Two Stargate superfans and one (maybe) fan-in-the-making watch every episode of Stargate. We laugh. We cry. We rate. If you love Stargate but can still appreciate its absurdity, this is the podcast for you! We also throw in some politics and dick jokes.
O'Neill is head-sucked by an alien device and starts speaking in tongues. Hammond decides the best course of action is to allow him free reign over the base while waiting for his inevitable demise. But all's well that ends well. (Explicit)
SG1 stumbles into the NID's evil web of lies while investigating a missing hood ornament that somehow controls the weather. We discuss what kind of evil tool Mayborne is and MTG's Jewish space lasers theory makes a cameo. (Explicit)
Sigh. Another one of those episodes that is a tad problematic in the cold light of 2023. On the one hand, solid effort to do better after Emancipation. On the other hand, definitely not better enough. Also, hard pass on the gill-faced aliens. (Explicit)
In the conclusion of this 2-parter, Sam's dad goes Tok'ra and we get some warm fuzzy moments. And (surprise, surprise) we still can't let the shocking heteronormativity of a supposedly gender-fluid society go. (Explicit)
SG1 finally encounters the Tok'ra, a resistant subset of the Goa'uld with a preference for burlap and evening wear. Sam grapples with Jolinar's feelings, O'Neill sulks, and we definitely discuss Tok'ra orgies. (Explicit)
Teal'c turns into a giant fly. One of those episodes that really shouldn't have been. We discuss where this one went wrong. Hint: when someone suggested an episode where Teal'c turns into a fly. (Explicit)
We will be back next week with another episode of Probing the Wormhole. In the meantime, we are cooking up something spectacular...
Family drama abounds! Daniel wallows in self-pity while his traumatized wife gives birth. Sam tells her dad to back off and then cries. This one is a bit of a downer. (Explicit)
SG1 travels to Chulak to rescue Teal'c's son, but they soon learn that Teal'c's wife is shacking up with his former friend. Cue jealous rages all around and some child torture to boot. (Explicit)
Zombie O'Neill becomes a medium for a race of microorganisms infesting Earth, while the rest of the team can't quite figure out how to be helpful.
In this thoroughly mediocre episode, we revisit Cimmeria and get introduced to the real Asgard. Malika expresses her intense dislike of the little gray men and three lawyers try to figure out pi. (Explicit)
In this after-school special episode, Daniel wrestles with sarcophagus addiction while the team intervenes to get him clean and sober. We discuss Michael Shanks's spot-on portrayal of addiction. (Explicit)
Daniel and O'Neill must live out their worst memories again and again for the entertainment of others. But on the bright side, Teal'c gets to rock an awesome hairdo! We discuss ‘The Gamekeeper' as comic relief/twisted psychopathy. (Explicit)
SG1 gets arrested, convicted, and sentenced to life in prison in a flash trial by faceless aliens. They escape with the help of their new friend, the Destroyer of Worlds. We discuss the ethics of prison sentences, the morality of colluding with mass murderers, and the science of cold fusion. (Explicit)
Sam appears to get Goa'uldified on a mission and a certain Colonel grapples with the prospect of losing her. We disagree on the level of shippiness here but heartily agree on Amanda Tapping's awesomeness. (Explicit)
Bra'tac comes to SG1's rescue as they make a desperate attempt to save Earth. Also, Daniel dies again. Or does he? And we'll just pretend there is a way to actually board a NASA shuttle from an alien death glider in a decaying orbit in the vacuum of space. (Explicit)
SG1 defies orders to save Earth from an impending Goa'uld attack. This involves lots of sneaking around a Goa'uld ship with shockingly lax security measures. Is this the end of SG1? Also, how exactly does one "seed" a Goa'uld? (Explicit)
How will the team prove that the Stargate program is useful to the United States government? With flashbacks of course! Join us and the team on a trip down memory lane. And we have a special guest this week! (Explicit)
Daniel's inability to not touch things leads him to an alternate universe where Earth is under attack from the Goa'uld. We consider what might have been and analyze some mild shippiness. (Explicit)
SG1 is turned into Cylon-like prototypes! In this episode we consider some deep philosophical questions about identity, belonging, and, of course, robot sex. (Explicit)
Sam and Jack get stranded in Antarctica and shippiness abounds. Or not. We discuss the ship-tastic aspects of this episode (or lack thereof according to one stubborn host) and also the science of boners in the cold. (Explicit)
