"Good Night" puts a smile on your face, tells you a bedtime story, chucks the day's problems, gives you a verbal back rub and tucks you in for a safe, sound, good night's sleep.
This podcast is about a Summer surprise I plan to spring on my Winter's New Years Eve friends. It features the sounds of some Summer night creatures. If you'll give a listen, you'll hear a LOT of sounds. Supposedly all made by little tiny boy bugs, rubbing their back legs together to attract their little foxy lady bugs. Hey guys...TRY ATTRACTING A LAYDY LIKE THAT AT A SINGLES BAR.
"Dick" is NOT an offensive word. Today's podcast admits that Dick is my real name, It was my Dad's name before me. the guys who run the Moby Dick restaurant chain in Canada were not allowed to use "Dick"on their restaurant signs...the licensing people said Dick was an offensive word. So now the "N" word" and the "F" word have some company. As I said..."Holy Excrement." (Don't let anybody know you're listening to this podcast....and giggling.) (Although Big Louie always says, "Giggles are good.)
Our President says, "Don't come here." But they come anyway...sometimes walking more than a hundred miles, carrying a baby and whatever few possessions they have left...because where they've lived has been taken over by gangs who rape, pillage and steal. This podcast is a completely NON POLITICAL suggestion for a new way to deal with them. Please let me know what you think. My email is Dick@DickSummer.com.
This podcast says there are too many people trying to mess up our lives, I say it's time we took back some of the control of our lives. So here's a project I'd like to call the Take Control Patrol. Look...we can't always be doing stuff we like. But we should be able to avoid stuff we don't like...at least for a specific period of time. When you're at a supermarket for example, of course you want to take a handfull of condoms and put them in other peoples carts when they aren't looking...But that gets "THEM" upset. Now I do understand that we can't always do the things we like to do, BUT I think we can put at least a temporary stop to doing things we don't want to do. I think you should establish a personal don't do what you don't want to do day. Here's what I mean...We all like to hide in a clothing rack in a department store, and when people start browsing yell "Pick me, pick me." But that may cause more trouble than we want...from THEM. And some of THEM take it badly when you set all the alarm clocks in a department store's housewares section to go off at five minute intervals. We may like doing things like that but that get us into more trouble with THEM than we need. The solution...the Take Control Patrol. Give a listen. It'll relax your life.
Once upon a time there was a guy...being "Guy Stupid." I was that guy. I was so stupid this time that I thought I was going to lose my Lady Wonder Wench. Wow. I was that guy stupid, but luckily, she was a Lady Smart. It's an interesting story. Give a listen please.
Mr. Story Man LURKS. He comes around here every night, wearing his white fedora hat and his sexy bathrobe with "The Whiz" on one lapel... just in time to help my Lady Wonder Wench get undressed for bed. And I DON'T MIND... mostly. I do often envy him. I'd like to get my Lady to think I'm as sexy as he is. It's complicated. Please give a listen.
I wanted to tell you my famous Moose Hunter Story, but I got sidetracked into some things about your fizzle. A fizzle sometimes sizzles, and that's not good. This podcast also gives you a unique answer when somebody says, "Have a nice day." And an even better answer when somebody says, "How are you?" Give a listen please so you'll be well prepared.
...and the agony of de-feat! If you're a sports fan, you'll remember that statement on ABC-TV. This podcast isn't about sports really...and it's really more about the agony in my de-feet. But...I usually like to look at the bright side, so I'm calling this podcast..."The Thrill Of Victory...." So jump into the podcast and have some fun.
I just took a walk down an American street, and I saw a telephone pole, and a pretty lady with big blue eyes who was wearing glasses...and I was so amazed that I married her. Her family is mostly Polish, so I guess you could say that I married a Pole too....a very curvey one. And this podcast says I am eternally grateful for the fact that the street I walked down...was...and is...American.
My Lady Wonder Wench Zapped Me the first time I saw her. She was sitting at a corner desk in a radio station. All I did was say, "Hello" and she did it. It was just a quick little flick of those shinny blue eyes, a small little jump of her left shoulder, and a fast instant dazzling smile. It was an unguarded instant of truth. This podcast raises the question, "Was that a betrayal of her real feelings or just a flash of truth." What do you think?
You don't need a fancy cape, or a secret password to be...A SUMMER SECRET HERO. Today's podcast explains the simple instructions. Today's podcase also explains...among other things...what sets Superman aside from ALL OTHER SUPER HEROS. Give a listen please.
