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Caller Questions & Discussion: Parents, do you know how to talk about the dangers of AI and chatbots? Dr. Alice shares the tragic story of a boy who committed suicide after developing a romantic relationship with AI, reminding us that AI should never replace our relationships with God and other people. I'm a 70-year-old widow, and my husband died when I was 52. Yesterday, when I asked my brother if I could share something with him, he mentioned God and said I had to wait until I was with both him and his wife. My 23-year-old son got his girlfriend pregnant and asked to move her in, but I said no unless they're married or stay in separate rooms because I feel I'd be compromising my faith. Now he has cut me off, and I feel forced to choose between my son and my faith. I feel like I'm being bombarded with Satan and spiritual warfare on a daily basis. None of the pastors or the eight different churches I've gone to can help. My daughter was assaulted, and my siblings forged my signature and stole my inheritance. Where do I turn?

Caller Questions & Discussion: Becky shares a couple of her favorite quotes, including one attributed to Plato: “Be kind because everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” We rarely know what anyone else is carrying, so we have to be careful not to judge. My elderly mother fell and broke her femur two years ago, but she still isn't doing anything about it. I'm 58, but she treats me like a child and says she doesn't want me to be alone. How do I handle this so I don't sound so irritated? My brother and his wife didn't talk to our 88-year-old mom at a birthday party. It's been three and a half weeks since they stopped speaking. Should my husband and I intervene? I just started listening to you yesterday! Knowing how much God loves me and who I am in Christ through Scripture has literally made me a different person. My daughter-in-law wants to divorce my son. They have four kids, and it's getting ugly. What role should I play as a grandpa?

Caller Questions & Discussion: JJ discusses the difference between slips and relapses. For example, JJ has been working to change his diet but had a recent slip-up, not a relapse. In recovery, when people have a slip, they often think they're starting back at zero. But it's only a minor setback. I went to Every Man's Battle and wanted to share that within the first hour, you experience a certain freedom. I help with lay counseling and have seen ministers tell women that it's built into a guy's DNA to need to have a sexual release, so wives should fulfill that need. I don't agree with that. What's the best way to counter that bad advice? My husband has had sexual fantasies about feet, and it has affected my emotional connection with him. He's also been stealing money from my business. Is this my way out, and does it give me grounds for a divorce? I have a gratitude of thanks for JJ at the last Every Man’s Battle! Afterwards going through the workbook with my wife helped answer her questions.

Caller Questions & Discussion: Becky shares the challenges of caring for her adult son with disabilities and the constant search for answers. Her pastor recently reminded her that God is with her. In 2 Corinthians 4, Paul reminds us that we have treasures in “clay jars” and may be “pressed…but not…crushed.” I called you about my blindness, and I wanted to let you know that my eyes and depression have been completely healed! I'm dating a woman whose son loves me, but he has a busy schedule. How can I let him know that I want to have a relationship with him? How can I help my best friend whose mom is a financial narcissist? She's very frustrated that her mom has always been financially driven about who owes her money. Everything in my friend's childhood has revolved around money. My friend started working when she was 9. I’ve lived with my mom for 3 years. Two days ago, she moved my brother, who is an amputee, into the house. He sexually abused my sister from the time she was 2 to 12. What do I say to him? How do I forgive him?

Caller Questions & Discussion: Dr. Jill explains why remembering 9/11 matters as we mark the 25th anniversary: we honor those who died and remember so we don't repeat history. Throughout the Bible, God's people created memorials to remember what God did during difficult times. Remembering a tragedy also honors that part of us that lived through it. My best friend of 40 years has stayed in a miserable marriage with an unfaithful husband for 10 years. They're deeply in debt, and I've given them a large sum of money to help. Am I a terrible friend if I tell her I'm angry, or am I hiding if I don't? How do I move forward as a Christian with my parents who get offended the minute anyone else does something wrong? My mom didn't answer my calls after I moved. When she finally did, she just talked about the weather.

