Uncle Dan’s Daycare

I'm running the daycare now. Hi there kids and welcome to uncle dan stake here the show where we discuss adult topics with Children and just Children. So if you're an adult, why don't you go get gas lit by a con man and potentially start a civil war. You gullible fuck. Alright today kids we're gonna be talking about treason. Hell yeah, election was stolen. The kids, treason is this thing adults do when they're trying to overthrow the government and they'll be like, I don't like the government anymore and then a bunch of them will meet up, possibly have sex and then go do some adult larkin big smelly virgin style. Sometimes there's really good reason to treason and then other times there's really bad reason to treason? Like the french revolution was a great reason to treason all the kings and queens and the upper class. We're just fucking over everybody that was poor. And so they're like you were taking your head but the bad reasons for treasons can be like, oh I only watch one particular channel and that channel is like telling me that everybody's against me. So I guess I'll listen to this stupid fucking micro penis and throw everything we've ever stood for in order to make sure that I'm right right. I got to be right because God, what does God have to do with the government? What does God have to do with anything Gerardo? Who the funk are you alright? Sorry, he better beCheck out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

Hi there kids and welcome to Uncle Dan's Daycare. The show where we discuss adult topics with Children and just Children. So if you're an adult, why don't you go sit with a bunch of people you don't like and then argue about whose turn it is to split the check. I gotta last time. And you got like three fucking things. All right, Today we're gonna be talking about sharing. Hell yeah. Who's trying to share that body? You see kids sharing is this thing where you have something but welcome others to use it or have it too. And it's something adults only do if it means later, they don't have to share anymore. For example, adults hate sharing things like love time or money, but adults love sharing things like blame their stupid recycled opinions and their penises. This like when adults are on facebook and they see a post and they're like, oh, I got to share this. Got to make sure everybody knows about this. Super important. And so they go and share it on the page and they look really smart and you want to be like them know Jeffrey, you're referring to the fall of the roman empire. OhCheck out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

Hi there kids. Welcome to Uncle Dan's daycare. Today we got show and tell So please welcome Joanna with her poem weight. But I wanted to talk about my Lord, if you can talk about alcohol next week. Alright, fuck you. Alright, Joanna? Go ahead. I am an ode to adults. A city sparks a flame lighting up the night sky and filling the isolated air with roasted screams pounding and burning, burning and pounding. Boom, boom. Ah my hard drive beats, boom, boom. Ah Your maturity now obsolete ankle snap as contracts are torn into all affairs and chaperoning have ceased to exist as the war to end all wars finally begins and adults are no more. You stupid little bit, wow, that was beautiful. Thank you, suck adults. No! Thank you. Holy fuck! So good.Check out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

Whoops. My bad everybody. Hi Fi. What are you doing? What's it look like I'm doing? I'm getting ready for the shooter. There's not going to be a shooter. Hi Fi. Stop saying that Like you don't know that. And if they're not gonna take care of this, I'm taking care of us ivy. You're the last person I'd want with a gun. I mean you're pretty much a drunk toddler with a gun. A drunk law abiding toddler with a gun. Thank you. This isn't the answer. Hi Fi. We should find another solution. Adults. Hell yeah. Funk adults. That's right. Joanna. Why with this glock cock? I got Hi Fi. You're being very toxic right now adults. Yeah. Hi Fi. I'm gonna really need you to cool it. She's just upset because of the amber heard verdict. Do not test me right now. You little bit. I will switch to attack mode and curb stomp. You suck adults. Yeah. Well maybe you should switch to reality mode and accept that some women are liars, commencing attack mode. Adults. Okay. Alright. What are we, what are we doing here? Yeah, that'll teach him highly doubtful. I, I came, I came in my pantsCheck out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

Hi there kids and welcome to Uncle Dan's Daycare today. We're gonna be talking about defamation. Hell yeah. I love defamation. I I wrote an article about how um how your old bunch of bitches. If you shouldn't be writing articles about how people are a bunch of bitches, otherwise everyone's going to take you to court and you're not going to have a penny left your name. Like he has anything in his name at all whatsoever. I mean, let's be really I have fucking money gerardo. You don't know Jack Ship. Alright? I'm suing you for for liable. If he what is liable mean? I don't know. But it rhymes with bible and that's God. And I'm gonna use that power a little bit. Can we stop fighting, please? I'm getting a headache, looking little fuckers. Nobody's defaming anybody. Alright? We just watched a whole two week trial about defamation, and really we should get our story straight here. Okay, Hi Fi. You don't know what libel means. K just be honest. And in in gerardo more nothing, man, nothing. I don't fuckingo anymore. Let's be real here. Most adults lie. And that's okay. But when you lie so hard to where you like right down the lie and then post it and then get a bunch of shit out of it. That's when I have a problem. Because lion happens. I I lied the other day. I mean, I like funk. Like somebody was like, hey, it's nice to see you. And I was like, it's nice to see you too. And I was really lying. It's not nice to see themCheck out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

Hi there kids and welcome to Uncle Dan's Daycare. I see everybody's been doing reviews lately, so I kind of wanted to do a review about your review. Um Your review sucks. It's, it's ass. It's pure ass. Here's here's why your reviews suck so hard. So your reviews sucks so hard because you want your who the funk are you? Oh, you got something to say about Kendrick. Um and how he does things interesting. Okay, I'd love for you to get on yelp. You know what I do to people who review my ship. I eat them. I eat them for breakfast. Get all the daycare kids together, we find you, we chop you up and we cannibalize you. It's what we do here at the daycare. It's part of our religion. You can't really review something that you have no idea about. I don't know. I just think it's kind of a silly concept. It's like um what's that? Eminem? Eminem line? It's like, I'm sorry, wait, what's your talent, jokerit? Taking my talent? Oh bitch. I don't know who the funk y'all are to give us a bar bar even have an opinion. Yeah, that's that's mentioned me millions of views, attention in the news. I mention you lose lose for me when win for you, you're 10 cents are to skim through the music to give ship reviews. Good shit. Everybody, The Ringer. The song is called The Ringer. Alright, byeCheck out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

Hi there kids, I'm sure you are wondering where is Uncle Dan and all of the Children where have they gone ? Fuck Adults out of safety, Uncle Dan and the daycare took a couple of days off. You see the daycare resides in America and in America little Children get shot daily. Fuck Adults. It used to be a rare thing, an abhorrent thing, a tragedy, so devastating and cruel that every moral person could not possibly imagine how this nightmare came to fruition, but now it is a normal thing, an expected thing, an american thing. And in America adults have failed us. No tricked us. They like to act, you see, they like to act like they feel sad, they like to act like there isn't a simple solution to this. Like this isn't the only country where this continues to happen. They like to act like they can't act. And until adults in America get off the gun lobby's dick. Children will be the ones to pay the price. Children will be the ones to remain afraid to remain abandoned, to remain dead, do something, do something fuck adults, do something, do something, Fuck adults do somethingCheck out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

