Man They Remember

We're starting a new direction as a podcast, and today is the first time we're really starting to talk about it. We're always going to be focused on being the kind of men people remember when we're gone, but today we're going to start looking at what it means to raise men and women in our homes who will be the kind of people others remember. We're going to look at how God intended discipleship to happen in the home, and I'm going to share with you how I've failed at this. If it's not too late for me, it's not too late for you either. 

Well, the Man They Remember Podcast is a little over a year old now, and I thought that was a good time to stop and refresh our memory on what it means to be a man. At least what it means for us. So in this episode I'm going to give you our definition for masculinity and remind you of the 7 core virtues. But then after that I'm going to do something different. We've talked in the past about the importance of telling stories, so I wanted to do just that - tell you a story from my life. 

Just like listening seems to be a lost art form, so does focus. We're so used to skimming that we don't read anything deeply. We can't go more than a few minutes without being distracted by our phones. The result is some pretty shallow and insignificant work. What are some simple ways we can improve our focus? Also, Ron joins us on the podcast today and fills us in on his story that started several months ago. You're going to want to hear it! 

What do you do when the definition for masculinity you've been taught and used your whole life no longer works for you? When your idea of manhood leaves you disappointed and empty where do you go? Why is it that men have such a hard time building relationships with other men? In this episode, I have the privilege of talking with Sean Galla, the founder of mensgroup.com, a site that offers many online groups for men to be able to connect with other men for encouragement, discussion, and training. You'll hear how Sean's definition of masculinity left him with a crisis and how he had to dig deeper to find a more meaningful definition. 

Have you ever sent someone a text, only to have them respond with a question you literally just answered in the text you just sent? We scroll through over 300 feet of media per day on social media, not to mention all the other content we are consuming. The result of this overly saturated content culture is that it seems that listening has gone the way of the dinosaur. How important is listening? How do we become better listeners? What do we communicate when we listen? Join Robby and I as we dive into the lost art form of listening. 

Which is more masculine? Working 17 hours a day, driving a jacked-up truck, and drinking all weekend long, or dealing with your emotional insecurities, figuring out your identity, and learning to be a better listener with your wife? On today's podcast, I'm talking with Michael LaRoque, who has 20 years of experience in construction where he earned a nationwide leadership award. He has walked through addiction, mental health, and relationship struggles nearly calling it quits with his wife Laura after 4 years. Today he's encouraging men to take charge of their lives physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually so they can be the man their partner and family need. 

It's one of those words we don't want to talk about. We know we tend to get them out of whack, but we'd rather not mention it. I'll pass on the guilt trip this time, thank you very much. And yet, priorities can be one of those things that keep us from being the kind of man people will remember when we're gone. So, if we want to get to the end of our lives and be able to look back with pride, we need to learn how to put the things that ought to be first, first. 

Last week we talked about humor, this week we are talking about the power of stories. We talk about the stories that are being told all around us every day in various forms of media. But then we take a turn and talk about the stories we tell. Not only are humans story-hungry beings, we are living stories. Unfortunately, as we have seen technology advance, the art of storytelling has diminished. But, do we as men have a responsibility to tell stories? In this episode, I'm joined by my cousin and friend, Brian Dorsey, as we talk about the power of stories. 

Guys love humor. I love humor. Since I was a kid, I have loved comedy and had this dream that I would someday be able to make people laugh. Someday. But, as we get older we laugh less. A lot less. And if the pandemic was successful at anything, it was successful at sucking the humor out of the room. So, in this episode, Robby and I get serious about humor. We talk about some statistics (because nothing makes someone laugh like math), and how men are even expected to be humorous. But, we don't stop there. We actually talk about some easy ways for you to work on being a little more funny. Who knows, there might be a sleeping Seinfeld hibernating deep in your heart. 

