V.C.'s Pieces

Ya'll, this mans is trying to capture the vibe and it is just not happening. He even trots out some of our favorite players, like "Shut In The Grand House" and "Someone Is Weird About A Pregnancy" but Delia's third and final book drags for pages upons't pages until the last couple chapters. Then 4,000 things happen REAL fast. Give it a read or don't!

AKA "The love triangle that really tried to exist but totally didn't y'all".

Hola querido oyente! Let us jorney down Mexico way and meet Delia Ybarra, our newest protagonist! I'm sure you're shocked - SHOCKED - to learn that she is very beautiful, fresh, and innocent. This is a bilingual dirt poor to diamond rich Mexican soap opera but you know what? The VC vibes are non-existent! Anywho, we at least get some gross villians and some homosexual flavor (alerta de spoiler!)

Secrets! Who is she? Dunno, but she ain't here. Just ALICE, Karen and Jesse's daughter who for sure saw "Beetlejuice" one too many times. This book starts with one probable plot which gets put to bed halfway through the book. Time for a second plot I guess? And spoiler alert, we learn nothing definite about Karen's case or murder or whole deal so hope you didn't want that!

Let's hop back in time to 1962! A time where you could preform a murderous shenanigan (spoiler alert) and get away with it for an undetermined amount of days. A time where a quaint village beholds't an attic full of teen stabbin secrets. A time where a journey to ~*~ t h e c i t y~*~ was all you needed to soothe your troubled daughter who is definitely not keeping anything from you. The attic! Memba her? She welcomes you back in this book that is certainly simply OK.

Holy Hell y'all, have you seen "I Know Who Killed Me"? It is a legitimate masterpiece of terribleness. And as we all know, that's what makes a great movie! Lindsey Lohan stars in this sooooooooper mysterious mystery in shades of red and blue. There's torture, high school, poemitry, CSI, backgina, and a case of mistaken identity. Or is there?! If you're feeling adventurous, have a blue drink and a red drink ready and take a sip each time the color appears. Great fun until you get alcohol poisoning!

Welcome to our live watch of the 2000 lycanthropic coming of age tale "Ginger Snaps"! Ginger is not yet a girl, not quite a human and her possibly bewigged sister Bea has to clean up Ginger's literal and figurative messes. And menses. This flick as it all: practical effects, 25 year old teens, doobers, angst, and a very supportive Canadian mom. Never has the story girlhood on the precipice of becoming a woman been so accurately depicted!

Hey y'all! Let's go down to the farm! It's a magically dismal place where everything is wrong, and not JUST for the same ol' reasons. Sure, there's stuff far too sexual for a young girl, wacky friends, contrived scenarios, an old man trying to use hip language, family secrets, and uncomfiness. BUT ALSO a seemingly endless supply of details factually inaccurate from the prior book! You know it, you love (?) it, no rules, just Nieder-things!

It's time. I'm sorry. This is a Bad Book that gives Bad feels and now we gotta talk about it. If you know or have heard of this one, don't worry. We did not discuss the parts that gave us the ick. And for all the books that this mans has written, this is the one you shouldns't read the most. A 7 year old gets the puberty! Nider-NoNo!

And our story rolls fatly along! April is still at the rotted winery with her rotten self image. But rest assured, she unlocks her inner rice queen for some fumbling sexies! We also meet Motha Rhona and SKEETER. This one is both predictable and yet somehow unpredictable. Pinocchio never saved so many girls!

Remember when we all wished for a well rounded main character who wasn't physical perfection? Just to get a little variety? Well, we shouldns't have done that. April Taylor! She's only one note and that note is FAT seasoned with gay panic. Hey, it was the early aughts. Everyone was thinking about being gay and had nose-or-bellybutton rings. So, this was wild/dumb and we are dumber for having read it. But it sure was foolishly fun to scream about. PS: please submit your thought on the Destiny Question.