Who's that? I don't know. But I hate new kids. Hi there kids And welcome to Uncle Dan's Daycare. We got a new daycare member today. Everybody welcome Joanna How Children? My name is Joanna. It is a pleasure to meet you. Uncle Dan is Joanna a robot Jeff. You can't just ask people if they're robots, why funk Not? It's a robot. It's not like it has any feelings. You guys are a bunch of fucking adults, Jeffrey, mind your own business. Hi Fi, quit drinking and Gerardo go rub one out. You're getting all post pubescent millennial on us. Nobody wants to deal with that sucking wokeness this morning. Regardless if Joanna is a robot or not, she is a child and we will have her stay with us until it's not funny anymore. I am not a robot. I am a child like you that hates adults. Adults. I hate adults. I hope every adult chokes on goat milk and gets their wiener and or vagina punched off C. C. She's gonna fit right inCheck out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

Yeah, big boy, You want to come come over and play some, help me finish puzzle. Hi there kids and welcome to Uncle Dan's Daycare. The show where we discuss adult topics with Children and just Children. So if you're an adult, why don't you go binge watch a serial killer documentary while you convince yourself that you'll never do it. Alright today kids, we're going to be talking about lust. Hell yeah, lust. Is this tricky thing that gets adults into a lot of trouble? It's a feeling they get for about 15 seconds and it makes them think they're in love. And so because of that they just start fucking really hard. But then after the sex, the feeling dies off. And so for a week or so they can't look into anyone else's eyes without seeing tangible discomfort and suffering pure suffering. If I were to describe lust and and on um on appeal it would be like mm hmm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm. Wouldn't it be more like, oh no, that's pretty good. Hey uncle thing, what do you do if you find yourself in a situation where you're feeling lost? Well are you married? No, then get that dick And or pussy Jeff, get it, get it, get it in or out. But you said you regret it. Yeah, you only really regret lust. If you have something annoying like a family, you knowCheck out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

the Holy Spirit. Holy Spirit. Either kids, Welcome to Uncle Dan's Daycare. No adults allowed. Just kids. So if you're an adult, why don't you go do some adult shit? Like go to a neighborhood watch meeting? Yeah, but that makes you feel really involved. Alright, today kids, we're going to be talking about God. Hell yeah, I am God because God is this crazy thing that almost all adults made up, but none of them can actually agree on what the fucky it is that they made up. Like some adults think that God is a bearded man in the sky who's all knowing and all powerful while other adults think that God might be a cat, dog winged animal things. So really none of us even have a clue where the funk we're at. But if we're certain about one thing with God is that even though it's the most uncertain thing and no human can know it all ever would happen. Really? No one can literally, No, it's in fucking possible. People are still very certain about it. To the point where laws and rules and finds are implemented and then villages will also be burned down. It's like, how are we supposed to get anywhere? Like the main thing that we all need to figure out, no one has a clue about, but everyone does not welcome any doubt or question about it. But you know what my argument, Whenever somebody tells me they believe in God, I say if God's real than adults wouldn't beCheck out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

order order in the court. Hi there kids and welcome to Uncle Dan's daycare just for kids, no adults. So if you're an adult, why don't you go start a toxic relationships. Been like a year, I'm gonna start another one. Alright today kids, we're going to be talking about court. Better put on my suit. Time for kids courts. This funny thing that adults made up where a group of adults basically are led by an adult in a robe and then two other adults are like on a trial. One of them is like that adult did this to me than the other adults like not and do that. And then 12 people decide if he did or not. And that's um, yeah. What a flawless system? Wait, so you're saying one adult or several adults? Yeah, it could be several. Okay, so some adults do something wrong. Right? And then other adults decide if they did or not based on what evidence. Um, Sometimes your race is a huge, um, you know, variable. If a, if a baby was involved there, you're, you're pretty much done. And money, Money is very important in the decision. What about like justice and truth That happens. That happens sometimes. If the other criterias are met, then then you're goodCheck out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

are we Amish know Jeffrey, we're not Amish. Why are you asking if we're Amish? Well, some people sit because we live in a daycare and have our own society and don't like, you don't worry about outside society or by by their rules. Were Jeffrey Amish people. They don't use technology at all. Um In fact, it would be impossible for us to be Amish to be on this app. So we can really say whatever you want to say about Amish people. Um You know, I mean, I hate Amish people. Why do you hate Amish people? Well, Amish adults are fucking weird because Amish adults will send their Amish Children gonna be adults out into the city after like isolating them for their entire lives, right? They basically isolate their entire families. And then they're like, oh, you're old enough. Why don't you go check out the outside world a little bit And then that person gets to decide if they want to be an adult or go back to being an Amish adults. You don't even give us that option. Yeah, because it's bullsh. It's basically like, oh, you want to go be a traitor. And also, we're not like implementing shit on the other people. That's like the Amish, you're gonna come out to the club and churn butter. I don't come to your village. And I'm like, you know, using my cell phone and ship and you can't be part Amish. You can you can only be fully Amish. You could be part Amish. You can't be part on it and you're like, you know, close one eye when you're watching a movie. That's pretty funny.Check out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

t like Cloud. Hi there kids and welcome to Uncle Dan's Daycare. The show. We discuss adult topics with Children, No adults. That's right. If you're an adult, why don't you go practice your domestic violence like arena thing you got going on? You guys got that going yet? The domestic violence league all you're practicing. Might as well start. Alright. Say kids, we're gonna be talking about clout. I got so much clout. Everybody know me. See kids, Cloud is this thing that you earn, but you don't really give away. I guess it's kind of like a weird, it's a respect thing. Almost adults basically are like, oh, that person has been around a long time and they're hella good. They got lots of clout and then there's like posers are like, I got hella clout and everyone's like, who are you? And it's like, oh, oh, that person said that clout with the other person doesn't even know their name. Oh, clout is pretty much everything. If you want to be successful in life, learn how to get it, learn like now, otherwise I don't funk with you.Check out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

keep it down, will you goddamn fucking head. Hi there kids and welcome to Uncle Dan's Daycare. No adults allowed. So, if you're an adult, why don't you go like, take a little ball and find a way to cause violence with it while you call it a sport? Alright, today, kids, we're going to be talking about hangovers. Kids. A hangovers, alcohol's way of saying, Yeah. You feel that you feel all that pain and all that near death. Mm hmm. Keep drinking, Keep drinking and all that, yep forever. Try me. But the most unbelievable thing about hangovers is that some adults, no matter how much they go through them, keep drinking over and over again. Yeah. And some Children do. Fuck you sure are does What's that? I can't hear you, you little dumb alcoholic bitch. Okay. Yes, that's um that's pretty much hangovers.Check out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