Caller Questions & Discussion: Dr. Jacqui discusses what to do when someone you know is suicidal. My 21-year-old nephew is an atheist, uses substances to drown his sorrows, and has put his hands on his mother more than once. We lost a sibling to suicide, so that might be why my sister is overprotective. The hosts discuss why betrayed women are reluctant to get help for themselves. How do I love and support my 22-year-old daughter without supporting the lesbian lifestyle? My daughter is in a lesbian relationship, and we are Christians who want to love and support her while staying true to our beliefs. New Life Live — Program Transcript Air Date: September 10 Hosts: Brian Perez, Dr. Alice Benton (Clinical Psychologist), and Dr. Jacqui Mack-Harris (Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist), with a visit from New Life President Becky Brown Welcome to New Life Live, the premier place to receive free advice from Christian psychologists and counselors for the mental, emotional, relational, and spiritual challenges you face. Since 1988, we’ve offered compassionate responses that combine God’s truth with proven psychological principles to guide you toward healing. Our phone lines are open. Call us now at 1-800-229-3000. Opening: A Conversation About Suicide Awareness Brian Perez: Hey, welcome to New Life Live. Thank you so much for joining us today. My name is Brian Perez. I’m here with clinical psychologist Dr. Alice Benton and licensed marriage and family therapist Dr. Jacqui Mack-Harris. Ladies, it is so good to be here with you today. Jacqui, what’s on your mind to start us off? Dr. Jacqui Mack-Harris: Well, with it being Suicide Awareness Day, I have been thinking about how important suicide conversations are and how difficult they are. You know, sometimes we notice that somebody’s not themselves and maybe they’re withdrawing or talking about being too much of a burden, saying people would be better off without them. Maybe they’ve started to seem hopeless or wanting to get rid of things, and we start to worry about their safety. But then we become afraid ourselves, and in our fear we don’t ask the question. I’ve found amongst my friends and family and even clients that people are often surprised when I very directly say, “Are you thinking about ending your life? Are you thinking about suicide? Are you thinking about harming yourself? Are you thinking about harming someone else?” And it’s because we don’t want to make people feel bad. So out of our own fear, we don’t do the very thing someone needs. I have heard people say, “Well, I don’t want to cause them to do that,” or “I don’t want to put it on their mind if it’s not already on their mind.” But asking someone directly about suicide doesn’t put the idea in their head. It actually lets them know that you see them, you care about them, that they matter, and that you’re willing to hear what they have to say. And as Christians, sometimes I think we feel pressured to immediately give a scripture, or “I’ll pray for you,” or tell people, “God has a plan.” And yes, those things are true and they can be meaningful, but it’s often not the right answer. Often people just simply need you to be willing to stay. They need to know that they matter enough that even though they are in pain, and their pain hurts you, you will sit with them — that they do matter. So listen. Don’t judge. Don’t minimize their pain — “Oh, it’s fine, we all go through things like that,” or “That happened a long time ago, you should be over that by now.” Don’t try to fix everything in the moment. Sometimes people just need to sit in what hurts, and that is okay. Help them connect to someone who can provide support. Help them connect to New Life. Help them connect to a counselor. Help them find a Life Recovery Group so that they can be around other people who can help them see their own value. Suicide prevention doesn’t always begin with having great words or the perfect words. Sometimes it’s just noticing that someone is struggling and being willing to stay. Dr. Alice Benton: I find that those who are suffering usually want to be asked and wish people would ask them. And you don’t have to be a therapist to ask. It’s okay if you don’t have all the answers. Because if your loved one says, “Yes, I want to hurt myself, I do want to die,” then it can be as simple as calling us at New Life. It can be as simple as calling the suicide prevention hotline, 988. I’ve called 988 in order to get a sense of what happens when someone calls. I found that the person who answered was well equipped, so kind, and very patient. They know what to do. We know what to do. All you have to do, if your loved one says they want to hurt themselves, is reach out for help from professionals, and we’ll walk you through what to do next. Dr. Jacqui Mack-Harris: And I think sharing that also with our kids. I had a conversation with someone whose child came home and said their friend told them that they’d been wanting to hurt themselves, and the kid didn’t know what to do. So we were able to say, “Walk them to the nurse’s office, walk them to the principal’s office, walk them to an adult, and stay with them and have that conversation.” It’s a conversation my family also has from time to time, knowing that the increase in suicidal ideation is so strong today. Our kids need to be equipped. Dr. Alice Benton: They do. They’re out in the world, and people say mean things, and so we need to tell them that their life matters and that they can talk to us about anything. Brian Perez: Yep. We’ll be right back on New Life Live. Gigi, you’ll be our first call, so hang on. Resources Mentioned Brian Perez: Since we were just on the topic of suicide, I want to let you know about a couple of articles that we have available on our website, newlife.com. One of them is called “What to Do When Someone Is Suicidal.” It probably has the information that Jacqui just gave, maybe some extra stuff as well. So check that out at newlife.com. We also have a tip sheet. If you yourself have that suicidal thinking, it’s called “Eight Steps to Breaking Free from Suicidal Thinking.” We can send you that tip sheet when you call 1-800-NEW-LIFE. Or, you know what, just order that tip sheet anyway. Have it handy just in case something happens and you wind up having a conversation with someone. Again, that one’s called “Eight Steps to Breaking Free from Suicidal Thinking.” Call us to get it. And if you’re watching on Facebook or YouTube, we’ll put that information in the show notes there. Caller: Gigi from Orlando, Florida Brian Perez: Let’s go to the phones now. Here is Gigi, who listens to us on newlife.com in Orlando, Florida. Hey there, Gigi. Welcome to New Life Live. Gigi: Thank you. Brian Perez: How can we help you today? Gigi: This topic is kind of multifaceted, but it comes down to things like boundaries. I’m an aunt watching my sister deal with my nephew and the havoc that he’s wreaking on my sister’s marriage, and it’s just hard to watch. He’s 21. We’re a Christian family. He was brought up to know the Lord, and he’s saying that he’s an atheist. And he’s so bitter against all of us, his parents. He’s using substances to drown his sorrows. And it could be worse — I don’t want it to be worse — but he’s had trouble controlling his emotions and anger and has put his hands on his mother more than once, but not recently. And she still is in denial. She’ll tell me one thing and then deny it the next, because it’s hard. She doesn’t want the family to be prejudiced against him. But it’s too late now. We don’t feel safe. And it’s just hard. Dr. Alice Benton: Can I pause you for a minute? She doesn’t want the family to be prejudiced against him — so she doesn’t want the family to react negatively to his behavior and kind of not want him around. Is that what you’re saying? Gigi: Yes, that’s correct. Dr. Alice Benton: And he doesn’t want to be around you guys either, right? Gigi: Yeah, he’s decided he’s atheist, and so, yes. Dr. Alice Benton: You said he put hands on his mother more than once. Were there any consequences for that? Gigi: Yes. The police came. He had to be bailed out of jail. They hired an attorney. It could have been worse. It was him struggling against the police that actually got him in trouble, and the fact that she had called because she was scared. So she blames herself for that, because he won’t let that go. He’s 21. This has happened over the course of a few years that he’s just drowned in sorrow and blaming. Dr. Alice Benton: And Gigi, he still lives with her. Is that right? Gigi: Yes. Dr. Alice Benton: And you said her husband — is her husband his father? Gigi: Oh yes, yes. Dr. Alice Benton: So is he that way with his father as well? Gigi: His father loves him, but he doesn’t have his son’s respect, and his son doesn’t trust his dad — and I think it’s both ways. I think my sister is his soul. She’s the person he’s latched onto for life. And with torture or love, he does something bad and then apologizes. Dr. Alice Benton: Gigi, you’re so right to be worried about her, because she loves him, but she’s also trying to protect him from the righteous consequences of his behavior, and it’s just a setup for him to repeat it. Tell us, do you know if he experienced a major loss or trauma that might have led to him being so embittered? Gigi: My sister would say that it is because they took him across country when he was in high school, because of a job for his dad. And while they were there, he was sad and lonely — first time in high school. A young lady broke his heart and said many awful things, and he has low self-image issues. But he’ll drag everything up. It’s amazing the memory we have when we are wanting to be bitter and resentful. He blame-shifts a lot onto them. Dr. Alice Benton: Blame-shifting is very — Gigi: Yes, I didn’t know that phrase. Dr. Alice Benton: And it’s understandable that he’s hurt by these things, but of course none of it justifies his substance use and his aggressive behavior towards his mom. And she is not willing to allow the consequences for him. But she does want you to be a listening ear, which puts you in a tough position, because you probably want to intervene and she won’t allow you to. Is that right? Gigi: Yes. It’s amazing how quickly our brains go from one thing to another. I will be wanting to encourage her, and then I have to stand up for logic, and then we pray together, and it’s so emotional all the time. I have other siblings, and they don’t want to hear it anymore, and it makes her feel so bad. And she can’t help but want to call us bad names. Dr. Alice Benton: Oh, she’s calling you all bad names. Gigi: Oh yes, yes, yes. Dr. Alice Benton: So she’s verbally abusive to you, even though you’re her listener? Gigi: Yes, because we are not living up to her needs and expectations. So the son might have gotten it honestly. Dr. Jacqui Mack-Harris: Well, I — Gigi: Yes, but I know my whole sister. You know what I mean? I know — Dr. Jacqui Mack-Harris: You know what you see when you’re with her? I’m going to stop you there, because we have a tendency to say we know, but oftentimes we are in relationship with people in our imaginations, not the reality of how they live their life every day, because we’re not there. So we think we know — “My sister would do this,” or “My sister’s this way or that way.” But look at her life and the life circumstance that she’s in. The sister you were about to describe, that you know, wouldn’t be living in this life circumstance. So she has a part of her that isn’t the her you guys know. It is also maybe not the parent you’ve always seen. Dr. Alice Benton: Dr. Jacqui was asking about any events that maybe had happened in his life. That move happened when he was in high school. He maybe felt like he had no say in it. They moved him. He lost friends. Loneliness. She is his person. Dr. Jacqui Mack-Harris: “You’ve got your family. That’s enough. That’s all you need, right?” Well, if she is his person, I wonder what things had been like before he turned 21. What was it like when he was five? What were the responses when he was seven? What were the responses when he was 12? What happened when he got an F? What happened when he lost the game? Because if she’s willing to mistreat you all like that, it is so likely she responds to him in reactivity and anger, too. Dr. Alice Benton: And they’re back and forth in their reactivity, and then he’s now a man and he’s getting bigger, and so it’s starting to look different. And the family doesn’t enjoy being around him. Have you guys — when he was younger — did you enjoy being together as a family with your sister and her husband and your nephew? Gigi: Well, my sister saved him. He was always bailed out. He had two older sisters, so he was always saying, “I’ll have what she’s having,” and “Oh, she’s going to help me with my homework,” things like that. He was given a lot of leniency because he was the baby. Dr. Jacqui Mack-Harris: The baby. Gigi: Yeah. If he just said “Mama” enough, he was going to get his way — or get a spanking. Dr. Jacqui Mack-Harris: So would the spanking be from Mom? Gigi: Oh yeah. Dr. Jacqui Mack-Harris: So he had a situation that might have been a little bit disorganized, and so he couldn’t tell if he’s going to get the wrath of Mom or the coddling of Mom. Gigi: That is true. Dr. Jacqui Mack-Harris: What was childhood like for you and your sister? Gigi: Well, I just want to touch on something else. My sister was a great mother. I know exactly what she was going through. I saw it up front. Dr. Jacqui Mack-Harris: No judgment. We all do the best we can with what we have. But what did you guys come out of? What did you see? How were you parented? Gigi: We had parents that were Christian. We all could have been better. But I can tell you, we had a sorrowful loss in 2007. My sister — she committed suicide. There’s too much to even go into, but the point is she was an angel. She loved Jesus, and she had some mental illness that — well, we failed her in fellowship, too. I feel like we did. My sister does not want another angel. Do you know what I mean? Dr. Alice Benton: Of course. So she might overprotect her son because she doesn’t want him to commit suicide. That completely makes sense. That is it. Dr. Alice Benton: So, Gigi, I think there are two things that you have in your power to do, because so much of this is outside of your ability to really control. You might consider a family intervention, because your nephew is the obvious problem, but you’re pointing out there is brokenness in the family — and there is in all of our families. A family interventionist, and we have a couple of great people that we can recommend, would be able to help decipher who most needs the intervention. The nephew looks like the obvious one, but he may not be the only one. An intervention brings to bear truth about how the chaotic behavior is affecting the family — that’s the way your sister abuses you, but it’s also the way the nephew abuses your sister. And it offers options for healing, but their response to that is out of your control, as you well know. And so if your sister continues to be abusive to you, you may have to start protecting yourself by limiting your exposure to her. She’s getting all this free therapy from you. Dr. Jacqui Mack-Harris: Oh, I wouldn’t call it therapy. Dr. Alice Benton: Well, you’re her good listening ear. But because you’re her main listener, I think she doesn’t know she needs more help, or she’s not willing or able to go get more professional help. And you need some of that responsibility taken off of your shoulders and transferred to a professional. I have the feeling your sister’s not real willing to get help. Gigi: Well, the good news on that end — all these months that I have been harping on “You need somebody to talk to, you need somebody to tell you how to