SG1 rescues a group of technologically advanced humans with cool gadgets and bad attitudes. The team defies orders to help them escape and we get introduced to the Evil NID. And Sam gets some well-deserved lip action. (Explicit)
Is Teal'c a war criminal or a man unjustly accused? How does Cor-Ai hold up against our notions of due process? And is Teal'c's experience symbolic of our criminal legal system's perpetuation of mass incarceration and racism? So much to talk about here. Be warned -- in this episode our criminal justice nerd selves meet our sci-fi nerd selves for an explosion of glorious nerdiness. If you don't find the minutiae of criminal procedure as fascinating as we do, we apologize. But listen anyway! (Explicit)
SG1 finds a lone survivor on a planet ravaged by Nirrti, goddess of death, decay, and sorrow. As Sam grows into her role as surrogate mom, Daniel offers support and Teal'c and Jack somehow manage not to die while escaping Nirrti's wrath. Lots of heart-wrenching moments in this one alongside the gaping plot holes. (Explicit)
Hathor, the mother of all snakes/plastic penises, shows up at SGC in tummy bling and a trenchcoat. She sexually assaults a bunch of guys (ahem, seduces them with her purple rain) and it's up to Carter and her Lady Militia to save the day. (Explicit)
Daniel dies! Not really. But he helps Underwater-Freddie-Krueger . . . uh, Nem . . . find out the fate of his long lost love. Pop psychology, Jack's grief-processing skills (or lack thereof) and shipper hugs are scrutinized. (Explict)
Teal'c reveals that he has a family on Chulak and that his son, Rya'c, will soon be implanted with a Goa'uld symbiote. With the help of his team, they return to Chulak. Will they save Rya'c? In this Teal'c-centered episode, we explore issues of slavery and Daniel's shittiness. (Explicit)
SG1 discovers that Ernest Littlefield has been stranded on an isolated planet for 50 years. Will Daniel's pursuit of knowledge keep him from what is most important? And will Catherine and Ernest find love again? Listen and find out! (Explicit)
Daniel makes a lucky guess that Thor is involved...somehow in the Stargate world. Daniel finally finds the one true thing that could save Shar-rae and Jack asks him to destroy it. Also: Come on, Stargate! The "good" white people gods vs. the "bad" brown people gods! Another episode that does not age well. (Explicit)
The moral of this episode is don't eat flowery pizza from a hot alien lady! Our team ends up on a planet where the inhabitants live for only 100 blissful days. The team has to race the clock to save O'Neill from a nano technology virus that threatens to kill him after he is drugged and sexually assaulted by an alien baby. (Explicit)
Who are these Nox anyway? In this episode, Malika expresses her love of hippies and wicker and we expound on the virtues and detriments of pacifism. (Explicit)
When O'Neill investigates a field full of broken blue crystals (that look remarkably like giant blue penises), he embarks on a journey through his past and comes to terms with the source of his deepest pain. Also, the crystals look like penises. We discuss the very deep and the very absurd aspects of this episode. (Explicit)
In this special mini-episode, we talk about our trip to the Salute to Stargate convention in Chicago! We learned a lot about gun safety from Joe Flanigan, heard vomit-inside-planes stories, and hob-nobbed with some friendly aliens. And Malika got a hug from the queen of sci-fi herself, Amanda Tapping! (Explicit)
Is it narcissism? Is it PTSD? Or is it just the sun? Find out what's in store for Hansen while we discuss the military's mental health treatment shortcomings and Sam's experience as a domestic violence survivor.
In this episode, the team members become cavepeople! Hairy, angry, highly sexualized cavepeople, only to be rescued by a medicine cabinet staple. We discuss RDA's acting choices and Dr. Frasier's awesomeness. And maybe that kiss too.
In discussing this universally-loathed episode we explore the many ways in which Stargate comes up short here. What's the worst part of this episode? Take your pick between the racism, sexism, historical inaccuracy, bad writing, and making Amanda Tapping wear that damn dress! Safe to say that this one does not age well.
Guess what? SGC has a surprise visitor! It's a Goa'uld and it's in Kawalsky! While Jack fights for his friend, Hammond continues to be a hardass, Teal'c tries to be helpful, and Sam and Daniel don't really do much of anything. We also discover that the Air Force takes their massages VERY seriously.
E - First episode! We meet our favorite sci-fi team as they discover the universe beyond the Stargate. There's nudity (for brown ladies only), horrendously bad dialogue, lots of sexual tension, and priests dressed like turtles. Also, what's with the caveman? Join us as we embark on our podcast journey!
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