Men tend to have a lot of hobbies, everything from working on cars to working in the dirt, playing in the sand to playing on the water, but are hobbies a good thing? Well, in this episode of the podcast we talk about some of the reasons that hobbies tend to be a good thing for most men, especially men who do a lot of mental work. I'm joined today by Jonathan my brother and Jeremy my brother-in-law who both share a hobby that I enjoy - woodworking. If you're a guy that's looking to get started in this hobby, we've got some practical ways to help you get started as well as some honest mistakes we've made along the way. 

You've heard me share my dream for our family. What's your dream? Dreams are great, but if all we have is dreams, they're pretty worthless. Somehow we have to go from having a dream of accomplishing something as epic as raising a clan of kids who still love us when they are adults to actually putting the work that is going to bring that dream to life. In this episode of the Man They Remember podcast we take a look at the core components of a system that will help us accomplish our dreams as men. 

I don't know about you, but I'm a hoarder. No, I don't have used coffee filters buried beneath stacks of newspapers, but I have a lot of junk. Robby on the other hand lives a much simpler lifestyle. He tries not to let stuff bog him down, I have a hard time throwing anything away. Well, this year, I'm trying to simplify my life in simple ways. So, we thought it would be good for us to share what Robby already knows and what I'm learning in case you find yourself holding on to 8 or 9 hammers, because you never know when you're going to lose one of them. 

Do you have anything in your life that you want to change? Have you tried changing it, only to fall flat on your face time and time again? I have. A lot. It's pretty easy for me to start playing the victim and blame all of my shortcomings on someone or something else. The truth is, if we sit and wait for someone to do for us what we can only do for ourselves, we'll be sitting forever. We'll never change. We'll never become better men, better husbands, better fathers, and better friends. Becoming a better man doesn't just happen by accident. As John C. Maxwell once said: "An unintentional life accepts everything and does nothing. An intentional life embraces only the things that will add to the mission of significance."

Thirty years ago, 55 percent of men said they had at least 6 close friends. Today, that number is 27%. Almost half of what it used to be. While the pandemic certainly exacerbated the problem, this decline has been going on for 3 decades. Research suggests that having a healthy support system is important for mental health, decreasing stress and anxiety as well as our physical health. So, what is going on? Why is it so hard for men to have deep relationships with other men? And maybe the more important question, how do we develop them? 

We've got all kinds of crazy ideas about love in the world around us. If you watch Hallmark movies, you'll think that love is something that only happens when a big city finance guy leaves his high-paying job for the farmer's daughter in a small, rural town. If you watch romantic comedies, you're likely to think that love comes when you meet someone walking over a bridge and someone starts playing "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" in the background. A lot of modern society views love solely from the lens of how someone or something else makes them feel. But is that actually love? 

Simon Sinek became popular several years ago with his TED talk, "Start With Why." It's a compelling talk and one of the most viewed TED talks of all time. It's a question we have to wrestle with as men if we're going to live lives that leave a legacy in the lives of the people around us when we're gone. So, how do we find the answer to that question? In today's episode, without them even knowing what we were doing, I took Robby and Ron on a bit of a journey to see what there answers to these questions would be. Listen in for help in determining your why. 

It's awful tempting to put all of our attention on the end results. Whether it's at work, in our families or even in our hobbies and recreational pursuits, we're often tempted to focus entirely on the fruit. What do I need to do to earn more money? How do I get my kids to listen to me? I need to build a better chair! We think, if we just focus on the fruit, eventually good fruit will come. But, could it be possible that there's something missing with that approach? Could it be that we need to put our focus on something else entirely in order to have any impact on the end result? 

I think it's safe to say, we've all been going through something recently. Now, I guess there's probably some guy holed up in his mom's basement somewhere who doesn't really know that there's been a pandemic going on for the last couple of years, but other than him, we've all been through some challenging times. How do we handle adversity? What are some key points for getting through the challenges? What do we do when the adversity seems that it will never end. Today, Ron and I talk about just that. Both as it pertains to the pandemic as well as some personal challenges we've been dealing with. 

A few weeks ago, our guest Sovann Pen listed courage as one of the important virtues for men. In today's episode, we talk a little about courage and the role it plays in manhood today. For sure, many of the decisions we need to make as men will require us to have courage. But, maybe the most courageous decision of all could be the decision to live in such a way that fear doesn't control our lives

We love all the wonderful things technology has done for us. I mean we have more ways available to entertain ourselves than all previous generations combined. We can keep up on our friends and family around the globe. We know immediately when something is happening and can get involved as best we can. But, with all these improvements have also come with a lot of dangers and destruction. Perhaps especially for men. Today we're talking about the risks and boundaries we need to set with technology. 

In today's episode, we get to hear from Sovann Pen, the host of the "Courage, Coaching and Counseling Podcast." Sovann is a licensed professional counselor in Portland, OR, and has been counseling for 15 years. He's a husband of 26 years, a father of three, and enjoys helping parents with the challenges of parenting as well as strengthening marriages. We talk about making time spent with your kids more important than getting your to-do list done, being too busy and not attending to our character, dopamine and pleasure-seeking, courage and so much more. 

Warning! Warning! Warning! Do not listen to this podcast! Whatever you do, don't listen. There is information in this episode of the podcast that might not sit well with you in a variety of different ways. It might challenge your point of view on a lot of different aspects of your life. If you listen to this episode, you may never be the same. So, whatever you do, don't continue on. Hit that stop button and go listen to another fantasy football podcast. Listener discretion is advised. 

If revenge is a dish best served cold, then gratitude is a dish best served out loud. William Faulkner once said, "Gratitude is a quality similar to electricity: It must be produced and discharged and used up in order to exist at all." There are lots of times where I feel thankful for someone or something, but how often do I follow up that feeling with action? Am I only grateful internally, or do I take the time to externally express my thanks? Right now there is so much spite and angst being spewed out into the ether, we really need a revolution of gratitude to change the overall mood in our country. What if, instead of filling the Thanksgiving table with negativity about everything we don't like in the world, we filled it with thanksgiving. Expressing thanks on thanksgiving? Radical concept, I know. But, give it a try. 

At the recording of this, we are still anxiously awaiting the arrival of baby Naumann, so we took the opportunity to talk about another important thing to consider for fathers of young children. When you're in the season of little kids in the house, it can be exhausting and you're just longing for a break. But once those days are gone, you find yourself longing for them again. The unfortunate thing is, you can't go back in time and fix it. You only get one shot. Don't worry, I'm not going to quote any Eminem lyrics. But, take it from a dad who wished he made better use of the time he had with his kids when they were young. Don't miss it. It's the opportunity of a lifetime, your kids' lifetime. I guess I did work a few lyrics in. 

As we recorded this, Robby was still about 2 weeks away from the birth of their second son. In this episode, we spend a little bit of time talking about everything that's going on right now with Robby, but we also dig in on how your whole world changes when you have your first child. If you have kids of your own, you know exactly what we're talking about. If you haven't had kids, you'll want to listen in to prepare yourself. And if you've got kids on the way, you'll probably want to take notes. Plus we get super serious right out of the gate talking about a topic that is very important to men, Burgers. 

Among the many qualities that seem to be lacking in our society today, near the top of the list would be perseverance, faithfulness, and loyalty. We live in a world where it's not merely justified but even praised when someone leverages their current position in life for something better. But is that really the best thing? This week I have a conversation with Dr. Mike Wilde, a former pastor and mentor of mine, and someone who embodies perseverance. 

A Marc said, the definition of a godly man has changed throughout history as the culture in which those men lived changed. The kind of man that was considered to be the most masculine in the 1300's is a lot different than what our culture today says a man should be. In my conversation with Marc, we talk about the macho man stereotype and how we can be men of virtue instead of men who change with the culture around us. 

It's your day off and you're sitting on the couch watching football or playing video games. You have a list of things you need to get done and maybe even want to get done, and yet for some reason, there seems to be some invisible force holding you down on the couch. Have you ever experienced that? I think we've all experienced the struggle to find the initiative to work when we'd rather bury our face in a bag of Doritos. In fact, the abundance of help wanted signs in businesses would lead us to believe that initiative is something a lot of us are lacking right now. What are some things we can do to get over the hurdle and get moving? 

Somewhere along the way, men started to believe that they had to act a certain way in order to get the girl. But, is that true? Are women attracted to the overtly macho man or do they find him off-putting? In this episode I'm joined by my lovely wife Bekki, the host of the Girl On A Hill Podcast, to talk about her perception of the macho man. Not only that, but she gives us a little insight into what women are really looking for in a man. So, if you're a guy wanting the secret to impress a woman, you're going to want to listen in. 

Since our sister podcast, Girl On A Hill, has done this, we thought we could do the same. So, we're taking an episode just to talk about some of the stuff we're enjoying right now about life. We talk a little bit about football, a lot about video games (you're about to hear just how uninformed I am about the modern video game world), and we do talk for a few minutes about the New York Times Article about Languishing. We also talk a little bit about work, unemployment, the Facebook Files, and all kinds of things. We introduce the honesty bell and even talk about trying to organize a Mario Kart tournament in Vancouver in the near future! Since we're finally getting back together, we've got a lot to catch up on! So, grab your therapeutic beverage of choice, sit back, relax (unless you're driving) and enjoy the show. 

You've heard him on the podcast, but you may not know the story behind the man. In this episode, we hear a little bit of Shad's story and his journey through addiction. We'll hear how it all began, where he is now, and what he has learned along the way. Addiction is one of those things that has touched all of us in some way. If we haven't struggled with our own addictions, we know someone who has. Some of us, myself included, know the pain of losing a close friend to addiction. If you're listening and you need help, this episode might be just what you need. And I encourage you to reach out if you are that man. 

How are relationships amongst men developed? How do we build deep relationships in our family? Do we have to sit around holding hands and singing Kumbaya and sharing our feelings or is there another way? If we're being honest, we'd love to have deep relationships with other men, but it seems impossible. In this episode I'm joined by my older brother who shares with us about the power of shared experiences amongst family and men. He also shares a little of his debt-free journey and how he and his family got to go to financial peace headquarters for their debt free scream. You'll also hear a little bit about growing up in Ohio before air conditioning and a little bit about football in Ohio compared to the Pacific Northwest. 

There were more travelers on the road and in the sky on July 4th weekend than ever in history. It was like everyone said, after enduring the last 18 months or so, in the words of Michael Scott, "We're out of here, catch you on the flippity flip." But, what if there is something we can learn from that? Maybe, all the stress and strain we are experiencing as a society isn't as much because of politics or the pandemic, but because we're all tired and need a break. In this episode, I share with you some quick tips on how to be more intentional with resting. 

You may find this hard to believe, but I've never taken my family on an overnight camping trip. Sure we've gone on trips and even stayed in camp grounds, but we have never done overnight tent-camping. I know, shocking. But, I don't want to go too far down the road of all my shortcomings as a father. So, instead, in this episode of the Man They Remember Podcast, Paul Reyes, the master camper himself shares with us 3 keys to a successful camping trip. If you're like me and just haven't yet ventured out into the great unknown with nothing between yourself and the carnivorous animals like bears and cougars but a piece of fabric that gets torn to shreds by the wind if it stays out in the sun too long, then listen in and learn how you can succeed at taking your family out camping this summer. 

On one hand, we live in a world that is adamantly trying to tear down the stereotype of what it means to be masculine. And, yes, much of that needs to come down. However, on the other hand, while the loudest voices may be shouting for a different picture of masculinity, there are many ways that those men who try to be that different kind of a man end up being punished for their pursuits. In this episode, we talk about some statistics about the stereotype of masculinity as well as how we have all personally felt the pressure to live up to the old stereotype. 

Sometimes movies are just fun to watch and there is absolutely nothing beneficial to them. Other times, there are great fictional stories that have been created to help teach a point. And then there are those movies based on a true story that have a way of changing the way we think about life. Great movies come from great stories. Talk about being the kind of man they remember when we're gone, how about being the kind of many they make a movie about! Today, we talk about some of the movies that have had an impact on who we are as men. 

Andy Andrews said: “When confronted with a challenge, the committed heart will search for a solution. The undecided heart searches for an escape.” If you look at manhood in our culture today, commitment is one of the most pressing issues. The way it is right now when things get difficult, there are too many men that are ready to look for an escape. But commitment requires sacrifice, it requires sticking with someone or something through the challenges. In this episode, we talk about various aspects of commitment and why so many of us struggle with this issue. 

Martin Luther King Jr. once said: “Life's most persistent and urgent question is, “What are you doing for others?” Being helpful is something we often appreciate from others, but when it's our turn to serve we can easily find an excuse. In this episode, we talk about the virtue of helpfulness and how it's men who are helpful who also seem to have the best relationships and the most joy in their lives. 

Mr. Rogers once said: "Honest is often very hard. The truth is often painful. But the freedom it can bring is worth the trying." We tend to think of honesty as a lesson that you teach kids in a picture book, but not something that grown men need to wrestle with. And yet, the consequences of dishonest men plague our culture. In fact, in some arenas we actually celebrate when men get away with something dishonest. We also talk about Pixar movies, movies that people watch over and over again and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. 

I used to think that being cynical and negative made my sound smart. Now I just think it makes me sound like a jerk. Thomas Edison once said, "If the only think we leave our kids is the quality of enthusiasm, we will have given them an estate of incalculable value." But, how are we supposed to be hopeful in a world so full of pessimism? We saw the new stories of frontline workers who were burnt out, tired and desperate. But were there any who had hope during the pandemic? Is there any hope? And what does morse code have to do with any of this? 

We live in an era where people want to be honored without having done anything honorable. Richard L. Evans once said: "It is priceless to find a person who will take responsibility, who will finish and follow through to the final detail-to know when someone has accepted an assignment that it will be effectively, conscientiously completed." It used to be that a handshake was more binding than a contract and that when someone gave you their word, you could take that to the bank. One politician said: "Before we had contracts we had handshakes that expressed that we were making an arrangement that was based on our honor." What has happened to honor and how do we teach honor to the next generation?

Many businesses trying to open up after the pandemic are running into the same problem, no one is applying to work with them. From restaurants to factories to the service industry, employers across the country are having the same problem, no one wants to work. What role does work play in the life of a man? How important is it to be driven? What happens when we are too driven? 

Have you ever had someone you admired, only to be disappointed once you got to know that person? Is it ever okay to be proud? Do you worry about your reputation? Thomas Merton once said: "Pride makes us artificial and humility makes us real." In this episode of the Man They Remember Podcast we're talking about the virtue of humility and being humble in a world that celebrates pride. 

Would you rather play cards with a man who questions ethics but was raised to believe that a gentleman doesn't cheat, or a someone who someone who claims to be ethical but was raised by card swindlers? In this episode we look at our societal loss of virtue and what effect it has had on men. 

Does the world really need another men's podcast? Nearly every major crisis our country is facing today can be traced back to the diminishing role men have taken in our society over the last 50 years. Our world desperately needs men who will band together to fight against the tides of culture to become a better league of men. Men who will live life not by desire and appetite for pleasure alone, but by virtue. Men who will not only seek to better themselves, but commit to bettering other men and equipping the next generation. Men who will resist the urge to see themselves through the lenses of culture and be the kind of man they'll remember when we're gone.