talk it over with” — she’s got a therapist. Dr. Alice Benton: Terrific. God is good. So celebrating that is right to do. But you still can limit your exposure to her. So that may be, “I’ve got five minutes to listen to you. If you get mean, if you get loud, I will hang up.” Gigi: Oh wow. Dr. Alice Benton: Or, “I’m not willing to hear about this anymore. Please take this to your therapist.” Gigi, you said “Oh wow” twice. What has come up for you? Gigi: That just breaks my heart. Wow. Dr. Alice Benton: You want to find a way to fix it without her having to suffer the consequences. In the same way, she wants to find a way to fix it for her son without him having to face the consequences. She’s not going to grow without the consequence. If you continue to subject yourself to her behavior, you are doing exactly what she is doing with her son. Dr. Jacqui Mack-Harris: How does that land, Gigi? Gigi: She’s been there for all of us every time we needed her. Dr. Jacqui Mack-Harris: Would she tell you wonderful things about her son? It’s the same cycle. Dr. Alice Benton: And Gigi, oddly enough, removing yourself to some distance — it loves her better than just being her listener, because it will force more discomfort, which makes it more likely that she’ll receive the help she’s getting from her therapist. Brian Perez: Gigi, thanks for calling us today here on New Life Live. We know we offered you a lot of suggestions, and go back and listen to the archive so that you can find out more. New Life President Becky Brown Joins the Program Brian Perez: We are back on New Life. Brian Perez here, along with doctors Jacqui Mack-Harris and Alice Benton. And look who’s joining us — it’s New Life President Becky Brown. Hey, Becky. Becky Brown: Hello. Surprise. My heart is hurting for Gigi and her family. So many times we hear the efforts that people are putting into trying to fix the problem. And I’m so grateful that we are here for her to reach out and talk to both you, Jacqui, and Alice, with that compassionate care and insightful truth that you gave her. And you gave her next steps. The only way we can do that is because people are generous and support New Life. They’ve been either part of our 99 for the One monthly donation, or they give big gifts, because out of the abundance that God has given them, they want to give back to make sure that the hope of a new life is there. I was thinking about “Every Man’s Battle,” and we hear so many testimonies. One in particular: Nick felt dead inside. Pornography, lust, and affairs gave him temporary relief, but the emptiness always returned. And while he tried different programs, he was stuck and began to lose hope. His wife gave him an ultimatum — and we hear that a lot here. She said, “You need to go to Every Man’s Battle.” He was hesitant, but he went, and he discovered what was fueling the addiction. He had a safe, shame-free zone and godly counselors who have been on this journey. They know what it’s like to be stuck and to find that freedom in Christ. New Life has had the privilege to walk alongside so many people for close to 40 years. And we couldn’t do it unless God was moving in the hearts of you, our donors and our listeners, to be part of what God is doing through New Life. So I just wanted to come on today and encourage you: if you have not supported us yet, today’s the day. And Brian, how can they give? Brian Perez: Oh, there’s several ways, Becky. They can go online to newlife.com. They can call us at 1-800-NEW-LIFE. They can text NLM — as in New Life Ministries — to 28950. And yeah, if you want to make a big gift today, we are not going to say, “No, no, no, let’s break it up into two or three gifts.” No, no — we’ll take it, because we appreciate so much what you guys do, what the Lord lays on your heart to give toward New Life so that we can continue what we’re doing. And sometimes it’s people like our last caller, Becky, who are calling on behalf of someone else, because they see the turmoil that their family is going through, or a friend or a neighbor. They call because they’re like, “You know what, I trust you guys, you can help. Give me some tips to help my friend. Give me a tip sheet that I can give my friend, because there’s so much going on.” And there’s not too many places — I can’t even think of one — where somebody on a live program would pick up a phone call. We don’t know what you’re going to ask. We don’t know what the situation is. And we are ready to give you the next step, because we know that God is working through the ministry and through our incredible co-hosts. Becky Brown: We’ve been doing this a long time. We’ve been helping so many people, and you’re probably one of them, listener. You’ve been impacted. And so today’s the day. Thanks for letting me jump on, and let’s go back to the calls. Brian Perez: Anytime, Becky. Anytime. It’s so good to hear from Becky when she tells us these stories of listeners that she’s heard firsthand of how New Life Ministries has helped. And I remember recently, Alice, you were talking about how there were things you were going through — you didn’t even know New Life was around, and then you found New Life, and boom. Dr. Alice Benton: That’s right. Even though I grew up in the faith, and I went to college for psychology, I really hadn’t found a resource that combined those two things together. And that’s what New Life does very uniquely. It shows us how the two go hand in hand and are both necessary for our healing. Dr. Jacqui Mack-Harris: I love that New Life exists, because I came up in a church where psychology was bad, and so the church would tell you not to see a therapist — all you need is the Bible, and your pastor. If your pastor doesn’t say it, then you shouldn’t hear it. And so it was a joy for me to find New Life and to find these professionals who have this wisdom, who are God-led, who come prayed up and ready to see what the Holy Spirit will use them to do. Over the years I’ve been able to have conversations with and meet so many people who love New Life, who call in and who listen regularly. It’s a gift to our community, and we really appreciate that people continue to give so that we can continue to serve. Dr. Alice Benton: And it’s not just about listening and receiving the wisdom, but about putting it into practice, especially with the New Life family that believes in these principles together, knows they’re broken, and wants to heal and is actively taking those steps. Because wisdom alone, information alone, is not enough. It needs to be practiced with other people. That’s that iron that sharpens iron. And I’ve never found better iron than at New Life. Brian Perez: Those formative years for me too were also, you know, no psychology — just whatever your pastor says, that’s all you need. Psychology was just man’s wisdom instead of God’s wisdom. Well, here at New Life, we combine these things, and we put God’s word first in front of everything that we do, because that’s what it’s all about. We’re not here to just tell you what we think — we search the scriptures and we give you godly advice, and we want to keep doing it. So if you can help us today, go to newlife.com, or call 1-800-NEW-LIFE, or text NLM to 28950. Thank you for your generosity. Email Question: Debbie Brian Perez: So we have several ways that you can ask your question. Our favorite way is when you call into the studio when we’re here taking calls, and you can find out more about that on our website, newlife.com/radio, which shows our recording schedule. It also gives you a phone number where you can leave a voicemail. And there’s also a form that you can fill out so that you can send us an email with your question. That is what Debbie did. Debbie asks, “How do I love and support my 22-year-old daughter without giving support to the lesbian lifestyle?” Debbie says her daughter is in a lesbian relationship. She’s never exhibited this tendency before. She’s not had any boyfriends, but she’s wanted one desperately. They’re Christian; she’s been raised in the church. She thinks God is okay with her lifestyle. “So how do I love and support her?” What do you guys say to Debbie? Dr. Jacqui Mack-Harris: I say love her and support her as the person. That’s hard, though, I think, for Debbie to be able to do, because Debbie’s not able to separate out her daughter’s relational activity from the person that she is. What I would wonder is: what has your relationship with her been like? What does love look like? What does it mean to love someone? I would go to scripture and look at what scripture says about love, and see if those are thoughts, tenets, behaviors, ways of being that you find in your relationship with your daughter. And then this is something I ask people regularly: how is that other person’s sex life affecting you? I think as Christians, we spend an enormous amount of time concerned about other people’s sexual health and sex life, and I just don’t see God being nearly as concerned about everybody else’s sex life as we are. I think we as Christians have made that a focal point, and we are doing a disservice. We are not introducing people to Jesus. We’re introducing people to rules and propriety, and Jesus came to set us free. Either we are free in Christ or we are not. And if I help someone know Jesus — I’ve introduced them to Jesus, I’ve walked through the Roman Road with them, they’ve accepted Christ and they know Jesus — the rest is not my business. I trust the Holy Spirit to do what he’s going to do. And if they end up in a homosexual relationship, drug-addicted, in a violent abusive relationship, anything — that is between them and God at that point. All God has called me to do is love God with all my heart, soul, and mind, and to love others as I love myself. So I think as Christians, we have to check ourselves. We are the ones falling out of line. I don’t have anything to do with your marriage — whether you are in a same-sex marriage or a gendered marriage, I have nothing to do with that. What God has called me to do is to help you know Jesus. And if I’ve done that, then I know I’ve done my work, and I trust the Holy Spirit to handle anything that God’s not pleased with. Dr. Alice Benton: Debbie, your question must have a lot of fear and pain to it, and I know I would feel similarly if I were in your shoes. We’re getting this question more and more frequently from other parents who wonder, “Why did my good Christian upbringing not seem to stick in this area of my child’s life?” — especially when your daughter sounds like she expressed a desire for a boyfriend for a long time. What a shock that she then introduces you to her girlfriend. I think you will not like some of the things that I have to say, because getting to know her partner is a way to love her and to love the partner. But I think that might not feel right to you to do. I think you can be a Christian influence in both of their lives more by your actions than by your words of opposition. There could be a tendency towards judgmentalism out of your fear — and I would have that same tendency in your shoes. And you might possibly be wondering, “Did I fail my daughter? What did I do wrong that this is a choice she has made?” So I want you to be really careful about judgmentalism coming out. I also think we are called to warn other believers when we see that there is sin behavior, or to warn those who are stumbling toward the edge. So I think it’s a parental obligation to say — once, with a whole lot of love and kindness and humility — “I am an imperfect parent, and I also need to point something out, because I love you so much. I am confused that you’re both a Christian and you’re choosing a homosexual relationship. What’s your understanding of what the Bible has to say about that? I really want to understand your perspective as a Christian.” Be more of a listener, Debbie, than a speaker. But once, it’s important to conclude with, “I disagree with you. I think this part of your relationship is out of alignment with God’s will, and I need to point that out because I love you and I don’t want you to have unnecessary suffering in your life. All the times I’ve been out of alignment with God’s will — my lying, my extramarital emotional affair, my excessive alcohol use — I was out of alignment with his will, and it brought suffering on me too. So I’m going to keep loving you, I’m going to keep praying for you, and I thank you that you heard this conversation from me.” That’s what I would have you share with your daughter. There’s a great book called Embodied by Preston Sprinkle. He’s a clinician who has specialized in this very thing: What do we do with both Christianity and same-sex desire, and how do we love well? And we do it a lot more with behavior than with words. Brian Perez: Isn’t loving and supporting the partner — Debbie was asking about her daughter, and you both gave great advice, but when we bring the partner into it, doesn’t it seem like we’re condoning the behavior? We’ve got the holidays coming up. People are going to probably start calling soon: “Do I invite them to Thanksgiving dinner? Do I invite them to our Christmas celebration?” Dr. Jacqui Mack-Harris: Well, I think, like Alice said, this is an opportunity for your witness. And it honestly doesn’t matter if you agree with the lifestyle or not. You’ve said you don’t agree — so in that, you have said, “This isn’t something I think is okay. I love you, but I’m concerned for you. I’m concerned for how this will impact your life.” That is your “I don’t agree.” But we are called to love others. We’re called to love our enemies. We’re called to love our neighbors. We’re called to love ourselves. We’re called to love God. We are not called to not love anybody. Period. And we are not doing a great job of that as Christians. So I agree that is one way to show your daughter love and acceptance of her as a person. You don’t have to accept someone’s experience or their life in order to validate them as a person. And so when her friend comes over, you have boundaries in place regardless of whether your child is dating someone you approve of or not, right? Hopefully they respect your home and they respect your rules. But you get to set boundaries. And you’re right, the holidays are coming up, and this definitely is going to be a topic at many tables, because some families are estranged, because it is preferable to not have the other person around than to have that discomfort of, “Well, we disagree with this lifestyle.” But I agree with Dr. Alice. I think it can be a way that your Christian witness can go forward. We have people in our life who don’t believe how we believe, and whose actions and behaviors are not the same as our own, but they know us and love us, and we know them and we love them. Dr. Alice Benton: If I had no sinners at my table, I wouldn’t be allowed there either. And Jesus gave a pretty neat example of going to the parties that were full of sinners, because the sinners are the ones that need him. I’m the one that needs him. Brian Perez: Yep. Debbie, thanks for submitting your question at newlife.com/radio. We’ll talk to you next time. Thanks for listening. We hope this program has helped you by giving you insights for handling the challenges you face in your life. We want you to know that we’re here for you, but you also need to know that New Life Live is a listener-supported ministry. To make your donation or to get any of the resources mentioned on today’s program, call 1-800-NEW-LIFE. That’s 1-800-639-5433, or online at newlife.com. Please join us again tomorrow for New Life Live. If you or someone you know is struggling If you or someone you love is thinking about suicide or self-harm, you don’t have to face it alone. Call or text the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988, or reach out to New Life at 1-800-NEW-LIFE (1-800-639-5433).