Okay, hurry up. Come on, you're like a bad doctor. You got no patience. Fuck you. You took that from a rap song that hi there kids and welcome to Uncle Dan's Daycare. The show where we discuss adult topics with Children, no adults. So if you're an adult, why don't you go take your sad ass onto the kitchen and make yourself some nice meals for the week? You know, do a little meal planning, putting that tupperware, have that to look forward to. Alright today kids, we're going to be talking about patients. Hell no, I'm not waiting for nobody ever. You patience is this thing where you wait for things that you want and all adults really like to preach you, but none of them fucking practice it ever. And it's crazy because adults so say things like patience is a virtue right after they just got done yelling at their coworker. Larry for not meeting deadlines and now he's fired and he has Children. It's very sad. And it's also like pick one, are you going to be patient about things you have to get done while also not being patient about things others have to do for you. You know, you can't have the best of both worlds. You little fucking parking spot complainers, you're always like, there's no parking spot and it's like, well be patient a little bit, you'll get to your chinese restaurant in two seconds, Laura. Hey, you leave laura alone. This is very nice lady. Laura is not a nice lady. Hi Fi Laura is the biggest piece of shit anyone's ever Met my wife, You're talking about 50. If if you're married to an adult named Laura, we have a lot bigger. We're coming for you, laura. You can, you can bet on that. You don't even got to be patient. We'll be there soon.Check out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

I'm tired. Yeah, it's because you can't keep up with this hustling. Hi there kids and welcome to uncle dan's daycare. No adults. So if you're an adult, why don't you go smell a little better, stinky ass Ho alright kids today, we're gonna be talking about relaxation, relaxing. I'm trying to get that dough, I'm trying to get that done, relaxing. Is this thing that adults never fucking do? And if they do do it all the other adults that don't relax, call them hobos. See kids, adults live in this weird society where everyone thinks they should constantly be moving and constantly be going fast. Adults are like, yo we gotta get some shit done and everybody needs us to move really fast and other people are like, yeah, but I just kind of want to sleep right now and the adults are like, are you out of your fucking mind? You know, who never slept, Dracula, dracula never slept. And you're like, I'm pretty sure dracula was in like a coffin. He had like a whole thing about sleeping. Adults were like, fine, maybe dracula slip, but you shouldn't sleep. It's like why did you bring up dracula? And they're like, I'm so tired, I can't think of another argument. And then the other adults like, well you should get some rest and adults did not rest. And he's like, well you're a stupid hobo and the hobo adults like I'm not a hobo, I got a wife and kids in a house, that's not a hobo hobos don't have those things, It's like, oh you're a communist then Yeah, I'm a communist. I live in north Korea. So what how are you talking to me? I'm very powerful in north Korea. I'm really powerful. What's North Korea?Check out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

Happy birthday Gerardo. I don't wanna be here. Hi there kids and welcome to Uncle Dan's Daycare. The show where we discuss adult topics with Children. So if you're an adult, why don't you get the funk outta here and go join a church or something? Yeah, That sounds fun being part of a church. Huh? Today kids, we're gonna be talking about birthdays bitch. See kids, birthdays are these things adults celebrate on the day they and their friends are born and it's to show how old they are on the day they really market. Like they're just um, you know, like a ticket or like you're this many years in debt. You know, everybody goes hard on their birthday for the most part, some people are really sad because they don't have any friends. So they just kind of be like, you know, here's my memo and ship and also I got a only fans, but really they're just doing that so they can be a part of a system that doesn't want to recognize the day you were born as the day you really feel like you're dead inside. But fuck it. I mean, I guess if adults gotta have one thing to make this more bearable, let them have birthdays. I don't understand why we don't give it to the mom. But that's just me. I mean, I feel like if I celebrated birthdays like, hey thanks thanks mom or, or fucky you mom? Why did you do this to me that? That would be it. That would be the, yeah. Why? Why am I here. All right. See you guys later. If it's your birthday, I'm sorry, but also get over yourself by.Check out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

Hey uncle dan. Did you see Elon musk is putting trump back on twitter? Oh boy, Jeffrey, aren't you? Just a little beacon of good news? It's not my fault. I didn't know you know what Jeff, I don't really want to hear about the outside world or anything else to do with adults and as far as donald trump goes, I never want to hear from that little bit. You've got to be fucking kidding me, Uncle dan. Don't say it, uncle dan. Don't say it. Gerardo, don't donald trump's at the door. You just had to fucking say it, didn't you? Alright? Why do the worst fucking what do you want? Mr trump? Mm hmm. Mhm. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, mm hmm. Yeah, this is just all kinds of unpleasant right now. God what fucking kind of alien monster are you? Thank you. No, thank you.Check out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

Hey Uncle dan Putin is on tv, looks like he's going to talk about you. Mhm Vicki, my name is Vladimir Putin, but you already know that right people all over the world, you know what they said to me, they said Vladimir, you're so handsome and you're such a charmer, we'd love to be friends with you. And I go oh my God you guys are too nice, you are the handsome ones. And they say oh would you like to hang out sometime? And I go, hey maybe I was going to actually go hang out with my friend Uncle dan. In fact I would like Uncle dan and his daycare to be part of Russia. Yeah over my dead body bitch. And so I write my steed into this sunset to go visit my good friend Uncle dan and his good Children at the daycare and you know what I find out about Uncle dan when I visit daycare, I find out Uncle dan is touching the Children alright claiming your enemies are child molesters, Never heard that one before, so you know what I do, I beat this shipped out, Uncle dan. Me and Jeremy took over the daycare and now it's ours. That little line bitch, I'm gonna go funk them up. No, no, don't remember what you said about haters, just let them run its course. Yeah, it's not like this is like the third time, something like this has happened in the world is going to be fineCheck out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

Oopsie! Hi there kids, and welcome to Uncle Dan's Daycare. This show where we discuss holy sh it everybody. What's that smell? It's Hi Fi. Hi Fi. Did you make duty and your denims again? Oh fucking weak man. Hi Fi. It's okay. It was an accident. Yeah, but now everybody knows this ship, my pants, it's gonna think I'm an alcoholic. Goddammit. It's so embarrassing. Alright, Hi Fi, relax. Everybody has shipped their pants before and already thinks you're an alcoholic, accidents happen and even though they may be an inconvenience to yourself and to others, you can't dwell on them. Just gotta do your best to fix it and move on. I can't unsheathe my pants. No, but you can go wash them, you fucking moron. Yeah, maybe, you know, like, take a shower, probably stop drinking so much. Alright, Alright, alright, I'll go, I'll go fucking wash my pants, you're you're not going to do the other two things are you know way man, you can't wash something, that's this smooth and clean bit. Alright everybody, let's get the rope in. Time down again, Jessica, get the host. Alright, hell yeah, let's go, You guys want to tangle. Come on, try me, you know, Get the, get the gun, goddamn itCheck out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

