 33:44 Learning New Skills 34:55 The Waiting Room Trap 39:46 Conditional Effort Stalemate 42:05 Trojan Horse Reframe 44:27 Differentiation Explained 47:29 Meaning We Assign 51:37 Impermanence and Hope 53:54 Reaching Without Scorekeeping 56:58 Dishwasher Reimagined 01:00:36 Tuesday Night Practice 01:02:44 Closing Encouragement
In today's episode, we're having one of the most tender and necessary conversations we've ever had on the podcast. If you're navigating the aftermath of an affair whether emotional, physical, or somewhere in between this episode is a safe place for you to land. We're talking about what healing looks like, what leading psychologists say about betrayal trauma, and how to move forward with clarity, compassion, and emotional grounding.✨ Episode OverviewHealing after an affair is not simple. It's not linear. And it's not something you “just get over.” In this episode, Keana walks you through the five stages of healing, how betrayal impacts your mind and body, and what it looks like to rebuild your life whether you choose to stay or go.This episode blends trauma‑informed insight, psychological research, and gentle, practical tools to help you reconnect with yourself and begin the slow, steady process of becoming whole again.
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs shares three practical steps to help you improve your relationship starting today. Whether the arguments have become more frequent, the conversations that matter have quietly stopped or there's just a low-level tension that never fully goes away, this episode explains exactly what's getting in the way and what to do about it.Rather than offering generic communication tips, Alastair gets to the root of what most struggling relationships are actually missing, and walks through three specific, learnable steps he's used with couples over 30 years. And the good news is that most relationships aren't broken. They're just missing a few things that can be learned.Key Takeaways:Anger is like a leak in a boat. You can try harder, communicate better, go on more dates. But if the anger isn't dealt with first, you're fighting a losing battle.When one partner walks on eggshells, real intimacy becomes impossible. You can't be close to someone you're slightly afraid of, and unmanaged anger is almost always at the root of it.Most people think "communicate better" means express yourself more clearly. The more important half is listening, really listening, not just waiting for your turn.The fastest way to change the dynamic in a relationship is for one person to genuinely start listening to understand rather than listening to respond. It changes everything.The Magic Six Hours (a concept from relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman) shows that just six hours of small, intentional connection per week is enough to transform a relationship over time.Simple isn't the same as easy. These steps take real commitment. But in 30 years of working with couples, Alastair has seen them transform relationships people had almost given up on.Resources & Next Steps: If you'd like support reducing conflict and building a calmer, more loving relationship:Visit AngerSecrets.comBook a free 30-minute phone callAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"
In this week's Q&A episode, Keana answers your real, vulnerable, and deeply thoughtful questions about emotional affairs, micro‑cheating, accountability, communication, and healing. Some questions align directly with this week's main episode — “Emotional Affairs vs. Micro‑Cheating: What's the Difference?” — while others explore broader relationship struggles that many listeners are navigating right now.Keana breaks down how to recognize when a “friendship” is crossing emotional boundaries, what micro‑cheating actually looks like, and how to talk about these behaviors without feeling accusatory or insecure. She also shares insights from leading relationship researchers like Dr. Shirley Glass, Dr. John Gottman, and Esther Perel to help you understand the deeper emotional patterns behind betrayal.In addition to this week's topic, Keana answers questions about choosing emotionally unavailable partners, rebuilding confidence after a breakup, navigating communication shutdowns, knowing when you're ready to date again, and understanding why loneliness can show up even inside a relationship.This episode is honest, compassionate, and full of practical guidance to help you feel more grounded, more aware, and more empowered in your relationships.
This week on The Worth Loving Podcast, relationship coach Keana W. Mitchell breaks down two of the most confusing and often overlooked forms of betrayal in modern relationships: emotional affairs and micro‑cheating. These aren't always loud, obvious, or dramatic — sometimes they start quietly, subtly, and almost innocently. But their impact can be just as painful and just as damaging as physical infidelity.In this episode, Keana explains the difference between these two forms of boundary‑crossing behavior, how to spot the early signs, and why they matter. Drawing from the research of leading psychologists like Dr. John Gottman, Dr. Shirley Glass, and Esther Perel, she breaks down how emotional affairs form, what micro‑cheating looks like, and how both can erode trust and emotional safety in a relationship.You'll also hear a recap of last week's episode on deciding whether to stay or leave after infidelity, plus a deep dive into Dr. Shirley Glass's powerful Walls and Windows Theory — a framework that explains how emotional affairs develop and how couples can begin to rebuild trust.Whether you're healing from betrayal, trying to understand your partner's behavior, or simply wanting to strengthen your relationship, this episode offers clarity, compassion, and practical guidance.
Zach is traveling this week, so this episode features his guest appearance on the Sexology Podcast with Dr. Nazanin Moali.Zach joins Dr. Nazanin Moali on the Sexology Podcast for a conversation about how the emotional climate of a relationship directly shapes what happens (or doesn't happen) in the bedroom. The focus is Negative Sentiment Override, a concept from John Gottman's research that describes what happens when couples get stuck in a pattern where even neutral or well-meaning moments get filtered through a lens of criticism, contempt, or defensiveness. It's the kind of thing that quietly erodes connection without either partner fully understanding why.The conversation covers how positive and negative emotional filters work, why a simple comment about pasta can become a full-blown conflict when trust is low, and how gender socialization plays into desire patterns in ways most couples never talk about. Zach and Dr. Moali also talk about the gap between impulse and response, the role of personal responsibility in conflict, and why contempt carries a particular kind of poison because it comes wrapped in a feeling of superiority.What makes this conversation worth your time is the way it connects relational safety to sexual vulnerability. If your relationship feels charged, tense, or emotionally distant, that almost always shows up in your intimate life too. Zach and Dr. Moali reframe what sex is actually for in a long-term relationship and make the case for scheduling erotic play and expanding what intimacy can look like. It's practical, grounded, and refreshingly honest.Key TakeawaysNegative Sentiment Override means your partner's neutral actions start getting interpreted through a filter of criticism or hostility, and it happens gradually enough that you may not notice.Emotional safety is the foundation of sexual vulnerability. If it doesn't feel safe to be honest in the kitchen, it won't feel safe to be honest in the bedroom.The "pasta example" is a good litmus test: if your partner makes dinner and your first internal response is irritation rather than gratitude, your filter may have shifted negative.Contempt is uniquely damaging because it comes with a sense of superiority. It's not just anger; it's the belief that you're better than your partner.Gender socialization shapes desire in ways most couples never discuss openly, and those unspoken patterns create misunderstandings that look like rejection.Slowing down the space between impulse and response is one of the most powerful things you can do for your relationship. Reactivity is the enemy of repair.Taking personal responsibility in conflict is not about taking blame. It's about owning your part of the dynamic so something can actually shift.Scheduling erotic play and broadening what counts as intimacy helps couples move past the pressure of performance and back toward genuine connection.Guest InfoThis episode is a guest appearance by Zach on the Sexology Podcast.Host: Dr. Nazanin Moali, clinical psychologist and host of the Sexology Podcast Website: sexologypodcast.com Instagram: @sexologypodcastSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Ce este infidelitatea dincolo de aspectul fizic și cum ne afectează încrederea și identitatea? Oana Calnegru, psihoterapeut relațional și formator la Pagina de Psihologie, ne ajută să înțelegem mecanismele infidelității și ale pierderii în cuplu.Oana Calnegru este psihoterapeut, supervizor și formator în psihoterapia familiei, cu o practică centrată pe terapia relațională. Coordonează de 10 ani proiecte psihoeducaționale la Pagina de Psihologie, inclusiv programul de formare Parenting Masterclass. Este mama a doi adolescenți și trăiește o relație de cuplu de peste 20 de ani.Acesta este episodul 8 dintr-un sezon dedicat relațiilor, realizat în parteneriat cu Pagina de Psihologie, despre:Cum definim infidelitatea — acorduri explicite vs. implicite și impactul secretelorDe ce apare infidelitatea — nevoi neîmplinite, crize identitare, obligația de a fi fericițiEsther Perel vs. John Gottman: mister sau prietenie în cuplu?Pierderea relațională și etapele doliului (Kübler-Ross și David Kessler)Pierderea ambiguă — relația continuă dar ceva esențial s-a schimbatCum decidem: reconstrucție sau despărțire?Cele trei tipologii de cupluri după infidelitate: suferinzii, constructorii, exploratoriiRepararea sănătoasă vs. capcana dezechilibrului de putereResurse menționate:Esther Perel — psihoterapeut, specialist în dinamica erotismului și infidelitățiiJohn Gottman — psiholog, cercetător în relațiile de cupluElizabeth Kübler-Ross — psihiatru, autoarea modelului celor cinci etape ale doliului (On Death and Dying, 1969)David Kessler — Găsirea sensului după pierderea unei persoane dragiDaniel Siegel — psihiatru, modelul integrării (între haos și rigiditate)Helen Fisher — antropolog, cercetătoare în tipologiile de cuplu post-infidelitateIntră live alături de noi în înregistrarea episoadelor și primește