Pod's Burgers: A Podcast Chronicling a Bob's Burgers Obsession

It's the holidays and we're pulling this episode out of our giant sack as we discuss Have Yourself a Maily Linda Christmas. Hear about the tragedy of banana history; whether poop does, in fact, go through the mail; the biting tension of the Ottoman Situation; and the two things that definitely always happen when Briddany arm wrestles someone.

We jump back in time briefly to cover an earlier Season 10 episode, Boys Just Wanna Have Fungus. Hear about that cake that didn't taste nearly enough of the gallons of gin in it, thoughts about the best apocalypse skills, the eternal question of whether Paulina Porizkova was a clown...or a...gymnast(?), and just...so much conversation about mushrooms. And the word "gills." So. much.

Holy Beckett and Mia, we're back and talking about Season 10's Land of the Loft. Hear about the trials and tribulations of making friends when you're an adult; the sheer absurdity of leaving the house AT NIGHT; that time that the dermatologist threw a chunk of Jen's skin onto a tray inches from her nose (AND IT JIGGLED); the beauty of the gas station poop scene; and just...so many Briddany burps.

Season 10 ARRIVES, you guys. And it brings a gift called NAT. We discuss how pure and phenomenal she is, along with skin care tips and admonishments, how donuts or bagels or hats or cheese of the month are actually really solid guesses about gifts AND really solid gifts. Plus: so much Nat love, you guys. Just...so much.

Swing over this way and listen to us discuss Season 3's It Snakes a Village. We cover how communication could fix just about every problem ever but mainly could keep you from being kicked out of your ACTIVE SENIORS condo association; who we want to be when we are old and it turns out that's sort of Golden Girls and sort of punk rock Helen Kellerman; and probably most importantly, what IS at www.womaninflatesaballonandsitsonitandpopsit.com??

We're back to talk Season 1's Sexy Dance Fighting - the one that started this whole obsession in the first place. Hear about the time our Ma tried to teach Jen to fight. Learn about how it's perfectly okay to only have one 4:30 meeting a day, or it's also okay to have a lot of little meetings throughout the day. Poop how you want, is what we're saying. Just don't forget to do your kegels.

Those noises you hear in the ceiling are just us putting the ladder back and talking about Season 9's finale, Yes Without My Zeke. We discuss the finer points of naming wrestling moves, how much better Zeke's dad was about managing his kid's impulse control than the parents of our contemporaries, the joy of a portmanteau including your name (Zekends, anyone?), and guys: ARNOLD.

Holy Left Shark, we're back and talking about Season 9's PTA it Ain't So. In this one we discuss the return of Colleen Caviello, that poop euphemism that is both the best and the worst at the same time, how we completely get Gene's impulse to put the dirty dishes out the back door, the fact that you can legit smell that hardware store just by looking at the utterly perfect animation of it, and worry about the cliffhanger that is "WHO CLEANED UP THE SAND??"

Get on your hidden bicycle and get your free scoops, we're talking about The Gene Mile. We discuss our very own Dr. Gooddoctor, otherwise known as Our Mother, Who Was Always Willing to Write Us a Note to Get Out of Anything, Ever, as well as how it's more important to show up than to be fast, always, and and and how amazing it is that Tina totally beat Jimmy Jr with her own don't-move-your-arms-ever run (spoiler alert geez sorry). Also: you cannot share dairy because that ess is just WRONG, rum raisin ice cream sounds good but rum raisin sorbet can go to hell, and Gene's big race finish is moving as hell and we won't hear otherwise, the end amen.

We get really into the memory of terrestrial radio while talking Long Time Listener, First Time Bob. We also discuss how Louise ruins everything because she dares to be hydrated; where regular fries rank on the matrix of starches; that time our dad was a DJ and intentionally messed with the rotation in his non-stop block o' tunes; and the total smoke show that was Christian Slater in the 90's flick Pump Up the Volume.