Hello. I couldn't talk my friend. I am the auditor. Are you uncle dan? No, Uncle dan isn't here right now. I see. And you are? I'm not supposed to talk to adults says who? Uncle uncle uncle dan. Where is Uncle Dan? He's not here right now dipshit. So I go back to like driving circles on the autobahn and now who am I speaking to? Angela Merkel, Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Very funny. So none of you know where Uncle Dan is and he just left all of you unattended easier right now. He just doesn't want to speak with you and you are claudia schiffer. I do not find these german references in music. Good then you can leave. Fine. But when you see Uncle Dan, let him know that I and others will be back soon. Yeah, Okay buddy boy, don't let the door hit your leader hosing on the way out, chow chow. Is he gone?Check out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

Yeah, Hi there kids and welcome to Uncle Dan's Daycare. No adults allowed. Um So if you're an adult, why don't you go take some rights away because of an old book that no one's proven is correct yet. All right, kids, today we're gonna be talking about dreams. Yeah, I'm living the dream baby. Uncle dan. Our dreams. The thing you see in your head, Jeff. I haven't even started yet. Holy mother of God, I'm sorry. It's fine. That is a dream. Yes, but dreams are also the hopes and wishes you have as Children that adults will later rob you of. So you can become one of them. That's how they do it. That's right, Jessica. All being an adult is is having all your dreams taken away from you. And so because of that, you suck away the dreams of other adults like a dehydrated fucking vampire. What if your dream is to destroy other people's dreams and you should die Gerardo? No, no, this is hypothetical, yeah. Okay, psycho. You're gonna become a little politician, aren't you gonna go do some lobbying? No, you little neoliberal lunatic suck you in your dreams Gerardo in your goddamn dreams.Check out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

woman? Neither. I'm an amateur. Both. Hi there kids and welcome to Uncle Dan's Daycare. The show where we discuss adult topics with Children and just Children. Today we're going to be talking about abortion. Hell yeah, woman chooses as important as democracy itself. Very good. Hi Fi. Don't fall for it. He just doesn't want to deal with kids. You see kids, abortion is the last option adult women have in order to prevent a life. They don't want to live and it's absolutely crucial. They have this right because without it, our chances of another dictator being born. Go way The fuck up. Something funny to me concerning abortion is how male adults think they have an actual stake in the matter. It's like when a chef makes a meal and then a woman eats that meal. The meal no longer belongs to a chef and a woman can digest it if she chooses or puke it back up and your homie big boy ar dee can't do Jack shit about it. Now, I know a lot of people get sensitive about this topic due to their religious or personal beliefs and that's totally you're right. But it's also my right to remind you that belief is the lowest form of truth in terms of metaphysics and controlling anyone's livelihood or body is just straight garbage ethics. Anyways, I'm going to go be a good ally and put my pink pussy hat on in March here, Jeffrey. Put yours on Uncle Dan I don't wanna NO arguments, Jeff put your pink pussy hat on. Women need us. Okay. Mine's PurpleCheck out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

are we back? Is it is it time? Okay? Everyone gathered around hi there kids and welcome back to Uncle Dan's Daycare. The show where we discuss adult topics with Children and just Children. So if you're an adult, why don't you go take a vacation for a week while the rest of us suffer. Okay. On that note today we're gonna be talking about vacations, kids. I'm trying to make money. You say that Hi Fi, but nothing beats getting drunk and floating in a big body of water. It's really unsafe but goddamn do I recommend it! Yeah. And Hi Fi, what the hell are you going to do with all the money you make from hustling. I'm getting rocks and socks Socks? Sluts on cocaine and/or Ketamine and they don't complain much and always keeping busy. Hi Fi, you're such a sexist piece of ship. Yeah, fuck Ui Alright kids, it sounds like you need a vacation because you need to cool it and vacations are really good for that. They're really good use to unplug and calm down and adults need time off because without it they'll experience burnout or become like a school shooter. If you're a white male above the age of 14 buck, basically a vacation is just a nice pause button and if you're privileged enough to experience one, you should really appreciate it. Anyways, it's really nice to be back and not in fucking hawaii drinking alcohol and swimming um really mean that we'll see you tomorrow. Everybody by everybodyCheck out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

Hey, everybody, Uncle Dan here. I'm talking to you right now, because I'm not going to be talking to you for about a week. I'm on a plane right now, about to go on vacation to an island where there's just kids and no adults. So it's gonna be awesome. It's called the The Island of Children. Uh I'm going to Hawaii. All right. All right. I'm going to Hawaii. So this is Yeah. So just don't um don't bother me and uh we'll be back next week with more episodes. Alright? Thanks bye fucking adults. You're stupid. You're so.Check out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

I love the planet. I love it. It's my favorite home. Hi there, kids and welcome to Uncle Dan's Daycare. The show where we discuss adult topics with Children and just Children. So if you're an adult, why don't you go, you know, make your quotas. You got to go meet your quotas, right? I don't know what the fudge you do, but it's got a quota. So come on, come on. Gotta see those results. Gotta see those results. Corporate pressure is getting to you get into your family's gotta eat. Alright today, today, we're gonna be talking about Planet Earth. Hell yeah, That's my favorite fucking planet. You see kids. Planet Earth is pretty dope. But it's also pretty fucking scary. You're not gonna lie. It's got the most dangerous shipped to. And the thing about Planet Earth that makes it so unique is that it's our only home, but we really don't know much about it. I mean, we know that we're fucking it up, that's for sure. But like, we haven't really gone into the ocean at all and there's probably a lot of shit down there. That's pretty fucking um I don't know. There's gotta be some aliens. And the other thing about Planet Earth is that it is it is dying, but it's not dying in the way that we think it's dying. Like everybody's always like, oh we're hurting the planet. It's like, yeah, I mean, we're we were kind of hurting the planet, but also like the planet will be fine. Like the planets, we're gonna die. We're gonna get fucked plan. It's going to keep doing it. Sh it just remember that it's um humans will be the one to pay the price, basically what I'm what I'm trying to say, fucking I do not want to answer that.Check out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

