Relentless Heart Podcast

Discovering that it has been 40 months to the day from the day I met Laura on August 31st, 2012 to the day of my next and most significant recording to Persis on December 30th, 2015 What happens 14 days later is just astonishing to think about The Lord did what He Promised...He put a new song in my mouth a hymn of praise to our God and many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord THE FINAL COMMENTARY with AMAZING DATE FACTS about Persis and I

Another message I made to Persis about testing, darkness, and loneliness The most eerily prophetic words in these recordings yet regarding God taking away a beloved spouse after a year Another short message to Persis to warn her of coming darkness after the mountain top experience I started laughing outloud while reading Romans 5:3-5 because of how true the words are in my life now Totally Amazed as I read over some of my favorite Scriptures that I "anchored" in and I see that they have now become my REALITY

The Lord shows me that Jotham grew powerful because he walked steadfastly before the Lord Working for God is not the same as spending time with God The Lord showed me Isaiah 35:3 as a word for a brother named Jesse before Jesse even contacted me with a problem A message to Persis about finding fullness in Christ and the suffering we have to go through to receive it Message to Persis about contentment in Christ and God granting her the desires of her heart in a husband if it is His will for her Eerily Prophetic words and warnings from me to Persis in light of what is going to happen to her in the future The story about when God told me, "You have no idea the cost if you quit." Reflecting on how important waiting patiently on God is when you have a promise from Him and how important it is to NEVER give up The overlooked blessings of dying to yourself and taking up your cross and denying yourself I wanted to go to see the new Star Wars movie to honor my son Tyler and then had to cancel when God opened my eyes to his jealousy of the things in the world like this I have a terrible dream about a sheep being eaten by a wolf

My reply to Persis about the shocking things I saw in a documentary called India's daughter and some of her answers to my questions about India Explaining to Persis that things are going to get worse in America and the Bible says so I'm jealous that Persis is going to get to go to one of Zac Poonen's churches It has now been seven years that the Lord has been using numbers to lead me to Bible verses to give me guidance and promises My contemporary life and walk with Jesus looks almost exactly like that of those in the Bible who were led by the principles and will of God A list of all the promises God has given to me so far An amazing email from Persis and the first time God begins to directly connect 212 to her, even though I still have NO IDEA what God is up to Capturing that my FULLNESS of Joy has returned Praise is a secret to be Joyful Even when you mess up, God is right there waiting for us to repent and come to His mercy

I wanting to see the children for Christmas and wanting to speak to my ex-wife about it and the Lord shows me again to stay put and in step with the Spirit (Gal 5:25) Answering the question..."How do I know that I've heard from God correctly about my children?" More fighting the good fight for my children and reasoning through all the good reasons the Lord has separated us and kept me from going back to court to make it happen God is teaching me that it is only His approval of my work that matters, not that of others The approval of God is not determined by large numbers and I still have less than 200 subscribers on YouTube God brings a season to end with a younger sister I had been discipling for some time but she takes it as rejection God shows me the 733 Job promise again telling me He is about to bless me Why I don't pray for the Lord to remove suffering from my children's life

My 2nd recording to Persis where I tell her about Zac Poonen and CFC India, my waiting for Laura, and my encouragement for her to wait for God's best in her life More about waiting on Laura and my commitment NOT to get ahead of God but to keep waiting for God to act in my behalf My mother thinks God can't bring Laura into my wife until He first changes my finances, but I have lots of historical evidence that isn't true My 3rd message to Persis answering questions about having a work life and spiritual life balance with Biblical principles and insights learned from personal experience All secular work can be made spiritual by bringing God in the heart into the work Prayer for Persis

I begin to walk in faith towards God's forgiveness and the Joy begins to return after only a few days after I violated my conscience This has been a great reminder that we will remain in God's love only IF..IF..IF we abide in Him by obeying His commands Our disobedience not only affects us, but it robs God's of all his glory and pleasure that comes to Him when we are in harmony with Him The Joy has fully returned by Dec 3rd after a few days of suffering The fears of losing God's precious presence forever have turned out to be LIES from my own mind, if not from Satan Another prophetic mentioning of "moving to India" In full surrender to God, you will suffer indeed for a time, but the suffering only lasts for a short time, the character lasts a lifetime The poem of dialogue between God and one of His servants about the servants fear of surrendering My very first recording to Persis, the woman I have no idea God has already chosen to be my wife

Another wonderful divine encounter on the trail with a minister from Korea who was having troubles A gorgeous morning sun rising with a timely reminder of Isaiah 60:1 "Arise and shine your light has come" An incredible testimony from a subscriber comes in right after confirming God speaking to me Isaiah 60:1 God leads me to page 733 Job 8:5-7 and gives me another promise that my future will be so bright that my beginnings will seem humble Another Satanic attack in my dreams about the woman who had attacked me years earlier God shows me in series all the numbers pointing to Scriptures about His promise to give me a wife and I feel certain that she is coming soon I'm not willing to compromise my message to make it more comfortable for my mother's Bible study group THE JOY OF GOD IS GONE AFTER I STUMBLE INTO A SIN AND VIOLATE MY CONSCIENCE

The Holy Spirit speaks to me and tells me "Go home and tell how much God has done for you." Luke 8:39 The Father shows me to show people the result "Life to the full", what He has done in my life, before I call them to obedience in Christ Satan comes with a huge and almost lethal attack at night in my dreams to try to stop me from declaring the fullness I have received in Christ God blesses me with wonderful confirmation to keep going in prayer after the attack and shows me a wonderful Andrew Murray principle about God giving you something to desire so you find Him in the process, just days after I recorded the very idea Another AMAZING teaching from Andrew Murray in his book Waiting on God, which explains the greatest reason God "gave" me Laura to desire Several more insights into the strategies of Satan working against my testimony and work My defense against those who say it is wrong to call God "Daddy" The devil is fighting me like hell to keep me from testifying to receiving life to the full and freedom from sin

Here comes the devil with his hellish attacks at night in the face of having the greatest joy I've ever had and putting up the two messages about escaping sexual sin The volcano of Joy is still erupting in my heart for two weeks now This joy in my heart has got to be the Promised Land the Lord has been promising me...a deeper filling of the Holy Spirit What I am experiencing is a Holy and Heavenly REST...this is true Sabbath Rest Realizing that there is a power coming in all of my messages that is clearly NOT from me, but only from the Holy Spirit of God I am the happiest I've ever been in my entire life. If this is delusion, I have to bottle this and sell it to everyone Commentary: "I'm finally ready" and what is going to happen in 14 days from the day I said that The Lord shows me another promise Deut 28:8 that He will bless the work of my hands

An incredible encounter with a 22 year old Autistic boy at Starbucks An illustration that breaks self-pity in the hearts of those hurting An inexpressible glorious joy has come upon me that is just indescribable as I'm filled to overflowing with the Holy Spirit I can now say I have found Hudson Taylor's spiritual secret My old life proves that the man who loves money pierces himself with all kinds of grief I am experiencing Psalm 66:12 now!

Many important insights about the joy I have now, laughing at all the destruction and reflecting on all the good reasons Father has made me wait for EVERYTHING A spiritual attack comes after helping a young sister get out of bondage and all that I taught her on demonic attack was inaudible in the recording and then I have a dream about a woman A message to a lady who sent me a check that I doubt was given by God, but by her emotions after I openly shared something with her in a recording Realizing, regarding my work for the Lord, that there is still a part of me that desires my will more than God's Father really is teaching me to work like Jesus in John 5:19, to only do what the Father asks me to do Humor time: My reading of some choice Proverbs in an English accent

The idea for a future project called "The School of Suffering" (Incidentally, I have started this project but it has taken me 4 years to finish the other work Father gave me to finish first) The India documentary called "Blood Brother" that blessed me so much with a picture of how Father wants me to help others as "children" and "orphans" Amazed by the compassion Father has given me for those who have really messed up their lives God is giving me such clarity in my ministry about who I'm to help and how Finding the books Streams in the Desert in a box after 10 years and how God used it the day I found it for such wonderful confirmation about the work He has been doing in me While praying for a brother in crisis named Jesse, the Lord interrupts my prayer and gives me a specific word for him, which He confirms was exactly what he needed to see It becomes clear that God is answering my prayers to give me "Bread from heaven" to give to his hungry hurting children A lady working in a bar and trying to find life to the full in Christ shares what I'm teaching her with some of her customers at the bar After fourth months of waiting on God He gives me solid confirmation that I am to sell the John 7:17 Challenge book to help provide for myself

A recording of reflections on my faith journey on the 6th Anniversary of my full surrender to God The "words of faith" that corrupted my heart back in 2001 that caused me to make one of the most expensive and devastating decisions I have ever made How I wish I would have had someone wise to teach me the importance of learning to wait on God It is shocking and humiliating to look back and see how much God had to do to break me Realizing this is the 1st day of the 7th year of my full surrender to Christ and perhaps the Lord is going to give me rest and promises fulfilled in this next year I feel so drawn to the spiritually humble, broken and the lowly in the world, just as Father is

A story of extreme suffering that the Lord leads me to minister to Reflecting on the amazing grace God has given me to live for so long not having any money God continues to bless me and keep me encouraged to persevere and to wait for Him to act PART 5 A recording of reflections on my faith journey on the 6th Anniversary of my full surrender to God The "words of faith" that corrupted my heart back in 2001 that caused me to make one of the most expensive and devastating decisions I have ever made How I wish I would have had someone wise to teach me the importance of learning to wait on God It is shocking and humiliating to look back and see how much God had to do to break me Realizing this is the 1st day of the 7th year of my full surrender to Christ and perhaps the Lord is going to give me rest and promises fulfilled in this next year I feel so drawn to the spiritually humble, broken and the lowly in the world, just as Father is

Stopping short of sending a long message to this woman when the Spirit tells me to stay put and I realize that my motives are to solicit a response from her about her perceived interest in me Revelations about the temptations I'm facing in the face of my desire for a godly wife and the long wait for her I have been like Jacob, "the grabber" my whole life, just going after and grabbing all that I wanted Another disgusting devil shows up in my heart...the devil of jealousy when I learn that a young woman I've been discipling is being spoken to by God with numbers the same way that I am...it was shocking If we covet the grace in someone else's life we must also be willing to covet the price they paid to receive that grace I have another divine encounter and prayer with Bill, the wealthy man on the hill, who told me years earlier he didn't know if it was God who blessed his life or the devil The Lord blesses me so much to see my mother humbly receive a strong rebuke from me and she admits in the Bible study A timely strike from Satan through my former best friend Corvin The Lord shows me to let him go and no longer try to pursue a relationship with him The incredible moment I turned around and saw Laura on television which keeps me from giving into the temptation of pursuing that other Christian sister