Caller Questions & Discussion: Dr. Jim discusses how spiritual discipline helps us become better equipped to handle whatever comes our way. Using Jesus' example in Luke 6:12, picture a wagon wheel with three parts: solitude, community, and mission. Should I wait for my daughter to make the first move so we can have a relationship? She's 46, and we can't seem to find peace between us. She resents that I left New York and her. We moved across the country to be close to my in-laws, but I'm having a hard time with my mother-in-law, who won't even babysit for us. She doesn't let my husband's cousin or sister talk to me unless I mend things with her. Should I be the one to mend the relationship? My 19-year-old daughter is living with a man out of wedlock. Since I don’t agree with her lifestyle, should I stop paying her car insurance?

Caller Questions & Discussion: Chris discusses how much he loves old hymns. One line from the hymn “Come Thou Fount” that stands out to him is, “Tune my heart to sing Thy grace.” Tuning our hearts to “sing Thy grace” is a daily task. It's been a year since my son has talked to me. He is gay, and he and his partner lost the home they were living in. He stopped talking to me after I told him I wouldn't give him any money. He used to take drugs, but his partner has helped him stop. What should I do? My friend has panic attacks and goes to the hospital. She already sees a doctor, and I'm tutoring her in English because she's from another country. How can I help her? Can our marriage survive a sexless existence? Eighteen months ago, I found out that my husband had been cheating on me with prostitutes for the majority of our seven-year marriage. My husband also has ED.

Caller Questions & Discussion: Dr. Jill shares how waterskiing reminded her of the mind-body connection and the importance of staying active. Nothing stays the same, so keep moving forward! My sister, who is 11 years older, is racist, and she speaks ugly about strangers. I’m white and have 2 black grandkids, so this is especially hurtful. Should I stay or leave my marriage? I've been married for 47 years to a narcissist and wonder if God has called me to stay because my marriage is my ministry. After three years in a recovery group, I feel God calling me to lead a Life Recovery Group. How do I maintain healthy boundaries and balance while overcoming my fear of failure? My husband and I have been separated for 3 weeks, and he is living in another state. My OCD has been getting worse.

Caller Questions & Discussion: Dr. Alice shares how more and more parents are seeing their children become disrespectful while still demanding screen time. She offers steps parents can take. My husband will take what I say and switch it to something unrelated, and he'll relate the conversation to a song he's heard. He did drugs in his 20s. Did the drugs affect him, and how do I respond to help him see his problem? Do I leave my church because everyone is 30 years younger and I can't connect? I moved to California from Alaska. My daughter won't speak to me, and my sons tell me that my faith in Jesus is a fairy tale. Both of my husbands died tragically and I lost a son as a baby. Did my mother's constant behavior of leaving the house and ignoring my cries cause buried bitterness and resentment in my heart? I was molested by a family member as a young child every time my mother was away from our home.

Caller Questions & Discussion: Dr. Sheri explains why ambiguity can make us anxious and how a frightening choking incident reminded her that control is an illusion. All we have is right now. Taking life moment by moment can help us manage anxiety and uncertainty. When I read Proverbs 3:5-6, why do I have to trust anyone? It says to trust in the Lord with ALL of your heart. Am I using this verse to protect myself? God didn't command us to trust in anyone but Him but to love others. I've been separated from my wife for over 3 years, and my 18-year-old son with ADHD and learning disabilities lives with me. How do I help him launch? A fear always comes over me at sundown. I emigrated from Mexico when I was 7 and left my grandfather. I think my fear became worse because I always waited for someone to come home as I looked out the window.

Caller Questions & Discussion: Dr. Alice asks, “Are you taking the proven steps you need to get better? If not, why not?” Don't let fear, ignorance, or pride keep you from facing pain, pursuing healing, and taking God's steps toward lasting change. How does a young man prepare for marriage and leave behind childish things in a world that is hostile to biblical maturity? I'm in my mid-20s and have struggled with pornography. My three sisters and I all experienced sexual abuse from our older brother growing up. Two of my sisters forgave him, but my youngest sister hasn't. How can my siblings and I best help her? What's the best strategy to approach my 22-year-old stepdaughter who likes to eat out and expects us to pay for it? We have a massive tax bill due because of her college tuition. I'm starting to feel taken advantage of.

Caller Questions & Discussion: Dr. Jim discusses how children are being exposed to pornography at younger ages, with some children encountering it as young as age 8. If a parent catches their child watching it, they need to be careful not to overreact and instead be a safe place for their kids. I'm concerned for my 8-year-old daughter's safety as she lives with my wife, who said she doesn't want to be a pastor's wife and asked me to leave. My daughter is now lashing out at her grandmother. How do I handle this? I got pregnant and married at 15. I still feel guilty about disciplining my son when he was 8 and I caught him masturbating. My son has forgiven me, but I can't forgive myself.

Caller Questions & Discussion: Marc reflects on how his 21-year-old son's ADHD made school a roller coaster, activating Marc's stress system. When it comes to parenting, more is caught than taught; we need to soothe before we solve, to model emotional maturity. Where does ayahuasca come from, and is it addictive? My 35-year-old daughter wants to be a mom and find a husband; she traveled to Peru and took ayahuasca, and her brother died from drugs. How can people move forward after losing someone to suicide? I mentored a young man in foster care who would have been 45 today, but he died by suicide in April. I'm undiagnosed but think I may have ADHD or autism. I tend to be very direct, which can get me into trouble, and I grew up with abusive, unfiltered parents. How do I get through my day?

Caller Questions & Discussion: JJ explains primary and secondary boundaries from the Every Man's Battle Intensive, sharing how he set boundaries around which foods he allows in his home after changing his diet. What secondary “fences” or primary boundaries do you need to set? I'm separated after 34 years of marriage to a covert narcissistic husband, and my adult sons show narcissistic tendencies. Can you give me biblical advice on helping them while grieving the loss of my 22-year-old son to suicide? Any advice on how I can help my angry grandson? He'll be 17 and wants to live with his dad, but my daughter doesn't want him to.

Caller Questions & Discussion: Dr. Jill explains how being in a dissociative state can leave you feeling unsafe and vulnerable. While awareness can be painful, leaning into it can help us let go of old defenses that are no longer needed. My daughter is married to a controlling man who threatens her with divorce and doesn't want to be intimate with her. He only sees their baby for half an hour a day. As a parent, what's the best advice I can give her? My granddaughter got saved and asked me to baptize her; is it biblical for a woman to baptize? My husband was a pastor who fell from grace, and no one has seen him in 15 years. It's very hard for me to accept a compliment. When people say nice things about me, I say, “It's not true.” How can I learn to accept compliments? I'm legally separated, and so is my boyfriend. We've been dating for three years and plan to marry after our divorces are final. I'm worried that if I stop having sex until marriage, I may lose him. What should I do?

Caller Questions & Discussion: Dr. Jim discusses the challenges of the sandwich generation—balancing parenting with caring for aging parents—and shares practical tips for managing emotional, relational, physical, and spiritual stress. Remember: self-care isn't selfish. I'm 61 and have two older sisters. The middle sister is very toxic. As a Christian, how much should I put myself out there when she is very hard to deal with? She insults me from head to toe. My 91-year-old mom has people trying to hack her computer. I had a major financial loss from being hacked myself. I'm really struggling in both the spiritual and physical realm; trust is hard. How should I move forward if I am doing most of the work to heal our marriage? Since the porn has been blocked, my husband is spending like crazy. And a woman at work is buying him gifts. He's a good man and we have a lot of things in common, but I'm not sure if I should stay.

Caller Questions & Discussion: Chris explains how judging others can divide us, create an unsafe environment, and keep us from honestly examining our own struggles. Every Man's Battle Intensive offers a safe, Christ-centered place where men can bring their hardest struggles into the light without fear of judgment. My schizophrenic grandson had a child with a bipolar, abusive woman. How can I help? How can I find the right psychiatrist and help my daughter while respecting HIPAA? She is 35 years old, lives in another state, has two sons, recently got a DUI, and may be struggling with mental health issues. I'm raising my granddaughters, 11 and 12, because my daughter is in rehab for drug and alcohol abuse. The younger one doesn't seem to show remorse or empathy; how do I handle this? My husband passed away 10 years ago. I don't want to date or go out, and my family says I need counseling, so I isolated myself from them. How should I respond? The Bible says to mourn up to 30 days, but that’s not me.

Caller Questions & Discussion: Marc explains that sometimes one partner in a married couple takes sex off the table because they're resentful and angry. But when sex is withheld, that feels like an abandonment. Sex is not for one person to suppress but for both to address. How do I deal with finding vulgar texts on my disabled girlfriend's phone from a pastor? I help her with daily tasks. At first, she didn't tell me the truth, but she now says the pastor forced her to have sex. My son just told me I couldn't come into his house and that his wife and his granddaughter are his priority. My adult kids caused a rift in my marriage, and I'm divorced now. They treat me like an outcast. I need to let them go. How can I process this family conflict? I lost my husband of 21 years last year to pancreatic cancer and have a hard time moving on. I don't like to go anywhere by myself, and I'm having a hard time having conversations with the opposite sex. How do I find a counselor? My wife says I don't have her back. She makes smart remarks back to people and their remarks get very explicit. Then she asks me why I don't say anything. How do I handle this?

Caller Questions & Discussion: JJ shares about the story of Joseph, which he often teaches at the end of the Every Man's Battle Intensive. Despite jealousy, lies, abuse, slavery, false accusations, imprisonment, and famine, Joseph could say, “You meant evil against me, but God meant it for good” (Genesis 50:20). I'm struggling with acceptance because shame comes over me. I'd like to move forward. How do you overcome that? I was always told I was a good kid and was a listener, but I never applied it to myself. After hearing my neighbors' dogs bark for 4 months straight, I called the police and animal control. I feel responsible that it led to an investigation to see if they were also neglecting their kids, and I feel targeted by other neighbors. My wife died 4 months ago and I met a widow in a grief group who recently lost her husband. What should my next step be? I know it's too early for me to start another relationship. I've lost all faith and trust in Christianity. I was an altar boy in the oldest church in America, but it was all in Latin. I'm very discouraged to hear that there are other religions that have very similar stories as Christianity.

Caller Questions & Discussion: Dr. Alice discusses four ways to deal with anxiety and explains how using something cold on the face activates the mammalian dive reflex—an automatic bodily response that may help regulate the body and reduce anxiety symptoms. I'm 51, and my mom is moving in with me and my two teens. How can I set healthy boundaries with my mom? Every time I have to confront her about anything, she cries. How does childhood sexual abuse affect adults? A relative of mine struggles with the effects of childhood trauma and has addictions. She has attempted suicide and sleeps a lot. Her father sexually abused her and her sisters.

