Reckoning the Podcast

Ingrid reflects and says goodbye to this project with gratitude.

Today's interview is with Ben, a colleague in palliative care who is now a good friend. We talk about a formative experience with his grandfather Eldon's death, which put him on a path towards becoming a doctor. And then dig in a little about the complexity of actually being a physician, including it's own unique set of losses. And then he shares about his complex relationship to losing a dear friend, and how being a doctor shaped that particular walk with end of life.

Nastashia Minto, an award-winning writer, poet, singer, creative soul, shares their tender and gentle words about their many layers of grief of having lost several close loved ones in the span of a few years, including their mother. We get the gift of one of her songs, and celebrate their newest publication of writing: A Body Tangled in Time.

Michael talks about the losses of his cat, his mother, his aunt, and two dear friends. His stories describe a wide range of experiences and griefs and lessons, and stemming from all that is a deep sense of gratitude and love.

Here, Andy and I talk through some what-ifs, some ideas and questions about a big loss that hasn't come yet, talk about the griefs associated with nearing end of life and old age, and various fun and curious little meanderings around the wider ideas about grief and loss.

This is another episode in the miniseries "Death in the Everyday" in which, like a little crow bringing little trinkets, I share snippets of ideas and content I find that bring up thoughts and feelings about death and grief to share with you all.

Welcome to season two of Reckoning! This episode, I interview Krislynn, who survived a very near death experience in a car crash in her early twenties. She talks about the recovery process, and how it changed her life, and the ways it influences how she can show up for others going through a similar process.

Hey everyone! Get ready for another season of Reckoning! This is just a little announcement that fresh new episodes are coming out and I am excited to get some conversations rolling again. Reach out if you want to be a part of this new chapter of the project!

This episode, I talk with Mark about losing his wife Christine to a very sudden brain aneurysm. He also shares about how just recently, years after she died, he lost her dog Penny to cancer, bringing up another layer of grief. Our conversation takes us from the unbearable intensive care unit, to a powerful memorial service, through opinions about advanced directives, and the absurd and silly realities of what it means to live through losses.

A new series in the podcast! Death in the Everyday! I'll periodically share a few of my thoughts and details of conversations I have that relate to the topic of death and dying, but that aren't direct conversations with one person about their particular loss. Join me for some cultural critiques, some thought experiments, and some wonderings about death and grief and loss as it shows up in our day to day lives. This episode, I talk about Halloween and related traditions, I share about a recent visit to the art museum, and I discuss my musings on spawning salmon and what we can learn from them.

Celeste shares her story of losing her dad on New Years Day at the tender age of five years old. Adding even more depth and complexity to her story, she learns she has inherited the same rare blood disorder that killed him, and thus faces her own mortality as she navigates life. These two enormous hurdles in life feel daunting to me, but she approaches the conversation with such ease, and calm, and gentleness.

Janette shares her story of taking care of her elderly parents while simultaneously raising two kids. She really dives into the “work” and details of the dying process: sorting through old belongings, advocating for the medical decisions spelled out in a POLST or advanced directive, navigating the financial and legal elements. She shares openly and honestly about the struggles and exhaustion, while also naming some hard-won beautiful insights about how our families can walk through the process together, about learning what it means to give space to someone as they take their last breaths, and about how anyone we bump into in the world can be suffering with grief.

Peggy shares the story of being a caretaker for her dad for five full years before he passes away, and the complex feelings of grief and gratitude and resentment and love that emerge from that process. She shares some beautiful stories of intimate moments, and her deeply thoughtful insights into her relationship with Hank, and her own sense of purpose and meaning.

This conversation with Jeff is part of a series of conversations with peers from my end of life class in the PSU social work program. We range from thoughts on what death can teach us, how covid is impacting our lives and our communities, and what draws him to his work as a hospice social worker, all with curiosity and enthusiasm.

Kristin talks about navigating multiple simultaneous cancer diagnoses, her process of finding and using her voice as a patient self advocate, and the resulting changes, shifts, and transformations across the arenas of her life.

Gemma describes her relationship with her Grandmother Maria, who was a long standing presence in her family and her young life. Gemma speaks with depth and great emotion about the dynamics within her family, and about the feelings she has watching her mother go through that loss.

One of seven interviews with classmates in my End of Life class. Rosie shares about losing her daughter Norah, who died in utero as a twin. It's a touching conversation about the vital need for compassion in our daily interactions with others, the spiritual journey that is attendant to becoming a mother, what is means to hold life and death in the exact same breath.

This episode, I attempt for the first time to combine seven unique stories into one! I am in a class on the subject of end of life, and for a class project asked my peers if anyone wanted to participate in the podcast. Here is the result. It's a beautiful collection of insights and experiences. I will post each separate story as an individual episode soon. Enjoy listening to Gemma, Jeff, Rosie, Peggy, Janette, and Celeste share their perspectives.

This episode, I talk with Ben about not just losing his dad to a sudden heart attack, but also about how we say goodbyes, how traditions support us in grief, and the wider context of how of culture influences the way we process and understand loss. We sit in Arbor Lodge park, accompanied by birds, wind, passing planes, and the occasional park visitor.

This conversation with deep thinker and deep soul Alejandra goes into some big questions about grief in general though her specific experience of losing her mother. We wade into conversations about how it feels in our bodies, about the gifts and transformation that can come of loss, and she reads an incredible poem by Kahlil Gibran to highlight the blurry line between love and grief.

Vaughn shares her story of losing her best friend Candace. Once attached at the hip in high school, their families woven together to the point of celebrating mother's day together; she talks about a familiar pattern of friendships changing over time, and yet remaining powerfully important to our own identities. A young woman taken by cancer far too soon, Vaughn talks about how her friendship continues in the form of a tattoo, in song lyrics, in conversation, and in rituals.

This episode with dear friend Brit dives quickly into deep and soulful territory. She talks about losing her brother Evan to suicide at the tender age of fifteen. We talk about youth, and when personal losses are felt collectively, and what it means to do grief and inner work.

Yichu Li is a talented fashion designer and artist who has lived in China, San Francisco, and Portland. He husband's brother Simon came to live with them, and their lives all took an unexpected turn when he died from a sudden aneurysm. Yi talks about how that loss has shaped her worldview, and shares her sweet, honest, and deep wisdoms with us.

This episode I talk with my mom about how it was for her to lose her parents- the feelings of relief more than sadness at their passing; and she talks about losing her friend group as they began to age and face terminal illnesses.

This episode I talk with Ashley, who shares her story of being a mother, of losing her daughter to a rare genetic disease, of her path to helping others dealing with death via photography.

Joe talks about losing his boyfriend Gene to the AIDS crisis in San Francisco in the 80s, about cultural loss and trauma, and about the gay rights movement during that time. He shares his poetry and his wisdom about grief, community, and connection.

Kyle shares his perspective on losing his daughter to a rare genetic disease. He talks about the lack of practical resources available to help folks make decisions about burial and funerals; about how his community and friend group changed, and about the perspective that comes from such deep loss. It's a great episode- he speaks elegantly about his thoughts and feelings.

Anthony sits down to talk with me about losing his Uncle Mark to suicide. Our conversation ranges from philosophical ponderings to memories of their time together. Stay tuned for a bonus little sound clip at the end!

Kacia tells the story of losing her mother to a long battle with cancer. She shares some poetry, some laughs, and some beautiful insights to life in general.

Ingrid gets the podcast started by sharing her own story of loss. Her dad Bill died in 2011, and she shares her experience about losing a parent, and also just some thoughts on grief and dying in general.