Podcasts about kink aware professionals

Implicit bias is a fancy way of saying "having an attitude about something or someone because they are unfamiliar". In this episode, you'll get a better grasp of the concept and we'll meet one of the researchers who helped develop the very first implicit bias scale for mental healthcare practitioners. Dr. Vanessa Brown talks about the kink bias that some patients face from mental healthcare workers. She also addresses the lack of support that those practitioners face as they strive to provide good mental healthcare. When we are confronted with the unknown, we automatically feel suspicious; this is a protective behavior that all creatures have developed over time. As humans, we get to choose if we want to use our substantial cerebrum to make a different choice. This research team came up with the first implicit bias scale to help these practitioners identify their biases around the topic of kink so that they can change their reactions if they so choose. Their scale will be publicly available soon and I'll post a link when it is. Until then, here is a helpful link to "Kink Guidelines: Clinical Best Practices". As a patient, you can see that you have a right to expect complete acceptance of your choices and as a practitioner, you'll find helpful information about how to assist your clients who practice or want to practice consensual kink. Here is a link to the Kink Aware Professionals list. On October 28th at 5:00 PM Pacific Time, Dr. Brown, Lexi Gird, and other research team members will join us for a live Q&A to discuss their work. I encourage you to join us if you are a patient, a healthcare practitioner, a sex educator, or a researcher. This is going to be a fantastic panel! Here is the LINK, and the passcode is 219308.

This sex positive podcast dives into what it means for a professional to be kink aware, and why folks who work in health, mental health or policing might want to consider becoming kink aware. 

N is for National Coalition for Sexual Freedom   Hi everyone!  Welcome to the A to Z of Sex.  I'm Dr Lori Beth Bisbey and I am your host.  We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time.  Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don't have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones.  Today the letter is N and N is for National Coalition for Sexual Freedom.     The National coalition for sexual freedom Mission Statement is:  The NCSF is committed to creating a political, legal and social environment in the US that advances equal rights for consenting adults who engage in alternative sexual and relationship expressions.  The NCSF aims to advance the rights of, and advocate for consenting adults in the BDSM-Leather-Fetish, Swing, and Polyamory Communities.  We pursue our vision through direct services, education, advocacy, and outreach, in conjunction with our partners, to directly benefit these communities.   Joining me to talk about the NCSF and other topics is D Choc Trei Henderson.  She is Ms Southeast Leatherfest 2018 and a director/southeast regional coalition partner lead for the NCSF.  She is executive producer of the first inaugural Southeast Consent Summit.  Choc is 2019 president of Leather Houses of |Color Coalition and was recently conferred as one of the newest directors for the Leather Archives and Museum. Other community service includes the Executive Director, VP and treasurer roles to re-launch ONYX Pearls South East and is presently bylaws Chair.  She has been treasurer of the Leather Leadership Conference and active in many local groups.  Her home leather bar is the Atlanta Eagle.    NCSF is a resource for the members of the kink, poly and Lifestyle communities and for people seeking information about them. If you engage in BDSM, fetishes or non-monogamy practices, and you are being persecuted or discriminated against because of it, please contact NCSF through the Get Help Now. If you need help removing kink or non-monogamy as a barrier to public services, please contact NCSF. If your group or business needs help with outreach to local officials, please contact NCSF.If you or your group needs help with a consent violation or sexual assault, please contact NCSF.   GET HELP NOW! The issue must openly, directly, and specifically relate to BDSM, swing or poly activities between consenting adults; in other words, the problems you face must relate to or be caused from your involvement in BDSM, swing or poly.  NCSF is not legal aid, nor do we offer specific legal advice for individuals. NCSF is a resource for the members of the kink, poly and Lifestyle communities and for people seeking information about them. NCSF provides publicly available information on kink and nonmonogamy for consenting adults.      They have produced the Kink Aware Professionals list which includes listings for mental health professionals, medical doctors, legal professionals, accountants who are aware of kink, alternative lifestyles as well as gender and sexual diversity and who can provide services without a negative bias.   They produce the consent counts program. The Consent Counts project involves the BDSM communities in a nationwide education and activism program coordinated and led by the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom.  This multifaceted campaign includes a comprehensive is analysis of current laws and court decisions, the development of legal arguments for changing the laws, participating in court cases, and ultimately, through lobbying, education and grass-roots activism, changing state laws and the way the public and the courts view BDSM.  An important element of the project also includes an Educational Outreach Program (EOP) to educate our own communities of the current state of the law, of the effort NCSF is undertaking and to involve them in our strategic planning process and development of “best practices” by which we can...