răspunsuri la ce te interesează cel mai mult. Vino în Comunitatea Membrilor Mind Architect. Episod produs și distribuit cu susținerea PPC România. "(00:00) Intro""(02:52) Cine este Oana Calnegru și temele episodului""(04:41) Ce este Infidelitatea: acorduri explicite, implicite și percepții diferite""(06:36) Nevoia de exclusivitate și spectrul trădării""(10:49) Infidelitatea prin ochii celui trădat, dimensiuni culturale și de ce (nu) vreau să știu""(15:43) Când conversația despre granițe nu a avut loc niciodată""(19:51) De ce apare infidelitatea: nevoi nerostite și breșe relaționale""(21:50) Polarizare extremă în cuplu: autonomie vs. transparență totală""(24:26) Secretul ca motor al trădării""(27:45) Când acordurile explicite eșuează: erodarea încrederii""(29:00) Problemele perene în cuplu - John Gottman""(35:01) Esther Perel: de la breșe la altă relație, nimeni nu poate fi un sat întreg""(37:54) Infidelitatea: alegere conștientă, simptom relațional sau criză identitară?""(42:25) Mister sau prietenie în cuplu? Perel vs. Gottman""(46:08) Daniel Siegel: dansul sănătos între apropiere și distanțare""(48:26) Pierderea: ce moare în relație când apare infidelitatea""(51:41) Doliul și etapele sale""(56:25) Acceptarea, găsirea sensului și de ce doliul nu curge liniar""(01:00:46) Povestea lui Paul: doliu întârziat, doi ani mai târziu""(01:04:26) Semnificația atașamentului: de ce unele pierderi dor mai mult""(01:07:02) Cum știm că suntem pregătiți pentru o nouă relație""(01:10:09) Doliul ca loialitate: alegerea de a rămâne în durere""(01:14:40) Decizia după infidelitate: de ce să nu decidem în criză""(01:18:13) Dimensiunea pragmatică: copii, finanțe, personalitate""(01:22:38) Apariția copilului ca pierdere ambiguă în cuplu""(01:28:06) Ce este pierderea ambiguă și cum se resimte în relație""(01:33:32) Relațiile îmbătrânesc și ele: transformare, nu declin""(01:37:34) Cauze moderne: presiunea perfecțiunii și 'merit mai mult'""(01:42:52) Repararea sănătoasă: ce are de făcut fiecare partener""(01:45:54) Cele 3 tipologii post-infidelitate și eșecurile în reparare""(01:50:26) Unde o găsim pe Oana"
In this 12-minute episode, I unpack the common relationship advice that “good couples never go to bed angry”and offer a more nuanced, research-informed perspective.We explore what actually happens in the brain and body during conflict, including emotional flooding, the role of the amygdala, and why the prefrontal cortex goes offline when we're overwhelmed. I also break down stonewalling; one of the Four Horsemen identified by John Gottman, and how it can often be a nervous system response rather than intentional disconnection.This episode walks you through how to take a healthy pause during conflict without damaging the relationship; including how to communicate that pause, use a code word when words feel hard to access, and the importance of following through to rebuild trust and emotional safety.I also share practical ways to self-regulate during conflict so you can return to the conversation from a more grounded, connected place.If you've ever felt pressure to resolve everything immediately, or struggled with shutting down or feeling shut out, this episode will help you navigate conflict in a way that protects both you and the relationship.♾ In a fast-paced world like the one we live in, time is one of our most important assets. For a few minutes every episode, I, Tannaz Hosseinpour, will be discussing topics that aim to enhance the quality of your life, by helping you feel empowered to take inspired action on your personal growth journey.Connect with me for daily insights:InstagramFacebookTikTokMore resources available on www.minutesongrowth.comThis podcast is for educational purposes only. The host claims no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the information presented herein.
Do you want to know what will kill your relationship if you don't act now? The 4 Horsemen of marriage Apocalypse, as described by John Gottman, when present in marriage are the greatest predictor of divorce.The trap most couples fall into is that either husband or wife (often both) feel entitled in practicing these traits during everyday communication, and do not realize the impact these actually have on long-term relating. We did that for a long time ourselves! In this episode we offer clarity on what these traits are and how to spot them, as they can sneak in under the radar of the best intentioned couples. These 4 traits can truly bring doom to your marriage, and yet there's good news: With awareness it's never too late to start implementing changes in your communication, deepening your connection day after day, bringing beautiful transformation to your marriage.Share this episode with your partner and unlock even better results together! If you enjoyed this episode subscribe and leave a review. It truly helps us reaching more listeners that, just like you, want to unlock the full potential in long-term relationship.