Caller Questions & Discussion: Dr. Alison Cook, psychologist, podcaster, and attachment-style expert, discusses her newest book The Secure Soul and how she wove experiences from childhood into adulthood. She asks the question: What does it mean to connect with yourself, especially the younger version of yourself? What is fueling feelings of insecurity? Where is God in times of trials? What is your definition of the word soul, and how do we know that we need to tend to our soul? I'm struggling at work and feeling lonely. I left work today just for the afternoon because it's a toxic environment. I overextend myself, and it makes me feel empty. Some people believe the past should be left in the past. Why is it important that we revisit experiences from our childhood and youth?

Caller Questions & Discussion: Chris discusses scarcity vs. abundance and how feeling unloved in our relationships can make us believe we are unworthy or not valuable. Through gratitude, we can refocus our hearts on God's goodness and learn to relax into His love today. I'm in my sixth marriage and have been married for seven years. My 73-year-old husband rarely talks to me all day, calls my grandkids vulgar names, and walks away from me. We're seeing a marriage counselor. Do I stay or go? My husband won't remove his boots before he comes into the house because he says he's the leader of the house. I've been praying and fasting, but I'm at an impasse with my husband over Ephesians 5. There are other areas where he's controlling. I've been married for 25 years and have nine kids. When I come home, the first thing I do is ask my wife if there's anything I can do to help her. Even when we fall short, the Lord is there for us. I've heard your female callers today talking about how hard their marriages are. Is there anything else we can do to help these women? When is it okay for them to leave, even temporarily?

Caller Questions & Discussion: How can you reduce your “buts”? Marc explains why but can feel like a dismissal or subtraction in conversation, while and can feel like an addition. Learn how pausing before you say but can help you communicate in a way that makes others feel valued and heard. I really want to get healed from people-pleasing. My mom used to tell me not to make enemies. I have a friend who made a racist comment that I want to walk away from but don't know how. How do I get over it? My wife was diagnosed with ovarian cancer when she was pregnant. The doctor took a cyst off and put 178 staples in her, and she carried our daughter full-term. This is why someone shouldn't have an abortion. How would I know if I need to find a different church? I have romantic feelings for my pastor, who is divorced. I find myself interacting with him every weekend and don't know how to avoid crossing boundaries. My ex-wife called the police because I spanked my son three years ago. What's my next step? I live in Canada. My ex-wife called the police again, and now I can't see my 11-year-old son and have to go to court.

Caller Questions & Discussion: Dr. Jill discusses scrupulosity, a form of religious or moral OCD that can cause intense guilt, anxiety, and obsessive thoughts about faith and morality. People may obsess over questions like whether they have blasphemed the Holy Spirit. Therapy and medication can help manage religious OCD and anxiety. Our pastor's 27-year-old son used to be in church leadership, but he is now in prison for explicit child materials. A little girl in the church told her parents that he had abused her, but the pastor denied it. Should I report it? The church doesn't know he is in prison. I experienced sexual assault in seventh grade that I repressed for 40 years, and recently my church has hurt me through gaslighting. I'm working through the trauma and unhealthy coping habits, like watching TV to numb myself, while taking medication from a psychiatrist. I have schizoaffective disorder and live with my brother. He doesn't think I'm doing enough, and I agree. Is a lack of motivation common with this disorder? Whom should I believe when my wife and adult daughter from a previous marriage both accuse each other of gaslighting me?

Caller Questions & Discussion: Dr. Sheri discusses how she likes to “noodle” after a conversation by trying to figure out what happened. She shares that we often push down our feelings, but we must give feelings space to be included in the room. I heard a show last week about a man whose sister-in-law had gone through treatment for alcoholism, but his wife was still angry. Having been affected by alcoholism, I wondered why you didn't mention that his wife may also need support from a counselor. My husband has separated from me and leased an apartment. He says he made impulsive mistakes in the past and doesn't want to reconcile. My kids won't talk to him. What do I do now? My 64-year-old brother has a history of estrangement from our family. I'm the executor of the trust my parents set up for him. He's my last living relative. Do I keep reaching out? Your opening meant a lot to me. I have a close friend who is an emotional avoider, while I'm a vacillator. How do I approach a highly emotional conversation with someone who doesn't place much value on emotions?

Caller Questions & Discussion: Dr. Jacqui reflects on a therapy program's 40th anniversary at the school where she works and the importance of taking responsibility for our healing, as (James 2:17) states: “faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.” What is an intervention? When is the right time to do an intervention with my alcoholic daughter? Are there any precautions to take? In 2013, I went to Every Man's Battle and ended up with an awesome friend. I used to make sex an idol, but it's been a joy now that I don't turn to pornography to satisfy my desires. My wife of 25 years thinks I'm having an affair with a married woman, but I'm not. The other woman is very touchy-feely, and we've gone on ski trips with her and her family. My best friend is a Jehovah's Witness. How do I guide her to see that her faith is not the same as Protestant Christianity?

Caller Questions & Discussion: Pastor and author Max Lucado joins us to discuss his newest book and explains how the story of Elijah demonstrates the power of prayer. Elijah was human, just as we are, and God wants us to bring our concerns to Him. We should always choose prayer rather than despair. What does it mean to wrestle in prayer? I recently read one of Max Lucado's devotionals, and it made me think how God had Jesus come to Earth as a human being so we would know He wants a family. I'm in my mid-60s, and I believe prayer should be the first thing we do. What do you mean by “divine disruptions”? What is one thing you hope readers will take away from your book? Whatever drought you're going through, God has set a time limit for it. Can you talk about that?

Caller Questions & Discussion: Dr. Alice discusses how screens and AI chatbots can draw children into unsafe situations, including harmful relationships and even suicide. Parents and grandparents can help by setting healthy screen boundaries and staying connected with children online and offline. I retired in April after 47 years of marriage and 35 years as a truck driver. I feel like I have a new life and new opportunities, but my wife still controls our finances, keeps the house cluttered, and won't listen to my ideas. I'm alive, but I'm not living. I'm 31 weeks pregnant, single, and recently moved in with my 14-year-old sister and my mom who calls me names. As a new believer, how can I respond to family disagreements in a Christ-like way? What's the best way to handle hurt feelings in our relationship with our estranged adult daughter? She mainly agrees to visits when she needs us to babysit. We respect her boundaries, but it feels like a wall is building between us.

Caller Questions & Discussion: Dr. Jill shares how her husband was recently ill and how she had to do a lot of work she normally wouldn't have to do. Each morning, she chooses gratitude. Our feelings, actions, and thoughts don't always align in relationships, but we can choose to do the right thing through mutual serving and submission. I live in Canada, and I have an 11-year-old son. I lightly slapped my son and once pushed him out of the way, and my ex called 911. Now I'm under supervised visits. How do I keep from becoming bitter? My children want their dad, my ex-husband with Alzheimer’s and anger issues, to live with me so I can be his caregiver. But I have serious health issues and anxiety too. I don’t feel capable of it and don't want to, but I'm a people pleaser. How do I discuss healthy boundaries with my girlfriend in a kind and balanced way? She’s from Brazil, and we're both Christians. I tried to set a boundary on French kissing, but she thinks it's no big deal. We were referred to a New Life counselor, but my husband gave up on couples therapy. How do I encourage him to go back without sounding like a nag? We're both very direct.

Caller Questions & Discussion: Dr. Alice discusses how Christians can respond with grace and compassion toward those who experience same-sex attraction. If you have a family member who struggles with same-sex attraction, offer a listening ear and create space for honest, faith-filled conversations. How do I get over my ex-husband? We divorced in 2020, and he now has a live-in girlfriend, but I don't know how to move on. We have a son together, and my son doesn't talk to me. I've recently seen a major personality change in my daughter, who's in college and almost 19. We found marijuana in her car. She moved out, and I'm afraid her personality change is related to her mental health. I have ADHD and am trying to navigate leading my family of 8 kids. When I try to express my emotions, it’s taken as a complaint. How do I cope and find love for my wife and family? My 40-year-old stepdaughter has a drinking problem and constantly intrudes into our family. The only time my children get to come over is for Christmas. Now my stepdaughter wants to come for Christmas too. When I said no, it became a mess.

Caller Questions & Discussion: Dr. Jacqui shares that many men carry overwhelming anxiety when they feel responsible for everyone and everything, which can lead to micromanaging. Micromanaging isn't always about control–it can be anxiety disguised as leadership. I listened to Dr. Jacqui share on July 24 about having a friend who is sensitive to perfume. I wanted to let her know about NAET, a drug-free method that helped me and my family with allergies and sensitivities. My sister-in-law is an alcoholic who has been to four treatment centers. She is now 90 days sober. My wife is still very angry with her. What's the best way to reintegrate her back in with the family while maintaining healthy boundaries? My son's fiancée has been cheating on him for over a year with another man, and he has chosen to forgive her. I want to support my son, but I also want to support my wife, who doesn't trust his fiancée. How do I handle this? I lost my job in June after working there for 17 months. I'm not sure why I was let go, and I'm struggling to figure out how to move forward and find a new job.

Caller Questions & Discussion: Is technology bringing your family closer together or further apart? Dr. Jim shares digital wellness tips and biblical principles for healthier family relationships. My girlfriend’s son was murdered by his friend. Later, my son started dating the daughter of the murderer, but he eventually broke up with her. How do we deal with this? I’m a pastor and was asked to perform a same-sex commitment ceremony. When I read that “love covers a multitude of sins” but then read that same-sex relationships are a sin, I'm conflicted. How do I deal with my mixed emotions? I got saved when I went to prison, and now I have a wife and eight sons. I wanted to encourage the pastor who called in about whether he should perform a same-sex ceremony to go back to what God’s Word says. My husband of 47 years stonewalls me when he doesn’t want to address an issue. He closes his eyes, clenches his fists, and shuts down. He used to watch pornography and cross-dress. What kind of boundary should I set so I can stay calm?

Caller Questions & Discussion: Marc shares that depending on one's attachment style, each person may respond differently to change. Growth always requires a risk. If you’re stuck in a relational cycle of doom, where will you be a year from now? Should I stay in a 36-year marriage when my husband keeps giving his family members money without discussing it with me? Yesterday, I discovered that he's continued to do it. What should I do if I still get bullied by my ex-husband who divorced me 20 years ago? My 44-year-old daughter spent time in a behavioral health hospital when my ex-husband and I were still co-parenting. But she divorced in April, and my ex's bullying continues. How do I go about rebuilding intimacy in my 33-year marriage? As my husband has put on weight, is it a medical problem or a mental health issue? I feel like if I talk about it with him, he'll pull away. My father died three weeks ago, and my brother is the executor for my father’s estate. He won’t let me look at the will; how do I deal with him?

Caller Questions & Discussion: Dr. Jill discusses parental PTSD and how a hijacked nervous system can lead to catastrophizing, overgeneralizing, and rumination. If you struggle with parental PTSD, ask yourself: When did I first feel this way before becoming a parent? I sold my home and invested in building a new home with my fiancé, but he didn't contribute financially, and the home was destroyed by a hurricane. Now he's unsure about marriage and wants a prenup. What should I do? I've been married for 43 years. My husband is emotionally avoidant, and two years ago he told me he didn't love me anymore. He's in counseling now, but we haven't been intimate for 30 years. I feel stuck and afraid. Is there hope for our marriage? On Mother's Day, my husband told me he wants a divorce. We have children with special needs and haven't been intimate for 16 years, but I don't want our marriage to end. He's even started improving his appearance. Am I wrong to hold onto hope? When should I expect a call from my boss after being laid off last week? He's also my friend, and I helped him get the job. Should I reach out?

Caller Questions & Discussion: Marc shares how to respond when you feel frustrated. Instead of just expressing frustration, identify what you’re really feeling. Discover the emotional need beneath your frustration and what you need to resolve it. My sister and I are in our 80s and 90s. I’m in counseling, but where do I start to begin healing the broken relationship with my sister? Her ex-husband is dying. I was recently diagnosed with autism at 79 years old. Could autism be contributing to the emotional and psychological challenges I've been working through in counseling? I’ve been committed to personal growth for many years, including participating in Al-Anon. How do I stop procrastinating about cleaning out a room and closet that desperately need attention? I'm in a relationship with someone who has an avoidant attachment style. The pulling away has been extreme; after being apart, he's now returned because of nostalgia. Is there any hope? He refuses counseling.

Caller Questions & Discussion: Becky discusses an article circulating online that asks: Are therapists to blame for family estrangement? About one-third of families believe a therapist influenced the decision. However, most therapists do not encourage family estrangement. Our 24-year-old son is home from college and thinks he can do whatever he wants. We're trying to set healthy boundaries, but he's abusing Adderall and dropped out of college even though he only had two classes left to earn his degree. My 36-year-old daughter is taking medication for depression and was advised by her clinic to distance herself from me. Now she won't let me see my grandchildren, and I just want to spend time with them and have coffee together. Her father was an alcoholic. Besides praying, what can I do to rebuild our relationship? How do I handle my 20-year-old daughter making allegations that her stepfather behaved in sexually inappropriate ways toward her when she was younger? I'm in a Christian courtship. I'm non-denominational, and he's a Pentecostal pastor. I thought it would work because we're both Christians, but after two years, I'm struggling with all of the rules and expectations.

Caller Questions & Discussion: Dr. Jim shares that while speaking last week, he reflected on the Los Angeles fires last year. His brother lost his home. In difficult times, he reminds us that one of the best ways to persevere is to deepen our spiritual roots and stay grounded in faith. My daughter found her 14-year-old son's journal and discovered he wants to change his gender. What can she do? Is my husband right to forbid me from visiting my children or having them come “home” to visit? My husband doesn't want me to have anything to do with my four adult children and grandchildren from a previous marriage. My husband and I would love to have a relationship with our 10 grandchildren, but it seems like they don't want anything to do with us. How do we deal with this? My 10-year-old granddaughter says she likes girls and believes she's therian, meaning she identifies as an animal. She wears ears, a tail, and crawls on the ground. How do I help her?

Caller Questions & Discussion: Dr. Alice shares a recent moment when she felt disrespected by one of her children. Instead of reacting, she used the Comfort Circle to create space for connection and understanding. If you're struggling with a child who's disobeying you, use gentle curiosity. I was walking with my friend and noticed she seemed very paranoid. She is involved in ministry, has a son, and believes she is experiencing spiritual warfare, but she won't seek professional help. How can I support her? Why do I still feel so alone, depressed, and sad? I've had counseling in the past for traumatic events like my husband dying unexpectedly 13 years ago, becoming a single mom, and taking care of my mom before she passed away three months ago. My boss often doesn't complete tasks and leaves responsibilities for the rest of us to handle. I feel overwhelmed and upset; what should I do about it?

Caller Questions & Discussion: Dr. Alice shares that she came from a family that did not meet her emotional needs. So with her spouse and children, she tells them that she needs to hear them say they love her. Whenever the people I'm in a relationship with did three things I didn't like, I'd ghost them. So it was three strikes, and they were out. But God spoke to me about how I'd feel if I was on the receiving end. I bought a home, but my neighbors are using Ouija boards and are hostile. If it happens again, I'll probably commit suicide. Why don't you open up in a word of prayer for each show? If I'm talking to someone, I'm going to pray to set the tone for the conversation. Do frequent visits to the cemetery prolong grief? How can I stop drinking? My husband died after 40 years of marriage. He was my compass, and I'm so lost. I feel like I need a personal assistant. Although my husband is still with me, over the past 26 years of his illness, I feel like I will never accept losing my love when the time does come. I feel stuck.

Caller Questions & Discussion: Dr. Jill shares about a recent baby shower, where guests were asked to give advice to the mom-to-be. Children learn from their primary caregivers. As parents remain calm and create a safe environment, children learn how to self-regulate. I heard the story that when I was just 18 months old, when my sibling was born, I was sent to live with my grandparents for a few weeks. Is this something I should be concerned about if I have no memory of it? I've been married to a man who has had 15 affairs or more. I'm in my 70s. He still flirts with women and gaslights me. We never resolved our issues, and I'm the one who gets blamed. What does it mean when he says, “I don't know you anymore?” My friend has been involved with women of the night, and I'm worried about it leading to sin. How can I help him? He's living two different lives and even ordered a sex doll.

Caller Questions & Discussion: Dr. Alice asks an important question: What is your default response when you become emotionally dysregulated? While everyone experiences emotional dysregulation, many of us fall into unhealthy coping patterns. Learning to recognize and understand your reactions is the first step toward emotional healing and healthier relationships. What does it mean to be independent in a relationship? When I notice flaws in someone, I completely reject them. I've read a lot about codependency, and my parents were physically and emotionally abusive. I turned down 10 job opportunities in other countries so I could spend more time with my girlfriend.  Now I feel unworthy because she has a successful business, and I don’t have a job.  After two years, she's upset that I haven't proposed. How can I overcome this terrible feeling of unworthiness? My daughter and her husband aren't united in helping my 4-year-old grandson resolve conflict. Instead, my grandson shuts down and holds the entire family hostage while my daughter and son-in-law continue to argue.

Caller Questions & Discussion: JJ shares the story of hockey player Claude Lemieux, who recently died by suicide after struggling with sex addiction. JJ then reflects on the story of the woman caught in adultery in the Bible (John 8), reminding us that we're all sinners, and Jesus did not condemn her. My husband has been divorced from his ex-wife for 28 years. She recently texted him and said she is working through Step 9 and wants to make amends. She would like to have a Zoom call with us. How should I respond? How should I prepare? I can't relax. When I don't hear from my 26-year-old son, who struggles with alcohol addiction, I go into panic mode. He has been sober for five months now.” I was molested when I was 9 and struggled with addictions. It was on an emergency room bed that I surrendered to God. Now I've been married almost 37 years. The work you all do is amazing! God is always there with open arms. I called last week to ask whether my daughter should be undressing in front of her 8-year-old son. My daughter listened to your program, and she's going to follow your advice! How can I work from, and not for, my identity in Christ when I work in sales? I'm constantly being judged by my performance.

Caller Questions & Discussion: Becky shares how the apostle Paul wrote Philippians while imprisoned, reminding believers to focus on God even in difficult circumstances. In Philippians 4:8, Paul writes, “Fix your thoughts on what is true…” Becky asks listeners an important question: What is imprisoning you? We went to visit my daughter's new baby and tried to respect their strict boundaries. For example, when I kissed my grandchild, they asked me not to do that. How do I talk to my husband about the distractions in his life, including pornography, that keep him from facing difficult issues? He needs to find a different job, but he spends his time watching TV and viewing porn. My husband and I have been married for 50 years and have seen 10 counselors over the years, but nothing has helped. He has had a successful career as a photographer and insists on posting photos on social media. I've told him that people should sign release forms, but he refuses. What should I do? I've been married for 17 years and am visually impaired, and my wife is blind.  She recently developed serious medical issues, and I had to place her in a care facility. How do I navigate this season? It's difficult, and I miss her deeply.

Caller Questions & Discussion: Dr. Jacqui discusses how we often wait for other people to make us feel valued, important, and cared for. If you're waiting for someone else to give you a sense of priority or feeling frustrated because you think someone should have considered your needs, ask yourself: When was the last time you considered you? I've been estranged from my adult daughter for two-and-a-half years. We didn't argue; she just stopped talking to me. She wanted me to help care for her daughters, but she suddenly exploded and screamed at me. I have a history of dissociation and unresolved trauma, and I experience muscle-memory responses connected to those painful experiences. Our bodies naturally try to heal and protect themselves. I was serving in ministry, but my husband was emotionally abusive, and I finally asked him to leave. Why does everything feel so difficult right now? My daughter now has to attend public school, and I feel like my life is falling apart. I've been married for almost 42 years, and we have a blended family. How can I reconnect with my husband without nagging him? We used to have daily devotions together at a set time, but now he won't put his phone away.

Caller Questions & Discussion: Dr. Jim discusses how building walls through defensiveness, denial, isolation, and passive-aggressive behavior can damage our relationships. If you've been putting up walls, it may be time to start tearing them down. Boundaries shouldn’t build up walls; they should build structure. My wife is struggling with severe nerve pain, and we feel like we're not being seen or heard by God. Like Job and the man at the Pool of Bethesda, I know we won't always get answers for the suffering we experience. I'm estranged from my daughter and haven't been able to see my 8-year-old grandson. Should I stop trying to reach out? She hasn't returned any of my calls or texts. My husband of nearly 53 years was raised by a difficult mother and struggles with his mental health and sex addiction. When he sees a woman he finds attractive, he fixates on her for hours.

Caller Questions & Discussion: Chris discusses Proverbs 3:5-6 and Psalm 37:3. The principles in these passages have helped Chris guide his boys. When we curate God's goodness, it helps us see the things that truly matter. Trust God, and do good. I've had some hurts, habits, and hang-ups over the years. I don't want to think about the past or return to it because I've struggled with drug abuse and toxic relationships. What are my options in my marriage with no intimacy and my husband having an emotional affair? He has a friendship with a married woman who is half his age. But I had a one-night stand. It's been 8 years since my daughter has talked to me. She is living on the streets after 8 years in the military, and she might be using drugs. Should I pursue her, or leave it in the Lord's hands? I've been living with a man for 20 years, and he lets his daughter dictate the relationship. His daughter doesn't like me, and he puts his family before me.

Caller Questions & Discussion: JJ shares how he recently came home from a trip and discovered an ominous smell in his fridge coming from old food. He reflects on how, so often in life, things are rotting. Sometimes we have habits that grow stale; other times we have relationships that are developing unhealthy patterns. My 33-year-old daughter is isolated and deeply focused on her desire to marry and have children, often to the point of asking partners for marriage after only a month of dating. How do I help her navigate these relationship challenges? My 16-year-old son is in a relationship, and his girlfriend has borderline personality disorder. What advice do you have as I help guide my son through this situation? Recently, I walked into the bathroom and my daughter was there undressing in front of her 8-year-old son. When I asked about this, she said she wanted to undress to demystify it for kids. Should her son be seeing that? How do I resolve a disagreement with my brother-in-law after I put up boundaries? I went to stay with him to help him recover from surgery, and we had a disagreement over the fan.

Caller Questions & Discussion: Marc shares about some of the challenges he faced growing up in London during his childhood in government housing, where he experienced violence. He asks: What's the part of your life you've been hoping would be left behind, but you know you're still carrying with you today? I'm divorced from my husband, who was abusive and is a pastor. Since I covered up the abuse, no one believes me. I was even told in a church that I had a Jezebel spirit. How do I deal with this pain and begin healing? I'm a long-time listener, and my husband went to Every Man's Battle a few months ago. He returned a hopeful man. My heart is full, and I want to thank you! My dad passed away, and my stepmom took in my 22-year-old nephew who has bipolar disorder and was using drugs. I'm now caring for my stepmom as she gets older, and I told my nephew his pregnant girlfriend couldn’t move in. If my stepmom lets him move back in, I’m afraid for my safety. He's very angry, and my stepmom says he might hurt me. To your previous caller, my brother has bipolar disorder and has been violent. He has housing. If the caller goes to the Department of Social Services, he might be able to receive benefits.

Caller Questions & Discussion: Dr. Sheri explains how co-regulation is experienced as we share our story or become a safe place for others to share. When we share what’s really going on, we regulate our nervous system, reduce isolation, build emotional intimacy, and discover our feelings. I've struggled with anxiety and fear for six years after I started having intense dreams. When I tried pastoral counseling and a 12-step group, it was difficult to open up around men. What direction do I take next? Is our mom continuing to be over-critical and demeaning, or is she struggling with dementia? She falsely accused a caregiver of stealing something. My two older children and their spouses are prodigals. What can I tell myself to calm down? For example, if I hear the pastor mention prodigals in church, I start crying because I think about what might happen to them if they don't come back to the Lord.

Caller Questions & Discussion: Dr. Jill discusses how a bench she had was worn down by water dripping over time. Unfortunately, her dad sat on it and fell. She asks, “What pours into your life? What's the constant drip in the back of your mind? Are they negative thoughts?” I've suffered with depression for 14 years and have tried to commit suicide 11 times. What can we do to help my 11-year-old daughter who has autism and ADHD? She gets anxious because she thinks everything that goes wrong is her fault. How do I get past a heavy emotional event in my family? I adopted my 2-month-old nephew, who was severely abused and had more than 15 broken bones. It hurts me to hear my siblings say I adopted him because I messed up with my own kids. How do I get my family to acknowledge my difficulties living with a husband who has ADD? He emptied our savings account and deposited $14K into a bitcoin machine as part of a scam.