Please enjoy again: Sex Spoken Here: BDSM and Power Exchange   Welcome to my virtual therapy room!  I am Dr Lori Beth Bisbey and this is Sex Spoken Here. Remember that this podcast deals with adult themes so if you don’t have privacy you might wish to put on your headphones.   Last week I explored the practicalities for beginning to explore BDSM and Power Exchange.  This week I explore basic rules for events and resources for BDSM online and in the community.    If you haven’t heard the first four of the BDSM and Power Exchange Series, I suggest you download them.  The first two include interviews with Dr Kevin Boileau and cover some of the theory and emotional issues, the third in the series includes an interview with Pharoah Khaf Ra and Empress Nahara who are a lifestyle dominant couple and last week I started with practicalities like figuring out if you are dominant or submissive. I have talked about getting ready to step out and explore BDSM and power exchange whether you are doing it in private or in public.    But many people have no idea where to begin to look to meet people, for events or for clothing and accessories.  First I want to highlight that you don’t need to spend lots of money on special clothing and toys.    Most events have a dress code but most of them also will accept scant clothing (as close to nakedness as is legal in that jurisdiction) or being dressed all in black.   The dress code is supposed to encourage people to make an effort to get involved, look and feel sexy and to discourage those people who come along to gawk.  Gawking is different from watching when you are a proper voyeur.  Gawking is when someone comes to watch all the strange people and has no intention of getting involved in any way and when someone doesn’t observe basic courtesy either.  Basic courtesy includes: Don’t interfere in someone else’s scene.  If they are doing something you find interesting, watch from an appropriate distance.  That means don’t watch from 2 inches away.  I was once involved in a scene with a woman where I was performing oral sex on her and a man came and sat so close too watch that his face was almost between my mouth and her pussy.  He was told very firmly to move away.  When people are using floggers, whips and canes if you get within the circle of the stroke you will get injured and really annoy the person who is doing the beating.  Also, when people are in a scene, it creates a bubble and they are likely to be unaware of the outside world.  When someone blunders in, they break the bubble and the distraction can ruin the entire scene because it interrupts the energy flow.  Energy builds in a scene to a peak just like it does in sex when it builds to orgasm. No means no. Just because someone is at a public event does not mean they are there to play with everyone.  If someone says no, please respect it. Observe protocols.  Even if you find it strange to have to ask someone’s Master or Mistress to talk with them, please follow their protocols.  It is a means of demonstrating respect.  You can ask about reasons or the origins of the protocol but ultimately following it is the best way to show respect. Don’t spend time talking or asking questions in active areas of play.  This disrupts the energy and disrupts the scene.  There are usually conversation areas and people are usually happy to answer questions after the scene.  Remember that after care is part of the scene. Don’t make assumptions about role, gender, sexuality, sexual orientation.  Ask instead of assuming. Where to meet people online: There are lots of resources to meet people online.  Fetlife.com  is a social media site for people who like fetishes including BDSM and power exchange.  There are lots of different groups once you have joined.  You can join a group for events near your location to find out who might be close by.  You make a profile and people can search profiles in a number of ways, send emails and reach out to you via the groups you join. OK Cupid! has a large number of people who enjoy kink and BDSM.  You make a profile there in the same way you would on any other dating site. Facebook:  There are lots of BDSM and power exchange related Facebook groups.  Some are secret.  Others are just private.  Check group rules to see if looking to meet people is OK. Fester.com  is relatively new and apparently most folk are 30 or under. Collarspace.com  is mostly for hook ups.  Reviews are very mixed. BDSM.com is a space for talking about things as well as hooking up. Chained.org is site for meeting folks. Where to meet people offline besides events and parties: Going to a local munch is a great way to meet people in your area.  Munches are usually held monthly in a restaurant or pub.  People come dressed in normal clothing and are usually welcoming to newcomers. You can find munches listed on places like FetLife.com.  There are fetish markets in many cities.  London, UK has one every month.  There are lots of items for sale, usually short presentations and stage shows and lots of space to mingle and meet folk.  There is also usually a play party afterwards and the ticket prices are reasonable.    Finding toys and supplies: For bondage using rope: There are lots of online sites.  I recommend checking out https://www.twistedmonk.com This is the best site for different types of rope, rope care, how to videos etc. http://www.esinem-rope.com Excellent UK site for rope, tutorial DVDs. If you want to learn to make your own tools and toys: Check out the blogs on Kinkly.com For floggers, whips, restraints: http://www.detailstoys.com http://www.whipsbywolf.com/handmade-leather-floggers/ For gay men – hard core toys https://www.regulation-london.com Get recommendations from people you meet at events.  Of course you need not spend much money at all.  There are many ‘pervertables’ in most homes.  A pervertable is something that is ordinary that you can turn to a kinky purpose.  For example: Belts are extremely pervertable to use for a beating.  You can use wooden spoons (ouch!), spatulas.  Lots of things in the kitchen are pervertable. For restraints you can use ties, belts, scarves. For blindfolds – ties, scarves. It’s easy to go wild and spend a fortune on beautiful toys and restraints and then rarely use them.  I recommend starting with pervertables and then making the purchase of any tools or toys something that you do with lots of thought.  Pick out one or two special pieces.   Clothing Fetish clothing varies depending upon your interests and roles.  Leather can be used for a variety of things.  Some people love the feel, touch and smell of leather.  There is also the leather lifestyle.  People who identify as part of the leather lifestyle are engaged in power exchange relationships (often Master/slave or Mistress/slave) and follow certain codes.  Most codes include honor, honesty, respect) and most observe a variety of rituals.  Leather for these people is not only sexy and hot but is earned and a means of recognising service.    Some people like the feel of rubber or latex.   For latex clothing: http://www.houseofharlot.com https://www.pandoradeluxe.com https://www.atsukokudo.com/Home/ For leather: http://www.fetishwear.com/Welcome.htm http://www.leatheraddicts.com https://www.mr-s-leather.com Good informational sites Jack Rinella’s Leather Views – leatherviews.com  Jack Rinella is a free lance author and leather man.  He has written a number of well respected books on various aspects of leather and BDSM. Race Bannon’s site : bannon.com Race Bannon along with Guy Baldwin, MS co-founded Kink Aware Professionals which is a list of helping professionals and legal professionals who are kink aware.  He has spoken at over 400 events, is a founder and board member of a number of leather associations. National Coalition for Sexual Freedom http://ncsfreedom.org Planet Midori http://www.planetmidori.com  She is a most amazing person and author who has expertise in bondage and power exchange. Society of Janus is San Francisco based and is an organisation that offers BDSM education and support. https://soj.org Carter Johnson Leather Library http://leatherlibrary.org  An amazing collection of leather history, reading materials covering kink, BDSM, LGBTQ. Leather Archives and Museum  Incredible collection also ‘dedicated to compilation, preservation and maintenance of leather, kink and fetish lifestyles.’ http://www.leatherarchives.org http://www.drkdesyre.com/meetppl/orgs/orgs.html They keep listings for BDSM and power exchange groups Exploration is designed to be fun.  It is more likely to be so if you remember some basic rules.  Keep yourself safe  New things are really exciting and this stuff can be even more exciting than most new things.  Don’t let the excitement make you forget our basic safety rules.  If you have just met someone online, don’t give them too much personal information.    If you are arranging to meet for the first time, do it in a public place and let people know where you are going.    If you feel something is off, trust your gut and leave.    Don’t talk yourself out of trusting your gut because you think you need to give people second chances.    Don’t meet people at your home and don’t go to their home alone until you are sure that they are safe.  Avoid taking recreational drugs.  Making clear choices is important when you are playing in areas that are risky.  Keep your head clear so you will make good choices.  Limit your alcohol consumption for the same reason.  I choose not to drink and play and I prefer to play with people who are sober. Pace yourself.  Don’t try to do everything at once.  Take your time and savour the experience.  Give yourself the space to process your experience afterwards and make sure you have support for when you need it. Remember your social skills.  Use your best social skills – be polite, friendly, listen lots.  Sometimes people get so excited they forget! Understand consent and apply it properly.    Don’t touch anyone without getting consent first.  This includes spontaneous hugs, putting your hand on someone’s shoulder.   Understand that people in this world can have different protocols.  Some are very strict.  Don’t assume that everyone will engage with you.  Some people may not be free to do so.  Don’t speak to someone else’s partner without checking first.  If you can’t check and you don’t get a response, don’t assume the person is being rude.  They may not be allowed to talk with anyone.  Think of it like meeting a monk or nun who is under a vow of silence. Take the time to learn how to do things properly.  