In this powerful episode of Master Your Marriage, Robert and Sharla dive into one of the most common yet destructive patterns in relationships: unbridled expression—the impulsive, unrestrained venting of every thought, feeling, or frustration without filters, compassion, or self-control.Drawing from Terry Real's framework of “Losing Strategies,” they explain why “just keeping it real” or dumping emotions (what Terry calls the “barf bag approach”) always backfires, creating distance instead of closeness. You'll hear how this shows up as criticism, name-calling, contempt, and more—and why it's so damaging.Robert and Sharla share personal stories from their own marriage and client experiences, including childhood patterns where one person's emotions dominated the home. They reference Dr. John Gottman's research showing contempt as the #1 predictor of divorce (often called “sulfuric acid” for relationships) and Dr. Murray Bowen's insight: “We all have an adult and an infant inside of us, but the infant doesn't have to run the show.”The episode explores the regressive brain under stress, the absence of empathy in these moments, and why focusing on self-awareness (not blaming your partner) is the path to real change.Key TakeawaysUnbridled expression is a losing strategy: Saying whatever you think/feel without restraint pressures your partner and erodes goodwill.Contempt (eye-rolling, sarcasm, superiority) is the most corrosive behavior in relationships and predicts divorce more than any other factor.Reactive impulses feel powerful in the moment but destroy connection—true intimacy requires boundaries and self-control.Relationships reveal our immaturities so we can heal them—shift focus from “fixing” your partner to owning your own reactivity.Journaling prompts included: Reflect on your patterns, analyze better responses, and plan ahead to interrupt old habits.Resources & Experts MentionedTerry Real (mentor and creator of Relational Life Therapy; Losing Strategies including unbridled self-expression)Dr. John Gottman (research on the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse in relationships, with contempt as the top predictor of divorce)Dr. Murray Bowen (family systems theory; the adult vs. infant/regressive mind)Journaling Questions to Reflect On This WeekWhen I'm frustrated or not getting what I want, what strategies do I use? (When have I fallen into unbridled expression?)How might my words/behaviors hurt my spouse or the relationship?Where did I learn these patterns? (Who modeled this growing up?)What would my best self do instead in those triggering moments?What upcoming situations give me a chance to practice restraint—and what wisdom can I remember when I feel flooded?Call to ActionIf this episode resonated, be sure to subscribe, rate or comment. And share with someone else who needs this information.Get in TouchWebsite: MasterYourMarriage.usInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriageFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/MasterYourMarriage/
Are you drowning in the silent, heavy exhaustion of the roommate phase? Ready to sign divorce papers? Today's episode is tackling the absolute marriage-killer: Resentment.Relying strictly on the groundbreaking principles of Dr. Andrea Vitz's "Emotional Sobriety" and the clinical research of Dr. John Gottman, we strip away the excuses and look in the mirror. We explore why your resentment is actually an internal emotional addiction, how it gives birth to the toxic judgment we see everywhere in today's cancel culture, and why it is 100% your responsibility to overcome it.Tune in for the exact tools you need to stop blaming your spouse, dismantle your own judgment, and find the profound freedom of owning your emotional state.In this episode, we cover:Why resentment is an emotional addiction and how to get "sober." "Judgment is not benign; it is born of resentment."How Gottman's "Four Horsemen" (specifically Contempt) destroy emotional safety.Tangible steps to shift from toxic judgment to a culture of appreciation.Ready to drop the resentment? Let's do the work:Book a 1:1 Coaching Call: Ready for high-level, direct coaching to save your connection? Join our Free Skool Community: Surround yourself with couples doing the work. Subscribe & Review: If this gut-punch helped you, please leave a review and share it with a friend!Support the show
How do you confront someone's behavior without becoming condemning yourself?In this episode, John walks through a common real-life situation — dealing with a difficult family member — and explains the three elements required for genuine change.Drawing on insights from Henry Cloud, Dallas Willard, and research on conflict and relationships, John shows why condemnation rarely leads to transformation.You'll discover:- why grace must come first- how truth can be spoken without hostility- why the emotional tone of a conversation matters- the surprising role patience plays in change- why grace + truth + time are all necessaryReal growth rarely happens overnight. But when grace, truth, and time come together, relationships can begin to change in ways condemnation never could.Because there is now no condemnation.
It’s the parenting trend everyone’s talking about — and it might be doing more harm than good. “FAFO parenting” (mess around and find out) is being framed as the antidote to gentle parenting. Tougher. Harder. No-nonsense. Let kids face the consequences and toughen up. But here’s the problem: when parenting swings from one extreme to another, kids don’t get stronger — they get disconnected. In this episode, Dr Justin Coulson unpacks where FAFO parenting came from, why it’s exploding across media in the UK, US and Australia, and what it reveals about our cultural moment. Most importantly, he explains why harsh, hands-off “let them learn the hard way” parenting quietly erodes the very thing children need most: security and connection. If you’re feeling burnt out, frustrated, or tempted to go hardline — listen before you do. KEY POINTS FAFO parenting is a backlash against years of gentle, emotion-focused parenting influenced by thinkers like John Gottman. Parenting trends swing like pendulums — but extremes rarely serve children well. “Mess around and find out” often carries an implicit threat and emotional withdrawal. There’s a difference between natural consequences and punitive, emotionally distant parenting. Children need security, predictability, and autonomy support — not harsh detachment. Connection builds resilience. Disconnection breeds defiance or insecurity. You can hold firm boundaries without being cold or cruel. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “FAFO breaks the connection. And connection is the heart of what makes families tick.” RESOURCES MENTIONED Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child – John Gottman Parenting ADHD Course – happyfamilies.com.au ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Pause before you punish. Ask: Am I teaching — or reacting? Use natural consequences wisely. Stay warm and present while holding the boundary. Make rules collaboratively where possible. Autonomy increases buy-in. Separate emotions from behaviour. Validate feelings, guide choices. Protect the relationship first. Correction works best when connection is strong. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
In this episode of Get Psyched, Lindsey connects her (slightly mischievous) love of embarrassment to one of the most influential relationship research programs of all time: the Love Lab led by John Gottman.Inside the famed Love Lab at the University of Washington, couples were observed to uncover what actually predicts long-term relationship success. The biggest predictor? Not grand gestures. Not passion. Not compatibility quizzes.It was how partners responded to bids for connection.Today the gals explore:
It's Lisa Bilyeu here with another episode of Women of Impact and this one is FILLED with science-backed methods that will help you have a stronger, healthier relationship with your partner! Today we are joined by the world's leading relationship scientists, Dr. John Gottman & Dr. Julie Gottman. Together they have more than 50 years researching couples and relationship health, and they have SOOOO much information to share if you want to build a strong, long-lasting relationship! In this episode, we're diving into: - The signs that all but guarantee your relationship won't last, AND what you can do before it's too late - Why you MUST go deep into the conflict to truly understand why you're fighting - How to fight right and keep it from getting out of control with their “Repair checklist” - Ways you and your partner can come together and find solutions or compromise - The 5 steps to ACTUALLY heal an emotional injury in your relationship - Why cheating is a symptom of a problem in your relationship, and not the CAUSE of the problems - How contempt in a relationship can lead to physical illness - And soooo much more! The Gottmans are dedicated to helping couples repair and strengthen their relationship, and their research has truly been revolutionary and unmatched! From fighting, to cheating, to sex and SOOOO much more, in this episode, you're getting a research-based MASTERCLASS on strengthening relationships. Be sure to get a copy of “Fight Right” here: https://www.amazon.com/Fight-Right-Successful-Conflict-Connection/dp/0593579658 Follow The Gottmans: Website: https://www.gottman.com/ For Couples: https://gottmanconnect.com/ Order Your Copy of “Fight Right”: https://www.amazon.com/Fight-Right-Successful-Conflict-Connection/dp/0593579658 Follow Me, Lisa Bilyeu: Website: https://www.radicalconfidence.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lisabilyeu/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lisabilyeu X: https://twitter.com/lisabilyeu Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
It's Lisa Bilyeu here with another episode of Women of Impact and this one is FILLED with science-backed methods that will help you have a stronger, healthier relationship with your partner! Today we are joined by the world's leading relationship scientists, Dr. John Gottman & Dr. Julie Gottman. Together they have more than 50 years researching couples and relationship health, and they have SOOOO much information to share if you want to build a strong, long-lasting relationship! In this episode, we're diving into: - The signs that all but guarantee your relationship won't last, AND what you can do before it's too late - Why you MUST go deep into the conflict to truly understand why you're fighting - How to fight right and keep it from getting out of control with their “Repair checklist” - Ways you and your partner can come together and find solutions or compromise - The 5 steps to ACTUALLY heal an emotional injury in your relationship - Why cheating is a symptom of a problem in your relationship, and not the CAUSE of the problems - How contempt in a relationship can lead to physical illness - And soooo much more! The Gottmans are dedicated to helping couples repair and strengthen their relationship, and their research has truly been revolutionary and unmatched! From fighting, to cheating, to sex and SOOOO much more, in this episode, you're getting a research-based MASTERCLASS on strengthening relationships. Be sure to get a copy of “Fight Right” here: https://www.amazon.com/Fight-Right-Successful-Conflict-Connection/dp/0593579658 Follow The Gottmans: Website: https://www.gottman.com/ For Couples: https://gottmanconnect.com/ Order Your Copy of “Fight Right”: https://www.amazon.com/Fight-Right-Successful-Conflict-Connection/dp/0593579658 Follow Me, Lisa Bilyeu: Website: https://www.radicalconfidence.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lisabilyeu/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lisabilyeu X: https://twitter.com/lisabilyeu Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
It's Lisa Bilyeu here with another episode of Women of Impact and this one is FILLED with science-backed methods that will help you have a stronger, healthier relationship with your partner! Today we are joined by the world's leading relationship scientists, Dr. John Gottman & Dr. Julie Gottman. Together they have more than 50 years researching couples and relationship health, and they have SOOOO much information to share if you want to build a strong, long-lasting relationship! In this episode, we're diving into: - The signs that all but guarantee your relationship won't last, AND what you can do before it's too late - Why you MUST go deep into the conflict to truly understand why you're fighting - How to fight right and keep it from getting out of control with their “Repair checklist” - Ways you and your partner can come together and find solutions or compromise - The 5 steps to ACTUALLY heal an emotional injury in your relationship - Why cheating is a symptom of a problem in your relationship, and not the CAUSE of the problems - How contempt in a relationship can lead to physical illness - And soooo much more! The Gottmans are dedicated to helping couples repair and strengthen their relationship, and their research has truly been revolutionary and unmatched! From fighting, to cheating, to sex and SOOOO much more, in this episode, you're getting a research-based MASTERCLASS on strengthening relationships. Be sure to get a copy of “Fight Right” here: https://www.amazon.com/Fight-Right-Successful-Conflict-Connection/dp/0593579658 Follow The Gottmans: Website: https://www.gottman.com/ For Couples: https://gottmanconnect.com/ Order Your Copy of “Fight Right”: https://www.amazon.com/Fight-Right-Successful-Conflict-Connection/dp/0593579658 Follow Me, Lisa Bilyeu: Website: https://www.radicalconfidence.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lisabilyeu/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lisabilyeu X: https://twitter.com/lisabilyeu Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
It's Lisa Bilyeu here with another episode of Women of Impact and this one is FILLED with science-backed methods that will help you have a stronger, healthier relationship with your partner! Today we are joined by the world's leading relationship scientists, Dr. John Gottman & Dr. Julie Gottman. Together they have more than 50 years researching couples and relationship health, and they have SOOOO much information to share if you want to build a strong, long-lasting relationship! In this episode, we're diving into: - The signs that all but guarantee your relationship won't last, AND what you can do before it's too late - Why you MUST go deep into the conflict to truly understand why you're fighting - How to fight right and keep it from getting out of control with their “Repair checklist” - Ways you and your partner can come together and find solutions or compromise - The 5 steps to ACTUALLY heal an emotional injury in your relationship - Why cheating is a symptom of a problem in your relationship, and not the CAUSE of the problems - How contempt in a relationship can lead to physical illness - And soooo much more! The Gottmans are dedicated to helping couples repair and strengthen their relationship, and their research has truly been revolutionary and unmatched! From fighting, to cheating, to sex and SOOOO much more, in this episode, you're getting a research-based MASTERCLASS on strengthening relationships. Be sure to get a copy of “Fight Right” here: https://www.amazon.com/Fight-Right-Successful-Conflict-Connection/dp/0593579658 Follow The Gottmans: Website: https://www.gottman.com/ For Couples: https://gottmanconnect.com/ Order Your Copy of “Fight Right”: https://www.amazon.com/Fight-Right-Successful-Conflict-Connection/dp/0593579658 Follow Me, Lisa Bilyeu: Website: https://www.radicalconfidence.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lisabilyeu/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lisabilyeu X: https://twitter.com/lisabilyeu Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Conflictele în relații pot fi constructive sau distructive, diferența vine din cum le abordăm. Gáspár György ne explică de ce certurile sunt inevitabile și cum le putem transforma în oportunități de creștere.Gáspár György este psiholog clinician, psihoterapeut de cuplu și autorul a șase cărți, între care și Când Conflictul Are Sens. Co-fondator al comunității Pagina de Psihologie și al Academiei de Terapie Imago din România, Gáspár folosește metoda Gottman în munca sa și este una dintre cele mai cunoscute voci care promovează sănătatea relațională în spațiul public din România.Acesta este al doilea episod dintr-un sezon dedicat relațiilor, realizat împreună cu Pagina de Psihologie. Astăzi explorăm:Miturile despre conflicte care ne sabotează relațiileGândirea liniară vs. circulară în conversații dificileCei 6 călăreți ai apocalipsei relaționale (critică, defensivitate, dispreț, împietrire, control, beligeranță)Antidoturile pentru fiecare comportament distructivCum să rămâi curios când emoțiile se intensificăDualitatea particulă-undă aplicată în relațiiResurse menționate în conversație:Cartea "Când conflictul are sens" de Gáspár György Cartea "Rising Strong" de Brené BrownCercetările lui John și Julie Gottman despre Știința RelațiilorInstrumente: Carduri de replici pentru conflicte în cuplu - Instrumente: Carduri de replici pentru conflicte părinte-adolescentIntră live alături de noi în înregistrarea episoadelor și primește răspunsuri la ce te interesează cel mai mult. Vino în Comunitatea Membrilor Mind Architect Acest episod este produs și distribuit cu susținerea PPC România. "(00:00) Introducere""(04:17) Mituri despre conflicte""(07:14) John Gottman și Terapia Imago despre conflicte în relații""(08:51) Bagajul emoțional din copilărie și conflictele""(10:06) Conflictul ca mijloc spre o formă mai bună de a fi împreună""(13:33) Perspectivele diferite și sistemul nervos""(15:44) Conflictele ca semn de vitalitate și potențial""(17:04) Emoțiile neexprimate: semn că avem conversații de purtat""(18:51) Lisa Feldman Barrett și bugetul de energie în conversații dificile""(21:16) Cum să rămâi curios când ți se apasă butoane emoționale""(23:34) Permisiunea de a greși și importanța reparării pagubelor""(26:29) Mitul despre a nu te culca supărat""(29:14) După conflict, între reconectare și nevoia de spațiu""(31:06) Strategii similare, nevoi diferite în conflict""(34:34) Exemplu Gáspár: Escaladare și reparare cu un coleg""(38:14) Strategii diferite de reconciliere: vorbim sau îngropăm?""