Dip our chips - this time we talk about Season 9's If You Love It So Much, Why Don't You Marionette? We discuss the magic of Ron the assistant health inspector's altruism, Ms. LaBonz's inspiring love of her own life and her ability to triple dip, how Briddany's go-go-gadget fingers are hilarious and too bad you can't see them dance, and our feelings on puppets in general and Beowulf puppets specifically.

We wear neat jackets and nicely discuss Season 9's ode to wake-less boating, ocean conservation, and keeping it frisky in the nighttime: What About Blob?. We talk about the polarizing nature of Gene's firm self-confidence, the weird, sudden appearance of a Scientologist - NO WAIT WE MEAN OCEANOGRAPHER, SORRY - and how delightful bioluminescence and oysters really are.

We did it, we recorded, and we talked about Season 9's Roamin' Bob-iday and we discuss what's acceptable and what's not acceptable when bread perving (hint: only perv your own bread, people); how metal childbirth really is; how delicious sandwich 33 sounds like forreals; and whether heat-lamp-red lights can ever be sexity.

This time we're talking The Fresh Princ-ipal. We discuss how we relate to the rip-off of a purely ceremonial prize, how vomit - fake or not - can be super triggering and how a haunted crowbar can be the most intriguing thing in a scene, even when that scene also explains how "downstairs" means "my pants." Also: way more poop chat than we planned, but we just go where the poop chat takes us. It's sort of a life philosophy, really.

Get out your business casual barrettes, it's (finally) time to talk about Tweentrepreneurs. In this one we talk about how perfectly the show manages to capture the terrible nuance of a poorly-managed business strategy; that time our mother had a terrible business idea of her own that she compulsively talked about to, like, the entire universe; and Briddany's weird-but-fascinating spiral from Bob's end credits to murder. And but also a special added bonus! Both Jen and Briddany's dogs deciding to be a-holes just all of a sudden and for no real reason. Yaaaayyyyy.

Holy gooses with tiny pageboy hairdos, it's a new episode all about Season 9's Every Which Way but Goose! We talk about why Jimmy Jr suddenly decided to be a human being and not an utter toiletmonster all the sudden; how this episode is perhaps deeper than initially realized and maybe goes the way of mythology, even?; and super deep cut references to 80s movies that you likely haven't thought about in a long long time or maybe possibly, like, ever. Also: Alan Smithee. That's the name Jen couldn't think of.

Break the bed, we have a new episode all about the Season 9 Valentine's Day episode Bed, Bob & Beyond! Hear about how Louise once again proves she is the most emotionally mature Belcher by far; the deep, deep 90s undercurrent that flows through this Bob's episode; how the early 2000s were like nothing and yet everything terrible all at once; and how arguments re: the location of laundry appears to be a universal equalizer.

We didn't know hurling was a sport but we do now, thanks to The Helen Hunt. In this episode we talk about the glory of parent-child bonding through lies and unskilled plumbing. Also how Fleetwood Mac sort of sounds like it would be a handyman company but we don't know why. And but also: cold pasta actually sounds good and you know it, fight us; and ways in which Kathleen's apartment is just exactly like a sick day in elementary school when it's rainy outside and you get to eat warm, buttered toast.

We took our sweet, sweet, horribly sweet time to get this one out, but it's here - we chat about Lorenzo's Oil? No, Linda's and we promise that if you listen your digestion will be vastly improved and your restless legs will take a long quiet chill. Or, neither of those things will happen but you'll hear us talk about the time a mattress pinned Briddany down and attempted to remove her pants so she can totally relate to Bob's stuck-between-a-mattress-and-a-closed-door predicament and also we discuss how toilet paper can really build solid friendships if you let it and how if you think about it, most of us really do have our very own A-chili's heel.

We fiiiiinally talk about Season 9's Bobby Driver and cover how important it is that you all give the Charleston its real due, the power of a well-organized crafting room and the true allure of 80s-and-90s-era-movie-themed needlepoint. Also: join us in the awe of discovering that toilet humor can be elevated and remember that time you had a portrait taken that was you and also ghost-you floating above your shoulder.

My stars, it's Christmas and we're here to talk to you about Season 9's UFO No You Didn't. Hear us discover the correct place to speak into the microphones, wax nostalgic about Snow (that bad boy Canadian rapper, of course), determine which planet you definitely do not want to listen to to try to fall asleep, and also talk about how something something the sun, red giant, rocky inner planets and the fact that just EVERYONE is abuzz about Europa (EVERYONE, we said). Also: we never watched Splash so we don't know if forcing a mermaid to watch TV is a good way to teach her English, so you'll maybe you can let us know.

Winter holidays are upon us, and we discuss the snow day spectacular Better Off Sled. We talk about the beautiful, powerful feminism of an epic snowball war, the intoxicating nature of a winter day with no plans whatsoever, that time that Miss Triple X-mas herself - AKA THE Todrick Hall - said he totally wanted to meet us and we have proof and we're sure he wasn't just being nice, no, not at all. Oh, and but also: Linda's crafting nightmares bring to mind the death of Jen's childhood dream of being a mime (cold cream is NOT pancake makeup, and don't you forget it).

We pretty much overdose on 80s nostalgia talking about the stellar roller-ific episode Roller? I Hardly Know Her! We discuss key moments in rollerskating past, the excitement of discovering someone else - even if that someone else is a cartoon character - is allergic to hummus, how Robo Wizard Quest would be even better if only Briddany could be involved in creating it, and the exciting moment when we discover something super interesting about Saint Michael McDonald. Also: joys and pains of new recording equipment, thoughts about Purple Pie Man's clothing and Briddany performs an impromptu One Direction cover. BECAUSE SHE CAN.

Season 1 finale: check. Our one-year recordaversary sees us discussing I Bob Your Pardon, the Thanksgiving episode from Season 9. Hear about Jen's embarrassing admission that she cannot read maps to save her life (here's hoping she never has to read a map to REALLY safe her life because we are NOT KIDDING SHE CAN'T), how Louise's little blue tights are about the cutest thing to ever happen to animation, and how the beauty and splendor of the rendering and cinematography of an animated forest (even containing kie-oh-tays) can border on a religious experience. Also we talk about some pretty inspired Bob's Burgers gifts you'll definitely want to check out.

Thanksgiving is nigh and we thankfully discuss two classic Bob's Burgers episodes - Gayle Makin' Bob Sled and Turkey in a Can. Hear the carefully curated List of Things that Happen in a Lot of Bob's Burgers Thanksgiving episodes as well as the List of Ways in Which Gayle is Really Just Our Mother. Feel the coziness of making up cuss words on a snowy day surrounded with turkey aroma. And marvel at that time our father made total barf-a-rama like Linda after she sees a turkey in the toilet, except with way more running around.

We discuss the episode that seems like someone had a fever dream, wrote it down, and made it into an episode of Bob's Burgers - Live and Let Fly. Hear about the pristine beauty of Mr. Frond's 90s aesthetic, why red cream soda at the laundromat CAN be a special treat (we guess), how squeezing your cheeks is can be good for you even when you don't have to poop, and whether "opening eggs" is an acceptable thing to say when you are using eggs in cooking.

We finally get to talk about The Taking of Funtime 123 from the latest season. In this episode we talk about the perfectly spot-on heist plot and Ocean's Eleven references, how desperately we want to play The Legend of Zelda Fitzgerald, who we would hide our pillow-that-says-"butt" from if they were coming over, and how important catalogs can be no really they are, stop looking at us like that.

It's our 20th episode, and to celebrate we're ranking all the Halloween episodes. We...we know it's past Halloween. But don't you want to get that sweet Halloween vibe back? WE CAN HELP. We talk about how swanky you can feel if you sip whisky from an unusual (but CLASSY) vessel, how to handle it if your husband wants your best pal skeleton to move out of your conversation pit, and that time the spirit in the vacation house in Napa wouldn't stop calling Briddany a weird (and wildly misspelled) name. Along with ranks with reasons for every one of the Halloween episodes, of course.

It's Halloweentimez and this is the first of a two-part Halloween extravaGANZA. In this one we talk about the newest Halloween episode, Season 9's Nightmare on Ocean Avenue Street. Hear about our concern for Linda's seeming ambivalence toward this sacred holiday, that 10-second moment at the end that just really made the entire episode, how much we wish Mutilation Mansion was real, and that time that Jen broke her ribs because she forgot that she should not try to do things. Ever.

Season 9 is finally here and this time we're talking about the Season Premier: Just One of the Boyz 4 Now for Now. We talk through the brilliant funtimes of this musical episode and discuss whether or not you really need pants in space; our own, real life, true-as-true-gets experiences writing Friend Fiction (the non-erotic kind, but still); how hair-brushing is only romantical if you are unable to drag a brush through your own coiffe; and end up awarding Briddany the mantel of "Best at Noticing Things" (life goal realized!).

We love a Parade(rs of the Lost Float), you guys. Join us to go over the super important questions like "is Dave a good name for a clown?", "how does a toe stop you from doing your podcast for a really long time?", "can there be anything better on a float than a perm-aid?", "can Pride get any better?" (that one is a yes - if it is raining it's better), "why is a list of different types of float decorations angrily delivered by an octogenarian so damned charming?" and "is Hot Pants Rain Dance the first or second best disco song about rain ever?"

Ahoy! (we hate ourselves for that, don't worry.) This time we're talking about Season 6's The Land Ship, otherwise known as The One Jen Has Watched More Than Any Other Episode, and Although She Really Likes it She's Not Sure Why That Is. Hear about the Horrors of Dating a Terrible Kisser (Tina has some battle scars from that whole deal, you know), tips and tricks to get the most out of your next porta-potty trip, and why you should figure out how and where to watch the 1977 Jodie Foster/Helen Heyes joint "Candleshoe" like, right now.

This go round we talk about the Season 5 gem Work Hard or Die Trying, Girl. We unequivocally determine that the Wagstaff Fall musicals are pure art, we prove that Briddany can still learn new things about Jen (Jen loves Working Girl, whaaaaat?), we recall Briddany's delusion re: the feasibility of owning a horse when one lives in an apartment, and we tell you all about a character from Land Sisters real life past, Jake (not his real name), the head-standing shirt-ripper (can you just see that on an old-timey circus poster? YES YOU CAN).

We're really tired, you guys. But we still manage to get all in a lather (HORSE REFERENCE BAM YOU'RE WELCOME) about Season 4's classic episode Equestranauts. And but also we attempt to uncover 5 things you never knew about St Michael McDonald and we learn that one of the things you never knew about Jen is that she sometimes goes by Jen (clutch the pearls!), and you'll hear about which of the Equestranauts is Briddany, you guys. Also: we attempt to accept that Gene has imaginary friends other than Ken and we wish that we lived in the capital of Horse Valley and we're close but not quite.

There's a lot less poop-related content in this one than you'd expect from an episode about the Mad Pooper episode of Bob's Burgers. You do, however, get the deep thoughts about this episode from Season 3, along with: an update on the ways in which our patron saint Michael McDonald shows his benevolence to us; our theory that Africa by Toto is basically musical cilantro; how we've all had our own Lenny DeStefano and we best just admit it now; the best snacks to make in the microwave; and the weirdest assembly ever to occur in the history of assemblies. Get in here with us, people. This is news you can use.

We move to Season 2 to discuss Bob Day Afternoon, one of Jen's favorite, go-to episodes, and there is so much to unpack here. We discuss dirty-gutter-or-spiderwebby-light-fixture panic attacks, the nuance of Malaysian cuisine, yet another over-analysis of a background character's inner world, the Hamburger in the Room, and the Sophie's Choice of demented singing mole vs demented singing bowl (bull? bowl? we don't know).

Shut your mouth, it's Art Crawl. Jen and Brid break down the fan favorite episode from Season 1 and go through all those important points like the fact that Gayle is our mother, like, exactly. And but also how 80s movies were super problematic way too much of the time and what sort of transportation Jesus would employ (spoiler alert: he definitely teleports) and what makes good art (and what makes good art is vampire tape recorders and Stonehenge and Dr. Yap).

One of our favorite Bob's episodes yet is about fraud in the form of gasoline-scented, eternally-wet-inked trading cards featuring slugs. So of COURSE, we spend time talking about After School Specials, the proper amount of booze in a martini on Tuesday, the correct (and so not correct) way to be a Dungeon Master, and that summer when Briddany was a blue horse with pink hair and French accent and Jen gave a book report that consisted of nothing more than the lyrics to I Am the Walrus (not kidding, that happened). This all ties to Bob's Burgers and this episode. Promise. We mean, as much as anything on this podcast ever does.

Wedding season, y'all. We talk about the episode with the longest title yet - Something Old, Something New, Something Bob Caters for You. We over-analyze spatchcocking, discuss how releasing any members of the animal kingdom as a theatrical event is never, ever a good idea, and talk about the optimism that can come from a yoga jumpsuit purchase. Also apparently Michael McDonald is our patron saint now, so dibs on that.

We discuss Boywatch and break down why it is that we love this episode when so many fans dislike it. Also: the standard over-analyzing and waxing philosophical about everything, such as: why poor swimming triggers Briddany's anxiety and how Jen can barely handle Tina's need for Sugar Cookies. Bonus: a vaguely related, cacklelaugh-drenched story about Jen wearing three pairs of underpants because she was trying to bend physics and but also because OCD. No. Really. We're sorry.

Jen and Briddany talk about everyone's favorite non-Belcher Belcher: Teddy. Along with so many other tangents (as usual) like the time Jen recorded an old-timey radio show that involved her character using a flamethrower, and how sea-related dioramas are pretty much the best, and deeply philosophical thoughts about human connection prompted by a fantasy of being besties with a shark, and what the hell IS the name of that one Michael McDonald song anyway?

Jen and Briddany talk The Hurt Soccer and Go Tina on the Mountain, and cover the important topics of American Gladiator, Jen's failure of an audition for Show Choir, how the Belchers are really just the Lands if you think about it, and how we've all been Tina at camp trying to pretend we don't care about that nickname we got because we were singing to ourselves in the ladies toilet.

It's Easter time almost, which means that Jen and Briddany are going to over-analyze the Bob's Burgers episode Eggs for Days and discuss the beauty of the Belchers being the most Belcher they can be. Also included is a theory about people of a certain age and Schnapps experiences, Jesus as a Dragon Ball Z character (again), and some surprisingly excited conversation about the 80s soap Santa Barbara (there was an A-list actor on this soap and you HAVE TO LISTEN TO FIND OUT WHO YOU KNOW YOU'RE CURIOUS NOW).

Jen and Briddany wax rhapsodic about the new Vday episode, V for Valentine-Detta. Also they each talk about their own favorite Valentine's Day episode. Jen is tired and Briddany has a new nickname and that nickname is "drill face." There are wine-pouring moments and way more poop chat than you'd expect for an episode about romance. So basically all wins.

Jen and Briddany rank the Bob's Burgers musical episodes from favorite to fifth most favorite (WHICH IS NOT THE SAME AS LEAST FAVORITE THANK YOU VERY MUCH). Also included: wine-pouring sounds. Because Jen and Briddany are filled with class. And wine.

Jen and Briddany peel back the layers (SO MANY LAYERS) to the new Bob's Burgers Christmas episode The Bleakening. Also, you hear something rarely found in the wild: an eff from Jen. Also some from Briddany. But that's not unusual.

Jen and Briddany rank the Christmas episodes of Bob's Burgers and give their really super well-thought-out reasons for the rankings. With effs. And a little wine (whine?).