Many activities that you will engage in if you are exploring BDSM and power exchange will involve an increased level of risk.  If you don’t learn how to do things properly, you have a high risk of injuring yourself or someone else.    There are two acronyms regularly used by people who engage in BDSM to describe risk.  The first is Safe, Sane and Consensual.  People who work to this protocol do things in the safest way possible, they don’t take short-cuts and highlight consent.  The second is Risk Aware Consensual Kink.  These folks highlight the fact that all activities have risk and that you must be aware of the risk level of things you are choosing to engage in.  They also highlight consent. Finally, maximise enjoyment.  Do everything you can to raise the probability that you will have a brilliant time. Thanks for joining me this week for Sex Spoken Here with Dr Lori Beth Bisbey.  Write to me with suggestions for the show, questions you want answered at drbisbey@the-intimacy-coach.com, follow me on twitter @drbisbey.  For a free 30 minute strategy session with me, head over to https://the-intimacy-coach.com and click the button that says Schedule Now!  If you have enjoyed the show, please leave a review on iTunes or Stitcher and subscribe!  The top three reviews will receive a copy of my eBook A Consumer’s Guide to Online BDSM Resources.  Join me next week when I will be starting a series on sex toys.

  Hi everyone!  Welcome to the A to Z of Sex.  I'm Dr Lori Beth Bisbey and I am your host.  We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time.  Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don't have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones.  Today the letter is F and F is for Freedom – Sexual Freedom.   Susan Wright founded the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom in 1997, and currently serves as Chairperson and Director of Incident Reporting & Response. Susan also serves on the advocacy committees for AASECT, the Kink Clinician Guidelines, the Kink Knowledgeable Program, and the Diverse Sexualities Research Education Institute. Susan has conducted six surveys on discrimination and violence against BDSM practitioners; consent practices and attitudes; and the mental and physical health of BDSM and non-monogamy practitioners that have been published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, Journal of Sexual Medicine, Journal of Behavioral Health Services & Research, International Journal of Social Psychiatry, Journal of Trauma and Dissociation and Journal of Homosexuality.   In this two part talk, we started by speaking about the reasons for founding the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom and the projects they have been involved in.  Susan talked about the research that NCSF has done on BDSM, relationship styles, polyamory and consent and that these have been the largest surveys done so far.  The research has demonstrated the psychological health of people involved in these alternative relationships and alternative sexual practices and was part of the evidence that caused the APA to modify the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders –V so that the vast majority of people practicing BDSM and/or polyamory no longer qualify for a diagnosis of paraphilia in relationship to their sexual and relationship choices.    We spent a lot of time talking about consent incidents and how we as a community identify these, manage these and apply sanctions.  Susan spoke about the groups that they work with.  The NCSF has developed a framework and a lot of resources for community groups and businesses around defining and dealing with consent incidents.    We spoke about the NCSF's role in educating law enforcement, psychologists and other mental health professionals.  NCSF hosts the Kink Aware Professionals list which is an international list of  mental health professionals, medical doctors, lawyers and other professionals who are kink aware.  The NCSF regularly educates professionals about BDSM and other alternative lifestyles and sexual practices.   We spoke about how important it is for individuals to be educated about consent and that some of the research that NCSF has done has found that 75% of consent violations happen with people who are in their first 3 years of being involved with BDSM.    We spoke about how individuals and groups handle consent incidents and the differences between someone making an error and someone being a repeat offender.  We spoke about needing to get information first hand if you are to make a judgement on a situation and that one of the problems is that often people don't have first hand information and are being asked to make a judgement.  We spoke about liability for people organising events and conferences and how important education is to limit liability and that decisions around excluding someone from an event are often taken because of liability issues.   NCSF has also educated people in the hospitality industry and made it possible for events and conferences to be held at these venues.    We finished up recognising that we had not managed to cover all the topics we set out to cover and will be doing another show on custody and divorce soon.   Susan Wright can be found at www.ncsfreedom.org Twitter @ncsf Facebook: http:www.facebook.com/NCSFreedom   This week we talked about:  Consent...

Susan Wright founded the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom in 1997, and currently serves as Chairperson and Director of Incident Reporting & Response. Susan also serves on the advocacy committees for AASECT, the Kink Clinician Guidelines, the Kink Knowledgeable Program, and the Diverse Sexualities Research Education Institute. Susan has conducted six surveys on discrimination and violence against BDSM practitioners; consent practices and attitudes; and the mental and physical health of BDSM and non-monogamy practitioners that have been published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, Journal of Sexual Medicine, Journal of Behavioral Health Services & Research, International Journal of Social Psychiatry, Journal of Trauma and Dissociation and Journal of Homosexuality.   In this two part talk, we started by speaking about the reasons for founding the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom and the projects they have been involved in.  Susan talked about the research that NCSF has done on BDSM, relationship styles, polyamory and consent and that these have been the largest surveys done so far.  The research has demonstrated the psychological health of people involved in these alternative relationships and alternative sexual practices and was part of the evidence that caused the APA to modify the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders –V so that the vast majority of people practicing BDSM and/or polyamory no longer qualify for a diagnosis of paraphilia in relationship to their sexual and relationship choices.    We spent a lot of time talking about consent incidents and how we as a community identify these, manage these and apply sanctions.  Susan spoke about the groups that they work with.  The NCSF has developed a framework and a lot of resources for community groups and businesses around defining and dealing with consent incidents.    We spoke about the NCSF’s role in educating law enforcement, psychologists and other mental health professionals.  NCSF hosts the Kink Aware Professionals list which is an international list of  mental health professionals, medical doctors, lawyers and other professionals who are kink aware.  The NCSF regularly educates professionals about BDSM and other alternative lifestyles and sexual practices.   We spoke about how important it is for individuals to be educated about consent and that some of the research that NCSF has done has found that 75% of consent violations happen with people who are in their first 3 years of being involved with BDSM.    We spoke about how individuals and groups handle consent incidents and the differences between someone making an error and someone being a repeat offender.  We spoke about needing to get information first hand if you are to make a judgement on a situation and that one of the problems is that often people don’t have first hand information and are being asked to make a judgement.  We spoke about liability for people organising events and conferences and how important education is to limit liability and that decisions around excluding someone from an event are often taken because of liability issues.   NCSF has also educated people in the hospitality industry and made it possible for events and conferences to be held at these venues.    We finished up recognising that we had not managed to cover all the topics we set out to cover and will be doing another show on custody and divorce soon.   Susan Wright can be found at www.ncsfreedom.org Twitter @ncsf Facebook: http:www.facebook.com/NCSFreedom   This week we talked about:  Consent violations,   consent definitions, education and the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF).  If any topics that we brought up caused you concern or triggered you, please write to me at drloribeth@atozofsex.com and I will help you find resources to resolve your concerns.

Race: I’ve been active in the Leather scene since 1973. Initially, apart from being a bartender in a sleazy kinky bar, I was essentially a lone maverick player. Then around 1980 I got deeply involved with various clubs, organizations and projects that changed that lone wolf status. Since then I’ve been an organizer, writer, educator, speaker and activist in the LGBT, leather/kink, polyamory and HIV/STI prevention realms. I’ve authored a well-known BDSM book, been published extensively, spoken to hundreds of audiences, created the world’s largest kink-friendly psychotherapist and medical referral service (Kink Aware Professionals), was a leader of The DSM Project that led to a beneficial change in the way psychotherapy views BDSM, founded a groundbreaking alternative sexuality publishing company (Daedalus Publishing Company), been an internet radio sex talk show host, received national and local awards, appeared in numerous documentaries, and currently am the Leather/kink columnist for the Bay Area Reporter http://www.ebar.comwww.ebar.com I also have a blog at http://www.bannon.com and there’s more information about me there for those who might be interested.

Welcome to my virtual therapy room!  I am Dr Lori Beth Bisbey and this is Sex Spoken Here. Remember that this podcast deals with adult themes so if you don’t have privacy you might wish to put on your headphones.   Last week I explored the practicalities for beginning to explore BDSM and Power Exchange.  This week I explore basic rules for events and resources for BDSM online and in the community.    If you haven’t heard the first four of the BDSM and Power Exchange Series, I suggest you download them.  The first two include interviews with Dr Kevin Boileau and cover some of the theory and emotional issues, the third in the series includes an interview with Pharoah Khaf Ra and Empress Nahara who are a lifestyle dominant couple and last week I started with practicalities like figuring out if you are dominant or submissive. I have talked about getting ready to step out and explore BDSM and power exchange whether you are doing it in private or in public.    But many people have no idea where to begin to look to meet people, for events or for clothing and accessories.  First I want to highlight that you don’t need to spend lots of money on special clothing and toys.    Most events have a dress code but most of them also will accept scant clothing (as close to nakedness as is legal in that jurisdiction) or being dressed all in black.   The dress code is supposed to encourage people to make an effort to get involved, look and feel sexy and to discourage those people who come along to gawk.  Gawking is different from watching when you are a proper voyeur.  Gawking is when someone comes to watch all the strange people and has no intention of getting involved in any way and when someone doesn’t observe basic courtesy either.  Basic courtesy includes: Don’t interfere in someone else’s scene.  If they are doing something you find interesting, watch from an appropriate distance.  That means don’t watch from 2 inches away.  I was once involved in a scene with a woman where I was performing oral sex on her and a man came and sat so close too watch that his face was almost between my mouth and her pussy.  He was told very firmly to move away.  When people are using floggers, whips and canes if you get within the circle of the stroke you will get injured and really annoy the person who is doing the beating.  Also, when people are in a scene, it creates a bubble and they are likely to be unaware of the outside world.  When someone blunders in, they break the bubble and the distraction can ruin the entire scene because it interrupts the energy flow.  Energy builds in a scene to a peak just like it does in sex when it builds to orgasm. No means no. Just because someone is at a public event does not mean they are there to play with everyone.  If someone says no, please respect it. Observe protocols.  Even if you find it strange to have to ask someone’s Master or Mistress to talk with them, please follow their protocols.  It is a means of demonstrating respect.  You can ask about reasons or the origins of the protocol but ultimately following it is the best way to show respect. Don’t spend time talking or asking questions in active areas of play.  This disrupts the energy and disrupts the scene.  There are usually conversation areas and people are usually happy to answer questions after the scene.  Remember that after care is part of the scene. Don’t make assumptions about role, gender, sexuality, sexual orientation.  Ask instead of assuming. Where to meet people online: There are lots of resources to meet people online.  Fetlife.com  is a social media site for people who like fetishes including BDSM and power exchange.  