This podcast is about getting into...and out of...trouble. Something every "Louie-Louie Generation" guy should know about. And if you ladies wonder about what's going on in our "Minds" (if anything) you might like to take a listen too. ANYTHING to help what's going on now between men & women. It all comes down to one word. "PLEEEZZZEE"!
This podcast is about having fun. I believe fun is one of the most important parts of being happy. And I think being happy is the reason we're alive. So, how about going for a swing ride, pulling back and pushing front...and kicking your legs out to help pump yourself waayy up. Or how about some fun on a see saw? Sit down with your legs on the ground and see how long you can keep your friend up off the ground. How about getting close to some trees? You can hug them if you like...but that's a far as you should let yourself go. Don't want you to show up with some bark stains on your collar. But seriously, if there's a clump of trees handy...going for a walk there would feel good. And feeling good is an important part of having fun, and having fun is part of being happy. And being happy is the juice for being alive. If there's someone special in your life, maybe you could do a little un-necessary flirting. Something you may not have done for a wile. Actually, if there's someone special in your life, have you simply taken a moment to just be happy about that? Being happy really does take a little time sometimes. Hey...it's your time.
This podcast admits that I've just come up with the answer to a question you hear all the time...what are friends for? People are always asking that question. And the answer is right there in a headline in a recent Drudge report that says...wait for it...the Drudge headline says, Quote - Milleniels choose friends as sperm donors...end quote. Would Matt Drudge lie to us? Milleniels choose friends as sperm doners. So that's what friends are for. Think about that if you're a guy going to a singles bar...and the ladies there have all heard, "What's your sign way too often?" Think about it guys. Next time you're there at a singles bar, you can now, legitimately go over to an attractive millenial 26 to 45 year old lady, and ask her if you could be her friend for the evening. If she has any kind of sense of humor, she'll say what does that mean? So then you can explain that according to Drudge, millenials choose friends as sperm donors, and you're ready and willing to make a personal donation.
God says FeBRRRuary. This podcast says, "Don't take the BRRRR out of the coldest month of the year." No matter how you and anybody else says, the month after January is NOT FEBUUUARY! God put the BRRRR in there. Don't displease God. We have enough problems. Would you go to a bar and order a BUUsky? They'd kick you out. And you wouldn't go to a Buadway show either. So don't call the second month of the year FeBUUUary.
Today's podcast reminds you that the magnificent George Carlin said, "Why are they called apartments when they're all stuck together"? Good question. There are lots of good questions. Like "How come wrong numbers are never busy?" "How come an all butter croissant isn't just a big pile of butter?" And "If Barbie is so popular how come we have to buy her friends"? I did a Mattel tv comercial once, and the producers had absolutely no sense of humor about Barbie. When I asked about buying her friends, it got very quiet, and the temperature in the studio went to absolute zero. Do you think that maybe that's why I never did another Mattel commercial?
You've heard people say, "age is just a number." And they're wrong. This podcast says "Age is a lot more than just a number. For one thing it's a good helping of been there done that." I think there are better ways to explain how long you've been around than just telling your age with a number. One of those ways is to compare when you were born with what else was around when you were born. For example, I was born before television, before penicillin, polio shots, frozen foods, contact lenses, frisbees, and The Pill. There was no radar, no credit cards, no ball point pens, no pantyhose...I was on the air at WNEW in New York late at night and on the log was a live commercial for panty hose...I'd never heard of panty hose, and I almost didn't do the commercial because I thought someone was goofing on me. I was thinking way back then, that we can't talk about panties on the air. I was really worried about it. WNEW was owned by a company called Metromedia. We got a memo from on high that Metromedia was about to install hundreds of low power transmitters and receivers in the NY area, because they were planning on having phones you could carry around in your pocket. I remember thinking...riiigght.
This podcast says, it looks like it's time to admit that I have been four different guys in my lifetime. Dickie, Richard, Dick and Mr. Summer. And I wonder if eventually I'll be a fifth guy. My Dad's name was also "Dick" so when I was very young I was Dickie. When I went to school I became Richard. When I graduated I was just Dick. I became Mr. Summer when I had to deal with the folks at the Dept. of Motor Vehicles when I got a driver's license, and the FAA when I got my pilot's license, but so far I don't think I ever got to be that fifth guy...at least not yet. And hey...it's time. I have come to the age when I choose my cereal for the fiber content, not for the included toy. These days, on those few times I go painting the town red, I have to take a pretty good nap before applying a second coat.