Ya'll need to get your peepers on this mess so you can fully appreciate the lack of aging effects on DON, Jim-Jam, and Whillip. It truly is atrocious. Plus, you have young (old?) Shristie acting like a brick wall. Supporting characters include Wish.com Neve Campbell, Harley Windham, Hamster Dance, and Warren!

WHEW! This was a hard birthins, but we have finally delivered this babby! If you missed our Instagram live, here is what it sounded like, minus some chewing and rustling. Get some snacks and join the slumber party as we watch the next movie installment: "Twilight's Child"!

It's time to journey to the (incorrect) year of 1973! What's her name? Oh yeah, Dawn! Well, she still sing so good and here she meets a new kid/old man, Jimmy is definitely going to get sent to Vietnam, Trisha is still the best, and we get served the incandescent SAG-AFTRA president Fran Drescher as the perfectly cast Agnes Morris!

Whelp, we finally done did it. We watched the Lifetime made for TV movie of "Dawn" and it was fine? I guess? It certainly WAS a movie on the Lifetime network that was adapted from the book by VC Andrews/Andrew Neiderman. Fans of bad acting, bad wigs, and ATROCIOUS lip syncing should love this one. Us? Eh? I suppose? Maybe more of an "I like you, but I don't LIKE you, like you" vibe.

I don't know about you, but I am PUMPED to find out what happened to all the players from the last two books! What was their legacy? What drove them to do what they done did? How to alllllll these folks reconcile their actions from the prior stories? If you want to know as well, then BUCKLE UP because you definitely wont! Instead, we get a story that is so far removed from the build up of the last two, it's like a baby bird is trapped in your secret put away heart and the garden the storyline planted withers and dies.

Hoo-wee y'all, Celeste is BACK and with her return is a second bonus Celeste! Lil Babby Celeste so perfect, Mama/Mommy so scheming, OG Celeste so confused, Fletcher fam so used, Panther so exists, spirits so omnivorous, accordion so played, forehead so yellow, infant Jordan so gets a backstory, book editing so wild.

Welcome to spoopy season y'all! Grab your herbs and spirits because it's time to meet Celeste! She's for sure the worst twin and mommy apparently hates her? This book features the scariest thing of all - endless gaslighting about you very essence of self! If you want a serving of gothic isolation with a side of witchy mommy and a sprinkle of amulets, this episode is for you.

"Midnight Flight" is kind of like like one of those late 90's daytime talk shows (*cough* MAURY *cough*) where they take disobedient teens and ship them off to some scared straight abuse factory. Matter of fact, it's EXACTLY like one of those episodes. Buckle up ya'll, you will never guess what happens next! Spoiler alert: we get silly.

It's like if Niederman liked the idea of "The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air" and worked it into one of his Team Bad Girl bookers. Hm. Anywhatever, Phoebe is the last gal who do be a bad gal (but not really spoiler alert?). There are coal black eyes and jazz joint references so, like, there's THAT to digest. Also, let us wonder about the disparity in the severity of her "crimes" vs those other two. Think about it.

She's Tealin' up your heart with what she do. Cause she don't give a fart, oh yes it's true. And no matter what her punishments, she feels no shame. With or without a gnu. Ok, there isn't a gnu in this one, I ran outta rhymes. TEAL! She rich, she whine, she got no thinkins, and she mentions a mélange. Enjoy!

It's time to crack into "Broken Wings", book one of the next two-booker! This episode brings us the story of Robin Taylor, bad girl number one who loves cigarettes and hates country music, Too bad her mother darling (gag) wants to be a country singing star! Wacky hijinks ensue, there may or may not be a Row Berry, and we get a Modern Vaginal Product!

Well, friends, it's time for us to dine on the skin and the entrails of the De Beeries. We talk about the "special" "ebook" super extra prequel "Dark Seed". It only takes about 17 minutes until we lapse into extended silent shoulder shrugging and googling about VIcky Andy and Andrew Neitherman. Don't worry though, we preview the next 87 years of episodes at the end!

We're back from break and it's time for an Adult Male Protagonist! Lemme tell you, the disappointment is palpable. Claude's redemptive tale really veers sideways into a man listening to his dick and not his patient/lover. I'm not sure if we expected more from him, but we really shouldn't have.

Fans of rage math and colossally incorrect timelines rejoice! THIS is the episode for you! It's time Grace gets the ol' prequel treatment and holy hecking honk is it upsetting. Not because of Kirby Scott's creep factor, not because of Jackie Lee's descent into Palm Beach society, not even because almost half the book takes place before they even get to Joya del Mar. If you really need to know the most upsetting part, pour yourself a cocktail, put your feet up, and try to keep your blood pressure from rocketing off the charts!

What do you get when you mix up a Palm Beach teen, a preemie babby, stuck up twin half brothers, a road trip, Linens N Things, a peach farm side jorney, and a wrong side of the tracks guitar boy? You get a shenanigan wrapped in a shenanigan with a side of shenanigry! AKA the next book in the De Beeries. Hold on to your cellular telephone, we're going nowhere slowly!

Whooms't? Willow De Beers, back and ready to get her family togetherness on. Whats't? the second dry novel in the De Beeries. Wherems't? Joya Del Mar, obvi. Whens't? A time of FAX LINES and one mention of the internet. Whyms't? Great question Dear Listener. Because sometimes there are 87 plot lines and we're goings't full speed toward Margaret Selby's sex advice!

It's time for us to delve into the newest De Beeries! Introducing Willow, the driest protagonist there ever was. Join her in the familiar territory of a shit mom, a parental discovery jorney (spoiler alert), a loving love affair of love, a lingering secret sibling (spoiler alert), and an all new but still Southern setting! Special guest appearance by a passing reference to 9/11!

Ah, the Stenetsky school for pReFoRmInG aRtS. A prestigious establishment that only 6 (12?) students get into! Our pure of corn Honey narrates this tale of dedication, mystery, fire escape shenanigans, blue clit, bad daddies, and being carried on the wings of talent till the cacophony of applause awakens you!

And lo, through the corm, she approaches. The last of the lovely latte ladies. Sweet Honey chile. She do a violin, she have a religious relative, she go to mall. Honey shows us alllllll the thrills of the Ohio corn farm and Dear Reader gets to wonder about that step uncle. And also, how DARE WE think that way of step uncle???

Frens, can you believe that one teen girl, whoomst has only ever done a singular hula hula, has the raw talent to get into an exclusive preforming arts school (spoiler alert)? To her credit, she's also a hottie with GREAT posture and has a wealthy relative, a shit mom, and a wheelchair-bound secret sibling. So you KNOW she's got what it takes!

The next entry into the Shooting Star-Search novella series is "Ice" and yes that is her real name! Join us and experience outdated terms for neurodiversity, the fattest boy who is 20 pounds overweight, jazz Daddy, heavy breasted neighbors, and an episode of "The Mama Show". Keep your eyebrows in check ya'll!

Welcome Dear Listener! Cozy up and sink your teeth into a tasty Cinnabon! Well, not so much tasty. More like "confusing" and/or "stunted". The first small boi in this series gives us a real alterna girl, lemme tell you. It also leaves us with questions like "why is Niederman all about white lipstick?".

This is like the opening of "Daria" where they're playing volleyball and the ball goes past her and then after it lands, she puts her hand out to catch it.

Ok, so this one time, at band camp, Summer (Rain's daughter) gets caught up in the WORST episode of Pimp My Ride. After some wacky home therapy and an interestingly gendered doctor, it's time to log onto AOL and Ask Jeeves about Katie's Favorite Subplot! There's a mini road trip, a dilapidated house, and some gastrointestinal adventures to round this one out!

Hoo boy, if you thought Rain had gone through it in her previous books, you are NOT READY for this one! There's a legit nice ending far too early in the book, but then 1,000 things GO DOWN. And at the end, we're left with so many unanswered questions. Most importantly, why is Rain so opposed to international calling?