There are lots of different groups once you have joined.  You can join a group for events near your location to find out who might be close by.  You make a profile and people can search profiles in a number of ways, send emails and reach out to you via the groups you join. OK Cupid! has a large number of people who enjoy kink and BDSM.  You make a profile there in the same way you would on any other dating site. Facebook:  There are lots of BDSM and power exchange related Facebook groups.  Some are secret.  Others are just private.  Check group rules to see if looking to meet people is OK. Fester.com  is relatively new and apparently most folk are 30 or under. Collarspace.com  is mostly for hook ups.  Reviews are very mixed. BDSM.com is a space for talking about things as well as hooking up. Chained.org is site for meeting folks. Where to meet people offline besides events and parties: Going to a local munch is a great way to meet people in your area.  Munches are usually held monthly in a restaurant or pub.  People come dressed in normal clothing and are usually welcoming to newcomers. You can find munches listed on places like FetLife.com.  There are fetish markets in many cities.  London, UK has one every month.  There are lots of items for sale, usually short presentations and stage shows and lots of space to mingle and meet folk.  There is also usually a play party afterwards and the ticket prices are reasonable.    Finding toys and supplies: For bondage using rope: There are lots of online sites.  I recommend checking out https://www.twistedmonk.com This is the best site for different types of rope, rope care, how to videos etc. http://www.esinem-rope.com Excellent UK site for rope, tutorial DVDs. If you want to learn to make your own tools and toys: Check out the blogs on Kinkly.com For floggers, whips, restraints: http://www.detailstoys.com http://www.whipsbywolf.com/handmade-leather-floggers/ For gay men – hard core toys https://www.regulation-london.com Get recommendations from people you meet at events.  Of course you need not spend much money at all.  There are many ‘pervertables’ in most homes.  A pervertable is something that is ordinary that you can turn to a kinky purpose.  For example: Belts are extremely pervertable to use for a beating.  You can use wooden spoons (ouch!), spatulas.  Lots of things in the kitchen are pervertable. For restraints you can use ties, belts, scarves. For blindfolds – ties, scarves. It’s easy to go wild and spend a fortune on beautiful toys and restraints and then rarely use them.  I recommend starting with pervertables and then making the purchase of any tools or toys something that you do with lots of thought.  Pick out one or two special pieces.   Clothing Fetish clothing varies depending upon your interests and roles.  Leather can be used for a variety of things.  Some people love the feel, touch and smell of leather.  There is also the leather lifestyle.  People who identify as part of the leather lifestyle are engaged in power exchange relationships (often Master/slave or Mistress/slave) and follow certain codes.  Most codes include honor, honesty, respect) and most observe a variety of rituals.  Leather for these people is not only sexy and hot but is earned and a means of recognising service.    Some people like the feel of rubber or latex.   For latex clothing: http://www.houseofharlot.com https://www.pandoradeluxe.com https://www.atsukokudo.com/Home/ For leather: http://www.fetishwear.com/Welcome.htm http://www.leatheraddicts.com https://www.mr-s-leather.com Good informational sites Jack Rinella’s Leather Views – leatherviews.com  Jack Rinella is a free lance author and leather man.  He has written a number of well respected books on various aspects of leather and BDSM. Race Bannon’s site : bannon.com Race Bannon along with Guy Baldwin, MS co-founded Kink Aware Professionals which is a list of helping professionals and legal professionals who are kink aware.  He has spoken at over 400 events, is a founder and board member of a number of leather associations. National Coalition for Sexual Freedom http://ncsfreedom.org Planet Midori http://www.planetmidori.com  She is a most amazing person and author who has expertise in bondage and power exchange. Society of Janus is San Francisco based and is an organisation that offers BDSM education and support. https://soj.org Carter Johnson Leather Library http://leatherlibrary.org  An amazing collection of leather history, reading materials covering kink, BDSM, LGBTQ. Leather Archives and Museum  Incredible collection also ‘dedicated to compilation, preservation and maintenance of leather, kink and fetish lifestyles.’ http://www.leatherarchives.org http://www.drkdesyre.com/meetppl/orgs/orgs.html They keep listings for BDSM and power exchange groups Exploration is designed to be fun.  