(41:42) Dualitatea particulă-undă aplicată în relații""(44:16) Starea de undă cu energie negativă vs. colapsul în particulă""(47:44) Decizii luate din stare activată: mai bine singur""(54:35) Gândirea liniară vs. circulară în conflicte""(57:10) Subiectivitatea minții: amândoi putem avea dreptate""(01:00:00) Co-creația: cum contribuim fiecare la escaladare""(01:03:52) Exemplu: Cum nu-i dăm partenerului ocazia să contribuie""(01:06:53) Etichetele în relații și cum ne limitează ele""(01:12:07) Ce facem când celălalt minimizează și evită""(01:19:08) Echilibrul între grijă și hiper-responsabilizare""(01:23:37) Cleaning the air: Tensiunea nevorbită erodează relația""(01:29:33) Umorul în conflicte: când ajută și când rănește""(01:34:13) Cei 6 călăreți ai apocalipsei relaționale (Gottman)""(01:35:51) Critica - atacul la persoană""(01:37:41) Disprețul și Defensivitatea""(01:39:51) Împietrirea, Controlul și Beligeranța""(01:43:23) Antidot Critică: exprimarea emoțiilor și nevoilor""(01:46:29) Antidot Defensivitate: asumarea responsabilității""(01:49:32) Asumare autentică vs. Îmi pare rău""(01:54:38) Antidot Dispreț: aprecierea și admirația""(01:56:38) Antidot Împietrire: autoreglare emoțională""(01:58:41) Antidot Control: flexibilitate și pornire lină""(02:03:46) Antidot Beligeranță: ramura de măslin""(02:04:31) Poziționare în conflict copil - celălalt părinte""(02:08:25) Carduri cu replici pentru conflicte"
GET FREE HANDOUT to accompany this episode HERE:Resentment from unequal decisions? One person dominating finances, parenting, or chores? In this episode, Sharla and Robert explain how to create a "system of governance" in your marriage—drawing from John Gottman's "accepting influence" and Stan Tatkin's shared leadership—to end power struggles, restore parity, and protect your “couple bubble.”Hear real couple stories, our own early parenting struggles, a list of 10 key principles to start your governance system, and a deep dive on "guardrails"—in-moment reminders that interrupt harmful patterns before they escalate.This is how you lead each other without chaos or hurt.Key TakeawaysGovernance isn't control—it's a shared constitution for decisions, influence, and implementing principles.Accepting influence (Gottman) means blending strengths—couples who do this are far more likely to thrive.Build principles like "We shield each other from harm" that you both defend selfishly.Guardrails: In-moment reminders (e.g., "Remember our agreement?") interrupt harmful autopilot behaviors before fights escalate.No system = power struggles and resentment; good governance + guardrails = allies and a strong bubble.ResourcesThe Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman – Gold standard for influence and conflict.Wired for Love by Stan Tatkin – Deep dive on shared leadership.In Each Other's Care by Stan Tatkin – Modern habits for governance.Up Next WeekKeeping each other safe through partner soothingIf this helped you spot a power imbalance, follow, comment, and share! Put each other first this week. ❤️Get in TouchWebsite: MasterYourMarriage.usInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriageFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/MasterYourMarriage/
Care to Change Counseling - Practical Solutions for Positive Change
In this week's episode of the All About Marriage series, Larry sits down with therapist Teresa Haskins to have an honest and compassionate conversation about life after an affair. This is a tender and potentially challenging topic, and Teresa encourages listeners to care for themselves as they engage with it.They explore the two primary types of affairs, emotional and physical. Emotional affairs often involve secrecy, deep emotional attachment, and misplaced vulnerability, even if there is no physical intimacy. Physical affairs can take many forms, from one-night encounters to workplace dynamics or patterns connected to addiction. In both cases, the betrayal and secrecy are often the most painful parts to heal from.The conversation addresses what can lead to an affair, including unmet emotional needs, a desire for validation or excitement, poor communication, or personal struggles within the betrayer. Teresa emphasizes that infidelity is not always the result of something lacking in the marriage; sometimes it reflects unresolved issues within the individual.Larry and Teresa also discuss how affairs are discovered. Confession offers the best opportunity for rebuilding trust, while being caught can compound the trauma. From there, healing begins with what Teresa calls the “atonement stage”—a season of humility, transparency, accountability, and patience. Rebuilding trust requires consistent openness and often takes one to two years, sometimes longer.They highlight the importance of involving a trained third party early in the process to help both spouses navigate difficult conversations, avoid further harm, and move toward restoration in a healthy way.Recommended resources from this episode include Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass and What Makes Love Last? by John Gottman.If you or your spouse are navigating betrayal, you do not have to do it alone. Care to Change can provide the structure and support needed to begin healing and rebuilding trust.
