Disney Dunces

Listen up maggots, because it's time for a pop quiz! What exactly makes Hilary Duff the Goku of this film? Who makes the Iceman cometh? Which Dunce is definitely going to prison after this one? If you don't know the answers, be grateful that this quiz is open-podcast. Military school is back in session and hamboning is on the menu! It's the Disney Channel Original Movie, Cadet Kelly!

Later idiots!

Ладно, да, наверное, это обман, когда я просто перевожу это описание на другой язык, когда серия слишком непонятна. А если серьезно, они только что сделали E.T. Инопланетянин, но поменял местами монстров и добавил сюжет о том, как Патрик Стар трахает мать ребенка. Это менее увлекательно, чем российская заправка Disney's Under Wraps!

You think Pixar made a world of justified racism just to appease the “Don't Say Gay” crowd? Naaaaah. Well, maybe. It's someone's wet dream that's for sure. Disney's Pixar's Elemental.

If you've ever thought to yourself, "Boy, I could sure use a Disney podcast with a splash of pirate anime and a whole mess of discussion that borders on homoeroticism," then son, do I have the episode for you. If you'd rather learn about the film in the title, I don't know, try googling it? It's one big lie, and you know it: Disney's 20th Century Fox's 'The Greatest Showman!'

Ruh roh, Raggy! Looks like this podcast has been shanghai'd by a group of salty sea dogs who want nothing to do with this week's movie! Which is to say, spoiler warning for the first 30 episodes of One Piece! Sure it's less than 3% of the show so far and came out 15 years ago, but still, rules are rules. It's not offensive to say shanghai'd is it? It's Disney's Direct to DVD, The Lion King 1 ½!

So if I remember correctly this episode's talking points include the podcast's expiration date, the importance of resistance training, and Kashi has a cereal that makes you poop. Oh, and probably the dangers of being horny given the source material, but also probably not. It's fun for the whole family, Disney's The Hunchback of Notre Dame!

You know it's hard to discuss a film that's just packed with so much subtle symbolism. It's just one of those things you should probably see for yourself as trying to describe the full experience is near impossible. So this week go watch the movie, and then come back and listen to people yell about Twitter and call it a day. It's got a lynching scene some would argue, Holes!

가장 좋은 점은 내가 원하는 대로 입력할 수 있다는 것입니다. 모든 것을 한국어로 조금씩 번역할 것이기 때문입니다. Google 번역을 다시 시도하기 전까지는 조금 더 이해가 됩니다. 그 개자식은 정말 스탠리라고 했지? 털복숭이, 여우, 사냥개를 위한 우정의 색입니다!

¡Oigan primos! Join the Dunces as they take a deep dive into what might just be Latin America's most inspirational story. To decide once and for all if lowly janitor Richard Montañez single handedly saved Frito-Lays from the brink of collapse by channeling his Mexican heritage and disrupting the food industry, or if he just sorta said he did and everyone kind of murmured about it for like 30 years until people looked into it and found out maybe he didn't do any of it but it wasn't really hurting anyone and could potentially do damage to call him out so it was decided it was for the best to let it go. It's a real head scratcher for sure, Disney's Searchlight Pictures' Flamin' Hot!

Oh brother, this episode is unbearable. Actually, that's probably not true, but no one can seem to remember anything before Sean/Shawn/Shan. So yeah, maybe it is, I don't know. It's Phil Collins pride and joy, Brother Bear!

Have you ever sat there and wondered how a bill becomes a law, but for movies? Well, you're in luck because this week the Dunces demonstrate the process of transforming artistic vision into huge profits beloved by the mass majority, live! It's a textbook example of something I swear, Disney's Enchanted!

A long time ago in a galaxy... wait do we do that stupid intro for all of Star Wars or just the movies? I'm gonna go check real fast hold on. Uh, no, that's just the movies, I can type whatever I want here I guess.. well shoot. Um, "KIDNAPPING", alright perfect, print it. It's another anthology series, Star Wars : Visions Volume 2!

If it helps, think of the first hour the entry fee to listen to the last 10 minutes. The last 10 minutes aren't good or anything, it's just more interesting as long as you're a fan of Grown Ups. It's the movie based on the book based on a different book, Disney's Treasure Planet!

Anyone happen to know the statute of limitations on child neglect? No reason, just curious. It's not like the Dunces cracked one of America's most notorious cold cases that has been literally plaguing the world's hearts and minds for well over a decade or anything. Just your normal average everyday episode here full of jokes and well-thought out and rehearsed movie summaries. It's time to call CPS, The Muppets!