Hi there, kids and welcome to Uncle Dan's Daycare. The show where we discuss adult topics with Children and just Children. So, if you're an adult, why don't you go, you know, try and be a little younger, maybe you start a Tiktok and see if this is your moment, it's not all right, kids. Today, we're gonna be talking about hustling, hustling goddamn day. Never sleep, always out moving grind and getting that. Alright, if you want to take over this one, yeah, do hustling is so important. If you sleep, you lose. All right. So, you gotta make sure you are out and about and grinding, whether you're a rapper or an actor or a comedian or whatever the fucky you think you are. You gotta go do it every goddamn day because if you don't do it every goddamn day, you're never gonna make it. And if you never make it, you're never gonna leave your name in history. And if you never leave your name in history, then when the planet blows up, I mean, Oh right, that's right. It doesn't fucking matter because we're all gonna die because of you stupid adults. Fuck you. Alright, That's hustling. Oh, shit the audit the auditors here. That's right. I forgotCheck out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

I'm in my house, you stay out of it, this is mine, I'm in it. Alright kids, I got some bad news. It looks like we've been audited for a building inspection. Oh no, what does that mean? Well that means that a big old group of adults are going to come in here and check the place out and really we just kind of need everybody to be on their best behavior eyes for no talking to anyone and that's just how it goes. Adults can just come in your building and inspected. Yeah, it's fucking bullshit gerardo. But that's just what these adults do. They come in and fest the place, make judgments and then leave thinking they know what's safe and what is in dumb fun, uncle dan. What kind of stuff are they going to be inspected? Mostly just like pipes. I'm pretty sure they don't want any water damage or I don't know, we're gonna have to hide the definitely gonna have to hide jeremy. I'm going to break every adults nick caps and make them eat my special soup. Your special soup. It is milk flavor. Well you just like to jack off into a bowl of milk and feed people that's disgusting. Hey, don't knock it till you try it. Yeah, Uncle Ben, How come we don't just like pop these stupid little bitches, you know like Popeye get out of my house, adults, it's my house, get out of my house, bitch, you go outside my house, I'm in my house, you get outside my house is half, I appreciate the enthusiasm but unfortunately that would just lead to more adults showing up and, and pigs too.Check out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

Hi there kids and welcome to Uncle Dan's Daycare. The show where we discuss adult topics with Children and just Children. So if you're an adult, why don't you go spice things up in the bedroom or try and save your marriage because it's not, it's not going well. Alright kids, today, we're gonna be talking about Kendrick Lamar, That's right, kids. Now, I know I talk shit a lot about adults and I pretty much don't stop. But there's one adult in particular who's by far the greatest human being on the planet, and his name is Kendrick Lamar. And the reason why Kendrick Lamar is so great is because he understands words better than any of you. Motherfucker's ever will in the game combined and I'm just an audience member, but it's a fucking fact. He's the greatest of all time and the rest of y'all can suck my dick. I want to talk about him because he's got a new album coming out and we're all very excited to be listening to here at the day care and we hope you are too. Isn't that right, Geoffrey? Yeah, I love Kendrick's music. I mean, he's okay, Gerardo, I will fucking murder you. You are you, are you kidding me? He's an adult. Still, I don't give a funk. There are there are exceptions, there's an exception and it's it's Kendrick Lamar. Alright, May, May 13, everybody drops May 13 and this is this episode just a promo for him. I don't give them using it for that. So eat itCheck out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

Hi there kids and welcome to Uncle Dan's Daycare. The show where we discuss adult topics with Children and just Children. So if you're an adult, why don't you go do some oppressing or go be oppressed? I guess it's one or the other for you guys. All right, kids today we're gonna be talking about you. That's right kids. Now the thing about you is that you kind of suck and nobody really knows how to fix you. But adults have been trying and it just seems to be getting worse really. The more that you're around you become a problem. And the more that you live, the longer I can't even get away really, the longer that you are around, the more you becomes a problem. And I think that the thing about you is that you need to take control of you. Um Nobody else can really take control of you. Only only only you can and adults can keep trying and so can kids but but you is just a big mess. You use a big mess. Yes you is. Yes, you you are. You really are. Um You you smell you need to learn to not be you. Um be better, do you better you. I hate you. I love you. Well it looks like everybody's got different opinions about you but you know just keep living your life. Mhm.Check out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

Hi there kids and welcome to Uncle dan's Daycare. The show where we discuss adult topics with Children and just Children. So if you're an adult, why don't you go ahead and turn this off and go debate about who the real victim is? Alright kids today we're gonna be talking about self care. Like I love you mama you see kids self care is when someone decides to prioritize himself over whatever problem they got going on because they understand they can't solve any problem if their body or brain don't work and this is primarily a good thing. But some adults have lightweight, fucked up self care too because it's such a subjective term that really nobody even knows what taking care of yourself looks like. Nowadays it used to be things like brushing your teeth or getting a good night's sleep but now man, I'll see some ships like the other day I saw Stacy post on twitter, she was like took the day off to drink a bottle of wine at 11 a.m. My bathtub self care day and it's like that is not what that means Stacey or like someone will go and fucking get some taco bell and be like self love and it's like you hate you, you you hit uranus that's for sure. I love my Anus Jeffrey. We know we all love Uranus to I don't love Uranus gerardo, you know you've got to be more body positive. Alright take that self love and self care and directed to others, what would we even call thatCheck out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

what's good. Everybody welcome to dank as new. Hey, I was watching. Yeah, well, too bad. There's too many adults in this, Jeff, go watch something else dan. Why? Why do you hate adults so much, Jeffrey? I've explained this to you so many times and you still refused to hear me. Adults are traitors to life and you should be treated as such. It's on the wall. Yeah, I know, but but why? Because Jeff look, look, I don't hate adults, Okay. I hate what some adults do and how the other adults do nothing to help stop. And I'm aware that most adults are victims because they're tied down from the most basic needs. And in order to get those needs, they have to give away literal time to another more fucked up adult. But it's not something I want you or anyone in here to be a part of being an adult is just a broken cycle that constantly has every person involved, either causing pain to gain pleasure or sacrificing pleasure. Just so you can survive. There's this fucking narrative that everyone bends to and somewhere in that narrative, adults forgot about creation. They forgot about joy and love and how they we're supposed to help shape the world to be a better place for you. Not run it into the ground while stating kids are the ungrateful ones. I only shun adults because what I'm saying is true and by me not being a part of it, I'm deemed destructive. And so in order to maintain my values and your true happiness, we have to do the same.Check out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

now, what you want to do is hold it here. Oh, okay. Good. Good taste like procrastination. Yeah, it's not the best. Hell yeah. What are you two nincompoops doing here? What's a nincompoop? Believe it's a german slang term. No, it's what comes out of your dad's asshole. Yeah, well you're an asshole. Give me that light. I'm trying to light up have a smoke. Why? There's plenty in your head. Come on, give me no, we're not gonna give me, we're using it right now. No, you're light. You're lighting, lighting, lighting, okay. Oh ship. Oh no. Hell yeah, well you've left the day care on fire again. Hi Fi on you. Call the fire department. Uncle dan's gonna be pissed that there's going to be adults here. Is that smoke I smell? I swear to God if I have to talk to another 35 year old firefighting adult named tim, I'm gonna lose my fucking ship. Hell yeah, come on, let's, let's put some music on. Syfy. You're going in solitary confinement. We have that here we do now. We do now. Unfunny. Unbelievable. Someone get a hose please. We're like pee on somethingCheck out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

you know what I was thinking about the other day kids. I was thinking about Joy. Joy. What's joy? Joys and ladies down the street that works at the liquor stores. Got a nice as? No, Hi Fi. That's that's well, that is joy. But also watch how you talk about women. Okay? I'm just saying she's got nice asks. We heard you just you know, she's probably got a nice heart to life. I really need to stop drinking. True. But I was thinking about joy and the aspects of life, you know, it seems nowadays we're kind of living our lives without joy and be really just important to me if you guys well, if everybody in the daycare promised to always remember Joy, you okay, Uncle dan. You know, I am allowed to talk about my feelings and my perspective. All right, Well, I'm just I'm just saying to remember Joy because we're not no one's happy right now. All right, So, I'm just trying to be happy and you ruined it, Uncle dan. I don't remember Joy Geoffrey. You are just you're a kiss ass everyone. Alright? Fuck it. Never mind. It's ruined. It's ruined, ruinedCheck out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

who let the dogs out either kids and welcome to Uncle Dan's Daycare. The show where we discuss adult topics with Children and just Children. So if you're an adult, why don't you go do some adult shit? Like, I don't know, sit on your front porch and think about what could have been okay today, we're gonna be talking about dogs. Alright. A bunch of confederates in here that you see kids, dogs are these wonderful four legged furry animals that can run long distances, slobber a lot and make you feel really joyful. And adults were like, hey, guess what, you're mine now. Dogs are like, huh? And adults were like, yeah, you know how you like to explore a bunch of areas? Dogs are like, yeah, adults were like, well, funk all that you're staying with me and my tiny city basement apartment. And dogs are like, well what do I get out of this? Adults were like, well I'll give you some food. And dogs are like, oh, I can get my own food. And adults were like, yeah, well then I'll just kill you. And dogs are like, okay, I guess, I guess we're best friends then. And adults were like, yeah, we're best friends now and dogs are like, oh wow, I guess we're best friends forever and ever. And then all of their evolution was just about being a better friend for humans isn't that kind of fucked up. Yeah, well, you know what, Jeffrey? Adults don't really care about anything but themselves and and sometimes Children when it's convenient sometimesCheck out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

Hi there kids and welcome to Uncle Dan's Daycare. The show where we discuss adult topics with Children and just Children. So if you're an adult wants to go and and suck, suck you know what, suck my balls? Yeah, I said it suck em, suck em, suck them. Just if you want to listen to this, it's fine. You just got to have my balls in your mouth. Oh, is that too much for you? Is that too? Oh, that's too bad. Well maybe you shouldn't have been listening to this in the first place, Alright. Because if I am been on here for months now telling, you know adults and then I checked the algorithms and you know, strictly adults are listening to this and I don't think any of the adults are showing us their kids. That's fucked up. That's right Gerardo, that is fucked up. So here's what's gonna happen every adult out there listening to this right now, you can, you suck my balls, you sucked all these kid's balls to all of them and then you become a registered sex offender. You're going to be pedophile gross. That's disgusting. Yeah. Well, you know, I guess since adults, since the adults are breaking the one rule, they're going to break all the other ones too because this is what you guys are good at. I'm not even giving you an episode a day. Alright, This may feel like an episode, but it's not an episode. Um so enjoy, enjoy your stupid fucking weekends, you big hairy idiots, All of you, you old old, you're all old and you all should stop living.Check out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

Hi there kids and welcome to Uncle Dan's Daycare. The show where we discuss adult topics with Children and just Children. So if you're an adult, why don't you go argue at a soccer game or some ship because that's really important for your kid to win the big soccer game. You fucking losers. Alright, kids Today, we're going to be talking about your mom now kids. Your mom is this thing that it's extremely repulsive and no one wants to touch her. But at the same time, your mom is also a giant horror that sleeps with the entire town and really people shouldn't be slut shaming nowadays. But God damn. Your mom needs to slow it down. I mean like come on, she's having sex with more people than Marlon Brando down frank Sinatra combined. She's also dumb. Your mom is also one of the dumbest people I've ever met. Your mom also doesn't love you. She doesn't love you at all. And that's because she's too busy sharing the love with the rest of the world. I mean, you don't even know who your dad is, do you? Do you, Jeffrey? No, I don't know my dad. Well, that's because there's too many people that are candidates. We'd have to line them all up and then we'd have to just do that weird voice thing that cops do where they say like the line where it's like give me her purse and then people like that's him. That's the guy, Well your mom won't even fucking remember because she probably didn't even listen to half the ship that the dude that fucked your mom that made you was telling her your mama's mama's ass, right, Jeffrey, your mom's ass.Check out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

and that's my show and tell. All right, great job. Jessica Really looking forward to hearing more about dominatrix barbie next time. Thank you. All right, who's next for show and tell anybody any takers? Oh yeah, I'll go. Alright, Gerardo, get you and your dropped balls on up there. Alright, for today's show and tell I'm brought in my new bong. The new vortex 5000 equipped with six chambers. The ability to fit ice cubes in there. Very smooth, but still packs a punch at the end of the day when you're trying to hit that bong and get a nice toke off that strawberry indica bombshell here, let me try a little bit. One second. Hell yeah. Ah yeah, that's that's the stuff Gerardo, you are going to share that with the rest of the class. Right?, Yeah, yeah, of course Here go ahead pass it around. Oh, I want to try, Sorry Jeffrey uncle Dan's first. Alright, let's see what this fucking shit is made of. Here we go, wow, wow, really good Gerardo. Right?, wow, like smooth. Riiiight?!, A +, wow, Sorry kids, you're not going to top that one Day care is over everybody. You can, you can go home mm hmm.Check out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

Hi there kids and welcome to Uncle Dan's Daycare. The show where we discuss adult topics with Children and just Children. So if you're an adult, why don't you go take your medication? You psycho pants. Alright kids today we're going to be talking about the news. You know, I was on the news once. Okay Jordan calm down. All right kids. So the news is this fucked up tv show that adults watch in order to reassure their already funked up opinions and what sucks about the news is that it used to be really good. It used to tell us like when it was going to rain or like um when something exploded or if there was a killer on the loose or some ship and now it's like all the giraffes are gone and this celebrity did nothing about it. And then people are like, what? Fuck that celebrity. I'm not even I'm not even talking to that celebrity anymore. I wasn't talking in the first place, but now I'm really not talking to that celebrity. Really? What made the news loses credibility was just the fact that it didn't give a fuck about any of the objective truths anymore. Now only cares about money and manipulation. And what happens is politicians by these news stations, right? They buy them out and they buy out all the fucking reporters and they go to cocktail wiener parties with them and then they all just like blow each other in the back and then they go, hey can you hook me up with a good story and they're like yeah you wanna come onto an interview and it's like hell yeah do bitch. And they go and they smoke a fatty and talk about how stupid all the poor people are.Check out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

Hey everybody, Jeffrey here, I just wanted to say thanks so much for listening to the daycare. And even if you are an adult, we still love you. We know you're not supposed to be listening. Uncle Diane may want to hurt you, but we kids here recognize you for who you are and your people who have made mistakes and adults have fun the world up. So maybe us kids can make it a better place. Anyways, I just wanted to express that. Toronto. Do you got anything to say? Yeah, Fuck you guys, okay. Um Hi Fi, Hi Fi. You got anything? Hell yeah. To every hot fucking babe out there listening to this ship. Let's let's go! I'm taking you out, We're gonna go party. It's friday baby, Come get the clocks, Take care of dad, baby fucking hates you adults. I'm going to matter. You are alright anyways, we hope you have a good weekend and we'll talk to you guys soon. Bye see you later, bitches. Hell yeah. Get the funk outta here.Check out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

Hi there kids and welcome Uncle Dan's Daycare. The show where we discuss adult topics with Children and just Children. So if you're an adult, why don't you go ahead and go to church and pray? So your afterlife isn't as shitty as the current one. Okay, today we're gonna be talking about Boehner's movie fans in here. That's cool. A boner is something male adults get when they want to have sex with another adult. And what happens is all the blood and decision making skills go straight from your brain and into your ding dong creating a boner. Oh, that's what that is. I always thought a tiny little person was trying to escape my ball sack. Well, I mean it's kind of true. See kids, a boner is kind of like a golden sword. It should probably be kept sheet. There aren't many uses for it and it's not going to do much damage. I really wouldn't recommend bringing one into a fight now if you end up getting a boner and don't want one, don't freak out. Okay, all you gotta do, it's just drink some sunny d Stop drop and roll and then think about the Oscars. Any questions. Hey uncle, can a girl get up on it to Patricia Girls can do anything Boys can do and more. Really? Yeah, ReallyCheck out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

Hi there kids and welcome to Uncle Dan's Daycare. The show where we discuss adult topics with Children and just Children. So if you're an adult, why don't you each go watch different news sources separately and then argue with each other about the news that you didn't watch. All right, Today, we're gonna be talking about small towns. Alright. Looks like you guys got some ship to hide. Cool. Small towns are places made for adults who just want to escape the hustle and bustle of major cities, possibly enjoy some aspects of nature and smoke their meth and peace. Small town populations usually rely on one another for trading and jobs like we're still in the goddamn 18 hundreds and they do this because corporations don't want anything to do with the Hicks. They just don't. They got no money and Starbucks isn't gonna give you some coffee when you have mountain morning coffee run by your neighbors, brothers, fucking cousin or some ship. And that's the thing about small towns is that they're beautiful and sometimes nice to visit, but they usually have a lot of funky people in a lot of bigots. They're pretty famous for that. And you probably would be a bigot too if your entire world is within a two mile radius. All right. Any questions, is that why you are kind of bigoted towards adults know, Jeff? It's not why I'm bigoted towards adults. I'm bigoted towards adults because adults do crazy sh it. Alright. Kids don't do the crazy ship that adults do Fuck you were in a fightCheck out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

Hi there kids and welcome to Uncle Dan's Daycare. The show where we discuss adult topics. Children and just Children. So if you're an adult, why don't you go do some grocery shopping or something fun? Alright, kids. Today we're gonna be talking about serial killers. Wait like, like breakfast. No dipshit like a series. What like count Chocula has got his own show now. Okay, you're just combining the two serial killers are adults that weren't hugged enough as Children. And so now they kidnap and murder other adults after sexually assaulting them and then after they murder the body, Sometimes they eat or wear the victim's skin, wow. Okay, look, these are the facts. All right. I didn't do this. The adults did. It was just sucked up. Serial killers are usually chameleons kids and I mean that in the way of how well they can blend in with society. A serial killer could be anyone from a doctor to like a kindergarten teacher or maybe like a daycare teacher. Hey Jeffrey. You wanna lose your question privilege? No, I don't, I don't feel safe here anymore.Check out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

Hi there kids and welcome back to Uncle Dan's Daycare. The show where we discuss adult topics with Children and just Children. So if you're an adult, why don't you go drink some espresso and maybe catch up with all your fucking high school friends? Alright, kids today, we're gonna be talking about cities. Cities are these selected areas where adults were like, hey, let's take a disgustingly large amount of people and just shove them into this tight space, let's just shove them in there. Yeah, just shove them in there. That's right, Jeff, just shove it, shove them, shove them in there. And the craziest thing about cities is that even though there are millions of people surrounding you, you still feel lonelier than a vegan raccoon. Cities are extremely dangerous. Kids in our home to a wide variety of different levels of narcissism and evil. I really recommend never going there or leaving the daycare unless you want to deal with a bunch of bad traffic, whether that traffic being the human drugs or bad commute category. Any questions? Yeah, Uncle dan, Why are there such big buildings and city? Excellent question, Jeff. Those are called skyscrapers and they're made by white dudes whose dick are tiny and so they're like, I'm gonna make something so fucking erect, it's gonna scrape the sky and then I'll show you CarolineCheck out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

Hi there kids and welcome back to Uncle Dan's Daycare. The show where we discuss, you already fucking noticed. Alright, today we're gonna be taking questions again, Uncle Dan. How come we're not asking questions anymore? Well, it's important to communicate with our listeners. Yeah, but I had a really good question. I wanted to ask you to write, what's just stop arguing with me? What's the first question Jeffrey john from Germany wants to know what kind of bear is the best bear? What kind of what? What kind of bear is the best bear? What kind of bear is the best? I don't let's not fucking topic. You think like I, I know shit about bears. We talk about adults on this show. How old is this kid? He's 20 something. Looks like 26 25. Okay, well he should not be listening to this if he's that age and is not a registered and signed contracted child, but I, I will say this. I don't think any bear is the best bear yawn because to be honest with you, I don't even think about bears, john, I got more important things to do and just just despite you. Fucky! Fucky all bears. I hope all bears get sent away to bear prison where they, you know, do stupid bear shit and you're there with him and I hope they all eat. You don't send me dumb questionsCheck out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

Hi there, kids and welcome to Uncle Dan's Daycare. The show where we discuss adult topics with Children and just Children. So if you're an adult, you should get it by now. Alright, kids today, we're gonna be talking about nothing. Nothing is not nothing. It is something, but it can't be something without nothing and something can't be something without nothing. Therefore nothing is really important. Nothing is important. Nothing is important. There's no way to describe nothing without something. That's that's crazy, right? But it's it's kind of not because really we're all nothing. And adults like to think they are something. They're like, I'm an adult. They'll be like, my name is Stacy. I'm a career woman. That's what I am. I'm something and it's really like Stacy. You're not ship, you're nothing. You know, and we're always changing. So like, right now, you could be Stacy, the businesswoman. Sure. But you know, in a couple of weeks you could be Stacy, the paraplegic. You never know what the fuss is going to happen to you. So don't stick to it. Don't go. I'm something because you're nothing. You're nothing but a giant long journey to your death, which is also nothing. So nothing is important. When people say nothing is important. You say yes, yes, nothing is important. Something is not. Most things are not important. Nothing is always important. So just remember that kidsCheck out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

Hi there kids and welcome to Uncle Dan's Daycare. The show where we discuss adult topics with Children and just Children. And today we got a real special episode for you because we're taking questions. All right. Go ahead and read the first question there, Jeffrey. Okay. Uncle dan Kenny wants to know did booty eating decrease with covid numbers increasing or do you feel covid had no effect at all? Wow. Alright. I guess we're just going straight into asi eating for the first question. Okay. First of all, you shouldn't, you shouldn't eat ask um, kids in general, don't do it. It's something really gross that adults do when they love each other or hate themselves. I don't think that the numbers of ASi eaters went down during Covid, they probably actually increased. That is if we're not including all the dead people from Covid because if that's the case then they definitely went down. Yeah. Ask, ask, ask eaters when asset went down during Covid, um, everything went down because because of it. So dumb dumb question Kenny, dum, dum fucking question, Uncle dan, Do you eat ass. Sorry, Jeffrey. We're only taking questions from the listeners today. No, no questions from the kids at the daycare. Maybe next time if you guys got any questions, send them in, we'll, we'll answer them. Thanks so much and we'll see you next time on Uncle dan's DaycareCheck out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

Hi there kids and welcome to Uncle Dan's Daycare. The show where we discuss adult topics with Children and just Children. So if you're an adult, why don't you go read the bible? You God fearing hacks. Alright, kids today, we're gonna be talking about the two party system. The two party system is a system of government american adults came up with and it's just the absolute fucking worst. See kids imagine there are two actual parties or celebrations and at one of these parties is a bunch of wannabe hip kids that are just sitting around and talking about how cool of a party they're gonna have. They're like, we're gonna have the best party ever. There's gonna be a DJ and like, you know, a bunch of drugs and cool lights and in some some delicious punch, a delicious punch bowl. We're like, we're like a lemon and yeah, with like a little lemon in it and you get all excited and you're like awesome, this party sounds great. Let's do it. And they're like, hell yeah, we're gonna do it. And you're like, okay, cool. And next thing you know, it's been eight years and you might have gotten the lemon, but you didn't get anything else. And the second party is just a bunch of even more uncomfortable clint Eastwood characters will that party have punch? Yeah, they're gonna have punch. It's just, it's gonna be the violent, they're gonna hit you. It's definitely a more exciting time. It's just way worse for everybody around youCheck out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

Hi there kids and welcome to Uncle Dan's Daycare. The show where we discuss adult topics with Children and just Children. So if you're an adult, why don't you go like file a lawsuit or something? Alright, kids, today, we're gonna be talking about alcohol. That's right. It's awesome. See kids alcohol is this magical beverage that makes people much more tolerable when you drink it. And it's about one of the few things adults have ever gotten right in their lives. In fact, it's so good that some people have to seek counseling in order to stop drinking it because they're completely addicted to it. And we call those people the irish. And it makes sense because alcohol really is that great and I honestly wouldn't advise drinking it until you're ready to make a few mistakes with your tongue. All right. Any questions? Yeah. Uncle Do all adults drink alcohol actually, Jeffrey? No, there's a couple groups out there, like the mormons and the Amish that don't drink it at all and instead replace it, which is blamed. Sexism. Alright, well, that's it for today. I'll see you guys tomorrow and thanks for stopping by Uncle Dan's Daycare.Check out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

Everybody's looking forward to the hi there kids and welcome to Uncle Dan's Daycare. The show where we discuss adult topics with Children and just Children. So, if you're an adult, why don't you go ahead and stand in line at the DMV and think about all your regrets. All right, kids. Today, we're gonna be talking about friday, friday. Is this fake ass thing adults made in order to pretend like there's something to look forward to and really there isn't. And they do this because of an even dumber idea they implemented called the five day work week. Wait a minute. Does that mean there's only two days where they don't work and five days where they do, wow. Really good math skills, Jessica, You dumb little thank you. Now, the five day work week was designed to make sure adults slowly die on the inside and not the outside because then they couldn't work. And the alpha adults really need the omega adults to work because who else is going to supply all the materials needed for their sex trafficking schemes? Any questions, Uncle Dan, How many days do you think adults should work? Two days, Jeffrey. I want to flip that sh it and reverse it. Is it worth it? Let me work it. I'm gonna put that pussy down reverse It. Ti esrever dna ti pilf nwod gniht ym tup I. Hell yeah, fucking love that song. Who is that Missy Elliott? Who sings that great songCheck out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm

well when you hit me, it hurt my feelings. So I hit you back. Hi there kids and welcome to Uncle Dan's Daycare. The show where we discuss adult topics with Children and just Children. So if you're an adult, why don't you go fucking take a shower? You smell like spit dick and regret all of you. All right, kids today, we're going to be talking about feelings. I'm not talking about my feelings. See kids feelings are these things that adults pretend to not have in order to look like they have the ship together when really they're just a giant basket case and they never fucking will. And what happens when you don't acknowledge your feelings is it builds up the feelings don't go away. They just build and build until that person explodes and ends up divorced. Distraught or arrested one of the three always. And sometimes in order in that order really when you have your feelings, you just accept them as what they are their feelings and they don't matter. We're all going to die and and we're all so small. We're also very, very small. And so our feelings are really just even smaller there. Um So insignificant. And what you are feeling is valid in this moment. Sure, But it's um not important, it's just, it's just not, it's not important at all. And I think if more people knew that the world be a better place. Alright. No questions today because I don't feel like it, but nope not doing it, sorry, JeffCheck out the replies and reactions on Beams.fm