I am not addicted to sex. But I am...a faithful fan of the female form. This podcast admits that I have noticed that lately, ladies are...wearing...rather shape showing jeans. And they're shoving their smart phones into their hip pockets. Now...you know those voices that grownups are supposed to have that tell you when to Shut Up... do not say what you're thinking.? I don't seem to have one of those. So I recently asked a rather attractive young lady waitress who who was wearing tight, stretchy jeans, with a smart phone stuck in her hip pocket, if she was planning on sending a funny fanny picture to a group of her closest friends. She looked at my Lady Wonder Wench, and they both looked at me and rolled their eyes out loud.
Some of the stories in this podcast, I've told you before...but as far as I'm concerned, they are worth re-telling as long as Christmas survives. They're real. Like Christmas. And I expect Christmas will be around for a long time. So will Hanukkah, Kwanza, and Solstice and all those other very special feasts that warm and light the beginning of another cold, dark winter.
I've been doing this podcast for lots of years, but I've never done anything like this. This podcast is not autobiographical, but it is an uncomfortably close parallel to something that happened to me, that changed my life. Part one of the story is in the podcast just before this. This is the second, and for me the most amazing story ending I've ever experienced.
This is a first time for me. I've been doing this podcast for lots of years, but I've never done this. This podcast is not autobiographical, but it is an uncomfortably close parallel to something that happened to me, that changed my life. This is part one of the story. Part two is for next time.
The estrogen and testosterone differences between men and women are obvious in lots of ways. Woman simply look nice in any amount of jewelry. A man can get away with one ear ring, but any more than that and he begins to look like a lounge singer by the name of Barry. Men start conversations about sports or politics, and our conversation about either can get pretty heated. Women start saying something nice...like wow that was a nice restaurant last night, wasn't it? A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, read a book or get the mail. A guy dresses up for weddings or funerals. Men's magazines feature pictures of naked women. Women's magazines also feature pictures of naked women...because a female body is...beautiful. A man's body is lumpy and hairy. A woman marries a man expecting he will change. But he doesn't. A man marries a woman and expects she won't change...and she does. Women love cats. Men go for dogs. This podcast says love doesn't really make the world go around. But it makes the trip worthwhile.
Peek-a-Boo is a little like Sudden Love. When you cover a baby's eyes his world disappears, then you make it re-appear with that magic word, "PEEK"! Sudden Love is like that. You're just walking around minding your own business, and all of a sudden your world explodes full of warmth, and music and laughs every time a particular magic person appears. This podcast is about how that happened to me...many years ago. Give a listen please...especially if it ever happened to you.
"It's a long, long time, from May to December. And the days grow short when you reach September. And the Autumn weather turns the leaves to flame...I haven't got time for the waiting game. This podcast is about my least favorite season. I suppose it has some beauty, but my season is Summer. And she's being strangled right now.
Why do we do some things and don't do other things. I thought maybe you'd help. If you have some answers, my email is Dick@DickSummer.com. And I really would like to hear from you. So here we go. When you sneeze somebody will say God bless you, or gesundheit, or SOMETHING. But when you cough, nobody says a word. Why is that? And why do people put their cell phones in their hip pockets? Are they preparing to send pictures of their butts to favored groups of friends? And speaking of cell phones, why don't we encourage index finger twiddling? We're all guilty of twiddling our thumbs sometimes, and when we used our thumbs for writing with a pencil or a pen, that twiddling probably helped develop our thumb muscles, but it doesn't do any good any more, because we don't write anymore. We now type into our cell phones...using our index fingers. So why not index finger twiddle?
If you listen to this podcast, and let your eye close, you will see, and hear, and feel a very special late Summer rain...on your skin and your lips. And you'll remember very distinctly the scent of a gentle late Summer rain falling on the lovely, newly cut grass on a big, green, lawn. Try it. Let me know how it works for you. My Email is Dick@DickSummer.com.
I made the hastiest hang up of my life a few days ago. I was talking to my buddy Robert, and an emergency emerged...and I just said, "Gotta go. Goodbye." Not at all like the way I usually end a phone call with a friend. Usually it's something like, Well I really enjoyed this 3 hour conversation, but my wife is putting dinner out on the table, so I've got to go." That's a more reasonable way for a guy to get to a hangup after a long conversation. "Oh my god my husband's home" is an...effective... hasty hang up line for a woman talking on the phone to her lover. But I got to an immediate hurry up hang up recently with my buddy Robert. I just said, "I've got to go, goodbye" in a fast, out of breath burst, and I slammed the phone down. I still use a land line for my phone calls, so I have a slammer handy for hasty hangups. I'll tell you what caused the hasty hangup in a few minutes...and it's a true story. But I've come to realize that some hang ups don't involve a telephone. Like when you're trying to be polite but you can't remember which fingers you're supposed to put in your mouth when you want to give one of those long, loud whistles at a baseball game. Or if you have an important piano recital to give and you know that practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so how do you talk yourself into practicing. Don't get hung up. Give a listen please.
Are you curious about how long you have to live? The government, and this podcast will tell you. Go to the life expectancy calculater at SSA.Gov. It will tell you how long the government figures you'll live. That's the life expectancy calculater at SSA.GOV. I did that, and what they told me was kind of surprising. I checked it for my Lady Wonder Wench too, and she has about 3 more years than I do. And that worries me a bit. Because we've been together for a very long time. Long enough for me to know lots of things about her. For example she loves privacy, real cloth napkins, the smell of fresh cut grass, willow trees that touch the ground with their branches, floor length skirts, horses, the way a laugh sounds in a tunnel, a real silk scarf in rainbow colors, hard cover science fiction books, the scent of fresh brewed coffee...and having long loving sex by candle light. I told her to please be careful of other guys in those three years the government says she'll probably have when I'm gone. She says, "There won't be any other guys." But she is a pretty lady, and I know how guys are.
A poet once said, "Love doesn't make the world go around, but it makes the trip worthwhile." For guys like me who grew up in Brooklyn, what that means is there's always a little more hell that could use raising. Especially when it involves interliabial osculation spit-swapping lip-locks, with a woman who's soft left shoulder has just slipped out from under a red silk night gown. There are forces for good in the community who always say, "Far too much emphasis is placed on interliabial ocsulation spit-swapping lip locks." To them I say, "Oh Yeah?" Then how come a recent Gallup poll found that 59% of men and 66% of women reported at least once finding someone attractive only to discover after the first kiss that they were no longer interested. I imagine that lots of those women pulled their red silk night gowns right back over their soft left shoulders...causing enough static electricity to set fire to the nose hairs on the guys trying for a little more interliabial osculation spit-swapping lip locking.
How will the stereo sound of soft Summer creatures spin my friend's brains when I play them on the stereo on New Year's Eve? I'll let you know when it happens. Those little Summer creatures make more noise than seems logical, generated by little tiny bugs. Give a listen. Doesn't it sound like some 40 pound bugs to you? And a 40 pound but is not something I'm looking forward to meeting.
One of the many good things about being a Louie Louie Generation Person is that there are so many fascinating experiences in our rear view mirrors. This podcast is about one of mine, when I learned the difference between saying "yes", "no" and when to say, "WHOOPIE". If you've ever been to a dentist, you'll understand.
This podcast is about National Simple Week...no kidding. The guys who thought it up were...guys. Guys are simple. Women are complicated. Give a guy a roof over his head, enough to eat, and good sex, and he's happy. Women also need a roof over their heads, and enough to eat. But the roof overhead should be part of a mansion, complete with a handsome butler and a very hard working maid. Women also need lots of shoes, stylish jeans, the proper makeup, some diamonds, a relationship with a guy who's a good dancer, has a nice car, and has something that's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives her crazy...no...that's a description of hundred dollar bills. When she says, "We need" it means "I Want", when she says, "Do what you want" she means "You'll pay for this later." When she says, "Do you love me", she means she wants something really expensive. When she says, "How MUCH do you love me" she means "I did something today you proably won't like."If she says, "Can't we just be friends" she means "There's no way I'm going to let any part of my body touch any part of your body me again." When she says, "It's not you it's me", she means "It's you." When she says "Yes" it sometimes means "No". When she says "Maybe", it means no. When she says "No", that DEFINITELY means "No." In the beginng, the bible says God made the earth and rested. Then God made man and rested. Then God made woman and I think since then neither God nor man, has rested. That's why we need National Simple Week.