On a scale of 1 to 10, how straight are you? Sorry sorry, you probably need context for that question to make any sense. Well you see, this is a podcast where three fellas have a candid discussion about a Disney film they've recently seen. Now, this episode features a film all about a family of explorers who find themselves in a peculiar environment after they leave in search of answers to a problem threatening their way of life. So I ask again, on a scale of 1 to 10, how straight are you?  It's like health class all over again, Disney's Strange World.

Listen up maggots, because it's time for a pop quiz! What exactly makes Hilary Duff the Goku of this film? Who makes the Iceman cometh? Which Dunce is definitely going to prison after this one? If you don't know the answers, be grateful that this quiz is open-podcast. Military school is back in session and hamboning is on the menu! It's the Disney Channel Original Movie, Cadet Kelly!

With another holiday season down the drain, we learn once again that maybe, just maybe, beloved made for TV movies without any actual vision or story to tell that can't bother to get the original actors should probably just stop at the second one instead of wasting everyone's time. Oh well, at least we all got to share a moment with Cher, and I think that's pretty cool. It's certainly the fourth one of these, Return to Halloweentown!

Look, it's been four years of Disney Dunces Scared Stupid Spooktaculars, so you know what happens during the grand finales at this point. The boys sit down, watch a movie that doesn't thematically fit, talk a bunch about bears, and top it off with a quality of life check on Ben Stein. Same as the year before, same as the year before that, and so on and so forth. It's scarier to think about watching it, Disney's 20th Century Fox's The New Mutants!

In this very special episode of the Disney Dunces you, yes YOU, get to root for whichever Dunce you'd like! How is that different from any other piece of media out there? I don't really know, but I'm told people really like that sort of thing, and at the end of the day, it's all just a numbers game baby! It's just the right amount of comic book nonsense, Disney's Marvel's Werewolf by Night!

Beyond the reach of cellphones and super highways, there's a place called Perfect. In a town called Perfect, the only crime is not having ice cream on your pie. Elevator music isn't the usual. Carpets never stain. Every picture turns out. And prime time refers to something other than TV. A town where everyone gives 110%, even when tipping. Here, windows are self-cleaning. And even though life never gives them lemons, people still make lemonade. Or the only pressure is from the northerly breeze. There is no poison ivy or seven-year itch. And you only have to keep up with the Joneses on Saturdays. In a place called Perfect, people rise before the rooster. There are no allergies, only spring fever. Carpets never stain. And the local bank has hundreds of branches. Of course we don't live anywhere near Perfect, so there's Walgreens. With everything needed for the real world, that's life. This is Walgreens.

What better way of kicking off the season of screams than confronting yourselves with the fact that mothers are people too? An idea that just begs the question, “would you like fries with that?” It's the Disney Dunces Scared Stupid Spectacular Season 4 premier, Mom's Got a Date with a Vampire!

During the episode, the bird was given the benefit of the doubt, and I let the bird slide. Turns out, the bird wasn't in the book. They just sloppily threw in a talking bird to tell the characters where to go when convenient, because they thought it was so unbelievable that Gipetto would go look for his wooden son of his own accord. Fuck this movie. It's just Disney checking a box so don't waste your time, Pinocchio!

You guys remember when Larry the Cable Guy snapped a man's arm in half? I feel like it was probably covered in the original Cars episode, but I really just wanted to make sure people know about it. Pretty sure you can just look it up on Youtube if you want. Like don't get me wrong, he obviously didn't mean to, Larry the Cable Guy isn't a monster. Much like this series, these things just happen, and there's not much you can do but get through it and hope for the best. It's unfortunate is what it is, Cars on the Road.

Feet fans rejoice, for this fetish-filled fable's for you! And for all of you who only like feet as a friend, don't you worry your pretty little heads, as we have the normal levels of  gummy talk you come to expect, followed by a PSA on the dangers of vapes that is sure to give truth a run for its money. It's sure to fill that cricket-sized hole in your heart, Disney's Pinocchio!

I'd summarize what happened in this episode, but I just can't remember... Look, if Pixar can phone it in with this carp then so can I.  It's got elements of a story to be sure, Disney's Pixar's Finding Dory!

Now you're probably wondering if this is even a movie podcast anymore. But I think if you really stop and think about it, I bet you'd realize it was never one to begin with. And maybe, just maybe, the real movie was the friends we made along the way... It's the artsiest kids movie you'll ever see, Disney's 20th Century Fox's Wes Anderson's Fantastic Mr. Fox!