God confirms through a timely Andrew Murray teaching that God reveals deep truths unto babes, not the wise and learned My contentment continues to grow as I wait for God I see 919 (Num 9:19) four times in 18 hours but I don't yet know what the Lord is telling me to stay put on A strong temptation comes on me to move back into doing ministry videos even though the Lord hasn't given me permission to do so yet That hellish temptation comes upon me again to exalt myself "I already knew that" I still have the capacity to think and do evil, but because of the Spirit of Christ I do not have to give voice to my sinful nature Choosing to intentionally put down the sinful nature and walk according to the Spirit My mother calls me and tells me about the most profound words she has ever heard before, which turn out to be words I wrote by the Spirit of Christ in John 7:17 Challenge The Saint must walk alone by A.W. Tozer More temptation comes to me when I meet another sister who truly loves Jesus Christ like I do Commentary: NOT choosing by what we see with our eyes or ears, but by the Lord's guidance Realizing I'm being tempted so easily in the area of women because NOTHING else is going in my life right now and I'm growing desperate for something to work The hardest test I've had so far seems to be where God is telling me NOT to minister but instead to keep memorizing Scripture Realizing that God is likely starting to slowly change the desire of my heart away from Laura, just like what Charles Stanley taught in God acts in behalf of the one who waits for Him Part 1

A debate with my mother about Christian Zionism God shows me He is proud of me after I stood strongly for the truth in our debate Reflecting on the fact that because I am so weak, I have asked the Lord hundreds of times to help me to see my life and things in this life from His perspective It is so easy to fall into the trap of leaning on our own human understanding regarding the situations we face in life Thoughts on my recent full Bible study on the subject of "Eternal Security" or Once Saved Always Saved Strong temptation to think back and desire my "old" life after receiving an email from my friend, John Morgan, the President George Bush impersonator, who is now financially prospering after I referred him to Get Motivated seminars, the very opportunity I rejected. Talking to the Lord about my feelings and telling him I have no regrets about the choice I made

The Pope came to Congress and preached a message in the spirit of Antichrist Many revelations about the flesh, our spirit, and the Holy Spirit in the word of God What the Bible actually teaches about our sin nature and our ability to live free from sin in Jesus Christ A personal example that helps me to see the difference between my flesh and the Spirit We can forget that we have a second godly nature...that of Jesus Christ which can help us to actually live like Him in those difficult moments Perseverance brings spiritual maturity a leveling out of your heart and walk with the Lord I see a spiritual stability filling my heart more and more after all this suffering Realizing that there is something immature about my exclamations after a big blessing of God Realizing there needs to be more sobriety in my temperament and more calm so I'm less susceptible to the emotional part of my life An incredible instance of how much work God has done in my heart shows itself as I accidentally pull into a certain neighborhood that I so badly wanted to live in years ago How amazing it is that God has strengthened to me to be able to stand in any circumstances By waiting on God, you enter into relationship with God Revelations about walking in the light or walking in the darkness

Another bad dream about Laura My simple faith and joy is still missing and has been for months Another temptation by a beautiful woman on the trail I'm feeling sick of all this temptation that I'm now facing with women Incredibly timed verses and encouragement in the face of temptation Revelations on the temptation of Jesus Incredible confirmation from Madame Guyon's story about why God has felt distant from me for several months A review of my previous journal entries brings such an unexpected joy in my heart as I recall just how far God has brought me over these years I finally feel the sweetness of the Lord return to me on September 21st 2015 A remarkable pray of faith to the Father for the grace to be able to experience fullness in both my relationship with Him and with my wife A very encouraging dream about seeing my children A terrible temptation and fear comes back to me about trying to take matters into my own hands legally in order to get my children back

Great encouragement as I read about Andrew Murray's wife writing about His lifetime thorn in the flesh, his physical weakness I'm so encouraged by reflecting on how many of the Lord's choice servants all had some terrible weakness in their body they struggled with A time of terrible darkness comes like a spiritual "panic attack" after realizing how many "men of God" have come to so many different conclusions on important subjects in the Bible...it left me confused and frustrated After crying out to the Lord about this, His answer to me is "Finish the Work" Another terrible moment of doubt comes and the Lord shows me all the faith promises I need to remember Lessons from when God pruned Andrew Murray Capturing another moment when I'm doing something difficult and the Lord shows me He is proud of me I sense a seriousness coming more and more into my life and letting go of sarcasm with my friends My mother opens another door to a big temptation with the opposite sex after I had just professed my faith boldly to wait for Laura earlier that morning The Lord gives me more wonderful insights about my weakness, suffering and temptations Realizing I have had a deep fear about being seen as weak and a strong desire to be seen as strong, for fear of how it will affect my testimony for the Lord if I'm seen as weak

I make a message for a Charismatic friend of mine's wife, where I discern something is wrong in her heart with God during prayer for her, but the Spirit stops me from sending it I haven't felt "faithish" in many months and I think the Lord is doing a deeper work in me to walk even more by faith without feelings God uses several numbers again pointing to promises that really encourage me when I needed it, in order to keep going The Lord has gone out of His way today to make it known to me that He loves me and He is proud of me, knowing I needed the encouragement I have now memorized all 31 categories of the teaching of Jesus Christ...I'm amazed and encouraged at my progress I'm again really missing my children Realizing my habit of going to the Lord daily in my weakness to receive the grace I need for the day, each day Revelation on "Fighting the good fight of faith" My mother steps into hypocrisy right after our Bible study and even though it really frustrates me, the Lord prevents me from confronting her and teaches me a lesson about patience with others More insights about the need to walk according to the Spirit and not just by picking a Bible verse Several wonderful revelations about "self promotion" in my ministry Discerning the false Catholic church not by arguing historical "facts" but by simply observing all of its rotten fruit in accordance with Jesus' teaching in Mat 12:33-35 People in America have truly heard "too much truth" such that they are now immune to it The man who is living in the dark, does not favor much the man who wants to drag him into the light

Another bad dream and night time paralysis episode after testifying to a young woman about spiritual warfare Another terrible dream this time about my children who are not excited to see me at all when I show up and meet them at the beach Waiting for Laura three years later to the day Deconstructing an intense episode of Temptation

Find myself weeping and grieving and feeling so fearful for sinners in the face of God's coming judgment More temptation comes for me to introduce myself to that attractive neighbor when I see her outside Having told the Lord I can remain single for the rest of my life it becomes clear that Father thinks it would be better for me to be married Realizing that even good learning (like what I've been doing about America's "Christian" history) can cause you to lose your peace and the presence of God while doing it The Lord stops me from moving forward on a clever Gospel tract I had created A moment of sexual temptation is allowed to test me and I pass with God's help God shows me literal signs of the cross on my walks and moves on my heart the importance of preaching the cross as part of the Gospel and my teaching Whereas once I had such confidence to preach God's word, I now feel I have no confidence whatsoever after God has opened my eyes more and more to my own weakness A scary illustration that I pose could play out at the Judgment Seat of Christ where Jesus asks you to prove you were his follower by asking this question Father continues to teach me to obey and to do so right away rather than following my own stubborn inclinations in my heart

Still waking up every morning feeling darkness and weak in my faith I sense God is teaching me to learn to have strong faith without feeling any of it and getting me to a place where even if nothing good happens in my circumstances I still have hope for heaven Finally after about two weeks of darkness, light has come again into my heart Telling the Lord that more than I want anything, I want humility and realizing what a miracle it is that I even desire that Several deep insights about pride and humility Living like a true Christian is the hardest journey on the planet Learning to minister only in accordance with God's will and not simply doing "good works" for God has been one of the most difficult lessons to learn Reflecting on how much failure I've had in my ministry in the last few weeks...everything I have touched is failing I have run out of "me" as I realize I cannot help anyone without depending on God in prayer Seeing progress where I allowed someone else to take credit for something I said without mentioning it Realizing Jesus teaching of "taking the lowest" place applies to so many areas of life, not just a banquet The longest passage of Scripture I've memorized so far More sinus health issues flair up preventing me from being able to work

I've been waking up each morning feel dark and weary in the face of such long waiting The amazing experience of capturing how many times God has shown me a number which points to a Scripture promise that I so badly needed to hear. I could not have made it this far without His help like this In the face of a very strong desire to have a church family, I find a local church the Lord tells me again STAY FOCUSED on the work and keep memorizing the Scriptures The pain of having to stay focused on something that I am so absolutely weak in I find that I am really struggling in my faith again...feeling down Two sisters I have been trying to disciple are not listening and they become huge distractions to me and I reason Biblically to leave them alone and move on Having to really persevere to the promises God has for me The shocking news of finding out the man I offered to move into my house eventually turned away from the faith because He was looking at a New Covenant God through the Old Covenant lens Wondering how many Christians miss out on God's best for their life because they give up and don't persevere Shocking revelations the Lord was giving me about America

Insights on how to better respond to conflict I have had with a Christian sister at Starbucks about her being unequally yoked in her relationship The 3 types of believers and the only type God can use by Zac Poonen My prayer that Father will help me to be more like Jesus such that I only do that which I see Him doing Questioning the Lord why am I still in debt even though I'm obeying him so much and even though His word commands that we not remain in debt I ask the Lord if I'm supposed to move back into doing videos and he shows me a 919 sign in the middle of the night Realizing more and more just how FEW people are truly willing to follow Christ because it is so COSTLY to carry a cross Several current examples of people struggling in suffering or being deceived because they do not trust God Judging myself and my walk with God based on the fruit The highest work a Christian can do is the exact thing Father asks them to do, not some greater looking work on their own I can see the good purpose now of God allowing me to accidentally delete my Story video from YouTube as He continues to hold me back in order to refine me A scary warning to my parents about the Lord showing me something bad is going to happen to America and we need to be individually prepared for it My spirit is becoming more and more sensitive and I find myself feeling very worldly even after watching America's Got Talent

I wake up at 4 am with insights about our responsibility to purify ourselves which contradicts the lie that "Jesus did it all" Shattered Magazine essentially "White washes" my very first magazine article and I decided I am not willing to write for the magazine any longer The Lord confirms for me with another Zac Poonen teaching about Jeremiah the prophet, that I am on the right path and He is proud of me for not compromising An idea to re-write some Scriptures according to what people "read" in them vs. what they actually say

Incredible encounter with a homeless man who had once won an emmy award for his work in LA with the TV show Access Hollywood An amazing financial provision comes in right after I borrowed $100 from my mother to help the homeless man get his car out of impound More good news from the homeless man as he checks himself into a full detox program The patience and contentment in my heart just continues to grow in all areas, my ministry, Laura, my children I told the Lord for the first time that I'm so content that I no longer need Laura because He has made me so content Thoughts on giving away my book for free after being influenced by Zac Poonen's position on the matter After prayer I hear a couple of Charismatics talking about running their ministries like a business and it makes me absolutely sick in my spirit After listening to a Zac Poonen message an avalanche of doubt comes to me about seeing the numbers as part of God's guidance A sister in Christ who works at Starbucks gets offended when I speak to her about being unequally yoked with her fiance Insights from Zac Poonen about God helping you to choose your mate I told the Lord that I can now just live the rest of my life single, but the Lord continues to encourage me to believe for her A powerful prayer of "Give her to me Father in accordance with your promise" so you will be glorified I break out laughing reading a book by Zac as I see the four tests of Job from Satan are identical to the tests I have faced The lie that the deeper and higher Christian life is only for a few "special" Christians

More agony and crying out to God as I continue to try to memorize the teachings of Jesus Christ I feel like God is trying to show in heaven what he can do with an idiot since He is not letting me out of this The idea comes to me to create a private online Christian fellowship area and God shuts me down immediately As of June 24th, 2015 I had only 98 subscribers on YouTube...(92,000 as of July 18, 2020) A very weird and very disappointing encounter with the youth pastor from Church of the Highlands one of the fastest growing non-denominational churches in the country My response to all the videos going around on YouTube saying the world is going to end, or the rapture is going to happen on September 23rd 2015 God confirms to me that I've heard correctly and shows me the 522 again after prayer The stages of a promise by A.W. Tozer The moment I realized it has been years since I've even had the money to go to dinner and how I've been content for so long in my poverty Commentary: Streams Devotional "Shall I not drink the cup the Father has given me?"

I see 666 twice and 377 Commentary: The woman I mention in the next recording is the woman who ends up murdering her own two children and killing herself I then have a strong dark day of temptation to meet the single lady at the end of our street after driving by and seeing her outside Waiting for God's promises can be so very difficult I think God is trying to prove through my life that He still acts in behalf of the one who waits for Him Knowing how easy it would be for me to "fall out of faith" in waiting for God's promise, it makes me mad that people believe the lie that you can "never fall away from grace/salvation" I've woken up the last two mornings at 4:22 am which encourages me to think on Deu 4:22 A very timely and funny moment about Job receiving "double" for his trouble after he prays for his friends Reflections on the 5th anniversary of Father's Day after losing my children to divorce Realizing that people following my ministry do not yet know about all the suffering I have faced while going through the wilderness and into the promised land and thus they don't know about the incredible faithfulness of God to keep me through it all The greatest evidence of God is His ability to keep our hearts in peace going through the worst tribulations My sin as a Roy D. Mercer impersonator and the difference between lifestyle sin and stumbling into a sin When we ask God for a lot, He asks us for a lot Most "Christians" are participating in an activity called "Christianity" rather than dwelling in the person of CHRISTianity After seeing first hand the devastating condition of the "body of Christ" right now, here is the one message I would preach to a stadium full of Christians if God gave me the opportunity to do so God directs me to meet an older Asian man and I get to share the Gospel with him

Observations about the "need" to be humorous when I run into someone on the trail in that uncomfortable moment A second time that "woman" comes over to try to talk to me in Starbucks Reflections on how patient and merciful God has been to me in the face on not being able to finish the work as fast as I or He would like Revelation about my simple walk of faith with the Lord, after having a conversation with a man who was trapped in the legalism of the Church of Christ The insights of meeting a man who knows far more Scripture than me but doesn't know God like me and he admits that he doesn't have the necessary humility before God My mother is growing and starting to recognize the lies of the woman she is in a Bible study with The surprising similarities between false teaching and network marketing Everything comes down to recognizing a tree by its fruit The institution of the church is NOT the body of Christ which I why I left it and why she looks NOTHING like Jesus People in the institution have a faith that is dependent upon a weekly sermon, rather than a moment by moment true faith in God by the Spirit The incredible blessing and vindication of seeing my mother's eyes opened to the false faith and teaching among the women in her Bible study The Facebook Challenge: 20 minutes reading Facebook timelines vs. Reading 20 minutes in the Bible in the book of John and marking how you feel during and after See two instances of 666 followed by that same "woman" coming into Starbucks while I'm there again An incredible answer to prayer for a 12 year old boy in CA about how to handle his father taking his mom to court to take him away from her My heart has a very serious erratic heartbeat and it continues long enough to think I was actually going to die

Observations about the "need" to be humorous when I run into someone on the trail in that uncomfortable moment A second time that "woman" comes over to try to talk to me in Starbucks Reflections on how patient and merciful God has been to me in the face on not being able to finish the work as fast as I or He would like Revelation about my simple walk of faith with the Lord, after having a conversation with a man who was trapped in the legalism of the Church of Christ The insights of meeting a man who knows far more Scripture than me but doesn't know God like me and he admits that he doesn't have the necessary humility before God My mother is growing and starting to recognize the lies of the woman she is in a Bible study with The surprising similarities between false teaching and network marketing Everything comes down to recognizing a tree by its fruit The institution of the church is NOT the body of Christ which I why I left it and why she looks NOTHING like Jesus People in the institution have a faith that is dependent upon a weekly sermon, rather than a moment by moment true faith in God by the Spirit The incredible blessing and vindication of seeing my mother's eyes opened to the false faith and teaching among the women in her Bible study The Facebook Challenge: 20 minutes reading Facebook timelines vs. Reading 20 minutes in the Bible in the book of John and marking how you feel during and after See two instances of 666 followed by that same "woman" coming into Starbucks while I'm there again An incredible answer to prayer for a 12 year old boy in CA about how to handle his father taking his mom to court to take him away from her My heart has a very serious erratic heartbeat and it continues long enough to think I was actually going to die

God answers my prayer and confirms the promise to me from Job and it seems God is just determined to bless me Satan ONCE AGAIN uses the woman who attacked me to bring an offense the VERY DAY I'm finishing the newest version of the book and RIGHT AFTER God gives me all those wonderful promises By the evening I feel a total spiritual oppression hanging over me How many times have I seen the incredible timing of Satan's attacks like this Exactly what I do in response of these kind of spiritual attacks in order to get through them victoriously Reflecting on how I got caught off guard by Satan again and how I ended up feeling so offended A sinus health update where I describe the lethargy I feel regularly in my body A powerful recorded moment by Dave Hunt, "Unity around a lie is not unity" and the argument "You are not being loving" because you correct someone The Lord showing me Gen 6:22 and 2 Cor 8:11 followed by a 701, to make very clear I am to finish the work I run into my ex-girlfriend Jill while looking for Laura at an outdoor concert venue

Another time of discouragement and the temptations to quit while I continue to wait so long for the promises A new attempt by Satan through my mother and the "false prophet" who told me I was going to go to jail, to get me out of the will of God Realizing the Lord is rebuking me because I've gotten out of the will of God moving on to another project before the Lord told me to do so The shocking reality of realizing I've been subtly distracted away from focusing on the teachings of Christ The Lord uses the number 1066 to point me to page 1066 in my Bible where I read with much timely encouragement Isaiah 40:28-31 to help me in my weariness I'm at a new low, having not felt "faithish" for several months, almost like a spiritually depressed stated Seeing that the Lord is answering my prayers for more humility A meeting with a friend opens up a possible opportunity for me to meet the leadership in Charles Stanely's Intouch, but I'm reluctant because Charles and I do not believe the same about salvation God shows me more and more just how weak I am apart from Him and I would really like to write a book one day showing how God supported me the entire way I've wanted for so long to be perfect and I see how my motives were wrong and it would have led to pride God gives me some wonderful encouragement and instruction to be sure to obey Him so He can bless me in the promised land to come I will never share this recording until after Father does what He promised or people will think I'm nuts even more Even now in such humble circumstances I know that God is at work in my life right now to bring about the promises Men are so afraid to allow themselves to become nothing...it is so scary to surrender to that In tears, I could never have made it this far without God speaking to me everyday Reflecting on all those that rejected me as a young person...but God did not reject me because I was small and weak It's so hard to be humble when your circumstances are so humble

My spirit has become so sensitive that I got so upset while trying to watch a movie with my parents and I had to leave Thinking back on how often I wanted to get a job during this season in the wilderness Realizing how weak I am and that I could have done any of this without God's help and how incredible it is for Father to have used numbers to point me to His words as guidance I see a new number 2122, which leads to two passages that seem very important, but not sure which one I see 666 twice in one day, which is a warning of serious attacks coming in the rest of the week A huge technical challenge with printing out the draft of my newest version of the John 7:17 Challenge. As I think about turning more recordings I've made for people into YouTube messages, God shows me back to back 919 and 525 in order to keep me put My new sister in the Netherlands misunderstands something I said and she is deeply offended A bizarre dream about visiting a heart doctor that ends up being a subtle attempt at weakening my faith again The sister in Netherlands turns against me completely and says I'm a fake Christian not living what I preach Reflecting on how Satan has been able to bring offense into many discipleship relationships I've had when we finally get to the "stronghold" issue in their life. Satan then separates them from me, the person telling them the truth, so they cannot get totally free Indignation comes into me listening to A.W. Pink teach that any Christian who says he is not a Romans 7 Christian is a deceived Christian Realizing that my dreams are even becoming sanctified, thanks be to God A cute dream about my son Nathan and I riding our bikes together Commentary explaining the third time I thought I was going to meet Laura and then I didn't Another desperate moment in tears begging God to show me a sign to know if I'm still hearing Him correctly

A message to a friend about the very bizarre dream I had about winning a very exotic car and exotic dog and all I could think about was selling them so I could pay child support An incredible moment where God seems to point me to Genesis 17:7 as a promise that also applies to me and then seemingly confirms it A wonderful encounter and prayer with a young Jewish man on my prayer walk today A thought I have: God chooses to use people, that choose to be used by God "Without repentance there is no revival" - Rabbi Jonathan Cahn On May 6th I accidentally deleted my story from YouTube at 1,355 views losing all likes and comments A strong set of promises come right after I delete the video, but soon after I feel rebuked by the Lord Struggling to discern what is going on...is this discipline, punishment, Satanic attack, or Pruning? I become so sad through the humility of discovering just when I think you know something about the Father, I realize I don't know anything Feeling led to take out the "Gospel" from my video because I don't want people to make the decision out of the emotions they feel with my The Hilarious moment of relief when God shows me "212 Firmly Established" on page 466 of my MacArthur NASB Study Bible The Dreadful Employee Review Story and Illustration

Father shows me 1010 4 times and I know something is coming I become so sad again about my children and I'm missing them so much, but there are more and more lessons in this separation I've been waiting for Laura for so long and now I'm being attacked in the area of women so badly for the last two weeks and the latest woman that shows me makes me just cry out of completely frustration Insights from the stories of Mary and Elizabeth about how I'm in a state of disgrace with my children right now After prayer about what specifically God wants me to do, He leads me to Deut 5:33 It becomes very clear that John Bevere is terribly deceived based on a testimony he gives about Benny Hinn Church leaders are trying to manipulate the members into staying in the "church" Isolation is a Biblical principle that is seen in the majority of the Bible favorite leaders lives There is an evil spiritual principality behind Facebook that I can feel Crying out to God again about my increasing frustrations and weakness in the area of attractive Christian sisters who are contacting me and pushing me to the edge of my faith for Laura Fighting with everything I have and His strength to continue to suffer to wait for God to act in my behalf (Isaiah 64:4) Answering my mom's question, "What if Laura marries someone else and ends up not being my wife?"

Many more insights and revelations about how Satan exploits our weaknesses, mine which is women How dangerous our flesh is and how careful we must be not to give it any room to find comfort in its desires Satan plays on my compassionate side but Father is showing me I cannot "love" others at the expense of loving God The Devil's "Jesus" - Reflections on how people are drawn into false and counterfeit Christianity and how we can discern the false "Jesus" A lady contacts me from Illinois telling me they are looking for a pastor for their church and wonder if I would be willing to consider it God shows He is with me again in the smallest of ways with a book sale that saves my account from going into the negative

Demonic dream about a giant dog walking in my bed and then he tries to steal my breath God shows me this happens because I took off my breast plate of righteousness The sister I Skyped with in London turned on me and said some really unkind things to me in email which later begin to cause me doubts My faith is under attack again...I'm having to really fight and keep going...by the grit of my teeth Fighting by remembering all that God has done for me in the past A pastor I like at Starbucks invites me to his church and the Lord confirms in a dream for me not to go A very fiery message about the dangers and deceits of carnal Christianity An eye opening revelation and message to my parents about how we are all doing our part to take care of and "feed" spiritual food to spiritual widows and orphans Many Scriptures which show God thinks primarily spiritual, not physical

Using the book Humility by Andrew Murray God has shown me another area where I have disgusting pride and it is very humiliating Breaking down in tears at the disgust I feel towards my flesh and this pride after all I've been through Realizing my pride is being driven by the subconscious fear of not having a big enough impact for God...the fear of not enough people taking my message about God seriously My attempt to help a sister in England by doing a Skype call with her backfires Wrestling with the question is it appropriate for me to minister to or have a conversation with the opposite sex Commentary on why that was the last Skype or phone call I ever did with the opposite sex in the ministry

Asking a man who believes in Jesus, "How does God and the great cloud of witnesses know if you "believe" in Jesus?" More pressure from my mother and a dream about trying to arrange to have my children for the Summer by contacting my ex-wife and essentially threatening legal action Realizing even if God doesn't give me Laura, that He has arranged for her and her children to be prayed for for 2 years and 8 months so far Two more wonderful divine encounters at Starbucks: A local pastor who wants to buy 10 books and a church leader from a large Baptist church who confirms exactly the problems I saw that caused me to leave. Fervent prayer to the Lord to show me His financial support and to allow me to have the children this Summer...He then shows me Gen 6:22 that Noah did all that the Lord commanded Him I'm feeling like I'm giving and giving and giving, but I am experiencing so little receiving, particularly in the area of finances. The pressure is building again More frustration and pressure regarding my need to memorize more Scripture The frustration of feeling so alone in my faith after attending a men's group at a local Baptist church I feel I have to be skeptical to anyone who calls themself a Christian Learning that the band Jesus Culture is a terrible Satanic deception leading many young people astray I have a dream where a man says everyone knows that I'm the guy who tears down everyone and I take all the fun out of Christianity After watching a documentary about the terrible false revival in Lakeland, FL and the terrible false prophet Todd Bentley God leads me to the passage in Hebrews about Jesus hating wickedness

A desperate but unanswered prayer for God to give me money so I can take care of single parent moms Counting the real cost to have fullness in Jesus Christ God shows me my wife of noble character will come after I finish the work I find myself feeling negative every time I go to this Lowe Mill outdoor family concert venue The dream about the dark warehouse where I'm looking for lights and they are all far away from me and each other Commentary with more insights about the dream and posing a very interesting "What if" question about the possible good reason so many true Christians have been separated and isolated from one another in this day is to make it harder for Antichrist to find us when the time comes The email I was sent from a pastor of a small church in Africa who after 33 days of prayer was given a vision about God's disdain for what we currently call the "Church" An absolutely incredible example of how God used a sister in the Netherlands to confirm my convictions about Him being displeased with Pastors who come 99% of the way to the full truth of God's word and stop 1% short Confronting lies, deception, lukewarmness, and error in others takes a great deal of courage, but God will give you the grace My mother responds to my email about my allegations that her pastor is stopping short of the truth by suggesting I have a special call and burden to walk at a higher level than them The spirit that cause a man to stop just short of telling people the whole truth comes not from God but Satan

The Lord shows me Proverbs 12:2 about a good man obtains favor from the Lord and then I hear Charles Stanley preaching "Noah found favor in the eyes of the Lord" Rehashing the speaking voice and favor of the Lord in my life and why God is doing this with me Walking with God and receiving his favor only comes by costly faith and obedience What it means to have the presence of the Lord in my life Examples of people who think they have surrendered their lives to God, but who haven't really The principle of Jeremiah 17:5-8 and how it applies to so many people that contact me in trouble Thoughts on the bitter sweetness of suffering Commentary on the first of God's providences regarding India that will eventually connect me to Persis The suffering of others who contact me can sometimes just break my heart and tear me up The danger of Satan's counterfeit spiritual experiences (Egyptian Magicians) The truth according to Jesus' is that Satan can "bless" your life and "answer" prayers The fundamentals of the Christian faith which we should all be focusing on The danger of comparing our spiritual gifts to the gifts to the gifts of others A spiritual gift is not something you have to "practice" in order to receive The tragedy of Satan making "Christians" envious of each other's gifts that aren't even real! The whole matter comes down to testing the spirits and "recognizing a tree by its fruit" When a deceived Christian is fighting against the discipline of God as if it were Satan attacking them When you life and heart looks like a curse, it may very well be that you are under one

PARENTAL ADVISORY: Sexual topic discussed shortly The frustration and hate I feel towards my desire when I meet an attractive young Christian woman at Starbucks God answered my prayer in Starbucks to help me find a ladies missing keys Continuing spiritual attack in the areas of sexuality and loneliness with women Crying to Jesus over and over for help and God shows me 616 again (Ephesians 6:16) to take up the shield of faith A timely and encouraging word from a Charles Stanley page that also quotes Ephesians 6:16 right after God had already showed it to me Waiting for God in the area of a wife has been so painful Commentary about why God allows this difficult suffering from temptation to keep occurring Realizing I MUST put in boundaries with the women I have met at Starbucks like this lady Corrie the wedding planner I sometimes believe the lie that because I'm still capable of being tempted I'm not godly The battle intensifies and the suffering brings more tears as I continue to fight for what I believe is my promised wife Laura in the face of so much temptation It takes such strong courage to keep waiting for God to act in your behalf Realizing how much I need all this suffering for my character development in Christ

PARENTAL ADVISORY: Spiritual attack topic on sexuality Commentary about breaking free from sexual sin More spiritual attacks in my drinks with sexuality My lamp shade is moved at night I believe by an evil spirit harrassing me More insights and details about how Satan is attacking me in my sleep with sexual dreams The real struggles I have faced sexually as a Christian man A bold prayer to the Father about finally giving me my wife and the good reasons why He should consider giving her to me

God keeps showing me Job 5:22 in response to my prayers about "What does the Promised Land Look like for me?" Father continues to confirm that He wants me to keep memorizing His word The Lord keeps showing me 644 over and over Isaiah 64:4 Praying for book sales and one comes in right away to encourage me Revelations on humility and being able to consider others better than you because we all start out with the same worthless jar The more we empty out our jar and yield it to Jesus, the more grace we will receive Those with more grace are simply "better off", not "better than" To be filled with the Spirit, you have to be filled with the WORD! You cannot earn the Holy Spirit, but you can make room for Him God allows me to meet a new Christian sister who is a wedding planner and God seems to confirm several things in our meeting

PARENTAL ADVISORY: The first few minutes of this recording deal with the topic of sexual temptation Satan tries to attack me again sexually with two dreams to try to get me to sin and violate my conscience right before I have to go into BATTLE in court the next day The Lord is keeping me strong in preparation for walking on to the battlefield tomorrow and I'm actually looking forward to seeing what the Lord will do A list of things I will tell the judge in order to answer for my situation The need to consecrate yourself before you cross over the "Jordon" What man that owes $25k in child support shouldn't lose his license or go to jail, and yet I know that I will not because I'm only in this situation because of the Lord's dealings with me and I have a promise The night before court, I am so filled with joy and faith that I cannot even imagine something going wrong here tomorrow Keeping my faith strong by remembering what God has done for me before and by clinging to promises in His word A powerful prayer of faith before I got into the courtroom to do battle God DID exactly what He promised me He would...He has delivered me once again! Insights about crossing the Jordan in order to enter into the Promised Land

Still seeing lots of 919's The balance between contentment and keeping your flame lit while you are waiting for a promise from God So far, there is no sight of the Promised Land in my circumstances, but ONLY GIANTS God again shows his faithfulness to me and gives me more grace in my sexual appetite Insights about Law vs Grace from Alistair Begg on the radio A big temptation comes at me today at Starbucks from an attractive woman Looking up my old best friend on Facebook causes me to feel more darkness in my own situation I have a huge battle to face on court in just a few days, but God is keeping me in total peace I get great encouragement from reading Joshua 4:24, knowing God is telling me I will cross over this jordan river in Court on Monday I get spiritually frustrated by Charles Stanley again saying "You cannot lose your salvation" I know that I must fight the good fight of faith and I must do my part to abide in Christ or I will fall away The whole journey of faith in the face of trials all comes down to this...YOU JUST KEEPING GOING...no matter what! The enemy tries to tempt me again with sexual type dreams to get me into sin and violate my conscience the day before I go into this court battle God has trained me to think of the consequences of sin before it happens

Noticing the Spirit has been giving me power to pray even when I'm tired as my desire for longer times in prayer is increasing I have another terrible dream about Laura, when my mother runs into her at church More inisghts about the spiritual warfare and even having faith in my dreams Another time of seeing 919 three times A message I made called "The World's Most Expensive Sex" The unbelievable consequences of sin that Satan always hides from us in the moment A tear filled journal entry about the most powerful prayers I have ever experienced in the face of the Job 5:22 promise A new boldness in my prayer life has come...praying with power Right after my powerful prayer regarding Job 5:22, a woman emails from the hospital and says my story reminds her of Job Over sinus and health update and noticing that I don't get grouchy any more even in sickness because of the Spirit When I'm tired and run down, it negatively effects by faith Asking the question to test your faith, "If you died today and had to stand before Christ?" Regarding my children: I'm just going to wait quietly for God to deliver me (Lam 3:24) The kind of faith Father has given me looks absolutely insane to many "good" Christians around me With only 6 days left until I have to appear before a judge about Child Support, I am still trusting God not matter what