Pip pip and Cheerios guvnuh, it's time to go to foggy London town! Our first international trip in the VC Andrews Literary Universe follows Rain as she goes to drama school and hoo boy does the drama find her! She may find some answers, but we also uncover more questions. Specifically, was mockney a real thing?!?!?

What's that you say? You'd really love a VC Andrews adventure, but with an uncomfortable racial tinge? Well then settle into a jukebox joint, buckle your flue belt, and get ready to meet Rain! She is from a Project but really, she has ~*~quality~*~ dontcha know? Anywho, let's all take another dirt poor to diamond rich Jorny!

Welcome to the "opulent" gathering of the VC's Pieces family! Here we gather round the lavish meaty calzones and dish about the 2014 Lifetime "Flowers In The Attic" remake staring Heather Graham Crackers and Kiernan Shipka's Unibrow! Very special guests in this episode include ~*~h u s b a n d s~*~

Wow, Niederman reaaallllyyy went off the deep end with this one and he took us with him, so now we're taking you! Words can barely describe the the antic of the Orphans With Parents nor will they prepare you for the frenzied insanity that we unleash upon you. Hit play and prepare your earholes!

It's time to meet the last Wildflower (that is not a flower) CAT! This one careens us back towards our favorite territory: namely over wrought drama, ridiculous reactions, and inappropriate family times. You know'em, you love'em (?), the tropes come marching back and they are more foolish than ever!

Next up in the teen girl therapy thunder dome is Jade! This fresh princess of Bel-Air is sooooo much more special and different than the other girls, you don't even understand. Jade takes us through her tale of mansion based neglect and parental non-involvement in her tale. Featuring special guest star CHAT ROOMS.

So, spoiler alert: big yikes on this one. Super not fun story of childhood abuse and trauma. You know that we will soldier on through any mess that Neiderman throws at us, but honestly this was ROUGH. We do it for you though! Maybe we make you chuckle a little? Anywho, find yourself a safe place before you hit play!

It's time to get Misty, y'all! What is in store for you as we begin another round of short bois? How does sun spots, marbles, tea cups, Cindy Crawford, dusty flo, RBF and wrinkles, Charles Allen Bateman, sweater puppies, uninsured motorcycles, and the criminal justice system sound? Because all that and MORE are in this episode!

It's time for the Orphans to combine their powers and activate! Activate what, you may ask? Who knows! But they're on a road trip of tropes, lemme tell ya. Wacky characters, dramatic situations, and high emotions from point A to point ? will carry this one!

We have finally made our way to the last Orphan and WOW does she have a time! In the scant pages we have to meet Raven, we get thrown into a very upsetting story of neglect, physical abuse, racism, classism, and all the other isms you can find. But, like, in a not funny way. Special guest appearance by a power outage on a very hot day!

We blow past the halfway point with Orphan number 3: Brooke! Brooke love sports! I hope her adoptive parents respect that she is her own person and let her pursue whatever interests she desires. What else could happen in an episode we refer to as "Butterfly: The Alternate Cut".

Orphan number 2, come on down! Here's Crystal, of the once mentioned glasses! Super smort with actually nice adoptive parents? Maybe in the scant pages we have with Crystal, she won't find drama or catastrophe. Maybe there will be no tragedies or surprising twists. But whoomst are we kidding that that train of thought?

It's time to begin with a new series! These short bois are scant on pages, long on WTF. Here we meet Janet, AKA Butterfly for some reason. She do be an Orphan, she do be getting herself adopted, shenanigans do be going down, It's both less than and too much!

It's time for the Logan family origin story and boy is in something! Ultimately, one sisters jealousy over not having boyfriends leads to a lifetime of being a dick. Hop into the reverse foreshadow machine and roll your eyes in a confusing fashion with us!

We do be sailing right along with the Logan family and here is ~*~Laura's Story~*~. From the beach to the institution, read all about the most perfect girl in all of Provincetown and her creeeeepy twin, who brings the incestual spice. Just a sprinkle tho! You will have questions answered and even more questions after this one!