Hello, and welcome to the inaugural episode of "Let's Taco ‘bout It". The only Taco Bell podcast hosted by self proclaimed experts. This week we bring a little life hack to the dinner table to really crank up that cravings box, followed by a deep dive into the origins to everyone's favorite “cinful” side. It's not really worth talking about, LEGO Star Wars Summer Vacation!

We did it, boys! This has to be the most controversial episode that these boys have ever released bar none. But of course what else could you expect from the topic of Disney's most controversial film since “Song of the South?” It's funny though, I don't even think they talked about that quarter of a second peck on the lips shared by two middle aged women that got the film banned in 14 countries… weird. It's just begging to be locked away in the vault, Disney's Pixar's Lightyear!

You ever want to make an animated series based off of your super popular movie property but needed a way to shoehorn the voice stylings of the late Gilbert Gottfried and Jason Alexander out of fear that your venture would fail without that much needed star power, so you sit down and scribble a plot line in the course of at most three hours to showcase a redemption arc for your past villain and introduce a new one who would bring super low stakes that would appeal more to children every week and shove it onto a VHS and call it a sequel? Ya, me neither. It's canon I swear, The Return of Jafar!

Hey, did you know that Benjamin Franklin was a known grave robber? It's true. You should look up that letter where he eloquently lists the reasons why old women are far more superior sexually to their younger counterparts. It boils down to them having to try harder because they are no longer beautiful, are super grateful for it, and don't worry about how they look because “as in the dark all cats are grey.” Oh, and their vaginas don't age as fast as their faces because science. Anyway, enjoy these idiots talking about a significantly less interesting Benjamin Franklin for a while. Ya, that's who Nicholas Cage plays, Benjamin Franklin Gates. I just learned that, and now I like this movie even less. It's time to steal the Declaration of Independence, National Treasure!

Choo choo! All aboard the idiot train for a one way trip to the truth! That's right you fur faced imbeciles, at long last the true identity of James “The Baby Yoda” Webb is finally revealed. So put on your pink tank top and get out those big meaty claws for an answer that's sure to leave you sufficiently whelmed. It's the episode three years in the making, Beauty and the Beast!

No, no solo coloqué un texto en un traductor y terminé con esta descripción. USTED dejó caer esta descripción en un traductor y ahora es un desastre porque no puede leer español. El perezoso eres tú, no yo. Es la historia de la menstruación para latinoamérica,The Three Caballeros!

When I can't remember what actually happens in one of these episodes, I take a quick peek into the Disney Dunces group chat to help refresh my memory for these summaries. This week it was just pictures of sexy turtle women, the Baby Yoda, and also one of them might be LGBTQIA2S+... I guess? I'm sure it all makes sense in context. It's mainly an excuse to see more Aunt Cass, Baymax!!

Why say gay… when you can sing it! That's right boys and girls and tikes - much like racism, taking pride in who you are is a year long activity and will not be confined to a single month just because THE MAN/WOMAN/PERSONS said so. Also don't worry, I'd wager the Dunces haven't been allowed near any school zone for some time now. It's where Diana Ross got her start, Trevor: The Musical!

Hey, don't blame me! SCOTUS made us carry this episode to term to the displeasure of everyone involved. So I guess you'll just have to learn to live with our mistake, ya? It's not as bad as all that, but still pretty bad, Johnny Tsunami!

So it's Andy's birthday… and the rest is history. Let's face it, you know this story like the back of Benjamin “Buzz” Lightyear's hand, but if you really feel the need for a refresher, the boys are here for you. Who knows, maybe you'll learn something you failed to pick up on your first thirty viewings, but probably not. It's a post-apocalyptic tale for the whole family, Toy Story!

Do you hear me calling, out your name? Lamblala somethin' somethin' la blah dah dah ah. Oooooooooooooooooooooooooo IIIIIIIIIIII, I want to be with you everywhere! Alright, now read every once in a while for the next hour or so, and you're good. It's a sequel to someone, Hollywood Stargirl!

Holy cow! Not just one, but two special guest appearances in this week's episode. Talk about going the distance! Oh, and for those worrying that they'll have nothing left to look forward to after experiencing this godlike chapter of the Dunces mythos, I'll see to it personally that Mr. Goldthwait returns when the boys eventually cover Randy Cunningham: 9th Grade Ninja. It's related to Noah's ark… somehow, Disney's Hercules!

Sometimes, some crimes go slippin' through the cracks. Other times, people feel the need to record their crimes and post it all over the internet for the world to see and hear. Bet you can't guess which time this is! It's the second, third, or maybe even fourth, most ambitious crossover in DPOM history, Chip ‘n Dale: Rescue Rangers!

Picture Cinderella. Okay, now picture it with black people. There you go. It's Cinderella but with black people, Sneakerella!

Alright, so Marvel already had all these Asgardians running around, and now they've introduced Ra, Anubis, and all their friends into this wacky world. But I'm sitting here like, "hey, where's The Last Supper crew? Are the beliefs forced upon me at a tender age not valid, or did Jack Kirby create Jesus and his Amazing Apostles but Stan Lee just forgot to take credit?" Anyway that's all I got, which is a lot more than this series provides. It's certainly a show you can watch on Disney+, Disney's Marvel's Moon Knight!

Now I know what you're thinking, “Race relations, again?!” But we here at the Disney Dunces feel that discrimination should be addressed and eradicated all year round, instead of just one month out of the year. And we will not rest until the entire world is full of horrible racists. Also, that bunny do be packin' those slacks tho'. It's like every character passes the Harkness Test by design, Disney's Zootopia!

Imagine your parents went to the Louvre and picked up one of the guided tour tapes because they wanted to share that experience with you. However, on the plane ride back, they realize they've lost it and ask the man next to them if he wouldn't mind recording his thoughts on the art so that they have SOMETHING to give you. And to his credit, he certainly tries his best, seeing as he thinks he's probably been there, but instead of getting the information about the artist, brush strokes, and ideas portrayed, he just kinda tells you how nice it is and how you really just have to see it. That's this episode. It's a work of art to be sure, Princess Mononoke!

Rather than the usual, “here's a plot and follow along with us” format that you've come to know and love, this week the boys are covering one of, if not the most, influential stories of all time and examining its impact on every piece of media you've ever consumed. It's highly recommended that you actually watch today's topic beforehand for the optimal listening experience - luckily for you though, The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron Boy Genius only lasted for 3 seasons, so go make a day of it and thank me later. It's the modern remake of a modernized retelling of the original teen dramedy, West Side Story!

Oh hello, I didn't see you there. Welcome to yet another Disney Dunces Holiday Spectacular! Which is to be expected when major companies fart out content to constantly remind us the reason for the season in order to make a quick buck. Regardless, be sure to listen to this one before April 18th, because after that it reverts to a normal everyday episode. It's Miracle on 34th Street for the next generation, Disney's Better Nate Than Ever!

Listen up maggots, because it's time for a pop quiz! What exactly makes Hilary Duff the Goku of this film? Who makes the Iceman cometh? Which Dunce is definitely going to prison after this one? If you don't know the answers, be grateful that this quiz is open-podcast. Military school is back in session and hamboning is on the menu! It's the Disney Channel Original Movie, Cadet Kelly!

56:23, you're welcome. It's bad enough to make you think, “hey, maybe all lives do matter,” Disney's Cheaper by the Dozen!

Uh oh, looks like it's that time of the month again! Which is to say, time to listen to your favorite boys to talk about the complex journey that is becoming a woman. I'll be real though, I couldn't actually listen to this week's episode because they took all the boys from my class and made us listen to a different podcast, but I'm sure it's very informative. It's the long awaited "The Story of Menstruation 2", Disney and Pixar's Turning Red!

Time to rise and grind, gamers! ...no, even as a bit, I just can't do it. It just sucks so much. So uh, anyone check out the demo for the new Kirby game? You get to explore the ruins of a post-apocalyptic cityscape and Kirby drives a car with his mouth. It's kind of wild. I guess it also implies that the human race has died off potentially, but that wouldn't be the first time that's happened in a Nintendo game. Fans of The Crystal Shards or Pikmin know what I'm talking about. Alright, I'll stop now and do the thing, but I'm just excited as it's the most promising Kirby game to come out in a while - so thanks for reading. It's "Certified Fresh" despite the fact that I can smell it from here, Free Guy!

I would argue that the harmonious melding of two desserts into something spectacular, while acknowledging that both Twix and doughnuts are still perfectly valid on their own, warrants a thirty minute discussion on the “Black History Special.” That being said though, the fried chicken bit was kinda fucked. It's only as big of a problem as you make it, Remember the Titans!