It is more likely to be so if you remember some basic rules.  Keep yourself safe  New things are really exciting and this stuff can be even more exciting than most new things.  Don’t let the excitement make you forget our basic safety rules.  If you have just met someone online, don’t give them too much personal information.    If you are arranging to meet for the first time, do it in a public place and let people know where you are going.    If you feel something is off, trust your gut and leave.    Don’t talk yourself out of trusting your gut because you think you need to give people second chances.    Don’t meet people at your home and don’t go to their home alone until you are sure that they are safe.  Avoid taking recreational drugs.  Making clear choices is important when you are playing in areas that are risky.  Keep your head clear so you will make good choices.  Limit your alcohol consumption for the same reason.  I choose not to drink and play and I prefer to play with people who are sober. Pace yourself.  Don’t try to do everything at once.  Take your time and savour the experience.  Give yourself the space to process your experience afterwards and make sure you have support for when you need it. Remember your social skills.  Use your best social skills – be polite, friendly, listen lots.  Sometimes people get so excited they forget! Understand consent and apply it properly.    Don’t touch anyone without getting consent first.  This includes spontaneous hugs, putting your hand on someone’s shoulder.   Understand that people in this world can have different protocols.  Some are very strict.  Don’t assume that everyone will engage with you.  Some people may not be free to do so.  Don’t speak to someone else’s partner without checking first.  If you can’t check and you don’t get a response, don’t assume the person is being rude.  They may not be allowed to talk with anyone.  Think of it like meeting a monk or nun who is under a vow of silence. Take the time to learn how to do things properly.  Many activities that you will engage in if you are exploring BDSM and power exchange will involve an increased level of risk.  If you don’t learn how to do things properly, you have a high risk of injuring yourself or someone else.    There are two acronyms regularly used by people who engage in BDSM to describe risk.  The first is Safe, Sane and Consensual.  People who work to this protocol do things in the safest way possible, they don’t take short-cuts and highlight consent.  The second is Risk Aware Consensual Kink.  These folks highlight the fact that all activities have risk and that you must be aware of the risk level of things you are choosing to engage in.  They also highlight consent. Finally, maximise enjoyment.  Do everything you can to raise the probability that you will have a brilliant time. Thanks for joining me this week for Sex Spoken Here with Dr Lori Beth Bisbey.  Write to me with suggestions for the show, questions you want answered at drbisbey@the-intimacy-coach.com, follow me on twitter @drbisbey.  For a free 30 minute strategy session with me, head over to https://the-intimacy-coach.com and click the button that says Schedule Now!  If you have enjoyed the show, please leave a review on iTunes or Stitcher and subscribe!  The top three reviews will receive a copy of my eBook A Consumer’s Guide to Online BDSM Resources.  Join me next week when I will be starting a series on sex toys.

YELLOW FEVER! Comedian and storyteller Kevin Allison (Risk!, The State) stashes his favorite sex toy and poppers away and tells us how he got into and might get out of his kinky rut. TOPICS: Risk! Storytelling, Gay Before Kindergarten, Sex Clubs, Rimming, Njoy Pure Wand, Kink Aware Professionals, Mollena Williams, Poppers Addiction, Gay Male Culture, Skipper & Gilligan, Bears & Twinks, Giving Away Power, Wanting to Please, Service Dom, Daddy Coach, Sexy Guilt, Raised Catholic, Erotic Hypnosis, Jazz, Pandora's Box, Dark Odyssey Kink Camp, Asian Men, Telling Stories, Taking Care of Yourself, Switching, Sex Therapy, Daddy/boy, Matchmaking and Healing.

Kink-oriented listener questions on topics including collars in BDSM play and relationships, where to find BDSM checklists and how to get the most out of them, how a submissive can be assertive about getting kinky play without acting dominant, the purported correlation between childhood sexual abuse and sexual submission, and rape fantasies. Show Links: Printable BDSM Checklist Links to Lots of Sexy Surveys (including the one above) Kink-Aware Professionals in therapy, law and other fields Sponsored By: AdamAndEve.com, enter the code "DARKAGE" at checkout to get HALF OFF just about any item, FREE shipping, three FREE porn DVDs and a FREE sexy surprise. Show website: SexualDarkAge.com