Are you passive-aggressive when you argue? Do you slam cabinet doors instead of communicating? Is arguing a positive thing? Do you know what the Gottman Theory bird test is? Today on the One Life Radio Podcast Dr. DeWone Bennett and Bernadette Fiaschetti discuss six ways to navigate an argument better, and so much more! Dr. Bennett has over eighteen years of extensive training and experience working with children, adolescents, and adults. He holds two master's degrees and a Doctorate in Clinical Psychology. Dr. DeWone is a Licensed Professional Counselor and author of the book series “The Playbook Series.” He also lights up the stage as a keynote speaker and corporate mental health and wellness trainer.Dr. Bennett has a diverse range of training and certifications as a Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapist (TF-CBT) EMDR and Gottman method as a couple's therapist. As well as a National Certified Counselor and Counseling Supervisor and a corporate EAP counselor and trainer. Over the past 15 years he has focused his interest in personal development, on those struggling with emotional trauma, relationship issues, resiliency, and work-life balance. As the owner of a group private practice in the North Dallas area, Dr. Bennett continues to provide life-altering behavioral health services and consultations. You can find and learn more about Dr. DeWone Bennett on dbennettcounseling.com.Here are more episodes with DeWone Bennett:“Things I'm Seeing In My Practice” ‘Work Anxiety' - Ep. 3111Can Valentine's Day Expectations Harm Your Relationship? ep. 3081The Best and Worst Ways to Break Up #2093The Psychology of Tattoos #2073Managing Stress #2049What are we Swiping For? #3070The Bird Test Theory, You Tube, Dr. John Gottman
Messy Family Podcast : Catholic conversations on marriage and family
"Couples often ignore each other's emotional needs out of mindlessness, not malice." - Dr. John Gottman Summary Let's take an honest look at how communication breaks down in busy marriages and what you can do to stop it. Most couples don't ignore each other out of malice, but out of exhaustion, distraction, and rushed daily life. In this episode, we unpack why communication is essential for growth and connection, and how unspoken assumptions quickly lead to misunderstandings. Drawing on Dr. John Gottman's research, we break down the Four Horsemen of Communication - criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling, and explain how they quietly damage relationships. More importantly, we share practical antidotes to each one, along with simple habits and conversations you can start using right away to communicate more clearly, stay emotionally connected, and protect your marriage from drifting apart. Key Takeaways Communication shapes your marriage every day. It's not the big conversations alone that matter, but the daily responses, tone, and small interactions. You cannot grow closer without communicating, and mind-reading is not a real skill, no matter how much we wish it were. Unspoken assumptions damage connection. When couples don't communicate, they fill in the gaps with guesses, and those guesses are often wrong. What feels obvious to you may not be obvious to your spouse. If left unchecked, the Four Horsemen quietly erode relationships. Criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling are strong predictors of marital breakdown, but couples can recognize them early and recover when they're willing to change patterns. Most conflict starts inside us, not with our spouse. Many reactions come from fear, stress, or unresolved issues rather than our spouse's actions. Growth begins when we take ownership and speak from vulnerability instead of blame. Engaging imperfectly is better than withdrawing. Respect, appreciation, and choosing to stay engaged, even awkwardly, protect connection. Healthy communication requires effort, humility, and the daily choice to turn toward each other. Couple Discussion Questions Which of the Four Horsemen are threatening our relationship right now? How would you rate our communication on a scale of 1-10? What can we do to improve this? Resources Guide to Communication: https://messyfamilyproject.org/guide/communication/ Explanation of the Four Horsemen: https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/
What if one of the best-performing investments over the last few decades wasn't stocks, real estate, or gold — but LEGO? It sounds absurd, yet when researchers tracked the resale value of LEGO sets, they found returns that beat many traditional investments. We begin by looking at which sets gain value, why they do, and what makes some toys unexpectedly valuable. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0275531921001604 Life rarely goes according to plan. Careers shift, relationships change, health issues arise, and unexpected events force us to adapt — often before we feel ready. Since change is unavoidable, the real question becomes: how do you respond when life throws you off course? Maya Shankar joins me with powerful insights on navigating uncertainty and finding meaning when plans fall apart. Maya is a cognitive scientist, former senior advisor in the Obama White House, Senior Director of Behavioral Economics at Google, host of A Slight Change of Plans, and author of The Other Side of Change: Who We Become When Life Makes Other Plans (https://amzn.to/4qAad5U) Time is one of the few constants in life — yet our experience of it is anything but constant. Why does time seem to fly on vacation but crawl in traffic? Why do many people feel that time speeds up as they get older? And what is time, really? Sten Odenwald helps untangle these questions. He's a longtime astronomer, Director of NASA's STEM Resource Development Project, and author of The Essential Book of Time (https://amzn.to/3N6qNfm). And finally, legendary relationship researcher John Gottman says long-term relationships don't succeed because of romance, passion, or even communication skills alone. Instead, they hinge on just two essential qualities — and without them, relationships are likely doomed. Listen to find out what they are. https://www.businessinsider.com/lasting-relationships-rely-on-2-traits-2014-11 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices