Sometimes you just have to slow down in order to get your life to start to balance out. Tune in to hear a quick update of where we've been after a podcast break and why we now know that love has a speed.The book we are going through on the podcast is "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John Gottman. We release a new episode every Monday, so subscribe and stay tuned for more. Make sure you check us out on social media too.Do you feel like roommates instead of soulmates?...your communication is lacking?...you've lost the spark when it comes to intimacy?...or you're on a different page from your spouse when it comes to finances? Schedule a Discovery Call with Juli & Thomas to learn how to solve the complex marriage puzzle to go from being overwhelmed to being secure in your marriage. Facebook: @marriagepuzzleInstagram: @marriagepuzzleWebsite: www.marriagepuzzle.comMusic Credit:Beachtown BopWritten By - Dean William Palya, Jr.Artist Name: PALA
Voted one of the Top 10 Most Influential Therapists of the past quarter century and was recently honored with the 2021 Lifetime Achievement Award by the Psychotherapy Networker. Marital and relationship expert Dr. Gottman returns to share the evidence-based way to resolve conflict. Source: Making Marriage Work | Dr. John Gottman Connect with Dr. John Gottman: Website: https://www.gottman.com Instagram: gottmaninstitute YouTube: The Gottman Institute Book: The Love Prescription: Seven Days to More Intimacy, Connection, and Joy Previous Episodes: 197 | Dr. John Gottman: "Try Changing Your Life In The Area Of..." Hosted by Malikee Josephs (Pronounced Muh leek Jo seffs) Give Me A Shout: Follow Me On Instagram @DepressionDetoxShow. Email me: firstname.lastname@example.org Support The Show: Donate
On the Brighter Side ~ Marriage for Entrepreneurs
In this episode, I'm talking with my good friend, Nate Bagley. Nate has been a marriage researcher for over a decade. He talks about the challenges he's been facing in his own marriage and how the training he has recieved and taught over the years has really helped him navigate these challenges. Nate shares his favorite researchers including Dr. David Schnarch and Dr. John Gottman. We have both been trained in Dr. Gottman's 7 Principles of Making Marriage Work and have decided to host a workshop for couples who want to learn how this groundbreaking marriage research can help them develop the skillsets to deepen their intimacy and trust and create a truly meaningful connection. You can get all of the details about our upcoming workshop on March 31st and April 1st in Salt Lake City, Utah by clicking on this link: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/seven-principles-for-making-marriage-work-tickets-571932554667
The couples counselors Rachel and Lindsay discuss some heavy but important topics this week utilizing Netflix's Love is Blind 3 as the back drop. The therapists focus on relationship dynamics surrounding the couple Matt and Colleen. Lindsay and Rachel have a compassionate discussion around how abusive dynamics start small and grow. They also give voice to how they can creep up on us and how we can fall into explaining it away. The relationship therapists explore in depth the “Power and Control Wheel” and its counter part “Equality wheel”. Other topics discussed are: “When I'm hurting, your world stops.” - John Gottman; Trusting our partners can be there for us. Codependent, interdependent, independent Spectrum. Aggressive presenting body language. The need for safety to communicate honestly. All people in the relationship needing to be willing to work on their own emotion regulation.Green flags: Willing to take responsibility at least for a small part.
Dr. John Gottman discovered four negative behaviors, or “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse,” that spell disaster for any relationship, and with them learned how to predict the failure or success of a relationship with a 90% accuracy rate. This week is the second installment of a 4 part series where we dive into each of the horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, & Stonewalling. We are digging into contempt. Contempt is often referred to as relational poison. And this is because there is no way for contempt to be helpful. This week you will learn what contempt sounds like, what it does, and what the antidote to this toxic communication technique is! Follow Kat on Instagram: @Kat.Defatta Follow the podcast Instagram: @YouNeedTherapyPodcast Have a question, concern, guest idea, something else? Reach Kat at: Kathryn@youneedtherapyodcast.com Heard about Three Cords Therapy but don't know what it is? Click here! Produced by: @HoustonTilleySee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Julie draws the connection between John Gottman's four horsemen of the apocalypse--how they predict divorce--and today's political decision-making. We talk about decisions that are compromise versus those that are consensus, outlining and describing what true consensus requires and how it is important for the functioning of couples, organizations, and government. We use the West Wing episode, The Supremes, to characterize the importance of consensus decisions.Our favorite recent episodes:Ep 173: our country is flawed, but who is any better? (also on YouTube)Ep 172: the tattletale instinctEp 165: freedom in an unfree worldEp 164: a look at feminismFollow Us:YouTubeTwitterFacebookTumblrAll audio & videos edited by: Jay Prescott Videography
Dr. John Gottman discovered four negative behaviors, or “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse,” that spell disaster for any relationship, and with them learned how to predict the failure or success of a relationship with a 90% accuracy rate. This week is the beginning of a 4 part series where we dive into each of the horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, & Stonewalling. We are starting our series with Criticism, which is usually the horseman that shows up first when there is an issue in a relationship and sets the tone for how the conversation plays out. It can have the power to turn a bid for connection into an argument, which pushes us further from each other. The good news is that Dr. Gottman not only provided us with language for the problems, he offered us solutions or “antidotes” for each horseman. Listen this week to hear how to move from Criticizing your partner and creating more chaos to expressing healthy complaints and creating space to lean into our relationships. Follow Kat on Instagram: @Kat.Defatta Follow the podcast Instagram: @YouNeedTherapyPodcast Have a question, concern, guest idea, something else? Reach Kat at: Kathryn@youneedtherapyodcast.com Heard about Three Cords Therapy but don't know what it is? Click here! Produced by: @HoustonTilleySee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Are you tired of feeling like you have to micromanage everything? Listen in to find out why you should not. Click here for Show Notes and more from Jeanne-Marie, Your Parenting Mentor Today, Your Parenting Mentor interviews The Parenting Mentor and how she discovered her calling and made good use of her experiences as an anxious parent and why she believes letting our children be uncomfortable at times is essential. What We Talked About Sue's CLEARR Method explained which includes Communication, Love, Empathy, Awareness, Rules/Respect How can parents break free from believing they are in charge and control everything? Allowing our children to feel uncomfortable Shifting our perspective to be better guides for our children Things to Remember “Our kids deserve respect; hearing their ideas, their feelings and validating those feelings.” “Kids don't like to be dictated to.” “It's a huge privilege to watch a human being develop, evolve and grow.” “Sit back and enjoy the ride. Stop wasting time, you don't need to micromanage your children.” “I wish I had me when my kids were younger.” – Susan Groner “Free the child's potential and you will transform him into the world.” – Dr. Maria Montessori “By acknowledging our children's emotions, we are helping them learn skills for soothing themselves, skills that will serve them well for a lifetime.” – John Gottman, Ph. D “When our children see us expressing our emotions, they can learn that their own feelings are natural and permissible, can be expressed, and can be talked about. That's an important thing for our children to learn.” – Fred Rogers Click here for Show Notes and more from Jeanne-Marie, Your Parenting Mentor
Dr. Roger & Friends: The Bright Side of Longevity
In this Bright Side episode, Dr. Roger and Danielle Palli discuss the three components for better communication among friends, co-workers and romantic partners: interpersonal skills, empathy and social responsibility. They also review Dr. John Gottman's "Four Horsemen" and how criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling can kill a relationship, and share tools for repairing and strengthening partnerships. Tune in and learn how you can create relationships that thrive. Resources: Live Long, Die Short: Buy the BookCoaching with Danielle: www.DaniellePalli.com
BACKSTAGE WITH THE SIMPLE CHURCH
This week host Evan Semanco is joined by Lifegroup Coordinator Amber McDonnold to talk with Victoria Salder, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and new Lifegroup Leader! Victoria talks about the great content she will be leading this semester, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman, for FREE! If you are married and looking to improve your marriage, this is the group for you! Victoria also talks Enneagram, Amber discusses single parenting, and more! LINKS FROM THE EPISODE Find Victoria's Lifegroup or Any Other Group Here E-mail Lifegroup Coordinator Amber McDonnold, Amber@thesimplechurch.tv Learn more about the Enneagram Here If you have feedback for the podcast, have a guest suggestion, or just want to talk to Scott, e-mail Scott@thesimplechurch.tv and follow us on Instagram @thesimplechurchpodcast . You can also find out more about the Simple Church at www.theSimpleChurch.tv .
We've got good news - you don't have to top fighting in marriage! Actually, fighting together will draw you together when you learn to do it the right way. In today's podcast, we're going to take a look at the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse (coined by Dr. John Gottman) - four things that will destroy your relationship. But we're also going to share four keys to keep these evil destroyers far away. We're going to dive into some serious research-based information that will shine a light on conflict in marriage and ways to help you turn conflict and quarrels into passion and purpose.
Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman are world-renowned researchers and clinical psychologists and have revolutionized the study of marriage. They have written 46 books that have sold over a million copies. Their 2018 book, “8 Dates: Essential Conversations For A Lifetime of Love” is the February Chasing Brighter Book Club pick. Kelly and Jessica walk you through this incredible guide for positive connection with your long term partner. Check out our blog for more tips on becoming a better version of yourself or to learn more about us: https://chasingbrighter.com Follow our journey on instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chasingbrighter/ We encourage you to keep chasing the brighter version of you!! Thanks for listening!!!
Wellness & Weight Loss for Busy Moms
Wellness & Weight Loss for Busy Momswith Tracy Baird, MPHhttps://tracybairdwellness.com/7 Tips for Connecting with your SpouseListen in as Cami and I talk about seven tips for connecting with your partner, based on the 50+ year research career of Dr. John Gottman. In particular, we are chatting about his recent book The Love Prescription, co-authored with his wife Julie Schwartz Gottman.We are here because we care about you, we want you to live your best life - and you are worth it!MENTIONED IN THE EPISODE:John and Julie Gottman's book The Love PrescriptionThe Gottman InstituteWe're Not Really Strangers Couples EditionTable Topics Date NightCONNECT WITH ME:Register for my next FASTer Way to Fat Loss group.Check out my Tracy Baird Wellness website, and go here for my current free resource.Find me on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, and YouTube.RECOMMENDED RESOURCES:Gretchen Rubin's Four Tendencies quiz can be found here.Books I recommend about making habits stick:BJ Fogg's book Tiny HabitsJames Clear's book Atomic HabitsGretchen Rubin's book Better Than BeforeKaty Milkman's book How to ChangeSteven Guise's books Mini Habits and Mini Habits for Weight LossSeasonal Eating Food GuideGrowth book: https://www.growthrootsco.com/shopCOUPON CODE FOR 10% DISCOUNT ON GROWTH BOOK: WELLNESSPODCASTFULL LINKS:If the links above are not live, copy & paste these URLs:FASTer Way group: https://www.fasterwaycoach.com/#TracyBairdInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/tracybairdwellness/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tracybairdwellnessTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@tracybairdwellnessYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4xDQRUdvsxyaHp4xKXAUQAWebsite: https://tracybairdwellness.com/Free resources: https://tracybairdwellness.com/freeFour Tendencies quiz: https://quiz.gretchenrubin.com/Tiny Habits: https://amzn.to/3qbxpLxAtomic Habits: https://amzn.to/3fgYarrBetter Than Before: https://amzn.to/3qd7dA7How to Change: https://amzn.to/3mymMjCMini Habits: https://amzn.to/3faojsg
Glad alla hjärtans dag! Det är dag två i kärleksveckan och det firar vi med att reprisera avsnitt 67 av Dumma Människor som handlar om vilka beteenden som ger tydliga signaler på om en relation kommer hålla länge eller inte. För den amerikanske matematikern och psykologiforskaren John Gottman påstår sig kunna förutse om en relation kommer hålla eller inte efter att bara ha träffat paret i fråga under några få minuter. I sitt "love lab" har Gottman under två decennier studerat kärlekspar och utifrån det skapat modeller som förutsäger parets sannolikhet att hålla ihop eller bryta upp.Klipp och musik:RaskensJimmy Kimmel Live - Can Dads Answer Questions About Their Kids?Fred Astaire - Cheek to cheekBreakfast At Tiffany'sJerry MaguireWedding SingerUnder solenJunoNat King Cole - This Will Be (An Everlasting Love)mail: email@example.com: Peter Malmqvistproducent: Clara Wallin Stötta oss och lyssna reklamfritt via https://plus.acast.com/s/dummamanniskor. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
This Valentine's day would you like a 15 mins summary on how to spark up your relationship by the best in the business? (It's not me:) I'm just the messenger).Julie & John Gottman, considered the best relationship therapists in the world, changed the game by bringing in data to track relationships. They studied thousands of couples over 40 years, coded hours and hours of interactions, and created data based principles on what makes a happy marriage. Their latest book distils all their learnings into 7 prescriptions to rekindle a relationship. These are small things we can do everyday to deepen our bonds. Here's one. You're hanging with your partner in the living room. He's on his kindle, you're reading a magazine. Kids are asleep. It's a lovely time in the day where you guys get to unwind. Your partner suddenly lights up - looks at you - and reads aloud this interesting quote you might like. You're in the middle of your magazine article. You think - why's he bothering me? Why can't he give me 10 mins of peace?Do you Turn towards his bid for connection - wow, what a great quoteTurn away - ignoreTurn against - don't irritate me. What you do is the single biggest predictor of happiness in a relationship. Just this one change - turning towards bids for connection - can reverse the slide of a relationship. Married couples do this 86% of the time. Divorced couples did this 33% of the time. It's not big grand gestures but the small things we do everyday that determine how happy we will be in our relationship. This episode provides a 15 mins summary on their latest book. Related Episode#017 Intimate Relationships, a conversation with Dr. Oberdan MarianettiSpotify: https://howtolive.life/ep17spotify Apple Podcasts - https://howtolive.life/ep17appleEpisode Shownoteshttps://howtolive.life/episode/035-rekindling-romanceContact ushttps://howtolive.life/contactFollow usFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/PodcastHowtolive/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/podcasthowtolive/Information on Podcast & Hosthttps://howtolive.life/
First impressions matter but when it comes to dating, don't get blown away by the myth of the "relationship spark". Some people can instead be characterized as a "slow burn"; a person who you like more and more each time. We revisit an episode with dating coach, behavioral scientist and author of How Not To Die Alone, Logan Ury about how to date successfully. Logan Ury studied psychology at Harvard, was a TED Fellow, then became a behavioral scientist at Google, where she ran Google's behavioral science team – which we now know as The Irrational Lab. She became a dating coach and is currently the Director of Relationship Science at the dating app Hinge, where she leads a research team dedicated to helping people find love. Her work has appeared in The New York Times and The Atlantic, among a variety of media outlets, including HBO and the BBC. Aside from those cool things, we wanted to talk to her because she is the author of How To Not Die Alone. In our conversation with Logan, which was originally recorded in early 2021, we talk about the challenges people face in getting prepared for dating, making the most of their dating experiences, and maintaining great relationships once they've landed in one. She shared her insights into how to overcome some of the common hurdles and to make the most out of each phase of the dating life. We had an interesting discussion about why moving from ‘romanticizer' or ‘maximizer' to ‘satisficer' can make a big difference in your relationships (and in life). We talk about the Monet Effect and how we need to work hard to overcome some of our biggest biases – like the fundamental attribution error and negativity bias. She was also kind enough to share a little bit about her communal living conditions and her recommendation that we all need more significant others – OSO's – in these turbulent times. NOTE #1: The “F” word features prominently in our conversation since it's in the title of one of her book's chapters. NOTE #2: Christina Gravert joined for our Grooving Session as our first-ever Grooving Partner, and you'll hear her in the introduction, as well. We're pleased that our good friend was named by Forbes magazine as one of the top behavioral scientists you ought to know. Christina teaches Economics at the University of Copenhagen, is a co-founder of Impactually, a behavioral consultancy, she has been a guest on Behavioral Grooves (episode 16 on creating a Nudge-A-Thon), and was a speaker at Nudge.It North 2021. © 2023 Behavioral Grooves Links Logan Ury: https://www.loganury.com/ “How to Not Die Alone”: https://amzn.to/3JSmDUz Ira Glass: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ira_Glass Dan Ariely: https://danariely.com/ Esther Perel: https://www.estherperel.com/ John Gottman, The Gottman Institute: https://www.gottman.com/ Eli Finkel: https://elifinkel.com/ Daniel Gilbert: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daniel_Gilbert_(psychologist) Jane Ebert: https://www.brandeis.edu/facultyguide/person.html?emplid=0fd6834b65b0eddec69f2ab77539fd341d63b270 Alain De Botton “School of Life”: https://www.theschooloflife.com/about-us/faculty/alain-de-botton/ Reiki: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reiki “Algorithms to Live By”: https://algorithmstoliveby.com/ John Nash “A Beautiful Mind”: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Forbes_Nash_Jr. Nicole Prause: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nicole_Prause 36 Questions That Lead to Love: https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/09/style/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html The School of Life books: https://www.theschooloflife.com/shop/us/books/ Shelley Archambeau – Episode 204: https://behavioralgrooves.com/episode/how-shelley-archambeau-flies-like-an-eagle/ Christina Gravert – Episode 16: https://behavioralgrooves.com/episode/nudge-a-thon-with-dr-christina-gravert/ Christina Gravert, “Online Dating Like a Game Theorist”: https://behavioralscientist.org/online-dating-like-a-game-theorist/ Christina Gravert – Impactually: https://impactually.se/ “10 Behavioral Scientists You Should Know”: https://www.forbes.com/sites/alineholzwarth/2020/10/29/10-behavioral-scientists-you-should-know/?sh=36ad80b442e0 Musical Links “Hamilton” soundtrack: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aPSWZUExZ8M Chance the Rapper “Coloring Book”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BeChAs-bI3A Bush “Glycerine”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bvXbHN5Gijw%C2%A0
First Church Fayetteville Podcast
In this second message in our "Family Values" sermon series, Pastor Daryle Williams asks professional counsellor Donisa Hammond to discuss with him the four horsemen of marriage. Based upon the research of Dr. John Gottman, this study will help you analyze your marriage relationship for indicators that could lead to struggles.
HAPPY AFRICAN MARRIAGE - Reconnect with Spouse, Christian Podcast, Strong Marriage Partnership, Married with Kids, Stronger M
Hi friend, As Valentine's Day approaches…do you have anything lined up for the week? Or maybe you're wondering what you could plan to do considering the limited time you have as a parent raising a family in the 21st century. In this episode, we won't be talking about grand gestures or big surprises that are sometimes planned for celebrations such as birthdays, anniversaries, or even Valentine's Day. Instead, we will be talking about 3 simple ways to spice up your marriage that would only take less than 5 minutes of your time (yes…literally speaking) even if you have a tight schedule. Are you ready and excited to find out? Then, tune in to listen to find out more:) Mentioned in this episode: Dr. John Gottman, a relationship researcher from The Gottman Institute: https://www.gottman.com/ ............................................................................................................. For questions/inquiries/coaching: Email: firstname.lastname@example.org
In this episode, Danielle discusses how you can examine if you are dealing with resentment and contempt in your relationship and what you can do to repair that communication style so that you can cultivate a culture of appreciation. Danielle takes notes from Dr. John Gottman, an American psychologist who heads the Gottman Institute, along with his wife, Dr. Julie Schwarz Gottman, where they conduct studies in the Love Lab to determine what makes or breaks a relationship. Danielle goes over what she's learned from their published book, "The Love Prescription." What are the Four Horsemen that indicate apocalypse for the relationship? Listen in and find out. Contempt is the most problematic sign in a relationship and if not repaired, can lead to disaster. Find out what the antidote to contempt is. Interested in a growth coaching consultation? ? Head over to https://www.daniellekingstrom.com/ for more information.
In our first episode of 2023, Reba talks about improving the quality of her relationship with her husband in the new year. She discusses a book called The Love Prescription: Seven Days to More Intimacy, Connection, and Joy by John Gottman & Julie Schwartz Gottman and how she's been incorporating it in her marriage and if she's seen any results.We're BACK, bitches!Support the show
On this episode of the Psychedelic Therapy Frontiers podcast, Dr. Steve Thayer and Dr. Reid Robison discuss parenting. They talk about how difficult parenting is, how parenting styles affect childhood and later adult attachment styles, being an emotion coach as a parent, how to raise resilient kids, genetics, and much more.(1:33) Parenting is hard(6:20) Spanking (7:00) Good Inside, by Dr. Becky Kennedy and being "home base" for your child(10:03) The value of consistency(11:55) Generational differences and improving on the parenting you received (14:02) Repairs and apologies (16:13) The Whole-Brain Child, by Dr. Dan Sielgel (16:52) How to help your kids feel seen(17:15) Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child, by Dr. John Gottman(19:45) How to help your kids with their feelings(22:30) How to manage behavior and set boundaries (26:45) Helicopter parenting(27:15) Duct Tape Parenting, by Vicki Hoefle(33:50) Genetic: parents matter, but they don't make a difference (40:30) Unconditional positive regard (43:32) Re-parenting your inner child(49:03) Divorce, separation, and co-parenting Learn more about our podcast at https://numinus.com/podcast/Learn more about psychedelic therapy training opportunities at https://numinus.com/training/Learn more about Numinus at https://numinus.com/Follow us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drstevethayer/https://www.instagram.com/innerspacedoctor/https://www.instagram.com/joeflanders/https://www.instagram.com/numinushealth/
Separate Bathrooms - and Other Handy Marriage Tips
We're continuing our chat with Kerrie and Adrian Lumbewe because we know they've got so much more great advice and insight for us! They chat about how they approach people who are resistant to therapy, the importance of acknowledging and sharing our emotions, and of course hop in the 2-minute shower. LINKS Learn more about Motivating Marriages https://www.motivatingmarriages.com.au Follow Cam on Instagram @camerondaddo. Follow Ali on Instagram @alidaddo. Follow Nova Podcasts @novapodcastsofficial. Got a question for Cam & Ali? You can email them at email@example.com. CREDITS Hosts: Cameron Daddo and Alison Brahe-Daddo. Guest: Managing Producer: Elle Beattie. Producer and Editor: Amy Kimball. Find more great podcasts like this at novapodcasts.com.au. Nova Entertainment acknowledges the traditional custodians of the land on which we recorded this podcast, the Gadigal People of the Eora Nation. We pay our respect to Elders past and present. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
The Doctor's Farmacy with Mark Hyman, M.D.
This episode is brought to you by Thrive Market, BiOptimizers, BON CHARGE, and Sunlighten.Research has revealed that by staying aware of how we interact with our partners and embracing specific patterns we are less likely to get divorced and more likely to be in a satisfying relationship many years from now. Today on The Doctor's Farmacy, I'm excited to talk to two leading experts in the field of healthy relationships, Drs. Julie Schwartz Gottman and John Gottman, cofounders of the Gottman Institute. Dr. John Gottman previously served as executive director of the Relationship Research Institute and is a professor emeritus of psychology at the University of Washington, where he founded the Love Lab. He is world-renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce prediction and has conducted forty years of groundbreaking research with thousands of couples. His work has earned him numerous major awards and he was named one of the top ten most influential therapists of the past quarter century. Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman is president of the Gottman Institute and cofounder of Affective Software, Inc. A highly respected clinical psychologist, she was named Washington State Psychologist of the Year and received the 2021 Psychotherapy Networker Lifetime Achievement Award.This episode is brought to you by Thrive Market, BiOptimizers, BON CHARGE, and Sunlighten.Join Thrive Market today at thrivemarket.com/hyman to receive $80 off your first order.BiOptimizers is offering my community 10% off plus a special gift with purchase. Just head over to magbreakthrough.com/hyman with code hyman10.Right now, my community can go to boncharge.com/HYMAN and use coupon code HYMAN to save 20%.You can save up to $600 on your Sunlighten purchase at sunlighten.com/mark-hyman and mention my name, Dr. Hyman, to save.Here are more details from our interview (audio version / Apple Subscriber version):The top four relationship killers (5:18 / 3:20) The keys to a successful relationship (6:25 / 4:00) Love as a practice (27:09 / 22:50) What makes for a great sex life (31:25 / 27:08) How to have healthy conflict (35:11 / 30:52)Breaking out of reactivity and fight or flight (42:33 / 38:17) The biggest predictor of divorce (48:32 / 44:10) How contempt differs from criticism (50:57 / 46:42)The origins of contempt (53:13 / 48:55)Top relationship hacks (1:00:13 / 54:24) Take the Free Gottman Relationship Quiz and download the Gottman Card Decks app.Get a copy of The Love Prescription: Seven Days to More Intimacy, Connection, and Joy here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
被催婚，大概是你春节回家最头疼的问题，别问我怎么知道的。所以，熬大夜也要把节目抢在你离家前发出来，毕竟父母生你养你不容易，还是买张机票赶紧走吧，留住这份亲情。（一个玩笑）经验告诉我们，现在的困扰往往由过去导致，下游的问题往往要靠上游解决。我们还需要婚姻吗？我们需要什么样的婚姻？什么在影响我们的判断？婚育经历会带来怎样的改变？ 《婚难时代》是对日本婚育问题的一次全景扫描，为我们呈现了一系列严峻又诙谐的社会速写。例如不同年龄层的婚恋观：“比起充满现实顾虑的年轻人，老年人更能以惊人的热情全身心地投入婚恋”“现今五六十岁的泡沫世代是恋爱至上主义”“二十出头的大学生认为婚姻不需要心动的感觉，觉得利害关系一致更重要”。他山之石，可以攻玉。本期节目，我们邀请游识猷和Alex两位通透又个性的“过来人”，从《婚难时代》聊起，通过观察日本的婚育和人口问题，我们试图为当下求解，看清婚育难题中宏观经济、代际观念、思维定势的影响因素，从容奔向自己想要的幸福。【嘉宾】游识猷果壳网主笔、知名科普博主Alex媒体人、知名视频博主@Alex绝对是个妞儿【你可能听到】06:36 日本的“婚难”是他山之石08:49 相亲角特别像售卖商品13:23 寺庙相亲安全、低价又高效19:15 父母代理相亲也是在缓解自己的焦虑24:27 婚恋观冲突背后是经济关系变迁28:11 结婚是为了避免孤独，没想到婚后更孤独33:00 不婚不育保平安为什么成为风潮40:15 结婚已经从生活的目的成为自我发展的手段51:00 中国的人口结构导致婚恋和生育问题恐比日本更严重53:53 疫情对东亚婚育率的影响57:03 婚姻的益处：经济、陪伴、认识自我60:09 自我是一个碰撞之后产生的东西65:54 杀死亲密关系的末日四骑士(John Gottman)：批评、污蔑、防卫、沉默70:50 “什么年纪做什么事”源于生活方式的单一72:47 【重点推荐内容】防催婚心法：跳出思维定势，温和而坚定86:00 人工智能技术对未来亲密关系的影响93:17 恋爱游戏&软色情娱乐会弱化爱的能力吗？98:15 因为婚育回不到职场如何破局？101:23 《始于极限》：认清主观能动性，避免无力感制作 曹福楼配乐 Anthony Hamilton,Elayna Boynton - Freedom
We are more than who we think we are. We are more than what we do. There's a time and a place for the hustle and the grind but we need to develop those pause points and moments in our day to reflect: Is that actually true? Or is that coming from a wound, projection, idea, or conditioning. - Mike Salemi Are You Stressed Out Lately? Take a deep breath with the M21™ wellness guide: a simple yet powerful 21 minute morning system that melts stress and gives you more energy through 6 science-backed practices and breathwork. Click HERE to download for free. Is Your Energy Low? Looking for a cleaner brain fuel? Just one daily serving of Ketone-IQ™️ will help you feel sharper, more focused, and ready to take on the day. Click HERE to try HVMN's Ketone-IQ™ + Save 20% with the code "JOSH" *Review The WF Podcast & WIN $150 in wellness prizes! *Join The Facebook Group Wellness + Wisdom Episode 518 Mike Salemi, the founder of The Path podcast and an elite fitness coach, shares his wisdom on how to create your best life mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Are you aware of the consequences of living too fast? By the end of this episode, you will understand how living a fast-paced life can have a negative impact on your overall wellness, the purpose of intentional fitness, and why Kambo is not a medicine suitable for everybody. Listen To Episode 518 As Mike Salemi Uncovers: [1:30] Mike's Fitness Path + Dealing With Pain Mike Salemi The Path Podcast Laurie Rice-Salemi Going from a mover and teacher to a podcaster. Justin Brien on The Path Podcast How his knee pain made him reflect on his life: Wondering who he is if he can't move and realizing it's the first time in his life he wasn't free to play. Paul Chek Why his arm injury didn't limit him as much as his knee pain. Setting a goal to be free from pain by the time he turns 36. [12:35] Intentional Fitness + Learning From Pain Why Mike's definition of intentional fitness is constantly evolving. The reason why intentions are the most transformative part of any ceremony. Why even life and fitness can be considered a ceremony. What lessons he learned from his knee injury. How pain makes you look back from a fearful perspective. Using fitness as a means for personal growth. Why pain makes it hard to trust that things will improve, and why Mike looks at what is emotionally and energetically tied to the pain. How he got his injury: Constant stress and spending hours in an awkward position. [17:20] We Are More Than What We Think And Do What the paradox of being a father is according to Mike. Why men often don't stop until they are forced to stop. The importance of having people in your life that help you eliminate your blind spots and stand up for you. We're more than what we think we are and do. Why we need to develop moments to pause and reflect. Getting addicted to the stress responses when you're stuck. [21:35] Men Of Movement + Being Of Service Men of Movement Retreat What it means to lead from the middle: Modeling from the inside out. Johnny Blackburn David Deida Why Josh runs the Evolving Men's Collective as an act of service. Men of Movement: The willingness to want to explore and be with brothers. How crying can be of service and why power comes from peace. How Mike develops the Men of Movement retreats to create safety and harmony. 457 Josh Trent: Solocast | Healing The Father Wound, 100+ Hours Fasting, Vision Questing + Being Alone With Mother Nature's Wisdom Why rest throughout the day is important. Ya'Acov Darling Khan How we can intentionally create a down-regulated state. [31:00] How To Create A Space For The Relationship You Want The consequences of doing something for others at the expense of losing our own freedom. Why Mike's scared that he won't provide his family the life he thinks they deserve while being present for them. How he knew what he wanted from a relationship and why his actions weren't creating any space for a new relationship. The realization that he had feelings for Laurie during a mushroom ceremony. Using Yogananda's soulmate prayer with Paul Chek 5 years before he met Laurie. Joe Dispenza How he manifested his life partner through meditation. [47:00] From Avoidance To Healthy Communication Quantum entanglement and the 100 monkeys effect. What the Bleep Do We Know!? Why every year of being single was worth it for Mike. What made him want to meet a partner while he was teaching and in his purpose. Can a relationship come to you only when you least expect it? Why he didn't see what was right in front of him for many years. Mirroring the shadow of your partner. The importance of holding a safe space in a relationship. How he learned to communicate during conflicts instead of avoiding it. Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner's Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship by Stan Tatkin Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last by Dr. John Gottman [01:02:43] Mike's Healing Journey With Kambo Balance Float Mike's journey to Kambo and how it helped him improve his health. What Kambo is, how it's applied, and what it does to you. How the peptides in Kambo help you and heal and purge. The purging experience with Kambo and how it helps you let go of things that don't serve you. 219 A Hero's Journey & Human Optimization: Kyle Kingsbury Kyle Kingsbury Why he doesn't see Kambo as a business. The importance of knowing why you want to do Kambo. What keeps Josh away from trying Kambo. [01:19:55] Saying 'No' To The Medicine The difference between participating VS holding a Kambo ceremony. How Kambo helps Mike hold more space for his family. Who should avoid Kambo and why, and what it means that the medicine is not for everybody. Why it can be good to say 'no' to the medicine. Buy Four Visions Market Hapé with 10% off using the code "JOSH10" Steven Jaggers Why you feel peace after the purge. Jordan Peterson [01:32:25] Letting Go To Fill The Space With Something New Why you need to create the space and get clear on what you want to fill that space with. What happens after you let go: Stop the cycle from repeating. What it means to age gracefully. 481 Scott Jackson | Rewire Yourself: How To Create A Life You Love With Freedom From Subconscious Sabotage How getting fixated on the results can hurt you and stop you from evolving. Why Mike believes humans are a constant process. Power Quotes From The Show Rethinking The Hustle Mentality "If you're outputting 90% of your day, you better have the equal ratio flip-flopped in some way, shape, or form. If you're looking at your week in your calendar and you're hustling from 7 AM to 7 PM, where does the rest can come outside of just the sleep?" - Mike Salemi Down-Regulated State + Balance "Creating the space and the openness for the opportunity to create a down-regulated state, anything you can do practically speaking and taking an honest inventory of how much and where your energy is already going, you can help balance that and anything you do will be helpful. - Mike Salemi How To Prevent Resentment "If I'm doing all this stuff for everybody else at the expense of certain things that are costing me pain or my own sense of freedom, at a certain point I'm either going to be resenting them or I'm going to start resenting myself." - Mike Salemi Links From Today's Show Mike Salemi The Path Podcast Laurie Rice-Salemi Justin Brien on The Path Podcast Paul Chek Men of Movement Retreat Johnny Blackburn David Deida 457 Josh Trent: Solocast | Healing The Father Wound, 100+ Hours Fasting, Vision Questing + Being Alone With Mother Nature's Wisdom Ya'Acov Darling Khan Joe Dispenza What the Bleep Do We Know!? Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner's Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship by Stan Tatkin Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last by Dr. John Gottman Balance Float 219 A Hero's Journey & Human Optimization: Kyle Kingsbury Kyle Kingsbury Buy Four Visions Market Hapé with 10% off using the code "JOSH10" Steven Jaggers Jordan Peterson 481 Scott Jackson | Rewire Yourself: How To Create A Life You Love With Freedom From Subconscious Sabotage Shop the Wellness Force Media Store breathwork.io Save 20% on LiftMode Products until February 13, 2023 PLUNGE – Save $150 with the code “WELLNESSFORCE" HIGHER DOSE INFRARED MAT - Get 15% off with the code “WELLNESSFORCE15“ Organifi – Special 20% off to our listeners with the code ‘WELLNESSFORCE' HVMN - Get 20% off your Ketone IQ order with the code "JOSH" MitoZen – Save 10% with the code “WELLNESSFORCE” Paleovalley – Save 15% on your ACV Complex with the code ‘JOSH' NOOTOPIA - Save 10% with the code "JOSH10" Activation Products – Save 20% with the code “WELLNESSFORCE” NEUVANA - Save 15% with the code “WELLNESSFORCE” SENSATE - Save $25 on your order with the code "JOSH25" DRY FARM WINES - Get an extra bottle of Pure Natural Wine with your order for just 1¢ CHILISLEEP - Save 25% on Josh's favorite ChiliSleep products with the code "JOSH" ION - Save 15% off sitewide with the code ‘JOSH1KS' TOUPS - Save 15% with the code "JOSH" Feel Free from Botanic Tonics – Save 40% when you use the code ‘WELLNESS40′ Drink LMNT – Zero Sugar Hydration: Get your free LMNT Sample Pack, with any purchase BREATHE - Save 20% by using the code “PODCAST20” Essential Oil Wizardry: Save 10% with the code ‘WELLNESSFORCE' MY GREEN MATTRESS - Save up to $125 on your order with the code "JOSH" NEUROHACKER - Save 15% with the code "WELLNESSFORCE" ALIVE WATER - Save 33% on your first order with the code "JOSH33" M21 Wellness Guide Wellness Force Community Leave Wellness + Wisdom a review on Apple Podcasts Mike Salemi Facebook Instagram YouTube The Path About Mike Salemi Mike Salemi specializes in human performance and is a sought-after international presenter in the field of health and fitness. Mike has a diverse background in strength and conditioning and has competed over the course of 15+ years at an elite level in Powerlifting and Kettlebell Sport. Through his own path of resolving sport-related injuries, Mike understands the importance of integrating the body, mind, and spirit to foster high performance in the long term. His motivation is to help athletes, fitness professionals, and coaches discover their own potential from the inside out. Professionally, Mike has served as a Division 1 strength and conditioning coach for Santa Clara University, as well as has been the trainer to elite athletes across a wide range of sports. His focus is on teaching educational workshops, certifications, and creating programs on unconventional training that build more balanced athletes. 274 Mike Salemi | The Journey To Strength
There is a lot to know about what makes love last. People like John Gottman and Helen Fisher have been studying sex, love and connection for decades. Here's a few excellent ideas to hold on to as you live out the day to day of your core relationships. (Very good episode to share with your partner. Will start a valuable conversation!)
Episode 295 - Session 3 Age Appropriate Conversations - OCEAN Homeschool Conference, Albany, OR - June 2022 Episode 295's video link: https://youtu.be/-1gIvvaeUmY https://www.oceanetwork.org/ Welcome to healing Lives with Cory Gilbert, a podcast sponsored by the healing Lives center, discover how to love and lead your family well and biblically God created sex marriage and the family for our stewardship growth and benefit my heart and passion is to teach, train educate and disciple christians that want straw long marriages and families. The healing Life center has been serving christians since the year 2000. Its mission is to be a center for sex, trauma and marriage education and transformation where we offer counseling, coaching courses and speaking services to you, your church or ministry. Check us out at Healing lives dot com moms and dads, this is for you. This is a recording of a session I did at the home school conference in june 2022 in Albany Oregon, the ocean homeschool conference and this is session three age appropriate conversations. Alright welcome, welcome. So this session a little different than what we've done before today um the agent conversation we're gonna really literally focus on birth to 56 to 10, what do we talk about how and some of those kind of things so hopefully a very practical application QR code years to access the handouts that'll be later, they're not on there right now and then the record the video recording as well and some other stuff as I continue to do that. So welcome, welcome now, let me start with the story, these are my two boys of years ago Alex and blaze. Um most of us when we, when we go somewhere we tend to have an expectation about what's going to happen at a location. So I love to go skiing, this is who do one of our favorite places to go. It's the last day of the season. Um People were doing some crazy stuff, There's a few up top jumping off with hang gliders and doing some crazy stuff. People wearing um interesting clothes and outfits. Well there was a number of girls wearing um sports bras and my son was like, they're supposed to be wearing those, it's like wear whatever they want business, little kid. Um And so then he went up to one of the guys and said why is she wearing that? Because he's got no filter and he said because she's hot, he's like, so which one is it hot temperature or Anyway, so we went on the day or continued today and then all of a sudden down comes the girls topless, I'm like, oh great, this is gonna be fun, luckily Blaze was nowhere to be found. He did not see this because he would have had a heyday with that one. Instead it was Alex. So I chased after Alex and I get to the bottom of the slope and there's Alex just wide eyed because this was not a small young, small young lady, old lady was not a young lady um she was quite large and she had flown right past him so that I passed her back to him and it's like, so the first time he's like, yes, like how did you like it? I'm not gonna say that cancer. That just totally embarrassed just a horrible moment. He's just shocked. It's not what you expect if you think of what we do as parents, everything we're trying to do is trying to protect them from certain things. Did not expect to go skiing, that they have to have these conversations and what we're gonna see today is actually most everything that's gonna happen is gonna be almost happen outside of our purview or our ability to control, which is why we must be earlier rather than late. A lot of times what I'm seeing is most often we're airing on the side of too late. Even to this point to the point of that our Children will believe almost whatever they hear first. It's just scary to think about. So a number of years ago actually, it was two years ago, California mandated that all kindergartens have to teach all 15 genders. I'm not sure where they got 15 from because Facebook has 75-90 something and they're in California. So they haven't talked. I don't know if they haven't caught up yet, but parents are freaking out because if you live there, you kind of have to have six jobs to live. So you can't have a stay at home mom very easily or dad. So what do you do and then here's what I hear from parents? Well my child is too young for me to teach them but I'm gonna send them to school and they are so not too young for them, them whoever them is but they are too young to know. We need to reverse that. We need to be the ones if they're walking into that school or in that any situation we have prepared them um for what's what's next, Our experience influences our parenting, all of our experiences, do everything that we've been through for some of us, the reason why we actually homeschool, homeschool because of something that happened to us, things that actually harmed us and if we don't deal with those things we actually tend to pass that on in other ways of either over protection or other um setups that actually hurt that child as well. So we're literally today gonna talk through, what does God say about you and what does God say about others in the boundaries. Kind of looking at you and others in terms of these age appropriate conversations. Now I know some of you may not like movies may not like um you enjoy, I love movies, I love going to the movies, I love tv shows and you can't watch one nowadays, something it's really frustrating, so either inappropriate or something just downright wrong and almost everything and you have to make a decision as a family. So what do I do with that? How do I navigate that? I can either avoid it all all completely or there's lots of conversations that after we had the first time that we were watching The Voice. I love that tv show and these two kids get up to sing together and it was a guy and a girl except there were twin girls and one had transitioned and my son's like what we pause and have a conversation. Well, a number of years ago I took my kids to see this movie ready player one great movie. Really interesting movie. Um I have a I think it was like a 10 year old, eight year old and a six year old something around that age range two boys and a girl, like kids were watching this movie set in the future and basically people escape the crazy world they live in through VR so not too far away now where there another lovely Oculus, but there's this one scene that came in came on there that it's just like uncomfortable wasn't bad, but I'm uncomfortable as a dad sitting next to my two sons and my daughter. So after this was over, we get home, I asked them so separately, tell me about what you liked about this movie. And so this was the scene here is when she was there in the VR Personas and she's dressed in this really tight form dress really pretty well. My oldest son, he was just uncomfortable kind of like me. He was very aware that um and this is not, I'm not sure what to do with this, no place to put this in my head. Um My other son, there's a VR suits that they wear actually do pressure points on the body. So if you get hit somewhere you feel it in your body. So he just loved the scene with the guy kicked in the crotch and he got hurt through the R. And he just looked so funny. Just that was his, that's all he could think about. But my daughter was like, oh, what a beautiful dress. She just thought that was such a pretty dress. And to see all three of our kids are going to face these questions and these things at different ages when we talk as a family about these topics, we actually, we have a tend to have a room full of different age groups. You can't, you could, I guess if you have all sorts of time, segregate out, we're gonna talk to this age group here in the States group, then you have to keep notes by the way, records like a committee to know which kid if you talk to. What about No, we don't do that. What we do is we actually have conversations and the older kids tend to be the focus and the younger ones are kind of, there kind of like, even for today, when they're younger and they don't understand what's going on. They tend to just not understand what's going on. Like I really, we air on the other side, we're on the side of protecting them from versus preparing because when they're ready, they'll finally have a file folder to stick that information and it's like, it just kind of sits there waiting and they're not ready when I deal with kids who've been been sexually abused and I'm talking to the parents usually at this point it's preparing them for when their brain finally catches up to what actually happened to them physically. And when they finally come to an awareness, it's like, oh that's what that was. Oh, and then there's a 22 pathways, one of just going downhill introversion or acting out like crazy. It's like, it'd be nice to find either one of those and find a third alternative to what's gonna potentially happen. And so when we have these kinds of things, you and I all, we're all trying to navigate and decide what's the right thing I should do and what's, what's the wrong thing there, You can talk to our kids, you can talk to kelly and I so many examples where I can tell you, I probably do that different. We could all probably commit straight on the things that we would say, I would do different. But one thing I would say is critical is for you and I to see that a key responsibility is sex ed for our kids. It's way more than just sex ed is the whole idea of who you are, how you were made, how God made you the stuff we talked about earlier today. What does this include? This is what I why I wrote this. I can't say that book is really focusing on this is our responsibility. We need to learn about basic human sexuality, just how do things work. And most of us never learn this stuff I never did. And I got into this as I saw client after client not knowing what to do. And so I just kept studying and studying and studying and learning, saying for trauma, I don't have a history of trauma, became a passion because of so many clients with so much pain. And I'm going, I've got to learn to help and digging in and you each have your different areas of gifting and interest, but how can we come together as well and raise great Children. That actually key as an adult love the Lord in terms of who they are, we need to become a confident parent. But how do we do that is through knowledge is learning, we need to learn. So this, I can't say that book is actually about that. How do I as a parent know what I believe and then how do I then teach that age appropriate level, you know, a theology of Sex brain and sex brain and love theology of marriage, one of my favorite chapters in the book. My wife wanted me to delete. Um she was my editor is the one on the brain on sex and the brain of love. It's all these neuro, the neuroscience stuff, all the neurotransmitters and the hormones and it's like all of nerdy. Um and what does it show? It shows a beautiful design by incredible creator. That's what I love about that, why we do what we do is for a reason and because of the design when we understand it, it's like, oh, that makes sense why we do that example. Um we tend to say men are pigs when it comes to dating our affairs like acting out well yeah, more men in the past long time in the past would have affairs and less women accept who they were, they having it with another whole subject until the Industrial revolution happened as the woman left the farmhouse and she started going out to the workforce. The adultery rates for the wives increased as well. The truth is, we're all a mess. You need to be careful with some of these stereotypes even use um I have clients who have, he's had the affairs of clients where she has like it's an equal opportunity employer here. We need to understand how were made and then a belief system and that's a really important thing now for you and I and the point of this is either I do or someone else does you've got to make that decision. What I am seeing in my practice is the decision has been made. I'm gonna let the school, I'm gonna let the internet, I'm gonna let porn, I'm gonna let friends, I'm gonna let everyone else go there because my kids not a teenager yet, Like actually when your kid turns 11 or 12, we're pretty much done parenting. If you didn't know that In the way that you think of parenting. If you don't pivot at that 11 or 12 age you're now fighting against basically current. Sometimes if you don't change the way you approach them because you're releasing them little by little and they know it all. If you didn't know that they know it all. So you have to prepare them for that stage. And so when you prepare them it's in the single digits, it's gonna be when they're younger. So let's look through these these ages. So what does God say about you and I'm going to put this into two categories you and others. Um here, so birth to five, we're gonna kind of use that as the first category two of our kiddos. We like to cover the blood in the beginning. What do we talk to our kids about? They need to understand basic Anatomy. Basic Anatomy. And here's the piece without basic anatomy correct body part vocabulary. Why is this important? It's more important for later when there's trauma and the vocabulary has been taught, it's much easier to cut as much as understood when there's not the vocabulary, they're so much more gets actually missed as an adult because we don't understand what they're saying. My daughter one time was saying, my bottom hurts, my bottom hurts, my bottom hurts holding her front. She didn't have a word for it. And then my wife goes, why didn't know what to call it? It's a Volvo, you say vagina, but that's the inside. We need to know what to call it. And we get embarrassed by these words and said, no, we need to teach them at one and two. This is how you're made. This is a beautiful part of how you're made. And then there are boundaries around that. This is an interesting one. Be sure not to stereotype what is boy or girl but emphasized they are a boy or girl. A lot of our young people are growing up going, there's something broken with me because I'm not doing what other boys do or other girls do or because I like this, there's something wrong with me and because our culture is so good. It's saying then therefore you must be something you're not because there's no one, no man is trans, transition to a woman and no woman has transitioned to man that's impossible. Um, we don't, we aren't, we are a male or female by birth that can have very different ways to express who we are and how we live that out and that they were loved by God and their family. These are the key kind of foundations about them that we actually start with, Not when they're 6, 7, 8. This is the beginning now in that birth to five, what are some other key parts of this about others, recognizing that others and their bodies are different. You're gonna start helping them notice that you're gonna use shows and movies use friends, you're gonna use each other, but how, how to recognize that there's a difference there and then begin teaching of appropriate touch towards and from others. This is when the seeds are planted on this before age five. Why at 87 by age seven, they're full identity is in place, the full personality is replaced, which is crazy to think about by age seven. This is mark. This season is marked by curiosity and exploration, curiosity, exploration. This is what this is about. They're not broken when they're curious and exploring yet. I feel like what we do is we tend to think that interactions trying to correct them when it's like, no, they're being to there being four, there being five, so understanding what's even normal and appropriate. So this is just the beginning. This is the one I feel like you miss a lot, but the next one is where I feel like you missed the most. So this is that window where you're building a foundation as a mom and dad, as a leader as a parent for what needs to happen in 6-10. This is probably the most important category or space or time frame and in your child's development. So what happens here? More descriptive anatomy? You're upping the game about what kind of the way we talk about bodies understand the body. Um, we had a conversation recently where we're talking about, um, was it, um, circumcision, circumcision, circumcision. And so it was actually fun, pull out the anatomy book and here's what it is. You know, we didn't disrobe. We didn't do anything inappropriate. We used resources we have and talk through what is it why? And then talk about, hey, there's a debate about it and on and on and on. Your planting seeds. Some of you can probably give more data than others about what you've researched to learn about some of these things, depending on your field of expertise or passions or interests. This is a season where we're actually really gonna be talking about sexual identity and was noticed we aren't even an adolescent yet. We are not an adolescent ship. We're talking here about a foundation. We hear from young people at a time. I've always felt different since I was single digits. That's a very normal part of see people's story. Okay, so we need to go back there and talk about. So what is it that came out there And what we're really seeing is a lot of our struggle and sexual identity and Jordan Peterson recently really said it? Well, he said it's personality. We need to stop calling it, what they're calling it or what the culture is calling it, Its personality. I am a love, I crochet, cross stitch. I love music. I have a bachelor's of music, I'm very much that artsy kind of world and in the end I'm still the guy, I'm still the guy just like a woman who loves to hunt and loves to fish and loves to mud and love all that kind of stuff isn't because she likes that. Maybe she's in the wrong body. We need to be really careful because our culture is pushing something that is downright harmful. So how do we engage in that? We have to catch this earlier? We need to go into this other really, really hard conversation at this age. The N word, We need to talk about masturbation and how we actually talk about it really is important. If it's this is bad, this is simple. You're going to hell, I promise you, your kid will suffer, suffer in silence and they will not talk to you versus it. Being a conversation. I actually asked my sons about what their masturbation practices every few weeks or so. Do they answer me no, they did when they were younger, but what do they tell, what do I do by asking the question, It actually moves it out of their unconscious to the conscious and they have to decide, do I take my thoughts captive? Do I steward this or I just do something passively as a habit, it gives them a chance to steward something that really just tends to fly under the radar by asking these questions. You need a theology of this as part of what I have in my book, is both of them, Is this how do I talk through this? Really? How? It's a controversially tense topic. When I started teaching in Georgia, I had um the counselor was on stage doing Q and A the students, I'm like second year teacher and the question of masturbation came up and the counselor actually said this from stage in front of 1000 students, Oh ask dr Gilbert about that, he's an expert at that. So I had a lot of students going backward, which you're an expert in. Thanks. That's really embarrassing way. I think I was 30 actually 30 31. So it's like, wow, this is really not good. We need to know how to talk through this. And one of the kind of a simple summary of the way I talk through this is we need to stop, just say, hey, this is sin, stock your hand, move on, we need to help you Stuart what's happening in your head heart and the fantasy and when I engage in this practice and I actually growing closer to who I'm fantasizing about getting further away and when I start consciously thinking about this, I'm getting further away and now I have a choice. Do I want to get closer to this person or further away? And now I actually have the choice and I tend to hear from most of the guys and girls I talked to actually don't want to do it as much anymore. Like I actually, in stewarding now have choice now where it felt like it was some beast within that couldn't couldn't control. That's because it was in the unconscious and I just had it. And a lot of what's happening for us is just having the same for even pornography. This is a stage of talking about dignity and modesty. You each of your families are gonna outline what does that mean for your son or your daughter, how you dress and how you present yourself? My daughter gotta pack a whole bunch of hand me down clothes at one point and my wife pulls out this sports bra and she's like, so is this gonna be what what's the rule or a home and underclothes only or she can wear this around the house, which is fine when they're little. We're also planting seeds as they grow up. And so my comment was that under clothes and it becomes we set the tone. So do you, I feel like we don't tend to do it thoughtfully. We just kind of let it happen, but this is that stage prior to the fight later on about whether something is inappropriate or not. You're, you're planning seeds as to what our home expects if you will. And then it's a dialogue as they get older, especially past this age. Um, this is a time of negotiating back and forth as they have their own personality and opinion and you're wanting to relate to them. You have the veto card as a parent. But how do I draw them to their own? Um, not to believe what you believe exactly, but to think through what they're doing pornography, The average age that a kid sees porn is in the single digits. We don't wait til they're 10, 11, 12 to start talking about this. Now, many of our families, maybe that's not the case because of the way we've set up media at home or access to stuff. Great. It's gonna happen at some someplace. And actually most of the time it's somewhere outside the, the tight rained web of control that you've created as a parent, It's sitting in the hallway at youth group at church or at the pastor's house or somewhere. You never would have guessed that somebody pulls out a device and start looking at something and you need to have helped them think through that when that happens, their immediate response is, hey, we don't do that. It's not curiosity. It's not intensity, curiosity apparently discussed in the first time for many boys and girls, but then curiosity tends to trumpet help them see that no, we don't treat people that way. We have a boundary. Why you've already prepped them Talking through. This is something that is a misuse of people. Now, one of the places we're going in our culture with this is, I don't know if you've heard of ethically sourced pornography. So welcome to, I guess it's like free range chickens. I don't know. So it's not people who have been trafficked or abused or, but this is scary trying to normalize what even secular culture is saying. You know what, this is a health hazard. This is a bad thing for our world. Even secular researchers are saying this is a bad idea as they just keep getting pushed more and more and more and more. It's just normalized even and among our kids in the circle of friends that they have in ours, all of our kids, some of those kids because of where they have or haven't had these conversations. It's very much either normal if not pushed. So that's something we have to be preparing them for to think through to steward, even though we would really wish to say they're not old enough, they're not, you're not, we shouldn't have to deal with this, but it's the world we live in. So we need to prep them. Another one is periods and what dreams prep. It blows our mind. The amount of women I've talked to who they thought they were dying. No young lady should come to that age and think they're dying. They should have had conversations to know what's coming next, how my wife's in the bathroom on her period and my daughter is going, what is she doing? And my son is standing right there and it's, well, she's having her period and that's explaining what it's what happens and why and God's design and they go, they go through, they have the reactions, but it becomes something that's just a normal part, not an assault on myself. Whereas I've heard from so many. I literally found myself somewhere thinking I'm dying. That's not okay. Wet dreams. The young young men need to know what this is and have been explained and talked through it and helping normalize that. So they're prepared for what's going to happen. And they're also not messed up with that gender. You are a boy or a girl doesn't matter how many of you under your onesie doesn't mean your onesie. It doesn't matter if you want to dress a certain way. It doesn't matter what you wanna do. I love putting on my grandmother's house, the high heels and all that stuff with my million female cousins that whatever they did to dress me up as a little kid. That doesn't mean you're not a boy or a girl means you're playing a game. So be careful. But yet what I see is these families who have changed the decor of their home and their kids bedroom bought new clothes, bought toys and it's like that kid didn't have a job, mom and dad did that and they cater to something that's a lie. And now we got even a bigger problem we had before to be really careful to guide and lead them even though it sounds and feels unloving. We need to talk to each of our sons and daughters and how you are fearfully wonderfully made and how you live that out. It's gonna be different than maybe someone else because we're constantly comparison comparing. We begin this stage talking about sexual reproduction as well, how late out there, there's actually a box set and I'll have a link on my blog and my blog got messed up. So to redo it, but there's a box set of what we have, the books we had on our shelf, age appropriate kind of little picture book. It's a great set where the kids who just pulled off the shelf, start talking about it. Really, really good. And sometimes we would go find the book and pull up, pull off the shelf and talk to our kids. Remember the first time Alex came up asked a question, we pulled the book out actually, kelly said Corey Help and we pulled the book out, read it and he's like, okay, off the plane, like, but then the next time he asked the same question and he's like, oh like it's like it finally landed, you're, you're wanting to be ahead of that curve, not behind that curve where he said maybe asking questions where you shouldn't or google or Alexa or somewhere else. Um and the important thing about this stage is personality of sevens don't have age seven who they are and here's the even creepier thing. What is going to change that personality after the age of seven? Drama, trauma careful what you pray for and actually sometimes that is what we need to pray for. We need to pray for our son or daughter. Be broken to get it. I'd rather than break here to come to christ than to live a life apart from you. So it's like we should be careful what you pray for but be intentional by, by seven years old. Some parents are still trying to find sleep like it's an elusive thing and they're trying to, it's just survival, which is why we need one another. We need our churches, we need family relationships. We're not supposed to do this alone now the same stage. What about others? We need to be planting the seeds at this stage. What this whole boyfriend girlfriend thing is. What are your rules? What is your parameters for this when our kids were that young? Our conversation was you could start dating when you're a junior or senior in college at that age, they're like whatever. They don't know what that even means. And then our oldest gets 12, 13. He starts liking girls. And it's like okay, passport purity. What did that actually at nine did that with him. And we have these conversations and then he starts being interested in girls. And so how do you handle that? Well he knows it's not a rule but you can't it's careful expecting you have to and then when you do start actually being serious with someone and we're all going to differ on what that age should be. What's next? What are the boundaries? Can you only do? Only spend time at someone's house. You know? Can you go out by yourself when they turn 16 and they can drive what is it? You're planting these seeds? Not at 10, 11, 12, 13, 14 you're doing it and then single digits. So that when you get here you're having less of a battle because we are having for many of us our adolescent years or a battle of the will or because I'm the parent card between careful of. So at this point you need to be planting the seeds of what is our family's expectations of boyfriend girlfriend. That's a note that here the boundaries or this seems to be done. Um I if you have a daughter already ready to have my a r. table and tell the young man. Alright put it back together and see how that goes over. She's 11. So not there yet. Another one that we actually need to talk about the masturbation piece but from the others. What about other people? It's not just a personal thing and we need to externalize this that when you do this yourself, how did this impact? Because I kind of mentioned earlier other people in relationships and so this comes up here on the others because it's a boundary to need to see that my choice actually impacts how I relate to other people. I say I want to get closer to him or her. What I'm doing is actually making me go further and further away my heart. So when I'm aware that I'm more in control if you will trauma and abuse. Another really, really important area we talked about in the beginning an earlier age that we actually prepped in terms of vocabulary. It's for this every time my kids stayed with a babysitter when they left and I would tell my these were students in Georgia, they were students of mine. And so they knew that because I would say this in class that when they left I would ask my sons and daughter about anyone touch you didn't change your diaper? Did anyone at these earlier ages. I wasn't looking for them to tell me the truth. I knew that was far fetched. I was looking for them to change the way they were answering me because then I know something happened one day I came home. We came home and our lovely amazing babysitter was like freaked out. He's like your son, I deleted it already, but your son took my phone and took a picture of his penis. What in the world. So sometimes your kids would just be nuts but intended on that work. Anyway, she deleted the pictures supposedly. Um, that's gonna happen. You wanna prep even like my babysitters, our college students, they knew that I was gonna do that. It wasn't something covert, kind of like the teddy bear cam. It wasn't that they know and we have cameras around our house mainly aimed at screens so I can pull my phone out and check and see what's on the screen in our house. And that's what we've given us freedom to. We're here without our kids, which is kind of nice pornography is another one that also applies. What about others And these stages were preparing for what we also don't want to ever have to happen. I'd love for you never look at pornography. I'd love for you never have trauma. I would love for you to never be abused. But the reality is that many will we want to prepare them to not freeze. Fight flight is great. We don't want freeze. So we want to be able to prepare them by teaching some of these skills, which is really important When it comes to pornography. We Wanna teach about where, where this stuff is coming from and the human trafficking and things like that. Oh, they're too young. No, they're not when at this age they start connecting the little boys and little girls just like me gets Dolan off the I-5 corridor right here from parking lots along this. They start seeing the world a little different. You're not there to scare them and you be careful. Every kid's got a different sensitivity level. But helping them see that this is a world that we need to be smart to be wise to do things in twos to be in groups to be careful with that. How do I be a friend? What does that look like? This is again that stage where they're learning and they're, they're relating who first to mom and dad, who else siblings. And then it goes, it gets the circle gets bigger and bigger. We moved here to Oregon from Georgia. We realized like our kids, their whole world was that one little house in Georgia that we lived in. It's kind of neat and weird to think about their whole world was that house church, but they were so little. There's not much else that they did and to see that they not only drove across country, which we've done tons of times since, but their world was expanding and that's what we want. We want the world to expand. We want more control over it probably than um, than not. But another really important part of this section is they are under authority. This is so critical that these young men and young women actually really call them boys and girls that are rioting and throwing chairs through windows in Portland and Seattle places. They need spankings first of all, but they need parenting. What's missing is no, we don't do that basic stuff that shows where we have failed culturally where we can go, hey, we can really do a really good job of this. Um that they are under authority. All authority, how they treat a police officer, any anyone, their teachers, even a teacher, They disagree with how they treat authority And then it starts at home mom and dad that's a biblical mandate. This um stage is marked by experimentation and pushing of boundaries yet. We haven't even gotten down to lessons yet. So think about that. Those that have raised kids know very much what I'm talking about. Many of us, my mom and dad, we wouldn't even have these talks until after these ages. This is this ain't Kansas no more. It is time to really be intentional and prepare and protect, prepare them for what they're gonna face sometimes right around the corner. I've talked to young women who in their own parents house. Um, around the corner from mom and dad as in feet around the corner they were assaulted by your neighbor friend. This isn't they went to some far off place or was it some scary dark dark alley. It was right there in front of, around the corner from someone who thought they were, you can't be all eyes all there all the time protecting them. So at a young age we want to prepare them to be to make decisions, to make judgment calls even though in the end we would say, oh they're not ready. I agree yet. It's kind of funny to watch how they actually do step up and they do, which is really cool. Now we get into age 11-17. So now this is when we actually might start maybe thinking of considering having the talk uh and your kid goes so long and what do you want? What do you want to know? They're ready to tell us about sexting. We haven't heard of that before. Or mom, have you seen Tiktok and they're completely addicted to all sorts of crazy stuff and we're clueless if we haven't been monitoring those things and trying to stay on top of what our kids are facing. When I wrote this book to I I put micro conversations through the whole thing. I love that phrase and then I realized later a lot of them are conversations, There are many lectures so careful to not expect a dialogue. A lot of parents I talked to. This is why I kind of came to my mind was they they say well I try to engage and they would engage. Don't let that stop you. You telling them the truth or teaching them something. And they have zero response doesn't mean it didn't land. So plant the seeds, plant the seeds, have those little mini lecture conversations. If they talk, that's a bonus. Most of our kids when something goes wrong, they're probably not going to talk to us if yours is a kid that came to you and expressed someone touched me or someone did this, your anomaly. That's not normal that the kid goes and tells mom or dad. So be thankful for that. We need to prepare them to go talk to someone. Um, they might find they have a better relationship with their youth pastor or their small group leader in the youth group or their coach and you want to be able to curate and know who those people are when our, one of our sons at one point fessed up to having seen pornography. Um, he did it in a small group of church and what does most of his small group leader do, he said, so are you gonna tell them or am I? And it went up to change their, the youth pastor and the youth pastor to us. And he already told us. Um, but it was awesome. We're like, thank you those, thank you, thank you for loving our son enough to not just go, okay, this is private. Now we're gonna keep it, which is what I'm hearing from so many groups. Youth groups Now this age right here 11-17, this is the age you want to hang on for dear life. It shouldn't be. This is a young adult in a sense. But then five minutes later they're crying too. So it's kind of this maybe it's just bipolar, I don't know, were all diagnosed bipolar in this stage. Um, there's a really good book that talks about this stage of being the age of opportunity trip, maybe not such a great concept. This should be the time when you're building a relationship with them and helping them expand their tools and their experiences and their their set of skills and what they can do. This is a time of identity, but it's not just the sexual part. Who am I? How do I dress? How do I present myself? How tough am I? How sweet am I? How strong am I? How you name it? These are different struggles that our our teens are struggling with and trying to figure out that they are fearfully and wonderfully made to understand the bible and what it says and then how that applies to God did not make a mistake and put you in the wrong body at all. So what you gonna do with that very different message than what he's what he or she has been given elsewhere. That as a body, your body is a temple, as a believer. Every sin you commit is outside your body. You know what I just said? You're not a mistake. You're not trapped in their own body, but you have a personality. This is how God made you. What are you gonna do with that? And I feel like especially the last two years, there's so many young people who have no clue. I didn't take the next step because stuff has been stolen from them, ripped from them, taken from them more. I believe the pandemic is starting now. It's mental health, shake some bias there, look at the data, it's terrifying suicide. The amount of a s that never should have shut down because it was a choice between I'm going to die of Covid, I'm gonna die of my addiction and they died of their addiction. Like this is what's happened. We know that. How are we gonna fix that? It starts a lot with our home, but also then prepping our kids to maybe sometimes be the person someone else leans on, especially in this stage of life, which is really difficult. And we're continuing to develop that understanding of sexual reproduction. What does it mean when we talk about sex, it's all fun and games in a lot of the way it's sold and talked about every bit of it. It's all fun. It's like, no, sex is meant to make a baby every time by the way, every time we have intercourse. Now, thank goodness. It doesn't. We have a lot of babies, but the design is so then it blows my mind how many people are scratching their heads. I don't know how he got pregnant. So we need to be able to talk about this the way that the number one thing that comes out of this is a baby design but other benefits is it's supposed to be a fun time, supposed to be a good thing. It's supposed to be a beautiful thing and it has boundaries. It has a context. There's a place for this outside of that. It's actually I brace my heart to think of how many wonder how many kids they have or wonder what is happening. What scares me even more guys and girls, this is not an equal opportunity employer here. What is the most feared STD? Mhm. Hey, this is the first one that comes up is number nine on the list for eight other ones that are worse. Which is like that one cause it's hip and popular. Just kidding babies. Number one is babies. We treat them like they're just some accident. Oops, I have a script, scratch your itch. What's scary is some of those top ones media and things like that have zero symptoms. And when you finally find out when you're trying to have kids when you're married. If you have it more than once and again, this is women, your potential, your potential for being able to have a baby goes into like the 20% and a radical hysterectomy is next. This is not fair. So then I would say, guys, this is on men to step up and be the man and actually never, ever, ever, ever put a woman in that kind of position. Mhm. It's on them. And biblically, that's actually exactly the design of marriage. But the ownership of this is on the men. What actually is the reality? The man pushes and pushes and pushes and who's having to constantly say no and say no and say no. It's horrifying. So how we teach this, what kind of man are you gonna be is really, really critical? How do you refrain from sexual immorality? Does that look like temptation? Hey, that's normal desire. Yeah, that's, that's there no matter what age you are. How do you manage social media? There's a really easy way to manage social media by the way. It's called not having it. Um I used to get Corbin, I would always create a facebook group with our freshmen coming in. It's been actually really cool. The amount of freshmen coming in don't have facebook mainly to mom and dad around there. But um, it's changing. But what's scary is they're moving to probably worse places with Snapchat and Tiktok basically some of the most popular and what's happening. We're losing our kids. Actually, some of you are lost to your relationship with your phone is a little more intimate than your spouse. So just saying, we need to be careful and we're not always the best example of that. So managing social media what you do or don't do what you do and don't post some of you need to stop commenting on other people's stuff because you're just starting a fire and stop it and go play with the kids or something, go do something different. But we have become the example and we need to talk through this with them because at some point you're gonna have to probably let them have something. When is that? Well, here's what I'm seeing. I'm seeing a lot of homeschool families who is boundary boundary boundary there, 18. Alright, leave the house and now it's everything is available. I don't have mom and dad now so I can get a phone. Never had a phone before. Now I can get social media I never had before. Now I get and they're going crash in the brain because everything is fair game. We need to be careful how we navigate this to help them make decisions within our purview. So then we then take away those, they're actually making wise decisions. So how you manage that's really difficult. Who are their idols and who influences them. Really, really important. A lot of it, whether it's a movie star or whether it's a Tiktok performer or a youtuber. Um These these people are important. What do they represent? What are they teaching dating courting further defined boundaries at this point. What does that look like? The session I did before. We talked through kind of a design about? And again we have pornography. This doesn't change. This is something to steward and to understand the effects. And this stage is marked by experimentation and identity Erickson stages of development from psychobabble stuff. This is the stage of identity formation. What it is neat to see that way back when was still identified as that and we're still kind of in the same space although We create adolescence and that goes to what 17, 18, 19 maybe? Or does it go to 30? Like that's even changed where you think of a few generations ago, how many were married at 14 and running the household? And it was normal, It wasn't like an overburdened thing. So we've changed a lot and need to adapt to those changes. And there's some expectations to you probably can expect more out of your 12-13 year old than you realize chores that kind of stuff starts at home. How are you treating others? This is again how how did they live this out? What does the bible say not mom and dad and social media. So getting them back to the bible. What that what it says, deepening their identity? Are you kind respectable, respectful? What is your work ethic is being played out? How do you love and talk to have relationships with men and women who are L. G. B. T. Q. I. Plus something we never even conceived of when we were kids. How do you love? How do you? And love is not endorsed. Love has not become a ally. Love is not um, put a flag in front of your house, Love is not all these things that have become love is saying, I love you so much, I'm calling you to a higher basically level, but here's what scripture says and your life will be way better here, which is really important to be aware of decisions that cannot be unmade, supposedly our prefrontal cortex isn't developed till What age? 25. How many knuckleheaded stuff have we done in high school and college? It's like, that's scary where you go to school matters the kind of parties you do or don't go to matter the kind of relationships you make matter and there are some decisions you can make that you can't unmake and so being able to really intentional curating your life, being careful that and you're helping them do that maintain integrity of your convictions and what God is saying, we need to know God's word. This is really, really critical now today from this, I spent less time on scripture. I did more of that earlier in the two sessions today because today was more of these topics. What do we say, what we talk about? Um this is what we're seeing more of, this is the norm. My wife and I were at a restaurant not too long ago and we looked over and there was six or eight college students and they had a stack of iphones on the end of the table. It's awesome. There was one girl who was orchestrating this. So it shows you can, you can influence your friends when they went to the bathroom, she passed out all the phones because one of them makes a noise and they all look at them and they check their phones and they won. The last person came back from the bathroom that she's given back piled up on the end. Like we need friends like that, that's a leader of and they're leading in the right direction that too many of us are not present. And they've even shown research that your phone, if it's just sitting out in front of you, you're showing you're not present, it's more important than you are put it away. You know, you could also do what my wife doesn't just lose it all the time. But what do we do with this? So we can kind of give you three words and then kind of some list to kind of finish this here. Um put this together a couple years ago thinking about these the, I guess plan that I would want for you for your kids. The first is a vision. If we don't we don't have where we wanna go, it's kind of hard to make decisions today. We just kind of weakened kind of just going halfway and I want to focus in on a vision for growth and maturity. So what are those things that need to be given to our sons and daughters to help them navigate? They will make their decisions. But I want to plant these, It's a biblical picture of masculinity and femininity. What are their spousal standards, sexual boundaries And you know, this is one narrow path, there's lots of other ones. So I'm not talking about how you're gonna manage money or all that other stuff. This is really critical as the area. I spend most of my time in. What does it look like to be a man to be a woman, to be a husband, to be a wife. What do you expect? What are your absolutes? We would not do. And then where do we get this from? And this is where you and I come in as moms and dads, we develop a code at home. What does that? Family code in our home come look like? We need to have rites of passage, significant tasks, logical consequences into trace deposits are home needs to be a place where we actually helped celebrate the milestones that our kids are going through. We're one of the few countries that doesn't have some really serious you are now no longer a boy, you're a man, you're now no longer a girl, you're a woman. I remember being in seminary walking down the hall of the girls dorm. I was an electrician there and you're supposed to yell what man in the hall. And I was like boy on the whole, I didn't even say the word man because I was like, oh, I don't know. There needs to be logical consequences. Some of you are too soft, toughen up. There needs to be some natural consequences. Call the cops maybe, but maybe preferably you handle some things first now just let things happen. There needs to be things that they do. There needs to be actually Grace. Our pastor mentioned recently how we've done a really good job of moving more towards grace. We've also gotten away from obedience and years and years and years ago when he started, it was all about obedience and not a lot of grace pendulum and be careful with that. I don't know why I put this in here, but I thought it was really cool. Your son hates us. We won't let him play football, but we like his brain. So he decided to karate now and he's gonna say, so play in college. We'll see. And then the 3rd 1, cause what does this look like finding a cause to fight for, how are you going to impact or going or we're going to impact others for the better. It's really cool to look at a young person who knows they want to be a doctor, I wanna be this or want to be that. That's such a cool, it's so also cool to see how many don't become that. Um because God has a different plan. My goal was to be a missionary and go back to south America and work in the music and you have to have talent. So I didn't know that. I tried to go that direction. Um and I had passion and I see how God used that to turn corners and take me to the next step. The next step. You need to help your child find that. And it may not be you who's doing a lot of that navigating maybe actually other people you're curating, you're bringing into the fold if you will and you want to be the one that helps do that. Not kind of just whatever happens or whatever group they end up at. Um this also goes for us, Why are you doing what you're doing? Some of you have jobs, you hate some of you have jobs you hate but you love the job because it provides the money to do this stuff you love and you have a good balance there. Some of you just hate your job and your life and everything else. That's a problem. Like you created it. I see couples, it's like we hate each other. It's like great, you created this marriage blame who you, hey, how are we gonna fix this? We need to change our tactics and learn that. I can choose to love you or I can choose not to. That scares me. It scares me, I have that free will I choose to love you or I choose not to. This passage really hit me years ago and just keep coming back to the what is our call and then we're going to raise our sons hours to do teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect self control. Likewise teach the older women reverend in the way they live and then they can train the young women to love their husbands and Children and to be self controlled and pure, similarly encourage young men to be self controlled, live self controlled, upright and Godly lives in this present age. I think I sense a theme in that and I need to actually be in control of myself, not others do and I just react or I just am own have take responsibility become the young man, young woman that you choose to be and that's again when you get that vision and you have reasons to actually gets a lot easier to make decisions and to become the man or woman that God calls you to do and I just threw that in there because it's a cool picture now I did this session earlier but this is a created this seminar less sex dating and marriage and it goes through these four areas and it's for this purpose, it's about seven hours long, but it's looking at dating and then looking at questions to ask and things we talked about earlier. But then a picture of, so let me paint a picture of what marriage could be like and when I get that locked in, I actually look at my decisions today and realized I'm settling for playing with play doh versus actually having something amazing. I actually wait. I need to have a reason to and a lot of times we do is try to scare kids with pictures of stds in health class or you might get pregnant. But when you know everything and you're immune to any consequences. Adolescence then doesn't land. But when you develop a vision for yourself, it's funny how my decisions today, I own them And I'm actually a little more protective of that. And this last one, the number one area that we can predict the future marriages outcome, which is scary, John Gottman says with a 94% accuracy is how you handle conflict and they're learning it from us first by the way. So we're the first examples of that and so helping teach them how to engage in debate, engage in conflicts and disagree, but also be respectful and B is a critical skill to help them grow up into the mainland and that they, we want them to be. So the statement again that I'll keep saying either I do or someone else does just actually scary to think about or the weights on us are you gonna make mistakes? We all are actually. We get that out of the way. We can realize that I can choose to make the mistakes and give my kids probably the best gift I can give them. Say I'm sorry and ask ask for forgiveness and be teachable. We don't want to be some parent that seems to have it all together and the kid looks at and goes well, I can't be like them to forget everything. Them and their god, they show fallibility were much more real for them to actually listen to and watch because they are watching 12, that's my son blaze. Thank you very much. Thanks for having. Thank you for tuning in to the HealingLives with Corey Gilbert podcast. It has been an honor to serve if you're struggling have questions or in need. Dr Gilbert offers a free consultation for new clients. Check us out at healing lives dot com to book a call. If this has been helpful to you, please share it, leave a review and help us get the word out so that we can see lives changed marriage is transformed and more people come into our life changing relationship with Jesus christ. The HealingLives Center offers online courses, programs, books intensive and other services to help you live biblically and well discover more resources on Youtube. And then Dr Gilbert's healing marriage facebook group, the Healing Marriage.
Down Time with Cranston Public Library
This week Tayla is joined by Becky and Kelly from TechACCESS RI to talk about the work they do to provide Rhode Islanders with assistive technology. Becky also tells us about the services of the RI Materials Access Center, which is housed within TechACCESS. They also discuss audio vs print books, reading non-fiction, and The Try Guys. During The Last Chapter they discuss: What genre do you rarely read but wish you read more of? Like what you hear? Rate and review Down Time on Apple Podcasts or your podcast player of choice! If you'd like to submit a topic for The Last Chapter you can send your topic suggestions to firstname.lastname@example.org. Our theme music is Day Trips by Ketsa and our ad music is Happy Ukulele by Scott Holmes. Thanks for listening! Books Butcher and the Wren by Alaina Urquhart Dare by Barry McDonagh The Love Prescription by John Gottman & Julie Schwartz Gottman Deaf Utopia: a memoir-and a love letter to a way of life by Nyle DiMarco Invisible storm : a soldier's memoir of politics and PTSD by Jason Kander AV Morbid (podcast) Blackbird (2022) Manifest (2018- ) Longmire (2012-2017) The Try Guys (YouTube) Other TechACCESS of Rhode Island RI Materials Access Center
What are your goals for the New Year? What word encapsulates what you want to accomplish in 2023? Answering those questions, be they at the start of the year, midway through a project, or at the conclusion of an event, requires an effective self-reflection process. Ideally, said process happens both individually and in relationship, be that with a partner, a friend or family member, or larger community. Julia and Jeremiah describe three practices that can provide a structure for having these conversations. 1) Month and Review. 2) Intentional Grief Practices 3) A Process-Centered Evaluation We use these processes to talk about our worst and best moments of 2023, knowing, as John Gottman reminds us, that for every negative interaction, it's important to name five positive interactions. We also reveal our own individual and relational goals for 2023!
On the Brighter Side ~ Marriage for Entrepreneurs
This episode is based on an article published in Bestlife which featured a quote by me. I loved the article and thought it would be a great tool to use to prioritize our marriage this year. I go over the 7 things divorced people wish they had done differently when they were married as compiled by journalist, Lauren Jarvis-Gibson. If you are interested in participating in a Gottman 7 Principles of Making Marriage Work Workshop lead by me, please reach out via email or social media and let me know, so I can schedule a workshop in your area. Husbands who are ready for more attention, affection and appreciation from their wife, sign up for my 5 Day Become the Hero Husband Challenge. Register HERE: https://secretsofhappilyeverafter.com/husband-challenge
Unlike IQ, EQ (emotional quotient) matures mainly through nurture - how our caregivers respond to us and role model their own emotional growth. This week on family360 we're digging into the profound work of Dr. John Gottman and 4 common parenting styles he noticed manifesting when children become emotionally dysregulated. He says there is no such thing as unacceptable emotion, but there are unacceptable behaviors. So, how does a parent hold boundaries while still accepting all emotions, and nurture their child's emotional growth? Join us and find out!
It is easy to get bogged down in your own unhappiness and try to direct it onto someone else in your life, particularly a partner. Rob and Kim discuss John Gottman's research on marriage, regarding this behavior and how it tends to create tension and ultimately can take the form of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse - Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling. We need to be aware of these pitfalls and work on overcoming them within ourselves. After all, we cannot change anybody else but all of us have control over ourselves. Instead of expending energy on tinkering with fixing our spouse, think about developing self-awareness and making improvements from within that can ultimately benefit both yourself and any close connections we have with others. Find the two books referenced on our amazon favorites: https://www.amazon.com/shop/kimmurgatroyd/list/15BV6PXO9R363?ref_=aip_sf_list_spv_ofs_mixed_d John M Gottman - The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work James Sexton - If You're in My Office, It's Already Too Late Get Additional Private Podcast Content Here: www.patreon.com/fridate Get the Vision Board Course for Couples Here: https://fridateacademy.thinkific.com/courses/Ultimate-Vision-Board-Couples Apply to Be a Part of the Platinum Event Here: https://nextchaptershow.com/mastermind/ Work One-on-One with Rob Here: https://nextchaptershow.com/coaching/ Connect with Rob on Instagram: @robmurgatroyd Connect with Kim on Instagram: @kimmurgatroyd Listen to the Next Chapter Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/next-chapter/id1657736966
A podcast where we share sixty seconds of inspiration to help you create a kinder, gentler world faster than the speed of heartbreak. We believe that kindness needs to be the number one cherished idea in the world today. So, we created a show that adds one sweet droplet of goodness into the ocean of your life - every day. Yesterday by John Hobart - Music Design by Jason Inc. https://brucewaynemclellan.com/
"The above podcast is one of the most judgemental, unprofessional, know-it all, name calling, black and white, difinitive diatribe I have ever heard. And that was just in the intro..." Mason and Sarah discuss the very public and very ignorant judgment from his Aunt; the quote above is from her Facebook post which she has since attempted to scrub from the Internet. We would also like to take this opportunity to thank her for our second best week ever for listens and downloads. “7 principles for making marriage work” by John Gottman https://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0553447718/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3LYHFCJGD8OR1&keywords=7+principles+for+making+marriage+work+gottman&qid=1669392600&sprefix=7+princ%2Caps%2C390&sr=8-1 Book of Mormon, 2 Nephi 9:28-29 https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/bofm/2-ne/9?lang=eng
In this episode of The Cured Collective Podcast, we sit down with Mark Groves to discuss an array of helpful practices. Mark is a Human Connection Specialist, cofounder of the “Do You Mine'd” App, host of the Mark Groves Podcast, and prolific speaker, writer, and creator. After a few different career moves, Mark found his passion for uncovering why people do what they do and the psychology of connection and behavior. You know, what makes us tick! This episode was first recorded during the CURED Elevation Challenge when Mark sat down with the community to share his thoughts regarding conscious styles of communicating and cultivating relationships; however the material covered can be applied to every aspect of our lives. Many of us have asked ourselves, “What does it actually take to build the life of our dreams?” Although every attempt to answer this question will certainly be nuanced and layered, Mark's insights on meaningful connection, manifestation, and aligned action provide a roadmap. Tune in for more! “If you don't believe something is possible, you will never create it because you would rather be right than risky.” – Mark Groves Key Highlights What it means to cultivate a conscious relationship; Why we don't need to be completely healed before entering into a meaningful relationship; Why our relationship with Self predicts our relationships with significant others; How to identify repetitive patterns in relationships and learn to transcend them through self-reflection and consistent action; How we're getting it wrong with “manifestation”, and what it actually means to create the life of our dreams; Why we must first commit ourselves to our own evolution, before seeking to change or “fix” others; How to take the ultimate leap of faith in life and learn to trust your unique path, even when you can't see where it leads. Related Links Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman and Nan Silver Episode Resources Opt-in to become a CURED Industry Insider and get a round-up of our favorite resources and exclusive deals. Text ‘INSIDER' to 1 (833) 830-0021; Download the FREE Productivity Guide; Learn more about any of Cured's all-natural products at our website and save 15% with checkout code "COLLECTIVE"; For any questions regarding Cured Nutrition products or our movement please email us directly at email@example.com. Connect with Mark! Instagram: @itsmarkgroves Connect with us! Instagram: @josephsheehey | @curednutrition
Holiday homecomings kindle hopes of achieving a domestic ideal, though family gatherings are also likely to evoke old roles and emotions. Families open a portal into the patterns of the past, and unfinished business can cause repetition of disappointing dynamics, as if one more replay will yield a different outcome. John Gottman, renowned interactive researcher, states that authentic relationships have more positive than negative interactions, creating an emotional bank account to draw on when difficulties arise. If relational deposits are low, it may be time to face the disappointing reality of what should have been and may never be. It's time to start something new. We can engage the task of making a home within instead of seeking it from others. When we are at home with ourselves, we are free to enjoy relationships for what they have to offer. Dream It's nighttime, and I'm at the airport with my mom, in line for security. I have my cat with me, and, as I'm about to go through security with him, I suddenly realize we are outside on the tarmac. I'm worried about pulling him out of his carrier, because I know that if he escapes my arms, I'll never find him out there. I can't bear to lose him; the thought fills me with dread and I start to panic. Upon seeing this, the TSA worker lets me keep him in his carrier. I get through and get on my flight. Upon landing, I find myself in Berlin. I make my way to the hotel, where I meet up with several friends. We are all tired from travelling, and it's snowy out, so we decide to stay at the hotel and rest before exploring the city. We head to the pool, where the bar is very crowded with old people. One of my friends decides to go swimming, even though it's very cold out. She plunges in, and a hotel employee scolds her, telling her it's too cold and she must get out. She doesn't listen. More of my friends have arrived and are now also jumping into the pool. I stand at the edge, looking down at the water, unsure if I want to go in. Suddenly, an impulse takes over, and I need to feel the cold water on my body. I realize at this moment that I have a migraine, and I know the shock of the cold will heal it. I jump in and am surprised by how deep the pool is. I'm underwater a lot longer than I thought I'd be. When I resurface, I suddenly remember that my cat and my ex's cat are in my hotel room, and I'm struck with a need to go check on them. I couldn't bear to lose them and need to make sure they're okay. Back in my hotel room, I find the cats are safe, and I also discover that my ex is in the room, like he's been waiting up there for me. I get into the bed, which is large and has a fluffy white comforter, and he joins. I am suddenly nervous, as I realize we haven't shared a bed in months, and I'm not sure what to do. But we quickly fall into place and he's holding me tight. It feels secure and warm, and we fall asleep like that. When I awake, we are back in our hometown together. References John Gottman. The Relationship Cure. https://www.amazon.com/Relationship-Cure-Strengthening-Marriage-Friendships/dp/0609809539/ref=sr_1_4?crid=3B9QK7YXZAYCQ&keywords=john+gottman+books&qid=1671548377&sprefix=John+Gottman%2Caps%2C98&sr=8-4&asin=0609809539&revisionId=&format=4&depth=1
Julie Gottman, Ph.D. & John Gottman, Ph.D.: “Touch is as essential to our well-being as food, water, and exercise.” The Gottmans, renowned psychologists, co-founders of the Gottman Institute, and the world's leading experts in the study of relationships, join mbg co-CEO, Jason Wachob, to discuss little things you can do to secure a long-term relationship, plus: - New challenges many couples face (~01:08) - The power of touch for overall well-being (~03:18) - Little things to do on a daily basis to connect with your partner (~06:38) - Why compliments are crucial for successful relationships (~12:09) - How family trauma impacts your ability to find love (~18:58) - The most common mistakes people make in relationships (~24:11) - Essential ingredients for long-lasting relationships (~27:22) - The importance of weekly date nights (~29:22) - How to have meaningful conversations with your partner (~31:17) - How to have a discussion about your sex life (~35:28) - What role sex actually plays in a relationship (~38:09) - Why some people have affairs (~43:41) - What you can do today to ensure everlasting love (~46:34) Referenced in the episode: - The Gottmans' book, The Love Prescription. - Check out the Gottman Institute. - mbg Podcast episode #320, with the Gottmans. - Harry Harlow monkey study. - The Gottmans' study on newlyweds and bids for connection. - Check out Robert Levinson's research. - A study showing couples underestimate positive experiences 50% of the time. - Check out the Gottmans' Open-Ended Card Decks. - The Normal Bar. - Not "Just Friends". Take 20% off our holiday collection with code HOLIDAY20. Cannot combine with gift cards or other discount codes. Apply code at checkout. We hope you enjoy this episode, and feel free to watch the full video on YouTube! Whether it's an article or podcast, we want to know what we can do to help here at mindbodygreen. Let us know at: firstname.lastname@example.org.
Couples Healing From Pornography Addiction
Announcement! I created a free, private Facebook group for men who want to find freedom from pornography and have a strong marriage. Each week, I host a live training on topics like how to effectively overcome temptations and triggers, relapse prevention, finding relief from guilt and shame, reclaiming your self worth, rebuilding trust and connection in your marriage, and how to avoid fights and relationship problems (without needing 12-step, filters on your electronics, therapy for years, and willpower). You can join the free Facebook group here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/toolstoquit In this episode, renowned researcher and author, John Gottman, revealed the number one indicator that determines whether a couple is healthy or not. We'll be exploring how couples can use this factor to build a strong foundation for their relationship and learn how to keep their connection thriving. Tune in to find out what this key factor is and how you can use it to strengthen your relationship. For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – email@example.com Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.
Broken Brain with Dhru Purohit
This episode is brought to you by BiOptimizers, InsideTracker, and Big Bold Health.Today on The Dhru Purohit Podcast, Dhru sits down with the cofounders of the Gottman Institute, Drs. John and Julie Gottman, to discuss the “Gottman Method.” Their award-winning evidence-based approach sets out to disarm conflict and increase intimacy, respect, and empathy for happy, lasting relationships. Dr. John Gottman is a professor emeritus of psychology at the University of Washington, where he founded the Love Lab. Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman is a highly respected clinical psychologist and cofounder of Affective Software, Inc.In this episode, we dive into: - The four horsemen of a relationship apocalypse (3:24)- The foundational things that healthy, successful relationships have (12:22)- How our past plays a role in how we relate to our partner (15:46)- The importance of turning toward your partner instead of away from them (20:22)- The impact of Covid-19 on relationships (35:47)- Practical tips for entering into a love prescription with your partner (41:34)- How to address conflict in a relationship when things aren't going well (54:29)- The 5-to-1 positive-to-negative rule (1:09:18)- How to find a partner you can build a life with (1:11:09)- Drs. John and Julie Gottman's favorite questions to ask your partner (1:30:04) Also mentioned in this episode:-The Love Prescription: Seven Days to More Intimacy, Connection, and Joy-Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love-52 Questions Before Marriage or Moving In Card Deck-Gottman Card Decks - Free appFor more on Drs. John and Julie Gottman, visit their website, gottman.com.Magnesium Breakthrough really stands out from the other magnesium supplements out there. BiOptimizers is offering my community 10% off, so just head over to https://www.magbreakthrough.com/dhru with code DHRU10.InsideTracker provides detailed nutrition and lifestyle guidance based on your individual needs. Right now, they're offering my podcast community 20% off. Just go to https://www.insidetracker.com/DHRU to get your discount and try it out for yourself.Right now, Big Bold Health is offering my listeners $20 off all of their products. Just go to bigboldhealth.com/product/dhru-purohit/ to get all of their products for $20 off with code DHRU20. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
It's a special time of year - a combo of being thrown out of your routine, more time with in-laws and family, money stresses and gift expectations. Yay for Christmas! One survey found that the average couple has four fights a day in December. In this episode, we share tips from Relationship Expert, John Gottman on how to not only survive, but thrive in the festive season with your partner. LINKS Read more from John Gottman here A survey on couples and conflict here Follow @thespace_podcast on Instagram Watch @thespace_podcast on TikTok Follow @novapodcastsofficial on Instagram CREDITS Host: Casey Donovan @caseydonovan88 Writer: Amy Molloy @amymolloy Executive Producer: Anna HenvestEditor: Adrian Walton Listen to more great podcasts at novapodcasts.com.au See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
The Balance and Motherhood Podcast
Dr. John Gottman with The Gottman Institute talks about how emotional intelligence creates loving and supportive parenting. Episode 153: Emotional Intelligence Creates Loving and Supportive Parenting by Dr. John Gottman of The Gottman Institute The Gottman Institute understands that the human family is in crisis, and that all individuals are capable of and deserve compassion. It is their mission to reach out to families in order to help create and maintain greater love and health in relationships. They are committed to an ongoing program of research that increases the understanding of relationships and adds to the development of interventions that have been carefully evaluated. It is their goal to make their services accessible to the broadest reach of people across race, religion, class, culture, sexual orientation, and ethnicity. Want to improve your marriage in 60 seconds or less? Over 40 years of research with thousands of couples has proven a simple fact: small things often can create big changes over time. Got a minute? Sign up for The Gottman Institute's Marriage Minute at http://OLDPodcast.com/marriage The original post is located here: https://www.gottman.com/blog/emotional-intelligence-creates-loving-supportive-parenting/ Visit Me Online at OLDPodcast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Fights in a relationship are inevitable, and learning what to do and not do during these moments can make or break the relationship. Tune into today's episode to learn 4 things to stop doing during conflict and what to do instead to create healthy discussion. --------- Free Resources: IG: gottmaninstitute The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman, PhD Episode 32: How to Have Difficult Conversations ---------- Stay Connected Instagram: @jess_demarchis_coaching Website: www.jessicademarchis.com
One of the biggest lies ever sold to men: getting married means the fun is over, life is over… Men who believe that lie never grow up... They're consumers. They're easily manipulated and they don't care. They don't care about a lot of stuff… When you become a dad, and you have a family, and you're devoted to your family, everything changes including your consuming habits. - Sal Di Stefano Are You Stressed Out Lately? Take a deep breath with the M21™ wellness guide: a simple yet powerful 21 minute morning system that melts stress and gives you more energy through 6 science-backed practices and breathwork. Click HERE to download for free. Is Your Energy Low? Get more superfoods to improve your energy, digestion, gut health plus also reduce inflammation and blood sugar. Click HERE to try Paleovalley's Apple Cider Vinegar Complex + Save 15% with the code 'JOSH' *Review The WF Podcast & WIN $150 in wellness prizes! *Join The Facebook Group Wellness + Wisdom Episode 494 Creator of MAPS Fitness Programs, and Mind Pump Podcast host and co-founder, Sal Di Stefano, joins Josh Trent for the first time on Wellness + Wisdom Podcast to discuss his journey from fitness to podcasting, his growth from divorcing his first wife, and how it brought him closer with his children. Are you ready to discover how the idea of fatherhood has changed for Sal, and what lies our society is telling men about being a father and husband? Join Sal and Josh to find out what it means to become a man, why we don't truly know our children and why we should be more present with them, and how to grow through discomfort. Listen To Episode 494 As Sal Di Stefano Uncovers: [1:30] Following Family Values And Traditions Sal Di Stefano Mind Pump Media Mind Pump Podcast: Josh Trent Of Wellness Force On The Future Of Tech In Fitness & Beyond 437 Josh Trent | Death & Rebirth: Why I'm Saying Goodbye to Wellness Force… The things that happen to us vs the things that happen for us. Why Sal sees his journey as a blessing, even though it was difficult and painful. What it was like being raised in a traditional Italian family that immigrated to the USA and didn't have much money. The sense of responsibility: Being the oldest son and feeling like a father to his 3 siblings. Following the family tradition and getting married at the age of 22 to a girl with a similar background. [10:30] Marriage And Growing Apart How divorce can break you and why Sal didn't want to be a weekend dad. Ending a 15-year marriage and asking himself: What did I do wrong? Why did it not work out? Getting into a marriage because of his family values, and putting all his time into making money and working hard. What he believed a dad's job was and how different values led to a lot of fights. Avoidance in Sal's marriage: Burying conflicts and not understanding the importance of growing together. Our modern culture: Glorifying being a single man who's having fun VS your life being over when you get married and have children. What made Sal feel like he was missing out and feel resentful. [14:20] How Resentful Thoughts + Feelings Are Created One of the biggest lies that is sold to us according to Sal. Peter Pan Syndrome in men, how it's related to consumerism, and how men change as consumers when they become fathers. Objective VS subjective morality. Why men with children and are devoted to their spouses are happy, and why middle-aged female executives without children are the least happy. Facing mortality: What do people wish they had done more of in their lives? How Sal's challenges in life made him who he is now. [19:35] Searching For Novelty VS Becoming A Man Why novelty makes us feel alive and the connection with the limbic brain. Getting pleasure without the work and having access to what you want all the time: Why is it a problem? The current problems are not new problems, it's a new environment. Envy: One of the 7 deadly sins has been around for thousands of years but the circumstances are different now. Why Sal thinks a good woman turns you from a boy into a man. Differences between men and women: The biological clock, emotional attachment. Chris Rock: “A man would live in a cardboard box if that's all he needed to do.” Jordan Peterson The spiral of evolution: The right woman will make a man grow. Why older adults in long-term relationships have better sex. [23:30] Do We Really Know Our Children? Sal shares why not exercising actually hurts more than doing an exercise, and why eating whatever you want is not enjoyable. His life after divorce: Trying to be present for his children and have a good relationship with his ex-wife. How divorce finally brought Sal closer to his children, and how his view on day-to-day tasks completely changed. What makes him feel guilty about raising kids with his second wife. Josh shares his experience with taking care of his son and getting to know him. [27:12] Providing For The Family How to provide for your family: Creating a balance between what you produce with your wants. The ways Sal would provide for his family if his life was more unfavorable, and why the values he has matter. Why he tries to not be on his phone even when his son plays by himself. Child development: Why the first 7 years are pivotal for our children. [29:00] What It Means to Be Present How to drive more value from our behavior and the importance of presence. The difference between modern hunter-gatherers and us: Why are we always distracted? Why we need to practice presence and how to get better at it. Josh explains why the monkey brain is a construct of the default mode network and how our brain is impacted by trauma. Sal tells how he tried meditation for the first time and thought it wasn't for him. You have to practice to become better. Why he places himself in situations where it's hard to get distracted. [35:08] The Mind And Body Connection How Sal healed from Asthma in his adulthood. Breathwork.io The connection between muscles and our breath. Sal explains the types of asthma treatments and how they work. How our triggers and fear can trigger asthma attacks and contract the muscles. Why he only uses an inhaler once a year now, and why he believes our mind and body play an important role in healing. Joe Dispenza Bruce Lipton What it means, “the body is the subconscious mind.” Arnold Schwarzenegger [38:45] Growing Through Discomfort How Sal's insecurity motivated him to change, and why he liked the empowering aspect of fitness. Learning acceptance and the value of struggle through long-term fitness training, and why he started liking the journey more than the goal. Why he believes you can get better at anything if you practice enough and why you shouldn't be afraid to suck. What is the flinch response that's stopping us from doing things? [41:25] Sal's Life-Changing Health Pivot Why Sal likes growth more than he hates discomfort. He talks about the radical fitness approach that he had to change his body and how it led him to Crohn's disease. Why he hired wellness experts for his clients but never actually used them for himself until he got sick. The reason he avoided looking at himself in the mirror for a year and what happened when he finally did. Why it's important to not dwell on the parts that we don't have control over but acknowledge them. What it means that we are meaning making machines according to Josh. [45:32] Religion, Faith, And God Why is there a clash of faith VS our earthly senses and logic? What it's like being raised Catholic without spiritual practice. How our spirituality connects us to our mortality. Why Sal thought the religious idea of God only serves to control people. The good and the bad in people: How does it compare to religion? The Bible - Isaiah 45:7 What it means “I am everything and I am nothing at the same time.” Sal reveals why having a potential for good also indicates that you have a potential for bad. Why superheroes are not brave but regular mortal humans are. 405 Tim Corcoran | Vision Quest: How To Find Your Place In The Ecology of Life, Purpose Mountain & Spiritual Courage 457 Josh Trent: Solocast | Healing The Father Wound, 100+ Hours Fasting, Vision Questing + Being Alone With Mother Nature's Wisdom Josh's experience at Vision Quest: Stripping away distractions to awaken the subconscious. [53:28] Growth + How Vulnerability Helps Us Grow MPM: 1480 How To Find Peace & Meaning Amid Chaos With Bishop Robert Barron What Sal means when he says "without Hitler, there would be no Schindler." Helping someone because we have the choice: Would there be a potential for good without our consciousness? The ways in which having children, getting a divorce, and finding a new partner made Sal mature. How caring about something other than yourself makes you more vulnerable and grow as a person. 484 Stefan Chmelik | Vagus Nerve Toning: The Science + Spirit of Healing From Stress With Sensate The value of growing together: Learning from past mistakes and your partner, understanding your differences, and changing together. How having a podcast helps Sal process his thoughts and provides him with deep conversations. [58:42] From Fitness to Podcasting MPM Co-host: Adam Schafer MPM Co-host: Justin Andrews How Sal got to know his co-hosts better in 2 years than some of his best friends. MPM Producer: Doug Egge How he got to work with Adam and Justin, and created a fitness program and a podcast. Why he feels blessed but not lucky. Starting a podcast 8 years ago: The blessing of being at the right place at the right time. How being a personal trainer helped Josh become a great podcaster. What the most important factors of a good personal trainer are to Sal, and how your sales skills can make you a better trainer. Paleo Conference - Austin, Texas Josh talks about the first time he met Sal and how he felt about his podcast. Why approaching fitness lineary doesn't work long-term: Why we should ignore the relationship we have with food and exercise. Shawn Stevenson: The Model Health Show 384 Shawn Stevenson | Eat Smarter: Use the Power of Food to Reboot Your Metabolism, Upgrade Your Brain, and Transform Your Life Why simple things are not always easy. [01:10:30] Healing As A Family How Josh discovered his relationship with food wasn't healed when he became father. Why healing is like a spiral that contracts and expands. 333 Dr. Kelly Brogan | The Spiral Path: How To Own & Love Your Self Why Sal wanted his children to always be happy after the divorce and got in the way of his new wife developing a relationship with them at first. Jessica Di Stefano Fear of the damage the divorce could cause his children: Protecting them from feeling negative emotions. How Sal's wife makes an effort to grow together: Talk therapy and leading by example. Arthur Brooks [01:17:00] Why We Can't Avoid the Small Things What beliefs make Sal avoidant in the relationship with his wife: Avoiding the small fights only to get into a big fight. You can't avoid life's challenges and discomfort. The price we have to pay for whatever path we choose. Why Sal never wanted to marry and have kids again until he met Jessica. The moment he realized he truly liked and wanted to be with his Jessica. [01:22:07] Letting Go to Come Together The fear and anxiety Sal experienced during his wife's pregnancy and birth. Why the last pregnancy made him feel joy. Dr. John Gottman The challenges of blended families: Why it takes 5 years to fully integrate. 451 Laura Coe | Understanding Akashic Records: How To Live Your Dharma, Spiritual Bypassing, Twin Flames & Soul Mates Twin Flame and soulmates: There's only one twin flame for us but many soulmates. Why there's more conflict with our twin flames. [01:27:29] Becoming a Father: The Identity Death The different childhood experiences Sal and Jessica had growing up. Why you and your partner should believe they are meant for each other to be able to grow together for the rest of their lives. The ways in which Josh experienced his identity death when he and Carrie became parents. Why we need to have to do things differently when we have a family, and how Sal fought that his life changed after he became a father. [01:34:00] The Gift of Struggle Chris Kresser MPM: 620 Chris Kresser On The Chronic Disease Equation, The Potato Hack For Fat Loss, The Disease Worse Than Being Eaten By A Shark & MORE 140 Unconventional Medicine – Chris Kresser Why it's easy for us to eat potato chips but we wouldn't eat the same amount if it was a boiled potato. MPM: 1480 How To Find Peace & Meaning Amid Chaos With Bishop Robert Barron MPM: 910 Paul Chek Paul Chek Paul Chek's ritual before eating a meal. How Sal finds objective human truth in religion and cultural crossovers. MPM: 1792 The Secrets Of Happy People With Arthur C. Brooks The Matrix movie Why we need the struggle to be happy. 369 Paul Chek | All Is God: Three Part Series How being humble plays a role in receiving wisdom. The ways in Sal redefined wellness for himself and why he always tries to be open. Resistance Training Revolution by Sal Di Stefano Why it's important to find a community to learn what you're interested in as well as against. Power Quotes From The Show The Vulnerability Of Fatherhood "Being a dad, you definitely realize how invincible you were before in the sense that you've never been vulnerable like you are the second you care about something more than yourself." - Sal Di Stefano Facing Mortality: What Is It That Truly Matters? "If you look at studies on people who are faced with their mortality, people with chronic disease who have a year to live, people on the death bed… Nobody says I wish I worked more or I made more money. Everybody says I wish I spent more time with my kids, I wish I had kids, or I wish stayed with that partner, I wish I was more with my family and friends." - Sal Di Stefano Same Problems, New Environment "These problems that we have today are actually not new problems. It's a new environment… The reason why people are unhappy now is although we have more, they can see the next guy that has more than they do, as they compare themselves. That's not a new problem… This is human behavior. I don't think they're new problems, I think we have different circumstances. Human behavior doesn't change, I think we still have to learn the same lessons." - Sal Di Stefano Links From Today's Show Dr. John Gottman 451 Laura Coe | Understanding Akashic Records: How To Live Your Dharma, Spiritual Bypassing, Twin Flames & Soul Mates MPM: 1480 How To Find Peace & Meaning Amid Chaos With Bishop Robert Barron 484 Stefan Chmelik | Vagus Nerve Toning: The Science + Spirit of Healing From Stress With Sensate The Bible - Isaiah 45:7 405 Tim Corcoran | Vision Quest: How To Find Your Place In The Ecology of Life, Purpose Mountain & Spiritual Courage 457 Josh Trent: Solocast | Healing The Father Wound, 100+ Hours Fasting, Vision Questing + Being Alone With Mother Nature's Wisdom Mind Pump Media Mind Pump Podcast: Josh Trent Of Wellness Force On The Future Of Tech In Fitness & Beyond 437 Josh Trent | Death & Rebirth: Why I'm Saying Goodbye to Wellness Force… Jordan Peterson Joe Dispenza Bruce Lipton Arnold Schwarzenegger MPM Co-host: Adam Schafer MPM Co-host: Justin Andrews MPM Producer: Doug Egge Paleo Conference - Austin, Texas Shawn Stevenson: The Model Health Show 384 Shawn Stevenson | Eat Smarter: Use the Power of Food to Reboot Your Metabolism, Upgrade Your Brain, and Transform Your Life 333 Dr. Kelly Brogan | The Spiral Path: How To Own & Love Your Self Jessica Di Stefano Arthur Brooks Chris Kresser MPM: 620 Chris Kresser On The Chronic Disease Equation, The Potato Hack For Fat Loss, The Disease Worse Than Being Eaten By A Shark & MORE 140 Unconventional Medicine – Chris Kresser MPM: 1480 How To Find Peace & Meaning Amid Chaos With Bishop Robert Barron MPM: 910 Paul Chek Paul Chek MPM: 1792 The Secrets Of Happy People With Arthur C. Brooks The Matrix movie 369 Paul Chek | All Is God: Three Part Series Resistance Training Revolution by Sal Di Stefano Shop the Wellness Force Media Store breathwork.io Paleovalley – Save 15% on your ACV Complex with the code ‘JOSH' Seeking Health - Save 10% with the code 'JOSH' Organifi – Special 20% off to our listeners with the code ‘WELLNESSFORCE' Drink LMNT – Zero Sugar Hydration: Get your free LMNT Sample Pack, you only cover the cost of shipping Feel Free from Botanic Tonics – Save 40% when you use the code ‘WELLNESS40' PLUNGE - Save $150 with the code "WELLNESSFORCE' MitoZen - Save 10% with the code "WELLNESSFORCE" Activation Products - Save 20% with the code "WELLNESSFORCE" Essential Oil Wizardry: Save 10% with the code 'WELLNESSFORCE' Cured Nutrition – Get 15% off of your order when you visit wellnessforce.com/cured + use the code ‘WELLNESSFORCE' M21 Wellness Guide Wellness Force Community Leave Wellness Force a review on iTunes Sal Di Stefano Instagram Twitter Facebook About Sal Di Stefano Sal picked up his first weight at the age of 14. A painfully skinny teenager, he felt insecure about his physique and his lack of muscle and strength. Fitness was a way for him to apply hard work and effort towards changing and re-inventing himself. A natural intellect, Sal devoured every fitness, physiology and nutrition publication he could get his hands on. His appetite for knowledge is voracious and he used his passion for learning to maximize his own body's potential. 4 years later Sal walked into his local 24 Hour Fitness gym and applied to be a personal trainer. He quickly became a top performer and, at the age of 19 was promoted to the position of general manager with as many as 40 employees working under him. During this period of time, Sal learned to master skills of sales, marketing, and communication and his gyms broke records in sales and production. At the age of 22, Sal became an entrepreneur. He opened a wellness and personal trainer facility that offered one on one training, massage therapy, nutritional counseling, hormone testing, and acupuncture. At the age of 28 Sals health took a bad turn. Sal's Wellness Journey The years of training his own personal body with excessive amounts of intensity in the pursuit of more muscle combined with the abuse of supplements caused his body to rebel. He lost 15 lbs of muscle and at one point believed he may have an autoimmune disorder. This forced Sal to change his personal approach to fitness. He made health a priority and he visited his insecurities that caused him to abuse his body. It took him a full year of study and learning to transform yet again. Sal learned about gut health, hormone health and how to prioritize health over appearance. He healed his body and changed how he communicates fitness and health and was re-invigorated with a new sense of purpose. Although this was a challenging time for him, it is literally what formed his view on health and how he communicates it to this day. MAPS Programming At 33 years old Sal met Doug Egge who became his client. They formed a close friendship and together they created the first Maps program. Sal was the designer of the workout plan and Doug created the marketing material behind it. Their goal was to shatter the failed muscle-building workout ideas that Sal had personally witnessed as entirely ineffective. They knew that MAPS programming would be vastly superior. Their challenge was how to bring this to the masses. 2 years later Sal met Adam and Justin and together with Doug they started Mind Pump. The goal with Mind Pump was simple... Bring quality fitness and health information to the masses with integrity and honesty. Sal wanted to shift the direction of the fitness industry from an aesthetic insecurity-based industry to a self-love and self-care health industry. He knew this could be accomplished with education through entertainment.
This week, Randy breaks down Dr. John Gottman's study of 'The Bids' and discusses how we use bids in our lives with our friends and family by doing the smallest things often. Thank you for listening! We hope you leave inspired and motivated. If we've added value to your lives, please share with a friend and subscribe to receive updates when a new episode is released! Thank you for sharing and spreading Randy's mission in life: Add value to people's lives. #LivingOnPurpose #RandyDetrick Have a topic you want to hear? Want Randy to speak at your next event? Please send all inquiries to: firstname.lastname@example.org Check out more of Randy Detrick - Blue Ridge Winery Website: https://www.blueridgeestatewinery.com/ Randy Detrick's Website: www.randydetrick.bio
In this episode, Caroline and Daryl discuss the work of Dr John Gottman who has scientifically proven what makes a relationship stronger and what behaviours make you most likely to break up. Warning! Do not listen if you are easily offended in general... To find more out about Caroline & Daryl https://www.mindbodyhealthhypnotherapy.com/ To find out about training in hypnotherapy with us, check out: https://integrativehypnotherapyinstitute.com Write to us if you have a question or want us to tell your story at email@example.com Intro Music By Soul (Vlog Music) by Dj Quads https://soundcloud.com/aka-dj-quads Music promoted by Audio Library https://youtu.be/m0UBmJLv208
A true love story is not a fairy tale. For Realz. It takes vulnerability and effort to be in a relationship. And what if the goal of conflict is not to win, but it is a way in which to get to know your partner better and develop deeper intimacy? I am super excited because Dr. Dave Clarke is back on the show again. This time, we are talking about about relationships. Together we read the book, 8 Dates by John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman. Let's be real, long term commitment is hard and it takes effort. And in this book, Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, draw upon forty years of research from their famous Love Lab, inviting couples on fun and rewarding dates, exploring eight topics that matter the most in relationships- including trust, conflict, sex, money, family, adventure, spirituality, and dreams. And Dr. Clarke and I discuss these essential conversations! Join us as we get real, and still have a good laugh!
This is an essential episode because Social Emotional Learning is not just for students with special education needs - everyone needs social-emotional learning skills! Social-Emotional Learning, also called SEL, is an integral part of education and human development. It helps students and adults develop healthy identities, manage emotions, and feel empathy for others. SEL gives students the skills they need to build supportive relationships. Students learn the skills, attitudes, and knowledge surrounding social-emotional learning to make responsible decisions. By establishing trusting and collaborative relationships, rigorous and meaningful curriculum and instruction, and ongoing evaluation, SEL helps schools, families, and communities achieve educational equity and excellence. Through SEL, we can help address various forms of inequality and empower young people and adults to create thriving schools. It's helpful to start with a clear definition of Social-Emotional Learning (SEL). A school-wide SEL program equips students of all ages with skills to achieve their own unique goals. It includes understanding and managing their emotions, nurturing positive relationships, making informed decisions, and feeling empathy. Learning SEL is critical to students' success, both in and out of the classroom. Dr. Judy Grossman joins me today to discuss what social-emotional learning is, why it is important, and why it is for all students! Dr. Grossman is the Associate Director of the Center for the Developing Child and Family at the Ackerman Institute for the Family. She is also an Adjunct Professor at NYU. Previous academic appointments include Yale School of Medicine and SUNY – Downstate Medical Center. Dr. Grossman has conducted special education policy research for the NYS and NYC Departments of Education and school districts in Fairfield County. She lectures nationally and internationally on the topics of family resilience, mental health consultation, and special education family-centered services. Dr. Grossman is an occupational therapist, public health educator and consultant, and she maintains a private practice in couples and family therapy, specializing in neurodiverse children. She is also a member of the Smart Kids with LD Board of Directors. TRANSCRIPT (not proofread) SUMMARY KEYWORDS child, parents, social emotional learning, children, feelings, piece, school, understand, kids, feel, terms, iep, regulate, grossman, special ed, episode, people, academic, learning, behavior SPEAKERS Judy Grossman, PhD, MSW, Dana Jonson Dana Jonson 00:09 Okay, welcome back to Special Ed on Special Ed, thank you so much for tuning in today. I'm very excited for today's episode, because we have Dr. Judy Grossman, who is the Associate Director of the Center for the Developing Child and Family at the Ackerman interests Institute for the family. I got it all out that time. And we're gonna talk about social emotional learning. So stay tuned, I'm going to run my disclaimer before we say a word. And then we'll jump right into it. The information in this podcast is provided for general informational and entertainment purposes only, and may not reflect the current law in your jurisdiction at the time you're listening. Nothing in this episode creates an attorney client relationship. Nor is it legal advice, do not act or refrain from acting on the basis of any information included and accessible through this episode without seeking appropriate legal or other professional advice on particular facts and circumstances at issue from a lawyer or service provider licensed in your state country or other appropriate licensing jurisdiction. Great, Dr. Grossman, thank you so much for joining me today, I was able to get out your very long title. But I would love it if you would give us a little background on you and why you are the one that I need to have teach me about social emotional learning. Judy Grossman, PhD, MSW 01:19 Okay, first of all, thanks for having me thrilled to be talking to the parents that are listening or whomever actually started my career as an OT. And then went into academia and did some policy research in special ed and became a family therapist. I mean, like I've had many, many different experiences, my area of focus has always been family resilience, even before we we use that term. You know, years ago, we only talked about risks and deficits. But you know, there's been a change a long time coming, and looking at strengths and resilience. And I started a project for family therapists to work, specifically with families with neurodiverse children. And that's because all my experience has taught me that there are layers to the work. So you may be a very competent family therapist, or a maybe an excellent educator and special ed. But you need the whole package. So if you're doing clinical work, that's more than the area of mental health, you have to understand the IEP and the different diagnoses. And on top of interested in family resilience, very, most of my work deals with the parents, because parents are so significant. And situations can be so stressful. And they often search for skills or strategies to help them manage their child's behavior, or even keep themselves regulated when they're getting upset. So social emotional learning, and I'd say it's a term that's been around since the 90s. There's a consortium, researchers, policymakers, educators, clinicians, everybody that's interested in evidence based practice, in terms of social emotional learning. And after the pandemic, or I shouldn't say that we are still in the pandemic, actually, right. We're not sure how it's over yet. I'm actually getting up at COVID. Right now myself. So we are, Dana Jonson 03:45 I think we're over the initial shock of the pandemic, maybe that's what we're thrilled with the initial shock. Judy Grossman, PhD, MSW 03:51 That's the one thing we've learned a couple of things. One is children are struggling with anxiety and depression. And for some even PTSD, this has been very challenging and continues to be very challenging for students. Second thing we learn, which I know, the past 40 plus 50, long time is that parents are so important in supporting their child's total development, but particularly the social emotional development because you're the model. You're the coach. A lot of it has to do with your own development of social emotional skills. And I think that the pandemic has raised awareness that it's so important for schools to partner with parents. Dana Jonson 04:47 Yeah. And I think that's, I mean, that's how I sort of came to it was I had an older child who was neurodiverse, who was not able to identify her own emotions and feelings. And so as a family, we sort of had to learn to talk in this way of explaining ourselves and explaining our emotions and our feelings as they were happening in sort of a way to help educate her. And what I learned was I have three of my five children are have a traumatic background, and they're adopted. And and so but what I learned through this process was, it was significantly benefiting my bio, no typical child. And I mean, I don't know that anyone in my house is neuro neurotypical, but whatever you get, the idea is that these pieces, these pieces that I was putting into place for a specific reason for a specific disability for a specific need, actually applied to everybody in the house. And that's how I started to sort of identify that and now that as you say, the pandemic brought much more awareness to the forefront. And, and I agree with you, I think it's critical that we, as parents understand our role in that. Because when you tell a child you need to be doing this, but you're not doing it yourself. That's always my favorite when parents like Well, I'm definitely getting them into therapy. And I'll say, Well, do you have a therapist, and parents will say, Well, no, I don't need one. Judy Grossman, PhD, MSW 06:21 So you've made a couple of really good points, then that one is, this is universal. Every child and adult will have better live success, if they have good social emotional awareness. They understand can live with our own feelings, they can begin to identify feelings and others and develop empathy. They have good relationships, and most importantly, particularly with neurodiverse children that the child can regulate. So emotional regulation, meaning, you know, that don't have these uncontrollable outbursts, but they can find ways to self soothe, and cope. And another piece of that is CO regulation. So children who aren't able to do that, the parent has to sort of be their prefrontal cortex and help them regulate. So there are a lot of different dimensions to social emotional learning. But the way that the state of the art so to speak is that there are many curriculum, and many of them are endorsed by Castle, which is this consortium for collaborative social, emotional educational learning, and their school wide. So you know, a school might be interested in paying more attention to social emotional learning, and we can talk about what the research says, and more and more schools are adopting different curriculums. So it's helpful for parents to know, you know, what is your curriculum, and social emotional learning? Dana Jonson 08:05 The why would that be important for a parent to understand the specific curriculum? Is it that the language is different depending on the curriculum? Or how does that fit into what's going on at home? Okay, Judy Grossman, PhD, MSW 08:17 so it actually is less about which one, but knowing that they have one. Okay. I think that what goes on at home should complement the language that they're using in school. So there's not a disconnect, in many, many ways to do this. I mean, I often do, training people to do groups with parents and their children to learn these skills. And the earlier the better. I mean, you can, you know, start social emotional learning, with infants. Yeah. In terms of how you help them. And your narrative, your storytelling always includes failing words. So in terms of the steps in social emotional learning, the the, I would say the first step is just labeling feelings, yours, their husbands or partners, the other children in the family, and, you know, take advantage of 24/7 teachable moments. Oh, wow, we see those people there. They're having an argument. They, they look like they're so angry at each other. Are you watching a movie, when he's still kind because he keeps trying to help his friends, so forth and so on. So this is something that can be done, woven into family life. If you have a child and has difficulty labeling feelings, you become curious. And let's say you're watching your child doing homework and they're having a hard time. You can say I'm wondering if you're frustrated. I mean, you're looking frustrated to me, then how are you feeling? So you don't tell the child, how he or she is feeling. But you probe who has a question. And eventually children will be able, there'll be more in touch and be able to name how they feel. And once you have a name, there's a terminal name entertainment, that helps you feel more in control. You know, if they just have this amorphous, let's say you feel anxious, but you don't really know that that's anxiety. Right? You're uncomfortable, you might have bodily signals, and you don't know what they mean. And you might say, every night, my tummy hurts, my tummy hurts. And well, that might be the signal for that child that that means that you're worried that you're just Dana Jonson 10:54 yeah, there's there's that goal responses that it's not, I think that's an important piece, too, is to understand, especially for kids in school, when you see a child, when I see a child who visits the nurse a lot. My first thought is okay, that's anxiety. That's, you know, they're fearful of something, they're worried about something they're escaping from something like that, to me is the first sign right? That that they've removed Judy Grossman, PhD, MSW 11:20 themselves, actually, they, they may want to avoid something, or escape, or they may just be overstimulated. And they don't understand that. They just know they need a break. So that's really the first step. I mean, until someone has some self awareness. And when I work with parents, I always encourage a lot of self reflection, because there's a term meta emotion. how people feel about feelings. Yeah, so so people are not comfortable with angry feelings that are not express them. Some people have a lot of trouble handling when their child seems sad. Feelings are feeling, Dana Jonson 12:08 I think that's our natural response, right? Our child is that I want you to feel better. So I'm just going to immediately try to make you feel better. And Kelly, you you feel better. And that's not a big deal. It's not upsetting. Don't worry about it. But what I'm saying is your feelings don't matter. And that's where you'll have to parent right, that's Judy Grossman, PhD, MSW 12:23 dismissive, which is unethical. Because either say, your feelings don't matter, or this feeling is like a feeling that we want to talk about or notice. Dana Jonson 12:35 And I find for parents, sometimes it's hard to see when it wasn't our intent to harm a child, it's really hard to acknowledge that what we did, because they think in the back of our mind that So the worst thing we could do is harm a child. That's that's like our natural reaction is to not do that. That concept is so overwhelming, that our first response is to be like, no, no, I didn't mean that. So it didn't happen well, Judy Grossman, PhD, MSW 13:01 right? That's right. But the other piece to it is harming a child is a strong word, no parent ever gets it all right all the time. So sometimes it's about the repair. So you know, if you're learning some of these skills yourself about our how to label your carrier feeling and help your child label how he or she was feeling, it's, the parent becomes more skillful. And if you recognize that you did something that retrospectively feel you didn't handle, well, you can be transparent. And say, you know, I was just thinking about what happened this morning. And I'm really sorry, because you are looking so sad, and I didn't really give you a chance to tell me more about it. Would you like to do that? And the time, I'd say yes or no, yeah, the thing is, a very important piece of social emotional learning is this self regulation. And some parents are not well regulated. And it my work, and my work includes research and clinical, academic teaching and so forth. I always start with helping the parent regulate, because if the parent gets triggered by the child's behavior, and then they get upset, and they sort of get aroused and Rabat, that's only gonna create this child's dysregulation, essentially. So no matter what the first step is for the parent, to stay calm. And I think it's very helpful for parents to be explicit about it. Like let's say, you know, you ask your child 10 times to do something, they didn't do it and you're getting annoyed and you know, you're just sort of going up the scale. You can say, you know, yeah, I'm going up the scale or I use the monitors, killing thermometers, but whatever we want to talk about. And I don't want to start yelling, you know, that's not going to help us. So I'm gonna take a minute because I know it helps me, if I take a few deep breaths. So you are you're modeling for the child that you are working on controlling your reactions. So rather than being reactive, you want to be responsive. But you're modeling that. And, you know, you have to have a strategy. One, one part is noticing when you get aroused, or the parent, being able to monitor and knowing what's the point of no return, so to speak, and at some point, forget it. They can't really talk about it in a logical way. But then you have to know what to do. And so, you know, I usually have family activities, where everybody talks about the different ways they control themselves, or calm themselves down, or cope with stress. That's a very, very important piece Dana Jonson 16:13 is a parent understanding themselves and being able to control and regulate? Yeah, and it's, it's, it's, I find almost impossible for me to identify myself, I have to be able to rely on, we have this thing, and I'm very, like, I'm loud. My hands are always going I'm all over the place. And my husband's like, super chill. And so my yelling and his yelling are two different things. I remember he wants raised his voice once, and the kids don't yell at Mommy. And he his response was she yells at me. And they said, Yeah, but that's how she talks. And it was funny for me to be like, Oh, they so differentiate between us, like how I am compared to myself, not how I am compared to him. And I just thought that was fascinating to me that they had picked up on that little bit that they they were aware, they didn't think I was yelling all the time, you know, because there has been my personality. And I just, to me, that was showing me how in tune. Judy Grossman, PhD, MSW 17:19 The kids are. Exactly. Kids are incredibly attuned to the parents, emotional state. And like even toddlers, you could see a toddler, if he sees the mom looking sad, go over, and you know, sort of comfort the parent. Now, they don't even really understand what they're doing. But it's, it's in the air. It's an exquisite skill that children have. And, you know, parents might try to mask it, which is hard. I mean, I'm working with a very depressed mom right now. You know, she's doing her best to function normally. But I can't imagine her children don't pick something up. Dana Jonson 18:11 Yeah. And I hear that a lot too, with parents when they either they have something major to tell their kids, whether it's a divorce, or separation or move or what have you. And they've been waiting to tell them for some reason. And I always ask them, like, did they know? Like, did they know where they have set? And, you know, a lot of the time it's like, oh, they had a sentence, or they were relieved that whatever was was said, because they knew something was coming. You know, like, they're just, I think we as adults like to pretend that we're tricking them, but we're really not. You know, we've we've trained them to tell us what we want to hear. Judy Grossman, PhD, MSW 18:46 Yeah. And, you know, we we want to protect them. Yes. That's just an instinct. Can always, you know, that doesn't mean that you can help them deal with, I often say anxiety is catching. You know, it might be situation where were you just a word about it? And say, you know, yeah, you know, you recognize that, you know, this is normal behavior for mommy, which is different than normal behavior for daddy. And that's fine. People are different. You know, the thing about social emotional, oh, join us. Good question. I'm sorry, I Dana Jonson 19:36 was I was muted. I was just saying I think it's important for them to be able to distinguish between personality and emotion and feeling and my oldest is neurodiverse as nonverbal learning disabilities so so it's very difficult for her to identify any of those social cues that we take for granted. You know, but so to be able to distinguish between them That's your personality, you're fiery, and you're loud versus someone who's fiery and loud as me, or mad or angry or right. however you define it, it's much more complicated than we think. And we still take it for granted. I'm curious, how do you approach families, because sometimes I run into this where families say, they just need to suck it up. They just need to get through, they need to get a tougher skin. And I've been that parent, where I said, Oh, my God, my kids are snowflakes, what is happening, but at the same time, I think about the pain that I experienced, not being able to share my emotions with somebody or not being able to identify them myself. So I'm coming from that perspective. But how do you reach a parent who maybe doesn't see that the benefit necessarily they know their kid needs it, but they're not internalizing it? Judy Grossman, PhD, MSW 20:58 Well, that goes back to the research of what we're learning. So social emotional learning, which is the title that have sole users this consortium, it could be called Emotional intelligence, or emotional literacy. It's also referred to as non cognitive skills, and in our schools are all about academics, and cognitive development, language development, and achievement, which all plays into it, right. But if a child is not regulated, the child is distracted. If a child is in a stress response, if a child is feeling anxious, they're not taking in the information. They're not absorbing, and integrating what the teacher is saying. So there have been over 20 years of research, I mean, way more short term and long term studies, showing that there is a relationship between better social emotional skills and academic performance. There is relationship between social emotional skills, and relationships, and self awareness, and behavior, in school and at home. So I consider it What should I say, I never said this before the word just came into my mind, like a nest, ah, this is social emotional learning. And then you build all the academic cognitive skills. But if you're not pressing, right now, you're not really learning optimally. Dana Jonson 22:51 Yes. And I, we actually experienced that as well, one of one of my children, who, between evaluations, their IQ went up, and I'm using air quotes that you can't see right now went up 16 points. And at her age, that's not your IQ doesn't make that kind of lead BNL in that short period of time, and she had gone from an environment that was not safe to her in her mind, and had to spend not just to enter into a safer environment, she had to spend a great deal of time in that safer environment, before she became available for learning. And that's how we looked at it because I was like, there's not suddenly this, what was I, what I was thrilled about her educational environment at the time is that it was meeting those safety needs. And that was my only priority for her at the time. And the academics came, you know, like, everything went up when we only focused on making sure she felt safe. And that was our only priority. That's when she did well academically. Judy Grossman, PhD, MSW 24:03 Well, you're you're exactly right. And, you know, safety is. What could I say? Without that? Yeah, any of this is not going to develop. So you know, children that experience a lot of trauma. Number one need safety and trust in relationships. Another thing about you know, trauma and how it relates to this. I think we underestimate the amount of trauma people have in life. I mean, there's a lot of studies about this now from trauma informed cares, like the name of the game. It's a cat two days, it's the buzz phrase, right? But let's just say your child has ADHD, there's a separate from trauma, the extra energy that they need to pay attention to stay seated to, especially if they're have the hyperactive pace to modulate their body It is exhausting. And so even that takes away from Dana Jonson 25:05 learning. Right. And I think people forget that when kids are exhausted, they don't roll over and go to sleep, they tend to have a fit, you know, they tend to keep going in their exhausted state. They're not aware enough to rest. And I think we forget Judy Grossman, PhD, MSW 25:23 that. Yeah. And also, we see it in the transition from school to home. Because, you know, the teacher will say, here's a behavior problem, and we've been doing fine, and he has some friends, you know, and then the child comes home and opens the door, and he has a temper tantrum and totally escalates. And the parents thing that's going on? I mean, is this different kids? In my family child that's in school, very common number that I hear that all the time? Dana Jonson 25:56 How do you help schools bridge that gap? How do your parents and schools how do you, you know, I have that happen a lot. Obviously, with my clients, I have my clients or children with disabilities, and a lot of the time they are holding it together to the best of their ability from morning to dismissal, and then they get home. And there's nothing left. There's, you know, emotional control, there's no making the child happy. There's no nothing like they've just been pushed over the edge. But the school is seeing a great kid that's being social and talking to friends and doing their work. And I'm in the parents are seeing a kid that's about to blow, how do we help bridge that gap? Judy Grossman, PhD, MSW 26:41 Well, a couple of ideas. One is, because this is so common. One knows what you can do at home. So to be articular Babbitt and then have maybe a transition ritual with the child, because you're anticipating, and you make that obvious and you know, the ritual might be what's the most common thing you can do with the child at that moment? Is it to give them something to eat? Or is it to have them do some kind of physical, aerobic kind of activity, whatever it is, but make it over and think about, this is just what the parent can do think about creating a coming home ritual. As a therapist, when I work with families, everything is a suggestion, because we never really know what's going to work. A lot of it's trial and error. But for some families that works in terms of the school. And I've been doing this work a long time, I mean, training related service providers, because I'm also rotate training related service providers and training, special educators and changing psychologist and you know, people from different domains in this area with different perspectives. Yeah. And the, there are so many more opportunities for parents to get information that could help them. I always say, don't pass the OT what she's doing to help the child regulate in the classroom, because maybe she has some ideas for you. I mean, there's not enough transparency and communication between well, some parents and some schools do this very well. I mean, you know, I did some studies in Fairfield County, and there are some school districts, some districts, but there's some communities that do it very well. I was still my work was in New York City, and Dana Jonson 28:53 different animal in New York City. Judy Grossman, PhD, MSW 28:56 And so, sometimes there's absolutely no communication and cancer or our have a right to information. And they would benefit a great deal because they want other ideas. Are there strategies? Is there something that's working in school because there's a behavior plan seemed to work in schools, that's something we should try it at home? Dana Jonson 29:23 Right. And from a, you know, from a specialist attorney perspective, I would also look at that as you know, parent training from a school perspective. Another thing that I often recommend for parents is evaluations. And if they think that they are seeing a completely different child than their school district, and they're not able to bridge that gap, that either bringing in the private therapists that they're working with to give their input or collaborating with the school to get an outside evaluation, maybe somebody who isn't in school because of people in school aren't seeing But the parents are staying and the parents aren't seeing what school is seeing the maybe we need somebody completely separate, to come in and tell us where all these pieces connect. And I find that to sometimes be the hardest thing. And once we can make that connection, and everyone can see how all those pieces work together and how home is impacting school and vice versa, then we can start putting pieces into place. How would you advise parents or teachers who think you know, we have a gap, we need to bridge bridge this gap? Where can we get the information we need? Who should they be going to for that assessment or Judy Grossman, PhD, MSW 30:40 instruction? Well, you're talking about quite a few different things. So that's probably, so let's see if I can answer it in a way that's helpful. Schools are mandated to every child has an IEP to decide on placement and services to enhance their academic performance. That's as a threatened. I'm suggesting academic performances is not as narrow a lane, as they say, I did special ed policy research for a decade. And, you know, there's such variability in terms of a school district partnering and believing in strength base, partnering with parents in understanding what the parents concerns are, what their priorities are, as opposed to, you know, let's look at the IEP and look at the various specifics skill. Now, sorry, think about all the trial, right. So parents have a right to request a meeting, if a child has an IEP, parents have a right to have the child evaluated, if they feel there's a problem. Usually it comes from the school, suggesting to the parent, however, I know, parents instinct, lets them know something's not quite right. And so they need the validation. They may feel for years. I just think there's something that he he's not getting. And then grade three, you still can't read. He's very frustrated. And he has a lot outburst in the parent knew, right and we are diagnosing earlier and earlier or diagnosing. I mean now, where it is approved to diagnose children as young as four with ADHD, which was not the case before, but I know into a preschool and look in the classroom and identify two to three children that are neuro diverse. And yeah, I'm a preventionist. I mean, my doctorates and a couple of Cal, but I'm all about prevention. And if a child has a neurobiological disability, you really can do prevention work in terms of his emotional life, and not feeling I'm not good enough. I'm a bad boy. You know, I hear those things from children all the time, and they're devastating for parents. Dana Jonson 33:30 Yeah. But I think we don't realize too, that by calling a child a good boy, indicates to the other children, then they are bad. Like, I think they're little pieces of language that we we've become very careless with our language, I think. And I think that is part of our social emotional problem. Because when you're careless with your language, you're sending messages that maybe you didn't intend to send. And, and I think it's in my lifetime, that we've actually as a society started to acknowledge that kids have feelings. You know, I know, when I was little that was at the forefront of the conversation, you know, and even my mom talks about when she was pregnant, there was only one patient. Yeah, it was the mom. Right. So it started right from there. So, you know, I think that we are definitely coming into a new understanding even though these ideas and concepts and knowledge have been around forever. I think as a society, we have not been taking it seriously. Judy Grossman, PhD, MSW 34:31 Well, I think you're absolutely right. The power of language. Good, bad, you know, really, you want to describe behavior, you know, Oh, you did you finish that assignment very well. And you know, that was great because you're being a good student or whatever. You you talk about the behavior. I had an experience in 1971, which gives A little bit of indication of how long I've been in the parenting field. And we were doing a prevention program in Spanish Harlem with little kids. And everything was about the children know that colors, they know, shapes, and it was all conquer cognitive and language. And I have worked in mental health. And so this was a research project that really funded until I started saying to the parents, what do you like about your child? I'm telling you, they struggled with answers. So this piece of recognizing someone's emotional life and how much that impacts performance and relationships. I mean, even I do a lot of work and Headstart programs, and 1965, the purpose of Headstart was to help children develop social competence. It was an academic readiness. Because if you think about right, you know, what do you need to be a successful adult? Well, you may not need algebra, as much as getting along with your co workers are having a decent round. Dana Jonson 36:18 Yes. And I had that conversation, an IEP meeting the other day for a kid who's super smart. And I thought, yeah, he is. But he also can't make eye contact. If he doesn't like how you look, he will tell you like, there are things that are not acceptable in society that this child does. And regardless of the cognitive abilities, they won't be successful. And that is what we're looking at when you talk about education being much more global than academics. And it is, and that's something that I remind IP teams of all the time, you know, for a middle school, we're talking about a middle schooler, and this kid does not have any friends, that is not typical. And that is going to be more important to that student than anything else. So if we're not taking seriously what kids take seriously, then we're not acknowledging their feelings, their thoughts, what's going on in their lives. And I mean, they're human too, right? They this is their brains are developing to what they're going to be as adults, now's the best time for them to learn how to do all that stuff. I just don't believe that kids have to be in pain to learn what makes it hard to learn. Yes, I think we have that, right. Like if somebody if a kid is enjoying their class, there's this question like, are they actually learning anything? They seem like they're having too much fun? You know, we have to think that's sort of a weird thing. Well, thank you, I so appreciate all of this information. I think it's so important for families and schools to understand that this this social emotional learning piece, and you did touch on it, but it's also a little different than emotional IQ, or those pieces like how will you know yourself. It's more about social emotional learning, it builds, these things can be learned skill develop, to Judy Grossman, PhD, MSW 38:11 be modeled back to be practiced. I think the good takeaway for whoever's listening to this is becoming more comfortable with emotional coaching. And that's a term comes from John Gottman, which really means no matter what's going on, you connect emotionally with the child first. So you say, you know, I say you're really angry because you're raising your voice, and I get it, because your sister keeps taking your toys. So you're validating how the child feels, no matter how they feel a feeling is the feeling needs to be respected. So before you say, but don't hit your sister. First, say, you know, label of feeling validated. If you don't really understand if you can't make the connection say, but what what's going on? Tell me what I don't understand why you're so frustrated. And then you can give the couldn't give guidance, you can make a demand, you can make a request. It just means that the child feels understood, and they will listen to you. And this goes for all relationships. Dana Jonson 39:36 It takes them off the defensive. Yeah, Judy Grossman, PhD, MSW 39:39 I mean, everybody wants to feel understood. And Oh, Mommy gets it. Yes. And, you know, mommy's that. I should. I can't hit her. Okay. That doesn't mean it's not going to hit her. It means that he has to substitute right a different action for demonstrating has Question for just sister. Dana Jonson 40:02 I love that the way you phrase that it's it's about finding a different way to express it. Right? You're identifying. I see you feel that way I get it. That's valid. But doing that when you feel that way is not how we do it. When you feel that way, you've got to do something different. Let's figure out what that something different is. And yeah, so it's looking at what's, what's the outcome? I've said that to you before I do want the child to feel bad about themselves? Or do you want to change the behavior, which is the goal? And thinking of it that way? Because I think sometimes we feel like that's character building as an adult, right. Going through those tough things and toughing it out. But, you know, wouldn't it be better to have the tools to get through it rather than have it out? I'm not too proud to use, though. Judy Grossman, PhD, MSW 41:01 It's complex, but it is Dana Jonson 41:03 it is. So So Dr. Grossman, tell me if somebody is listening to this, and they're saying, Oh, my gosh, you speak my truth. You're the only person who gets me and I need to talk to Dr. Grossman, how are they going to find you, and reach out to you and find your world, Judy Grossman, PhD, MSW 41:18 I am only practicing on Zoom. Now. Since the pandemic, I gave up my office in the city and I had to have an office here. I'm taking select cases, because I also teach and so forth and so on. But I can be reached at Judy.Grossman928@gmail.com Dana Jonson 41:43 Great. And I will have that information in the show notes along with the other other links to some things that we've discussed during this episode. And I can't thank you enough it really this is such an important a hot topic. And I came across it because I was I attended a presentation that you gave and and I think that was well attended as well. I really think that social emotional learning is on the swing. Thank God in our community in our on our society. So thank you so much for all the work you do, and for sharing this information with parents. Judy Grossman, PhD, MSW 42:16 Oh, my pleasure. My pleasure. I'm happy to do it. Dana Jonson 42:20 Thank you so much for joining me today. Please don't forget to follow this podcast so you don't miss any new episodes and leave a review and you have a chance. If there's anything you want to hear about or comment on. Please go to my Facebook page special ed on special ed and find me there. I'll see you next time here on special ed on special ed. Have a fabulous day. The views expressed in this episode are those of the speaker's at the time of the recording and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of any other agency, organization, employer or company or even that individual today.
Calling all parents! Listen in as we talk with Jennifer Sheridan, owner and lead therapist at Restoration House Counseling in Hattiesburg, MS, about effective and ineffective styles of parenting and what it looks like to keep the love of Christ at the center of our parent/child relationships.Parenting styles discussed in the episode (taken from John Gottman's Book Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child):1. Dismissing Parent2. Disapproving Parent3. Laissez-faire Parent4. Emotion-Coaching ParentAbout Jennifer:Jennifer Sheridan, owner and lead therapist of Restoration House Counseling, is a Licensed Clinical Social Work and Registered Play Therapist practicing in Hattiesburg, Mississippi. Jennifer specializes in working with families and children struggling with attachment and behavioral challenges in the home and at school. She has experience working with families grown through adoption and helping parents make sense of the emotional needs of children from hard places. Jennifer is a TBRI practitioner and TraumaPlay Certified Therapist. She has also completed Level I and II Theraplay Training and utilizes this model of attachment-based therapy with families in the playroom. As a former junior high math teacher and school psychometrist, Jennifer understands the many challenges faced by teachers and school administrators addressing problematic behaviors in the classroom. Jennifer believes children communicate through play and supports families and caregivers in learning how to interpret the behaviors of the children in their care. Find out more about Restoration House counseling by visiting their website at restorationhousecounseling.com. You can also follow them on Instagram @restorationhousecounseling. Thanks for listening to the Embodied Holiness Podcast. We invite you to join the community on Facebook and Instagram @embodiedholiness. You can find all our episodes and more at www.embodiedholiness.com. Embodied Holiness is a ministry of Parkway Heights United Methodist Church in Hattiesburg, MS. If you're in the Hattiesburg area and are looking for a church home, we'd love to meet you and welcome you to the family. You can find out more about Parkway Heights at our website.
What follows is a list of the most popular Halloween candy overall in the U.S. Listen as I explain why this list is important if you plan to give out candy to trick-or-treaters this year: Reese's Cups Skittles M&M's Starburst Hot Tamales Sour Patch Kids Hershey's Kisses Snickers Tootsie Pops Candy Corn Source: https://www.apartmenttherapy.com/most-popular-halloween-candy-37144800 There is conflict in every relationship. What helps to ease the conflict is doing all the “little things” according to Julie Gottman author of the book The Love Prescription: Seven Days to More Intimacy, Connection, and Joy (https://amzn.to/3Tk6HMQ). Showing appreciation, saying thank you – simple things like that can have a huge impact . Julie joins me to explain exactly how to do it. Julie and her husband John Gottman have been helping couples navigate conflict and find love for many years and are considered experts in the field and are founders of The Gottman Institute. Cemeteries and Halloween seem to go together. This being October, what a perfect time to take a look at the interesting and sometimes quirky history of American cemeteries and how they have actually had an impact on our culture. For instance, did you know it was Abraham Lincoln who actually gave a kickstart to the funeral home business as well as the practice of embalming bodies before burial? That was all Abe's doing! Here to discuss this is Greg Melville an outdoor journalist and former editor at Men's Journal and author of the book Over My Dead Body, Unearthing the Hidden History of America's Cemeteries (https://amzn.to/3go6BFd). Have you ever taken a risk or tried something and worried that everyone was watching you and judging you? For instance, you go to the gym to exercise and you think all the people there are looking at what you are doing. If you have ever had that feeling, you need to listen as I discuss something called “the imaginary spotlight effect.” Source: David Allyn, author of I Can't Believe I Just Did That (https://amzn.to/3TvrE72). PLEASE SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS! We really like The Jordan Harbinger Show! Check out https://jordanharbinger.com/start OR search for it on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen! Confidently take control of your online world with Avast One — it helps you stay safe from viruses, phishing attacks, ransomware, hacking attempts, and other cybercrimes! Learn more at https://Avast.com Cancel unnecessary subscriptions with Rocket Money today. Go to https://RocketMoney.com/something - Seriously, it could save you HUNDREDS of dollars per year! Shopify grows with your business anywhere. Thanks to their endless list of integrations and third-party apps - everything you need to customize your business to your needs is already in your hands. Sign up for a FREE trial at https://Shopify.com/sysk ! Did you know you could reduce the number of unwanted calls & emails with Online Privacy Protection from Discover? - And it's FREE! Just activate it in the Discover App. See terms & learn more at https://Discover.com/Online https://www.geico.com Bundle your policies and save! It's Geico easy! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Julie and John Gottman are renowned marriage experts and the cofounders of the Gottman Institute, where they provide couples with the tools to help them get their partnerships back on track. In their new book, The Love Prescription, the Gottmans share their research-based approach for strengthening relationships. They join Erica Chidi to talk about the small yet effective shifts that can help increase intimacy and connection over seven days. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices