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To Follow Us On Patreon—> https://www.patreon.com/c/MetaMysticsEmail Us!—> MetaMystics@yahoo.comSubscribe to our Youtube—> http://www.youtube.com/@MetaMysticsTo Follow Us On TikTok—> https://www.tiktok.com/@metamysticsGive us a follow on Instagram—> @MetaMystics111Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/meta-mystics--5795466/support.
This week, Ryan and Brian attempt to launch into 2026, but Brian is exhausted from a trip to Portugal and Ryan has "a throat thing." All that plus recording the show on a Friday just means that the year is off to a stumblier start than anyone expected. If you get bored (how could you?!), write something for the Fill Me In wiki. And if you're feeling philanthropic, donate to our Patreon. Do you enjoy our show? Actually, it doesn't matter! Please consider leaving us a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts. This will help new listeners find our show, and you'll be inducted into the Quintuple Decker Turkey Club. Drop us a note or a DM or a postcard or a phone call — we'd love to hear from you. Helpful links: Apple Podcasts link: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/fill-me-in/id1364379980 Amazon/Audible link: https://www.amazon.com/item_name/dp/B08JJRM927 RSS feed: http://bemoresmarter.libsyn.com/rss Contact us: Email (fmi@bemoresmarter.com) / Facebook / Instagram / Bluesky *Our choice.
Feeling overwhelmed as a mom with a teen? This episode of the No Guilt Mom Podcast provides essential mom tips and parenting support to help you overcome the emotional drainage and constant struggles of parenting your teenager. If parenting your teen feels exhausting, emotionally draining, or like one long power struggle—you're not alone. Many overwhelmed moms are doing everything they were taught to do… and still feeling disconnected, frustrated, and burned out.In this episode of the No Guilt Mom Podcast, I walk you through six common parenting habits that quietly damage trust and increase stress—even when they come from love. These are patterns many of us inherited, not because we're bad parents, but because we were never shown another way.This conversation isn't about shame or blame. It's about relief. And connection. And finally feeling like you're on the same team as your teen.In this episode, you'll learn:Why grounding, punishment, and taking away privileges often backfire—especially around grades and homework strugglesHow criticizing clothing, friends, or choices can unintentionally push teens away instead of guiding themWhat yelling actually does to the teen brain (and why it increases overwhelm for moms, too)How saying “no” without conversation shuts down trust and cooperationWhy focusing only on grades increases anxiety and burnout—for both kids and parentsMost importantly, you'll learn what to do instead—simple mindset shifts and communication changes that build motivation, responsibility, and long-term connection.Helpful resources & next steps:
Live Work with Madeleine I'm Helpless! Part 2 of 3 Today, we are pleased to present the exciting conclusion of our work with Madeleine, a loving mother who fears that her eldest daughter might be in mortal danger during her year abroad. Last week, you heard about the T = Testing and E = Empathy phase of the live work with Madeleine, a mother feeling intense panic and helplessness and inadequacy because she fears that her daughter could be in grave danger of abduction and worse. This week, we will focus on A = Paradoxical Agenda Setting, using the Miracle Cure Question, Magic Button, Positive Reframing, and Magic Dial to see if we can melt away her resistance to change. You can see the Emotions table of the Daily Mood Log Madeleine during the Magic Dial portion of the session if you Click Here As you can see, she wanted to reduce her negative feelings somewhat, but thought she still wanted to keep them fairly elevated, since she still sensed that her daughter might be in real danger, and clearly did not want to abandon her. This is one of the significant refinements in TEAM CBT. First, we want to bring the patient's resistance to full conscious awareness. Second, we want patients to full grasp that their negative thoughts and feelings do NOT result from some "defect" or "mental disorder," but rather from what is most beautiful and awesome about them as human beings. After the Magic Button, David and Jill went on to the final, M = Methods portion of the TEAM session, using tools such as Identify and Explain the Distortions, the Double Standard Technique, and the Externalization of Voices, with the Acceptance Paradox, the Self-Defense Paradigm, and the CAT (Counter-Attack Technique). We will, of course, do numerous role reversals to see if we can get Madeleine to a "huge" victory over her many distorted thoughts. You can see the Daily Mood Log Madeleine prepared at the end of the session if you Click Here As you can see, the reductions in negative feelings were dramatic, but in several areas (anxiety, inadequacy, frustration and anger), Madeleine's negative feelings were still minimally elevated. That is one of the reasons we decided to schedule an additional session together several weeks later to see if we could intensify Madeleine's responses to her negative thoughts, and hopefully due some Cognitive Flooding to complete her "treatment." At the end of these show notes, you will find an email from Madeleine after the session that includes her end-of-session scores on the BMS and EOTS. You will also see comments submitted by many participants who attended the webinar live. This email below from Madeleine following the session shows her end of session scores on the Brief Mood Survey as well as the Evaluation of Therapy Session at the end of her session with Jill and David. Hi David, Yes, here are my BMS & ETS score totals after the extended session. Please let me know if you have any questions. A relapse prevention session would be nice; however, I hesitate to accept your offer as you all are so busy. Please know that I am practicing the PTs and keeping the NTs in check for now. Thank you again a million times over
A Parenting Resource for Children’s Behavior and Mental Health
Confused about diets for neurodivergent kids? In this episode, we answer Which Therapeutic Diet Helps Neurodivergent Kids, breaking down GFCF, keto, paleo, and more with Julie Matthews—guided by Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge's Regulation First Parenting™ approach to calming emotional dysregulation.Which therapeutic diet really helps neurodivergent kids? Here's what you need to know. Kids with ADHD, autism, anxiety, and emotional dysregulation can struggle so much, and you're not imagining it—food truly can make or break their mood, focus, and behavior.In this episode, I talk with nutrition expert Julie Matthews about which therapeutic diet really helps neurodivergent kids, how diet affects the brain, and simple ways to start even if your child is picky.Why does food affect my child's mood, behavior, and attention so much?Food is powerful because it either nourishes the brain or bogs the nervous system down with inflammation. Julie breaks it into two parts:Add nutrient-dense foods that support brain function, address nutritional deficiencies, and promote brain health in children with autism and other autistic patients.A healthy and balanced diet or targeted dietary interventions can make a big difference.Remove problematic foods that affect gut health, trigger immune system dysregulation, and impact cognitive function.Options may include a gluten free diet or ketogenic diets, tailored to genetic and environmental factors.Even brief swaps from processed foods and high sugar intake to whole foods often improve GI symptoms, autistic symptoms, mood, and attention.Key takeaways:Inflammation = dysregulationNourishing foods calm the brain faster than most parents expectEven one small change—like reducing dyes or food additives—can shift behavior fastParent StoryOne mom shared that removing red dye led to fewer after-school meltdowns within 48 hours—proof that eliminating unhealthy foods and additives can dramatically shift autism severity and mood disorders.Which therapeutic diet really helps neurodivergent kids?There's no one-size-fits-all diet, but Julie's clinical experience is clear: most neurodivergent children improve when they reduce sugar intake, remove gluten free casein (GFCF) triggers, and focus on healthy foods that improve gut bacteria, immune response, and brain development.Her book outlines a 12-step plan for implementing therapeutic diets, starting with removing dyes, flavors, preservatives, and then tailoring the diet to a child's unique nutritional needs, GI disorders, and food sensitivities.Helpful starting points:Avoid artificial colors and additivesReduce sugarRemove gluten and dairy (high-impact inflammation triggers)Add protein, healthy fat, and whole foodsWhy this matters: 70% of American kids rely heavily on processed foods—foods that overstimulate the nervous system and deplete nutrients needed for attention and regulation.Want to stay calm when your child pushes every button?Become a Dysregulation Insider VIP and get the FREE...
January 6–10 brings strong momentum and a push to commit. This week highlights motivation, action, and clear decision-making, especially around goals, priorities, and how your energy is being used.Venus aligning with the Sun helps clarify what matters most. Venus meeting Mars boosts drive and initiative. By January 9–10, confidence and ambition rise as big opportunities — and big choices — come into focus.This is a week for focused action, not overdoing it. What you choose now sets the tone for the rest of the month.In this video, I break down how this energy affects each sign and how to work with it in a practical, grounded way.
On this episode of We Can't Do It Alone, Nōn sits down with best-selling author, scholar-activist, ancestral medium, podcaster (From Root to Bone), and founder of Decolonizing Therapy, Dr. Jennifer Mullan to explore the feeling of being held, what it's like for Dr. Jenn to ask for help as a woman of color, the systems that eat up big-hearted helpers, the beauty of sacred rage, why sometimes you need a helper who will talk to debt collectors for you, and all the many human things—resources, ego, energy, resentment—that influence our capacity for helping and receiving help. Helpful things mentioned during this episode: Decolonizing TherapyDr. Jenn on InstagramFrom Root to Bone podcastOrder Decolonizing Therapy the book!Project LETS Enjoy the podcast? Here are some ways to support to Nōn: Leave a 5-star rating and a wildly glowing review for We Can't Do It Alone on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your pods.Order The Feely Cards on Bookshop.org, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or your local indie bookseller for yourself and literally everyone you know.Listen to You, Me, Empathy, Nōn's previous podcast about mental health, empathy, and big feelings.Need some help with your podcast, or thinking about starting a podcast? Get in touch!Connect with Nōn at nonwels.com and on Instagram @youmeempathy. Thank you for listening to We Can't Do It Alone! Don't forget about the helpers. We all need help. Even you. xoxo nōn
On this episode of We Can't Do It Alone, Nōn sits down with Sinead Farrelly, National Women's Soccer League (NWSL) champion, World Cup footballer for Ireland, scream enthusiast, and most importantly, a human, to explore the feeling of being cut off from yourself inside the competitive, intense world of professional sports, the weird way in which grief entangles itself in you, connecting your body with your heart, how a safe relationship can help you feel safer within yourself, and the importance of anger rituals. Helpful things mentioned during this episode: Sinead on InstagramScream Club Chicago Enjoy the podcast? Here are some ways to support to Nōn: Leave a 5-star rating and a wildly glowing review for We Can't Do It Alone on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your pods.Order The Feely Cards on Bookshop.org, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or your local indie bookseller for yourself and literally everyone you know.Listen to You, Me, Empathy, Nōn's previous podcast about mental health, empathy, and big feelings.Need some help with your podcast, or thinking about starting a podcast? Get in touch!Connect with Nōn at nonwels.com and on Instagram @youmeempathy. Thank you for listening to We Can't Do It Alone! Don't forget about the helpers. We all need help. Even you. xoxo nōn
On this episode of We Can't Do It Alone, Nōn sits down with biblio, poetry and hip hop therapist, creator of the Readers Who Run with the Wolves book club, and author of Bibliotherapy In the Bronx, Emely Rumble LCISW, to explore Emely's childhood being raised by her grandmother and the books that helped her to escape and to understand, foster care and the safety within being present, the life-changing power of public libraries, how hip hop therapy helped one of her client's open up his heart, and the connective, healing magic of deep listening. Helpful things mentioned during this episode: Bibliotherapy In the Bronx (Emely's book!)Emely on InstagramEmely's websiteReaders Who Run with the Wolves (free book club!)Bibliophobia by Sarah ChihayaWe Alive, Beloved by Frederick Joseph Enjoy the podcast? Here are some ways to support to Nōn: Leave a 5-star rating and a wildly glowing review for We Can't Do It Alone on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your pods.Order The Feely Cards on Bookshop.org, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or your local indie bookseller for yourself and literally everyone you know.Listen to You, Me, Empathy, Nōn's previous podcast about mental health, empathy, and big feelings.Need some help with your podcast, or thinking about starting a podcast? Get in touch!Connect with Nōn at nonwels.com and on Instagram @youmeempathy. Thank you for listening to We Can't Do It Alone! Don't forget about the helpers. We all need help. Even you. xoxo nōn
On this episode of We Can't Do It Alone, Nōn sits down with podcaster (I Thought It Was Just Me), creator of Tinder Live, musician (Final Girl out now!), and You Will Find Your People author Lane Moore to explore the feeling of not wanting to talk about our mental health because we're tired of drowning in it, why dogs are helpers too and how Lane's dog Lights gifted Lane their first truly safe relationship, how to communicate what you need in relationships, and what it's like to see and be seen in our friendships. Helpful things mentioned during this episode: You Will Find Your People (book)I Thought It Was Just Me (Lane's podcast)Lane's SubstackFinal Girl (album)Tinder LiveLane on Instagram Enjoy the podcast? Here are some ways to support to Nōn: Leave a 5-star rating and a wildly glowing review for We Can't Do It Alone on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your pods.Order The Feely Cards on Bookshop.org, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or your local indie bookseller for yourself and literally everyone you know.Listen to You, Me, Empathy, Nōn's previous podcast about mental health, empathy, and big feelings.Need some help with your podcast, or thinking about starting a podcast? Get in touch!Connect with Nōn at nonwels.com and on Instagram @youmeempathy. Thank you for listening to We Can't Do It Alone! Don't forget about the helpers. We all need help. Even you. xoxo nōn
On this episode of We Can't Do It Alone, Nōn sits down with nature nerd, rock climber, and National Parks Service ranger Alex Wild to explore the ups and downs of Alex's firing and then rehiring by way of ridiculous Elon Musk's ridiculous DOGE cuts, how the empathetic and impassioned response from the public influenced his return to the park service, the stuff in life we take for granted because of our lack of awareness of its impact on us, and the inherent meaning and poetry of wilderness. Helpful things mentioned during this episode: National Parks Conversation AssociationThe Sierra Club"Wild Geese" by Mary OliverThe PittMichael Lewis on Bravery in Politics and Why Elon Musk Seems so "Disturbed" (Pod Save America)Alex on Instagram Enjoy the podcast? Here are some ways to support to Nōn: Leave a 5-star rating and a wildly glowing review for We Can't Do It Alone on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your pods.Order The Feely Cards on Bookshop.org, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or your local indie bookseller for yourself and literally everyone you know.Listen to You, Me, Empathy, Nōn's previous podcast about mental health, empathy, and big feelings.Need some help with your podcast, or thinking about starting a podcast? Get in touch!Connect with Nōn at nonwels.com and on Instagram @youmeempathy. Thank you for listening to We Can't Do It Alone! Don't forget about the helpers. We all need help. Even you. xoxo nōn
On this episode of We Can't Do It Alone, Nōn sits down with writer, podcaster, NAACP honoree, and The Woke Mama herself, Whitney Alese, to explore how many things can be true at once, seeing possibility through the eyes of the people we love and look up to, why we're both into real feelings over hot takes, the magic of childlike wonder, and Whitney's transformative story about a generational quilt that represents Black love and liberation. Helpful things mentioned during this episode: Whitney on TikTok @TheWokeMamaWhitney on Instagram @thereclaimedThe Philly DownloadEnon Tabernacle Church PA How you can support Nōn and this independently-run podcast: Leave a 5-star rating and a wildly glowing review for We Can't Do It Alone on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your pods.Order The Feely Cards on Bookshop.org, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or your local indie bookseller for yourself and literally everyone you know.Listen to You, Me, Empathy, Nōn's previous podcast about mental health, empathy, and big feelings.Need some help with your podcast, or thinking about starting a podcast? Get in touch!Connect with Nōn at nonwels.com and on Instagram @youmeempathy. Thank you for listening to We Can't Do It Alone! Don't forget about the helpers. We all need help. Even you. xoxo nōn
On this episode of We Can't Do It Alone, Nōn sits down with friend, father, and recently graduated social worker Craig Dickson to explore how we're shaped by listening to people's stories, Craig's experience being a dad to two kids who live with autism spectrum disorder and how his kids help him deepen his patience and soften his anger, why we shouldn't be judged by how well we follow society's expectations, and learning how to ask for help. Helpful things mentioned during this episode: Surfers HealingCraig on Instagram How you can support Nōn and this independently-run podcast: Leave a 5-star rating and a wildly glowing review for We Can't Do It Alone on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your pods.Order The Feely Cards on Bookshop.org, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or your local indie bookseller for yourself and literally everyone you know.Listen to You, Me, Empathy, Nōn's previous podcast about mental health, empathy, and big feelings.Need some help with your podcast, or thinking about starting a podcast? Get in touch!Connect with Nōn at nonwels.com and on Instagram @youmeempathy. Thank you for listening to We Can't Do It Alone! Don't forget about the helpers. We all need help. Even you. xoxo nōn
On this episode of We Can't Do It Alone, Nōn sits down with disability justice activist, founder of the Upgrade Accessibility movement, award-winning podcaster (The Politics of Disability), and author of Adventurous Adeline, Mary Fashik, to explore what it feels like for Mary, as someone who is immunocompromised, to see the world "move on" from Covid, why online activism is real activism, how Mary's community helped her realize that she had been living with multiple chronic conditions, and why all issues are disability justice issues. Full Transcription. Helpful things mentioned during this episode: UpgradeAccessibility.comAdventurous AdelineThe Way HomeNew Disabled SouthNamed Advocates10 Principles of Disability JusticeMary on Instagram How you can support Nōn and this independently-run podcast: Leave a 5-star rating and a wildly glowing review for We Can't Do It Alone on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your pods.Order The Feely Cards on Bookshop.org, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or your local indie bookseller for yourself and literally everyone you know.Listen to You, Me, Empathy, Nōn's previous podcast about mental health, empathy, and big feelings.Connect with Nōn at nonwels.com and on Instagram @youmeempathy. Thank you for listening to We Can't Do It Alone! Don't forget about the helpers. We all need help. Even you. xoxo nōn
On this episode of We Can't Do It Alone, Nōn sits down with social justice activist, award-winning author of The Wake Up, and podcaster (I Feel That Way Too) Michelle MiJung Kim to explore how to be human with each other, the beauty of resilient relationships, Michelle's identity quakes, how we can all take on more collective risk in pursuit of collective liberation, and the story of when Michelle lost nearly all of her clients for standing up for Palestine. Helpful things mentioned during this episode: MichelleMijungKim.comI Feel That Way TooMichelle on InstagramMichelle on LinkedInAsian Americans for Civil Rights & Equality (AACRE)My Grandmother's Hands by Resmaa Menakem How you can support Nōn and this independently-run podcast: Leave a 5-star rating and a wildly glowing review for We Can't Do It Alone on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your pods.Order The Feely Cards on Bookshop.org, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or your local indie bookseller for yourself and literally everyone you know.Listen to You, Me, Empathy, Nōn's previous podcast about mental health, empathy, and big feelings.Connect with Nōn at nonwels.com and on Instagram @youmeempathy. Thank you for listening to We Can't Do It Alone! Don't forget about the helpers. We all need help. Even you. xoxo nōn
Sellers believe being agreeable and flexible builds rapport, but this episode challenges that assumption. Brandon breaks down the hidden cost of over-accommodation, explaining how “happy to do whatever works” often signals hesitation rather than service.You'll learn the difference between service and submission, why structure acts as a trust signal, how saying no can actually increase credibility, and why buyers feel safer when sellers are willing to lead. This episode reframes helpfulness as guidance, and shows how clarity, not deference, is what moves deals forward.If your deals feel polite but slow, this episode explains why, and what to change.
It’s time for Rhetoric Society Quarterly. Nobody else online is delivering you THIS kind of content.
Mike Matthews investigates the fascinating news from the end of the week with special guest Lovely Lady Friend and Mike answers what is happening in the odd world of jeans. Join Mike as he podcasts live from Café Anyway in podCastro Valley with Madame Rootabega, Valentino, and Bison Bentley. Next show Mike Talks to Chely Shoehart, Floyd the Floorman, and John Deer the Engineer.
Find yourself avidly scanning the end of year Best Books lists? I'm addicted. Publisher Todd Sattersten is back with us, today sharing his annual analysis of every major end-of-year list to reveal which books actually rose to the top. We discuss the two books that dominated 2025 in the US, why one of them is uncomfortably obsessed with death + mortality + why book nerds like us love a good list. Plus, why year-end lists tell us more about reviewers than books + what the 2020s theme of "doing bigger things" reveals about our collective anxiety. Todd's a regular - look for his 4-part mini-series about the business book industry + what makes books actually work. One Author, One Year, Million-Copy Results #1 Only 37 Business Books Sell 1,000+ Copies Weekly #2 This Number Determines Book Success #3 Author Interview with Todd #4 – this ones about his recent 100 Best Books for Work and Life Books discussed in this episode: Abundance - Ezra Klein and Derek Thompson Five Types of Wealth - Sahil Bloom Slow Productivity - Cal Newport The Coming Wave - Mustafa Suleyman Stolen Focus - Johan Hari The Conversation - Robert Livingston No Rules Rules - Reid Hastings and Erin Meyer When - Dan Pink Deep Work - Cal Newport 100 Best Books for Work and Life - Todd Satterson 4000 Weeks - Oliver Berkman Die Empty - Todd Henry How Big Things Get Done - (author not mentioned) The Right Kind of Wrong - Amy Edmondson Loon Shots - Safi Bacali Uncharted - Margaret Hafferman Todd's Website: bardpress.com Todd's Blog with more commentary on the 2025 list: bardpress.com/blog ==== If you'd like my help with your Business go to www.lizscully.com/endlessClients ==== And don't forget to get your reading list of the 10 essential reads for every successful biz owner - these are the books Liz recommends almost on the daily to her strategy + Mastermind clients. This isn't your usual list of biz books, these answer the challenges you've actually got coming up right now. Helpful, quick to read and very timely.
According to investigative science journalist Gary Taubes, much of what we “know” about nutrition is built on weak evidence, bad assumptions, and decades of groupthink. In this episode of A Whole New Level, Taubes joins Mike Haney to examine how nutrition science went off the rails—and why he remains convinced the carbohydrate–insulin model still offers the most coherent explanation for obesity.Taubes explains how observational studies became policy, why randomized trials are often ignored, and why questioning the calorie-balance model remains controversial despite mounting contradictions. The conversation is less about winning an argument and more about how science should actually work—especially when public health is at stake.Sign Up to Get Your Free Ultimate Guide to Glucose: https://levels.link/wnl
Parents of Autistic children and children with Down syndrome are often given advice that sounds compassionate, reasonable, and supportive. But much of it slowly limits learning, flexibility, autonomy, and long-term growth. In this milestone Episode 200 of Non Linear Learning, Dr. Vaish Sarathy challenges 5 common pieces of parenting and education advice that unintentionally lower expectations and shift focus away from real learning. In this episode, you'll learn why Dr. Vaish challenges: • Strict routines and rigid structure — and how too much predictability reduces tolerance for learning and change • Traditional support groups — and how shared grief can quietly stall progress ... and more This episode is for parents who: • Have been told academics can wait • Feel uneasy about advice that sounds kind but feels limiting • Want age-appropriate, intellectually rich education for their child Resources Learn how to teach real academics non-linearly, without waiting for "readiness," inside Non Linear Education.
In this episode, the focus is on clergy abuse—a topic made even more pressing by recent headlines. The featured guest, Sandy Phillips Kirkham, shares her harrowing ordeal of being abused by a charismatic youth pastor starting at the age of 16. Sandy discusses the grooming process, the five years of abuse, and how she was ultimately expelled from her church while her abuser was merely relocated. She delves into the long-lasting impact of the abuse on her life and her spiritual journey, how she concealed her trauma for 27 years, and how she ultimately confronted her abuser. Sandy also provides valuable insights and actionable advice for preventing abuse and supporting victims within church communities. Her story is also detailed in her book, ‘Let Me Prey on You,' which offers a detailed account of her journey from victim to advocate. 00:00 Introduction and Sponsor Message 00:47 Welcome to the Podcast 01:32 Introducing Today's Topic: Clergy Abuse 02:17 Sandy Phillips Kirkham's Early Life and Church Involvement 06:22 Meeting the Abuser: The Charismatic Youth Pastor 08:43 Red Flags and Grooming Tactics 13:51 The First Inappropriate Act 16:37 The Abuse Escalates 21:06 The Aftermath and Church's Response 28:15 Life After Abuse: Marriage and Keeping Secrets 32:09 Protecting Future Generations 35:17 The Importance of Sex Education in the Church 36:32 Techniques for Discussing Sex with Children 37:22 Personal Experiences with Sex Education 38:20 Triggering Memories and Emotional Breakdown 40:13 The Journey of Healing Begins 41:31 Understanding Clergy Abuse and Self-Forgiveness 43:52 Confronting the Abuser 47:07 Challenges in Seeking Justice 54:47 Preventing Abuse in the Church 01:00:31 Supporting Victims of Clergy Abuse 01:05:07 Final Thoughts and Resources Sandy Kirkham and her husband Bill enjoy life with their two grown children, two beautiful granddaughters, and two fairly well-behaved dogs. Sandy continues to use her voice to help victims of clergy abuse. She currently serves on the board of Council Against Child Abuse. Sandy has spoken before the Ohio Senate, a Maryland court, and appeared on a local television show in Boston. Her story, “Stolen Innocence,” was told in a documentary produced by The Hope of Survivors. Sandy works with survivors conducting victim support conferences. She has participated in The Voice of the Faithful (VOTF) panels moderated by SNAP (Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests), sharing her perspective from the non-Catholic point of view. Sandy has been a presenter/speaker at major events on clergy abuse including the Hope & Healing Conference. Sandy has earned a certificate of completion from the Faith Trust Institute entitled, “A Sacred Trust: Boundary Issues for Clergy and Spiritual Teachers.” https://sandyphillipskirkham.com/ https://www.facebook.com/KirkhamAuthor/ sandykirkhamauthor@gmail.com Purchase her book “Let Me Prey Upon You” on amazon: https://sandyphillipskirkham.com/shop/let-me-prey-upon-you/ Link Tree Website: https://dswministries.org Subscribe to the podcast: https://dswministries.org/subscribe-to-podcast/ Social media links: Join our Private Wounds of the Faithful FB Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1603903730020136 Twitter: https://twitter.com/DswMinistries YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxgIpWVQCmjqog0PMK4khDw/playlists Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dswministries/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DSW-Ministries-230135337033879 Keep in touch with me! Email subscribe to get my handpicked list of the best resources for abuse survivors! https://thoughtful-composer-4268.ck.page #abuse #trauma Affiliate links: Our Sponsor: 753 Academy: https://www.753academy.com/ Can't travel to The Holy Land right now? The next best thing is Walking The Bible Lands! Get a free video sample of the Bible lands here! https://www.walkingthebiblelands.com/a/18410/hN8u6LQP An easy way to help my ministry: https://dswministries.org/product/buy-me-a-cup-of-tea/ A donation link: https://dswministries.org/donate/ Sandy Phillips Kirkham [00:00:00] Special thanks to 7 5 3 Academy for sponsoring this episode. No matter where you are in your fitness and health journey, they've got you covered. They specialize in helping you exceed your health and fitness goals, whether that is losing body fat, gaining muscle, or nutritional coaching to match your fitness levels. They do it all with a written guarantee for results so you don't waste time and money on a program that doesn't exceed your goals. There are martial arts programs. Specialize in anti-bullying programs for kids to combat proven Filipino martial arts. They take a holistic, fun, and innovative approach that simply works. Sign up for your free class now. It's 7 5 3 academy.com. Find the link in the show notes. Welcome to the Wounds of the Faithful Podcast, brought to you by DSW Ministries. Your host is singer songwriter, speaker and domestic violence advocate, [00:01:00] Diana Winkler. She is passionate about helping survivors in the church heal from domestic violence and abuse and trauma. This podcast is not a substitute for professional counseling or qualified medical help. Now here is Diana. Hello. Welcome everyone. Welcome to my regular listeners, as well as some new listeners that have joined us today. I have a great guest for you today. We're going to be talking about clergy abuse today. Religious leader, abuse. Pastor, youth leader. You've seen this in the news recently with all these preachers being arrested or charged with sexual misconduct or rape or [00:02:00] pedophilia. I'm sure you've seen the news. Well, today we're going to hear a story about a woman who's been victimized in that way and she's fighting back. So let me read her bio for you. A church is where an insecure 16-year-old girl should feel welcome, happy, and most importantly, safe tragically. For some, the church can become a place of great harm. Sandy Phillips Kirkham details her account of how charismatic youth minister preyed upon her, a betrayal which left her broken with a shattered faith and the ultimate shame of being blamed enforced from the church she loved. Despite a successful and happy life, is a wife, mother, and friend. Sandy successfully concealed her abuse for [00:03:00] 27 years until a trigger forced her to face the truth. Sandy's story will take you on her journey of healing. Her strength and courage will inspire you. Let me pray upon you her book details. Sandy's journey from innocent 16-year-old, a victim to a survivor, and advocate. We please welcome Sandy Phillips. Kirk, welcome Sandy to the show. Thanks so much for coming on. Well, thank you for having me. I'm glad to be here. Wow. So I've been listening to you on the Preacher Boys podcast and thought you had a really great story, and so I wanted to come and bring you on so my listeners can hear your story as well. Mm-hmm. So tell us a little bit about your home and your church environment growing up. Let's [00:04:00] start from the beginning here. Okay. I'm the oldest of five. My parents were divorced when I was about seven, which that was really the impact of my life, of just how it altered everything about that time in my life. Then my mother remarried and we moved in with my stepfather shortly after my father remarried, and so I was dealing with these blended families and it was just very confusing for me at the time, my parents and stepfather did not attend church. So I, I wasn't a part of a church until I was about eight, and that's when my best friend who lived up the street invited me to go with their family, and I went with them and I went every Sunday after that, I absolutely fell in love with church. It was a place that I felt safe. I think it provided for me a place away from home that I felt comfortable and I got attention there. I was very active even as a small child. I went to vacation Bible school, church camp, love Sunday School. I sang in a junior choir. Really, it was a just a great place for me to [00:05:00] be. When I was 13, I was baptized and then my faith really deepened and my involvement in the church became even more so, started teaching Sunday school and teaching vacation Bible school. I started serving on committees with adults and doing more of the activities that would, , just be more in depth than just typical youth group activities. So, it's just no exaggeration to say that if the doors of the church were open, I was there and I loved it. I loved serving God. I felt that was the place for me, and everything about it was brought me joy and peace in the church. Wow. You really, were very sincere in your faith. It was not a fake one. I hear a lot of stories of. Being brought up in the church and being made to go to church and, you just go through the motions kind of thing. But it sounds like it was the opposite for you. It was that you really believed this with all your heart. Was that a fundamental Baptist church you were going [00:06:00] to or what? It was a church, Christ Christian Church, which is similar to the Baptist. It's an independent church. Yeah, that's the church. That was so something happened while you were serving the Lord and loving God. You met your abuser? Yes. Shortly after I turned 16, our church hired a new youth pastor, and from the moment he arrived, he was totally different than anyone we'd ever seen before. He was very charismatic, very dynamic. His sermons were really like nothing we'd ever heard before, and people were just drawn to him. He had a personality that people found themselves wanting to be around him. They wanted to please him. So he was very good at asking people to do things and they didn't hesitate. It, it was just a different kind of atmosphere. When he came to the church, the youth group exploded in numbers. We went from like 25 to almost 200 in a very short time. Even the [00:07:00] adult church was growing because people just came to hear him preach because he was so good at what he did. He was 30, married with two children, but he really acted more like our age group. He dressed like we did. He. Went to our football games at school, he knew our music. So he just, he really, he was tuned into us and in return we found ourselves, all of us being willing to please him and wanna do anything we could to make the youth group and the church better. So when people think of a profile of a child abuser, they usually think, oh, some dirty old man, that his roaming fingers or what have you, but this youth pastor sounded like, okay, he was really good looking and hip and really loved the young people. Mm-hmm. Is that typical of. Well, it's, it's typical in the sense that it's not the, dirty old man hiding in the bushes. Most abusers [00:08:00] are people we know. They're people that we like. They're usually people that, connect with people very well, and that's what makes them so dangerous because they're not obvious with what they do, and they're very good at that. They pretend to be one of us. They pretend to care, but in reality, their goal is to find a way to take advantage of the most vulnerable in, in the group. And so, predators are usually drawn to places where they will find vulnerable people. The gymnastics team is an example of that. The Boy Scouts, anywhere where you can, and certainly the church because we are welcoming into people who are in need. Oftentimes. Then there are many people in the church who are vulnerable to these types of men, and sometimes women. Were there any red flags? That you should have seen or noticed when you were around this youth pastor? Well, he came with so many different ideas and different ways of doing things. And one of the things that he was doing now, this was in the [00:09:00] seventies, so cultures were changing and it was free love and kind of thing. But he came into our church and he expected everyone to hug each other. So we were always hugging each other. And he also expected us to say how much we loved each other and that we love you and not just that I love you in Christ. He would simply walk up, give you a hug and say, I love you. Now you know, that may seem innocent, but that's a little odd for that pastor to be saying those kinds of things. And it also blurs the lines because when you say to someone, I love you, that can be confusing to. Young teenagers and even to vulnerable adults. So, but he did that with everybody. It wasn't like he picked someone else special, but, so the hugging in the contact was kind of a red flag in the beginning. But for me personally, I babysat for his family. His wife worked evenings. Mm-hmm. So one night after he came home, he asked me to go to his basement and listen to a song by Neil Diamond. [00:10:00] Well, it felt a little weird 'cause I'd never. I've been around a pastor that wanted to talk to me about anything but church in the Bible. But I went to the basement. Yeah. I mean a Neil Diamond song. So I went to the basement. I know, but that's a trigger factor for me sometimes. So anyway, I went to the basement and he put this record on and I sat down on the couch and instead of sitting in a chair or another place, he came on the couch and sat very close to me. And I remember feeling uncomfortable, but I didn't say anything. 'cause I thought, well, he is just sitting next to me. It's no big deal. But that's a red flag that I felt because it felt uncomfortable to me. And then the other times that I would babysit for him. His wife wouldn't come home till late in the evening, so he would come home around seven or eight and after the kids were in bed, instead of taking me home, he wanted me to sit and talk with him all evening. So we'd talk about the Bible or we'd talk about church, and sometimes he'd ask me what I thought of his [00:11:00] sermon, which at age 16, I'm flattered that this man has any idea that I would have some opinion about this great sermon that he just gave. So I didn't see anything wrong with that because he's my pastor. But had that occurred with my 30-year-old neighbor down the street, every time I went to babysit, I know I would've come home to my mother and said, okay, this is weird. Mm-hmm. Every time I babysit, this man wants to sit and talk to me all evening. I mean, what interest would I have as a teenager wanting to talk to this 30-year-old married man? But because my pastor was who he was and he tapped into our common connection of the church and God, and again, many times he would give me books to read 'cause he wanted me to get better in my deep, in my spirituality. So I didn't see anything wrong with it because of who he was. And so I just accepted that behavior, which is another tool and technique. They look for ways to get into you. Mm-hmm. [00:12:00] That don't seem obvious. And that was, so those were two red flags for me. Now as far as the congregation goes, I was in his office a lot by myself, but so were other kids, because he would actually call us into his office and say, I want you to come in and tell me what's going on in your life. Talk to me about your problems. Instead of us going to him, he would encourage us to come into his office. So while that probably wasn't a good thing, no one saw it as a bad thing. It seemed normal, but he called me into his office a lot more than the other kids. And later on there were people who did say to me, there were times when I wondered why he said something to you like that, or I noticed something one time. And so I think people notice some things, but no one thought enough of it to say, okay, there's something going on that doesn't seem right. So those were the red flags that I think in the beginning were very subtle. But they were hard to see, [00:13:00] and this is really important to distinguish these things because I was groomed by a guidance counselor in seventh grade. Mm-hmm. But he was one of those dirty old men that, he was doing creepy stuff. Yeah. But I never would have seen myself. A pastor and he's talking about spiritual things and he's talking about God and mm-hmm. He's not talking about sex. He's not watching, you're not watching dirty movies together. No, he's not, buying you sexy lingerie. It's, Hey, he's doing spiritual things. Mm-hmm. It's a setup. It's that grooming process you're talking about. It's pulling someone in to gain their trust, in a very di diabolical way, because he's using the church to do that. That's really scary. That scares mm-hmm. Scares me to death. What were the first times that he did something really inappropriate that you were just like, whoa? Well, the very [00:14:00] first time, was after a youth group meeting that was held in my home. I was the song leader. He put me in a leadership position, and it was very important to him that the evening always go well and that we were to make people feel welcome. And so at the end of the evening, I was nervous because I wanted to make sure that he thought everything went well. And he came up to me in my hallway and began telling me how great the evening was and how proud he was of me. And I was on Cloud nine. I was flattered that he felt that way. I felt good that the evening went so well. And then he just slowly bent down and he kissed me. And it wasn't, it was a kiss, but it seemed somewhat innocent to some extent. And I, I remember thinking, I think he just kissed me. Then my next thought was, well, he's my pastor and I don't think he would be doing anything he shouldn't be doing. And it was just a quick kiss. And he's always hugging people. And so maybe this is just his way of showing his appreciation for the evening. It was really [00:15:00] the only way in my 16-year-old mind that I could justify it because I couldn't think about this man doing anything he shouldn't be doing. And this was a person that everyone loved and thought so highly of, so how could I think he was doing something he shouldn't be doing? So I just let it go. I didn't think anything more about it. I mean, did you have any sex ed or anything? Did you know the birds and bees? Nine. Well, yeah, I'm 16. I did. Yeah, I did. But I wasn't, I hadn't dated much. I wasn't allowed to date till I was 16, so I hadn't had any dating experience. I had one kiss before this with a boy at camp. So I wasn't. Worldly or knowledgeable about all those things. But, and again, it was such a quick innocent type kiss. He didn't grab me, he didn't push me against the wall. I just, and again, I think for me it was okay if he's, if this is more than just a kiss, then what do I do with it? So therefore I'm just gonna say it's [00:16:00] nothing because I don't know what else to do. Um, wow. I let it go. I let it go. But as I babysat for him, he, sometimes when I would leave, he would kiss me and sometimes he wouldn't. So, I didn't see it as a con, kind of a continual thing that he was always wanting to kiss me. He always hugged me. But the kissing became more intense as it went along. So it, it would be another year, before he would have sex with me. And so that grooming process and kind of pushing the boundaries each time he was with me, finally ended with him having sex with me. Oh, wow. Now, some of us listening are like an adult having sex with a child or 16-year-old. Can you unpack that a little bit more, the process of how he got to that point? I mean, that the first time you had intercourse, I mean, did he, you know, go to a hotel with you and you had a candlelight dinner, or was it in the backseat of the car?[00:17:00] Was it an accident? It wasn't an accident. He was very deliberate and I had every intentions of having sex with me that night. I babysat, I was babysitting, I put the kids to bed, I walked down the steps. I assumed that we would go into the living room. Or the family room, sit on the couch and talk about the things we always talked about. But instead, he stopped me at the bottom of the stairs and he took me into the living room, and immediately put me on the floor and began undressing me. Um, and wow, I froze. I, I literally froze and I kept thinking to myself, he's going to stop. He's going to stop. And that the entire time he's whispering into my ear how much he loves me, that he would never hurt me, and that he can, I can trust him. And then he kept asking me, do you love me? Do you love me? And I, of course, I'm answering yes, because well, yes I do, because that's what I've told him for the past year. I, I, I just, I was so confused and what my real reaction was, I froze. Mm-hmm. Um, he, he sort of pushed my head under the [00:18:00] stereo. And so when he is starting to get farther than I thought he would ever go. I blocked, I just blocked it out and I started reading the serial numbers underneath the stereo. Oh my goodness. Just to be thinking of anything else. Um, at one point he then just picked me up and took me upstairs. He literally put me on the bed, penetrated me, and that was it. And I was horrified. I was absolutely horrified. I, I wanted to cry. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do. Um, he left the room, told me to get dressed, and he would take me home. And I remember sitting on the bed and I put the bedspread around me because I was so embarrassed that I didn't have my clothes on. Mm-hmm. Oh, wow. Um, and then I just remember thinking I just had sex. I'm no longer a virgin. I just had sex with this man and. He took me home. Now, in the [00:19:00] book, of course, I go into a little bit more detail, but Right, he took me home and just before I got outta the car, he said to me, now, you know, this is something between the two of us, you can't tell anyone. And of course I'm thinking, who would I tell? I, I don't want anybody to know. I just did this. So, that was the first time. And then I think I, at that point I kept thinking, you know, I've had sex with him. So now I'm committed to him again. I'm at this point, I'm 17 years old. I'm still like, what do I do with this? I don't, I don't know what to do with this. Um, and he was convincing me that he loved me. He was convincing me that he needed me in his ministry and that God, this was God's will in our lives. He threw that at me. Eventually he would say to me that we were married in God's eyes. I mean, twisting the scripture and using God as a reason that we should be together. And so. I started to accept that. There were a couple times I went to him and told him that I couldn't do this anymore. I felt [00:20:00] guilty. He would respond in one of two ways. One, he would say to me how much he needed me, how much he loved me, and that he couldn't live without me. So that was the guilt part of it. Or he would respond and by saying to me, you know, you're no longer a virgin. No one else is gonna want you. I'm the only one that knows how to love you, and you are committed to me, and this is gonna be the way it is. And I saw no way out. I didn't see a way out. And so the relationship continued for five years. Wow. Five years. It went on for five years. That is a long time. And it, during that time, he became more aggressive physically. Uh, he hit me. He became sexually more deviant. It just progressed. It got worse and worse. And to a point that I finally, I was, my self-esteem was so low. I hated myself for what I'd been doing. So I finally just accepted that this was my life. I knew [00:21:00] I'd never get married. I knew I'd never have children, and this wouldn't be over until he said it was over. This went on for five years and nobody in the church noticed it. Your parents didn't notice it. You know, people say, well, where were your parents? Well, first of all, my parents were thrilled. I was in church. I mean, this was a time in the seventies when drugs were. Prevalent girls were, having free sex. So for them, what safer place could there be than to be in church? So, and they saw his intention toward me and his involvement with me as a good thing. I mean, he would take me on hospital visits with him. I mean, they saw this as being positive. And they knew how much I loved being there and that it was a place that I liked to go. So they didn't see it. And many in the church didn't see it began because who suspects the pastor of such behavior. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And especially in the seventies when this wasn't an open topic like it is now, you wouldn't have dared thought anything like that. And so [00:22:00] it's not uncommon for people in the church, to miss the signs and to ignore what they really do see, because they just can't believe that it would be something that would be happening in their church because then they'd have to do something about it. Yes, exactly. When did it all come crumbling down? It does crumble. Eventually it does. Two elders became suspicious and followed him one night and found us together in a hotel room. And then from then on, the next month and a half was an absolute nightmare for me. Hmm. It was initially hoped that they could keep what he had done, quiet and keep it from the congregation. Now, I have to say one thing before I forget. This wasn't his first incident of sexual misconduct. Oh. Prior to and just after he was awri, he arrived at our church. A young woman from his first church came forward and accused him of sexual misconduct. When he was [00:23:00] confronted by my elders, he didn't deny it. He said it was true. He asked for forgiveness, that it would never happen again. It was a mistake. So within six months. That's when he was kissing me in my hallway. So this, so these elders were aware that this was the second time that there had been an incident with this man of sexual abuse and misconduct. But in spite of that, they tried to keep it quiet in hopes of moving him to another church. And so I was told during that time where I was to sit, how I was to respond to questions. I wasn't to talk to anyone. I wasn't to tell anyone about what had happened, including my parents. And this was all in an effort to keep it quiet. Well, that effort failed. And so it was determined that he should address the congregation. He did it in a very vague way, just simply said that he'd sinned. He'd sinned against God, and he'd sinned against his wife. And that was his confession. That was it. Two days later, he had me meet [00:24:00] him in a hotel room after that confession in front of the congregation. Now. He was moved to the next church. He was given a going away party. There was actually a vote to maybe keep him, but the vote failed and they decided to move him to the next church. About, two weeks, three weeks later, I was called in by the elders, and this is probably the hardest part of my story for me. Mm-hmm. I was called in by the elders and I was told that because of my behavior I was to leave the church. I was devastated. I loved that church. It was the only church I knew, and here I was being told by these two elders that I wasn't fit to worship there any longer. Mm-hmm. He could be forgiven and given a second, third chance. I couldn't be, I was told that to leave the church. I wasn't given any counseling. I wasn't helped in any way. I was simply told to leave and I did. I left. [00:25:00] And that I told people many times, as horrific as the abuse was, having been told to leave, that church had a greater impact on me spiritually than the actual abuse did. I don't think I ever recovered from that. It still haunts me to this day to some extent. That response of the church really devastated me. So that was the crumbling, as you called it? It came crashing down and I would, I left the church. So did that change your perception of God? What was your relationship with God this time? Yes. You were kicked outta the church, but. Well, I felt a disconnect from God. I never blamed God. I never felt like God caused this to happen. I, in fact, I carry the blame and the shame. I felt guilty for what I had done. And so I never blamed God, but because of the relationship being tied in with God and the [00:26:00] prayers that this man would give, and then, you know, he'd give these wonderful sermons about marriage and sanctity of marriage on a Sunday morning after having sex with me the night before. I had difficulty separating all of that, and there were so many trigger factors associated with the church and prayer that God really did. It was hard for me to have any kind of relationship with God. I did. I didn't become an atheist like a lot of victims do, and who become angry at God. I simply just. I just put him on the back burner. I knew he existed, but I didn't have a connection with him any longer. So for 27 years, I, I never prayed. I never opened my Bible. I went to church because when I met my husband, he was a Methodist. And I thought, well, I'll go to the Methodist Church. It's a different denomination. Mm-hmm. I'll just go on. It should be fine. It didn't work that way. I had anxiety attacks in church. I, his [00:27:00] reminders of him were constant, but I forced myself to go. I made sure that I went because I knew when we had children, I wanted them to have that church experience. But every time I walked past the minister's office, I got a knot in my stomach. Oh yeah. It had nothing to do with that minister. But you understand that. I mean, it, but I did that for 27 years. It became my norm. I just knew that when I walked past that office, I was gonna get a knock my stomach, certain hymns. I can tell you what his favorite hymn was, and every time that was played, that's who I thought of. I couldn't pray. It was so, I did have a deep, deep disconnect for 27 years, and I have to tell you, I missed it. I actually mourn that loss of my spiritual life, but I didn't know how to get it back. Because I'm keeping this secret. I'm still carrying guilt and shame. I couldn't forgive myself. I didn't feel worthy to be in church. So with all of that mixed in, I just put myself on autopilot and said, [00:28:00] well, this is the way my life will be and I'll just have to accept it. It just sounds so unfair. Somebody that loves the Lord so much and served in the church and so innocent and being kicked out. Oh, but it sounded like maybe meeting your husband would've been a positive thing for you. How did you guys meet? I actually worked at his office, so I met him there. We dated for about two years, and I just found him to be a kind, loving soul. He was very unassuming. He wasn't arrogant. He didn't, he wasn't a boastful type of person. He didn't like taking credit for things, even though he deserved it sometimes. He was just a good hearted person, and I just, I fell in love with him immediately. I really did. I thought this was a great, great guy. I mean, I will tell you, I have said many times because before I met him, I was on a destructive path. I did not have any self-esteem. [00:29:00] I saw myself just simply as some sex object that, I was only good for that. And so when I met him, he saved my life because he loved me for who I was and showed me that I was worthy. So I've often said to him, you saved my life, and he will respond back with you made mine, and you can't get any better than that. So meeting him was a turning point for me, but I kept a secret from him for 27 years, and I lived in fear that he'd always find out that I'd had this affair with a married man. And I know in my heart that it wouldn't have made a difference to him. But people who've been abused never forget the words, don't ever tell. And I never forgot those words. And I never forgot what the consequences could be if I were to tell someone. Because when my elders found out, they blamed me. And I, I couldn't bear the thought that if I were to tell him. [00:30:00] Somehow he would find fault with me, or I wondered, would he wonder why I didn't feel confident enough to tell him? Would he feel betrayed that I kept a secret? Would he see me differently sexually? All those fears that I had while unfounded were still present in my mind. And so I never could tell him. And I had to do a lot of play acting and pretending, through our married life in the sense that the times I was having trigger factors, I had to hide them. And I know he would've been supportive, but I couldn't see that. Because while trauma affects you at the time of the abuse, it's lifelong. It doesn't leave you. And so I lived with that for 27 years. So did you have. Intimacy issues when you were together? Was that what you're talking about? The triggering? No, I, know a lot of victims do, and that's understandable. I really didn't, because he was so different from my abuser [00:31:00] and I recognized that my abuser was emotionally violent mm-hmm. And physically, he just wasn't loving in any sense of the word. I was simply used for sex. Mm-hmm. And I didn't have that with my husband. And so I could separate that a little bit. But I think the guilt of hiding the secret had an impact on our marriage as far as my able to be intimate with him in an emotional way. I'm really glad to hear that. I, you are not the first person that I've heard that. The victim has hidden a secret from her husband. I passed her and a pastor's wife and her husband did not know. Mm-hmm. Children didn't know, and it was a family member that was the abuser. And I kept telling her, you've got to tell him. Mm-hmm. You know why? It's because, and I was thinking this when I was listening to your, the other shows that you were on. I'm thinking about your children and your grandchildren. If I was abused, [00:32:00] I would be like. How do I keep my children and grandchildren from going through what I just went through, you know? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Well, that's an interesting thing because most people would assume that my daughter, I would've been all over it and worried sick every time she left the house. Yeah. But I actually had the opposite, reaction because keep in mind, I didn't see myself as an abuse victim. I saw myself as someone who participated, who willingly went into this relationship and stayed in it willingly, which is not the case when you're abused. There's the control, the manipulation, all of those things that play into keeping a victim in a relationship and they see no way out. So for me, I just assumed I got one bad apple in the whole barrel, that this didn't happen to other people and that I had an affair. But my daughter, who I knew, she would never have an affair with a married man, I just knew that. So I. Sent her on [00:33:00] retreats. I sent her to church camp without fear because again, I'm thinking, okay, this just doesn't happen to other people and this is not something I need to be concerned about with her. However, with my granddaughters, it's totally different because now I understand what really occurred and the damage that can occur when you've been abused. And so with my granddaughters, her mom and dad have talked to them, about good touch, bad touch. And I too have talked about to her, but I've been a little bit more probably detailed about it. Mm-hmm. And as she gets older, these men, the techniques change as you get older and they, after they go after teenage girls, so mm-hmm. Hopefully I'll be able to help her understand, what happens when someone's grooming. I want her to understand her personal space, that if you're not comfortable when someone hugs you, it's okay. That's right. Say I, I don't want you to touch me that way. Mm-hmm. Or say if they don't feel comfortable and we put a lot on kids to do that. 'cause here [00:34:00] we're asking a child to say to an adult, no. Mm-hmm. So it's okay to go to your mother or your mom and say, can you tell so and so Uncle Jimmy or whoever it is, I don't wanna be hugged. So we need to make sure our kids understand that their personal space is their space. And if they don't want someone in that space, it's okay to say no. I also think it's important to tell kids that good people can do bad things. Yeah. Because, as we talked about earlier, our abusers are not strangers. They're not mean people. Mm-hmm. They're usually good people. They're usually people who've given us gifts. They're people who help us. They're people who tell us how wonderful we are. So it's hard for children, even adults, to see this individual who. Who on one side is a good individual who does a lot in the church, who's done all these wonderful things. And so we, we have to tell these kids, just because they're a good person doesn't mean they can't do bad things. And so that's kind of the message I hope to get to my granddaughters that I didn't give to my [00:35:00] daughter. And fortunately she didn't have any issues with church or any, anybody abusing her. But I certainly did not, guide her in the right way in that sense because I just, like I said, I just assumed that I was the only one that this would ever have happened to. Well, I think, I hear a lot in the church that they don't teach sex ed because they don't want the kids to go out and have sex. Mm-hmm. And so a lot of these kids are like ignorant as to, what is healthy and what is not proper, yeah. We need to teach 'em that our bodies or are going to respond. They were built that way. God intended us to have feelings. You know, when we are around the opposite sex, that's normal. Mm-hmm. So we need to make sure kids understand. But there are barriers and there are boundaries that need to be taken. But you're absolutely right when we don't talk at it, then we figure it out on their own. And we could, we can all imagine when you're leaving teenagers to [00:36:00] their own devices to figure out things. That's probably not gonna lead in a good spot. No, we have the internet now, which when we, right. When you and I were younger, we didn't have the internet. We didn't have cell phones. No. If you wanted a Playboy magazine, you had to go to that kind of a neighborhood to get something. Yes. You know? Yes. It was a lot more difficult. Yes, absolutely. But too many parents are embarrassed to talk to their children about sex and, you know, everybody listening needs to listen. You need to find a way to talk to them about these things. And one of the techniques that I use with my daughter, just in talking about sex in general, kids don't want to hear their mom and dad talk to 'em about this. So what I did would say, I read a magazine article about this girl who did such and such so that I put it off on something else that's, a non-entity of a person. And I'll say, or Have you ever heard of this? And of course I know she's got a little embarrassed, but I, it opened the dialogue without me coming [00:37:00] out and saying, have you heard of oral sex? Instead, I would talk to her and say, I heard this about this. This is what kids are doing, blah, blah, blah. So you kind of have to find techniques and ways to sneak around it sometimes, but you absolutely need to talk to, because they know it's out there and they're going to experiment. That's just part of being a teenager. Yeah, my parents chickened out. They just gave me a book to read. Same, probably the same book. I got, I forget what it was called. Where did I come from? Or something. It was a cartoon book. Mm-hmm. And I'm grateful for that. And, they just, after I finished the book, do you have any questions? Yeah, yeah. I had a lot of, older people that were friends and I would actually go to my older. Senior citizen friends and ask them questions rather than ask my parents. Right? Yeah, yeah. It's more comfortable that way for sure. Like I said, it's not the topic that we like to talk to with our kids and our kids don't wanna hear it, but being uncomfortable is not an excuse not to do that. And in school you get [00:38:00] the basics of the mechanics of it, but then that ends, that's all you get there as well. And that's not as helpful either. Yeah. The sixth grade menstrual cycle, health class. Yeah, exactly. That's it. They separate the girls and the boys. Yeah. We were all really embarrassed and Yes, yes. Yeah, exactly. Great information. So let's, circle around back to, okay, you've been hiding this secret forever. Mm-hmm. And nobody knows about your past. And then one day you got triggered. So what happened that day? Well, that's the first chapter of my book, and that is one day I was driving to a golf tournament in Tennessee. We live in Cincinnati. I was driving, my daughter was in college. She was playing in a golf tournament. I was driving down there and I was about halfway when I saw an exit sign for the town of Kingsport, Tennessee. And that is the. Town to which my [00:39:00] abuser was sent after he left our church, and it just sent me over the edge. Mm-hmm. All of a sudden I'm thinking, I'm in the town where he lives. Am I close to his house? Am I close to the church where he's now a minister? I mean, even though it'd been 27 years, I thought he was probably still there. I didn't know, but that's what my mind was telling me. I, all of a sudden I felt his presence in the car. I, I could smell him. I could hear him. Oh. I was, it was unbelievable to me what was happening to me. I didn't even know what was happening. I pulled to the side of the road Oh, good. And I sobbed. Yeah. I sobbed for about 20 minutes and I was just trying to figure out what was happening because anytime I had trigger factors before I could manage them, I could control them. I kind of let them happen and then I push 'em back down. Mm-hmm. This one wasn't going back down and I was a mess. I was just an absolute mess. I was able to get through the weekend. I drove back home and all I could think about was, what am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? [00:40:00] I wanted to stop thinking about him and I couldn't. I spent the next two weeks, really in anxiety. I, my husband would leave for work and I would just walk around the house, wring my hands, trying to figure out why I was feeling the way I was feeling. What was I gonna do with these feelings till at one point I finally decided I was gonna tell my best friend, and I was absolutely petrified to tell her because for the first time in 27 years, I was going to utter the words. I was sexually abused by my youth pastor. And I remember thinking, he's gonna find out and I'm gonna get in trouble. I just, I was 49 years old and I'm still afraid of this man. But I did tell her, it was, it took me a long time to, to get the words out, but I did, she was very supportive. She was very kind. She was patient as she waited for me to tell her. And so that started my journey of healing just by telling that first person. I then told two or three other of my close friends, so the four of us spent [00:41:00] many days and many hours on the screened in porch of one of my friends just letting me talk. Mm-hmm. And being able to express what had happened to me. I wasn't ready to tell all of the story. I mean, there's parts in the book that I won't go into here because they're pretty mm-hmm. Embarrassing and some things that I did. So I wasn't ready to tell them everything, but I told them enough that it helped me start to release what had been done to me. And so that was the first thing that I did, I think. And then the next thing I did, which was so valuable, and I encouraged victims to do it as well, I just read everything I could on clergy abuse or sexual abuse in itself. So I began to learn the terms of grooming, manipulation, gaslighting, and then I could see how he methodically used each one of those things on me to get me to do the things he got me to do, and to stay in that relationship for those five years. And that was huge for me. So [00:42:00] it was, for the first time as I began reading, I understood that I had been abused. Now, it still took me a while to admit that I really was sexually abused because I didn't want that label. I didn't wanna be an abuse victim. And there was a part of me. We all wanna be loved. And so there was still a part of me that I wanted to think that there was some part of him that cared about me, that this wasn't just purely about sex and that he wasn't just using me for his own gratification. And I had to get past that. I had to finally come to terms with, no, this man didn't do the no one who loves you, would do the things he did and ask the things he did of me. So that took me a while, to finally admit, okay, this was an abusive relationship. So I told someone, educating myself, and then I had to learn to forgive myself. I had to let, I had to let go of the guilt [00:43:00] and shame because any guilt and shame belongs squarely on him. This was a man that I should have been able to trust. It was in a place that should have been the safest place on earth for me. And he took advantage of a vulnerable teenager who had, I didn't have a major crisis in my life, but he knew my home life was an upheaval at times. He knew that I didn't see my dad very much. So he used that to against me. And I had to forgive myself for being who I was at the time and being able to respond the way I did for the coping skills I had at the time. Sure. You can look back. I, and I think, why didn't I say this? Why didn't I do that? But I couldn't because of, of the re of the relationship he had created between us. Mm-hmm. I had lost all power. He was in complete control of this relationship, so I had to forgive myself and that wasn't easy either. Then, and I don't know that this is something all victims should do, but I just felt this need [00:44:00] that I needed to confront him. I just felt like I couldn't move past this unless I was able to face him. Now, I had no contact with him for 27 years. I didn't even know if he was still alive, but I hired a private investigator and he found him ministering in a church in Alabama. And so I had my investigator contact him and we set up a time and a meeting that we would meet. And I took my husband, I took my friend who was a counselor and another friend who was at the church at the time. Um, I wanted her at this point. You told your husband at this point, I'm sorry. Yes, that's correct. I, it was probably three months after I told my friends, that I said to him I would like to meet him in his office and talked to him about something and. I was terrified. I don't know how else to say it. I just was so afraid. Not that I needed to be, but I was. And I probably sat there for almost, [00:45:00] I would say, 40 minutes and just cried. I was able to finally get out. I'm okay, the kids are okay, and then I started crying again. He couldn't have been any more supportive, more loving. I remember looking at his face and I said I was sexually abused by my youth pastor, and he didn't. His expression didn't change, and then I said. I was their babysitter and his face just dropped. And for the first time, I could see the pain I was feeling was reflected in his face. It was, I almost wanted to hug him to say, I'm sorry. 'cause I could see how much it hurt him to know that this had been done to me, especially as a baby. I mean, the picture became complete for him once I said that. And so he was very supportive. I think he was worried about me confronting this man, for a couple reasons. But one, I think he was worried that I would be disappointed in his reaction, and that I would be expecting too much of this [00:46:00] person to understand what he did to me and show any kind of remorse, and that I, it would hurt me even more. And one of my fears was that, I was afraid he wouldn't meet me. I was afraid that he was gonna say, no, I'm not gonna meet with you. And my husband said, oh, he's gonna meet with you all right? Because if he doesn't meet with you, you just tell him. Call the church secretary. We'll call every elder. We're gonna, he, somebody's gonna hear your story if he doesn't want to hear it. So he did agree to meet with me. I went down to Alabama and the meeting took place and I said the things that I wanted to say to him. I wanted him to get what he did to me. But he didn't, he never could understand the damage. It was almost as if, okay, I shouldn't have done it and I'm sorry I did it. Okay, now what do you want? It was, get away. You bother me? Yes. And his greatest fear as most narcissist, and I believe he was, narcissistic, but his greatest fear was that I was going to demand that he be removed from the ministry. I mean, that's what he [00:47:00] was most concerned about, how this was going to impact him. And he should have been out of the ministry. So I went to his. Boss. I was told this, and something happened 27 years ago. He, we think he's safe. We're not worried, in spite of the fact that during the meeting he had admitted that there had been multiple occurrences of sexual misconduct throughout his ministry. Not all teenagers, some were most were probably women. And then he said he had gone to therapy because he had been identified as a sexual addict. And I kept thinking, who, what? What world, what world? Does this make sense that a man who has been identified by a psychologist as a sex addict belongs in the ministry? Nope. But here was this church. So I sent a letter to his 11 elders thinking, okay, somebody in this eldership is gonna see this. Is I something's wrong here. Not one responded totally [00:48:00] ignored me. 11 elders totally ignored me. Wow. No worries. So then, I decided to go to his denominational leaders, which were in Indianapolis. And there again, while they were sympathetic to my story and apologize that it happened, they said, we're an independent church. Our churches hire and fire their own ministers. We have no control and if they choose to keep this man, we can do nothing about it. And so what, I was shut down and basically I had no place else to go. I had pretty much. Done everything I could do. And it wasn't my place in the man that he be removed. I expected the church to be, the church was to do the right thing. Exactly. I assumed so naively that once they heard my story and once they understood the background of this man, surely someone would say, this isn't right. But again, keep in mind he's very charismatic. He brings in [00:49:00] people, he brings in money. And to be fair, and probably I'm being a little too gracious, these men are very good at manipulating not only the victim but the congregation as well. They're very good at getting control of the congregation so that they find themselves following this man no matter what he would do. Yeah. And that's basically what happened. There was going to be, I got a four page letter from his boss telling me that, know, I'm going to. Ruin this church if I continue on this path and that I'm going to feel all this guilt because I'm gonna be responsible for the damage that I will do to pe people's spiritual lives. I mean that, it was an incredible, I put the letter in the book, I, because it is so incredibly, hard to believe that someone write that to a victim of abuse. Just So that was What year did that happen? 2004. Okay. So we did have. We did have the internet. Oh, yes. And this was after the Catholic, [00:50:00] church had their, exposure of sexual abuse within their church. So yes, this was, it was out there for sure. This wasn't something that you would think, oh, I can't believe this happened. And again, he had admitted to these past instances. I mean, this wasn't someone who was saying, oh, I don't know what she's talking about. Or, oh, this is the only time it ever happened. He had been in therapy because he was a sexual addict, So he wasn't registered as a sex offender? I guess not. And in my case, at the time of the abuse, the age of consent was 16. So I had no legal recourse because of I was either legally age of consent. Now that has been changed in Ohio. It's now 18. It's now 18, but many states it's still 16. There are several states where the age of consent is 16. Now, the interesting about that is. His contact sexual contact with me was not considered a crime. However, if he had been my high school teacher, it would've been a crime. What, so pastors I know [00:51:00] does not make sense. It does not make a leg of sense. No, it does not. So it, they don't consider him a teacher. They don't cons, they don't, they considered an affair. A mutual. Relationship if he'd been my teacher, that's a different story. So yeah, I had no legal recourse. And that was frustrating. But I couldn't change that. So it was what it was. I just had to accept that he, yes, he belonged in jail. Yes, there's no doubt and should be registered as a sex offender, but I'm not so sure that even if he's registered as a sex offender, these people in Alabama and wherever he is now, would. Even take that as a concern. Well, you know, the millennials now, they'll just, they just post stuff on Facebook and Twitter and call the evening news and they have, yes. News people at their doorstep, right. Ready to mm-hmm. Track this guy's name through the mud. Mm-hmm. But you didn't choose to do that, I guess. No, you know, I'm very careful about naming him in the sense that, part of my story is that I [00:52:00] reconnected with his wife. She actually divorced him after they moved, because again, he committed sexual misconduct. She was 20, I think, at the time, so it wasn't a minor, but that's beside the point. This is a man in a position that, a professional who does not cross boundaries like that. So, to no one surprise, he committed sexual misconduct the third time, so she divorced him. And part of, I guess letting go of some of the guilt that I felt, I wanted to. Connect with her to at least tell her, not that I was responsible for what happened, but how very sorry I was for her pain and suffering as well because she was part of the youth group. I mean, she was there at the church all the time. We sang in the choir together. So it was like I had a relationship with her. Oh wow. To some extent. And of course when, we were found, when he was found out by the elders, she was upset and she of course, didn't wanna have anything to do with me, which is understandable. So I actually think I [00:53:00] also wanted to give her the opportunity to say whatever she felt she needed to say to me if she wanted to. I mean, I didn't know what she was gonna say or react. I thought maybe she'd hang up on me. I didn't know. So I called her one day. My investigator found her phone number and gave it to me, and she couldn't have been any more gracious. I, she never blamed me. She understood as she, as the years went on, what this really was just like I did. She's remarried. She's has a wonderful husband now. And so I visited her several times. We keep in contact. And so part of my not wanting to expose him too much is that it would be hurtful to her. And he does have children. Now. I know that, well, whatever consequences are as a result of this are all on him, but I don't feel the need to add to that. That's not my purpose in speaking out. And so, mm-hmm. I've gone to his church leaders, I've done everything I can to get him removed from the ministry. And nothing, it's just [00:54:00] he's still, I don't know that he's still a pastor, but he still remains in good standing within that denomination to this day. Yeah. I mean, sometimes we have to just let God. Right. Dish out the justice. It may not be in our timeline, it may not be the way that we think it should happen, but Right. He's not gonna get away with this. No. And again, I did my part. Yes. So my conscience is clear and I am able to say I did what I could do and whether or not they removed him, I certainly hope that I maybe put some doubt in some of their minds and maybe questioned their motives in keeping this man. I don't know. But, I feel I did what I could do and I feel good about that. I feel good about that. Absolutely, you should. And what I'm really interested in is, you're trying to keep this stuff from happening to other people, so, I mean, what can we do to prevent some of this stuff? Well, it's [00:55:00] difficult again, because these men are among us as wolves in sheep's clothing, and so they're difficult to spot. But a couple things. I think the first thing I would tell people is if something doesn't seem right. Keep your antenna up. Don't just ignore it or just don't think, oh, well that can't be true because he's the pastor. Mm-hmm. If it's behavior that you wouldn't accept in someone else, or it's something that you would question in someone else, then question it in the pastor or the choir director, whoever it is. Don't be blinded by the person. The persona that they're presenting to you. So that's the first thing I would say is keep your antenna up. The other thing is we, and we're churches, I think are doing better about this, but you've got to have policies in place that say, no, you're not taking a 16-year-old girl on your hospital visit with you. Yes. That's, that's not normal. That's not right. What is she doing going on a hospital visit with you in a car? And of course now we have the texting [00:56:00] and there should be absolutely no texting between a pastor, a youth minister, and anyone in the congregation. And that includes, no, don't forget the meeting for the church luncheon. No, there should be no texting because you, it's too hidden and it's too easily moved to the next step. And that's how it starts. You know, all of the abuse when it's someone you know, it always starts with small things and subtle things. It doesn't, innocent things. Innocent things that, yeah, that, that are innocent. But so that's why, so no texting. Yeah. So put in the policy, those places of, when you take a 10-year-old child to the bathroom, you make sure there's another adult with you. Absolutely. That's for your safety as well as for the child's safety. Mm-hmm. So I, I think we need to be aware. And then I would also say watch for the vulnerable in your, among your church or your group. Watch for the kid that's got issues at home and is looking for a father figure. Be aware that they're going to be more susceptible to someone who's a predator and pay [00:57:00] attention to their cues and kind of keep in touch with them as well in a sense of asking questions and how they're doing and be the kind of a person that they might feel comfortable coming to if something were to happen to them because they're the ones that are gonna be most vulnerable, to a predator. So that's kind of, an overview of what. Maybe a help to try and stop and prevent some of this. Yes, I like lots of video cameras. They're cheap now. You can put a camera, you can hide cameras all over the church facility and Yes. And I think too, talking to this about this issue to the congregation before anything happens, maybe having a person in your congregation who is the go-to person on this topic, who, who's researched what all these grooming and manipulation is so that they are even more equipped to, to notice the signs. So you have a person who's kind of in charge of that topic and then address it to the congregation once a year and say, here's our policy and here's what we expect of our pastors and here's what we would hope you would [00:58:00] do if you notice something. So it just brings it out so that people feel like if there is something that they know is going on or something's wrong, they feel comfortable going to someone about it. Those are all really great tips for leaders and, church members. So what, what if I am listening and I am being subjected to some of this stuff, what should I do? Well, what you need to do and what is the hardest thing to do is to tell someone. Yeah. And it's hard to do because when you're in an abusive relationship, you are being controlled by your abuser. And the narrative is what he is directing. And so he's going to tell you, look, you can tell anybody you want. They're not gonna believe you. And he tells you that over and over again. He's also going to tell you that you are going to be in trouble if you tell anyone. And then there's that problem of you sort [00:59:00] of care about this person. Here's someone that has been helping you, who's been your mentor, and you don't wanna get him in trouble. So with all those dynamics involved, it's very difficult for victims to come forward. But I am telling you, you don't wanna wait the 27 years that I did no. And live with this guilt and the shame and the angst and the anxiety. First of all, it's not worth it. You're not doing anyone any favors, especially yourself, because there is help out there. But they can only help you if you're able to be able to tell someone. And believe me, I understand how difficult that is. It's not easy. Mm-hmm. But I would hope that I hearing my story and others that you will understand that there is help out there and you need to tell someone. 'cause it won't end until you tell someone. And if you need to, you go to someone that you trust. And if you need to, you go outside the church. Yes. You tell someone you know is going to listen to you. [01:00:00] Hey, I tell my listeners, you can call me anytime mm-hmm. And email me and I'm sure you'd say the same thing. Exactly. Reach out to Sandy if mm-hmm. You need somebody to talk to. Mm-hmm. Or you don't know what is the next step I need to take here? Right. It is scary to make First step. It's very scary. Very scary. Absolutely. So then there's the rest of us, those that have not experienced clergy abuse, maybe we're members in the church, maybe we're friends or family. What are some helpful things for us to do to support a victim? Helpful things to say, maybe there's things we shouldn't say, well, that's a yes. First, I would say anytime you're aware of a victim of clergy abuse or anybody who's been abused, whether it's clergy or not, reiterate to that victim that it was not their fault and that there was nothing they could have done, should have done that would've prevented this. And by doing that, you are [01:01:00] telling that person they're free to speak to you. And victims need to hear it over and over again because we do blame ourselves. Children as young as five will blame themselves because they allowed someone to touch them 'cause mommy said not to. And the that guilt in that shame that victims carry, it's difficult to let go of it. So to hear someone say to us, it's not your fault is so freeing. So that's the first thing. The second thing I would say is. Let them know that you will listen to them without judging them, and you will hear their story without being shocked that you are able to say, tell me everything you need to tell me, or Tell me as little as you wanna tell me. Give them a comfort place to go to talk. And then I would say, and this is difficult for people who have spiritual lives or who are part of the church, be very much aware that things such as prayer and Bible reading and [01:02:00] scripture can be very triggering for those who've been abused in the church. Mm-hmm. So things that you would find comforting like prayer. Can be a very major trigger factor for victims. And so instead of saying to a victim, I'll pray for you, or Can I pray with you? The best thing you could say would be to phrase it in such a way as to say, I understand because of what you've been through, prayer can be difficult. And so I would like to pray for you, but I would completely understand if you don't want to pray or you won't, don't even want me to pray for you. And so you've opened up the door to say to this person, wow, I don't have to feel guilty because I can't pray. You know, when we've grown up in the church and we've been told how wonderful church and prayer and all those things are, we still carry that guilt too because we're no longer connected to God. So to have a person on the outside. Recognize that these can be trigger factors is again, a gift. It's a [01:03:00] gift. So those things I think would be the most helpful when dealing with a person of clergy abuse. And give them time. Don't push forgiveness. Don't push trying to get them back into church. 'cause some victims will never be able to go back to church if you let them find their own pace of time and you do it without judging them. And I know that's kind of hard sometimes for Christians and people in the church because we love the church and we find it to be such a wonderful place and we want this person back in the church. Yes. But it, it may not be the best place at that point for that victim. Such valuable advice. I That is awesome. And again, back to like, when you're talking about the sex education, open up the dialogue, you know? Yeah. Bring it up. Bring it up before they bring it up. Again, I read in the newspaper that this girl was molested by, a gym teacher. You know that, that ha I know that happens. And then let 'em know that if. It is, like you said, allowing that comfort to be able to [01:04:00] talk to someone. I think for me it was important to give my side of the story. No one had a clue that he was emotionally and verbally and physically abusive to me. They saw this as a little love affair and that we had this, magic little love affair. Evil temptress. Yes, exactly. And so I wanted them to know the full story. That was important for my healing too. And they did that. And, they welcomed me back to the church. I went back, I've been back a couple times for, a youth group reunion that we had. So, and that was difficult. But again, I thought that was necessary for me to move forward. I had to let go of my past. I had to figure out, not to forget it, but how was I going to incorpo
Mike Matthews investigates the fascinating news from the week so far and Mike answers what is happening in the odd world of New Years Eve parties. Join Mike as he podcasts live from Café Anyway in podCastro Valley with Benita, the Disgruntled Fiddle Player, and the Brewmaster. Next show Mike Talks to Madame Rootabega, Valentino, and Bison Bentley.
This episode of the Mo Money podcast is a recording of a live event I did on how to buy a property like a pro. So, I talk about what's going on in the property market today, some of the strategies that you can use to get more out of your property investments and use the bank's money to build your own investments smarter and save tax at the same time. We talk about the key areas that you need to get right if you want to nail it with your property strategy, and how you can make the most of the opportunity that exists in this space as well. This episode is perfect for anyone that wants to get ahead, smarter and not just work harder. Smarter money moves start here. Learn how to cut through the noise, avoid expensive mistakes, and get ahead faster. Helpful links: Book a no-strings call to get more out of your money here: www.pivotwealth.com.au/booking Upcoming events: www.eventbrite.com.au/o/ben-nash-pivot-wealth-34379655697 Ben's books: www.pivotwealth.com.au/books More about Pivot Wealth: www.pivotwealth.com.au Follow us on socials: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/pivotben TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@bentalksmoney YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/BenNashPivot Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pivotwealth/ Book a chat: calendly.com/pivot-new-clients/intro-chat-w-pivot-wealth Disclaimer This podcast is for education only and doesn't take into account your personal circumstances. It's not financial advice. If you buy a financial product, read the PDS and TMD, and seek advice tailored to your situation. Ben Nash and Pivot Wealth are authorised representatives of Fish Tacos Pty Ltd, ABN 14 649 248 082, AFSL 533055.
"The only person you're really competing with is who you were yesterday." Preparing for the GMAT isn't supposed to be easy—and that's the point. In the last episode of 2025, GMAC Zach sits down with Stefan Maisnier, longtime GMAT instructor and parter at MyGuru, to unpack why GMAT prep feels so challenging, what skills the exam is actually measuring, and how the mindset you develop while studying can pay dividends far beyond test day. Stefan famously describes GMAT prep as "eating your vegetables"—not always enjoyable, but undeniably good for you. Together, Zach and Stefan explore why productive discomfort leads to real growth, how to reframe negative beliefs about math and reading, and why the GMAT remains a powerful tool for self-improvement in an age of shortcuts and AI. If you're feeling stuck, intimidated, or tempted to avoid the GMAT altogether, this conversation will help you rethink the value of the challenge. What You'll Learn in This Episode: Why the GMAT is designed to feel difficult—and why that's intentional What the exam actually measures (and why it matters for business school and leadership) How GMAT prep builds skills that carry into MBA coursework and professional life Why "I'm not a math person" or "I'm not a reader" is usually a learned belief—not a fact How adaptive testing changes the test-taking experience Why improvement over time can be more compelling than a single high score Realistic timelines and expectations for GMAT prep How to shift from a "this is painful" mindset to a "this is valuable" mindset About MyGuru: For 15 years, MyGuru has provided an unparalleled edge to students worldwide by empowering a team of uniquely qualified subject matter experts to use their individual expertise and experience to provide dynamic real-time instruction rather than boring one-size-fits-all curricula to every client. They have delivered customized in-person and virtual tutoring to individuals at the middle school, high school, college, graduate, and professional levels as well as enterprise tutoring solutions for institutions such as Northwestern Mutual and Northeastern Illinois University. Helpful links: MyGuru Website: https://www.myguruedge.com/en-us/ MyGuru on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/@MyGuruEdge Register for the GMAT: https://www.mba.com/exams/gmat-exam/register Sign up for GMAC Advancery to Find Best-Fit B-Schools Schools: https://advancery.gmac.com/ Chapters: 00:00 Introduction to GMAT and Mindset for Success 01:35 Understanding the GMAT's Purpose and Value 04:11 The Importance of Challenging Yourself 06:39 Engaging with the GMAT: Strategies for Success 10:35 Overcoming Misconceptions About Math and Reading 14:15 The Adaptive Nature of the GMAT Exam 18:20 The Role of Improvement Over Perfection 19:54 How to Schedule Your Prep Timeline 23:07 Mindset and Overcoming Obstacles 25:15 The Importance of Self-Improvement 30:11 Navigating Test Preparation 34:12 Embracing the Learning Journey
Sissy Goff and David Thomas talk with Justin Whitmel Earley about his new book The Body Teaches the Soul and how our everyday physical habits—like breathing, sleep, movement, and technology use—quietly shape our spiritual lives and parenting. Justin shares how burnout and anxiety led him to discover that lasting change comes not from trying harder, but from practicing small, embodied habits that help us respond with patience, presence, and grace. With practical encouragement for overwhelmed parents, he reminds us that habit change is about responding to God's love, not earning it, and that starting small can lead to meaningful transformation. Resources mentioned: The Body Teaches the Soul by Justin Whitmel Earley The Common Rule by Justin Whitmel Earley Habits of the Household by Justin Whitmel Earley Made for People by Justin Whitmel Earley Atomic Habits by James Clear . . . . . . Sign up to receive the bi-monthly newsletter to keep up to date with where David and Sissy are speaking, where they are taco'ing, PLUS conversation starters for you and your family to share! Access Raising Boys and Girls courses here! Connect with David, Sissy, and Melissa at raisingboysandgirls.com Owen Learns He Has What it Takes: A Lesson in Resilience Lucy Learns to Be Brave: A Lesson in Courage . . . . . . If you would like to partner with Raising Boys and Girls as a podcast sponsor, fill out our Advertise With Us form. A special thank you to our sponsors: QUINCE: Go to Quince.com/rbg for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns. THRIVE MARKET: Head over to ThriveMarket.com/rbg to get 30% off your first order and a FREE $60 gift. NIV APPLICATION BIBLE: Save an additional 10% on any NIV Application Bible and NIV Application Commentary Resources by visiting faithgateway.com/nivab and using promo code RBG. MERCY SHIPS: Please donate today at MercyShips.org/podcast. OMAHA STEAKS: Visit OmahaSteaks.com for 50% off sitewide during their Sizzle All the Way Sale. And for an extra $35 off, use promo code FUN at checkout. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Last episode of Season 5 and I get to play with the cure for any Helpful Content issues on your wordpress sites - and this is just the beginning.Apply to be a part of the beta for Vizzex. https://vizzex.ai/Last week's episodehttps://carolynholzman.com/a-few-of-my-favorite-things-in-2025-season-5-ep-50/Mentioned in the showDecoding the Helpful Content System of GoogleTest Semantic Software on Wordpress - Apply here: https://vizzex.ai/Tools that I use and recommend:Indexzilla -https://www.indexzilla.io (indexing technology)GSC Tool -https://bit.ly/gsctoolSEO in ATX - SEO as a serviceYoutube Channel -Confessions of An SEO®https://g.co/kgs/xXDzBNf -------- Crawl or No Crawl Knowledge panelInterested in supporting this work and any seo testing?Subscribe to Confessions of an SEO™ wherever you get your podcasts. Your subscribing and download sends the message that you appreciate what is being shared and helping others find Confessions of an SEO™An easy place to leave a review https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/confessions-of-an-seo-1973881You can find me onCarolyn Holzman - LinkedinAmerican Way Media Google DirectlyAmericanWayMedia.com Consulting AgencyNeed Help With an Indexation Issue? - reach out Text me here - 512-222-3132Music from Uppbeathttps://uppbeat.io/t/doug-organ/fugue-stateLicense code: HESHAZ4ZOAUMWTUA
January sets the foundation for the year ahead. The choices you make now shape your momentum, direction, and energy moving forward.This January astrology forecast covers key turning points, including emotional clarity, where balance is needed, and a powerful reset that supports realistic goals and long-term stability. It's not about doing everything at once. It's about choosing what truly matters.Your January horoscope and full written forecasts are at: https://www.thesouthernmystic.com/blogAvailable now at The Southern Mystic:• 15-minute recorded readings – Perfect for quick questions or focused insight• 30-minute sessions – Ideal for short timing questions or clarity on one topic• 60-minute deep-dive sessions – A full exploration of past themes, current patterns, and where you're headed• Birthday reports – A meaningful gift and a fresh way to understand the year ahead• 3 & 6-month transit reports – Helpful for planning and understanding upcoming challenges and opportunities• Relationship reports – Insight into what makes connections flow… and where friction can show up• Written natal chart interpretations – Designed for self-study, reflection, and deeper self-understanding• Harmonic Chart Report (new at The Southern Mystic) – This report highlights the subtle rhythms and hidden strengths in your chart, revealing patterns that aren't always obvious at first glance.View all offerings and gift cards here:
For the last episode of 2025, get to know Abrigo's CTO, Ravi Nemalikanti, as he talks about his AI philosophy at Amazon's AWS Re:Invent conference. Listen in to learn about the metrics Abrigo considers when making decisions about machine learning in its solutions, ensuring that those decisions support community banks and credit unions. About the guest: Ravi Nemalikanti is Abrigo's Chief Product and Technology Officer and is responsible for leading technology strategy and determining product and development priorities to drive innovation and increase the company's competitive advantage. Ravi is the Winner of the 2024 Haas Technology Leadership Awardee for North America by Carlyle, an award given to celebrate an exceptional technology leader. Before joining Abrigo in 2022, Ravi was the CTO of Digital Banking at NCR Corp., where he led the organization's digital-first banking technology roadmap. Earlier, he held leadership roles in Tax and accounting, Global Trade, and Risk Management during 14 years at Thomson Reuters. Ravi holds a bachelor's degree in engineering from Andhra University in Andhra Pradesh, India, and an MBA from the University of Chicago's Booth School of Business.Helpful links: AI Hub - AbrigoWebinar: AI strategy for banking: Unlock the most value - Abrigo
Matthew Stafford is a venture capitalist, angel investor, and co-founder of Nine Others—a global entrepreneur network spanning 5,000 founders across 50 cities—who transformed from school dropout to successful investor by proving that authentic, give-first relationships create more wealth than transactional networking.3:00 - Matthew explains the Nine Others concept: monthly dinners for 10 people where founders share their biggest challenge by answering "What's keeping you up at night?" The community has run for 14 years and inspired his new book of the same title.7:20 - School dropout story: Matthew shares the uncomfortable reality of dropping out after weeks at college, feeling lost in his early 20s, before finding his path through IT work and eventually earning a computer science degree at Durham University at age 27.10:45 - The turning point: Seeing his now-wife graduate sparked his return to education. He proved he could excel academically while surrounded by 18-year-olds with straight A's, learning to balance work, study, and life.18:30 - Building Nine Others: Started with simple dinners to help founders solve problems together. Matthew deliberately enabled connections without trying to capture value, trusting that "being helpful without expectation" would compound over time.28:15 - Give-first philosophy: "If I tried to capture things short term it wouldn't last five minutes." Matthew contrasts his approach with transactional networkers who only make introductions when there's something in it for them.35:40 - Investment approach: Focuses on knowing founders deeply before investing, understanding their sustainability and motivation. At early stages, the people behind the business matter more than the product.54:09 - Long-term greedy: Matthew references Guy Spier's concept, explaining how 10 years of being helpful, honest, and trusted creates "super easy" opportunities that feel like shortcuts but are actually the result of patient relationship-building.56:27 - The real shortcut: "How do you make wealth creation really easy? Know the right people, have them come to you, watch them build big businesses. That's the shortcut—doing that stuff and then having it easy."Podcast Program – Disclosure StatementBlue Infinitas Capital, LLC is a registered investment adviser and the opinions expressed by the Firm's employees and podcast guests on this show are their own and do not reflect the opinions of Blue Infinitas Capital, LLC. All statements and opinions expressed are based upon information considered reliable although it should not be relied upon as such. Any statements or opinions are subject to change without notice.Information presented is for educational purposes only and does not intend to make an offer or solicitation for the sale or purchase of any specific securities, investments, or investment strategies. Investments involve risk and unless otherwise stated, are not guaranteed.
Smart Agency Masterclass with Jason Swenk: Podcast for Digital Marketing Agencies
Would you like access to our advanced agency training for FREE? https://www.agencymastery360.com/training Are you thinking about expanding your agency through acquisitions? Buying another firm can be one of the fastest ways to scale, but only if you choose the right partners and nail the cultural fit. Otherwise, growth can quickly turn into chaos. Today's featured guest has been through five acquisitions, each one teaching her a different (and sometimes painful) lesson about what truly makes a merger succeed. In this episode, she opens up about her biggest acquisition missteps, the cultural mismatches that nearly derailed integrations, forecasting errors she didn't see coming, and the identity challenges that arise when two teams collide. Kimberly Eberl is the Founder and CEO of The Motion Agency, a full service marketing and communications shop with offices in Chicago, Cincinnati, and Nashville. While the agency offers everything from creative to content, it is unusually strong in public relations with roughly 20 PR pros on staff. Kimberly has completed five acquisitions, navigated the cultural and financial highs and lows of M&A, and grown Motion into one of the most respected independent agencies in the Chicago market. In this episode, we'll discuss: When acquisitions help agencies scale—and when they backfire. Lessons learned from five agency acquisitions. Why agency owners often misjudge valuation and earnouts. Subscribe Apple | Spotify | iHeart Radio Sponsors and Resources This episode is brought to you by Wix Studio: If you're leveling up your team and your client experience, your site builder should keep up too. That's why successful agencies use Wix Studio — built to adapt the way your agency does: AI-powered site mapping, responsive design, flexible workflows, and scalable CMS tools so you spend less on plugins and more on growth. Ready to design faster and smarter? Go to wix.com/studio to get started. From Fired Account Director to Agency Founder Kimberly jokes that she is one of those founders who got fired into entrepreneurship. At her previous agency, the account director role was undefined and impossible to succeed in. The revolving door should have been a clue. She lasted a year before being let go and scrambling to figure out her next move. With no grand plan, she fell into freelancing in 2006. The economy was healthy. The demand came fast. And pretty quickly she reached that moment every accidental agency owner hits. Either say no to work or hire help. She chose to hire. That early decision set the tone for the next decade. Instead of trying to do it all herself, she leaned into building a team and letting the business grow past her personal capacity. Outgrowing a Single-Service Model: Moving Beyond One Specialty Kimberly started as a PR pro. That focus worked for a while, but eventually she noticed how much money she was leaving on the table. Clients wanted websites, creative, content, and she was constantly referring the work away. The big shift happened when she decided to expand beyond PR and bring more capabilities in-house. This meant hiring outside her comfort zone and learning how to oversee work she could not personally do. That decision opened the door to real growth. Many agency owners get stuck right there. They stay in their one specialty because it is safe. Kimberly pushed through that discomfort and built a service mix clients actually wanted. The Reality of Acquiring Another Agency: Lessons from 5 Acquisitions Kimberly opted to add these new services through acquisitions. So far, she has completed five and every one had a different lesson. Her first major acquisition was bold. She bought an agency twice the size of her own. Financially and emotionally, it was a lot. Looking back, she admits she may not do a deal that large again, especially in a specialty she did not personally understand. But she also learned that size does not determine complexity. A one-person agency with contractors had just as many integration headaches as a larger shop. What mattered most was agency culture. Some deals looked perfect on paper but fell apart because the values, expectations, and behaviors did not align. One deal in particular was financially great and culturally awful. She kept one client from that acquisition. Another deal was financially terrible but culturally perfect. Years later, most of those staff members are still with her. Her biggest warning: never ignore cultural red flags during the courting phase. Take time to hang out with the sellers, how they operate, and experience their company's culture. Go to dinner, Travel together. You'll notice small behaviors (snapping over minor problems, chronic lateness, lack of transparency) that won't disappear after the contract is signed. Valuation Mistakes That Kill Good Deals Kimberly also dove into how she approaches valuations and why so many sellers get this part wrong. She focuses on future performance, realistic forecasts, and removing costs that will not continue after the sale. She also pushes back on inflated projections. If an owner claims revenue will double, the earnout should reflect that. Big promises are fine, but they should come with big accountability. One agency she walked away from wanted a valuation equal to twice their gross revenue. They were using cash-based accounting and ignoring profitability. It was an immediate red flag. Kimberly's advice to owners is simple. Build a business that is sellable even if you never plan to sell. Get your financials clean. Use accrual accounting. And be realistic about your numbers. Leadership, Loyalty, and the Hardest Skill — Letting Go As the agency scaled, leadership challenges became just as complex as financial ones. Kimberly admits she is confused about why she is the largest woman-owned agency in Chicago at only seventy people. She is proud of the title, but she wonders why more women are not reaching similar scale. There are no differences in capability, but many female founders still hit a ceiling often tied to loyalty, delegation, or difficulty letting people go. Some owners, especially women, treat their team like family and struggle to make hard decisions around performance. She admitted she has been loyal to a fault at times and is working on finding a healthy balance. Agencies function more like all star sports teams. The roster changes every year. People get promoted, moved, or sometimes released. That does not mean you failed. It means you are adapting so the team as a whole can win. Kimberly is even working on building hobbies outside her agency because she noticed how much of her identity was tied to work. It is a relatable struggle for founders who have poured years into their companies. AI Changes the Work, Not the Need for Agencies Let's be clear, agencies are not going away because of AI. Kimberly certainly doesn't believe that. She treats AI like an intern. Helpful. Fast. But still needing quality control, creativity, and leadership. Clients still want real relationships. They want someone who understands context and nuance. Agencies serving tech-savvy individuals will feel churn from AI, but agencies serving plumbers, service-based businesses, and non marketers will be fine. These clients want to stay in their lane and hire experts for everything else. Marketing evolves, but agencies survive because the business model adapts. Do You Want to Transform Your Agency from a Liability to an Asset? Looking to dig deeper into your agency's potential? Check out our Agency Blueprint. Designed for agency owners like you, our Agency Blueprint helps you uncover growth opportunities, tackle obstacles, and craft a customized blueprint for your agency's success.
Some stories don't arrive all at once. They surface slowly, across years, places, and moments that don't seem connected—until suddenly, they are. In this episode, one listener takes us through a lifetime marked by strange interruptions in the ordinary: nights where sleep refused to come until something unexplained intervened, roads and bridges that felt wrong long before anything actually happened, and workplaces where unseen presences seemed far too invested in how things were done. What makes this story unsettling isn't just the encounters themselves—it's how casually they slipped into everyday life, as if whatever was there never meant to frighten… just to be noticed. Helpful? Maybe. Judgmental? Possibly. Human? That's up for debate. This is a story about patterns, persistence, and the uneasy feeling that some forces don't fade with time—they adapt. And sometimes, the most unsettling encounters aren't dramatic at all. They're quiet. Routine. And very particular about how things should be. #RealGhostStories #TrueParanormal #HauntedLives #UnexplainedEncounters #ListenerStories #ParanormalPodcast #TrueGhostStory #EverydayHauntings #CreepyButTrue #GhostlyExperiences Love real ghost stories? Don't just listen—join us on YouTube and be part of the largest community of real paranormal encounters anywhere. Subscribe now and never miss a chilling new story:
The FiltrateJoel Topf @kidneyboy.bsky.social (COI)Pedro Teixeira @nephcrit.bsky.socialAna Gaddy @AnnaGaddyNayan Arora @captainchloride.bsky.socialSpecial Guests David Goldfarb Professor of Medicene, NYU (COI)Editing byPedro TeixeiraThe Kidney Connection written and performed by Tim YauShow NotesBICARBICU 2018 (Lancet) BICARBICU-2 2025 (JAMA)SOFA score (Wikipedia)Sodium bicarbonate administration for metabolic acidosis in the intensive care unit: a target trial emulation (PubMed)Effect of sodium bicarbonate on intracellular pH under different buffering conditions (PubMed)Evaluating the clinical and cost-effectiveness of Sodium Bicarbonate administration for critically ill patients with Acute Kidney Injury (MOSAICC) (ICNARC Site)SODium BICarbonate for Metabolic Acidosis in the ICU (SODa-BIC) (ClinicalTrials.gov)Surviving Sepsis Campaign Guidelines 2021 (Website)Tubular SecretionsNayan: Louise Penny, The Black Wolf (Amazon)Anna: Broom Gate: A Curling Scandle (CBC) Pedro: One Battle After Another! (Wikipedia)David: Patti Smith (Wikipedia) Bonus pick: Kids Rarely Read Whole Books Anymore. Even in English Class. (NYT)Joel: Boys in the Boat by Daniel James Brown (Film Wikipedia | Book Wikipedia)
What did people think before the concept of "science discovery" existed? Ron Tester is back for our end-of-year History Pop-Up where we discuss fascinating books about science, society + some truly dark moments in history. Ron has been reading about how science as we know it didn't exist until the 1570s + why Newton spent more time studying the Bible than thinking about gravity. I discuss the less cheery matter of mass suicides in 1945 Germany + what happened in Budapest's final days under Nazi occupation. Look for more History Pop-Ups where we abandon business books entirely + indulge our other book nerd tendencies. Books discussed in this episode: The Invention of Science - David Wooten Promise Me You'll Shoot Yourself - Florian Huber Aftermath - Harald Jähner The Clockwork Universe - Edward Dolnick The Last Days of Budapest - Adam Lebor Ron's Website: rontestercoaching.com ==== If you'd like my help with your Business go to www.lizscully.com/endlessClients ==== And don't forget to get your reading list of the 10 essential reads for every successful biz owner - these are the books Liz recommends almost on the daily to her strategy + Mastermind clients. This isn't your usual list of biz books, these answer the challenges you've actually got coming up right now. Helpful, quick to read and very timely.
Prayer for Being Truly Helpful for her Daily Spiritual Espresso published on December 26, 2025 which you can access here: https://powerofloveministry.net/i-am-here-only-to-be-truly-helpful/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Happy holidays from NOCD! In this special video, Dr. Patrick McGrath offers some expert tips to get through the holidays if you have OCD. He talks about why this time of year tends to spike symptoms, how holiday stress can quietly turn into compulsions, and what it looks like to show up without trying to make everything feel “just right.” The goal isn't to make the holidays as perfect as the movies, but to help you stay engaged with what matters while OCD is in the background.NOCD specializes in exposure and response prevention therapy, the most effective treatment for OCD. Want to explore your treatment options? Book a free 15-minute call with us at https://learn.nocd.com/YTFollow us on social media:https://www.instagram.com/treatmyocd/https://twitter.com/treatmyocdhttps://www.tiktok.com/@treatmyocd Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Rekha Murthy is a podcast strategist with more than 25 years of experience in podcasting, public radio, and other digital media. SOURCES MENTIONED: -On Tyranny by Tim Snyder -You Need a Manifesto: How to Craft Your Convictions and Put Them to Work by Charlotte Burgress-Auburn -The.Ink by Anand Giridharadas -Letters from an American by Heather Cox Richardson --- Support Weirdly Helpful by coming a patron today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Are you the person everyone turns to because you'll "just handle it"? The one replying to emails at 11pm, rewriting your team's work, or silently resenting the people you keep rescuing? In this solo episode, Cathleen O'Sullivan tackles a behavior that's as exhausting as it is common: over-functioning in the name of being helpful. Cathleen reveals why constant helpfulness isn't kindness—it's a control strategy that stifles growth, creates dependency, and keeps you small. She shares the story of a leader who was praised for being dependable but passed over for promotion because she wasn't seen as visionary, and unpacks why always being the fixer means you're losing time, energy, and strategic thinking space. This punchy episode delivers four practical steps to shift from over-functioning to actual leadership: building awareness around guilt-driven yeses, replacing rescuing with coaching questions, using scripts that empower without abandoning, and practicing the useful discomfort of not jumping in. Your team doesn't need a hero. They need a leader. And you need your energy back. Episode Timeline: 00:01:01 Why being helpful is actually a curse 00:01:44 "It's just quicker if I do it"—the trap of over-functioning 00:03:43 The exhausted leader who felt like a parent to her team 00:04:35 How helpfulness backfires: creating dependency, not ownership 00:05:59 The people pleaser passed over for promotion 00:06:45 Step 1: Build awareness—am I doing work that's not mine? 00:08:19 Step 2: Replace rescuing with coaching questions 00:10:09 Step 3: The script for letting go without guilt 00:12:00 Step 4: Practice useful discomfort—let them struggle and grow 00:14:08 The truth: over-helpfulness is a control strategy in disguise 00:14:42 Your challenge: find one moment this week and don't jump in Key Takeaway: Step 1: Build Awareness—Notice When You're Over-Functioning Am I doing work that's not mine? Saying yes out of guilt? Secretly resentful? One leader kept rewriting her team's decks—not for quality, but out of fear of being judged. Keep asking "why" until you hit the root cause. Step 2: Replace Rescuing with Coaching Questions Don't jump into fix-it mode. Ask: "What have you tried? Where did you get stuck? What do you think could work?" Put ownership back in their hands. Let them think first—then see where they really get stuck. Step 3: Use a Script for Letting Go Without Guilt Try this: "I trust you to run with this. If you hit a wall, I'm here, but I know you've got this." Leadership isn't about perfection—it's about empowerment and growing together. Step 4: Practice Useful Discomfort—Let Them Struggle Wait 24 hours before replying. Let someone struggle without stepping in—they'll figure it out. Ask yourself: Am I fixing this to help, or to feel needed? Growth is messy. If you never let them wobble, they'll never walk on their own. Connect with Cathleen O'Sullivan: Business: https://cathleenosullivan.com/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cathleen-osullivan/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/legendary_leaders_cathleenos/ FOLLOW LEGENDARY LEADERS ON APPLE, SPOTIFY OR WHEREVER YOU LISTEN TO YOUR PODCASTS
In this episode of the Mo Money podcast, we talk about how to nail it with your money in 2026. It's a great time of year, I think, to be planning and getting on the front foot with this stuff, and setting things up in a way where you can make some meaningful change to how your money is working and how it's actually working for you. So, we talk through in this episode, the key things that you need to get right if you want to nail it with your money in the year ahead, particularly with the lens of what's going on in investment markets and property markets today, the three key shifts that you can make that will seriously level up your results, and then a couple of mistakes to look out for, or how to manage your downside protection when it comes to your money. This episode is perfect for anyone that wants to get better results from their money in 2026. Smarter money moves start here. Learn how to cut through the noise, avoid expensive mistakes, and get ahead faster. Helpful links: Book a no-strings call to get more out of your money here: www.pivotwealth.com.au/booking Upcoming events: www.eventbrite.com.au/o/ben-nash-pivot-wealth-34379655697 Ben's books: www.pivotwealth.com.au/books More about Pivot Wealth: www.pivotwealth.com.au Follow us on socials: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/pivotben TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@bentalksmoney YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/BenNashPivot Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pivotwealth/ Book a chat: calendly.com/pivot-new-clients/intro-chat-w-pivot-wealth Disclaimer This podcast is for education only and doesn't take into account your personal circumstances. It's not financial advice. If you buy a financial product, read the PDS and TMD, and seek advice tailored to your situation. Ben Nash and Pivot Wealth are authorised representatives of Fish Tacos Pty Ltd, ABN 14 649 248 082, AFSL 533055.
Leave a message & include your contact or I won't know it's you.Free Starter Pack with "how to truly stay no contact" https://www.radiatenrise.com/survivor-starter-packIt's officially Hoover Season — that magical time of year when toxic exes suddenly remember you exist and send a “Merry Christmas ❤️” text that derails your entire night. If you've ever felt your heart drop, your stomach twist, or your brain spiral from one message… this episode is for you.We're breaking down why narcissists and emotionally abusive partners love the holidays, why they come back during December, and what their sudden “I've changed” or “I miss us” messages actually mean (spoiler: it's not love). You'll learn the psychology behind hoovering, how to decode the emotional bait, and why your nervous system reacts even when you know better.Inside this episode, you'll learn: ✨ The 6 flavors of holiday hoovering and how to spot each one ✨ How to decode the “Merry Christmas
If you've lost someone, you've probably heard people say "they would just want you to be happy." Well-meaning? Absolutely. Helpful? Not always. In this episode, I'm sharing why that phrase hasn't been landing for me—and what I wish people would say instead. Because grief isn't about forcing happiness. It's about something much more important. Whether you're navigating loss or supporting someone who is, this one's for you. You don't owe anyone happiness. But you do deserve healing. Take this episode slowly. Pause when you need to. Let it meet you wherever you are today. Ready to Stop Forcing Happiness and Actually Start Healing? You can know all the "right" things to say to yourself, all the strategies, all the steps—but if you're still trying to push through grief, anxiety, or life's hardest moments alone, nothing truly shifts. That's where coaching comes in. I help women navigate the messy, non-linear process of healing—not by forcing happiness or bypassing pain, but by figuring out what YOU actually need (not what others think you should need), how to honor your grief while still moving forward, and most importantly—how to trust your own healing timeline without guilt. Book your free Coaching Clarity Call: https://www.kategladdin.com/coaching It's one-on-one with me, completely private, and you'll walk away with actionable strategies whether or not coaching is right for you. A huge shoutout to Kevin Lowe at K-Lowe Music, the talent behind my intro song. Listen to the full version here. Or explore custom music options here. Connect with Kate: Instagram: @kategladdin Website: https://www.kategladdin.com/
Get your Starting Messy Workbook HereMisty breaks down why those negative thoughts feel so real, even when they aren't, and how your brain is literally wired to cling to familiar stories, not true ones.This conversation is especially for hairstylists and salon owners who:Overthink every business decisionStruggle with self-doubt, comparison, or imposter syndromeFeel stuck in negative mental loops that kill confidence and momentumYou'll learn:Why positive thoughts feel “fake” at first (and why that's normal)How repetition — not truth — creates beliefHow to rewire negative thought patterns without toxic positivitySimple ways to practice new thoughts so they actually stickWhy your mindset directly impacts your confidence, money, and decisionsIf you've ever felt like your own brain is working against you, this episode will help you understand what's happening — and how to change it.✨ Plus, Misty shares a free resource to help you get unstuck and out of your head. Get your Starting Messy Workbook Here
In a special "sales intervention" episode of The Grow Your Occupancy Podcast, Julie Podewitz, CEO & Founder of Grow Your Occupancy, shares 4 senior living sales DON'Ts! These simple best practices and practical tips from the sales specialists at Grow Your Occupancycan lead to much better outcomes. Thanks Lori Vernier, Senior Sales Strategist, for compiling this helpful list.
Mind Pump Fit Tip: Lift and gain an inch around your butt in 60 days! (2:09) The scary rise of Sextortion. (18:35) Disgraced OnlyFans star. (23:38) The increased awareness around pornography. (25:59) Food engineering. (29:40) The dark side of cannabis. (37:00) Manuka honey to cure wounds and take on inflammation in the body. (42:51) Helpful tips for current and inspiring personal trainers. (44:40) The Mind Pump Butcher Box and what makes heritage pork so good? (53:07) #Quah question #1 – My 10-year-old daughter struggles with the mechanics of a barbell row. What could I replace it with for now? (58:38) #Quah question #2 – Once you've chased strength, focused on how you feel, sleep, libido, and all that's good....but aesthetic has not caught up. What's next? (1:01:38) #Quah question #3 – It's been a while since you spoke about the benefits of full-spectrum CBD. Do you still find benefits based on emerging research, or has it become overhyped? (1:03:18) #Quah question #4 – Is it ok to bounce around programs? Depending on circumstances, I bounce around Muscle Mommy 15, Suspension or Anabolic. (1:04:55) Related Links/Products Mentioned Visit Manukora for the exclusive offer for Mind Pump listeners! ** Use code MINDPUMP and save up to 31% plus $25 worth of free gifts with the Starter Kit, which comes with an MGO 850+ Manuka Honey jar, 5 honey travel sticks, a wooden spoon, and a guidebook! ** Visit Butcher Box for this month's exclusive Mind Pump offer! ** New users receive their choice of NY Strip, Ribeye, or Filet Mignon in every box for a year. ** MAPS 15 FORTY PLUS 50% half from Dec. 14-20th. Code DECEMBER50 at checkout. Mind Pump Store Mind Pump #2463: Sometimes to Get Leaner You've Got to Eat More (Listener Coaching) Mind Pump #1785: Why Most Women Fail at Developing Their Butt Mind Pump #2155: The Art & Science of Building Perfect Butts With Bret Contreras What is Sextortion? - Children and Screens Adult content creator Bonnie Blue to be deported from Bali The Genius Life Podcast: Why You Overeat, Gain Fat, and Lose Muscle (and How to Fix It!) - Sal Di Stefano The Real Story of How Cotton Candy Grapes Are Made What is 'scromiting'? New medical slang divides health experts, cannabis advocates Antibacterial activity of Manuka honey and its components: An overview Visit Troscriptions for the exclusive offer for Mind Pump listeners! **Promo code MINDPUMP for 10% off your first order. ** The #1 Setup Cue For The Barbell And Dumbbell Row Exercise Mind Pump Podcast – YouTube Mind Pump Free Resources People Mentioned Dani Demeter (@mindpumpdani) Instagram Max Lugavere (@maxlugavere) Instagram Ben Greenfield (@bengreenfieldfitness) Instagram
In this audioblog, we take on a topic relevant to holiday gatherings: what to do when you receive unsolicited advice from well-meaning relatives? From preparing ahead of time to helping your kids navigate criticisms, today you'll hear some practical strategies to help you continue to parent confidently in your grace-based approach. Key Takeaways: How to have empathetic responses with your family members before redirecting their approaches Confident responses to practice in advance How to equip your kids with truth before the gathering Mentioned in this Podcast: Blog – How to Handle Unsolicited Parenting Advice from Family (4 Grace-Filled Tips) PDF – Scripts for Unsolicited Advice Holiday Family Stress? How to Actually Enjoy Family Gatherings | Ep. 276 Luke 1:17 Free E-Book – What Kids Need: 4 Messages That Build Identity The Table Monthly Giving Program Give a Gift to Connected Families Check out our website for more resources to support your parenting! This podcast was made possible by members of The Table, whose monthly support creates a ripple effect of change for generations to come. We'd love to have you take a seat at The Table! Love the podcast? Leave a review to help other parents discover the show! © 2025 Connected Families .stk-14eb4a5-inner-blocks{justify-content:center !important;}.stk-14eb4a5 {background-image:url(https://connectedfamilies.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/11/iStock-894693700-scaled.jpg) !important;padding-top:64px !important;padding-right:64px !important;padding-bottom:64px !important;padding-left:64px !important;}.stk-14eb4a5-container{background-color:#00000096 !important;}.stk-14eb4a5-container:before{background-color:#00000096 !important;}.stk-14eb4a5 .stk-block-hero__content{min-height:300px !important;max-width:400px !important;min-width:auto !important;margin-right:auto !important;margin-left:0px !important;}@media screen and (max-width:689px){.stk-14eb4a5 {background-position:center right !important;padding-top:30px !important;padding-right:30px !important;padding-bottom:30px !important;padding-left:30px !important;}} .stk-a848eca .stk-block-heading__text{color:var(--theme-palette-color-8, #ffffff) !important;}“Things began to change when…” .stk-945cf01 .stk-block-text__text{color:#FFFFFF !important;}Be part of the team that brings “aha” moments of grace to families. .stk-6b4031e .stk-button-group{flex-direction:row !important;}@media screen and (max-width:999px){.stk-6b4031e .stk-button-group{flex-direction:row !important;}}@media screen and (max-width:689px){.stk-6b4031e .stk-button-group{flex-direction:row !important;}} .stk-9906cf2 .stk-button{background:#431c3b !important;}.stk-9906cf2 .stk-button:hover:after{background:#95848f !important;opacity:1 !important;}.stk-9906cf2 .stk-button__inner-text{font-size:21px !important;color:var(--theme-palette-color-8, #ffffff) !important;font-weight:600 !important;}.stk-9906cf2 .stk-button:hover .stk-button__inner-text{color:var(--theme-palette-color-8, #ffffff) !important;}@media screen and (max-width:999px){.stk-9906cf2 .stk-button__inner-text{font-size:21px !important;}}DONATE TODAY
On today's P1 Podcast, Eddie tells us about a confrontation he had with his wife that involved the gifts she has been getting him, the way he feels about them, and how he tried to help give her options of what to get him...
Hormones influence far more than reproduction—they shape energy, mood, metabolism, sleep, and long-term health. In this episode of A Whole New Level, Dr. Anjali D'Souza joins Mike Haney to explain how women's hormones actually work, why so many symptoms are dismissed as “normal,” and how to interpret labs in a way that reflects real physiology.They discuss why standard hormone panels often miss functional problems, how nutrient status and lifestyle affect hormone signaling, and how symptoms like PMS, fatigue, and brain fog provide meaningful data—not noise.They discuss:Why hormones affect how you feel day to day, not just fertilityThe difference between “normal” lab ranges and optimal functionHow progesterone, estrogen, and cortisol interactWhy PMS is often a signal—not a mysteryHow nutrition, stress, and sleep influence hormone effectivenessSign Up to Get Your Free Ultimate Guide to Glucose: https://levels.link/wnl
You know that feeling when you spend half your day chasing trends, tweaking hashtags, and wondering why your brilliant post is showing up three days late in someone's feed? Yeah, me too. That's why I sat down with Alice Seba, a content marketing pro who's been helping online publishers turn persuasive content into real revenue for more than twenty years. She's sold millions of dollars' worth of content — and she swears the secret isn't outsmarting the algorithm. It's out-connecting it. As Alice put it, “You don't need the algorithm to notice you if your community does. When you connect, collaborate, and share stories, you build something the algorithm can't touch — real relationships.” And that's the magic. When you stop trying to please the algorithm gods and start showing up for actual humans, you get noticed by the people who really matter — even when the social media winds shift. Here are a few big takeaways from our chat: Stop chasing the algorithm. Your business isn't with code; it's with people. Spend your energy on conversations — comments, DMs, collaborations — the kind that build real community and loyalty. Build your own audience. Social platforms change faster than fashion trends, but your email list is forever. Offer something useful, keep it conversational, and land in their inbox where you actually belong. Make your offers sound human. Ditch the sales pitch. Mention your freebie or toolkit the same way you'd share a good book recommendation with a friend. Helpful, not pushy. Use social time wisely. Ten intentional minutes beats an hour of doom-scrolling. Pop in, connect, and get out before you start comparing your breakfast to someone else's curated lifestyle. When you strip away all the noise, the algorithm might be unpredictable, people aren't. They remember who shows up, who listens, and who actually cares. Because no algorithm can replace a genuine connection — and honestly, that's the best kind of marketing there is.
Have you noticed that fiber seems like the new wellness darling? Almost overnight, influencers, headlines, and health gurus have shifted their focus to a trend called fibermaxxing — complete with daily targets, checklists, and potentially, a whole lot of pressure to “get it right.” Join us as we take a closer look at what fibermaxxing actually is, why it's gaining so much popularity, and what to consider if you've been thinking about giving it a try. We also explore what this wellness moment reveals about diet culture as a whole—and how quickly “helpful” advice can turn into another source of pressure. Along the way, we dig into an important conversation on fiber, including the difference between getting it from whole foods versus supplements and “fiber-added” products, and why more isn't always better, especially for digestion and gut health, an. In this episode: Why fiber has become wellness culture's latest fixation When “more” fiber helps—and when it might backfire The unintended consequences of common nutrition messaging How simple, balanced nourishment supports long-term health Register for Exhale: A Retreat for Women Who are Tired of Doing it All:: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/1970003420261?aff=oddtdtcreator Connect with us! The Ultimate Self Care Planner: https://elizabethharrisnutrition.ck.page/9e817ab37e Elizabeth Harris, MS, RDN, LDN FB: Health and Healing with Intuitive Eating community https://www.facebook.com/groups/healthandhealingwithintuitiveeating Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ElizabethHarrisNutrition Free download to break up with diet culture: https://elizabethharrisnutrition.com/invisible-diet Tara De Leon, Master Personal Trainer Email: FitnessTrainer19@hotmail.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tara_de_leon_fitness Join Tara's Newsletter: www.taradeleonfitness.com/connect Maria Winters, LCPC, NCC Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/coaching_therapist/ FB: https://www.facebook.com/MWcoachingtherapy Website: www.thecoachingtherapist.com
Ever catch yourself rushing to fix someone's problems, only to realize maybe that's not what they needed? We all want to help those we care about, but sometimes our well-meaning support misses the mark.In this episode, we explore the delicate balance between being there for others and giving them space to grow.Learn practical strategies for offering the kind of help that truly helps as we Calm it Down in 3...2...1.
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